to repent and to go on in their sins with confidence of impunity tho' hereby they make God unjust and rather the refuge and confident of their Crimes than the true Protector of Innocence and Vertue Now whilst thy Thunder has awakned me and thy Rod corrected me Now whilst I am sensible of the wickedness of my Life the dangerous condition of my Soul and am convinc'd that there is a Heaven a Hell and an Eternity Now whilst I am sensible that those things which hitherto inchanted me were but lying Vanities whilst I am inflamed more than ever with an ardent desire of being sincerely converted unto thee Teach me O Lord that as thou art a God full of Mercy and Compassion to those sinners who hope in thy Mercy and return unto thee with all their heart so thou art a terrible God to those who presume on it only that they may multiply their offences and after having tasted the sweet comforts of the Holy Spirit scorn and neglect it For it is not Lord of those miserable wretches that thou sayest to those that knock it shall be opened Is it not of these Miscreants of whom thou hast pronounc'd that thou wilt withdraw the Bowels of thy Mercy Is it not against these impious persons thou hast threatned that thou wilt mock at their Calamity and that instead of finding at their last hour the compassion of a tender Father they shall experience the Justice and Vengeance of an angry God REFLECT VIII What Eeffect a true Repentance ought to have upon our Conversations and what kind of Guide she ought to enquire after for the conduct of her Soul THat I may avoid all the flatteries of Self-love by which the Devil takes occasion to rob me of thy grace Grant O my God that instead of searching into my corruption for palliating Remedies to skin over my Sores I may place my felf at the Tribunal of thy Justice and there apply those Causticks which are necessary to consume Gangrene and Rottenness of my Soul That is to say Lord permit me not to be deceived or rather let me not take pleasure in deceiving my self in fancying that I shall make amends for such a Heathenish life as mine has been such criminal and scandalous passions whilst I continue in the same sinful Habits the same Opportunities the same Pleasures and perhaps the same Crimes too Let me not add this to the heap of my sins to wit the disbelief of thy Gospel the interpreting it according to my fancy or adapting it to countenance my Enormities Ah Lord how do I dishonour thee by my works whilst I praise thee with my mouth whilst I boast that I am a Christian I act contrary to thy holy Law and every day renounce those Vows I made unto thee in my Baptism Ah Lord who punishest my ingratitude by suffering me to fall from one Precipice to another from a neglect of thy Grace to errour and hardness of heart Permit me not to pitch upon a Mountebank instead of an able Physician who can apply proper Remedies to the inveterate Maladies of my Soul I would say Lord let me find a learned prudent and pious Guide who can inform my Judgment and understands when to Absolve me and not a blind or a deceitful Guide who corrupts thy Holy Word bends the Rule to my lusts rather than conforms me to it and endeavours more to please than save me who by a too speedy administration of absolution lulls me into a false peace becomes the partner of my sin the cause of my Damnation and an instrument of the Devil rather than the servant of Jesus Christ For O Lord in that day when all the secrets of our hearts and all the evasions of self-love shall be laid open thou wilt not then judge me by the Maxims of my ghostly Guide but by thy holy Gospel and that light which thou hast given me which I have so often rejected not willing to have the darkness of my mind dispell'd by it Thou wilt judge me by those truths which notwithstanding my corruptions have pierced to the bottom of my Soul by that remorse which thou didst mingle with my most criminal pleasures thereby to recall my heart but alas I always stifled them that I might the more freely abandon my self to my passions those lying Vanities And lastly O my God 't is by the Book of my own Conscience and not that of my ghostly Guide by which thou my Sovereign Judge wilt pronounce my Sentence at that terrible day when thou wilt declare my â—ternal Doom REFLECT IX â—he prays that out of his Mercy he would be pleas'd to direct her continually in the straight Way which leads unto him and not permit her ro flatter her self that she has repented when she is running on still in the broad way AH Lord since I have no way left to appease my Judge and to avoid the Sentence of Death but to juge my self Grant that I may examin my self before the Tribunal of thy Justice Grant that by a sincere repentance and a hearty sorrow for my sins I may appease thy Vengeance and suffer me not so to deceive my self in my repentance and thereby oblige thee to judge me a second time punish me in the day of thy fiery indignation O Lord inflame my heart with that spark of thy grace which remains in my soul and which sometimes makes it sigh within it self change my pleasures into bitterness my prosperity into affliction that I may thereby be assur'd thou hast chang'd thy hatred into love and that I may not find in my sinful estate a more deadly tranquillity than in misery it self What can be more fatal to us than to be deceiv'd in our Conversion and in those Maxims of corrupted Morality which ruin more than Debauchery it self For what more dangerous sickness can there be than that which makes us refuse all Remedies In fine what more destructive than a Reformation in appearance only which entices us out of the straight Way of Eternal Life into the broad Rode of Sin Lord once again I beseech thee chasten me not in thy displeasure as thou dost those Reprobates whom thou punishest with prosperity because they would not partake of thy holy sufferings Remember O my God that I am but dust and ashes a fitter object of thy compassion than thy fury Have mercy upon me O Lord have mercy upon me let thy mercy be proportionate to the hainousness of my offences and thy infinite Loving-kindness which has no other object no other bounds but thy mercy alone In fine give me a Pardon which may blot out all my offences render me worthy of the mercy of God REFLECT X. Motives of Trust in God and Distrust of our selves Jesus Christ alone can confirm our Faith and strengthen our Hope COrrect me O Lord but in mercy considering my frailty and the byas of my corrupt nature which inclines me unto sin and rivets my affections to the things of
this World Have compassion on my indigence and inconstancy which divert me from any thing that is good and maugre the light of Faith render tll my good Works abortive O God who lovest us more than we can love our selves and who out of thy infinite goodness hast rescued me from a false hope by which I should have been flattered into final impenitence and thus hast sav'd me contrary to my own inclination Give me a solid hope in thy Divine Merits let me consider them as the only Object of my Trust and principally when the Devil tempts me to dispair and employs all his artifices by the interposition of my sins and frailties to eclipse the contemplation of thy Merits In this day of my affliction and distress O my God fix my eyes upon my blessed Saviour dying on the Cross for my sins and miserably torn by those furrows which the Scourges made upon his back Let me consider that thou didst endure all this to obtain pardon for my sins and to encourage me to the taking up of thy Cross upon which depends all my hopes of Salvation Let me contemplate in thy Sacred Wounds the right I a notorious sinner have to hope in thy Mercies Let the hope of a blessed Eternity and the immutability of thy Promises take off my Meditations from the vain and fleeting Enjoyments of this World which hinder my Soul from aspiring to Eternal Felicity For thou knowest O Lord how little stability there is in my best Desires and how speedily the impressions of thy Grace on my heart are defac'd by the vain Idea's of worldly pleasure How the hopes of some trifle some vain lust puffs up my Soul how the Honours and Applause of this World makes me giddy and drunk with the fumes of Vain-glory In fine Lord thou knowest much better than I my self how pliable I am to receive any impression of evil how averse to any â—hing which is good and how unstable in the ways of thy Commandments This is the reason O Lord â—hat I put no confidence in my self that my heart converts it self to thee in all its wants and â—n the day of adversity To thee O Lord who enlightenest the darkest recesses of my mind who possessest me with patience under the severest afflictions and art the Anchor of my Soul Here is Lord my Merit my Riches