here comes Setstone groaning Enter Setstone Setst O Sir I have been so troubled with swooning fits and have so long'd for cherries Non. He 's poopt to Isa. Well this is not the worst yet I suspect something more than I will speak on Non. What dost thou suspect ha Isa. Is not your Lordship with child too Non. Who I with Child Marry Heaven forbid what dost thou see by me to ground it on Isa. You 'r very round of late that 's all Sir Non. Round that 's only fat I hope I have had a very good stomach of late I 'm sure Isab. Alass and well you may you eat for two Sir Non. Setstone look upon me and tell me true do you observe any alteration In me Set. I would not dishearten your Ladiship your Lordship I would say but I have observ'd of late your colour goes and comes extremely methinks your Lordship looks very sharp and bleak i th' face and mighty puff i th' body Non. O the Devil wretched men that we are all nothing grieves me but that in my old age when others are past child-bearing I should come to be a disgrace to my family Con. How do you Sir your eyes look wondrous dim is not there a mist before u'm Isa. Do you not feel a kicking in your belly when do you look Nuncle Non. Uh uh me-thinks I am very sick o' th sudden Isa. What store of old shirts have you against the good time shall I give you a shift Nuncle Non. Here 's like to be a fine charge towards we shall all be brought to bed together well if I be with Devil I will have such Gossips an Usurer and a Scrivener shall be Godfathers Isa. I 'll help you Nuncle and Saundyes two Grannies shall be Godmothers the Child shall be Christened by the Directory and the Gossips Gift shall be the gude Scotch Kivenant Const. Set. Non. Toby Ambr. Uh uh uh Isa. What rare musicks here Non. When e'r it comes from me 't will kill me that 's certain Set. Best take a vomit Isa. And 't comes upward the horns will choack him Non. Mass and so they will Isa. Your only way is to make sure o th' Man-midwife Non. But my Childs dishonour troubles me the most if I could but see her well married before I underwent the labour and peril of Child-bearing what would you advice Niece Isa. That which I am very loath to do send for honest Jack Loveby and let him know the truth on t he 's a fellow without a fortune and will be glad to leap at the occasion Non. But why Loveby of all the world 't is but staying till to morrow and then Sir Timerous will marry her Con. Uh! I swell so fast I cannot hide it till to morrow Isa. Why there 's it now Non. I 'll send for the old Alderman Getwell immediately he 'll father the Devils Bastard I warrant you Isa. Fie Nuncle my Cousins somewhat too good yet for an Alderman if it were her third child she might hearken to you Non. Well since it must be so Setstone go you to Loveby make my excuse to him for the arrest and let him know what fortune may attend him Isa. Mr. Setstone pray acquaint him with my Cousins affection to him and prepare him to father the Cushion underneath her Peticoat aside to Set. Set. I 'll bring him immediately Exit Setstone Isa. When he comes Nuncle pray cover your great belly with your hat that he may not see it Non. It goes against my heart to marry her to this Loveby but what must be must be Enter Loveby Con. O Mr. Loveby the welcom'st man alive you met Setstone I hope that you came so opportunely Lov. No faith Madam I came of my own accord Isa. 'T is unlucky he 's not prepar'd Lov. Look you Madam I have brought the 100 l. the Devil was as punctual as three a clock at a Play-house here 't is right I warrant it without telling I took it upon his word gives it Con. Your kindness shall be requited Servant but I sent for you upon another business Pray Cousin tell 't him for I am ashamed to do 't Lov. Ha! 't is not that great belly I hope is' t come to that Isa. Hark you Mr. Loveby a word with you Lov. A word with you Madam whither is your Cousin bound Isa. bound Sir Lov. I bound look you she 's under sail with a lusty fore-wind Non. I sent for you Sir but to be plain with you 't was more out of necessity than Love Lov. I wonder my Lord at your invincible ill nature you forget the arrest that I passed by but this 't is to be civil to unthankful persons 't is feeding an ill-natur'd dog that snarles while he takes the victuals from your hand Non. All friends all friends no ripping up old stories you shall have my Daughter Lov. Faith I see your Lordship would let Lodgings ready furnish'd but I am for an empty Tenement Non. I had almost forgot my own great belly if he should discover that too Claps his hat before it Isa. to Loveby You will not hear me Sir 't is all roguery as I live Lov. Flat roguery I 'll swear if I had been father on t nay if I had but laid my breeches upon the bed I would have married her but I see we are not ordain'd for one another is going Non. I beseech you Sir Lov. Pray cover my Lord. Isa. He does his great belly methinks Non. I 'll make it up in money to you Lov. That cannot tempt me I have a friend that shall be nameless that will not see me want and so your Servant Exit Loveby Isa. I 'll after and bring him back Non. You shall not stir after him does he scorn my daughter Isa. Lord how fretful you are this breeding makes you so peevish Nuncle Non. 