that Town one of the Garrison Horsemen going over the Bridge while the Town was in a hurry his Horse startled took a freake and leapt with his rider from off the Bridge into the River being a dangerous fall but coming plump down Horse and Man over head and eares swom out safely to the shore The Gentleman spurs him up and brings him to the same place of the Bridge again Quoth he you did it with a vengance before for your own pleasure you shall leape it again now for mine and so spurd him over and it pleased God they both came safe out again to the astonishment of the spectators Organs A Gentleman would needs invite a Lady to see the order and beauty of the Kings Chappell and one day waited upon her thither just as they came to the Door to enter the Organs went he takes her in his hand to presse through no indeed Sir saith she holding back I pray excuse me I do assure you I cannot dance Queen Mary GReat hopes there were by the Papists that Queen Mary was with Child nor did she think other of her selfe so that by Whitsontide it was expected she should be brought a bed many Processions and set prayers to the purpose were used a solemne thanksgiving for her inpregnation the time of her delivery thus Calculated neer thereabouts a Rumor was presently spread that the Queen was delivered of a hopefull Prince whereupon many bonfires were made in London with ringing of Bells and such like expressions of joy and the like solemnities were used soon after by the English at Antwerp In all which as there seemed a spice of madness yet none was altogether so wild as the Curate of St Anns neer Aldersgate who took upon him after the end of the procession to describe the proportion of the Child how fair how beautyfull and a great Prince it was adding The like whereof had never been seen Disputation AT the disputation at Oxford in Q. Maries Times between the Papists Doctor Arch Bishop Cranmer Bishop Ridley and Latimer then disputing for their lives Doctor Weston the Prolocutor opened the business in hand with this preface you must know that Transubstantiation was the thing to be maintained by the Romanists ye are assembled hither brethren this day to confound that detestable Heresy of the verity of the body of Christ in the Sacrament this occasioned no small shame in some more laughter in others which was heightned by as bad a solecisme in his behaviour for during the whole time of the coutroversy he had alwayes a cup of Wine or other good liquor standing by him when a cogent argument for their side which he well liked was urged having the cup in his hand he cryed out follow this insist upon this this makes for us which was spoken too in as bad Latin as manners Lord Hunsdon SIR Henry Cary of whom before was a great fauourite of Queen Elizabeths and who did her good service of which she was no heedlesse regarder in any of her subjects It is reported of him as cheife part of his Character that his Latin and his dissimulation and Courtship were alike false He was designed Earl of Wilishire but the Queen for some reasons delayed the investiture falling dangerously sick to comfort and revive him she then caused the Earles robes and the Patent to be brought to his bed side and there would have created him No Madam said the stout Lord you thought me not worthy of them while I was living and I thinke my selfe unworthy of them now I am a dying King Philip. CHarles the 5. having resigned all his hereditary Crownes and Dominions except the Empire of Germany to King Philip the second his son who was by the marriage with Queen Mary the potent'st Prince in Europe betook himselfe to a retired life in the Monastery of St Justus having then scarce attained to the 55. year of his life to the great admiration of all the World After which act he found himselfe so abandoned by all his followers that sitting up late at night in conference with Seldius his Brothers Ambassador he had not a servant within call to light the Gentlemen down stayres whereupon the Emperour took the candle into his own hands and would needes in his own person performe that office and having brought him to the top of the stayres said unto him Remember Seldius that thou hast known the Emperour Charles whom thou hast seen in the head of so many Armies reduced to so low a state as to performe the office of an ordinary servant to his Brothers Minster Terme IN the 5. of Queen Mary 1558 there was such a thin Terme that there was but one Lawyer in the Kings Bench Mr Foster and one Serjeant Mr Bouloise at the Common Pleas both having little more to do then to look about them and the Judges not more to do then the Lawyers had who in the quiet times were much increased as may be gathered from the words of Heiwood the old Epigrammatist and one much made of by this Queen who being told of the great number of them and that the multitude of them would impoverish the whole profession made answer No for that alwayes the more Spaniels there were in the field the more was the Game Stumps the Clothier KIng Henry the Eight hunting neer Malmsborough in the County of Wiltshire where this Tho. Stumps dwelt in Bredon Forrest came with all his Court Train unexpected to this Clothier being a Man of great wealth and the greatest Trade of cloathing in England But great