not hee but the Countesses Sister a pure Virgin yet as faire as Uenus Whereat as likewise the iest which I now perceiued they had put vpon me I was so ashamed and dasht out of countenance that for my life I was not able to speake a word nor knew not what in the world to doe but to rise vp in my smocke for in that case was I then and to get me out to looke my cloathes so that my feare before was not halfe so much as my shame was now Let your Excellencie therefore be pleased now to consider into what danger I did put my selfe and then to giue your iudgement which of vs two doth best deserue the Ring The Constable laughing heartily hereat said in the end That Don Luys had no reason to complaine of his Loue seeing though late and vvith a great deale of cost and trouble yet at length hee had obtained his desire so that hee could not be a deseruer of this promised reward And Don Rodrigo as little for that hee was not in any danger by sleeping with the Count howbeit the iest they had put vpon him was a witty and a good one And therefore his Sentence was this that neither of them deserued the Diamond yet taking it off from his finger he consign'd it to Don Rodrigo with condition that he should send it as a token to this Gentlewoman by whose side he lay for that shee onely had incurred the danger and had also runne the hazzard of her honour if she had beene knowne what she was With this they gaue an end to their Loue-Discourses they all remaining very well satisfied And it being afterwards discussed vvhether the Constables Sentence were discreet and iust all the Courtiers highly commended it And so euery mans businesses calling some one way some another this conuersation was broken vp and taking their leaue of my Lord Embassador they went whither their occasions call'd them CHAPTER V. A Romane Matrone not knowing how to free her selfe without suffering in her Honour from the perswasions of Guzman de Alfarache who sollicited her in his Lords behalfe the French Embassador put a iest vpon him which was the occasion of a second disgrace that afterwards befell him THey that write of Lightening report and vvee see the same confirmed by experience that so great is its pride that scorning the vveaker it workes its effects on the strongest It breakes the steely hardnesse of the Sword and leaues the scabberd whole it splits in sunder and rendeth vp by the rootes the strong and sturdy Oake and not once toucheth the feeble and yeelding Cane It ouer-turnes the tops of your highest Towers and leuelleth your stately buildings with the ground and pardoneth your poore Shepheards humble Cottage that is made of ill composed twigges It killeth your biggest beasts and cracketh man as if hee were but Potters Clay in pieces it bruiseth and breaketh the bones and leaues the cloathes vntoucht it melteth Siluer Gold Metall and Money and yet hurts not the Purse vvherein it is put And albeit it be of this proud nature and haughty condition yet is its force broken in its comming to ground This onely is that which makes its resistance against it And therefore in such tempestuous times those that doe feare its terrible effects doe vse to get themselues into Caues or to hide themselues deepe vnder ground because that they know they are there safe and free from danger The violence of Youth is such that wee may truely compare it vnto Lightening for it neuer bends its force against things that are fragile soft and gentle but doth commonly aspire to things of greatest difficultie and such as are beyond all reason of atchieuement it obserueth no Law it excuseth no kinde of Vice it is a Horse that runnes on in his Carreere without an eye to its way or once thinking on the place or the end where he is to take vp himselfe and make his stop It alwayes followes its owne furie and like an vntamed Colt will not suffer himselfe to bee saddled by reason and without it disturbs both himselfe and others not induring any burthen bee it neuer so light In such sort it flyes out that it will not no though you let it haue its owne will be at quiet with it selfe And yet this being so furious a beast as wee haue heere set forth vnto you it is onely corrected by humilitie this and nothing but this tames and keepes it in order This is that earth against which its force cannot preuaile this that Dock that driues out the Nettle and this that Fort where it findes its safety Insomuch that there is not any good to bee hoped from that young man who shall not be humble For that youth in it selfe is the entrance to euill and the doore that opens vnto sinne I was wantonly bred vp suffered too much to haue mine owne will I would not indure reproofe much lesse correction And for that Wisedome is the Daughter of Experience which is gotten by the trans-cursion of Time it was not much that I should erre as being a Youth But that hauing befalne me which you heard before in the loue that I made at Malagon and Toledo And being that I should like the Dogge which is scalded with hot feare also cold water after all these faire warnings it may seeme somewhat strange you will say that I should giue any more credit vnto women and that I should suffer my selfe to be taken anew in their snares That I should be such an Asse as not to know by my many the like experiences that they alwayes goe subtilly to worke with vs and deale deceitfully which must either be imputed to our too much simplicitie or must otherwise be attributed to the