and my Refuge when the consideration of my wicked life terrifies me Here is Lord my comfort in this vale of Tears and Spiritual Warfare wherein my Soul is made the Scene of all sorts of passions In fine This makes me hope more than fear and rely on thy Mercies rather than dread of thy Justice Ah Lord since I know by experience that thou art a sure Help to those that trust in thee Teach me to relie upon thee in my greatest Extremities to rejoyce in thy Chastisements and to look upon them as marks of thy favour Assist me patiently to undergo them and assure me that thou wilt lay upon me no more than I am able to bear but wilt take thy Rod from me when it shall be conveucent for the health of my Soul Let me be fully assur'd that thy Grace will in thy good time remove all Obstacles which obstruct my Salvation that my Sufferings and the malice of my Enemies will have an end but that thy Mercies endure for ever that after I have fought the good fight here on Earth I shall receive a Crown of â—lory in Heaven for thou maâ—est the Rays of thy Grace to â—hine upon the just and the unâ—ust which at the same time â—elt down the humbe Soul into 〈◊〉 sincere repentance and harden â—he habitual and obdurate sinâ—er to the end that the one â—hould not be tempted to Presume or the other to Dispair â—ut all remain in a continual dependence upon thy Grace Let me not then O my God be in the number of those who will be astonished and confounded at the Great Day because they have rejected thy Grace for I cast my self wholly upon thy Mercy which is infinite and knows no bounds without any reserve or confidence in my own merits But O Lord because Faith and Hope and all other Vertues will avail me nothing without Charity because tho' I could remove Mountains and work all sorts of Miracles yet my works would be dead and sinful unless season'd by thy Love Give me therefore in the third place that Charity which is the Crown of all other Vertues and the Soul of our Good Works I would say Lord Give me a fervent and a faithful Love to thee whereby I shall easily overcome all seeming impossibilities and satisfie the thirst of my panting Soul after a sincere Conversion unto thee REFLECT XI She Prays to God for a New Heart inflam'd with his Love FOr a Foundation of that Miraculous Work which one very truly calls the chiefest Work of thy Grace Create in me O my God a New Heart a humble yet an resolute steady and couragious heart estranged from the World and its Vanities and in short a true Christian heart which may possess me with the love of thee enable me to expose my Life and Fortunes for the Confession of thy Name and render me Obedient to the Foolishness of the Cross in the midst of a crooked and perverse Generation amongst whom it is esteem'd a scandal to be Religious A heart which will love thee in the midst of the severest Tryals resisting the Concupiscence of the Flesh mortifying its corrupt Appetites and irregular Desires A heart which will love thee when I am call'd upon to evidence that love by loving my Enemies and returning them Good for Evil. A heart which for the love of thee will deny it self when there is any competition between the Creature and the Creatour which will silence all the importunities of Nature that it may become more obedient to the voice of thy Grace A heart which will love thee when it must suffer for it and will be content I should sacrifice my reputation and honour to thy Glory in imitation of thy humble Life and opprobrious Death upon the Cross A heart which for the love of thee will relinquish the favour of the Court prefer thy Service before the Splendour of my Family or whatsoever is most dear to me demonstrating hereby that my love to thee surpasses that of the World Lastly Grant O my God that 〈◊〉 may love thee not only for thy benefits when thou blessest me with prosperity and the abundance of good things in this World but also when I am in disgrace poverty or any other Affliction Learn me then to submit to the dispensations of thy Providence and become more conformable to thy Divine Will For O Lord what testimonies can I give thee of my love which will in the least answer thy love to me nay which are not infinitely surpass'd by those favours thou hast been pleased to confer upon me REFLECT XII If the Soul finds any thing in thâ—
mindful of these Obligations she has laid upon her self and by which she must be Judg'd at the Last Day AH Lord who in working thy Miracles dost always regard some great end Hast thou not restored my Health that thou may'st accomplish the blessed purposes of thy Grace upon my Soul that by a thorough conversion of my Heart unto thee I might pass from this state of death or as the Royal Prophet speaks from the Terrors of Hell to such a Religious course of Life as those Devout Souls led who now sleep in the Lord who did not presume on thy Mercy and from thence defer their Repentance to the last Moment Yes Lord I acknowledge thy Mercy in the midst of thy Judgements and the constant protection of thy Providence in all the Accidents of my life For this is the Reason why thou hast so much Afflicted me so much distressed me so often changed my Desires and my Resolutions that hereby thou may'st wean me from my self And therefore that I may maintain an inviolable Fidelity ty towards thee for the future that I may serve thee that I may love thee and rather die a thousand times than return again to my former Vain Conversation I have Writ this Paper with my own hand as a Register of thy Mercies my most Intimate Resolutions and all thy Adorable Truths That if at any time I should forget my self I might hereby be put in mind of my Duty and that Model of Holy Living I have resolved on if my Faith should falter my Hope should languish or my Charity grow cold and my Corruptions begin to struggle in my Soul the reading of these Prayers and the contemplation of thy Bounty and thy Grace might reduce them to their former temper That if at any time I should forget that Agony which the consideration of thy Justice produc'd in my Mind when like a condemned Malefactor on the Scaffold I was impatient to be freed from the Terrors of Death I might recollect my self by reading of these Reflections which I writ upon this self-same Bed where the Ministers on one side and the Physicians on the other gave me little Hope of my Life or my Salvation where I lay helpless like a poor Beast and could do nothing in this Great Work O thou God of my Salvation in whose hands are my Soul and my Eternal Happiness who didst reprieve me from the Grave and didst crown me with thy Mercies and fill my Soul with Holy Desires who hast renow'd my Age as that of an Eagle who hast promised that thy Anger shall not endure for ever against those who fear thee that thou wilt not punish them according to their deserts but wilt put away their Offences as far as the East is from the West who assurest us that like as a Father pittieth his Children so thou wilt have compassion on us because thou knowest our weakness and that we are but dust that our most steady Resolutions are but as a Traveller who tarrieth but for a night and as the morning dew which soon passeth away Lastly Who workest good out of the evil of our sins and who alone canst convert me I beseech thee therefore to turn my Heart Because my Soul is humbled and overwhelmed with shame and grief for displeasing thee Because my Soul puts its trust in thee and languishes after the enjoyment of thy presence But above all O my God hear my humble Supplication because I have made thee the only Object of my Love and because thy Mercy rejoyces over all thy Works Finally Lord have pity on me because I am poor and miserable and thou art Infinitely Rich and Merciful THE END Advertisemenas A Week of Soliloquies and Prayers with a Preparation to the Holy Communion And other Devotions added to this Edition In two parts By Peter Du-Moulin D. D. A Golden Chain to link the Penitent Sinner unto GOD. Whereunto is added A Treatise of the Immortality of the Soul The History of the Amours of the French Gourt viz. Of Madam de La Valleire Madam de Olonne Madam de Chastillion Madam de Sevigney with several other Persons of great Quality in the Palace-Royal In four Parts Translated from the French Sold by Dorman Newman at the Kings-Arms in the Poultry