'T is no matter she shall straight be married to Sir Timorous Con. I am ruin'd Cousin Isa. I warrant you My Lord I wish her well married to Sir Timorous but Loveby will certainly infect him with the news of her great belly Non. I 'll dispatch it e'r he can speak with him Isa. When e'r he comes he 'll see what a bona roba she is grown Non. Therefore it shall be done i th' evening Isa. It shall my Lord. Con. Shall it Isa. Let me alone Cousin and to this effect she wall write to him that to conform to your will and his modesty she desires him to come hither alone this Evening Non. Excellent wench I 'll get my Chaplain ready Exit Nons. Con. How can you hope to deceive my father Isa. If I do not I have hard luck Con. You go so strange a way about your bowl must be well byassed to come in Isa. So plain a ground there 's not the least rub in 't I 'll meet Sir Timorous in the dark and in your room marry him Con. You 'll be sure to provide for one Isa. You
pay Frances go home and fetch him the whole bag of forty pounds I 'll lend it him and the Lease of the House too he shall want for nothing Lov. Take the Money or I 'll leave your house Bib. Nay rather than displease his Worship take it She takes it Lov. So so go home quietly and Suckle my God-son Francis Exit Frances Bib. If you are for the Cellar Sir you know the way Exit Bibber Lov. No my first visit shall be to my Mistriss the Lady Constance Nonsuch She 's discreet and how the Devil she comes to love me I know not yet I am pretty confident she loves me well no woman can be wiser than you know what will give her leave to be Enter Lady Constance and Madam Isabella Isa. Look look Is not that your Servant Loveby Love 'T is she there 's no being seen till I am better habited Exit Loveby Const. Let him go and take no notice of him poor Rogue He little thinks I know his poverty Isa. And less that you supply it by an unknown hand Const. I and falfified my Fathers Keyes to do it Isa. How can you answer this to your discretion Const. Who could see him want she loves Enter Setstone Isa. Oh here 's Mr. Setstone come your Jeweller Madam Const. Welcome Setstone hast thou perform'd thy visit Happi y and without discovery Set. As you would wish it Madam I went up to his Chamber without interruption and there found him Drowning his cares and pacifying his hunger with sleep Which advantage I took and undiscovered by him left The Gold divided in his Pockets Const. Well this Money will furnish him I hope that we may have his company again Set. Two hundred and fifty good pounds Madam Has your Father miss'd it yet Const. No if he had we should have all heard on 't before how but pray God Monsieur Loveby has no other haunts to divert him now he 's ransom'd what a kind of woman is his Landlady Sett Well enough to serve a Taylor or to kiss when he comes home drunk or wants money but far unlikely to create jealousie in your Ladiship Enter Servant Serv. Madam Justice Trice desires your Ladiships excuse that he has not yet perform'd the Civilities of his hour to you he is dispatching a little business about which he is earnestly employed Const. He 's Master of his own occasions Exit Servant Isa. We shall see him anon with his face as read as if it had been boyl'd in pump-water but When comes this Miror of Knighthood that is to be presented you for your Servant Const. Oh 't is well thought on 'Faith thou know'st my affections are otherwise dispos'd he 's rich and thou want'st a Fortune atchieve him if thou can'st 't is but trying and thou hast as much wit as any Wench in England Isa. On condition you 'l take it for a Courtesie to be ridd of an Ass I care not if I marry him the old foole your Father would be so importunate to match you with a young Foole that partly for quietness sake I am content to take him Const. To take him then you make sure on 't Isa. As sure as if the Sack Posset were already eaten Const. But What means wilt thou use to get him Isa. I 'll bribe Failer he 's the man Const. Why this Knight is his inheritance he lives upon him Do'st thou think he 'll ever admit thee to govern him no he fears thy wit too much besides he has already received an hundred pound to make thee Match between Sir Timorous and me Isa. 