her weakness by Asthma and Feaver increasing and prevailing upon her she had some Disturbance by Temptations from Satan that grand Adversary of Souls to question her right to Happiness c. and whether God would accept so vile a Wretch Yet blessed be the Lord through Faith and Prayer and the never-failing Mercies of a Good God she got over all baffled Satan and was filled with unspeakable Joy in the Holy Ghost The Doctor prayed with her and afterward she her self prayed a considerable time distinctly and aloud and for her then Comfort and Support many Passages of Sermons she had heard especially some from Mr. Coates on that Text Come unto me all ye that labour c. came fresh in her Memory which the Lord helped her to improve to the great Comfort and Refreshment of her Soul She was now full of Heavenly Thoughts and from the abundance of her Heart her Mouth was now speaking c. She uttered nothing but what was savoury religious and serious and being spent by great Weakness went triumphantly to Heaven upon the 29th of May 1686. The Doctor told me it was the comfortablest Night that ever he enjoyed in all his Life Here at Leicester worthy Mr. Clarke the Nonconformist waited my coming that he might accompany me to Ollercarr which he did and the Lord made him mighty useful by his Christian advice to me June 3. I got home where I found a most sad and disconsolate Family I that needed others to comfort me was fain to be their Comforter June 5 1686. This Day my Diary manifests that I was grown more calm under the Lord 's mighty Hand and the loss of a Dearest Wife but yet too full of miserable Complaints and quarrelling Thoughts against my Maker the Lord forgive me and compose me for the Duties of the Sabbath following June 6. This Day was a very comfortable Sabbath with reference to my Enjoyments but the want of my Dear Wife occasioned Floods of Tears and violent Passions the Lord pardon my tumultuous Thoughts and in the Multitude of my Thoughts within me let his Comforts more refresh my Spirit June 7. This Day my Dear Wife was Interr'd at Crich where if the Lord please so to order it I desire and intend to lie by her the Lord pardon Sins while I had her and such as I have been most guilty of since I parted with her June 8. This Day through Mercy not much quarrelling with the Lord's Dispensations more calm than I was O that I could be dumb with Silence and not open my Mouth in a fretting and repining way because the Lord has done what 's done unto me the Lord sanctify this sad Breach upon me to my Soul's Good May I remember my Sins that have provoked God and be humbled for them and return to the Lord that smiteth June 9. This Day I find my Heart better fitted and framed to bear this sad Stroke This Day was preach'd by Mr. Coats my Dear Wife's Funeral-Sermon from these words 1 Thess 4. 13. But I would not have you to be ignorant Brethren concerning them which are asleep that ye sorrow not even as others which have no hope Passion in the Sermon I was guilty of when in the Commondatory Part he was shewing what a Wife she was the Lord pardon my unbecoming Carriage to her Several days after I gave account of the Lord 's quieting my Mind under the sad Loss sustain'd June 20. This was a very comfortable Sabbath and the Lord gave me great Delight under the Droppings of the Sanctuary Mr. Coats preach'd from these words Hear the Rod and who hath appointed it O! I would fain make application to my self O that I could hear the Voice of this sad Providence and take out the Lessons of this Rod O that I may carry my self like a Christian under this mighty Hand of God! I have cause to fear I did not improve Last-Summer's Mercies as I ought and God has made this a much more uncomfortable Summer O that as ever I desire the Lord should not go on in this way I may better improve this Dispensation Several Letters I receiv'd from Friends heartily sympathizing with me in my Trouble take the Copies of some of them as follows A Letter from Mr. J. R. dated June 4 1686. Dear Sir BY a Letter I received Yesterday from Mr. Coats I perceive the Letters I sent you in Town on Monday Night were like Job's Messengers one bringing you sad the other sadder News but I hope you receiv'd the News with Job's Temper or mind viz. The Lord gave and the Lord hath taken away blessed be the Name of the Lord and God hath taken away the Delight of your Eyes and removed her out of sight she is in a state of Rest and you must behold her no more among the Inhabitants of the World this must needs be a pressing Affliction to lose so near so dear and so pious a Companion and that which aggravates the Affliction is that she was taken away in your Absence so suddenly and so unexpectedly But Dear Sir though God has crost your Will herein yet I hope a Tumult doth not arise your Passions and Affections are not in an uproar Why shall not God take away his own in his own time way and manner But Sir I am not to teach you God has rarely qualified you with the Graces of his Holy Spirit so that you know how to receive and how to resign a Mercy you know how to add to Faith Patience as you lately heard There is an animal Life of a Soul void of Grace accommodating it self to the Interests of the Flesh to all such things as are grateful to Sense but then there is a Spiritual Life which is a Principle enabling a Soul to bear up when God takes away our greatest Comforts such a Principle there is in you All I have to do is to sympathize with you and to pray that God would afford you more of the Assistances of his Holy Spirit that you may exert that Principle now at this time under this Loss The truth is 't is one of the most lovely Sights in the World to see a Christian acting Faith Patience Humility Submission Resignation c. in times of Affliction this makes the World say that there is something more in Religion than Talk but as I said I am not to teach you You have the teachings of the Spirit which will enable you to improve this Loss to better Gains The Lord sit us all for our last and great Change and in the midst of our private Losses let 's remember the Afflictions of Sion now sitting in the Dust So prays Your Sympathizing Friend and Humble Servant J. R. I hope you will return up again after some Days I think it will be convenient to divert your self with your Friends here some time after you have performed the last Office of Love to your Yoak-Fellow c. A Copy of a Letter from Cos M. S. dated