intemperate passion of our appetite And would to God this foolishnesse of mine might here make it's stop and here in this Port set vp my Plus vltra by erecting the pillars of my wofull proofes and often skarrings without as you shall see here-after my frequent fallings into the like weaknesses being vnable to make my vaunt that I had once got of them by the hand and made my party good with them But because he that loues doth alwayes make a free donation to the partie whom he loueth of his will and of his senses it is no maruell if being stripped of them multiplying my errours I commit a thousand fooleries My Lord Embassadour fell in loue with a principall Gentle-woman nobly descended whose name was Fabia her husband a Gentleman of Rome before whose house I did often vse to walke whereof no small notice was taken and he himselfe began to conceiue some suspition of me though without any iust cause for the for her part neuer gaue consent thereunto But because euery man may loue protest and runne his head if he will against a Wall and none shall hinder him my Master did that which his passion did dictate
most minde vnto Leauing that vnto others vvhich shall not please his palate or not agree with his stomake Nor would I haue my guests to thinke that this booke of mine should bee like vnto Heliogabalus his banquet whose boord was furnished with many and sundry sorts of meates yet all of them only seruing for the food sustenance of man whether they vvere Peacocks Chickens Phesants wilde Boare Fish Milke Sallets or Conserues it was one onely kinde of Vyand but like Manna differenced by mens seuerall tasts howbeit those of Manna were as euery man would haue them to rellish as himselfe desired but these other according as the Cooke was willing to season them seeking therein to please the filthy luxurious throat of his Master With varietie nature is adorned this is that that beautifies the Fields to see heere Hils there Vallies in this place Brookes and Riuers in that Fountaines sprinkling and sparkling forth their pearled drops Let not men be so couetously minded as to desire to haue all to themselues I haue seene the bestowing of many Liueries in my life-time and the little Page I haue perceiued was as well contented with his though it vvere not so full of Silke as the tallest man that had twice as much as he in regard of the largenesse of his stature I am resolued to follow that path that shall seeme best vnto me for the more direct bringing of me to the end of my desire and to that place whereunto I intend my iourney And thou my discreet Host who stay'st looking for me since thou doest so well vnderstand and know the miseries that he suffers and indures who like my selfe goes trauelling abroad to see the world doe not looke scornefully vpon me when thou shalt meet with me in thine owne Countrie and though I come to thy Gate like a Rogue poore and pennilesse dis-fauoured by fortune and forsaken of my friends yet doe thou vouchsafe mee a cheerefull countenance and giue me that kinde entertainment which thou owest vnto thine owne worth For my errand is only to thee thee only doe I seeke after and for thy sake haue I vndergone this iourney not for to put thee to any charge nor with purpose to oblige thee to more then thy good will and affection which thou naturally owest vnto him who offers thee his loue Which if I shall receiue from thee I shall rest fully satisfied and remaine besides in requitall of thy good will indebted vnto thee in an infinite number of thankes But if they which take pleasure in hearing me talke if they shall likewise be desirous to see me let them beware that doe not befall them which is wont to happen to those that are ouer-curious who watch and listen to heare what is said of them Which kinde of men doe alwayes Malè audire heare no great good spoken of them For with the finest gold is the bitterest Pill couered And often-times that moueth some to laughter which indeed ought to draw teares from their eyes Besides if any man shall long to know the life that I lead and the place where I liue he shall therein bewray his owne needlesse curiositie and giue me iust cause to suspect the vniustnesse of his intent and the little good loue that he beares me Let him first apply himselfe to consider my state and condition and the great miserie whereunto my disorder brought me Let such another as I am be set before him or let his owne imagination represent it vnto him and then shall he presently be able to goe discoursing with himselfe what passe-time may be made with him who doth passe his time being a Prisoner and laden with Irons with a Renegador or some ruffianly blaspheming officer that looks to the sure chaining of the slaues in the Gallies vnlesse happely he will take pleasure in my miseries and make himselfe merry with them as some doe with the Bull that is brought in the Market-place to be bayted whose Dartes sticking in his sides whose stroakes and wounds glad the beholders though I for my part hold it an inhumane act And if thou shalt twit mee in the teeth and tell me that either I cause nauseousnesse in this my Discourse or that I fell it vnto thee at too deare a rate seeking forsooth to be intreated or that I straine too much courtsie or that I am a little too coy and too nice with you making my selfe more daintie then needeth or that by my indearings and flatteries I should commend it for good vnto thee it would grieue me that thou