Fathers will knowne vnto men and is that partie concerning whom the Father gaue his word that he would send him into the world to saue sinners The third person in the godhead is the holy Ghost who proceedeth from the Father and from the Sonne and therefore is the Spirit of them both and he is in either of them both also both the Father and the Sonne are in him Hee is called the Spirit not so much to signifie his nature as to shew his proceeding because he is spired that is as it were breathed from the Father and from the Sonne He is called holy not onely because of the holines of his nature which is all one with the Father and with the Sonne but because he doth sanctifie that is maketh holy all those which shall be saued Rom. 1.4 All and euery outward worke of God commeth from the Father thorough the Sonne and by the holy Ghost The Father beginneth euery worke of himselfe working in and through the Sonne also in and by the holy Ghost Therefore the making and beginning of heauen and earth is intitled vnto him The Sonne worketh in and from the Father in and by the holy Ghost Therefore the redemption and Sauiour-ship goeth in his name because he tooke vnto him a bodie and a soule and so being both God man purchased our saluation and saueth vs in and from his Father in and by the holy Ghost Ioh. 4.19 The Son can doe nothing of himselfe Mat. 12.28 But if I cast out deuills by the spirit of God c. The holy Ghost worketh in and from the Father in and from the Sonne and so by himselfe finisheth euery worke of God specially the sanctifying and cleansing of them which shall bee saued and therefore he is called the sanctifier or the cleanser Thus much of the three persons in one God Now whereas the Lord saith I am thy God the meaning is I saue thee from all euill and bring thee to euerlasting blisse Gen. 15.1 But what proofe haue I that the Lord is my God He further saith Which haue brought thee out of the land of Egypt out of the house of bondage These words were indeed first spoken written vnto the children of Israel whome God deliuered out of the slauish bondage and great miserie which they had long endured vnder King Pharaoh in Egypt Now I ought to take the same words as spoken of God vnto me for as God made the Isralites to passe through the red sea and therein drowned the Egyptians so he caused me to be baptized and sprinkled with water in his name euen in the name of the Father and of the Son of the holy Ghost so by an holy sacramentall signification made me passe through the red sea of Christs blood wherein all the enemies of my saluation are as if they were drowned so disabled that vnlesse I foolishly yeelde vnto them they cannot preuaile against me Rom. 6.3 Neither did God onely giue vnto me that outward signe and seale of saluation but also when I was able to vnderstand caused mee to heare yea and to read yea and in some good measure to perceiue the gospel of his grace wherein hee proffered vnto me his gracious loue and therewithall such a portion of his heauēly blessings in Iesus Christ as should make me to be louely and pleasing in his sight But vpon what condition did God proffer this grace vnto me Vpon this condition Exod. 20.3 Thou shalt haue none other God before my face These words being considered together with the verse next before doe containe a double condition First that I shall take the Lord to be my God Secondly that I shall haue none other to be my God beside him How should I take the Lord to bee my God By performing these foure duties First to be continually mindefull that I am before his face Gen. 17.1 Secondly to esteem his fauour to be my only felicity and therefore aboue all things to loue him and desire to enioy his fauourable kindnesse Luk. 14.26 Thirdly to be alwaies verie fearefull of displeasing him Prou. 28.14 Fourthly to settle all my trust and confidence in him Ier. 17.5.6.7 How haue I performed these duties First I haue not been mindfull of Gods presence for both being alone and in companie my minde hath been so far from that dutie as if there had been in my beleefe no God at all Secondly I haue all my life long more esteemed loued and desired worldly pleasures and profits yea vain toies and trifles then the fauour of God I haue a farre off thought vpon God as of a thing at the furthermost ende of all the world and therefore mine affection was alwaies wedded vnto things which seemed to be nearer vnto me though indeed nothing can bee so neere vnto me as he is for in him I liue and mooue and haue my beeing Thirdly I had now and then some small feare of God but it suddenly vanished away and therefore I plunged my selfe into a sea of sinne not making conscience of one thought word or deed among a thousand Fourthly I had no right trust in God for that can not bee without the feare of God I oftentimes vsed vnwarrantable meanes to helpe my selfe And so doe none that rightly trust in God This hath been the inside of my life not only before but also euer since I entred into the Ministerie And withall mine heart I wish that I had no fellowes for I am afraid that I haue very many If such there be I humbly intreate them to take true knowledge in how dangerous a state they are I trust that God hath pardoned my parents and bringers vp The ground of all my miserie next after the euill inclination which I brought with mee into this world was the euill seasoning of mine heart in my tender yeares Beeing a little boy I was trained to delight in a dogge a cat therfore I remember the dogges name yet and haue loued dogges and cattes euer since Those and other vaine things I was enured to loue when mine heart should haue been taken vp and filled with the loue of God I was feared with bugg-beares and sprits when I should haue been framed to feare God Also I was accustomed to take a pride in this and that to be angrie and reuengefull against some one thing or other to mocke scorn misse-call and speake naughtie words vnto such or such an one Thus commonly for ought that I know are the hearts of children seasoned and thus their soules are died in the blacke colour of hell Beeing inwardly thus behaued I was a little taught outward religion That is to say the Lords Prayer and the Creede by rote to goe to Church vpon Sabbath dayes and heare seruice yea after that I could read to answer the Minister in the saying of Psalmes c. Hauing done thus what heard seruice yea helped to say seruice said the Lords Prayer and the Creede and so forth Oh! I thought I
prayed thus O my creator thou seest how it is with mee Thy goodnesse is most wonderfull my wickednesse is most vncurable and vnsufferable O make a speedie end of my sin which way soeuer it pleaseth thee blessed for euermore be thy Name Amen The morrow I straggled not abroad but mine affections were very vnruly yea and that which is strange I could not frame my mind to take any deep conceit of the wickednesse of mine heart Thus it is when a mans heart is setled in the loue of any euill he is not able to thinke so of it as it is Friday the first of Iuly I dined with a guest a learned friend of mine who tooke occasion to speake somewhat sharpely against Precisians This I thought he did the rather because some informed him that I was too familiar with such people Therefore to satisfie both that minister all others whom it may concerne I most humbly craue the benefit of modest libertie to speake without offence what my poore soule in the sight of God thinketh touching this diuision It hath bin a meanes of great aduantage both to Poperie prophanenesse yea this wretchednes is caused by it Vpon either side diuerse haue nothing else to commend them but only this that they are of that side yea and the side is glad to make vse of them Is