her see with my Eyes hear with my Ears talk with my Tongue and taste with my Pallate I begot her bred her and I will make her Cur. A Whore if you marry her against her Inclination Bret. Why is it not a Man I wish her too a young Man a handsom Man a rich Man Cur. And a wise Man Bret. No no as for Wisdom we 'll let that alone Besides none but Fools and Madmen marry now a-days unless here and there a younger Brother or a broken Gamester that ties up with some old rich Widow to prop up his falling Fortunes Cur. But Sir she is tender yet Bret. Prythee hold thy Peace She can endure the Hâ—mâ—er and why not the Workman that strikes deepest She 's fourteen and if she is not ready now for rutting Cur. But will you allow no liberty for choosing Bret. Why I believe the Devil 's in the Fellow Dost thou think I that have lived a Courtier to the age of sixty and upward don't know better how to choose than a little piss-tal'd Girl that has not yet wash'd her Mother's Milk off of her Chaps But I know the reason of her Coyness there 's another in the Wind that hovers ovâ—r her a young smock-fac'd Rogue not worth a Shilling and yet she 's too young Cousin let me tell you Inclinaâ—ion is a great ripener of a young female Flower Enter Amâ—dine and Arienâ— See see here she comes with her wanton Instructor I find I must rid my House of that Baggage or there can never be any Peace in Israel So good morrow to you nay thâ—t's as you deserve too You know my Mind therefore let me see you study to deserve it Am. I shall endeavour to obey you But noble Sir Bret. Hold your Peace you little Ferret you let me have none of your set Phrases Ari. Ud'slife don't be Tongue-tide Cousin Hark'ee you piece of dry'd Mummy Am. Nay give him good Language Cousin Ari. give him Ratsbane Hark'ee old Sixty odd do you with that Whey Beard think your self at years of discretion to dispose of a young brisk Maidenhead a shrivell'd piece of Patchment fit for no use but to have his Skin flea'doff to engross his cheating Mortgages upon Bret. Tell me thou eternal Thunderclap how darest thou talk thus Ar. Tell me old Neâ—tor first how darest thou do thus Bret. Hussey get out of my House Ari. I won't I 'll stay to plague you And if you don't take some milder Course with your Daughter I 'll watch my opportunity steal her out and set fire to your House d' ye hear I shall so singe your Muzzle Grandsire Gray beard Bret. By this Light I 'll have her hang'd Ari. Do and hang your Daughter too 't is ten times better than marrying her to a piece of Logwood Enter Castilio ' Odso here he comes new-comb'd and powder'd like a Prentice upon a Holy-day Bret. Well Impudence he has saved your Bones for this time Noble Castilio good morrow to you Cast. Good morrow my Lord Good morrow Miss Wife that must be Ari. Good morrow noble Sir Cast. Thank you Ari. How proud am I to see our homely Roof bless'd with the Rays of such resplendent Beauty Fortune is sure distributing her Favours and sends the greatest to adorn your Servant Cast. Hark'ee Father that must be I really believe this young Gentlewoman's mad The last time I was here Fool Booby Loggerhead Puppy and such like Namâ—s she thought too good for me and now she 's all upon the Complement What the Devil 's the meaning of all this Bret. Sir you must forgive she is a little craz'd by Fits Hussey be gone or I 'll cane you in Ari. Ah! cruel Sir will you then drive me from the sight of those dear Eyes that lovely Face Open that precious Mouth from whence there falls Wit faster than the Rheum from Nunkles Eyes Cast. Why Father-in Law been't you ashamed to stand still and hear your Flesh and Blood that is to be abused thus Bret. Hark'ee you Whore in imagination you well-wisher to the Trade of Cuckoldom thou unlawful Destroyer of Maidenheads get thee gone presently or I 'll use the so scurvily that the Punishment of a duck'd Scold a pillory'd Cheat or a carted Bawd shall be honourable Punishment to what I 'll make thee go through Ari. Well well Unkle I will be gone but one Word of Advice before I go Come hither Cousin be ruled by me marry the Man your Father bids you cuckold him with every Footboy in the Lobby spend his Estate on Bullies deal with all sorts of Men all Languages make thy self a Mother of Nations Use Husband