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A12547 XII. mery iests, of the wyddow Edyth this lying widow, false and craftie, late i[n] Engla[n]d, hath deceiued many ... Now newly printed, this present yeare, for such as delite, mery iests for to here.; Wydow Edyth Smith, Walter, fl. 1525. 1573 (1573) STC 22870; ESTC S111031 31,018 64

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wrongfully rest Both house and lande and nothyng to her left And what so he were that of good Affection wolde her helpe the whole disposition Of her onely Doughter he should haue which is a great Heyre God her saue This Gentilman went her right To Syr Thomas Dennis a worshipfull Knight Informyng hym how that it stood With this wydow of gentle blood And how that she had a Doughter and Heire Tender of Age goodly and fayre Which should inherite successiuely Both house and lande and that good plentie And who that would helpe her to her ryght Should haue her Doughter day and nyght In honestie to vse and her selfe both whiche thyng she bound with a great Othe ¶ The Knight hearyng this euery dell Bad the gentylman no longer to dwell But walke with her and fet her Doughter And we shall commyn more hereafter Then they departed and wandred right foorth Tyl they with good speed cam both to Wainsworth And there the gentylman full well did espie How the c●ggyng queane most falsly dyd lye Then would he no lenger geue heede to her talke But bad her be packyng with a vengeance walke And neuer to come in his sight any more Syr no more I wyl not quoth she god before The second mery Iest how this liynge Wydowe Edyth made a poore man to vnthatch his House and bore him in hand she would bestow the coueryng of it with Lead and how she deceiued a Barbour makyng hym beleue she was a Wydowe and had great abundance of Richesse FRom Wainsworth than she tooke her way To liew where thē the Lord Chamberlayn lay And not far from his place a good long space In a poore mans house lodged she was And was in good credence with him in deede She seing the house couered with reede Sayd to her Hoste vpon a day Mine Host quod she next to the hye way Take ye the thak of your house a downe It is a foule sight buttyng on the towne Haue it away fast leaue the Rafters bare And for a new couering take ye no care It shal be hilled agayne ere it be long But loke ye wel that the Rafters be strong For I tell you they shall beare a great weight Hoste quod she I sweare by this light I wyll haue that end couered with Lead Came neuer such a couering ouer thy head Nor none of thy kin I may say to thee It lyeth in my Store house so mote I thee In fayre playne rolles new melt with glede My Plommer bestowed it I pray God hym spede An honest man is he and expert in that Art The selfe s●me day that he did depart A way from my house I cannot tell where Many a fayre Noble with him he did bere Her Hoste when be had hard this tale With his hands his cap he gan avale And with his knees flexed sayd vnto her there I cry you mercy Mistris what do you here In this poore cotage which is not meete for you Holde thy peace quod she for I wil not be kno What I am as yet ▪ and for consideration Go thou thy way and worke after the facion As I haue sayd looke thou speke no worde But is none of my Lords seruants at bord With you quod she nor hawnte they not heare It is lyke that they should for you haue good beere Yes quod her hoste now and then among My Lords Barbour is here with many a good song A liuely yong man I tell you full of corage Somtyme we haue here our whte Wine with borag And waters pyping hot out of the glede We chat and laugh it out so God me spede Mistresse folke must nede be mery somtyme Hoste ye say true by holy Saint Sym Quod the wydow but let vs go to dinner It is xii of the cloke and somwhat ouer Into the house they go and take refection And after they fell in further communication This yong mā that barbour as he was accustomed Came in sodenly and biddeth them God spede Welcome my guest quod the good man of that house How haue you done since we eate the sowse The last night ye remember to bedward Tut and it were a stone neuer so hard Quoth this barbour it should disgest with me For somtime when it wyll not forge I drinke a little lamp Oyle cast vp my gorge And then forth with I am as hole as a trowt But Hoste quod he what woman went out At the Dore now doe you know her well By gods body Thomas barbour I shal thee tel She is a widow of late come to towne But at al aduentures I had leuer thā my gowne Thou were sure to her for she to me sayd She is worth a. M. li. and euery man payd Besyde land I cannot tell how mych The barbour gan to claw there it did not ych Holde your peace quod he she cōmeth in againe Mistresse sayd Thomas wil it plese you to drink And be ye mery and vse not to think Me semeth it becōmeth a wel fauoured wight And namely a woman to be glad and light Yong man quod she I thank God of his lone I haue no great cause to make any mone I knowledge this that God hath indewed me An hundred folde better than I am worthye And I pray to hym that I neuer do the thing Which is contrary vnto his hye pleasyng Gods blessig haue you sayd Thomas barbour Forsooth ye speake lyke a good Cristian creature But let vs leaue al this make some good cheare Ostes fyll vs another pot with beere Quod that Barbour bid this gentilwomā welcōe Mistrisse sayd that good wife this is all some Ye be hartely welcome euen at one worde And therwith she droue the Cat of the borde And made rome for a dish or two more This wydow had vnder her chin a sore That Surgeons cal Noli me tangere Which when the barbour did espye He sayd Misterisse may I be so bolde Nay yet I will not touch it for my hand is colde I pray you what is this God saue the mark A thing quod she that I wyll take no great cark For Surgery therto for I was borne so I thank God whether I ryde or go It doth not greue me otherwise than you see And it is no great blemysh so mote I thee Quod the Barbour but a lytell eye sore Now Mistrisse do ye gladly I can no more I trust we shall make better chere then this And then he began for to coll her and kysse So long they were dalliyng both day and night Tyll eche had others their trouth yplyght whiche was the same day as I hard say That the thatch of the house was pulled away And asked they were in holy churche where Christs workemen do wurche But when he by long communication Knew her falshod and dissimulation And after he perceiued he was begyled In all the haste his wife he exyled Ratyng her with termes somthyng rude And here
