to those that there attended his Ministry Having made so long a Digression though necessary to clear the sense of these Passages in his Diary by which it fully appears with what Deliberation and sincerity he acted in these matters I shall before I close it subjoyn one Instance of the admirable Influence his Example and Persuasions had to promote Religion in the Family and Neighbourhood of Glastenbury For the Heir of it Sir Thomas R being but then newly come to Age did at his desire to engage his Tenants the more effectually to the study and practice of Religion call together their Servants and Children every Lord's-day after the Afternoon Sermon and himself Catechiz'd them This I have often observ'd with great Satisfaction and as I am sure the mention of it is no dishonour to his Quality or Years so I wish that so memorable an Example of early Zeal for Piety may draw others to an Imitation of it Such familiar Instructions would be more readily and thankfully embrac'd by their Inferiours from those on whom their Secular Interest depends and whom they are sure nothing but compassionate Charity to their Souls can prompt to so much condescension But to return to Mr. Trench's Diary Glanstenb May 24. 1680. I had been Abus'd Censured and Slander 's Faithfulness and Plain-dealing had hard returns But my Duty was comfortable though against the stream I had Witnesses of my Integrity above and within and in the considence thereof was plain and free with the injurious Party to whom I still return'd Good for Evil Prayers and Services for many and cruel Wrongs The Guilty at length exprest a great and sorrowful sense of what was past asking God forgiveness and his unworthy Servant and promis'd what had flown out in Passion against Truth should be rectified and my Innocence clear'd I was still praising God who enabled me to do my Duty against such cutting Provocations and gave me so much kindness where I less expected it Glast Jan. 1. 1681. Thankful acknowledgments of continued Goodness to me and mine especially for any Sincerity and Diligence in encreasing my own and others Knowledge Love and Obedience Breathings after more and more Holiness That by any means I might be more like my Heavenly Father more faithful in endeavouring his Glory and the good of men and more happy in success Prayers for constant Assistance were quickned by the sudden sinking and dying of an old Acquaintance Mr. S who was commonly very chearful full of comfortable consident Expressions of Resignation to and trust in God and of unconcernedness for and elevation above lower temporal matters Yet on the Death of a Friend and Wife all fail'd and he soon sunk and died What need to please and seek to God continually that he may keep us strong in himself and the power of his might Glast July 10. 1682. I comply'd to stay at Glast though sollicited by other Friends to be nearer them with hearty Prayers to be more laborious and successful for their good particularly Sir Th's whom I had great reason to love I had comfortable hopes of my own Sincerity but not without trouble for my sluggishness and wandring Thoughts I reflected on the prime of my Health and Briskness not improv'd as became me for God acknowledging it just I should not be honour'd to do him any considerable Service and begg'd pardon and strength of Body and Soul and good success For his infinite unaccountable Mercy and Goodness in our dearest Saviour Glast May 28. 1683. I found several Notes of my own Sincerity and with more considence Distractions were my trouble against which my Prayers were still directed I had design'd to receive the Sacrament in Cranbroke-Church not from fear for which there was then no occasion but from sense of Duty and trouble for the neglect thereof I had been for it and oft declar'd my Judgment But the vehement Aversion and disswasion of several good Men had kept me from doing it there But I was at length satisfied I ought not to please them therein but to obey the Commands of Christian Vnity Communion and Love to perform a Duty and partake of a Priviledge sadly neglected and take away that Offence which forbearance would six before some who mistakingly cry out against Offence when through their own Faults displeas'd My Body had continued very crazy Lungs sensibly heated and swell'd by the Catarrh notwithstanding many means but God sent me to London made my Friends urge me to better advice and blest what was prescrib'd especially Milk variously prepar'd and mixt with quick and strange success Wishes were for an Heart more drawn and warm'd by Divine Goodness and Love My Work at Glastenbury drawing to an end my Conscience witness'd that I had endeavour'd to promote the Essentials of Religion not our unhappy Differences with as little appearance of Schism or Faction as I could Brenchley Nov. 20. 1684. Our 6th Son was Bapitz'd and named Thomas by Mr. Monkton our Minister at Brenchley I hop'd he had not only the Token but the saving benefit of the Covenant praying he might live and faithfully embrace it for himself Brenchley July 5. 