it not a lamentable case that some appeare to haue almost no conscience but against ceremonies others none but for ceremonies The Precisian doth in my conscience not without great cause crie out against ignorant idle and prophane ministers But where is the fault The coast had been well cleared by this time of the daie had not Satan caused church-gouernment to be both by way of sobernes and in the fashion of maddenes verie fiercely assailed But to what end to reforme the Church No to deforme it This is my beleefe concerning Church-gouernment Can any man truely say Such a lord Bishop doth not seeke his own worldly commoditie but the edifying of his Diocesse and the glory of Iesus Christ Doth it euidently appeare that his whole bent is in the diligent discharge of his office to approoue himselfe vnto God and vnto euery conscience of men in the sight of God Then will I conclude vpon my soules perill There is the Apostolicall Church-gouernement of Iesus Christ If any such there be who cannot in some good measure be truely so reported of the calamitie is great the iudgement very fearfull Yet because of personall faults to destroy a diuine ordinance and bring in confusion the calamitie would be greater the iudgement more fearefull Indeede Church-discipline is not reuerenced for want of holy seuerity The punishment of fornication and adulterie c. is little else but large fees A filthie gaine fie vpon it I would intreat leaue to speake once more Touching the ministerie besides what I haue by the way signified already I humbly pray great Schollers and all that seeke after riches and advancement in the Church to ponder these my words The Gospel of the Sonne of God must and will first throwe downe Pride and Couetousnes before it worke an vniuersall good in this kingdome Those two great sins cannot be vpheld any way but only by Popery for they must be accompanied with a superstitious conceit that pomp is religion which when all haue said what they can say the Gospel wil not endure So I haue done The same friday after that I had dined it came into my mind to goe into the towne as formerly I had done But I felt in mine heart no desire to goe Therefore comming into my chamber I beganne to wonder at my selfe what should aile me fearing least some secret deadlinesse had seazed vpon mine heart At last I brake out into these words Whatsoeuer is the cause blessed be the name of God O good Lord let whatsoeuer come vpon me so that my spirit may be setled in this disposition And I shall be bound to praise thee most ioyfully for euermore Amen That day I kept my selfe within and the morrow and the Sabbath day hauing gotten one to supply my place All the next weeke I continued so and the Sabbath following my place beeing supplied by one preacher in the forenoone and an other in the afternoone Wednesday the thirteenth of Iuly I still keeping within prayed thus O most holy and dreadfull Lord God with what face can so hainous a sinner as I am dare to speake vnto thy most glorious Maiestie or be so bold to aske any thing of thee Thy most wonderfull goodnesse emboldeneth me And yet still me thinkes I am past grace because sinne doth so abound in me O Lord my sinnes are as the sand of the sea vnnumberable therefore my soule must needs be thorougly and thoroughly stained for euery sinne so often as it is yeelded vnto worketh a black blemish into my soule Woe is me my soule is wholly ouerrun with a most foule filthy leprosie This is all my comfort that thy seruant saith Rom. 5.20 Where sinne abounded grace did much more abound The more deadly the disease the more soueraign the medicine the more excellēt the Physitian that cureth it O God thou art able to doe whatsoeuer powerfull work thou wilt yea thou canst do infinitly more then thou wilt But here is the greatest wonder that thou shouldest vouchsafe to worke a most admirable cure vpon him vnto whom thou mayest most iustly say Away from me thou most damnable sinner Away out of my light I will not pardon thee because thou hast most grieuously displeased and vnpardonably dishonoured me in breaking the lawes of my kingdome in refusing my proffered grace in taking vpon thee to be a preacher of my righteousnes and denying the power therof Yet blessed Lord so long as the Iudge doth not giue order that the condemned prisoner bee taken from the barre the poor wretch cries for his precious life saying Mercie good my Lord Iudge mercie for Iesus Christs sake The name Iesus with an earthly Christian Iudge cannot but be of great force must needs mooue him very much for it is the name of his deare Sauiour the onely name whereby he trusteth to be saued But of all and aboue all the name Iesus is most precious in thy sight beeing not superstitiously parrated but mournfully presented vnto thee Therefore though a thousand thousand seuerall inditements be found against me and though the lawes of thy kingdome do condemne me yet seeing that it is thy good pleasure to suffer me to stand in thy presence and not to bee taken out of this world I crie vnto thee saying Mercie Lord God almighty mercie for thine onely begotten Sonnes sake Iesus Christ God man crucified for the loue of him blessed Lord be mercifull vnto me the worst of all sinners Amen Amen Towards euening I being punished with the hotte passage of my water painfulnesse about the left kidnie and burning of the right foote was much afraid of a deadly
way sufficient for thee Most holy Lord this I verily beleeue therfore in the name of Iesus Christ hencefoorth I will wholly endeauour to please thee Amen The last day of Iulie beeing Sabbath though I was sore tormented I had no remedy but needs must preach my selfe for neither was I prouided of any supply and a Churchwarden came to tell me the parish tooke it in displeasure that I my selfe performed not my dutie That day I preached twise to the great hurt of my body which appeared by many little shreads of skinne which came from me in my water Monday the first of August such a drousie windie weakenes hung vpon me specially in my breast and head that many times I was ready to fall and had much adoe to stand a painfull sleepines was stil comming vpon mee whether I did read or write Monday night I beeing in bed and fallen into a slumber I was so strangely taken as neuer before Some thing seemed to be vpon my backe so to presse me downe that my face was held hard to the pillowe and much winde brake out at the right eare Being very troublously waked I called vpon my good Lord for mercy I perceiued a shiuering windines offering to arise out of my thighes I tooke this by ouerforcing my selfe in preaching vpon the Sabbath day if I be not much deceiued It pleased God that afterward I had some quiet rest but towards morning the cruel strangury came vpon me Alas that there is no remedy for such a filthy tormenting disease a Physitian writing vnto me among other words said thus Know that your disease is incurable The seauenth of August being Sabbath my disease still tormenting me I prayed and vowed thus O most holy and righteous good and gracious Lord God I the most foule and filthy sinner of all the world do here make a complaint of my selfe vnto thy glorious and blessed maiesty that I am not fit to liue in thy sight much lesse to serue thee in the gospel of thy Sonne because I do not walk with thee nor keep my selfe in thy companie as thy seruants doe O be mercifull vnto me I beseech thee I haue heretofore made many vowes that I would enforce my selfe to waite vpon thee But woe is me I haue not kept them now I most humbly pray thee that all my former vowes may be shut vp in this which I am minded to make vnto thee And this it is This day two seuerall preachers will supply my place I