PARASITASTER OR THE FAWNE AS IT HATH BEEN DIVERS TIMES PREsented at the blacke Friars by the Children of the Queenes Maiesties Reuels and since at Powles Written BY IOHN MARSTON And now corrected of many faults which by reason of the Authors absence were let slip in the first edition AT LONDON Printed by T. P. for W. C. 1606 To my equall Reader I Haue euer more endeuoured to know my selfe than to be knowne of others and rather to be vnpartially beloued of all than factiously to bee admired of a few yet so powerfully haue I been enticed with the delights of Poetry and I must ingeniously confesse aboue better desert so fortunate in these stage-pleasings that let my resolutions be neuer so fixed to call mine eyes into my selfe I much feare that most lamentable death of him Qui nimis notus omnibus Ignotus moritur sibi But since the ouer-vehement pursute of these delights hath bin the sicknesse of my youth and now is growne to be the vice of my firmer age since to satisfie others I neglect my selfe let it be the curtesie of my peruser rather to pitie my selfe-hindring labours than to malice me and let him be pleased to be my reader and not my interpreter since I would faine reserue that office in my owne hands it being my dayly prayer Absit à iocorum nostrorum simplicitate malignus interpres If any shall wonder why I print a Comedie whose life rests much in the Actors voice Let such know that it cannot auoide publishing let it therefore stand with good excuse that I haue been my owne setter out If any desire to vnderstand the scope of my Comedie know it hath the same limits which Iuuenal giues to his Satyres Quicquid agunt homines votum timor ira voluptas Gaudia discursus nostri farrago libelli est As for the factious malice and studied detractions of some few that tread in the same path with me let all know I most easily neglect them and carelesly slumbring to their vitious endeuours smile hartily at their selfe-hurting basenesse My bosome friend good Epictetus makes me easily to contemne all such mens malice since other mens tongues are not within my teeth why 〈…〉 let this be printed that of men of my owne addiction I loue most pitie some hate none For let mee truely say it I once only loued my selfe for louing them and surely I shall euer rest so constant to my first affection that let their vngentle combinings discurteous whisperings neuer so treacherously labour to vndermine my vnfenced reputation I shall as long as I haue being loue the least of their graces and only pitie the greatest of their vices And now to kill enuie know you that affect to be the onely Minion of Phebus I am not so blushlesly ambitious as to hope to gaine any the least supreame eminencie amonge you I affect not onely the Euge tuum Bellè t is not my fashion to thinke no writer vertuously confident that is not swellingly impudent Nor doe I labour to bee held the onely spirit whose Poems may bee thought worthy to be kept in Cedar chests Heliconidasque Pallidamque Pyrenen Illis relinquo quorum imagines lambunt Hederae sequaces He that pursues fame shall for mee without any riuall haue breath ynough I esteeme felicitie to be a more solide contentment onely let it be lawfull for me with vnaffected modestie and full thought to end boldly with that of Perseus Ipse semipaganus Ad sacra vatum carmen affero nostrum Io Marston REader know I haue perused this coppy to make some satisfaction for the first faulty impression yet so vrgent hath been my busines that some errors haue styll passed which thy discretion may amend Comedies are writ to be spoken not read Remember the life of these things consists in action and for your such courteous suruay of my pen I will present a Tragedy to you which shall boldly abide the most curious perusall Prologus LEt those once know that herewith malice lurke T is base to be too wise in others worke The rest sit thus saluted Spectators know you may with freest faces Behold this Scene for here no rude disgraces Shall taint a publique or a priuat name This pen at viler rate doth value fame Than at the price of others infamy To purchase it Let others dare the rope Your modest pleasure is our authors scope The hurdle and the racke to them he leaues That haue naught left to be accompted any But by not being Nor doth he hope to wyn Your lowder hand with that most common sinne Of vulgar pennes ranke baudrie that smels Euen thorow your maskes vsque ad nauseam The venus of this Sceane doth loath to weare So vile so common so immodest cloathings But if the nymble forme of commody Meere spectacle of life and publique manners May gracefully arriue to your pleased eares We boldly dare the vtmost death of feares For we do know that this most faire fil'd roome Is Loaden with most Atick iudgements ablest spirits Then whome there are none more exact full strong Yet none more soft benigne in censuring I know ther 's not one Asse in all this presence Not one Callumnious rascall or base villaine Of emptiest merit that would taxe and slaunder If Innocencie her selfe should write not one we know 't O you are all the very breath of Phebus In your pleas'd gracings all the true life bloud Of our poore author liues you are his very graces Now if that any wonder why he 's drawn To such base soothings know his play 's The Fawne Interlocutores Hercules disguised Faunus Duke of Ferrara Gonzago Duke of vrbin a weake Lord of a selfe admiring wisedome Tiberio sonne to Hercules Dulcimel daughter to Gonzago Philocalia An honorable learned ladie companion to the princesse Dulcimel Granuffo A silent Lord Don Zuccone A causlesly iealous Lord Donna Zoya A vertuous faire wittie Lady his wife S. Amoroso debile-dosso A sickly knight Donna Garbetza his Lady Herod Frappatore brother to Sir Amoroso and a vitious bragart Nimphadoro A yong courtier a cōmon louer Dondolo A bald foole Renaldo brother to Hercules Poueia Two ladies attendants on Dulcimel Dōnetta Two ladies attendants on Dulcimel Puttotta A poore laūdresse of the court that washeth and diets footemen The Fawne ACTVS PRIMI SCENA PRIMA Enter Hercules and Renaldo Hercules SEe yonder 's Vrbin those farre appearing Spires rise from the Citie you shall conduct mee no further returne to Ferrara my Dukedome by your care in my absence shall rest constantly vnited and most religiously loyall Renald. My Prince and brother let my blood and loue challenge the freedome of one question Her: You hau 't Renal. Why in your stedier age in strength of life And firmest wit of time will you breake forth Those stricter Limits of regardfull state Which with seuere distinction you still kept And now to vnknowne dangers you 'l giue vp