vicissitudes of these sublunary things cannot deprive me of I mean the Joy to see my self redeem'd from the slavery of sin in a state of salvation and led by the hand of thy Divine Providence to my Heavenly Canaan Season also my Heart with thy Grace that Spirit and Principle of Action which having-wash'd us clean in the Blood of our Saviour furnishes us with strength to persevere to the end in the way of his Commandments For alas what will become of those Vows which I made unto thee when I was surrounded with Fear and in danger of losing my Soul I say what will become of them unless thou O Lord out of the abundance of thy Mercy art-pleas'd to imprint them on my mind fix them in my thoughts and enable mâ— to conquer the Temptations of my visible and invisible Enemies who use all means possible either to terrifie or to decoy me into sin O Lord who succourest the poor and takest pleasure in those that come unto thee with Faith and with an humble and contrite Heart We acknowledge our selves to be weak and miserable Creatures and relie wholly upon thy Grace the proper Medicine to heal and comfort us Search my Heart and try my Reins and grant me that infallible Medicine which dispels the most contagious fumes of sin which will sanctifie my Soul and preserve it safe unto Everlasting Life But grant me also O my God that whilst I beg these Blessings of thee I may be endow'd with such a frame of mind and such other qualifications as encline thee to say Amen to my petitions Prepare your selves O my Body my Spirit and my Soul by the assistance of God's grace to appear before your Master and your God to the end that he may apply that Divine Medicine which will make you whole For how dare I approach the Holy of Holies without preparation and intrude my self a most miserable sinner into the presence of my God Therefore O Lord make me sensible of my want and misery and of thy Majesty and Love before I come to this Heavenly Banquet where I shall eat and drink either my Eternal Health or Damnation REFLECT III. Vpon those Vertues which are necessary for our approaching unto Christ from the Example of the Canaanite the Samaratan and Mary Magdalen TEach me in the trouble of my Spirit and anguish of my Heart with what degree of grief my Soul ought to be affected for its Offences against so great so good a God and what Purity of Body and Soul is required that it may be filled with Divine shame How I may offer up a pure and agreeable Sacrifice too thee having now a mind too much delighted in the vanities of the world and a heart too much led away by them How I may lodge thee in the Temple of my Breast from whence with difficulty I have just now chas'd thy most inveterate Enemies In short the Way for a Notorious Sinner who is without Repentance and without Love to be made Partaker of that Christ who was crucified for him is to defer coming to the Table of the Lord until he is duly prepared lest he commit the most hainous Sacriledge Inspire me then with such a hatred of sin as may confirm my resolutions to abstain from every thing that displeaseth thee and with Passionate desires to love thee alone Give me that humble and contrite spirit whose groans thou dost never refuse I would say Inspire me by thy Grace with the self-same dispositions with which the poor Canaanite prostrated her self at thy feet Look upon me O Lord whilst I approach unto thee as thou didst that humble stranger I would say as a poor Dog who is sufficiently happy when permitted to pick up the Crumbs which fall from the Table where thou feastest thine Elect. Look with compassion upon this poor sinner who like the Samaritan woman being inflamed with a sense of her sins beseeches one drop of Living Water to quench the fervor of her soul and thirst of sin But above all incline me to Imitate Mary Magdalen with that holy penitent let me wash thy Feet with my Tears and by indeavouring to love thee much in some measure answer thy love in forgiving me much Deal with me as with these three Holy Women whom thou hast made the living Witnesses of thy Mercy that by these Examples I may be taught what trust ought to be put in thy Goodness Fit me O Lord for the approaching thy Table and participating of thy Divine Mysteries Give me a lively humble and constant Faith which may produce an Universal Obedience to thy Law the solid foundation of my Eternal Welfare REFLECT IV. Concerning the Constancy and Stâ—â—bility of the Faith necessaâ—â— to a Penitent Soul GIVe me therefore O Lord a lively Faith which maâ— animate all my Actions and notwithstanding my weakness noâ—rish thy Love and thy Grace iâ— my Soul A stedfast Faith whereby I may sincerely believe thâ— Holy Word and when thâ— World allures me with its temptations put me in mind that nâ— man can serve two Masters A humble Faith whereby I may discern that conformity to this World is the greatest impediment of my conformity unto Jesus Christ In fine an enlightned Faith which may render the Grandeur of this World contemptible to me and demonstrate that the fashion of this World passes away and that there is nothing solid and lasting but God alone For alas my best desires are fleeting and unconstant like the flowers of the field which to day are and to morrow are cut down and wither O Lord who art delighted in acts of Mercy and who alone canst change the heart turn my inconstancy into a steady resolution of serving thee and my irregular passions into an earnest persuit of thy love Let it not suffice me that I am disgusted with worldly things or perhaps estranged from them this may proceed from a spirit of pride or be the effort of my reason But direct my ways and purifie my thoughts that at the same time I am convinc'd of the vanity and emptiness of earthly things I may be also assisted with thy grace to teturn unto thee that my Heart being cleans'd instead of those Legions of Vanities which have formerly possess'd it it may be consecrated a Holy Temple and dedicated to the Service of my God Preserve me from the sweet poyson of the pleasures of this World that sun-shine of Fortune which sooner disrobes us of our Innocence than the most severe blasts of Adversity Let me look up unto no other God or Providence than thine alone Correct me O Lord but with the chastisement of a Son which in the midst of the most glittering prosperity afflicts and humbles us brings our hearts home unto thee and convinces us that we are but Men that is to say weak feeble creatures blinded by our passions and subject to all sorts of misery Take away from me that inordinate love of my self and that original corruption from
whence springs all my Misery 't is from this that instead of serving thee in Spirit and in Truth instead of making thy Glory the end of all my thoughts words and actions I persue after nothing but the gratification of my irregular Lusts Let me be never so rash and so ungrateful unto thee O my God as to fancy my self the Author of those Reflections which I somtimes make when I retire my self from the hurry of this world wherein an unquencheable appetite torments the most happy persons and renders them miserable slaves even by the accomplishment of their most earnest desires REFLECT V. The Thoughts of a penitent Soul fearful of being deceiv'd by the Appearance of a False Conversion WHat am I my Lord and my God what am I but a proud Atome a poor blind creature who continually goes astray when thou withholdst the Rays of thy Grace I deserve to be annihilated if at any time I should attempt the conversion of my self by my own power without the assistance of thy Grace Mortifie in my soul all vain glory every thing that tempts me to too good an opinion of my self but chiefly that frothiness of humour which serves only to divert me from thy ways to deprive me of the benefit of my afflictions and the sweet comfort â—f thy Holy Spirit Give me humility and distrust â—f my own reason let me thirst â—fter doing good more and carâ—al knowledge less lest valuing 〈◊〉 more than thy grace I lose my â—elf and instead of becoming a â—ood Christian become a Phiâ—osopher better acquainted â—ith the Maxims of Aristotle and â—escartes than the knowledge â—f the Cross O how vain and deceitful are â—he thoughts of man unless goâ—ern'd by that Wisdom which is â—rom above by that Wisdom â—hich is Foolishness to the World because it is unacquainted â—ith it by that Wisdom which â—od has concealed from the â—roud and discovered to the â—umble by that Wisdom which â—aughs at humane subtilty and â—cts only according to the grace of Jesus Christ In short 〈◊〉 that Wisdom which is producâ—â— by the Fear of God and whiâ—â— is the beginning and the end 〈◊〉 all true Wisdom Permit me not O my God tâ—â— flatter my self that I hate all siâ—â— because I am perhaps restraineâ— from Luxury and passion Leâ— me not flatter my self that 〈◊〉 am taken off from loving thâ— Creature because my diversionâ— are innocent Let me not flatter my self thaâ— I have mortified my passions foâ— I find them revive with moâ—â— strength then ever and encliâ—â— me to self-love which is thâ— more dangerous decause by jâ—â— stifying these irregular motionâ— it renders me deaf to the dictateâ— of my reason