beseech thee to blesse them with holy matter hallowed affections powerfull vtterance good successe If I do not from this day forward very conscionably endeauour to hold my selfe to the practise of my foure Rules I wil the next Sabbath day quite put my selfe out of the ministerie yea and openly professe vnto the world that therefore I doe it because my conscience doth certainly iudge mee not to bee fit to preach the Gospell Good Lord this is my vowe If I either reforme my selfe from this day forward or for default thereof leaue the ministerie I breake not my vow If I do neither the one nor the other let me be euerlastingly â—â—rsaken of Iesus Christ If I conscionably reform my selfe by thy grace and so continue with thy fauour in the ministerie O that thou wilt be mercifull vnto me touching this horrible disease Then shall I holily and wholly betake my selfe to serue thee as mine hearts desire is to doe If I reforme not my selfe and therefore as my vow requireth leaue the ministerie I aske no more but the destruction of my sin to thy good pleasure and glorie Now blessed Lord I offer vp this vowe vnto thee for an euerlasting deed and thereunto vnchangeably say Amen Be it neuer changed but euer in force betweene thy blessed Maiestie and me Amen That day some came vnto me and what with one matter what with an other caused me to talke at randome as though I had not been in the companie of God When they were gone I cryed God mercy promised to be more mindefull of his presence and fearefull of his displeasure At night some came to me againe and talking of many things mooued me to passe my bounds but not so much as before yet all this while I was not entred into my vowed practise This I did fully perswade my selfe that if I could in companie be mindfull of God and shunne the displeasing of his maiestie I were in a verie faire forwardnes of reformation Mondaie the eight of August I held my selfe vnto my prayers and businesse carefully thinking how I should avoid the great danger of companie and talking I prayed vnto the Lord thus O good Lord thou seest that my disposition is hardened in sinne and most vntoward vnto thy seruice Thou seest also how apt other folke are to further mine vntowardnesse to hinder my repentance I beseech thee that for thine only Sonnes sake thou wilt powerfully breake me from mine vntowardnes prepare me in thy feare to shunne the manifold wickednesse which is one way or another caused by companying and talking Blessed Lord true it is as I take harme by others so they take harm by me for thy mercies sake be mercifull vnto vs and keepe vs from causing any harme one to another Amen Aman. Betweene tenne and eleuen of the clock there came some vnto me about a matter of vnkindnes between certain parties which had not then been called into question if I had concealed a report which in writing was giuen vnto me and which I was verie confidently willed to shewe vnto whome I would It is likely that many an one would haue thought himselfe well warranted to shew it specially if it had concerned him so neerely as it did me I shewed it not but onely told a certaine part of it which caused the comming of those men vnto me After that we had talked of the businesse and they were gone I confessed and prayed thus vnto God O most gracious Lord I did euill in receiuing that paper and worse in speaking of any thing written in it I beseech thee to pardon me and to giue grace that I may neuer hereafter speake any thing of that matter but onely my bounden thanks praise vnto thee through Iesus Christ thy Sonne my Lord and Sauiour Amen In the afternoone vpon occasion I praied thus O most gracious Lord thou seest that by thy goodnesse I goe not out to seeke company I perceiue it is great folly so to doe If any come vnto me and enter into friuolous talke I cannot tell what I should doe Thy spirit saith that in the multitude of words there wanteth not sinne Pro. 10.19 And what great losse of precious time commeth vnto men by vaine idle communication I know by experieÌ„ce to my great griefe Most mercifull Lord thou hauing brought me thus farre and broken me from seeking companie from ioyning in emptie words vouchsafe to magnifie thy mercy in making me to preuaile against this impediment
would not faile to put my selfe vnto open shame for euery sinne which thenceforth I should openly commit in word or deede Yea I said thus much vnto him That open sinne which I shall wittingly let passe without open confession do thou neuer forgiue I doe humbly craue aide of euery Christian which shall read or heare this As my disease is very tormenting so my state is too too vncomfortable Eccles 4.10 Woe to him that is alone when he falleth for hee hath not another to helpe him vp I must sit and endure my griefe with silence For to whom shall I complaine Or what shall I ease my selfe by complaining The prouerbe is not more olde then true Euery man is for himselfe and God for all If the latter part held not very true I were woe begone for the first is too true But what aide doe I craue of the Reader or hearer I beseech you that euen for the loue of Christ and Christianitie you will very earnestly intreat our Lord God to bee mercifull vnto me and if it may possibly stand with his holy will to grant mee ease of this irkesome torment Amen Amen That Sabbath day at night I hauing somewhat more conscionably kept that Sabbath day then euer before praised God thus O most mercifull Father with all mine heart I humbly thanke thee for this verie little entracne into the way of saluation Good Lord my soule is yet wretchedly tangled in sinne Free me for thy mercies sake and humble mee to the very vttermost that may be thorough Iesus Christ thine only Sonne my Lord and Sauiour Amen Amen Then also I beganne to sing mine euening Psalme which is not in double meeter as that vnto whose tune I haue set it because I neither had leasure nor minde to be so curious ¶ Mine euening Psalme to the tune of All people that on earth doe dwell O God that art most wonderfull the fountaine of all blessednesse I most vnfit to sing to thee yet needes thy mercie must confesse Needes must I for I am most bound therefore O Lord I thee intreat For to prepare mine heart and tongue thy mercies duely to repeat So soone as I into this world by birth was borne thou causedst mee To be baptized in thy Name In signe of my deliuery Deliuerie from Sathans thrall and from the house of bondage hell That with thee and with thy Christ in euerlasting blisse might dwell And when I was of age to learne thou didst acquaint me with thy grace Moouing mine heart to turne from sinne and thy saluation to embrace But I most foolishly did loue this world and gaue my selfe to sinne Deferring time from day to day and to repent would not beginne Yet notwithstanding all my sinne and manifold iniquitie Yea such most hainous wickednes as alwaies did for vengeance crie So great thy mercie was to me that thou wouldst not my soule forsake But patiently didst vse all meanes to saue me from the burning lake And now at last with much adoe a little I am turn'd from sinne A little very small it is I doe repentance but beginne Yet Lord my soule doth trust that thou wilt small beginning not despise But grant me grace turning to thee by small degrees for to arise So be it O most gracious God be it euen so for Christ his sake I doe beleeue therefore I speake thy childe I trust thou wilt me make O Father Sonne and holy Ghost thou onely God and Lord of all Thy name be blessed euermore of all thy creatures great and small Amen Amen Amen say I Gods name for euer blessed be O heauen ô earth ô creatures all say ye Amen Amen with me I most heartily desire that euery one that hath not more