'T is all one for that I warrant you he sells me Fee-simple of him Set. Your Father Madam Enter Nonsuch Isab. The Tempest is risen I see it in his face he puffs and blowes yonder as if two of the Winds were fighting upwards and downwards in his belly Set. Will he not find your false Keyes Madam Isa. I hope he will have more Humanity then to search us Const. You are come after us betimes Sir Non. Oh Child I am undone I am robb'd I am robb'd I have utterly lost all stomach to my dinner Const. Robb'd good my Lord how or of what Non. Two hundred and fifty pounds in fair Gold out of my Study an hundred of it I was to have paid a Courtier this afternoon for a Bribe Set. I protest my Lord I had as much a do to get that parcel of Gold for your Lordship Non. You must get me as much more against to morrow for then my Friend at Court is to pay his Mercer Isa. Nay if that be all there 's no such hast the Courtiers are not so forward to pay their Debts Const. Has not the Monkey been in the Study he may have carried it away and dropt it under the Garden-window the grafs is long enough to hide it Non. I 'll go see immediately Enter Failer Burr Timorous Fail This is the Gentleman my Lord Non. He 's wellcome Fail And this the particular of his Estate Non. That 's wellcome too Fail But besides the Land here mentioned he has wealth in specie Non. A very fine young Gentleman Tim. Now my Lord I hope there 's no great need of Wooing I suppose my Estate will speak for me yet if you please to put in a word Non. That will I instantly Tim. I hope I shall have your good word too Madam to your Cousin for me To Isabelle Isa. Any thing within my power Sir Timerous Non. Daughter here 's a person of Quality and one that loves and honours you exceedingly Tim. Nay good my Lord you discover all at first dash Non. Let me alone Sir Have not I the dominion over my own Daughter Constance here 's a Knight in love with you Childe Const. In love with me my Lord it is not possible Non. Here he stands that will make it good Childe Tim. Who I my Lord I hope her Ladyship has a better opinion of me than so Non. What Are not you in love with my Daughter I 'll be Sworn you told me so but even now I 'll eat words for no man Tim. If your Ladyship will believe all reports that are raised on Men of Quality Non. He told it me with his own mouth Child I 'll eat words for no man that 's more then ever I told him yet Fail You told him so but just now fye Sir Timerous Non. He shall have no Daughter of mine and he were a thousand Knights he told me he hop'd I would speak for him I 'll eat no mans words that 's more than ever I told him yet Isa. You need not keep such a pudder about eating his words you see he has eaten u'm already for you Non. I 'll make him stand to his words and he shall not marry my Daughter neither by this good day I will Exit Nonsuch Const. 'T is an ill day to him he has lost 250 l. in 't To Isab. Burr He swears at the rate of two thousand
it Exit Loveby Isa. By that time he has bought his Locket and paid his Landlady all his Money will be gone but Do you mean to prosecute your plot to see him this evening Const. Yes and that very privately if my Father know it I am undone Enter Setstone Isa. I heard him say this night he had appointed business Set. Why that was it Madam according to your order I put on a disguise and found him in the Temple-Walkes having drawn him aside I told him if he expected happiness he must meet me in a blind Alley I nam'd to him on the back-side of Mr. Trices house just at the close of evening there he should be satisfied from whom he had his suplies of Money Const. And how did he receive the Summons Set. Like a bold Hector of Troy without the least doubt or scruple but the jeast on 't was he would needs believe that I was the Devil Const. Sure he was afraid to come then Set. Quite contrary he told me I need not be so shy to acknowledge my self to him he knew I was the Devil but he had learnt so much civility as not to press his Friend to a farrher discovery than he was pleased I should see I had to do with a Gentleman and any Courtesie I should confer on him he would not be unthankful for he hated ingratitude of all things Const. 'T was well carried not to disabuse him I laugh to think what sport I shall have anon when I convince him of his lies and let him know I was the Devil to whom he was beholding for his Money go Setstone and in the same disguise be ready for him Exit Setstone Isa. How dare you trust this fellow Const. I must trust some body gain has made him mine and now fear will keep him faithful To them Bur Failer Timorous Trice Nonsuch Fail Pray my Lord take no picque at it 't is not given to all men to be confident Igad you shall see Sir Timorous will redeem all upon the next occasion Non. A raw mieking Boy Isa. And what are you but an old Boy of five and fifty I never knew any thing so homorsome I warrant you Sir Timerous I 'll speak for you Non. Would'st thou have me be friends with him for thy sake he shall onely add five hundred a year to her Joynture and I 'll be satisfied come you hither Sir Here Trice and Nonsuch and I imorous talk privately Burr with Failer apart Constance with Isabelle Const. You 'l not find your account in this trick to get Failer beaten 't is too palpable and open Isa. I warrant you 't will pass upon Burr for a time so my revenge and your interest will go on together Fail Burr there 's mischief a brewing I know it by their whispring I vow to gad look to your self their designs on you for my part I am a