vill no meet Wild. I have pass'd my Honour you shall be there Cou. Morbleu I vill no be dere Jerny I vill telle you de secret Dis fine Ladee Maitres Fantast is in Lovè vid me Ventre bleu I vill no fight if I do I am de very great Fool indeed to lose de great Fortune for if dis dam Rogue runnè me trough de Bodee me losè de Maitress Wild. How you Rogue Lose her you shall never have her as great an aversion as I have to her the Frolic shall not go so far Cou. Ma foy you be mistakè de Frolic shall go more far yes indeed Aside I vill no killè de Rogue or be hanga for de Rascal Wild. Don't trouble your self I have given him that Character of you that he trembles at you he 'll never dare come But we must be there for our Honours sake Cou. Is de Coward indeed Aside Eh Morbleu Monsieur me fear no person dat vear de Head but in dis case is no Prudance Wild. I have met Sir Humphry and I have Challeng'd him to Fight with you for the tweak he gave you by the Nose and told him I wou'd be your Second Cou. Jerny vat is dis Begar I vill no kille two I vill no meet dat dam Rogue ma foy Wild. I have appointed him you must be there I believe he is a Poultron but you will be Cudgell'd by all the Men and scorn'd by all the Women if you take the Tweak by the Nose Come along with me I 'll tell you more Cou. Is better to takè de Cudgel upon de Shouldere two tree four time den to have de Rapier trough de Bodee one time yes a great deal better Wild. Allons here 's Company coming Exit Wild. and Count. Enter Charles Cha. There goes the Rival to my Lord Oh may he prosper in his suit and cure my Lord of his short Fevor I am sure he can never be so mean to love one who shall love another But here he comes Enter Lord Bellamy Bell. Not all the ill Fortune I have ever met can equal this that he whom I have lov'd so long so true a Friend so much a Man of Honour shou'd be my Rival I cannot blame him for it neither he has broken no Trust and any Man that looks upon her must be subdu'd as I am But my hope is yet she is unapt to Love. Oh Charles did'st thou see Ned Wildish this Evening Cha. Yes my Lord even now he went into the Abby-yaâ—d Bell. But what says my Mistress to the Present and the Letter which I sent Cha. She was not at home Here is your Golden Box full of Jewels It is the finest Present I ever saw made to a Lady My Lord I beseech your Lordship let one of your Gentlemen carry ' em Bell. Is my service then become irksom to you Cha. Oh no my Lord pray frown not I 'll plunge into the Deep I 'll run into the Fire to do you service Pray be not angry Bell. I cannot tell what 't is shou'd move thee to it but thou art still averse to the proceeding of my Love. Cha. I love you more than ever Servant lov'd a Lord and 't is my fear for you My Cousin in Northampton shire is of Kin to her your Lordship knows and I once heard her say she had too great a Spirit for a Wife Bell. She has all the Beauty and Wit of her whole Sex in her and none of all their Vanities Did'st thou not Observe Cha. I did my Lord that which your Lordship did not Bell. Ha! what was that Cha. My Lord I fear I shall offend Bell. Yes if you tell me not Cha. Did you not perceive she made a difference in her looks and entertain'd not every man with equal sweetness Bell. He stings me to the Heart Aside Explain your meaning Cha. I may mistake but yet methinks there is one Gentleman whom she beholds with greater favour than what seems indifferent Bell. It is her gayety of Temper you are too Jealous Cha. It is for you my Lord pray pardon me Alas what Interest can I have but yours I shou'd be loth to be Officious Bell. What means the Youth sure young as he is he is in Love with her and Love will nourish even the highest Ambition for why shou'd he be so concern'd Where is the Letter which I order'd you to give my Mistress with the Present Cha. It is here my Lord. Gives him a Note Sure this will convince him Bell. Ha! what do I see 'T is Wildish's hand To the fair hands of How came you by this Note Cha. My Lord the Note Ha! 