question_n whether_o the_o truth_n of_o grace_n can_v consist_v with_o such_o sin_n for_o than_o i_o begin_v to_o fear_v i_o be_v a_o hypocrite_n and_o that_o place_n i_o think_v upon_o with_o much_o dread_n in_o job_n viij_o 13._o the_o hypocrite_n hope_n shall_v perish_v nor_o have_v i_o any_o ease_n long_o than_o i_o be_v thus_o discourse_v with_o he_o for_o though_o he_o often_o silence_v my_o objection_n and_o i_o seem_v for_o the_o present_a to_o be_v much_o satisfy_v yet_o he_o be_v no_o soon_o go_v from_o i_o but_o my_o trouble_n return_v afresh_o insomuch_o that_o his_o wife_n will_v often_o send_v for_o he_o home_o when_o he_o be_v but_o go_v into_o the_o field_n while_o i_o be_v there_o the_o devil_n will_v suggest_v something_o to_o this_o purpose_n to_o i_o that_o when_o i_o be_v go_v from_o he_o he_o will_v torment_v i_o after_o some_o stay_n there_o i_o return_v home_o again_o where_o quick_o i_o begin_v to_o grow_v into_o deep_a despair_n it_o be_v my_o custom_n for_o several_a year_n before_o to_o write_v in_o a_o book_n i_o keep_v for_o that_o purpose_n in_o shorthand_n the_o promise_n together_o with_o my_o temptation_n and_o other_o affliction_n and_o my_o experience_n how_o god_n deliver_v i_o out_o of_o they_o mix_v therewith_o prayer_n and_o praise_n which_o practice_n i_o continue_v till_o i_o be_v overwhelm_v with_o despair_n some_o few_o passage_n whereof_o be_v here_o insert_v as_o they_o be_v write_v in_o my_o deep_a distress_n this_o book_n in_o my_o affliction_n i_o will_v oft_o say_v will_v rise_v up_o in_o judgement_n against_o i_o as_o i_o be_v walk_v with_o my_o cousin_n mrs._n shorthose_n a_o woman_n curse_a and_o swear_v sad_o ah_o cousin_n say_v i_o i_o have_v abhor_v such_o company_n all_o my_o life_n therefore_o i_o hope_v they_o shall_v not_o be_v my_o companion_n to_o eternity_n this_o be_v the_o 20_o feb._n 63._o be_v a_o time_n of_o great_a trouble_n and_o bitter_a melancholy_n and_o one_o great_a cause_n be_v for_o want_v of_o the_o light_n of_o god_n countenance_n and_o for_o fear_v that_o if_o i_o shall_v have_v any_o mercy_n show_v i_o i_o shall_v abuse_v it_o and_o my_o wretched_o deceitful_a heart_n be_v draw_v aside_o from_o god_n for_o i_o be_o only_o fit_a for_o the_o school_n of_o affliction_n and_o on_o the_o other_o hand_n if_o god_n shall_v send_v some_o further_a trial_n i_o shall_v sink_v under_o they_o and_o my_o life_n be_v make_v a_o burden_n to_o i_o but_o lord_n sure_o this_o be_v the_o voice_n of_o my_o wretched_a unbelieve_a heart_n the_o lord_n for_o christ_n sake_n fit_v i_o for_o what_o ever_o thou_o will_v do_v with_o i_o that_o i_o may_v have_v power_n again_o sin_n and_o satan_n and_o enjoy_v the_o light_n of_o thy_o countenance_n and_o then_o do_v with_o i_o what_o thou_o will_v oh_o that_o i_o may_v prevail_v with_o my_o lord_n for_o christ_n sake_n for_o grace_n suitable_a to_o every_o condition_n and_o that_o i_o may_v be_v able_a to_o improve_v every_o mercy_n and_o every_o affliction_n to_o thy_o glory_n and_o the_o comfort_n of_o my_o poor_a soul_n and_o that_o i_o may_v be_v useful_a in_o my_o generation_n and_o not_o be_v burdensome_a lord_n pity_v my_o state_n for_o christ_n sake_n who_o have_v never_o leave_v i_o in_o my_o trial_n the_o six_o of_o april_n 64._o the_o truth_n be_v i_o know_v not_o well_o what_o to_o say_v for_o as_o yet_o i_o be_o under_o sad_a melancholy_n and_o sometime_o dreadful_a temptation_n