Father both like stubborn Knaves Obtain thy Freedom and make them the Slaves Exit Cast. Why what the Devil has possess'd the Woman Bret. I am struck with astonishment but 't is no matter I 'll soon get rid of her Come Nephew we 'll walk in and leave the Lovers together Worthy Castilio I wish you good Success with my Daughter she 's something too young and that makes her foolish but you must bear with that I 'll to Court and hear what News is stirring and whether these Medians design to block us up till we become Food for one another Exit Bret. and Cur. Cast. Well Miss you see how Matters are like to go your Father designs me for your Mouse-trap of Matrimony Why dost not talk to me Wench ha What not a Word Well it 's no great matter for if I marry 't is not for the sake of the Tongue A good Estate with the Tail tagg'd to it will do my Business well enough Well but Miss when shall we marry Am. When you please Sir Cast. Why that 's well said I love a Woman that speaks little and to the purpose Look'ee Miss you are a Lord's Daughter and I am a Lord's Son you don't love me nor I don't much care for you but what then there are young Men and Women enow about the Court and if we can't among 'em all find some to please us 't is pity but we were condemned to feed on one Dish all our Life time Am. Won't you be pleas'd to follow my Father Sir Cast. Why ay an you will Sweetheart I think there 's no great occasion for talking more since we 're both agreed of the matter Enter Lycastes and Ariene Who the Devil have we here now Mrs. Many-minds and a young brisk Fellow with her I 'm resolv'd I 'll stay for tho' she be young enough to be a Whore she has Malice enough to be a Bawd therefore I 'll not trust her Ari. How now Grease and Povâ—â—le I thought you had been gone by this time Cast. No Plaister of Paris I 'm here still Lyc. Dear Amadine Am. My dear Lycastes welcome Cast. Hey day What 's here to do Heark'ee Friend will you be pleas'd to keep your distance this Philley is already provided of a Rider I can assure you Qui dil vox Cast. What the Devil does
NEGLECTED VIRTUE OR THE Unhappy Conquerour A PLAY Acted at the Theatre-Royal By His MAJESTY's Servants LONDON Printed for Henry Rhodes in Fleet-street Richard Parker at the Royal-Exchange Sam. Briscoe the Corner-Shop of Charles-street in Russel-street Covent-Garden 1696. Fatal Mistake Or the Plot Spoil'd A Play Written by Mr. Ioseph Haines To the Honourable Sir IOHN SMITH Baronet And One of the Gentlemen of His Majesty's most Honourable Privy-Chamber SIR THIS Play was given to my Care by a Friend I promis'd him not to neglect it in the Difficulties it was to pass through It has had hitherto but an unpleasant Journey and I knew no better way to make it Amends than by taking up its Rest with you where I am assur'd its Reception will be the best a truly Noble and Generous Soul can give I beg not your Protection Sir from those wide-mouth'd Curs the Critcks But since they have had their Ends in running it down 't is under the Shelter of your Name I desire a poor maim'd Thing that did its best to shew them Sport may lye secure from farther Danger It has been long a receiv'd Maxim That to support the Oppressed is no less commendable than to lead the Victor Captive This Consideration Sir with the General good Character the too often detracting World allows you has encourag'd me I will not say to trouble you since doing Good is your Diversion but still to rely upon your unwearied Generosity Both my self and my Friend the Author of this Unsuccessful Piece as we cannot pretend to justifie its Defects so if it were in our Power we shou'd not choose to do it in a way so Publick least by an impolitick Defence of its Merit we should lessen the Greatness of your condescending good Nature in Protecting so mean a Trifle I have but one Reason to wish it had been better which is That its Merit might then perhaps have given me a larger Opportunity of Publishing that Respect and Observant Zeal wherewith I am Your most Oblig'd and Humble Servant H. Horden March 14 169◠PROLOGUE Writ and Spoke by Mr. Horden AS idle Beggars when they 'd Pity move With borrow'd Bastard at their Backs do rove T' incite good Christians Charity and Love So I that I might have a fair Pretence To feed