herein should be that he watereth me so much but that I should water others 2. I have found God owning me when I closed with the like motions at other times particularly in the Afternoon Exercise I have found God wonderfully gracious beyond expression and I heartily bless God that put it into my heart to undertake that work and seeing when I followed God formerly he was with me why should I not be obedient to his call in this also 3. It is the work I have been set apart to and solemnly given up my self to in the face of the Congregation at Black-Friers and therefore now there is a necessity lying upon me to preach the Gospel yea a woe if I preach not 1 Cor. 9. 16. 4. God hath made my service here accepted of the Saints and therefore it is likely my Ministry may be more effectual It may be elsewhere my Ministry may be as much despised as here t is embraced and therefore it is good to take the present season and to strike where and when the Iron is hot 5. The time is short that I have to live how soon God many take me hence I know not And there being no working in the grave I am commanded to do what my hand findeth to do with my might Eccl. 9. 10. the night cometh when no man can work and therefore as Christ said Joh. 9. 4. I must work the works of him that sent me while it is day So must I do learn this wisdom of him to do my work as fast as I can seeing I know not how short my day may be 6. The times are evil and I know not how soon we may be cut short of these opportunities and it 's an express Command that we should be wise and redeem time Eph. 5. 15. 16. And God commands as we have opportunity to do good to all Gal. 6. 10. preaching of the Gospel is doing good and here is an opportunity I must not let it slip 7. If I should preach once a fortnight on the week-day it will but be equivalent to preaching twice every Lords day Seeing now I preach but once every other Sabbath which must be my work when I come into the Country and yet my work here is far lighter than it will be there for here I am free from worldly cares family distractions and a pastoral charge 8. One Soul is more worth than the whole world and the preaching of the Gospel is the power of God to Salvation therefore we should not think any pains too great to preach the word seeing we may through God be a mean to convert and save souls thereby 9. Christ chargeth Peter as he loveth him to feed his sheep and lambs Joh. 21. 15 16 17. His repeating this 3 times argues 1. that he would have him very diligent in doing it 2. that he takes it as a real demonstration of love to him to feed his sheep Now I have wonderful cause to love Christ and good reason to demonstrate it that way which he would have me 10. If I enter upon preaching on week-day too I see it will make for the Glory of God Joh. 15. 8. God is glorified when we bear much fruit and for the good and edification of others for the body of Christ is Edified by the Ministry of the Word Eph. 4. 11 12. and why should I stand disputing that which may make for the glory of God and the good of those among whom I live 11. God would have every man observe his proper gifts and improve them and attend his proper work that he is called to with diligence Rom. 12. 6 7 8 11. 12. I have Naturally a slothful Spirit and one good way to Master it is to take up much imployment 13. God would have us alway to abound in his Work and be stedfast and he tells us our labour shall not be in vain 1 Cor. 15. ult 14. No excuse must hinder us now from doing good but what will serve turn at the day of judgment I consider further that the Word of God is to be the Rule by which we must walk Psal 119. 105. that is the light of our paths What the Word requires of us God requires of us What work the Word calls us to that God calls us to Now considering with my self the aforesaid particulars according to the Word of God I gather it is the mind of God I should close with this motion and that he calleth me to further work and so accordingly I am to obey his voice Now in regard that it is Gods presence with me his owning accepting and assisting me that must bear me up against all difficulties that I shall meet with I consulted further with the Word to see what grounds I had to expect that God would be with me in my undertaking and I saw great encouragement from these Scriptures Mat. 28. 19 20. Go teach lo I am with you alway Christ will not withdraw his presence at any time when we go about to teach in obedience to his Command but will be always with us 1 Chron. 28. 10 20. compared Whence I observe when God calls a man out to any work he would have him be strong and do it and not to fear or be dismayed for God will be with him and not fail him or forsake him till he hath finished it Josh 1. 9. Have not I Commanded thee The Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest The same presence and assistance may we expect from God when ever he calls us out to any Service which I gather from the Apostles applying to all Christians what God spake in particularto Josh Heb. 13. 5. Isa 42. 6. I the Lord have called thee I will hold thy hand It is spoken to Christ and shall be made good to all Christians when called by God to any work he will uphold them in it and he whom God upholds shall not fail or be discouraged till his work be done v. 1. 4 Judg. 6. 12. 14. The Lord is with thee thou mighty man Go in this thy might thou shalt save Israel Have not I sent thee In this thy might i. e. either in the strength of the promise The Lord is with thee or in the strength of thy Commission I have sent thee Doest thou doubt whether I will be with thee seeing I have sent thee Doest thou doubt whether thou shalt save Israel seeing I have sent thee I see hence the Call of God to any Service is a great encouragement to set upon it and to expect success in it ' Discouragements removed 1. Reproach of men What will men say or think that I am so forward They will impute it to Pride it c. and say I am imprudent and will may be laugh and jear at me Reply 1. I am not to be ashamed of the Gospel of Christ Rom. 1. 16. No not in an Adulterous generation Mar. 8. 38. If I cannot suffer shame for Christ how shall I
