see cost their Parents deare There is no man can say that he hath so good an Interest in any thing he doth enjoy as Parents have in their Children they are bone of their bone and flesh of their flesh Now then from this Interest Parents have in their Children as appeares evidently we may conclude thus much That it is an offence and a sin of an high nature for Children to bestow themselves in Marriage without much more if against the free consent of their Parents First humbly sought and obtained Secondly Great is the power which the Lord of all Creatures in Heaven and in Earth hath Invested I say Parents with over the bodies of their Children for we must know that God is the Father of spirits in a more peculiar manner and hath them wholly and solely at his own command and that in relation to the bestowing them in Marriage Parents have power to bestow their Daughters in Marriage and to take wives for their Sons Deut. 7.3 which I gather from that place by the rule of contraries but the Text is most properly an Inhibition of corrupt Marriages but more full to this purpose is that place in Jer. 29.6 Where the Lord speakes thus Take ye Wives and beget Sons and Daughters And take you Wives for your Sons and give your Daughters to Husbands Which makes this point cleare That the Lord I once more say doth Invest Parents with a full power over their Children in relation to Marriage yet mistake me not I dare not thinke much lesse say that Parents have a power to force their Children against their own wils to marry or be married as they please I only intend that though Children must have their own free consents to marry with such or such a person that yet they may not nor lawfully cannot without the consent of their Parents So that from this power God hath given Parents over their Children we do againe averre the truth of the former Conclusion that is That it is an Offence and sin of an high nature for Children to bestow themselves in marriage without much more if against the free consent of their Parents But to lay this sin yet closer to the hearts of cursed and rebellious Children let them know and know it assuredly that it is as cleare a truth as is involved in Gods Booke with reverence be it exprest that for them to bestow themselves in Marriage thus without much more I say against the consent of their Parents is a Capitall breach of the fifth seventh and eighth Commandements of the Decalogue First they transgresse against the fifth Commandement for therein God commands them to honour their Father and Mother And by this their bestowing themselves in Marriage against their consents they cast the greatest dishonour upon them that can be thought for by this act of theirs they seeme to dispute nay they do dispute their Parents Interest over them nay further the validity of the free Donation of Jehovah himselfe who hath as you have heard given Children to be under their command even in this particular to which we speake and these Miscreants these Rakehels say with those in Psal 2.3 Let us breake their bonds asunder and cast away their cords from us Secondly these undutifull Children do violate the seventh Commandement wherin God saith Thou shalt not commit Adultery Now this is a most undeniable truth that those who presume to step into the Marriage condition in a way point blanke to that which God hath ordained never lawfully enter into such a condition but such as having Parents living do Marry against their consent do step into that condition point blanke to that way which God hath ordained Therefore such as so marry never lawfully enter into that condition and if two be not lawfully Married they be not man and wife then what they are you may easily determine You may say they are a couple of uncleane persons or a Whoremonger and a Whore and so they will be till they labour to be humbled for their uncleane societies and for their disobedience against God and their Parents and have gained God and their Parents to be reconciled to them and till then I once more say they live in the continuall breach of the seventh Commandement Lastly They transgress against the eighth Commandement for therein God saith Thou shalt not steale Now such as marry against the consent of Parents are the greatest thieves in the world You may remember that I told you that Children are dearer to their Parents than all that besides they enjoy and that they have bought them very deare Now if thieves breake the eighth Commandement then surely these that thus marry against their Parents consent being thieves do breake that Commandement How fearefull then is the condition of such persons as they The Apostle James saith that he which keeps the whole Law and failes but in one point is guilty of all Jam. 2.10 How much more guilty must such be who faile in three points as those hot-spurs do who make more haste than good speed Sampson had better learned and did better practice He tels his Father and Mother that he had seen a woman in Timnah that pleased him well Judg. 14.2 then in ver 3. he pleads for their consent Now untill he had gotten the consent of his Parents he would not marry then in ver 10. his Father and Mother went down with him to Timnah to his Marriage Mind well the carriage of Abrahams Servant which was made use of before on another occasion Gen. 24.33 and so forward Therefore when thou dost desire to marry and hast spied out a person whom thou canst love then first acquaint thy own Parents with it seek their counsell and consent which when thou hast obtained breake the matter to the Maids friends but step not one foot further till Parents are satisfied on both sides and then do as God and friends shall direct I shall wade no further in this third meanes but come to the last Yet before we proceed thereto here fals in a case of Conscience arising from the last particular namely whether a man may under no consideration bestow himselfe in Marriage against the consent of parents This is necessary to be spoken to in this place for some poor soul may object and say I apprehend in my selfe a cleare Call to change my single condition and to enjoy the Marriage estate for I find my selfe in some poore measure fit for it God having graciously bestowed on me those gifts before spoken of in some degrees and this I am sure of I am unfit for the single life having not the gift of Chastity but upon all occasions burn with fleshly concupiscence to Gods dishonour and to the wasting of all my spirituall comforts I have used those meanes you mention to obtaine a good wife and by Gods gracious providence I have found out a maid largely qualified to make a good wife and now the obstacle is my Parents
