the house and to seaze vpon them to his vse The Officer came and search'd and the widow being loth to leaue the Candlestickes took him aside and sollicited his loue and withall offred him them in marriage with her shewing him besides a large inuentory of what goods and moouables the foresaid Gold-smith her husband had left her by his last will and Testament Which the honest Officer viewing and perusing and vtterly misliking and detesting such her treacherie deliuer'd it her againe saying Hold heer huswife your Inuentorie and see you deliuer me the Candlesticks presently So was she foyl'd in her owne pollicie for hauing confest the hauing of them she was fain to yeeld them vp without any more a do A meâ—rie Recorder of London riding vpon his Mule would needs take the wall of all men and riding in an euening all too ambitiouslie vnder the pentisses for that prerogatiue down he fell and his Mule both into an Ale-celler and sore bruis'd him Insomuch as euer after hee vs'd to haue a man goe betweene him and the wall as he rid for feare of any moe the like mischances The said Recorder passing along the street and hearing a Souldiour in an Ale-house calling for a Kingston-pot of beere straight stept in vnto him and arrested him of high treason saying Sirâ—ha often haue I heard and tasted of a pennie-pot of beere and found good of the price but of a Kingston-pot of Beere I neuer heard Sure it is some counterfeit coyne and I must know how thou camm'st by it The said Recorder mistaking the name of one Pepper call'd him Piper Whereunto the partie excepting and saying Sir you mistake my name is Pepper not Piper hee answered Why what difference is there I pray thee between Piper in Latin and Pepper in English is it not all one No sir reply'd the other there is euen as much difference betweene them as is between a Pipe and a Recorder OF GVEST AND ENTERtainment A Spanish Gent. being somwhat homelie entertained in an Abbay where he was lodg'd in an obscure corner of a lowe dampy roome the night being verie cold and he as coldly couered chaunced to fall into a sudden flixe wherwith he all to berayed the bed Whereat being much ashamed all early in the morning vp he arose and away he would and as he was ready to take horse hee said vnto the hors-keeper I pray thee fellow tell my L. thy master that in asmuch as he did not affoord me a bed in a chamber I haue left him a chamber in a bed Camera signifying in spanish both a chamber and a stoole In regard of the many Chimneyes that are now adaies built in houses and the slender hospitalitie that is kept a pleasant companion said that chimneyes are built so cunningly now a dayes that seldome or neuer they are seene to fume Fernando King of Spaine came in progresse to the castle of Montillia which was newly built by one Don Alonso de Aguilar an Esquire and finding the staires somewhat too straight for so stately a building the Gent. said And like your Majesty I neuer thought so great a Guest should euer haue mounted vp vpon them A Housholder hauing vnruly Guestes allotted him saide vnto the Harbinger Beleeue me sir I am greatly beholding to you for my guests he ask'd him why Mary because quoth he they are so bad as I shall rest most glad at their departure One said to his Hoste This fruit that you serue first in to this boord in my country vseth to be seru'd in last The Hoste answered yea and heer too for this once For it was all his fare at that time One inuited his friend to dinner and hauing made him but slender cheere excus'd the matter saying Insooth sir we haue neither Fesant nor Partridge nor Larke nor any other good bird for you at this time other then hartily welcome Th' other answered You please the birdes well in that A churle enuited a Gent. to dinner and hauing made him but homely cheer said that he was heartily welcom as a friend not as a straunger The Gentleman answered Beleeue mee I neuer thought we had been so great good friends One said to his guest Me thinkes you drinke very little wine if all the world drunke no more then you wine would be good cheape Not so answered th' other rather would it be very deere For I assure you I drinke as much as I can In Spaine Bishops marrie not A Spanish Gent. had halfe a foole to his sonne and on a time he taught him how to entertaine Gueste with talke as to aske them how doth your wife and your children your brother and your sister and so forth The next day a Bishop came to this Gentlemans house this yoong Maiâ—ter his sonne thus saluted him I pray you my Lord how doth your wife and your children your sonnes and your daughters your brothers and your sisters c. A Spaniard trauelling on the way alighted at a poor Inne and they ask'd him his name he answered Don Pedro Gonzales Gayetan de Gueuara Wherunto they reply'd Sir wee haue not meat ynough for so many A Conie-catcher hyr'd a chamber and said to his hostesse I assure you hostesse I neuer yet came