being so suited to some reasonings and doubts that I had upon my mind and coming so seasonably at my first fixing at Chattisham I was much affected with it and looked upon it as a token for good that I should have Gods presence with me and the teachings of his Spirit at Chattisham as I have had them at Colchester The encouragement which he thus took was not vain and empty God remembred his word unto his Servant wherein he had caused him to hope For he not only enclined the hearts of the people among whom he lived though strangers to him to pay him that Respect and Honour which was due to him and indulged him the liberty of private Preaching as he had before enjoyed but moreover opened to him in this place a door for the frequent publick exercise of his Ministry which was shut against him at Colchester The Minister of the Parish having another cure by reason whereof he could attend this at Chattisham but once a fortnight did in his absence not only willingly but thankfully indulge to Mr. Stockton the liberty of his Pulpit And having a very small maintenance and some burdens lying heavy upon him which after a few years made his residence there very uneasie to him he deserted his charge and left this flock to shift for themselves Whereupon at the request of the people Mr. Stockton frequently supplyed that vacancy And his Zeal provoked and encouraged others also both Ministers and People For other neighbouring Parishes being destitute of Ministers for want of maintenance called in the help of Non-Conformists who in these places so much below envye have enjoyed the liberty of their publick Preaching for the most part to this day So as not only the Parish where he lived but the neighbouring Vllages have abundant cause to bless God for sending to them so happy an Instrument so willing and Zealous so able and industrious to serve their Souls in the Gospel of Christ When it pleased his Majesty to set forth his most Gracious Declaration for Indulgence he was chosen both by a Congregation in Ipswhich and another in Colchester to preach to them And both being very desirous of him he complied with their desires as far as he could and undertook half the Service of either and so with others divided his labours between them during his life to their great Satisfaction and edification His labours were abundant His Ministry was his whole business Besides his Lords days service wherein he not only preached twice but oft expounded the Scriptures and Catechised the younger sort and many times discoursed particular Christians that applyed themselves to him for Counsel and instruction about their Spiritual cases He moreover preached a Lecture at Ipswich on the weekday once a fort-night and scarce a week passed but he preached at some other Lecture or funeral besides keeping of private fasts which he frequently practised both at home and abroad The providence of God over him while he was thus Zealously and constantly imployed in his work in so many places was so remarkable that it must not be passed over without special observation Notwithstanding the Severity of the Laws the malice watchfulness and endeavours of Adversaries yet God Suffered not an hair to fall from his head though Complaints Informations Indictments Convictions Warrant Presentments Excommunications were made against him yet was he never imprisoned apprehended distrained or brought before any Court or Magistrate He was much affected with this care of God over him and thankfully accepted and recorded it as the instance of Gods faithfulness and performance of his promise as the answer of his own faith and Prayer and as the reward of his love and Zeal and courage for God and his Church by the power whereof he lived above fears and dangers for thus he writes Apr. 16. 1655. Being Lords day In the morning I awaked with that Scripture in my thoughts 1 Tim. 1. 15. I dwelt a while upon it and drew comfort and relief for my faith by the help of God I had been before under a great sense of the sinfulness of my heart The comfort I had was that Christ came to save the chief of Sinners that this was a faithful saying that it was worthy all acceptation or to be embraced by every one and that this Salvation was from sin as well as from hell Math. 1. 21. Considering whether he would save me as I was going to wash in the morning I was satisfied from Joh. 6. 37. Him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out It being then a time of danger as to the keeping of my Meetings because many Souldiers were in Town I being dubious whether I should admit the people to come to my house when I considered that Christ took it as an act of Love to feed his sheep Joh. 21. 15. and that he exposed himself to Death to save me and bring under a sense of the Comfort that the Lord had given me in the morning in my Meditations on the 1 Tim. 1. 15. I was willing to adventure my self on the Providence of God Sept. 19. As I was Expounding in my Family the 91 Psalm on a day of Humiliation I was much encouraged to go on in my Calling notwithstanding the difficulties that attend the same by reason of many Adversaries from v. 11 12 13. Though the Adversaries to private Meetings and the Preaching of Non-Conformists be of several sorts as strong as Lions as full of venom as the Dragon such as are greedy of and roar after the prey like the young Lion as subtle and pertinacious and obstinate in their way as the Adder of which see Ps 58. 4 5. yet the Angels have a charge to keep us in all our ways and the promise is that we shall trample these under our feet This promise gave me courage whilst at Colchester and I saw it made good for I went on in my Calling and had no harm from them I observed also in reading Dan. 6. 23. the power of Faith to deliver out of great and imminent danger Daniel is cast into a Den of hungry Lions yet no manner of hurt is found upon him because he believed in his God Sept. 22. In my Family exercise as I was reading Ps 146. 9. The Lord preserveth the Strangers my Faith received strength I enjoyed much peace and security in Colchester I had met with no molestation either from the Town or County but being come into a strange place where I was not known and had no friends to shelter or speak for me I apprehended my self to walk in more danger than before this word The Lord preserveth the Strangers did help my dependance upon God Oct. 28 1666. Being Sabbath day I went forth to Preach at Manitree In the morning before I went the Lord gave in that promise Isa 55. 12. Ye shall be led forth with peace It being a time of trouble and danger for Non-conformists to Preach publickly the promise was the