what some Fools call Extravagance Have begg'd this spurious Play from Hands unknown I have engag'd the honest Rakes o' th' Town That they will all espouse it as their own But e re 't is tried let me its Cudgels choose I first except all Writers for the other House All good Authors and no I 'll trust the Beaux For it 's so free from VVit they 've no Pretension To damn one Line for want of Apprehension Besides each Beau's a Friend for if it miss He 'll not disturb his solemn Face to hiss And good or bad the Ladies sure will spare The generous Poet for the labouring Player And now your Smiles a double Kindness hold The Poet shares the Praises I the Gold Guineas they say in low condition be Pray Heav'n they 're low enough to fall to me Yet you who 've kept 'em by you don't repent ye My Guinea Box takes all at Nine and twenty THE EPILOGUE Written by Mr. Motteux Spoken by Mr. Haynes Acting the Mad-Man OVR Poet made me mad and I dare say You 're all as mad if you don 't like his Play Some are Horn-mad and some are Bible mad Some mad to write damn'd Plays and that 's damn'd bad In short 't is a mad World for now I spy A Hundred here at least as mad as I. Thick Plot thin House I can't forbear to cry This Fasting time is like to mortifie us Three times a Week at least you 'll not come nigh us Pray do by t' other House as you do by us 'T was Pride hot as Hell Taught 'em first to rebell Sings I 'll sing no more I caught this Hoarseness I 'm afraid Dancing at Drapers-Hall last Maquerade Silence in the Court there Here Plaintiff give me Fee I have a Quirk Defendant don't agree Each take a Shell the Oyster is for me VVhat makes that Iudge there sleep upon the Bench See that Spark yonder Ogle th' Orange-Wench What think you of the Invasion by the French What 's here on ev'ry Woman's Head I spy Starts The Whore of Babylon's Mitred-dress three Stories high See see she 's here see 't is the very same Her Face a Picture her Commode the Frame VVhat long-curl'd Main that pouder'd Thing annoys All you patch'd Maidens and old bearded Boys Off off off with these vain fantastick Toys Sings throws off his Perriwig c. Abstain from Vanities and vicious VVays Among the Congregation spend your Days Young VVomen shun all Sports but our Religious Plays Cants I say abstain from Flesh if e're you can And ogle none except the precious Man Don't pelt wild Fellows with fond Billets-Doux Leave chatting at York-Building Interviews Nor stoop to peep into the Choc'late House Talk not of Beaux upon your visiting Day Nor borrow of 'em when you lose at Play Then never pay 'em but the wicked VVay Have no Intrigues Shun Taverns and Debauches Drink your Tea hot and leave off Hackney-Coaches East not in Lent I say Affliction 's good Affliction 's a Horse-Leach a Flail a Flageolet a Flood Hark you Kid Horden the first He that hisses For the She 's are our Friends at least the Misses Challenge him fight him kill him thus sah hah But that 's the way to be truss'd up you 'll say Pshaw are Physicians hang'd that kill Folks ev ry Day Let all be kind then But stay I 'd forgot I think this Horden's guilty of a Plot. This Play 's a Plot on you But yet I 'm thinking 'T is but to get Recruits for honest Drinking If that Plot takes I ha'n't been mad in vain Your Smiles can bring me to my Sence again Dramatis Personae PHraates King of Parthia Mr. Powell Artaban his General Mr. Horden Memnon Two Parthian Lords Mr. Dizney Castillio Two Parthian Lords Mr. Mills Lysander Mr. Hill Tygranes King of Media Mr. Castillio Iun. Mr. Pinkethman Bretton Mr. Bullock Lycastes Mr. Harland  Mr. Simpson WOMEN Thermnsa Queen of Parthia Mrs. Knight Alinda Daughter to Phraates Mrs. Rogers Eudora Confident to the Queen Mrs. Powell Emilia Confident to Alinda Mrs. Mills Ariena Niece to Bretton Mrs. Temple Amadine Daughter to Bretton Mrs. Cross. Singers Guards and Attendants The SCENE the Capitol City of Parthia THE Neglected Virtue c. ACT I. SCENE I. Enter Bretton followed by Curio Curio INdeed my Lord you are too rugged to her Bret. Pray Sir hold your peace Cur. So sweet a Child as she is such a Mirrour of Beauty Bret. A Mirrour of Folly is she not Cur. How can you be angry with her How can any Wind blow rough upon a Blossom so fair and tender Bret. Look ye Cousin all this is but prating I 'll make