to_o have_v hard_a thought_n of_o my_o dear_a lord_n the_o least_o assent_v to_o which_o by_o his_o grace_n i_o dread_v more_o than_o hell_n itself_o temptation_n to_o impatience_n and_o despair_n and_o to_o give_v up_o all_o for_o lose_v and_o to_o close_v with_o the_o devil_n and_o forsake_v my_o god_n which_o the_o almighty_a for_o christ_n sake_n forbid_v these_o temptation_n be_v with_o dreadful_a violence_n beside_o my_o melancholy_n have_v bad_a effect_n upon_o my_o body_n great_o impair_n my_o health_n true_o there_o be_v sometime_o such_o a_o woeful_a confusion_n and_o combat_v in_o my_o soul_n that_o i_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v and_o now_o my_o earnest_a prayer_n to_o my_o lord_n be_v this_o which_o i_o trust_v for_o christ_n sake_n he_o will_v not_o deny_v i_o though_o i_o can_v beg_v it_o with_o such_o earnest_a affection_n as_o i_o shall_v yet_o i_o hope_v my_o heart_n be_v sincere_a that_o for_o my_o sweet_a redeemer_n sake_n he_o will_v preserve_v i_o from_o sin_n and_o give_v i_o strength_n of_o faith_n and_o self-denial_n and_o patience_n to_o wait_v upon_o he_o and_o submit_v to_o he_o and_o let_v he_o do_v with_o i_o what_o he_o please_v my_o god_n i_o know_v thou_o have_v for_o ever_o adore_v be_v thy_o majesty_n appear_v for_o i_o in_o many_o great_a and_o sore_a strait_n for_o the_o lord_n jesus_n sake_n now_o appear_v in_o mercy_n for_o i_o that_o i_o may_v have_v exceed_v cause_n to_o bless_v thou_o for_o this_o thy_o mercy_n also_o and_o give_v i_o a_o assurance_n that_o thou_o be_v i_o and_o that_o thou_o will_v never_o leave_v i_o till_o thou_o have_v bring_v i_o to_o thyself_o in_o glory_n the_o 12_o of_o may_n 64._o still_o my_o time_n of_o great_a distress_n and_o sore_a trial_n continue_v sometime_o the_o devil_n tempt_v i_o woeful_o to_o hard_a and_o strange_a thought_n of_o my_o dear_a lord_n which_o through_o his_o mercy_n i_o dread_v and_o abhor_v the_o assent_v to_o more_o than_o hell_n itself_o in_o a_o word_n every_o day_n at_o present_a seem_v a_o great_a burden_n to_o i_o my_o earnest_a prayer_n be_v for_o the_o lord_n sake_n that_o if_o it_o be_v thy_o holy_a will_n i_o may_v not_o perish_v in_o this_o great_a affliction_n which_o have_v be_v of_o so_o long_a continuance_n and_o be_v so_o great_a still_o notwithstanding_o mean_v use_v however_o for_o the_o lord_n sake_n let_v it_o be_v sanctify_v to_o my_o eternal_a good_a and_o give_v i_o grace_v suitable_a to_o my_o condition_n and_o strength_n to_o bear_v my_o burden_n and_o then_o do_v with_o i_o what_o thou_o will_v i_o know_v not_o what_o to_o say_v the_o lord_n pity_v i_o in_o every_o respect_n and_o appear_v for_o i_o in_o these_o my_o great_a strait_n both_o of_o soul_n and_o body_n i_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v i_o shall_v be_v undo_v this_o i_o write_v to_o see_v what_o god_n will_v do_v with_o i_o whether_o ever_o he_o will_v deliver_v i_o out_o of_o such_o a_o distress_n as_o this_o that_o i_o may_v have_v cause_n to_o praise_v and_o adore_v his_o name_n in_o the_o land_n of_o the_o live_n lord_n comfort_v i_o and_o support_v i_o and_o revive_v i_o for_o christ_n sake_n may_n 26_o 64._o i_o desire_v which_o the_o lord_n help_v i_o to_o do_v exceed_o to_o bless_v and_o praise_v thy_o majesty_n that_o have_v yet_o in_o some_o measure_n support_v i_o under_o these_o dreadful_a trial_n and_o temptation_n which_o do_v yet_o continue_v