hath done great Things for us of which we are glad O that we would put on all the Strength we have and put it forth and go to God for more and be exalted in our Desires and Zeal and Endeavours and do to our utmost for God O that all those who name the Name of Christ would part from Iniquity and labour to stand compleat in the Will of God filling up their Days and Places and Relations with Duty and leading such unblameable and exemplary Lives as may condemn the wicked World and be expressive of God and shew forth the Vertues of him that hath called them out of Darkness into his marvellous Light O that I could see the Church the Lamb's Wife in her Bravery in her Garments of wrought Gold as a Bride made ready for her Husband and so the Beauty of the Lord our God upon all those who own themselves his Children begotten to him by the Gospel Reader The worthy Author of this small Piece which is noâ— put into thine Hands by an Hand of Love was one of mine intimate Acquaintance a Gentleman yea and more than so a Godly Man a Man in Christ of a Worshipful Family and which is yet more of the Houshold of Faith one that could fetch hiâ— Pedigrâ—â— from Heaven and call God Father He had a good Temporal Estate the Câ—…ouâ—s of this Life having been boâ—…fully dealâ—â—ut to him but he did not take up with them nor value himself by them for he was rich toward God rich in Faith and good Works After many Troubles which he met with divers tosses and tumblings which disturbed that sweet Repose he otherwise would gladly have taken he did by the good Hand of God upon him fix in this City where he had a comfortable enjoyment of himself sitting with great delight under the refreshing Shadow of his dearest Lord in the most precious Ordinances of the Gospel It pleased God after a considerable time to direct and incline his Heart to join himself to that Flock of Christ over which the Holy Ghost hath made me Overseer In which he was very eminent for his constant Attendance and serious Attention and great Affection He took the Sermons deliver'd verbatim read them to his Wife and Family when he came home and several of them he wrote out in a very fair Hand that he might leave them behind him for the benefit of others He was an humble and holy Christian no Busy-body not captious nor quarrelsom a Companion of all those that feared God for in them was all his Delight as the Excellent Ones of the Earth Most willing to condescend to and be familiar with Persons of low Degree not valuing any so much by what they had of the World as by the Relation in which they stood to Christ and by the Spirit Grace and Disposition of Christ which discover'd it self in them He was no Fashion-monger Genteel but not Gaudy Neat but Modest and Sober so adorning himself as that he might adorn the Doctrine of his God and Saviour putting on Christ and Mercy and Bowels and over all Humility that was the upper Garment through which the rest were seen being immovably resolved to keep the Commandments of God He bid Evil-doers depart from him and was a Companion of them that would walk with him in the Way everlasting They and none but they were the Men of his Choice When our publick Liberty was by our good God graciously given us after very long and furious Storms had been upon us he soon made choice of me for his Pastor and that Flock of Christ which I am appointed to water and lead into green Pastures and by the still Waters he did as I said before choose to walk in a Holy Communion with And with them he continued until the Great God in whose Hand our Times are was pleased to remove him to the Church Triumphant in Heaven During all that Time he was very exemplary to others and no less pleasant to me I being desired one Day to preach the Morning-Lecture in Southwark he would needs accompany me We together crossed the Water and either going or returning he got Cold which was obstinate and kindled in him a Feaver and that Feaver consumed him his little Oil spent aspace and the Lamp of his precious and much desired Life was soon extinguished But O how did he shine and glorify God in that Fire How sweetly did he carry toward him without any Quarrelling or the least spice of Discontent I heard not the least word that spake a Dislike of the Providence No no his Spirit was as it ought to be submitted to the Divine Will and he at God's disposal ready to die for Preparation had been his Work and willing to die for that would be his Advantage His submissive Resignation to the Holy Will of God herein see in the Record he left in his Diary in the beginning of his Sickness thus March 10 Through Mercy this Day much better with me than my Desert tho I find my self somewhat indispos'd by Cold full of Aches and Pains and Chilliness and sore Eyes the Lord if it be his Will heal me this Night or grant a Preparedness for his Pleasure and that as the outward Man decays the inward Man may be renewed day by day The Lord pardon my Sin and accept of Praise for all Mercies And the Night following which was the last he writ in his Diary he recorded it thus March 21. This Day some Distemper seems to hang upon me thô not worse blessed be God than last Night The Lord in Mercy heal me and recover me or fit me for thy Pleasure The good Lord fit me for the approaching Sabbath and make it a good Day to my Soul for Christ's Sake Pardon my Sin and take Praise And God was exceeding gracious to him for he chained up Satan so that he could not throw one fiery Dart at him and he enabled Conscience to bear its Testimony to his filial State and having led his Conversation in the World in Simplicity and godly Sincerity not with fleshly Wisdom but by the Grace of God and also he lifted upon him the Light of his Countenance shed abroad his Love in his Heart by the Holy Ghost which had been given him and furnished him with such an Anchor of Hope as was fixed within the Vail and both sure and stedfast And all this being done for him it was not in the power of the King of Terrors to affright him but in his nearest Approaches he could look him in the Face without any Discomposure and not only triumph over him as a baffled and conquer'd Enemy whose Teeth were broken and Sting lost but likewise bid him welcome as a Messenger sent by his Father to do him a real Kindness And knowing whom he had believed he could with Joy breath out his Last and take his Flight to the unseen World where as he was sure his dearest Lord had taken up his own Rest at
Exile for the Friendship of Relations at Norwell and Southwell I am there begging pardon for sinful Compliances as in sitting late in an Ale-house in Southwell where the Company were Healthing it about though blessed be the Lord I drank not much yet I was a bad Example in sitting and sipping with the Wicked in wasting my precious Time my Prayer therefore is that the Lord would pardon that and continue Mercies and give me a thankful Heart in and a lively sense of Divine Goodness The 20th being the Sabbath-day through Mercy I find my self in a pretty good Frame of Spirit and took particular notice in my Diary of Mr. Coats's Subject which was Come unto me all ye that labour c. I there find a Desire that the Lord would work those Truths more and more upon my Heart by his Spirit that my Sins may be pardoned and my Soul prosper The 21st Under some Dulness occasioned by slavish fear of Man which I find bewail'd that Day with this Petition That the Lord would enable me to live by Faith and that I might encourage my self in the Lord my God under all outward Discouragements whatsoever who has delivered me does deliver and I trust will deliver me his poor Creature O! that my Sins may not provoke the Lord to turn away his Face The 23d Having this Day been stating Accounts with my Wife and several others with reference to Disbursements the three Months in the Summer of my Exile and Troubles in the Year 85 though I find them extraordinary large yet thrô Grace I find my self free from those Passions that upon such Accounts I used to be prone to my experience again there recorded of God's gracious