House-keepers are as seldome surprized with guests as vigilant Captaines with enemies for Stumps hearing thereof commands his little Army of Workmen which he fed daily in his House to fast one meal until night which they might easily do without endangering their health and with the same provision gave the King and his Court Train though not so delicious and various most wholesome and plentifull entertainment Sir Thomas Wyat. SIR Thomas Wyat engaging in that Rebellion of Henry Gray Duke of Suffolk against Queen Mary upon pretence of her matching with a forrain Popish Prince being suspected thereof by the Queen was warned from her by a Herald at Armes sent to him to desist from further intelligence or commotion in that businesse on his allegiance and the penalties of Treason and Rebellion The Herald coming to Sir Thomas his House in Kent with his Coat Armour on his back found it to be moated round and the draw Bridge drawn up whereupon espying a Man walking on the other side he called to him told him the hast of his businesse and enquiring whether there was no passing over nor shallowes in the place The Man replyed yes he might go over there The Herald attempting it was souced over head and eares and his life endangered but recovering the bank he alighted from his Horse and with great fury and anger came storming into the House missing of his guide and complained
pound when Mr Secretary told Him two Hundred was better then one which betwixt Feare and Charity Wiemark was fain to subscribe A Learned Maide A Certain learned Maid being presented to King James as a mirrour of her Sexe for her skill in Languages Hebrew Greek and Latin besides the French c. which she could perfectly write and speak The King without any wonderment askt of her introducers if she could spin and some waggish Courtiers answer'd If it please your Majesty she is at age to chuse what occupation she pleaseth Bishopricks JOHN WATSON Deane of Winchester being informed that the Bishoprick thereof being vacant would be confered on him came to the Earle of Leicester the great Favourite and privately promised him two hundred pounds that he might not be made Bishop of Winchester but remain in his present Condition The Bishoprick being void and the Queen expressing her intention to confer it on Watson the said Earle requested the Contrary and would have used arguments against his Nomination but that not serving he was forced to tell the Queen that he had promised two hundred pounds to him to keep him from that dignitie and it would be so much out of his way Nay then said the Queen Watson shall have it he being more worthy to have it who will give two hundred pounds to decline it then he that will give 2000 P. to attain it Marston Moor. ON that fatal day to the Royal cause the Lord Goring in the begining of the Battel which was about 3. a Clock in the afternoon July 2. 1644 having with great valour and courage routed the left wing of the Parliament Army wherein the Scots were placed under Lashley their Generall who upon the rout fled a Yorkeshire mile and weabit the lord Diddup a Scotch Baron lately made therein happened to be killed when the account of the battel was given to the king he came to be mentioned as a ballance to my Lord Cary eldest son of the Earle of Monmouth slain on the Kings side At the naming of which Scotch Lord his Majesty said That he hardly remembred that he had such a Lord in Scotland to which one returned That the Lord had wholly forgotten that he had such a King in England Wales A Right worshipfull Knight in Wales who had a fair Estate therein his rents arising from much barren ground heard an Englishman perhaps out of much opposition to brag that he had in England so much ground worth fourty shillings an Acre you said he have ten yardes of Velvet and I have tenscore yardes of Freize I will not Exchange with you A Welch Gentleman KING James riding late home from Theobalds to Whitehall it happened that in the mid way it fell a raining very hard whereupon the King who before kept a due pace befitting his Majesty commanded his retinue and the Gentlemen neer Him to put on and make what speed they could Among the rest there was present a Welchman a retainer to the Earle of Pembroke but newly admitted to some Office and attendance on him who by the trick or slighting of the Groome had a very ill Horse put upon him Assoon as the word was given from the King the Traine flew with swiftnesse and the King with them The Welchman he spurred and fluttered with his legs to keep pace with him and with much busle headed the party neer the Kings Person where he fell a belabouring his Horse as if he were mad the King hearing the stir he made demanded who it was and what was the matter who replyed an 't please Her Majesty Her is as good a Shentleman as the best of them but Her Cattel cannot travell so fast Lord Bacon A Parliament being called in the year 1621. Francis Bacon Lord Chancellor was outed his office for bribery the frequent receiving whereof by him or his was plainly proved yet for all this his taking just and unjust he was exceeding poor and much indebted wherefore when motion was made in the House of Commons of fineing him some thousand of pounds Sir F. S. a noble Member standing up desired that for