the present oportunitie surprised the king vnawares staying his Maiesties horse by the bridle cried out with a loud voice The king is taken The king full of courage and magnanimitie drew his courtelax and gaue the poor souldiour such a blow that he fel dead vpon the ground and then said Now you may see bold and aduenterous knight that at chesse the king was neuer taken alone Of the said King and the Chauncellor of Bourgony THe said king Lewys hauing heard that the Duke of Bourgony his Chauncellor being a very rich and wealthy man had founded and erected in his countrey a verie sumptuous and a costly hospitall aswell in building as in moouables said that it was more then reason that the Chauncellour of Bourgonie who had in his life time made many poore men should at the end of his daies build an Hospitall for to lodge and to releeue them The subtill answere of Edward King of England vnto Iohn King of France DVring the truce which was betweene Edward King of England and Iohn King of France the Englishmen by composition and a great summe of money took the castle and the towne of Guines wherevpon King Iohn complained saying that the King of England had broken the truce of peace so solemnly confirmed by oth and had done contrarie to the contract thereof The King of England gaue him this answere I haue not quoth he broken the least point of the contract for in it is neuer an article contained whereby it is forbidden to trafficke together to exercise the truce of marchandise one with another Touching a benefice A Certaine Ecclesiasticall man hauing but one benefice railed and inneighed most sharply alwaies against those that were Non residents It came to passe by tract of time that hee happened to ioine one benefice to another and as he was for it reproued by some of his friendes who oftentimes had heard him speake and preach against it and had knowne him alwaies to be of a contrarie opinion gaue them this answere I craue pardon for it sirs for it was but for want of sight for hee that hath but one eie seeth not so cleare as he that hath two My benefice which I had first was but one eie wherwith I did see but now hauing two eies I perceiue things more apparent then before The words of Pope Iulius as touching the exercise of warres THis Pope was a man that loued wars which purposely hee nourished betweene kings and Princes and as vpon a time some of his friendes did say vnto him Holy Father many noblemen find it verie strange to see you to maintaine warres and ciuill broiles seeing the estate where God hath called you vnto should bee a place of peace and quietnesse saying that you do carry the keyes to that end for to shut out all discord and dissention and to let in all brotherly vnitie whereas now they accuse you to doe the contrary Herevpon he answered and said Those that haue spoken hereof vnto you know not what they say Haue yee not alwaies heard that S. Peter and S. Paule were companions and in very deed they had but one church my predecessors haue alwaies vsed S. Peters keies but I will aid mee with the sword of Saint Paule One amongst them replied herevpon and said you know holy Father that our Lord said vnto S. Peter Put vp thy sword into his sheath It is true quoth the Pope but it was after the blow was giuen By these words he declared that he was Martiall altogether Of King Alphonsus and his iester ALphonsus King of Naples had in his court a certaine iester who was wont to write in a booke all such follies which in his iudgement seemed worthy to be noted which such as were courtiers did oftentimes commit It happened that the King himselfe had occasion to send a Blackamoore whom he had had long about him into the East countries with ten thousand Duckets for to buy horses The ieaster according to his ordinarie vse did enregister this act likewise among his other writings as if he had accounted it but a meere point of follie Not long after the King called for his booke because it was long since his Maiesty had read in it and as hee was perusing euerie thing found at last the hystorie of himselfe of his Blackamoore of the thousand duckets in it The king being herewith offended asked of his iester to what end he had put this in his booke or what occasion had mooued him so to doe Because answered he your Maiestie hath not done wisely in my simple iudgement to trust your mony with a stranger whome perhaps you are like to see no more But if hee returneth quoth the king and bringeth with him the horses what wilt thou say then to it Wilt thou then further accuse me of folly When hee shall be returned answered the iester herevpon I will blot your name out of my booke and will put in his insteed of it for then he shall prooue a greater foole then your maiestie Of the Archbishop of Colen and a laborer A Certain labourer as he saw vpon a time the Archbishop of Colen riding all in armes and accompanied with a great troupe of souldiors did heartely