Appearances for me 26th Mercy there again taken notice of in the Lord 's delivering me from Trouble and a Petition That if it were the Lord's Will I might be preserved from entering into Bonds which I and all my Friends did believe would be very ensâ—â—ring to me there I find Sin bewailed and lay heavy upon my Conscience 27th Manifestations made of Deliverance still from danger I there bless God I am still at liberty and hear nothing from the D. of N. of entering into those Bonds he required I then heard of Dr. Temple's Execution and took notice of distinguishing Mercy that he should be taken and I left who through Man's Rage and Wrath was in danger I there bless God I was not the Man 27th I took notice of the many comfortable Sabbaths that I have enjoyed since I came home without Fear or Disturbance Cousin Billingsley preached here from these Words Commune with your own Hearts which much affected me 28th A like Account as to Mercy and I remember no actual Sin that Day 29th The like Account with my Experience that God had blessed the means I had used for the cure of a Cold that held me 8th of October 1685 This day I returned from Lincoln where I had been some time and took notice the Lord gave me a very comfortable Journey no sad Providence occurred in the Journey I am yet delivered from Enemies notwithstanding their Rage and Threatning and from the ensnaring Bonds I begg'd then of the Lord That he would continue this Mercy and give me to live a thankful holy humble and fruitful Life and pardon the particular Sins of this Day and help me against it and to perform Promises made under my Afflictions 9th I there bless God for the Mercies of that Day and beg pardon for my Sins and that the Lord will cause me to live better the next Day 10th My Sins stare me in the Face being many and great there I find my self begging that I might eye the Blood of Christ and might through Grace be interested in it being the only Sovereign Remedy for a poor Sinner yet I am preserved from ensharing Bonds and enjoy through Mercy comfortable Liberty and sit under my own Vine with delight 11th This I find a comfortable Sabbath when Mr. Coats did most sweetly call invite and encourage Sinners to come to Christ O! that I may not stand out the Lord bless the Sermon to my poor Soul and pardon my Sins 12th No actual Sin that I know of I this Day begg'd Direction from Heaven about the Oath of Allegiance I and others in my Family were called to take and next day I did take it having observed no Intimations from the Lord against it but being well satisfied about it besides I feared if I refused it would be worse with us upon the account of our Meetings which I did desire to keep up I beg the Lord would enable me to keep the Oath being taken as a sacred Thing I am yet at liberty and free from ensnaring Bonds 15th I that Day begg'd the Lord would humble me under any thing of Sin that might be in my Swearing and taking the Oath the Day before 16th This Day Mr. H. acquainted me that one did say That the Lord would lie heavy upon me that I was to give a Security by Bond of 7000 l. which would ask a great time for me to get and that I was only Capt. L's Prisoner at large Well I find this hint in my Diary that Day That I can trust my God who has delivered me and that he will deliver me still from the Fury and Rage of Men and the Effects thereof 17th This Day I had an encouraging Letter from V. L. as if the Duke had done with me which I begg'd then the Lord would grant and enable me to live up to so great a Mercy For several other days after I am blessing God for the comfortable and quiet abode in my House and petition'd that the Lord would keep me from sinning away such Mercies 20th Wasting Time the great Sin acknowledged this Day and a Petition that the Lord would please to make me more active and diligent in Soul-concerns every Day as being every Day nearer Death 22d This Day I observe from Joh. 7. 44. in my reading this Passage Some of them would have taken him but no Man laid Hands on him Upon which Mr. Baxter has this Note God binders bad Men from doing what they would do and they know not how he doth it I have had great Experience of this my self the Lord be praised 25th This Day God made a very comfortable Sabbath to me and I trust will do my Soul good by it and set home another Sermon I then heard from Mr. Cotes concerning the Ease of Christ's Yoke I am yet through Mercy continued in my Family in Peace and Safety enjoy distinguishing Mercy and Love God help me to make a right use of it and still restrain Men that they do not hurt me and enable me to give thee the Glory of that Mercy thou pleasest to give me the Comfort of 26th This Day I was at Cos R's Funeral the Lord prepare me for my Change I came from thence over a dangerous way in Safety 27th God has this Day preserved
to a Relation growing loose in Conversation Dear Cousin THE Contents of this may seem strange to you especially as coming from one so unfit and unable to be your Monitor yet when I tell you it 's out of a sincere Love to your precious Soul and a hearty Desire of your Well-doing I doubt not but in Kindness it will be receiv'd as indeed it is intended not only the Relation between us but the Rules of Christianity will oblige us to watch over one another And truly Cousin I am satisfi'd that Religion never receives a greater Wound than by the Miscarriages of Professors Stains in them will prove more mischievous than the Spots of a Licentious Age. O Cousin The Eyes of the World are upon you nay God's Eye is upon you to whom you and all the World must be accountable With much Grief and Sadness of Heart I have very lately heard you reflected upon for some loose Carriages and that particularly by one eminent for Grace and Goodness whose Name I am obliged to conceal what he acquaints me with is in Tenderness to you and out of a hearty Desire I should improve my Interest in your behalf Some indeed of the times having made their Observations upon you seem themselves very much to condemn you as declaring you are in the direct way to ruin your self instancing in these things viz. Your High-house-keeping your Negligence in all your Affairs your frequent Contracting new Debts your Excess in Pleasures associating your self with the Gallants of the Age and your sinful Compliances in high Drinking One Person I know whose Company is scandalous enough yet your Intimacy with him great You are not as some fear very likely to do him good it 's well if he does not do you hurt Some say it had been well if you had never left Roadnook remembring your blameless Conversation there and your Zeal for God and Godliness My Desire and Prayers are you may be still found in the same Paths of Holiness remember from whence you are faln and repent and do your first Works having begun in the Spirit beware of ending in the Flesh You did run well and who has hindered you Come Cousin we can never think of entring the Strait-Gate by walking in the Broad-way and much better it had been we had never known the way of Life than after to walk in the Paths of Death If we live after the Flesh we shall die but if we through the Spirit do mortify the Deeds of the Body we shall live I hope you and I have so learn'd Christ as to know that the way of carnal Liberty and Looseness the way of evil Company and Fleshliness is not the way to Heaven I am not for tying up Salvation to this or that Opinion for let Men be of what Opinion they will surely without Strictness Self-denial and Holiness they cannot be saved Mat. 16. 