and_o have_v be_v woeful_a upon_o i_o for_o almost_o four_o month_n together_o for_o christ_n sake_n pity_v my_o case_n or_o else_o i_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v and_o do_v not_o deny_v i_o strength_n to_o bear_v up_o under_o my_o burden_n and_o for_o the_o lord_n sake_n grant_v whatever_o thou_o do_v with_o i_o that_o one_o sin_n may_v not_o be_v in_o i_o unrepented_a of_o or_o unmortified_a do_v with_o i_o what_o thou_o will_v as_o to_o the_o creature_n so_o thou_o will_v subdue_v my_o sin_n and_o chain_n up_o satan_n and_o smile_v upon_o my_o soul_n lord_n i_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v only_o my_o eye_n be_v up_o to_o thou_o the_o devil_n still_o keep_v i_o under_o dreadful_a bondage_n and_o in_o sad_a distress_n and_o woe_n but_o bless_v be_v my_o god_n that_o he_o do_v not_o lay_v upon_o i_o all_o affliction_n at_o once_o that_o my_o child_n be_v so_o well_o and_o that_o i_o have_v so_o many_o other_o mercy_n which_o the_o lord_n open_v my_o eye_n to_o see_v especial_o that_o christ_n be_v i_o for_o the_o lord_n sake_n and_o then_o i_o have_v enough_o after_o this_o i_o write_v no_o more_o but_o this_o and_o much_o more_o i_o write_v before_o my_o last_o journey_n aforesaid_a for_o by_o that_o time_n i_o come_v back_o i_o soon_o after_o fell_a into_o deep_a despair_n and_o my_o language_n and_o condition_n grow_v sad_a than_o before_o now_o little_a to_o be_v hear_v from_o i_o but_o lament_v my_o woeful_a state_n in_o very_o sad_a and_o dreadful_a expression_n as_o that_o i_o be_v undo_v for_o ever_o that_o i_o be_v worse_a than_o cain_n or_o judas_n that_o now_o the_o devil_n have_v overcome_v i_o irrecoverable_o that_o this_o be_v what_o he_o have_v be_v aim_v at_o all_o along_o oh_o
a_o narrative_n of_o god_n gracious_a deal_n with_o that_o choice_n christian_n mrs._n hannah_n allen_n afterward_o marry_v to_o mr._n hatt_n recite_v the_o great_a advantage_n the_o devil_n make_v of_o her_o deep_a melancholy_n and_o the_o triumphant_a victory_n rich_a and_o sovereign_a grace_n god_n give_v she_o over_o all_o his_o stratagem_n and_o device_n o_o lord_n i_o be_o oppress_v undertake_v for_o i_o esay_n thirty_o 14._o we_o be_v not_o ignorant_a of_o his_o device_n 2_o cor._n two_o 11._o london_n print_v by_o john_n wallis_n 1683._o to_o the_o reader_n the_o soul_n of_o man_n have_v a_o singular_a affection_n for_o its_o own_o body_n rejoice_v in_o its_o prosperity_n and_o sympathize_v with_o it_o in_o all_o its_o malady_n misery_n and_o necessity_n hence_o if_o the_o body_n be_v out_o of_o frame_n and_o tune_n the_o soul_n can_v be_v well_o at_o ease_n as_o the_o most_o skilful_a musician_n can_v make_v any_o please_a melody_n upon_o a_o unstring_v or_o break_v instrument_n the_o blood_n and_o humour_n be_v the_o soul_n organ_n by_o which_o it_o do_v exert_v its_o action_n if_o these_o be_v well_o temper_v and_o keep_v in_o a_o balance_n ordinary_o there_o be_v a_o inward_a calm_a serenity_n upon_o the_o spirit_n ordinary_o i_o say_v for_o in_o some_o case_n the_o most_o cheerful_a temper_n may_v be_v break_v down_o and_o overwhelm_v either_o by_o the_o immediate_a impression_n of_o god_n wrath_n upon_o the_o soul_n or_o the_o let_v loose_a of_o those_o bandog_n of_o hell_n to_o affright_v and_o terrify_v it_o this_o be_v no_o strange_a news_n to_o any_o one_o acquaint_v with_o the_o scripture_n or_o the_o record_n of_o the_o church_n