But if by these loving Admonitions thou canst not prevaile thou must then proceed to sharpe â— proofes and rebukes Thou shalt not hate saith God thy Brother in thy heart thou shalt in any wise rebuke thy Neighbour and not suffer sin upon him Lev. 19.17 Now if a man should be tender of the salvation of a Brother and of a Neighbour then much more of the salvation of a Wife who hath a kind of onenesse with thy selfe Rachel was Jacobs best beloved Wife yet when in a discontented humour she comes to him and saith give me Children or else I dye thereby derogating from God and arrogating to her Husband which sin of her we read not that ever before she did commitâ— Yet the Text notes that when Jacob heard iâ— his Anger was kindled and he saith unto her Am I in Gods stead who hath with-held from thee the fruit of the wombe Gen. 30.1 2. The wife of Job bids him curse God and dye which was her fearefull sin her husband replies with a word of sharpe reproofe and tels her that she spake like a foolish woman Job 2.10 When the Tumour is swolne to such a bignesse it is full time to lance it and apply Corrasives to it to eate out the Corruption else it may gangrene to the destruction of the body But herein use thy best wisdome to chuse the fittest time and place to seek to fasten a reproofe on her Now a seasonable and fit time thus to deale with her is when she is out of her passions and free from perturbation of spirit for if she be in the heat of anger and the boyling of her Choler she is very unfit to be dealt with in this way 1 Sam. 25.36 37. Nabal when drunke with wine was full as capable of a word of reproofe from his discreet wife for his churlish and absurd carriage to David as a woman or man can be when drunke with outragious Anger and Passion from the wisest and most judicious â—â—iend they have in the world for indeed thou taking an unseasonable time to reprove thy wife thou dost not only lose thy labour of winning her but thou maiest feare she will be the more incorrigible thereby But if thou take a fit time to deale with her in this kind thou maiest hope through the Lords blessing to see some good effect of thy paines and of the discharge of thy duty Secondly thou must make choice of a convenient place to perform this duty of reproofe which place is a secret and private Roome free from the hearing of any others for if thou rip up her faults in the hearing of others that will be a meanes the more to enrage her and to make her the more obstinate in her evill way and the more refractory against all meanes of good unto her But if she perceive thou dost tender her credit and reputation thou maiest find her more flexible docible than perhaps thou art a ware of But if thou dost yet lose thy labour then in the third place make triall of a more publike way of reproofe to see if she will be ashamed of her vilenesse and labour to reforme If this will not worke upon her for amendment then in the fourth place thou shalt do well to withdraw all appearance of love from her alâ— Amiable deportments and gestures and stilâ— carry thy selfe in an Austere way toward her with knit brows and a restriction of discourse with her so long as she remaines obstinate Now if all these meanes be unavaileable theâ— in the last place shorten her maintenance keep her at bare Commons let her have only foâ— necessity nothing for delight let her know that so long as she remaines an Enemy to Goâ— and to her own soule that she shall not finâ— thee a friend to her unlesse it be to check curb and controule her on purpose to help heâ— out of the snare of the Devill But if none nor all these meanes will do her good to draâ— her from sin to God then her condition is faâ— indeed and doth deserve to be lamented with â—eares of blood and thou hast cause to weepe for her in secret as Jeremy for the obstinate Jewes Jer. 13.17 Truly thou hast cause to â—eare and she much more the Lord hath a purpose to destroy her and so make her punishment like the punishment of Elies Sons who would not hearken to the reprehensions of their Father 1 Sam. 2.25 And let such a woman sadly lay that thundring place in Prov. â—9 1 to heart for she may tremble to read it The words are these that is He that being often reproved hardeneth his neck shall suddenly be destroyed and that without remedy and let her not be so absurd as to thinke that place concernes not her because it is said He and no mention of the word She for though the threatning be exprest in the Masculine gender yet it shall be made good in the Feminine But thou who hast conscienciously used all these meanes to reclaime thy poore yoak-fellow though they have done her no good yet thou hast delivered thy own soule Ezek. 3.19 But if it please the Lord to blesse thy endeavours and to make thee an instrument to bring thy Wife to a saving sight of her sins of which godly sorrow is a fruit then know thou hast saved a soule from death and hast covered a multitude of sins James 5.20 And thy recocovered wife may even upon her bare knees abundantly bless the Lord that ever she was so happy as to enjoy such a sweet and tender-hearted Companion in the Marriage Estate We proceed to the following duty The fifth duty of the Husband to his Wife It is the duty of the Husband to walke before his wife in all good conversation to give her good examples of encouragement from his own holy course of life It is undeniable that it is the duty of all whom God hath set in Authority over others that they should labour to teach those that are under them both by precept and by example for the first will do no good ordinarily without the other Look at me saith Gideon and do likewise Judg. 7.17 Gideon as a Captaine speakes to his Souldiers being under his Command and Authority to follow his Example Now the Lord hath invested the Husband with as much Authority over his wife as Gideon had over his Souldiers and more Therefore he walking in good waies may say to his wife looke on me and do likewise Timothy having the charge of soules committed to him the Apostle exhorts him to be an example to Beleevers in Word it Conversation in Charity in Spirit in Faith and in Purity 1 Pet. 5.3 1 Tim. 4.12 The Apostle Peter likewise doth exhort the Elders to be examples to the Flock And it is not now to make out that a Husband hath the charge of his VVifes soule committed to him for that point is as cleare as the Sun at Noone so must the Husband be
to his VVife Now this he should do the more carefully that is walke in a good conversation before his wife because most men and women in the world are apt to be led by example good or bad more than by precept The examples of Superiours are of â—n attractive nature to Inferiours especially if the Inferiour do love and reverence the Superiour as the wife doth if her heart be married â—o her Husbands there is an intrinsecall principle in her to carry out her desires and endeavours to tread in his steps she will endeavour â—o imitate her Husband in his words and actiâ—ns The VVives of Jacob were brought up in â—dolatry but they hauing better examples set â—hem by their Husbands of worshipping the â—ue God they will be of his Religion Their â—ather worshipped false Gods Gen. 31.19 30. But they will pray to the true God it is said God hearkened unto Leah Gen. 30.17 then â—oubtlesse she prayed that must be implied â—en in ver 22. God hearkened unto Rachel â—o sure she had also prayed Mahlon and â—hilion take them wives in Moab who were â—otorious Idolaters but from their Husbands â—imples they had learned to serve the true â—od of Israel Ruth especially was brought to constant love of the true God for when her other in Law had put her upon the triall and â—d perswaded her Sister to