disunion and Separation of the Soul from the body so our spiritual life results from the Souls Union with Christ and spiritual death is our separation from him Now I feel my self as a poor withered branch cut off from this Vine unacquainted with the actings of this Spiritual life as living by faith Serving God in Spirit Mortifying Sin by the Spirit walking in the Spirit loving God above all things and seeking his Glory in all things I have sometimes Prayed against sin resolving against it striven with it avoided occasions thereto all which a natural man may do but sin hath returned upon me and overcome me How to fetch power from Christs death to mortifie sin how to believe in God for subduing it how to do it by the Spirit these have been mysteries to me Lord When shall the day dawn and the Day-Star arise in my heart When shall the Day-spring from on high visit my Soul to give light to him that sits in darkness and in the shadow of death Come Lord Jesus thou light of life Come quickly That which kept me a long time from resolving to give up my whole heart to God in Covenant was a fear that I should break my Covenant and so double my sin But I perceive since that this was but Satans policy to keep my heart from God and the true ground of my not doing this was not conscienciousness of sin as Satan once made me believe but a loathness to part with all sin and to serve God with all my heart A Strong encouragement thou hast O my Soul to enter Covenant with God to serve him with thy whole heart from that portion of his Word which thou didst read this morning May. 11. 1654. in Jer. 30. 21 22. Who is this that engaged his heart to approach unto me saith the Lord Ye shall be my people and I will be your God Since my Covenanting with God I come to see more fully the truth of that place Rom. 8. 7. The carnal mind is enmity against God is not subject to the Law of God neither indeed can be For I find a Loathness to walk closely with God yea under a profession of Religion my carnal heart hath been at enmity to the power and life of it and this enmity hath lyen hid under and been covered with a performance of some duties which have not been destructive to that evil principle that hath lived in me Yea I find my carnal heart is hungring after the flesh-pots of Egypt after its old delights and sinful pleasures is ready to murmur against God in the wilderness and speaks of returning into Egypt and being impatient of the cross it revolts from God many a time and seeks relief and contentment from the creature Since my Covenanting with God I see more of thee treachery and hypocrisie of my heart I found my Soul for a while more tender of Sin and my heart seemingly engaged to serve the Lord. but I soon forgot the covenant that I had made and in a short space I did not find that my Covenanting had any influence on my heart or life So that I see I did but flatter the Lord with my mouth and lyed unto him with my tongue for my heart was not right with him neither was I stedfast in his Covenant Ps 78. 36 37. My unstedfastness in my Covenant with the Lord did arise as far as I perceive from these two grounds 1. My heart was not right with God when I made it there was not that inward cordial full resolution to part with all Sin and that for ever from an antipathy to it and dislike of it neither that inward resolution of cleaving to God to have him my All in All to take all my contentment and joy in him and to seek it in nothing else which should have been 2. I neglected my watch and did not as I should renew my Covenant often and engage my heart to walk with God and while I was slothful and negligent my heart was stolen away by the Devil and the World and is now in league again with Sin Lord make me upright and clear up to me my Sincerity Search me and try me and let me know the bottom of my heart Keep me upon my watch and guard that I may keep my Covenant Jul. 23. The Lord did awaken my Consience to such a sense of my sin and lost estate in the reading and hearing of his Word that when I went to Prayer I was before him as a lost creature being under wrath and the sentence of death lying in my blood and pollution Now whereas before I found my heart carried out in begging Sanctification I did now cry to God for the blood of Christ to wash away the guilt of my sin I did not before prize Justifying Grace so as now in some weak measure I was made to doe But I soon found an accursed hard heart in a little time I did not tremble at the wrath of God I have laboured to work these convictions upon my heart but I found such a roving heart such a slighty heart so possest with vanity that nothing would abide with it Lord unless thou savest me for thy mercies sake I perish Aug. 6. being Sabbath day In meditation on 1 Joh. 3. 23. This is his commandment that we should believe on the Name of his Son Jesus Christ Considering with my self what this did imply viz. not only a relying upon God in Christ for the remission of Sin but for the pouring out of the Spirit Joh. 7. 38 39. which Spirit when it is given will shed abroad the love of God in our hearts Rom. 5. 5. and seal up the assurance of the remission of our sins and witness our addoption Rom. 8 16. will mortifie sin in us v. 13. and work all the works of God in us and for us all which I want and to which I haven been a long time convinced that I am unable And Considering further that this Spirit is the free gift of God Ps 51. 12. given not according to our works but of free mercy for the sake of Christ Tit. 3. 4. 5 6. And considering further that Jesus Christ had received Gifts of which the Gift of the Spirit is intended even for the rebellious that God might dwell among them Ps 68. 18. I found my heart encouraged to wait upon the Lord for the pouring forth of his Spirit upon me that I might have my heart renewed and sanctified and the remission of my sins sealed up to my Soul Afterwards considering further that the way whereby a poor soul that hath lost Gods image comes to be renewed in heart and mind and made partaker of the divine nature is by faith in the promises 2 Pet. 1. 4. and observing how Isaac who inherits the blessing was not born by the strength of Nature but by promise and as Isaac was born through the promise so are all believers Gal. 4. 28. not of the will of man