in_o its_o several_a age_n or_o that_o have_v be_v conversant_a with_o the_o most_o humble_a serious_a and_o mortify_a christian_n infinite_a wisdom_n have_v see_v it_o fit_v to_o keep_v his_o saint_n from_o hell_n for_o ever_o by_o cast_v they_o as_o it_o be_v into_o hell_n for_o a_o time_n it_o be_v too_o much_o for_o the_o choice_a saint_n to_o have_v two_o heaven_n one_o in_o earth_n and_o another_o in_o glory_n flesh_n be_v keep_v from_o putrefaction_n by_o powder_v it_o in_o salt_n and_o brine_n and_o gold_n lose_v nothing_o of_o its_o worth_n by_o be_v melt_v in_o the_o furnace_n to_o wave_v the_o break_a bone_n of_o david_n the_o terror_n and_o distraction_n of_o heman_n the_o groan_n chattering_n mourning_n and_o press_a oppression_n of_o hezekiah_n that_o mirror_n of_o patience_n job_n will_v tell_v we_o how_o much_o he_o suffer_v and_o that_o immediate_o too_o from_o god_n and_o his_o own_o god_n he_o have_v as_o well_o as_o father_n abraham_n a_o horror_n of_o great_a darkness_n upon_o he_o he_o be_v skare_v with_o vision_n terrify_v with_o dream_n the_o poison_a arrow_n of_o the_o almighty_a be_v shoot_v into_o his_o very_a soul_n the_o venom_n whereof_o drink_v up_o his_o spirit_n and_o make_v he_o choose_v strangle_v rather_o than_o life_n possible_o he_o have_v his_o temptation_n to_o self-murder_n as_o well_o as_o some_o other_o fear_v god_n under_o horror_n hence_o you_o need_v not_o wonder_v at_o their_o impatiency_n and_o in_o their_o agony_n at_o blasphemous_a expression_n when_o i_o have_v hear_v from_o the_o mouth_n of_o a_o eminent_a and_o holy_a minister_n of_o christ_n that_o once_o count_v himself_o a_o reprobate_n undo_v and_o to_o be_v damn_v for_o ever_o and_o be_v no_o long_o able_a to_o subsist_v under_o the_o weight_n and_o burden_n of_o everlasting_a and_o almighty_a wrath_n and_o who_o indeed_o can_v if_o god_n shall_v let_v it_o out_o upon_o he_o that_o he_o hate_v god_n yea_o hate_a he_o perfect_o because_o he_o be_v his_o judge_n and_o adversary_n though_o a_o most_o love_a and_o tender-hearted_a father_n to_o his_o saint_n when_o i_o read_v of_o miserable_a spira_n wish_v himself_n above_o god_n i_o do_v not_o in_o the_o least_o strange_a at_o such_o intemperate_a expression_n consider_v that_o god_n and_o their_o enemy_n do_v blow_v the_o coal_n and_o it_o may_v be_v dictate_v the_o very_a word_n to_o they_o christian_n reader_n peruse_v such_o instance_n as_o these_o and_o this_o of_o a_o now-glorified_n soul_n present_v to_o thou_o with_o fear_n and_o tremble_a how_o know_v thou_o but_o it_o may_v be_v thy_o own_o case_n let_v he_o that_o stand_v take_v heed_n lest_o he_o fall_v the_o peace_n the_o comfort_n the_o quiet_a the_o joy_n natural_a and_o spiritual_a they_o be_v all_o from_o grace_n you_o have_v no_o long_o a_o lease_n of_o they_o no_o long_o term_v of_o enjoy_v they_o than_o the_o good_a will_n and_o pleasure_n of_o he_o that_o dwell_v in_o the_o burn_a bush_n if_o god_n revoke_v his_o own_o gift_n hide_v his_o face_n let_v loose_v the_o tempter_n awaken_v that_o sleep_a fury_n in_o thy_o bosom_n let_v down_o but_o the_o small_a drop_n of_o his_o wrath_n into_o thy_o conscience_n thy_o foundation_n will_v be_v shake_v and_o the_o mountain_n of_o thy_o peace_n will_v be_v hurl_v into_o a_o gulf_n of_o dismal_a sorrow_n learn_v then_o to_o hate_v sin_n all_o sin_n bitter_o and_o implacable_o to_o avoid_v it_o universal_o and_o continual_o