returne backe â—aine to her people and to her gods yet â—e would by no meanes follow her Mothers â—ounsell nor her Sisters Apostatizing examâ—e but strongly adheres to the true God of â—ael and will forsake Countrey and deare naâ—rall friends besides rather than depart from â—e God of her Husband read the whole â—hapter of the first of Ruth Thus we see that good examples from Husbands may gaine upon the spirits of their wives some good Affections to goodnesse and care to imitate the best Patterns Now as good examples in Husbands may with Gods blessing produce glorious and comfortable effects upon the hearts and in the Conversations of good wives so on the contrary bad examples from Husbands before their wives may bring them to the height of all wickednesse and pertinaciousness in those their perishing waies without the infinite mercy of God in Christ Of which take a president or two in 1 King 16.25 it is said that Omri wrought evill in the eyes of the Lord and did worse than all that were before him And then in ver 30. it is said that Ahab the Son of Omri did evill in the sight of the Lord above all that were before him VVhere by the way we see the Son imitates the Father in his wicked waies Now as Ahab was a worshipper of false Gods so he was an enemy to the Prophets of the true God for proofe whereof mind the 9 10. and 17. verses of the 18. Chap. of 1 King Also Chap 21.20 so again in Chap. 22.8 where he plainely saith he hated Micaiah but observe how his accursed wife Jezebel followeth his vile way of persecuting Elijah she hates and seekes his life 1 Kings 19.2 But if it be said it is to no purpose this way to insert passages of wickedness relating to Omri and Ahab they were not Husband and VVife but Father and Son I answer it is true they were so but that is taken notice of only to prove Ahab was a wicked man before he had Jezebel to wife who did stir him up to wickednesse 1 Kings 21.25 for she might be both a follower of his bad examples as doubtlesse she was and yet a provoker of him to abundance of notorious vilenesse But take a president cleare from all exception from Ananias and Saphira his wife Ananias observing the forwardnesse of many true Chistians whom God had blest with some temporall Estates in the time of others great extremities by reason of poverty in times of persecution that they were willing to sell all and communicate it to others which held out the life of love to Christ Ananias I say observing this he plaies the close hypocrite and bids as faire to maintaine the name and forme of a Christian as others did but he detaines a part of the money in a private way for to maintaine him and his wife yet pretends and affirmes the contrary His wife Saphira follows his example of hypocrisie joynes with him in false affirmations and so both perish together Acts 5.1 to the end of ver 10. Beloved Thou that art a Husband as chiefly in relation to God and thy own soule hast need to walke accurately with all circumspection in the whole course of thy life to beware of any scandalous waies out of pitty to thy poore yoak-fellow that by thy example thou lead her not into the way of sin and so to hell for ever without the infinite and boundlesse mercy of God For if thou be carelesse herein Dives in Hell will rise up in judgement against thee at the last day for in that place of torment he had some charity as we may say to his poore Brethren I know it is but a Parable but yet there is much in Parables and thou hast none on Earth to the soule of thy poore wife yet this I must grant that in Hell there can be no charity for that is a grace and so cannot be there but to speake properly it was a fruit of selfe-love he knew he had led his Brethren by his example into the way of sin and that leades to Hell and that if they should come there it would aggravate his horrour and guilt And truly if thou shouldst shun giving evill examples to thy wife on that ground that is out of selfe-love it were better to do it so than not at all for we see it by daily experience that such as the Husband is the Wife is divers times the same if he be zealous in good duties and frequent therein if he be full of selfe-deniall and of patience under the Rod of God resigning himselfe to be at his dispose if he be of an humble spirit full of Temperance Sobriety Love and of a pitifull and tender heart to those that are in misery and ready to every good worke and labouring to hold forth the power of godliness in Mortification and Vivification in dying to sin and living to righteousness If he labour to live by faith against sense If he labour to worship God publikely privately and secretly I say if the Husband have these graces these qualifications and Divine Operations O how will a gracious wife heave and strive pant after and gaspe for spirituall vigour in the strength of God to imitate the same in her sweet precious heavenly and Angelicall Husband Ah Deare heart let me beg of thee and beseech thee with all the obsecrations in the world that thou wouldst give thy wife no worse examples than those for hereby thou shalt glorifie God Edifie and build up thy wife in grace discharge a grand Matrimoniall duty and gaine demonstrations of thy present gracious condition here and
of to be the first Commandement with promise Mal. 6.6 A son honoureth his Father If I be a Father where is my honour But how should this Honour and Reverence be exprest may some say I answer first in words Secondly in actions and gestures First in words Children must reverence their Parents by using few words in their Parents presence or hearing Silence for the generall well becomes the younger sort before the Elder but more properly Children before their Parents And when they speake to them they must make use of the choicest expression that may be to hold forth their dutifull respect by And for their Action too they must be full of Humility as rising up before them and standing in their presence if they expect it being uncovered so long as they think fit and making obeysance on all occasions by shewing all filiall and Child-like dispositions to them by harkening to all their grave Counsels and Admonitions with diligent attention Prov. 1.8 Chap. 5.1 As also by submitting and subjecting themselves to all their godly reprehensions and by treading in their religious steps and imitating their unblameable examples and by covering all their imperfections and weaknesses as Shem and Japhet did when their Father lay drunke and naked in his Tent. Solomon is a singular example of honouring his Mother in another kind 1 Kings 2.19 The second duty of Children to their Parents In the second place it is the duty of Children to obey their Parents in all things lawfull and that with all readinesse Children obey your Parents in the Lord Eph. 6.1 Children obey your Parents in all things for this is well pleasing unto the Lord Col 3.20 Now this must be a cheerefull obedience without contending Isaac will submit to his Father though it be in matter of death Gen. 22 9 10. And so will the Daughter of Jephtha Judg. 11 39. The Rechabus obey Jonadab their Father in things that required a great deale of selfe-deniall Ier. 35.5 6 7. which the