'T was my mistake I did at the beginning of my Discourse intend to show it to your Lordship but found you wou'd be too much mov'd It dropt from Mrs. Gertrude after Dinner and I took it up Bell. Why did you not restore it Cha. I knowing the Hand thought I might do your Lordship service in showing it to you Will you not read it Bell. Did you Cha. Oh yes my Lord knowing your Lordship was so highly concern'd and found it so familiar Bell. It was Impertinent Cha. My Lord Bell. It was not honest Cha. My Lord my noble Lord pray pardon my misguided Zeal for you impute it to my Youth my small Experience my mistake of Honour Forgive me or my Knees shall grow to the Earth Bell. Rise and learn better to open others Letters is mean and dishonourable Cha. How glad am I to have Instruction from you You are a Man of strictest Honour How shall I expiate my Fault and gain your Pardon Bell. I pardon you and will impute it to your want of Knowledge and to make attonement for it you shall return it to her and make her what excuse you can Go instantly and find her and give me the Present with my Letter Exit Cha. Into how sad and how perplex'd a case has my too headstrong Passion brought me which every day increases while my hopes grow less What prospect have I now or glimps of Comfort She in a little time must love as I do What shall I say to her She will discover me She said she never saw one yet so like her Sister but for the colour of my Hair I overheard her What shall I do Hold If this Jealousie shou'd make him fight with Wildish I am lost I 'll follow him for sure I shall be Valiant in his Cause Oh wicked rashness Exit Wildish and Count in the Abby-yard Wild. 'T is a fine Moon-light night these Fellows are Poultrons and dare not come Count. 'T is de grand pity dat de Coward should be suffer to live indeed me vould hang de Coward Begar is time to go Wild. We must stay a little if they come I 'll run Sir Humphry through the Lungs while you whip the other through Cou. Jerny vat stay for de Coward Begar I scorn to stay for de Coward ver well indeed de man
up in some Troop and there 's an end of ' em Cha. I must confess your usage of me has been so Noble that all the Service of my Life can never make return Bell. Thou art too grateful Thou Charm'st me too with thy pretty Voice I 'll breed thee up to be my Friend But prethee what 's the reason that thou who hast been ready to fly at my Command hast seem'd to be uneasy and unwilling to come to Bury Cha. 'T is the publick time of the Fair when Men of â—ll Countries flock hither and as I told your Lordship I was afraid of being discover'd and that my Guardian wou'd find me out and seize me and Heaven knows I had rather Dye than leave so good a Lord. Bell. Kindest of Youths I love thee so I will not part with thee let who will discover thee Char. My kind good Lord let me kiss your hands Bell. Besides thou needst not be seen in the Fair only I am to Dine at Mr. Oldwit's to day Cha. At Mr. Oldwit's what do I hear aside Bell. Thou art my little Friend I come to make love to his Daughter She knows me not but I have seen her and am extreamly taken with her the old man and I am agreed I must entertain her with some Music I know thou 'lt lend me thy Voice Cha. Oh Heaven and Earth what killing words are these Ah me aside Bell. Why dost thou sigh Cha. If your Lordship Marries as no Lady sure can resist you I shall be cast off Bell. Prethee think not so dear Boy thou art too secure of my kindness for that Cha. I ne'r shall please your Lady Besides the Ladies never can endure their Lords favourite Servants Bell. I give thee my Hand I 'll never part with thee till thou quittest me Ch. I 'll quit my Life when I do that Oh fatal hour wherein I saw those Eyes How many years of Misery are like to hang upon it aside Enter Wildish Bell. Ned my dear Ned welcome to my Arms This is a happy Surprize Wild. My dear Bellamy my dear Peer I cou'd not embrace a Mistress with more Ardour I thought you had been so retir'd I had lost you Bell. That was your fault I have as pleasant a House and Seat as most in England that is thine as much as mine Ned. Wild. But 't is in the Country a pretty Habitation for Birds and Cattel but Man is a herded Animal and made for Towns and Cities Bell. So many Pens