he neglect The honour of this faith iust care of state And euerie fortune that giues likelyhood To his best hopes to drawe our weaker heart To his owne loue as I protest he do's Gonza. I le rate the Prince with such a heat of breath His eares shall glow nay I discouer'd him I read his eyes as I can read an eye Tho it speake in darkest Caracters I can Can we not Fawne can we not my Lord Why I conceiue you now I vnderstand you both You both admire yes say is 't not hit Though we are old or so yet we ha wit Dulc. And you may say if so your wisedome please As you are truely wise how weake a creature Soft woman is to beate the seidge and strength Of so preuailing feature and faire language As that of his is euer you may adde If so your wisedome please as you are wise Gonz: As mortall man may be Dul: I am of yeares apt for his loue if he should proceed in priuate vrgent sute how easie t were To win my loue for you may say if so Your wisedome please you find in me A very forward passion to inioy him And therefore you beseech him seriously Straight to forbeare with such close cunning arte To vrge his too well graced suite for you If so your Lordship please may say I told you all Gonz: Goe to goe to what I will say or so Vntill I say none but my selfe shall know But I will say goe to do's not my colour rise It shall rise for I can force my bloud To come and goe as men of wit and state Must sometimes faine their loue sometimes their hate That 's pollicie now but come with this free heate Or this same Estro or Enthusiasme For these are phrases both poeticall Will we goe rate the Prince and make him see Himselfe in vs that is our grace and wits Shall shew his shapeles follie vice kneels whiles vertue fitts Enter Tiberio But see we are preuented daughter in It is not fit thy selfe should heare what I Must speake of thy most modest wise wise mind For Tha' rt carefull sober in all most wise Exit Dul And in deed our daughter My Lord Tiberio A horse but yet a Colt may leaue his trot A man but yet a boy may well be broke From vaine addictions the head of Riuers stopt The Channell dries he that doth dread a fire Must put out sparkes and he who feares a bull Must cut his hornes off when he is a Calfe Principiis obsta saith a learned man Who tho he was no Duke yet he was wise And had some sence or so Tib: What meanes my Lord Gon: Lah sir thus men of braine can speake in cloudes Which weake eyes cannot pearce but my faire Lord In direct phrase thus my daughter tels me plaine You goe about with most direct intreates To gaine her loue and to abuse her father O my faire Lord will you a youth so blest With rarest gifts of fortune and sweete graces Offer to loue a young and tender Ladie Will you I say abuse your most wise father Who tho he freeze in August and his calues Are sunck into his toes yet may wel wed our daughter As old as he in wit will you I say For by my troth my Lord I must be plaine My daughter is but young and apt to loue So fit a person as your proper selfe And so she prayd me tell you will you now Intice her easie brest to abuse your trust Her proper honour and your fathers hopes I speake no figures but I charge you check Your appetite and passions to our daughter Before it head nor offer conference Or seeke accesse but by and before vs What iudge you vs as weake or as vnwise No you shal find that Venice Duke has eyes so thinke on 't Exeunt Gonzago and Granuffo Tibe: Astonishment and wonder what means this Is the Duke sober Her: Why ha not you endeuour'd Courses that only seconded appetite And not your honour or your trust of place Doe you not court the Ladie for your selfe Tibe: Faune thou dost loue me if I ha done so T is past my knowledge and I preethe Faune If thou obseru'st I doe I know not what Make me to know it for by the deare light I ha not found a thought that way I apt for loue Let lazy idlenes fild full of wine Heated with meates high fedde with lustfull ease Goe dote on culler as for me why death a sence I court the Ladie I was not borne in Cyprus I loue when how whome thinke let vs yet keepe Our reason sound I le thinke thinke sleepe Exit Her: Amazd euen lost in wondring I restfull Of couetous expectation I am left As on a rock from whence I may discerne The giddie sea of humour slowe beneath Vpon whose backe the vayner bubles floate And forthwith breake o mightie flatterie Thou easiest commonst and most gratefull venome That poysons Courts and all societies How gratefull dost thou make me should one rayle And come to feare a vice beware legge-ringes And the turnd key on thee when if softer hand Suppling a sore that itches which should smart Free speech gaines foes base fawnings steale the heart Swell you impostumbd members till you burst Since t is in vaine to hinder on I le thrust And when in shame you fall I le laugh from hence And crie so end all desperate impudence An others court shall shew me where and how Vice may be cur'de for now beside my selfe Possest with almost phrenzie from strong feruor I know I shall produce things meere deuine Without immoderate heate no vertues shine For I speake strong tho strange the dewes that steepe Our soules in deepest thoughts are Furie and Sleepe Exit ACTVS TERTIVS Enter Faunus and Nymphador Nym Faith Faune t is my humor the naturall sinne of my sanguine complection I am most inforcedly in loue with all women almost affecting them all with an equall flame Her: An excellent iustice of an vpright vertue you loue all Gods creatures with an vnpartiall affection Nym Right neither am I inconstant to any one in particular Her: Tho you loue all in generall true for when you vowe a most deuoted loue to one you sweare not to tender a most deuoted loue to another and indeede why shoulde any man ouer-loue any thing t is iudgement for a man to loue euery thing proportionably to his vertue I loue a dogge with a hunting pleasure as he is pleasurable in hunting my horse after a iourneing easines as he is easie in iournying my hawke to the goodnesse of his winge and my wench Nym How sweet Fawne how Her: Why according to her creation nature made them prettie toying idle phantastique imperfect creatures euen so I would in iustice affect them with a pretty toying idle phantastique imperfect affection and as indeed they are onely created for shew and pleasure so would I onely loue them for
