me betimes an hatred of what was evil and a love of what was good and I then dearly loved those that feared the Lord and spake of what was good but I could not delight in vain Company I was fearful to offend God c. It is good to set out and begin with God betimes I chose God when I was young and then my endeavour was to do what he commanded me and I was grieved when I slipped my greatest sorrow was for sin and nothing troubles me more now than that I ran no swifter then in the ways of God If my work was now to do and my evidences to seek what a sad condition was I in And if I had not spent more time for Heaven when I had time and health and strength it would even sink me now Thus this blessed Saint Remembred her Creatour in the days of her Youth Eccles 12.1 he had her golden age the prime of her Years the chief and choice of her days and who indeed should have these but God who is the best and chiefest of all And there was in her whilst a Child found some good thing towards the Lord God of Israel 1 Kings 14.13 and then even while young and tender she began to seek after the God of her godly Parents 2 Chron. 34.3 whose care it was to train her up betimes in the way she should go and she bare the yoke in her youth and so did not bear the reproach of her youth Lam. 3.27 Jer. 3.19 in neglecting then to do God service and to mind her everlasting concerns when was the chief time for it but had the comfort of her youth And this is Gods due the chief and choice of our days The first of the first fruits were to be offered to God Exod. 23.19 repeated 34 26. and youth is the time which of all times God does chiefly require and most delight in his Soul desires the first ripe fruit Micah 7.1 and early fruits are very acceptable c. God prizes the services of young ones and it exceedingly pleases him to see plants grown up even in their youth Psal 144.12 and he especially bespeaks young ones to give him the heart my Son give me thine heart c. Proverbs 23.26 So my Daughter you young ones c. and this is given as one Reason why that title my Son is so often used in the Book of Proverbs because God does there especially speak to young ones c. and we while young experiencing bounty and kindness from God there 's all the reason he should have duty and service from us Can we while we are young live without him And why therefore should we not then live unto him and as he is the guide of our youth so make him the God of our youth and truly our whole time is so short all our days so few but as an hands breadth Psal 39.5 that God may well have all and a poor pittance too for him who intends an eternity of felicity for us O how many have repented they began no sooner but who ever repented for beginning so soon And is it not safest to begin betimes is not youth the seasonning age And does not the vessel retain longest the savour of what it is first seasoned with When Children grow crooked at first while young they are hardly ever set straight again afterwards Few instances of old ones converted c. Besides old age says one is the time to spend grace Youth to get it old age to reap the fruit of Holiness youth to sow the seed of it and are not young ones in their youth dedicated and consecrated to God by virtue of their Baptism and is it not Sacriledg to impropriate the service of that to sin and Satan that is dedicated to God And do not young ones die as well as old and are there not Skulls in Golgotha of all sizes How many are taken away in the very prime of their days and flower of their age And young ones must appear before God at the great day of judgment as well as elder I saw the dead says John both small and great stand before God Rev. 20.12 they were all there c. And how well was it therefore for this precious Soul she began so soon 2. As concerning her sense of sin and sorrow for her soul-distempers THE distempers of my body trouble me and I am ready to complain because of pain but they do not sad me but the distempers of my soul they much sad me yea even sink me I am very much troubled with this body of sin and death and that I can do and receive no more good When I pray for health and the removing of the distempers of my Body then methinks I pray but slenderly in comparison but when I pray for the removing of the distempers of my Soul then I pray most earnestly so that when I have begun I know not how as it were to make an end yea I am so earnest in desiring God to cure the one that I am ready to forget to beg of him the cure of the other Sorrow for other things makes me sleep the more but when it is for sin I cannot sleep but the night is as the day Going once to a Lecture and hearing a Minister speaking of the signs of a Child of God and he answering a Christians complaint as concerning his sins But how says he dost thou wear them as a Gold chain or ornament or as an Iron chain and as Fetters that manacle thee and as that thou would'st fain be rid of c This though very sad and much troubled before so that she was loath to have gone What should such a one as I do going I shall but fill up room and do no good c. Yet this so comforted her that said she I even laughed for joy and