be_v humble_a and_o vile_a in_o thy_o own_o eye_n and_o walk_v humble_o with_o thy_o god_n set_v upon_o a_o through_o reformation_n because_o of_o leviathan_n up-raising_a himself_o the_o mighty_a be_v afraid_a by_o reason_n of_o break_n the_o very_a sinner_n purify_v themselves_o god_n caution_n saint_n and_o alarm_n sinner_n by_o such_o flame_a beacon_n if_o these_o thing_n be_v do_v in_o the_o green_a tree_n what_o will_v not_o be_v do_v in_o the_o dry_a keep_v no_o idol_n and_o beware_v of_o make_v inward_a comfort_n a_o idol_n this_o provoke_v god_n to_o jealousy_n the_o christian_n life_n be_v not_o a_o life_n of_o sense_n but_o of_o faith_n we_o walk_v by_o faith_n say_v the_o apostle_n and_o not_o by_o sight_n faith_n close_v with_o the_o precious_a promise_n feed_v upon_o the_o all-sufficient_a merit_n of_o a_o unseen_a jesus_n bring_v in_o through_o the_o holy_a ghost_n peace_n that_o peace_n of_o god_n which_o pass_v all_o understanding_n into_o the_o believer_n soul_n but_o then_o too_o this_o faith_n do_v purify_v the_o heart_n expel_v all_o inward_a filth_n connive_v indulge_v not_o unto_o any_o the_o least_o sin_n but_o put_v the_o soul_n upon_o skirmish_v with_o it_o and_o get_v through_o the_o power_n of_o christ_n victory_n over_o it_o otherwise_o the_o trouble_n will_v return_v as_o the_o cloud_n after_o the_o rain_n the_o least_o briss_n in_o the_o eye_n shall_v create_v grief_n the_o least_o core_n of_o bitterness_n in_o the_o wound_n shall_v cause_v it_o wrankle_v afresh_o the_o small_a leak_n in_o the_o ship_n not_o see_v will_v sink_v it_o and_o as_o multitude_n have_v be_v kill_v with_o sword_n and_o canon_n so_o other_o with_o stiletto_n and_o needle_n with_o what_o the_o injudicious_a worldling_n call_v a_o peccadillo_n lurk_v in_o the_o soul_n walk_v then_o christian_a reader_n in_o thy_o integrity_n he_o that_o walk_v upright_o walk_v safe_o live_v still_o in_o dependence_n upon_o thy_o crucify_a lord_n all_o thy_o spring_n be_v in_o he_o all_o thy_o stream_n be_v from_o he_o with_o joy_n shall_v you_o draw_v water_n of_o consolation_n revive_v cordial_n from_o the_o wound_n of_o thy_o dear_a and_o die_a saviour_n hide_v thyself_o always_o in_o the_o cleft_n of_o that_o bless_a rock_n of_o age_n and_o thou_o will_v find_v there_o as_o all_o the_o saint_n have_v do_v in_o all_o age_n a_o glorious_a high_a throne_n of_o sovereign_a mercy_n for_o thy_o sanctuary_n the_o secret_a of_o the_o lord_n be_v with_o they_o that_o fear_v he_o and_o unto_o such_o will_v he_o reveal_v his_o covenant_n love_v the_o lord_n jesus_n entire_o supreme_o and_o transcendent_o and_o remember_v that_o such_o as_o love_v he_o shall_v be_v belove_v and_o save_v by_o he_o as_o to_o scoffer_n and_o mocker_n at_o such_o relation_n that_o burlesque_fw-la and_o ridicule_fw-la these_o great_a instance_n of_o divine_a providence_n i_o shall_v say_v nothing_o but_o that_o it_o be_v the_o sin_n of_o our_o age_n foretell_v 1600_o year_n ago_o accomplish_v in_o our_o day_n and_o a_o exercise_n for_o the_o present_a and_o possible_o for_o survive_a saint_n here_o be_v the_o faith_n and_o patience_n of_o saint_n to_o keep_v the_o testimony_n of_o jesus_n and_o walk_v even_o in_o his_o way_n in_o the_o midst_n of_o thorn_n and_o precipice_n and_o when_o they_o be_v repute_v the_o world_n monster_n and_o the_o drunkard_n song_n for_o so_o do_v laugh_v he_o that_o laugh_v last_o the_o saint_n be_v in_o heaviness_n through_o many_o affliction_n and_o desertion_n for_o a_o little_a time_n but_o sinner_n shall_v be_v at_o last_o overwhelm_v by_o they_o for_o evermore_o their_o joyful_a comedy_n will_v have_v a_o