he say now D' ye see Sir in my own Country Language I tell you once again I 'm to have the backing of this Colt therefore pray go about your business Lyc Are not you Sir Son to the Lord Castilio Cast. Yes Sir I am his only Son his first-born Child the Prop of his Family the Staff of his Age and the Heir to his Estate Lyc. Why then Sir I have News to tell you I came just now from Court where I left your Father in an Apoplectick Fit given over by his Physicians Cast. How how my Father given over Nay then Miss youâ— humble Servant Your Affections and mine are not so fast ty'd buâ— an Estate will quickly unloose ' em Exit Lyc. I thought there was no way but this to get rid of him Well my dear Amadine how stands your Father affected Am. He continues his cruel Resolutions still to marry to thaâ— Coxcomb Ari And we continue our Resolutions to make Coxcombs of them both before it comes to that Am. Nay for my part I 'll sooner live in a Hovel upon Wateâ— and wild Sallads than be forc'd to marry against my Inclinations Lyc. My dear my Fortunes are not so despicable to throw you on so mean a Remedy Do you but find a means to decievâ— your watchful Guardians and I 'll find means to secure us from wild Sallads and a Hovel I 'll warrant thee Enter a Servant Serv. Madam your Father is return'd Ari. Ud'slife slip you out at the Garden Door Lyc. Farewel my Jewel keep constant to thy Resolutions and we may both be happy Exit Am. Never doubt me Ari. No no let us alone If we two young Girls can't cozen one old Fellow 't is pity but we were nailed against a Wall with our Heels upward SCENE The Palace Enter King Memnon Old Castillio Guards and Attendants King Still Memnon we withstand their battering Rams Still our strong Walls defie the Median Fury Against all Dangers still my Breast stands firm Mem. There 's Winter Sir in all your Parthians Veins Nor will the Soldiers be induc'd to Flight But basely from your Royal Standard shrink King Slaves do they see the threat'ning Flood o'erwhelm Their Country and like senceless Brutes gaze at The near approaching Deluge till they 're lost Mem. Your Citizens whose Coward Souls ne'er knew What Valour was without the Plumes of Fortune Seeing you drove within this last result Into the narrow Bounds of one poor City Disturb their Rest with Dreams of rifled Hoards Their own their Wives their Sons and Daughters Fates And like infected Caitiffs spread their Fears By their contagious Murmurs through the Streets Cast. Already they have priz'd your Head and plot Who shall be first to seize the sacred Prey They 've told the Stores the Lordships they shall gain And when the Great the Royal Oak is struck There 's none but hopes a Branch beneath whose Shade Their Revels are design'd and with one Voice They cry an Artaban an Artaban Must these Rewards and their Deliverance bring King Is Artaban the Minion of their Hearts Was not that Traytor Memnon justly banish'd He by my Influence first to being rose And nurtur'd by my warmest Rays grew Great Yet all my best Rewards he did contemn And scorn'd a meaner Bounty than t'espouse My only Daughter and possess my Throne Fortune and Fate oppress me as they please I never can forgive such Insolence Cast. Sir Sir you may yet command what Terms you please The great Tigranes only fights for Love And wou'd you grant Elinda to his Arms He 'd quickly lay his conquering Weapons down And bend to pay his Homage at your Feet A double Vassal Son and Subject both Mem. If Kings deserve why may not he deserve her Fame loudly speaks the Largeness of his Soul How brave in Fields in Courts how amorous Pleasant and Martial Great and yet not Proud As free from Passion as th'unkindled Fire Yet urg'd can loose his Reins and let the Beast Course it a-while to shew he is a Man King Must it be said 't was Arms made Phraates grant Offers in Peace he almost scorn'd to hear Oh this reclaims me this disturbs that Rest Which liberal Nature by her Charter gives To every Peasant on his Bed of Straw Cast. Sir Success proclaims Men Great Tigranes till he conquer'd was not so Now who is greater than Tygranes is What distant Nations do not dread his Strength Even Rome it self the Empress of the World Glad of a Peace embrac'd him as her Friend His Faults