to want nor how to abound apt to murmur and repine in Straits and to be lifted up and grow secure in Enlargements O Lord in every Condition I need thy grace to teach me how to behave my self O shew me thy way and lead me therein for thy Name-sake Also the Lord taught me hence that I ought to be patient under his hand when he hideth his Face and to resign up my will to his Will inasmuch as I do not know what is good for my self The Lord seeth I should be worse it may be if I enjoyed more than I do and therefore in wisdom and mercy he keeps me in a low Condition My confusion sometimes hath been so great that I have been so unsetled and at such a loss in my Soul that I knew not what to do all former workings have been questioned and judged as nothing In the hour of such temptation the Lord taught me besides Prayer and searching into my Soul to have recourse to former experiences Psal 77. 10 11. and Psal 85. Octob. 11. In the morning I bewailed it before God that I was still at a loss to know whether I loved him and after Prayer I read 1 Joh. 2 ch and I was made in a more special manner to take notice of v. 5. Whoso keepeth his word in him verily is the love of God perfected Me-thought I saw God Answering my Prayer and telling me out of this word that I loved him In him verily 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 it is a sure sign of Love to God we need not doubt of it if we keep his Word Now if I know my own heart I desire to do so if the Love of God be perfected in him that keeps his Word then surely it is begun in him that desires and endeavours to keep his Word Jan. 25. The Lord helped me with Tears to bewall mine abominations even my Original and actual sins my formality Earthliness alienation from him c. therein he did remember and fulfil that gracious promise Ezek. 36. 31. I found Godly sorrow sweet not only in the root and fountain thereof it being a Covenant blessing but in the very Actings of it Feb. 2. In the Evening upon my Bed the Lord did graciously melt my heart in the sight of sin under this Consideration that it was against infinite Love I was ashamed confounded and abashed because I had so long slighted neglected Rebelled against a God of Love My Soul even trembled at it Jan. 15. 1655. Having been the day before with one under great Temptations and hearing of another under a wounded Spirit my heart was melted in Prayer whilst I was praising God for his long patience in the days of my sinning and his tenderness and gentleness towards me in my Conversion Jan. 16. I found my heart drawn out to a recumbence on Jesus Christ The Spirit saith Come Rev. 22. 17. Christ saith Come Joh. 7. 37. And the Father saith Come Mat. 22. 4. And who am I O Lord that I should gainsay such Invitations Behold O Lord I come and put my trust in thee Jan. 26. I Preached twice and had very gracious assistance much beyond expectation in the week before I was much indisposed and could not get my heart to a setled meditation of what I was to speak I was under a great sense of my impotency and laboured in the fire till Saturday Afternoon when I cried to the Lord he was gracious to me and Answered me After my work was over I was much assaulted with Spiritual Pride I saw plainly the reason of Gods delaying his Assistance and giving me such sense of my weakness was to keep me humble Every way O Lord I see my own vileness when thou withdrawest from me then my heart dieth and my strength fails and I am ready to be froward When thou enlargest me then I am ready to be puffed up Oh pardon and purge away all my sin for thy Names sake Mar. 23. In Singing the 15 th Psalm I found Comfort my Conscience bearing me witness that I laboured after those things which are set down as Characters of a Citizen of the New Jerusalem Sept. 28. I had sweet Meditations upon my Bed I found God in my morning Prayer also in private and assistance in Preaching but not such an influence of the Spirit in publick Prayer as I have sometimes found Yet I had begged of God that he would give me his presence in publick as a token that he accepted of me and my work but he withdrew I feared hereupon that I had tempted God and sinned in begging new signs of his favour when I had had such great experience of his goodness many times before Lord forgive the sin of thy Servant Nov. 23. Examining my self about a work of Grace I had some Comfort from Ps 40. 8. Delight in doing the will of God is an Argument of the Law written in the heart Now I found that I had a delight especially in some duties as visiting the Sick comforting of distressed Consciences c. I was somewhat terrified from that word in Job ch 42. 7. I was afraid least in my Preaching I should sometimes speak those things of God that were not right and soon after going to Prayer I was in time of Prayer comforted from Joh. 16. 13. The Spirit shall guide you into all truth Dec. 7. I found the Lord very much Answering my Prayer in giving very gracious and powerful Assistance both in Prayer and Preaching at Trinity Lecture on Sabbath day I may say as Jaber 1 Chron. 4. 10. who said Oh that thou wouldest bless me indeed and be with me And God granted my request The next morning there came a woman to me and said she was troubled at the Sermon that she could scarce sleep all night for she bad not gone so far as the Scribes and Pharisees and that which added to the mercy was God kept me humble after this enlargement Mar. 31. 1657. I had a very evident Answer of Prayer I was at a pinch for some money I begged of God that I might be supplied and that Afternoon one to whom I had lent a little money brought it me which was enough for my present necessities the Circumstances were very remarkable I sought the Lord also to be with the Parish in the choice of their Church-Wardens and there were those two chosen whom if I had had the Nomination I should have chosen my self Apr. 21. I kept a day of Fast to the Lord. I found God graciously with me in Prayer the chief thing that I propounded was to seek direction as to my Preaching on Week-days Among other things I begged of God a supply of my wants being in some straits for want of money That very night one brought me 10 s. for Preaching a Funeral Sermon which I expected not and the next morning the Church-Wardens of St. Andrews Parish brought me 7 l. and upwards whereby I was sufficiently supplied I could not but take notice of
