only Politick Arts Civil and Combining Arts Profitable and necessary Arts Military Arts and Ceremonious Arts but there were Superstitious Arts Idolatrous Arts false factious and mischievous Arts destructive and wicked Arts base and mean Art foolish childish vain superfluous and unprofitable Arts Upon all these Arts the Muses made good sport for at some they flung jests scorns and scoffs and some they stripp'd naked but to others they were cruel for some they stayd their skins off and others they made very Skeletons of dissecting them to the very bones and the truth is they spared not the best of them but they had one saying or other to them But when all the Arts departed they took me and carry'd to the Well of Helicon and there they threw me in over head and cares and said they would Souse me in the Liquor of Poetry but when I was in the Well I thought verily I should have been drown'd for all my outward Senses were smother'd and choak'd for the water did blind my eyes stop'd my ears and nostrils and fill'd my mouth so full as I had not so much space as to spout it forth besides all my body was so numb as I had no feeling insomuch as when they took me out of this Well of Helicon into which they had flung me I seem'd as dead being quite senseless Whereupon they all agreed to take and carry me up on Parnassas Hill and to lay me on the top thereof that the Poetical Flame or Heat therein might dry and warm me after which agreement they took me up every one bearing a part of me or was industrious about me for some carried my Head others my Legs some held my Hands others imbraced my Waste another oiled my Tongue and others powr'd Spirits into my Mouth but the worst-natur'd Muse pinch'd me to try if I was sensible or not and the sweetest and tenderest natur'd Muse wept over me and another was so kind as to kiss me but when they had brought me up to the top of the Hill and laid me thereupon I felt such a heat as if they had laid me on AEtna but after I had layn some time I felt it not so hot and so less and less until I felt it like as my natural heat just like those that goe into a hot Bathe at first crie out it is insufferable and scalding hot yet with a little use will finde it cool enough But whilest I lay on Parnassus Hill I began to make a Lyrick Verse as thus Bright Sparkling hot Poetick sire My duller Muse Inspire Unto thy Sweeter Lyre My Fancies like as Notes all sit To play a Tune of VVit On well-strung Numbers fit But your unfortunate Visit hath pull'd me so hastily down from the Hill that the force of the speed hath crack'd my Imaginary Fiddle broke the Strings of my Wit blotted the Notes of Numbers so spoil'd my Song Lady Visit. Prethee there is none that would have taken the pains to have sung thy Song unlesse some blind Fidler in an Alehouse and then not any one would have listen'd unto it for the fume of the drink would stop the sense of their ears Besides Drunkards love not nor delight in nothing but beastly Nonsense but howsoever I had done thee a friendly part to fetch thee down from off that monstrous high Hill whereby the vastnesse of the height might have made you so dizzy as you might have fallen there-from on the sharp stones of Spite or at least on the hard ground of Censure which might have bruised if not wounded the Reputatio of thy Wit Lady Contempl. Let me tell you you had done me a Courtesie to have let me remain'd there some time for if you had let me alone I might there have improv'd the Stature of my Wit perfected the Health of my Judgment and had nourished the Life of my Muse Exeunt Scene 27. Enter the Lord Title and the Lady Virtue Cloathed like her Self LOrd Title Still I fear my fault is beyond a Pacification yet the Gods are pacified with submissive Actions as bended knees repentant tear imploring words sorrowful Sighs and dejected Countenances all which I gave to thee Lady Virtue Though there is always in my minde an obedient respect to Merit yet a scorn is a sufficient cause to make a rebelling of thoughts words and actions for though I am poor yet I am virtuous and Virtue is to be preferr'd before Wealth or Birth were I meanly born But howsoever true Love like a great and powerful Monarch soon disperses those rebellious passions and quiets those factious thoughts and all murmuring speeches or words are put to silence banishing all frowning Countenance returning humble looks into the eyes again Lord Title Then you have pardon'd me Lady Vertue Yes Lord Title And do you love me Lady Virtue As Saints do Heaven Lord Title kisses Lady Virtues hands Lord Title Your Favours have rais'd my spirits from the grave of Melancholy and your pure Love hath given me a new Life Lady Virtue So truly I love you as nothing but death can destroy it my I am of that belief that were I dead and turned to ashes my dust like firm and lasting steel would fly unto you as to the Loadstone if you were at such distance as nothing might oppose Lord Title Thus Souls as well as Bodies love Exeunt Enter the Lord Courtship and the Lady Amorous LAdy Amorous Since I cannot have the happinesse of your Lordships company at my House I am come to wait upon you at your House Lord Courts Your Ladyship doth me too great an honour Lady Amorous Your Lordship is grown very Courtly Pray how comes our familiar friendship so estranged and set at distance with Complements Lord Courts Madam my wilde manners have been so rude to your Fair Sex as I am become a scorn and shame unto my self Lady Amorous I hate Civility and Manners in a man it makes him appear sneakingly poorly and effeminate and not a Cavalier Bold and free Actions become your Sex Lord Courts It doth so in a Camp amongst rude and rough Souldiers whose Breeding never knew Civility nor will obey gentle Commands submitting only to rigorous Authority But to the fair tender effeminate Sex men should offer their service by their admiring Looks civil Discourses and humble Actions bowing as to a Deity and when they are pleased to favour their servants those Favours to be accounted beyond the Gifts of Iove Lady Amorous Have I Cuckolded my Husband dishonour'd my Family defam'd my self for your sake and am I thus rewarded and thrown aside with civil Complements O basest of men Lord Courts I am sorry I have wronged your Husband but more sorry I have dishonour'd you and what satisfaction a true repentance can make I offer upon the Altar of a Reformed Life Lady Amor Do you repent O false man May you be cursed of all your Sex and die the death of Orpheus Lady Amorous goes out Lord Courtship alone Lord
passions indangers it most Affectionata Anger malice and despair Lord Singularity Were you never angry Affectionata I am of too melancholly a nature to be very angry Lord Singularity Why are melancholly persons never angry Affectionata Very seldom my Lord for those that are naturally melancholly doth rather grieve than fret they sooner wast into sighes than fly about with fury more tears flows thorough their eyes than words pass thorough their lips Lord Singularity Why should you be melancholly Affectionata Alas nature hath made me so Besides I find there is not much reason to joy for what we love perchance it loves not us and if it doth we cannot keep it long for pleasures passeth like a dream when pains doth stay as if eternal were Lord Singularity Thou art composed with such harmonie as thy discourse is as delightfull musick wherein the soul takes pleasure Exeunt Scene 26. Enter the Lady Bashfull Sir Serious Dumb following her where Reformer her Woman meets them REformer Madam now the Gentleman is here you must use him civilly and not strive to run away from him wherefore pray turn and entertain him The Lady Bashfull turns to him but is so out of countenance and trembles so much as she cannot speak but stands still and mute All the while he fixes his eyes upon her Reformer Pray speak to him Madam and not stand trembling as if you were like to fall Lady Bashfull My spirits is seized on by my bashfull and innocent fears insomuch as they have not strength to support my body without trembling Reformer Sweet Madam try not speak to him Lady Bashfull Honourable Sir give me leave to tell you that my bashfullness doth smother the senses and reason in my brain and chokes the words in my throat I should utter but pray do not think it proceeds from crimes but an imperfection of nature which I have strove against but cannot as yet rectifie Sir Serious Dumb Civily bows to her and then gives Reformer his Table-book to read She reads Madam He hath writ here that had his tongue liberty to speak all that he could say would be so far below and inferiour to what might be said in your praise as he should not adventure to presume to speak Lady Bashfull I will presume to break my brain but I will invent some ways to be rid of his company He follows her Exeunt ACT. V. Scene 27. Enter the General and sits in a melancholly posture Enters Affectionata and stands with a sad countenance The General sees him LOrd Singularity What makes thee look so sad my boy Affectionata To see you sit so melancholly Lord Singul. Clear up thy countenance for it s not a deadly melancholly though it is a troublesome one Affectionata May I be so bold to ask the cause of it Lord Singul. The cause is a cruel Mistriss Affectionata Have you a Mistriss and can she be cruel Lord Singularity O! Women are Tyrants they daw us on to love and then denies our suits Affectionata Will not you think me rude If I should question you Lord Singul. No for thy questions delights me more than my Mistriss denials grieves me Affectionata Then give me leave to ask you whether your suit be just Lord Singul. Just to a Lovers desires Affectionata What is your desire Lord Singul. To lye with her Affectionata After you have married her Lord Singularity Marry her saist thou I had rather be banish'd from that Sex for ever than marry one and yet I love them well Affectionata Why have you such an adversion to marriage being lawfull and honest Lord Singul. Because I am affraid to be a Cuckold Affectionata Do you think there is no chaste women Lord Singularity Faith boy I believe very few and those that are men knows not where to find them out for all that are not married professes chastity speaks soberly and looks modestly but when they are marryed they are more wild than Bachalins far worse than Satyres making their Husbands horns far greater than a Stags having more branches sprouts thereon Affectionata And doth he never cast those horns Lord Singul. Yes if he be a Widower he casts his horns only the marks remains otherwise he bears them to his grave Affectionata But put the case you did know a woman that was chaste would not you marry her Lord Singul. That is a question not to be resolved for no man can be resolved whether a woman can be chaste or not Affectionata fetches a greater sighe Lord Singul. Why do you sighe my boy Affectionata Because all women are false or thought to be so that wise men dares not trust them Lord Singularity But they are fools that will not try and make use of them if they can have them wherefore I will go and try my Mistriss once again Exeunt Scene 28. Enter the Lady Ignorance and her Maid She hears a noise LAdy Ignorance What a noise they make below they will disturb my Husbands study go and tell those of my Servants that I will turn them away for their carelesness as that they cannot place set or hold things sure but let them fall to maké such a noise Maid I shall maid Ex. Lady Ignorance It shall be my study how to order my house without noise wherefore all my Servants shall be dumb although not deaf and I will take none but such as have corns on their feet that they may tread gently and all my Houshold-vessel shall be of wood for wood makes not such a noise when it chance to fall or is hit against a wall as metal doth which rings like bells when it is but touched neither will I have Houshold-vessels of Earth for earthen-pots pans and the like when they fall and break sounds as if a stonewall fell Ex. Scene 29. Enter the General and three or four Commanders GEneral On my soul Gentlemen the boy is an honest boy and no wayes guilty of this you tax him for Commanders Pardon us my Lord for giving your Excellence notice that the States are jealouse of him for a Spie but we do not any wayes accuse him General Will the States examine him say you Commanders So we hear my Lord General Well Gentlemen pray leave me for this time and I will take care the boy shall be forth-coming whensoever the State shall require him Commanders Your Lordships humble Servants Commanders Ex. The General solus General A Spie it cannot be for he is neither covetous nor malicious revengefull nor irreligious but I will try him Exit Scene 30. Enter the Lady Bashfulls Chamber-maid and Mrs. Reformer her Gentlewoman CHamber-maid Mrs. Reformer pray tell me who that handsome Gentleman is which follows my Lady about Reformer He is one that is Noble and Rich and is in love with my Lady Chamber-maid Truly it is the strangest way of wooing that ever was for my Lady goeth blushing out of one room into another and he follows her at the heels In my conscience my Lady is ashamed to
was ever wise that was young Foster Trusty And few are praised that are old for as fame divulgeth merits so time wears out praise for time hath more power than fame striving to destroy what fame desires to keep The truth is time is a Glutton for he doth not only strive to destroy what fame divulgeth but what himself begets and produceth Exeunt Scene 39. Enter the Lord Singularity and the Lady Orphant as Bride and Bride-groom and a company of Bridal-guests Enter Musitians and meets them MUsitioners We desire your Excellence will give us leave to present you with a Song written by my Lord Marquiss of New-Castle Lord Singularity Your present could have never been less acceptable by reason it will retard my marriage Lady Orphant Pray my Lord hear them Lord Singularity Come come dispatch dispatch He seems not to listen to them All the time his eyes fixt on the Bride SONG Love in thy younger age Thou then turn'd Page When love then stronger grew The bright sword drew Then Love it was thy fate To advise in State My Love adopted me His childe to be Then offered was my hap A Cardinals Cap Loves juglings thus doth make The Worlds mistake Lord Singularity By Heaven Musitioners you are all so dillotarie with your damnable and harsh prologue of tuning before you play as the next Parliament will make it felony in Fidlers if not treason when your Great Royal Eares begin with a Pox to you Musitians Why my Noble Lord we have done Lord Singularity By Heaven there spake Apollo Give them ten Pieces Musitians Madam an Eppilanian we have more to express our further joy and then we will pray for blessings on you both Lord Singularity O! It will be my funeral song you rogues know all delays doth kill me and at this time your best Musick sounds harsh and out of tune Lady Orphant Pray let them sing that one song more so ends your trouble of them Lord Singularity Begin quick quick SONG O Love some says thou art a Boy But now turn'd Girl thy Masters joy Now cease all thy fierce alarms In circles of your loving arms Who can express the joys to night 'T wil charm your senses with delight Nay all those pleasures you 'l controul With joyning your each soul to soul Thus in Loves raptures live till you Melting dissolv into a dew And then your aery journey take So both one constellation make The Song done the Musick playes as the Bride and Bridegroom goeth FINISH The women in the mean time squeeks Gives him the two swords The Comedy named the Several Wits The wise Wit the wild Wit the cholerick Wit the humble Wit The Names of the Persons MOnsieur Generosity Monsieur Nobilissimo Monsieur Perfection Monsieur Importunate Monsieur Bon Compaignon Monsieur Profession Monsieur Comorade Monsieur Discretion Monsieur Compliment Doctor Freedom a Doctor of Physick Madam Mere Madamosel Caprisia Madamosel Doltche Madamosel Solid Madamosel Volant A Grave Matron Madamosel Doltches Nurse Two Maid-servants PROLOGUE THis Play I do present to Lady wits And hope the wit each several humour fits For though all wit be wit as of wit kind Yet different be as men not of one mind For different men hath different minds we know So different Wits in different humours flow The cholerick Wit is rough and salt as brine The humble Wit flows smooth in a strait line A wise Wit flows in streams fresh pure and clear Where neither weeds nor troubled waves appear But a wild wit in every ditch doth flow And with the mudde doth soul and filthy grow THE COMEDY NAMED THE SEVERAL WITS ACT I. Scene 1. Enter Madamosel Caprisia and her maid MAID Madam Monsieur Importunate is come to visit you Madam Caprisia Did not I tell you I would receive no visits to day Maid I did tell him that you desired to be excused but he said he would not excuse you for he must see you Madam Capris. Go tell him I have taken Physick Maid I did tell him so but he said he would stay untill it had done working Madam Capris. I would it were working in his belly Ex. Scene 2. Enter Madamosel Volante and Monsieur Bon Compaignon BOn Compaignon Lady hearing of your great wit I am come to prove report Madam Volante You will find him a lyer Sir Bon Compaignon I had rather report should be a lyer than I a Lover Madam Volante Why then we agree in a mind for I had rather be thought a fool than to be troubled with a fools company Bon Compaignon You need not be troubled with that for love is strongest absented Madam Volante O! but there is an old Proverb that love will break thorough stone-walls wherefore if you be in love you will haunt me like a Fairy no locks nor bolts will keep you out for fairy love will creep thorough a creavice Bon Compaignon Faith Lady I find now that love is the Queen of Fayries for it hath crept thorough the key-hole of my eares and hath got into my head and their dances such roundelayes as makes my brain dissie Madam Volante If once your brain begins to be dissie your senses will stagger and your reason will fall down from its feat and when the reason is displaced and the wit is distemper'd the mind become mad and to prevent the mischief that may follow I will depart in time Ex. Scene 3. Enter Madamosel Caprisia as at the door meets Monsieur Importunate he stops her passage MOnsieur Importunate You shall not pass untill you have paid me a tribute Madam Caprisia What Tribute Monsieur Importunate A kiss Madam Capris. I will pay no such tribute for I will bring such a number of words armed with such strong reasons as they shall make my way Monsieur Importunate Your words will prove poor Pilgrims which come to offer at the Altar of my lips Madam Capris. Nay rather than so they shall come as humble Petitioners and as it were kneeling at your heart shall with innocency beg for gentle civility Monsieur Importunate I will shut the gates of my ears against them and my lips as a bar shall force them back being a precise factious rout Madam Capris. Satire shall lead my sharp words on break ope those gates and anger like consuming fire shall both destroy your will and base desire Monsieur Importunate I will try that Madam Capris. But I will rather make a safe retreat than venture least your rude strength might overcome my words She goeth back he follows her Monsieur Importunate I will march after at the heels of you Ex. Scene 4. Enter Madamosel Doltche and Monsieur Compliment DOltche Sir you prayse me so much as I may doubt or rather believe you flatter me for it is not possible to be so rare a creature as you express me to be unless I were something divine perchance I may be worthy of some of your inferiour Prayses but not all your high and mighty ones Monsieur Compliment You are more
I do esteem of such Riches as Money as I do of Marriage and in my nature I do hate them both for a man is enslaved by either wherefore I would shun them if I could and turn them out of doors but that some sorts of necessity and conveniency inforce me to entertain them the one for Posteritie sake the other for subsistence of present life besides convenient pleasures Lady Am. The Lady Ward who is to be your wife seems of a very dull disposition Lord Court She is so but I like her the better for that for I would have a deadly dull Wife and a lively Mistresse such a sprightly Lady as you are Lady Am. In truth my Lord I am of a melancholy Nature Lord Court Certainly Madam you onely know the Name not the Nature for your Nature is alwayes fresh and sweet and pleasant as the Spring Lady Am. O no my mind is like to VVinter and my thoughts are numb and cold Lord Court If your thoughts were so cold your words would be as if they were frozen between your lips all your discourse would melt by drops not flow so smoothly and swiftly into mens eares as they at all times do Lady Am. T is true I am merry when I am in your company but in your absence I am as dull as a cloudy day and as melancholy as dark night Lord Court I cannot believe so well of my self as that my company can be the light of your mirth but I know that your company is the Sun of my life nor could I live without it Ex. Scene 11. Enter the Lord Title Sir Effeminate Lovely and Sir Golden Riches LOrd Title This is a barren Country for in all this progresse I have not seen a pretty Country wench Effeminate Lovely Nor I Golden Riches Nor I Lord Title If an person can tell it is Tom Purveyer Enter Tom Purveyer Now Tom Purveyer are there no pretty wenches in this part of the Countrey Tom Purveyer Yes that there are an it please your Lorship and not far off two as pretty wenches as are in the Kingdome and no dispraise to the rest They all speak All Where where Tom Purveyer Hard by here at a Farmers House the one is his Daughter the other is his Servant-Maid All Prethee Tom show us the house Tom Purveyer Not all at once but one after another All Nay faith Tom let us all see them at once but we will Court them apart Tom Purveyer Content Exeunt Scene 12. Enter the Lady Conversation and Sir Fancy Poet LAdy Conversation What is the reason that Mercury is feign'd to be the patron of Thieves Sir Fancy Poet That is to be the patron of Scholars for Scholars are the greatest Thieves stealing from the Authours they read to their own use Lady Convers. And why are Scholars counted the greatest Thieves Sir Fancy Poet Because that they steal the Spirits or life of renown out of the treasury of Fame when all other sorts of Thieves steal but the goods of Fortune which is nothing but a Corporal dross Convers. And why is he feigned the talkative God Sir Fancy Poet Because Scholars talk more than other men and most commonly so much as they will let none speak but themselves and when there is a Company of Scholars together they will be so fierce in disputes as they will be ready to go to cuffs for the Prerogative of their opinion Convers. The Prerogative of the tongue you mean but why are Scholars apt to talk most Sir Fancy Poet Because they overcharge their heads with several Authors as Epicures do their Stomacks with variety of meats and being overcharged they are forced to vent it forth through the mouth as the other through the gut for the tongue as a Feather tickles the throat of Vainglory vomiting out the slime of Learning into the ears of the hearers but some heads as Stomacks which are naturally weak are so grip'd by reason it doth not disgest well as they vent nothing but windy Phrases and other brains which are hot and moist by reason of a facil memory disgest so fast as they do nothing but purge loose Sentences and other brains that are too dry and Incipid are so costive as their restringency strains out nothing but strong lines Convers. What is that Non-sense Sir Fancy Poet Indeed they are hard words without sense Convers. What makes a good Poet Sir Fancy Poet A quick Fancy Convers. What makes a good Oratour Sir Fancy Poet A ready Tongue Convers. What makes a good Physician Sir Fancy Poet Much Practice Convers. What makes a good Divine Sir Fancy Poet A Holy Life Convers. What makes a good States-Man Sir Fancy Poet Long experience great observance prudent industry ingenuous wit and distinguishing judgment Convers. What makes a good Souldier Sir Fancy Poet Change of Fortune Courage Prudence and Patience Convers. What makes a good Courtier Sir Fancy Poet Diligence Flattery and time-serving Convers. VVhat makes a good Prince or Governour Sir Fancy Poet Justice Clemency Generosity Courage and Prudence mixt together Convers. VVhat makes a good VVoman Sir Fancy Poet A Poet Convers. VVhy a Poet Sir Fancy Poet By reason the Poetical wits convert their natural defects into sweet graces their follies to pure innocencies and their Vices into Heroick Virtues Convers. By these descriptions you make as if women were more obliged to Poets than to Nature Sir Fancy Poet They are so for where Nature or Education makes one good or beautiful VVoman Poets make ten besides Poets have not only made greater numbers of beautiful women but perfecter beauties than ever Nature made Convers. Then let me tell you that women make Poets for women kindle the masculine brains with the fire of Love from whence arises a Poetical flame and their Beauty is the fuel that feeds it Sir Fancy Poet I confess were there no women there would be no Poets for the Muses are of that Sex Exeunt ACT IV. Scene 13. Enter Roger Farmer and Maudling his Wife MAudling Huswife Truly Husband our Maid Poor Virtue is a very industrious Servant as ever I had in my life Roger Farmer Yes wife but you were angry with me at first because I perswaded you to take her Maudling Huswife VVhy she seem'd to be so fine a feat as I thought she would never have setled to her work Roger Farmer Truly VVife she does forecast her business so prudently and doth every thing so orderly and behaves her self so handsomely carryes her self so modestly as she may be a Pattern to our Daughter Maudling Huswife I am a better Pattern my self Exeunt Scene 14. Enter Poor Virtue with a Sheephook as comming from tending her sheep and the Lord Title meets her LOrd Title Fair Maid may I be your Shepheard to attend you Poor Virtue I am but a single Sheep that needs no great attendance and a harmless one that strayes not forth the ground I am put to feed Lord Title Mistake me not fair Maid I
help those in distresse his bounty heats his counsel and advice gives light Effem. Lovely I love you so much Sweet-heart that since you will not be my Mistris you shall be my VVife Poor Virtue Indeed I will not Effem. Lovely VVill you refuse me Poor Virtue Yes Effem. Lovely VVherefore Poor Virtue Because I know though you may use me well at first after a time you 'l be divorc'd Effem. Lovely I will never part from thee Poor Virtue O yes but you will for youth and beauty most commonly are inconstant for vain ambition and flattering praises corrupt that mind that lives therein and is pleased therewith Poor Vertue goes out Effeminate Lovely alone Effem. Lovely Well I will become a new man and cast off all vanity and study Moral Philosophy to gain this Maid for then perchance she will love me Exit Scene 17. Enter Lady Conversation and Sir Vain Complement LAdy Conversat. Complements are the worst sort of Conversation for they are not sociable besides Truth holds no intelligence nor correspondence with them Sir Vain Compl. Truth is no Complement as flattery and I speak nothing but what truth hath dictated to my tongue Lady Conversat. Those praises you gave me were writ by speech in so fine a style of Eloquence with such flourishing Letters of words as I cannot believe but that custome of self-conceited wit or passion hath given the Scribe which is the Tongue a bribe to flatter me Enter the Lady Contemplation and Mistris Troublesome to the Lady Conversation and Sir Vain Complement Lady Conversat. This is a wonder to see you Lady Contemplation abroad I doubt it doth Prognosticate some change of Fortune pray Iove it be good Lady Contempl. All the ill will fall on me Madam Mistris Troubles Nay faith Madam she accounts company a worse fortune than the ruine of a Kingdome and you cannot conceive with what difficulty I have got her abroad for at first I did perswade her with all the Rhetorick I had and pleaded with as powerful arguments as I could finde any promised more than I was able to perform and nothing of this could get her forth until I told her I would bring your Ladyship to visit her and that forced her out for she said she would rather trouble you than you should trouble her Lady Conversat. Faith Contemplation thou art only sit to keep beasts company for what difference is there betwixt beasts and men but Conversation Lady Contempl. Indeed beasts want that folly of idle Conversation and the error of speaking as much as the vanity of dressing and the custome of dissembling for they spend their time more prudently quietly easily honestly so more happily and if it were for no other reason than speaking I had rather be a beast than of mankinde Lady Conversat. O fie O fie you are a beastly Lady Lady Contempl. No Madam beasts have no false Titles of Honour their honour lives in their natures not in their names Lady Conversat. Who that may choose or have their liberty would spend their time in idle thoughts Lady Contempl. All that are wise and would be happy for should not we think that man were mad that leaves a peaceful habitation and thrusts himself in forein broyls or should not we think a King were most unjust that makes his peaceful and obedient subjects slaves to strange Princes The Mind 's a Common-wealth and the Thoughts are the Citizens therein and Reason rules as King or ought to doe But there is no reason we should vex our Thoughts with outward things or make them slaves unto the world Lady Conversat. But thoughts would want imployment were it not for the world and idlenesse were worse than slavish toyls Lady Contempl. The thoughts without the worlds materials can Create millions of worlds only with the help of Imagination Lady Conversat. Then your Minde and the World are meer strangers Lady Contempl. I say not so for though the World draws not my Minde to wander up and down yet my Minde draws the World to it then pensils out each several part and piece and hangs that Landskip in my Brain on which my thoughts do view with Judgments eyes Thus the world is in my Minde although my Minde is not in the world Lady Conversat. Then you inchant the world Lady Contempl. I had rather inchant the world than the world should inchant me Lady Conversat. If the Minde be a Common-wealth as you said even now it was Pray tell me of what degree the Passions are of Lady Contempl. They are the Nobles thereof and Magistrates therein each several Passion still governs in its turn and office Lady Conversat. And what are the Appetites Lady Contempl. The Appetites are none of the Mind's Citizens but they are an unruly Rout that dwell in the Senses which are the Suburbs of the Body Indeed the Appetites are the Out-Lawries and doe oft-times much hurt with their disorders insomuch as they many times disturb the mindes tranquillity and peace But Madam lest the appetite of talking should disturb the Mind I shall kiss your Ladyships hand and leave you to those that are more delightful and pleasanter company than I am Exit Mistris Trouble Lady Conversation I perceive you and Sir Vain Complement are grown dull with the Lady Contemplations company Lady Conversat. Mercury defend me from her for I would not keep her company for Ioves Mansion Vain Compl. And Cupid defend me from her for I would not be bound to Court her for the Favours Venus gives to Mars Conversat. Lord what a dull piece of gravity she is Vain Compl. She looks as if she convers'd with none but Ghosts and Spirits walking in Moon-shine and solitary and dismal places Conversat. Let us talk of her no more for I am so far from keeping her acquaintance as I hate to hear her nam'd Exeunt Scene 18. Enter the Lord Courtship and the Lady Ward LOrd Courtship My Sweet Fair Maid I cannot hope thy Pardon for my crimes are not only great but many for I have not only us'd you unkindly uncivilly ungentlemanly which are vices and crimes that Cankerfret the Fame of Honour and burie all noble qualities but I have used you barbarously cruelly and inhumanly which are sins sufficient to annihilate all the Masculine Race and surely if there be that we call Justice in Nature it will unless thy virtue redeem them and save them with thy pity wherefore for the sake of the generality though not for my particular pardon me Thus will you become a Deity to your whole Sex and ours Lady Ward I am sure your Lordship is a particular punishment to me which Heaven send me quit of She goes out he follows her ACT IV. Scene 19. Enter Sir Fancie Poet and the Lady Contemplation SIr Fan. Poet Lady you smother your thoughts and stifle your conception in the close Closet of Study Lady Contempl. No Sir I only keep them warm being tender and weak Sir Fan. Poet They will grow stronger in
pure Gold and Innocency as Marble white and Constancy as undissolving Diamonds and Modesty as Rubies red Love shall the Altar be and Piety as Incense sweet ascend to Heaven Truth as the Oil shall feed the Lamp of Memory whereby the flame of Fame shall never goe out Exit Sir Golden Riches alone Sir Gold Rich. And is She gone are Riches of no force Then I wil bury my self within the bowels of the Earth so deep that men shall never reach me nor Light shall find me out Exit Scene 22. Enter Mistris Messenger and the Lady Amorous's woman and Lord Courtship MIstris Messenger My Lord my Lady the Lady Amourous remembers her Service to you and sent me to tell you her Husband is gone out of Town and She desires to have the happiness of your company Lord Courtship Pray present my Service in the humblest manner to your Lady and pray her to excuse me for though I cannot say I am sick yet I am far from being well Mistris Messen. I shall my Lord Exeunt Scene 23. Enter the Lord Title and then enters a Servant to him SErvant My Lord there is an old man without desires to speak with you Lord Title Direct him hither Servant goes out Enter Old Humanity Lord Title Old man what have you to say to me Old Humanity I am come to desire your Lordship not to persecute a poor young Maid one that is friendless and your Lordship is powerful and therefore dangerous Lord Title What poor Maid do you mean Old Human. A Maid call'd Poor Virtue Lord Title Do you know her Old Human. Yes Lord Title Are you her Father Old Human. No I am her servant and have been maintain'd by her Noble Family these threescore years and upwards Lord Title Ha her Noble Family what or who is She Old Humanity She is a Lady born from a Noble Stock and hath been choisely bred but ruin'd by misfortunes which makes her poorly serve Lord Title Alas he weeps Who were her Parents Old Human. The Lord Morality and the Lady Piety Lord Title Sure it cannot be But why should I doubt her Beauty Wit and sweet Demeanour declares her Noble Pedigree The Lord Morality was a Famous man and was a great Commander and wise in making Lawes and prudent for the Common Good He was a Staff and Prop unto the Common-wealth til Civil Wars did throw it down where he fell under it But honest friend how shall I know this for a truth Old Human. Did not your Lordship hear he had a Child Lord Title Yes that I did an only Daughter Old Human. This is She I mention and if Times mend will have her Fathers Estate as being her Fathers Heir but to prove it and her Birth I will bring all those servants that liv'd with her and with her Father and all his Tenants that will witness the truth Lord Title When I consider and bring her and her Actions to my minde I cannot doubt the truth and for the news thou shalt be my Adopted Father and my Bosome-friend I 'll be a staff for thy Old Age to lean upon my shoulders shall give strength unto thy feeble limbs and on my neck shalt lay thy restless head Old Human. Heaven bless you and I shall serve you as my Old Age will give me leave Exit Lord Title leading him forth Scene 24. Enter Lord Courtship and the Lady VVard LOrd Courts Thou Celestial Creature do not believe that I am so presumptuous to ask thy love I only beg thy pardon that when my body lies in the silent grave you give my restless soul a pass and leave to walk amongst sad Lovers in dark and gloomy shades and though I cannot weep to shew my penitence yet I can bleed He offers her a Dagger Here take this Instrument of Death for only by your hands I wish to die Give me as many Wounds as Pores in skin That I may bleed sufficient for my sin Lady VVard It seems strange to me that you a wise man or at least accounted so should fall into such extreams as one while to hate me to death and now to profess to love me beyond life Lord Courts My Debaucheries blinded my Judgment nor did I know thy worth or my own errour until thy wise wit gave the light to my dark understanding and you have drawn my bad life and all my unworthy actions therein so naturally in your discourse as now I view them I do hate my self as much as you have cause to hate me Lady VVard I only hate your Crimes but for those excellent Qualities and true Virtues that dwell in your Soul I love and honour and if you think me worthy to make me your Wife and will love me according as my honest life will deserve your affections I shall be proud of the Honour and thank Fortune or Heaven for the Gift Lord Courts Sure you cannot love me and the World would condemn you if you should and all your Sex will hate you Lady VVard The World many times condemns even Justice her self and women for the most part hate that they should love and honour Lord Courts But can you love me Lady VVard I can and do love you Lord Courts How happy am I to enjoy a world of Beauty Wit Virtue and sweet Graces Leads her forth Exeunt Scen. 25. Enter the Lord Title and Roger Farmer and Maudlin Huswife his Wife LOrd Title Honest Roger and Maudlin I present you with a kind Good-morrow Roger Present me Bless your Lordship I should present you with a couple of Capons Lord Title 'T is a salutation when you salute but how do you then Roger Very well I thank your Honour How do you Lord Title Well enough of Complements I am come with a Petition to you Roger What is that is 't please your Honour Lord Title A Sute Roger Byrlaken I have need of one for I have but poor and bare cloathing on Lord Title No Roger it is a request and desire I have you should grant Roger Grant or to Farm let no Sir I will not part with my Lease Lord Title Roger you understand me not therefore let me speak with Maudlin your Wife Roger There she is Sir spare her not for she is good metal I 'll warrant your Honour wipe your lips Maudlin and answer him every time that he moves thee and give him as good as he brings Maudlin were he twenty Lords hold up your head Maudlin be not hollow Maudlin I 'll warrant you Husband I 'll satisfie him Lord Title Honest Maudlin Maudlin That 's more than your Lordship knows Lord Title Why then Maudlin Maudlin That 's my name indeed Lord Title You have a maid here in your house Maudlin I hope so forsooth but I will not answer for no Virgin in this wicked world Roger Well said Maudlin Nay your Honour will get nothing of my Maudlin I 'll warrant you Lord Title Well this supposed Maid is Poor Virtue that 's her name