shouldst haue that conceit of me For albeit it be wellknowne that I alwayes seru'd my Lord Embassadour as a merry companion and to make his Lordship laugh at my pleasant and witty conceits for I could then make him sport when I knew not so much as I doe now and now that I know more I can not doe it For it is a thing that costs a man deare and the times are not still alike But that thou mayst well vnderstand what I say and know what my iests and merriments were then and what now shall be thought necessary in that kinde hearken I beseech you with attention to that which I shall deliuer vnto you in this insuing Chapter CHAP. II. Guzman de Alfarache tels what place he seru'd in in the house of his Lord Embassadour And that Fooles and Iesters are both fit and profitable for Princes falling into a description of their conditions and qualities FRom the great power and little vertue now a-dayes in men it so commeth to passe that faithfull seruants are not so much rewarded for their good seruices and personall paines-taking as for the sweet words flowing from their vaine tongues For the one they thinke to bee due vnto them out of their powerfulnesse and their greatnesse and therefore are not pleased to accept it in good worth or thankefully to esteeme and acknowledge it And for the other they afford them for their wits sake many graces and fauours and because they want it themselues they buy out this default with their money It is great pitie that these men should thinke that Vertue should derogate from Noblenesse and by their ill-conceiued opinion of it will not as a thing abhorred by them vse and exercise the same And for that it is likewise to be purchased and gotten with a great deale of difficultie and by hard and sharpe meanes things that are contrary to their sensualitie and quite repugnant to their power and greatnesse they are neuer without flatterers at their eares and elbowes smoothing vp vice and stroaking their euill actions with a soft and gentle hand This is that milke which they haue sucked thefe those swathing-cloathes wherein they were wrapped They made it their naturall Center by vse and by al use it continueth still with them Hence arise those superfluous and excessiue expences those profuse prodigalities and those vaine magnificencies which are soone payd and quickly told out
Maldiçion si las Olas creçen con la espuma de los Deslenguados si este mi pobre Vaxel no tiene fuerça para contrastar las Tempestades amenazadas me desnudare y arrojare con impetu y furia en la Mar dexandole à la inclemencia destos Toruellinos y espiritus turbulentos Confiando que vuestra SenÌ„oria me dara la mano para Sacarme fuera de vn Abismo tan peligroso no sufriendo se anegue y perezca en la Mar ahogandose en ella vno que es tan Aficionado à vuestra Senoria como Don Diego Puede Ser de Santa Maria Magdalena TO DON FRANCISCO DE ROIAS MARQVESSE DE POZA LORD OF THE HOVSE DE MONCON President of the Councell de HAZIENDA to his Maiestie and the Courts belonging there-vnto OF all those things in this world which are wont amongst men to cause the greatest feare I know not any that may be greater or of equall compare to that of an euill intention and secret ill meaning And by so much truely the more by how much it shall bee the more deepely rooted in those that are of obscure Bloud humble Birth and base mindes For in such it is vsually more forcible and lesse corrigible But both of them the one and the other are like vnto Hunters who taking vp some close standing shadowed ouer with boughes lye in wait for our destruction and euen then after that we haue receiued our deaths wound we are neuer awhit the neerer in discouering whence our hurt came These are Basilisks whom if we view them first their poyson loseth its force and is of so much the lesse preiudice but if they once gaine the hand of vs by getting a kinde of dominion ouer vs they bring vs in danger of our vtter vndoing They are a scandall to a Common-wealth the promoting Knaues of Innocence and the very executioners of Vertue against whom the wisedome of man is not of power to preuaile or able to guard it selfe Of these kinde of men from whose subtill gins as traps tending to death no person liues secure I for mine owne part haue euer been more afraid then of any other beasts how fierce or hurtfull so euer And more especially in this present occasion wherein a large field is laid open vnto them wherein they may sow the seed of their venome calumniating mee at the least with the reprochfull attribute of an ouer-bold and rash-headed fellow that I should presume to offer to so powerful a Prince so poore a gift Not considering that this my boldnesse first grew from that necessitie where-into their feare had put mee For as those Cities that are weakely fortified meanely mann'd and of small force for defence haue so much the greater need of braue and worthy Captaines to maintaine them by resisting the furious violence and sharpe assaults of their enemies So in like manner was it needfull for me to helpe my selfe and make vse of your Lordships protection in whom with so much splendour and glory are made manifest to the worlds view those three parts Vertue Blood and Power whereof true Noblenesse is composed And because it is a peculiar propertie belonging there-unto to fauour and protect those who as to a Sacred place with-draw themselues thither for their better safety I rest so secure vnder the shadow of your Lordships