1685. This Day I received the Sacrament renewing my Covenant with my God who is my All. I converse little with Men but enough to see and hear of many lamentable sinful Distempers Lord make all better and keep such as profess greater Purity from impure Heats and Mistakes and from doing Evil under pretence of Good July 21. I endeavoured as I ought to be affected with the Sins and Sufferings of so many My Thoughts have been frequently of God and my Discourses with several as I had opportunity I hope they would have been better if less disturb'd by bodily indisposition which still clouds my Head O for a better Head and Heart to glorifie my good God and Saviour in doing and suffering whatever pleaseth him Brenchly Octob. 7. 1685. Being entred into the 43d Year of my Life I reflected on my carriage towards God and Man what I had been and done in the World and what grounds I had to hope for a better The Result whereof I write for future use I hope without partiality God grant I may yet write better I am unfeignedly willing to know the worst of my self I think I have good ground to hope I have found the benefit of an early and sincere Dedication to God by my good Parents and of their careful Education and frequent Prayers and the many other Spiritual Advantages I enjoy'd I am pretty well assur'd that I have chosen God for my Portion Rest and Happiness and that I prefer not the Profits Pleasures and Honours of this World before him I desire no more thereof than is needful for his Service heartily desiring and seeking first the Kingdom of God and his Righteousness and expecting other things in due subordination I have I hope heartily humbly and thankfully accepted the Lord Christ as offered in the Gospel to be my Saviour
satisfie such as I had wrong'd while at Cambridge had succeeded and St. Austin's Saying Non remittitur c. made me tremble I also fear'd I had profan'd the Lord's Supper and when on search I began to hope I had not I charg'd my self with rash presumption in thinking of so high and holy a Calling as the Ministry which such base former Sins wou'd disgrace My Perplexities were lamentable I had recourse to God by Prayer though not sufficiently frequent and fervent and I consulted his Word and Servants I could not find it was any Sin for me who had sinned so much and perhaps hardned some to endeavour the reclaiming of others I found great Sinners had been after Conversion us'd by the Holy God as chosen Instruments of his Grace and remembred many late Examples guilty of Sins materially equal if not greater than mine whom yet God blest with eminent Success and Comfort My fear of disgracing Religion seemed very unreasonable the Sins known to few very few and far off so many Years since repented of and forsaken and my Conversation though needing manifold pardon from God having long gain'd too favourable a Repute among Men. Therefore though most unworthy to be honoured by God to do him any Service towards the Salvation of any poor Creature yet I could not but think it lawful yea my Duty to endeavour it to the utmost of my Capacity and Power and thereon resolv'd to reject and resist such Suggestions as Temptations to Sin against my Duty As to the Restitution wherein his Friend had so unworthily disappointed him he here sets down all the Particulars wherein he could remember any wrong'd and by whom he had made Restitution in all more than double the value and in most much more and thus concludes Thus for less than 4. l. at the utmost value I paid with a great deal of shame trouble about 15 l. and I gave 20 l. extraordinary to the Poor I would all that wrong'd me knew I forgave them though none made me Satisfaction except 3 l. from one that desir'd to be conceal'd were on that account Some Advantage I found by my Troubles in this Affair 1. I found much Pride within me and was hereby made base and vile in my own Eyes and willing to be so in others 2. I minded too much what was less needful and these Distractions drave me to the Essentials of Religion and made me mind them more 3. I was more convinc'd of my own Impotency and Nothingness and of my constant dependance on God for Duty and Comfort I found Reasons and Arguments nothing till God enabled me after another manner to apply them 4. I was more sensible of the Necessity and Use of Prayer 5. I understood better the condition of the Scrupulous that their Troubles were not to be slighted as proceeding from Weakness and Folly but to be tenderly manag'd and that the withdrawings of the Spirit are something beside Melancholy though that may be joyn'd with them 6. I was warn'd byall to walk more circumspectly that I might not provoke my Heavenly Father thus to chasten me and instead of Controversies especially about small and mysterious Matters to study more the practical Life of Faith in nearer Communion with the blessed Fountain of Holiness Peace and Joy My Scruples about the Horses I sold had as little grounds as almost any other I repeated my Charge to those that sold them to speak truth neither denying nor using any means to conceal any Fault Only I doubted I was not sufficiently careful to have the Buyers acquainted with all I knew my self It being the Rule of an Heathen Tully Ne quid omnino quod venditor novit emptor ignoret Yet I could not learn the Buyers were damag'd nor say they paid too dear and good Men laugh'd at my Scruples professing themselves would do as I had done How happy were civil Societies if all acted in their Contracts with so strict and conscientious Justice The comprehensive Rule of Righteousness between Man and Man deliver'd by our Saviour Matth 7. ver 12. includes this of Tully as one branch of it What a vile Reproach is it then to the Christian Profession that