in house in all my life where at parting I was not greatly lamented And he said true For he still departed without penie-paying One comming to lodge in a poore Ale-house ask'd the hostesse for a good bed With that she brought him into an inner roome and shewed him the bare earth saying Loe yee heere seuen foot length at least Heere rest ye Content quoth he but where I pray you is the pillow She answered Faith you are too daintie An ill-fauor'd man inuited a stranger to dinner and at last in came his wife who had also as bad a face as hee The stranger seeing her said vnto him I pray ye sir is this your wife he answered yea Then the stranger reply'd In sooth sir I would haue thought she had been your sister Queene Isabels Harbinger buillited a Courtier in a Painters house who whâ—n he came to him and shew'd him the bill and that he had read it and perceiu'd therby that he was one of the Queenes Gentlemen he straight tore it and said As sure as you are the Queenes Gentleman so sure am I the Duke of Nazareths man Goe seeke yee lodging els where for heer yee lodge not It was a Gent. chance to be benighted in a blind parish where he was faine to lie in as blind an Ale-house who when he went to bed they brought him a little ladder to get vp vnto it by reason it was verie high Which he seeing said Is this I pray the Fleas ladder In Mourtia a towne in Spaine there is an hospitall of Bedlams and fooles called S. Bennets hospitall wherupon the mad-men fools of that place are also called San Benitos A citizen of that town vpon S. Bennets day inuited a many of his
answered I had rather you said you lou'd me as your body A Gentleman being booted spurr'd ready to take horse came to take his leaue of his Maistresse who answered Well may you aske me leaue for the next time for at this time you haue taken it of your selfe A Gentlewoman in extremitie of labour sware that if it pleas'd God she might escape death for that once shee would neuer in all her life after hazard her selfe to the like daunger againe but being at last safely deliuered she then said to one of the midwiues So now put out the holie candle and keepe it till the next time A Gentleman taking his leaue of his mistresse said I kisse your hands and your feete She answered Forget not I pray the station betweene One saying to a woman Vpon my soule doe this Shee answered Stake downe some other pawne for that 's forfeited already An olde Gentlewoman sent her daughter in law a boxe of preserues who tasting therof said Lord how sowre is this Sugre So said in reference belike that it came frō a mother in law Two corriuals to a Maides dishonestie drew and fought vnder her windowe and she looking out said Sirres you mistake your quarrel is not to be ended with steel but with gold and siluer A lasciuious Dame conuersing among her Gossips alluded thus cunninglie to her husbandes ingeneratiuenesse saying In sooth my husband thanks be to God hath many good parts in him he is a good Musition he writes wel and he can cast an accompt no man better saue only that he cannot multiply An old woman seeing the Bride her daughter vnarray her selfe fearfullie to bedward as who would say Lord is this the last houre of my maiden-head She said vnto her Faith Daughter and if it pleas'd God would I were to abide all thy paines too night A Gentleman saying to a yoong Gentlewoman who had been fiue weares a wife and neuer had any child I greatly maruell that your belly reares not She answered How would you haue aire puffe vp my bellie hauing none in my head She taxed therein her husbands insufficiencie A Gen. meeting his mistresse late in an euening at a cōueniēt backe side for hastie businesse that he had only saluted her and passed on An other Gentlewoman this Gentlewomans familiar seeing and noting this out at a window and knowing with all their mutuall loues said the next day vnto her How chanced it that yesternight such a one meeting you in such a conuenient place he so slightly forsooke you bearing you so great good-will as I know he doth She answered The truth is he refused to take the blot and so lost the game One asking another what was the reason that such a Gentlewoman being but a poore widdow had so manie faire maids in her seruice Th' other answered Because shee affoordes them free scope as Hanniball did to his souldiours at Capua A Gentlewoman disdaining her suter said vnto him A woman of my calling to loue so base a groome as your mastership faith sir no He answered Yes the rather for my basenesse for that women are shee-Wolues that commonly pray vpon the basest carrion One being asked why he enueighed so sore against women kind considering that so many good Authours haue from time to time whole-vollumed their praises Hee answered They wrote what women ought to be but I say what they are Pedro Mexia woonted to say that a woman is the heauen of a mans eye the hell of his soule the purgatorie of his