and the holy in spirations of thy grace Let me not fancy my self to bâ— without pride ambition selâ—-love because I despise the World â—â—d scorn to owe those Honours â—ortune has stripp'd me of to â—â—ything else but my ovvn deserts Let me not so much deceive my â—â—lf as to think I am throughly â—â—nverted when indeed I have â—â—ly chang'd the sins of sense â—â—r those of the mind A proâ—â—ane proud and fensual Life 〈◊〉 which I was always tormented 〈◊〉 reflecting on my Crimes and â—â—e remorse of my Conscience â—â—r a life in which my whole enâ—eavour is to gratifie self love â—nd enjoy the pleasures of the World and in the mean while â—se my precious time forget my â—od hazard the salvation of my â—oul obtain nothing but the Moâ—ality of a Heathen which alone â—ill not save me at the day of Judgment O state truly deplorable â—nd the more so because I am â—ot sensible of my condition but rest satisfied without endeavouring after any other Repentancâ— or Conversion REFLECT VI. Vpon the Opposition of a Worldlâ— Life to the suffering Life oâ— Jesus Christ TEach me O Lord that thiâ— sort of life is not the life of a Christian and that the end of Christ's Death and Incarnation was not to instate us in so delicate and effeminate a life as might gratifie sense and indulge the flesh and that all Moral Vertues are but dead Works unless enlivened by the Merits and Vertue of Jesus Christ That unless the inclinations of our hearts are changed it will nothing avail a sinner to reform his outward conversation to â—ate the World without love to God to do works of Justice without sincere Repentance and as the Royal Psalmist has it â—o cease from evil without doing good At the same time O Lord that thou destroyest my sinful Habits plant in my soul such Graces as may be fruitful to Good Works Grant that by a lively Faith I may meditate on the Mysteries of thy Life and Passion That my soul may be deeply affected with them and that it may be my greatest pleasure to contemplate those Sufferings which thou didst willingly undergo for my sake That beholding the Divine infant lying on the Straw and in a Manger the Treasures of Heaven vailed in the Poverty of the Earth I may contemn all those Riches which endure but for a moment and endeavour to obtain those incorruptible treasures which Moth and Ruct do not corrupt which will never fly away That the consideration of that private life in which thou wast pleased to disguise thy self from the eyes of the world may create in me a desire to be forgotten by it that I may retire and employ my self only in the great business of my salvation That rhe receiving of thy holy body and precious blood those sacred pledges of thy love which thou wast pleas'd to leave us when thou gavest thy life for our offences may produce in me a holy horrour at the consideration of the cause of thy Death and a detestation of all sin That I may rejoice and be exceeding glad when I shall be disgrac'd and contemned remembring my Saviour's humility who was set at nought by Herod and the Court where he never appear'd but once and then on purpose to be despised That those Scourges which rent thy Sacred Body those Thorns which pierced thy Precious Head may penetrate my callous heart render me truly penitent and willing for the love of thee to undergo all those rigours of Mortification and Self-denial which are requisite for the subduing of our Lusts In fine that the consideration of thy ignominious death on the Cross on which thou perfectest the work of my salvation in grief and misery may be my only hope REFLECT VII What the Hope of a Penitent Soul ought to be THis is the second Favour I desire of thee for the Merits of that precious Blood which trickled from thy Sacred Wounds and which thou didst offer to thy Eternal Father for the price of my Redemption That thou wouldst be pleas'd to give me a true hope in thy Mercies I say Lord a true hope because there is nothing more common than to abuse thy Mercy by making it an incouragement to sin more securely than for sinners to hope in thy goodness without so much as endeavouring
who art terrible only to stubborn and impenitent Offenders let not my Ingratitude divert the benign designs of thy Mercy unto my Soul let not that sickness by which thou didst intend to awaken me and bring me nearer to thy self harden my heart and fill up the measure of my sins Let not the return of my Life and Health bring along with it those Vicious Habits and that Inordinate Love of the Pomps and Vanities of the World which I so passionately renounc'd when the Terrors of Death were upon me when the Sight of my Sins and the Torments of Hell made all my Joints tremble and my Knees smite together Deliver me also from my self O my God from that natural inclination of my Will to all that is Evil and that aversion to Good which from time to time prevails with me to put off my Repentance Make thy Arm bear and break asunder those Bonds which unite my Affections too close to the Creature and engage me too earnestly in the love of my self Hear me when I cry unto thee for fresh supplys of thy Mercy and redeem me from the vain conversation of the World But above all let that Grace that Love that Bounty with which I am almost overwhelmed kindly operate upon my Soul and after they have made me sensible how much a stranger my heart is to those Resolutions which the Terror of thy approaching Judgments extorted from me then let them accomplish those Gracious Purposes for which they were sent by thy Indulgent Providence Lastly Let not the hardness of my heart constrain thy Mercy to give place to Justice let it not render thy Fatherly Corrections ineffectual or provoke thee to leave me to my self and give me up to my Unmortifi'd Affections Grant me with Tears I beseech thee Grant me thy Love for without it I have no Strength no Merit and by its assistance I shall be able to surmount all the Difficulties which obstruct my Conversion and to persevere to the end in the Way of thy Commandments REFLECT XV. What kind of Life that Person ought to lead who is under a Necessity of Conversing much in the World that 't is her Duty to resist whatsoever is contrary to the Commands of Jesus Christ ENlighten the Faculties of my Soul O my God with that Divine Love which will shew me the vanity of these transient Enjoyments and enable me patitenly to bear my DISGRACEFUL BANISHMENT Imprint in my Mind such lively Idaea's of thy Mercy and such grateful Resentments of thy Benefits as may be always before my eyes and produce a real change in my heart a sure sign of my amendment by thy healthful Corrections Let a Good Life be the effect of my earnest desires to give my self up to thee let me chuse to die a thousand times rather than offend thee and let me be found at thy coming amongst those Wise Virgins who have trimm'd their Lamps with Good Works And tho' for the most part those persons who would pass from one Extream to another in a Moment from the most degenerate Debauchery to the highest Pitch of Devotion are unsuccessful in their endeavours and finish nothing because they undertake too much yet I cannot give bounds to my desires I cannot but wish to love thee as much as I am able 't is this which above all things I thirst after and to this end I beseech thee Enliven my Impotent Endeavours with thy Grace I will not defer my Repentance O my God until the Night of thy Justice overtakes me when no man can work but I will be up and be doing as soon as ever the day of thy Grace springs from on high and endeavour to work out my Salvation I will not ask councel of my Lusts or deliberate with my self whether 't is time to forsake my vicious conversation and become a new creature Nor am I so vain as to think my self capable of great matters For I am conscious of my own Wants my Sluggishness and my inconstancy and therefore with eyes lift up to Heaven I patiently expect the dawning of thy love and the gentle influences of thy Grace upon my soul I will begin to magnifie thy Mercies amongst those who maintain a continual Trafick of Sin and Vanity with whom my Discourse us'd to be about Riches Honours Pleasures and Prosperity I will declare to those persons who worship nothing but their Interest that thou art my God the only Object of my Adoration that in the enjoyment of thy Favour consists all my Riches my Grandeur and my Happiness that all I have is in thy hands and that when thou hast consummated the Great Work of my Conversion I shall be more happy than if I had Conquer'd all the Kingdoms of the World I will forsake that frothy and effeminate Company with whom I have lost so much precious time which I will endeavour to redeem by convincing them that the unprofitable vain and idle course of life which they look