I desire you will let her live with me this Poor Virtue Maudlin God bless you Honour from her it is not fit for a Lord and a great Noble-man to meddle with Virtue your Honour should not foul your fingers with her Besides she will never stay in a great mans house neither is it fit she should and your Honours servants will hate her like the Devil for she will please no body as she should do a very peevish ill-natur'd girle forsooth she is Lord Title Why how doth she agree then with you Maudlin Alas forsooth if it please your Honour Virtue may live in a Cottage when she will be whipt out of a Court or a great Lords Palace they may talk of her but they will never give her leave to live and board with them It may be they give their Chaplain leave to talk of her a Sundays or so forsooth but talk's but talk for they forget her the six days after and never mind her for indeed she is a very peevish girle and not fit for Gentlefolks company that 's the truth of it hardly for poor folks Lord Title VVhy you agree well with her Maudlin Nay by the faith of my body do I not for I can hardly goe to Market and be merry as I use to be and all long of her peevishnesse nay I cannot goe to order one of our busie Thrashers but she troubles me or to speak with the Carter but she whip in presently or discourse with the Plough-man about his plough-share how he should order it for my advantage but she troubles me or about our Husbandman how and where he should sow his Seed but she vexes me still Such a life the Gods help me as I am e'en weary of my self Speak Roger is it not true Roger True Maudlin as steel I never was merry since she vvas in my house the May-pole is dovvn since she came Maudlin I Roger that 't is the more the pity Roger And the Towns Green is a Meadow and the poor Big-pipers cheeks are fallen into a Consumption hardly wind to speak vvithall the Morris-dancers bells are silenc'd and their crosse garters held superstitious idolatrous and profane the May-Lord and his Lady depos'd and the Hobby-horse is forgotten nay the Whitson-Lord and Lady are banish'd Merry Wakes abolish'd and the poor Ale-wives beggar'd Maudlin I I and all since this melancholy girle Virtue came into our house She cries I cannot choose but cry Lord Title Thou art true Maudlin then Maudlin Yes with small beer that 's the calamity of it therefore blesse every good subject from so melancholy a thing as this girle Virtue is But we have a Daughter and it please your Honours worship that will give you good content and please most of your Houshold for she is a lusty Wench though I say 't that should not say 't Did you but see her swim like a Tench on our Town-green incircling the May-pole and at the end of a Horn-pipe when she is to be kiss'd how modestly the wryes her head away but so as to be civil nay she hath been well Educated my own natural Daughter for indeed Roger I was with Child with her before you maried me Roger Peace Maudlin all Truths are not to be spoken of for should that be many a Worshipful Person would be very angry but our Vicar made all well betwixt thee and me Maudlin But I beseech your Honour take my Daughter for you will find her another manner of woman than Virtue is for she is not like her ifaith nor any thing that belongs to her she is better blest than so Lord Title No I will have Poor Virtue or none Roger Faith if you have Virtue you are sure to have her poor for I never knew any of her Family rich the Gods do not blesse them I think in this world but if you will have her take her shall he not Maudlin Maudlin Yes Husband and the house is well rid of her and let us bless our selves for it for now we shall be like our Neighbours again we will not abate them an hair the best in the Parish shall not live merryer than we will now for all Sports Why Vanity and Sin Husband is the Liberty of the Subject and the seven Deadly Sins are the Fundamental Laws of the Kingdome from the greatest to the least if poor folks might have their right Well your Honour shall have her but you will be as weary of her as we have been the Gods bless your Honour but alas you do not know what this Girle Virtue is Lords have no guess at her Lord Title Well Maudlin let me have her I desire no more Maudlin Nor we neither if it pleases your Honour and so the Gods give you good of her Roger Let me speak to his Honour Maudlin Lord Title Do so Roger Roger I give your lordship many thanks Lord Title For what Roger For ridding our house of this troublesome Girl Lord Title And I thank you for it too Roger VVhen thanks on all sides happen we are eas'd Lord Title And I with your Poor Virtue am well pleas'd The Lord goes out As they were going forth Maudlin speaks Maudlin Mark the end of it Roger Roger Yes Maudlin the End Crowns the Work Exeunt Here ends my Lord Marquiss's Scene ACT IV. Scene 26. Enter the Lady Visitant to the Lady Contemplation who was musing to her self LAdy Visit. What always musing Shall I never find thee in a sociable humour Lady Contempl. I would you had come sooner or stayd longer away Lady Visit. Why prethee Lady Contempl. I will tell you A while since there came the Muses to visit me being all either mad or drunk for they toss'd and tumbl'd me and rumbl'd me about from one to the other as I thought they would a divided me amongst them At last came in the Sciences to visit me with sober Faces grave Countenances stayd and formal Behaviours and after they had Saluted me they began to talk very seriously to me their Discourse being Rational Probable Wise Learned and Experienc'd but all the while the Muses would not let me alone one pull'd me to Dance another to Sing another to play on Musick others to recite Verses speak Speeches and Act parts of Plays and the like Whereupon I gravely turned the incorporal head of my rational Soul nodding it to them to be quiet and let me alone but still they playd with me At last my Thoughts which are the language of the Soul spoke to them and pray'd them to forbear until such time as the Sciences were gone but they would not be quiet nor silent doe what I could but would interrupt the Sciences in the midst of their Discourse with their idle Rimes light Fancies and odd Numbers insomuch as the Sciences departed Whereupon the Muses did rejoyce and skip and run about as if they had been wilde And in this jocund humour in came the Arts even a whole Common-wealth for there were not
days of my life Parle I doubt I may sing the Song that says O pity take upon me now some gentle Bodie And give me the Willow-Branch for no man will have me Trifle And I may sing this old Song I wander up and down And no body cares for me Although I be but poor and brown Yet constant will I be Fondly And I may sing this old Ballad Every Bird can choose his Mate The Wren can do the same The Fish and Fowl their pleasures take They follow after Game But I poor I poor silly I Do sigh and sorrow still Yea night and day I wear away Wanting my wished will Matron Come come Ladies you are all so desirous to marry and so impatient because you are not maried as I doubt when you are maried your Husbands may sing the Song of Cuckolds all a row Parle It were better for us that our Husbands should be Cuckolds than we lead Apes in Hell Exeunt ACT IV. Scene 32. Enter as weeping the Lady Prudence and her Woman Intelligencer INtelligen. Why do you weep Madam Prudence Have I not reason when one I chose for Honesty proves false and publickly strives for to disgrace me by breaking of his Promise and Appointed day of Mariage Intellig. Perchance he could not come some Accident hath hinder'd him Prudence He might have sent me word the reason of his stay Intelligen. It is likely he is not so rich as to hire a Messenger Prudence Some would have done it for Charity Intelligen. 'Faith Charity is lazie and will not go without Reward Prudence If he had loved Me or Honour he would have found some means or ways Enter her Servant the Strange Wooer Stranger My Virtuous sweet Mistris what makes such showrs of Tears in Sun-shine Eyes Prudence O Sir I thought you had forsaken me and left me to the Worlds wilde scorn Stranger I should sooner forsake Life Fame and Heaven than forsake you He kisses her hand Stranger Will you have your Friends to your Wedding Mistris Prudence If you please Sir for I am not asham'd of my Choise nor shall I be asham'd of my Mariage Stranger Nor I of my self and for you the Gods may envy me Exeunt Scene 33. Enter Mistris Parle Mistris Trifle Mistris Vanity Mistris Fondly and a Matron PArle Shall we go to visit Mistris Simple she that is now my Lady Gosling and bid her joy Vanity Yes if you will for I long to see how she looks now she is a Wife Trifle So do I and to see how she behaves her self since she is maried Matron She is now Ladies for the conversation of Wives and not for the society of Maids her discourse will be now of Houshold Affairs as of Houswifry and of her Husband and of Children and hired servants and not Suters and Courtiers not Fashions nor Dressings neither will she return your Visits for her Visitings will be to other maried Wives and her time will be spent at Labours Christenings Churchings and other Matrimonial Gossippings and Meetings Parle Howsoever we will go visit her Fondly I wish we may see her Husband with her to see if he be kind to her or not Parle If he be not kind to her and hath been maried but two or three days he will never be kind Trifle I wonder whether he will kiss her when we are by Parle Yes certainly for new-maried men and their wives take a pleasure to kiss before company Fondly Hey ho that maried Wives should have such pleasures when Maids have none Exeunt Scene 34. Enter Sir Thomas Letgo with other Gentlemen This Scene of Sir Thomas Letgo the Lord Marquiss writ LEtgo O unfortunate villain that I should be such a Coxcomb such a Fool to lose five thousand pounds at Dice Those bones spotted with the small Pox the great Pox take them for me and the Plague to boot for they have plagued me and yet I have not a token left about me 1 Gent. You may borrow more Letgo Borrow you Puppy you my land 's intail'd a perpetuity I have nothing but for life like a Serving-mans Annuity or an old Ladies Joynture no body will lend me any thing and now I must eat grass and hay for we are all mortal they say and they choke me with that Pox of my Grandfathers and Fathers provident Wisedomes with their learned Counsels in the Law but I hope all their souls fry in Hell for 't that 's my comfort 2 Gent. 'T is a hard case that a young Gentleman cannot undoe himself for those Fetters and Bonds of Parchment truly it is cruel Letgo I is it not Iack to be tied thus like a dog to a cup-board and in chains too that he cannot gnaw or bite them asunder 3 Gent. Faith Sir 't is a strange thing that a man should venture to play his money whether it should be his or another mans Letgo No Dick you are deceiv'd I play whether his money should be mine or his O unfortunate Rogue that I am and that foolish Star-gazer the Astrologer never to see it in my Nativity neither when he cast it Those Knaves and Fools to talk of things that they have no guess at what they are as if the seven Planets or the twelve Houses had to do with a cast of Dice a fine nimble Cheater is worth a thousand of them Rogue that I am And now comes in such a consideration into my brain upon my Repentance 1 Gent. As how pray Letgo As how why if I had this current running money nay rather it hath wings and flies beyond the Fiction of Pegasus why if I had it how I would bestow it for the good of the Common-wealth as thus What rich Apparel with Imbroyderies of gold and silver and silk what Feathers and Mistrisses what gilt Paris Coaches Pages and Lacquies sans number in rich liveries what Coachmen Postilions with six Flanders Horses to strike with amazement the whole street as I pass what running Horses Hounds Hawks Cocks Greyhounds what delicious Banquets Spanish Perfumes most odoriferous soft Musick that should lull the soul asleep sumptuous Furnitures so as I would surfet the Senses and make the seven Deadly Sins live like Princes And set up Sin and Vanity to the hight Since those are still the Gentlemens delight But O my money is gone which cuts off all my hopes of exercising all those virtuous ways well let me cogitate and boy give me a melancholy Pipe to cloud all hopes of joys with sadder thoughts He gives him his Pipe 1 Gent. Truly 't is pity he hath lost his money for you hear how Religiously he would have spent it 2 Gent. Most like a Gentleman I must needs say that for him 3 Gent. Most piously indeed but prethee let us walk for a while lest we should disturb his Thoughts no more Discourse but let us tie our Tongues 1 Gent. Content till his be loose They sit mute a time while he sits musing 2 Gent. What Contemplation now Letgo Pious and
is prevalent Nan but what manner of man is this man that my Father is treating with is he handsome or rich or famous or honoured with title for I would not put my father to charges and not have a Husband worth my Portion Nan He is rich and a thriving man Mistriss Odd-Humour That is to say a rich miserable man and when I am marryed to him I shall be his poor miserable wife for he will not allow me any thing to spend hardly to eat Nan Then your Chair will be big enough for you Mistriss Odd-Humour Or I shall be little enough for my Chair for a spare diet will make bare bones Nan If you be lean you will want a Cushion unless your Husband will allow you one Mistriss Odd-Humour A miserable Husband will never do that for they think ease breeds Idleness Nan If he be miserable he will be pleased you shall be idle for exercise doth cause a hungry Stomack but if he be a jealous Husband he will not be pleased you should be idle for idleness breeds wantoness Mistriss Odd-Humour A jealous Husband and a miserable is to a woman much a-like for the one bars a wife from Company the other from Meat the one will not allow her fine Cloathes the other dares not let her wear fine Clothes the one will not maintain Servants to wait on her the other dares not trust Servants to wait upon her lest they should be corrupted to be Pimps or Bawds also a miserable Husband and a Prodigal one is a-like to a wife the one keeps all his wealth and spends none the other spends all and keeps none the one will give his wife none the other will spare his wife none from himself and Vanities and Vices thus a wife is poor or unhappy either in a spender or a sparer but if my Father would not cast me and my Portion a-way is to marry me to a man whose bounty or liberality is within one part of his wealth as three parts liberality and four parts wealth and one that hath more love than jealousy more merit than title more honesty than wealth and more wealth than necessity Nan But if you never marry till your Father get you such a Husband you will dy an old Maid Mistriss Odd-Humour I had rather dy an old Maid than be an unhappy Wife Exeunt Scene 11. Enter Sir Thomas Gravity and his Lady SIr Thomas Gravity Why are you angry with me because my Brother is an enemy to the marriage I was a Friend to it and did my part consenting to what you desired and why are you angry with me because the Laws have disanulled the marriage I cannot alter the Laws Lady But your Brothers power with the Arch-Prince and the Arch-Princes power on the Judges and Lawyers Divines and Church-men hath corrupted the Laws and caused Injustice Sir Thomas Gravity That 's none of my fault I have not power to mend them but let me have so much power with you as to perswade you to be patient in matters where your impatience will do you no good also let me Counsel you to advise your Daughter to endeavour to forget my Nephew at least not to love him as a Husband but to place her affections upon some other man for she being freed by the law may marry again who she shall think best to chuse And to draw her off from her Melancholy humour you must perswade her to divert her self and thoughts with variety of Company and to take delight in such things as other Ladyes use as fine Dressing rich Cloathing sportfull Dancing merry Meeting and the like and she being very handsome since she is grown to womans years will be admired praised and sued too in which admirations and praises women take glory and are proud to be wooed for it is the pleasure of their life and the life of their pleasure Lady But how if I cannot perswade her to associate her self with young Company like her self or to wear fine Cloaths or to take pleasure in sports and plays Sir Thomas Gravity Command her to adorn her self bravely and to go to Balls Playes and Masks and those pleasures will steal on her unawares and no question but a little time will make her take such delight therein as she will be so fond of Company and Bravery as you will find it difficult if not impossible to perswade her from it Lady I will take your Counsel and follow your advice Exeunt Scene 12. Enter two Gentlemen 1 GEnt. My Lord hath sent for his Son to come home for to marry with the Arch-Prince's Neece 2 Gent. She is a Lady that hath more Wealth than Beauty and more Title than Wit 1 Gent. My Lord cares not to marry his Son to Beauty or Wit but to Riches and Honour 2 Gent. My Lord is Covetous and Ambitious 1 Gent. So are all wise men for they know that Wealth and Honour are the Pillars and Supporters to hold up their Familyes that makes Fathers desirous and industrious to marry their Sons to great Fortunes and not to great Beautyes that their successors may not be buryed in Poverty for Beauty is only for delight but not for continuance Beauty lives only with fond Youth Riches with wife Age and Dignity Crowns antient Riches for a long and rich succession is a Gentlemans Pedigree 2 Gent. I thought Merit had been the foundation of a Gentleman 1 Gent. So it is sometimes but not always for where Merit Dignified one Family Riches Dignified a hundred poor Merit is buryed in Oblivion unless Fame builds him a Monument whereas Riches build Monuments to Fames Palace and bring Fame down to his Palace but Merit without the assistance of Riches can neither feed nor cloth nor sustain nor cannot buy Houses to live in nor Lands to live on it cannot leave anything for Antiquity but the memory of it self wherefore my Lord is wise to chase Riches for his Son 1 Gent. But 't is a question whether his Son will take them and leave the Lady be once was marryed too for 't is said that she is grown an extraordinary Beauty Exeunt Scene 13. Enter Lady Gravity and Lady Perfection her Daughter in black very handsome LAdy Gravity Will not you obey my commands Lady Perfection Yes Madam so far as it is my duty Lady Gravity Then do as I command you dress fine and keep Company Lady Perfection Gay Cloths Madam and my mind will not be suitable my indisposed humour and Company will not be agreeable neither know I how to behave my self in this condition I am in nor how to associate my self for since my marriage is disanull'd I am neither Maid Virgin Widow nor Wife Lady Gravity Come come you are my Daughter that 's sufficient Exeunt Scene 14. Enter two Men 1 MAn Faith I pitty my young Lord for since he is returned from his tedious travels he is kept Prisoner at the Court for the Arch-Prince and his Father will not suffer
Husband is taken away from her as his wife was from him but leaving this siege let us return to our own homes Exeunt Scene 33. Enter the Lord Melancholy as the Grate of the Cloyster of the Lady Perfection then she draws the Curtain before the Grate and appears to him LOrd Melancholy Madam yesterday when you were pleased to speak with me as now through this Grate you were pleas'd to tell me your Vows were so binding as they could not be dissolved wherefore I am not now come to examine or perswade nor to trouble your Devotions or to hinder your Meditations but to take my last leave for I shall never see you more at least not in this VVorld Lady Perfection Are you going to Travel Lord Melancholy I cannot say my body is going a far Journey I know not what my Soul may do Lady Perfection Shall not they go together Lord Melancholy No Death will make a divorce as the Law did betwixt you and I Lady Perfection Are you resolved to dye Lord Melancholy Yes Lady Perfection VVhy so Lord Melancholy To be at rest and peace for know that ever since I was last married my life hath been a Hell my Mind was tortured with thoughts of discontent and though I am releast from what I did dislike my mind is restless still for what it would enjoy this resolution is not new it hath been long considered for since I cannot live with that I love better than life I le try whether the passions of the Soul doe with the Body dye if so Death will be happy because it hath no sense nor feeling Lady Perfection How long have you been resolved of leaving life Lord Melancholy I have pondered of it ever since I was last Married but was not resolved untill you enter'd into this Order Lady Perfection Can I not perswade you to live Lord Melancholy Not unless you break your Vow Lady Perfection That I may not do Lord Melancholy Nor can I perswade you for I love your Constancy Lady Perfection Will you grant me one request before you dy Lord Melancholy Yes any thing but what may hinder my dying Lady Perfection Swear to me you will Lord Melancholy I swear by Heaven and Love I will Lady Perfection Then the time you are resolved to dye come hither and dye here that I may bear you Company dying the same minute if I can that you do Lord Melancholy How Lady Perfection Nay you have sworn it and if it be best for you it will be so for me for when you are dead I shall possess those torments that you in life feel now and if you love me so well as you express you do you will not desire to leave me to endure that you cannot suffer Lord Melancholy 'T is fit you should live to be a President to the World Lady Perfection Were I a President fit for the World to follow yet the World would not practice my precepts it is too bad to follow what is good and since my life cannot better the World and Death will ease my life of that which will trouble and afflict it I am resolv'd to dye And in the grave will bear you Company Lord Melancholy I do accept of thy dear Company Heaven so joyn our Souls they never may be separated and to morrow we will leave the World Lady Perfection Let me advise you concerning the manner of our Deaths get a Sword pointed sharp at both ends and when we are to dye put one end of the Sword through this grate and just when you set your heart to the end towards you I will set mine to the end towards me and thrusting forward as to meet each other the several points will make several passages or wounds into our several or rather our own united hearts and so we dye just together Lord Melancholy I shall follow your advice and be here to morrow at the time Which time will seem to me like as an Age Till that our Souls be fled forth from their Cage Lady Perfection My Soul will fly your Soul to imbrace And after Death may hope a resting place Exeunt ACT V. Scene 34. Enter two Gentlemen 1 GEnt. You here the match is concluded betwixt the Emperors Daughter and our Prince 2 Gent. Yes and I hear that the Lord Dorato was a great Instrument to help the match forward 1 Gent. Methinks they should need no other Instrument to forward the match than the Princes interest 2 Gent. 'T is true but the Princes affection being placed upon another Lady it was hard first to draw off those affections and then to place them anew besides the Death of his Neece was some hinderance 1 Gent. All great Princes doe soon cast off all Funeral sadness but the Lord Dorato methinks takes the Death of his Daughter to heart 2 Gent. 'T is a doubt whether he will continue in such great favour with the Prince now his Neece is dead 1 Gent. There is no likelyhood he should be in less favour since the Princess Death for it was the favour he had with the Princess that caused the match with his Son besides he hath left a Son which the Prince no doubt will favour the Grandfather the more for the Childes sake 2 Gent. I wonder whether the Lord Melancholy the Princesses Husband will marry again for he had ill fortune with his Wives 1 Gent. Methinks he hath had good Fortune for the Laws have quitted him of one and Death of the other but that Husband hath ill fortune that neither Law nor Death will free him from Exeunt Scene 35. Enter the Lord Melancholy at the Grate the Curtains open and appears the Lady Perfection he takes the Sword out of the sheath LOrd Melancholy Sweet here 's that will quit us of all trouble Lady Perfection Indeed life is a trouble and nothing is at rest but what lyes in the grave Lord Melancholy Are you not affraid of the sight of a murthering Sword Lady Perfection No more than you are affraid of the sight of the glorious Sun Lord Melancholy You seem to have a courage above you Sex Lady Perfection My love is above Life as far as my Courage is beyond Fear I neither fear Death nor consider Life but can imbrace the one and fling away the other for Loves sake Lord Melancholy Then dear Wife for so you are my heart did never own another I wish our breaths and bloods might intermix together and as Deaths Ceremonies might joyn our Souls Whilst he speaks he puts one end of the Sword through the Grate she takes hold of it Lady Perfection They 'r joyned already by love and Death's sufficient to bring them both together and our bloods 't is like will run in trickling streams upon this Sword to meet and intermix Whilst he holds the Sword in one hand he unbuttons his Doublet with the other hand so she unties her Cord about her Gown Lord Melancholy These Buttons are like troublesome guests at
Marriage Nuptials but are you ready Wife for our second Marriage Lady Perfection I am now ready to go into the Bed of Earth Enter two Fathers which take hold of the Lord Melancholy and pull him gently from the Grate Religious Father Hold and stain not this sacred places with murderers blood Lady is this the Devotion profess wickedly to murther your self Lady Perfection Father know I accounted self Death no wickedness and I will venture on my own belief Religious Father But the Church hath power to absolve you now if you desire personly to meet Lady Perfection Yes such power as the Laws had to dissolve our Marriage but the Churches absolving can no more acquit my Conscience from my Devoted Vow than the Laws could from my Marriage Vow Religious Father Pray give us leave to plead Lady Perfection Take it Religious Father You have vowed Chastity and a retir'd Incloystered life Lady Perfection I have so Religious Father Why then marry this Lord again and let him make the same Vow and enter into the same Cloyster and into the same Religious Order of Chastity and being Man and Wife you are but as one person so that if you be constant and true to your selves you keep the Vow of Chastity for what is more Chast than lawfull Marriage and Virtuous Man and Wife Lady Perfection Husband are you willing to make the Vow of Chastity and to live an Incloystered life Lord Melancholy I am all will to that Vow and life for so I shall enjoy thy Soul and Body and good Father re-marry us and then I will thank you for Life and Wife Religious Father First you shall make your Vow then take a Religious Habit and then be re-married and go along with us and we will order you fixt for to enter into this Religious Order of Chastity and if you be both happy in life as sure you will thank your Nurse who hearing your cruell and as I may say irreligious design informed us and placing us within a Loby we heard you and saw you though you knew not that we did so for you had barr'd the outward Door but being within we were ready to come forth and hinder you as we did Lord Melancholy Well Father since you have hindered our Deaths pray make me sit to enjoy Life my Heaven of Life or Life of Heaven Religious Father Come then Exeunt Scene 36. Enter Mistriss Odd-Humour and her Maid Nan Mistriss Odd-Humour weeps NAn Why do you weep Mistriss Mistriss Odd-Humour Because my Father will have me marry Nan Many young Maids weep because they cannot get Husbands but few weep to enjoy one Mistriss Odd-Humour I do not cry because I shall have a Husband but because I shall have a Foot to my Husband Nan There are few wise Husbands and fewer wise Men Mistriss Odd-Humour What difference is betwixt a wise Husband and a wise Man Nan Why a wise Husband is to rule and govern his Wife well but a wise Man is to rule and govern himself well and there is more that can tell how to rule and govern others than themselves like as there may be good Kings and not good Men and good Men and not good Kings or as there may be good Teachers as Preachers and not good practisers so this Gentleman you are to marry may be a wise Husband although not a wise Man Mistriss Odd-Humour But he will be both a foolish Husband and a foolish Man Nan If he prove a foolish Husband you have no reason to cry for then you will have the more Liberty Mistriss Odd-Humour The more liberty to be a Fool you mean Nan Indeed liberty to women makes them rather foolish than wise for women know not how to use liberty discreetly for when they have liberty they run beyond the bounds of discretion Mistriss Odd-Humour Faith if I marry this same Gentleman that my Father sayes I shall I shall run beyond the bounds of Matrimony Nan That is to run into your Neighbours Bed Exeunt Scene 37. Enter two Gentlemen 1 GEnt. Do you hear of the new Religious Order 2 Gent. What new Religious Order 1 Gent. Why the Order of Chastity in marriage 2 Gent. That 's a new Order indeed never heard of before at least not practised but this Order if it continue will make marriage as Religious in life as the marriage of Saints 1 Gent. Why the marriage of men and women is a type of the marriage of Saints 2 Gent. But the type often commits Adultery and for my part I would not be one of that Religious Order 1 Gent. No for on my Conscience I believe you would disorder the Order 2 Gent. But who hath brought up this foolish new Order 1 Gent. The Lord Melancholy and the Lady Perfection who are re-married and have both vowed Chastity in marriage and an Incloystered life and have taken a Religious Habit 2 Gent. The more unwise they that will bind themselves so strictly 1 Gent. So honestly 2 Gent. I hate honesty that way or that way of honesty 1 Gent. You hate that way of honesty because you love the wayes of Adultery Exeunt Scene 38. Enter the Arch-Prince and the Lord Dorato as at the Grate the Curtain is drawn and there appears the Lord Melancholy and the Lady Perfection his Wife as two Religious Devotes both in Religious Habits like to the Normitans they bow like the Religious with their heads downwards and bodyes bent forward ARch-Prince I come not to complain nor reprove your Chast wife for denying my Sute nor am I come only to give you joy of your new marriage but your new Religious Order of Chastity in marriage which Order I believe that few besides your self will enter into Lord Melancholy Then few will be so happy Sir as we are Arch-Prince Indeed happiness lives more in Cloysters than in Courts or Cities or private families but my Lord Dorato your Father here will want the comfort of your Company which should be a Partner with him in the Rule and Government of his Family and Fortunes Lord Melancholy I have left him a Grand-Son Sir to be a comfort to him in my absence and I wish he may prove as obedient to him as I have done Lord Dorato Faith Son the first time of your marriage was without my knowledge or consent but howsoever now I wish you joy and for your sake I will never cross Matrimonial Love whilst I live and I hope God will bless you both so as that you may beget a Religious Generation Arch-Prince All the Children they beget and bring up must be of the Religious Orders Lord Dorato If they will follow their Parents purities and precepts they will Arch-Prince There may proceed from these two a great Generation which may spread all over the World and be famous for Piety and Acts of Devotion Lord Melancholy I hope your Highnesses words are Prophecies of what is to come Arch-Prince I wish they prove so farewell all happiness dwell
spake before there 1 Gent. VVhere 2 Gent. VVhy in the Academy 1 Gent. VVhy I am sure I heard one Lady speak yesterday and another to day 2 Gent. Ladies I mean the Academy of men 1 Gent. VVhy do the men intend to speak 2 Gent. Yes presently if they have not done speaking already Exeunt Scene 6. Enter a Company of young men as in the Room next to the Ladies one takes the Chair GEntleman Speaker Gentlemen we need no Learned Scholars nor Grave Sages to propound the Theam of our discourse in this place and at this time for our minds are so full of thoughts of the Female Sex as we have no room for any other Subject or Object wherefore let the Theam be what it will our discourses will soon run on them but if we could bring women as easily into our arms as into our brains and had we as many Mistresses in our possessions as we have in our imaginations we should be much more happy than we are Nay had we been blind deaf and insensible to the Sex we had been happy unlesse that Sex had been more kinder than they are but they are cruel which makes men miserable but Nature had made Beauty in vain if not for the use of the Masculine Sex wherfore Nature forbids restraint and 't is a sin against Nature for women to be Incloystred Retired or restrained Nay it is not only a sin against Nature but a grievous sin against the Gods for women to live single lives or to vow Virginity for if women live Virgins there will be no Saints for Heaven nor worship nor Adoration offred to the Gods from Earth for if all women live Virgins the Race of Mankind will be utterly extinguished and if it be a general sin to live Virgins no particular can be exempted and if it be lawfull for one to live a Virgin it is lawfull for all so if it be unlawfull for one it is unlawfull for all but surely the Gods would not make any thing lawful that were against themselves But to conclude those women which restrain themselves from the company and use of men are damned being accused by Men judged by Nature and condemned by the Gods Exeunt Scene 7. Enter two Gentlewomen 1 GEntlewoman What say you will you go into the Academy 2 Gent. No faith I mean not to be damned 1 Gent. I am of your mind I will run unto the men to save me 2 Gent. So will I since the wayes of Salvation are so easie and so pleasant Exeunt Scene 8. Enter the Academy of Ladies and the Grave Matronnesse The Lady that is to speak takes a Chair MAtron Lady let the Theam of your discourse be at this time on the behaviour of our Sex Lady Speaker It is a greater difficulty for a woman to behave her self discreetly in private Visitations than for a man to speak wisely in privy Councels and it is a greater difficulty for a woman to behave her self wel in a publick Assembly than for a man to speak eloquently in a publick Auditory and it is a greater difficulty for a woman to behave her self well to several Persons and in several Assemblies than for a man to behave himself gallantly in several Battels and as much dishonour comes in the misbehaviour of the one as the cowardlinesse of the other VVherefore there requires as much skill care and conduct in a womans behaviour in visiting entertaining placing applying and discoursing as to a Commander in Mustering Training Intrenching Besieging Inbattelling Fighting and Retreating for it is not enough for a woman to behave her self according to her Degree Quality Dignity Birth and Breeding Age Beauty Wit and Fortune But according to Time Place and Occasion Businesse and Affairs as also to the Humours Capacities Professions Dignities Qualities Births Breedings Fortunes Ages and Sexes of those persons she is in Company and Conversation withall Also in mixt Companies she must have a mixt behaviour and mixt discourses as sometimes to one then to another according as she can handsomely and civilly apply or addresse her self and to those that apply and addresse themselves to her for a woman must not behave her self or discourse unto a great Lord or Prince as to a Peasant or to a Peasant as to a great Lord or Prince nor to a Souldier as to a Divine nor to a Divine as to a Souldier nor to a States-man as to a Tradesman nor to a Tradesman as to a States-man nor to a Flattering Gallant as to a Grave Senior nor to a Grave Senior as to a Flattering Gallant nor to a young man as to an antient man nor to a Boy as to a man nor to a woman as to a man nor to a Poet as to a woman or as to those men that understand not Poetry nor to learned men as to ignorant men Also an antient Grave Matron must not behave her self like a wanton young Girl nor a Wife like a Maid nor a Widow like a VVife nor a Mother like her Daughter nor a Mistriss like her Servant nor a Servant like a Mistriss nor a great Lady like a Country wise nor a Country wife like a great Lady for that would be ridiculous Indeed it is easier for a middle Rank or Degree at least it is oftner seen to behave themselves better than those of high Titles and great Estates or those of a very mean Condition and of low Birth for the one is apt to err with excessive pride the other with an excessive rudenesse both being bold and ignorantly bred knowing not how to be civil nor what belongs to civil Persons for the pride of the one scorns to be instructed and the poverty of the other hath not means to keep and pay Instructers for the excesse of Plenty nussles the one in Ignorance and excesse of Poverty blindfolds the other from knowledge but to conclude of the behaviour of women first as to the generality they must behave themselves civily and circumspectly to particulars modestly and friendly for the chief Principals of behaviour are twelve six good and six bad the six good are Ceremony Civility Modesty Humility Friendship and Obedience The first is Majestical and Magnificent the second Noble the third Virtuous the fourth Humane the fift Generous the sixt Pious The first is Gracefull the second Sociable the third Delightfull the fourth Natural the fift Helpfull the sixt Necessary The first belongs to Dignity the second to Breeding the third to Youth the fourth to Age the fift to Wealth the sixt to Peace As for the six bad Principals is to be Proud Bold Rude Wanton Disobedient and Cruel The first is Insolent the second Impudent the third Ignorant the fourth Brutish the fift Unnatural the sixt Wicked The first lives with mean Births joined with good Fortune the second lives with ignorant doltish Spirits the third with base Breeding the fourth with Beasts the fift with uncivil Nations the sixt with Atheists The first is to be Slighted the
a Non-pluss they would be glad to be quit of each other yet are ashamed to part so soon and are weary to stay with each other long when a Play entertaines them with Love and requires not their answers nor forceth their braines nor pumps their wits for a Play doth rather fill them than empty them 2. Gentleman Faith most Playes doth rather fill the spectators with wind than with substance with noise than with newes 1. Gentleman This Play that I would have you go to is a new Play 2. Gentleman But is there newes in the Play that is is there new wit fancyes or new Scenes and not taken our of old storyes or old Playes newly translated 1. Gentleman I know not that but this Play was writ by a Lady who on my Conscience hath neither Language nor Learning but what is native and naturall 2. Gentleman A woman write a Play Out upon it out upon it for it cannot be good besides you say she is a Lady which is the likelyer to make the Play worse a woman and a Lady to write a Play fye fye 3. Gentleman Why may not a Lady write a good Play 2. Gentleman No for a womans wit is too weak and too conceived to write a Play 1. Gentleman But if a woman hath wit or can write a good Play what will you say then 2. Gentleman Why I will say no body will believe it for if it be good they will think she did not write it or at least say she did not besides the very being a woman condemnes it were it never so excellent and care for men will not allow women to have wit or we men to have reason for if we allow them wit we shall lose our prehemency 1. Gentleman If you will not goe Tom farewell for I will go set this Play let it be good or bad 2. Gentleman Nay stay I will go with thee for I am contented to cast away so much time for the sake of the sex Although I have no saith of the Authoresses wit 3. Gentleman Many a reprobate hath been converted and brought to repentance by hearing a good Sermon and who knowes but that you may be converted from your erroneous opinion by seeing this Play and brought to confesse that a Lady may have wit Loves Adventures Play The Lord Fatherly The Lord Singularity His Sonne Sir Serious Dumbe Sir Timothy Complement Sir Humphry Bolde Sir Roger Exception Sir Peaceable Studious Foster Trusty The Lady Orphant The Lady Ignorant wife to Sir Peaceable Studious The Lady Bashfull The Lady Wagtaile The Lady Amorous Mrs. Acquaintance Nurse Fondly Foster Trusties wife Lady Orphans Nurse Mrs. Reformers woman to the Lady Bashfull Two Chamber-Maydes Prologue NOble Spectators you are come to see A Play if good perchance may clapped be And yet our Authoresse sayes that she hath heard Some playes though good hath not been so preferr'd As to be mounted up on high raised praise And to be Crown'd with Garlands of fresh hayes But the contrary have been hissed off Out from our Stage with many a censuring scoff But afterwards there understanding cleer'd They gave the praise what they before had jeer'd The same she sayes may to her Play befall And your erroneous censures may recall But all such Playes as take not at first sight But afterwards the viewers takes delight It seemes there is more wit in such a Play Than can be understood in one whole day If for she is well content for her wits sake From ignorance repulses for to take For she had rather want those understanding braines Than that her Play should want wits flowing veynes ACT I. Scene 1. Enter the Lord Fatherly and the Lord Singularity his Son LOrd Singularity Pray Sir do not force me to marry a childe before you know whether she will prove vertuous or discreet when for the want of that knowledge you may indanger the honour of your Line and Posterity with Cuckoldry and Bastardry Lord Fatherly Son you must leave that to fortune Lord Singularity A wise man Sir is to be the maker or spoiler of his own fortune Lord Fatherly Let me tell you Son the wisest man that is or ever was may be deceived in the choosing a wife for a woman is more obscure than nature her self therefore you must trust to chance for marriage is a Lottery if you get a prize you may live quietly and happily Lord Singularity But if I light of a blank as a hundred to one nay a thousand to one but I shall which is on a Fool or a Whore her Follies or Adulteries instead of a praise will found out my disgrace Lord Fatherly Come Come she is Rich she is Rich Lord Singularity Why Sir guilded I Horns are most visible Lord Fatherly 'T is better Son to have a rich whore than a poor whore but I hope Heaven hath made her Chast and her Father being an honourable honest and wise man will breed her vertuously and I make no question but you will be happy with her Lord Singularity But Sir pray consider the inequality of our ages she being but a Child and I at mans Estate by that time she is ready for the marriage bed I shall be ready for the grave and youths sharp appetites will never rellish Age wherefore she will seek to please her pallat else where Lord Fatherly Let me tell you Son should you marry a woman that were as many years older than she is younger than you it were a greater hazard for first old women are more intemperate than young and being older than the husband they are apt to be jealouse and being jealouse they grow malitious and malice seeks revenge and revenge disgrace therefore she would Cuckold you meerly to disgrace you Lord Singularity On the other side those Women that are marryed young Cuckholds there Husbands fames dishonouring them by their ignorant follyes and Childish indiscretions as much as with Adultery And I should assoon choose to be a Cuckhold as to be thought to be one For my honour will suffer as much by the one as the other if not more Lord Fatherly Heaven blesse the Sonne from jealousy for thou art horrible afraid of being a Cuckold Lord Singularity Can you blame me Sir since to be a Cuckhold is to be despised scorned laught and pointed at as a Monster worse than nature ever made and all the Honour that my birth gave me and my education indued me my vertue gained me my industry got me fortune bestowed on me and fame inthron'd me for may not only be lost by my wifes Adultery but as I said by her indiscretion which makes me wonder how any man that hath a Noble Soul dares marry since all his honour lyes or lives in the light heels of his wife which every little passion is apt to kick away wherefore good Sir let me live a single life Lord Fatherly How Son would you have me consent to extinguish the light of my Name and to pull out the root