purse Th' Earle of Vrenia woonted to say that the vertuous life of a widdow bridles the wicked tongue to silence and spurres the vertuous to commend her A widdow ouer-liued her two husbands whereof the first died rich and left her full bags yet withal vs'd her but hardly in his life time th' other spent all lest her poore yet whiles he liued vs'd her very well and kindly These two being both buried in one Church and neer one another shee one day standing between both their graues said vnto certaine her gossips there See ye heer these two graues Heer in this graue lieth ful bagges and there lies spend all now the deu'll take them both A kind wife followed her husband to the gallowes and he requesting her not to trouble her selfe any farther she answered Ah yes deer Husband now that I haue brought you thus farre on your way faith I 'le see you hang'd too God willing A Gent. comming to visit a yoong Maid found her a working of her wedding wast-coat and he ask'd her when shee would haue done it She answered quicklie and then sighingly adjoin'd Ah heerin I am to loose my maiden-head A yoong wife expostulating with her midwife her neer paines in labour with the childe shee went withall and affirming that questionlesse shee should neuer bee able to abide them Yes answered the midwife I warrant you mistresse you will refuse white bread and milk that houre And so she did indeed for the Midwife presenting her white bread and milke in that agonie she refus'd it for verie paine Two gossips chatting late in an euening by the fires side at last one of them said vnto her maid Nann light a candle with that fetch'd a great sigh and added For well I wot thy old maister lou'd light aboue any earthly joy and now I pray God the light of heauen faire befall him Whereunto th' other gossip answered And I for my part Gossip had a husband that aboue all thinges lou'd a good fire well now hell fire light on him The Earle of Vrenia vsed to say that a womans greatest jayle is modesty and silence Two shrewes being at ciuill brabble about one anothers honestie th' one of them said I faith thou sauor'st of honestie euen as a Cow doth of Aqua vitae Th' other answered And the honestie of thee and the woolle of an olde dogge would make a good Cuckold-medlie One commending a proper woman who was an errand shrew and withall verie talkatiue said She is euen as gallant a woman as euer I set eie on all but her tongue A Preacher in his good-friday sermon said vnto his parishioners Sirs who of you all will not in honour of this day forgiue his enemie with all his heart With that a woman stept foorth and said Sir I doe Whome said the preacher Marie whosoeuer quoth she will doe so much as kill the knaue my husband OF CVCKOLDS A Cuckold innocent being informed that such a one was a bed with his wife he answered Knowing him as I doe to be a right honest man I dare aduenture my wife a bed with him An honest man that had but one eie and a quean to his wife entring vpon the sudden into his bed chamber by night a knaue chanced to be then a bed with her who hearing her husbands voice shifted him suddenlie behind the doore and thus she said vnto her Goodman What husband is' t you euen welcome my
and bad An ancient Captaine whose beard was hoare-white with age brought word to the Earle of Vrenia how the enemy had surprisd his Forte Trust me Captaine good newes answered the Earle Thou hast lost the â—ort and preseru'd the Barbaâ—ane Barbacane signifying in Spanish a white beard and also a Blockhouse Francisco Symenes Archbishop of Tolledo being deputed high Gouernour ouer Spaine during the Emperours absence in the lowe Countries vpon occasion of some seruice sent for the Earle of Vrenia to come to him to Madryll The Earle arriued as farre as Guadalaiara which was a two dayes iourney off the Court and walking there in the Goldsmyths street chanced to cast his eie vpon a curious peece of plate in one of the shoppes and with that hee stept to it and viewing it and liking it well hee willed the Goldsmith to bring it to his lodging The Goldsmith knew him not and therefore craued his name Then the Earle remembring his olde grudge towardes the Archbishop and taking it in foule scorne to be at his call answered Na na my friend it skils not who I am seeing I am come thus farre A Gentleman neighbour to the Earle of Vrenia in a deere yeare of Corne besought the Earle to supply his present necessity The Earle was well pleased so to doe and willed his Secretorie to drawe a warrant to his Stewarde to measure him out twentie quarters meane while the Earle stood talking with the Gentleman at a window At last the Secretorie hauing drawne the warrant brought it to the Earle to signe Which he perusing and finding that the words went thus I will you to deliuer twentie quarters of wheat to Don Pedro de Gusman wherwith I am willing to pleasure him at this time He straight tore the warrant and all to