the quyre had begon their song In the hye masse Bels gyn to ryng When the wydow approched to make her offering After the Gospel her purse she toke in hand And serched therin but nothin she fand A syde she cast her eye and anon was ware Of Thomas Croxton at Chelsay her first woer To whom she sayd I pray you lend me fast Some white mony that I might offer in hast Or els chaunge me a noble quod she anon Thomas Croxton looked her vpon And sayd sweet hart ye shal chaunge no Golde At this time I haue money inough holde How much wyll steede you say on le ts see Xii pence I pray you delyuer vnto me Quod she than and see it be in Grotes For I wyll offer xl pence because of reportes And I might once get home I wold not care for money When she had offered the sooth to say She romed in the Cloyster too and fro Tyll a yong man saw where she dyd go And water Smyth was this yongmans name One of her wowers and I might tell for shame A thought Water now here is good place To speake of my matter and to shew the case Now it standeth with mee and also to be playne Softly he walketh this wydow agayne And fyrst hayled her as him thought meete Then toke her in his armes and kissed her swete She knew him wel inough for he was one of thē three That I told you before dwelt in Chelsay This Water his tale gan for to tell Wydow quod he take keepe and mark well What I shal to you say without dissimulation I can no lenger mew mine hartely affection Ne inclose the secrets of my trew minde But to you I must breke trustyng ye wil be kinde Syrcūstance voydyng because I cannot suiurne Long with you at this time but I must returne From whence I come therfore to you anon Among all your suters I pretend to be one Now Wydow looke well vpon me quod he And yf you can finde in your hart to loue me As wel sweet darlyng as I loue you Than I trust there shal be such seeds isow Betwyxt vs both that it shal be principally To Gods pleasaunce and to our comfort secondly Then the Wydow answered with a smiling chere And sayd goodmā Water I pray you tel me here Whether ye meane good sadnes or els that ye iest I thinke as I speake so god my soule rest Quod Water therfore shew vnto me That I shal be excepted or els that I am not he I am a yong woer and dare not speake for shame But yet to loue vnloued ye know it is no game Troth ye say quod she I affyrme the same And if I loue you not agaī in faith I am to blāe Whē I come next to Chelsay ye shal wel find That afore all other I beare you my good mynd A Crucifyx quod she of the pure Golde Which many a day hath remayned in my holde Ye shal haue it for a token and a remembrance Thā water stode on tipto gan him self avance I thank you quod he euen with all my hart He kissed her deliciously and then dyd depart To Chelsay againe she came the same night But thā the world was chāgd al was cum to light Her substance was knowne her selfe also For Thomas Arthur that day had ridden to fro And tried her not worth the sleue lace of a gowne In all England in Cittie nor yet in towne Than well away her dyet was chaunged Her potage eke her ale were well poudred With an holsome influence that surgeons call Pouder Sinipari that wil make on cast his gall It made her stomake vnable to broke any meate Now was she cold and forthwith in an heate Her pulses beate and her collour went and come No morsell dyd she eate but now and then hum S●e was greatly 〈…〉 o lat out of frame All that 〈◊〉 at Supper had good game 〈◊〉 to b●hold and they laught all aboute Quod she for Goddes loue let me come out Let me come let me come for our Ladies sake My beir rumblytn and my hart doth ake In such wise that I know I am but dead If I haue non ayre ah good Lord my head But she was ay kept in that she could not start Tyll my Lady gan to haue pytte in her hart And for womans honestie bad that she shuld ryse But ere that tyme I am sure twyse or thryse It knockyd at the Doore to haue issued out But with great payne she made it walke about When that she was vp she got her foorth apace And er she had walkt xxx fote she marked a chase And eftsones another thrugh the Hal as she yede Her nose burst out also and gan for to bleede Into the colehouse she goth there made a draght Held her ay theron tyll she had layde her laght And whē she was of her nest one that hight Browne Cam ron̄yng in his Dublet without cote or Gowne Saying Madame Madame by the mans bones I feare me least there be fyre among your coles Howbeit I saw no lyght but a stynkyng smoke O bont Deus quod my lady get thee fast look God sheld and out lady that any recheles wight Bare thyder any Candel this present night Go loke go loke quod she in haste get thee hence Browne went him furth by the sufflemence He tryed that there was no materyall fyre He laughed sware by the soule of his Syre That one word more he could not speake for shāe Good night quod he at the best is this game Soone after the wydow came forth wel eased That Cony that cony quod she was not wel rosted That I eat at Haly well but I haue made auoydance The deuill go with all a vengeaunce I shal mend now I trust then she went to bed Her lodging was chāged there that rested her hed But she was in more honour than euer she was afore Not withstanding her gown kyrtle of her gore Was taken away and restored to the owner The massiff chaynes day night she did were And wher gret Estats were chaynes about theyr necks She had disayne to were thē on her legs But whether she he content or displeased For the space of three weeks the chaynes she wered And after in a day at a gayle deliuery She was discharged being glad and mery The. xi mery Iest how this wydow Edyth deceyued three yongmen if the Lorde Legates seruants with her great lying crakyng and boastyng of her great treasure and Iuelies TO Westminster she walked after as I trow And in the house with the pie in the wyndow She was lodged but there was no place Long for to tary considering her case Gon was her money wel neare all She had full sodenly a great fall As ye haue hard before but yet nothyng dismaid On a day to her selfe thus she sayd What should I here dwell and no peny in