protection and rely so much vpon your noble disposition that you stretching out the wings of your accustomed clemency my booke shall vnder them as Chickens vnder the Hens wing remaine free from those that shall seeke to wrong it And together therewith obtaine this happinesse that you making that great which in it selfe is little admitting a poore Picaro to become a Courtier shall giue a being to that which had none before a worke of such Greatnesse and Excellencie as shall make your Lordship to appeare the more Whose long and happy life is desired of no man more then MATHEO ALEMAN To the Uulgar TO me it is no new thing though perhaps it be to thee to see O thou vertue-hating Vulgar the many bad friends that thou hast that little which thou deseruest and that lesse which thou vnderstandest To behold how biting how enuious how couetous thou art how quick in defaming how slowe in honoring how certain in ill how vncertaine in good how facile to fly out and how hard to bee curbed in What Diamond is there so hard which thy sharpe teeth doe not grind to powder What vertue scapes Free from thy venemous tongue What piety doe thy actions protect What defects doth thy cloake couer What Treacle doe thy eyes behold which doe not like the Basilsske impoyson What Flower though neuer so cordiall euer entred thorow thy eares which in the Hiue of thy heart thou didst not conuert into poyson What sanctitie hast not thou calumniated What innocencie hast not thou persecuted What singlenesse of heart hast not thou condemned What iustice hast not thou confounded What truth hast not thou profaned In what greene field hast thou set thy foot which thou hast not defiled with thy filthy luxuries And if it were possible to paint forth to the life the true fashion of hell and the torments thereof thou onely in my iudgement mightst and that truely be its perfectest counterfet Thinkest thou peraduenture that passion blindeth mee that anger moueth me or that ignorance violently thrusts me on No verily And if thou couldst but be capable of seeing thy owne errour but suffer thy selfe to be informed onely but with turning thy head aside thou shouldst finde thy actions aeternized and euen from Adam reproued as thou thy selfe art already condemned But alas what amendment may bee expected from so inveterated a Canker Or who is he that can be so happy as to vnclue himselfe from this Labyrinth or to vnseaze himselfe from thy griping talons I fled from the confused Court and â—…hou followedst me into a poore Village I with-drew my selfe into solitarie Shades and there thou madest a shot at me and drew'st thy venemous shafts at mee neuer letting me alone but still vexing and pursuing me to bring me vnder thy rigid Iurisdiction and tyrannicall Empire I am well assured that the protection which I carry with mee will not correct thy crooked disposition nor giue that respect which in good manners thou owest to his noble qualitie nor that in confidence thereof I should get free from thy arresting hand For thou despising all goodnesse and ciuilitie which are things that neuer yet came within the reach of thy better consideration hast rashly and vnaduisedly bitten so many illustrious and worthy persons extolling some for their wit though idle accusing others for their lightnesse and defaming a third of lyes and false-hoods Thou art Mus campestris a very Field-mouse and no better Thou art still nibbling on the hard rinde of the sowre and vnsauourie Melons but when thou commest to those that are sweet and wholesome and fitter for nourishment thy stomake fals into a
inioying vpon seueral occasions some flowers and honest fruits from the tree of true loue wherewith they gaue some ease vnto their griefes Intertaining their true pleasures with the desire and hope of that happy time wherein without shadowes and interruptions they might freely inioy each other But this content of theirs was as short as vnsecure For the extraordinary continuation of their companying together and their close discourse and that in the Arabicke tongue and her excusing herselfe for his sake from the conuersation of her friend Donna Elvira had already giuen sufficient distaste to all those of the house and Don Rodrigo himselfe was horne-mad inraged so with Ielousie that he knew not what to do Not that he had any the least imagination that the Gardiner did treat with her any thing that was vnlawfull or made any loue to her but because he saw that he was made worthy to be intertained with so much frequencie in that sweet conuersation of hers which she did not exercise so freely with any other in the world THE ARGVMENT Going on in the discourse of the aduentures of these two faithfull Louers Ozmin and the faire Daraxa are deliuered at large the troubles ielousies and the sorrowes that befell them MVrmuring being the naturall daughter of Hatred and Enuy is euer more busily labouring to staine the liues of others and to draw a curtaine of darknesse ouer their bright-shining vertues And amongst people of base and vile condition where most commonly she keepes her Court of Audience it is the onely sauce to moue their appetite without which their daintiest dishes haue no rellish nor their best morsels any sauour in them It is a bird of the flippantst vving which as it moueth with most nimblenesse so it doth the greatest mischiefe There were not some wanting that tossed words from hand to hand some adding and others inuenting matter