beknau'd the Secretorie and said Write that he deliuer him twenty quarters for that it pleaseth Don Pedro de Gusman to doe me the honour to accept it A Seruitor of the Earle of Vrenia who was but a poore mans sonne besought his Lords leaue to goe into the Cuntrey for a time for as much as his Father had prouided him a wife there The Earle was content and willed his Chamberlaine to giue him withall a suit of Apparel out of his Wardrop The seruing man assaying many and finding none to fit him in the end the Chamberlaine came and told the Earle of it whereunto the Earle answered Then bid my Treasurer giue him an hundred pounds to buy him one withal The Treasurer paid it and he had it Isabell Queene of Spaine willed Don Alonzo de Aguilar to entitle himselfe Marques of Pliego which was the name of his Manour house He answered That were all one as if your Maiestie would aduise me to marrie my maide The Marques of Cenete was woont to say That to bee rich was not to increase treasure but to diminish appetites Gonzalo Fernandes a braue Spanish Generall walking in a Church heard a Priest loudly praying To whome hee sayd Father what prayer is that you say Hee answered the Prime Straine it not then so high replyd the General least you break it For Prime in Spanish signifieth also a treble Lute string Gonzalo Fernandes vsed to passe much by a poore mans dore who had two very faire daughters which the poore man perceiuing and conceiuing withall that Gonzalos abusiue loue of his daughters might greatly redound to his reliefe He came to him and besought him to help him to some doinges in the Countrey thinking by such his absence the better to leaue his daughters to Gonzalos lust and without that the worlde might iustly suspect any his priuity therunto Gonzalo perceiuing such the poore mans drift desperation took coÌ„passion of his case drawing him into an inner roome gaue him two hundred Crownes in two seuerall bags saying I marie wil I my friend doe for thee Hold heere these two bags and be gone see thou bestow thy daughters presently therwith and as for thy selfe I will prouide for thee besides Gonzalo Fernandes still vsed to say that he remayned debtor to none so much as to them to whom he gaue most So much he esteemed the honour of his bounty The Earle of Cifuentes woonted to say that Noblemen in times past vsed to cast accompt with their Launces and now adaies with compters Don Diego de Mendoza Earle of Melito was woont to say That in the house where is a fountaine there needeth no Cesterne and the Lord that hath fee ynough need hoord vp no treasure The Earle of Cenete being a verie yoong Gentleman at the siege of Perpenian ventured close vnder the wall and darted a Launce into the Castle and came safe away Anon after a couple of hors-men salied foorth of the place and he seeing them would haue ventured to encounter one of them But his Tutor would not suffer him but said Soft Sir first I will go before kill one of them and then come you after and cut off his head Nay reply'd the Earle rather let me goe before and kill one of them and then come you after and kisse his taile The Earle of Lenios awarded Iustice to a Vassâ—ll of his wherwith the party found himselfe greatly agrieued highly exclaimed of the Earles iniustice therin and belike the Earle indeed mistook the matter Whereupon he sent for the party the next day and sayde vnto him My friend thy â—peeches deserue laughter and my errour reformation A Duke of Feria was so honourable in his bounties that he neuer bid his Treasurer any set value to disburse but thus Giue such a one fourty or fifty Crownes 100. or 1â—0 pounds so as the Treasurer rested euermore perplexed how to perform the Dukes pleasure Wherfore being on a time commanded to giue a certain Gentleman 200. or 250. Crownes he came to the Duke to demand his exact pleâ—sure therin Why pesant answered the Duke seekst thou to alter my maner of phrase I tell thee now for good and all vnderstand alwayes the most of my pleasure and there an end Don Bernardin de Velasco delighted so exceedingly in cros-bowes that he deputed an especial roome in his house for their safe custody It chaÌ„ced on a time that being to purchase a goodly manour much cuntrey about it in Andaluzia he had stored vp treasure to the value of 60000 pounds which his Treasurer for more safety had coffered vp disposed in the said cros-bow roome as being the strongest place in all the house Don Bernardin one day comming thether to see his cros-bowes and seeing those coffers there asked what trumpery it was The Treasurer answered Treasure Treasure said Velasco t is trash away with it what makes it here to endanger my cros-bowes A Constable coÌ„ming to arrest a shomaker within his house the shoomakers wife so well bestirred her that she brauely belamb'd the constable whiles in the mean time her husband got away The Constable then came vnto the Duke of Infantasgo complained vnto him