though going late I stood all the while yet after that I was not weary I am much troubled at my unbelief impatiency And she being once in a special manner but tempted to a sin she had such an abhorrency thereof that it eaus'd her as she told me to shed a Thousand tears and it was as if a Sword had been run into her c. And how often did she complain not of her sikness but sius c 3. As concerning Satans temptations and his fierce onsets formerly WHen I was very young I had sometimes neglected prayer and I dream'd one night the Devil was pulling me to Hell and I trembled and quak'd and methoughts I was even at the Pits brink but some Scriptures comforted me and afterward to prevent the same I would get Scriptures by heart when I went to bed Satan hath often formerly much troubled me and I have been afraid of that roaring Lyon that when I went to sleep he would devour me but the Lord methoughts told me though he was mine enemy yet he was in Chains and so I have found him me thought I saw him at
sure you do not neglect to read and pray by your self morning and evening and labour to mind what you are come into the world for Endeavour to get the Lord for thy God make him the chief of thy joy and delight When thou art to pray or read or hear the Word look upon those services as thy priviledg not as thy task as thy duty and yet as thy dignity that thou maist go to the great God of Heaven and Earth as to a gracious and loving Father in Christ When thou findest thy heart backward to any good duty go to God and beg of him to help thee and quicken thee c. Be cheerful and mind thy duty to God the good Lord bless thee and do thy poor soul good so shall it be well with thee for ever Good Child don't neglect to read and pray c. The Lord bless you and keep you bless your soul with spiritual blessings that you may be still doing something to further your souls good Another of her Daughters she thus bespake Redeem all the time that possible you can to secret prayer and often read the Scriptures which will make you wise to salvation and will afford you pleasure at the last when all things here will fail I shall pray for thee and thy dear Sisters that you may all grow in all the graces of the spirit and may be wrought and made meet for the heavenly glory c. 12. As concerning her care to prepare for the Sabbath and her great love to Gods Ministers Word Preached and Ordinances c. IN preparing for the Sabbath I have then been up when others in the Family where I have been have been in bed Of late by reason of my illness and weakness I have lain sometimes longer on Sabbath-day mornings than ordinary but it hath troubled me and the Reason was because sleeping little in the night I found when I rose earlier I was ready afterwards to be sleepy and more unfit for Gods service But if when I had more time and health and strength I had not been more abundant in the service of God and more earnest after Heaven and the things of Heaven than I can be now my spirit would even sink within me Gods Ministers I love dearly yea so dear are they to me that it does me good to see their faces and I could even fall down and kiss their feet and compel them to come into my house and methinks my house is the better when they have been in it Oh I dearly love them Being when I was in the Country invited on a Lecture-day by an honourable person to Dinner the best feast which I had that day was at the hearing of the Word for I had it made appear to me there that I had made entrance into Heaven and I was so comforted that I could have found in my heart to have fallen down at the Ministers feet and have thanked him It did me good at Dinner to hear him speak c. I have never been better satisfied nor pleas'd than when I have been hearing the Word Preached and meditating on it and conferring with the people of God and praying in secret and hearing counsel and direction for my soul and it has been my prayer as I have been going to hear that God would make out some counsel and instruction or reproof to me and the Lord hath heard me counselled me and comforted me I do so love the word of God it is so sweet to me when I meditate on it and I do so love Gods Ministers and it does so rejoice me to think of Mr. Merrills coming to my House A worthy Minister in the Country deoeased I hope he will come I must say as Lidia to Paul If you have judged me to be faithful to the Lord come into my house c. And tell him if I dye I would not have him neglect any more to see such as do so much desire to see him as I do I long to see him c. He is an eminent Minister one who is firm to his principles fears neither mens frowns nor regards their smiles c. He hath been instrumen al of much good and comfort to my soul God was the efficient he the instrument c. I cannot see how the prizing of Gods Word and not to prize Gods Ministers can stand together I am sure I prize both and pray that God would incourage his Ministers Ordinances have been very sweet to me God in and by them hath come to me and met me that I could say with Peter It is good for me to be here And I have thought the time very short I have been hearing the word hath so comforted-me I