Lord rewards them for in ver 18 19. A Bishop must rule his own house well and have his Children in subjection 1 Tim. 3.4 Now subjection of all Children to Parents is as much a duty as it is in the children of the Ministers of the Gospell And of this obedience unto Parents we have an example beyond all presidents in our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ of whom it is said he went down with his Parents to Nazareth and was subject to them Luk. 2.51 Children must not make their own wils a rule of their actions but the Commandements of God and the Precepts of their Parents that are not contrary to the revealed will of God they must also quietly submit to such correction as they shall think fit to inflict on them for their faults In the third and last place it is the duty of Children to their Parents to labour to provide safty for them in the times of danger The third duty of Children to their Parents and competent maintenance in their necessitous conditions to their utmost abilities for the first take a president from Rahab the Harlot which is laid down at large in Josh 2.12 13. where she doth indent with the Spies sent to view the land to save her Fathers house and to preserve her Father and her Mother c. And for the duty of Children to relieve their Parents in their want consider what the Apostle saith in 1 Tim. 5.4 That to requite our Parents is good and acceptable before God When Parents have been at great paines and charge to bring up their Children and then come to poverty which perhaps may be occasioned by such charge it is not only against grace but against good nature too to cast them off without due care to relieve them it was the pestilent doctrine of the Pharisees to maintaine that Children were discharged from their duty herein provided they did offer a gift at the Altar which was indeed but to fill their pouches Mar. 7.11 12 13. Which practice of theirs as well as their doctrine our Saviour there condemnes We may learne a better example from the practice of Ioseph when he was in prosperity and his Fathers house in want Gen. 47.11 12. For he nourished his Father and his whole Family in Ramases which was the most fertile place of all Egypt When Naomi returned very poore out of the Land of Moab into the Land of Israel Ruth 1.21 then her Daughter in Law wrought hard and tooke great paines to gaine provision for her maintenance God condemnes the formall fasts of the Children of Israel as for other things so for this that they did hide themselves from their own flesh Isa 58.6 7. Now Parents may be more truly said to be our own flesh than others in common can be said to be our Saviour in that place of Marke makes it one kind of honouring Parents to relieve them in their want and to honour our Parents you have it proved before to be a duty from children There be other duties which children owe unto their Parents but they may be included in these If these be conscientiously performed they will be all discharged The duties then which children owe unto their Parents which are obvious to your eye are first to reverence them Secondly to obey them Thirdly to labour to preserve them from danger and to maintaine them in their wants In the last place we are to proceed to discusse the duties which servants owe unto their Masters c. and then we shall draw to a conclusion of this poore Treatise and so leave all upon your hearts to practice in your lives The first duty that servants owe unto their Masters The first duty of servants to their Masters c. is the same that children owe to their Parents that is Honour and Reverence this duty all Inferiours owe to their Superiours and therefore it must be a duty here Now that it is so consider the fore quoted place Mal. 1.6 A son honoureth his Father and a Servant his Master If I be a Master saith God where is my feare or Reverence Implying that honour and reverence is a duty servants owe to their Masters and that they are obliged to the performance of it That place in 1 Tim. 6.1 is much to be observed for this purpose where the Apostle requires all servants that are under the yoke to count their own Masters worthy of all honour and then adds a reason for the same which is this That the name of God and his doctrine be not blasphâ—med Then it is very cleare that such servants as make no conscience to performe this duty of giving honour to their Masters do expose the name and word of eternall God to contempt and to be blasphemed and how shall such servants ever be able to answer for this sin of theirs before the great and all-powerfull God who is alwaies armed with divine vengeance to be powred down upon the heads and hearts of
Art thou a Husband Labour to performe thy duties to thy Wife Art thou a Wife Labour to discharge all those duties thou owest to thy Husband and both of you neglect not any of your duties you are obliged to discharge to your Children and Servants And it also concernes you to take care to see that your Children c. performe their duties to you which duties of all kinds you must mind and be informed in because hereby as you have heard God is glorified and both Church and State furthered in tranquillity and happinesse for by this means as before exprest you shall prevent a whole Catalogue of grievous sins from being perpetrated And so shall save the Ministers of God a great deale of paines ease their Loines and preserve their Lungs And prevent a great deale of trouble to all truly godly Magistrates who dare not beare the sword in vaine who had rather praise you and all others when they see you do that which is good than otherwise to be a terrour to you Beloved these are times look'd upon by many as times of Reformation And truly I look upon them as calling for much in that kind But let me tell you that let Ministers do their duties and Magistrates performe theirs yet if Governours of Families be remiss in the discharge of what concernes them in their relations in their little Churches and private Common-wealths all will come to nothing I professe the well instructing and right governing of Families is the eye of the worke I could wish with my soule that such as have power to make and constitute Laws would lay a very considerable Mulct upon all Governours of Families that neglect their duties to their Children and Servants to instruct and reforme them and that the same might not only extend to their purses but to their persons too You have heard before that by this meanes soules are sent to hell by multitudes such evill persons as these are what are they but the devils Factors and their sin and punishment one day without repentance will find them out but most sad of all men is the condition of such as even out of conscience as they pretend cast off the care of the soules of such as are under their charge they say and plead hard for it that none ought to be restrained from sin by use of meanes all Ordinances publique and private must be laid aside nay cast off with scorne and disdaine and men and women they say must wait for revelations from heaven sure they have had revelations from hell for their direction herein but from heaven they shall never have any unlesse it be in the demonstration