42. Mat. 11. 12. 1 Pet. 1. 15 16. O then with holy David labour to be only a Companion of those that fear the Lord for God has said The Companions of Fools shall be destroyed Prov. 13. 20. and who greater Fools than impenitent Sinners Yours in Christ G. D. A Letter to my dear Friend Mr. Whitaker SIR I Receiv'd yours by our Neighbour by whose Conveyance I hope this may arrive your hands I return you hearty Thanks for your good Society whilst with us for which I am abundantly obliged to you not you to me I should be very glad to see you again with good Mrs. Whitaker with you when your Conveniency and more setled-times will encourage for truly at present it 's a dark and gloomy Day with us but Light is sown for the Righteous and Gladness for the upright in Heart Psal 97. 11. Our Ministers Night and Day are so strictly watch'd for that they come not at all amongst us many have here suffer'd very much some one way some another but yet truly God is good to Israel and to them of an upright Heart his Ways are certainly the best Ways however at present attended with Trouble and Difficulty Were it with us as Men and Devils would have it it would be much worse but they are under the Lord's Restraints who triumph over us Your kind and Christian Lines were no less seasonable than welcome at this Juncture when poor I find all Helps little enough to keep me unmov'd in such shaking days as ours and to prevent Murmurings Frettings and Repinings at the Prosperity of the Wicked Dear Sir pray that my Faith fail not The Lord establish our Hearts and Minds with Grace and enable us at what time we are afraid with holy David to trust in him and with Jehoshaphat under all Discouragements whatsoever to encourage our selves in the Lord our God I do believe God will issue things well and bring Order out of all Confusion and Light out of Darkness and Good out of all Evil that 's before us It will be thus in his Time if not in ours His will be done Yours c. G. D. To Mrs. Mary Lavet after her Marriage Decemb. 85. Dear Madam I Hope when all things are consider'd you will not see much cause to blame me that I have not before now welcomed and congratulated your arrival into our Condition Till your Letter to my Wife came which some ways strangely halted in its Voyage I knew not otherways than by common Fame which of late has prov'd too false to trust whether to call you by first or second Name however now Madam I wish you much Joy in the Change of it send a Thousand good Wishes after you and heartily beg what I am sure you desire That this Change of your Condition may be to the Glory of God the Advantage of your Soul and the Mutual Comfort and Satisfaction one of another I need not acquaint you who are better able to be my Monitor that the new Condition the Lord has brought you into calls for new Duties and may be accompanied with new Trials the Lord â—it you and your dear Yoak-Fellow good Mr. Lavet for all and crown your Change with many Blessings both Temporal Spiritual and Eternal I hope Madam you will believe though when last in the Country you would not make trial that my House is as much your Home as ever and glad we shall be at any time to enjoy such Guests My dear Wife begs your pardon for not answering your kind Letter for which she thanks you and hopes those hurrying Circumstances we were about that time under may excuse the Neglect The Lord â—it us for his Pleasure support us in a time of Trial enable us to maintain our Integrity and keep our Standing in Christianity whatever comes and prevent our declining and decaying in the good Ways of God is the earnest and hearty Prayers of him who needs and begs yours And O that we and all that wish well to Sion may pray hard for the Peace and Prosperity of Jerusalem for they shall
encline to an Imitation of what 's bad and sinful But now to be born of Christian Parents yea such who are of the stricter sort surely this can be no less than distinguishing Mercy If it be a Mercy to Children to be train'd up in the Nurture and Fear of the Lord to be taught to be Religious by the Example of such Parents If a Mercy to Children to be in Covenant with God to have a Stock of Prayers laid up in Heaven for them to have wholesom Counsel serious Instructions pious Reproofs refreshing Comforts and necessary Corrections If these things be Mercies as surely none will deny certainly then the Children of religious Parents have cause all their Days to bless God for such a Mercy Here 's now the advantage of Religious Education when a Parent or Governor's Conduct of Children committed to their Care is moderated betwixt the Extreams of an unwarrantable Indulgence and cruel Rigor when Parents so deport themselves in their good Conduct and Government that Children may both love and honour their Presence when they are not too fond lest Children should not fear them nor too stern lest they should fear them too much Well! good Parents I bless God for As to my Brother Daniel in his younger Years he and I being both Abroad and at great Distance each from the other I had not the advantage of making particular Remarks He had his Learning and Education in part at the Lady Hussy's with Mr. Birkitts and after that with Mr. Ferguson both of them Non-conforming Ministers He marry'd pretty young Katherine one of the Daughters of Henry Fynes of Kirkstead Esq a Coheir by whom he had several Children four of them yet living and hopeful She proved a most tender loving Wife a dear Parent and a gracious Christian for many Years before she was summoned from Earth to Heaven which was on May the 16th 1690. A farther account of her some Letters in this Book contain I the said Gervase Disney being but a weak Child while young by reason of the Rickets I had in a high degree was as tenderly regarded and brought up much Care was taken of me especially by my Mother than whom I believe there can't be any more loving kind and tender-hearted breathing I could not by reason of my Weakness go till about eight years Old but long before that I fear could run swiftly enough in the Ways of Sin and Vanity In these Years I cannot say that I had the least sense of the Corruption of my Nature and the Evil of Sin upon my Heart Several Years I was carried in the Arms of one Anne Carlton a Servant in our Family who constantly attended me Bent enough I was to play and therefore for some Years had a constant way of Hitching about upon a Cushion the better to follow and join with my Brothers and Sisters in their Sports when by reason of the Rickets my Legs would not carry me The first Tidings of my Walking alone was welcome Tidings to my Father and Mother and brought by my Uncle Lee then a Tabler at our House at Lincoln for the Benefit of Free-School-Learning It seems he and the other Children were engaged in some kind of Sports that I had an Eagerness to pursue when finding I could not follow fast enough by Hitching did strangely and suddenly adventure a trial of Skill after them upon