Your selfe Ferraras Duke and in your selfe The state and vs Oh my lou'd brother Honour auoyds not only iust defame But flies all meanes that may ill voice his name Her: Busie your selfe with no feares for I shall rest most warie of our safetie only some glimses I will giue you for your satisfaction why I leaue Ferrara I haue vowed to visit the Court of Vrbin in some disguise as thus my sonne as you can well witnesse with me could I neuer perswade to marriage although my selfe was then an euer resolued Widdower and tho I proposed to him this verie Ladie to whome hee is gone in my right to negotiat now how cooler bloud wil behaue it selfe in this busines would I haue an only testimony other contents shal I giue my selfe as not to take loue by attorney or make my election out of tongues other suffisings there are which my regard would faine make sound to me something of much you knowe that and what els you must not knowe bids you excuse this kind of my departure Re: I commend all to your wisedome and yours to the wisest Her: Thinke not but I shall approue that more than folly which euen now appeares in a most ridiculous expectation be in this assured The bottome of grauitie is nothing like the toppe once more fare you well Exit Ren. And now thou Ceremonious souerainty Ye proud seuerer statefull Complements The secret artes of Rule I put you off Nor euer shall those manacles of forme Once more lock vp the appetite of bloud T is now an age of man whilst we all strickt Haue liu'd in awe of cariage reguler Apted vnto my place not hath my life Once tasted of exorbitant affects Wilde Longings or the Least of disranct shapes But we must once be wild t is auncient truth O fortunate whose madnes falles in youth Well this is text who euer keepes his place In seruile station is all low and base Shall I because some few may cry Light vaine Beat down affection from desired rule He that doth striue to please the world 's a foole To haue that fellowe crie O marke him graue See how austeerely he doth giue example Of repressed heate and steddy life Whilest my forc'd life against the streame of bloud Is tugg'd along and all to keepe the God Of fooles and women Nice opinion Whose strict preseruing makes oft great men fooles And fooles oft great men no thou world know thus Ther 's nothing free but it is generous Exit SCENA SECVNDA Enter Ninphadoro and Herod Her: How now my little more then nothing what newes is stirring Pag All the Citi 's afire Nym On fire Pag With ioy of the Prince Dulcimels birth day there 's show vpon show sport vpon sport Hero: What sport what sport Pag Marry sir to solemnize the Princes birth-day there 's first Crackers which runne into the ayre and when they are at the top like some ambitious strange hereticke keepe a cracking a cracking and then breake and downe they come Hero: A pretty crabbe he would yeeld tart iuyce and he were squeez'd Nym What sport else Pag Other fire-workes Hero: Spirit of wine I cannot tell how these fire-works should be good at the solemnizing the birth of men or women I am sure they are dangerous at their begetting what more fire-works sir Pag There be squibs sir which squibs running vpon lines like some of our gawdie Gallants sir keepe a smother sir with flishing and flashing and in the end sir they do sir Nym What sir Pag Stink sir Hero: Fore heauen a most sweet youth Enter Dondolo Don: Newes newes newes newes Hero: What in the name of prophesie Nym Art thou growne wise Hero: Doth the Duke want no mony Nym Is there a mayd found at 24 Hero: Speake thou three legd Tripos is thy shippe of Fooles a flote yet Don: I ha many things in my head to tell you Her: I thy head is alwaies working it roles and it roles Dondolo but it gathers no moste Dondolo Don: Tiberio the Duke of Ferraraes sonne excellently horsed all vpon Flaunders Mares is arriued at the Court this very day somewhat late in the night time Hero: An excellent nuntius Don: Why my Gallants I haue had a good wit Hero: Yes troth but now t is growne like an Almanake for the last yere past date the mark 's out of thy mouth Dondolo Nym And what 's the Princes Ambassage thou art priuate with the Duke thou belongest to his close stoole Don: Why euery foole knowes that I know it my selfe man as well as the best man hee is come to solicite a marriage betwixt his Father the Duke of Feraraes and our Duke of Vrbins daughter Dulcimel Nympha: Pitie of my passions Nymphadoro shall loose one of his mistresses Her: Nay if thou hast more than one the losse can nere bee greeuous since t is certaine he that loues many formally neuer loues any violently Nym Most trusted Frappatore is my hand the weaker because it is diuided into many fingers no t is the more strongly nimble I doe now loue threescore and nine Ladies al of them most extreamly well but I doe loue the Princes most extreamly best but in verie sighing sadnesse I ha lost all hope and with that hope a Ladie that is most rare most faire most wise most sweet most Her: Any thing true but remember still this faire this wise this sweete this all of excellencie has in the tayle of all a Woman Nym Peace the presence fils against the Prince approacheth Marke who enters Her: My Brother sir Amoroso-debilidosso Nym Not he Her: No not he Nym How is he chang'd Her: Why growne the very dregs of the drabs cup Nym O Babylon thy walles are fallen Is he married Her: Yes yet still the Ladies common or the common Ladies seruant Nym How do's his owne Ladie beare with him Her: Faith like the Romaine Milo bore with him when hee was a Calfe and now caries him when he 's growne an Oxe Nym Peace the Duk 's at hand Cornets Enter Granuffo Gonzago Dulcimell Philocalia Leia Gon: Daughter for that our last speech leaues the firmest print be thus aduis'd when young Tiberio negotiates his fathers loue hold heedie guard ouer thy passions still keepe this full thought firme in thy reason t is his old Fathers loue the yong man mooues is 't not well thought my Lord we must beare braine and when thou shalt behold Tiberios life-full eyes and well fild vaines complection firme and hayres that curles with strength of lustie moysture I thinke wee yet can speake wee ha beene eloquent thou must shape thy thoughts to apprehend his father well in yeeres A graue wise Prince whose beautie is his honour And well past life and doe not giue thy thoughts Least libertie to shape a diuers scope My Lord Granuffo pray ye note my phrase So shalt thou not abuse thy younger hope Nor afflict vs who onely ioy in life To see thee his