have gone under trouble but have return'd refreshed Being one day very ill and desiring her to stay at home she answer'd that must be the last place I go to And in a sickness before she said it grieves me I went no longer though she went longer than well she could Oh! how much did she rejoyce and how glad was she to go into the House of the Lord How blessed did she count those who dwelt there Oh! I made account said she to be ready betimes and I shan't get in c. How ready and willing was the spirit when the body was weak I got cold says she by going at such a time to hear but I do not repent for I had a sweet refreshing there blessed be God Thus how lovely amiable and desirable to her were the Tabernacles of the Lord of hosts And how did her soul long yea even saint for his courts I How truly might she say with David Psal 26.8 Lord I have loved the habitation of thy house and the place where thine konour dwelleth and one thing have I desired of the Lord that will I seek after that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life to bekold the beauty of the Lord c. And how truly might she call Sabbaths and Ordinances her delight she had there seen God and his face his power and glory his goings in his sanctuary yea Sabbaths were to her as the Subburbs of Heaven Ordinances are not in Heaven but Heaven she hath many a time met with in Ordinances and she drinks but that Wine new now in Heaven which she began to drink in Ordinances here Matt. 26 29. 13. As concerning some further evidences for Heaven I Have a great deal of comfort in this That I am as willing to take Christ for my Lord as for my Saviour and that I desire and endeavour to my utmost to obey him and have heart-risings against sin both in my self and in others and desire to hate and abhor all appearances of sin I have desired to walk before the Lord in uprightness and have walked with God sincerely though not perfectly and I would not offend God nor dishonour him but have desired to glorify him obâ—y him and to be ruled and
me if my work was done to be gone c. I am afraid lest I should desire to dye to be freed of my pains but I would desire to dye out of love to God and that I may injoy him and be rid of sin more than sorrow and then our graces shall be perfect knowledg perfect love perfect c. 17. As concerning her being above the fears of death SOmetimes formerly she has not though seemingly near to death been so willing to dye but would say Will not God make me more willing to dye before I dye Surely he will I have been more willing c. And so he did in this her last sickness whereby we might have foreseen her death to have been near Asking her whither she was not afraid of death she replied no I am not I do not look upon death singly but as it brings me to rest I must go through that dark entry before I can get to my Fathers house I shall go to my first husband c. Methoughts I saw death as a Messenger coming for me and I told him I would go with him I thought I should have died such a day and methoughts I was troubled to think of living When she was in pain she used to say Is not the sound of his Masters feet behind Physick won't do c. And this she speak as being little concerned therewith She said of her sickness these are but Messengers to bid me prepare c. I bless God I can smile on that grim Messenger God will send his Angels to conduct me safe through that dark entry to my Fathers House A Child is afraid to go through a dark place by himself but God says Fear not for I am with thee c. I am not afraid of death but my passage to my fathers House is rough But having gotten so far onward in my way I am loath to go back again If that sweet Messenger come I will bid him wellcome and shall rejoyce and if you love me indeed you will rejoyce too I am no more afraid of Death than to take the choicest Cordial that is for my good for so is death and I look through it and beyond it and long to be with my dear Lord and Saviour My Children are loath to look out my burial-clothes but they are my wedding-clothes and I hope my Bridegroom is not far of c. Telling her of a friend that would come to see her she replied she will come to my burial Why said I saist thou so She answered why should I not comfort my self that I am going home I long to be at home we shall meet again How sweet will that sleep be when I shall wake in Heaven Seeing one of her Daughters weep why says she weep you would you not have me go to my Father He is sending his holy Angels for me Are they not all ministring spirits sent forth to minister for them who shall be beirs of salvation Heb. 1.14 I have one night less I bless God to be here where is sin and sorrow Seeing Cordial-water brought for her she said she hoped she should not live to drink up half that water and being to take a Powder she asked if it was to sweeten her passage then she would take it but not to stay it but what God will I can scarce swallow my spittle a comfortable forerunner I hope of death And her pains falling into her joynts she rejoycingly said there was something further to help her forward to her journeys end Death is indeed a sowre Messenger but my Fathers