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A66801 The Wits, or, Sport upon sport. Part I in select pieces of drollery, digested into scenes by way of dialogue : together with variety of humors of several nations, fitted for the pleasure and content of all persons, either in court, city, countrey, or camp : the like never before published. Kirkman, Francis, 1632-ca. 1680.; Cox, Robert, d. 1655. Actæon and Diana. 1662 (1662) Wing W3218; ESTC R38726 112,238 202

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Sir Subt. Take away the Recipient and rectifie the Menstrue from the Phlegma then pour it o' the Sol in the Cucurbite and let 'em macerate together Face Yes Sir And save the ground Subt. No Terra damnata must not have entrance in the work Who are you Ananias A faithful Brother if it please you Subt. What 's that a Lullianist a Ripley filius artis Can you sublime and dulcifie calcine Know you the Sapor pontick Sapor styptick or what is homogene or heterogene Anan I understand no heathen language truly Subt. Heathen you Knipper-Doling is ars sacra or Chrysopoeia or Spagyrica or the Pamphysick or Panarchick knowledge a Heathen language Anan Heathen Greek I take it Subt. How Heathen Greek Anan All 's Heathen but the Hebrew Sub. Sirrah my Varlet Stand you forth and speak to him like a Philosopher Answer i' th' language Name the Vexations and the Martyrizations of Metals in the Work Face Sir Putrefaction Solution Ablution Sublimation Cohobation Calcination Ceration and Fixation Sub. This is Heathen Greek to you now And when comes Vivification Face After Mortification Anan What 's Cohobation Face 'T is the pouring on your aqua regis and then drawing him off to the trine circle of the seven sphears Subt. VVhat 's the proper passion of Metals Face Malleation Subt. VVhat 's your Ultimum supplicium auri Face Antimonium Subt. This is Heathen Greek to you And what 's your Mercury Face A very fugitive he will be gone Sir Subt. How know you him Face By his Viscositie his Oleositie and his Suscitabilitie Subt. How do you sublime him Face VVith the Calce of Egg-shels white Marble halk Subt. Your Magisterium now what 's that Face Shifting Sir your elements dry into cold cold into moist moist into hot hot into drie Subt. This is Heathen Greek to you still Your Lapis Philosophicus Face 'T is a Stone and not a Stone a spirit a soul and body which if you do dissolve it is dissolved if you coagulate it is coagulated if you make it to flie it flieth Subt. Enough this is Heathen Greek to you what are you Sir Anan Please you a servant of the exile Brethren that deal with VVidows and with Orphans goods and make a just account unto the Saints a Deacon Subt. O you are sent from Mr. Wholsome your Teacher Anan From Tribulation Wholsome our very zealous Pastor Subt. Good I have some Orphans goods to come here Anan Of what kinde Sir Subt. Pewter and Brass and Irons and Kitchinware Metals that we must use ou●… Medicine on wherein the Brethren may have a penn'orth for ready money Anan VVere the Orphans Parents sincere Professors Subt. VVhy do you ask Anan Because we then are to deal justly and give in truth their utmost value Subt. 'Slid you 'ld couzen else and if their Parents were not of the faithfull I will not trust you now I think on 't till I ha' talk'd with your Pastor Ha' you brought money to buy more Coals Anan No surely Subt. No how so Anan The Brethren bid me say unto you Sir Surely they they will not venture any more till they may see Projection Subt. How Anan Y'have had for the instruments as Bricks and Lome and Glasses already thirty pound and for Materials they say some ninety more and they have heard since that one at Heidelberg made it of an Egg and a small paper of Pin-dust Subt. What 's your name Anan My name is Ananias Subt. Out the Varlet that couzen'd the Apostles Hence away flie Mischief Had your holy Consistorie no name to send me of another sound then wicked Ananias Send your Elders hither to make atonement for you quickly and give me satisfaction or out goes the fire and down th'Alembecks and the Fornace Piger Henricus or what not Thou wretch both Senicon and Bufo shall be lost tell ' em All hope of rooting out the Bishops or th'Antichristian Hierarchie shall perish if they stay threescore minutes The Aqueitie Terreitie and Sulphureitie shall run together again and all be anull'd thou wicked Ananias Exit Ananias This will fetch 'em and make 'em haste toward