were I not of a male constitution t were impossible for mee to suruiue it but in madnesse name let him on I ha not the weake fence of some of your soft-eyed whimpering Ladies who if they were vs'd like me would gall their fingers with wringing their handes looke like bleeding Lucresses and shed salt water ynough to powder all the beefe in the Dukes larder No I am resolute Donna Zoya ha that wiues were of my mettall I would make these ridiculously iealous fooles howle like a starued dogge before he got a bit I was created to be the affliction of such an vnsanctified member and will boyle him in his owne sirupe Enter Zuccone listening Herc: Peace the woolfes eare takes the winde of vs Hero: The enemie is in ambush Zoya. If any man ha the wit now let him talke wantonly but not baudily come Gallants who 'le be my seruants I am now verie open harted and full of entertainment Herc: Grace me too call you mistres Nym Or me Her Or me Sir Am. Or me Zoya. Or all I am taken with you all with you all Herc: As indeed why should any woman onely loue any one man since it is reasonable women should affect al perfection but al perfection neuer rests in one man many men haue many vertues but Ladies should loue many vertues therfore Ladies should loue many men for as in womē so in mē some womā hath only a good eye one can discourse beautifully if she doe not laugh one's well fauoured to her nose another hath onely a good brow tother a plumpe lippe a third onely holdes beautie to the teeth and there the soyle alters some peraduenture hold good to the breast and then downeward turne like the drempt of Image whose head was gold breast siluer thighes yron and all beneath clay and earth one onely winkes eloquently another onely kisses well tother onely talkes well a fourth onely lyes well So in men one Gallant has onely a good face another has onely a graue methodicall beard and is a notable wise fellow vntill he speakes a third onely makes water well and that 's a good prouoking qualitie one onely sweares well another onely speakes well a third onely do's well all in their kinde good goodnesse is to bee affected therefore they it is a base thing and indeed an impossible for a worthy minde to bee contented with the whole world but most vile and abiect to be satisfied with one point of the world Zoya. Excellent Faunus I kisse thee for this by this hand Sir Am. I thought aswell kisse me to deere mistresse Zoya. No good sir Amorous your teeth hath taken rust your breath wants ayring and indeed I loue sound kissing Come Gallants who 'le run a Caranto or leape a Leualto He: Take heed Ladie frō offēding or brusing the hope of your wōb Zoya. No matter now I ha the sleight or rather the fashion of it I feare no barrennesse Herc: O but you know not your husbands aptnesse Zoya. Husband husband as if women could haue no children without husbands Nym I but then they will not be so like your husband Zoya. No matter thei 'le be like their father t is honour ynough to my husband that they vouchsafe to call him father and that his land shall discend to them do's hee not gnash his very teeth in anguish like our husband I had rather they were vngroand for like our husband prooue such a melancholy iealous asse as he is Do's he not stampe Nym But troth your husband has a good face Zoya. Faith good ynough face for a husband come gallants I le daunce to mine owne whistle I am as light now as ah She sings and daunces a kisse to you to my sweet free seruants dreame on me and adue Exit Zoya Zuccone discouers himselfe Zucc: I shall loose my wits Herc: Be comforted deere Don you ha none to leeze Zucc: My wife is growne like a Dutch-crest alwaies rampant rampant fore I will endure this affliction I will liue by raking cockles out of kennels nay I will run my Countrey forsake my religion goe weaue Fustians or rowle the wheele-barrow at Rotter-dam Herc: I would be diuorced dispite her friends or the oath of her Chamber-maide Zucc: Nay I will be diuorced in dispite of em all I le goe to law with her Herc. That 's excellent nay I would goe to lawe Zucc: Nay I will goe to law Herc: Why that 's sport alone what though it be most exacting wherefore is money Zucc: True wherefore is money Herc: What though you shall pay for euerie quill each droppe of Inke each minnam letter tittle comma pricke each breath nay not onely for thine owne Orators prating but for some other Orators scilence though thou must buy scilence with a full hand t is well knowne Demosthenes tooke aboue 2000. pound once only to hold his peace though thou a man of noble gentrie yet you must waight and besiege his studie dore which will prooue more hard to be entred than old Troy for that was gotten into by a wooden horse but the entrance of this may chaunce cost thee a whole stocke of Cattell Oues boues caetera pecoracampi though then thou must sit there thrust and contemned bare-headed to a grograine scribe readie to start vp at the dore creaking prest to get in with your leaue Sir to some surly groome the third sonne of a Rope-maker what of all this Zucc: To a resolute minde these torments are not felt Herc: A verie arrant Asse when hee is hungrie will feed on though hee bee whipt to the bones and shall a verie arrant Asse Zuccone be more vertuously patient than a noble Don. No Fawne the world shal know I haue more vertue than so Herc: Doe so and be wise Zucc: I will I warrant thee so I may be reuenged what care I what I doe Herc: Call a dogge worshipfull Zucc. Nay I will embrace nay I will embrace a Iakes-farmer after eleuen a clocke at night I will stand bare and giue wall to a Bellowes-mender pawne my Lordship sell my foot-cloth but I will be reueng'd do's she thinke she has married an Asse Herc: A Foole Zucc: A Coxecombe Herc: A Ninny-hammer Zucc: A Woodcocke Herc: A Calfe Zucc. No she shall finde that I ha eyes Herc: And braine Zucc: And nose Herc: And Fore-head Zucc: She shall yfaith Fawne she shall she shall sweet Fawne she shall yfaith old boy it ioyes my blood to thinke on 't she shall yfaith farewell lou'd Fawne sweet Fawne farewell she shall yfaith boy Exit Zuccone Enter Gonzago and Granuffo with Dulcimell Gonz: We would be priuate onely Faunus stay Exeunt He is a wise fellow Daughter a verie wise fellow for he is still iust of my opinion my Lord Granuffo you may likewise stay for I know you 'l say nothing say on Daughter Dul: And as I told you sir Tiberio being sent Grac't in high trust as to negotiate His royall fathers loue if
