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A27280 The city-heiress, or, Sir Timothy Treat-all a comedy : as it is acted at His Royal Highness his theatre / written by Mrs. A. Behn. Behn, Aphra, 1640-1689.; Middleton, Thomas, d. 1627. Mad world, my masters.; Massinger, Philip, 1583-1640. Guardian. 1682 (1682) Wing B1719; ESTC R19571 61,514 72

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When all my Languishments cou'd nought prevail Had made ye mine for ever Aloud Enter Sir Anthony pulling in Sir Timothy and Diana Sir Anth. ' Morrow Charles ' Morrow to your Ladyship Charles bid Sir Timothy welcome I met him luckily at the door and am resolv'd none of my Friends shall pass this joyful day without giving thee Joy Charles and drinking my Ladies Health Wild. Hah my Uncle here so early Aside Sir Tim. What has your Ladyship serv'd me so How finely I had been mumpt now if I had not took heart a grace and shew'd your Ladyship trick for trick for I have been this morning about some such business of Life too Gentlemen I am married to this fair Lady the Daughter and Heiress of Sir Nicholas Gettall Knight and Alderman Wild. Hah married to Diana How fickle is the Faith of common women Aside Sir Tim. Hum Who 's here my Lord What I see you Lordship has found the way already to the fair Ladies but I hope your Lordship will do my Wedding-dinner the honour to grace it with your presence Wild. I shall not fail Sir A Pox upon him he 'll discover all Aside L. Gall. I must own Sir Timothy you have made the better choice Sir Tim. I cou'd not hel● my destiny Marriages are made in Heaven you know Ent●r Charlot weeping and Clacket Charl. Stand off and let me loose as are my Griefs which can no more be bounded Oh let me face the perjur'd false forsworn L. Gall. Fair Creature who is 't that you seek with so much sorrow Charl. Thou thou fatally fair Inchantress Weeps Wild. Charlot Nay then I am discover'd L. Gall. Alas what wou'dst thou Charl. That which I cannot have thy faithless Husband Be judge ye everlasting Powers of Love Whether he more belongs to her or me Sir Anth. How my Nephew claim'd Why how now Sirrah have you been dabling here Sir Char. By Heaven I know her not Heark ye Widow this is some trick of yours and 't was well laid and Gad she 's so pretty I cou'd find in my heart to take her at her word L. Gall. Vile man this will not pass your falshood off Sure 't is some Art to make me jealous of him To find how much I value him Sir Char. Death I 'll have the forgery out Tell me thou pretty weeping Hypocrite who was it set thee on to lay 〈…〉 me Charl. To you Alas who are you for till this moment I never saw your 〈◊〉 L. Gall. Mad as the Seas when all the Winds are raging Sir Tim. Aye aye Madam stark mad Poor Soul Neighbour pray let her lie i' th' dark d' ye hear Sir Char. How came you pretty one to lose your Wits thus Charl. With loving Sir strongly with too much loving Will you not let me see the lovely false one To L. Gall. For I am told you have his heart in keeping L. Gall. Who is he pray describe him Charl. A thing just like a Man or rather Angel He speaks and looks and loves like any God! All fine and gay all manly and all sweet And when he swears he loves you wou'd swear too That all his Oaths were true Sir Anth. Who is she some one who knows her and is wiser speak you Mistriss To Clacket Mrs. Clack Since I must speak there comes the man of Mischief 'T is you I mean for all your learing Sir To Wild. Wild. So. Sir Tim. What my Lord Mrs. Clack I never knew your Nephew was a Lord Has his Honour made him forget his Honesty Charl. runs and catches him in her Arms. Charl. I have thee and I 'll die thus grasping thee Thou art my own no Power shall take thee from me Wild. Never thou truest of thy Sex and dearest Thou soft thou kind thou constant Sufferer This moment end thy fears for I am thine Charl. May I believe thou art not married then Wild. How can I when I 'm yours How cou'd I when I love thee more than Life Now Madam I 'm reveng'd on all your scorn To L. Gall. And Uncle all your cruelty Sir Tim. Why what are you indeed my Nephew Thomas Wild. I am Tom Wilding Sir that once bore some such Title till you discarded me and left me to live upon my Wits Sir Tim. What and are you no Polish Embassadour then incognito Wild. No Sir nor you no King Elect but must e'en remain as you were ever Sir a most seditious pestilent old Knave one that deludes the