my Legs holding by Tables and Stools as I went along But O what a Miracle of Mercy am I to the Glory of God be it spoken who am now arriving the 48th Year of my Age having for most of these Years been healthful and strong and little acquainted with Sickness when as for several Years when a Child I was so weak that few thought I could live many Months O that I should out-live Seven of my Brothers and Sisters so many Years who were all of them so much stronger and most of them so much younger than my self But God's Ways and Thoughts are not as ours Surely as some times yea often I have thought God has something extraordinary for me to do tho the meanest and unworthiest of all his Servants only this I have learn'd through Grace to say heartily and chearfully Speak Lord for thy Servant desires to hear send me Lord upon any Errand and set me about any Work whether doing or suffering and I thy Servant desires faithfully to attend it If I may have but thy Presence with me and thy Supports and Comforts to refresh me in my way I shall be content I being in Childhood so long weak was not sent to School till about 12 or 13 years Old and then to the Free-School at Lincoln but did not altogether lose my time before for my honoured and good Aunt Thorneton who was with my Mother mostly from her Marrying with my Father did instruct me in my English Learning Indeed to most if not all of us she was both Nurse and Instructer my Mother having Children thickly and nursing us all herself was rendred less capable and therefore my dear Aunt 's Service was much more grateful and acceptable I went not to School of several Years and when I did made but little Proficiency having an aversness to-Learning or rather to Study the burdensom part of it my Inclination and Fancy working rather to other Things as Writing Herauldry Musick c. and these Exercises I used not only as Diversion but spent all the Time I could ever be Master of in them My Father therefore perceiving me to decline Learning gave me my choice of any Trade I inclined most to a Herauld-Painter having by frequent Practice arrived at tolerable Perfection in that Art But that Employ being judged to be too burdensom to an Apprentice I inclin'd to be bound to a Bookseller the advantage of many Authors and a good Library being to me the main Inducement But that Mr. Robinson told my Father was a declining Trade At last it was concluded with the Approbation of all concerned for me that I must be bound for 7 Years to my Cousin Mr. Martin Oglethorp a Silk-man and Merchant in Lombard-street London And there I was placed about the Year 1661 and about the 18th or 19th Year of my Age. There alas my Carriage and Deportment was such that I have cause to bewail my Folly being not so diligent and careful in my Service as I ought to have been in answer to a good Education the Lord had blessed me with These particular Sins I remember I was too frequently guilty of viz. wasting my Master's Time by employing too much in my own Service and that generally to my Disadvantage neglect of Duties Equivocation studiously contrived for the covering concealing and hiding other Faults which then I remember the Devil and my own naughty Heart perswaded me was not Lying yet since through Grace I have learnt to know was no better being intended and contrived for the deceiving of others And thus I have most wickedly
but either Conformity which I durst not yield to or leaving the Town which I was resolved upon as the best Expedient for my Ease The Lord who has never failed me in a time of Trouble now appeared for me in his Counsels and Conduct I was now upon Terms with my Cousin Clarâ—son for his House in Kirton and was come to a Conclusion Yet as the Lord was pleased to order it providentially though I was pleased with the House very much and my Wife before had consented to the taking it I would have a Day 's time further to speak with my Wife about it And she at that time being at Wigwall thither I went and as soon as I came I met with a Letter from Mr. Barrett my most worthy Friend who was constantly contriving for my well-doing both in Soul and Body acquainting me that there was a House at Ollercarre to be det which might prove a convenient Seat for me and here though I met with some Rubs yet God in his Providence seemed to point out that Habitation to me I went to view it and though it was upon disadvantage there being much finishing work within Doors wanting yet I liked it so well as hoping it might prove a quiet and comfortable Place to me besides the Priviledges appertaining to it That I concluded to take a Journey to Mr. Burton about it but his Bailiff who lived with his Family in the House and as I perceived since had no desire it should he let told me he would send to Mr. Burton to know his Terms and to acquaint him with my desire of taking it How he managed his Business I know not but the answer he returned me was that his Master Burton would not let it under Sixscore Pounds per Annum which was 20 l. more than he had before offered it to others for This I took to be a cross Providence and had proceeded I think no farther but for my Brother Spateman who advised me that nothing could be done or known without my going thither who offered very kindly to go along with me thither we went and in a few Days I took the House for 30 l. per Annum less than was mentioned to the great grief I did perceive of the Bailiff who it 's to be feared consulted his own profit more than his Master's interest And truly this Providence I cannot overlook viz. That I had not had the House if a Rainy Day had not prevented another going to take it just at that time and hither now the Lord has brought us Men by their Fury have driven us from Nottingham which though they might intend it for my Hurt God can turn it to Good O that I may keep in his Ways and leave Issues to him To the 14th of June 85 I find in my Diary Acknowledgments Day by Day that I had experienced the Lord's Goodness in casting my Lot into this Place having to that time enjoyed most comfortable Sabbaths for the most part very publick Assemblies to the refreshment of others as well as our selves Here I find by those Diaries I was much carried out in praising God and in begging that I might be enabled to make some answerable Returns to him by a thankful Heart and a fruitful Life At my first coming to Ollercarre it was much upon my Heart to consider what I should render unto the Lord for all his Benefits towards me and mine I had this serious Resolve That I would not shut God out of my House who was pleased to give me Entertainment in it I then pitch'd upon this Method for Family-Discipline On Week-Days to do thus 1. Prayer every Morning by six o Clock for the benefit of those Servants that were to be abroad after upon account of Husbandry and this to be performed by my Cousin Watson or when abroad by some one Man-Servervant 2. By 9 a Clock every Morning to call my Family together toâ— worship God by Prayer singing part of a Psalm reading a Chapter and then Prayer 3. To go to Dinner by 12 a Clock 4. To Family-Prayer at â— in the Evening to be performed in the same Method as in the Morning 5. To Supper by 7 a Clock 6. After Supper to spend some time in reading some good Life