laugh at it Herevpon being demaunded why hee did laugh answered simply that hee did laugh maruelling that S. Peter Christs vicar being himselfe verie poore had left his successors thus rich and wealthy and were rather accompanied with Souldiours and Courtiers then churchmen The Archbishop willing to instruct him better in this point told him that he was a Duke by birth and an Archbishop by calling and that hee at that present as Duke went thus in armes and guarded with souldiours but when hee had occasion to be in the church that then hee vsed himselfe as a Bishop My lord quoth the labourer I would to God then you would tell me that if the Dukes grace should happen to fall to the deuils share what should then become of my lord the Archbishop The sentence of the Duke of Britane IOhn the eight Duke of Britane willing to marry his son Francis vnto Isabell daughter to the king of Scotland the yong Prince inquired what she was for a lady answere was made him that she was a very fair Damosell well fauoured comely of bodie and well disposed for to beare children but that shee wanted vtterance Shee is such a one as I desire quoth the yong Duke for I account a woman wise inough when she can make a difference betweene her husbands shert and his doublet and knoweth his bed from another mans The answere which Empresse Barbara late wife to Sigismundus Emperor gaue to those that gaue her counsell to remaine a widdow AFter the Emperor Sigismundus decease madame Barbara his late wife was counselled by some of her familiers to continue in that blessed estate and to remaine a widdow immitating the example of the Turtledoue which after the death of her mate coupleth no
his son Alexander to be greeued at it wherevpon he said vnto certain Gentlemen there present The Hystories record that Alexander the Great being a child did weepe when he heard that Philip his father had obtained the victory of a battell and besides had conquered a kingdome all at once And being demanded wherefore hee wept answered that hee feared that his father would winne so many realms and countries that hee should leaue him none for to conquer And quite contrarie quoth the lord Gonsalues is it with my sonne Alexander now readie to weepe for my crosse lucke and great losses because hee feareth that I shall loose so much that I shall leaue him nothing for to loose A pretty quippe giuen vnto two Cardinals by a Painter RAphell Vrbin being a very excellent and skilfull Painter vpon a time hearing two Cardinals with whome hee was very familiar to reprooue and find fault only for to anger him with a certaine picture of S. Peter and S. Paule which hee had very artificially painted and finished saying that the pictures faces were too high coloured and too red without further studying gaue them this answere My lords maruaile not hereat for I haue purposely so painted them as they are now in heauen and not as they were here vpon earth for this rednesse commeth vnto them blushing euen for very shame to see the church so ill gouerned by such and such like as your lordships The answere which the great Turke gaue to the Embassadours of the King of Hungarie BAiazet Emperor of the Turkes inuading with a great army Bulgary a part of Hungary The king Sigismondus sent his embassadors vnto him to desire him not to molest trouble his subiects and countrie wherevnto by no law he had not any right claime or title Baiazet to answere herevpon caused great store of armours and other warlike instruments to be brought into a certaine hall appointed for that purpose and hauing sent for the Kings Embassadors said vnto them Loe here my lords pointing with his finger vpon the armours the titles whereby I doe claime and am to possesse the crowne and kingdome of Hungarie Right and equitie haue no place in the court of a Tyrant A pleasant reproouing of the Marques of Mantua FRederick Marquesse of Mantua as he did sit at dinner among many Gentlemen one of them hauing almost made an end of his porrige supt vp the rest and to excuse his inciuilitie craued pardon of the companie The Marquesse in presence of them all gaue him this ready answere sir aske pardon of the Swine for vnto vs you haue done no offence or iniury A worthy deed of an Italian knight AN Italian knight as hee was sitting at dinner saw two Gentlemen that had alwaies behaued themselues most valiantly in the warres and had done good seruice to their countrie to stand as abiects of the cōpanie because all places were taken before wherevpon he did rise and so caused all the rest to rise with him for to make place vnto these two Gentlemen saying Giue place vnto these two Gentlemen for to eat their meat for if they had not beene with vs in such a fight naming the place wee should at this time haue had nothing for to eat The tyrannicall sentence of Prospero Colonna PRospero Colonna Collonell of the Italian infanterie within the Garrison of Milan a Cittizen of the twon