Rabble with your Politicks then leave 'em to be hang'd as they deserve for silly mutinous Rebels Sir Tim. I 'll peach the Rogue and then he 'll be hang'd in course because he 's a Tory. One comfort is I have couzen'd him of his rich Heiress for I am married Sir to Mrs. Charlot Wild. Rather Diana Sir I wish you Joy See here 's Charlot I was not such a Fool to trust such Blessings with the Wicked 〈◊〉 How Mrs. Dy Ladyfi'd This is an excellent way of disposing an old 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 How have I married a Strumpet then Dia● You give your Nephews Mistriss Sir too coarse a name 'T is true I lov'd him onely him and was true to him Sir Tim. Undone undone I shall ne'r make Guildhall-speech more but he shall hang for 't if there be ere a Witness to be had between this and Salamancha for Money Wild. Do your worst Sir Witnesses are out of fashion now Sir thanks to your Ignoramus Juries Sir Tim. Then I 'm resolv'd to dis-inherit him Wild. See Sir that 's past your skill too thanks to my last nights Ingenuity they 're shews him the Writings sign'd seal'd and deliver'd in the presence of c. Sir Tim. Bear Witness 't was he that robb'd me last night Sir Anth. We bear Witness Sir we know of no such matter we I thank you for that Sir wou'd you make Witnesses of Gentlemen Sir Tim. No matter for that I 'll have him hang'd nay drawn and quarter'd Wild. What for obeying your Commands and living on my Wits Sir Anth. Nay then 't is a cleer case you can neither hang him nor blame him Wild. I 'll propose fairly now if you 'll be generous and pardon all I 'll render your Estate back during Life and put the Writings in Sir Anthony Meriwill's and Sir Charles● his hands I have a Fortune here that will maintain me Without so much as wishing for your death All. This is but Reason Sir Char. With this Proviso that he makes not use on 't to promote any mischief to the King and Government All. Good and just Sir Tim. pauses Sir Tim. Hum I 'd as good quietly agree to 't as lose my Credit by making a noise Well Tom I pardon all and will be Friends Gives him his hand Sir Char. See my dear Creature even this hard old man is mollifi'd at last into good nature yet you 'll still be cruel L. Gall. No your unwearied Love at last has vanquisht me Here be as happy as a Wife can make ye One last look more and then be gone fond Love Sighing and looking on Wilding giving Sir Charles her hand Sir Char. Come Sir you must receive Diana too she is a cheerful witty Girl and handsome one that will be a Comfort to your Age and bring no scandal home Live peaceably and do not trouble your decrepid Age with business of State Let all things in their own due order move Let Caesar be the Kingdoms care and love Let the Hot-headed Mutineers petition And meddle in the Rights of Just Succession But may all honest hearts as one agree To bless the King and Royal Albanie THE END EPILOGUE Written by a Person of Quality SPOKEN by Mrs. BOTELER MY Part I fear will take with but a few A rich young Heiress to her first Love true 'T is damn'd unnatural and past enduring Against the fundamental Laws of Whoring Marrying's the Mask which Modesty assures Helps to get new and covers old Amours And Husband sounds so dull to a Town-Bride You now-a-days condemn him ere he 's try'd Ere in his Office he 's confirm'd Possessor Like Trincaloes you chuse him a Successor In the gay spring of Love when free from doubts With early shoots his Velvet Forehead sprouts Like a poor Parson bound to hard Indentures You make him pay his First-fruits ere he enters But for short Carnivals of stoln good Cheer You 're after forc'd to keep Lent all the Year Till brought at last to a starving Nuns condition You break into our Quarters for Provision Invade Fop-corner with your glaring Beauties And ●ice our Loyal Subjects from their Duties Pray Ladies ●ave that Province to our care A Fool is the Fee-simple of a Player In which we Women claim a double share 〈◊〉 things the Men are Rulers made 〈…〉 Woodcocks is our proper Trade If by Stage-Fops they a poor Living get We can grow rich thanks to our Mother Wit By the more natural Blockheads in the Pit Take then the Wits and all their useless Prattles But as for Fools they are our Goods and Chattels Return Ingrates to your first Haunt the Stage We taught your Youth and help'd your feeble Age. What is 't you see in Quality we want What can they give you which we cannot grant We have their Pride their Frolicks and their Paint We feel the same Youth dancing in our Blood Our dress as gay All underneath as good Most men have found us hitherto more true And if we 're not abus'd by some of you We●re full as fair perhaps as wholesome too But if at best our hopeful Sport and Trade is And nothing now will serve you but great Ladies May question'd Marriages your Fortune be And Lawyers drain your Pockets more than we May Iudges puzzle a clear Case with Laws And Musquetoon at last decide the Cause FINIS