experience in deuotion then I will take this my counsell Accustome your selfe to pray to sing oftentimes vnto God let your prayer and song be such matters as is fitting for one in your state to speake vnto God whether it be confession of sinnes begging of pardon and cleansement from sinne or thanksgiuing c. And that which you speake vnto the Lord by way of praying or singing let it not onely be word of mouth but lift vp the thought of your heart and thinke euery word directly vnto God as you would do if you did see his glorious maiesty with your bodily eyes Be well assured and stedfastly minded that he lookes full vpon you and marketh all your behauiour yea and aboue all things taketh most heedful insight of your thought and affection for longer then you steadfastly thinke vpon him your words in prayer please him not and vnlesse your desire be very earnest he will not regard your petition Therefore enforce your mind to thinke very intendingly vpō God and labour to haue an hungry and thirstie desire of that which you pray for You see that I haue often set downe the word Amen yea and sometime doubled it My reason is because I would be very earnest and effectually feruent in my desire Our Sauiour sheweth vs how earnest and importunate we should be in praying vnto God I pray you consider his words Luk. 11.5 Which of you hauing a friend and shall go vnto him at midnight and say vnto him Friend lend me three loaues 6. For a friend of mine in his iourney is come vnto me I haue nothing to set before him 7. And he from within shall answer and say Trouble mee not the doore is now shut and my children are with me in in bed I cannot rise and giue thee 8. I say vnto you though he will not rise and giue him because he is his friend yet because of his importunitie hee will rise and giue him so many loaues as he needeth Our Lords meaning is that as many a man in his necessitie will haue no deniall but is so importunatly earnest that the partie to whom he maketh suit hath no other way to be quiet but onely by granting his request so ought we to behaue our selues in prayer to God most vehemently crying vnto him for mercie and euer and anone praying againe and againe as Christ himselfe did in the garden not ceasing vntil he doe as certainly he wil shew himselfe very mercifull vnto vs. If we ought to pray so earnestly and so often wo is my heart for many a poor soule that seldome or neuer prayeth but when he is laid downe in his bed and then saith his Paternoster and Creed between sleeping waking making none other reckoning but this that the very bare saying of those things serues the turne Surely it is Popery that hath brought the world to this senceles state by teaching folke to pray in an vnknowne tongue and to say praiers by set number and tale as folke buy and sell apples and peares When I was a child I now and then lay with some elder body who beeing in bed would beginne to say the Lords prayer by and by slumber then awake and begin againe and presently fall asleepe againe If this be true as I take the Lord God to witnes that very true it is what doth it shew Surely this that the common sort of people runne snuggling all day after their worldly busines and then at night kennell vp themselues like so many bruit beasts little or neuer a whit minding that which they should principally intend their conuersion from sinne and their reasonable vnderstanding seruing of God in all that they thinke say or doe Whosoeuer is in this slumbring state I beseech you that for Gods sake you will awaken your soule and doe as the Lord Iesus willeth you Matth. 6.33 Seeke ye first the kingdome of God and his righteousnesse and then all other necessaries shall bee added vnto you The things of this world are like vnto the vantage which many times is giuen into a bargaine Therfore let your cheife care be to make sure your saluation and then your good heauenly Father will not suffer you to lack any thing that is good for you O I pray you beleeue it and build vpon it for he hath giuen his word and promise Heare him what he saith Heb. 13.5 I will not leaue thee nor forsake thee Accustome your selues as I said before to pray often and earnestly vnto God and by the grace of Iesus Christ you shall finde that he will most graciously and kindly acquaint himselfe with your soule O then you will remember these my words say Now Gods blessing light vpon that same poor minister which gaue me this counsel I would not that I had missed it for all that this whole world is worth yea you will most heartily praise the Lord God that it pleased him by so simple a man as I am to set you into the way of vnutterable blessednesse By no meanes suffer your priuate praiers to be heard of others for then it is a hundred to one that the deuill and the priuie pride of your owne heart will marre all and make your deuotions loathsome in the sight of God If you be an house-keeper and haue a wife or any child or seruant vse to pray together with them daily vnles you meane to make them heathen people such as haue none acquaintance with God This matter is so far out of request that many will laugh them to scorne which pray with their houshold whereby a man of any vnderstanding may consider into what a wretched state the world is come Now Christian soule whosoeuer you are the grace mercy of God be with you for euer Thus much I am exceedingly desirous to haue printed before I die If God vouchsafe to giue any increase of life and grace you may be sure that I will doe what I can to acquaint you with it The will of God be done and blessed bee his Name for euermore Amen FINIS
HALLELV-IAH Praise yee the Lord FOR THE VNBVRTHENING of a loaden Conscience By his grace in Iesus Christ vouchsafed vnto the worst sinner of all the whole world I Come and heare all yee that feare God and I will tell you what hee hath done for my soule O magnifie his Name with mee and let vs exalt his Name together Printed by CANTRELL LEGGE Printer to the Vniuersitie of Cambridge 1618. And are to be sold by MATTHEVV LAVV in Pauls Church-yard at the signe of the Foxe THE DEDICATION ⧠To the right high and mightie Prince and most valiant Conquerour IESVS CHRIST God and man crucified My most gracious good Lord Sauiour and Master THou art gone vp on high thou hast lead captiuitie captiue thou hast receiued gifts for men yea for the rebellious also that the Lord God might dwell among them I will praise thee O Lord my God with all my heart and will glorifie thy name for euermore For great is thy mercy towards me and thou hast deliuered my soule from the lowest hell Let the speaking of my mouth the writing of mine hand and the thinking of mine heart be pleasing in thy sight O Lord my strength and my Redeemer Amen Amen ⧠To those learned men which in Cambridge haue authoritie to iudge of bookes before they be there imprinted REuerend Masters my dutie premised I humbly pray you to giue way vnto the glorifying of the grace of God in Iesus Christ as you will answer vnto his glorious maiestie when he shall call you to giue account of that your office Thus beseeching God to blesse you and that noble Nurcery of Christianity with all aboundance of knowledge and holinesse I rest At your correction in the Lord Iesus RICHARD KILBY THE VNBVRTHEning of a loaden Conscience WHosoeuer you are that shall purpose to read or heare any part of this booke I beseech you that of your charitie you will grant vnto me these two requests First to beleeue that I in making and putting foorth this booke intended the glorie of my Sauiour the good of Christened people and the hurt of no creature Secondly to shew such fauour compassion and patience towards mee as you your selfe towards your selfe expect from the Lord Iesus Now