of Wild Beasts upon two Legs undermining lying in wait preying upon informing against and hanging one another A Crowd of Fools Knaves Whores and Hypocrites Wild. Hey my Renegado Country-man thou hadst once the Respect due to good Wine fine Women Music Wit and Sense and true Pleasure Bell. For good Wine I coud never be Drunk but I did some mad thing or other which made me asham'd to show my Face For Women those that were worth the having were hard to come by and harder to put off besides the immorality of the matter gave me anxiety of Mind I saw Men of Wit when they came to understanding gave it over and when a thing must be done 't is best to do it quickly Wild. Thou may'st as well say since we must dye let 's hang our selves now No that 's time enough when we are weary of living At our years leave VVomen and Conveâ—sation Bell. He that Debauches private Women is a Knave and injures others And he that uses publick ones is a Fool and hurts himself And for Conversation 't was all run into Parties and Politicks and become Dull and Dangerous The Living were such Knaves I was resolv'd to Converse with the Dead in my Study Wild. But in this late Scene of Action the Knaves are pretty well laid open and for all those Parties we cou'd meet with choice Company truly honest and with whom good Wit and Sence was stirring and wou'd pass for currant Bell. Wit and Sence may pass in a Room with honest Fellows but Noise and Nonsence always carry it in the World. Wild. Pox on this dull VVisdom at our Age 't is as unseasonable as Snow in the Dogdays Canst thou think my dear Peer that thy Philosophy can tame the Vigour of my Appetites Bell. I will no more suffer my Appetites to Master me than Fire and VVater they are good Ministers while they can be kept under VVild. I 'de not give a Farthing for an Appetite that can be Curb'd My Stoic I 'd have my Appetites high mettled and run away with me Bell. And I must always think a Man a Slave till he has Conquer'd himself for my part I had almost as leive be in subjection to anothers Appetites as to my own VVild. This is Spleen Wind in the Hypocondriacks pent Why thou wilt Prophesie at least Bell. Come dear Ned we 'll debate this matter at more leisure Time will make you of my mind for I observe all men of Wit Reclaim and only Coxcombs persevere to the end of Debauchery But prethee what makes thee hereabouts I 'll lay my Life there 's some Wench or other in the way VVild. May be that may be somewhat but at present I come to ease my self from the Swearing Lying Roaring Vaporing Cozening Noise and Tumult of New-Market But I thought thou hadst renounc'd all Crowds and shou'd as soon have expected a Hermit here Bell. A little time may satisfie you I have reason VVild. Ha! Bell. what pretty Boy is this ha Bell. He is a Gentleman's Son he serves me at present I 'll tell the more entre nous But in the mean time he and my little Consort shall entertain you Ex. Charles VVild. This is somewhat Bell. I will not live like an ordinary Hunting Hawking Puppy I 'll have my City Pleasures in the Country of which good Musick being one I 'll spare some Rogues some Dogs and Horses to have that good Enter Charles with Instruments VVild. I have been visited this Morning by three most confounded Fops that ever Plagued me yet and they talk'd of nothing but the VVit and Breeding of Bury Trim Sir Humphrey Noddy and Mr. Oldwit Bell. There are those things in Bury but as 't is in Religion least among those who talk of them most men are alwaies proudest of their foibles and keep their Strength 's conceal'd If a fellow has but a difficulty of Speaking or Stutters his Tongue will never lye still Wild. A fellow that has one Leg shorter than another will never stand still but Hop hop hop round round round Bell. Observe any Fellow that has a stinking Breath as if a Voice were not intended to be heard but smelt will speak in your very Nose and turn round as often as you will he turns with you and your Nostrils must have it Come begin SONG VVild. 'T is very pretty and delicately Sung. Bell. Now I have got thee in the Country I 'll carry thee to my House and make a Convert of