their gulling more A man must deal like a rough Nurse and fright those that are froward to an appetite Exeunt The SURPRISE ARGUMENT He prepares a Countrey-Interlude against the Iulian Feast at the Presentment whereof his foster-sister is stoln away c. Number of Actors The Miller his Wife their Son their foster-Foster-Daughter a Lord who steals her away Iulio in whose house the Scene is presented Orante who marries the Foster-Sister found to be Iulio's Daughter two Gentlemen Friends Philip the King c. Enter Iulio and two or three Gentlemen as to the Entertainment Iulio COme come the Sports are coming on us Seat seat your selves Gentlemen Enter a Boy presenting Cupid Boy Love is little and therefore I present him Love is a fire therefore you may lament him 2 Gent. Alas poor Love who are they that can quench him Boy Love shoots therefore I bear his Bowe about And Love is blinde therefore my eys are ou●… 1 Gent. I never heard Love give reason for what he did before Enter Millers son for Paris Boy Let such as can see see such as cannot behold Our Goddesses all three strive for the Ball of Gold And here fair Paris comes the hopeful youth of Troy Queen Hecubs darling-son King Priams onely joy 2 Gent. Is this Paris I should have taken him for Hector rather Son Paris at this time pray you hold your prating 1 Gent. Paris can be angry I see Iulio At this time he comes as a Judge 2 Gent. Mercy on all that looks upon him say I. Son The thundering Seas whose watry fires Washes the Whiting Mops. The gentle Whale whose feet so fell Flies o're the Mountain tops No roars so fierce no throats so deep No howls can bring such fears As Paris can if Garden from He calls his Dogs and Bears 2 Gent. I those they were that I fear'd all this while Son Yes Jack-an-Apes 2 Gent. I thank you Sir Paris Son You may hold your peace and stand farther out o' th' way then the lines will fall where they light Yes Jack-an-Apes he hath to sports And faces make like Mirth Whilst bellowing Bulls the horned Beasts Do toss from Ground to Earth Bloud Bear there is as Cupid blind 2 Gent. That Bear would be whipt for loosing of his eys Son Be whipped man may see But we present no such content but Nymphs such as they be Enter a Shepherd singing with three Nymphs as Iuno Pallas Venus Venus presented by his sister Son Go Cupid blinde conduct the dumb For Ladies must not speak here Let Shepherds sing with dancing feet And cords of Musick break here Song ended Now Ladies fight with heels so light By lot your luck must fall Where Paris please to do you ease And give the golden Ball. A Dance Boy The Dance is ended now to Judgment Paris Son Here Iuno here
it in at the head he that steals flesh as the Dutch Author saies puts it in at the foot the lower Member VVill you go as you are now Miller Enter Gillian the Millers wife Mill. wife I can no longer own What is not mine with a free Conscience My Liege your pardon Phil. For what who knows this woman Miller I best my Lord. I have been acquainted with her these forty Summers and as many Winters were it Spring agen she 's like the Gout I Phil. Oh your wife Mill. 'T is oh my wife indeed my Lord a painful stitch to my side would it were pickt out Phil. Well Sir your silence Son VVill you be older and older every day then other the longer you live the older still Must his Majestie command your silence ere you 'll hold your tongue Phil. Your reprehension runs into the same fault Pray Sir will you be silent Son I have told him this before now my Liege but Age will have his course and his weaknesses Phil. Good Sir your forbearance Son And his frailties and his follies as I may say that cannot hold his tongue ere he be bidden Phil. Why sirrah ha Son But I believe your Majestie will not be long troubled with him I hope that woman has something to confess will hang 'em both Phil. Sirrah you 'll pull your Destinie upon you If you cease not the sooner Son Nay I have done yet it grieves me that I should call that man father that should be so shameless that being commanded to hold his tongue Phil. To th'Porters Lodge with him Son I thank your Grace I have a friend there Julio It hardly will get passage it is a sorrow of that greatness grown ' less it dissolve in tears and come by parcels Millers wife I 'll help you Sir in the delivery and bring you forth a joy you lost a daughter Iulio 'T was that recounted thought brought forth these sorrows Mill. wife She 's found again Know you this