Prison Thoughts WRITTEN BY Thō Browning CITIYEN AND COOK OF LONDON Who hath been a PRISONER in Ludgate ever since the Twelveth day of August 1680. Dum Spiro Spero in Deum Adjutorem meum London Printed and are to be Sold by the Author in Ludgate who is still a Prisoner there Anno 1682. To the Worshipful Geo. Dashwood Esq Dame Margeret his Wife the Lady Elizabeth Hare their Daughter John Pery Esq Mrs. Katherine Browning my Wife where ever she is and to all that are related to their Families Grace and Peace NOtwithstanding my many great Troubles I have had some retired Thoughts in my Adolescens which are here brought to publick View and do desire you to Patronize the same If you and others shall find such benefit by reading them as I have done by writing the same my ends are answered Time was when I had no Thoughts of putting my self in Print but Necessitas non habet Legem These are my first Fruits as an Offering to the World which pray accept I do intend another suddenly which perhaps may be more acceptable and sell better than this My weak Endeavours shall not be any whit wanting therein Who am Your Most Humble and Obedient Servant in the Lord Thomas Browning Nosse Teipsum Vivat Rex Curret Lex Floret Grex. Finis Coronat Opus A Coppy of a Letter sent to my Wife My Admiration IN my Fifty Eighth Letter I sent you some Verses and this is my Fifty Ninth where you may find an Epistle which pray peruse It is in vain to expect any Approbation from you having never yet received one Line in Writing from your Hand And perceiving that you are resolved neither to see nor send to me I do think that this may be the last time that I may trouble you in Writing only remember that you have abused neglected slighted and robbed a most Indulgent and loving Husband for which I pray God to give you a hearty Repentance before it be too late and there be no meanes left to help your self as likewise all those who have unlawfully and very malitiously advised against me without any Cause And if you or they have any Pretences I do hereby dare either to make them known to me or the World assuring that mine shall shortly be made known in Print with as much Severity as Truth will bear who am still you Loving though most Abused Husband Thomas Browning Prison Thoughts c OH despised despised despised rejected rejected rejected and Destroyed by you my own Dear Wife whose Name is Katherine Browning I pitty I pitty I pitty and shall not cease Praying for you Day and Night that you may be converted when you hear of Brownings Death occasioned by your meanes you may shed a tear for him if there be any Grace in you none ought to despise their own Flesh Whom God hath Joyned together let none put ader And if you had not gone from me you might have been Mistriss of our Company they have chosen an old Master this year in my stead Take heed of these dreadful Sentences You that are filthy be filthy still There remains no more Sacrifice for Sin but a fearful looking for of Judgment Fiery Indignation and fierce Anger of the Lord with a Go ye Cursed into Everlasting Fire prepared for Divels and Damn'd Spirits From which Place Good Lord deliver us My Epistle begins Few and evil have been the days of my Pilgrimage I have had for Inheritance the Months of Vanity and painful Nights have been appointed unto me and do know that hereafter is laid up for me a Crown of Righteousiness and not for me only but for all them who love the appearance of the Lord Jesus Therefore all the days of my Life will I wait as a Hireling till my Change shall come For I desire to be Dissolved and to be with Christ and do long to remove out of the Body to dwell with the Lord For I do know that if this Earthly House of my Tabernacle were destroyed I have a Bulilding given of God that is a House not made with Hands but Eternal in the Heavens Therefore I sigh desiring to be cloathed with my House which is from Heaven and I do heartily look for and do hope that in noth ng I shall be ashamed but that with all confidence Christ shall be magnified in my Body whether it be by Life or Death for whither I live it is to the Lord or whether I die it is to the Lord therefore whether I live or die I am the Lords To Him therefore be Praise and Glory for evermore I have fought a good Fight I have kept the Faith and do know in whom I have Believed and am perswaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed to his Charge Against that Day the Lord will quicken my mortal Body and make it like to his own Glorious Body Yea though after my Skin Worms destroy this Body yet I shall see God in my Flesh whom I my self shall see and mine Eyes shall behold and none other for me though my Reins be consumed within me therefore I willingly lay down my Life and commit my Soul unto God as unto my faithful Creator How excellent is thy Mercy O God therefore do I trust under the Shadow of thy Wings O blessed is the man whom thou dost choose and causest to come unto thee he shall dwell in thy Courts and shall be satisfied with the Pleasures of thine House even of thy Holy Temple thou shalt give him drink out of the Rivers of thy Pleasures for with thee is the Well of Life and in thy Light shall we see Light send me therefore thy Light and thy Truth and let thy good Spirit lead me unto the Land of Righteousness Carry me O Lord by thy Mercy and bring me in thy Strength to thy Holy Habitation Plant me in the Mountain of thine Inheritance even in the Place which thou hast prepared and the Sanctuary which thou hast Established that I may see the Goodness of the Lord in the Land of the Living Let me behold thy Face in Righteousness and let me be satisfied with thine Image for in thy Presence is the Fulness of Joy and at thy right Hand are Pleasures for evermore Into thy Hands O Lord I commend my Spirit for thou hast Redeemed it O Lord God of Truth Lord Jesus receive my Spirit The end of the upright man is Peace As many as walk according to this Rule Peace shall be upon them and upon the Israel of God Now unto Him that is able to keep us that we fall not and to present us faultless before the Presence of his Glory with Joy to God only-wise be Glory Majesty Dominion and Power both now and ever ever ever Amen Ludgate The 12th of April 1682. For my most Esteemed Mistriss Katherine Browning These This was sent to her Aunt Madam Margaret Dashwood by the hand of Mr. Joseph Steed her Nephew to
of thy Servant to sucoour me in my distress and to comfort me with thy Mercies Lord evermore feed me with this Manna and refresh me with the Springs of the Water of Life shew at all times some of thy Mercy to me that my Enemy Satan who laboureth to disquiet me may be ashamed because thou art with me always to succour me If ye will mark and consider you shall find that the Children of God in all their Temptations are not so much Doers with their Will as Sufferers against their Will this Cogitation coming in my Mind suddenly Comfort did spring in the midst of my Trouble God giving me Grace to understand that these Motions wherewith I am troubled were not so many Actions done by me for in truth I do neither like nor allow of them but as Spiritual Oppressions of my Enemy who still warreth against me sometimes with Armies of Fears sometimes with Armies of Doubtings and with Armies of unclean and wandring Motions and sometimes with Bands and Troops of Worldly Cares making Invasion upon my Soul and labouring to quench the sparks of Spiritual Life which the Lord had begun in me therefore answer for me O Lord for I suffer Violence my Enemy would oppress me but Lord my hope is ever in thee succour me with thy strength and I shall live and Lord impute not to me any of those sinful Motions which mine Enemy raiseth against me and in me to destry my Soul Consider this wisely O my Soul and remember it God that hath entred thee into this Warfare and is a Spectator and Helper will never reckon up to thee Satans Deeds for thine and learn thou wisely how to distinguish them and faint not for them but comfort thy self as long as thou art able to stand to thy Pretestation that thou dost suffer Violence in them and canst say with the Apostle This is not I but Sin that dwelleth in me O Lord deliver me from the rage of this Tyranny many a time have I looked to have been swallowed up of him but thou hast sustained me Blessed be my God for ever and the Lord be my strength to the end O Lord how can it be possible that my Soul can live here in this absense from thee or walk in the midst of these continual Snares or stand against these raging Temptations except it please thee now and then to sheâ— thy Face unto me Joseph 's State in Prison was not so heavy as mine his Temptations in Potiphar's House were not so continual as mine are And Daniel 's Fear in the midst of the Lions was no greater than mine who every day tasted of a thousand Deaths Jeremiah in a dark Dungeon was not vexed with such Horrors as dayly gather themselves together about and against me the only comfort of my Soul is in the multitude of thy Mercies thou wert with Joseph and therefore the Prison was the more pleasant to him than Potiphar 's Palace Thou wert with Daniel and therefore the raging Lions were peaceable to him O Lord be with me and