natural life of the said Asse And to this effect she bequeathed a portion of money to be disposed of from time to time in oats for the Asse so died Shortly after the Asse died also Then the olde womans sonne who had a colt of the aforesaid asse finding that the Asse at her death time had left behind her a good quantity of her allowance in oates vnspent which he lawfully demanding of the Executors they denyed to deliuer him He thereupon came to a graue Doctor in law to haue his aduise in the case Whereunto the Doctor in full notice of all the matter thus resolu'd him viz. That he might lawfully enter his action against the aforesaid executors for the oates because both he himselfe was heire vnto his mother as also his colt to whose vse he was chiefly to pretend it was the other Asses natural issue and heir apparant This was the Law-doctors sage opinion vpon this text which hee concluded he would warrant for good law One telling an honest Gentleman that he doubted not but his friend should speed well in his Law-matter hauing so good a purse and so great friends The Gent answered If that bee all your hope the more is the pity A widow Gentlewoman in King Henry the 7. dayes gaue the Feasant for her cognizance and one Cooke her aduersarie Attorney in Law said at the barre in disgrace of her cause that he doubted not ere he had done but he wold throughly plume her Feasant and make it a poore bird The Gentlewoman answered Then is it great pitie so faire a birde should fall into so foule a Cooks handling Two Lawyers met the next day after the tearme and th' one saide to th' other I am sure you carie full bagges downe with you into the countrey hauing made so good a haruest of this Tearme Not so answered the other rather doe I thinke you haue For your bagges I dare say are so top-full of fees that when you throw them downe vpon the boord they make no sound at all as mine doe Th' other reply'd Then belike I haue the oddes of you in money and you of me in musicke A simple Iustice was complain'd vnto of a wrong sentence he had giueÌ„ against one And he answered Quod esquilse esquilse viz Quod scripst scripst A souldiour comming to a Lawyer to haue a bill drawne The Lawyer did it And then hee offred him his sword in payment Wherunto the Lawyer excepted and said Blade me no bladings but giue me good gheult A great Lawyer loosing his money at Cardes was in a pelting chafe and by chaunce a friend of his comming in and marueilling to see him so teasty The Lawyer sayd I doe but canuasse the errour of this action A miserable petti-fogger and his boy traueilling vp to the tearme wading through a brooke the streame was so strong that it bore him quite away And euen as his legges began to faile him he turn'd backe to his boy and said Nowe is it time if thou hast any thing of mine come giue it me quickly The Emperour Charles at his first entrie into Toledo tooke an oath according to the prerogatiue of that place to preserue and secure vnto the Citizens all their auncient rites and priuiledges inuiolable which after he had sworn and that the towns publike Notarie had ingrossed it of record The saide Notarie then said vnto him If your Majesty please to performe what you haue heere sworne God blesse you if not God incline your heart that you may and blesse you neuerthelesse A young Scriuener read a bill of sale to his maister and the words went thus Be it known vnto all men to whom this present bill shall come or appertaine that I A. B of such a place doe by these presents passe graunt giue and make ouer vnto C.D. of such a place all my lands and possessions lying and being in such a place for the summe of so much money alredie in hande receiued And heerat he paused a while to spette Whereat his surlie maister half angrie testie said On on with a mischiefe Then the fellow proceeded and read Namely to you and your heires and to al that shall or may heerafter issue from them and theirs to the worlds end A Scriuener was writing a Marchantes last will and testament in which the marchant expressed many debts that were owing him which he will'd his executors to take vp and dispose to such and such vses A kinsman of this Marchantes then standing by and hoping for some good thing to be bequeathed him long'd to heare some good newes to that effect and â—aide vnto the Scriuener hagh hagh what saith my vncle now Doth he now make his Maundies No answered the Scriuener he is yet in his demaunds A Scriuener taking an inuentorie of all the goods and chattels of a dissembling Iew one will'd him to set downe certaine flitches of Bacon that hung in his kitchin chimney Wherunto the Scriuener answered No they are no mooueables for I dare say they are by this time of day deep rooted in his beleefe The end of the second part of this booke Wittes Fittes and Fancies The third Part. OF LOVE AND LOVERS ANamorous Asse perfum'd his loue-letter to his maistresse and fearing