Messenger to fetch me home She speaking of her death and how she would have things ordered at her Funeral she spake thereof with a great deal of joy and rejoycing but perceiving me to be troubled she looked smilingly upon me and said I can with as much joy yea with more joy speak of my burial-clothes than ever the day before I was married I could of my wedding-clothes I shall be cloth'd with the White Robe of Christs righteousness and have a Diadem upon my head c. 18. Some few of her breathings as in reserence to her self SHould I not make my moan to my God The Lord give me more patience that I may not dishonour him now at last my God teach me teach me as well as correct me strengthen me c. I want nothing but a thankful fruitful heart an heart more humble holy and more to honour God I would have more grace more faith patience meekness humility more of Heaven more holiness more likeness to God and I beg praiers that the Lord would fit me for what his will is concerning me and inable me to bear what he is pleas'd to lay upon me I am weak but he is strong my strength fails but his never fails Good Lord help me to be still carrying on my great work c. And oh that I might lose nothing in this hot furnace but dross But why say I hot It is no other than what my Father sees good and all shall work together for my good if my corruptions hinder not I am so afraid they should but I earnestly desire they may not and I hope the Lord will rather answer my desires than let it be according to my fears Lead me to the rock that it higher than I. The good Lord fiâ— us for what his good pleasure is and for the greatest trials that can come Here we have no continuing City the good Lord help us to be seeking one to come a City that hath foundations c. The Lord fit us for the day of our death that it may be a good day to us The good Lord sanctifie all his fatherly corrections to me and grant I may by all be made the more meet to partake of the inheritance of the Saints in light that we may live to honour our good God all our days that so when our Lord comes we may be found of him in peace The Lord help us to get our hearts into an heavenly frame that our meditations may be more of those things that concern our souls and will sland us in stead to all eternity c. 19. Some of her Speeches to and Prayers for her Husband as in reference to himself and Children formerly MY Dear be not melancholly but still wait upon God rest quietly upon him he that hath fed us cloth'd us and provided for us will still I hope do it My Dear be not sad or troubled but cast thy burdens upon the Lord he will sustain thee The good lord help us to exercise faith and patience O that we could live more a life of faith and holiness and more sweetly and freely depend upon our good God who never fails his poor Children in any time of need O let us cast all our care upon God who hath and will care for us and ours God hath been a long while weaning thee from me we must part but we shall after a little while
meet again Resign thy will up to Gods Will be willing to part with me that is the way still to have me c. I am in a streight this was many years since willing to leave a world of sin and a body of sin and willing to be in Heaven where I may sin no more nor sorrow no more but sorrow no more that 's the least where I may serve God without distraction and always be in his presence and among the spirits of just men made perfect O it is sweet being there and yet I am willing to stay knowing the need my dear Husband and Children will have of me c. Indeed I have been able to do little for them but my earnest prayers have been for them and my tender affections towards them especially for their eternal wellfare and happiness and though I have not done so much as I would have done and desired to do yet this is my comsort I did what I could yea more many times than this poor carcass could well indure and this is my comfort I bless God Before ever I first came to thee I sought God to direct me and desired it might not be if it was not for his glory and both our comforts and that which made me willing to enter into that condition it was because God would have it so otherwise I considered what might have discouraged me from it as hindrances in the service of God losses and crosses care to bring up Children and then grief to part with them c. The first time I went to speak with her I found she was at prayer as to that great concern to that God who makes all meetings and relations happy by the enjoyment of himself The Lord will provide for thee and will not leave thee nor forsake thee in nothing be careful with any distracting care faith leaves Christian nothing to do but to pray and give thanks if I leave thee God will not leave thee but visit thee with his loving-kindness if he take away a crazy broken Cistern he will be a fountain of living waters Fear not but God will tread down thy spiritual enemies and therefore cease not to wrestle and strive and watch and pray O that we could always remember we are born Soldiers the good Lord help us to fight the good fight of faith that we may lay hold on eternal life c. God hath blessed thy