that of your excellencies as for his aduancement you gaue it most royally because hee deserues it least duely since to giue to vertuous desert is rather a due requitall then a Princely magnificence when to vndeseruingnesse it is meerely all bountie and free grace Gon. Well spoke t' is enough Don Granuffo this Fawnus is a very worthy fellow and an excellent Courtier and belou'd of most of the princes of Christendome I can tell you for howsoeuer some seuerer dissembler grace him not whē he affronts him in the full face yet if he comes behind or on the one side hee le leere and put backe his head vpon him be sure be you two pretious to each other Her Sir my selfe my family my fortunes are all deuoted I protest most religiously to your seruice I vow my whole selfe onely prowde in being acknowledged by you but as your creature and my onely vtmost ambition is by my sword or soule to testifie how sincerelie I am consecrated to your adoration Gon. T is enough art a Gentleman Fawne Herc. Not one eminently discēded for were the pedegrees of some fortunately mounted searched they would be secretlie found to be of the bloud of the poore Fawne Gon. T is enough you two I loue hartelie for thy silence neuer displeaseth me nor thy speech euer offend me See our daughter attendes vs my faire my wise my chast my dutieous and indeed in all my daughter for such a pretie soule for all the worlde haue I beene what I thinke wee haue made the Prince to feele his error what did hee thinke hee had weake fooles in hand no hee shall finde as wisely saide Lucullus Young men are fooles that goe aboute to gull vs Dulc. But sooth my wisest father the young Prince is yet forgetfull and resteth resolute in his much vnaduised loue Gon. I st possible Dul. Nay I protest what ere he faine to you as he can faine most deepely Gon. Right we know it for if you markt he would not once take sense of any such intent from him O impudence what mercie can'st thou looke for Dul. And as I saide royally wise and wisely royall Father Gon. I thinke that eloquence is hereditary Dul. Tho he can faine yet I presume your sense is quick enough to find him Gon. Quicke i st not Gra. I st not Fawne why I did know you fained nay I doe know by the iust sequence of such impudence that hee hath laide some second siedge vnto thy bosome with most miraculous conueyances of some rich present on thee Dulc. O bounteous heauen how liberall are your graces to my Nestor-like Father Gon. I st not so say Dulc. T is so oraculous Father he hath now more then courted with bare Phrases See Father see the very bane of honour Corruption of iustice and Virginity Giftes hath he left with me O view this scarffe This as he calde it most enuied silke That should embrace an arme or wast or side Which he much fearde should neuer this hee left Despight my much resistance Gon. Did he so giu 't me I le giu 't him I le regiue his token with so sharpe aduantage Dulc. Nay my worthy Father read but these cunning letters Gon. Letters where proue you but iustly louing cōceiu me Till justice leaue the Gods I le neuer leaue thee For tho the Duke seeme wise hee le find this straine Where two heartes yeeld consent all thwarting 's vaine And darst thou then auerre this wicked write O world of wenching wiles where is thy wit Enter Tiberio Dul. But other talke for vs were farre more fit For see heere comes the prince Tiberio Gon. Daughter vpon thy obediēce instantly take thy chāber Dul. Deare father in all dutie let me beseech your leaue that I may but Gon. Go to go to you are a simple foole a very simple animal Dul. Yet let me the loiall seruant of simplicitie Gon. What would you do what are you wiser then your father will you direct me Dul. Heauens forbid such insolence yet let me denounce my harty hatred Gon. To what end Dul. Tho 't be but in the Princes eare since fit 's not maidēs blush to raile aloude Gon. Go to go to Dul. Let mee but check his heate Gon. Well well Dul. And take him downe deare father from his full pride of hopes Gon. So so I say once more go in Exit Dulcimel and Philocalia I will not loose the glory of reproofe Is this th' office of Embassadors my Lord Tyberio Nay duty of a sonne nay pittie of a man A figure cal'd in art Gradatio VVith some learned Climax to court a royall Lady For 's maister father or perchance his friend And yet intend the purchase of his beuty To his own vse Tib. Your grace doth much amaze mee Gon. I faine dissemble Las we are now growne old weake sighted alas any one fooles vs Tib. I deepely vow my Lord Gon. Peace bee not damnde haue pitty on your soule I confesse sweet Prince for you to loue my daughter Young and wittie of equall mixture both of minde and body Is neither wondrous nor vnnaturall Yet to forsweare and vow against ones heart Is full of base ignoble cowardise Since ti 's most plaine such speeches do contemne Heauen and feare men that 's sentious now Tib. My gratious Lord if I vnknowingly haue er'de Gon. Vnknowingly can you blush my Lord Vnknowingly why can you write these lines Present this scarffe vnknowingly my Lord To my deare daughter vm vnknowingly Can you vrge your suite preferre your gentlest loue In your owne right to her too easy breast That God knowes takes too much compassion on yee And so shee praide me say vnknowingly my Lord If you can act these thinges vnknowingly Know wee can know your actions so vnknowen For wee are old I will not say in witte For euen iust worth must not approue it selfe But take your skarfe for she vowes shee le not weare it Tib. Nay but my Lord Gon. Nay but my Lord my Lord You must take it weare it keepe it For by the honour of our house and bloud I will deale wisely and be prouident Your father shall not say I pandarizde Or fondly winkt at your affection No wee le be wise this night our daughter yeeldes Your fathers answere this night we inuite Your presence therefore to a feastfull waking To morrow to Ferrara you returne With wished answere to your royall father Meane time as you respect our best relation Of your faire bearing Granuffo i st not good Of your faire bearing rest more anxious No anxious is not a good word rest more vigilant Ouer your passion both forbeare and beare Anexou è ampexou that 's Greeke to you now Else your youth shall finde Our nose not stuft but we can take the winde And smell you out I say no more but thus And smell you out what ha not wee our eies Our nose and eares what are these haires vnwise Looke too 't quos ego