vpon this their so great familiaritie till the ball at last came to ground and this vvhispering to Don Luys his eare by one vvho thought to worke out himselfe a fortune therby and to grow into fauour with his Lord by this his supposed honourable piece of seruice This is that which the world doth practice seeking to gaine great mens loue at other mens cost by trickes and lies when in the naked truth there is not cloth inough to shape a garment according to their mind An office worthy those to whom their owne worth is wanting and haue nothing either in their actions or their persons that may deseruedly recommend them Don Luys attentiuely gaue eare to these well-composed words and painted speeches on vvhich such faire colours vvere layd He vvas a vvise and discreet Gentleman and therefore did not suffer them to dwell vvhere these men had placed them but gaue them onely passage to his imagination leauing a roome empty for to receiue the reasons of the defendant to whom he had left the doore open and vvould by no meanes giue way to haue his eares stopped albeit he vvere somewhat offended vvith the occasion of the scandall Many things did he cast in his mind but still the farther hee went the farther he vvas from the truth But that which did most trouble him was the suspicion which he had that the Gardiner vvas a Moore vvho was cunningly come thither to steale away Daraxa and perswading himselfe that it was so his vnderstanding vvas presently blinded there-with And that which is ill considered on many times nay for the most part the execution of that aduice is scarce gone out of doores but that repentance presently enters the house Vpon this surmise he was resolued to take hold of him and to clappe him fast Ozmin vvithout any resistance or show of Sorrow or any other alteration of countenance submitted himselfe to be shut vp in the Hall the fittest place the suddennesse of his surprise could afford for the present And leauing him thus vnder locke and key he made towards Daraxa who by the hurrie and tumult of the ministers and seruants of the house knew already all that had past there hauing beene some few dayes before a muttring of this matter about the house She shewed her selfe much agrieued with Don Luys his manner of proceeding forming complaints how he had put in doubt the goodnesse and vnspotted innocencie of her life setting the gate wide open to Suspicion and that with this blurre vvhich he had giuen to her reputation euery one might thinke as he listed and as his fancie should stand affected to censure her honour accordingly for there was not any suspicion so bad whereunto he had not by this his vnaduised act opened a gap to it's entrance These and other vvell-ordered reasons deliuered with an affection of the mind and freenesse of spirit made Don Luys quickly repent himselfe of what he had done He now wisht with all his heart after Daraxa had thus newly molded him that he had neuer attempted any such thing being angry with himselfe and much incensed against those vvho had put this into his head But that he might not shew his lightnesse in being thus mis-led and ouer-facile to be wrought vpon by other mens perswasions but that what hee had done he had done it vpon good consideration and as the weightinesse of the businesse required dissembling his sorrow he spake thus vnto her Deare Daraxa I acknowledge the wrong I haue done you and ingeniously confesse that your complaint is not without iust cause in that I proceeded against you in this vnciuill fashion without hauing first examined the Witnesses to the full who haue deposed as it should seeme thus wrongfully against you I am not ignorant of your owne woorth as likewise that of your parents and Ancestors from whom you are descended I know that the merits of your owne proper person haue purchased of the King my Master and his noble Queene all that loue which a true and onely heyre can gaine of his louing and tender Parents hauing conferred vpon you many prodigall and publike fauours To this I must giue you to vnderstand that they placed you in my house to the end that you might be serued therein with all care and diligence according to your own will and pleasure And that I am bound to giue account thereof according to the trust that was reposed in me For which reasons and for that which my seruice deserueth at your hands you ought to correspond that you may not be vnlike your selfe with that faire carriage which is due vnto my loyalty and the consideration of these things that are now in question I neither can nor will conceiue that there can bee any thing in you that may seeme vnbefitting your breeding or giue the least blemish to your honour But the great familiaritie which you hold vvith Ambrosio for that name had Ozmin put vpon himselfe when he first entred to serue as a day-labourer together with his talking vnto you in the Arabike tongue hath somewhat troubled me out of the generall