upon as their Priviledge will destroy the health of their Everlasting Souls If I cannot attain to be Eminently Religious I will endeavour to be as good as I can if I cannot produce the testmonies of an ardent Affection I will dedicate to thee my Infant Love if my Faith is not so Active as that of the humble Centurian which inclined thee to give a present return unto his Prayers yet I will take advice of thy Ministers and with united Prayers Implore the Augmentation of it That I may live up to those Religious Principles which thou hast planted in my Soul I will dread the Company of those debauch'd Wretches who glory in their Wickedness and as the Holy Scripture speaks have not God in all their thoughts Yea Lord I will break off all engagements with those profess'd Libertines whose society instilis Irreligion into our Minds and is a blemish to the most unspotted Reputation who puff us up with such an opinion of our selves as justly merits the desertion of thy grace and guild over their Monstrous Vices with the specious Names of good Nature and Honour Tho' their Persons and Humour may be agreeable to me yet I am resolv'd faithfully to perform these Vows which I have made unto thee O my God and that henceforwards I will not maintain any strict Correspondence Familiarity or Friendship with them For certainly the hating of those who hate thee is but a small acknowledgment of thy infinite love REFLECT XVI That she should associate her self with those persons who truly fear God and that she ought not to entangle her self again in those things which the World calls State Riches Fortune and Grandeur O Lord in whose hands are the hearts of men and who turnest them whether soever thou pleasest change the inclinations of my Soul and sanctifie my Love that in the choice of my Friends I may regard more thy Grace than any Natural Endowments rather the edifying of my self and the seasoning my heart with thy holy Truths than
that these are the Fruits worthy of Repentance these are the Restitutions thou requirest of me and the choicest Victims my love can offer up REFLECT XVIII That she ought to desire of God the Gift of Prayer which is the only means the Soul can make use of to corfirm its wavering Resolutions O God who takest delight in rewarding that servant who has been faithful in a few things supply the indigency of my love out of the abundance of thy goodness Let its shallow streams be swallow'd up in the vast Ocean of thy Divine Charity lose themselves in it and be mixed with it that so it may be always conformable unto thine For I confess my frailty that my Heart is an ungrateful and barren Soil producing nothing but Briers and Thorns unless cultivated by thy Grace Water it therefore O Lord with the Dew of Heaven which gives fruitfulness to the Plants and paints the Flowers which inclines our wills and affects our hearts which after it has produc'd in our Soul Works worthy of Repentance protects them from those scorching beams the flames of our lust and preserves them safe unto the Harvest This is the comfortable hope and earnest desire of thy poor servant that which sustains him in this tedious Pilgrimage whilst he languishes with expectation of the Beatifical Vision But that thy Inspirations may have the desired effect upon my Soul that I may receive them with suitable affections that I may prepare my heart for so great favours which thou art pleas'd to bestow upon it With my eyes and hands lift up to Heaven I will meet these Blessings I will forsake every sin which unfits me for them and do all the good thy Grace shall enable me to perform And that the streams of thy Mercy may never fail me a poor thirsty sinner I will continually encrease them with my Tears that is to say Lord by an hearty repentance and an affectionate grief for having so often offended thee And since Prayer is the Channel by which thou conveyest thy Grace and thy Light into our Souls since it is the most fragrant Incence I can offer up unto thee for obtaining of fresh Mercies teach me to Pray unto thee with Reverence with the Adoration of all my Faculties and with my whole Heart And that I may the more devoutly perform this Duty shew me the Necessity and the Advantage of it take away their surprise which the very name of Prayer is apt to produce in me and shew me that 't is not so difficult so tiresom a Duty as some persons represent it to themselves who are ignorant that as in thy House there are many Mansions so there are different ways of conversing with thee some of which require only the sincerity of our Hearts REELECT XIX What the Nature of Prayer is and how faithful a Penitent Soul ought to be to its Resolutions of constantly performing this Holy Exercise 'T Is true Lord that the Prayer of a Devout Soul who has retir'd himself from the World and is fill'd with the Joys of thy Holy Spirit is like a Box of precious Ointment which as soon as ever it approaches the fire sends forth a fragrant Odour and that the Croans of a poor Creature who lies groveling on the Earth who only crawls on in the path of Vertue are like troubled Waters which must be distil'd drop by drop before they will afford any useful Liquor Nevertheress O my God it seems most reasonable that since Prayer is only a lifting up of our hearts unto thee in which we lay before thee our Wants and beg Supplies I say it seems most reasonable to me that she who is tormoiled with the Affairs of the World who finds her self in a languishing Condition harras'd by a thousand Miseries and surrounded with a thousand Dangers is under a more pressing necessity of Praying to thee than the Religious person who is hedg'd about with thy Mercies It appears highly reasonable to me not only that she is under a greater necessity but also that she is better disposed to perform this Duty of Prayer than one who is more habitually devout because she cannot chuse but do it whether she thinks of it or no For if 't is natural for a poor man to ask an Alms for a sick man to bemoan himself and for one in danger to lift up his eyes towards Heaven How much more natural is it for that Soul to pray unto his God who is continually pressed with these three Calamities who is always poor always sick and always in danger the three chief hinges upon which this Duty turns Therefore that I may delight my self in this Angelick Exercise teach me O my God that Prayer is nothing else but a pleasing converse between the Soul and its Creator a Torch which dispels the darkness of its understanding and a Glass which truly represents all its imperfections An Eloquent Preacher who Imprints the Law of God in our Minds a faithful Guide who conducts us safely through the strait Way of our Salvation a sweet Sleep which gives the Soul repose in the Arms of God's Providence a Holy Joy which renders sinful pleasures nauseous and all senful delights insipid in comparison with those of the Cross A comfortable contemplation of our latter end which tames our Appetites with the thoughts of Death which sweetens his approaches with the Expectation of Eternity and an ardent Desire of the Beatifical Vision Lastly 'T is the Crucifixion of our Passions the Mortification of our Self-love and the Resurrection of the Grace of Jesus Christ in our Souls Prepare therefore the Palate of my Soul O my God that it may relish this delicious Manna for the only way to persevere to the end in thy Commandnients in the midst of a crooked and perverse Generation to slight the World and all its Vanities and to love thee above all things is to converse with thee by Prayer not only as with our Father and our God but as with our most affectionate and familiar Friend I would say Lord the only way to lay before thee all those Passions which tyrannise in our Minds all those terrible Objects which fright us all those Frailties which humble us all those Sorrows which consume us all those Griefs which rend us and to delineate all the confusion of our Minds is to come unto thee as holy David did and lay all our Affictions all the burthen of our Souls and all our Prayers at the Foot-stool of thy Throne For alas if our Self-love takes so much pleasure in relating our Afflictions to our impotent Friends who can do nothing but hear and pity them how much greater comfort should it be that we are encouraged to pour out our Wants before a God who if he pleases can help us who is oftentimes more delighted to see a Soul humbled by its Misery than elated with the Eminent Instances of its Vertue Incline me therefore O my God to spend some moments every day