the world iniustice some purple fellowes whome chaunce reared and their owne deficiences of spirit hurled downe wee had some courtiers that ore bought their offices yet durst fall in loue Priests that for-sooke their functions to avoid a thawart stroake with a wet finger But nowe alas Fawne now ther 's space and place Her Why how gat al these forth was not the warrant strōg Don. Yes yes but they got a supersedeas al of them proued them selues eyther knaues or madd men and so were all let go ther 's none left nowe in our shippe but a few Cittizens that let their wiues keepe their shoppe books some philosophers and a few Critiques one of which Critiques has lost his flesh with fishing at the measure of Plautus verses another has vowde to get the consumption of the lungues or to leue to posteritie the true orthography and pronunciation of laughing a third hath melted a great deale a suet worne out his thumbs with turning read out his eyes and studied his face out of a sanguine into a meagre spawling fleamy lothsomenes al to finde but why mentula should be the feminine gender since the rule is Propria quae maribut tribuuntur mascilla dicas These Philosophers Critiques and all the maides we could find at 16. are all our fraught nowe Herc. O then your ship of fooles is full Nym. True the maides at 17. fill it Don. Fill it quoth you alas we haue very fewe and these wee were faine to take vp in the country too Herc. But what Philosophers ha ye Don. O very strange fellows one knowes nothing dares not auer he liues goes sees feeles Nym. A most insensible Philosopher Don. An oher that there is no present time and that one man to day and to morrowe is not the same man so that he that yesterday owed money to day owes none because he is not the same man Hero Would that Philosopher would hold good in law Herc. But why has the Duke thus labord to haue all the fools shipt out of his dominions Don. Marry because he would play the foole himselfe alone without any riuall Herc. Ware your breech foole Don. I warrant thee old lad t is the priuiledge of poore fooles to talke before an intelligencer mary if I could foole my selfe into a Lordship as I knowe some ha foole them selues out of a Lordeship were I grown some huge fellow got the leer of the people vpon me if the fates had so decreed it I should talke treason tho I neere opend my lips Her In fatis agimur cedite fatis but how runnes rumor what breath 's strongest in the Pallace nowe I thinke you knowe all Don. Yes wee fooles thinke wee knowe all the Prince hath audience to night is feasted and after supper is intertainde with no comedie maske or barriers but with Nym. What I prethe Herod What I prethe Don. With a most new and speciall shape of delight Nym. What for Ioues sake Don. Marie gallants a session a generall councell of loue summond in the name of Don Cupid to which vpon paine of their mistres displeasure shall appeare all fauour wearers sonnet mongers health drinkers neat in riches of barbers perfumers to conclude al that can wyhee or wag the taile are vpō grieuous paines of their backe sūmond to be assistant in that Session of loue Herc. Hold hold do not paule the delight before it come to our pallat what other rumor keeps aire on mens lungs Don. Other egregiousnes of folly ha you not heard of Don Zucone Nym. What of him good foole Don. Hee is separated Nym. Diuorcd Don. That salt that criticisme that very all epigram of a woman that Analysis that compendium of witnes Nym. Novv Iesu what wordes the foole has Don. We ha stil such words but I wil not vnshake the iest before it be ripe and therefore kissing your worships fingers in most sweet tearmes without any sense and with most fair looks without any good meaning I most courtlike take my leaue ba suus manus devostro Signioria Hero Stay foole wee le follow thee for fore heauen we must prepare our selues for this session Exeunt Enter Zuccone pursued by Zoya on her knees attended by Ladies Zuc. I wil haue no mercy I will not relent iustice beard is shauen and it shal giue thee no hold I am separated and I wil be seperated Zoya. Deare my Lord husband Zuc. Hence creature I am none of thy husband or father of thy bastard no I wil be tyranous and a most deepe reuenger the order shall stand ha thou Queane I ha no wife now Zoy. sweet my Lord Zuc. Hence auant I will marie a woman with no wombe a creature with two noses a wench with no haire rather then remarie thee nay I wil first marrie mark me I vvil first marry obserue me I wil rather marie a woman that with thirst drinkes the blood of man nay heed me a womā that wil thrust in crouds a lady that being with child ventures the hope of her wombe nay giues two crownes for a roume to behold a goodlie man three partes a liue quartered his priuities hacked off his belly launcht vp Nay I le rather marrie a woman to whom this smoking hideous bloudful horred tho most iust spectacles are very lust rather then reaccept thee was I not a handsome fellow from my foote to my feather had I not wit nay which is more was I not a Don and didst thou Acteon me did I not make thee a Lady Herc. And did she not make you a more worshipfull thing a Cuckold Zuc. I married thee in hope of children Herc. And has not she shewed herselfe fruitfull that was got with child without helpe of her husband Zuc. Ha thou vngratful immodest vnwise one that gods my witnes I ha lou'd but goe thy waies twist with whom thou wilt for my part tha 'st spun a faire thread who le kisse the now who le court the now who le ha the now Zoy. Pittie the frailtie of my sexe sweete Lord Zuc. No pittie is a foole and I wil not weare hir coxcombe I haue vowde to loth thee the Irish man shall hate aquauity the welsh man cheese the dutch man shall loth salt butter before I reloue thee do's the babe pule thou should'st ha cride beefore t' is to late nowe no the trees in autumne shal sooner call backe the spring with sheding of their leeues then thou reuerse my iust irreuocable hatred with thy teares away goe vaunt Exit Zoya and the Ladie Herc. Nay but most of this is your fault that for many yeres onely vpon meere mistrust seuer'd your body from your Lady and in that time gaue opportunity turn'de a iealous asse hired and some to trie and tempt your Ladies honour whilest she with all posible industrie of apparant merit diuerting your vnfortunate suspition Zuc. I know 't I confesse all this I did and I doe glorie in 't why cannot a young Lady