least she should neglect how sweet it was wrote in a post-script vnderneath I pray you maistresse after you haue read this letter smell to it A widow Gentlewoman hearing a yoong Noblemans discourse vnto her of the mariageable loue he bare her daughter and she objecting that she was too meanly discended to be wife to so great a Lord as he He answered A more matter is loue then Lordship A Gentleman seeing a faire Gentlewoman at a window he volted and carabetted vpon his horse a good space before her and at last away he pranced Anon after he came that way again and did as before and so continued a good while At last he departed for good and all and being come home he sent her two bottles of Orange flower water by his page Which the Gentlewoman accepting said vnto the page Now I pray thee my Lad thanke thy maister and tel him that I thought his euening wind would turne to water A Spaniard going to a femal house in Antwarp was demanded by a friend of his whether he went Who answered To practise vpon a sinner in th' act of charitie Celestina is a daintie pastorall loue-booke in Spanish and it signifieth Celestiall A Scholler comming to visit his maistresse she desired him to helpe her to the saide Celestina Who answered Your selfe being the Originall what would you doe with the translation Fuente in Spanish signifies a fountaine Two Gent. came to visit a GentlewomaÌ„ whose Paramour was one Senior Fuente They walking in the hall together one of them said Lord what a fresh house is this I haue not come in a fresher Th' other answered No marueill for it hath a Fuente in it viz. a fountaine A Gent. had stolne a faire
sonne there after much mone and lamentation ouer him she chanced to cast her eye aside and there by espy'd a dead Englishman Then vp she arose and much accursing our nation for the death of her sonne in the end she stripped him of his apparell and chanced to find a stale lofe of bread in his breeches which was of the prouision hee brought with him from the English pale which after she had a good while well viewed wondred at in the end burst foorth into fresh teares and said No maruell if my deare sonne bee slaine by one that voydes so hard and huge a sturd A Scot was a preaching how that all men are one an others neighbour and brother in Christ euen the Turke the Iew the Moore the Caniball the farre Indian and then concluded Yea and the very Englishman is our neighbour too A Portugall Frier was discoursing in his sermon of a greate victorie his Nation had against the Spaniards that day twelue monethes and said Then both th' Armies camped neere vnto the riuer we Christians on the one side and the Spaniards on the other A drunken Christian and a Iewish Christian being at tearms of brabble the Drunkard call'd the counterfeit a drunken companion and the counterfeit call'd him a Iew The next day they met again the Drunkard then said vnto the Iew Sirrha take thy Iew to thy selfe and restore mee my Drunkard again Sanabria a Spanish Captaine vs'd to say that it was extream crueltie in the Muffes to make their wiues their drudges in the warres and no lesse vanitie in the Spaniard to make his maid his maistresse A Spaniard brauing an English fugitiue souldiour in the Low-Countries said that in his dayes hee had slaine as manie Englishmen as he had buttons in his doublet The Englishman answered So often kisse you my tayle One requested his supposed friend to stead him in a certain occasion which the other refus'd him saying To doe you good in good sort you might draw me after you to Ierusalem with a wollen twine but to doe yll to pleasure you you shall pardon me Whereunto th' other answered I to Ierusalem I thinke well for that belike is your country Don Diego Garcia Paredez woonted to say that all other nations speake with their lips but the Spaniard with his heart Gonzalo Fernandez said That Frenchmen at the first encounter are more then men and afterward lesse then women One saying that French paper was better cheape in England then English paper An other answered No maruell for why they haue more ragges to make paper of in France then wee haue in England by reason they haue more beggers A Portugals wife calling a Castilian skeruy Spaniard Her husband said Alas wife it is mischiefe ynough that the poore soule is a Spaniard though he be not skeruie too An Englishman brauing a Frenchman and saying that it was not for nought that England giues the Lions so braue and magnanimous is our nation The Frenchman answered I but the Lion dreads the Cocke So said in reference that Frenchmen are called in Latin Galli Isabel Queen of Spaine hearing another Citie prais'd aboue Toledo said If it be as great as Toledo then is it not so strong and if it be as strong then is it not so great A great Clearke being come to Toledo where he noted the people very ingenious ciuill and discreet hee said Neuer till now that I am in Toledo did I think my selfe