increase thy strength in my Soul and it shall live though the time be not yet come that I shall appear in thy Presence and see thee yet Lord let me have in this Land of my Pilgrimage those glances of thy sweet and loving Countenance that may sustain me for thou Lord art able to let me see as much joy in thy sweet Face in one hour as may sustain me for ever and without this sight how can my Faith but fail my Hope but hover and my Life but languish Therefore O Lord hide not thy Face from my Soul for ever but as thou dost acquaint my Soul with Troubles so let me see at all times that as my Sufferings do abound in me so my Consolations may abound through Jesus Christ I know thou always beholdest me in Mercy but Lord let me see that thou look'st upon me that I may feel thy Mercies sweet unto my Soul and let me find every day by good Experience that Jesus Christ is formed in me and inable me to live a holy Life here so that I may live with thee a happy Life hereafter in thy Heavenly Kingdom for ever IF thou art Learned be also pious for Learning sanctified is an Ornament to Grace but Learning corrupted is an Advocate for the Devil Call in mind and oftentimes examine thy self arcounting thy self by thy Thoughts Words and Deeds especially after much Business Discourses Pastimes c. Silence is commendable in things that appertain not to thee to the end thou mayst the better call to mind the Sufferings of a Crucifi'd Saviour If God hath blessed thee with an Estate relieve thy Brother and so live as having little yet possessing all things for remember that Meat Drink and Cloaths are the Riches of a Christian and since Christ gave Himself for thee well mayst thou give some Fruits of thy Labour to those that are his let Death be oft-times the Subject of thy Meditations yield thy self wholly to God if thou art poor and hast nothing to requite him with but thy Prayers and thy self yet if thou givest thy self to his disposal thou then givest all thou hast the Apostles left their Ships and their Nets the poor Widdow gave only her two Mites to the Poor-mans-Box and she was preferred before a wealthy Craesus He easily disposeth all things of this World that doth but remember that he must dye In open Assemblies use not always Spiritual Things least thou shalt be thought singular except thou mayst edifie others and by thy Example stir them up to the like on all Occasions prefer the Glory of God and his Service above all things be a Comfort to the afflicted reconcile Differences visit the Sick and Imprisoned and forget not to relieve the Poor and Needy above all things have fervent Love for Love shall cover a multitude of sins fast one day in a Month or oftner if the strength of thy Body will bear it and remember to distribute thine Alms for fasting and Alms are the Wings of Prayer if Perturbations or Discontents arise in thy Mind apply thy self to Prayer go not to thy Rest in Wrath least thou givest the Common Enemy to Mankind an opportunity to surprize thee beware of inordinate Cares least you dishonour or deny God for such Cares are needless bruitish bootless and heathenish What need we care when our Heavenly Father knoweth that we have need of these things and saith Be careful for nothing but let us cast our Cares upon him for he careth for us consider the Fowls of the Air and Ravens that he feeds they toil not Which of you by taking care can add one Cubit to his Stature or Penny to his Estate for after these things the Gentiles seek repent dayly let not the Devil have the Flower of thy Age and God the Bran. The Spirit of Prayer is far more precious than Treasures of Gold and Silver Despise not the Ministers of Christ for
who is my Life shall appear I may also appear with him in Glory O help me to walk as an Adopted Son of the mighty Majesty of Heaven and Earth the Holy God as an Adopted Brother to the Holy Jesus my Loving Saviour Mighty Redeemer and the Captain of my Salvation as one that is in fellowship with God the Holy Ghast the Blessed Spirit my Mighty Comforter dayly Sanctifier and â—reserver Oh help me to walk as one that is in Communion with and related unto the most Holy and Blessed Trinity Let me never turn to Folly more nor dare to sin any more nor dishonour my Heavenly Relations but help me to walk worthy of the Price of my High-Calling pressing hard to the Mark adorning my Profession walking in all Well-pleasing daily growing in Grace from strength to strength til I shall appear in Zion in perfect beauty in Glory make me to persevere be constant and faithful to the death that so I may receive a Crown of Life Righteousness and Glory that fadeth not away To that end purpose O God wean me from the World take off my Affections from all perishing Vanities make me Heavenly Minded whil'st I am about Earthly Business let my Conversation be above where the Lord Jesus sitteth at thy Right-hand making Intercession for me let me be in earnest for thy Honour and Glory and the Salvation of my Immortal Soul O let me be upon the Wing Heavenward and carry me on upon Divine Principles help me to strive to enter into the Streight Gate Narrow is the Way that leads to Life and few there be that find it Broad is the Way that leads to Destruction and many there be that go in thereat and if the Righteous â—hall scarce be Saved where shall the Sinners and Vngodly appear Come Holy Ghost Eternal God Proceeding from the Father and Son take Possession of my Soul throw down all the Strong-holds of Sin and Satan bring me over unto a Universal Obedience in all Things to thy Heavenly Will O that my Ways were directed to keep thy Commandments then shall I not be ashamed when I have respect unto all thy Holy and most Righteous Laws which are not grievous as Flesh and Blood the World and Devils would perswade me thy Ways are Peace thy Paths Pleasantness in thy Presence is Fulness of Joy and at thy Right-hand are Rivers of Pleasures for evermore then let it be the joy of my Heart and rejoycing of my Soul to do thy Will help me to hate the Garment that is spotted with the Flesh shed abroad a Divine Love into my Heart and lay a Holy Constraint upon me to please thee in all Things O make me consider what great Things the Lord hath done for me who was once a Child of Wrath a Firebrand of Hell Heir to Eternal Death and Damnation but now by the Grace of God in Jesus Christ am become an Heir to an Eternal and Glorious Kingdom O let me be led unto it which way my Heavenly Father pleaseth it being assured to me by the great Charter of Heavenprecious Promises sealed by the Blood of Jesus the New Name and the White Stone O make me to know what the Lord hath done for my Soul and Body my Soul is Redeemed from Hell and my Body from the Grave and both Body and Soul from Eternal Damnation and all by the Blood of my Jesus and my Vile Body shall be made a Glorious Body and my Mortality shall put on Immortality be swallowed up in Life and I shall be a Co-heir with my Blessed Jesus O what shall I render unto the Lord for all his Benefits help me to take the Cup of Salvation and praise the Name of the Lord let me speak to thy Praise and live to thy Praise let my Heart be inlarged to shew it forth in my Generation and let it be Matter of Eternal Praises in the Heavenly Quire when I shall there be joyned with Saints Angels Arch-Angels Cherubiens Seraphims the Spirits of Just Men and Women made perfect all the Heavenly and Celestial Host to sing Hallelujahs and a New Song unto thy Divine Majesty for thy Love in Jesus Christ and in the mean time be pleased to accept of a Morning Sacrifice which thy poor Creature doth desire to offer up in Praise at this time with all humble sincerity most earnestly begging the Assistance of thy Grace blessed be thy Name for keeping me all my Days for my Creation Preservation and above all for ever ever ever blessed be thy Name for the Lord Jesus Christ the Fountain of all my Mercies and through whom I have comfortable Hope and Assurance of Eternal Salvation O let Christ be formed more and more in me and blessed be thy Name for all Temporal Favours for keeping me the Night past for refreshing me with the Comforts of Rest and Sleep and hast kept me from all sad Accidents when thou mightest have made my Bed my Grave and my Sleep my Death but blessed be thy Name whose Compassions never fail thy poor Creature who hast raised me this Morning in good Condition of Health Strength Mind and Memory and being thus brought to the beginning of this day defend me O Lord in the same by thy Almighty Power grant that I may fall into no Sin nor run into any kind of Danger but that all my Doings may be ordered by thy Governance to do that which is righteous in thy Sight through Jesus Christ O Lord have mercy upon thy whole Church inlarge the Kingdom of Grace hasten the Kingdom of Glory send forth thy Word with thy Power thorow the whole World propagate the Gospel and hasten the Kingdom of Glory remember thy Antient People the Jews bring in the Fulness of the Gentiles give the Heathen for thy Sons Inheritance and the utmost Parts of the Earth for his Possession let all Kingdoms of the World become the Lord Christs and let every Scepter submit to his Royal Scepter that the Earth may be filled with the