say he was the honour of the Age the glory of our Nation and a pattern for all mankind to take a sample from and that his person was answerable to his merrits for he said he was a very handsome man of a Masculine presence a Courtly garbe and affable and courteous behaviour and that his wit was answerable to his merits person and behaviour as that he had a quick wit a solid judgment a ready tongue and a smooth speech Mrs. Acquaintance And did your Father proffer you to be his wife Lady Orphant Yes and I remember my father sighing said he should have died in peace and his soul would have rested in quiet if he had been pleased to have accepted of me Mrs. Acquaintance When did your Father proffer you Lady Orphant When I was but a Child Mrs. Acquaintance He is not married and therefore he may chance to accept of you now if you were profer'd Lady Orphant That were but to be refused again for I heare he is resolved never to marry and it will be a greater disgrace to be refused now I am grown to womans Estate than when I was but a Child besides my Father is dead and my marring can give him no content in the grave unless his soul could view the world and the severall actions therein Mrs. Acquaintance So is his Father dead Lady Orphant Yes and I here that is the cause he cares not to return into his native Country Mrs. Acquaintance I have a friend that hath his picture Lady Orphant Is it a he or a she friend Lady Acquaintance A she friend Lady Orphant Pray be so much my friend as to get your friends consent to shew me the Picture Mrs. Acquaintance Perchance I may get it to view it my self but I shall never perswade her to lend it you jealousy will forbid her Lady Orphant She hath no cause to fear me for I am not one to make an Amorous Mrs. and I have heard he will never marry Mrs. Acquaintance That is all one woman hath hopes as much as feares or doubts what ever men doth vow for or against Lady Orphant Pray send to her to lend it you and then you may shew it me Mrs. Acquaintance I will try if she will trust me with it Exit Lady Orphant Solus O Heaven grant that the praise my Father gave this Lord whilst in the world he lived prove not as curses to me his Child so grieve his soul with my unhappy life Exit Scene 4. Enter the Lady Bashfull and Mrs. Reformer her woman she being in yeares MIstriss Reformer Madam now you are become a Mrs. of a Family you must learn to entertain visitants and not be so bashfull as you were wont to be insomuch as you had not confidence to look a stranger in the face were they never so mean persons Lady Bashfull Alas Reformer it is neither their birth breeding wealth or title that puts me out of Countenance for a poor Cobler will put me as much out of Countenance as a Prince or a poor Semestress as much as a great Lady Mrs. Reformer What is it then Lady Bashfull Why there are unacustomated faces and unacquainted humours Mrs. Reformer By this reason you may be as much out of countenance as an unacustomed Dogg or Cat that you never saw before or any other beast Lady Bashfull O no for mankind is worse natured than boasts and beasts better natured than men besides beasts lookes not with censuring eyes nor heares or listens with inquisitive cares nor speakes with detracting tongues nor gives false judgment or spitefull censures or slandering reproaches nor jeeres nor laughs at innocent or harmless Errours nor makes every little mistake a crime Enter the Lady Bashfulls Page Page Madam there is a Coachfull of gallants allighted at the gate Lady Bashfull For heavens sake say I have no desire to be seen Reformer No say my Lady is full of grief and is not fit to receive visits Enter the Ladyes and Gentlemen Whereat the Lady Bashfull stands trembling and shaking and her eyes being cast to the ground and her face as pale as death They speak to Reformer Where is the Lady Bashfull pray Gentlewoman tell her we are come to kiss her hands Reformer offers to go forth Lady Wagtaile Will you do us the favour old Gentlewoman as to let the Lady know we are here Reformer If I am not so old as to be insensible this is she Lady Wagtaile Is this she alas good Lady she is not well for surely she hath a fit of an Ague upon her she doth so shake you should give her a Carduus-possit and put her to bed Lady Amorous Lady are you sick She Answers not Lady Wagtaile She is sick indeed if she be speechless Reformer Madam pray pull up your spirits and entertain this honourable Company Lady Wagtaile Why is the defect in her spirits Reformer She is young and bashfull They all laugh except Sir Roger Exception and Sir Serious Dumb. Ha! Ha! She is out of countenance Sir Roger Exception No she is angry because we are strangers unknown unto her and she takes it for a rudeness that we are come to visit her therefore let us be gone Lady Amorous Let me tell you it is meer shamefacedness Sir Roger Exception I say no for those that are angry will shake extreamly and turn as pale as death Sir Humphrey Bold Lady take courage and look upon us with a confident brow All the while Sir Serious Dumb lookes on the Lady Bashfull with sixt eyes The Lady Bashfull offers to speak to the Company but cannot for stuttering they all laugh again at her Reformer Lord Madam I will you make your self ridiculous Lady Bashfull I cannot help it for my thoughts are consumed in the fiery flame of my blushes and my words are smothered in the smoak of shame Lady Wagtaile O! she speakes she speakes a little Reformer Pray Madam leave her at this time and if you honour her with your Company again she may chance to entertain you with some confidence Lady Wagtaile Pray let me and Sir Humphry Bold come and visit her once a day if it be but halfe an hour at a time and we shall cure her I warrant thee Reformer I wish she were cured of this imperfection Sir Humphry Bold She must marry she must marry for there is no cure like a husband for husbands beget confidence and their wives are brought a bed with impudence Lady Wagtaile By your favour Sir Humphry Bold marriage must give way or place to courtship for there are some wives as simply bashfull as Virgins but when did you ever see or know or hear of courtly lovers or Amorous courtships to be bashfull Their eyes are as piercing as light and twinckles as Starrs and their countenance as confident as day and the discourses is freer than wind He imbraces her Sir Humphry Bold And your imbraces are wondrous kind Lady Wagtaile In troth we women love you men but too well that
is the truth of it Sir Roger Exception Pray Madam let us go and not stay to anger this young Lady as we do Lady Wagtaile Farewell friend Sir Humphry Bold and I will visit your Lady to morrow As they were all going away the Lady Wagtaile turnes back again Lady Wagtaile Pray what may I call your name Reformer My name is Reformer Lady Wagtaile Good Mrs. Reformer I am heartily glad to see you well Reformer I thank you Ladyship All goeth away but Sir Serious Dumb and he stayes a little time to look upon the Lady Bashfull and then goeth out Ex. The Lady Bashfull Sola and after they were all gone she stretches up herself Lady Bashfull O in what a torment I have been in holl is not like it Exit Scene 5. Enter the Lady Orphant and Mrs. Acquaintance LAdy Orphant Have you got the Picture Mrs. Acquaintance Yes but I have seen handsomer men in my opinion than this Picture doth represent The Lady Orphant takes the Picture and views it with a stedfast eye Lady Orphant I perceive you have no judgment in the Originall nor skill in the Copy for this Picture is most naturally penselled the Painter hath drawn it so lively That one may perceive his noble Soul to appear through his lovely and lively Countenance do but observe it well and you will see as much as I Mrs. Acquaintance That is impossible unless I had your heart for though my skill of the Copy or shadow may be as much as yours yet my affections to the Originall is less which makes my eyes not partiall Lady Orphant What will the owner take for that Picture Mrs. Acquaintance She will not sell it at any rate Lady Orphant I wish she would for I would buy it at any price Mrs. Acquaintance She prizes it as highly as you loving him as much or well as you do Lady Orphant How know you that Mrs. Acquaintance Because I know she hath given him proofs of her love which I believe you never did Lady Orphant You mistake lust for love ambition for merit I love not for the bodyes sake but for the soules pure spirit Ex. ACT II. Scene 6. Enter two Merchants 1. MErchant I hear the Lord Singularity hath given the Turkes a great defeat he is both a wise prudent and valiant man 2. Merchant Methinkes our Nation should not suffer such a person as he to hazard his life in the service of other Countryes 1. Merchant O it is an honour to our Nation to let the world know what gallant men it breeds besides our Nation is in peace with all the world and he being active hates to live idly and dully at home although he have a great estate and is well beloved in his Country 2. Merchant What command doth the Venetians give him 1. Merchant He is a Generall for he commands a great Army 2. Merchant Is he marryed 1. Merchant No and it is reported he never will marry but he loves Mistrisses well which all Souldiers doth for the most part 2. Merchant Then Italy is the best Countrey in the world for a souldier there being the greatest store and most variety of Curtezans for many of the Italians are as many are in other Nations rather Carpet-Knights then fighting souldiers they have more skill in setting musicall notes than pitching a battle in kissing a Mistrisses hand with a good grace than shooting of a Cannon bullet with a great courage they can take better aime at a window than of an enemy And though they often receive woundes yet they are from fair Venus not from cruell Mars 1. Merchant But Mars souldiers when they skirmish in loves duels receives woundes as often from fair Venus as other men and Italy hath as many gallant valliant men bred and born in her as any other Nation and there are as many Carpet-Knights in other Nations as in Italy and if valiant and gallant men be indued with vertue they are not the less to be esteemed and as for Curtizans all Nations is stored as much as Italy but they do not so openly prefess it as those in Italy doth 2. Merchant For my part I cannot think they are so good Souldiers as they were in Caesars time 1. Merchant That may be for there is no such souldiers as Caesars souldiers were no not in the world that is there are no men so patient obedient carefull industrious laborious daring adventurous resolute and active in these Warrs in this age as the Romans were in Caesars time and of all the souldiers Caesars souldiers were the best and of all commanders Caesar himself yet those warriers was not less courtly to the feminine sex than these of this age and if you did talk with an understanding Souldier he would tell you that Amors gave an edge to courage and that it is a mark of a gallant man and a brave souldier to be an Amarato and as for the Curtizans of Italy if there can be an honest act in a dishonest life it is that the Curtizans in Italy professes what they are so that men are not deceived by them nor betrayed into marriage wherein other Nations men are cozened with counterfeit modesty and drawn into marriage by pretended chastity and then dishonoured by soul adultery or shamed by marrying a private Curtizan not knowing she was so 2. Merchant I perceive by thee that Merchants loves a Mistris as well as a Souldier 1. Merchant Surely by thy talk thou art ignorant of thy own profession which is to trade and traffick into all Nations and with all sorts but yet Merchants may be Souldiers if they will and Souldiers may be Merchants if they please but the truth is all men in the world are Merchants 2. Merchant No beggers are not 1. Merchant But they are for they traffick with prayers and praises for almes 2. Merchant The best Merchants I know are Priests for they trade into Heaven and traffick with Iove 1. Merchant That makes them so poor for heavens commoditie are not saleable on earth Ex. Scene 7. Enter the Lady Orphant Nurse Fondly Foster Trusty LAdy Orphant Dear Nurse and Foster Father grant to my desires and assist my designs Nurse Fondly What to let you wander about the world like a Vagabond besides it is against the modesty of your Sex Lady Orphant Are holy Pilgrimes Vagabonds or is it immodest for the bodies of devout soules to travell to the sacred Tombe to offer penetentiall tears Nurse Fondly Why you are no Pilgrime nor is your journey to a godly end Lady Orphant My journey will be to an honest end for though I am loves Pilgrime yet I shall travell to an honest heart there to offer my pure affections Nurse Fondly To a deboist man there to offer your Virginity Lady Orphant Mistake me not for though I love beyond a common rate even to an extream degree yet I am chastly honest and so shall ever be my grave shall witness my constancy The Lady Orphant weeping Ex. Foster
Studious How not to go nor to go no more would you desire me from that which you perswaded me to Nay so much as I could never be quiet disturbing my harmless studies and happy mind crossing my pleasing thoughts with complaining words but I perceive you grow jealouse and now you are acquainted you have no more use of me but would be glad to quit my company that you may be more free abroad Lady Ignorance No Husband truely I will never go abroad but will inancor my self in my own house so you will stay at home and be as you were before for I see my own follies and am ashamed of my self that you should prove me such a fool Sir P. Studious Do you think me so wise and temperate a man as I can on a sudden quit vain pleasures and lawfull follies Lady Ignorance Yes or else you have studied to little purpose Sir P. Studious Well for this day I will stay at home and for the future time I will consider Exeunt Scene 20. Enter two Servants of the Generals I. Servant This boy that came but the other day hath got more of my Lords affection than we that have served him this many years 2. Servant New-comers are alwaies more favoured than old waiters for Masters regards old Servants no more than the Imagerie in an old suit of Hanging which are grown threed-bare with time and out of fashion with change Besides new Servants are more industrious and diligent than old but when he hath been here a little while he will be as lazie as the rest and then he will be as we are I. Servant I perceive my Lord delights to hear him talk for he will listen very a tentively to him but when we offer to speak he bids us to be silent 2. Servant I wonder he should for when we speak it is with gravity and our discourse is sententious but his is meer squibs Enter Affectionata Affectionata Gentlemen my Lord would have one of you to come to him I. Servant Why I thought you could supply all our places for when you are with him he seems to have no use of us Affectionata It shall not be for want of will but ability if I do not serve him in every honest office I. Servant So you will make some of us knaves Affectionata I cannot make you knaves unless you be willing to be knaves your selves 2. Servant What do you call me knave Affectionata I do not call you so Ex. 2. Servant Well I will be revenged if I live Ex. Scene 21. Enter the Lady Bashfull and Reformer her woman REformer Madam I have inquired what this Sir Serious Dumb is and 't is said he is one of the finest Gentlemen in this Kingdom and that his valour hath been proved in the wars and that he is one that is very active and dexterous in all manly exercises as riding fencing vaulting swimming and the like Also that he is full of inventions and a rare Poet and that he hath a great Estate only that he is dumb and hath been so this twelve years and upwards Lady Bashfull Reformer What makes you so industrious to inquire after him surely thou art in love within Reformer In my conscience I liked him very well when he was to see you Lady Bashfull The truth is he cannot weary you with words nor anger you in his discourse but pray do not inquire after him nor speak of him for people will think I have some designe of marriage Reformer I shall obey you Madam Exeunt Scene 22. Enter the Lord Singularity and Affectionata He strokes Affectionata's head LOrd Singularity Affectionata Thou art one of the diligent'st boys that had Affectionata How can I be otherwise Sir since you are the Governour of my soul that commands the Fort of my passion and the Castle of my imaginations which are the heart and the head Lord Singularity Do you love me so much Affectionata So well my Lord as you are the archetectour of my mind the foundation of my thoughts and the gates of my memories for your will is the form your happiness the level and your actions the treasurie Lord Singularity Thy wit delights me more than thy flattery perswades for I cannot believe a boy can love so much Besides you have not served me so long as to beget love Affectionata I have loved you from my infancy for as I suck'd life from my Nurses breast so did I Love from fames drawing your praises forth as I did milk which nourished my affections Lord Singularity I shall strive boy to require thy love Affectionata To requite is to return love for love Lord Singul. By Heaven I love thee as a Father loves a son Affectionata Then I am blest Exeunt Scene 23. Enter two Souldiers 1. SOuldier What is this boy that our General is so taken with 2. Souldier A poor Begger-boy 1. Souldier Can a poor Begger-boy merit his affections 2. Souldier He is a pretty boy and waites very diligently 1. Souldier So doth other boys as well as he but I believe he is a young Pimp and carries and conveys Love-letters 2. Souldier Like enough to for boys are strangely crafty in those imployments and so industrious as they will let no times nor opportunities slip them but they will find waies to deliver their Letters and messages Exeunt Scene 24. Enter the Lady Bashfulls Page and Sir Serious Dumb who gives a Note to the Page to read PAge Sir I dare not direct you to my Lady as you desire me in this Note and if I should tell her here is a Gentleman that desired to visit her she would refuse your visit Dumb gives the young Page four or five pieces of Gold Page I will direct you to the room wherein my Lady is but I must not be seen nor confess I shewed you the way Page and Sir Serious Dumb Exeunt Scene 25. Enter the Lord Singularity and Affectionata LOrd Singularity Come Affectionata sit down and entertain me with thy sweet discourse which makes all other company troublesome and tedious to me thine only doth delight me Affectionata My Noble Lord I wish the plat-form of my brain were a Garden of wit and then perchance my tongue might present your Excellencies with a Posie of flowery Rhethorick but my poor brain is barren wanting Lord Singularity Thou hast an eloquent tongue and a gentle soul Affectionata My Noble Lord I have hardly learn'd my native words much less the eloquence of Language and as for the souls of all mankind they are like Common-wealths where the several vertues and good graces are the Citizens therein and the natural subjects thereof but vices and follies as the thievish Borderers and Neighbour-enemies which makes inrodes factions mutinies intrudes and usurps Authority and if the follies be more than the good graces and the vices too strong for the vertues the Monarchy of a good life falls to ruine also it is indangered by Civil-wars amongst the passions Lord Singularity What
one after another Reformer Your best way were to have 20. Husbands at one time so that your Ladyship might not be a day without Lady Wagtail O fie If women might have twenty Husbands they would have no room for courtly Servants but prithy help Sir Humphry Bold and take his offer and let me speak with the Lady my self Reformer That your Ladyship cannot at this time for my Lady is not well Lady Wagtail Then pray remember my most humble service and tell her I will come to morrow and if she be sick I will talk her well Lady Wagtail Ex. Reformer alone Reformer Dead you would talk her for thou hast an endless tongue Oh! what man is so miserable that is her Husband Reformer Exit Scene 6. Enter two or three Commanders 1. COmmander It is reported that our Generals Page hath behaved himself so handsomly spoke so wittily defended his cause so prudently declared his innocence so clearly and carried his business so wisely as the Venetian States have not only quitted him freely but doth applaud him wonderfully extolls him highly and offers him any satisfaction for the injurie and disgrace that hath been done him but he only desires that the man that had accused him which man was one of the Generals men should be pardoned and not punished 2. Commander I hope our General is well pleased that his beloved boy is not only cleared but applauded 1. Commander O! He doth nothing but imbrace him and kiss him as if he were his only son yet he did gently chide him that he asked pardon for his accusers for said he if all false accusers should be pardoned no honest man would escape free form censure 3. Commander But I hear the States have given order to our General to meet the Turkes again for it is reported by intelligences that they have recruited into a numerous body 2. Commander Faith I think the Turkes are like the tale of the Gyant that when his head was cut off there rise two in the place 1. Commander I think they are like the vegetable that is named threefold the more it is cut the faster it growes 3. Commander I would the Devil had them for me 2. Commander We do what we can to send them to Hell but whether they will quit thee I cannot tell Exeunt Scene 7. Enter the Lord General and Affectionata LOrd Singularity My Affectionata I wonder you could suffer an accusation so patiently knowing you were accused falsly Affectionata The clearnesse of my innocency needed not the fury of a violent passion to defend it neither could passion have rectified an injury Lord Singularity T is true yet passion is apt to rise in defence of innocency and honour Affectionata And many times passion my Lord destroye the life in striving to maintaine the truth and defend the innocent but I find a passionate sorrow that your Lordship must go to indanger your life in the warrs again Lord Singularity The warrs is pastime to me for I hate idlenesse and no imployment pleases me better than fighting so it be in a good cause but you shall stay Affectionata Why my Lord are you weary of my service Lord Singul. Know I am carefull of thy safety thy rest and peace for shouldst thou not come near danger yet the very tragical aspect will terrefie thee to death thou art of so tender a nature so soft and sweet a disposition Affectionata Truly my Lord if you leave me behind you the very fear of your life will kill me where if your Lordyship will let me go love will give me courage Lord Singul. Then let me tell you you must not go for I have adopted you my Son and I have setled all my Estate upon thee where if I am killed you shall be my Heir for I had rather vertue should inherit my Estate than birth yet I charge thee take my Name upon thee as well as my Estate unto thee Affectionata My noble Lord I should be prouder to bear your name than to be Master of the whole World but I shall never be so base to keep my self in safety in hope of your Estate wherefore must intreat your leave to go with you Lord Singul. I will not give you leave but command you to the contrary which is to stay Affectionata I cannot obey you in this for love will force me to run after you Lord Singul. I will have you lash'd if you offer to go Affectionata Stripes cannot stay me Lord Singul. I will have you tyed and kept by force fectionata By Heaven my Lord I 'l tear my flesh and break my bones to get lose and if I have not legs to run I 'l creep thorough the Earth like worms for though I shall move but slowly yet it will be a satisfaction to my soul that I am travelling after you Lord Singularity Affectionata You anger me very much Affectionata Indeed my Lord you grieve me more than I can anger you Affectionata weeps Lord Singularity What do you crie and yet desire to be a souldier Affectionata A valiant heart my Lord may have a weeping eye to keep it company Lord Singularity If no perswasion can stay you you must go along with me Affectionata bows as giving his Lord thanks Exeunt Scene 8. Enter the Lady VVagtail the Lady Amorous Sir Humphry Bold Sir Timothy Compliment to the Lady Bashfull who hangs down her head as out of countenance LAdy Wagtail Faith Lady Bashfull we will have you abroad to Balls and publick meetings to learn you a confident behaviour and a bold speech Fie You must not be bashfull Lady Amorous Our visiting her sometimes hath made her so as she is not altogether so bashfull as she was Enter Sir Serious Dumb who bows first to the Lady Bashfull then to the rest of the Company and then goeth behind the Lady Bashfull and stands close by Mistriss Reformer Lady Amorous Surely Sir Serious Dumb is a domestick servant here he stands and waits as one He bows with an acknowledging face Sir Humphry Bold If she wil entertain such servants as he she is not so modest as she appears Lady perchance if I had come privately alone I had been entertained with more freedom and not have had my suit denied and my person neglected with scorn and he received with respect Sir Serious Dumb comes and gives him a box on the eare they both draw their swords all the women runs away squeeking only the Lady Bashfull stayes and runs betwixt their swords and parts them Sir Timothy Compliment looks on as affraid to stir Lady Bashfull For Heaven sake fight not here to affright me with your quarrels Sir Humphry Bold I will have his heart-bloud Lady Bashfull Good Sir Serious Dumb and Sir Humphry Bold leave off fighting Sir Serious Dumb draws back Lady Bashfull Pray Sir Humphry Bold give me your sword that I may be sure you will not fight Sir Humphry Bold What yield my sword up I will dye first Enter the Ladies
Affectionata O no but I should be the ingrate of ingratitude should I leave my Noble Lord who from a low despised poor mean degree advanced me to Respect and Dignity Whose favours I will keep close in my heart And from his person I will never part For though I dye my soul will still attend And wait upon him as his faithfull friend He offers to go away in a melancholly posture and humour so as not considering the Gentlemen Whereupon one of them follows him and catches hold of his Cloak 2. Gentleman Noble Sir will not you send the Duke an answer Affectionata Have not I answered Then pray present my thanks in the most humblest manner to the great Duke and tell him he may force the presence of my person but if he doth it will be but as a dead carcase without a living soul for tell him when I am from my Lord I withering vade as flowers from Sun sight His presence is to me as Heavens light Affectionata Exit 1 Gentleman 'T is strange that such an honour cannot perswade a boy 2. Gentleman That proves him a boy for if he had been at mans estate he would not have refused it but have been ambitious of it and proud to receive it 1. Gentl. Indeed youth is foolish and knows not how to chose 2. Gentl. When he comes to be a man he will repent the folly of his youth Exeunt Scene 18. Enter the Lady Bashfull and Lady VVagtail not knowing Sir Serious could speak LAdy Wagtail Pray Madam let me perswade you not to cast your self away to marry a dumb man for by my troth all those that are dumb are meer fools for who can be witty or wise that cannot speak or will not speak which is as bad Lady Bashfull Why Madam wisdom nor wit doth noth not live not lye in words for prudence fortitude and temperance expresses wisdom and capacity ingenuity and fancie expresseth wit and not words Lady Wagtail But let me advise you to chose Sir Humphry Bold he is worth a thousand of Sir Serious Dumb besides he is a more learned man by half and speaks several Languages Lady Bashfull Perchance so and yet not so wise for Parrots will learn Languages and yet not know how to be wise nor what wisdom is which is to have a found judgement a clear understanding and a prudent forecast Lady Wagtail Faith all the World will condemn you to have no forecast if you marry Sir Serious Dumb Lady Bashfull Let them speak their worst I care not as not fearing their censures Lady Wagtail You were fearfull and bashfull Lady Bashfull 'T is true but now am grown so confident with honest love I care not if all the World did know of it nay I wish it were published to all ears The Lady Bashfull offers to go away Lady Wagtail Nay you must not go until you have granted my suit in the behalf of Sir Humphry Bold Lady Bashfull Pray let me go for I hate him more than Heaven hates Hell Lady Wagtail Nay then I will leave you Exeunt Scene 19. Enter Affectionata who weeps Enter the Lord Singularity LOrd Singularity Why weepest thou Affectionata Affectionata Alas my Lord I am in such a passion as I shall dye unless it flows forth thorough mine eyes and runs from off my tongue For like as vapours from the Earth doth rise And gather into clouds beneath the skies Contracts to water swelling like moist veins When over-fill'd falls down in showering rains So thoughts which from a grieved mind are sent Ariseth in a vaporous discontent Contracts to melancholly which heavy lies Untill it melts and runs forth through the eyes Unless the Sun of comfort dry doth drink Those watery tears that lyes at the eyes brink Or that the rayes of joy which streams bright out With active heat disperseth them about Lord Singularity Faith Affectionata I am no good Poet but thy passion moves so sweetly in numbers and stops so just with rhymes as I cannot but answer thee Like as the Sun beauty streams rayes about A smiling countenance like day breaks out And though a frown obscures sweet beauties sight Yet beauties beams makes cloudy frowns more bright But melancholly beauty doth appear As pleasing shades or Summers evenings clear So doth thine Affectionata but prethee do not wast thy breath into sighs nor distill thy life into tears Affectionata I wish I might here breath my last and close my eyes for ever Lord Singularity I perceive Affectionata you take it unkindly I did perswade you to take the Dukes offer But if you think I did it out of any other design than a true affection to you By Heaven you do me wrong by false interpretation Affectionata If you my Lord did love but half so well as I you would rather chose to dye than part with me Lord Singularity I love thee beyond my own interest or delight for what is best for thee I account as the greatest blessing should it bring me any other wayes a curse Affectionata Then let me still live with you for that is best for me Lord Singularity Here I do vow to Heaven to do my indeavour with my life to keep thee with me or to be alwayes where thou art Affectionata O! what a weight you have taken from my soul wherein my thoughts like wet-winged-birds sate heavy my senses like as blinking Lamps which vaporous damps of grief had neer put out Lord Singularity Let me tell thee Affectionata I have travelled far observed much and have had divers incounters but I never met such vertue found such truth nor incountered such an affection as thine imbraces him And thus I do imbrace thee and do wish our souls may twine As our each bodyes thus together joyn Exeunt Scene 20. Enter Sir Serious Dumb and his Mistriss the Lady Bashfull SIr Serious Dumb. Dear Mistriss do not you repent your favours and wish your promise were never made doth not your affection vade Lady Bashfull No it cannot for never was any love placed upon a Nobler soul than my love is which is on yours insomuch as I do glory in my affection and grow self-conceited of its judgement Sir Serious Dumb. And will you be constant Lady Bashfull Let not your humble thoughts raise a doubt of jealousie for I am fixt as time is to eternity Sir Serious Dumb. Then I thank nature for your Creation honour for your Breeding and heaven for your Vertue and fortune that hath given you to me for I can own nothing of that worth that could deserve you Lady Bashfull I cannot condemn jealousie because it proceeds from pure love and love melts into kinds on a constant heart but flames like Oyle on a false one which sets the whole life on fire Sir Serious Dumb. But now I cannot doubt your love nor constancies since you have promised your heart to me for true Lovers are like the light and the Sun inseparable Exeunt Scene 21. Enter some Commanders 1. COmmander
Come fellow-souldiers are you ready to march 2. Commander Whether 1. Commander Into our own native Country for our General is sent sol home 3. Commander Except there be wars in our own Country we cannot go with him 1. Commander I know not whether there be wars or peace but he obeys for he is preparing for his journey 2. Commander Who shall be General when he is gone 3. Commander I know not but I hear the States offers to make our young Lieutenant-General General but he refuseth it 2. Commander Would they would make me General 3. Commander If thou wert General thou wouldst put all method out of order 1. Commander Faith Gentlemen I would lead you most prudently and give you leave to plunder most unanimously 1. Commander And we would fight couragiously to keep what we plunder 2. Commander Come let us go and inquire how our affairs goeth Exeunt Scene 22. Enter the Lord Singularity and Affectionata LOrd Singularity Now Affectionata we have taken our leave of the States I hope thy mind is at peace and freed from fears of being staid Affectionata Yes my my Lord Lord Singularity They did perswade thee much to stay Affectionata They seemed much troubled for your Lordships departure Lord Singularity Truly I will say thus much for my self that I have done them good service and I must say thus much for them that they have rewarded me well Affectionata I have heard my Lord that States seldom rewards a service done wherefore I believe they hope you will return again and sees you for that end Lord Singularity I shall not be unwilling when my Country hath no imployment for me Affectionata Methinks my Lord since you have gotten a fame abroad you should desire to live a setled life at home Lord Singularity A setled life would seem but dull to me that hath no wife nor children Affectionata You may have both If you please my Lord Lord Singularity For children I desire none since I have thee and wives I care not for but what are other mens Enter a Messenger with a Letter to the Lord Singularity Lord Singularity From whence comest thou friend Messenger From Rome my Lord Lord Singularity If you please to stay in the next room I shall speak to you presently Messenger Exit The Lord Singularity breaks up the Letter and reads Lord Singularity Affectionata From whence do you think this Letter comes Affectionata I cannot guess my Lord Lord Singularity From the Pope who hath heard so much of thy youth vertue wit and courage as he desires me to pass thorough Rome im my journey home that he might see thee Affectionata Pray Heaven his Holynesse doth not put me into a Monastery and force me to stay behind you Lord Singularity If he should I will take the habit and be incloistered with thee but he will not inforce a youth that hath no will thereto Affectionata Truly my Lord I have no will to be a Fryer Lord Singularity Indeed it is somewhat too lazie a life which all heroick Spirits shames for those loves liberty and action But I will go and dispatch this Messenger and to morrow we will begin our journey Exeunt Scene 23. Enter the Lady Wagtail and the Lady Amorous LAdy Wagtail Faith Amorous it had been a victory indeed worth the bragging off if we could have taken Sir Peaceable Studious Loves prisoner and could have infettered him in Cupid's bonds Lady Amorous It had been a victory indeed for I will undertake to inslave five Courtiers and ten Souldiers sooner and in less time than one studious Scholar Lady Wagtail But some Scholars are more easily taken than the luxurious Courtiers or deboist Souldiers Lady Amorous O no! for Luxurie and Rapine begets lively Spirits but a study quenches them out Lady Wagtail One would think so by Sir Peaceable Studious but not by some other Scholars that I am acquainted with Lady Amorous But confess Lady Wagtail do not you find a studious Scholar dull company in respect of a vain Courtier and a rough Souldier Lady Wagtail I must confess they that study Philosophy are little too much inclined to morality but those that study Theologie are not so restringent Lady Amorous Well for my part since I have been acquainted with Sir Peaceable Studious I hate all Scholars Exeunt Scene 24. Enter three Men as the Inhabitants of Rome 1. T Is a wonder such a youth as the Lord Singularity's Son is should have so great a wit as to be able to dispute with so many Cardinals 2. Man The greater wonder is that he should have the better of them 1. Man 'T is said the Pope doth admire him and is extreamly taken with him 2. Man If Iove had so much admired him he would have made him his Ganimed 1. Man He offered to make him a living Saint but he thanked his Holyness and said he might Saint him but not make him holy enough to be a Saint for said he I am unfit to have Prayers offered to me that cannot offer Prayers as I ought or live as I should then he offered him a Cardinals hat but he refused it saying he was neither wise enough nor old enough for to accept of it for said he I want Ulisses head and Nestors years to be a Cardinal for though less devotion will serve a Cardinal than a Saint yet politick wisdom is required 3. Man Pray Neighbours tell me which way and by what means I may see this wonderfull youth for I have been out of the Town and not heard of him 2. Man You cannot see him now unless you will follow him where he is gone 1. Man Why whether is he gone 2. Man Into his own Country and hath been gone above this week 3. Man Nay I cannot follow him thither Exeunt Scene 25. Enter the Lord Singularity and Affectionata as being in the Country Lord Singularity Affectionata you have promised me to be ruled by me in every thing so that you may not part from me Affectionata I have my Lord and will obey all your commands so far as I am able Lord Singularity Then I am resolved now I am returned into my own Country to get thee a wife that thy fame and worthy acts may live in thy Posterity Affectionata Iove bless me a wife by Heaven my Lord I am not man enough to marry Lord Singul. There is many as young as you that have been Fathers and have had children Affectionata If they were such as I am they might father Children but never get them Lord Singularity Thou art modest Affectionata but I will have you marry and I will chose thee such a wife as modest as thy self Affectionata Then we never shall have children Sir Lord Singul. Love and acquaintance will give you confidence but tell me truly Affectionata didst thou never court a Mistriss Affectionata No truly Sir Lord Singularity Well I will have you practice Courtship and though I will not directly be your Band or Pimp yet I