came vnto him complaining against the exactions spoiles and forceable robberies of his souldiours vnto whom hee gaue this answere Mylan is like vnto a Goose for the more he is pulled the fairer will be his feathers Of Pope Sixtus the fourth and a Frier POpe Sixtus the fourth hauing beene a Frier of S. Francis order and being aduanced to the Papall dignitie was visited vpon a certaine time by a Frier of his Order who had been one of his chiefest friends and familiars the Pope willing to shew him some priuate fauour brought him into his cabinet wherein he had a very rich treasure and smiling said vnto the poor Frier Now Frater I cannot say that which S. Peter my predecessor said Aurum nec argentum habeo I haue neither gold nor siluer It is most true quoth the Frier but holy Father you cannot say likewise as he said to the impotent creple and lame Surgite ambulate Arise and walke The wise saying of Charles the fift Emperour NEwes being brought vnto the Emperor as he sat in counsell that the Marques of Guassa was with all his forces discōfited by the Frenchmen Cardinall Grandelle his Chancellor fearing that the affaires of the Realme should succeed the worse for it said to the Emperour Sacred Maiestie this ill reencountre is to be kept secret Wherevpon the Emperour answered It is not possible to keepe things close done before so manie witnesses but that which is yet to bee done and attempted is not to be reuealed It is very daungerous to a Realme when the enemie knoweth the secrets as soone as they are determined Of the humilitie of Godefrey Duke of Buillon VVHen the Duke Godefrey of Buillon with consent of all the Christian Princes was chosen king of Ierusalem and therevpon the royall crowne was offered and presented vnto him he did refuse it saying It is not meet for mee a Christian Prince to weare a crowne of gold whereas Christ King of Kings did weare but one of thornes The last will of Saladin King of Asia SAladin King of Asia Syria and Aegypt declared vpon his death bed how miserable hee knew the nature and state of man to bee and therefore commanded that being dead they should cause his shert to bee carried vpon a launce through all his camp and insight of all the lords captaines and souldiors of his army and hee that should carrie it should crie with a lowd voice Saladin subduer and vanquisher of all Asia amongst all his riches which hee hath gotten and conquered carrieth nothing with him but this only linnen The greatest triumphs of man in parting out of this world are the workes of charitie and godlinesse The wise answeres of Antonius Panormus to King Alphonsus ANtonius Panormus being demaunded of the King what was most necessary and requisit vnto them that would liue together peaceablie in the state of marriage because that most commonly as the Poet sayth Semper habet lites alternaque surgia lectus Inqua nupta iacet that is With quietnesse is seldome blest The bed wherein a wife doth rest Answered that there were two thinges most requisite The first that the husband were deaffe for not to heare all the follies scolding wordes and ill reports of his wiues disordered life The second that the wife were blind for not to see the great enormitie and excessiue intemperance of her husband Of King Lewys of Fraunce and a souldiour KIng Lewys in his wars against the Emperor being on a time in one of his battels somewhat far from any of his companies a certaine Germane knight thinking to make himselfe rich by
What men are those that backwards gaine Their small liuing not without paine Solution Gardeners and Ropemakers Question Old I am ere I am borne And when I am hatched take heed of mee Or els thou maiest soone be forlorne If thou doest nothing looke to thee Solution The grudge of a secret enemie long conceiued in mind ere it is put in execution Question What is it that God cōmanded to be done was not done and yet God was well pleased Solution The sacrificing of Isaac Question My belly to thy side I lay And the hole is a sporting when we play Solution It is a Bagpipe Question Hitty pitty within the wall And hitty pitty without the wall If you touch hitty pitty my ioy Hitty pitty will bite the boy Solution It is a nettle Question Clincke clancke vnder a bancke Tenne aboue foure and neere the flancke Solution A maid milking of a Cow Question Trip trap in a gap As many feet as a hundred sheepe Solution It is the haile when it fals Question Red within and red without It is as ruffe as a Beares snout Solution A strawbery Question A wicked father did beget A daughter fit vnto his hand But such good children she did get That are the props of euery land Solution The deuill begot sinne and sin procured good lawes which are the staies of all gouernements Question God speed faire ladies by one and by one I am sent I cannot tell to whom And I doe bring I cannot tell what I count her wise that tels me that Solution A louer sent to his loue a messenger to