Gentlewoman a little house-room I heard indeed she was gone a week ago And Sir my house is at your service Wild. I humbly thank you Sir Madam your Servant A Pox upon him and all his Association Goes out Sir Tim. Come Madam my Coath waits below Exit ACT the Third SCENE the First A Room Enter Sir Timothy Treat-all and Jervice Sir Tim. HEre take my Sword Iervice What have you inquir'd as I directed you concerning the rich Heiress Sir Nicholas Gettall's Daugher Ier. Alas Sir inquir'd why 't is all the City-News that she 's run away with one of the maddest Tories about Town Sir Tim. Good Lord Aye aye 't is so the plaguie Rogue my Nephew has got her That Heaven shou'd drop such Blessings in the mouths of the Wicked Well ' Iervice what Company have we in the house Iervice Ier. Why truely Sir a fine deal con●idering there 's no Parliament Sir Tim. What Lords have we Iervice Ier. Lords Sir truly none Sir Tim. None what ne'er a Lord Some mishap will befal me some dire mischance Ne'er a Lord ominous ominous our Party dwindles dayly What nor Earl nor Marquiss nor Duke nor ne'er a Lord Hum my Wine will lie most villanously upon my hands to night Iervice What have we store of Knights and Gentlemen Ier. I know not what Gentlemen there be Sir but there are Knights Citizens their Wives and Daughters Sir Tim. Make us thankful for that our Meat will not lie upon our hands then Iervice I 'll say that for our little Londoners they are as tall fellows at a well-charg'd Board as any in Christendom Ier. Then Sir there 's Nonconformist-Parsons Sir Tim. Nay then we shall have a cleer Board for your true Protestant Appetite in a Lay-Elder does a mans Table credit Ier. Then Sir there 's Country-Justices and Grand-Jury-men Sir Tim. Well enough well enough Iervice Enter Mrs. Sensure Sen. An 't like your Worship Mr. Wilding is come in with a Lady richly drest in Jewels mask'd in his hand and will not be deny'd speaking with your Worship Sir Tim. Hah rich in Jewels this must be she My Sword again Iervice Bring 'em up Sensure Prithee how do I look to night Iervice Setting himself Ier. Oh most methodically Sir Enter Wild. and Diana and Betty Wild. Sir I have brought into your kind protection the richest Jewel all London can afford fair Mrs. Charlot Gettall. Sir Tim. Bless us she 's ravishing fair Lady I had the honour of being intimate with your worthy Father I think he has been dead Dian. If he chastize me much on that point I shall spoil all Alas Sir name him not for if you do weeping I 'm sure I cannot answer you one Question Aside Wild. For Heaven sake Sir name not her Father to her the bare remembrance of him kills her Aside to him Sir Tim. Alas poor Soul Lady I beg your Pardon How soft-hearted she 's I am in love I find already a tickling kind of I know not what run frisking through my Veins Aside Betty Aye Sir the good Alderman has been dead this twelvemonth just and has lest his Daughter here my Mistriss three thousand pound a year Weeping Sir Tim. Three thousand pound a year Yes yes I am in love Aside Bet. Besides Money Plate and Jewels Sir Tim. I 'll marry her out of hand aside Alas I cou'd even weep too but 't is in vain Well Nephew you may be gone now for 't is not necessary you shou'd be seen here d' ye see Pushing him out Wild. You see Sir now what Heaven has done for me and you have often told me Sir when that was kind you wou'd be so Those Writings Sir by which you were so good to make me Heir to all your Estate you said you wou'd put into my possession whene'er I made it appear to you I cou'd live without 'em or bring you a Wife of Fortune home Sir Tim. And I will keep my word 't is time enough Putting him out Wild. I have 't is true been wicked but I shall now turn from my evil ways establish my self in the religious City and enter into the Association There wants but these same Writings Sir and your good Character of me Sir Tim. Thou sha't have both