person that am above u'm Tim. to Trice But then you must speak for me Mr. Trice and you too my Lord. Non. If you deny 't again I 'll beat you look to 't Boy Trice Come on I 'll make the bargain Isa. You were ever good in a Flesh Market Trice Come you little Harlotry What satisfaction can you give me for running away before the Ruffs came in Const. Why I left you to u'm that ever invite your own belly to the greatest part of all your feasts Trice I have brought you a Knight here Huswife with a plentiful Fortune to furnish out a Table and What would you more Would you be an angel in Heaven Isab. Your minds ever upon your belly Trice No 't is sometimes upon yours but What say'st thou to Sir Timirous little Constance Const. Would you have me married to that King Midas Face Trice Midas me no Midas he 's a Wit he understands eating and drinking well Poeta coquus the heathen Philosopher could tell you that Const. Come on Sir What 's your will with me Laughs Tim. Why Madam I could onely wish we were a little better acquainted that we might not laugh at one another so Const. If the Fool puts forward I am undone Tim. Fool Do you know me Madam Const. You may see I know you because I call you by your name Fail You must endure these rebukes with patience Sir Timorous Const. What are you Plannet stroke Look you my Lord the Gentleman is Tongue-ty'd Non. This is past enduring Fail 'T is nothing my Lord Courage Sir Timorous Non. I say 't is past enduring that 's more then ever I told you yet Do you come to make a fool of my Daughter Isa. Why Lord Non. Why Lady Exit Nonsuch Trice Let 's follow the old Man and pacifie him Isa. Now Cousin Exeunt Isabelle Trice Burr Const. Well Mr. Failer I did not think you of all the rest would have endeavoured a thing so much against my inclination as this Marriage if you had been acquainted with my heart I am sure you would not Fail What can the meaning of this be you would not have me believe you love me and yet how otherwise to understand you I vow to gad I cannot comprehend Const. I did not say I lov'd you but if I should take a fancy to your Person and Humour I hope it is no Crime to tell it you Women are ty'd to hard unequal Laws the passion is the same in us and yet we are debarr'd the freedom to express it You make poor Grecian beggars of us Ladies our desires must have no language but onely be fastned to our breasts Fail Come come I gad I know the whole Sex of you your Love 's at best but a kind of blind-mans-buff catching at him that 's next in your way Const. Well Sir I can take nothing ill from you when 't is too late you 'l see how unjust you have been to me I have said too much already is going Fail Nay stay sweet Madam I vow to gad my fortunes better than I could imagine Const. No pray let me go Sir perhaps I was in jeast Fail Really Madam I look upon you as a person of such worth and all that that I Vow to gad I honour you of all persons in the World and though I am a person that am inconsiderable in the World and all that Madam yet for a person of your worth and excellency I would Const. What would you Sir Fail Sacrifice my life and fortunes I vow to gad Madam Enter Isabelle Burr and Timorous at a distance from them Isa. There 's Failer close in Talk with my Cousin he 's solliciting your suit I warrant you Sir Timorous do but observe with what passion he courts for you Burr I do not like that kneading of her hand though Isa. Come you are such a jealous Coxcomb I warrant you suspect there 's some amour between u'm there can be nothing in 't it is so open pray observe Burr But How come you so officious Madam you that e'r now had a design upon Sir
fear not with this rod I charme thee And neither Elf nor Goblin now can harm thee Lov. Well march on if thou art my Genius thou art bound to be Answerable for me I 'll have thee hang'd if I miscarry Set. Fear not my Son Lov. Fear not quoth a then prithee put on a more familiar shape one of us two stinks extreamly prithee do not come so near me I do not love to have my face bleach'd like a Tiffany with thy Brimstone Set. Fear not but follow me Lov. 'Faith I have no great mind to 't I am somewhat godly at present but stay a moneth longer and I 'll be proud and fitter for thee in the mean time prithee stay the stomach with some Dutchman an Hollander with Butter will fry rarely in Hell Set. Mortal 't is now too late for a retreat go on and live step back and thou art mine Lov. So I am however first or last but for once I 'll trust thee The Scene opens and discover Constance and a Parson by her she habited like Fortune Enter again Set. Take here the mighty Queen of good and ill Fortune first Marry then enjoy thy fill Of lawful pleasures but depart e'r morn Slip from her Bed or else thou shalt be torn Piece-meale by Fiends thy bloud carows'd in Bowles And thy four quarters blown to th' top of Pouls Lov. By your favour I 'll never venture it is marrying the business I 'll none I thank you Here Constance whispers Setstone Set. Fortune will