strength of Adversaries Jan. 1. 1673. I awaked about four of the Clock in the morning and had many sweet meditations in my Bed for the space of about two hours I then resolved with my self to engage my heart afresh and to renew my Covenant with the Lord the beginning of this New year to be the Lords Servant to serve the Lord and his Son Jesus Christ all the remainder of the days I have to live in this world in such service as he should see meet to employ me The encouragements and inducements that were brought to my mind and drew out my heart willingly and cheerfully to give up my self to the Lord to serve him and his Son Jesus Christ were these 1. His promise of affording his Presence and Assistance to such as are his Servants and to be their God Isa 41. 8 9 10. 2. The great and precious promises made to his Servants Isa 54. per totum Which concludeth thus v. 17. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord. 3. We glorifie God when we serve him Isa 49. 3. Thou art my Servant O Israel in whom I will be glorified 4. God hath done great things for me both for my outward and inward man and the only thing that he requires of me is to serve him in truth and sincerity 1 Sam. 12. 24. 5. All Christs Servants shall assuredly be with him where he is and shall be honoured of the Father Joh. 12. 26. and shall enter into the joy of their Lord. Mat. 25. 21. May 19. 1676. Reading Levit. 22. 3. Whosoever of the Priests in their generations went unto the holy things which the Children of Israel did hallow unto the Lord having his uncleanness upon him that Soul should be cut off from the presence of the Lord And the ensuing Sabbath being Sacrament day I considered with my self 1 st That greater Reverence is due to the Lords Supper than to the holy things under the Law 2 ly Moral uncleanness is greater than Ceremonial 3 ly Therefore I considered how I might go to this Ordinance and Administer it to others without having my uncleanness upon me that is how I might be purged from my uncleanness To that end I determined 1. Humbly to acknowledge confess and bewail the uncleanness of my heart lips and life before the Lord. Isa 6. 5 6 7 8 9. When the Prophet bemoaned his uncleanness the Lord purged it away and sent him to do his Office 2. To go to the fountain set open for sin and for uncleanness Zech. 13. 1. that is to act my faith on the blood of Christ which cleanseth from all sin 1 Joh. 1. 7. 3. To rest upon God by faith for fulfilling his Covenant wherein he hath promised to cleanse me from all my filthiness and to save me from all my uncleanness Ezek. 36. 25 29. Act. 15. 9. 4. To plead earnestly with God to take away all iniquities Hos 14. 2. and to create in me a clean heart Ps 51. 10. and to succeed my prayers with endeavours to put away evil and uncleanness out of my heart and life Isa 1. 16. 18. 2 Cor. 7. 1. These are many of those judicious observations which this holy person made and those spiritual experiences he found and recorded for his own use that he might always have at hand before him the manner and method of Gods dealing with his Soul the workings of Corruption and grace his lapses and recoveries his combates and victories over world sin and Satan his perseverance and progress in holiness the secret intercourse between God and his soul the withdrawings and Returns of the Holy Spirit the faithfulness of Gods Covenant the truth of his word sensibly felt in his heart food for his faith encouragement to walk with God with experimental instruction how to comfort troubled Consciences In which part of the ministry he had a peculiar excellency beyond most part of his Brethren for partly by his diligent searching of the Holy Scripture partly by observing and recording the method of the Holy Ghost towards himself and partly by discoursing with troubled Consciences wherein as he was much exercised so he took much delight he was so acquainted with the various cases of Conscience and so well understood both Case and cure that it may be truly said of him The Lord God had given him the tongue of the learned that he might know how to speak a word in season to the weary On which account he might be sirnamed Barnabas a Son of Consolation It was his usual manner in preaching to foresee and raise such objections as troubled Souls are prone to make against themselves and to solve them with much clearness and satisfaction And many applications of such Souls were made to to him in private as to a Skillful Experienced Spiritual Physitian whose advice God succeeded with his blessing to the encouragement of the faith and hope of many doubting Christians that walked in darkness which are here published not only as Instances and demonstrations of that Spirit of Light and grace that power of Godliness which possessed and governed his heart and life and fitted him to be such a useful instrument for the Service of Christ and his Church on which account his memory is worthily honourable and precious to all good men But especially for the Instruction direction relief support and encouragement of others who are following him though at a great distance in that narrow way which leadeth to that life to which he is arrived They who labour and are heavy laden who are bowed down under the power and weight of their sin wrestling with Corruption and temptation exercised with darkness and doubtings with fears and faintings They who are called to difficult service which require much labour and diligence and self-denial and may expose them to the hazard and danger of this evil world may hence take Counsel and encouragement while they read the sense and workings of their own hearts in the experiences the method and practicablenesse of their duty in the example of this Eminent Saint We have hitherto seen somethings of his Conscience of Sin and duty his industry and zeal for the Service and glory of God his combates with the flesh and Satan his Love to Christ and his Church his Spirituality in Religion His longings and breathings after God His remembring God upon his bed and meditating on him in the night watches his wise improvement of the Holy Scriptures his due fulfilling of all Relations his Holy manner of Living to God From whence we may rationally conclude that surely he gave this diligence unto the full assurance of hope that he tasted the Consolation of God and received the earnest of Glory that he walked upon the top of Pisgah in the light of Gods countenance and in the sight of the Heavenly Canaan Which priviledge indeed the God of peace and comfort did not deny him He was a man as of much grace so of much peace an instance of that