of Courage stay for de Coward is no Raison for dat VVild. I see two coming toward us they are them two Enter Bellamy and Charles Cou. Pox takè him he does Lovè de Tilt Ma foy is all one for dat begar I vill no meet dem dey have affrontè me to make me vait so long time and I vill puttè de affront upon dem an leavè dem now dey be come Walks hastily away Wild. Monsieur le Count come back What will you leave me to two Cou. Hum hum hum me vill no come back Wildish overtakes him and lays hold on him Bell. Mr. Wildish Wild. My Lord. Cou. O begar is my Lor de Coward vill no come Bell. I have somewhat to say to you which concerns me nearly VVild. My Lord I lately have perceiv'd something of you that lyes heavy at my heart Bell. I never yet met with misfortune which cou'd equal this VVild. I know too well your meaning I never yet had any Cross which I with ease could not have born before Bell. We have been Friends VVild. Long Friends and true Bell. I think so VVild. How my Lord do you but think so Bell. I never till this day had the least doubt What pleasant Conversation what Endearments what mutual Kindnesses have pass'd betwixt us VVild And are you weary of my Friendship that you resolve to break with me by doubting it How have I lov'd you present with what regret have I sustain'd your absence how often have we ventur'd our Lives for one another's Honour And am I chang'd my Lord Bell. Oh yes Friend we are both Chang'd I have a Mistress now so Charming it is impossible that I shou'd Live without her Wild. I have a Mistress too so much above her Sex so Fair so Witty so Engaging that I must Enjoy her or I perish Bell. How Enjoy her Take heed Friend Wild. I mean all Honour to her Bell. Wou'd you possess the Mistress of your Friend Wild. Wou'd you possess the Mistress of your Friend Bell. How Sir do you Eccho me Wild. The Case my Lord is so Once there was nothing in the World so dear to me as you but since I knew my Mistress I wou'd quit all that is precious in the World e're I wou'd lose her Bell. What do I hear Sir have you then possession of her Wild. A Sanguine man is never out of hope I have her in Imagination now methinks Bell. Methinks you go too fast Sir you know my Temper Sir how long do you think that I can bear a Rival Wild. I can consider nothing but her and her and only her Bell. You slight me Sir. Wild. I hope I have more manners Cha. Oh how I tremble They will Fight and I am lost for ever Cou. Dey seem in de Passion If dey two be mad as to makè de Duel dey vill takè me for de Second against dat littel Jentilman de Page and I have seen de Page in France Fence like de Diable he vill putte his Rapier in my Bodee me vill steal away Steals out Bell. I am agreed upon Articles with her Father who is her Guardian Wild. And I am endeavouring to agree upon Articles with her which is a shorter way Bell. But 't is not so fair a way Wild. How not so fair Bell. No nor can any man enjoy her while I live Wild. ' Sdeath what do you say Defend your self Bell. I am always ready to do that They fight Charles runs out Wildish drops his Sword then strives to run in to Bell. who offers him his Cha. Help help murder murder help help Bell. Hold Sir hold you want a Sword pray make use of mine Wild. You are generous my Lord my Life 's yours and so it was before and whatsoever I cou'd call mine was so except my Mistress Bell. Let us be still such Friends there 's not a man on Earth I value equal with you Enter Charles Cha. They are embracing bless'd Heav'n I hope my Lord 's not hurt Bell. What remains then but we proceed like men of Reason each take his way to gain the Divine Creature 's Love And since one must be for ever miserable let her be Arbitress of our two Fates VVild. You still possess the same Honour which you ever had I am now your most unhappy but most faithful Friend They embrace Enter the Count. Cou. Is de Fight done Oh dey embrace is no dangere VVild. You most impudent Cowardly Dog if you had not run away you might have parted us and not have suffer'd Friends to Fight Kicks him Count. Hold hold is ver well you kickè de French Count Begar you show de Breeding Kickè de Count you takè mè