an errand foole It is the prouerbiall praise of Venice Venice who neuer saw it cannot esteeme it Isabell Queen of Spaine asked one Don Alonso Carilio what he thought of the citie of Cordua who answered A many villages met in Parliament A Spanish Jester woonted to say that in the citie of Sigouiae were eight moneths of winter and foure of hell It is prouerbiall in our country Frō Hull Hell Halifax good Lord deliuer vs. OF RELIGIONS ONe prayed thus God blesse and saue my Father my Mother my Brothers my Sisters my Wife my Children and mee and no more An other that ouer-heard him answered The Deu'll take thy Father thy Mother thy Brothers thy Sisters thy Wife thy Children and thee and no more A Scottish Euangelist quarrelling with an Englishman about Religion Tut said he you are all Papists yet in England for that your Churches are still standing euery where An Italian Pessant hearing in a passion sermon vpon a good Friday that Iewes did crucifie Christ the Preacher much inueighing against their hard hartednesse therein Anon after the sermon ended he demaunded of one what countrywoman the Virgin Marie was to whom being answered that she was a Iewe the Swaine then remembring that she was their country woman that crucifi'd Christ all in a rage he rusht vpon her Image and all to broke it So indiscreetly the fool hated Iewes for Christ his sake A pure Dame caus'd her picture to be drawne with a bible in her hand and a drop of bloud falling downe from heauen vpon it and written vnderneath thus By Gods bloud and his word I am sure to be saued At what time the Inquisition was first established in Spaine it was proclaimed throughout all that Countrie that all Iewes and others that would not subscribe thereunto should within certaine daies voyde the Realme and packe away A company of Iewes heerupon presentlie departed and arriued at Marselles a sea-Town in France Now one of them walking the next day vpon the key sawe another ship arriue thither and some halfe dozen of his Iewish acquaintance disembarke out of it whom he hartily welcommed into those partes and demanded the cause of their comming They because a many Frenchmen were in place and loth they were to be knowne for Iewes answered Hether wee are come for the death of a certaine man The other reply'd And I euen for the same cause One inuited a Iew to dinner and caus'd minc'd Porke to be seru'd to the boord so deceiptfullie that he thought the Iewe could not suspect it But the Iew imagining the truth ask'd notwithstanding what meat it was They answered Minc'd birdes of diuers sortes Oh would they had wings thensaid the Iew to flie away from this boord A conuertite Iew trauelling on the way with certain Spanish Gent. they arriued at last at a brooke where because they knewe not the certaine depth of it they strain'd curt'sie who should goe formost At last the Conuertite was the hardy man that did it and hee did it safely and then the rest followed after Being all safe on th' other side one of the Gent. said that he maruell'd how so late a Christian as he could haue the heart to aduenture himself to danger seeing such kind of men are commonly most fearfull in all dangerous occasions Wherunto an other of them adjoyned From fire God blesse him for water we see he litle feares Two dissembling Christians being indeed both Iewes as well in their secret beleefe as in linage were at tearms of
I pray OF LITTLENES This Chapter is misplaced with some of Talnesse from fol. 192. A Channon of Toledo who was a man of a very lowe and slender stature scoffingly ask'd a poore Frier that had but one eie what he vs'd to pray for at Gods hand aâ—firming that it were rightnecessarie he pray'd vnto him for another eye Indeed sir answered the Frier I had need haue two eyes to discerne so pettie a goe by ground as you A little pretie souldiour dismounted his foe-man and said Now yeeld or die Th' other looked round about him and answered I see not to whome A Iew sayd vnto a pettie Spaniard his familiar In sooth you seem a little S. Iames. The Spaniard answered Wert thou a Moore as thou art a Iew by his woundes I would cut of thy head for so saying One being ask'd why hee married so little a wife he answered Of euils the least is best A little personage being to haue a case of debt adjudg'd against him said vnto the plaintiffe at the barre If you haue any such band of mine let 's heare how it goes Then the band was read openlie in Court and being to this effect that hee bound himself both bodie goods for the repay therof he then sayd vnto the Judge Your Honor sees that body I haue litle or none as for my goods let him take all he finds a Gods name A Gent. seeing an vnlawfull tall Gentlewoman passe along the street ask'd her hindmost man her name Who answered maistresse Hoap The Gent. reply'd Ouer-large to be so called Of one that was a verie tall and a big man an other said he was good to make a Porter because if