or other good Book 7. By â— a Clock every Person to their Chamber 8. Every Monday Night by â— a Clock to catechise Servants and Children 9. Every Thursday night Repetition 10. All unlawful Games as Cards Dice c. all kind of Ribaldry vain Songs foolish Talking and idle Jesting Swearing Lying c. and all kind of Sin whatsoever are here forbidden no profane Persons to abide in my House no Liar to tarry in my Sight On the Lord's Day this Method 1. To begin the Day as to Family-Worship with Family-Prayer by 8 a Clock in the Morning 2. By 9 a Clock to Sermon 3. By 12 a Clock to Dinner 4. By 2 a Clock to Sermon 5. By 6 a Clock to Family-Prayer 6. By 7 a Clock to Supper 7. By 8 a Clock to Repetition This Method in my Family for most part through assisting Grace we have performed experienced the benefit of and would commend it to others When I have not had this Method I have found these Inconveniences 1. That the mistiming of one thing has usually occasioned the mistiming of every thing in my Family 2. That when we were uncertain as to our time for Family-Worship I have often found some of my Servants absent and their Plea usually was that they had engaged in such Business as they could not leave off whenas a stated known time for such Duties gives all advantage to forecast their Business for it and it must be their Faults if they do not 3. Want of a set-Time is usually accompanied with this dreadful Inconvenience that Worldly Occasions either quite justle out some part of the Worship of God or straiten one in the performance of it 4. By late Prayers either Morning or Night we put off our greatest and best Work to the worst time and give God the World's leavings 5. We need God's Blessing upon us and our Family-Occasions as much early in the Morning as later therefore should be early at the Duty of Family-Prayer and not too late or long at Night for fear of Drowsiness And I must not omit to add I have every way found such Methods beneficial too and the Lord has enabled me in some measure to perform my purpose it being blessed be the Lord very rare that we have mist it since we came to Ollercarr Here again at my first coming I renewed my Covenant with God and did desire and beg I might bring a new Heart to my new Habitation and readily give God Entertainment where he has been pleased to give me Admission This Place the Lord seemed in his Providence to point out for me and here he has blest me O that whatever others do I and my House may serve the Lord. Here
me I am out of Hell I am out of a Prison I am not as lately flying before pursuing Enemies nor absenting my self for Security from my own House I am not made a Prey to Enemies but the Lord has dealt bountifully with me What shall I render unto the Lord Some following Days after I took notice of sinful Thoughts idle Words unbecoming Actions and of the Lord's Goodness in sparing Mercy Nov. 7. 1685. I bless God then for returning me in Safety from my Yorkshire Journey and that I saw my Friends with Comfort and found all well at my return home then I petitioned the Lord to continue Enjoyments to me and mine 8th This God made a comfortable Sabbath Mr. Coats preached excellently from this Text Remember now thy Creator c. the Lord do me and all that heard him good by his blessing upon that Ordinance and pardon Sin the Morning as soon as I awakened I was full of projecting carnal melancholy Thoughts O sad Thoughts for a Sabbath-Day God seal a Pardon to me 10th This Evening being Tuesday by 7 of the Clock I set apart some Hours for Humiliation that Night with the help of Mr. B. Mr. C. c. and about half an hour after 12 a Clock I ended in that Work in my Closet the Sins I bewailed particularly was my not keeping Covenant and Promise with my God Passion with my Wife Pride Slightness in Duties especially Closet-Duties c. 15th I enjoy'd a most comfortable Sabbath by Mr. Coats's Help who preach'd from these words Remember now thy Creator c. and this Passage I took particular notice of That where Youth has been devoted to God reviews of it in old Age when Persons are less capacitated for Duty-Frames will afford sweet Comfort and Refreshing 22d This a comfortable Sabbath God bless it to me Mr. Cl. preach'd from these words Ps 67. That God even our own God shall bless us The Doct. was It 's a most desirable thing for People to have a God of their own These Marks he laid down which I desire often to peruse and examine my self by by which I may know whether God be my God or no. 1. If I have a God of my own I get what Knowledg I can of my God 2. I get what Love I can to my God 3. I would be loth to do that which this my God may take ill 4. I would then serve no God but my own God and never fall down to Graven-Images 5. I would take nothing ill from my own God 6. I would love to think of him 7. I would love to be speaking of him 8. I could love to have my own God well spoken of 9. I would often send to him and hear from him 10. I desire nothing more than while i 'm absent from him that this God would visit me by his Spirit 11. I would not live always here but die to go to this my own God and to be with him for ever And these are the earnest Requests of my Soul Several Days together I find a comfortable Account both as to freedom from Sins and great Mercies But on the 28th I find Relapses into Sin and that which aggravates it much is I was just writing the Account of my Life And O what a Mercy it is God has given me not only space for but the Grace of Repentence Decemb. 12. Hitherto much the like Account the Lord has preserved my Liberty beyond expectation and prevented my entring into ensnaring Bonds 14th I took notice of Mercy shew'd my Wife in delivering her from most acute Pains in the Tooth-Acâ— Jan. 2. â—â—8â— I this Day returned from a great Journey in which the Lord wonderfully succeded me in all my Affairs and preserv'd me from all Dangeâ—… I experienc'd Mercy in the kind Reception the D. of N. gave me on Monday to his House whither I went to return him Thanks for his Civility to me He told me I came to him on a very proper Day being Innocents-Day for that he believed I was so in the Matters laid to my charge and that he had now done with me and should as Opportunity offer'd readily serve me in any thing He desired me to be kind to my Uncle L who had taken great pains on my behalf I gave him thereupon over and above other Kindness before Here 's now a return to Prayer God help me to improve so great Mercy Passages a little before the Death of my Dear Wife and about her Sickness and Death May 13 1686. I met with Stops as to my London Journey by Business and my Dear Wife's Illness for this very Day in the Morning she was ev'n spent with a Conghing-Fit I was called from Prayer in my Family found her very Ill but blessed be God soon grew better and told me I bless God I am now pretty well Now I was earnest with the Lord that he would enable me to observe the Hints of Providence in my being stopt several times and my way to London as it were hedged up May 17 1686. I set forward for London notwithstanding the Cross Providences I met with a great Change in the Weather divers times a Cold that I had upon me a grievous Fit of the Asthma my dear Wife had insomuch as I plainly observ'd Providence