at the Foot-stool of thy Throne and let me not lie poring on a Picture or repeat my Prayers from a Book which I do not understand but let the Subject of my Devotions be my own Wants and whatsoever may render me more humble For I am too sensible of my own Imperfections to distract my Mind with other Objects besides my own Misery and the infinite Mercy of my God REFLECT XX. That the Misery to which Sin has reduc'd us ought to be the Subject of our Prayers and that 't is good to begin them with the Considerations of the stupendious Mysterie of our Saviour's Passion ALas how can I meditate on my Vileness who am puft up with Pride who can only Pray unto thee to break off my Ambition and Vain-glory which like unmanagable Horses precipitate my Soul into the Abyss of thy fiery Indignation How can I hearken to thy Word or taste the sweet Comforts of thy Holy Spirit who am surrounded with a thousand Passions a thousand Vanities which distract my thoughts when I come to appear before thee What can I do more than Groan within my self when as the Royal Psalmist has it my feet are hurt with the fetters of sin and I am in Captivity to my Unmortified Affections until the gentle Influences of thy Grace create in my heart a love to thy Law How can I lift up my self to Heaven whilst my Affections are groveling on the Earth How can I contemplate thy Greatness and thy Excellencies whilst my mind is distracted by its own Miseries and astonished at that imminent danger which only gives me space to beg thy Mercy and to say with the Apostles Lord save us or we perish Nevertheless O my Lord since the remembrance of thy bitter Passion ought to be deeply engraven upon my Soul Grant O my God that the beginning of my Prayer may have a respect to that adorable Mysterie that my heart may be mollifi'd by the consideration of thy sufferings render'd more susceptable of the impressions of thy Love and thy Grace and Meditate with more benefit on its own Vanity REFLECT XXI That we ought not to be weary of Praying because we do not find present Comfort but that we should be faithful to our Resolutions and have recourse to this Holy Exercise when we are wrack'd by the greatest pains and distress'd by the severest Afflictions OH that I could be so constand in my Resolutions as every day to prostrate my self at the Foot-stool of thy Throne at that set-time which I have consecrated unto thee when thou art pleas'd to give me Audience and that nothing might divert me from performing this one thing necessary Let me constantly throw my self at thy feet in whatsoever condition my Soul may be to the end that when distractions and barrenness of mind hinder me from fixing my thoughts upon thee or speaking of any thing but those Vanities which have taken possession of my heart then the labour which I undergo those painful pangs which I endure and those irksom attempts which I make to pour forth a Prayer may render it more acceptable unto thee Let me not fancy that thou hast abandoned me because my mind is sometimes overwhelmed with the load of my Corruption because at such a time as this I cannot form so much as one good thought For I will still look up and pray unto thee I will say with that great King the holy David I am like a beast before thee without spirit without speech and without consideration Tho' I cannot perform this Duty with a steady intention of mind yet I will not depart from the Foot-stool of thy Throne I will pray unto thee with my Heart and with my Will I will put my trust in thy Goodness and tho' thou may'st not for the present unite my Soul unto thy self by the sweet influences of thy Grace yet thou wilt accept of my endeavour in this deplorable condition and esteem it as a testimony of my sincere affection that it cleaves unto thee as well when thou art pleased to withdraw thy Comforts as when it enjoys thy ravishing Consolations But good Lord let me not only Pray unto thee with my Understanding and with my Tongue but also with my Heart Let me not only Pray unto thee in my Closet and in the Church where the consideration of thy Divine Presence inspires me with Devotion but grant O my God that by Acts of Faith Hope and Charity I may consecrate unto thee the Oratory of my Heart in which I will offer up the Sacrifice of Prayer For the Devotion of a true Christian is not confin'd to Words but extends it self unto his Thoughts and Actions in all Places and upon all Occasions I will do this in the midst of my Wordly Business nay in the midst of my Diversions when retiring my self into that Closet of my Breast which is dedicated to thee alone where no eye but thine sees me I will address my prayer unto thee When I find my self most expos'd to Temptation when I have the greatest sense of my ovvn Weakness when Self-love most Tyrannizes over me and the svveet poyson of pleasure most allures my Soul then will I sigh most fervently unto thee and without waiting for a suitable place or more convenient time I will presently lay open the Wounds of my Soul and implore thy help This shall be at the beginning and end of all my Actions in the Morning and at Night in the midst of my Journeys my heart shall take thee for its Polar Star it shall relye upon thee in every condition yield it self up to thy Conduct and implore the succours of thy Grace And this will be done with the greater ease because I shall better express my own vvants and my entire dependance on thy Mercy by one single sigh which proceeds from the bottom of my Oppressed Heart than by the most prolix Devotions I will joyn vvith thy Saints and praise thee in thy Sanctuary with my Lips and my vvith voice but I will also Pray unto thee with Sighs ahd Groans unutterable in my greatest dangers and under the most violent pains I will look up unto thee and in all the actions of my life with holy David I will have thee always before my eyes REFLECT XXII The indispensable Necessity of Prayer without which 't is impossible to have any serious thoughts of our Salvation WHat is that Soul O my God who lives in this World without Prayer I speak not of those persons who only mind their Pleasures and providing for their Bodies who are Christians in Name only and may be more fitly rank'd amongst brute Beasts than reasonable Creatures But I mean those who frequently reflect upon themselves who consider to what end a Rational Soul was given them and dominion over the rest of the Creation Who consider that there is a God I mean are convinc'd that none but Fools doubt of it Who consider how it comes to pass that those persons
who believe the Histories of Alexander and Caesar yet question that of Jesus Christ Who consider whether that Faith which was propagated by twelve poor Fishermen and confirm'd by an infinite number of Miracles wrought in the sight of all nations can now reasonably be call'd in question Who consider whether that Army of Martyrs who seal'd this Faith with their Blood are not a sufficient cloud of Witnesses to evince its Truth Who consider whether all those Prophesies in the Old Testament concerning the Coming and Kingdom of the Messiah which have been punctually accomplish'd ought to pass for Fables Who consider those incomprehensible Mysteries the Effects of the Omnipotent Grace of Jesus Christ and his infinite Love towards us his poor Creatures Lastly Who consider all God's wonderful Works upon their Souls that admirable Conduct which at the same enlightneth our Understandings by his Fatherly Corrections and preserves us which by his Divine Providence orders all things for some end best known unto himself and makes every thing tend to the welfare and advantage of his Elect. 'T is for these persons who having the clouds of their Understandings dispell'd by the light of these indubitable truths yet are presently blinded by the vanities of the World 't is for their Good as well as my own I consider That a Soul in this World without Prayer without reflection and without Reliance upon God's Providence is like a Ship in the midst of a Tempest without a Pilot like a Man who fancies himself wonderfully enlightned and yet is blinded with the thinkest Mists of Ignorance and Error He is like that person who fancies he knows God has Faith Hope and Charity and yet adores his Idol-passions he is like a Traveller in a strange Country without either Guide or Compass who the faster he walks the farther he wanders from his Home He is like that person who being tumbled into the bottom of a deep Pit yet will not make use of the Cord which is let down to draw him up Lastly He is like that foolish builder who endeavours to erect a Magnificent Pallace without a Foundation For how can he work out his Salvation who has not God in all his thoughts How can he observe his Laws and obey his Commandments who never thinks on them How can he bridle his Tongue and all his head-strong Passions without the assistance of God's Grace And how can he obtain this Grace who will not be at the pains to ask