Almes wherewith he was well relieued After this manner he liued some seuenty and two yeeres or much thereabouts at the end whereof he fell into a grieuous sicknesse whereof hee certainly knew that he should dye Seeing himselfe at this point and that he now stood vpon the iumpe of his Saluation or Condemnation being as he was very discreet hee began to consider a little better of the matter thinking with himselfe that it vvas no time now to iest but rather to confesse his sinnes and to send for the Paâ—…son of the Parish and to make his Will Which as it was to be the last that euer he vvas to make so was he carefull to make it as strong as good as the strength of his wit could deuise He desired that a knowne Confessor of his might be sent for one that was a very learned man in very good esteeme as well for the honesty of his life and conuersation as for his learning and manners With him he treated touching his sinnes and fully imparted his minde vnto him And when he had communicated what he thought fit vnto him hee was very desirous to haue his Will made but with the shortest and most compendious words that possibly could be imagined And the beginning being drawne which belonged to the publike Notary to doe what was fit on his part he briefely thus sets it downe Inprimiâ—… I recommend my Soule vnto God vvho created it and my body to the earth to be buried in mine owne Parish Item My Will is that my Asse be sold which money shall bee bestowed vpon my buriall But the Pack-Saddle I bequeath vnto the great Duke my Lord and Master to whom it rightly appertaineth and properly belongs whom I nominate to be my sole Executor and make my generall and vniuersall Heire This done after that he had settled and sealed this his last Will and Testament of that his indisposition anon after he dyed And because euery man held him to be a merry-conceited fellow and one that was full of his witty iests they did all verily thinke that he would make his death equall with his life and shut vp his last breath with some odde iest or other for a farewell as it vsually befals such kinde of giddy-headed fooles when they once take a toy in the head and are wedded to their humour But when the great Duke vnderstood of this Will which was not long kept from his knowledge hauing formerly heard of the Testator and that he was held to be a wise and discreet man he did from thence collect that this Clause was not without it's mysterie Wherevpon hee gaue order that this Legacy he had left him should forthwith be brought vnto the Palace and when he had it before him he comman led it to be ript in sunder piece after piece and still as they went along they tooke forth diuers different sorts of coyne and when they had sorted out these seuerall kindes of moneys which were all in good gold they amounted in the whole to three thousand and sixe hundred Spanish Crownes euery Crowne bearing the full value of foure hundred Marauedis This poore man whether he had consulted with his Confessor or no I know not or aduised with himselfe which is not vnlikely It seemed he thought with himselfe that that was none of his and that hee had no other meanes to make restitution then to leaue it to the naturall Lord of that Signorie who had the charge of all the poore committed to his care and with this he conceiued he had discharged his Conscience The great Duke being so powerfull and so noble a minded Prince as he was gaue order to haue this Will entred and to remaine vpon record to after-ages and that the Legacie that he had giuen him should be imployed for the good of his soules health Wherein he shew'd himselfe a worthy Executor but a farre more worthy Gentleman What say you now to the feeling of this poore Begger What thinke you of his sense of Touching Thine is farre short of it nor halfe so good and delightfull as this though thou shouldest inioy the imbracements of another Uenus Of these two Priuiledges before specified we were the sole and only Lords for none besides vs did inioy them so freely as we did together with many other liberties and immunities which if I list I were able to relate vnto thee When I doe but thinke vpon those times which I inioyed heretofore and the merry life that I then led which is all now past and gone with me not that i either long or looke for any more such happy dayes or that I would call them to minde to make me forget my miseries or whether the recordation of them did make those sorrowes seeme either greater or lesse which I suffred in the Gallies I will not now dispute but sure I am that I take great delight in the remembrance of them As that hauing of our Table still prouided for vs our bed ready made to our hands our Chamber without incombrance our Scrip well furnish'd our goods about vs our stocks sure on foot without feare of theeues or any dread of raine without Aprill's care or May's fearfull iealousie which two are the husband-mans moth Not troubling our heads with new fashions with the pompe of apparell with ceremonious complements and the like froth of fooleries scum'd out of forraine Countries Liuing without the preuention of flatteries without the composing of Lies scorning to get either money or to seeke to grow into credit by such base insinuations How would we suffer that men might the better esteeme of vs How visit them that they might not forget vs How attend them for to binde them vnto vs What occasions would we not seeke out that we might come to speake with them and be seene by them How early would we be stirring to the end they might thinke we were carefull and sollicitous how to liue And euermore the more early vp the colder and sharper the weather was And euery one of these had it's pleasure and delight for the ends for which they were done How often would my selfe fall a discoursing of other mens houses and their gentilitie only of purpose to set my owne I edigree afoot and to shew that I was a Gentleman well descended How often would I discouer another mans defect and finde fault with it and only to this end that by taxing such a vice in another I might be thought to be free from the same my selfe How often would I hold conuersation only for ostentations sake and no other end in the world How would I wheele about and fetch in things a farre off only to vent my wit and to make my words to take place To what good meetings did not I goe I was the only Cocke there that crow'd low dest and when I went away from them and left their companie they would not censure me as I would them but let me