all in good time man Go go thy ways and I 'll warrant thee for a good Character go Wild. Ay Sir but the Writings because I told her Sir I was your Heir nay forc'd to swear it too before she wou'd believe me Sir Tim. Alas alas how shrewdly thou wer 't put to 't Wild. I told her too you 'd buy a Patent for me for nothing wooes a City-Fortune like the hopes of a Ladyship Sir Tim. I 'm glad of that that I can settle on her presently Aside Wild. You may please to hint something to her of my Godly Life and Conversation that I frequent Conventicles and am drunk nowhere but at your true Protestant Consults and Clubs and the like Sir Tim Nay if these will please her I have her for certain aside Go go fear not my good word Wild. But the Writings Sir Sir Tim. Am I a Jew a Turk Thou sha't have any thing now I find thee a Lad of Parts and one that can provide so well for thy Uncle Aside Puts him out and addresses himself to the Lady Wild. Wou'd they were hang'd that ●●●u●t you that have but the Art of Lejerdemain and can open the Japan-Cabinet in your Bed-chamber where I know those Writings are kept Death what a disappointment's here I wou'd a'sworn this Sham had past upon him But Sir shall I not have the Writings now Sir Tim. What not gone yet for shame away Canst thou distrust thy own natural Uncle Fie away Tom away Wild. A Plague upon your damn'd Dissimulation that never-failing 〈◊〉 of all your Party there 's always mischief at the bottom on 't I know ye all and Fortune be the Word When next I see you Uncle it shall cost you dearer Exit Enter Jervice Ier. An 't please your Worship Supper 's almost over and you are askt for Sir Tim. They know I never sup I shall come time enough to bid 'em welcome Exit Jer. Dian. I keep you Sir from Supper and better Company Sir Tim. Lady were I a Glutton I cou'd be satisfi'd With feeding on those two bright starry Eyes Dian. You are a Courtier Sir we City-maids do seldom hear such Language in which you shew your kindness to your Nephew more than your-thoughts of what my Beauty merits Sir Tim. Lord Lord how innocent she is aside My Nephew Madam yes yes I cannot chuse but be wonderous kind upon his score Dian. Nay he has often told me you were the best of Uncles and he deserves your goodness so hopeful a young Gentleman Sir Tim. Wou'd I cou'd see 't Aside Dian. So modest Aside Sir Tim. Yes ask my Maids Dian. So civil Sir Tim. Yes to my Neighbours Wives aside But so Madam I find by this high Commendations
of the Royal Family even down to this wicked Widow whom Heaven soon convert from her lewd designes upon my Body Pulling Sir Tim. to kneel Sir Anth. A rare Boy he shall have all my Estate Sir Tim. How the Widow a lewd designe upon his Body Nay then I am jealous Aside L. Gall. I a lewd designe upon your Body for what I wonder Sir Char. Why for villanous Matrimony L. Gall. Who I Sir Char. Who you yes you Why are those Eyes drest in inviting Love Those soft bewitching Smiles those rising Breasts And all those Charms that make you so adorable Is 't not to draw Fools into Matrimony Sir Anth. How 's that how 's that Charles at his Adorables and Charms He must have t'other Health he 'll fall to his old Dog-trot again else Come come every man his Glass Sir Timothy you are six behind Come Charles name 'em all Each take a Glass and force Sir Tim. on his knees Sir Char. Not ●ate ye an Ace Sir Come his Majesties Health and Confusion to his Enemies They go to force his mouth open to drink Sir Tim. Hold Sir hold if I must drink I must but this is very Arbitrary methinks Drinks Sir Anth. And now Sir to the Royal Duke of Albany Musick play a Scotch Jig Musick plays they drink Sir Tim. This is meer Tyranny Enter Jervice Ier. Sir there is just alighted at the Gate a Person of Quality as appears by his Train who give him the Title of a Lord. Sir Tim. How a strange Lord Conduct him up with Ceremony Iervice ' Ods so he 's here Enter Wilding in disguise Dresswell and Footmen and Pages Wild. Sir by your Reverend Aspect you shou'd be the Renown'd Mester de Hotell Sir Tim. Meter de Otell I have not the honour to know any of that name I am call'd Sir Timothy Treat-all Bowing Wild. The same Sir I have been bred abroad and thought all Persons of Quality had spoke French Sir Tim. Not City Persons of Quality my Lord. Wild. I 'm glad on'● Sir for 't is a Nation I hate as indeed I do all Monarchies Sir Tim. Hum hate Monarchy Your Lordship is most welcome