against me as to that Journey at that time but notwithstanding upon Encouragement from my Wife that if I must needs go this Summer which she rather desired I would not because of Souldiers being much upon the Road going to the Camp I had as good go now as any other time I did set forward and part with my dear Wife this Day but never saw her more The Lord knows my Carriage at London was too light and vain I wonder'd I heard nothing from Ollercarr waited a Fortnight for Letters and did my self write several but through their miscarriage and as the Lord pleased to order it I received four all of a day most of which brought me the sad Tidings of my dear Wife's Death which was aggravated greatly in that I had not heard of her Illness till I heard of her Death and all came in Letters to me at London at which time I had one under my Wife's Hand to acquaint me with her late Illness but that blessed be God she was better an Account of which here follows after I have given first an Account of mine just sending to the Post directed to her at that very instant when I received this that follows A Copy of my Letter the Last I ever writ or must write to my Dear Wife now I trust with God My Dearest I Am in great expectation of Nanny's coming up to London according to the Desire of my last which Business now only stays me in Town Thou canst not imagine how much I am concerned at thy silence or at least thy Letters Miscarriage I having not received one Letter from thee since I left thee this being I think the fourth that I have
Sister from Glory would you or any of us have a Heart to invite her from so blissful a State Does not the Spirit of God by several Passages of Scripture seem to say to us as Judas said in another case What needs all this waste Tears are a good Ingredient for Prayer and Repentance let 's not be too prodigal of them in other cases Humanity does allow of some Sorrow but Divinity forbids much Dear Mother refuse not to be comforted receive the Comforts and refuse no longer the Creatures God affords you for the refreshing and supporting Nature Let David I pray be your Pattern in this case he pray'd for his Child while living he fasted he wept For says he who can tell whether God will be gracious to me and the Child may live this I doubt not but you did But when the Will of God was signified in the Death of his Child 2 Sam. 12. 22 23. Now he is dead says he wherefore should I fast can I bring him back again I shall go to him but he shall not return to me O that you could do likewise The Child being dead he wipes his Eyes falls to his Refreshments and submits to God Let not the want of one Mercy we all priz'd deprive us of the Comfort of the many Mercies we do enjoy 12. If we consider who we have lost methinks our Sorrow should be abated One who gave most excellent Demonstrations of a good Heart and a good Condition one I trust ripe for God and fitter for Heaven than Earth one panting for Glory long before she died and had set all in order for Eternity before she was sick she long'd to be dissolv'd that she might be with Christ Methinks I still hear her Ah says she how long O Lord how long when wilt thou come And to By-standers says she I 'm jealous you are conspiring to keep me longer out of Heaven And ah what a Sight did I see in my dear Sister when upon the very wing for Heaven and just ready to take her flight Ah! the heavenly Language she uttered while she did speak which was almost to the last and then when she could not speak the Movings of her Lips the Pantings of her Heart the Liftings of her Eyes and indeed every Motion of her Body spoke her to have strong Workings of Heart after God and to be upon the very Confines of Glory What cause of Mourning now it's our Loss but her Gain She had before a good Husband but now O now the Match between Christ and her Soul is compleated Me-thoughts she held my Father Disney's Hand so fast to the last as if she long'd to take him with her yet by degrees let go as if she had said God has more work for you here and I can freely let my Hold go of best Creature-Comforts as longing to be in my heavenly Father's Embraces I doubt not but to her to live was Christ and to die Gain therefore well might she leave that to be preach'd on at her Funeral and as her last Legacy to surviving Friends Weep not for me but weep for your selves and for your Children The greatest Reason for such Weeping present times seem to prognostick My dear Mother labour for a Christian Carriage under such a Cross God's Rod has a Voice as well as his Word and it 's our great Concernment to hear it and him that has appointed it Let us say Righteous O Lord art thou and in very Faithfulness thou hast afflicted us Let 's not entertain hard Thoughts of God but with Aaron hold our Peace for God has done it Dear Mother you know well that spiritual Comforts are the best Comforts Is not Christ better than ten Daughters than ten Sisters than ten Children Is not his Loving-Kindness better than Life Is there not more in a God than ever was or can be in a Creature We have no reason to sorrow as those without hope She whom we dearly lov'd is gone to her dearly Beloved she 's reaping the Fruits and Benefits of her Labours in the Lord and is blessed For blessed are the Dead that die in the Lord c. Like another Mary she chose the better Part which will never be taken from her She is it 's true taken away in the flower of her Age and when we most expected Satisfaction in such a Relation but God knew it the best time to gather such a Flower Mr. Baxter well observes Such have run long enough who have reach'd the Prize have sail'd long enough who are safely harbour'd and liv'd long enough who are ready to die We have more cause to rejoice that once we did enjoy such a Wife such a Child such a Sister such a Niece such a Friend to give up at God's Call than now to murmur that she is so suddenly remov'd she is I doubt not happy God has preferr'd her to Mansions of Glory before us let us prepare to follow God has call'd home another of your Children but you are not Childless O take heed by Repining Carriage of provoking God to farther Strokes but if God should write you Childless you are not yet bereft of Comfort while the God of all Comfort is yours If God will not let any part of your Happiness lie in Children then let it wholly lie in himself The Love and Delight we plac'd in such a Friend may now be placed to greater Advantage upon Jesus Christ That the Stream of our Affection to him may be so much the stronger as there are fewer Channels for it to divide into is the earnest Prayyer of Your Obedient Son G. D. A Letter to Sister W. upon her Husband's Death Dear Sister MY Wife being indispos'd by a Cold cannot write but you may be assured we are both hearty Sympathizers with you in your sad and solitary Condition The Breach the Lord has been pleas'd to make upon you indeed is great and such as none can express but those that experience it but God having made it who alone can make it up I hope you will endeavour to be satisfied and not to mourn as one without Hope If the Lord will not have any part of your Happiness to lie in a Husband then let it wholly and intirely lie in himself labour to bring your Heart and Mind to a sweet Submission to the Pleasure of your Father And though a Bosom-Friend be not yet God is who is the same yesterday to day and for ever Relations may and must die but God lives who is stiled The Father of the Fatherless and a Husband to the Widow I question not but you can suck much Sweetness from the many gracious Promises made for the Encouragement of such as you The poor Interest I have at the Throne of Grace was improv'd for him and shall be for you That 's best for us that God does and this being God's Doing you must kiss his Rod in Silence and give Glory to the Hand that rules it c. A Letter