of the wrath of God if they persist impenitently and for Family discipline there must be none let their Children Sweare Lye profane the Sabbaths or run in any vile way provided they call not their Parents and Masters vile Hereticks and abominable Schismaticks and offer to prove them such from the Word of God all is well for they say they can put no grace into their hearts but God will if they belong to him in due time Oh what tongue can tell or what heart can think what will be the portion of these men without Gods infinite mercy in converting and reforming them Truly contrary to intention when we first entred upon this Use we have made this digression it should have been a part of the other Use but being then omitted I was loath to let it wholly passe You may be pleased to remember that but even now I told you that were Governors of Families that if you did conscientiously discharge the duties which you owe c. you might hereby glorifie God and the tranquillity both of Church and Common-wealth would hereby be furthered c. So in the last place from hence you may conclude that as you glorifie God by this means and do good unto his poore Church on Earth by the encreasing and purging the members thereof that through the Lords free Grace in Christ you are Members of the Church of Christ here Militant and shall be of the Church Triumphant in the highest Heavens There to enjoy the fulnesse of happinesse at the right hand of Christ and all glorious and blessed Union and Communion with God the Father God the Son and God the Holy Ghost and with innumerable and blessed Angels and Saints even the soules of just men made perfect even for ever and ever O my soule praise thou the Lord praise ye the Lord. FINIS Christian Friend By reason of the Authors living far from London and also his urgent Imployments hindring him that he could not attend the Presse there hath some faults escaped and are here inserted in this ensuing Errata which thou maiest be bleased to mend with thy Pen c. In the Paternal Advice in p. 21. l. 11. f. groanes r. grave In the Epistle Dedicator p. 2. l. 22. f. and r. for l. 28. r. as upon Page 2 line 29 for a read the. p. 11 l. 32 33 f. poverty r. penury the same l. f. destruction r. distraction p. 12. l. 21. f. with r. into p. 24 l. 26 put a period at expected p. 28 l. 18 f. these r. those p. 36 l. 31 f. prove r. approve p. 37 l. 11 f. churlish r. a churlish l. 25 r. as â— p. 38 l. 8 f. stone r. a stone p. 39 l. 7 r. be too nice p. 45 l. 1 f. spirituall r. speciall p. 46 l 9 f. unhandsome r. unwholsome p. 50 l. 15 f. over r. even p. 51 l. 6 r. a muckworme l. 15 f. Hos r. Hest p. 93 l. 1 f. unto r. in p. 95 l. 13 dele no. l. 15 dele the. p. 108 l. 14 f. concerned r. concerneth l. 32 f. doth r. should p. 141 l. 10 f. duty r. Deity p. 143 l. 27 f. his r. thy p. 152 l. 16 f. command r. examples l. 19 f. thirdly r. secondly p. 164 l. 6 r. the eternall p. 169 l. 19 r. not what is she p. 173 l. 6 r. to the. p. 174 l. 17 f. eye r. Key
beforesaid And if so then judge you what singular care should fill your hearts and heads when you mind Marriage and use the meanes conducible for that end Deare hearts I cannot but thinke it necessary to acquaint you concerning this poore piece ensuing which is denominated Conjugall Counsell that the Originall Copy of it was compil'd sixe and twenty yeares since which being then brought into a compendious way and truly it is little more now I did present it not only to very intelligible private Christians but to three very Orthodoxe Divines for their Approbation of it it being then in my intentions to make it publique which approbation of theirs I had and counsell from one of them to print the Booke who did also put me in a faire way to accomplish the same and it had been extant but that those times did obstruct it since which time it hath laine even as dead and buried But my choisely beloved ones Now God having in the riches of his grace bestowed you on me who are as deare to me as my own soule what could I do lesse than seeke your compleat happinesse And I apprehending this poore work might contribut a small mite thereto by the blessing of God I could not be so unjust to detaine it from you Truly next the seeking the glory of God I have chiefly for your sakes made it obvious to publike view I must confesse the good of all poore soules I desire to prize and if any receive benefit by this my poore paines I desire to take it as a very large engagement to my poore soule to praise the Lord for his infinite goodnesse and grace herein Further I must acquaint you that I have in some things altered this from the first Copy and I hope it is not for the worst but for the better And now my poore hearts on whom can I so properly bestow it as on you who are bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh I have two speciall reasons amongst many to write this Epistle Dedicatory to you First to manifest my Cordiall love to your soules Secondly that hereby I may oblige you to endeare it the more and to make it your Rule to walke by Now if either you or any others should marvell I should make my selfe so pupiller as to make use of your names at the beginning and my owne at the end of this Epistle And secondly that I should affix my Effigies at the Front of this Booke to both I shall give a candid answer But first I must tell you that it was not to gaine popular applause for first I know nothing in it that can advance so course an end Secondly I do professe I desire with my soule to abominate all popularity I can with much comfort averre that my sincere designe is to avoid it for nothing is more contrary to my mind than to set so much as halfe a foot on the stage of this world But to give you a briefe but reall positive answer of the first It was that it might take the deeper and more kindly impression on the hearts of you my poore Children that you may looke on all contained both in this Epistle and in the Treatise as the Counsell of your own deare Father That you may say this Counsell these directions these reproofes c. were directed to us from our Father and they were all evidences that we were deare to him and we plainely see he loved our poore soules which I hope by the grace of God will be to you as a spur to quicken you to practice all But for my Effigies I have desired that should stand in the place beforesaid to be a meanes to preserve the memory of my selfe alwaies fresh upon your hearts who are my Children For I am not ashamed to confesse if it were before all the world that I desire my Children in yeares to come if God see it good may be able to take notice what kind of man their Father was even in person I care not who bury me in oblivion so my Children do not But these things being only circumstantials let them passe without more said to them Now if you my deare Children or any other should be unsatisfied in relation to the uncouth Method of the following directions in reference to the duties of Superiours and Inferiours each to others it being contrary to the order not only of the way of all Elaborate Writers on such a Subject but also to the way of the Holy Ghost to lay down the duties of Superiours in the first