when_o she_o begin_v to_o speak_v with_o i_o of_o such_o thing_n i_o will_v general_o fling_v away_o in_o a_o great_a fume_n and_o say_v will_v you_o not_o let_v i_o alone_o yet_o methinks_v you_o may_v let_v i_o have_v a_o little_a quiet_a while_o i_o be_o out_o of_o hell_n this_o be_v almost_o my_o daily_a practice_n while_o i_o be_v with_o my_o aunt_n i_o be_v usual_o very_o nimble_a in_o my_o answer_n and_o peevish_o pettinacious_a to_o please_v my_o own_o cross_a humour_n my_o aunt_n tell_v i_o she_o believe_v god_n will_v not_o have_v exercise_v i_o so_o with_o affliction_n from_o my_o childhood_n if_o he_o intend_v to_o reject_v i_o at_o last_o i_o answer_v do_v you_o not_o remember_v what_o mr._n calamy_n use_v to_o say_v that_o unsanctified_a affliction_n parboil_a the_o soul_n for_o hell_n oh_o say_v i_o that_o i_o have_v go_v to_o hell_n as_o soon_o as_o i_o have_v be_v bear_v see_v i_o be_v bear_v to_o be_v damn_v and_o then_o i_o have_v not_o have_v so_o many_o sin_n to_o have_v answer_v for_o than_o i_o shall_v not_o have_v live_v to_o be_v a_o terror_n to_o myself_o and_o all_o that_o know_v i_o and_o my_o torment_n in_o hell_n will_v have_v be_v far_o less_o when_o my_o grandmother_n have_v tell_v i_o of_o the_o depth_n of_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n in_o christ_n i_o will_v answer_v with_o indignation_n what_o do_v you_o tell_v i_o of_o a_o christ_n it_o have_v be_v better_a for_o i_o if_o there_o have_v never_o be_v a_o saviour_n than_o i_o shall_v have_v go_v to_o hell_n at_o a_o cheaper_o rate_v towards_o winter_n i_o grow_v to_o eat_v very_o little_a much_o less_o than_o i_o do_v before_o so_o that_o i_o be_v exceed_v lean_a and_o at_o last_o nothing_o but_o skin_n and_o bone_n a_o neighbour_a gentlewoman_n a_o very_a discreet_a person_n that_o have_v a_o great_a desire_n to_o see_v i_o come_v in_o at_o the_o backdoor_n of_o the_o house_n unaware_o and_o find_v i_o in_o the_o kitchen_n who_o after_o she_o have_v see_v i_o say_v to_o mrs._n wilson_n she_o can_v live_v she_o have_v death_n in_o her_o face_n i_o will_v say_v still_o that_o every_o bit_n i_o do_v eat_v hasten_v my_o ruin_n and_o that_o i_o have_v it_o with_o a_o dreadful_a curse_n and_o what_o i_o eat_v increase_v the_o fire_n within_o i_o which_o will_v at_o last_o burn_v i_o up_o and_o i_o will_v now_o willing_o live_v out_o of_o hell_n as_o long_o as_o i_o can_v thus_o sad_o i_o pass_v that_o winter_n and_o towards_o spring_n i_o begin_v to_o eat_v a_o little_a better_o this_o spring_n in_o april_n 1666._o my_o good_a friend_n mr._n shorthose_n and_o his_o wife_n who_o company_n former_o i_o much_o delight_v in_o come_v over_o and_o when_o i_o hear_v they_o be_v come_v and_o be_v at_o their_o brother_n house_n half_o a_o mile_n off_o and_o will_v come_v thither_o the_o friday_n after_o ah_o say_v i_o that_o i_o dread_v i_o can_v endure_v to_o see_v he_o nor_o hear_v his_o voice_n i_o have_v tell_v he_o so_o many_o dreadful_a lie_n mean_v what_o i_o have_v former_o tell_v he_o of_o my_o experience_n and_o as_o i_o think_v infallible_a evidence_n of_o the_o love_n of_o god_n towards_o i_o and_o now_o believe_v myself_o to_o be_v the_o vile_a creature_n upon_o earth_n