Knowledge of the Lord as the Waters cover the Sea and be gâ—atiously pleased to bless this Sinful Nation of England pardon our Crying Sins heal our Breaches compose our Differences give us a true Repentance and Amendment of Life and be merciful unto us O Lord save the King pour down the choisest of thy Blessings upon his Head and Heart make his Life long his Reign prosperous keep him from the hands of his Enemies let his Life be prerious in thy Sight give him Wisdom and Courage from above make him as an Angel of God to go in and eut before the People over whom thou hast set him and when thou shalt put an end to his Mortal Life Crown him in thy Everlasting Kingdom in Glory Bless him in his Royal Relations our Gracious Queen Katherine James Duke of York and aâ—l â—he Royal Family endue them with thy holy Spirit inrich them with thy Heavenly 〈◊〉 prosper them with all Happiness and bring them to thy Everlasting Kingdom Bâ— pâ—easâ—â—â— to bless all our Privy-Councellors Rulers and Judges teach our Senators Wisdom and the true Fear of the Lord make them Zealous for thy Honour and Glory the Advancement of true Religion Piety and Vertue the Honour and Safety of the King and Kingdom Bless all the Magistrates of this Realm give them Grace to execute Justice and maintain Truth and be pleased to pour down a double Portion of thy Blessings upon the Ministers of thy Word and Sacraments the Clergy of this Land by what Names or Titles soever they are dignified or distinguished make them found in their Doctrine and Exemplar in their Lives let them shine like Stars in the Firmament and let their Light so shine besore Men that seeing their good Works others may glorifie thee the Heavenly Father and O Lord look down in much Mercy upon all Degrees of Men Women and Children of this Nation grant that we may all live in thy Faith and Fear in due Obedieuce and Loyalty to the King and his Laws and in Brotherly-Love and Affection to one another O Lord bless all my Relations especially my Wise and Child pardon their Sins and save their Souls make them near and dear unto thy self season their tender Years with thy Grace and Fear be their satiable good in every Condition and if it be thy blessed Will bring us together again that we may Serve thee better than sormerly we have done and if it shall seem good unto thee O Lord find out a way for my Deliverance out of Prison not mine but thy Will be done O God I have found that thy Service is perfect Freedom and thy Favour is better than Life help me to order my Conversation aright that I may see more of thy Salvation let my ways please thee that my Enemies may be at Peace with me however let all tend to the purging out of Sin making me more fit to enjoy Communion with thee here and eternally hereafter vouchsafe O Lord to keep me this day without Sin keep me in thy Fear diâ—ert me in thy Truth let thy Spirit lead me that I may not offend with my Tongue let me be silent rather than sin and never repine at thy Providence fit me for my future Being make me mindful of Death and let me always have the Assurance of thy Favour which is better than Life G God whose Nature and Property is ever to have Mercy and to forgive receive my humble Petitions and though I am tied and bound with the Chain of my Sin yet let the great pittifulness of thy Mercy loose me for the Honour of my Advocate and Mediator Jesus Christ to whom with thee O Father thy Holy and Blessed Spirit be ascrided and given from the bottom of my Heart and from all Creatures all possible Honour Glory Power Praise Might Majesty Adoration Dominion and what-ever can be Imagined or expressed from this time forth and for evermore Amen Our Father which art in Heaven Hallowed be thy Name Thy Kingdom come Thy Will be done in Earth as it is in Heaven c. FINIS
Sin and was he again so loving that when he saw them humbled his Affections were inflamed and compelled him to reveal himself unto them And thinkest thou that I am less wise and loving in dealing with mine I gave at first sharp Answers to the Petitions of that Woman of Canaan and so will I sometimes seem to deal roughly with those whom I love and to be angry even with their Prayers but in the end I will make my Love manifest to them and with my endless Mercies embrace them The Soul Suffer me once again Lord to speak that thou mayst answer me and I shall complain no more If we saw that such were our Dispositions as thy most Holy Word doth require in us then should thy Comforts rejoyce us But alas How far am I from that which I should be my strength is infeebled therefore do my inordinate Affections oftentimes overcharge me If I turn me to pray I cannot for the hardness of my heart the contrite Spirit the melting heart and mourning Eye are gone from me If I seek Comfort in thy Word I find it not I am troubled also with doubtings Armies of Fears and Terrours are against me and all through the weakness of my Faith and partly for want of that Light which should inform me my Infidelity abateth me to think that thy Visitations came from thine anger and causeth me to answer the Errours of my Conscience as if they were just Accusations and partly for want of that apprehending and applying Vertue that is in Faith I am spoiled of my Comfort that thy Word hath offered unto me Therefore O Lord have pitty on the desolate State of my poor Soul The Lord Let not my Beloved the consideration of thy Wants Defects and Imperfections discourage thee remember that the measure of my Grace which I have given to my Saints upon Earth I have called it an Earnest-Penny and First Fruits of the Spirit to tell them that what ever Grace they have gotten it is nothing in comparison of that which they will get seek not that therefore in Earth which I have resolved no ways to give it thee till thou dost come to Heaven Thy Blessedness in this Life stands not in a saciety and full injoying of that which thou wouldst have in a hungring and thirsting for it If I had pronounced them happy and blessed that are now satisfied with righteousness then thy wants might have most justly discouraged thee but I called them blessed that hunger If thou therefore dost follow after Sanctification and art weary of the servitude of thy sins if thou shouldst seek comfort in my Word and couldst sind none of these at the first as thou wouldst yet remember that I have promised to fulfil the Desires of those that fear me if it doth grieve thee that thou canst not pray at all times alike remember that my Children are often times ill Judges of themselves and that their Estate is not always to be measured by their feeling for many Prayers may be made by them to me by my Spirit with sighs and sobs that they themselves are not able to express yet are known to me and are like loud crying Voices which I cannot but answer The Soul Oh my Soul content thee with the Lords Dispensations and doubt not but all thy Wants and Desires that are holy shall once be satisfied remember how careful thy Saviour was of the People that followed him I have compassion saith he on these People because they have nothing to eat they have continued with me already three days I will not let them depart fasting least they faint by the way O most sweet and comfortable Speeches they seek not from him and he is careful to give them If he was so careful to satisfie their bodily Necessities will be neglect the Spiritual Necessities of his own chosen Ones they followed him three days and he counted it a long time they are to go from Him and he feareth lest they should faint Oh my distrustful Soul wilt thou once learn to trust in the Mercies of thy God assuredly Will not he satiate thee who seeks Him Will not he answer thee who cryes unto Him Will he not care for thee who hast waited upon Him not only three days but many Years And will he let thee faint in following of Him who would not let them faint in going from Him O sweet Savour happy are those that trust in thee Lord therefore inerease my Faith in thee that nothing may ever be able to sunder me from thee The Lord As for the weakness of thy Faith which I see is the ground of all thy trouble it proceedeth either from the want of knowledge or else from the want of Application It is indeed a special benefit to have the Mind enlightned with true Light seek therefore my Light to shine into thee by continual Prayer and scarching the Scriptures that thou be not troubled with the Errour of Conscience as if it were a just Accusation I have set Conscience indeed to be a Warner unto thee but then shalt thou take heed to her Warnings when they are warranted by my Word if the errour of Conscience terrifie thee in any thing and make thee think that thy Crosses and Visitations do come from mine anger go and inform Conscience better by my Word remember Whom I chastise I love And when I chastise thee I am not seeking satisfaction to my Justice what marvel such Thoughts disquiet many Consider I pray thee that notable Promise of mine made to my Servant David and in him to all the rest of my Saints If they break my Statutes I will visit their Transgressions with Rods yet my Loving Kindness will I not take from them neither alter my Covenant for ever The Soul Oh Word full of Comfort my Soul forget it never that when his Rods are laid upon thee yet his Loving Kindness is not taken from thee and though thy Transgressions be many yet will he not alter his Covenant with thee remember it I say that it thy trouble thou give no more place to the Misconceptions of Gods Workings with thee as Godly Job thought in his trouble that the Lord was pursuing him for his Sins and made him possess the Iniquities of his Youth which as yet appears by the Course of that History was not the Lords Intention So have I thought many times that the heavy Hand of the Lord laid on me had proceeded from his Wrath as if he had shut up his Mercy in displeasure for ever but Lord let thy Mercy and Light abide with me that I sin no more with such distrustful Motions against thee and now Lord speak on further to thy Servant for thy Comforts have refreshed me and rejoyeed my Soul The Lord As for the weakness of thy Faith which I see is the ground of all thy trouble it proceedeth either from the want of Knowledge or else from the want of Application It is indeed a special benefit to