may do me harm creating vain and false opinions in my imaginations of self-conceit of being wiser or wittier than really I am which opinions may make me commit errors and I had rather the VVorld should laugh at me for want of wit than scorn me for my follies Discretion But if witty discourses will get you an esteem what will your wise actions and vertuous life and prayse is the reward to all noble endeavours beside prayse is no burthen but it often serves as a ballance to make the life swim steady in Sea-faring VVorld But yet Lady I would not have your wit out-run your prayse which it will do if you spur it too hard for wit must be used like a strong spirited horse it must be restraind with a bridle not prick'd with the spur least it should run away and fling the Rider which is the Speaker into a ditch of disgrace neither must it run wildly about but must be wrought to obey the hand and the heel which is time and occasion to stop and to change as when to speak and to whom to speak and on what to speak and when to make a stop of silence otherwise it will run out of the smooth paths of civility or the clean wayes of modesty Besides wit must not only be taught to amble in rhime and to trot in prose but to have a sure footing of sense and a setled head of reason least it should stumble in disputes or fall into impertinent discourses likewise wit may be taught to go in aires of fancies or low upon the ground of proof Volante But Sir you must consider that women are no good managers of wit for they spoyl all their tongue rides on hackneys it out untill it becomes a dull jade Discretion Least I should give an ill example of tyreing in our allegorical discourse I shall kiss your hands and take my leave for this time Ex. Madamosel alone She fetches a great sigh Volante Monsieur Discretion is a handsom man he hath a wise countenance and a manly garo his discourse is rational and witty sober and difercet But good Lord how foolishly I talk to him I never spake duller nor so senselesly since I was taught words and he came purposely as he told me to hear me speak and prove my wit But it was a sign he heard none for he grew soon a weary of my company he staid so short a time I am troubled often with prating fools whose visits are as tedious as their discourses But Lord why do I condemn others as fools when this Gentleman Monsieur Discretion hath proved me one Ex. ACT III Scene 18. Enter Madamosel Caprisia and Monsieur Importunate IMportunate What musing by your self alone May I question your oughts Capris. If you do you will not be resolved for there is none at home to give you an answer Importunate Why where are they wandring abroad Capris. They like a brood of Birds are flown out of their Neasts for thoughts flies with swifter speed than time can do having large wings of quick desire Importunate Faith you are a great wit Capris. You are a great trouble She offers to go forth He stayes her She is angry Capris. What you will not force me to stay against my will Importunate Yes that I will For your Father saith you shall be my Wife and then you will imbrace and kiss me as coy as you are now Capris. Which if I do I wish my arms when they do wind about your waste may sting as Serpents and that my kisses may prove poyson to your lips Importunate What are you seriously angry Nay then 't is time to leave you Ex. The Lady alone Capris. I have heard that gallant men are civil to our Sex but I have met with none but rough rude rugged natures more cruel than wild Tygars Enter Monsieur Bon Compaignon Bon Compaignon Why do you complain of our Sex Lady what is it you would have Capris. I would have a gray-headed wisdom a middle-aged humour a fresh mouthed wit a new bloom'd youth and a beauty that every one fancies Bon Compaignon Why so you have Capris. Then I have what I desire She goes out Bon Compaignon O! She hath a sharp wit it is vitral wit Ex. Scene 19. Enter Madamosel Solid and Monsieur Comorade COmorade Lady you have kill'd a Gentleman Solid Who I why I never had the courage to kill a fly Comorade You have kill'd him with your disdain Solid I am sorry he had so weak a life as so slight a cause as a womans disdain could destroy it but for my part I disdain no man although I cannot intimately love all men Comorade He is but one man Lady Solid And I have but one particular love to give or rather I may say to be gain'd for I cannot dispose of it for it will be only disposed by it self without my leave so as I must be guided by that which will not be guided by me I can lend my pity but not give him my love Comorade I suppose you have given him some encouragement and hopes if not an assurance by reason he sayes you have forsaken him Solid Not unless common civility be an encouragement and ordinary conversation gives hopes as for an assurance indeed I gave Monsieur Profession For I did assure him I could not love him as he would have me love him as Husband But O vain man to brag of that he never had Comorade 'T is no brag Lady to confess he is forsaken Solid It is a brag for in that he implyes he hath been beloved for the one must be before the other Comorade Pray Madam let me perswade you to entertain his love he is a Gentleman who hath worth person and wealth all which he offers you as to his Goddesse and a good offer is not to be refused Lady when it may lawfully be taken Solid You say true Sir and could I perswade my love as easily as you can commend the man 't is likely I should not refuse him Comorade But you will be thought cruel to let a Gentleman dye for want of your love Solid Why put the case I have other Lovers as passionate and worthy as he how would you have me divide my self amongst them Or can you tell me how to please them I cannot marry them all the Laws forbids it and to be the common Mistresse to them all honour and honesty forbids it for though there is some excuse for men who hath by custom their liberty in amours because their amours obstructs not nature so makes breach of honesty but women are not only barr'd by nature but custom of subjection and modesty of education wherefore if they should take liberty to several Lovers or loves courtships they would not only dishonour themselves and their whole Sex and their living friends but their dishonour would outreach their Posterity and run back to their Fore-fathers that were dead long long before they were born for their
whence you came Profession No faith I am dry wherefore I will go to a Tavern Comorade Content Ex. Scene 33. Enter Madamosel Caprisia alone in a studeous humour walking for a time silently then speaks CApris. Which shall I complain of Nature or Education I am compassionate by nature for though I am froward I am not cruel I am pious by education for though I am froward I am not wicked I am vertuous by nature and education for though I am froward I am neither dishonest unchaste base or unworthy Why then 't is Fortune I must complain of for Fortune hath given me plenty and plenty hath made me proud and pride hath made me self-conceited self-conceit hath bred disdain and disdain scorn So pride disdain and scorn makes me disapprove all other creatures actions or opinions but my own and this disapproving is that which men calls cross pievish and froward disposition being most commonly accompanied with sharp satyrical words and angry frowns These faults I 'l conquer whereresoere they lye I 'l rule my froward humour or I 'l dye Ex. Scene 34. Enter Madamosel Solid and a Matron SOlid Lord Lord I wonder men and women should spend their time so idley and wast their lives so vainly in talking so ignorantly and acting so foolishly upon the great Stage or the Stage of the great World Matron VVhy how would you have them spend their time or talk or act Solid I would have them spend their time to gain time as to prevent or hinder times oblivion and to speak and act to that design That when their bodies dye Their Names and Fames may live eternally Matron But it is not in every mans or womans power to get fame for some are made uncapable by nature others are hindred by fortune some are obstructed by chance others want time and opportunity wealth birth and education and many that are pull'd back by envie spite and malice Solid VVhat man or woman soever that nature is liberal to may eternalize themselves as for fortune she may hinder the active the like may chance envie spite and malice but cannot hinder the contemplative the like may time and opportunity but poor poverty and birth can be no hindrance to natural wit for natural wit in a poor Cottage may spin an after-life enter-weaving several colour'd fancies and threeds of opinions making fine and curious Tapestries to hang in the Chambers of fame or wit may and carve Images of imaginations to place and set forth the Gardens of fame making fountains of Poetry that may run in smooth streams of verse or wit may paint and pensel out some Copies and various Pictures of Nature with the pensels of Rhethorick on the grounds of Philosophy to hang in the Galleries of fame Thus the Palaces of fame may be furnished and adorn'd by the wit of a poor Cottager Ex. Scene 35. Enter Madamosel Caprisia alone CApris. Item I am to be courteous but not familiar to be merry but not wild to be kind but not wanton to be friendly but not intimate to be sociable but not troublesome to be conversable but not talkative to look soberly but not frowningly to return answers civilly to ask questions wisely to demand rights honestly to argue rationally and to maintain opinions probably These rules I will strictly observe and constantly practice Enter Monsieur Bon Compaignon Capris. Sir I cry peccavi and ask your pardon for speaking so unhandsomely of the effeminate Sex when I was last in your company for my indiscretion made me forget so as not to remember that all men hath either VVives Sisters Daughters or Mothers But truly my discourse proceeded neither from spite or malice but from the consideration of my own faults which being so many did bury the good graces of other women for though I am vertuously honest yet I am but rudely fashion'd and untoward for conversation but though my discourse had a triangular countenance for it seem'd foolish spitefull and wicked yet pray Sir believe the natural face was a perfect round honest face Bon Compaignon Lady what faults soever your Sex is guilty of your vertues will get their pardon and your beauty will cover their blemishes Capris. I wish my indiscretion had not discovered my froward imperfections but I am sorry and shall hereafter endeavor to rectifie my errours Ex. Scene 36. Enter Monsieur Nobilissimo and Nurse NObilissimo Good Nurse where is my vertuous sweet Mistresse Nurse In her chamber Sir Nobilissimo VVhat is she doing Nurse She is reading Nobilissimo VVhat Books doth she read are they Divinity Morality Philosophy History or Poetry Nurse Sometimes her study is of one and then of another But now I think her chief study is you wherein she may read humanity Enter Madamosel Doltche and seeing Monsieur Nobilissimo with her Nurse starts back and then comes forth blushing Nurse Lord child what makes you blush Doltche Not crimes but my blushing is caused by a sudden assault or surprisal meeting him I did not expect to meet at this time which raised up blushes in my face for blushing is like the full and falling tide for the bloud flows to the face and from thence ebbes to the heart as passions moves the mind And thoughts as waves in curling folds do rise And lashfull eyes are like the troubled skies Nobilissimo Sweet Mistress crimes cannot stain your cheeks with blushes but modesty hath penseld Roses there which seems as sweet as they look fair Doltche I desire my looks and countenance may alwaies appear so as they may never falsly accuse me and as I would not have my looks or countenance wrong my innocency or deceive the Spectators so I would not have my heart be ungratefull to bury your presence in silence Wherefore I give you thanks Sir for the noble Present you sent me to day Nobilissimo I was affraid you would not have accepted of it Doltche Truly I shall refuse no Present you shall send me although it were ushered with scorn and attended with death Nobilissimo My kind Mistress I shall never send you any Present but what is ushered by my love attended by my service and presented with the offer of my life Nurse Child you are very free of kind words Doltche And my deeds shall answer my words is need requires yet I am sorry if my speaking over-much should offend but I chose rather to set bosses of words on the sense of my discourse although it obscures the glosse of my speech than my love should be buried in my silence Nobilissimo Sweet Mistresse your loving expressions gives such joy unto my heart and such delight unto my hearing as my soul is inthron'd in happinesse and crown'd with tranquility Nurse Pray Heaven you both may be as full of Love Joy and Peace when you are married as you express to have now But let me tell you young Lovers that Hymen is a very temperate and discreet Gentleman in love I will assure you neither doth he
envy and malice will bring against us but consider Sir that when the foot of fame hath trod upon the tongue of envy it will be silent Father Never fear me child if thou faintest not Sansp. I fear not my self for I have an undoubted faith that the Child of such a father can neither be a Coward nor a fool for from you I receive a value or prize although of my self I should be worth nothing and Parents and Children may speak freely their thoughts let them move which way they will for Children ought not to conceal them but if deceit must be used let it be with strangers not friends Father O Child thou hast spoke but what I thought on and the very same I wisht finding thy tongue volable thy voyce tuneable thy speech eloquent thy wit quick thy expressions easy thy conceits and conceptions new thy fancies curious and fine thy Inventions subtle thy dispositions sweet and gentle thy behaviour gracefull thy countenance modest thy person beautifull thy yeares young all this I thought to my self might raise the a Trophy when a Husband would bury the in his armes and so thou to become thy own fames Tomb Sansp. Oh! But how shall we pacify my mother who is resolved not to be quiet until I go to live at the Court as likewise to marry Father I have thought of that and you know that your mother is well bred a tender mother and a chast wife yet she is violent and is not to be altered from her opinions humours and will till time wearyes her out of them wherefore we must not oppose her but rather sooth her in her humour and for marrying we will allwayes find some fault in the man or his Estate person or breeding or his humour or his wit prudence temperance courage or conduct or the like which we may truly do without dissembling for I believe there is no man but that some exceptions may be justly found to speak against him but you and I will sit in Councel about it Ex. Scene 6. Enter the Lord de l' Amour and meets the Lady Innocence LOrd de l' Amour Well met for if accident had not befriended me you would not have been so kind as to have met me for I percieve you strived to shun me Lady Innocence The reason is I was affraid my presence would not be acceptable Lord de l' Amour You never stay to try whether it would or not but surely if your conversation be answerable to your beauty your Company cannot but be pleasing Lady Innocence I doubt I am to young to be hansome for time hath not shapt me yet into a perfect form for nature hath but laid the draught mixt the collours for time to work with which he as yet hath neither placed nor drawn them right so that beauty in me is not as yet fully finished and as my beauty so I doubt my wit is imperfect and the ignorance of youth makes a discord in discourse being not so experiencedly learned nor artificially practised as to speak harmoniously where the want makes my conversation dull with circumspection and fear which makes my wordes flow through my lips like lead heavy and slow Lord de l' Amour Thy wit sounds as thy beauty appears the one charms the eares the other attracts the eyes Lady Innocence You have been more bountifull to me in your praises than Nature in her gifts Lord de l' Amour Since I perceive you to be so pleasing we will be better acquainted Ex. Scene 7. Enter 2. or 3. Philosophers This Scene of the Phylosophers the Lord Marquess writ 1. PHilosopher Come my learned brothers are we come now to hear a girle to read lectures of naturall Philosophy to teach us Are all our studyes come to this 2. Philosopher Her doting father is to blame he should be punished for this great affront to us that 's learned men 3. Philosopher Philosophers should be men of yeares with grave and Auster lookes whose countenances should like rigid lawes affright men from vanityes with long wise beards sprinkled with gray that every hair might teach the bare young Chins for to obey And every sentence to be delivered like the Law in flames and lightning and flashes with great thunder a foolish girle to offer for to read O times O manners 1. Philosopher Beauty and favour and tender years a female which nature hath denyed hair on her Chin so smooth her brow as not to admit one Philosophycall wrinckle and she to teach a Monster t is in Nature since Nature hath denyed that sex that fortitude of brain 2. Philosopher Counsel her father that her mother may instruct her in high huswifry as milking Kyne as making Cheese Churning Butter and raising past and to preserve confectionary and to teach her the use of her needle and to get her a Husband and then to practise naturall Philosophy without a Lecture 3. Philosopher 'T is a prodigious thing a girle to read Philosophy O divine Plato how thy Soul will now be troubled Diogenes repents his Tub and Seneca will burn his bookes in anger And old Aristotle wish he had never been the master of all Schooles now to be taught and by a girle 1. Philosopher Have patience and but hear her and then we shall have matter store to speak and write against her and to pull down her fame indeed her very lecture will disgrace her more than we can write and be revenged thus by her tongue 2. Philosopher Content let us then go and hear her for our sport not being worth our anger Ex. Here ends the Lord Marquess of Newcastle ACT III Scene 8. Enter the Lady Innocence and her Maid MAid By my truth Mistriss the Lord de l' Amour is a fine person Lady Innocence The truth is that he seems as if Nature had given to time the finest and richest stuff in her Shop to make his person off and time as the Tayler hath wrought and shapt his person into the most becoming fashion but yet if his Soul be not answerable to his person he is fine no otherwayes but as a fashionable and gay sute of Cloath on a deformed body the Cloathes may be fine and hansome but the body ill favoured so the body may be hansome but the Soul a foul deformed creature Maid But a fine and hansome body may hide a deformed Soul although a fine sute of Clothes will not hide a deformed body for a deformed body will be perceived in dispight of the fine Clothes Lady Innocence So will a deformed Soul in the dispight of a hansome body for the Soul will appear in the Actions as the body in the shape being as crooked in vice as the body in Limbs Maid What is the actions of the Soul Lady Innocence The passions and will Maid But man obscures the passions and restrains the will Lady Innocence So man may obscure his body and bombast his Cloathes but it is as impossible to restrain an evil
Terrestriall globes which globes are as Man and Wife the Coelestiall as the Husband the Terrestriall as the Wife which breeds and bears what the Coelestiall begets For the Coelestiall and the Terrestriall globes are Natures working houses where Animals Vegetables and Minerals are wrought into several figures shapt and formed into divers fashions like as Smiths makes diverse fashioned things out of mettals so Nature is as the Smith the Earth as the mettal the Sun as the fire the Sea as the quenching water the aire as the Bellows youth is the Furnace time is the Forge and motion is the Hammer both to shape and break assunder but for fear I should break your patience I shall desist from speaking any more at this time After a modest and humble respective bow to the assembly She goeth out The whilst the Audience holds up their hands in admiration 1. Philosopher Now you have heard her what do you say 2. Philosopher I say let us go home and make a funerall pile of our bookes that are Philosophy burn them to Ashes that none may file as Phenix like out of that dust 3. Philosopher No throw them at those foolish men that walk in black who would be thought learned by the outside although they are unlettered 4. Philosopher Take heed of that for so they may have hopes of a resurrection and so rise again in ragged covers and tattered torn sheets in old Duck-lane and quack their to be bought 1. Philosopher No no we will all now send for Barbers and in our great Philosophies despair shave of our reverend beards as excrements which once did make us all esteemed as wife and stuff boyes foot-balls with them 2. Philosopher Nature thou dost us wrong and art too prodigall to the effeminate Sex but I forgive thee for thou art a she dame Nature thou art but never shewed thy malice untill now what shall we do 3. Philosopher Faith all turn gallants spend our time in vanity and sin get Hawks and Hounds and running Horses study the Card and Dye Rich Cloathes and Feathers wast our time away with what this man said or what that man answered backbite and raile at all those that are absent and then renownce it with new Oathes Alamode 4. Philosopher No no honour this Virgin whose wit is supreme whose judgment is Serene as is the Sky whose life is a Law unto her selfe and us virtue her handmaid and her words so sweet like to harmonious musick in the Aire that charms our Senses and delights the Soul and turns all passions in our hearts to love teaches the aged and instructs the youth no Sophister but Mistriss still of truth Ex. Here ends my Lord Marquisses Scene 10. Enter the Lord de l'Amour and the Lady Innocence LOrd de l'Amour I begin to be so fond of your Company as I cannot be long absent therefrom Lady Innocence 'T is your favours to me which favours are above my merits indeed I have no merits but what your favour creates Lord de l'Amour You seem so virtuous and sweetly dispositioned and are so beautifull and witty as I cannot but admire and love you Lady Innocence I dare not be so rude not yet so ungratefull to speak against my selfe now you have praised me for your words are like to Kings which makes all currant coyn they set their stamp on although the substance should be mean and of no value Lord de l'Amour Thy words are Musicall Lady Innocence I wish I could speak as eloquently upon every subject as several birds sings sweety in several Tunes to please you Lord de l'Amour Do you love me so well as to wish it onely for my sake Lady Innocence Yes and how should I do otherwise for my affections to you was ingrafted into the root of my infancy by my Fathers instructions and perswasions which hath grown up with my Age The Lady Incontinent peeps in and sees them together speaks to her selfe in the mean time they seem to whisper Lady Incontinent Are you both so serious in discourse I will break your friendship or I will fall to the grave of death in the attempt Lady Incontinent goes out Lord de l'Amour Heaven make you as virtuous as loving and I shall be happy in a Wife Lord de l'Amour goes out Lady Innocence alone Lady Innocence Heaven make him as constant as I virtuous and I shall be sure of a gallant man to my Husband Ex. ACT IV. Scene 11. Enter the Lady Sanspareille and takes her place her Father and her Audience about her being all Morall Philosophers When she had done her respects speaks SAnsp. By my fathers relation to me I understand that all this worthy Assembly are students in morality wherefore I shall treat this time of passions wherein I make no question being all sage that you have not only learnt to distinguish them but have practiced how to temper and govern them but perchance you will say to your selves what need she speak of that which have been so often treated of only to make repetitions of former Authors but you all know without my telling you that new applications may be made on often preached Texts and new arguments may be drawn from old principles and new experiences may be learnt from former follies but howsoever my discourse shall not be very long least tedious impertinencies should make it unpleasant to your eares cause too great a loss of time to your better imployments but my discourse is as I said on the passions which I will first divide as the Ancient Philosophers into two love and hate First I will treat of pure love which is self-love for love to all other things is but the effects thereof And is derived therefrom self-love is the sole passion of the Soul it is a passion pure in it self being unmixt although all other passions do attend it this passion called self-love is the legitimated Child of Nature being bred in infinite and born in eternity yet this passion of self-love being the Mother of all other love is oftentimes mistaken for a fond or a facile disposition bred from a weak constitution of the body or a strong or rather exstravagant appetite of the Senses or from a gross constitution or evill habit or custome of life or an ill example of breeding but these Childish humours facile and easy dispositions foolish and earnest desires gross and greedy appetites Inconstant and evill Natures these are not pure love as the effects of self-love for it doth it self hurt but they are the effects of the body and nor of the Soul for some of them proceeds from a gross strength of body hot and active spirits others from a tenderness and weakness of body and faint spirits but the true passions of love which is self-love but mistake me not for when I say self-love 〈…〉 as is appertaining thereto as love of honour love of virtue humane love naturall love pious love Sympatheticall love which are the
tears or windy sighs but if this Sea be rough with the storms of misfortunes or fomented with the tempest of impatience it makes a dolourous noise of complaints and laments roleing with restless bellowes of discontent this is the Kingdome of love but when this Sea breaks into the Kingdome of hate it makes a hidious noise a roaring with exclamations and cursings Also from this Sea flowes four rivers quite through these two Kingdoms two through the Kingdome of hate and two through the Kingdome of love those two through the Kingdome of love are pitty and compassion which when they meet makes a full tide of Charity and overflowes with bounty but those that runs through the Kingdome of hate are the two rivers of fury and despair when these two rivers meet they make a full tide of madness and overflowes with mischief but fearing I should drown your patience with my overflowing discourse I shall desist for this time After a Civill respects She goeth out And one of the Company after she was gone speaks thus My Lord Marquess writ this following speech Were all dead Moralls Writers risen again and their each several souls crusht into one that Soul would languish till it sted the earth in deep despair to see their gloryes last and all their vaster writings so dispised Thus by the Musick of a Ladyes tongue Whose Cords with wit and judgment is thus strung Ex. Here ends my Lord Marquess Scene 12. Enter the Lady Innocence and Adviser an old Man of the Lord de l'Amours as following the Lady Innocence ADviser Pray young Lady stay and take good Counsel along with you Lady Innocence Good Counsel is a guest I would willingly entertain and be glad of his acquaintance and endeavour to make a perfect friendship with and a constant Companion Adviser Then pray Madam have a care of the Lady Incontinent for she is full of designs against you as I perceive by what I hear her say to my Lord Lady Innocence Your Lord is a person of so much worth and merit as he will not yield to plots of destruction to destroy the Innocent he hath more Charity to heal a wound than cruelty to make one his tender Nature and compassionat disposition will strive to dry wet eyes not force dry eyes to weep Adviser My Lord Madam is a generous and noble Lord but she is a dissembling crafty Lady and knowes how to attract my Lord and to winn him to be of her beliefe and I give you warning as a faithfull Servant both to my Lord and you Lady Innocence I thank you friend for your advertising me of this Lady but I shall trust my self to heavens protection fortunes favour and your deeds noble and just Nature Ex. Scene 13. Enter two Men 1. GEntleman The Lady Sanspareilles wit is as if it would over-power her brain 2. Gentleman O no for her brain seems so well tempered as if there were no conceptions which springs therein or propositions or knowledge presented thereunto but it doth digest them with great ease into a distinguishing understanding otherwise she could not deliver her mind and express her conceits or opinions with such method and facility as she doth 1. Gentleman She hath a Monstrous wit 2. Gentleman No her wit is not a Monstrosity but a generosity of Nature it is Natures bounty to her 1. Gentleman Certainly Nature was never so bountifull to any of that Sex as she hath been to her 2. Gentleman The truth is she favours the Female Sex for the most part more than she doth the Masculine Sex because she is of the Female kind herself 1. Gentleman Faith I could wish that I never wisht before 2. Gentleman What wish is that 1. Gentleman Why I wish I were a Woman but such a Woman as the Lady Sanspareille 2. Gentleman Ovid speaks of a Woman that wisht her self a Man and the Gods granted her with and she became a Man but I never heard of a Man that was changed into a Woman 1. Gentleman That was by reason they never wisht that change 2. Gentleman That is a sign they thought the change would be far the worse 1. Gentleman Indeed generally it would be so 2. Gentleman Well for thy sake I wish thou hadst thy wish Ex. Scene 14. Enter the Lady Innocence as musing by her self alone Then Enter her Maid Passive PAssive My dear Mistriss what makes you so studious as you are become pale with musing Lady Innocence The reason is that my Soul is flown out of my body with the wings of desire to seek for love and my thoughts laboriously wanders after it leaving my Senses to a soiltary life and my life to a Melancholly musing Passive Faith I had rather be buryed under the ruins of hate than have a Melancholly life Lady Innocence And I am Melancholly for fear I should be so buryed Passive If you would have love you must give love Lady Innocence Indeed love is like a Coy-Duck it goeth out to invite or draw in others Passive Nay faith a Coy-Woman cannot do so for the Coyer she is the fewer Lovers she will have for Coynes starves Lovers wherefore if you would not starve your beloved you must be free and twine about him as the Ivy doth the Oke Lady Innocence Modesty forbids it but were it lawfull and that it did not infring the Lawes of modesty I could hang about his neck as the earth to the Center but I had rather starve my delights than do an Act immodest or surfite his affection Ex. ACT V. Scene 15. Enter the Lady Sanspareille and her father with the Audience she takes her place and after a Civill respects to the Company speaks SAnspareille Noble Gentlemen you are welcome and though I cannot promise to feast your Eares with an eloquent Banquet yet I hope it will prove so as I hope it will not cause a dislike for the several dishes of my discourse shall neither be bitter with rayling nor sharp with spite nor salt brined with Satyr nor lushious with flattery and though it may prove tastless to the gusto of your humour yet it will not be disagreeing to the stomack of your reason nor dangerous to the life of your understanding but by reason this worthy Assembly is mixt as Oratours Poets young Students and Souldiers it will be hard for me to divide my discourse so as to give each Company a Civil entertainment but howsoever my indeavour shall not be wanting for that wit I have I shall waite upon you I shall first speak to the young Students because youth and learning is the beginning of life and knowledge and young brains are like plain paper books where time as a hand experience as a pen and practice as Ink writes therein and these books conteins several and divers Chapters The First is of knowledge The Second and Third Chapters are of memory and understanding these Chapters are but short The Fourth and Fift Chapters are conceptions and imaginations this
out Here ends my Lord Marquesses FINIS This written by my Lord Marquess THE SECOND PART OF Youths Glory and Deaths Banquet ACT I. Scene 2. Enter the Lord de l'Amour and the Lady Innocence the Lord de l'Amour seems to appear angry LAdy Innocence My Lord what makes you frown on me surely I never willingly offended you Lord de l'Amour But the report I hear of you offends me Lady Innocence I hope my behaviour is not lyable to any aspertion or evil censure for as you have used me civily so I have behaved my self modestly Lord de l'Amour I perceive you are a subtil insinuating young Lady Lady Innocence Think me not subtil for being so brod as not to slight your Love not so uncivil as to scorn your noble favours but strive to merit your worthy affections but if I have erred in my endeavours pray pardon me and if you please to tell me my errour I shall rectify it Lord de l'Amour I hear you will speak more lyes than tell truths Lady Innocence Truly I am too strict a Votary to truth to tell a lye Lord de l'Amour I should be glad you were vowed one of her Order Lady Innocence I am so and have taken the habit of sincerity upon me Lord de l'Amour Tell me truly do you never use to lye Lady Innocence If you have opinion that I never or seldome speak truth let me say what I will you will still believe it is a lye but truly I did never tell a lye as I do know of but did alwayes speak truth Lord de l'Amour I hear to my great grief you have many faults pray mend them Lady Innocence I am sory there are so many ill reports or rather aspersions laid on me as to grieve you but surely youth cannot commit many faults but Age that hath had time to commit faults in but if you can believe my faults surmounts not all accounts I shall desire to know them Lord de l'Amour Examine yourself and you will find them Lady Innocence I shall call a particular Councel and make a General search and what thoughts words or actions I can find guilty or prove Criminal I shall condemn and sacrifice them on the Altar of Repentance and crave mercy and forgiveness Lord de l'Amour Pray do so Ex. Lady Innocence alone 'T is strange his humour should be so suddenly changed from loving professions kind expressions and pleasing smiles to sharp words and angry frowns and that he should seem to love me as much as he did now to believe me so little as it seems he doth I hope it is only the superfluities of his affections that runs into the indiscretion of jealousie Ex. Enter Sanspareile and her Audience As soon as she hath taken her standing place A Messenger Enters Messenger The Queen of Attention is come to be one of your Audience The Company makes a bustle Enter the Queen of Attention and her Train Sir Thomas Father Love kneels down and kisses her hand Queen I am come to hear and see your Daughter whom fame reports to be the wonder of this Age Father It had been more proper and fit for my Daughter to have waited at your Court-Gates untill your Majesty had comanded her into your presence than for your Majesty to come hither to hear and see her but she being a plain bred girle durst not be so bold Queen If your Daughters wit be answerable to her beauty she is a wonder indeed Sanspareile comes off from the place where she stands and makes 3. Obeysances and coming near kneels down and kisses the Queens hand Lady Sanspareile Madam this gracious honour and honourable grace is beyond the management of my young years the evil of my weak confidence and the compass of my little wit and my obscure breeding hath made me so Ignorant that I know not in what manner I should behave or address myself towards your Majesty but if I commit faults in misbehaviour pray impute it to my ignorant youth and not to disobedience Queen I see nothing yet in your behaviour but that you may be not only a pattern for young but also for grave Age to take example from Sanspareile Madam the generosity of your Maiesties Nature the Magnificence of your Majesties mind and the Charity of your Majesties disposition gives an overflowing commendation like to the goodness of the Gods that gives more to the Creature than the Creature can deserve Queen Let me tell you young Lady your speeches are as pleasing to the eare as your beauty is delightfull to the eye Sanspareile Your Majesty is like a Deity can turn or translate words like poor Mortals into a glorified sence like as into a glorified body Queen Sir Thomas Father Love if your Daughter speak at all times and alwayes so eloquently I should not wonder you let her speak in publick Father I beseech your Majesty that you will rather judge me an over fond Father which is natural than a vain opiniatour in that I give her liberty to speak in publick Queen If it were a vanity it might be well forgiven but pray let me hear her speak Sanspareile makes three obeysances as she steps back from the Queen to her standing-place and then ascends Sanspareile Great Queen I nor no other should offer or dare to speak before or to such Supreme persons as your Majesty without a sore premeditation for the words and behaviours of speakers should be fitted to the degrees and qualities Powers Offices and Authorities of the Auditory But your Majesties commands makes that an obedient duty that would otherwayes be a presumption wherefore on the ground of duty I speak at this time before your Majesty but the Royalty of your person the brightnesse of your beauty the fame of your vertues and the glorious splendour of your Majestical Grandeur hath so amazed me that my understanding is as it were blind which will cause my tongue to stagger and my words to run stumbling out of my mouth but I hope your Justice will pardon them For as Divine Justice belongs to the Gods moral Justice to Nature so humane Justice to Monarchial Princes which justice is weighed and measured out according to merit or desert be they good or bad For which Justice Gods and Princes are both feared and loved and Justice is the chief Pillar or upholder of Monarchical States and Common-wealths for without Justice there can be no Government and without Government there can be no Rule and without Rule there can be no peace and where peace is not there will be warrs and warrs causeth ruine and destruction But for the most part those Kingdomes that have arrived to the height of Glory declines or falls to ruine The reason is that a low condition is necessitated and weak wherefore they seek for help to strengthen themselves which makes or rather forces every particular person to associate unite either by Laws of Covenants to which they submit