Mantle Sir Julio Hah Mill. wife This did enwrap your child now the Counts wife c. Julio Oh thou hast ta'n so many years from me and made me young as was her birth-day to me Phil. You knew this before Son Oh oh Item for you Miller Miller I did my Liege I must confess I did We poor ones love and would have comfort Sir as well as great Son I beseech you my Liege let this Woman be a little farther examin'd let the words of her Conscience be search'd I would know how she came by me I am a lost child if I be theirs though I have been brought up in a Mill yet I had ever a minde methought to be a greater man Mill. Wife Thou art mine own flesh and blood born of mine own body Son 'T is very unlikely that such a body should bear me there 's no trust in these Millers Woman tell the truth my father shall forgive thee whatsoever he was were he Knight Esquire or Captain less he could not be Mill. Wife Thou art mine own child Boy Son And was the Miller my father Mill. Wife Wouldst thou make thy mother a whore Knave Son I if she make me a Bastard The Rack must make her confess I shall never come to know who I am else I have a worshipful mind in me sure methinks I do scorn poor folks Julio You both shall be rewarded bountifully We 'll be a kin too Brother and Sister shall be chang'd with us ever To the Miller and his wife Son Thank you Uncle my Sister is my Cousin yet at the last cast farewell Sister-foster If I had known the Civil Law would have allowed it thou hadst had another manner of husband then thou hast but much good do thee I 'll dance at thy Wedding kiss the Bride and so Julio Why how now Sirrah Mill. Son 'T is lawful now she 's none of my sister It was a Miller and a Lord That had a Scabbard and a Sword He put it up in the Country word The Miller and his Daughter She has a face and she can sing She has a grace and she can spring She has a place with another thing Tradoodle I would I were acquainted with your Taylor noble Brother Orante You may there he is Taylor If you have any work for me I can fit you Sir I fitted the Lady Son My sister Taylor VVhat fits her will hardly fit me you have a true Yard Taylor Taylor Ne'r a whit too long I warrant you Son Then Taylor march with me away I scorn these Robes I must be gay My Noble Brother he shall pay Tom Taylor Exeunt The DOCTORS of Dull-head Colledge ARGUMENT A Love-sick Gentleman by the over-curious care of his kindred is perplexed with unnecessary Physitians who are by some of his merry Visitants and Companions baffled and he released from their vexation Enter Doctors with an Urinal 1 Ph. A Pleurisie I see it 2 Ph. I rather hold for tremor cordis 3 Ph. Do you mark the Foeces 2 Ph. 'T is a most pestilent contagious Feaver a Surfet a plaguy Surfet he must bleed 1 Ph. By no means 3 Ph. I say bleed 1 Ph. I say 't is dangerous the person being spent so much beforehand and nature drawn so low Clysters cool Clysters 2 Ph. Now with your favour I should think a Vomit for take away the Cause the Effect must follow the stomack 's foul and fur'd the pot 's inflam'd yet Enter servant Serv. Will it please you draw near the sick Gentleman grows worse and worse still 1 Ph. We will attend him 2 Ph. He shall do well my friend Serv. My Masters love Sir 3 Ph. There 's no doubt in him none at all never fear him Exeunt Enter Frank sick Physitians an Apothecary 1 Ph. Clap on the Cataplasm Fr. Good Gentlemen good learned Gentlemen 2 Ph. And see those broths there ready within this hour pray keep your arms in the air is raw and ministers much evil Fr. Pray leave me I beseech you leave me Gentlemen I have no other sickness but your presence convey your Cataplasms to those that need 'em your Vomits and your Clysters 3 Ph. Pray be rul'd Sir 1 Ph. Bring in the Lettice Cap you must be shav'd Sir and then how suddenly we 'll make you sleep Fr. Till Dooms-day What unnecessary nothings are these about a wounded mind 2 Ph. How do ye Fr. VVhat questions they propound too How do you Sir I am glad to see you well 3 Ph. A great distemper it grows hotter still 1 Ph. Open your mouth I pray Sir Fr. Can you tell me how old I am then there 's my hand pray shew me how many broken shins within this two year VVho would be thus in fetters Good Master Doctor and you dear Doctor and the third sweet Doctor and as pretious Master Apothecary I do pray you to give me leave to live a little longer ye stand before me like my blacks Enter his Comrades Thomas How dost thou Frank bear