so many thousands that make it should in their Dealings fall short of the Rules of Justice laid down by an Heathen Moralist As to the danger of Sacriledge which gave the first Alarm old Evidences shew'd that about or above 130 Years before 1673. Duckets belong'd to the little Hospital of St. Bartholomew in West-Smithfield and was Leas'd by the Master and Brethren for 10 l. per annum and some Money towards Repair of their Church and Relief of their Poor The Result of my Reading Consideration and Prayer was to this effect 1. The first Alienation did not appear to be Sacriledge i. e. A stealing or converting to their own use what was Sacred lawfully set apart to God nor yet robbing of the Poor 2. There wanted Evidence of a right Dedication to God directed and accepted by him To pass by the Censers of Corah c. Num. 16.16 17.37 38. if not hallow'd at first by particular Divine Appointment yet afterwards as a Monument of their Sin and Punishment there were express Commands or at least sufficient general Directions which regulated the separating of Things to God and what was set apart agreeably to such Warrants was sacred and belonged to God indeed Thus Tythes Cities and Suburbs for the Priests and Levites under the Law were holy if not the former with Houses and Glebes for Ministers also under the Gospel and so were the First-Fruits and other commanded and directed Offerings But Histories make it doubtful whether what was separated in those dark times was according to any sufficient Divine Warrant and Direction or rather from the cheating Extortion of covetous Priests and the superstitious Errors of ignorant Laicks without Scripture-Rule or End too oft 't is to be fear'd not more acceptable to God than what he forbad of old the hire of a Whore or the price of a Dog 2. Alienations were excessive contrary to the common good Therefore though they had been otherwise regular not allow'd and consequently not accepted by God He bounded Dedication of old and it was not lawful to exceed the measure in what he most expresly requir'd When the People had offer'd enough for the Tabernacle they were forbid to bring any more Levi was to have no Inheritance only Dwellings with Fields so many Cubits round The Reasons of such Commands hold clearing and strengthning the Law of Nature and Statutes of Mortmain c. against excessive Alienations to religious or charitable Uses and for translating what was superstitious noxious and therefore unlawfully separated Such seems to have been our case The Clergy excessively supernumerary and debauch'd and as excessively endow'd Though not an hundred part of the Kingdom yet having as was computed a fifth nay as some a fourth part or more of the prime Lands thereof Such vast superfluous
as the last words in his Diary with a very weak and trâ—mâ—â—ing hand as the Writing and Letters too evidently shew Cranbroke Feb. 19. 1689. I have been above two Months under the Chirurgeon's hands for a sore Leg and Thigh Pains have been sometimes very great Relapses from Feavers c. several Apprehensions of Death frequent I have not I think been impatient I have been without anxious Thoughts of Eternity and willing if God pleas'd to leave my Body but â—ixedly desirous not to continue in it unless I be and do the better for this Affliction Twice as my ill Circumstances permitted 〈◊〉 view'd the Account of my self Oct. 7. 1685. and still hope it is not false Of all Men I could think only of Mr. betwixt whom and my self there was any unkindness but I think none sinful on my part I was advis'd against meddling with him on that Subject because I could not see it was my Duty and it might do more harm than good Lord pity me in my wearisom Condition help me according to thy great Goodness Refine me for thy better Service on Earth or perfect in Heaven Of his Carriage under his tedious and languishing Pains the following Character gives a brief Account to which I shall only add That his Patience sâ— Grace that Heaven gives us no occasion to exercise having had its perfect work on Earth especially under an Affliction of so long continuance He was happily as to himself dismiss'd from his Labours and Sorrows and entred into his everlasting Rest March 30. 1688 9. To this Account of his Life given from his own Breviate it may not be amiss to annex the Character given of him by Mr. Ch that Preach'd his Funeral Sermon I know the usual Flattery of Funeral Orations and the ill use that is sometimes made of them when the Person is of no extraordinary worth to deserve them But very excellent Persons whose Lives have been very bright and exemplary should not fall without being taken notice of And as 't is a piece of Justice to the Dead so of useful Charity to the Living to commemorate their Remarkable Vertues and Graces that Survivers may be perswaded and encourag'd to Go and Do likewise And such was this great Man I am indeed on many accounts unsit to give a just Character of him As by reason of mine own green Years so also because I had not the happiness to be acquainted with him till the last seven Years of his life But I shall say nothing of him but either on my own Observation or from that short Breviate of his Life Penn'd by himself for his own use And here after some Account of him from the Breviate which 't is needless to repeat because the Reader will meet with it more fully there he proceeds He had before inclin'd to