and turn to dust then after Death there is no Repentance this is the Opportunity of Life the Day of Grace and Salvation which if neglected I can never have another it is therefore of everlasting Concernment to improve the present Opportunity because it is appointed for all Men and Women once to dye and then to Judgment and as Death leaves Judgment will find as the Tree falls so it lies there is neither Desire nor Invention in the Grave where I am going O Lord thou hast been very merciful to preserve me in the Calamities of Fire and hast wonderfully Protected and Provided for me ever since and thou hast been merciful to me indeed to preserve me against my own Will. I am a Living Monument of thy Mercies a Brand snatcht out of the Burning Flame thou hast given me my Life for a Prey and I have not lived to thy Praise but like a Vile Wretched Vuworthy and most Vngrateful Creature I have sinned against thee both in Thought Word and Deed. The Sins of my Thoughts have been more than I can think those of my Words more than I am able to express and the Sins of my Deeds have been innumerable my Life hath been an Act of open Rebellion against thee I am guilty of Sins by Omission Commission Ignorance and Wilful Disobedience Having left undone those Things which I ought to have done and committed those Things whith I ought not to have done I have sinned against Heaven Thee my Relations and against the Motions of thy Blessed Spirit having made a Shew of Godliness I have denyed the Power of it and have called upon the Name of Christ but have not departed from Iniquity I have given evil example unto others by living conâ—rary to what I have Professed and have quenched and grieved the Mations of thy Holy Spirit which should have sealed me up unto the day of Redemption I have Committed all Impieties with Greediness and have aggravated my Transgressions with hanious Circumstances for I have sinned not only against the Law but against the Gospel not only Ignorantly but Wilfully and very presumptiously against the Checks of my Conscience and the Light of Nature insomuch that my own Heart doth condemn me and thou art greater knowing all Things I have abused thy Mercies despised thy Judgments and turned thy very Graces into Wantonness insomuch that my Iniquities are gone over my Head and my Sins have covered me I have nothing to plead for my self but Guilty Guilty Guilty of the Breach of all thy most Holy and Righteous Laws I have forfited my Right to all that is Good have made my self liable to all Evils both Temporal Spiritual and Eternal it is even a Miracle of Mercy that I had not long ago been taken off in my Sin and for my Sins and have been made so Hellfull as I have been sinful and have had my Portion given me with Hyppocrites Vnbelievers and those that loveth and maketh a Lye in that Lake which burns with Fire and Brimstone there to be tormented with Devils and Damned Spirits for evermore that instead of praying unto thee and calling on thy Nâ—â—e in Mercy I am not howling amongst the Damn'd in an irrecoverable State that thy Patience is not ended toward me and the Dâ—or of Grace shut everlastingly against me thou mightest justly long ago have said unto me I would have healed thee and thou wouldst not I would have Saved thy Soul but thou hast despised my Salvation I would have made thee happy and thou hast refused therefore thou that art filthy be filthy stâ—ll there remains no more Sacrifice for Sin but a fearful looking for of Judgment Fiery Indignation and the Fierce Anger of the Lord the Most Mighty God therefore go thou Cursed into Everlasting Fire prepared for the Devils and their Angels It had been but just with thee O Lord thus to have dealt by me and thou mightest have Glorified thy Justice in my Just Condemnation and Eternal Damnation but there is Mercy with thee that thou mayst be feared and thy tender Mercies are over all thy Works and Mercy pleaseth thee it is because thy Compassions fail not that I am not consumed O what shall I say unto thee thou Preserver of Men Whether shall I go or to whom shall I fly 'T is thou alone that hast the words of eternal Life and there is nâ— Name under Heaven by whom I can be Saved but by the Name of Jesus Christ and 't is against thee O Father thee O Holy Jesus thee O Holy Blessed Spirit that I have sin'd against the Holy and Blessed Trinity in Vnity and Vnity in Trinity Jesus Christ was wounded for my Transgressions that by his Stripes I 〈◊〉 be healed and I have wounded him afresh by my Sins Tâ—e Chast sement of my Peace hath been upon his Shoulders and he that knew no Sin was made a Curse unto Sin for me that I might be made the Righteonsness of God in him He was pierced thorow with many Sorrows and his precious Side was pierced with a Sphear and his most precious Blood was spilt that my Soul might be Eternally Saved and I have pierced him again by my Sins Jesus was Crucified and dyed the bitter and Cursed Death of the Cross that I might be Blessed and Everlastingly Saved and I have Crucified the Lord of Life afresh have put him to open shame O help me to look upon him whom I have pierced and mourn over him that I may be in bitterness of Spirit and gâ—ieve because I cannot grieve enough for my Sins and because I have grieved the Motions of thy Holy Spirit Oh work in me a hatred of all sin which is the cause of all Evil and help me to avoid the very Appearance of it O Lord thou hast given some Encouragement for poor penitent Sinners to come unto thee and graciously invited them saying Come unto me all ye that are weary and heavy Laden and I will give you Rest seek and ye shall find knock and it shall be opened unto you call upon me in the Day of Trouble and I will hear thee and deliver thee and thou shalt glorifie me Oh Lord I come I seek I call I cry beseeching thee for Jesus Christ his sake to let me find rest unto my Soul Open unto me the Gates of Salvation and be ye opened ye Everlasting Gates that the King of Glory may come in and deliver me from the Intollerable Burthen of my Sins Help me to Glorifie thee here that I may be Glorified with thee to all Eternity Lord thou hast promised that Thou wilt not break the Bruised Reed nor quench the smoaking Flax nor despise the day of small Things but hast mercifully stiled thy self to be a God hearing Prayers and none of the Sons of Jacob ever sought thy Face in vain And thou hast graciously declared thy self to be the Lord Merciful Gratious of Patience and great Goodness who pardoneth Iniquity Transgressions and
have the Mind enlightned with true Light seek therefore my Light to shine into thee by continual Prayer and searching of the Scriptures that thou be not troubled with the errour of Conscience as if it were a just Accusation Now concerning the weakness of thy Faith in the Apprehension and Application of my Promises remember that I am He that Will not break the bruised Reed nor quench the smoaking Flax. What smaller thing is there than a grain of Mustard-seed Albeit if the measure of thy Faith were no more yet have I not excluded it from the participation of my Promises A loving Father will delight to be holden by the hand of his Children and knowest thou not that as a Father spareth his Son so will the Lord spare them that fear Him Hast thou not read that although the Faith of my Servant Jacob was very weak as thou mayst perceive by the great fear he conceived of his Brother Esau yet his weak Faith was able to hold me till I blessed him Be not therefore discouraged for although thou canst not lay hold of me by the hand of strong Faith if thou canst but touch the Hem of my Garment with thy finger thou shalt draw vertue out of me Consider also with thy self that the Faith of my Children is never greater than when their feeling is weakest and least perceived It is easie for every one to believe in the midst of great Feelings and unspeakable Joys but when a man can feel no sensible Comfort in me and yet believe and trust in me and still believe and wait on me for Comfort certainly the Faith of that man is great and such was the Faith of my Servant who in his greatest troubles gave me this answer Albeit thou shouldst slay me O