ministry to me and what thou didst Preach as concerning the loving-kindness of God as being better than life it was very sweet in the Preaching of it and it is so now in my own experience and it was not in vain that God put thee also upon that subject Psal 73.26 My flesh and my heart faileth but God is the strength of my heart and my portion for ever For when is a time to make use of God as our portion but in a time of affliction then to trust in his all sufficiency to submit to his will c I love thee dearly I love thy soul and pray for the good of it as much as my own I can say more than my own God is thy God and will be thy God and the God of thy seed I trust my dear Children and Husband with him he will take care of them and provide for them I am going home going home to my Fathers house I must go c. Where are my dear Children will they not follow after me to Heaven Wait on God God is good to them that wait for him c. he is a God at hand c. he will make thy Children blessings to thee labour to bear up thy spirits the Lord help thee so to do and cast thy self and thy affairs upon the Lord. c. The Lord counsel comfort support and direct thee in all thy ways The Lord do thee and thine good and multiply on you his blessings spiritual and temporal and give thee to submit to his will The Lord help thee in thy work and make it prosperous and successful and prepare us for the doing and suffering of his most holy will whatever it be The Lord prepare thee to part with me and me to resign my self up to him as into the hand of a faithful Creator The Lord make our souls prosperous the outward man is but for a little while Lord keep my dear Husband by thy power c. and my dear Children that they may walk uprightly before thee and do thy pleasure and submit to thy will and whatever they do here Heaven will be enough hereafter The Lord recompence all thy labour of love to me c. The good Lord bless you and keep you and cause his face to shine upon you and give you inward joy and peace the light of his countenance which is better than any thing here c. And Lord keep thy Ministers hold them fast in thy hand and tread their enemies down as mire preserve the Gospel O the Gospel for my poor Childrens sake that though I go that may continue still to mine c. O that we may be kept by the mighty power of God through faith unto salvation The good Lord still follow thee with loving-kindness and tender mercies all thy days c. 20. Some of her Speeches and Prayers very lately and a little before her Death MY Dear I have but a few days now to be with thee and when by reason of thy being abroad I cannot see thee nor injoy thy Company so much as I would I comfort my self with this I shall one day injoy thee again and we shall ever be together I must declare this That thou hast been a dear loving faithful Husband to me and I have received much comfort by thy Preaching Praying and what thou hast spoken to me and God hath a blessing in store for thee for many are blessing God for thee c. And I bless God for thee but can't speak much now the Lord hath made thy ministry abundantly comfortable to me abundantly abundantly and I have come home full of joy and I have told thee one shove more would have put me into Heaven c. But since I came to London and could not have the opportunity to hear thee as formerly God hath made others ministry especially Dr. Jacombs very comfortable to me Why art thou so sad thou shouldest rejoyce count it all joy when ye fall into diverse temptations cast thy care upon God and in nothing be troubled he will provide he will not leave thee c. wouldest have me continue still in this misery and pain We came together to part and therefore let us part comfortably we shall meet again where we shall never part I go a little before thou lovest me and wilt thou not let me go to my first Husband I have another Husband and if he send a Messenger for me I must go though I leave never such dear Relations here Do as much work as thou canst for God but do not over
do that thou maist hold out the longer The loss and hindrance I have been to my family she meant by reason of her long sickness the Lord will make it up to thee and thy Children do but trust in him c. The Lord will direct thee what to do do not trouble thy self beforehand he will make thy way plain before thee She spake to those about her as followeth Make Religion your business walk with God get a Covenant-interest in Christ do not neglect secret prayer I have found much comfort in it prize the Word by which you may be saved hear it as often as possibly you can and hear it and do it Live comfortably and contentedly together It is good to store up Cordials and make provision against times of affliction To give all diligence to make our calling and election sure and we had need in times of health to provide for sickness and death and all little enough It is one thing to talk of death and another thing to be willing to dye c. I would have you all bless God when I am gone that I shall sin no more sorrow no more c. She said to one of her Grandchildren about four years old poor Child the Lord give thee a Covenant-interest in himself