I beginne IT pleased the good Lord God to vnburthen my conscience by repentance and beleefe in Iesus Christ whereunto with verie much adoe I was brought by the knowledge of Gods word and the consideration of mine owne verie miserable and most dangerous state Among those parts of the holy Bible which God made me in some measure to vnderstand I had speciall vse of his tenne Commandements and therewith also of the first verse of the 20. chap. of Exodus as here it followeth Exo. 20.1 And c. This first word hath respect vnto some things mentioned in the chapter next before specially the Lords comming downe from heauen vnto the top of mount Sinai in fire and the comming of the Israelites out of their campe beeing brought forth by Moses to meet with God Touching the comming forth of the people I find that they were first prepared by cleansing themselues and washing their clothes secondly limited that they should not come too neere vnto the hill thirdly presented and set before the face of God by Moses Hereby I learne that whensoeuer I am to reade or heare Gods word to pray or to sing vnto him I must first prepare my selfe by putting away all euill thoughts and naughty affections secondly I must be very humble auoiding all presumption thirdly I must present my selfe before the maiestie of God in the name of Iesus Christ euen as if hee tooke mee by the hand and brought me into the presence of his Father The neglecting of these three necessarie points I know by mine owne experience is verie dangerous for the doing of holy seruices with an vnreuerent heart is a readie way to make a partie most vncapable of Gods grace because the custome of abusing the meanes of saluation doth not onely prouoke the Lord vnto great indignation but also hardeneth the heart and bringeth it to that passe that without some extraordinarie meanes it cannot be effectually wrought vpon And God c. God is the first beginning as of all good so specially of religion therefore he that will be religious must first and foremost steadfastly beleeue that there is a God Heb. 11.6 And God spake c. The second ground or beginning of religion is the word and speech of God which holy men by his direction and appointment did write in the books of the olde and new Testament It is a speciall fauour of God to make his word knowne vnto any man woman or child because the propertie of it is to make vs wise and holy fit for euerlasting blisse in heauen 2. Tim. 3.15.16 Whereas our Sauiour Christ made his Apostles Ministers of his word and gaue them commission to ordaine others and those also to ordaine others from time to time vntill the worlds ende is a question how the Ministers of the now publikely allowed Church of England can prooue their calling from Christ by the Apostles c. seeing that the now church of Rome is between them and the Apostles time I will breifly declare my setled beleefe in this point by way of comparison A certaine noble man did by his will appoint that a great part of his goods should be employed to such and such good vses so and so vntill the worlds end for the performance of this he did chuse certaine feoffers of trust giuing order that they should choose others and those others from age to age The first feoffers had in their time very much adoe to keepe the noble mans will from beeing wronged Many hundred yeares after that it came to passe that some beeing orderly chosen feoffers were fully perswaded that in many things the wil was wronged Hereupon they claimed reformation but others resisted them yea and pursued them to the death killing diuerse of them Those which escaped the hands of their aduersaries continued their claime of reformation and made choise of others to succeede them in their office These be the ministers of the Church of England If an honest man were asked what is in this case to be done he would say the written will is to be stood vpon and to be made knowne The Bible is that wil which the Romane feoffers haue no mind to make known nor can endure the publishing thereof in vulgar languages that all people might heare it read in their Churches alleadging this reason that as they iudge if common people had Gods word in their owne tongue they would rather take hurt then good by it To my silly vnderstanding this is a very strange reason Of all other books is Gods booke so dangerous Then why did the Lord giue his word the old Testament vnto his beloued nation the Israelites in their owne tongue yea and lay such charge vpon them to read it and to heare it
What was the reason that when a woman said vnto Christ Luk. 11.27 Blessed is the wombe that bare thee and the pappes which thou hast sucked I say what was the reason that our Lord made her this answer 28. Yea rather blessed are they that heare the word of God and keepe it I say againe why did he say so if it be better for people not to heare then to heare Gods word By the way bee it remembred that the Sonne of God saith It is a blessednes to heare Gods word and the Pope who taketh vpon him to be the deputie of the sonne of God he saith it is not a blessednes he forbiddeth it If any vnderstanding conscionable Romane catholike were betweene God and his owne soule to tell what he thinketh to be the maine cause why the Pope doth not allow Gods word to be commonly bought and sold in Italie Spaine c. and so to bee read in churches my conscience giueth me that he would say thus It is very likely that thereby many would bee drawne from his obedience and many things which are nowe in great request among the people should then bee despised As surely as the Lord God liueth I take this to be the main cause A great number of things in that religion could by no means stand if the book of God were commonly to bee had in the peoples owne language Therefore they are not suffered to heare God speake I appeale to the conscience of euery man whether it be likly that those things which are of God shall bee put out of request by the word of God It is not likely it is quite contrary I doe most humblie intreat all English men and women I entreat them in the sight of our Lord Iesus Christ that they will forbeare to beleeue the Romane religion vntill it haue Gods word and church-seruice read and said in peoples owne languages When you come to publike seruice call it masse or what you will are you not of the company that there ought to ioine in praier vnto God why then is not your prayer in your owne tongue why is it in Latine Let any man answer as I aske the question in the feare of God what reason is there that people should pray or ioine with any praying in a language which they vnderstand not Is it not much to be feared that Satan the Prince of darkenes hath a strong hand in this to keep poore people in blindnesse and ignorance I haue vpon my conscience and in charity without any thought of personall reproch vnto any one made bold to say thus much If any in zeale of that religion haue a minde to say so much yea tenne times so much to mee let him speake in the feare of God and in charitie and spare not Or if he list to flie vpon me with words of choller I will ioyne with him to say much more against my selfe then he can and yet leaue him to iudge himselfe without me When I am minded to reade any part of Gods booke I must kneele downe before the face of God and pray thus O most gracious and merciful Lord God thou hast of thy great goodnesse vouchsafed to giue vnto me thine holy Bible which is able to make me wise vnto saluation I do humbly thanke thee for it and heartily I beseech thy blessed Maiestie to giue me the grace that I may feruently reade it rightly vnderstand it and diligenty marke it thorough Iesus Christ thine onely Sonne my Lord and Sauiour Amen Besides