Lord yet both against Sence and Feeling will I trust in thee And did not also that Woman of Canaan with an invincible Faith cleave to my Mercy even then when she had no feeling of Mercy and I gave her no favourable answer For which in the end I called her Faith a great Faith The Soul O my Saviour thou art the Strength whereby I stand in Temptations Cursed be he that would make my Soul to conceive wrongfully of thee Be merciful O Lord unto me and never let the malice of my Enemies prevail over me Sweet Jesus keep the Heart that through thy own Grace would fain keep thee And now my Soul remember that this is but the time of Fighting the time of Triumphing will come Why then shall the continuance of these restless Assaults disquiet thee If thou hadst never been Victorious but once in all thy Life time yet what Mercy had it been that the Lord in the midst of the Battle should make thee to Triumph But thou canst not deny but that many joyful Victories now and before hath the Lord given thee Therefore my Soul rejoice and return to thy former rest for the Mighty God hath been beneficial unto thee and account every one of these Temporal Victories to be a Pledge to thee of the full and final Victory that once thou shalt enjoy over all thine Enemies when the God of Peace shall tread Satan under thy Feet O Lord if such Comforts be in the Cross what is in the Crown And if thou givest us such Joy when thou takest us into thy Hand to correct us with thy Rod Lord what wilt thou make us to find when thou shalt imbrace us in thy Arms and kiss us with the Kisses of thy Mouth Oh that these Feelings might ever abide with me What trouble would not be easie when thy Comforts are present Surely O Lord all trouble vanisheth so soon as thou dost begin to glace upon my Soul Therefore O my Love my Light my Life my Joy my Crown my Glory my Strength my Help in time of need stand thou on my side and I will not fear what mine Enemies can do unto me O happy time that I ever knew thee blessed be the Name of the Lord for evermore O Enemy Satan albeit thy Enmity be trouble some unto me yet I thank my God through Jesus Christ that thou art against me and that he hath put me in the Warfare to fight against thee when I consider that in Paradice the Lord proclaimed irreconciliable Enmity between thee and my Blessed Saviour the Seed of the Woman Christ Jesus I account my Hope happy that thou art against me and that Grace is given unto me to fight against thee for thereby I know that I am none of thine but I do stand on that Side whereof Christ is the Captain all his Saints are Souldiers and the Victory is most certain O deceitful Serpent if I have found such Errour arising of those Sins which foolishly I did by thy Inticements what should I have found if I had followed thee in all the rest From which the Lords preventing Mercy did keep me I have learned by Experience that thou art a faithless false Traytor thou dost tempt a man to Sin and then for the same Sin that he did by thy Instigation thou art the first that doth accuse him The Lord confirm this good Purpose of my Heart that I never hearken any more to thy lying Words and suffer not my Soul to be circumvented by thy lying Snares which are deceitful And as for the Work of my Salvation seeing it is a Work that my God will work in despite of thee wherefore shall I regard thy Testimony Thou didst put in question Whether my Saviour were the Son of God And what marvel if thou dost say to his Children that they are none of his Is there any Truth so undoubted but thou darest deny it at any time Why shall I therefore at any time enter into a disputing with thee any more My Salvation standeth not in thy questioning nor in my answering but in the Lords unchangeable Decree of Election if thou shoulst speak for me yet should I not be the better neither if thou speakest against me am I the worse When thou didst confess that Jesus was the Son of God he rebuked thee and thought it not Honour to Him for to have thy Testimony When thou didst cry out that Paul and Silas were the Servants of the Most High God albeit thou spakest the Truth yet did they not accept of thy Testimony So although thou wouldst say to me that I am not the Elect Child of God shall I think my self ever the more unsure for that and if on the contrary thou shouldst deny it I am therefore the more sure of my Salvation Speak what thou wilt thou art always a Lyar like thy self as thou hast been from the Beginning Cursed of the Lord art thou in all thy ways and with all thy Confederates Cursed are all they that are in Friendship with thee And Blessed for ever be the Lord who hath delivered me from all thy Deceit and Tyranny Blessed be thou O Lord that it hath pleased thee to visit the base Estate
Christ is the Word and they are his Ambassadors of it God requireth we should mortifie our Lusts for Prayer without that is the Service of a Hypocrite Sin bringeth shame and sorrow but Pity hath the portion of everlasting Joys Let us cloath our selves with everlasting Righteousness it is the safest Armour against the Darts of Satan The two Roads that lead to Heaven are Innocence and Repentance Sin is the Christians greatest Sore and Repentance the surest Salve Who then would want the rare Jewel of Repentance since if ye seek ye shall find Thy Soul is Spiritual thy Body is Flesh make not then Flesh of thy Spirit for an habitual Familiarity with corrupt Lusts perverts it into the basest Flesh God hath made Man a lovely Creature do not thou make thy self a Monster he dignifies thee at first to glorifie thee at last Then let not Carnality deprive thee of thy Blessings with thy Sins God will not own thee if thou lust thou hast lost the sense of Honour and Glory study to recover it by Grace thy Soul is Immortal and cannot dye thy Body is Mortal and must dye let not thy Body then be preferred before thy Soul which hath but a Lease for Life then let not a moment be preferred before Eternity study not to satisfie thy Body and neglect the Salvation of thy most precious Soul It is madness to seek the welfare of the Body and thereby Eternally to ruine both Body and Soul for so the Immortal is made most damnably Mortal and dies to Bliss and the Mortal miserably Immortal and ever living to Wo remember thy Soul is the Noble Part of humane Nature wherefore to set thy Affections on Earth is infinitely below thee Such is thy Nobility thy Arms are thy Mind and thy Will which were created to embrace Mercy Truth Justice Charity c. With all the Vertues of a Heavenly Life thy Body is Servant to thy Soul let it tread upon the Earth for that is likewise its Subject let not then the Soul which is the Sovereign of the Body set its Heart upon that Earth on which its Subject sets its Foot In thy Soul is the Image of God let it not be stained then with the similitude of a Beast let Reason not Sence divert thee a rational Will not the Appetite of a Bruit he that lives a negligent and careless Life does what he can to out do the Devil in his own undoing for God hath given him Reason and his depraved Nature acts against it If thou wouldst be in Eternal Bliss act like Man but appear like God for Heaven hath no room for Beasts of the Earth a wicked Spirit hath deformed thee let a Holy Spirit transform thee every Child of God should maintain his Fathers Likeness that he may enjoy his Inheritance Thy Soul is the Spouse of God the great Creator is its Husband no Creature is worthy to be thy Match or Mate then consult thy Honour if thou lovest the World and imbracest the Earth canst thou hate Adultery with men and be an Adultress to God let not a Strumpet stand in thy sight but especially suffer not thy Heart to run after Vanity a whoring if thou fallest into evil Company that shall court thee let not the Devil woo thee O my Soul thou Beloved above all Creatures that hast God for thy Husband Heaven for thy Dowry and Earth for thy Service suffer not Hell to be thy Pander to dote upon the World let thy Heart be a Habitation for God and Heaven thy Soul is the Lord of thy Body take then thy Bodies Homage not thy own ruine let thy Soul act the Will of God command the will of thy Body to act thine let not thy Body be thy God lest thou be a Devil to thy self thy Soul is an Angels Peer let it not be a Companion for Satan let not thy Lordship be sold for Slavery and Misery if thou maintainst not thy Right Hell must be thy Harbour Torments thy Terrour and wicked Spirits thy Company Thy Soul under God is the supream Sovereign of thy Body be not then a Subject to thy Subject let not the Law of the Members be the Law of the Mind for the Senses are Handmaids to the Soul and she is the Princess of Heaven thy Soul is a free-born Child of Eternity Heir of Immencity the Daughter of Almighty God who is beyond all the Bounds of Time and Being to whom then oughtst thou to pay thy Duty but to him alone thy Body is but a Prison to the Soul thou art inclosed in the Wall of Mud and Gates of Sense Can there be more pleasure in a Prison than in a Pallace Shall a bodily restraint be preferred before the Spirits Liberty Canst thou count thy Bondage to be thy Bliss Are Chains of Iron to be esteemed before the Treasures of Gold Are Fetters better than Freedom