two reasons his Fine might be mitigated into fourty shillings First because that would be paid whereas a greater summe would only make a noise and never be payed secondly the shame would be the greater when such his prodigality that he who had been so large a taker in offices was reduced to such penury that fourty shillings should be conceived a sufficient Fine for his Estate So that what he got by the tryals at Barre as Attorney he lost by the tryals at Barre as Chancellour Another THE same Sir Francis having once invited Queen Elizabeth to his Mannour of Gorhambury a pleasant seat now in the possession of the Honourable Sir Harbotle Grimston Master of the Rolles the Queen was much taken with the scituation contrivance and beauty of the Fabrick but as her constant custome was to be a Critick in Architecture told Sir Francis that the House had but one fault it was too little to which Sir Francis replyed Madam that is not the Houses fault but yours who have made me the Master too great for it K. Hen. 8. KING Henry being a hunting came to the Abbot of Readings House to dinner to whom soon after he had little or rather a big stomack and found a Surloine of Beefe then so named by the King ready for dinner the Abbot not knowing who he was not guessing it by his small retinue bid him welcome and set the Beefe before him On which the King fed heartily while the Abbot no niggard or unhospitable Preist merryly smild to see him lay no so saying in a jest Sir I would give a hundred pounds I had as good a stomack and could feed so but my appetite is quite lost say you so thought the King having thankt the Abbot departed A weeke after he sends a Pursivant to bring the Abbot up to the Councell Table by whom without further examination he was committed to the Tower where the King had given expresse order that he should be kept with a very spare dyet and no releife admitted besides this dyet soon brought up the Gentlemans stomack so that he could be glad to have had a suffolke cheese and a twelfpeny loafe set before him being in this way to his cure the King appointed a Surloine to be made ready and came and dined with him where the Abbot taking him for a friendly visitant upon the mending of his commons fed lustily Loe saith the King am not I a good Doctor your Physick shall cost you but 50. pounds for your Fees the other halfe you shall keepe and if ever you fall into the same disease pray send for me And so gave him his liberty Evesham Bridge DUring our late unnatural Warre this Evesham was made a Garrison by the King and Collonel William Leg Governour thereof storm'd afterwards by Collonel Massey with much bravery and as well maintained It happened in
with a plashy place the Queen scrupled to go therein presently Rawleigh cast and spread his new Plush Cloak on the ground whereon the Queen trod gently rewarding him afterwards with many suits for so free a tender of so fair a foot cloath after he had attained her open favour he found many enemies which worth never wanteth at Court besides cowardly detractions of whom Sir Walter was wont to say If any man accuseth me to my face I will answer him with my mouth but my taile is good enough to returne an answer to such who traduce me behind my back An Italian Humour LET him that will be happy for a day go to the barber for a week marry a wife for a moneth buy him a new horse for a year build him a new house for all his life time be an honest man Law Suit A Lady would traverse a Suit of Law against the will of her husband who was contended to buy his quiet I forbear the names both of them and the judge because so lately done and it becomes not the persons by giving her her will therein though otherwise perswaded in his conscience the cause would goe against her The Lady dwelling in the shire Town invited the judge to dinner though thrifty enough of her selfe treated him with very sumptuous entertainment Dinner being done the judge returned to the bench where the cause being called the judge gave it clearly against her And when afterwardes in passion she vowed never to invite judge again Nay wife said he vow never to invite a just judge any more Sir Francis Cheyney SIr Francis Cheyney made by Queen Elizabeth Baron of Tuddington in Bedfordshire of a very ancient noble family and as great and larg demesnes Patrimony was in his youth very wild and venturous so that on a time he played at dice in his travels in the quality of an English Peer with Henry the second of France from whom he won a Diamond of great worth at a cast whereupon being demanded by the King what shift he would have made to repair himselfe in case he had lost the cast I have replyed my Lord in an hyperbolicall bravery Sheeps Tails enough in Kent with their wool to buy a better Diamond then this Earle of Carnarvon THe Earle of Carnarvon who so valiantly and resolutly witnessed his Loyalty in several fights for King Cbarles the first of blessed memory who gave him his Honour was mortally wounded at the first Battel of Newbery in his agony of death he was desired by a Lord to acquaint him what suit he would have to his Majesty in his behalfe the said Lord promising to discharge his trust in presenting his request and assuring him that his Majesty would be willing to gratify his desire