to you are meritorious grown And in my Judgment purchase this Alliance King There 's no resisting of an adverse Fate When wayward Gods contend struggling 'gainst them â—ntangles more and weaves us in the Toil. Shouts Drums and Trumpets within Enter Lysander What mean these Shouts Lys. Hail Gracious Prince we are at length reliev'd King Whence or by whom it is impossible Lys. The Shades of Night their lowest Ebb had made And flowing Light began to swell the Day When first our Scouts th'incamped Host descry'd All in Disorder rowz'd from Sleep to Arms To Arms the general Cry The distant Parts Of the wide Wings in Terrours wak'd in haste They rose and trembled ' ere they knew for what Undrest half-arm'd around their Troops they gaz'd Saw dismal Fear Distraction in each Eye Some Wonder-struck like Statues stood as if Gorgonian Charms had petrify'd their Feet Others for Flight prepar'd and all amaz'd Whilst still the unintelligible Noise increas'd King From whence the Cause Lycas That Sir deserves your Ear. Five hundred Horse led by a valiant Chief To their main Body did their Out-Guards press Surpriz'd with Thought a greater Strength was near The nighest parts did crowd the next in Hopes By Numbers to withstand the Storm yet this Did but facilitate his Victory For still he forward drove and still they fled Till in the Field the scatter'd Deaths were strew'd Thick as Autumnal Leaves before the Wind Until at last that mighty Host which but Some Hours before our Terrour was in Flight Left us the Field glad any ways to save Their Lives from the rapacious Victor's Sword Who now approaches to your joyful Gates Kin. Let 's haste to meet him And you my Lords witness to what I vow If our Deliverer be a Man on whom My Daughter can her kind Affection place To morrow's Sun this Nuptial Rites shall see And mix our Joys in that Solemnity The End of the First ACT. ACT II. SCENE I. Enter Bretton Curio Ariene and Servants Bret. GOne Why 't is impossible she cou'd not creep out at the Key-Hole sure Is she a thing invisible Gone and not know it Cur. You amaze your Servants Bret. Some Rogue or other has watched her Hour of Itching and claw'd her claw'd her do you mind me Some Rascal I 'll warrant that I foster up Cur. They are all herâ— Sir Brit. Let 'em be where they will they 're all Rascals Sir and by this Hand I
be so then know thy Interest King Keep this bold Lyon whilst he is in thy toyl For if he ranges once abroad agaâ—n By all the violent Sufferings which I feel Not all thy Huntsmen with their Warring Spears Thy Guards thy Armies shall e're withstand his force But in despight of thee will seize his Right And from thy Bosome tear it to his own K. Gods shall I bear this thus to be brav'd Thus dar'd and threaten'd to my very Face I' th' midst of all my Court by one disarm'd Whom with a blast of Breath I cou'd to Death To vilest Torments in my anger doom Go bear him off and if he does presume To tread on this forbidden Ground agen His Life shall pay the forfeit of his Crime K. Exit hastily Arta. And am I thus Rewarded O Heavens Who wou'd your Votaries be Oh seeble Vertue How thin how lean how starv'd are thy Returns Farewell your Courts I 'le trouble you no more Let Cowards if you please your helps Implore Bore off by the Guards The End of the Third Act. ACT IV. SCENE I. A Town Enter Bretton Lycastes Castilio Iunior with Officers Lyc. MY Lord I cannot help complaining at the injust manner of your Proceedings I do assure you Sir I am as much concern'd for the loss of your Daughter as you can be and on my Honour will join with you in the search of her Cast. Iun. Pish pish ne'er mind him my Lord he 's a cunning Warrener and has more Burrows than one I dare ingage for him Brett I am resolv'd I will not leave a House unsearch'd in the whole City till I 've found her Lyc. I will assist your Lordship but for you Sir I 'le call you to an account some other time Cast. Iun. Prithee what care I what thou dost what the Devil when a Man's Mare 's broke out of his Ground won't you allow him the liberty of looking after her Enter Amadine in Boy 's Cloathes Am. So Heaven be thank'd I 'me got safe hitherto let me but come once to the Arms of my dear Lycastes and I am happy ha bless me what do I see my Father and his Myrmidons