for de Barbier ver fine yes indeed VVild. Sirrah you shall be Count no longer this Frolic shall not turn to earnest Cou. I vill be gone an gettè de Ladee for all dat Adieu Jerny me vill no stay to be kickè Wild. My Lord I must take off this Rogue my Honour may be question'd for tho I hate the Affected Creature I wou'd not have this go on to a Marriage or a Contract I 'll follow him Bell. You have reason by what I over-heard 't will come to one of them if you prevent 'em not Exit Wildish Come Charles come along with me this Evening all the Company will be in the Fair and there I must meet my Mistress Cha. What deadly sound is this On every side I am lost Exeunt Trim in the Church-yard and Sir Humphry standing close under a Pillar of the Church Trim. I could not have imagin'd that this French Count should be so devoid of Breeding and the Decencies which become all Gentlemen as to make me wait so long upon so important an occasion Sir. Hum. This damn'd French Count will stay here for ever I think A Pox on him for a Blood-thirsty Rascal But I will outstay him and face him down that I waited here for him and there may be hopes it may be taken up Gad take me he 's a Murdrous Rogue and I will not Fight I durst have sworn he had been a Coward Trim. Will he never appear Enter La. Fantast Mrs. Fantast two Men Servants Mrs. Fan. Oh Madam I am ruined if my dear Count shou'd Fight my Passion is extream as his for me L. Fan. I cannot blame thee Daughter he is the most Charming Person that ever my eyes beheld M. Fan. Oh Madam shou'd he fall I never can survive him He las mon pauvre Ceur L. Fan. Sir Humphrey was seen come into the Church-yard Trim. Here is Company I must retire Sir Hum. Ounds the Rogue will find me out he comes upon me He stands up close Trim comes upon him Trim. Ha! who 's this Sir. Hum. Oh pox is it he Iack Iack little Iack nown Iack my Lad Trim. Iack Iack Iack Sir you are too familiar and by your Apish Gesticulations have endeavour'd to expose my Person on all occasions for which now we are
Peruke-maker and no Count Hang him he wou'd not Drink I thought there was no good in him Wild. I am to beg a Thousand Pardons of you 't was my Frolic but 't is gone too far for if you don't prevent it he may marry Mrs. Fantast Old. Nay faith 't is no great matter if he does wou'd he cou'd marry the Mother too for under the Rose never man was so plagu'd with a couple of Impertinent Fantastic Jades as I with them And to compleat the Affliction they must pretend to Wit before me and will allow me to have none Wild. That indeed is most unsufferable The Count is very busie talking with the four Ladies On Trim 's Entrance he makes up to him Old. Ay is 't not Enter Trim. Wild. Now is your time Count to put an affront upon that Coward Count. Lette me alone for dat Begar I am amaze dat de Coward dare show his Face any where Begar I vill plucke you by de Nosè because you â—o dare mee a me Trim. And I will make that return which becometh a man of Honour to do in like cases He Cudgels him The Ladies shriek and run away Count. Jerny vat is dis vat you do You Canè de Count Begar you show de Breeding Hold â—old vat you do Monsieur Vildish my Lor stand by me He draws and Trim lays him on He runs away and meets Sir Humphry on the other side of the Stage who cudgels him too He runs backward and forward and is Cudgell'd on both sides The Constable with a Guard Enters and knocks Trim and Sir Humphry down and the Count escapes Sir Hum. Are you there you Coward Coun. Eh Morbleu vat is dis Bell. Now it works Oldw. Passing good i'faith Come let 's to my House Ex. Wild. Old. Bell. Const. Come Gentlemen you shall go before the Alderman he 'll teach you to make a Disturbaace in the Fair. Trim. Sweet Mr. Constable Sir Sir Mr. Constable Mr. Constable Const. Away with 'em I say They hale 'em out Exeunt ACT. V. SCENE I. Oldwit and Mrs. Gertrude Old. I Shall have nothing but Uproars and Quarrels in my Family Trim and Sir Humphry have quarrell'd with the Count about Madam Fantast with a Pox to her and even now my Lord Bellamy and Mr. Wildish have fought about you as the Page said and I heard it Gert. How Fought