i_o can_v see_v his_o face_n and_o weep_v tender_o wherewith_o my_o aunt_n be_v much_o affect_v and_o promise_v that_o when_o he_o come_v he_o shall_v not_o see_v i_o i_o will_v have_v see_v neither_o of_o they_o but_o especial_o my_o he-cousin_n on_o the_o friday_n soon_o after_o they_o come_v in_o they_o ask_v for_o i_o but_o my_o aunt_n put_v they_o off_o till_o after_o dinner_n and_o then_o tell_v they_o she_o have_v engage_v her_o word_n they_o shall_v not_o see_v i_o and_o that_o if_o she_o once_o break_v her_o promise_n with_o i_o i_o will_v not_o believe_v she_o hereafter_o with_o such_o persuasion_n she_o keep_v they_o from_o see_v i_o but_o not_o satisfy_v they_o for_o that_o night_n mr._n shorthose_n be_v much_o trouble_v and_o tell_v his_o wife_n if_o he_o have_v think_v they_o must_v not_o have_v see_v i_o he_o will_v scarce_o have_v go_v to_o snelstone_n the_o next_o day_n they_o supp_v at_o mr._n robert_n archer_n house_n mrs._n wilson_n brother_n that_o then_o live_v in_o the_o same_o town_n where_o my_o aunt_n supp_v with_o they_o at_o the_o table_n something_o be_v say_v of_o their_o not_o see_v mrs._n allen_n but_o after_o supper_n mr._n shorthose_n and_o his_o wife_n steal_v away_o from_o the_o company_n to_o mrs._n wilson_n where_o they_o come_v in_o at_o the_o backside_n of_o the_o house_n sudden_o into_o the_o kitchen_n where_o i_o be_v but_o assoon_o as_o i_o see_v they_o i_o cry_v out_o in_o a_o violent_a manner_n several_a time_n ah_o aunt_n wilson_n have_v thou_o serve_v i_o so_o and_o run_v into_o the_o chimney_n and_o take_v up_o the_o tongue_n no_o say_v they_o your_o aunt_n know_v not_o of_o our_o come_n what_o do_v you_o do_v here_o say_v i_o we_o have_v something_o to_o say_v to_o you_o say_v they_o but_o i_o have_v nothing_o to_o say_v to_o you_o say_v i_o mr._n shorthose_n take_v i_o by_o the_o hand_n and_o say_v come_v come_v lay_v down_o those_o tongue_n and_o go_v with_o we_o into_o the_o parlour_n which_o i_o do_v and_o there_o they_o discourse_v with_o i_o till_o they_o have_v bring_v i_o to_o so_o calm_a and_o friendly_a a_o temper_n that_o when_o they_o go_v i_o accompany_v they_o to_o the_o door_n and_o say_v methinks_v i_o be_o loath_a to_o part_v with_o they_o mr._n shorthose_n have_v so_o good_a encouragement_n come_v the_o next_o day_n again_o be_v sabbath_n day_n after_o dinner_n and_o prevail_v with_o i_o to_o walk_v with_o he_o into_o a_o arbour_n in_o the_o orchard_n where_o he_o have_v much_o discourse_n with_o i_o and_o among_o the_o rest_n he_o entreat_v i_o to_o go_v home_o with_o he_o which_o after_o long_a persuasion_n both_o from_o he_o and_o my_o aunt_n i_o consent_v to_o upon_o this_o condition_n that_o he_o promise_v i_o he_o will_v not_o compel_v i_o to_o any_o thing_n of_o the_o worship_n of_o god_n but_o what_o he_o can_v do_v by_o persuasion_n and_o that_o week_n i_o go_v with_o they_o where_o i_o spend_v that_o summer_n in_o which_o time_n it_o please_v god_n by_o mr._n shorthose_n mean_n to_o do_v i_o much_o good_a both_o in_o soul_n and_o body_n he_o have_v some_o skill_n in_o physic_n himself_o and_o also_o consult_v with_o physician_n about_o i_o he_o keep_v i_o to_o a_o course_n of_o physic_n most_o part_n of_o the_o summer_n except_o when_o the_o great_a heat_n of_o the_o wether_n prevent_v i_o begin_v much_o to_o leave_v my_o dreadful_a expression_n concern_v my_o condition_n and_o be_v present_a with_o they_o at_o