it How can he avoid falling into Despair who goes on in a sinful course of life which he knows will end in the Damnation of his Soul Who either uses the most preposterous means imaginable to quiet his Conscience that is by putting out of his mind the thoughts of another Life an Eternity and a God or else doth not place his trust in him In fine How can he be a good Christian and love Jesus Christ who does not know him does not consider that he dy'd for us does not meditate on his Life his Actions or his Holy Gospel REFLECT XXIII She desires of God the Gift of Prayer that she may make Death Eternity and God's Judgments the Subject of it which are the proper means to season our Souls with the Fear of God AH Lord since I am convinc'd that Prayer which is nothing but the lifting up of our Souls unto thee our continual endeavour to pluck down the strong-holds of Satan and establish the Kingdom of Jesus Christ is so easie so necessary and so Profitacle a Duty Since I am assured by thy Holy Word and the Examples of Holy Men that 't is a floating plank which will bear up my Soul in all the storms of this life and convey it safe into the blessed Haven of Eternity that is to the Heavenly Jerusalem which is above where all tears shall be wiped away from our eyes and we shall enjoy those pleasures which are at thy right-hand for evermore Give me an earnest Desire and Delight in Praying to thee let it be as pleasant and familiar as ever the Vanities of the World have been for which I have so often hazarded the Salvation of my Soul But since Death is the end of all things and the most profitable Subject of our Meditations Grant O my God that I may daily consider my last end when to speak in the Words of the Holy Scripture my breath goeth forth I return to the earth and in that very day my thoughts perish That Time which will come like a Thief in the Night and seize upon our Souls That Time after which there will be no more space for Repentance That Time for which we ought to be prepared all the days of our life that we may not be surprised thereby That Time on which depends the Happiness or Misery of our Souls to all Eternity O Death how dreadful are thy Approaches to those persons who never thought of thee who placed all their Happiness in the Goods of this World O Death how terrible art thou to those men unto whom thou art the end of their Happiness and the beginning of their Sorrows In short By which they are deprived of all the Enjoyments of this World of that Body which they so much Idoliz'd of a Voluptuous Life and the gratification of their Inordinate Appetites I say How terrible art thou to those who never knew God but only to offend him But then how much more amazing is the Contemplation of Eternity to those men who never pursu'd any other Happiness but what this life affords who never thought of Repentance and forsaking their sins until they were unable to pursue their Lusts and rendred incapable to receive the impressions of any other Passion but Fear O Eternity Eternity how exquisitely Tormenting are the thoughts of thee to that person who beholds Hell ready to receive him for the punishment of their sins who dares not Hope in God's Mercy but would think himself sufficiently happy could he but have the same end with the Beasts that perish And finally O Eternity How dreadful are the thoughts of thee to that person who at his last hour finds that he cannot Love God and yet cannot chuse but Fear him But O blessed Eternity how comfortable art thou to that person who has led a good Life and mortifi'd his Corruptions in this World To a Sinner who is Converted has Repented of his Sins and has a good Foundation of Hope in thy Mercy To him who is accustomed to die daily and has forsaken the World and its Vanities before he is compelled to it by the unalterable Law of Nature In fine to him who sincerely loves God and enjoys in this life the earnest of Eternal Happiness REFLECT XXIV That she will every Day offer up unto God the Sacrifice of Thanksgiving for opening her Eyes and converting her unto himself That she will Write down these Resolutions which she made at the time of her Conversion to the end that she may be always
World to settle its Affectionâ— upon How much the more earnestly ought it to fix them upâ—â— God after its Conversion LEt me â—ot O my God haâ—â—less Zeal Gratitude aâ—â— Fidelity towards thee than 〈◊〉 should have towards a Friendâ— who had offer'd to lay down hâ—â— life for the preservation of mine and to this superlative testimonâ— of his love did continually addâ— thousand other benefits Since thou hast been pleas'd 〈◊〉 humble thy self O my God 〈◊〉 making me offers of thy Graâ—â— and Favour and loading 〈◊〉 with thy Benefits let me not forget thee doubt of thy Mercy or wilfully shut my eyes and neglect to pay thee those acknowledgments of thy love and bounty which in strict Justice is but my reasonable service For is it just that I who pretend to act upon Principles of Generosity who boast of my good Nature Affection Integrity and Gratitude towards my Friends should be defective only in my Duty towards God living without Faith without Love or so much as the Acknowledgment of his Benefits Is it just that I a poor miserable creature who owe all that I have unto my glorious Creatour should offer up to him only faint acknowlegdments fickle desires and in truth the least part of my self Is it just that I who have been so industrious to gratifie my Idol-passions who never forgot any thing which might conduce to their satisfaction should complain of the difficulty and impossibility of placing them upon their due object and devoting my heart to the love of thee Lastly Is it possible that the soul which thou didst create to be the Temple of thy Divine Love should not be perswaded to return unto thee the center of its happiness after it has wandred a thousand and a thousand times from the way of thy Commandments unless thou art pleas'd to prepare its paths and draw it to thy self with the cords of thy Grace No Lord this is not reasonable and therefore maugre all the opposition I find in my corrupt nature in submitting my self to the easie yoak of thy Commandments thy love which predominates in my Soul above the love of the world the creature or my self shall unite me inseparably unto thee by the inexhaustible love of â—esus Christ By that love which has taught me by experience that there is nothing in this World worthy my friendship nothing but continual troubles and base ingratitude which has discover'd to me by these gentle Corrections that thou art a jealous God and requirest the sacrifice of my whole heart unto thee in acknowledgment of thy infinite Mercies my Infidelity and the sacrilegious misplacing of my Affections Ah Lord since thou requirest nothing to prepare me for the pardon of my sins but the cultivating of my love and the conversion of my heart unto thee Behold here is a heart ready to receive thy Commands ready to obey thee which is truly to love thee ready to undergo any thing which conduces to the advancement of thy Glory or the salvation of my Soul REFLECT XIII That a Penitent Soul should not examine what Sins are Damnable and what not but avoid all appearance of Evil every thing which may displease God lest indulging it self in lesser crimes it relapse at last into Habitual Debauchery IF it is thy pleasure to make my Repentance in some measure answer my Crimes to prolong my life ond punish me in the same place where my Offences were commited If it is thy pleasure to make my Sins my punishment and those Lusts which I have hitherto idoliz'd the Executioners of thy Justice my heart is fixed O God my heart is fixed Nevertheless Grant that I may be preserv'd in my Integrity thereby that my present Aversion to sinful Pleasures may be an Antidote sufficient to defend me from the infected breath of popular Applause that my Repentaance may be more pleasing to thee and profitable to my self But O Lord let me not only be preserved from those Notorious Crimes which this day render me the Object of thy Mercy but grant also that I may hate Sin more for the Malignity of its Nature than from the Dread of thy Vengeance let my Aversion to it proceed rather from thy love than any respect to my self that is let me abhor it more for displeasing thee than because it would be my ruin Let me not with the greatest part of the World nicely weigh how much Carnal Liberty I may take and yet continue in a state of salvation but let me avoid every thing which displeases thee as well as those grosser acts of sin which will certainly damn my soul For what is more impious O my God than to say I know that this Action will displease thee that this Temptation is alluring that these Pleasures obstruct