the Covenant for he promiseth to make an Everlasting Covenant with such as come to him Isa 55. 3. 2. My engaging my heart to approach to God Jer. 30. 21 22. 3. My being one of Gods Servants as before Isa 41. 9 10 Thou art my Servant I am thy God 4. The Law of God in my heart and my delight to do the will of God Jer. 31. 33. Ps 40. 8. 5. My fear of God Jer. 32. 38 39 40. which fear is discerned by eschewing and departing from evil Job 1. 1. Prov. 16. 6. 6. My choosing the Lord for my God Ps 16. 2. and voluntary giving up my self to him to obey his voice and keep his ways Deut. 26. 17 18 19. Jer. 7. 23. 7. My willingness to leave earthly Enjoyments at the call of God setting loose to the world looking upon my self as a Stranger and Pilgrim on the Earth and preferring and seeking Heavenly things above Earthly For God is not ashamed to be called their God that are and do thus 11. 13 14 15. 16. Hence I infer for my Comfort 1. Gods Audience of my Prayers Mic. 7. 7. 2. Gods presence with me in all Conditions Isa 43. 1 2 3. 3. A supply of all my wants Ps 23. 1. 4. Strength and Assistance to all Services or Sufferings Isa 41. 10. 5. He will be my God and Guide for ever Ps 48. 14. 6. He will Pardon my sins and not forsake and cast me off Mic. 7. 17 18 19. 1 Sam. 12. 20 22. Jer. 51. 5. And I Charge it on my self as my Duty 1. To walk humbly with God Mic. 6. 8. 2. To seek him early Ps 63. 1. 3. To praise and exalt him Ps 116. 28. 4. To Love him above all with all my heart Deut. 6. 5. 5. To turn to him when ever I shall depart from him Hos 12. 6. 6. To trust in him continually for all things Psal 18. 2 91. 2. Yea in times of greatest danger distress and fear Psal 31. 13 14. Ps 42. 11. 1 Sam. 30. 4. 6. Evidences of Gods Love to my Soul 1. His drawing of me to Christ Jer 31. 3. Whom God drawes he Loveth with an everlasting Love Now I find that God hath drawn me because my Soul is come to Christ and goeth dayly to him and no man can come to Christ except the Father draw him Joh. 6. 44. 2. His giving me Faith He loveth those that through the Word believe in his Son even as he loveth his own Son Joh. 17. 20. 23. 3. God Loveth those that Love him and that Love his Son Jesus Christ Prov. 8. 17. 1 Joh. 4. 19. Joh. 14. 21. 16. 27. I find that God hath given me an heart to Love him and his Son Jesus Christ 4. A Principle of Spiritual life infused into my Soul whereby I live to God is an Evidence of Gods Love to me Ezek. 16. 6. 8 Eph. 2. 4 5. 5. God Loveth not only the Righteous Ps 146. 8. but such also as follow after Righteousness Prov. 15. 9. which through grace I find he hath caused me to do My Comfort in this is that this is an everlasting Love Jer. 31. 3. Joh. 13. 1. Nothing shall separate me from it Rom. 8. 38 39. No not my Sins Ps 89. 30 31 32 33 34. Though the Mountains and hills depart his loving-kindness shall not depart Isa 54. 10. Admire and Adore this Love Oh my Soul 1 Joh. 3 1. Evidences of Gods accepting my Person and Services This enquiry is necessary 1 st Because both work and Person must come to judgment 2 Cor. 5. 9 10. 2 ly Though it be a mercy to have our Service accepted of the Saints Rom. 15. 30 31. Yet the main thing we should labour for is to be approved of God 2 Tim. 2. 15. For the approbation of men without the acceptation of God is little worth 2 Cor. 10. ult Evidence 1. Isa 56. 6 7. There the Lord promiseth to accept their Burnt-Offerings and Sacrifices upon his Altar that is all their Services which they perform in Christs Name who is called an Altar Heb. 13. 10. and who was Typified by the Altar under the Mosaical Law who joyn themselves to the Lord to Love and serve him and keep his Sabbath and take hold of his Covenant Even to every such Person he promiseth acceptation of their Services signified by Burnt-Offerings and Sacrifices Now blessed be God he hath enabled me by grace in some measure thus to do 2. Rom. 14. 18. He that in these things serveth Christ is acceptable to God In these things i. e. in Righteousness Peace and joy mentioned v. 17. Here I see that when in obedience to Christs Command and in discharge of the work and Calling I have been called to by Christ I endeavour by Preaching Writing Conference private Instruction to beget or promote Righteousness Peace or joy in the Holy Ghost I am accepted of God 3. Act. 10. 35. In every Nation he that feareth God and worketh righteousness is accepted of him We then work righteousness when we work that which God commands us Ps 119. 172. All thy Commandments are righteousness This I endeavour 4. Gen. 4. 7. If thou doest well shalt thou not be accepted Then we do well when we serve the Lord faithfully Mat. 25. 23. and when we shew Love to our Neighbour Jam. 2. 8. whereof I have the Testimony of my Conscience Evidences of Eternal Life God hath out of his free grace blessed be his Name given me good hope of Eternal Life from these Scriptures 1. Joh. 3. 16. Whosoever believeth in Christ shall not perish but have everlasting life This promise hath oft refreshed and satisfied my Soul when I have been Communing with my own heart about the grounds of my hope of Eternal Life For I find that God hath given me an heart to believe in Christ and the promise is Whosoever believeth without any exception of the greatness frequency or long continuance of our sins when I have been unable to work the works of God I have found an heart to believe 2. 2 Sam. 23. 5. Although my house be not so with God yet God hath made with me an everlasting Covenant ordered in all things and sure for this is all my Salvation and all my desire although he make it not to grow Here I observed 1 st That being in Covenant with God is a sufficient ground to hope for Salvation This is all my Salvation he hath made with me an everlasting Covenant 2 ly The sinful infirmities and miscarriages of the Servants of God should not discourage them from hoping in God for Eternal Salvation by vertue of his Covenant David had been guilty of several miscarriages besides his great failing in the matter of Uriah as unbelief 1 Sam. 27. 1. dissimulation and lying to Achish v. 10. Unkind if not unjust dealing with Mephihosheth in giving away half his Estate upon a false Accusation of Ziba 2 Sam. 19. 27 28 29. c. Yet in a dying hour he