the study of Physick and gain'd so much Skill as made him very useful to his poor Neighbours when sick But as one of the Fathers said concerning Tully He could not find the Name of Jesus there And therefore laid those Books aside and apply'd himself to that more sweet and sublime study of Divinity Herein in a few Years he exceeded and out-stript most of his Age God had given him a large Soul in a weak and crazy Body He was Master of a quick discerning solid Judgment joyn'd with an active Fancy which rarely meet together He was indeed a living Library and walking Study and carried about a vast Stock of Learning with him And God had given him large measures of Grace to improve his great Abilities for the good of Souls With what warmth and Affection with what apposite Expressions and I had almost said unimitable Fluency of Sacred Oratory would he pour out his Prayers before God! with what tenderness and compassion did he invite and urge Sinners to Repentance How clearly would he explain the deepest Mysteries of Christianity and what weighty Arguments did he use to perswade to a belief and observance of its holy Doctrines and Rules His daily Family-Exposition of the Scriptures which for many Years he us'd Morning and Evening I have often thought equal for Accuracy and Instructiveness to most Commentators He took all Opportunities that his own Weakness and Family-distractions or publick Confusions would allow for his publick Labours And he never omitted Preaching from House to House by private Visits and Christian Conferences His Master's Work was constantly upon his Heart and he readily embrac'd all Opportunities for it The Sick and Poor were sure of his Company and he familiarly condescended to the meanest Capacities for their good He was as willing to instruct poor Cottagers in the way to the Kingdom as those of an higher rank and degree He perfum'd every place where he came with his savoury Speeches and heavenly Discourse His Words dropt as the Dew and distill'd as the Rain And his Heart was still'd with such a sense of Divine Love that the holy Breathings of it flow'd forth among all with whom he converst Thus he was in his Ministerial Capacity And his Life and Actions were answerable to his Doctrine and Discourses I need not say how pleasant a Relative he was how dutiful as a Son how indulgent as a Husband how prudent and affectionate as a Father Nor need any Man tell me how pleasant and faithful he was in his Friendship He had all the ingenuity and endearing Obligingness that belongs to such a Relation He had in himself those four Characters in eminent degrees which he was often wont to say he wish'd for in a real Friend Piety good Nature Fidelity in Admonitions and Reproofs and a Readiness to Communicate Notions and Experiences for the encreasing holy Light and Heat I must pass over many Things worthy to be remembred and shall only mention some particular Vertues and Graces which were the peculiar Ornaments of his Life He give remarkable Instances of his Piety and Devotedness to God by his constancy and frequency in Devotion He took all occasions for Prayer by himself and with others was habitually prepar'd for this sweet and prositable Exercise of Religion Few ever comply'd more with the Scriptural Command of Praying always and without ceasing This holy Incense was always prepar'd for the Altar though the sweet perfume was not always ascending to Heaven He observ'd the Lord's Day with a religious strictness keeping it as a holy Rest to God in the publick and private Exercises of Worship with as little diversion as possible He diligently instructed his Inferiours by Catechizing and serious Exhortations He exprest a warm Zeal against Sin where-ever he found it and his prudent calm and seasonable Reproofs were greatly enforc'd by the blamelessness of his own Example In such Instances his Piety shone in a bright attractive Light His Meekness and Moderation towards those that differ'd from him deserves next to be remembred Tho' none was more fervently zealous about the great Substantials of Religion yet none were more cool and temperate about
on his own terms to save me from my Sins to sanctisie me by his Word and Spirit to rule me by his Laws and so to justisie and save me from Guilt and Punishment for ever I have been and am greatly troubled that I did not earlier return unto God The Sins of my Youth and my Relapses since are the grief of my Soul which I would wash away if possible with my own blood It cuts my Heart that I forsook them no sooner and that my following Life hath not been more fruitful Yet I hope I have been and am sincere keeping my self through Grace from my own Iniquity and living in the practice of the contrary Duties I am heartily willing to comply with God in all things and to live in the daily practice of all those holy heavenly spiritual Duties of Heart and Life which my God requires I am very sorry that I perform them no better and yet I hope I am not defil'd with great or reigning Sin but am prevailingly his faithful Servant I long for nothing more than nothing so much as more Fixedness of Mind on God more Constanoy Chearfulness and Success in his blessed Service I unfeignedly desire and through Divine Assistance resolve to persevere and grow still better notwithstanding all Difficulties and against all Temptations to think of and act according to Matth. 