mankind Oh! Oh! that these Melancholy damps arising from my afflicted Soul could extinguish the Lamp of life or that my sad and grieved thoughts that feed upon my troubled Spirits could bite with sorrows teeth the thread of life asunder She sits down on the ground leaning her Cheek on her hand and weeps Enter to her her Maid Passive Passive My sweet Mistriss why do you weep Lady Innocence The spring of grief doth send forth streams of tears to wash off my disgrace and the foul spots which slandring tongues have stain'd or rather slain'd my reputation for which my eyes did they not weep would seem unnaturally unkind but my dead reputation is imbalm'd with salt tears bitter groans shrowded in sorrows and intomb'd in misery Passive My dear Lady you are imbalm'd with the pretious gums of Virtue and sweet spices of wit wrapt up in youth and beauty and are intombed or rather inthroned in honest hearts wherefore waste not your self with grief for certainly the world will condemn your Accusers and not you Lady Innocence Those feeble hopes cannot my spirits uphold they give no light of comfort to my mind for black despair like Melancholy night mustles my thoughts and makes my Soul as blind O but why do I thus mourn in sad complaints and do not curse Fortune Fates and destiny their Wheels there spindel threads and Chains She heaves up her hands and lifts up her eyes May Nature great turn all again to nought That nothing may with joy receive a thought She goes out in a very Melancholy posture Passive alone She is deeply Melancholy Heavens ease her mind Ex. Scene 12. Enter 2. or 3. Doctors 1. DOctor The Lady Sanspareile cannot live for the hath no pulse 2. Doctor No she is descending to the grave 3. Doctor But had we best tell her Father so 1. Doctor No by no means as yet 2. Doctor Why not he will know when she is dead Enter the Lady Mother Love as to the Doctors Lady Mother Love Mr. Doctors What do you mean to let my Daughter dye will you not prescribe something to give her 1. Doctor Madam we shall do our best you may be confident Lady Mother What if you prescribed a Glister or a Purge 1. Doctor I shall not need Madam Lady Mother Why if any one be sick they ought to have some remedies applyed to them 2. Doctor We shall consider what course is best to be taken Lady Mother Love For Gods sake do not neglect her Ex. Enter Sir Thomas Father Love to the Doctors Sir Thomas Father Love Mr. Doctors what is your opinion of my Daughter 1. Doctor Truly Sir she is very dangerous sick Sir Thomas Father Love I can find no pulse she hath 2. Doctor Nor we Sir that makes us doubt her Father Love Pray consult about her what is best to be done 1. Doctor We shall Sir Ex. Scene 13. Enter the Lord de l'Amour and the Lady Innocence LOrd de l'Amour What makes you look so gastly pale Lady Innocence I am so ashamed of my accusation as my bashfullness is beyond all blushing as greatest griefs are beyond all tears it causes my limbs to tremble face look pale like Death's assault making my courage fail Lord de l'Amour Perchance you are asham'd to confess so base a crime you may confess to me for I shall strive to hide your faults and cover them with some excuse wherefore confess for though it be a fault to steal yet it is a double fault to hide it with a Lye and by these crimes you do offend the Gods nor will their anger be remov'd unless you confess and ask pardon Lady Innocence Your Doctrine is very good and Application well applied had I been Guilty but being Innocent they are vainly uttered Lord de l'Amour I hope you will agree to resign the interest you have to me if I should desire you Lady Innocence Saints never offred up their Souls to God more willingly than I all interest to you not but that I love you yet I should be loath to be bound to one that hath so ill an opinion of me as you have Lord de l'Amour The World would condemn me if I should marry you to stain my Posterity with your Crimes Lady Innocence O Heavens is my scandal of so deep a dye as to stain Predecessors and Posterity yours may avoid it but my Predecessors are spotted all over She goes out weeping Lord de l'Amour I cannot chuse but love her although I fear she is guilty but I perceive she is resolv'd not to confess as being asham'd of it Ex. Scene 14. Enter the Lady Sanspareile in a bed as being sick the bed drawn on the stage and her Father kneels by the bed-side whilst she speaks as dying SAnspareile Let spotless Virgins bear me to my grave and holy Anthems sing before my Herse and soft-toucht Instruments to play the while and keep just time with tears that trickling fall from the sad eyes of my most sorrowful friends and one my Coffin spread upon a covering of smooth Sattin white to signify here how I lived a Virgin pure I lived and dyed and let my works which I have wrought and spun out of my brain be given to times Library to keep alive my name And set a Lilly-Garland on my Herse On every leaf therein stick on a verse And when my Coffin to the grave you bring Let Poets on my Herse some verses fling For whilst I liv'd I worship'd Nature great And Poets are by Nature favoured I in the Muses Arms desire to Dye For I was bred up in their Company And my request 's to them when I am dead I may amongst them be remembered But death drawes near my destiny is come Father farewell may time take up my years which death cuts off and add them to your life Peace keep your mind and Comfort give you rest He weeps But why do you weep dear Father my life 's not worth your tears yet Heavens doe weep and mingle with dull earth their Cristal streams and earth 's refresht thereby so is not death for death is ever dry Father O Child O Child my heart will break Sanspareile Sir why do you sigh and groan and grieve that I must dye life is perpetual and death is but a change of shape Only I wish that Death may order it so That from your rootes I may your flower grow I fear not Death nor am I loath to dye Yet I am loath to leave your Company But O the Muses stay my dying lips to close Farewel Dyes Her Father starts up from her Bed-side and stares about the Bed and the dead Lady is drawn off the stage Father What art thou sted dear Soul where dost thou goe stay and I will bear thee Company Stares about Where art thou Soul why mak'st thou such great haste I pray thee stay and take thy aged Fathers Soul along with thee left it should wander in the dark and gloomy
none Company but Cowards and Fools and slothful conscientious Persons neither is she usefull but for indifferent imployments for what is of extraordinary worth Patience doth but disgrace it not set it forth for that which is transcendent and Supreme Patience cannot reach Wherefore give me Fury for what it cannot raise to Heaven it throwes it straight to Hell were you never there Friend No nor I hope shall never come there Father Love Why Sir I was there all the last Night and there I was tortured for chiding my Daughter two or three times whilst she lived once because she went in the Sun without her Mask another time because her Gloves were in her Pocket when they should have been on her Hands and another time because she slep'd when she should have studied and then I remember she wept O! O! those pretious tears Devil that I was to grieve her sweet Nature harmless Thoughts and Innocent Soul O how I hate my self for being so unnaturally kind O kill me and rid be of my painful life Friend He is much distracted Heaven cure him Exeunt Scene 18. Enter two Gentlemen 1. Gentleman The Miracle is deceas'd the Lady Sanspareile I hear is dead 2. Gent. Yes and it 's reported her Statue shall be set up in every College and in the most publick places in the City at the publick charge and the Queen will build a Sumptuous and Glorious Tomb on her sleeping Ashes 1. Gent. She deserves more than can be given her 2. Gent. I hear her death hath made her Father mad 1. Gent. Though her death hath not made every one mad like her Father yet it hath made every one melancholy for I never saw so general a sadness in my life 2. Gent. There is nothing moves the mind to sadnesse more than when Death devours Youth Beauty Wit and Virtue all at once Ex. Scene 19. There is a Hearse placed upon the Stage covered with black a Garland of Ciprus at the head of the Herse and a Garland of Mirtle at one side and a Basket of Flowers on the other Enter the Lady Innocence alone drest in White and her hair hound up in several coloured Ribbons when she first comes in speaks thus LAdy Innocence O Nature thou hast created bodies and minds subject to pains torments yet thou hast made death to release them for though Death hath power over Life yet Life can command Death when it will for Death dares not stay when Life would passe away Death is the Ferry-man and Life the waftage She kneels down and prayeth But here great Nature I do pray to thee Though I call Death let him not cruel be Great Jove I pray when in cold earth I lye Let it be known how innocent I die Then she rises and directs her self to her Herse Here in the midst my sadder Hearse I see Covered with black though my chief Mourners be Yet I am white as innocent as day As pure as spotlesse Lillies born in May My loose and flowing hair with Ribbons ty'd To make Death Amorous of me now his Bride Watchet for truth hair-colour for despair And white as innocent as purest Ayre Scarlet for cruelty to stop my breath Darkning of Nature black a type of death Then she takes up the Basket of Flowers and as she strews them speaks Roses and Lillies 'bout my Coffin strew Primroses Pinks Violets fresh and new And though in deaths cold arms anon I lye weeps I 'le weep a showr of tears these may not dye A Ciprus Garland here is for my head To crown me Queen of Innocence when dead A Mirtle Garland on the left side plac't To shew I was a Lover pure chast Now all my saddest Rites being thus about me And I have not one wish that is without me She placeth her self on her Herse with a Dagger or pointed knife in her hand Here on this Herse I mount the Throne of death Peace crown my soul my body rest on earth Yet before I dye Like to a Swan I will sing my Elegie She sings as she is sitting on the Herse thus Life is a trouble at the best And in it we can find no rest Ioyes still with sorrows they are Crown'd No quietnesse till in the ground Man vexes man still we do find He is the torture of his kind False man I scorn thee in my grave Death come I call thee as my slave Here ends my Lords Writing And just then stabs her self In the mean time the Lord de l'Amour comes and peeps through the Curtain or Hanging and speaks as to himself whilst she is a dying Lord de l'Amour I will observe how she passes away her time when she is alone Lady Innocence Great Iove grant that the light of Truth may not be put out with the extinguisher of Malice Lord de l'Amour How she feeds her melancholy He enters and goeth to her What are you acting a melancholy Play by your self alone Lady Innocence My part is almost done Lord de l'Amour By Heaven she hath stabb'd her self Calls Help Help Lady Innocence Call not for help life is gone so farr t is past recovery wherefore stay and hear my last words I die as judging it unworthy to out-live my honest Name and honourable Reputation As for my accusers I can easily forgive them because they are below my Hate or Anger neither are worthy my revenge But you for whom I had not only a devout but an Idolatrous Affection which offered with a zealous Piety and pure Flame the sincerity of my heart But you instead of rewarding my Love was cruel to my life and Honour for which my soul did mourn under a Veil of sadnesse and my thoughts covered with discontent sate weeping by But those mourning Thoughts I have cast off cloathing my self with Deaths pale Garments As for my pure Reputation and white Simplicity that is spotted with black Infamy by Hellish slander I have laid them at Heavens Gates just Gods to scoure them clean that all the World may know how innocent I have been But Oh! farewel my fleeting Spirits pure Angels bear away Lord de l'Amour O speak at the last Are you guilty or not Lady Innocence I am no more guilty of those crimes laid to my charge than Heaven is of sin O Gods receive me Oh! Oh! Dies Lord de l'Amour Great Patience assist me Heart hold life in Till I can find who is guilty of this sinn Ex. The Herse drawn off the Stage Scene 20. Enter Sir Thomas Father Love brought in a Chair as sick his Friend by him Mr. Comfort Friend How are you now Father Love O Friend I shall now be well Heaven hath pitty on me and will release me soon and if my Daughter be not buryed I would have her kept as long out of the Grave as she can be kept that I might bear her company Friend She cannot be kept longer because she was not unbowelled Father Love Who speaks her
several way Also her life was like a Monarchy where Reason as sole King did govern al her actions which actions like as Loyal Subjects did obey those Laws which Reason decreed Also her life was like Ioves Mansions high as being placed above this worldly Globe from whence her Soul looked down on duller earth mixt not but viewed poor mortals here below thus was her life above the world because her life prized not the Trifles here Perchance this Noble Company will think I have said too much and vainly thus to speak That Fathers should not praise their Children so Because that from their Root and Stock did grow Why may not Roots boast if their Fruites be good As hindering worth in their own Flesh and blood Shall they dissemble to say they are naught Because they are their own sure that 's a fault Unpardonable as being a lye that 's told Detracting lyes the baser lyes I hold Neither can strangers tell their life and worth Nor such affections have to set them forth As Parents have or those that 's neer of Kin Virtuous Partiality sure that 's no sin And virtue though she be lovliest when undrest Yet she is pleas'd when well she is exprest But Oh! my words have spent my stock of breath And Life 's commanded forth by powerful Death When I am dead this company I pray The last rites done me by my daughter lay And as her soul did with the Muses flye To imitate her in her a verse I dye He falls back in his Chair and is dead Mr. Comfort Noble Friends you heard his request which was to be buryed in his daughters grave and whilst you show your charity in laying the Corps of his daughter in the grave I will carry out his body and put it into a Coffin and then lay him in the same grave The Company said Do so Goes out with the body The whilst the Virgins take up the Lady Sanspareiles Herse and whilst they are putting it into the grave this Song following was sung Tender Virgins as your Birth Put her gently in the earth What of Moral or Divine Here is lapt up in this shrine Rhetorick dumb Philosophy Both those arts with her did dye And grieved Poets cannot choose But lament for her their Muse When she was putting into the Grave this Song following was sung Her Tomb her Monument her Name Beyond an Epitaph her Fame Death be not proud imbracing more Now than in all thy reign before Boasting thy Triumphs since thou must But justly glory in her dust Let thy Dart rust and lay it by For after her none 's sit to dye After this her Peal is Rung on Lutes by Musicians And the Company goes out Scene 23. A Tomb is thrust on the Stage then the Lord de l'Amour enters LOrd de l'Amour Now I am free no hinderance to my own Tragedy He goeth to the Tomb This Tomb her sacred Body doth contain He draws his Sword then he kneels down by the Tomb and then prayes Dear Soul pardon my crimes to thee they were crimes of ignorance not malice Sweet gentle Spirits flye me not but stay And let my Spirits walk thy Spirits way You lov'd me once your Love in death renew And may our soules be as two Lovers true Our Blood 's the Bonds our wounds the Seals to Print Our new Contract and Death a witnesse in 't He takes his Sword Had I as many lives as Poors in skin He sacrifize them for my ignorant sin As he speaks he falls upon his Sword Enter his Friend Master Charity He seeing him lye all in blood almost dead runs to him and heaves him up Friend I did fear this which made me follow him but I am come too late to save his life O my Lord speak if you can Lord de l'Amour Friend lay me in this Tomb by my affianced Wife for though I did not usher her to the grave I will wait after her Dyes EPILOGUE Noble Spectators now you have seen this Play And heard it speak let 's hear what now you say But various judgements various sentences give Yet we do hope you 'l sentence it may live But not in Prison be condemn'd to lye Nor whipt with censure rather let it dye Here on this Stage and see the Funeral Rites Which is to put out all the Candle lights And in the grave of darknesse let it rest In peace and quiet and not molest The harmlesse soul which hopes Mercury may Unto the Elizium fields it safe convey But if you sentence life the Muses will Attend it up unto Parnassus Hill If so pray let your hands here in this place Clap it as an applause the triumph grace FINIS These Verses the Lord Marquesse writ This Song the Lord Marquesse writ This Song was writ by the Lord Marquesse This Song was writ by the Lord Marquesse of New-castle The first Part of the Lady Contemplation The Actors Names Lord Title Lord Courtship Sir Experience Traveller Sir Fancy Poet Sir Golden Riches Sir Effeminate Lovely Sir Vain Complement Sir Humphrey Interruption Mr. Adviser Doctor Practise and other Gentlemen Tom Purveyer Roger Farmer Old Humanity Servants and others The Lady Contemplation The Lady Conversation The Lady Visitant The Lady Ward The Lady Virtue Lady Amorous Mrs. Troublesome Mrs. Governesse the Lady Virtues Attendant Nurse Careful Nurse to Lady Ward Maudlin Huswife Roger Farmers wife Mall Mean-bred the daughter Nan Scape-all Maid to the Lady Virtue The first Part of the Lady Contemplation ACT I. Scene 1. Enter the Lady Contemplation and the Lady Visitant VIsitant What Lady Contemplation musing by your self alone Contemplation Lady Visitant I would you had been ten miles off rather than to have broken my Contemplation Visitant Why are you so godly to be so serious at your Devotion Contemplation No faith they were Contemplations that pleas'd me better than Devotion could have done for those that contemplate of Heaven must have death in their mind Visitant O no for there is no Death in Heaven to disturb the joyes thereof Contemp. But we must dye before we come to receive those joyes and the terrifying thoughts of Death take away the pleasing thoughts of Heaven Visitant Prethee let me know those pleasing thoughts Contemplation I did imagine my self such a Beauty as Nature never made the like both for Person Favour and Colour and a Wit answerable to my Beauty and my Breeding and Behaviour answerable to both my Wisdome excelling all And if I were not thus as I say yet that every one should think I were so for opinion creates more and perfecter Beauties than Nature doth And then that a great powerful Monarch such a one as Alexander or Caesar fell desperately in love with me seeing but my Picture which was sent all about the world yet my Picture I did imagine was to my disadvantage not flattering me any wayes yet this Prince to be inamoured with this shadow for the substance sake Then Love perswaded
grieve for your Father since he dyed in the defence of his King and Country Virtue T is true and I glory in his valiant loyal Actions yet I cannot choose but mourn for the losse of his life and weepe upon his death Governess Methinks the greatest cause you have to weep is for the loss of your Estate which the Enemy hath seized on and you left only to live on Charity Poor Virtue I cannot mourn for any thing that is in Fortunes power to take away Governess Why Fortune hath power on all things in the World Poor Virtue O no she hath power on nothing but base dross and outward forms things moveable but she hath neither power on honest hearts nor noble Souls for 't is the Gods infuse grace and virtue nor hath she power or Reason or Understanding for Nature creates and disposes those nor doth she govern Wisdome for Wisdome governs her nor hath she power on Life and Death they are decreed by Heaven Governess And will you weep at Heavens decree Poor Virtue The Heavens decrees hinder not humanity nor natural affection Governess Well ever since your Mother dyed I have governed your Fathers House and pleased him well but since he is kill'd and that there is nothing for me to govern I will take my leave of you and seek another place and I hope fortune will favour me so as to direct me to some Widdower or old Batchelour which desires a comely huswifly woman to order their private affairs Poor Virtue I wish you all happiness and if I were in a condition I would make you a present Exeunt Scene 3. Enter two Gentlemen 1. GEntleman Sir My Lord is so busy since his Fathers Death with Stewards Atturnies and such like about ordering his Estate as I am loath to disturb him but as soon as he hath done speaking to them I will wait upon you to my Lord 2. Gentleman Sir I shall wait my Lords leasure Enter the Lady Ward and Nurse Careful they pass over the Stage 2. Gent. Sir what pretty young Lady is that which passes by 1. Gent. She is a great Heiress and was Ward to my old Lord and he upon his Death-bed charged his Son my young Lord to marry her 2. Gent. Surely small perswasions might serve turn for her Virtue is Rhetorick enough to perswade nay to force affection 1. Gent. Yet my Lord is discontented he would rather choose for himself than that his Father should have chosen for him for it is the Nature of Mankind to reject that which is offered though never so good and to prize that they cannot get although not worth the having 2. Gent. Of what Quality of Birth and Nature and disposition is she of 1. Gent. She is Honourably Born and seems to be of a sweet disposition but of a Melancholy Nature Enter a Servant Servant Sir my Lord desires the Gentleman would be pleased to walk in Exeunt ACT II. Scene 4. Enter the Lady Contemplation and Sir Humphrey Interruption INterruption Lady what makes you so silently sad Contemplation Pardon me Sir I am not sad at this time for my thoughts are merry and my spirits lively Interrupt. There is no appearance of mirth in you for mirth hath alwayes a dancing heel a singing voyce a talking tongue and a laughing face Contempl. I have such merry Companions sometimes but I seldome dance sing talk or laugh my self Interrupt. Where are those Companions I desire to be acquainted with them and keep them Company Contempl. You cannot keep them Company for the place they inhabit in is too little for your Corporal body to enter besides they are so curious choyce and nice Creatures as they will vanish at the very sight of you Interrupt. Why Lady I am none of the biggest sized Men nor am I of a terrible aspect I have seen very fine and delicate Creatures Contempl. But you never saw any of these Creatures Interrupt. Pray where do they dwell and what are their Names I long to visit them Contempl. They dwell in my head and their Sirnames are called thoughts but how you will visit them I cannot tell but they may visit you Interrupt. Faith Lady your relation hath made me despair of an enterview but not a friendly entertainment if you please to think well of me Contempl. Thoughts are free and for the most part they censure according to fancy Interrupt. Then fancy me such a one as you could like best and love most Contempl. That I cannot doe for I love those best which I create my self and Nature hath taught me to prize whatsoever is my own most although of smaller valew than what 's anothers although of greater worth Interrupt. Then make me yours by creating me anew Contempl. That is past my skill but if you will leave me alone I will think of you when you are gone for I had rather of the two entertain you in my thoughts than keep you Company in discourse for I am better pleased with a solitary silence or a silent solitariness than with a talking conversation or an entertaining talking for words for the most part are rather useless spent than profitably spoke and time is lost in listning to them for few tongues make Musick wanting the Cords of Sense or sound of Reason or singers of Fancy to play thereon Interrupt. But you will injure your wit to bury your wit in solitary silence Contempl. Wit lives not on the tongue as language doth but in the brain which power hath as Nature to create Interrupt. But those are aery not material Creatures Contempl. 'T is true but what they want in substance they have in variety for the brain can create Millions of several Worlds fill'd full of several Creatures and though they last not long yet are they quickly made they need not length of time to give them form and shape Interrupt. But there is required Speech to express them or they are made in vain if not divulged Contempl. Speech is an enemy to Fancy for they that talk much cannot have time to think much and Fancies are produced from thoughts as thoughts are from the minde and the minde which doth create the thoughts and the thoughts the fancies is as a Deity for it entertains it self with it self and only takes pleasure in its own works although none other should partake or know thereof but I shall talk a World out of my head wherefore farewel Ex. Scene 5. Enter Poor Virtue and her Maid Nan Scrapeall NAn Scrapeall Now your Estate is seized on you have not means to keep a Servant as to pay them for their service Poor Virtue No truly Nan but that which grieves me most is that I have not wherewithall to reward thee for thy past service Nan Scrapeall I have served you these seven years and have had nothing but my bare wages unless it were some of the worst of your cast Clothes for Mrs. Governess took order I should have none of the best but I hope
Conver. T is true they did so in former times when the Crown kept up Ceremony and Ceremony the Crown but since that Ceremony is down their grandeur is lost and their splendor put out and no light thereof remains But they are covered with a dark rudenesse wherein the Clown justles the Lord and the Lord gives the way to the Clown the Man takes the wall of his Master and the Master scrapes legs with Cap in hand to the Servant and waits upon him not out of a generous and noble Nature but out of a base servile fear and through fear hath given the Power away Exper. Trav. I am sorry to hear the Nobility is so degenerated Ex. Scene 7. Enter the Lord Courtship and his Friend Master Adviser ADviser I wonder your Lordship should be so troubled at your Fathers commands which was to marry the Lady Ward unlesse she had been ill-favoured and old Lord Courtship O that 's the misery that she is so young For I had rather my Father had commanded me to marry one that had been very old than one that is so young for if she had been very old there might have been some hopes of her death but this young Filly will grow upon me not from me besides those that are young give me no delight their Company is dull Adviser VVhy she is not so very young she is fifteen years of Age Lord Court Give me a Lady to imbrace about the years of twenty rather than fifteen then is her Beauty like a full-blown Rose in Iune her VVit like fruit is ripe and sweet and pleasant to the ear when those of fifteen are like to green sharp Fruit not ripened by the Sun of Time Yet that 's not all that troubles me but I cannot endure to be bound in VVedlocks shackles for I love variety and hate to be ty'd to one Adviser VVhy you may have the more variety by marrying Lord Court No faith 't is a Bar for if I should but kisse my wives Maid which a thousand to one but I shall my wife if she doth not beat her Maid making a hideous noise with scoldings yet she will pour and cry and feign her self sick or else she would Cuckold me and then I am paid for all Adviser Faith my Lord it is a hundred to one but a man when he is maryed shall be Cuckolded were he as wife as Solomon as valiant as David as fortunate as Caesar as witty as Homer or as handsome as Absalom for Women are of the same Nature as men for not one man amongst a thousand makes a good Husband nor one woman amongst a thousand makes an honest Wife Lord Court No saith you might well have put another Cypher and made it ten thousand Adviser Well my Lord since you must marry pray let me counsel you This Lady Ward being very young you may have her bred to your own Humour Lord Court How is that Adviser VVhy accustome her to your wayes before you marry her let her see your several Courtships to several Mistresses and keep wenches in your house and when she is bred up to the acquaintance of your customes it will be as natural to her Lord Court VVhat to be a whore Adviser No to know your humours and to be contented thereat Lord Court VVell I will take your advice although it is dangerous And as the old saying is the Medicine may prove worse than the disease Adviser VVhy the worst come to the worst it is but parting Lord Court You say true but yet a divorce will not clearly take off the disgrace of a Cuckold Ex. Scene 8. Enter Poor Virtue and old Humanity HUmanity I have found out a service a Farmer which hath the report of an honest labouring man and his wife a good huswifely woman they have onely one daughter about your years a pretty Maid truely she is and seems a modest one but how you will endure such rough and rude work which perchance they will imploy you in I cannot tell I doubt you will tire in it Poor Virtue Do not fear for what I want in strength my industry shall supply Humanity But you must be fitted with cloaths according and proper to your service Poor Virtue That you must help me to Humanity That I will Ex. ACT III Scene 9. Enter Sir Fancy Poet and the Lady Contemplation SIr Fancy Poet Sweet Lady Contemplation although your thoughts be excellent yet there are fine curiosities and sweet pleasures to be enjoyed in the use of the world Contemplation Perchance so but would not you think that man a Fool that hath a great estate a large convenient house well situated in sweet and healthfull Aire pleasant and delightful having all about for the eyes to view Landskips and Prospects beside all the inside richly furnished and the Master plentifully served and much company to passe his time with as a resort of men of all Nations of all Ages of all qualities or degrees and professions of all humours of all breedings of all shapes of all complexions Likewise a recourse for all Wits for all Scholars for all Arts for all Sciences Also Lovers of all sorts Servants of all use and imployments Thus living luxuriously with all rarities and varieties and yet shall go a begging debasing himself with humble crouching inslaving himself to Obligations living upon cold Charity and is denyed often times unkindly or kickt out scornfully when he may be honoured at home and served in state would not you think that this man had an inbred basenesse that had rather serve unworthily than command honourably that had rather be inslaved than free Besides that mind is a fool that cannot entertain it self with it's own thoughts a wandring Vagabond that is never of seldome at home in Contemplation A Prodigal to cast out his thoughts vainly in idle words base to inslave it self to the Body which is full of corruption when it can create bodilesse Creatures like it self in Corporalities with which self Creatures it may nobly honestly freely and delightfully entertain it self VVith which the mind may not only delight it self but improve it self for the thoughts which are the actions of the mind make the soul more healthful and strong by exercises for the mind is the soules body and the thoughts are the actions thereof Fancy Poet After what manner will you form this Body Contempl. Thus Understanding is the Brain Reason the Liver Love is the heart Hate the Spleen Knowledge the Stomach Judgement the Sinews Opinions the Bones VVill the Veins Imaginations the Blood Fancy the Spirits the Thoughts are the Life and Motion or the Motions of the Life the outward Form is the Mind it self which sometimes is like a Beast sometimes like a Man and sometimes like a God Fancy Poet And you my fair Goddesse Ex. Scene 10. Enter the Lord Courtship and the Lady Amorous LAdy Amorous My Lord you are too covetous to take a wife meerly for her riches Lord Courtship Believe me Madam
desire to be your Shepheard and you my fair Shepheardess attending loving thoughts that feed on kisses sweet folded in amorous arms Poor Virtue My mind never harbors wanton thoughts nor sends immodest glances forth nor will infold unlawful love for chastity sticks as fast unto my Soul as light unto the Sun or heat unto the fire or motion unto life or absence unto death or time unto eternity and I glory more in being chast than Hellen of her beauty or Athens of their learning and eloquence or the Lacedemonions of their Lawes or the Persians of their Riches or Greece of their Fables or the Romans of their Conquests and Chastity is more delightfull to my mind than Fancy is to Poets or Musick to the Ears or Beauty to the Eyes and I am as constant to Chastity as truth to Unity and Death to life for I am as free and pure from all unchastity as Angels are of sin Poor Virtue goes out Lord Title alone Lord Title I wonder not so much at Fortunes gifts as Natures curiosities not so much at Riches Tittle and power as Beauty VVit and Virtue joyn'd in one besides she doth amaze me by expressing so much learning as if she had been taught in some famous Schools and had read many histories and yet a Cottager and a young Cottager t is strange Ex. Scene 15. Enter the Lord Courtship and Mr. Adviser ADviser My Lord doth my Counsel take good effect Lord Courtship Yes faith for she seems to take it very patiently or elce she is so dull a Creature as she is not sensible of any injury that 's done her Adviser How doth she look when you adress and salute your Mistriss Lord Courtship She seems to regard us not but is as if she were in a deep contemplation of another world Adviser I think she is one of the fewest words for I never heard her speak Lord Courtship Faith so few as I am in good hope she is tongue-tyed or will grow dumb Adviser That would be such a happiness as all married men would envy you for Lord Courtship They will have cause for there is nothing so tedious as talking women they speak so constraintly and utter their Nonsence with such formality and ask impertinent questions so gravely or else their discourse is snip snap or so loud and shrill as deafs a mans ears so as a man would never keep them Company if it were not for other reasons Adviser Your Lordship speaks as if you were a woman-hater Lord Courtship O Pardon me for there is no man loves the Sex better than I yet I had rather discourse with their beauty than their wits besides I only speak of generalities not particularities Ex. Scene 16. Enter the Lady Contemplation and Sir Humphrey Interruption INterruption Lady pray make me partaker of some of your conceptions Contempl. My conceptions are like the tongue of an extemporary Oratour that after he hath spoke if he were to speak upon the same subject he could hardly do it if it were not impossible just to speak as he did as to express the same subjects in the same expressions and way of his natural Rhetorick for the sense may be the same but the expressions way of Rhetorick wil hardly be the same but 't is likely will be very different and so differing as not to be like the same but the same premeditated Rhetorick will many times serve to many several designs or preaching pleading or speaking the Theam or cause being altered This is the difference betwixt extemporary Oratory and premeditated Oratory the one may be spoke as many times as an Orator will and make the same Oratory serve to many several Subjects the other being not fixt but voluntary vanishes out of the remembrance the same many times do my conceptions Interrup. But I hope all are not vanished some remain wherefore pray expresse or present any one of your conceptions after what manner of way you please Contempl. Why then I will tell you I had a conception of a Monster as a Creature that had a rational soul yet was a Fool It had had a beautiful and perfect shape yet was deformed and ill-favoured It had clear distinguishing senses and yet was sencelesse It was produced from the Gods but had the nature of a Devil It had an eternal life yet dyed as a Beast It had a body and no body Interrup. What Monster call you this Contempl. I call him Man Interrup. This is a Man of your own conception Contemp. A man of Natures creating is as monstrous for though man hath a rational soul yet most men are fools making no use of their reason and though Man hath a beautiful and perfect shape yet for the most part they make themselves deformed and ill-favoured with antick postures violent passions or brutish vices and man hath clear distinguishing Senses yet in his sleep or with fumes or drink he is sencelesse Man was produced immediately from the Gods yet man being wicked and prone to evil hath by evil wickednesse the nature of a Devil Man 't is said shall live for ever as having an eternal life yet betwixt this life and the other he dyes like a Beast and turns to dust as other Creatures do but the only difference between the man Nature creates and the man my Conceptions create is that Natures man hath a real substance as a real body whereas my conceptive man is only an Idea which is an incorporal man so as the body of my concepted man is as the soul of Natures created man an incorporality Ex. Scene 17. Enter the Lord Title and Mall Mean-bred LOrd Title Well I have lost my first Course in Love and now like an angry bloody Gray-hound I will down with the first I meet were she as innocent as a Dove or as wise as a Serpent down she goes Enter Mall Mean-bred But soft here 's Loves game and I le flye at her Fair One for so you are Mall Mean-bred Truly Sir I am but a Blouse Lord Title Think better of your self and believe me Mall Mean My Father hath told me I must not believe a Gentleman in such matters Lord Title Why sweetest I am a Lord Mall Mean A Lord Lord blesse your Worship then but my Father gave me warning of a Lord he said they might nay say and swear too and do any thing for they were Peers of the Realm there was no medling with them he said without a Rebellion blesse me from a Lord for it is a naughty thing as they say I know not Lo. Title Do you value me so little when I can make you an Apocryphal Lady Mall Mean The Apocrypha forsooth is out of my Book I have been bred purer than to meddle with the Apocrypha the Gods blesse us from it and from all such ill things Lo. Title Well in short will you love me Mall Mean I am so ashamed to love a Lord forsooth that I know not how to behave my self Lo. Title