the meanes and helpes to vnderstand the Scriptures as the proportion of Religion contained in the creed and commandements the circumstances of each seueral place and the comparing of one place with other places reading of expositions and hearing other mens iudgements our Sauiour giueth a very notable direction for the attainement of speciall aide from the spirit of God and it is a ready way for a man to come to the knowledge of the truth touching any necessarie point in controuersie And this it is To the Iewes doubting whether Christs doctrin were of God yea or no hee said If any man will doe the will of God he shall knowe of the doctrine whether it bee of God or whether I speake of my selfe Ioh. 7.17 The conscionable practise of those duties which are very plainely set downe in Gods word will in and through Iesus Christ be a meanes to procure vnto vs a gracious and comfortable inlightning of our minds to vnderstand the minde and meaning of God in his word daily more more for the secret of the Lord is with them that feare him and he will shew them his couenant Psal 25.14 If I come to a place of Scripture hard to bee vnderstood I will marke it and so stay my selfe in hope of grace from God at his good pleasure Reading any part of Scripture very leasurely and heedfully I must endeauour to take speciall knowledge of some principall notable points and then commend them vnto the blessing of God thus O most mightie and mercifull Lord God I do most humbly and heartily thanke thee for that thou hast made me in reading this part of thy Bible to vnderstand and mark this this c. I beseech thee that if I haue mistakē any thing I may haue grace to see mine error and to leaue it I beseech thee that those things which I haue rightly vnderstood I may well remember and as neede shall require profitably vse to thy good pleasure and glory in benefiting my selfe and others through Iesus Christ thy onely Sonne my Lord and Sauiour To whome with thee O Father and with the holy Ghost three persons and one onely good Lord God be all praise honour and glorie for euermore Amen Thus much of Gods word And God spake all these words saying Hee that made one commaundement made all the rest therefore I must not presume to breake any one of them but if I will not bee confounded I must vprightly intend and carefully endeauour to bee obedient vnto all the commandements of God Psal 119.6 Exod. 20.2 I am the Lord c. This word Lord in the Iewes language is called Iehouah and signifieth such a one as is of himselfe and giueth beeing vnto all things else specially vnto his own promises which hee most faithfully and powerfully performeth in due time This wonderfull Lord is thoroughly knowne of none but himselfe yet vnder his gracious correction I do thus conceiue of him The Lord Iehouah is a spirit single durable vnmeasurable mightie wise holy blessed and glorious God is a spirit Ioh. 4.24 A spirit hath not flesh and bones Luk. 24.39 Then how is man saide to hee like vnto God In the nature and properties of the soule Why doth the Bible sometimes speake of God as if he had eies eares hands c. It speaketh according to our capacitie because God would haue vs to be plainely and fully perswaded that he hath sight hearing knowledge power
vnto God which from time to time I vndertooke to doe but was alwaies hindred both by the setlednes of mine owne wicked disposition and also by the common course of this world which so farre as I know will very hardly suffer a man to keepe companie with God I appeale vnto their iudgement that bee in awe of God and make conscience how they behaue themselues in his sight Yet it pleased the Lord first by little and little to stablish my wauering iudgement and then to let me runne my selfe into many outward dangers and diuerse bodily diseases that so at last I might be broken from sinne In Queen Elizabeths time I was in great danger because I had spoken something touching the party who should succed her in these kingdomes whom I well knew to be in all right his Maiestie that now is for being giuen to the reading of Chronicles I had drawne a pedegree and Mr. Doctor Charles Chadwicke my tutor in Emanuel colledge shewed me another for something publikely spoken to that purpose in a sermon at S. Marie Cray in Kent in the yeare as I remember nintie eight I was accused to Doct. Barlow then chapleine to Archbishop Whitegift and Parson of Orpington and S. Marie Craie He presently gaue order vnto one M. Hamden a Iustice of peace to call me to an account and examine both me and diuerse credible persons that heard me He ioyning vnto him S. Robert Bosevile of Anisford tooke mine examination in Sir Percivall Hartes house at Lullingstone Those men which were examined what they heard me say namely M. Francis Haddon M. Richard Manning of Keuingtowne and as I thinke Richard Manning of Kippingden-crowch c. did giue good testimonie of me and the minister that accused me was by the Iustice found variable So by the goodnes of God I escaped that danger but performed not vnto him my promise of reformatiō I passe by many dangers because I wil not trouble you with hearing the seuerall reports of thē only one I pray you patiently to heare Vpon S. Steuens day in the yeare sixe hundred and eleuen I preached a sermon in the Church called Alhallowes in Derby where then I was and now am the vnworthy Minister In my prayer before the Sermon I made a strange fault and thus it came about I in my priuate prayers had vsed in verie deare affection to my Soueraigne Lord God is witnesse to name those kingdomes together whereof the Lord God hath giuen him possession and that by it selfe which yet hee doth not possesse verie vndiscreetly I in my publike prayer that day fell into that forme of words My text was S. Steuens prayer for his persecutors which I vrged verie farre I will not say discreetly but I professe before the God of heauen that it was without any secret loue to Poperie I vrged that which I shall euer hold to bee true that though the Papists be our dangerous enemies as beeing full of malice treason yet we ought to be rather angrie with our sins then with them for had we grace to walke worthy of that glorious light which God by the Gospel of his Sonne hath graciously giuen vnto vs in this land hee would not suffer that mysterie of iniquity to preuaile against vs. This is most certaine for hitherto he hath miraculously defeated their hellish practises though we in our owne consciences knowe that we are vnworthie of such marueilous preseruatiō I came to this parrish against the will of many Some of which companie tooke occasion out of my fault about his Maiesties style-royall and out of some things spoken both in that and other sermons how conscionably charitably construed it concerneth them to ponder I say they tooke occasion to accuse me of Poperie and treason and those accusations they vrged with much pollicy and great strength against me I was twice at London about it and in sore perplexitie God knoweth It pleased the Almightie though I was most vnworthy of his aide to be entreated of me and therefore hee procured me many friends namely many reuerend ministers especially Doct. Neale then Bishop of Couentrie and Lichfielde by whose constant intercession I obtained of my Soueraigne Lord King Iames a gracious remission and of the Lord Archbishop vnto whom I was vehemently complained of a very grue and fatherly dismission When the trouble came first vpon mee all the mouie which I had in all the world was betweene fortie and fiftie shillings But I was much befreinded by many specially by Mr. Frauncis Mundie of Marketon neere Derbie who by his seruant sent mee a purse and in it some fifteene or sixteene pounds willing mee