place and then of Inferiours I desire to passe this account for it You may be pleased to mind what is my chiefe aime in the foresaid discourse Truly it is to provoke such as desire to enter into the Marriage estate not only to mind their Call unto the same and to informe them in the way they must walke in and the meanes they must use tending to atchieving their desires but also to put them upon an earnest endeavour to be acquainted with the duties that their consciences will then be bound to the performance of Now it is clearely necessary that every Christian man should first learne what his own duties are that he may discharge them and then the duties of others that within his place and Calling he must teach and stir them up to performe the same Thou that teachest another teachest thou not thy selfe Rom. 2.21 He that reproveth another had need to be unreprovable our Saviour teacheth as much Mat. 7 3. Much endeared Children you cannot but remember that I have acquainted you that I cannot but conceive my abode here with you is short and I may truly say my desire is to depart this life and to be with Christ which for me is best of all yet to remaine in the flesh is more profitable for you Phil. 1.23 24. But however the Lord be pleased to deale with me I hope your Mother will discharge her duties toward you both for soule and body and will endeavour to walke before you in good examples and that may prove to you all matter of joy and singular comfort But you my deare Son I must here take the liberty to tell you and I cannot do lesse that you are descended from the Loynes of a most choice and precious Mother who by divine providence lost her naturall life in being a meanes to bring you forth to live in this World Truly I might here dip a golden Pen in Odoriferous Oyle and therewith write an Encomium of her both of her life and of her death She was indeed a Margaret by Name and much more by sweetnesse of Nature But above all by the super-abundant grace of God toward her and in her she was of a most transcendent exemplary and holy life She did through the grace of God walke sweetly with her Saviour in all pious waies she did highly prize the meanes of grace She did really hold forth the power of godlinesse in an unblameable
to love and good works She will be a meanes to help thee in the growth of grace here and so a meanes of thy happinesse hereafter Here are more flowers to adde to thy begun-Nosegay in the last end of Marriage bind them together and they will be very Odoriferous to please thy senses Thirdly thou hast need to make grace the Object of thy love in chusing a Wife as thou desirest thy love should hold out to the end For if thou make Riches the Object of thy love they may be lost they are subject to many casualties Riches have wings like an Eagle and may flye away Prov. 23.5 and when they are gone thy love will flye after If thou make beauty the Object of thy love that may vanish away for favour is deceitfull and beauty is vanity Prov. 31.30 Beauty may be taken away by sicknesse or by some accidentall blow in the face by losse of an Eye by a Canker in the Nose or some other meanes and if once gone love will go too If thou make Person the Object of thy love that may suffer much detriment crookednesse may grow in a body formerly straight such a comely body may come to want a Leg or an Arme which will be a blemish to it Now Person being defective love will be the same If thou make hope of Honour the Object of thy love Thy wives great Kindred may faile of power to advance thee nay of power to hold up themselves we want not plentifull experience of this Or they may be prejudiced against thee and frustrate thy expectations and make thee see too late that thou hast but built Castles in the Aire to depend on them so all hopes that way being lost thy love will be lost too Now when thy love hath fetcht its last gaspe it may be happy were it for thee in some sense if thou and thy love might be buried both in one grave for after love is once departed what will or can thy life be but a condition of griefe and heart-sorrow and great discontentment that thou shouldst have a wife whom thou canst take no pleasure in and wouldst with all thy heart part with and yet it may be thou shalt not part with her untill death cut thee off first But if thou make Grace the Object of thy love and withall art no whit mistaken but thou findest it to be in the heart of thy wife in deed and in truth Then as grace doth encrease so thy love will abound but grace cannot but encrease continually therefore love will multiply in thy heart exceedingly Now as thou desirest to be kept from Apostacy or falling from God and the waies of his grace And as thou desirest to be helped forward in all Christian Counsels and good waies And as thou dost desire to keep life in thy love and to encrease therein to thy own comfort and the comfort of thy wife so let it be thy care in the feare of God to looke to thy own heart that it deceive thee not but that thou dost indeed make Grace the Object of thy love in the choice of thy wife then thou maiest certainly expect by the blessing of God much comfort in such a Yoak-fellow in all thy wants of wealth or health of soule or body and mayest whilest thou enjoyest her begin to write encomiums of her and when she is dead Gen 35.19 20. then with Jacob set up a pillar upon her Grave and perhaps maiest truly say Many Daughters have done vertuously but thou excellest them all for favour is deceitfull and beauty is vaine but a woman that feareth the Lord she shall be praised Give her of the fruit of her hands and let her own works praise her in the Gates Here we shall turne in and proceed no further in the amplification of the first inward qualification of a good wife The second qualification of a good wife In the second place the chiefe qualification of a good wife next saving Grace is sweet disposition of Nature that she be of a quiet and peaceable spirit for it is much to be bewailed that in divers men and women that we doubt not in the least measure but that they are very gracious and desire to prove their soules to God in all waies of holinesse yet are of bad Natures and themselves cannot but see it and I doubt not but they desire to bewaile it before God in secret and yet cannot attaine to have their Corruptions in this kind mortified in any comfortable way yet it must be granted that such persons are not many times comfortable Consorts And therefore thou that art to make choice of a wife hast cause enough to endeavour to avoid laying a Conjugall tye upon thy selfe to live and dye with such a woman though otherwise one of good parts If a woman be of churlish nature of cross dispositons in the abstract she will cast such a coole damp on her Husbands love as may not only chill but kill it whereby though she may be a sad sufferer her selfe she will abundantly prejudice her Husband in his comforts and may shorten his daies For a man cannot live that cannot love the love of any thing gives contentment to the mind to enjoy the same A crosse and tarte nature in a wife un-wifes her as I may say for she that is not a meet helper is either not a wife or else a very