about me Old. So I say I shall have my foolish Family the whole Discourse of this Tittle-Tattle Town Look you Daughter I knew not of Mr. Wildish's Love to you they have both very good Estates but Mr. Wildish is a Wit a great Wit ifaith I leave you to your Choice Gert. I thank you Sir then I chuse neither of 'em nor any other Old. Thou art so wild and such a skittish Filly you must be Tam'd and Marry'd Come come determine your choice suddenly which they have past their Honours shall determine them or Battel and Murder may ensue about you Gert. I am not so vain to believe that Old. Be not so foolish to believe otherwise Look you they are coming in and you are to sit upon Life and Death be an upright Judge and do not delay Justice I must have an end of this Suit presently Farewel Exit Gert. A very grave Judge shall I be without doubt But I think the Petticoat may vye for Wisdom and Sincerity with the Long Robe before our late Restauration Enter Charles Char. Madam this Letter which fell from your Ladiship accidentally came into my Lords hands and he commanded me to deliver it to you unread and unopen'd tho he knew the Hand Exit Gert. How my Note fallen into his hands How unlucky was this Ha gone How strangely this Youth resembles my Sister Philadelphia This is handsomely done of my Lord and like a Man of Honour Enter Lord Bellamy and Wildish Charles steals in after them Wild. Madam behold a pair of Rivals hand in hand and Friends Bell. Who come to prostrate themselves at your Feet and must from your fair Mouth expect their Doom Char. Oh she will chuse my Lord and I must perish Aside Wild. To whom ever you shall give leave to continue your Servant the other will quietly Retire and suffer his hard Fate with all the Patience that he can But if I am Rejected I shall be for ever miserable Bell. And to me Heaven knows not all the World besides can recompence the loss of you Char. Ah me Aside Gert. Are you resolv'd to be in Earnest and wou'd you make me so I have not yet determin'd to marry any one Wild. Must we then both sue on and try by constant Service to obtain your Heart Gert. No no you will oblige me more if you will both desist I have that Joy in Freedom that I cannot think of parting with it yet Bell. You are born to Command and always must be Free. Wild. I love so Madam I must be your Slave for ever Gert. Yes if you Love so long I may keep you at my Command but this same Whorson Marriage kills all Love and makes best Friends fall out Bell. Nothing can ever make my Love decrease Gert. Yes if I love again as Fire takes out Fire Wild. Not all your Cruelty can Tame my Love which if it be so Raging now what wou'd your Kindness make it Gert. Oh Marriage is a Soveraign Julep and Thirst grows less apace by Drinking Bell. Not where 't is a Distemper a Violent Fever as all Love is sure Gert. Too violent to last Wild. Madam in short if you do not determine which of us shall have leave to sue implicitly you give it both of us Gert. Is that your Logic Sir No in the first place I never will give you leave to make the least Address to me more Char. Oh I am lost Swoons and falls down upon a Chair Bell. What 's the matter Gert. Your Page is in a swoon Help help Open his Breast Oh Heav'n this is a Woman Bell. Wild. A Woman Gert. She comes to herself Char. Oh Madam I am your Sister for Heavens sake conceal me In whisper Gert. Run up privately into my Chamber quickly I am amaz'd This is Prodigious Bell. A Woman Madam I was never so surpriz'd Gert. No doubt you are surpriz'd and so was she I believe she is run out of doors in haste enough Bell. Accurs'd misfortune I am undone for ever I 'll hasten and have a full account of all this matter Exit hastily Gert. Aside I hope he knew her not My Sister This is an admirable Lover Let my wise Father keep him to himself I have done with him Wild. Will you be pleas'd then to begin with me I am the truest Lover of my Sex. Gert. If you are I 'll keep you so for shou'd I think of Marrying you I give up my Dominion No no I will Domineer seven years first Wild. 'Sdeath Madam seven years What do you take me for a Patriarch serve seven years They might