to the utmost of his power To whom the Earle replyed I will not dye with any suit in my mouth to any King save to the King of Heaven Ship Money THe begining of our late unnaturall broyles was among other causes inputed cheifly to the imposition of Ship-money for which Mr Hambden was condemned in the Exchequer in a penall Sume by the consent of ten of the judges who gave their opinion that that Taxe was legal only Judge Hutton and Judge Crook declared against it so that a stop was put to the levying of it whereupon a Countryman no friend to the prerogative said wittily The King may get Ship-money by Hooke but not by Crook but since that time other Taxes ten times heavyer have been taken from us by Hook and Crooke together Coat of Arms. IT is the rule general in Armes that the playner the ancienter and so consequently the more Honourable to this purpose a memorable Gentleman the beginning of whose Gentry might easily be remembred for its late rise was mocking at the plain coat of an ancient Esquire to whom the Esquire returned I must be fain to wear the Coat which my Great great great great grandfather left me But had I had the happyness to have bought one as you did it should have been guarded after the newest Fashion Extraction IT happened in the raign of King James when Henry Earle of Huntington was Lord Lieutenant of Leicestershire that a Labourers son in that County was pressed into the Wars being to go over with Count Mansfeild into Germany The old man at Leicester requested his Son might be discharged as being the only staffe of his age who by his industry maintained him and his mother The Earle demanded his name which the man for a long time was loth to tell as suspecting it a fault for a poor man to confesse so proud a truth at last he told his name was Hastings Cosen Hastings said the Earle we cannot all be top branches of the same Tree though we all spring from the same Root your Son my Kinsman shall not be pressed Complement A Gentleman a Courtier and who had potent recommendations from King James to a Lady of Quality and Honour to set off his Suit with the greatest splendor came alwayes attended with a large retinue one whereof was to be near his Person now they were only hired for that day and so dismist at night when he came from his wooing This was observed by the Lady One night therefore taing leave of her at the stayre foot where his man attended him he proffered to salute her as the good-night civility to which Spare your Complement said shee for probably I shall shortly see you again but let me I pray you salute your servant whom I shall never see again King James KING James first coined his 22. shillings peice of Gold called Jacobusses where on his head he wore a Crown after that he coined his 20. shillings and wore the Lawrel in stead of the Crown upon which mutation Ben. Johnson said pleasantly That Poets being alwayes poor Bayes were rather the Embleme of Wit then wealth since King James no sooner began to wear them but he fell two shillings in the pound in publique valuation Bishops SOon after those tumults and clamours at Westminster when thereby Bishops were outed illegally from their places in the House of Lords the assembly then sitting at the Deanes House of Westminster a reverend Bishop dyed and was buried as otherwise it could not be obtained by Mr Herle the President of that Assembly who the next day meeting with a friend of his of the Episcopall perswasion said unto him somewhat insultingly last night I buried a Bishop dashing more at his profession then person to whom the other returned with a like latitude to both sure you buried him in hop of Resurrection And this as to the sacred Function and order wee see performed Goats IT is known that Goats are the principall brood of Wales and of great bignesse and are the best food where sheep cannot be had during the restraint of Queen Elizabeth by her Sister Queen Mary in the Custody of Sir Henry Benefeild so that none were admitted accesse unto
his word when he was chosen Speaker of the House of Commons who had sate long done nothing in effect coming one day to Queen Elizabeth she said unto him Now Master Speaker what hath passed in the House of Commons He answered if it please your Majesty seven weekes Pace PAce the bitter and tart fool was not suffered to come at Queen Elisabeth because of his bitter humor yet at one time some perswaded the Queen to admit him undertaking for him that he should keep within compasse so he was brought to her and the Queen said come on Pace now we shall hear of all our faults quoth Pace I do not use to talke of that which all the Town talkes of Bishop Latimer BIshop Latimer said in a sermon at Court that he heard great speech that the King was poor and many wayes were propounded to make him rich For his part he had thought of one way which was that they should help the King to some good Office for all his Officers were very rich Mendoza MEndoza that was viceroy of Peru was wont to say that the Government of Peru was the best place the King of Spain gave save that it was too near Madrid A Country man A Certain Countryman being at an Assizes and seeing the Prisoners holding up their hands at the Barr related to some of his acquaintance that the Judges were good for