dust soon raised and suddenly blown away Contemp. No they are as fire-works that sparkling flie about or rather stars set thick upon the brain which gives a twinckling delight unto the mind Visitant Prethee delight thy friends with thy conversation and spend not thy time with dull thoughts Contemp. Pray give me leave to delight my self with my own thoughts since I have no discourse to entertain a hearer Visitant Why your thoughts speak in your mind although your tongue keeps silence Contemp. 'T is true but they disturb not the mind with noise for noise is the greatest enemy the mind hath and as for my part I think the most useless sense that Nature hath made is hearing the truth is that hearing and smelling might well have been spared for those two senses bring no materials into the brain for sound and scent are incorporal Visitant Then put out all the senses Contemp. There is no reason for that for the eyes bring in pictures which serve the mind for patterns to draw new fancies by and to cut or carve out figurative thoughts and the last serves towards the nourishment of the body and touches the life Visitant But wisedome comes through the ear by instruction Contemp. Wisedome comes through the eye by experience for we shall doubt of what we only hear but never doubt of what we see perfectly But the ground of wisedom is Reason and Reason is born with the soul wherefore the ear serves only for reproof and reproof displeases the mind and seldome doth the life any good nay many times it makes it worse for the mind being displeased grows angry and being angry malicious and being malicious revengeful and revenge is war and war is destruction Visitant But if you were deaf you would lose the sweet harmony of musick Contemp. Harmony becomes discord by often repetition and at the best it doth but rock the thoughts asleep whereas the mind takes more pleasure in the harmony of thoughts and the musick of fancy than in any that the senses can bring into it Visitant Prethee let this harmonious musick cease for a time and let us go and visit the Lady Conversation Contemp. It seems a strange humour to me that all mankind in general should have an itching tongue to talk and take more pleasure in the wagging thereof than a beggar in scratching where a louse hath bit Visitant Why every part of the body was made for some use and the tongue to express the sense of the mind Contemp. Pardon me tongues were made for taste not for words for words wa an art which man invented you may as well say the hands were made to shuffle cards or to do juggling tricks when they were made to defend and assist the body or you may as well say the leg were made to cut capers when they were made to carry the body and to move as to goe from place to place for though the hands can shuffle cards or juggle and the legs can cut capers yet they were not made by Nature for that use nor to that purpose but howsoever for the most part the sense and reason of the mind is lost in the number of words for there are millions of words for a single figure of sense and many times a cyphre of nonsense stands instead of a figure of sense Besides there are more spirits spent and flesh wasted with speaking than is got or kept with eating as witness Preachers Pleaders Players and the like who most commonly die with Consumptions and I believe many of our effeminate Sex do hurt the lungs with over-exercising of their tongues not only with licking and tasting of Sweet-meats but with chatting and prating twitling and twatling for I cannot say speaking or discoursing which are significant words placed in a methodical order then march in a regular body upon the ground of Reason where sometimes the colour of Fancy is flying Visitant Now the Flag of your wit is flying is the fittest time to encounter the Lady Conversation and I make no question but you will be Victorious and then you shall be Crowned the Queen of Wit Contempl. I had rather bury my self in a Monument of Thoughts than sit in the Throne of Applause for Talking Exeunt Scene 23. Enter the Lord Title to Poor Virtue who sat under a little hedge bending like a Bower He sits down by her LOrd Title Sweet why sit you so silently here Poor Virtue My speech is buried in my thoughts Lord Title This silent place begets melancholy thoughts Poor Virtue And I love melancholy so well as I would have all as silent without me as my thoughts are within me and I am so well pleased with thoughts as noise begets a grief when it disturbs them Lord Title But most commonly Shepherds and Shepherdesses sit and sing to pass away the time Poor Virtue Misfortunes have untuned my voice and broke the strings of mirth Lord Title Misfortunes what misfortunes art thou capable of Thou hast all thou wert born to Poor Virtue I was born to die and 't is misfortune enough I live since my life can do no good I am but useless here Lord Title You were born to help increase the world Poor Virtue The world needs no increase there are too many creatures already especially mankinde for there are more than can live quietly in the world for I perceive the more populous the more vicious Lord Title 'T is strange you should be so young so fair so witty as you are and yet so melancholy thy poverty cannot make it for thou never knewest the pleasure of riches Poor Virtue Melancholy is the only hopes I do rely upon that though I am poor yet that may make me wise for fools are most commonly merriest because they understand not the follies that dwell therein nor have enough considerations of the unhappiness of man who hath endless desires unprofitable travels hard labours restless hours short pleasures tedious pains little delights blasted joys uncertain lives and decreed deaths and what is mirth good for it cannot save a dying friend nor help a ruined Kingdome nor bring in plenty to a famished Land nor quench out malignant Plagues nor is it a ward to keep misfortunes off though it may triumph on them Lord Title But you a young Maid should do as young Maids do seek out the company of young Men Poor Virtue Young Maids may save themselves that labour for Men will seek out them or else you would not be sitting here with me Lord Title And are you not pleas'd with my company Poor Virtue What pleasure can there be in fears Lord Title Are you afraid of me Poor Virtue Yes truly for the ill example of men corrupts the good principles in women But I fear not the perverting of my Vertue but mens incivilities Lord Title They must be very rudely bred that give you not respect you being so very modest Poor Virtue 'T is not enough to be chastly modest and honest but as
a servant to my Mr. and Mrs. I must be dutiful and careful to their commands and on their employments they have put to me wherefore I must leave you Sir and go fold my sheep Lord Title I will help you Exeunt Scene 24 Enter Sir Golden Riches and Mall Mean-bred GOlden Rich. Sweet-heart I have no Sonnets This Scene was written by my Lord Marquiss of Newcastle Songs or stronger Lines with softer Poesie to melt your Soul nor Rhetorick to charm your Eares or Logick for to force or ravish you nor lap 't in richer cloaths embalm'd in Sweets nor Courtly Language but am an Ancient Squire by name Sir Golden Riches which hath force in all things and then in Love for Cupid being blinde he is for feeling and look here my Wench this purse is stuff'd with Gold a hundred pounds Mall Mean-bred Let me see poure it on the ground Gold Rich. I will obey thee Look here my Girl He poures it on the ground Mall Mean-bred O dear how it doth shine forsooth it almost blinds mine eyes take it away yet pray let it stay truly I know not what to do with it Gold Rich. No why it will buy you rich Gowns ap'd in the Silk-worms toyls with stockings of the softer silk to draw on your finer legs with rich lace shooes with roses that seem sweet and garters laced with spangles like twinckling Stars embalm your hair with Gessimond Pomaetums and rain Odoriferous Powders of proud Rome Mall Mean-bred O Heaven what a Wench shall I be could I get them But shall we have fine things of the Pedlar too Gold Rich. Buy all their packs and send them empty home Mall Mean-bred O mighty I shall put down all the Wenches at the May-pole then what will the Bag-piper say do you think Pray tell me for he is a jeering knave Gold Rich. Despise the Rural company and that windy bag change it for Balls with greatest Lords to dance and bring the Jerkin Fiddles out of frame Mall Mean-bred Then I shall have a Mail-Pillion and ride behind our Thomas to the dancing Gold Rich. No you shall ride in rich gilt Coaches Pages and Lacquies in rich Liveries with Gentlemen well cloath'd to wait upon you Mall Mean-bred And be a Lady then I will be proud and will not know Thomas any more nor any Maid that was acquainted with me Gold Rich. You must forget all those of your Fathers house too for I 'll get a Pedigree shall fit you and bring you Lineally descended from Great Charlemain Mall Mean-bred No I will have it from Charls wayn my Fathers Carter but I would so fain be a Lady and it might be I will be stately laugh without a cause and then I am witty and jeer sometimes and speak nonsense aloud But this Gold will not serve for all these fine things Gold Rich. Why then we will have hundreds and thousands of pounds until you be pleas'd so I may but enjoy you in my Arms Mall Mean-bred No Maid alive can hold our these Assaults Gold is the Petarr that breaks the Virgins gates a Souldier told me so VVell then my Lord Title farewel for you are an empty name and Sir Effeminate Lovely go you to your Taylor make more fine cloaths in vain I 'll stick to Riches do then what you will The neerest way to pleasure buy it still Exeunt Scene 25. Enter the Lady Ward alone LAdy Ward Why should Lord Courtship dislike me Time hath not plowed wrinkles in my face nor digged hollows in my cheeks nor hath he set mine eyes deep in my head nor shrunk my sinews up nor suck'd my veins dry nor fed upon my flesh making my body insipid and bate neither hath he quenched out my wit nor decay'd my memory nor ruin'd my understanding but perchance Lord Courtship likes nothing but what is in perfection and I am like a house which Time hath not fully finished nor Education throughly furnished Scene 26. Enter Poor Virtue and Sir Golden Riches meets her comming from Mall Mean-bred Golden Riches Sweet-heart refuse not Riches it will buy thee friends pacifie thy enemies it will guard thee from those dangers that throng upon the life of every creature Poor Virtue Heavenly Providence is the Marshal which makes way for the life to pass through the croud of dangers and my Vertue will gain me honest friends which will never forsake me and my humble submission will pacifie my enemies were they never so cruel Gold Rich. But Riches will give thee delight and place thee in the midst of pleasures Poor Virtue No it is a peaceable habitation a quiet and sound sleep and a healthful body that gives delight and pleasure and 't is not riches but riches many times destroy the life of the body or the reason in the soul or at least bring infirmities thereto through luxury for luxury slackens the Nerves quenches the Spirits and drowns the Brain and slackned Nerves make weak Bodies quenched Spirits timorous Minds a drowned Brain a watry Understanding which causeth Sloth Effeminacy and Simplicity Gold Rich. How come you to know so much of the world and yet know so few passages in it living obscurely in a Farmers house Poor Virtue The Astronomers can measure the distance of the Planets and take the compass of the Globe yet never travel to them nor have they Embassadors from them nor Liegers to lie therein to give Intelligence Gold Rich. How come you to be so learnedly judicious being so young poor and meanly born and bred Poor Virtue Why Fire Air Water and Earth Animals Vegetables and Minerals are Volumes large enough to express Nature and make a Scholar learn to know the course of her works and to understand many effects produced therefrom And as for Judgment and Wit they are brother and sister and although they do not alwayes and at all times agree yet are they alwayes the children of the Brain being begot by Nature Thus what Wit or Knowledge I have may come immediatly from Nature not from my Birth or Breeding but howsoever I am not what I seem Exeunt Scene 27. Enter the Lady Contemplation and the Lady Visitant Visitant What makes you look so sad Contempl. Why Monsieur Amorous's visit hath been the cause of the death of one of the finest Gentlemen of this Age Visitant How pray Contempl. Why thus my Imagination for Imagination can Create both Masculine and Feminine Lovers had Created a Gentleman that was handsomer and more beautiful than Leander Adonis or Narcissus valianter than Tamberlain Scanderbeg Hannibal Caesar or Alexander sweeter-natur'd than Titus the delight of mankinde better-spoken and more eloquent than Tully or Demosthenes wittyer than Ovid and a better Poet than Homer This man to fall desperately in love with me as loving my Vertues honouring my Merits admiring my Beauty wondring at my Wit doting on my Person adoring me as an Angel worshipping me as a Goddess I was his Life his Soul his Heaven This Lover courted
my affection with all the industry of Life gifts of Fortune and actions of Honour sued for my favour as if he had sued to Heaven for mercy but I as many cruel goddesses do would neither receive his obligations nor regard his vowes nor pity his tears nor hearken to his complaints but rejected his Sute and gave him an absolute denyal whereupon he was resolved to dye as believing no torments could be compared to those of my disdain and since I would not love him living he hoped by dying his death might move my pity and so beget a compassionate remembrance from me wherupon he got secretly neer my chamber-door and hung himself just where I must go out which when I saw I starred back in a great fright but at last running forth to call for help to cut him down in came Monsieur Amorous which hinderance made me leave him hanging there as being ashamed to own my cruelty and he hath been talking or rather prating here so long as by this time my kind Love is dead Visitant O no for Lovers will hang a long time before they dye for their necks are tuff and their hearts are large and hot Contempl. Well pray leave me alone that I may cut him down and give him Cordials to restore life Visitant Faith you must let him hang a little time longer for I have undertaken to make you a sociable Lady this day wherefore you must goe abroad to a friends house with me Contempl. Who I what do you think I will goe abroad and leave my Lover in a twisted string his legs hanging dangling down his face all black and swelled and his eyes almost started out of his head no no pray goe alone by your self and leave me to my Contemplation Visitant Well if you will not goe I will never see you nor be friends with you again Contempl. Pray be not angry for I will go if you will have me although I shall be but a dull companion for I shall not speak one word for wheresoever I am my thoughts will use all their Industry to cut the string and take him down and rub and chafe him against a hot fire Visitant Come come you shall heat your self with dancing and let your Lover hang Contempl. That I cannot for active bodies and active brains are never at once the one disturbs the other Visitant Then it seems you had rather have an active brain than an active body Contempl. Yes for when the brain doth work the understanding is inriched and knowledge is gained thereby whereas the body doth oft-times waste the life with too much exercise Visitant Take heed you do not distemper your brain with too much exercising your thoughts Contempl. All distempers proceed from the body and not from the minde for the minde would be well did not the humours and appetites of the body force it into a distemper Visitant Well upon the condition you will goe you shall sit still and your wit shall be the Musick Contempl. Prethee let me rest at home for to day the strings of my wit are broken and my tongue like a fiddle is out of tune Besides Contemplative persons are at all times dull speakers although they are pleasant thinkers Exeunt FINIS Written by my Lord Marquess of New-castle The Second Part of the Lady Contemplation The Actors Names Lord Title Lord Courtship Sir Fancy Poet Sir Experienced Traveller Sir Humphry Interruption Sir Golden Riches Sir Effeminate Lovely Sir John Argument Sir Vain Complement Master Inquirer Doctor Practice Old Humanity Roger Farmer Thom. Purveyor 2. Beadles Gentlemen and others Lady Amorous Lady Ward Lady Contemplation Lady Conversation Lady Visitant Poor Virtue Mistris Troublesome Mistris Gossip Mistris Messenger Lady Amorous's woman Nurse Careful Maudlin Huswife Roger Farmers wife Mall Mean-bred their daughter Mistris Troublesomes maid Servants and others The Second Part of the Lady Contemplation ACT I. Scene 1. Enter Sir Effeminate Lovely and Poor Virtue EFfeminate Lovely Sweet-heart you are a most Heavenly Creature Poor Virtue Beauty is created and placed oftner in the fancy than in the face Effem. Lovely 'T is said there is a Sympathy in likeness if so you and I should love each other for we are both beautiful Poor Virtue But 't is a question whether our Souls be answerable to our Persons Effem. Lovely There is no question or doubt to be made but that loving souls live in beautiful persons Poor Virtue And do those loving soules dye when their beauties are decayed and withered Effem. The subject pleads it self without the help of Rhetorick for Love and Beauty lives and dies together Poor Virtue 'T is Amorous Love that dies when Beauty is gone not Vertuous Love for as Amorous Love is bred born lives and dies with the appetite so Vertuous Love is Created and shall live with the Soul forever Effem. Lovely You may call it what love you please Poor Virtue It is no love but a disease Exeunt Scene 2. Enter the Lord Courtship and the Lady Ward LOrd Courtship Why did you leave the Lady Amorous company so uncivilly as to go out of the room leaving her all alone Lady Ward I heard your Lordship was coming then I thought it was fit for me to withdraw for I have heard Lovers desire to be alone Lord Courtship Do you desire to be alone with a man Lady Ward I am no such Lover for I am too young as yet but I know not what I shall or may be wrought or brought to but time and good example may instruct and lead me into the way of amorous love Lord Courtship May it so Lady Ward Why not for I am docible and youth is apt to learn Lord Court But before I marry you I would have you learn to know how to be an obedient wife as to be content and not murmure at my actions also to please my humour but not to imitate my practice Lady Ward If I might advise your Lordship I would advise you to take such a Portion out of my Estate as you shall think just or fit and then quit me and choose such a one as you shall like for I shall never please you for though I may be apt to learn what will please my self yet I am dull and intractable to learn obedience to anothers will nor can I flatter their delights Lord Court I finde you have learned and now begin to practice how to talk for now your sober silence seems as dead and buried in the rubbish of follish words But let me tell you a talking wife will never please me wherefore practise patience and keep silence if you would enjoy the happiness of peace The Lord Courtship goes out Lady Ward alone Lady Ward There can be no peace when the mind is discontented Exit Scene 3. Enter Lord Title and Poor Vertue POor Virtue Why do you follow me so much as never to let me rest in peace and quiet alone Is it that you think I have beauty and is it
will be very industrious if you please to set me to work Enter Maudlin Huswife her Mother she falls a beating her Maudlin You idle slut do you stand loytering here when it is more than time the Cows were milk'd Mall Mean-bred flings away her milking-pail Mall Mean-bred Go milk them your self with a murrain since you are so light-finger'd Maudlin I will milk your sides first The Mother goeth to beat her again Mall Mean-bred her daughter runs away from her mother she follows her running to catch her Master Inqui. I marry Sir this is right as a Farmers daughter should be but in my Conscience the other Maid that was here before her is a bastard begot by some Gentleman Exeunt Scene 14. Enter Sir John Argument and the Lady Conversation LAdy Conversa. Let me tell you Sir Iohn Argument Love delivers up the whole Soul to the thing beloved and the truth is none but one soul can love another Argum. But Justice Madam must be the rule of Love wherefore those souls which Love must give the bodies leave to joyn Conversat. O no pure souls may converse without gross bodies Argument Were it not for the Senses Madam souls could have no acquaintance and without an acquaintance there can be no reciprocal affection and will you make the Senses which are the souls chief confidence to be strangers or enemies Conversat. I would have them converse but not interrupt Argum. The bodies must have mutual friendship and correspondency with each other or otherwise they may dissemble or betray the souls or abuse the trust loose appetites or wandring senses or contrary humours and what can interrupt Love more than the disagreement of bodies Conversat. The Senses and Appetites of the Body are but as subject to the Soul Argument But 't is impossible for Forein Princes as I will compare two loving souls unto can live in peace and mutual amity if their subjects disagree Enter Mistris Troublesome Conversat. O Mistris Troublesome you are welcome for you shall end the dispute between Sir Iohn Argument and I Troublesome If you cannot decide the Dispute your selves I shall never do it But what is the Dispute Madam Conversat. Whether there can be a perfect friendship of Souls without a reciprocal and mutual conversation and conjunctions of Bodies Troublesome Faith Madam I think it would be a very faint friendship betwixt the Souls without the Bodies Conversat. I perceive Sir Iohn Argument and you would never make Platonick Lovers Troublesome Faith Madam I think Platonick is a word without sense Argument You say right Mistris Troublesome it is an insensible love Conversat. It is the Soul of Love Troublesome What 's that Madam a Ghost or Spirit Conversat. Indeed it hath no material body Argument No for it is an incorporal thing Troublesome What is an incorporal thing Sir Iohn Argument Why nothing Troublesome Pray leave this discourse or else you will talk nonsense Argument That 's usual in Conversation Conversat. Setting aside this discourse at Mistris Troublesomes request Pray tell me how the Lady Contemplation doth Troublesome Faith Madam by the course of her life one might think she were an incorporal thing Conversat. Why Troublesome Because she makes but little use of her Body living always within her Minde Conversat. Then her Body stands but as a Cypher amongst the Figures of her thoughts Troublesome Just so by my Troth Conversat. Pray bring me acquainted with the Lady Contemplation Troublesome If it be possible I will but the Lady Visitant can do it better than I Conversat. I am resolv'd I will visit her Exeunt Scene 15. Enter the Lord Courtship and the Lady Ward LOrd Courtship What is your passion over Lady Ward My passion will strive to maintain my honour and you may take my life but as long as I live my passion will fight in the quarrel But what man of honour will make a Bawd of her he intends to make his Wife and what man of honour will be cruel to those that are weak helplesse and shiftlesse and what man of honour will be uncivil to the meanest of our Sex It is more noble to flatter us than to quarrel with us but that I have heard you are valiant I should think you were a base coward and such a one that would quarrel in a Brothel-house rather than fight in a Battel But I perceive you are one that loves Pleasure more than Honour and Life more than Fame and I hate to be in that mans company or to make a Husband whose courage lies in Voluptousness and his life in Infamy I will sooner marry Death than such a man The Lady Ward goes out Lord Courtship alone Lord Courts Her words have shot through my soul and have made a sensible wound therein How wisely she did speak how beautiful appear'd Her minde is full of honour and the actions of her life are built upon noble principles so young so wise so fair so chaste and I to use her so basely as I have done O how I hate my self for doing so unworthily Exit Scene 16. Enter Sir Effeminate Lovely and Poor Virtue EFfemin. Lovely The more ground is troden on the easier the path to walk in Poor Virtue It seems so that you visit me so often Effem. Lovely Why thou art such sweet company and behav'st thy self so prettily as I cannot choose but visit thee Poor Virtue I would if I could behave my self so to the world as my indiscretion might not defame me Effem. Lovely Why do you think of a Fame Poor Virtue VVhy not since fame many times arises from poor Cottages as well as from great Palaces witness the Country labouring-man that was taken from the plough and made an Emperour as being thought sittest to rule both for Justice and VVisedome and he was more famous than those that were born of an Heroick Line and were of Royal dignity and David a shepherd became a King 'T is Merit that deserves a fame not Birth and sometimes Merit hath its desert though but seldome Effem. Lovely Thy discourse would tempt any man Poor Virtue Mistake not my discourse it hath no such devilish design for to tempt is to pervert 'T is true my Nature takes delight to delight and please others and not to crosse or displease any yet not to tempt or to delude with counterfeit demeanors or fair insinuating words smooth speech or oiled tongue to draw from Virtues side but to perswade and plead in Virtues cause Effem. Lovely Thy very looks would gain a cause before thy tongue could plead Poor Virtue Alas mans countenance is like the Sea which ebbs and flows as passion moves the minde Effem. Lovely I am sure Love moves my minde and makes it in a fiery heat Poor Virtue If it be noble Love it is like the Sun which runs about to give both light and heat to all the world that else would sit in darknesse and be both cold and steril so doth a noble minde run with industry to
am wholly in your power Prudence I will mask my beauty and set you free Wooer A mask may shadow your beauty but cannot extinguish it no more than a dark cloud can the bright Sun And as the Sun begets life and gives light so your beauty begets love and gives delight to all that do behold it Prudence And as Time brings Death Darkness and Obscurity so Age brings wrinckles and Absence forgetfulness burying love in the ruines of Beauty Wooer My love can never die nor hath time power to vade your beauty Prudence Nothing escapes Times tyranny but what the soul possesses Wooer You are the soul of beauty and beauty the soul of love Prudence Such souls have no Eternity but die as bodies do Wooer O save my soul and love me Prudence 'T is not in my power for love is free and resolute it can neither be commanded nor intreated Exeunt Scene 10. Enter the Lady Liberty Sir Thomas Letgo Sir William Holdfast the Lady Parrot the Lady Minion Master Disswader Sir VVilliam Holdfasts Friend being met at a Feast at Sir Thomas Letgo's House LEtgo Ladies you are become melancholy of a sudden I hope you are not tyr'd with dancing Liberty Yes saith we want divertisements wherefore prethy Sir Thomas Letgo send for thy affianced Mistris to make sport Letgo I am asham'd she should be seen or made known to this noble company Liberty O divulge her by all means that the World may know you do despise her and that you will marry her only because she is rich and to obey your Fathers commands Letgo I will obey your commands and send for her He sends for her in the mean time he is talking to another Enter the Lady Mute holding down her head and looking simply Liberty Sir Thomas Letgo your wise Mistris is come to welcome your Guests Letgo She wants words to express her self and Wit to entertain them Liberty Your Father knew you wanted not Wit so much as Wealth Letgo Many Fathers leave their sons nothing but their follies and vices for their Inheritance But my Father not having Vices or Follies enough of his own hath left me another mans Fool for an Annuity Parrot Is she a fool Liberty O yes for she seldom speaks Parrot That 's a great sign of simplicity indeed Liberty She is a meer Changeling for when she doth speak it is but when she is question'd and then for the most part she gives but one answer to all sorts of questions Parrot What Answer is that Liberty Her Answer is she cannot tell Holdfast Lady there may be such questions ask'd as are beyond a wise mans understanding to resolve But perchance she is sceptick that doubts all things All the company laugh Liberty What do you judge the scepticks fools Holdfast A man may judge all those to be fools that are not scepticks Liberty I judge all those that think her not a fool are fools Holdfast Then Lady I am condemn'd for I cannot give sentence against any of your Sex neither in thoughts or words Exeunt ACT II. Scene 11. Enter the Lady Prudence and the Country Gentleman as Suter They take their places the Assembly about them This wooing part of the Country Gentleman was written by the Marquiss of Newcastle Country Gentleman Madam though I no Courtier am by Education Yet I more truth may speak and here declare Your charming Eyes turn wanton thoughts to virtue Each modest smile converts the sinfull'st soul To holy Matrimony and each Grace and Motion Takes more than the fairest Face I am not young not yet condemn'd to age Not handsome nor yet I think ill-favour'd I do not swell with riches nor am poor No Palaces yet have Conveniences What though Poetick Raptures I do want My Judgment 's clearer than those hotter brains To make a Joynture out of verse and songs Or thirds in Oratory to endow you The Mean betwixt Extremes is Virtue still If so then make me happy and your self Courtiers may tell you that you may enjoy And marry pleasure there each minutes time There is all freedom for the female Sex Though you are bound yet feel not you are ty'd For liberty begins when you 'r a Bride Your Husband your Protection and the Court Doth cure all jealousie and fonder doubts Which there are laught at as the greatest follies If not by most yet they 'r thought mortal sins 'T is Heaven on Earth for Ladies that seem wise But you are vertuous and those ways despise Therefore take me that honour you for that Here ends my Lord Marquisses writing Prudence Worthy Sir could I perswade my Affection to listen to your sure you should not be deny'd but it is deaf or obstinate it will neither take your counsel nor be intreated But since you wooe so worthily I shall esteem you honourable as well you deserve Exeunt Scene 12. Enter the Lady Parrot and the Lady Minion PArrot Sweet Madam I could not pass by your house for my life but I must enter to see you although I was here but yesterday Minion Dear Madam I am very much joy'd to see you for I am never well but in your company They sit down both in one Couch Parrot When did you see the Lady Gravity Minion I have not seen her these two days Parrot Lord she is the strangest Lady that ever I knew in my life her company is so uneasie and let me tell you as a secret she hath a very ill Reputation Minion If I thought that I would not keep her company Parrot Since I heard that Report I have shunn'd her company as much as I could Minion Even so will I for I would not keep any body company that I thought were not chaste for a World But who is her servant can you tell Parrot 'T is commonly reported Sir Henry Courtly is her servant Minion Out upon him he is the veriest Whoremaster in all the Town nay if she keeps him company I will not come near her I 'll warrant you Parrot Nor I although she would fain be dear with me and seeks all the ways she can to be great with me sending her Gentleman-Usher every day to me with a How do you Minion No pray do not be dear nor great with her but let you and I be dear and great and that will anger her to the heart Parrot That it will faith therefore let us go to morrow together and visit her to let her see how dear and great friends we are Minion Content Parrot Agreed Enter Sir Henry Courtly as to visit the Lady Minion Minion Lord Sir Henry Courtly I have not seen you these three days Courtly I was here yesterday Madam to wait upon you but you were abroad then I went to wait upon you my Lady Parrot but you were also from home Parrot So then I had but the reversions of the Lady Minions Visit Courtly I can be but in one place at one time Madam Minion Why should you take it ill Madam that he should
charitable ones But this damn'd money this runnagade this vagabond money 1 Gent. But if you had a statute to whip her home to her own Parish it would do well Letgo I Iack but there is no such law the more the pity but this abominable money disorders all the World What work makes it betwixt Parents and Children Husbands and Wives Brothers and Sisters Masters and Servants Landlords and Tenants Citizens and their Prentices Mistrisses and their Maids and between Kings and their subject Corrupts all the World breaks Friendship betrays Friends raises Rebellions commits Treason and corrupts Virgins It is the Pander and Bawd to all business the States-man is fed by this damn'd Lady Pecunia the Lawyer serves her the Merchants her slave the Shop-keeper her vassal and the Countryman her Tenant Lords and Ladies her pensioners and greatest Monarchs pay tribute to her the Logician argues for her the Orator pleads for her and many Ecclesiasticals preach for her the Vicar General and his Conclave are rul'd by her and the poor Poet she draws his copperas from his ink and makes him flatter her This horrid Lady Sorceress so to bewitch the World Is there no law against this Enchantress that thus doth still abuse the World and all that 's in it The very Souldiers sword is charmed by her and all his guns are silent at her presence This she-devil 3 Gentlem. But I would you had your she-devil again for all that But what Pious and Charitable Consideration had you if you had your money again Letgo Marry Sir First I would build an Hospital for decay'd Ladies that were maim'd in Venus's wars losing a nose or so never yet any care taken of them the more is the pity 2 Gent. Very good and what next Letgo Next I would buy such a piece of ground and build a Bedlam and then put in all such Divines as preach themselvs out of their power and riches and I would put all such Lawyers in as pleaded themselves out of practice and all such Citizens as petition'd themselves out of trade 3 Gentlem. These are good and pious Acts But would not you provide a place or means for such as were undone by playing at Dice and Cards and the like Letgo No they should have only Fools Coats to be known by and I would be the Master of them Exeunt Here ends my Lord Marquiss of Newcastles Writing Scene 35. Enter Mistris Parle Mistris Trifle Mistris Vanity Mistris Fondly and a Matron to the Lady Gosling These all bid her Ioy She thanks them in a low Voice and a constrain'd and formal Behaviour and a foolish grave Countenance TRifle How doth your Husband Madam Lady Gosling I hope he 's well he 's gone abroad Parle You look pale since you were maried Gosling I was not very well this morning for I could not eat my Breakfast truly I have lost my stomack since I have been maried Vanity Perchance you are breeding Gosling Oh fie no surely but yet my Maid laughs and tells me I am Matron I hope Lady you are not breeding already for you have not been maried above three days Gosling I have heard that some have been with Child as soon as they were maried and my Maid told me she served a Mistris who the next day she was maried was with Child Matron By my Faith that was very soon The Lady Gosling pulls off her Glove to take her Handkerchief a pretence to shew her Wedding-ring Fondly Me thinks it is strange to see you have a Wedding-ring on your Thumb Gosling You will come to wear a Wedding-ring on your Thumb one of these days Trifle What is the Posie Gosling I like too well to change Parle 'T is well you do for if you did not you could hardly change unless your Husband dies Gosling Heaven forbid for I would not have him die for all the World for he is one of the lovingest and fondest Husbands that ever was Matron The first Moneth is a fond Moneth Lady Parle And are you fond of him Gosling Yes truly for I hang about his neck when he is at home Matron But you will weary your Husband Lady if you hang a long time Gosling I would very fain you did see my Husband Parle We much desire so to do She calls her Maid Joan The Maid answers as within Madam Gosling Is your Master Sir Anthony Gossing come home yet Maid No Madam Gosling In truth he is too blame to stay out so long knowing I am not well when he is away Vanity Are you sick in his absence Gosling I am best pleas'd when he is with me Matron New-maried Wives are always so but after they have been maried some time they are worst pleased when their Husbands are with them Exeunt Scene 36. Enter the Lady Prudence as a Bride that 's very finely drest in glorious Apparel her Bridegroom in poor old cloaths He leads her as to the Church limping with his Wooden Leg The Bridal Guests seem to make signs of scorning as they follow They all go out but two Gentlemen 1 GEntlem. Me thinks it is a strange sight to see such a Bride and such a Bridegroom I do imagine them to be like Pluto and Proserpine 2 Gent. Nay rather they are like Venus and Vulcan 1 Gent. But she is too chaste to entertain a Mars to Cuckold him 2 Gent. It is to be hop'd she will take her liberty with variety for extravagant love is seldom constant 1 Gent. If that rule prove true he may be a Cuckold indeed 2 Gent. 'T is likely he will for women chuse to marry such deformed men a purpose first to excuse their fault thinking the World will never condemn them their Husbands being ill-favour'dly mis-shapen or thinking their Husbands will be well content knowing their own infirmities to be a sharer 1 Gent. But I wonder she did not new-cloath him for though he is not so rich to buy himself a Wedding-Suit yet she hath means enough to buy him many several suits and rich 2 Gent. There was no time to make him Wedding-cloaths because he came not till his Wedding-day 1 Gent. Well let us go see them maried and wish them joy Exeunt Scene 37 Enter Sir Thomas Letgo Sir William Holdfast and two or three other Gentlemen So far of this Scene as Sir Thomas Letgo's the Marquis of Newcastle writ LEtgo Since my losses I have such a desire of Revenge as my fingers itch to be at it and the Palsie is in my elbow with the imagination of throwing those partial bones call'd by the Vulgar Dice they say they are square fellows but I doubt it Well have at them whatsoever comes on 't for I long more for them than the great Belly that long'd to bite her Husbands Nose or to give him a box on the Ear or she that threw her loaf into a barrel of Tar and if I have not my longings in my Conscience I shall miscarry 1 Gent. Take heed Sir that you do