imperfect one for how can she be said to be a wife that is not a meet helper who is unfit for comfortable society but such a wife is as sharp and bitter touchy and tangue by nature will not ordinarily be sociable loving kind and amiable in her carriages and deportments to her Husband and doth it not concerne thee to avoid her in thy choice of a wife for such a woman as we speake of will not make a good Wife nor good Mother nor good Dame or Mistris she will not be good in any relation I meane in the latter part of this discourse where an untoward nature is predominant in a woman Solomon saith It is is better to dwell in a corner of the house top than with a brawling woman in a wide house Prov. 21.9 He also saith The contentions of a wife are a continuall dropping Pro. 19.13 A continuall dropping will weare wast and consume stone as observation will prove And truly this dropping from a contentious wife will weare waste and consume not only all the comforts that her Husband otherwise might have in her but his skin flesh bone marrow and vitall spirits and all in time The Apostle tels us that a meeke and quiet spirit in a woman is of great price with God 1 Pet. 3.4 And so it is doubtlesse with every rationall man therefore as thou wouldst avoid many inconveniences in the Marriage Estate and wear the comforts of it as a Crown of all temporall felicity So labour to gaine a woman of sweet naturall dispositions of a very Amiable and
than children and that because they are one flesh which Parents and Children are not Therefore a man ought in his will to have more respect to his wife than to his children except first the children be Infants or every way unhelpfull to themselves and that their mother be youthfull and of an able body and in a capacity to look out in a probable way to have a competent maintenance and also in a second place except the mother be of a very harsh and bitter spirit to her Children and so like to be as a step-mother rather than a naturall mother but if there be no ground for these considerations it is still the most Christian and prudent way for the husband to be more liberall to his wife than unto his children when he is to set his house in order and to make his Will And for this we have a Christian president from the practice of Elkanah A very judicious Diuine whom the Christian world doth reverence for a very learned Expositor * Mr Cotton of Boston in New-England saith that it was the custome of the Jews before they took any large journey to make their Wills and dispose of their estates not knowing whether they should returne againe upon which occasion Elkanah living far from Shiloh and being to appear there before the Lord he makes his Will unto which he gave unto Peninnah his wife and to his Sons and Daughters portions But unto Hannah he gave a worthy portion because he loved her 1 Sam. 1.3 4 5. As a man that loves his wife would not only have her fare well when he is at home but when absent from home also So if thou do love thy wife with a cordiall love thou wouldst not only have her live well in this world whilest thou art her companion here but also when thou art through the Lords free Grace a Companion with Saints and Angels in Heaven at the right hand of God and in the bosome of thy dearest Saviour But if thou art not carefull to provide for thy wife as well as thou canst whilest thou livest here thou canst have but little hope that she should live well hereafter when thou art gone which duty of thine if thou neglect thou wilt leave a brand upon thy name to Posterity to judge by that thy wife never lay in the bosome of thy affections for if she had thou wouldst have exprest more sincere love to her at your parting Thus God hath carried us through the consideration of ten special duties which the husband doth owe unto his wife which to help thy memory take the heads of them as they have been laid down in order viz. First Conjugall Affections Secondly Cohabitation Thirdly a Godly care to build her up in the knowledge of God Fourthly To seeke to reclaime her from sin Fifthly To walke before her in good examples Sixthly To beare with her infirmities Seventhly To allow her due maintenance Eighthly To protect her Ninthly To be carefull she improve her time so as not to live idly Lastly To take care to leave her some competent maintenance we come now by the Lords assistance to consider of some duties the wife doth owe unto the husband which in the feare of God she must labour to performe and discharge The first duty of the VVife to the Husband The first duty the wife doth owe unto the husband is also Conjugall Affections or a singular choice and speciall love you may remember we gave this duty of love the precedency in a superlative way of all other duties the husband doth owe to his wife Love is the sap bud and blossome from whence all other Matrimoniall duties do spring And answerable to the degrees hereof be they more or lesse doth the other incline or decline in the heart of the wife to or from the husband The wife ought to love her husband with a most intire and ardent love yea such a love as is only proper and peculiar unto him He ought to be unto her the chiefe part of her outward joy and enjoyments as one said of a choice dish of meat that he could cut out of it all the variety of dainties that the best furnish'd boord in the world was provided of so may a woman say that in her husband under God she hath all outward good things that any have the fruition of which as it gives abundance of satisfaction to her own heart so the reflection of it doth returne back into the bosome of her husband to fill him with much solace and delight in her againe Elkanah saith to Hanna 1 Sam. 1.8 Am I not better to thee than ten sons thereby implying what an high esteemâ— the wife should have of her Husband Paul would have Titus teach young women to love their Husbands Tit. 2.4 And doubtlesse it is the duty of elder women to do the same but young women are particularized because of the levity of their minds they being apt above others to close with vaine pleasures and so more likely to neglect their maine duty to their Husbands In 1 Cor. 7.28 the Apostle speakes of such as are married that they shall have no trouble in the flesh that is divers outward troubles and incumbrances in the mind for in the Marriage Estate there is an intermixture of discomforts with comforts There may be sometimes too many wild Gourds shred and put into that pottage by reason whereof death may be there as in 2 Kings 4.39 40. but in the 41. verse the Prophet bids them bring meale and cast it into the pot and so they did and then it was wholesome so thou that art a wife if thou do sometimes meet with losses and crosses paines and troubles cares and turmoiles whereby death that is sorrows and griefes lay hold on thee to imbitter that otherwise blessed condition unto thee then bring meale and that is love and cast it into the bosome of thy Husband and that will sweeten all it will turne gall and wormwood into sugar and honey As Christ is to his Spouse the chiefest of ten thousand Cant. 5.10 so must thy Husband be unto thee which if he be not it may be much suspected that thou hast an Adulterous heart at least if thou be not also outwardly defiled too Then in the next place The second duty of the VVife to the Husband Cohabitation is also a duty the wife doth owe unto her Husband it is not only the duty of the Husband to live with his wife but hers to live with him And among other ends she was created for this that is to be his Companion God found it not good for man to be alone Gen. 2.18 And indeed how can she be a meet helper to him if she live apart from him There may be many necessary occasions for a man to change the place of his habitation sometimes to enjoy better meanes of Grace sometimes to enjoy better meanes of health sometimes to enjoy better means