put her in mind of her promise as to come vnto him and she sent backe this answer vnto him Tell thy maister in my name Wheen trees are turnd and wels be dry And dead vpon quicke then come will I. Meaning at midnight when the fire brands should be turned vpwards and the pots should bee empty and the fire raked vp with the cold ashes thē she would come Question I went and I could not tell whether I met and I wot not with whom He gaue me that I shall neuer forget And yet I came a maiden home Solution A child that went to christening Question I haue a smith without a hand He workes the worke that no man can He serues our God and doth man ease Without any fire in his furnace Solution It is a Bee that makes honny and waxe Question Foule is my fault that feeds me full To gorge on mothers bowels still I went abroad to seeke my fire And my wiues sonne I doe desire Such a one the man must be As is the sonne of wife to me Solution Ioseph went to seeke Christ when hee found in the Temple Preachers amongst those of the Synagogue Question What is it that in the morning vpon foure legs doth goe And about noone it standeth fast vpon two and no moe I make all blind as did delight Question I am cald by the name of man yet am as little as the mouse When Winter comes I loue to be with my red gorget neere the house Solution A Bird called Robin red brest Question Although my bodie little is yet I doe please the hearers eare If I were tame it were not amisse Then I should liue in lesser feare Solution The Nightingale Question What is it that more eies doth weare then fortie men within the land Which glister as the christall cleare against the sunne when they doe stand Solution A Peacockes taile Question When I goe to the water side at home my heart I leaue behind Tell me what I am without pride if it by any meanes you find Solution It is a pillowbeare Question My head is round my bodie small And I hold that that sauours all Solution A Salt seller and Salt Question Head and eie I am only What I may be now tell to me Solution A button of copper or of any mettall Question A Bird vpon a house I saw sixe legs it had yet but one taile Two heads besides more then a daw name me this Bird and win the ale Solution A hearnshaw had taken a frog brought it to her yong ones in the nest made vpon the top of a house Question All my body belly is And lesser then it my mouth is not I doe containe that makes men mad What I am sir now tell me that Solution A malt sack full of malt wherwith strong drinke is brued Question My belly is bigger then all the rest Wherein men vse to put the best Broad is my foot short is my necke If ill ye vse me then feare a checke Solution A bottle of glasse Question My coat is greene and I can prate Of diuers things about my grate In such a prison I am set That hath more loopholes then a net Solution A Parret in a cage of wyar Question I doe assemble many wight Yet I keepe me out of their sight And doe not come once where they be Yet euery day they may see me Solution A bell touling to a sermon Question What mill is it that hath two wings which flie about without the wind A greasie miller lookes to all things whiles it doth turne and doth not grind Solution It is a iacke and the greasie miller is the cooke Worthy sayings and readie answeres compyled into one booke out of sundrie Chronicles by A. P. A very fit and fine comparison made by a Gentleman of Genua LOdowicks force willing to exact a great and an extraordinary sum of money vpon the inhabitants of the city of Genua His embassadour was bid by one of the cheefest of the citty to dinner and a little before dinner as they were walking in the garden together and the Cittizen espying the hearbe Basil said vnto the Embassador Runne softly my Lord with your hand ouer this hearbe and then smell vnto it which hee did confessing it to haue a most sweet and comfortable sauor Now my lord quoth the Cittizen straine and bruse this hearbe in your hand and then smell vnto it which hee did affirming it to haue a noisome and foule smell Wherevpon the Cittizen said vnto him my lord if the Duke Lodowick runneth softly with the hand of his power and authoritie ouer this citty without either force or violence he shall find her of a good smell and wonderfull obedient but if hee doth oppose himselfe against her and dooth straine and force her shee will yeeld him a sower and a hard tast and sauour by disobedience and rebellion The humanitie of Princes maketh obedient and tractable Cittizens The answere of Iouian Pontanus IOuian Pontanus a very excellent Poet Philosopher being demaunded vpon a time wherefore he did eat but of one dish at meales and of that yet very soberly answered To the end I should haue no need of the Phisition All Phisitions affirme that the diuersity of meats hindereth digestion and breedeth diseases A comparison made by a Spaniard THe lord Gonsalues playing at dice and being a great looser perceiued