Bows Wild. Unless Elective Monarchies which so resemble a Commonwealth Sir Tim. Right my Lord where every man may hope to take his turn Your Lordship is most singularly welcome Bows low Wild. And though I am a stranger to your Person I am not to your Fame amongst the sober Party of the Amsterdamians all the French Hugonots throughout Geneva even to Hungary and Poland fames trumpet sounds your praise making the Pope to fear the rest admire you Sir Tim. I 'm much oblig'd to the Renowned Mobily Wild. So you will say when you shall hear my Embassie The ●o●anders by me salute you Sir and have in this next new Election prickt ye down for their succeeding King Sir Tim. How my Lord prickt me down for a King Why this is wonderful Prickt me unworthy me down for a King How cou'd I merit this amazing Glory Wild. They know he that can be so great a Patriot to his Native Country where but a private person what must he be when Power is on his side Sir Tim. Aye my Lord my Country my bleeding Country there 's the stop to all my rising Greatness Shall I be so ungrateful to disappoint this big expecting Nation defeat the sober Party and my Neighbours for any Polish Crown But yet my Lord I will consider on 't Mean time my House is yours Wild. I 've brought you Sir the measure of the Crown Hah it ●its you to a hair Pulls out a Ribon and measures his head You were by Heaven and Nature fram'd that Monarch Sir Anth. Hah at it again Sir Charles making sober love Come we grow dull Charles where stands the Glass what balk my Lady Galliard's Health They go to drink Wild. Hah Galliard and so sweet on Meriwill Aside L. Gall. If it be your business Sir to drink I 'll withdraw Sir Char. Gad and I 'll withdraw with you Widow Heark ye Lady Galliard I am damnably afraid you cannot bear your Liquor well you are so forward to leave good Company and a Bottle Sir Tim. Well Gentlemen since I have done what I never do to oblige you I hope you 'll not refuse a Health of my Denomination Sir Anth. We scorn to be so uncivil All take Glasses Sir Tim. Why then here 's a conceal'd Health that shall be nameless to his Grace the King of Poland Sir Char. King of Poland Lord Lord how your thoughts ramble Sir Tim. Not so far as you imagine I know what I say Sir Sir Char. Away with it Drink all Wild. I see Sir you still keep up that English Hospitality that so renowned our Ancestors in History Looking on L. Gall. Sir Tim. Aye my Lord my noble Guests are my Wife and Children Aside Wild. Are you not married then Death she smiles on him Sir Tim. I had a Wife but rest her Soul she 's dead and I have no Plague left now but an ungracious Nephew perverted with Ill Customs Tantivie-Opinions and Court-Notions Wild. Cannot your pious Examples convert him By Heaven she 's fond of him Aside Sir Tim. Alas I hav●●●y'd all ways fair and foul ●ay had settled t'other day my whole Estate upon him and just as I had sign'd the Writings out comes me a damn'd Libel call'd A Warning to all good Christians against the City-Magistrates and I doubt he had a hand in Absolon and Achitophel a Rogue But some of our sober Party have claw'd him home i'faith and given him Rhyme for his Reason Wild. Most visibly in love Oh Sir Nature Laws and Religion plead for so neer a Kinsman Sir Tim. Laws and Religion Alas my Lord he deserves not the name of a Patriot who does not for the Publick Good de●ie all Laws and Religion Wild. Death I must interrupt ' em Sir pray what Lady 's that Wild. salutes her Sir Tim. I beseech your Lordship know her 't is my Lady Galliard ' the rest are all my Friends and Neighbours true Protestants all Well my Lord how do you like my method of doing the Business of the Nation and carrying on the Cause with Wine Women and soforth Wild. High feeding and smart Drinking gains more to the Party than your smart Preaching Sir Tim. Your Lordship has hit it right A rare man this Wild. But come Sir leave we serious affairs and oblige these fair ones Addresses himself to Galliard Sir Charles puts him by Enter Charlot disguised Clacket and Fopington Charl. Heavens Clacket yonder 's my false one and that my lovely Rival Pointing to Wild. and L. Gall. Enter Diana and Sensure maskt and Betty Dian. Dear Mrs. Sensure this Favour has oblig'd me Sen. I hope you 'll not discover it to his Worship Madam Wild. By her meen this shou'd be handsome Goes to Diana Madam I hope you have not made a Resolution to deny me the honour of your hand