scornd her teares Zuc. most right Herc. Teares that were only shed I woulde not vex you in very griefe to see you couet your owne shame Zuc. Too true too true Herc. For indeede she is the sweetest modest soule the fullest of pittie Zuc. O yes O yes Herc. The softnesse and very courrtesie of her sexe as one that neuer lou'd any Zuc. But mee Herc. So much that he might hope to dishonour her nor anie so little that he might feare she disdaind him O the graces made her a soule as soft as spotles down vpon the swans faire brest that drue bright Cythereas chariot yet thinke I woulde not vexe you yet thinke how cruell you were to her Zuc. As a Tiger as a very Tiger Herc. And neuer hope to be reconcild neuer dreame to bee reconcild neuer Zuc. Neuer alas good Fawne what woldst wish me to do now Herc. Faith go hang your selfe my Don that 's best sure Zuc. Nay that 's too good for I le do worse then that I le marie againe where canst pick out a morsell for me Fawne Herc. There is a modest matron like creature Zuc. What yeeres Fawne Herc. Some fower score wanting one Zuc. A good sober age is she wealthy Herc. Very wealthy Zuc. Excellent Herc. Shee has three haires on her scalpe and fower teeth in her head a browe wrinckled and puckred like old parchment halfe burnt she haz had eies no womans jaw-bones are more apparant her sometimes enuious lips now shrink in and giue her nose and her chin leaue to kisse each other verie moistlye as for her reuerend mouth it seldome opens but the very breath that flies out of it infects the fowls of the aire and makes them drop down dead her brests hang like cobwebs her flesh will neuer make you cuckold her bones may Zuc. But is she welthy Herc. Very wealthie Zuc. And will she ha mee art sure Herc. No sure she will not haue you why do you thinke that a waiting woman of three bastards a strumpet nine times carted or a hag whose eies shoot poison that has beene an ould witch and is now turning into a gib-cat wil ha you mary Don Zucone the contempt of women and the shame of men that has afflicted contemnd so choise a perfection as Dona Zoyas Zuc. Alas Fawne I confesse what wouldst ha me do Herc. Hang your selfe you shal not marrie you cannot I le tell yee what you shal do there is a ship of fooles setting foorth if you make good meanes intreat hard you may obtaine a passageman be maisters mate I warrant yow Zuc. Fawne thou art a scuruie bitter knaue and dost flout Dons to their faces t was thou flatteredst me to this and now thou laugh'st at me dost though indeede I had a certaine procliuity but thou madest me resolute dost grinne and gearne O yow comforters of life helpes in sicknesse ioyes in death preseruers of vs in our children after death women haue mercie on me Herc. O my Don that God made no other meanes of procreation but by these women I speake it not to vexe you Zuc. O Fawne thou hast no mercy in thee dost thou leere on me vvel I le creepe vpon my knees to my vvife dost laugh at me dost gearne at me dost smile dost leere on me dost thou O I am an Asse true I am a Coxcombe vvel I am mad good A mischeife on your cogging tongue your soothing throat your oylie iavves your supple hammes your dissembling smiles and O the graund Diuill on you all vvhen mischiefe fauours our fortunes and vve are miserably tho iustly vvretched More pittie comfort and more helpe vve haue In foes profest then in a flattering knaue Exit Herc. Thus fevv strike saile vntill they run on shelfe The eye sees all thinges but his proper selfe In all thinges curiosity hath beene Vitious at least but herein most pernitious What madnes i st to search and find a vvound For vvhich there is no cure and vvhich vnfound Neere rankles vvhose finding onely vvoundes But he that vpon vaine surmise forsakes His bed thus long onely to search his shame Giues to his vvife youth opportunity Keepes her in idlefull delitiousnesse Heates and inflames imagination Prouokes her to reuenge vvith churlish vvronges What should he hope but this vvhy should it lie in vvomen Or euen in chastity it selfe since chastiti 's a female T' auoide desires so ripened such svvetes so canded But she that hath out-borne such masse of wronges Out-dur'de all persecutions all contempts Suspects disgrace all wantes and all the mischeifs The basenes of a cankerd churle could cast vpon her With constant vertue best fainde chastitie And in the end turnes all his iealousies To his owne skorne that Lady I emplore It may be lawfull not to praise but euen adore Enter Gonzago Granuffo with full state Enter the Cornets sounding Gon. Are our sportes readie is the Prince at hand Herc. The Prince is now arriude at the Court gate Gon. What meanes our daughters breathles hast Enter Dulcimel in hast Dul. O my princely father now or neuer let your princely wisedome appeare Gon. Feare not our daughter if it rest within humaine reason I warrant thee no I warrant thee Granuffo if it rest in mans capacity speake deare daughter Dul. My Lord the Prince Gon. The Prince what of him deare daughter Dul. O Lord what wisedome our good parents neede to shield their chickens from deceipts wiles of kite like youth Gon. Her very phrase displayes whose childe she is Dul. Alas had not your grace beene prouident a very Nestor in aduise and knowledge ha where had you poore Dulcimel beene now what vaines had not I beene drawne into Gon. Fore God shee speakes very passionately Alas daughter heauē giues euery man his talent indeed vertue wisedom are not fortunes giftes therefore those that fortune cannot make vertuous shee commonly makes rich for our owne part wee acknowledge heauens goodnes and if it were possible to bee as wise againe as wee are wee would neare impute it to our selues for as wee bee flesh and bloud alas we are fooles but as wee are Princes Schollars and haue reade Cicero de Oratore I must confesse there is another matter in t what of the Prince deere daughter Dul. Father doe you see that tree that leanes iust on my chamber window Gon. What of that tree Enter Tiberio with his traine Dul. O sir but note the policie of youth marke but the stratagems of working loue The prince salutes me and thus greetes my eare Gon. Speake softly he is entred Dul. Although he knew I yet stood wauering what to elect because though I affected yet destitute of meanes to inioy each other impossibilitie of hauing might kill our hope and with our hope desires to inioy Therefore to auoid all faint excuses and vaine feares thus he deuised to Dulcimels chamber window A well growne plain tree spreads his happie armes by that in depth of night one may ascend