turn her back if twice deny'd Lov. Why she may turn her Girdle too on t'other side This is the Devil I will not venture on her Set. Fear not she swears thou shalt receive no harm Lov. I if a man durst trust her but the Devil is got into such an ill name for lying Set. When e'r you are not pleas'd it shall be lawful to sue out your Divorse Lov. I but where shall I get a Lawyer there you are aforehand with me you have retained most of them already for the favors I have received I am very much her servant but in the way of Matrimony Mr. Parson there can tell you 't is an Ordinance and must not be enter'd into without mature deliberation besides Marriages you know are made in heaven and that I am sure this was not Set. She bids you then at least restore that Gold which she too lavishly pour'd out on you unthankful Man Lov. Faith I have it not at present 't is all gone as I am a sinner but 't is gone wickedly all spent in the Devil her Fathers service Set. Where is the grateful sence of all your favours Come Fiends with Flesh-hooks tear the wretch in pieces and bear his Soul upon your leather wings below the Fountain of the dark Abyfs Lov. What are you a Conjuring if you are good at that sport I can Conjure as well as you Draws his Sword Con. Hold for Heaven's sake hold I am no spirit touch but my hand Ghosts have no Flesh and Blood Discovering Lov. My Lady Constance I began to suspect it might be a trick but never could imagine you the Author it seems you are desirous I should Father this Hans en Kelder heere Const. I know not how without a blush to tell you it was a cheat I practis'd for your Love Set. A meere Tympany Sir rais'd by a Cushion you see 't is gone already Const. Setstone was sent to have acquainted you but by the way unfortunately miss'd you Lov. ' I was you then that supply'd me all this while with Money pretty Familiar I hope to make thee amends e'r I sleep to night come Parson prithee make hast and joyn us I long to be out of her debt poor Rogue The Parson takes them to the side of the Stage they turn their backs to the Audience while he mumbles to them Set. I 'll be the Clark Amen give you joy Mr. Bridegroom and Mrs. Bride Lov. Const. Thanks honest Setstone Bib. Franc. And Musick without they Play Musick God give your worship a good even Mr. Loveby Const. Hark! what noise is that Is this Musick of your providing Setstone Set. Alass Madam I know nothing of it Lov. We are betray'd to your Father but the best on 't is he comes too late to hinder us fear not Madam I 'll bear you through them all As they rush out Bibber Frances and Musick are entring in Bibber and Frances are beaten down Exeunt Loveby Constance Setstone Parson All cry out Oh the Devil the Devil the Devil Bib. Lord bless us Where are you Frances Franc. Here William this is a judgment as they say upon you William for trusting Wits and calling Gentlemen to the Tavern William Bib. No 't was a Judgment upon you for desiring Preferment at Court Frances Let 's call up the Watch and Justice Trice to have the house search'd Franc. I I there 's more Devils there I warrant you Exeunt Enter Loveby Constance Setstone again Lov. It was certainly Will. Bibber and his Wife with Musick for now I remember my self I pointed him this hour at your Fathers house but we frighted them worse than they frighted us Const. Our Parson run away too when they cry'd out the Devil Lov. He was the wiser for if the Devil had come ind eed he has Preach'd so long against him it would have gone hard with him Set. Indeed I have alwayes observ'd Parsons to be more fearful of the Devil than other people Lov. Oh the Devil 's the Spirit and the Parson 's the Flesh and betwixt those two there must be War yet to do 'um both right I think in my Conscience they quarrel onely like Lawyers for their Fees and meet good friends in private to laugh at their Clients Con. I saw him run in at my Cousin Isabells chamber doore which was wide open I believe she 's return'd we 'll fetch a light from the Gallery and give her joy Lov. Why is she Married Madam Con. I 'll tell you as we go Exeunt The Scene changes Burr and the Parson enter meeting in the dark Bur. My Lady Constance are you come again that 's well I have waited sufficiently for you in the dark Pars. Help help help good Christian People the Devil the Devils here Bur. 'T is I Madam what do you meane Pars. Avoid Sathan avoid avoid Bur. What have I here the hairy Woman Enter Loveby Constance with the light Bur. Ha! yonder 's my Lady Constance Who have I got a stone-Priest by this good Light How 's this Loveby too Lov. Burr a beating my Reverend Clergy What make you here at this unseasonable hour I 'll know your business Draws Bur. Will you Sir They Fight Const. Set. Parson Help Murder murder Enter at one Door Trice Drunk with the Watch Bibber and Frances following At the other Nonsuch and Servants and Failer Non. Murder murder beat down their weapons Will you murder Sir Timorous Mr. Loveby They disarme both Sir Timorous ha Burr