Earth is but a Jayl to Heaven then be not so rash as to prize thy Jayl before thy Liberty and Delivery least thou art cast into the Jayl from whence there is no Redemption It is most just that the Soul which prizeth the Devils Chain before Gods Liberty should have the Devils Prison instead of Gods Pallace and be for ever his Slave in Hell that would not be Gods Servant for a Time on Earth Then O thou Beloved Dove of God fly to thy Coelestial Home belime not thy Spiritual Wings with slime and mudd in Heaven is thy Treasure and where canst thou sind more Treâ—sures to invite thee Be not like the Crow to feed upon Carâ—â—on or like the Blind Beetle to place thy Blessedness in Boggs Make not sale of thy self to buy a Jayl when thou partest with a Pallace for the purchase and becomest a Familiar to Bolts and Shacles thy Soul is Gods Jewel and thy Body is the Casket then keep thy Body clean that thy Soul may be the better preserved it is a bright Diamond of Heaven a spark of the very Divinity and a Ray of the Divine Glory set for a time in the Foil of the Flesh til it pleaseth God to take it to himself and keep it for ever in his Cabinet O let not thy Soul that transparent Diamond be an Ornament for the Devils Finger when it may sit at the Right Hand of God where there are Pleasures for evermore Thy Soul is the Purchase of Christ and bought with no less than the Blood of the Only Begotten Son of God then sell not that for a Trisle which cost thy Saviour so great a Price It is better to enjoy the Riches of Eternity than to purchase that which is but Vanity for a moment If thy Body be distempered then thou requirest Phisick if it be wounded thou sendest for a Chirurgeon if naked it must have Cloaths and if hungred it must have Food for these thou shouldst depend upon God for he knoweth all these Things are necessary and will give so much as is convenient of them to thee But
when thy poor Soul is sick of Sin hath wounds of the Spirit is stript of its Innocence and starved for Grace no Regard is given thereunto not considering that though thou usest humane Helps yet it is God that gives the Blessing and is the Phisitian both of Soul and Body That Soul which acts the Part of a faithful Servant to the Lord shall have a double Reward the Crown of a Saint and of a Sufferer The Soul is Spiritual but Sin makes it Carnal the Soul is Immortal sin is the Death of the Soul and being contaminated therewith it makes us die unto Grace and to live in Grief the Soul is noble but sin makes it ignobleâ— the Soul is Lord but sin inslaves it the Soul is Soveraign sin brings it into subjection the Soul is God-like sin makes it beastial the Soul is the Spouse of God sin makes it the Strumpet of the Devil the Soul is the Jewel of God sin casts it into the Devils Fire the Soul is a Free-born Citizen of Heaven sin keeps it in perpetual Imprisonment the Soul is Gods Purchase sin cheats God of his due and the Soul of Eternal Bliss Wouldst thou be truely perfect Love God with all thy Heart and thy Neighbour as thy self Let thine Eye be always upon God and thy self and thou shalt never see him without Goodness nor thy self without Miseryâ— none shall see God so much as he is visible neither shall any love God so much as he is amiable He that doth not covet to love God more and more can never love him enough to whom God is all in all the World and all the Delights of it ought to be nothing at all Let us be what God will so we be but his and let us not be what we will our selves against the Will of God In the Service of God there is nothing little enough to be rejected And to meditate much upon God is good but the Souls great Advancement is Vertue and it consists in much loving of him he to whom alone is pleasing is displeased at nothing but that which displeaseth God in Divine Matters a generous Soul finds greatest Contentment in believing things most difficult all our Actions take their value from their Conformity to the Will of God Love and Suffering are the greatest Duties we owe to God they being the two Causes for which he dyed for us he that neglects his own Will complies best with Gods Will. So love thy Neighbour here upon Earth as thou mayst enjoy his Love in Heaven thou canst not love thy Neighbour too much but thou mayst make too much shew of thy Love to him one great Argument of our Love to our Neighbour is to bear with his Imperfections we should never endure to hear any more evil spoken of him than of our selves we should never undervalue any Person the Workman loveth not that his Work should be despised in his Presence especially wherefore beware for God is present every where and every Man and Woman in the World are his Work It is a Spiritual Injustice to desire co know the Secrets of others and to conceal our own We ought not to love our Neighbour only because he is good or because we hope he will be so but because God hath commanded us so to do In holy Duties we should speak little think much and do more it is a great evil not to do good the Just man never dies unprepared for he is prepared for Death who perseveres in Justice to the End Confidence in an unfaithful man in time of trouble is like a brooken Tooth or a Foot out of Joynt as he that taketh away a Garment in cold weather and as Vinegar is upon Nitre so is he that singeth Songs to one that hath a heavy Heart it is no shame to be poor though some count it acrime Nature brought us so into the World and so we must return dost thou want things that are necessary grumble not perchance it was necessary thou shouldst want them however if thou seekest them let it be by a lawful Remedy or Meanes If God do not bless thy Endeavours yet do thou bless him that knoweth what is best for thee Thou art God's Patient prescribe not to thy Physiâ—ian art thou caluminated examine thy own Conscience if thou findest it spotted thou hast a just Correction if not guilty thou hast a very fair Instruction use both and so shalt thou distill Honey out of Gall and make to thy self a secret Friend of an open Enemy if thy Enemy be hungry give him Bread if thirsty give him Drink thou thereby shalt heap Coals of Fire upon his Head and a Reward into thy own bosom Charity makes God our Debtor for the Poor are his Receivers Hast thou an Estate wouldst increase it devide thy Riches to the Poor these Seeds that are scattered do bring forth their Increase but such as are hoarded up they dye Correction without Instruction makes the Master a Tyrant and the Servant a Novice That man is a compleat Conquerour that can subdue his own Passions faithful are the wounds of a Friend but the Kisses of an Enemy are deceitful Arm thy self against a profest Adversary but he that dissembleth Frindship strikes beyond a Caution and wounds above a Cure from the one thou mayst deliver thy self but from the other Good Lord deliver thee A man that flatttreth his Neighbour spreadeth a Net for his feet the Touchstone tryeth Gold and Gold tryeth Men virtue must be the guide of all Qualities otherwise the Professors thereof are undone As the Servants of God are known by their two Vertues Humiliation and Charity so the Servants of the Devil are known by their opposite Vices Pride and Cruelty The best way to keep good Acts in memory is to refresh them with new ones to boast is but vain since the greatest Conquerour is but the measure of his own shadow and shall find it no longer than it was before his Victory believe not Soothsayers for Prophecies are never understood till they are accomplished The World is a wide Prison and every Day is an Execution day our Stomacks are very common Sepulchres of Birds Beasts Fish they all die to feed us Lord with how many Deaths are our Lives patcht up and how full of Death is the whole Life of Man beware of too much Drink where Drunkenness is and doth reign Reason is banished into Exile Vertue is made a Stranger and God himself is become an Enemy Blaspemies are accounted Wit and Oaths are Rhetorick and Secrets are made open Proclamations Whosoever will arrive at a new Life must pass by the old Death of the old he that is truly humbled never thinks himself wronged the good Man is well contented with a moderate Estate not so much taking notice of those that have more as those that have less in this World than himself He that most mortifies his natural Inclinations receiveth most Spiritual Inspirations to shun the accidental Troubles