tune tellers For if they did but look upon a mans hand they could tell whether he should live or dye A Pursivant THere was a Pursivant had lodged a Gentleman in a very ill Room who expostulated with him somewhat rudely But the Pursivant carelessely replyed you will take pleasure in it when you are out of it Admiralty Mr. Giles Merrick a landed Man in the Bermudas was saying that his great Grandfather grandfather and Father died at Sea said another that heard him And I were as you I would never come at Sea why quoth the other where did your great Grandfather and grandfather and Father dye he answered where but in their beds he returned and I were as you I would never come in bed again Sir Francis Bacon WHile Sir Nicholas Bacon the Lord Keeper lived every room in Gorhambury was served with a Pipe of water from the ponds distant about a mile from thence soon after during the habitation of Master Anthony Bacon the eldest Son of Sir Nicholas in the same House the water ceased Master Anthony dying and my Lord Verulam inheriting it the water could not be recovered without great charge Being made Lord Chancellor he thereupon built Verulam House close by the pond yard for a place of recesse and privacy when he was to do any important business being one time asked why he built that House there he answered that since he could not carry the water to his House he would carry his House to the water Another A Lady walking with Mr Bacon in in Grayes Inne walkes asked him whose that peice of ground lying next under the walls was he answered theirs Then she asked him if those feilds beyond the walkes were theirs too he answered yes Madam those are ours as you are ours to look on and no more Sir Francis Bacon WHen Sir Francis Bacon was newly advanced to the great seal Count Gondamor came to visit him and to complement him on the Honor confer'd on him my Lord reply'd That he was to thank God and the King for that Dignity but yet so he might be rid of the burden he could very willingly forbear the Honour and that he formerly had a desire and the same continued with him still to lead a private life Count Gondomar replyed I will tell your Lordship a Tale of an old Rat that would needs leave the world and therewith acquainted the young Rats that he would retire into his Hole and spend his dayes solitarily and would enjoy no more comfort commanding them upon his high displeasure not to offer to come in unto him In obedience to this command they forbare 2. or 3. dayes at last one that was more hardy then the rest incited some of his fellowes to go in with him and he would venture to see how his Father did for he might be dead They accordingly went in and found the old Rat sitting in the midst of a rich Parmezan Cheese my Lord laughed but his necessityes after that employment agreed not with the Fable Lord Henry Howard IN the time of Queen Elizabeth when the distressed Estates of Holland supplicated the Queen for assistance there came one Agent from them called Caroon and when he had often moved the Queen for further succours and more Men my Lord Henry Howard jested upon him thus That he agreed well the name of Charon Ferry man of Hell for he came still for more men to encrease Regnum Vmbrarum Sir Fulke Grevil Lord Brook SIr Fulke Grevil being then a Member of the House of Commons when that House in a great business large debate stood much upon Precedents said unto them why do you stand so much upon Precedents The times hereafter will be good or bad if good precedents will do no harm if bad power will make a way where it findes none Affected Gravity MAny men especially such as affect Gravity have a manner after other mens speech to shake their head A principall officer of this Land used to say it was as men shake a bottle to see if there were any wit in their Heads or no. Arch-Bishop of Canterbury IN discourse of the Puritans and non conformists of the times who pretended to a greater measure of piety and sanctity this Arch-Bishop replyed That some hypocrites and seeming mortyfied men which held down their Heads were like the little Images in the Vaults or Roofs of Churches which look and bow down as if they held up the Church when as they bear no weight at all A Tilting IN Queen Elizabeths time when Tilt and Tourney and running at the ring was much in Fashion there came a Gentleman all in Orange tawney and ran very ill the next day he came again all in Green and ran worse there was one of the lookers on asked another what is the reason that this Gentleman changeth his colours the other answered I thinke because it may be reported that the Gentleman in the Green ran worse then the Gentleman in the Orange Tawney Sultan Selymus SVltan Selymus was the first of the Ottoman Emperours that did shave his beard as Busbequius reports whereas his Predecessors wore it long one of his Bashawes therefore asked him the question why he altered the custome of his progenitors he replyed because you Bashawes shall not lead meby the beard as you did them Consalvo the great Captain AFter a great fight there came to the Camp of Consalvo the great Captain a Gentleman proudly horsed and armed another Spanish Captain asked Consalvo who that Gentleman was who answered It is Saint Ermin who never appeares but after the storm Sir