to take either all or how much I would freely Such a freind yea such freinds God send euery honest poore man in his neede And God who is the fountain of mercies vouchsafe to be euermore mercifull vnto them theirs that shew mercie vnto poore distressed wretches ouertaken betweene the straites Here in all humblenesse I craue fauourable leaue to speake a few words vnto superiours Ecclesiasticall and Ciuill Oh my Lords and Masters a poore man pursued by mighty aduersaries must needs be guiltie whether hee be guiltie or no vnles you follow his example vpon whom your dignities depend Please it you therefore to consider what hee once said vnto Abraham his freind Gen. 18.20 And the Lord saide Because the crie of Sodome and Gomorrah is great and because their sinne is very greiuous 21. I will goe downe now and see whether they haue done altogether according to the crie of it which is come vnto mee and if not I will know The Lord our God vnto whom al things are so manifest as possibly they may be needeth not to examine any accusation for hee knoweth farre more perfectly then either the accuser or the accused But his minde is that all men and specially you should with all moderation and lawfull indifferencie take thorough-knowledge of any specially of a poore mans cause before you giue sentence yea before you speake any hard word for a crosse tearme yea a frowne is enough to astonish many a weake-hearted man and make him vnable to speake for himselfe Also I humbly beseech all Preachers to take these warnings by mee First be yee thoroughly reconciled vnto God that hee may vouchsafe to ioyne with you in that most weightie businesse Secondly so farre as possibly with a good conscience haue peace and be in freindly tearmes with all people least some in bitternesse of displeasure mistake your words to their hurt and your greefe The holy God is my witnesse that some speeches of mine were most strangely mistaken by men professing great precisenesse of conscience yea marke I pray you so strangely that out of a publike speech of mine zealously intended and vttered against the Romane religion one peece of an article was taken against mee to prooue mee popish Thirdly be verie carefull that in no sort yee meddle with any matter of Estate for there is
be very gracious vnto mee Oh! mine heart is so deuillishly bent to sinne that no vowes no oathes nothing can turne it O Lord what shall I doe I am as a man that hath most deadly wounded himselfe and dying would not die But woe is mee There is no remedie He that is wounded to death must die yea but thou vouchsafest to raise vp some by the grace of thy Sonne True Lord true it is But few of that companie be such as haue bin dissembling hypocrites And of all counterfeits the most vncurable is a counterfeit-preacher of thy righteousnes My soule can hardly thinke how such a one should haue the grace of repentance Of all such if any such there be beside me I am the worst O good Lord be mercifull vnto me the worst of all sinners Amen Friday the twentieth of May I prayed thus O good Lord though the hardnes of mine heart be exceedingly great yet ought I not to despaire for thy Sonne likeneth the kingdome of thy grace vnto a graine of musterd seede and vnto a little leauen O my soule hast thou not a little faith Looke vp vnto heauen and craue of thy maker that the fulnes of grace which is in Iesus Christ may haue some little influence and entrance into thee by the holy Ghost O my good Lord my soule is full of vnbeleefe I beseech thee to be mercifull vnto mine vnbeleeuing soule Amen About noone the same day hauing dined with two strangers for I lodge and table in a vitteling-house comming into my chamber I confessed and prayed thus O Lord what am I that I should vndertake to walke vprightly before thy face I cannot for the company and presence of any one draweth my minde downe from thee O why doest thou suffer the poore children of Adam to be thus carried away Is it because thou wilt haue it so fie vpon mee sinne-blinded wretch when a seruant for his naughtines is turned out of his seruice hee should laie the blame of his miserie vpon himselfe and not vngraciously exclaime that his lord had a purpose to put him away before euer hee offended Yea but seely man thinketh that thou who art so renowned and famous for mercie shouldest be mercifull vnto euery one Or if not so because then iustice should not be seene nor the benefit of mercie so well appeare yet the greater number should haue mercie specially seeing that the God-man Iesus hath paid so great a ransome for mercy We do not consider that among many traytors it is much if a King pardon one Sinne is treason against thee yea farre more haynous then the highest treasō can be against Princes because thy Maiestie is infinitely greater then theirs Also thy hate of sinn is aboue our vnderstanding for it is according to the measure of thy holinesse which is vnmeasurable Ah! my father Adam little knew how many thousand thousands of his owne naturall children hee did throwe into euerlasting miserie in breaking thy commandement He was well able to haue obeyed thy will So am not I for from out of him I haue together with my bodie receiued a wicked inclination which now is by long custome in sinning most extreamly hardened O good Lord be mercifull vnto mee Amen That afternoone I kept my selfe within and the morrow also But Saturday at night I by occasion of companie fell into vaine mirth whereunto I am excessiuely giuen There is indeed a good kind of merriment if we could hit vpon it for according to the last and in my weake iudgement the best translation of the Bible He that is of a merry heart hath a continuall feast Prou. 15.15 But in the Iewes language a merry heart is a good heart and therefore there can be no sound safe mirth without the grace of repentance Can a subiect though of high degree bee frolike and iocand before the face of the King so long as his Maiestie is grieuously displeased with him That were a ready way to discouer an vnloyall heart which vnto a prudent Prince is verie abhominable But what if the same subiect bee vpon humble submission receiued into his Soueraignes fauour will he not be very moderate in his mirth so long as hee is in the presence of his Maiestie will it not be ioy sufficient vnto him to be free from giuing his Leige Lord any cause of distast to minister vnto him all possible good contentment yea else he is not fit to bee in the presence of Maiestie for hee eclipseth the royall glory which cannot but cause some euill effect one way or another So it is betweene the Lord of glorie and those which serue in his presence that is to say all Christians The 22. of May beeing Sabbath I was sore plagued with the strangurie yet going to Church and after diuine seruice comming into the pulpit I felt my selfe to be something coole and able to speake So might I haue continued but that I did as I would wish no man to do strain my selfe with a kind of furiousnesse the common behauiour of such as are tumultuously confusedly and rawly prepared The best way for a Preachers selfe and the most likely to preuaile in perswading his hearers is if I bee not much deceiued graue milde and treatable speech If a man perceiue it in himselfe it is a very grieuous sight to see corrupted nature play the part of grace and with a smoakie flourish make as though it would kill the deuill beeing indeed his base slaue so willing to obey as he to commaund What a glorie is this to Sathan what a dishonour to God After I was come home I praysed God thus O most excellently gracious Lord what shall I sinner doe I am neither worthy nor able to praise thee yet exceedingly bound to do it O Lord what mooueth thee to be so good vnto the worst of all sinners Onely thine owne goodnesse for in mee there is nothing but causes of prouocation Yea a thousand and a thousand thousand causes which crie vnto thee for vengeance and continually vrge thy iustice to powre a whole sea of wrath vpon me And yet thou art gracious vnto mee Had I the holiest soule and the strongest bodie of all that liue vpon the face of the earth yea though I could liue an hundred holy liues die as many right Martyrdomes in zeale of thee and of thy truth I should not come neare vnto the making of a sufficient recompence for the goodnesse patience and forbearance which thou hast graciously shewed vnto mee And yet loe most vile wretch that I am I still liue in sinne and so continue displeasing and dishonouring thee O my good Lord giue me grace to be once broken from this deuillish wickednesse though it be with condition that I shal be the most refuse man of all the world Lay vpon me whatsoeuer thou wilt onely disburden my conscience of sinne and ease my body of this vnsupportable paine of the strangury Amen At euening prayer I read and preached