of this Life is to meditate often upon Eternity It 's the great misfortune of man to desire those things which he should only use To have a desire not to be poor to receive the Inconveniences of it is too great Ambition for it is to desire the Honour of Poverty the Commodity of Wealth There is no way happily to end a true Spiritual Life better than dayly to begin it He that would have a Part with Jesus glorified must first take part with Christ crucified we should live in this present Evil World as if our Souls were in Heaven and our Bodies in the Grave In the death of our Passions consists the Life of our Souls It is not Humility to acknowledge our selves miserable that is only to be a Beast but it is Humility to desire that others should esteem us so There is no reason to be given for the Fault we commit in Sin for the Fault would not be Sin if it were not against Reason Vertues have not their full Growth but when they have Desires to bring forth Advantage which like Spiritual Seeds serve to bring forth and produce new degrees of Virtues We should never speak of God or the Things which concern his Service carelesly or by way of Common Discourse or Entertainment but always with a great respect and humble mind We should fear the Judgments of God without Discouragement and encourage our selves without Presumption The ready way for the Soul to have Peace with its self is to obtain his Peace with God we may perform many Holy Actions and yet not please God if we neglect to do what he requires of us no more than a Painter in representing an Eagle pleaseth him that desired a Bee Let us never look on our Crosses but through the Cross of Jesus Christ thereby we shall find them pleasant and have fresh Desires to be afflicted Desire to obtain the Love of God makes us to meditate but that Love once obtained makes us contemplate The Fear of the Lord is the Beginning of Wisdom and the Price of Wisdom is above Rubies Oh let my Prayers be set before thee as Incense and the lifting up of my Hands be as the Evening Sacrifice O Lord my Strength and most mighty Redeemer Oh my Soul What fearful tremblings are these that have seized upon thee now So that the Thoughts of God that have been and ought to be thy greatest Comforts are now become thy Amazement Whence is this miserable Altaration that thou must behold nothing but Judgment in the Father of Mercies and Anger in the Fountain of Love What hath provoked him that delights to spare to be resolved to punish Surely my Sins are very many for it is not a few that will insense him and they have more than ordinary Aggravations for he is not so highly displeased at small Offences and certainly I have often committed them and long continued in them for he begins not to frown upon the first Misdemeanour Alas Alas the Cause is too apparent my Sins are both very many and exceeding great frequently repeated with heynous Circumstances and of long continuance I have despised Mercy now am like to feel Judgment most miserable Wreth that I am I have tired out the Patience of a long-suffering Father and have run away from the Embraces of a Loving Saviour and have rejected the Offers of a most indulgent Holy Spirit so that now I fear I have stopt up the Fountain of his Mercy and unsealed the Treasure of his Vengeance and I ought to wonder how God could spare me so long then why he should strike me now since many have been cut off for fewer and lesser sins I see that I have deserved most justly to suffer the worst of Evils And therefore shall esteem it an incomparable Favour to be only corrected with Temporal Afflictions if I might be so excused but it is a fearful thing to fall into the Hands of the Living God Therefore O Lord my Flesh trembleth for very Fear of thee and I am afraid of thy most heavy Judgments yet I know no way to escape them To deny my Sins were great Impudence and to Excuse them will be Apparent Hypocrisy and to be concealed is impossible to be found intollerable I am miserably confounded but was never any in this sad Case before that I might receive some Advice and Comfort from them Yes surely the Church hath presented me with a King and a Prophet both dear to God whose Fears were greater though their Sins were less and their danger not so great as mine Yet these in the midst of their Fear considered their Sins as the only Cause of their Evils and accordingly they freely confessed them bitterly lamented and exceedingly humbled themselves for them not striving so much to avoid them in the Punishment as to obtain the Pardon of their Offences knowing that the guilt once removed thou wouldst totally spare them or gently chastise them for their good where they rendred themselves up into thy Hands rather aggravating than extenuating their Sins and yet humbly begging that they might be corrected in Mercy and they found the Benefit of it Go to then O my Soul and do thou likewise thou hast occasioned Gods Wrath by the Breach of his most holy Laws O do not increase it by mistrusting the blessed Gospel thou hast forsaken him by Sin do not run from him by Despair for the faster that thou runnest from his Mercy the sooner thou shalt be sure to meet with his Justice delay no longer but go in before he sends for thee accuse thy self before thou art Indicted and confess thy Sins freely before the Witnesses be called out against thee pass sentence on thy self before the Judge come to condemn thee I cannot expect wholly to escape but it will be a great Favour if I meet only with a Sickness instead of Death Losses in my Estate instead of loosing my God and my Soul both for ever I will not therefore desire my Heavenly Father altogether to lay aside his Rod but only to use it genâ—ly that I may by this smart be warn'd against those future sins that would bring me to utter Ruine O Lord rather chastise me than dis-inherit me and those Stripes shall be welcome which come in an exchange for Eternal Torments For thou who dost change thy Sword into a Rod I hope will be so compassionate in thy Afflictions that I shall only feel what my destempered Soul needs to recover it and my Flesh and Spirit cannot bear not what my Sins deserve and thy Justice might exact wherefore I will no longer hide my sins but by an humble hearty Confession will declare that I hate them more than I fear to fall into thy most merciful Hands and I hope hereafter that I shall so fear to offend that I shall be freed from those sad Expectations of thy heavy Wrath which Wisdom God grant me for my Saviour Jesus Christ's Sake He that hath
a Request to make that is considerable to an Earthly King must not approach without a Present in his Hand but my great Request is to the King of Kings to whose Laws I have been disobedient false to his Government refractory to his Summons and ungrateful to his former Favours and what can I offer him that needs nothing and what can I give him whose both my self and all that I have are His Favour inheed is so sweet so desirable and so universal a Comprehension of all happiness that I could freely give all I have or may procure for the Purchase of it But the whole World is Vanity to him neither can such Triffles blind his Eyes or bind his Hands buy his Mercy to the Unworthy or avert his Judgments from the Sinner I would methinks expose my Body to the sharpest Torments my Soul to the heaviest Sorrows and my Life to the cruellest of Tyrants and would account it a happy purchase if I were sure of his Everlasting Mercies afterwards But it cost more to redeem a Soul I can give nothing but what is his already and I can suffer nothing but what I have deserved What then O where shall I have a Peace-Offering which may not be despised I am told that there is nothing more acceptable than a Broken Heart 'T is strange Can a Heart polluted with the Guilt and inflamed with the Power of Sin slow to begin and unable to perform any thing that is good but vigorous to desire and unwearied to pursue all evil Can a Heart shaken with Fears torn to pieces with Terrours and even a Terrour to it self miserable and poor blind and naked can this Heart be a fit Sacrifice for so Glorious and All-seeing so Holy and Pure a God Can he like that whieh I abhor my self Alas it cannot be But let me recall that rash hasty word for he hath said it who best knows what will please himself and if he vallues it then it is worthy for the true worth of any thing is to be judged by his Esteemation of it who knows but such a broken Heart may be a greater Evidence of his Power and Mercy a fitter Instrument of his Praise and Glory a plainer Table to describe his Grace and draw his Image on than any other Such a Heart I have and if this will serve I am happy I will give it freely to thee O Lord who despisest not the meanest Gifts if there be sincerity in the Giver It was broken before with Fear but now it will be dissolved with Love I am ashamed it is no better but thy Mercy is the greater in accepting it and it will become better by being thine Oh how am I filled with Admiration on the Freeness and Fullness of thy Mercies in comparison of which the greatest humane Compassion is and seems to be Cruelty I dare proclaim it that in thee are all the Mercies in the World united and thou art Mercy it self in the highest Degree If my Disobedience and my Negligence Contempts and Ingratitudes could have seperated thee from thy Mercy I had now met thee in thy Fury taking Vengeance without Pitty for I have seemed to live as if I had designed to dare thee to turn thy self away from me and to try thy utmost Patience the least part of which business would have turned my best Friends in the World against me but behold the Mercies of my God continue still O let me have the shame of an ungrateful Sinner and let thy Name have the Glory of an inexpressable Pitty even to those who are almost ashamed to ask Pardon yea let me to whom thou hast shewed so much Compassion have the Honour to be an Instance of thy Goodness to all the World And have I such a Father Why then do I lye still with this Load of Guilt upon my Soul And with this