suffer greater persecutions 2. God can if he will hide me from the strife of Tongues yea he promiseth to do so for them that trust in him Psal 31. 19 20. he can make a mans Enemies to be at Peace with him and will if our ways please him Prov. 16. 7. However I shall not be solicitous of mans judgment in this matter but commit my way and Cause to the Lord and if I be reproached he will one day clear me Ps 37. 5 6. 3. If I do meet with shame and reproach for my diligence in Preaching the Word 't is no more than the Apostles met with 1 Cor. 4. 9 10 13. yea I Christ suffered great contradiction in his Preaching they said he was Mad and had a Devil and I am bidden to remember it as that which will keep me from fainting Heb. 12. 3. 4. If I Serve Christ the Lord will honour me and that is infinitely above the honour of the world Joh. 12. 26. I shall desire therefore to seek the praise that is of God and no matter what men say 5. It will be my happyness if I be reproached for Christs sake 1 Pet. 4. 14. and I should be so far from being troubled discouraged and dejected at it that I should rejoyce exceedingly that God counts me worthy to partake of the sufferings of Christ v. 13. 6. The thoughts of that Glory that shall be revealed hereafter 1 Pet. 5. 4. should cause me to despise the shame which I meet with here in the Service of God Heb. 12. 2. 2 d. Discouragement It may be the people will slight the Word I shall have but few hearers the Word growing common will be nauseated c. Reply 1. The hearts of all men are in Gods hand if he touch their hearts they shall come 1 Sam. 10. 26. I will leave that to the Lord whether he will encline many or but few to attend upon his Word 2. The Angels those glorious Creatures did not disdain to Preach Christ to a few poor Shepherds and therefore I should not think much to Preach Christ though to never such a thin Congregation Jesus Christ himself Preached the Gospel to one hearer only and that a poor sinful woman of Samaria Joh. 4. 3. Gods presence is not tied to a multitude if but two or three be gathered together in his Name he is in the midst of them and if God will bless his Word for the Conversion of but one Soul it is worth all our labour and pains Mark 8. 37. Jam. 5. 19 20. 4. I shall desire to do my work to God and not to men because God Commands me though men may slight my pains and do not gather together to hear the Word yet my work is before the Lord and my reward with him and I shall be glorious in his eyes however I appear before men Isa 49. 5. However men reckon of my labours though the more I love them and labour for them the less I beloved yet this should not be any hindrance to me in the work of God but I should gladly spend my self and be spent therein 2 Cor. 12. 13. Having Consulted God and seeing such good ground for my undertaking I set up a Lecture once a Fortnight on Thursday in the Afternoon at three of the Clock I began it on the first Thursday in June 1657. With such mature Deliberation such a resolved Conscience such a willing mind such a zealous Spirit such a laborious head and hand did this worthy Servant of God apply himself to the great Work wherein he was engaged Thus did he fortifie his heart with strongest Arguments against all temptations to sloth and negligence Thus searched he the Scriptures that he might fully know his Lords will Thus yielded he obedience to the Commands and acted Faith in the promises of God In this his might he went forth in the Name of the Lord to the work of the Lord and the pleasure of the Lord did prosper in his hand Though his constant weekly work at St. Andrews Church were enough to exercise more than ordinary strength both of mind and body yet he had many other occasions of Service which he attended not only in the Colledge as his place required especially as a Tutor which relation and trust he diligently and faithfully discharged towards his Pupils both as to Learning and Religion but in the Town as Preaching frequently Funeral Sermons and Trinity Lecture and in the Country also at several Lectures both in Cambridgeshire and Huntingdonshire For his Abilities and willingness were so well known as encouraged many invitations to be made to him from abroad All which he performed not after an extemporary rate as the manner of some is hastily to utter quicquid in buccam venerit but as a workman that needed not to be ashamed On which account the Ears of so many hanged upon him and he never wanted a full Auditory as well of Schollars as Town-people His Sermons were well studied and digested his matter Substantial and Spiritual his Arguments strong and convincing his utterance full clear deliberate and grave His words apt and natural to express the Conceptions of his mind he neither affected a strain of words which mans wisdom teacheth nor allowed himself a liberty of words which mans indiscretion poureth out but his Phrase was such as spake him to have an holy Reverence for the plainness and simplicity of the Gospel of Christ a due care that he exposed not the Ministry of the word to Contempt a Religious fear of that God in whose Name he spake and a serious regard to the Concernment of the Souls of men And in all his Applications to God by Prayer both in publick and private his behaviour words and manner of utterance were such as spake his solemn and affecting apprehensions of the Majesty and Holiness of God whom he Worshipped So as considering his years the multiplicity of his Ministerial work his manner of performing it and the holiness of his life wherewith he did adorn and commend it it may be truly said of him that however he was excelled by others in other respects yet in this he was Nulli secundus if not a None such in the University in his day But Cambridge is not a place for long continuance The University is the Church's Nursery from whence God is wont to remove and transplant his trees of Righteousness when once grown up to the Stature of Fruit-bearing that the various Congregations of his people may eat of the fruit thereof and live God having here trained up his Servant to his hand Instructed him with excellent Gifts and abundant Grace called him solemnly to the Office of the Ministry proved him an able and successful Instrument before many Witnesses and enlarged his heart not only to a willingness but zeal to discharge his Office with all his might quickly shewed him the place where with this resolved Industry and Integrity he should improve his Talents Scarce two Months were