we have enjoyed most sweet and comfortable Sabbaths mostly by the help of Mr. Coates whom the Lord has made a Blessing to our Family and sometimes other Ministers O the comfortable Seasons of Grace we have here had the refreshing and rousing Sermons we have here heard what full Meetings the Neighbourhood for many Miles round flocking hither have we had Here we had Line upon Line and Precept upon Precept here a Little and there a Little nay here Abundance and there Abundance Here Heaven's Dews dropt about our Tents the Gospel brought into our very House Sanctuary-Blessings were restored us which we had sinned away at Nottingham Here could I through Divine Indulgence keep open House for God none making me afraid O the comfortable Sabbaths Sermons Sacraments Fasts and Family-Duties here enjoyed O the sweet Repasts we had for our precious Souls Now did I begin to make a more strict Scrutiny into the state of my Soul than ever and was now for weighing the Reasons of my choice of Christ in the Ballance of the Sanctuary did sit down and consider with my self what it might cost me to be Religious and whether or no I could be at that Charge Well but did these Halcion Days always last Did my Sun suffer no Eclipse Alas alas we soon sinned away our Comforts and by Sin as soon involv'd our selves into the Depths and Labyrinths of Misery and Trouble An Account of which take from my Diary to this purpose Upon the 15 th of June 1685 being the Day that the first Tidings of the D. of M's Landing in the West came into the Country I had by several Friends one after another Information that the Nottingham Magistrates had intercepted a Letter of mine in which they found a Paper written in Characters and presently cry'd Treason Treason This Paper they presently sent to many Persons in the Town if possibly to get it read but it seems all in vain either they could not or would not read it A very great stir they made about it concluding it was the D. of Monmouth's Declaration and contained a Call to me to appear in Arms for his Assistance These were their idle and ungrounded Conjectures which put them upon threatning me in a most dreadful manner and sending out their Warrants to seize me either at Nottingham or Derby that I might read the Letter as was alledg'd This Paper they never sent me nor could I possibly suddenly know the Contents of it though I did understand it came from my Brother Daniel Disney who was that Term in London I confess this Tidings did somewhat startle me and made me some Days then absent my self from my Habitation as not knowing what Injury my reading the Characters might be to my Brother though I knew it could be none to me whatever it prov'd to be I therefore thought it best to lie incognito till I could understand from my Brother what he had written in those Characters to that purpose I sent my Cousin Watson to London or to Epsom-Spaw 12 Miles further to find him out which Journey he went and came in safety though altogether without success my Brother being newly come down to his own House at Kirkstead contrary to his former Intentions In a Day or two after my Cousin Watson being now return'd to Ollercarre was seiz'd by Souldiers at my House and presently committed Prisoner at Derby who by his most imprudent Answers to those Interrogatories put to him by the Officers did somewhat prejudice Mr. Chauntry a young Minister taken at my House with him and might have done hurt to others by Imprudency had not the Lord's over-ruling Providence prevented The D. of Monmouth's Army now increasing things begun to be in a great Uproar and Confusion many Gentlemen of this County were imprison'd and several of them sent to Westchester a Place far remote from their Habitations and so near the Sea that People were fill'd with sad Apprehensions concerning the further Consequences of such a remote Consinement many Rumours there were that I should be fetch'd in immediately Friends advis'd me to withdraw which at first I did decline as concluding my Innocency would be a sufficient Protection to me but when I saw it did not prove so to others and did consider the Character-Paper the Contents of which I knew not I took their Advice and did abscond about the 30th of June 1685 and I bless God did find most hearty welcome and Entertainment in the several Families the Lord in his Providence did direct me to But no sooner was I gone than the Countries round as well as Derbyshire did ring with Hue-and-Crys after me great Sums of Money now offered for the taking me by those who were as full of Rage and Malice as could be breathing out nothing but Threatnings against me suggesting most wickedly and falsly that I had furnished the Duke with 600 l had entertained him two Months in my House and was certainly gone to him Others as falsly reported that I was taken with his Declarations in my Pocket and a Letter of Thanks from him for my Kindness to him in befriending his Interest At my going away from Ollercarr I first went to Mansfield upon the 29th of June 1685 that Day being their Fair whither as I hear since I was followed by the Sheriff of Nottinghamshire and was very much in danger many I met upon the Road coming from the Fair begg'd of me to have a care of my self for great Inquiry was made after me and search for me A little before that time I being in Chesterfield upon Business with my Landlord Burton which occasioned my stay 3 or 4 Hours and had no sooner taken Horse than as I understood since Officers came to my Inn to seize me Here the watchful Eye of the Lord was upon me for good On Mansfield Fair-day at night Soldiers came to Ollercarr to apprehend me others were making diligent search for me at Nottingham at a great many Houses giving me most reviling Language and threatning me with Death when ever taken and some as was reported said I should never come to a Trial for they would shoot me and tear Bit from Bit where-ever they met me These poor Wretches who I never injur'd but have often served I can heartily pity and pray for and if ever I have opportunity of serving them do hope to let them see that my Religion teaches me to do good to my Enemies and to requite Evil with Good the Lord forgive them they know not what they do About this time I was at Friends Houses not far from home but thought it now convenient for greater safety to remove further and was directed by a Friend who very kindly did accompany me into Leicester-shire Thither we went and as the Lord was pleas'd to order it just in time for presently after I could not have got away there being strict Watches set night and day for me in all or most of the Towns for many Miles round about