heavy Burthen of Sorrow upon my Spirit What do I get by these Complaints but waste my Time and double my Misery by sad Reflections I can neither have Help from my self nor any Creature but my Father alone to whom Mercies are as proper as Miseries are to me and if I through Fear and Sorrow sit still here and starve I shew not so much Pitty to my self as he would have for me if he saw my distress Wherefore I will arise and go to him though I think that I shall scarce have the face to ask him more since I spent the last so ill I shall be ashamed to tell him how base I have been but as I was not ashamed when I did evil so I must have shame when I suffer the shame of its desert I will go bathed with Tears blushing for shame accusing my self and relying on the Bowels of a Father and will beg only so much Mercy as may banish despair and if I may have this will be content tho I be not entertained with assurance and certain Expectations for the least favourable Look is more than I have deserved yet behold upon the first sight of the returning Prodigal who came unsent for driven home by his own Miseries his tender Father runs to meet him takes the Words out of his Mouth and receives him with all the Demonstrations of his Love and the Carresses of his dear Affections and is my God less merciful he who hath invited me so often and promised me so largely I have done ill to stay so long but I will go now low in my Desires and high in my Expectations sorrowing for mine Offences and begging his Mercies and I hope though I carry no merits of my own to his Justice yet I carry miseâ—y enough to make his Bowels of Compassion yearn upon me then I cannot perish Is it possible I should be all this while deluded so grosly as to imagine my Eyes to be opened my Ways direct and full of Light when indeed my Eyes are shut my feet are wrong and my Mind is overspred with Aegyptian Darkness of a stupid Ignorance Thy Word O Lord is a Light to my Feet and a Lanthorn to my Pathes not only to shew me which is the right way but to let me know when I am in the wrong But I have given my self to false Guides who least I should enquire after the right way would never acquaint me that I was wandring from it had I followed them still I had stumbled ere this on the threshold of Hell whil'st I expected to have arrived at the Gates of Heaven O blessed be thy Name I now see that I have been straying from the Fountain of all true Happiness and have been in vain seeking Content where it is not to be found till the Disappointment drives me to seek it where it is to be had if I had not been a Stanger to my own Heart I had not been so far out of the right way but I have supposed my self to be clear only because I never considered wherein I was guilty and have flattered my self with the
Sins for thy own Names-sake and thou desirest not the Death of a sinner but rather that he should turn from his Wickedness and live and hast promised That at what time soever a sinner repenteth him of his sin from the bottom and ground of his Heart thou wilt put away his Wickedness out of thy sight and remember his Transgressions no more And it is a faithful Saying worthy of all Acceptation That Jesus Christ came into the World to save sinners Of whom I am chief O Lord I Believe help my Unbelief help me to Believe Repent and Obey for Jesus sake have Mercy upon me and work in me a godly Sorrow for my sins which may cause a true Repentance unto Salvation never to be repented of and for thy Names-sake pardon all my sins for thy Mercies-sake do away my Iniquities for thy Promise sake do not remember my Transgressions any more And for Jesus Christ his sake seal a free and a full Pardon of all my sins unto my Soul Say That thou art become my Salvation And let the blood of Jesus cleanse me from all sin Oh this is a great Request I beg who am unworthy of the least Mercy but I beg of thee for the sake of Jesus he is thy Beloved Son in whom thou art well pleased through whom thou canst not be offended he is my Saviour and died to save me according to the multitude of thy Compassions in the Lord Jesus deal with me in the pardoning of all my sins and let not sin nor Satan whom thou hatest destroy the Work of thy hands my Immortal Soul for whom Christ died furnish me with the Graces of thy Holy Spirit and give me Believing Grace and Mercy Repenting Grace and Mercy Pardoning Grace and Mercy Restraining Grace and Mercy Comforting Grace and Mercy Renewing Grace and Mercy with Confirming Grace and Mercy Oh renew me in the Spirit of my Mind help me to redeem time because I have mispent much pretious time already and because the days are evil make me consider the shortness and uncertainty of my time I have but a Moment to work for Eternity e're long Death will come and I shall be in a future state then time will be no more and many have been taken off in their sins and for their sins that are now in an Eternal state of Wo. O teach me in this my Day to know the things that belong to my peace before they are hid from mine Eyes my day is already far spent and my Night is at hand I do not know what a Day may bring forth let me not therefore any longer defer my Amendment of Life after so long a time as it is called to day help me to up and be doing and work while it is called to day before the Night comes when none works help me to work out my Salvation with Fear and Trembling and let me be very diligent to make my Calling and Election sure the one thing needful even the Salvation of my Immortal Soul which is of everlasting Concernment that whatever I miscarry in I may not be mistaken in the great business of my Eternal Happiness to that end I most humbly pray thee again for Jesus Christ's sake to free me from the Power of all sin especially those that my Nature is most prone to such as do beset and overtake me daily and be pleased to discover unto me the Deceitfulness of my own Heart which is very naughty and above all things deceitful and desperately wicked the Thoughts and Imaginations of my Heart have been evil and only evil continually O Lord create in me a Clean and New Heart renew a right Spirit within me sanctifie my Nature and help me to sanctifie thee the Lord of Hosts and make thee my Fear and Dread that thou may'st be unto me a Sanctuary O be pleased to convince me of thine Omnisciency and Omniprescency strike me with an Awe and Fear of thy Presence make me to consider that where-ever I am whatever I am about thou knowest it who art a God of purer Eyes than to behold Sin with the least Approbation and that I have always about me an Immortal Soul and that it is against thee that I have sinned who art a Sin-hating and a Sin-revenging God and that I must very shortly appear naked before thy dreadful Tribunal to render an Account for all things done in the Flesh and 〈◊〉 râ—ceive my Eternal Doom from the Righteous Judge of â—ll the World O â—eaâ—h me with the Robes of Christs Righteousness leâ— his Meritorious Death and Passion satisfie thy Justice for my Sins let the Blood of Jâ—â—us clâ—anse me from all sin and make me circumspect in time to come lâ—t me be Sober Watchful and Vigilant because my Aiversary the Devil goeth about as a roaring Lion seeking whom he may devour continually and my poor weak frâ—il Nature is ready to yield to every Temptation and Suggestion not able to think a good Thought O let thy Grace be sufficient for me let it shield me from all hurt cloath me with the Righteousness of my Jesus let me be girt with Truth and always shod with the Preparation of the Gospel but above all things give me the Shield of Faith the Breastplate of Righteousness a Helmit of Salvation with the Sword of the Spirit whereby I may be able to fight against the World the Flesh and the Devil resisting the Fiery Darts of Satan fighting against Principalities Powers and Spiritual Wickedness in High-Places let not the Gates of Hell nor Powers of Darkness prevail against me but let the Grace of God which hath so plentifully appeared toward me teaching to deny all Vngodliness and Worldly Lusts defend me O let me be redeemed from a Vain Conversation help me to bring forth fruits meet for Repentance worthy an Amendment of Life and let thy Holy Spirit seal me up unto the Day of Redemption make me holy here that I may be happy hereafter Oh make me such a one as thou wouldst have me and inable me to evidence unto my self the Assurance of my Justification by the fruits of my Sanctification thou hast promised That what soever shall be asked in thy Sons Name according to thy Will shall be granted Now Lord I know that this is thy Will even my Sanctification for Jesus sake sanctifie me thorowout and write upon my Heart Holiness to the Lord make me walk according to the Pattern of my Jesus who was Humble Holy and Obedient to thy Will in all things even to the death of the Cross make me to consider that I was Redeemed and bought with a Price not of corruptible Things as Silver and Gold but with the precious Blood of Jesus Christ therefore let me live to the Praise of him that hath so dearly bought me with his most pretious Blood let me walk like one that is Redeemed and Translated from Death to Life as one whose Life is hid with God in Christ that when he