sufficient to resist and overcome my sins yet Gods grace was sufficient Paul was insufficient to any good of himself as I am 2 Cor. 3. 5. He had a body of sin and death as well as I Rom. 7. 23. 24. and Satan assaulted him here as well as me and therefore if Gods grace was sufficient for Paul why not for me also what God spake to Paul I applied as spoken to me according to Math. 22. 31 32. Christ saith what was spoken by God to Moses was spoken to them though many hundered years after Moses Dec. 10. I had about a month before made though not a formal explicit vow yet a kind of mental implicit vow which I broke and being under the sense of guilt was revived by reading a passage concerning David in Mr. Harris his works p. 490. Who would ever have thought that so many afflictions as David had Suffered so many mercies as he had received so many vows as he had made so many pieces of Holy Scripture as he had proved c. should not have made him an whole man Who would have dreamed that after all this so many dregs of adultery of treachery of murder should have been left remaining in him Yet when David remitted his watch over his own heart how foully did he fall I was also much comforted against the sense of my sin from Isa 54. 9. This is as the waters of Noah unto me for as I have sworn that the waters of Noah should no more go over the earth So have I sworn that I would not be wroth with thee nor rebuke thee I looked upon my self as entitled to this promise by vertue of what is said v. 17. This is the heritage of the Servants of the Lord. I considered further that the Covenant which God made with Noah and was confirmed with an Oath was made with a Non obstante multiplici peccato hominis with a promise it should stand valid notwithstanding the imaginations of the heart of man are evil from his youth Gen. 8. 21. I considered further that notwithstanding the Covenant with Noah there might be immoderate rains which might prove a great affliction though there should not be a Universal deluge So notwithstanding this Oath of God and his Covenant with me I might meet with temporary afflictions but I should by vertue of the Covenant be delivered from eternal wrath Blessed be God This Scripture did much revive and comfort my Soul Notwithstanding all this goodness of God I found my heart still manifesting its in-bred corruption and I was foiled again by my sin which did much cast me down and being to draw nigh to God at the Lords Table I was much discouraged but before the Sabbath came I was in Prayer revived with Isa 53. 5 6. and in conference by Mat. 11. 28. I found I was in a labouring condition and such Christ invited and also from Psal 65. 3 4. David when he found iniquity prevailing did yet conclude that upon his approaching to God in his Ordinances he should be satisfied In reading Luke 8. 27. 30. I was encouraged to hope that the Lord Jesus would disposses and cast out my sins out of my Soul though they were many and had possessed me a long time For it is as easie for Christ to cast a sin as to cast a Devil out Mar. 25. 1666. Being Lords day and the first day the Oxford Act for removing of Non-Conformists from the places where they had been Ministers and from Corporations took place In the morning as I lay in my Bed pondering on this Providence these Scriptures came to mind Heb. 13. 14. Here have we no continuing City but we seek one to come Whence I was instructed that the mind of God in this unsetling Providence as to my abode here was to stir me up to seek more industriously after the Kingdom of Heaven Jer. 48. 11. Moab hath been a ease and he hath setled on his lees and hath not been emptied from vessel to vessel neither hath gone into Captivity therefore his tast remained in him and his scent is not changed I learned hence that the design of God in this Providence was to take me off from Carnal ease and security and setling upon the lees of any sinful course and to purge away that tang and scent of sin which yet remaineth in me Psal 55. 19. Because they have no changes therefore they fear not God Whence I saw that this change was to promote a greater awe and dread of God upon my Soul The Lord great that this Providence may have these effects upon me Apr. 8. The Lord warned me to take heed how I presumed to sin against him upon the account of any mercies and favours he had bestowed upon me or upon the account of any gifts or graces given me from 2 Pet. 2. 4. If God spared not the Angels that sinned but cast them down to hell The Angels had been partakers of great goodness God had done great things for them placed them in Heaven yet when they sinned he did not spare them but cast them down to Hell O my Soul be not high minded do not presume to sin against God but fear to offend him Apr. 15. Corruption having prevailed I was indisposed to pray and could not meditate After I had been praying a second time though with much flatness and distraction God graciously revived my Soul with Rom. 7. 23. 25. and 8. 1. Apr. 21. In the like case God revived me with Isa 43. 24 25. May. 2. In the like case I was encouraged from 1 Sam. 12. 20. 22. and from Jer. 31. 37. Soon after I renewed my Covenant with God yet quickly found my Treacherous heart departing from God and revolting and relapsing to sin Yet still God Comforted me with his Word Jer. 31. 31 32 33 34. and Rom. 14. 4. He shall be holden up for God is able to make him stand It is spoken of him that is weak in the Faith v. 1. and encouraged me to hope for the acceptation of my Person and Services from Isa 56. 6 7. Nov. 23. Being a day of private humiliation for my unprofitableness under my afflictions sighing under my incorrigibleness God minded me of Jer. 31. 18. 20. which much refreshed me and strengthened my Faith Blessed be God Jan. 1. Having some days before felt much of the sinfulness and filthiness of my own heart sin not only arising but leading me Captive I was afraid that because of my sinfulness God being most holy would cast me out of his favour But the Lord instructed me from Psal 89. 30 31 32 33 34 35. that his holiness should not deter me from expecting the accomplishment of his promises but rather encourage me to hope For God hath sworn by his Holiness that he would not take away his Loving-kindness nor break his Covenant c. notwithstanding he found sin Jan. 7. It was a sutable word to my state and that which afforded me some support which I