that are lightlie hurt shame to complaine those that are deepely strucke are past recouerie Cupid On to the next Herc. An Act against the plurality of Mistresses Cup. Reade Herc. Whereas some ouer amorous and vnconscionable couetous young gallants without all grace of Venus or the feare of Cupid in their mindes haue at one time ingrossed the care or cures of diuers mistresses with the charge of Ladies into their owne tenure or occupation whereby their mistresses must of necessitie bee very ill and vnsufficiently serued and likewise many able portly Gallants liue vnfurnished of competent entertainmēt to the merit of their bodies and wheras likewise some other greedy strangers haue taken in the purlues outset land and the auncient commons of our soueraine Liege Don Cupid taking in his very high waies and inclosing thē and annexing them to their owne Lordships to the much empouerishing and putting of diuers of Cupids true harts and loiall subiectes to base and abhominable shifts Bee it therefore enacted by the soueraigne authority and erected ensigne of Don Cupid with the assent of some of the Lordes most of the Ladies and all the Commons that what person or persons soeuer shall in the trade of honor presume to weare at one time two Ladies fauors or at one time shall earnestly court two women in the way of marriage or if any vnder the degree of a Duke shall keepe aboue twentie women of pleasure a Dukes brother fifteene a Lord ten a knight or a Pentioner or both fower a gentleman two shall ipso facto bee arrested by follies mace and instantly committed to the ship of fooles without either baile or maine-prize Millessimo centesimo quingintesimo quadragesimo nono Cupidinis semper vnius Nymphadoro to the barre Nym. Shame a folly wil Fawne now turn an informer dos he laugh at me Her Domina Garbetza did hee not euer protest you were his most onely elected Mistres Gar. He did Her Domina Donella did hee not euer protest you were his most onely elected Mistresse Don. He did Herc. Domina Poueia did hee not euer protest that you were his most onely elected Mistresse Pou. He did Nym. Mercy Cup. Our mercy is nothing vnlesse some Lady will beg thee Ladies Out vpon him dissembling perfidious lyer Her Indeed t is no reason Ladies should beg liers Nym. Thus he that loueth many if once knowne is iustly plagued to be belou'de of none Exit Herc. An act against counterfeiting of Cupids royall coine abusing his subiectes with false money To the barre Sir Amaros In most lamentable forme complaineth to your blinde celsitude your distressed Orators the women of the world that in respect that many spend thriftes who hauing exhausted and wasted their substance and in stranger partes haue with emptie showes treasonably purchased Ladies affections without being of ability to pay them for it with currāt money and therefore haue deceitfully sought to satisfie thē with counterfeite mettell to the great displeasure and no smal losse of your humblest subiectes May it therefore with your pittifull assent been acted that what Lord Knight or gentlemā soeuer knowing himselfe insufficient bankerout exhausted and wasted shal trayterously dare to entertaine any lady as wife or mistresse ipso facto to be seuered from all commercement with women his wife or mistresse in that state offēding to be forgiuen with a pardon of course and himselfe instantly to be pressed to saile in the ship of fooles without either baile or main-prise Herc. Sir Amarous is arrested Sir Amar. Iudgement of the court Her I take my oath vpon thy brothers body t is none of thine Amor. By the hart of dissemblance this Fawne has wrought with vs as strāge Taylors work in corporate cities where they are not free all inward inward he lurkt in the bosome of vs yet wee know not his profession Sir let me haue counsell Her T' is in great Cupids case you may haue no counsell Sir Amor. death a iustice are we in Normandy what is my Ladies doome then Cup. Acquited by the expresse parol of the statute hence and in thy ignorance be quietly happie away with him on Her An Act against forgers of loue letters false braggarts of ladies fauours and vaine boasters of counterfeit tokens Herod T is I t is I I confesse guiltie guilty Herc. I will bee most humaine and right courteously languaged in thy correctiō and onely say thy vice frō apparāt here has made thee an apparant beggar and now of a false knaue hath made thee a true foole Folly to the shippe with him and twice a day let him be duckt at the mayne-yeard Cup. Proceede Herc. An Act against slanderers of Cupids liege ladies names and lewde defamers of their honors Zucc. T is I t is I I weepe and crie out I haue been a most cōtumelious offender my onely crie is miserere Cup. If your relenting Lady wil haue pittie on you the fault against our Deity be pardoned Zuc. Madam if euer I haue found fauour in your eyes if euer you haue thought me a reasonable handsome fellow as I am sure before I had a beard you might O be mercifull Zoya. Well vpon your apparant repentance that all modest spectators may witnes I haue for a short time onely thus faynedly hated you that you might euer after truely loue me vppon these cautions I reaccept you first you shall vow Zuc. I doe vow as heauen blesse me I will doe Zo. What Zuc. What ere it be say on I beseech you Zo. You shall vow Zuc. Yes Zo. That you shall neuer Zuc. Neuer Zoya. Faine loue to my waiting woman or chamber maide Zuc. No Zoya. Neuer promise them such a farme to their mariadge Zuc. No Zoya. If shee le discouer but whom I affect Zuc. Neuer Zoya. Or if they know none that theil but take a false oath I do onely to be ridde of mee Zuc. I sweare I wil not I will not onelie not counterfetlie loue your women but I will truelie hate them an 't be possible so far from maintaining them that I will begger them I wil neuer picke their trunkes for letters search their pockets ruffle their bosoms or tear their foule smocks neuer neuer Zoya. That if I chance to haue a humor to be in a maske you shall not grow Iealous Zuc. Neuer Zoya. Or grudge at the expence Zuc. Neuer I wil eate mine own armes first Zoy. That you shall not search if my chamber dore hinges be oyld to auoid creaking Zuc. As I am a sensible creature Zoy. Nor euer suspect the reason why my bedde-chamber floore is double matted Zuc. Not as I haue bloud in mee Zoya. You shall vowe to weare cleane linnen and feede wholsomelie Zuc. I and highly I will take no more Tobacco or come to your sheetes drunke or get wenches I wil euer feed on fried frogs broild snayles and boilde Lamstones I will adore thee more then a mortall obserue and serue you as more then a Mistresse doe all duties of a