he should chance to find the doore shut belowe hee might discharge his packe in at the garret window One seeing a tall Lunges and a litle man together said that it was like Paules steeple ouer S. Faithes Church A tall personable man offered to accompany a dwarfe in the street saying that the people would the lesse gaze and woonder at his miserable littlenesse The Dwarfe answered Rather will they woonder at my follie to see me lead an Asse along by me and not ride OF DEATH ONe said to an other who had a very narrow mouth Questionles wheÌ„ you die your soul wil fly out at your breech A Gent. being ferried ouer a riuer by a couple of boyes the boat leaked and was in danger of drowning The Gent. then seeing the daunger said vnto them Good boyes as ye are men row boyes It is an ancient custome in Spaine in fauour of life that anie lewd woman whatsoeuer being knowne for such and beeing neither widow nor maide may saue anie Batcheler from the Gallowes offering to marrie him It chanced that a yoong Gent who had been prisoner vpon suspition of fellonie was acquitted by the Iurie And passing that euening vnder a Gentlewomans window who was a loose maid of life shee said vnto him Lord maister N. it is a joy to see you at liberty how a Gods name haue you escap'd the gallowes to day He looking vp vnto her answered I needed not feare hanging so long as you are aliue A Gent. lying very sick a bed heard a passing bell ring out and said vnto his Physition Tell mee maister Doctor is yonder musicke for my dauncing An old Gent. in his death-bed ouerheard his wife praying at his beds feet thus Lord I beseech thee reuoke this doome of death from my deare husband let it light vpon me Wherunto hee answered Gramercie good wife I for my part am content if God bee agreed A Gent. lying sicke at a Manour-house of his call'd Ponde would needs be remooued thence to another house which he had a foure or fiue miles off and being ask'd why he so desir'd change he answered Because I list not die like a fish in a Pond A Spanish Earle was a great swearer and hunting one day in a Forrest and hauing lost his companie ranging vp and downe in the darke chaunced to fall horse and man into a verie deep Mine-pit where hee remained all that night not forgetting in the meane time to bethink himselfe of a manie good thoughtes and namely among the rest he was right penitent of his sinne in swearing vowing that if it pleas'd God to deliuer him out of that pickle hee would neuer whiles hee liu'd sweare more By chaunce his Spaniell being with him when hee fell was so kind as he would not depart from the place but there remained bawling and howling all the while till at laste certaine passengers traueilling that way the next morning and ouer-hearing the Dogs pitteous clamour made to the place and there looking downe into the pit espy'd the Earle and then with such tackles as they had about them drew him vp and set him on firme ground Then hee looking downe into the hole to see how deeplie he had fallen and seeing it verie deepe rapt out a legion of huge oathes saying Gogges nownes and his passion is this a fit place for a Noble-man to fall into A Gent. lying a dying an olde woman came to visite him and asking him before a great manie there present whether he knew her or no hee answered Yes full well an errand Baude thou art so God shall helpe mee Then shee telling him that that was no meet time to slaunder his poor neighbour hee reply'd Yes it is best telling a truth in the houre of death A Doctor being drawne along on a hurdle to execution casting vp his eyes and espying a multitude of people about him sayd Deus bone quot Corui circae vnum Cadauer A rich Churle and a begger were buried at one time in the same Church-yard and the belles rung out amaine for the miser Now the Wisacre his sonne and Executor to the ende the worlde might not thinke that all that ringing was for the begger but for his father hyr'd a Trumpetter to stand all the ringing-while in the Belfrie and betweene euerie peale to sound his Trumpet and proclaime aloud and say Sirres this next peale is not for R. but for maister N. his father One telling a vertuous Gentlewoman that her picture was broken shee answered Then is it but the shaddow of a shadow gone FINIS A Table of all the Chapters of this Booke The 1. Part. OF Kings and princes pag. 7 Of NoblemeÌ„ Ambassadors pag. 12 Of Gentlemen pag. 23 Of Gallants and vpstarts pag. 29 Of Coronels and Captaines pag. 3â— Of Souldiours pag. 35 Of Challenges Combats pag. 38 Of Trauellers by land and sea pag. 40 Of Polititians pag. 45 Of Sute and Suters pag. 46 Of Game and Gamesters pag. 47 The 2. Part. Of Popes and Prelates pag. 50 Of Priests and Friers pag. 58 Of Doctors and Schollers pag. 64 Of Poets and Musitions pag. 66 Of Physicke Physitions pag. 71 Of Iustices Lawyers Scriueners pag. 74 The 3. Part. Of Loue and Louers pag. 79 Of Husbands wiuing pag. 83 Of Women pag.