10.37 38 c. and Luke 14.26 33. That whatever it cost I will so run that I may obtain the Crown forgetting those things that are behind and pressing forward towards the mark for the price of our high calling of God in Christ Jesus But thou O Lord forsake not me that I forsake not thee I am in love with that Love which our Lord set us such an Example of and made the distinguishing Character of his Disciples My Charity I think is large and extensive according to his Will but especially I have lov'd and do love all good Men as such prevailingly They are to me the Excellent of the earth in whom as to Men is all my delight The Divine Image affects and draws me where-ever I find it notwithstanding differences in little Things And my Love is real and fruitful according to my Ability My Heart and Hands are open as Objects and Occasions offer I have been and am very careful to wrong none having long since righted those I did I have soon forgiven when provok'd yea seldom very seldom retain'd any Grudge against any I have return'd Good for Evil where I deserv'd well and yet suffered much ill and where I have deliberately refus'd to comply with any it was because I thought it my Duty for their good I have been watchful Self should not prevail under shadow of being concern'd for God I have no Enemies whom I do not heartily pray for and am not ready to do good to Praised be God these Duties of Loving Giving and forgiving were not and are not difficult I have been affected and desire to be more with the Condition of the Church of God the Sufferings of so great a part thereof and especially the Sins that deserv'd them My Prayers have been and are That God would Refine and not Destroy That he would diffuse that Wisdom from above which is pure and peaceable That he would revive the power of Godliness humbling the Guilty of our Divisions and uniting in Christian Catholick Love I have conscientiously considered my Duty to the Magistrate and accordingly have been careful to obey all his Laws unless contrary to the Laws of God And I thought it became me to understand his Will not in the worst but in the best sense his Words would bear remembring that an erring Conscience will not clear me if I disobey any lawful Command I have been little inquisitive about the Magistrate's Duty but careful to know my own My enquiry was not Whether he did well to Command but whether I might lawfully Obey Though he impose unnecessary Burdens beyond his Authority which is for Publick Good yet Compliance may be my Duty from Humility Love to Peace and that I may not offend but respect God's Vicegerent I have consider'd the Veneration due to those in Authority by reason thereof however they be otherwise defective and the Subjection that must be ever continued though the Laws of God forbid Obedience and accordingly resolved never to partake in Rebellion though for the best Religion and most valuable Liberties but to be still subject not only for Wrath but for Conscience-sake I have often frequented the Publick Authoriz'd Assemblies and joyn'd in the establish'd way of Worship not to avoid Civil or Ecclesiastical Censures not for any worldly Interest but from sense of Duty and a just perswasion after many Thoughts and Prayers in which I am still more confirm'd that I was more oblig'd to do so by the Laws of God and abundantly warranted by the Example of our Saviour and his Apostles I have been still more confident as I consider'd the State and Practice of the Primitive and other Churches and look'd I think impartially into what is oppos'd by Dividers Praised be God I am still well satisfied that I am not involv'd into so much as any consent to Sin I reflect with comfort on my moderation about small or doubtful matters and on my warmth against the Antichristian Spirit of Vncharitableness Hatred Rage and Malice I admire God's Infinite goodness in the way of Salvation and am greatly troubled that I am no more affected with the amazing Mercy and Benignity of my Heavenly Father with the stupendious Charity Condescension and Sufferings of the Son and with the wonderful Patience Long-suffering and Kindnoss of the Holy Spirit I desire and long to know and love admire and praise spoak and act more and more to the utmost of my power for the Glory of the Incomprehensible Trinity which hath so condescended to Save such an abominable wretched Creature I find it most difficult to get and keep an Heavenly Frame without Distraction I am oft discompos'd by worldly Concerns vex'd by the Sins and Weaknesses of others and too easily diverted from my Studies Meditations and Prayers by vain impertinent unsuitable and unseasonable Thoughts I labour and groan under them as my great Burden and Sin and strive alas too ineffectually against them What would I give yea what would I not give do or suffer that my Soul were fix'd on God that I could serve him without Distraction That my Studies Meditations and Converse with God in his Word Prayer and Praise were more free from wandring more affectionate spiritual and heavenly Yet I 'm sure I long and desire to labour more effectually that God may sill and possess my Soul that his holy enjoying Service the perfect Happiness of Heaven may be more and more begun on Earth I value and breath after the Divine Image as the greatest good esteeming and desiring to be rid of Sin as the greatest Evil and Heaven is therefore most amiable because there I hope