not Also I spake too farre Therefore comming into my chamber I confessed and prayed thus O my good Lord I haue doubly offended in medling with other folkes busines in speaking beyond the compasse which any whome it concerneth ought to haue kept himselfe within Good Lord conuert me and forgiue me Amen The 17. of Iuly being Sabbath I was in the morning sore tormented with the strangurie yet by the goodnes of God in the forenoone I preached Also after dinner I went and prayed with an olde aged good woman widow Milborne the mother of my faithfull friend Raph Milborne deceased At euening prayer after the second lesson I asked a youth three or foure questions touching a foundation-point of religion and briefly made plaine his answers After all this I was in great danger of a relapse for I was intreated to go thither where I should very grieuously haue displeased God and that through mine owne wickednesse But by the grace of God much against mine owne will I refused to goe Whereas I made mention of my faithfull freind Raph Milborne I intreat the gentle reader and hearer to take knowledge from me of certain notable properties that were in him very plainly to be seene He was religious towards God and that not by way of schisme dissention I meane but in peace Hee loued his minister yea he loued all ministers that were for the present state of the Church and of conscionable behauiour Hee was dutifully kind vnto his aged parents for he sustained them both vntill his fathers death then his mother vntill his owne death and by his will tooke order for her maintenance so long as it should please God to giue her the continuance of life At his death he gaue portions vnto many brothers and sisters to a many of their children He was of behauiour very temperate discreet and patient He was farre from the disposition to drinke and domineere in tauernes and ale-houses he did often chide me because I was sometimes forward to goe and other times easie to be drawen vnto such places It were pittie that the memorie of these vertues should haue bin buried with him for I knew hardly any one of his rank euery way for goodnes matchable with him Some may be ready enough to commend themselues though an indifferent man shall haue much adoe to find any thing that is worthy of commendation in them Therefore at his buriall I took this text Prou. 20.6 Most men will proclaime euery one his owne goodnesse but a faithfull man who can find Wednesday the 20. of Iulie I was so beyond measure tormented in the water passage and so burned in the soles of my feet that I was forced to stand barefooted and barelegged yea hauing a vessell of new drinke standing by me with a bagg of purging powder in it for my body could not els be kept from deadly costiuenes I drank glasse after glasse kneeling vpon my knees and calling very lamentably vpon the name of God They that at any time haue drunke healths kneeling had they seene me vpon my knees weeping and praying and drinking would haue bin terrified from that barbarous fashion of theirs Friday the 22. of Iulie I was in the afternoone taken with a deadly paine vpon my left side and therewithal an extreame windie faintnes oppressed the lower parts of my breast so that mine heart was continually ready to faile This held me vntill it was wel nigh midnight I lying full of pain and calling vpon the name of the Lord. Then had I some rest vntill morning and then it beganne againe This praier I oftentimes made vnto the Lord while I was in torment O most gracious God if it be thy good pleasure that I shall in most humble and zealous repentance glorifie thy name vouchsafe for Iesus Christs sake to rebuke this my disease But if it please thee not to make that vse of me because I am most exceedingly vnworthy and vnfit to doe thee any acceptable seruice then most blessed Lord withdraw thine hand from me and let me die For why should we liue any longer to displease and dishonour thee and to cause any more euill vnto my brother and sisters the children of Adam Holy Lord yet I heartily wish glory vnto thy name and all good vnto thy people So I bequeath my selfe vnto thy pleasure My sinne be destroyed thy will be done and blessed for euer be thy name Amen Amen Towards night I felt some ease in my side and breast but was pained in my kidnies The foure and twentieth of Iuly beeing sabbath one supplyed my place at Church and I kept at home That day some came vnto me with whom I fell in talke and by that meanes forgat both the presence of God and the holinesse of the day Monday morning I was sore tormented so that my feete burned very painfully specially the right foote I dranke great plenty of small beere and yet burned stil In this sore torment I praied thus O the fountaine of right goodnes kindnesse and mercy I the most hainous of all thine enemies vpon earth in this my greiuous misery haue none to flie vnto for help but onely thee O holy Lord I haue sinned against thee I haue sinned O I haue sinned and most vnsufferably prouoked thine Almighty maiesty to destroy mee with most wrathfull vengeance And doe I now in my selfe-wrought misery come a begging to thee for ease yea blessed Lord for I haue no whether else to goe therefore I throw my selfe down before thy face humbly crying thee mercie and saying O righteous Lord here lieth thine enemy a great traytor to thy kingdome and glory crauing mercy at thy most mercifull hands and beseeching thee not onely to pardon me thine owne vengeance but also to releeue me in this tormenting misery which I in sinning against thee haue brought vpon my self euen by the wicked disordering and distempering of my bodie Againe me thinkes thou sayest vnto me Ah thou wretched man doe not I shewe thee great mercy in sustaining thy dying life and calling thee vnto me Why doest not thou come nearer vnto me why doest thou not continually set me before thy face and submit thy selfe vnto my pleasure Thou knowest thou art short of this and therefore if thou expectest grace from me come nearer vnto me for thou art yet too farre off to receiue comfort into thy soule O my Lord God I come drawe mee and I will come I will continually minde thee feare thee and call vpon thee Amen Thursday the 28. of Iuly I beeing horribly tormented prayed thus O most gracious God thou seest that this painfull and loathsome disease will greatly hinder me in thy seruice O therefore that it would please thee to ease me of it and to lay some other iudgement vpon me so great as this but not so shameful and hinderous Me thinkes I heare thee say yet againe I tell thee thou sinner when thy seruice pleaseth me my grace shall be euery