God accepting of thy sacrifice I was now a pretie waies off from Rome whither I was bending my steps But I no sooner came thither but my teares trickled downe my cheekes for ioy I did wish in my heart that mine armes had beene so large as that they might haue beene able to haue imbraced those sacred Walls The first step that I set within those holy gates I fell downe on my face and kist that hallowed ground And because that Country which a man knowes and where he hath his meanes the same is to be accounted his Mother I did much ioy to see it I knew the Citie well and was as well knowne in it I began as I had done before to seeke some course to liue and to maintaine this life of mine I falsely call it life being it was my death though it seemed vnto me to be my proper Center O alas how strangely are we wedded to our passions and how strange doth that seeme vnto vs which doth not answer thereunto be it neuer so true neuer so certaine This seemed to me to be my only happinesse holding in comparison thereof euery other thing as a misfortune And though I did see all yet I inclined still to the worst thinking still that that was the best I was stirring one morning betimes according as I had formerly beene accustomed and trugg'd along with my sore legge with which I sate me downe to begge at one of the Cardinals gates And he comming forth for to goe to the Palace stay'd to heare me in how loud a voice and extrauagant a tune I besought his pitie not vsing those plainer notes of eight but saying Giue mee somewhat noble Christian friend of Iesus Christ take pitâ—…e of this sore afflicted sinner maimed and pained in his members Looke vpon these wretched limmes consider my vnfortunate yeeres and take some compassion of this miserable creature O my most reuerend Father my most noble Lord shew some sense of sorrow haue some little feeling I beseech your most illustrous Lordship of this poooe young wretched Youth and powre forth your fatherly compassion vpon such a pittifull piece of miserie and wretchednesse as you see here before you I begge it at your noble and charitable hands in that glorious name of the blessed though most painefull passion of our deare Master and Redeemer Iesus Christ. My Lord Cardinal after that he had heard me with a great deale of attention was extremely moued therewith and conceiued an extraordinary pitie towards me insomuch that I did not seeme vnto him to be a man but that I represented vnto him euen God himselfe Thereupon hee forthwith gaue order to his seruants that they should take me vp in their armes and carry me into the house and that stripping me of those old and rotten ragges they should lay me in his owne bed and in another chamber adioyning therevnto they should make his All which was done in a moment O the great goodnesse of God! ô the largenesse of his noble condition They stript me naked for to cloath mee they would not let me begge but were ready to giue me and to make me likewise able to giue vnto others God neuer takes any thing away from vs but when hee meanes to bestow greater blessings vpon vs. When God will giue thee any thing he will first aske something of thee He comes weary about noone to the Fountaine sits him downe askes thee a little water whereof the beasts of the field doe drinke Thou giu'st it him In exchange whereof he giues thee the water of the Well of Life the drinke of Angels whereof he that drinketh shall neuer thirst any more This holy man made him his patterne who sending presently for two skilfull Surgeons and promising to see them well rewarded committed my cure to their charge and that they should doe their best to make me a sound man This care being taken leauing me in the hands of these two hangmen and in the power of my enemies hee gets him away to the Palace Although we vs'd many and sundrie counterfeitings of sores yet that which I had then made me was rubb'd ouer with a certaine Herbe which caus'd it to looke so ill and so vile that whosoeuer had seene it would haue thought the sore incurable and that great remedies must bee vsed as to a thing that was shrewdly festred and growne to a Canker yet if the vse of this roguish Herbe be but left off for three whole daies nature it selfe without any other helpe will reduce the flesh to that perfection and soundnesse that it was in before To these two Surgeons it seemed at the first sight a thing of much moment They threw off their Cloakes they call'd for a Panne of coales fresh butter and other things and when they had all that they would in a readinesse they vnswathed me and vnbound the clouts that were about my legge which they performed very neatly and handsomely That done they askt me how long I had had this sore if I could ghesse whence it should come if I did vse to drinke Wine what meates I did most vsually feed on and such other questions as these Which those that are skilfull in that art are