duty_n and_o at_o last_o they_o prevail_v with_o i_o to_o go_v with_o they_o to_o the_o public_a ordinance_n and_o to_o walk_v with_o they_o to_o visit_v friend_n and_o be_v much_o alter_v for_o the_o better_a a_o fortnight_n after_o michaelmas_n my_o aunt_n fetch_v i_o home_o again_o to_o snelston_n where_o i_o pass_v that_o winter_n much_o better_a than_o former_o and_o be_v pretty_a conformable_a and_o orderly_a in_o the_o family_n and_o the_o next_o summer_n be_v much_o after_o the_o same_o manner_n but_o grow_v still_o something_o better_o and_o the_o next_o winter_n likewise_o still_o mend_v though_o but_o slow_o till_o the_o spring_n begin_v and_o then_o i_o change_v much_o from_o my_o retiredness_n and_o delight_v to_o walk_v with_o friend_n abroad_o and_o this_o spring_n it_o please_v god_n to_o provide_v a_o very_a suitable_a match_n for_o i_o one_o mr._n charles_n hatt_n a_o widower_n live_v in_o warwickshire_n with_o who_o i_o live_v very_o comfortable_o both_o as_o to_o my_o inward_a and_o outward_a man_n my_o husband_n be_v one_o that_o true_o fear_n god_n as_o my_o melancholy_n come_v by_o degree_n so_o it_o wear_v off_o by_o degree_n and_o as_o my_o dark_a melancholy_n bodily_a distemper_n abate_v so_o do_v my_o spiritual_a malady_n also_o and_o god_n convince_v i_o by_o degree_n that_o all_o this_o be_v from_o satan_n his_o delusion_n and_o temptation_n work_v in_o those_o dark_a and_o black_a humour_n and_o not_o from_o myself_o and_o this_o god_n clear_v up_o to_o i_o more_o and_o more_o and_z according_o my_o love_n to_o and_o delight_n in_o religion_n increase_v and_o it_o be_v my_o desire_n that_o lest_o this_o great_a affliction_n shall_v be_v a_o stumbling-block_n to_o any_o it_o may_v be_v know_v see_v my_o case_n be_v publish_v that_o i_o evident_o perceive_v that_o god_n do_v it_o in_o much_o mercy_n and_o faithfulness_n to_o my_o soul_n and_o though_o for_o the_o present_a it_o be_v a_o bitter_a cup_n yet_o that_o it_o be_v but_o what_o the_o only_a wise_a god_n see_v i_o have_v need_n of_o according_a to_o that_o place_n 1_o pet._n i_o 6._o though_o now_o for_o a_o season_n if_o need_v be_v you_o be_v in_o heaviness_n through_o manifold_a temptation_n which_o scripture_n do_v much_o comfort_v i_o under_o my_o former_a affliction_n in_o my_o first_o husband_n day_n these_o promise_n which_o be_v here_o set_v down_o be_v great_a support_n and_o refreshment_n to_o i_o in_o the_o time_n of_o my_o various_a temptation_n and_o affliction_n all_o along_o till_o i_o fall_v into_o deep_a despair_n for_o from_o my_o childhood_n god_n exercise_v i_o with_o manifold_a trial_n isaiah_n xliii_o 1_o 2._o but_o now_o thus_o say_v the_o lord_n that_o create_v thou_o o_o jacob_n and_o he_o that_o form_v thou_o o_o israel_n fear_v not_o for_o i_o have_v redeem_v thou_o i_o have_v call_v thou_o by_o thy_o name_n thou_o be_v i_o verse_n 2._o when_o thou_o pass_v through_o the_o water_n i_o will_v be_v with_o thou_o and_o through_o the_o river_n james_n v._n 11._o behold_v we_o count_v they_o happy_a which_o endure_v you_o have_v hear_v of_o the_o patience_n of_o job_n and_o have_v see_v the_o end_n of_o the_o lord_n that_o the_o lord_n be_v very_o pitiful_a and_o of_o tender_a mercy_n 1_o john_n four_o 4._o you_o be_v of_o god_n little_a child_n and_o have_v overcome_v they_o because_o great_a be_v he_o that_o be_v in_o you_o than_o he_o that_o be_v in_o the_o world_n the_o end_n