saving Faith Temperance Patience Godliness Repentance unto life strength against corruptions that he may abound in every good worke that he may be an Instrument of Gods glory here and a Vessell of Mercy hereafter And in thy drawing forth and improving thy parts thus for thy Husbands spirituall advantages men and Angels shall witnesse for thee that thou hast laboured to answer one end of Gods creating of thee that is to be a meet helper to thy Husband nay the spirit of God shall attest the same to thy own soule to thy comfort here and permanent happinesse hereafter Fourthly The duty of a wife to her Husband The fourth duty of the VVife to the Husband is a comely and Christian-like subjection to him she must not contend for equality with him much lesse superiority over him but must content her selfe in the same station or condition wherein the God of wisdom or that God who is wisdome it selfe hath set her Now that this is a duty take Scripture evidence for it for I know it will not down but sticks in the throat with too too many but to a mortified Christian a Command from God is enough to sweeten that which to flesh and bloud is as bitter as gall Col. 3.8 The Apostle saith Wives submit your selves unto your own Husbands as it is fit in the Lord. So Eph. 5.22 Wives submit your selves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord where marke the diversity of termes In the former place it is Wives submit c. as it is fit in the Lord But in this latter Wives submit c. as unto the Lord For some women may say we are willing to submit our selves to our own Husbands as it is fit in the Lord But what submission may be said to be fit in the Lord I answer That submission is fit in the Lord that hath respect to any Command the Husband shall lay on his wife which is grounded upon Scripture Precepts or Presidents Secondly That submission of Wives to their Husbands is fit in the Lord which is not forbidden in Scripture neither expresly nor implicitely neither plainely nor by necessary consequence but to answer such as would pretend scrupulosity when they intend only the discharging of themselves from all submission to their Husbands let them ruminate or chew the end upon the last terme where Wives are commanded to submit to their own Husbands as unto the Lord and see what they can gather from those words as a ground to satisfie their consciences for their non-submission Now because the Holy Ghost did foresee that women nay some good women would not fall down before this truth but endeavour to maintaine that rotten and unsound maxime viz. that the Wife is the Husbands equall therefore doth the Spirit of God in Eph. 5.23 which was last quoted lay down an undeniable reason why Wives should submit to their Husbands For saith he the Husband is the head of his Wife as Christ is the head of his Church And then in ver 24. the Spirit of God comes to a Corrollary or Conclusion thus Therefore as the Church is subject unto Christ so let the Wives be unto their own Husbands in every thing Now the reason here brought for the end beforesaid stands thus That as the Church doth submit to Christs Authority he being her head so must the wife submit to the Authority of her husband because he is the head likewise and that he is so consider also that of the Apostle in 1 Cor. 11.3 The head of the woman is the man Now Headship implies Authority that is beyond dispute and Authority requires subjection Let every soule be subject to the higher powers whosoever resisteth the power resisteth the Ordinance of God and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation Rom. 13.1 2. And none can deny but that Headship Authority and power is one and the same Yet further concerning this duty of the wife to her husband in relation to subjection to him mind that of the Apostle Peter in 1 Pet. 3.1 where he saith Likewise ye Wives be in subjection to your own Husbands Then in ver 6. he brings you a President for it and that from a singular woman Even as Sarai obeyed Abraham calling him Lord whose Daughters you are as long as you do well Now as it is a glorious priviledge to be a Son of Abraham in a spirituall sense so it is a high honour to be a Daughter of Sarai And thou who art a Christian-woman by no meanes forget that from the originall of time God did ordaine that the Husband should rule over his Wife Gen. 3.16 Nay the very Heathens thought it fit that every man should beare rule in his own house Hester 1.20 22. But some woman may say what if my husband be a Son of Belial One who hath no grace in him who beares not the Image of God but of the Devill Must a Christian be subject to a Heathen A Saint to a Devill incarnate I answer that if thou be so match'd in the Marriage Estate then thy condition is sad and very sad and much to be lamented But still it is a cleare truth that thou must be subject to even such a Husband in all his lawfull Commands and further thou must not obey a godly husband And this the Apostle Peter in 1 Pet 3.1 2. doth hint at plainely Likewise ye wives be in subjection to your own Husbands And then addes this as a reason to excite them to the performance of this duty that is That if any obey not the word they also may without the word be won by the Conversation of the wives while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with feare I see no cause to adde one word more to demonstrate that subjection in a wife to her husband is a duty she doth owe him But let me beseech thee that art a Husband that all the Commands thou dost lay on thy wife may be in the nature of requests and intreaties for know it that though thy wife be not equall to thee in power yet she is not so subordinate to thee as thy Children and Servants command service from them but desire thy Wife to be subservient to thee and if she have any commendable qualifications in her thou maiest be sure thou hast her heart to serve thee and therefore canst not want her hand Nay she will rejoice that at any time she hath any intimation of thy mind in any businesse that she is able to performe The fifth duty that the Wife doth owe unto her Husband is due and comly Reverence The fifth duty of the Wife to the Husband Wives must not only submit to their Husbands and obey them but they must reverence them likewise and this the Apostle doth charge them to performe Let the Wife see saith he that she reverence her Husband where observe that in the particle see there is an Emphasis it is an Emphaticall expression for it is as if he