If I live I purpose to do my endeavour to teach thee to know God and love God and Jesus Christ but if I dye Sirs do you take care and let him not play on Sabbath-days let all his play-things behind c. To her Daughters Maid she said be instructing these poor Children learn them good things c. the Lord has a blessing in store for my Children and the little ones One of her Daughters being out of the Town and supposing she should see her no more Tell her says she I hope God will carry on the work he has begun and give her grace to fear him c. I would have her labour to get that good work finished and to eye God in all his dealings and to do his will to ask counsel of God for body and soul for temporal and spiritual affairs and let her trust in God Take heed c. God expects we should follow some employment here and not to fall upon business causes to grow melancholly and discontented there are many snares in living out of a calling An idle life is pleasing to the flesh to take no care nor pains but it will be sad afterward c. my dear Husband my dear Children but I can't speak now c. She prayed earnestly for her Husband Children little ones and for Gods Ministers c. I pray all the blessings of Heaven may be upon thee upon soul and body and that he would make up the want of all Relations by himself The Lord bless thee the Lord bless thee out of Sion and recompence all thy love to me a thousand-fold with his tender compassions The Lord prosper thee in the work of thy Ministry that thou maist win many souls to him The Lord make my Children truly gracious and comforts to thee The Lord give them grace and the shinings of his face and that will be better than the life of a Mother The Lord carry my Daughter Shayter who was then near her time through her great work and bless thee my Son and make my Daughter a blessing to thee and the Lord bless the little one and make it an Heir of Heaven one of Christs Lambs I leave my blessing and prayers for the little ones and you all One of her Grandchildren coming to her she said to him Farwell my Lamb my dear Lamb farwell farwell the Lord make thee a comfort to thy Mother And one of her Daughters being near her she prayed the Lord bless thee out of Sion and give thee an everlasting Covenant-interest in himself c. She prayed for Gods Ministers That he would spare their lives incourage them and bless their labours c. More particularly for Dr. Jacomb That God would bless him and his ministry and recompence all the good he had done her she much desired to see him once again who coming to her and praying with her his praiers and presence were very refreshing to her Towards her end she grew somewhat light-headed but still had excellent expressions and spake sensibly of God and the things of God she often cryed O my God O my God pity me O my God help me for thy mercies and compassious sake Remember me O my God how long yet O my God have mercy on me c. The day of my redemption draws nigh and I am now near home my God help me help faith c. The fear of death is taken away blessed be God and the Lord does comfort me and I am comforted within and am glad I am going home c. She spake a great deal more but we could not now well understand what she said Now the doors began to be shut in the streets as Solomon speaks how good is it to open them to purpose whiles we may and the daughters of musick to be brought low and those that look out of the windows to be darkned because she was near to her long home but blessed be God not an everlasting home December 13. she was under great pains and groan'd much and spake little neither could what she spake be understood but she often fixed her eyes stedfastly towards Heaven for some time together Afterward going to prayer by her and begging of God if he saw it good to release her c. she lift up her eyes and one of her hands toward Heaven and the other hand being in one of her Daughters hands she pluck'd it out and lift up that also both eyes and hands with great earnestness and intenseness unto Heaven where her soul was now near entring I was with her that night till about twelve or one of the Clock and not knowing how to bear it to stay with her any longer I then went with a sad heart away from her not expecting to see her here any more alive but blessed be God I enjoyed her so long so truly pious prudent loving tender careful saithful and dearly affectionate Wife but though I departed from her I left her with him whose Angels were now waiting ready to transport her soul into the bosom of her blessed Redeemer But one of her Daughters remained still with her to the last which was not long after I was gone away her Daughter could not get her spirit willing at first to promise to bless God if he would take her to himself But when God had once brought her to be willing she soon after about two a Clock in the morning December 14 1678 expired and went triumphingly to Heaven an entrance being ministred to her abundantly into the everlasting kingdom of her dear Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ And thus she is now entred into peace and is taken away and secured from the evil to come she is passed from