with their hats off he leading in the Bride his Princess and a great many Ladies waiting on her The Prince and Princess sit in two Chairs and the rest of the company on each side of them to see an Anti mask presented to them When the Antick-maskers had danced a Song was sung These Songs following the Lord Marquiss writ Song VErtue and Honour you did take And Beauty scorn'd as vading Thus you a Godess it doth make Rove mortal Ladies trading They love the Body you the Soul They Shape but you the Mind Your Love those grosser loves controll Which shews their Love is blind His wooden Leg is thrown away The black Patch for the blind The Bunch on 's back asswag'd to day As hansome as his Mind This now is your reward Sweet Madam The Gods they are not lath To give you one handsome as Adam And thus enjoy them both Then the Maskers dance again and after their Dance another Song Song Loves Miracles not ceased be The Lame to walk the Blind to see The Crooked is made straight 't is true And these Loves Wonders made by you His Body metamorphos'd is By your Ambrosia sweeter kiss Such power hath Love when you do sip The Gods pure Nectar from your Lip All Ioys attend you night and day Be each to other fresh as May Renewing pleasures every hour And sweeter than the sweetest Flower The Maskers dance again and after another Song Song Envious Ladies now repine Since you are crost In having lost A Prince so handsome and so fine Mourn in black patches for your sins Despair each Curl And every Purl And throw away your dressing-pins Lay by your richer Gowns of State For now you 'l faint For all your paint When think of your unhappier Fate For these Love-pitfals they are stale And all despise Your glancing Eyes For all forc'd Arts in Love they 'l fail Now let your specious gliding pass Or your Lips fed With biting red Despair and break each Looking-glass Here ends my Lord Marquis his writing Then the Maskers dance again and so goe out the Prince and Princess and the Company goes out all but a Matron and some young Ladies who stay and look upon each other very sadly without speaking to each other Matron What Ladies are you Thunder-struck with the Princes Honour or are you blasted with the Lightning of his Splendor or crush'd with the wheel of her good Fortune Parle Lord Lord how blindly Fortune throws her gifts away Matron One would think she had clear Eyes when she bestow'd her Favours upon the Princess Vanity She is become so proud since she is become a Princess as she will not look on us that were her companions and she thinks scorn to speak to us for she said not one word to any of us Matron She had no occasion to speak to you but I am confident If you speak to her you will find her as civil and obliging as ever she was Fondly 'Faith we care not for we can live without being oblig'd to her Parle They are not the happiest that have the greatest Titles Trifle Pride will have a Fall Matron I perceive it is hand to get the good opinion of the World for you rail'd at her Course laugh'd at her Choise condemn'd her Mariage and now you envy her good Success Parle We envy her you are mistaken for she must be of greater value and we less worthy than we are to raise an Envy Matron Nay Ladies if you are angry I will leave you Parle Then we shall be rid of a pratling fool Exit Matron Enter three or four old Ladies the Mothers to the young Ladies 1 Old Lady O wisedome in youth is a wonder 2 Old Lady Happy is that Parent that hath a discreet Child 3 Old Lady Such Children give their Parents Honour in their Graves 4 Old Lady Pray let us Petition that a Law may be Enacted for this Publick Wooing 1 Old Lady We shall not need to Petition for the Princess I dare warrant you will get the Prince to Enact a Law for this Publick Wooing for her Fame she being the only first that hath been wooed so So they all speak together Old Ladies Well Daughters make her your Pattern Exeunt Old Ladies Trifle Yesterday that was the Wedding-day my Parents did condemn the Bride calling her Fool and saying she was mad and forbid me to imitate her Parle 'T is no wonder our Natures are so various when as our Education are so inconstant for we are instructed to imitate Fortune which is to be restless and to spoil that good we have done Vanity Or to better the worse Parle No 'faith for I perceive Fortune hath more power to do hurt than good for Fortune ruines or at least disturbs Virtuous Acts and frustrates Wisedom's Counsels Enter a Messenger Messenger Ladies the Princess desires your company to dance Parle Pray excuse me Sir for I have so great a pain on my left side as I can hardly fetch my breath Vanity And I have such a pain in my head as I dare not dance for fear it should ake more Trifle And truly I have so streight a shooe as it is a pain for me to tread a step Fondly And I am not well in my stomach wherefore excuse us Sir to the Princess Exeunt Scene 44. Enter the Lady Parrot and the Lady Minion and the Lady Gosling PArrot God give you Joy I have not seen you since you were maried Minion You are welcome into the maried Society Gosling I thank you Madam Truly I am so tyr'd Parrot With what Madam Gosling With helping my Neighbour the Lady Breeder to hold her back Minion VVhy is she in Labour Gosling She is brought to Bed but on my word she hath had a hard bargain for she hath had a sore Labour Parrot VVhat hath God sent her Gosling A lusty boy Indeed it is one of the goodliest children that ever I saw Minion But how chance she did not send for me to her Labour Gosling She came on such a sudden as she had hardly Time to send for the Midwife but she was mightily troubled you were not there she doubts you will take it ill Parrot We have reason for if we could not have come time enough to her Labour we might have come time enough to the cup of Rejoycing Gosling But she will bid you to the Christening Minion That 's some amends But this hard labour of the Lady Breeders will fright you Gosling No for I have as much courage as other maried Wives have though truly Sir Anthony Gosling my Husband was very loth I should goe for said he to me prethee sweet Duck do not go I answer'd and said to him my hony-love I must go for it is the part of one wife to help another besides a gossipping company doth help to ease the womens pains and if I go not to their Labour they will not come to mine Minion Why are you with Child Gosling No but I
Sir Disguise Then inquire for a mans-Tailor to make me some Cloaths for I am not Accoutred fit for a Bridal-House Skipper I shall Sir Exeunt Scene 14. Enter two Maids of Sir John Dotards 1 MAid 'Faith I will go and inquire out a new service for I will never be box'd by my fellow-servant that was although now she is prefer'd to be House-keeper 2 Maid How came the quarrel betwixt you 1 Maid Why now forsooth she is come to Order and to Rectifie she 's not only grown light-finger'd but fine-finger'd as to touch nothing that is not bright-scour'd nor then neither without her gloves and she calld for a candle and a candlestick to carry into my Masters Chamber and I for haste run up with the candle and forgot the candlestick and had left it behind me when I came what said she do you bring a candle without a candlestick Alas said I I have forgot it but hold you the candle said I and I will run and fetch the stick strait and so I put the candle into her hand with that she up with her hand and gave me a box on the ear what said she do you give me a greasie candle to hold I will teach you more manners said she against the next time I being heated at the blow she gave me cold her that she had forgot since the Mouse bit her greasie face when she was asleep taking it for a candles-end or a piece of bacon with that she flew upon me and I at her where in the combat we made such a noise as my Master came forth of his Chamber and parted us and then he bid me get me out of his house but kiss'd her and pray'd her to pacifie her anger and not to distemper her self with a rude wench as I was 2 Maid And what said she then 1 Maid Why she told my Master I was a naughty Baggage a dirty Slur a base Whore and all the ill names she could but I will not suffer this for I will be gone 1 Maid Nay let us stay until we are provided of other Services Exeunt Scene 15. Enter Monsieur Disguise alone MOnsieur Disguise And is he maried O that I could pull out that part of my Brain which imprints his memory for the wrongs he hath done me are so great and heavy as I wish I could unload my Soul and build a Pyramide of Curses that may stand as a mark of his Infamy She studies a little time then speaks I had rather banish my self than live in disgrace in my own Countrey Exit ACT II. Scene 16. Enter the Lord VVidower and Doll Subtilty SUbtilty 'Faith my Lord your Daughter is so jealous of me as she sayes I am always in your Lordships Chamber Lord Why so thou art most commonly although not always Subtilty But yet it is not fit Children should examine their Parents actions and it were an indiscretion in Parents to allow of it Lord She is young she is young Subtilty Wherefore your Lordship should have a care to have her prudently govern'd and if she be too young to govern her self how can she govern so great a Family as your Lordships is Lord O she hath but the name my Steward governs all Subtilty Yes but the Mistris of the House governs the Steward and the Steward gives Orders as an Inferiour Officer delivering the Superiours commands Lord You say true wherefore you that have some more experience should counsel her Subtilty O my Lord 't is not manners for me to give her counsel neither will she take it from me for when I humbly offer her my Advice she checks me and threatens to turn me away Lord Doth she so But I will have her to take counse and to know she is too young to order after her own childish fancy Subtilty Indeed my Lord she wants years which should make her experienc'd Sweet child she is fitter to dress Babies and order a Closet than govern a great Family which is a little Common-wealth Lord Well I will order her otherwise Exeunt Scene 17. Enter the Bride the Bridegroom Sir James Hearty and all the Bridal Guests Then enters a servant to the Bridegroom Sir Francis Inconstant SErvant Sir there is a young Gentleman desires to speak with your Worship Inconstant What manner of man is he Servant A sweet-fac'd young man by my Troth Sir Inconstant Of what Country seems he to be Servant Of your own Countrey Sir Inconstant Direct him in Enter Monsieur Disguise Disguise Sir I was commanded by a young Lady to give you this Letter Sir Francis reads it and in the reading seems very much troubled Inconstant She writes as if she were dying when she writ this letter Disguise She was dying indeed for the last act she did was to give me this letter and the last words she spoke were Pray see this letter safe convey'd and so she dy'd Lady Inconstant What makes you so pale on a sudden Husband Sir Fran. Incon. I am not well and therefore I must goe to my Chamber But pray Sweet-heart stay you here lest my being ill shoald disturb our Guests Lady Inconstant Do you think I can entertain them if you be sick Sir Fran. Incon. I am not so sick as to be nurs'd although not so well as to delight in company for I am rather melancholy than any other way distemper'd Lady Inconst. What makes you melancholy Sir Fran. Incon. Why a dear Friend of mine is dead He sighs a great sigh But Sweet-heart pray excuse me to the company and pray let this Gentleman my noble Friend be well treated Lady Inconst. I shall obey your command Sir Francis goes out Sir Iam. Hearty What is my Son-in-law gone Lady Inconst. Sir he desires you and the rest of the company would excuse him for he hath heard of the death of a Friend which makes him so melancholy as he saith that his dull and indispos'd humour would disturb the mirth of our noble Friends Sir Iam. Hearty 'T is a sign he is young that he is so tender-natur'd and so soft-hearted to mourn and grieve for those that die but when he comes to Age he will only commend his friends that are dead but not grieve for them for Pity wears out as Age increases Lady Inconst. Pray Sir let me intreat you to be one of our Guests Disguise You shall command me Lady Sir Tho. Cuckold Nay since the Gentleman hath brought such Newes as hath banished the Bridegroom from the Company he shall now supply his place Sir Hum. Disagree Soft Sir he may at the Board but not in his Bed Sir Hen. Courtly He looks so modestly as if he would play the part of a Bride rather than a Bridegroom Disguise Lady will you accept of my modest service Lady Inconst. Sir I must not refuse Modesty Exeunt Scene 18. Enter two Maid-servants of Sir John Dotards 1 MAid 'T is no wonder that Briget Greasie is so proud now being maried to my Master he
having made her a Lady Lord Lord to see the fortune that some have over others why if my Master would have maried one of his Maids he might have chosen a prettier wench amongst any of us all than she is 2 Maid Yes 'faith for she was thought the veriest Puss of us all for she is neither snout-fair nor well-shap'd she hath splay-feet and chilblainheels 1 Maid Nay all will grant she was the dirtiest slut in the House for there was never a man-servant but would cry so at her when they kiss'd her besides she was the veriest fool amongst us But Lord what Wealth and Honour will do for now she is a Lady she looks as if she never wash'd a dish or scour'd a kettle or spit 2 Maid But I wonder how she came to be his Wife she might have served as her Betters have done before her I am sure there was Nan a pretty pert cleanly Maid who was kind and willing to do any thing either to serve our Master or fellow servants 1 Maid O but Nan had not an old woman that us'd to come to her to get suet and scraps as Briget had and this old woman they say counsell'd Briget to seem nice and coy 2 Maid I wonder what Richard the Carter will say who was turned out of his service because he should not share with my Master 1 Maid 'Faith I heard that Richard was told of her Advancement and 't is said he laugh'd and said my Master had a hungry stomach that he could feed of his leavings but by his Troth he was glad she was become a Lady for now he could say he had kiss'd and courted a Lady as well as the best Gallant of them all Exeunt Scene 19. Enter the Lord Widower and the Lady Sprightly his Daughter LOrd Daughter although you do govern my Family very well for your years yet you are young and wanting Experience may be cozened and though I have a great Estate yet it will be all consum'd if Order and Method be not put into practice wherefore I would have you take the counsel of Mistris Dorothy Subtilty to assist you Lady Who is that my Lord Lord Why do not you know her she that waited on your Mother Lady Pardon me my Lord I did not know her by that Title for she was plain Dol Subtilty when she waited on my Mother and not knowing of her advancement from a Chambermaid to a Gentlewoman I might easily mistake besides she is not so much older as to have much more experience than my self perchance she may have more craft which was learned her in her poverty than I who have been bred at the Horn of Plenty that knew no scarcity nor sharking necessity Lord You have a sharp tongue when spight moves it but let me hear no more of these words but do as I command you Lady I never disobey'd you as I do know Lord Well no more words Exeunt Scene 20. Enter the Bride and all the Bridal Guests they dance and Monsieur Disguise dances with the Bride Sir Spendall seems to whisper Monsieur Disguise in the Ear being half drunk SPendall Sir but that you look more like a woman than a man you might give the Bridegroom more cause to be melancholy for the living than the dead but let me intreat you young Gentleman that you strike not his Head as your News hath done his Heart for I perceive the Brides eyes are fix'd upon you and from the root of a fix'd eye grows Horns when they are set in a maried Head Disguise There is no fear Spendall Yes Sir as long as there are doubts there are fears Disguise There is no doubt Sir Spendall But that she will be Sir Disguise What Sir Spendall What you please Sir and let me tell you young Gentleman that as long as there are women there will be Lovers and Cuckolds Disguise And let me tell you Sir that as long as there are men there will be Fools and Drunkards Lady Inconstant Sir I doubt we have invited you rather to your trouble than your delight Disguise Madam you are the Treasure of Pleasure and Delight which none can receive but from your Bounty nor enjoy but by your Favour Exeunt Scene 21. Enter the Lady Sprightly and Dol Subtilty LAdy Sprightly What had you to do to contradict my commands Dol Subtilty They were not fit to be obey'd wherefore they were forbid The Lady gives Dol a box on the Ear Lady There take that to remember I forbid you to forbid my commands Dol. I will declare your blows to some that shall revenge me Enter the Lord Widower Lord What are you so light-finger'd 'T is time to get you a Husband to govern and rule your high spirit Lady No pray Sir get me no Husband for if my Father takes part against me surely a Husband will be worse natur'd Lord So you will say I am unnatural Lady No Sir I only say it is not my undutifulness that displeases you but some that hath more wit than I or at least good fortune to please you better Lord VVell pray study your Book and VVork and leave the Houshold Affairs to my disposal Lady Sir I took the Office as my duty to your commands not for Delight Pleasure Ease or Profit and I shall surrender it up again upon the same account and with all the trouble care labour vexations and disquiets belonging thereunto Lord In doing so you will do very well Exeunt Scene 32. Enter the Lady Hypocondria as being frightly sick and her Husband Sir VVilliam Lovewell LOvewell Heaven bless you wife what makes you so extremely pale and to seem so affrighted Hypocon. O Husband I have an Imposthume broken within me and the bag will rise and choke me Lovewell Heaven forbid Hypocon. O I am choak'd I am choak'd I cannot fetch my breath She takes her breath very short Sir VVilliam Lovewell in a great fright calls for help Enter some servants Lovewell O send for Doctors strait for my wife is ready to die They go out running he standing by the Chair his Wife sits in trembling and quaking Lovewell How are you dear VVife how do you feel your self now how are you Hypocondria O very ill but yet me thinks I can fetch my breath a little better than I could I believe the Imposthume-bag is fallen down wherefore I will go to bed Lovewell Pray do VVife He leads her out and she goeth softly Exeunt Scene 23. Enter Sir Henry Sage and the Lady Chastity his Wife SAge Sweet-heart I was in your Bed-chamber and in your Cabinet-chamber and missing you in both I was afraid I must have been forc'd to have hir'd a Cryer to have proclamed my loss Chastity Many a Wife doth proclame her Husbands loss without the help of a Cryer for the Wives Adulterous Acts proclame her Husband a Cucold and the loss of his Honour Sage But I am not afraid of that for I am confident of thy Chastity although the old
service to you Sir Cuckold Sir I am your most humble Servant and shall strive by all the ways I can to appear worthy your favours The Ladies speak familiarly Wanton Lord Lady Procurer how are you drest to day in a most careless fashion Procurer It is the mode it is the mode to go undrest Cuckold Wife this is not a fit room to entertain this noble Gentleman Sir will you be pleas'd to walk into another room Amorous All rooms are fine Sir where you and your Virtuous Lady are Exeunt Sir Thomas Cuckold and Monsieur Amorous Procurer 'Faith if I had not come running in before your Husband he had catch'd you Lady Wanton claps the Lady Procurer on the cloaths VVanton 'Faith Procurer thou art such another Lady-wag as all the Town cannot match thee Procurer I was I was but now I am grown old I am grown old but I was born to do good Offices Exeunt Scene 34. Enter two Maids of the Lady Poverty 's 1 MAid I wonder my Lady is able to stay in the room with my Master his vomiting hath so fumed the room as there is such a stink that by my troth I am almost strangled with the smell of the corrupted drink 2 Maid Alas poor Lady she is forc'd to stay for fear he should be outragious in his drunken humour for if she stirs or speaks he swears as if he would draw the Devils out of Hell 1 Maid Hell is not so bad as to be where he is now he is drunk Enter another Maid 3 Maid My Master is asleep and my Lady would have you make lesse noise and not to talk so loud for fear you should awake him 1 Maid If he be asleep we may make what noise we will or can make he will not wake until such time as the fume or vapour of wine be out of his head no sound can enter But I wonder my Lady will take such care of him when he hath no respect to her but transforms himself from man to beast every day indeed she sees him only a beast not a man for before he is wholy sober he rises to go to a Tavern to be drunk again 2 Maid If my Master transforms himself into a beast ere that he comes to my Lady he imitates Iove for he transform'd himself into a Bull for the sake of fair Europa 1 Maid But not into a drunken roaring Bull as my Master is 3 Maid 'Faith if I were my Lady I would hold by his Horns and then let him roar and drink and whore as much as he will 1 Maid Yes so she might chance to be drench'd in a Bathing-tub as Europa in the Sea Exeunt Scene 35. Enter Nan the Lady Jealousies Chamber-maid and her Master Sir Henry Courtly meets her and kisses her Enter the Lady Jealousie and sees him LAdy Iealousie So Husband I perceive Nan is in your favour Nan runs out of the room Courtly 'Faith Wife Nan is a careful and industrious Wench for she strives to serve us both for she makes you candles and feeds me with kisses Lady Iealousie Or rather Husband you feed Nan and Nan feeds me Courtly Faith the truth is I need you both Lady Iealousie But Nan hath the greatest share that makes her so proud and I so sickly But since you are so liberal to her and so sparing to me I will board elsewhere and so as I may carve where I like best Courtly Sure Wife you will not Lady Iealousie Surely Husband I will do my endeavour Courtly What to be a Whore Lady Iealousie Yes if being a whore will make you a Cuckold Exeunt Scene 36. Enter the Lady Hypocondria and her Maid LAdy Hypocondria My Husband hath been a long time abroad pray Iove he be safe if he should chance to have a quarrel and fight a hundred to one but he is killd for otherwise he would have come home do you think he is well Ioan Maid You need not fear for my master is of so civil a behaviour and of so sweet a disposition as he can have no enemies Lady Hypocon. O But he is a man that is very valiant and one that is very sensible of disgrace and affronts Maid Truly I believe you have no reason to fear Lady Hypocon. Do you but believe so nay then you doubt and therefore I know he is kill'd and I will go and find out the murtherer and kill him my self The Lady Hypocondria offers to run out of the room as in a frighted passion the maid stops her Maid My Noble Lady do not run in this passion for all the idle men and women and boyes and girles will run after you as thinking you mad for they make no difference betwixt melancholy and madnesse Lady Hypocon. I am not able to overcome this fear I shall die Maid Pray stay and send out one of our men to inquire where he is Lady Hypocon. Call Roger Trusty The Maid goes out The Lady alone Lady Hypocon. O You defendant Gods assist my Husband Enter Joan and Roger Trusty Lady Hypocon. Trusty go presently and seek out your master and bring me word where he is and how he doth and be sure if you see a grim look't fellow near him that you stir not from your Master but wait upon him home for fear some trechery should beset him Trusty Who shall bring you word of his health or sicknesse life or death Lady Hypocon. Death do you say O you have heard he is kill'd Trusty By Pluto I have heard no such thing Lady Hypocon. Why do you talk of death then Trusty Because you send me to know whether he be dead or alive Lady Hypocon. That is true wherefore let one of the Foot-boyes go along with you to bring me an answer but be sure you stay with your Master Trusty I shall Lady Hypocon. Make all the haste you can to find him Exeunt Scene 37. Enter Sir Henry Sage and the Lady Chastity SIr Hen. Sage Is the Lady Procurer a Baud say you Lady Chastity A perfect one I think for she pleaded as earnestly as Lawyers for a fee Sir Hen. Sage No doubt but she hath as much reason for sure she doth it for gain not out of love to wicked basenesse but I believe poverty perswades her or rather inforces her Chastity No surely it is an inborn or at least an inbred baseness for neither death nor torments can inforce nor riches nor preferrments allure a noble mind to such base acts but some are so unworthy or rather wicked as to delight to intice and to pervert all they can get acquaintance with Sir Hen. Sage And some doe it to hide their own faults thinking to bury them under the vices of others or smother them in the presse of a multitude but let me advise you not to entertain her company any more Chastity I believe she will not visit me again Exeunt Scene 38. Enter the Lady Sprightly and one of her women LAdy Sprightly Lord Lord this nasty
so restless as it gives no time for content Spightfull The truth is content only lives in words but never lives in deeds for I never heard or saw any one truly content in my life Tell-truth The truth is Content is like the Shadow of a Substance or the Thought of an Act and therefore let us leave it as we would idle or vain Thoughts or vading or vanishing Shadows Exeunt Scene 6. Enter Monsieur Heroick and Monsieur Phantasie PHantasie Sir it is reported you are a Servant to my Mistriss Heroick I am a Servant to the whole Effeminate Sex and to her if she be a woman Phantasie Yes she is a woman and the fairest of her kind Heroick Why then I am her Slave Phantasie I desire you will inslave your self to some other and not to her Heroick You must pardon me if she be the fairest for I am bound to the absolutest Beauty Phantasie Draw Heroick Nay I am not so rash for by your favour I will view her with mine own Eyes and take the opinion of my own Judgment and not venture my life on your bare word Phantasie I say draw Heroick I shall but know I only fight in mine own defence not for her Beauty unless I saw her and approved her such as you affirm her to be for though I am Servant to all yet t is impossible all should be an absolute Beauty Phantasie Know I account all those my Enemyes that question it besides you give me the lye in doubting the truth Heroick I perceive it is your violent passion that perswades you or rather forces you to fight and not your Reason and if your passion were to be counselled I would counsel you to stay untill we choose our Seconds to witness how we fought not in a furious rage but when our spirits are fresh and cool our Minds as equal temper'd as our Blades and that our valours are not ashamed to own the quarrel so shall we sight on just and honest grounds and honour will be the purchase we shall gain Phantasie He hear no more but fight Heroick Nature I ask thy pardon I must ingage thee to a furious rage of sudden fit or frantick humour which are for thee to scorn and flight and not to fight Exeunt Scene 7. Enter Monsieur Nobilissimo and Monsieur Poverty NObilissimo Monsieur Poverty shall I never have the honour of your Company Poverty My Poverty will disgrace you my Noble Lord Nobilissimo I were no noble Lord if virtuous Poverty could disgrace me Poverty Howsoever your Servants Friends and Acquaintance will forsake you if I should wait upon your Lordship Nobilissimo They may be my Acquaintance but neither my Friends nor Servants that will forsake me for the sake of virtuous Poverty for though I would not have thee intail'd to my line and posterity nor to live constantly in my family yet I am neither ashamed nor afraid to shake thee by the hand as long as thou art an honest man and I desire to take Plenty in own hand but to serve Poverty with both hands Poverty May Plenty be always your Lordships Hand-Maid Nobilissimo And your Reliever Sir Exeunt Scene 8. Enter Madamoiselle Amor and her Sister Madamoiselle La Belle MAdamoiselle La Belle Sister be not jealous of me for I have no design to rob you of your Servant I study not those Amorous allurements for I would not be otherwise known unto the Masculine Sex than Angels are to one another yet I may respect honour and admire without a doteing fondness or a surprized affection or an incaptivated love Madamoiselle Amor Yes Sister when I consider your Virtue I cannot be Jealous of you but when I look on your Beauty I cannot be Confident of my Servant for Beauty is victorious and most commonly triumphs in all hearts binding the Passions and leading the Affections as Prisoners and the Thoughts run a-long as Slaves and Constancy if it be not kill'd in the Battell yet it is sore wounded and if it should recover yet never to the former strength again Enter Monsieur Nobilissimo Madamoiselle La Belle My Lord what say you hath your Mistriss my Sister Amor any reason to be Jealous Nobilissimo Yes if my Mistriss were any other but her self Madamoiselle I thank you for I had rather be kill'd with civill although dissembling words than live with rude Inconstancy Nobilissimo Why do you think I speak not truth Madamoiselle Amor I hope your words are marks of truth for all belief to shoot at Nobilissimo But Hopes are built on Doubts and Fears and do you Doubt and Fear my Love Madamoiselle Amor How can I love without attending Fear being inseparable Nobilissimo Pray do not fear for though there is none that seeth your Sister La Belle but must confess she is most beautifull yet all fancy not Beauty alike but were she above what she is as much as Heaven to Earth or Gods to Men yet I am fixt and not to be remov'd no more than is Eternity Exeunt ACT III Scene 9. Enter Madamoiselle Esperance very fine and her Cousin Madamoiselle Tell-truth MAdamoiselle Esperance Am not I very fine to day Tell-truth Yes very fine Madamoiselle Esperance Do I look handsome to Day Tell-truth Yes very handsome Madamoiselle Esperance If I were a Stranger should I attract your Eyes to take notice of me Tell-truth As you are my Cousin and intimate Friend and known acquaintance and see you every day yet I cannot choose but look on you and take notice of your rich Garments but why do you ask for you do not use to make such questions Madamoiselle Esperance I will tell you when I was new Married my Husband took so much notice of my Dress that the least alteration he observed nay he grew jealous at it and thought each curl a snare set to catch Lovers in after I had been Married some little space of time he condemned me for carelessness and desired me to various dresses and now drest or undrest he never observes for were I drest with splendrous light as glorious as the Sun or Clouded like dark Night it were all one to him neither would strike his Sense yet I observe he doth observe my Maids as that one hath a fine Pettycoat and another hath handsome made Shooes and then he pulls up their Pettycoats a little way to see what stockings they have and so views them all over and commends them saying they are very fine when all these Garments he commends on them were mine which I had cast off and given to them when those Garments though fresh and new when I did wear them he never took notice of besides when my Maids do come into the Room where he and I are he strives to talk his best as if he wisht and did indeavour their good opinion when only alone with me the rubbish of his discourse doth serve the turn Tell-truth Madam I perceive you do begin to be Jealous
Daughter Mistriss Odd-Humour Two Fathers of the Church Gentlemen Maid-Servants Men-Servants A Nurse THE RELIGIOUS ACT I. Scene 1. Enter two Maid-Servants Kate and Joan. KAte My Masters Nephew and my Ladyes Daughter are the kindest lovers for so young ones as that ever I knew Ioan. I believe you never knew such young ones for she is not above ten years of age and he but thirteen or fourteen Kate He addresseth himself in that Country manner and pleads his Love-sure with such affectionate respect and she gives Audience with such modest attention as one would think they were older by a douzen years a-piece than they are Ioan. They have been bred together and they have not been acquainted with the Vanityes and Vices of the World which makes love the more pure Kate My Lady desires my Master that he would give consent his Nephew may marry her Daughter Ioan. She hath reason for he is the only Son of his Father my Masters Brother the Lord Dorato who is very rich and is in great favour with the Arch-Prince of the Country Kate Why so is my Ladyes Daughter the only Child of her Parents and she is Heir to her Fathers Estate Ioan. Yes but her Father left so many Debts when he dyed as the Estate will not be so great as it is thought to be Kate But by that time she is of Age the Debts may be paid Ioan. But my Lady hath a great Jointure out of it that will be a hindrance to the payment ôf Debts Kate Well I believe whether they have their friends consent or not they will marry they love so very much each other Ioan. Perchance so and then repent when they come to elder years that they marryed so young Kate Faith that they may do if they were double their Age for few marry that repent not Ioan. Well come away and leave them to repentance Kate Nay stay they are not married yet Exeunt Scene 2. Enter Sir Thomas Gravity and his Lady LAdy Pray Husband give your Nephew leave to marry my Daughter Sir Thomas Gravity Time enough Wife they are young and may stay this seven years and indeed they are so young as it is not fit they should marry besides I have not absolute power to dispose of my Nephew for though my Brother left him to my care and breeding when he went Ambassadour to the Emperour because his Wife was dead and none so fit to leave him with as I yet to marry him without his Fathers Knowledge or Consent will not be taken well nay perchance he may be very angry Lady Come come he will not displease you with his anger for fear he may lose that you have power to give from him which is your Estate which you may leave to him or his Son having no Children of your own wherefore pray Husband grant my request Sir Thomas Gravity Well wife I will consider it Lady Nay if you consider you will find so many excuses as you will deny my request with excuse Sir Thomas Gravity Faith if I do consent to this marriage it will be to be rid of my Nephews and your importunity Lady You may be sure we will never let you be quiet Sir Thomas Gravity I believe you Exeunt Scene 3. Enter MIstriss Odd-Humour and her Maid Nan Mistriss Odd-Humour Nan give me my work and my little armed Chair The Maid goeth out and strait enters with a little low wicker armed Chair she sits in it but is forced to crowd her self into it the Chair being too little for her seat Nan Lord Mistriss you take great pains to crowd into that Chair I wonder you can take delight to sit so uneasily Mistriss Odd-Humour O custome is a second Nature for I using to sit in this Chair from my Childhood I have a Natural Love to it as to an old acquaintance and being accustomed to sit in it it feels easier She works the whilst she sits and speaks than any other seat for use and custome makes all things easy when that we are unaccustomed to is difficult and troublesome but I take so much delight to sit and work or Sing old Ballads in this Chair as I would not part from it for any thing Nan Yes you would part with your little old Chair for a proper young Husband who would set you on his knees Mistriss Odd-Humour By my faith but I would not for I should find more trouble and less case on a young Husbands knees than on my old Chairs Seat Nan But if you should sit in this Chair when you were marryed your Husband must kneel down if he would kiss you Mistriss Odd-Humour Why then this Chair will learn a Husband humble submission and obedience which Husbands never knew but Nan prethee fetch me some of my old Ballads to sing for I am weary of working One calls Nan in another room Nan Mistriss your Mother calls you She strives to get out of the little Chair hitching first on one side and then on the other side wringing her self by degrees out the whilst speaks Mistriss Odd-Humour I had as lieve be whipt as stir Nan You have reason you labour so much and ring your self so hard as whipping would be less pain for your Chair is now sitter for your Head than your Britch Mistriss Odd-Humour Not unless to break my head for a Chair is not a fit rest for the head for then the heels would be upwards and so I might be thought a Light-heeld wench for light things fly or ly upwards Nan Why the head that is the uppermost part of the body is not light Mistriss Odd-Humour Yes when 't is mad or drunk Exeunt Scene 4. Enter the Lord Dorato Ambassador and a Man with Letters LOrd Dorato How doth my Brother and my Son Man Very well my Lord The Lord reads a Letter Lord Dorato How is this my Son marryed to my Brothers Wives Daughter without my Knowledge or Consent to a Girl whose Estate hath more Debts than Lands and who knows how she will prove when she is a woman and my Son to marry a wife before he hath wit to govern a wife to put a clog to his heels to hinder his Travell for Knowledge sure my Brother is mad dotingly mad to be perswaded by a foolish woman his wife for I know it was her insinuating perswasions that made him agree to the marriage O I could curse the time I sent my Son to him and my self for trusting him to educate and govern him who hath bred him to be as foolish as himself O foolish Son and more foolish Brother by how much being older but I will break the marriage-knot asunder or disinherit my Son or marry and get another that may prove more wise and happy to me Do you know of my Sons marriage Man Yes Sir for t is much talk'd of and of the extraordinary love betwixt the young couple Lord Dorato A couple of young Puppyes and their Unckle an old Al 's O the
consent makes a happy marriage wherefore I desire your free consent but know if you refuse it t is in my power to have you without your consent either for a Mistriss or for a Wife Lady Perfection You have no power the power lives within my self for I can take away my life and a dead Mistriss or a dead Wife would neither be conversable nor pleasurable death is not amiable 't is rather a terrour than a delight Arch-Prince I will leave my Sute to your consideration ponder on it well and take good advice my Sute is honest and just a deniall may inveterate my passion and turn my pure love into a raging flame Exeunt Scene 22. Enter the Lord Melancholy he walks about the Room with his Hat pull'd over his forehead his Arms foulded his Eyes bent towards the ground then enters his Father to him the Lord Dorato LOrd Dorato Why how now Son shall I never find you with Company but always alone in a musing Melancholy posture Lord Melancholy I never did love much Company Sir Lord Dorato But methinks in honesty you might love the Company of your Wife Lord Melancholy Were my liberty equal to my Love I should not be often from her Lord Dorato Why who bars you from that liberty Lord Melancholy The Laws Sir Lord Dorato So I perceive you are discontented because you are barr'd from your Whore Lord Melancholy You are my Father but should another man have said so much I would make him prove it with his blood Lord Dorato Why the Laws have proved it Lord Melancholy Oh Heavens that Fathers should be so cruell have not you made me unhappy by forcing me to those actions that neither Conscience Honesty nor Honour can approve of and yet will you disturb my Life trouble my Thoughts and torture me with words Lord Dorato No no I love you so well as I would have you so happy as to be delighted with mirth and not to bury your self in Melancholy and despise those blessings Heaven bestows upon you as Wealth and Honour besides the blessing of Posterity for your Lady proves to be fruitfull being big with Child Lord Melancholy I am so unhappy my self I desire none but to please you Lord Dorato Come come pray let me perswade you to go to your wife the Princess and sit and talk with her for she is displeased she hath no more of your Company she complains and sayes she seldome sees you Lord Melancholy Her humour and mine are so different that we are happyest when we are fardest asunder Lord Dorato Let me tell you Son that all women love to be flattered and when they are not they are peevish cross and froward and therefore you must flatter her Lord Melancholy I must have a Tutor first to teach me Sir for I understand not the Art of flattery I never practise it Lord Dorato Time and Company Ambition and Covetousness will teach you that but the best Tutor is Cupid and the best Tutoress is Venus and you have been a lover Son Lord Melancholy Yes Sir in Hymens Court and there they use not much flattery Lord Dorato Not so much as in Venus and Cupids Courts but yet there are flatterers enough in Hymens both Male and Females but pray Son go to the Princess your wife Exeunt Scene 23. Enter Lady Perfection and her Nurse LAdy Perfection Nurse I hear the Arch-Prince is resolved to have me if not by fair perswasions by force Nurse And what woman would not be perswaded to be an Arch-Princess they need no inforcement Lady Perfection Not I unless I could be perswaded to be an Arch-Whore and if you went about to perswade me you would be an Arch-Bawd Nurse Come come there is none durst call you so is you were the Arch-Princesses nor call me Bawd neither Lady Perfection But they would think me so and think you a Bawd Nurse Thoughts are free and every one may think their pleasure and therefore let me perswade you in spite of thoughts to be an Arch-Princess Lady Perfection If I thought you did not speak in jest I should hate you in earnest Nurse What for giving you good Counsel Lady Perfection No for giving me wicked Counsel but I will give you better Counsel and my self too Nurse What Counsel is that Lady Perfection To forsake the World and to go to Heaven Nurse Faith I would not go to Heaven unless the Gods call me I love this World very well I have been long acquainted with it and I would not willingly part from an old friend Lady Perfection The World did never befriend any Body besides thou art so old as thy friend the World is run away from thee Nurse But howsoever I will stay in it as long as I can The Nurse goes out Enter the Lady Gravity Lady Gravity Daughter I am come to perswade you not to reject a good fortune for Fortunes favours are not profered every day Lady Perfection Nor are her favourites surer to continue in her favour long Lady Gravity But if I should command you to receive the Arch-Princes addresses and to consent to be his wife I hope you will not be less obedient to me than the Lord Melancholy hath been to his Father Lady Perfection If he to obey his Father forgot or neglected his obedience to Heaven you must pardon me if I do not follow his precepts not that I accuse him for perchance his Conscience hath acquitted him and set him free from fault and so from blame but mine doth not acquit me wherefore dear Mother do not perswade me against my Conscience I have had misfortunes enough to trouble my life I shall not need to add the guilt of Conscience and what can outward Title do me good what pleasure can I take when that my Mind or Soul is tortured with black guilt Lady Gravity No Heaven forbid I should perswade you against your Conscience but how will you avoid or escape the Princes inforcement Lady Perfection I have thought of a way that best suits with my Condition and Disposition which is to take a Religious habit and enter into a Religious Order for though I cannot vow Virginity nor a single life having a Husband and been used as a VVife yet I can vow Chastity and retirement and if I could be permitted into an Nunnery as perchance I cannot yet I would not go into any of them for there is too much Company in ordinary Nunneryes and I love solitariness wherefore I will live a kind of a Hermits life only my Nurse and I and that- little Tower my Father built for pleasure shall be my Cloyster and before it is publickly known I will send or go to the Fathers of the Church and acquaint them and strait Incloyster my self and there I shall be safe for the Prince dares not commit Sacrilege for Gods and men would rise against him if he did Lady Gravity Nor I dare not oppose your holy design Lady Perfection Dear Mother