the Emanations of thy Grace and in short that the Vanities of this World are at enmity to the life of Godliness and yet I am resolv'd to venter on them to disregard the all-seeing Eye of a jealous God the Remorse of my own Conscience and all this because I am assured that God is a merciful God that he loves me and is willing to pass by my Offences For is not this Way of Reasoning us'd by the greatest part of those servile Souls whose Religious Actions proceed more from fear of the Devil than out of love to God May not this Neglect of thy Grace which these Men esteem so small an Offence grieve thy Holy Spirit and become the Occasion of their Eternal Reprobation For the Devil by tempting us at first to smaller Crimes insinuates himself into our Affections and by degrees renders the most detestable sins familiar this he knows is the surest way to destroy us for by little and little it weakens the love and fear of God in our Souls it gives him possession of our hearts and at last delivers them up unto him for a prey For who knows but this variety of company this vain and frothy conversation which fills my heart with frivolous Desires and weakens the Influences of thy Grace may in the end seduce me from the simplicity of thy Word and the observation of thy Holy Law Who knows but thou mayest leave me to my self when thou perceivest that my Disobedience and Ingratitude towards thee proceeds from the abuse of thy Grace In fine Who knows but the Splendour of Worldly Pomp which is continually before my eyes which I behold with so much complacency and those Maxims of Carnal policy which are perpetually sounding in my ears may at last render me forgetful of those Solemn Protestations which but a few days ago I made unto thee when with Tears and Sighs I so earnestly besought thee to have Mercy on me and to deliver me from the jaws of Death REFLECT XIV She prays unto God instantly that he would be pleas'd to knock off those Chains which unite her Affections to the Creature to grant her fresh Recruits of his Mercy and Grace to make the right use of them AH Lord
my own Diversion For thou knowest Lord how insensibly those things which I frequently behold make impressions upon my mind how conformable I am to the company with which I converse and how wonderfully good or bad Examples influence my Life and Conversation Grant therefore O my Lord and my God that I may take delight in the Company of Vertuous and Religious Men that instead of talking about the World and it vanities my discourse may be concerning Eternity thy Grace thy Greatness and those infinite Mercies which thou hast been pleased to bestow upon my Soul and if those impressions which sin has left upon my mind should for the present render me averse to these innocent pleasures if the taint of my corrupt Nature should disrelish these Diversions which yield more solid satisfaction than the most sensual enjoyments of this World then I beseech thee to enlighten my Understanding with thy Grace and strengthen my Faith to withhold me from gratifying my inordinate Appetites to work in me a repentance for those sins which render me incapable of the sweet Comforts of thy Holy Spirit For O Lord if thou dost not expect that I should exercise much Rigour on my Body 't is because I should be more fervent in Spirit and mortifie my corrupt Appetites the more for a deep sense of thy Death and Sufferings is absolutely necessary to restore the health of my Soul Now seeing the best way to rectifie my warp'd desires is to bend them towards the contrary extream Grant that the by as of my corrupt Nature may never pâ—evail on me to bestow so much as one favourable look on my divorced Lusts for 't is but reasonable that I should punish my self for my too earnest pursuits of sensual pleasure by mortifying those Irregular Appetites and denying my self even Lawful Diversions it is but just that I who have trifled away so much time on the Stage of the World should retire my self from those pleasures which are the fewel oâ— my inordinate lusts and denâ— my self the World and all its pleasures that I may be truly the Disciple of the Lord Jesus Let the certain assurance of a future Life O my God demonstrate to me the Frailty and Vanity of those things which we call State Wealth Fortune and Grandeur Let me not with the greatest part of the World engage all the force of my Affections in the pursuit of them as if there were no future Life Happiness or Eternity Let me esteem them according to their true value but let me place my Affections only upon that solid good where true Joys are to be found For how can any real Contentment proceed from such empty Trifles How can any lasting satisfaction be built upon such fading Enjoyments which make themselves wings and fly away when we think we have the surest possession of them Lastly Let me contemplate thy Works in the Government of the World in which as in the Scene of a Comedy Providence orders the Persons disposes the Riches and Honours and lulls asleep the generality of Mankind who being rouz'd up at the end of the Act stand amaz'd that they have been all the while in a Dream that the gaudy Apparitions are vanish'd and nothing left but dust and smoak Yea Lord I confess that after I have throughly ransack'd all the stores of sensual Enjoyments I cannot find any real satisfaction or lasting pleasure but only in thy Love and thy Service REFLECT XVII That Charity towards our Neighbour obliges us carefully to avoid not only every Action which may be injurious to his Life Goods and Reputation but also detracting Speeches and foolish jesting O That my Soul might be inspir'd with thy Love O my God that it might be my only Treasure my Glory and my Delight that those chaste and Divine Pleasures which flow from it might enlighten my Understanding and allure my Will â—o cleave unto thee that it might work in me a hearty sorrow for my past Offences and a holy fear of thy Divine Majesty that it might take possession of my Soul and not endure the most darling lust to lurk therein O that my love to my Neighhour might in some measure answer thy love to me that I might love his Soul above my own Life and never be prevaild upon for the gain of the whole World to wound my Conscience by injuring him either in estate or good name But since generally nothing is esteem'd a breach of Charity towards our Neighbour but such open Violence or abusive Language as a sober Heathen would blush at since few persons make a conscience of those Jears which touch a man to the quick those Genteel ways of less'ning his Reputation by insinuating his Frailties and ridiculing his Humour because 't is done in sport and for diversion of the Company Therefore I beseech thee O Lord open my eyes and convince me that these sins which I am apt to call pardonable Infirmities displease thee the more in that they are agreeable to our corrupt Natures and the genuine off spring of self-love Let me heartily detest this mischievous diversion to which I have been too much given up let my sorrow for this sin in some measure equal the pleasure I took in it and let that which was the great Incentive of my Guilt produce a Fountain of Tears to blot it out For is it not highly reasonable O Lord that I should bewail that Mirth whereby I have injur'd my Neighbour and undone my self and that Laughter which has cost me my Soul and the Favour of my God Is it not just that seeing I cannot make any extraordinary demonstrations of my Repentance and Love to thee I should testifie the sincerity of my Intentions by abstaining from every thing which gratifies my Natural Corruption that by a discreet reservedness in my discourse for the future I should endeavour to make amends for the former lavishness of my Tongue and by casting out all those sins which have offended thee invite thy return into the Temple of my Soul Whensoever therefore O my God I have any desires to conform my self to the World to gratisie my depraved Appetites or to shew the gayety of my Humour whensoever these sinful delights come into my mind and begin to blow up the sparks of my corruption whensoever I perceive these motions of complacency towards my self and envy against my Neighbour these ferments of my passions and melancholy distemper of my mind which if in the least encouraged will easily get the better of me Then let me consider O Lord that if I do not carefully suppress these first motions to sin I resign up my Soul to its most inveterate Enemies and on the contrary if I nip them in the bud if I sacrifice my passions and my pleasures unto thee I shall encline thee to have Mercy upon me and to blot out my Offences I shall give thee the Homage of a contrite and penitent Heart In which thou art well pleased Shew me therefore