what will become of me If I offer to go 't will shew suspicious I must stand the brunt let what will come on 't Brett How now what Boy is that come hither Sirrah Am. Then what a most glorious Sight 't will be to see me riding upon one of the Horns o' th' Moon To have my Palace made of Amber and a hundred little twinkling Stars for my Attendance Brett What a Devil is the Boy mad Cast. Iun. I don't know that but I am sure his Discourse is above my Understanding Brett Harke'e Child dost thou dwell here in the City Am. Yes an 't please you Sir but I am going to remove my Habitation I have an Authority from Iove to be a Cloud-maker and Iuno has promised me an Apartment in her own Court Lyc. Alas the poor Child's Lunatick I think 't were well to send him to the Hospital of Madfolks till we can learn what Family he is of Am. Heaven grant you wou'd for I 'me sure I shall be mad outright unless I escape these watchfull Dragons Brett Nay nay look ye my Passion is not so great as to lessen my Charity and indeed I think my self bound in duty as I am in Authority to succour the Unfortunate Enter Ariene like an Amazon Hey day what the Devil have we here Cast. Iun. Gad I don't know it 's half Fish half Flesh I believe Lyc. I suppose 't is one of the Amazonian Ladies lately arriv'd at Court Ari. Ha! I find the House is beset Lycastes there and my Cozen not among ' em then do I begin to fear every thing has not happen'd right Am. Well I 'le be going pray Gentlemen if Iuno Iove or Mercury inquire for me tell 'em I am but just gone to Cupid's Palace and will attend 'em in Counsell immediately Brett Here one of you take the Boy let him be kept safe in the Hospital till further enquiry be made of him Cast. Iun. Ay ay don't let us be troubl'd with other peoples Madness Exit Amadine Ari. As I live 't is she now Brain assist me and if I find not some way to fit this Politician may I dye a Maid when my Mind 's brim-full of Matrimony Your Servant Sir Cast. Iun. Your Servant Sir or Madam or Madam and Sir for by my tâ—oth you may be both for ought I know Pray what wou'd you have with me Ari. You have lost a Mistress if I am not mistaken Sir Cast. Iun. No faith Child I 'le answer for thee thou art not mistaken in that but I 'me much mistaken if you can tell me how to get her agen Ari. Indeed Sir but I can Brett How how 's that Madam Pray take pity on a poor fond Father that has lost an only Child Ari. Your Daughter left you Sir this very moment Brett If that be the best of ' your Intelligence pray do you leave us too what the Devil have we not been in search of her these 8 hours Ari. Why that same little thing you thought a mad Boy was Amadine your Daughter Brett What you know her then Ari. Yes 't was I helpt her to make her Escape but I having since consider'd what a great Grief so loving a Father must of necessity have for so sweet a Daughter thought it my Duty to acquaint you where she was that you might justly punish her Disobedience Enter Simpson Brett How now Cozen what News bring you have you heard ought of my Daughter yet Coz. Only this Sir we took her Cloathes with a young Youth who said the Person that left them had a Suit of his in the Room of ' em Cast. Iun. Prithee peace the lost Sheep 's heard of come come Father-in-law let 's make haste after her for who knows as mad as she pretends to be but she may have wit enough to give us the goe-by once ageâ— Brett Aâ— ay come Co en and Gentâ—emen Mr. Lycastes we discharge you and for you Madam for this singular Favour I shall be very proud you would command my House Cast. Iun. And do me the Honour too Dame at my Wedding Ari. How now Lycastes what 's the occasion of your Melancholy Lyc. You have undone me Ari. What in letting you know where to find your lost Mistress Lyc. In letting me know I have for ever lost her Ari. Never trouble thy self for that but take my word for it thou sha't have her Lyc. How Ari. Ariena says it and it shall be so Lyc. Ariena Ari. The very same come come we have no time for Talking we must be at the Heels of 'em and if I don't perform my Promise to thee may I be sixty odd before any Man makes his Address to me Exeunt Enter Artaban solus Disguis'd Arta. The Great Alcides when of old surpriz'd Amongst the Lydian Dames his Warlike Limbs