not be seen unless to some particular persons or neer friends 1 Lady And how doth she become her Religious Habit 2 Lady So handsomely as she is far handsomer in her Pease habit than when she was drest with all the Arts of Vanityes 1 Lady What manner of Habit is it 2 Lady Somewhat like the Normetanes but much more becoming 1 Lady Well I will go to the Lady her Mother and intreat her to let me go with her to see her Daughter Exeunt Scene 28. Enter two Gentlemen 1 GEntleman 'T is said that now the Lady Perfection is incloystered that the Treaty goeth on betwixt the Arch-Prince and the Emperor Enter a Gentleman running as by they stay him 2 Gent. What 's the matter you run so hastily 1 Gent. I am running to give the Arch-Prince notice that his Neece is in labour and is so ill she is like to dy 2 Gent. We will not stay you then Exeunt Scene 29. Enter Mistriss Odd-Humour and her Maid Nan MIstriss Odd-Humour It 's said the Lady Perfection hath entered into a Religious Order she is happy would I were so Nan It is a question whether you would think your self so if you were as she is Mistriss Odd-Humour I think the happiest life is to be a Devote Nan Faith Mistriss you wish to be a Devote not so much out of a devotion as for a change in life as many wish to be marryed out of a desire to alter their course of life and when they are marryed they wish to be unmarried again so would you do if you were a Devote Mistriss Odd-Humour Oh no for though those that are married wish to be unmarried by reason Marriage is the most troublesome unquiet life that is but a Devotes life is the most peaceable and quiet life that is so as there is as much difference in the course of a Married life and an Incloystered life as between Heaven and Hell Nan Then the most part of the World prefers Hell before Heaven for more are Married than are Incloystered Mistriss Odd-Humour Truly by the course of the VVorld and the action of men one would think there would be more Devils in Hell than Saints in Heaven Exeunt Scene 30. Enter two Gentlemen 1 GEnt. You hear the news of the Princess delivery and her Death 2 Gent. Yes I heard she died as soon as delivered but she hath left a Son and Heir to her sorrowfull Husband 1 Gent. I do not believe her Husband is much troubled or grieved for her Death as his Father is 2 Gent. Indeed I think the young Lord had no great affections for her 1 Gent. No surely for he loves the Lady he was first married to so well as he could spare no love for any other woman 2 Gent. If that Lady had not entered into a Religious Order he might have remarried her but now he cannot 1 Gent. I believe that if the other Lady had known the Princess should have died so soon she would not have been so Religious as to have Incloystered her self from the VVorld and to ha' bard up her liberty with Vows 2 Gent. 'T is like when she hears of the Princesses Death she will repent the acts of devotion 1 Gent. Then Repentance is not always for acts of evill but sometimes of good 2 Gent. There is Repentance of all sorts and degrees and there are more enter into Religious Orders out of Discontent than for Love to God 1 Gent. That is an uncharitable opinion 2 Gent. Nay 't is not a bare Opinion that may be proved nor uncharitable to speak the truth Exeunt ACT IV. Scene 31. Enter Mistriss Odd-Humour and her Maid Nan MIstriss Odd-Humour Oh Nan I am undone for ever Nan As how Mistriss Mistriss Odd-Humour Why by your neglect and carelessness for your not watching my Fathers coming home to give me notice my Father hath found my Chair for I hearing him come run to hide a-way my Chair he coming and seeing me scuttle about the room imagined I desired to hide something from him for which he searches all my Chamber over at last he went and looked into the Cole-hole where I had flung my Chair and finding it he carried it a-way in one hand and led me a-long in the other hand and causing a fire to be made of the Chair made me stand by to see the Martyrdome whereat I was so afflicted as I lost my fight in tears which tears I let run on the fire hoping to quench it out but they were so brind with grief as they did rather augment the fury of the fire than abate the rage of the flame so that which I thought would have been a preserver did hasten the destruction Nan Faith Mistriss it is none of my fault for your Mother sent me of an errand and whilst I was absent by your Mothers commands it seem'd your Father came home Mistriss Odd-Humour This is an excuse Nan You may believe it 't is no excuse but truth for I that ventured the loss of my Soul by telling a lie to save your Chair would not neglect the watch had not I been commanded away Mistriss Odd-Humour I am of an opinion you were brib'd to betray the life of my Chair and bribes are so powerfull as they corrupt promises and vows even the Soul its self though the Soul makes no use of bribes yet it will venture to be damn'd for a bribes sake Nan Well Mistriss since a mistrust is all my reward you shall tell the next lie your self Mistriss Odd-Humour No prethee Nan let us be friends for I shall never get a Servant that will so readily tell lyes for me as you do wherefore let us shake hands and be friends They shake hands Nan VVell Mistriss let me tell you that my hand and tongue is at your service the one to work the other to lie for your service Mistriss Odd-Humour I thank you Nan for many Servants will lie but few will work Exeunt Scene 32. Enter two Gentlemen 1 GEnt. The Lord Melancholy hath such a sober sad Countenance as I never saw any young man have the like 2 Gent. Indeed I never saw him smile in my life 1 Gent. I askt a Gentleman that waits on him whether his Lord did ever smile he said he never saw him smile since he parted from his first Lady 2 Gent. Then he hath not smiled this nine years for so long it is since he parted from his first Lady 1 Gent. If the siege last one year more it will be as long a siege as the siege of Troy 2 Gent. Indeed the causes of either siege resembles each other as both for the love of fair Ladyes I know not whether the effect will prove alike as whether it will be the destruction of his heart as the siege of Troy was the destruction of Troy 1 Gent. But the Lord Melancholy is rather like Hellen than Menelaus for he hath had two wives and the Lady Perfection is as Menelaus for her
with you both Both Long may your Highness live and flourish They kneel to their Father Lord Dorato My blessing on you both Exeunt FINIS THE ACTORS NAMES Sir William Admirer and many other Gentlemen Lady Peaceable Lady Solitary Lady Censurer Lady Examination Lady Bridlehead Lady Kindeling Lady Gadder Lady Faction and a Matron THE COMICAL HASH ACT I. Scene 1. Enter a Company of young Gentlemen and two or three young Ladyes as the Lady Gadder the Lady Kindeling and the Lady Bridlehead KIndeling My Dear Gadder Gadder My sweet Kindeling They imbrace and kiss each other Gentleman Faith Ladyes Nature never made women to kiss each other and therefore 't is unnatural and being unnatural it is unlawfull and being unlawfull it ought to be forbidden Gadder Yes you would have us kiss you men Gentleman No Ladies we men will kiss you women if you please to give us leave Bridlehead You will take leave sometimes Gentleman 'T is when we think we shall not be refus'd or at least not to be disfavour'd for it The Ladies kiss again Gentleman VVhat kissing again faith Ladies you will make us believe by your often kissing that you desire we should kiss you and with that belief we may run into an error if it be an error to kiss a fair Lady Kindeling Fye fye you men are odd Creatures Gentleman No you women are odd Creatures when you are not with us men Kindeling Preethy Gadder and Bridlehead let us go do something to pass away our time Gadder VVhat shall we do Bridlehead Let us go to Cards Gadder Faith I have made a Vow not to play for money Bridlehead VVe will play for Sweet-meats Kindeling No preethy let us play for a Sack Possit Gadder O no we will play for Sweet-meats Kindeling I say a Sack Possit Gadder Let the most voices carry it Gentleman I will speak for the men we say a Sack Possit for that will make us both good Company in the eating the Possit and after 't is eaten whereas Sweet-meats will make us heavy and dull Gadder Well then let us go play for a Sack Possit Bridlehead Faith a Sack Possit will make me drunk Gentleman You will be the better Company Lady Kindling Fye Bridlehead you should not say drunk but your head giddy Gentleman That is better than to be drunk for a giddy head hath a light heel Exeunt Scene 2. Enter two Gentlemen 1 GEnt. The Lord Poverty is a gallant Noble person 2 Gent. They are gallant and Noble that are Rich and titled Honour without Means is like a Body without a Soul 1 Gent. You are mistaken friend it is rather a Soul without a Body 2 Gent. Alas titled Honour without Means to maintain it is despised 1 Gent. If the person hath Merit worthy of his titled Honour that titled Honour is worthy to be respected and bowed to by all inferiour persons nay put the case that Honourable titles are placed upon Unworthy persons yet all ought to give respect to those Titles and to do homage thereunto though not unto the Person yet because it comes from a lawfull and Supreme power as Natural rays of light do from the Sun and those that strive through envy and through spite for to Eclipse the light deserve to be in a perpetual darkness so those that do detract from titled Honours ought never to be honoured with Titles or respect 2 Gent. Why 't is not only I that have no such titles of Honour that speaks against them but those that do possess them and their fore-fathers long before them 1 Gent. They that do so ought to be degraded as being unworthy to wear the badge or mark of their fore-fathers Merits or heroick Acts for they do shew they have none of their own but those that get their own Honours by their own Merits and worthy Actions deserve them best for they like as a clear and glorious day appear for oft-times their posterity like Clouds begot from gross and drowsie Earth strive to quench out their Fathers flaming Honours and by their Baseness obscure the light of their fore-fathers great and glorious Fame and in the end bury themselves in dark Oblivion as vanishing to nothing as being never mentioned nor remembred but those that for their loyalty and their fidelity unto their King and Country have hazarded lives and lost their liberties and Estates and are grown poor for Honesties sake and Virtuous causes yet they in after Ages will live with great renown for 't is not in the power of spite to pull them down for the Gods give Fame to Noble Actions as Kings give titled Honours though men that are base will not relieve them yet Fame will remember them and though base men will rail against them yet Fame will praise them and though they dye with Poverty and should end their lives in a foul Ditch yet shall that Ditch be honoured by their Death more than the rich unworthy man be honoured by his stately Tombs and costly Funerals Exeunt Scene 3. Enter the Lady Solitary and the Lady Examination EXamination What 's the matter with you to day Lady Solitary you look as if you were in a married humour Solitary Why Lady Examination what humour is a married humour Examination Why a masse of ill humours mixt or put together as a lumpish dumpish dull stupid humour or a pievish fretting pining whining humour or a brawling yawling quarrelling scoulding humour or a jealous suspicious humour or a fawning feigning dissembling humour Solitary If these humours are woven into the marriage knot I will never marry for I would be loth to have the peace of my life strangled in discontent for whosoever be subject to these humours can never be happy Examination You will change your mind and rather live with these humours than without a Husband but I am come now to fetch you abroad for their is a Company of sociable Ladyes and gallants that have made a meeting some league of where there will be Mirth Jollity Plenty and Pleasure and they desire you will be sociable for once and go along with them Solitary Would you have the Body which is the habitation of the Mind a wanderer travelling from place to place disturbing the mind with unprofitable journeys Examination No I would have it remove so as it may always situate it self in a wholsome profitable plentifull pleasant and pleasurable place Solitary I perceive you prefer the pleasures of the Body before the delight of the Mind Examination Why the mind can take no delight without the body for the body gives the mind a being and habitation for there would be no mind if there were no body but if there could be a mind without a body yet the mind could receive no delight without the pleasure of the body for the pleasure of the body is the delight of the mind and not the delight of the mind the pleasure of the body for the mind doth never give nor return wherefore come away and leave
love Solitariness and there will be too much Company Censurer There may be a great resort but their Conversation is by single Couples Examination You are a wag Lady Censurer Exeunt Scene 22. Enter four Gentlemen 1 GEnt. If I were to chuse a Wife I would chuse the Lady Solitary 2 Gent. Why 1 Gent. Because those that are Solitary love not much Company and being alone love not much noise and loving no noise love silence and loving silence love not to talk so as in having of her I shall have a Solitary Peaceable Quiet Silent Wife 3 Gent. And if I were to chuse I would chuse the Lady Censurer for she would let nothing pass her judgment for she will give her opinion of all things persons and actions so in having her to my Wife I should have a general Intelligencer or at least her opinion of all things 2 Gent. But if her Judgment were not good her opinion would be erroneous 3 Gent. I care not it would serve to pass an idle time with 4 Gent. And if I might chuse I would chuse the Lady Examination for a Wife 2 Gent. Why 4 Gent. Because she knows most humours and passages of every body and their affairs so by her I should be entertained with news from all places as of all actions done opinions held words spoke or thoughts thought 2 Gent. I would I could have my wish as easily as you might have your choice 1 Gent. What would you wish 2 Gent. I would wish to be unmarried for if I were I would never be troubled with a Wife again but let me advise you for I love to have married Companions that you three should go a woing to those three Ladyes they cannot nor will not deny your Sute being all three of you rich young and handsome All three We will take your Counsel Exeunt FINIS THE ACTORS NAMES The Lord General Seigneur Valeroso Monsieur la Hardy Monsieur Compagnion Monsieur Comerade Monsieur la Gravity Captain Ruffell Captain Whiffell and several other Gentlemen Doctor Educature Doctor Comfort Stewards Messengers and Servants Lady Victoria Madam Jantil Madam Passionate Madam Ruffell Madam Whiffell Doll Pacify Madam Passionates Maid Nell Careless Madam Jantils Maid other Servants and Heroickesses THE FIRST PART OF BELL IN CAMPO ACT I. Scene 1. Enter two Gentlemen 1 GEnt. You hear how this Kingdome of Reformation is prepaparing for War against the Kingdome of Faction 2 Gent. Yea for I hear the Kingdome of Faction resolves to War with this Kingdome of Reformation 1 Gent. 'T is true for there are great preparations of either side men are raised of all sorts and ages fit to bear Arms and of all degrees to command and obey and there is one of the gallantest and noblest persons in this Kingdome which is made General to command in chief for he is a man that is both valiant and well experienced in Wars temperate and just in Peace wise and politick in publick affairs carefull and prudent in his own Family and a most generous person 2 Gent. Indeed I have heard that he is a most excellent Souldier 1 Gent. He is so for he is not one that sets forth to the Wars with great resolutions and hopes and returns with maskerd fears and despairs neither is he like those that take more care and are more industrious to get gay Clothes and fine Feathers to flant in the Field and vapour in their march than to get usefull and necessary provision but before he will march he will have all things ready and proper for use as to fit himself with well-tempered Arms which are light to be worn yet musket proof for he means not to run away nor to yield his life upon easy terms unto his Enemy for he desires to Conquer and not vain-gloriously to shew his courage by a careless neglect or a vain carelessness also he chooses such Horses as are usefull in War such as have been made subject to the hand and heel that have been taught to Trot on the Hanches to change to Gallop to stop and such Horses as have spirit and strength yet quiet and sober Natures he regards more the goodness of the Horses than the Colours or marks and more the fitness of his Saddles than the Imbrodery also he takes more care that his Waggons should be easy to follow and light in their carriage than to have them painted and gilded and he takes greater care that his Tents should be made so as to be suddenly put up and as quickly pull'd down than for the setting and Imbrodering his Arms thereupon also he take more care to have usefull Servants than numerous Servants and as he is industrious and carefull for his particular affairs so he is for the general affairs 2 Gent. A good Souldier makes good preparations and a good General doth both for himself and Army and as the General hath showed himself a good Souldier by the preparations he had made to march so he hath showen himself a wise man by the settlement he hath made in what he hath to leave behind him for I hear he hath setled and ordered his House and Family 1 Gent. He hath so and he hath a fair young and virtuous Lady that he must leave behind him which cannot choose but trouble him 2 Gent. The wisest man that is cannot order or have all things to his own contentment Exeunt Scene 2. Enter the Lord General and the Lady Victoria his Wife GEneral My dear heart you know I am commanded to the Wars and had I not such Wife as you are I should have thought Fortune had done me a favour to imploy my life in Heroical Actions for the service of my Country or to give me a honourable Death but to leave you is such a Cross as my Nature sinks under but wheresoever you are there will be my life I shall only carry a Body which may sight but my Soul and all the powers thereof will remain with thee Lady Victoria Husband I shall take this expression of love but for feigning words if you leave me for 't is against Nature to part with that we love best unless it be for the beloveds preservation which cannot be mine for my life lives in yours and the comfort of that life in your Company Lord General I know you love me so well as you had rather part with my life than I should part from my honour Lady Victoria 'T is true my love perswades me so to do knowing fame is a double life as infamy is a double death nay I should perswade you to those actions were they never so dangerous were you unwilling thereunto or could they create a world of honour fully inhabited with praises but I would not willingly part with your life for an imaginary or supposed honour which dyes in the womb before it is Born thus I love you the best preferring the best of what is yours but I am but in the second place in your affections for you
prefer your honour before me 't is true it is the better choice but it shows I am not the best beloved which makes you follow and glue to that and leave me Lord General Certainly Wife my honour is your honour and your honour will be buried in my disgrace which Heaven avert for I prefer yours before my own insomuch as I would have your honour to be the Crown of my glory Lady Victoria Then I must partake of your actions and go along with you Lord General What to the VVars Lady Victoria To any place where you are Lord General But VVife you consider not as that long marches ill lodgings much watching cold nights scorching dayes hunger and danger are ill Companions for Ladyes their acquaintance displeases their conversation is rough and rude being too boisterous for Ladyes their tender and strengthless constitutions cannot encounter nor grapell therewith Lady Victoria 'T is said that Love overcomes all things in your Company long marches will be but as a breathing walk the hard ground feel as a Feather-Bed and the starry Sky a spangled Canopy hot dayes a Stove to cure cold Agues hunger as Fasting dayes or an eve to devotion and danger is honours triumphant Chariot Lord General But Nature hath made women like China or Pursleyn they must be used gently and kept warily or they will break and fall on Deaths head besides the inconveniencies in an Army are so many as put patience her self out of humour besides there is such inconveniences as modesty cannot allow of Lady Victoria There is no immodestly in natural effects but in unnatural abuses but contrive it as well as you can for go I must or either I shall dye or dishonour you for if I stay behind you the very imaginations of your danger will torture me sad Dreams will affright me every little noise will sound as your passing Bell and my fearfull mind will transform every object like as your pale Ghost untill I am smothered in my Sighs shrouded in my Tears and buried in my Griefs for whatsoever is joyned with true love will dye absented or else their love will dye for love and life are joyned together as for the honour of constancy or constant fidelity or the dishonour of inconstancy the lovingest and best wife in all story that is recorded to be the most perfectest and constantest wife in her Husbands absence was Penelope Ulysses wife yet she did not Barricado her Ears from Loves soft Alarums but parled and received Amorous Treaties and made a Truce untill she and her Lovers could agree and conclude upon conditions and questionless there were Amorous Glances shot from loving Eyes of either party and though the Siege of her Chastity held out yet her Husbands Wealth and Estate was impoverished and great Riots committed both in his Family and Kingdome and her Suters had absolute power thereof thus though she kept the fort of her Chastity she lost the Kingdome which was her Husbands Estate and Government which was a dishonour both to her and her Husband so if you let me stay behind you it will be a thousand to one but either you will lose me in Death or your honour in Life where if you let me go you will save both for if you will consider and reckon all the married women you have heard or read of that were absented from their Husbands although upon just and necessary occasions but had some Ink of aspersions flung upon them although their wives were old illfavoured decrepid and diseased women or were they as pure as light or as innocent as Heaven and wheresoever this Ink of aspersions is thrown it sticks so fast that the spots are never rubb'd out should it fall on Saints they must wear the marks as a Badge of misfortunes and what man had not better be thought or called an uxorious Husband than to be despised and laught at as being but thought a Cuckhold the first only expresses a tender and noble Nature the second sounds as a base cowardly poor dejected forsaken Creature and as for the immodesty you mentioned there is none for there can be no breach of modesty but in unlawfull actions or at least unnecessary ones but what Law can warrant and necessity doth inforce is allowable amongst men pure before Angels Religious before Gods when unchosing persons improper places unfit times condemn those actions that are good in themselves make them appear base to men hatefull to Angels and wicked to Gods and what is more lawfull fitting and proper than for a man and wife to be inseparable together Lord General Well you have used so much Rhetorick to perswade as you have left me none to deny you wherefore I am resolved you shall try what your tender Sex can endure but I believe when you hear the Bullets fly about you you will wish your self at home and repent your rash adventure Lady Victoria I must prove false first for love doth give me courage Lord General Then come along I shall your courage try Lady Victoria He follow you though in Deaths Arms I ly Exeunt Scene 3. Enter the two former Gentlemen 1 GEnt. Well met for I was going to thy lodging to call thee to make up the Company of good fellows which hath appointed a meeting 2 Gent. Faith you must go with the odd number or get another in my room for I am going about some affairs which the Lord General hath imployed me in 1 Gent. I perceive by thee that publick imployments spoil private meetings 2 Gent. You say right for if every one had good imployment vice would be out of fashion 1 Gent. What do you call vice 2 Gent. Drinking Wenching and Gaming 1 Gent. As for two of them as Drinking and Wenching especially Wenching no imployment can abolish them no not the most severest devotest nor dangerest for the States-man Divines and Souldiers which are the most and greatest imployed will leave all other affairs to kiss a Mistriss 2 Gent. But you would have me go to a Tavern and not to a Mistriss 1 Gent. VVhy you may have a Mistriss in a Tavern if you please 2 Gent. VVell if my other affairs will give me any leisure I will come to you Exeunt Scene 4. Enter four or five other Gentlemen 1 Gent. The Lord General was accounted a discreet and wise man but he shows but little wisdome in this action of carrying his wife along with him to the VVars to be a Clog at his heels a Chain to his hands an Incumberance in his march obstruction in his way for she will be always puling and sick and whining and crying and tir'd and froward and if her Dog should be left in any place as being forgotten all the whole Army must make a halt whilst the Dog is fetcht and Trooper after Trooper must be sent to bring intelligence of the Dogs coming but if there were such a misfortune that the Dog could not be found the whole Army must
Commander and Common Souldiers Lady Victoria The reason of this is that Ceremony strikes a reverence and respect into every breast raising up a devotion in every heart and devotion makes obedience and obedience keeps order and order is the strength and life to an Army State or Common-wealth and as for the Prayers presented to these particular Gods and Goddess is that Mars would give us courage and strength Pallas give us prudent conduct Fortune give us Victory and Fame give us Glory and Renown Reader Eleventhly Be it known observed and practised that the most experienced practiz'd and ingenioust Commanders shall preach twice a week of Martial Discipline also those errours that have been committed in former Wars and what advantages have been taken to be cited in their Sermons as also what was gain'd or lost by meer Fortune Reader Twelfthly Be it known observed and practised that when the Army marches that the Souldiers shall sing in their march the heroical actions done in former times by heroical women Lady Victoria The reason of this is that the remembrance of the actions of gallant persons inflames the Spirit to the like and begets a courage to a like action and the reason of singing of heroical actions only of women is that we are women our selves Reader Thirteenthly Be it known observed and submitted to that no Council shall be call'd but that all affairs be ordered and judged by the Generalless her self Lady Victoria The reason of this is that all great Councils as of many persons confounds judgments for most being of several opinions and holding strongly and stifly nay obstinately thereunto as every one thinking themselves wisest cause a division and wheresoever a division is there can be no finall conclusion Reader Fourteenthly Be it known observed and practised that none of this Effeminate Army admits of the Company of men whilst they are in Arms or Warlike actions not so much as to exchange words without the Generalless her leave or privilege thereto Lady Victoria The reason of this is that men are apt to corrupt the noble minds of women and to alter their gallant worthy and wise resolutions with their flattering words and pleasing and subtil insinuations and if they have any Authority over them as Husbands Fathers Brothers or the like they are apt to fright them with threats into a slavish obedience yet there shall be chosen some of the most inferiour of this Female Army to go into the Masculine Army to learn their designs and give us intelligence of their removals that we may order our incampings and removings according as we shall think best but these women shall neither be of the Body of our Army nor keep amongst the Army nor come within the Trenches but ly without the works in Huts which shall be set up for that purpose Reader Lastly Whosoever shall break any of these Laws or Orders shall be put to Death and those that do not keep them strictly shall be severely punished Lady Victoria But I am to advise you Noble Heroicks that though I would not have a general Council call'd to trouble our designs in War with tedious disputes and unnecessary objections and over cautious doubts yet in case of life and death there shall be a Jury chosen to sit and judge their Causes and the whole Army shall give their votes and the most voices shall either condemn or reprieve or save them lest I should hereafter be only call'd in question and not the rest as being not accessary thereunto and now you have heard these Laws or Orders you may assent or dissent therefrom as you please if you assent declare it by setting your hands thereto if you dissent declare it by word of mouth and the Tables shall be broken All the women We assent and will set our hands thereto Exeunt Scene 12. Enter Doctor Educature the Lady Jantils Chaplin and Nell Careless her Maid DOctor Educature Nell how doth your good Lady Nell Careless Faith she seems neither sick nor well for though her Body seems in health her Mind seems to be full of trouble for she will rise in the midst of the Night and walk about her Chamber only with her Mantle about her Doctor Educature Why doth she so Nell Careless I ask'd her why she broke her sleep so as to walk about and she answered me that it was frightfull Dreams that broke her sleep and would not let her rest in quiet Doctor Educature Alas she is Melancholick in the absence of my Lord Exeunt Scene 13. Enter the Lady Victoria and a number of other Women LAdy Victoria Now we are resolved to put our selves into a Warlike body our greatest difficulty will be to get Arms but if you will take my advise we may be furnished with those necessaries as thus the Garrison we are to enter is full of Arms and Amunition and few men to guard them for not only most of the Souldiers are drawn out to strengthen the Generals Army and to fight in the battel but as many of the Townsmen as are fit to bear Arms wherefore it must of necessity be very slenderly guarded and when we are in the Town we will all agree in one Night when they shall think themselves most secure to rise and surprize those few men that are left and not only disarm them and possess our selves of the Town and all the Arms and Amunition but we will put those men out of the Town or in safe places untill such time as we can carry away whatsoever is usefull or needfull for us and then to go forth and intrench untill such time as we have made our selves ready to march and being once Master or Mistriss of the Field we shall easily Master the Pesants who are for the most part naked and defenceless having not Arms to guard them by which means we may plunder all their Horses and victual our selves out of their Granaries besides I make no question but our Army will increase numerously by those women that will adhere to our party either out of private and home discontents or for honour and fame or for the love of change and as it were a new course of life wherefore let us march to the Town and also to our design but first I must have you all swear secrecy All the women We are all ready to swear to what you will have us Exeunt Scene 14. Enter Madam Jantil alone as rising out of her Bed her Mantle wrapt about her and in her night linnen MAdam Iantil. I saw his Face pale as a Lilly white His wounds fresh bleeding blood like rubies bright His Eyes were looking steadfastly on me Smiling as joying in my Company He mov'd his lips as willing was to speak But had no voice and all his Spirits weak He shak'd his hand as if he bid farewell That brought the message which his tongue would tell He 's dead he 's dead a sunder break my heart Let 's meet in Death though Wars
she will flatter grosly other times she will rail maliciously and sometimes she will speak so eloquently and demean her self so elegantly as to ravish the minds of the beholders and hearers This Lady Wit hath nine Daughters very beautifull Ladies namely the Nine Muses and every several Muse partakes of every several Humour of the Mother These nine beautifull Ladies Natures Grand-children and VVits Daughters have vowed single lives living alwayes in the Court with their Mother whose Court is a very glorious Palace for it is composed of Coelestial flame and Divine Spirits were the Architectures thereof the Servants and Courtiers of the Lady Wit are Poets men of all Nations Qualities Dignities and Humours these Courtiers the Poets make love to the Lady Wits Daughters the nine Muses and often receive favours from them which favours their Servants the Poets braid them into Rimes and make several works of Verse then tie them into True Lovers Knots and then as all Lovers use to do with their Mistresses favours vaingloriously shew them to the publick view of the world for though the Lady Muses will not marry yet they receive Courtly addresses and take delight to be wooed and sued to the younger sort of Poets are Amorous Lovers the Grave and more antient Poets are Platonick Lovers and some are Divine Lovers and some are Heroick Lovers and some are Satyrical Lovers which wooe in a crabbid stile but to conclude of VVit there are good VVits which have foolish Judgements for though VVit and VVisdome are Sisters and Brothers both the Children of Nature yet for the most part the Brother is a meer Fool and the Sister hath a great wit but some have Masculine VVits and Effeminate Judgements as if their beams were Hermophrica The next I am to define is VVisdome who as I said is a Son of the Gods this VVisdome is a person of perfect and upright Shape of well-composed Features of a manly Garb and an assured Countenance In his speech he is of a readie delivery and he hath a well-tempered Humour as for the Acoustrements of his Person he changes them according to the times and occasions His constant habitation is in the strong Tower of Honestie this Tower is built round without ends or corners or by places and it stands upon four Pillars as Prudence Fortitude Justice and Temporance upon every several Pillar are Letters ingraven wherein may be read the proper uses benefits and advantages of each Pillar These Pillars of Support causes this Tower to be inpregnable for though there are many assaults made against it as by Riches which shoots his golden Bullets out of his golden Canons at it striving to batter it down and Power brings a mighty Army to assault it and Danger of Death strives to storm it and Flattery and Insinuation to undermine it yet it holds out without any breach therein for the walls of this Tower named Honesty are of a wonderfull strength for they are as durable as an intire Diamond not to be dissolved and as transparant as a Christal without the least spot stain or blemish In this Tower as I said lives Wisdom a most magnificent Lord he is and is attended numerously and nobly his chief Favourite is Truth his chief Counselors are Reason Understanding Observation Experience and Judgement his chief Officers are Patience Industry and Opportunity his Domestick Servants are the Appetites which Servants he rules and governs with great moderation his Nobility are the Passions which he preferrs according to their merit but those that are apt to be Factious he severely punishes for he is one that loves peace and hates brulleries or any dissention he is a person of the quickest Sense for he hath a most piercing sight to foresee dangers as to avoid them and can well distinguish the right ways from the wrong likewise he hath a most cleer hearing for nothing passes by that concerns him but the sound gives him an Alarum to stand upon his guard or a charge to take his advantage but he hath a silent tongue for he never speaks but it is to some purpose also he hath a marvelous quick Scent to smel out a Rebellion or Treason and he will follow it pace by pace as Hounds do Hares and never leaves till he hath hunted it out also his Touch is very sensible he soon feels a courtesie or injury the first he receives gratefully and feels tenderly the other he receives strongly and gripes hard when he can take fast hold otherwise he lets it passe or fall as if his touch were numb'd he is a person which is so solicited by the weak sought to by the wronged flattered by the ambitious sued to by the distressed and he often fits in the Court of Errors to rectifie the disorder therein sometimes he hath been in great humane Councels but that is very rare indeed he is so seldome in great humane Councels as he is hardly known for not one among a thousand that did ever see him much lesse to have any acquaintance with him for he is reserved and not company for every one But there are many that falssy pretend not only to be acquainted with him but gets falle Vizards and pretend to be Wisdome it self and the world for the most part is cozened and abused with these Cheats in not knowing the right true Wisdom and how should they when Wisdom it self appears so seldome as he is a stranger even in Kings Courts and Princes Palaces and so great a stranger he is in many Courts and Councels that if by chance he should be there they thrust him out as a troublesome Guest and laugh at his advice as foolish or condemn his Counsel as treacherous but now I have declared unto you whom VVit and Wisdome are now I am to give my opinion whether women are capable of their Society but truly I must tell you it is a difficult question by reason the several Educations which are the Ushers that lead humane Creatures to several Societies for there are Societie of the Ignorant and foolish as well as of the witty and wise and several Ushers belonging thereto and indeed these latter Societies are numerous and of all sorts the other are Societies of the most choicest for though Wit is not an absolute Goddesse nor humane Wisdome an absolute God yet they are a degree above other earthly mortals but Fools are produced from the degrees of Mortality and Ignorance is the Daughter of Obscurity the Ushers of these are Obstinacy Stupidity and Illiterature which leads mortals to dangerous and unexcessible ways in this last Society for the most part women are of as being bred therein and having such ill Tutors and Guides they must needs err for there is an old saying When the Blind leads the Blind they must needs fall into the Ditch nor having sight to choose their way so women breeding up women the Generations must needs be Fools for the first women had an ill Tutor the Devil which