wont to doe on the like occasions All these I answered with silence lying all along as if I had beene dead for I was not almost my selfe nor was I indeed for a pretie while seeing such a deale of preparation to cut to cauterize and the like and in case I should escape all this I was at my wits end to thinke that my maladie would bee found out and so my roguerie be discouered That which I suffered in Gaeta seemed but a flea biting vnto me But now I liued in feare that the Cardinall would inflict some notable punishment vpon me for this cheating tricke that I had put vpon him I knew not how to helpe my selfe nor what to doe nor whom to make vse of in this my extremitie For neither in all the Letanie nor in Flos Sanctorum could I finde any Saint that was a Defender and Protector of Villanes or that would seeke to excuse me By this time they had viewd me againe and againe a hundred and a hundred times and turnd me to and fro this way and that way that I thought they would neuer haue made an end when at last I brake forth and said I am vndone I am vndone yet there is some life left in me I die if you aske me any more questions or if you medâ—…le with me any more Two houres of trouble haue I alreadie indured vnder their hands if they doe not burie me now in 〈◊〉 thought I I will passe ouer the rest as well as I can And say they should agree to cut off my legge the condition were better and the gaine more certaine so as I did not die in the doing of it But suppose also that this should befall me I should
to carry mee to my bed And so they and my selfe grew fully agreed to play euery man his part as well as we could Whilest this businesse was in debating they were so long before they could agree vpon the matter that I vvas scarce put into my bed and the cloathes cast vpon me but that my Lord Cardinall was come to the Chamber doore who when he was entred one of the Surgeons said vnto him This yong mans malady may it please your Lordship is a very grieuous one and we must necessarily apply great remedies therevnto For the flesh is festred and canker'd in many places and it hath taken such deepe roote that it is impossible for the plaisters that we are to apply to worke any good effect without some long tract of time but I am very confident and dare be bold to assure your Lordship that by the helpe of God we shall make him as sound a man as euer he was in his life Then said the other If this Youth had not thus luckily falne into your Lordships pittifull and charitable hands within a few dayes these his sores would haue been so putrified and haue so corrupted the wholebody that all the world could not haue sau'd his life but he must haue perished and dy'de But we shall so stop this Canker from spreading it selfe any farther and vse such good meanes for his recouerie that I make no question but within sixe moneths if not sooner his flesh shall come to bee as whole and as faire as mine The good Cardinall whom Charitie had onely mooued herevnto told them Be it in sixe or in ten let me haue it throughly healed and cured as it ought to be cured and I shall take order that you be prouided of all things necessary for it you shall want nothing With this he left them and with-drew himselfe into another roome This did put new life into me and as if they had drawne my heart out of the one side and had thrust it in on the other into my body againe so did I then feele my selfe For euen till that very instant I did not rest assured of these two traiterous Surgeons I stil feared they would haue wheeled about another way and haue beene the cause of my vndoing But by that which I had heard them treat in my presence I was some-what cheered and began to be of good comfort But the custome ofSwearing Gaming and Begging are things that are hard to be left off It could not choose but grieue me very much that I was hindred in my course mew'd vp debarr'd my liberty and made vnable to inioy those good and plentifull Almes which I gain'd by begging Which losse notwithstanding did seeme the lesse in regard of that curious intertainment choyse dyet and good lodging that I had that mans desire could not haue wisht it to haue bin better For I was waited on like a Prince and cured with that care as if I had beene the Cardinall himselfe And so had he giuen commandement to the seruants of his house besides his dayly comming in his owne proper person to visit me And sometimes he would sit downe and make some stay with me talking of such things wherein he tooke pleasure to heare me At length being healed of this infirmitie when the Surgeons saw their time they were dismissed receiuing a great deale of pay for a little paines And I was commanded to be new cloath'd and to be listed in the Roll of the Pages that as one of them from that time forward I might attend and wait vpon his Lordship CHAPTER VII Guzman de Alfarache discourseth how all things haue had their time of Empire He deliuereth strange things touching Truth and Lying As being Page to the Cardinall hee declareth the Uertues and the Vices wherein your Pages exercise themselues He relateth a pleasant Story of his stealing of some Conserues and how he was punished for it OF all things created none can complaine to haue past without it's Empire They haue all of them had their day and haue taken their turne But because Time changeth al things these are past and gone and those haue finished their course And first to begin with Poetry it is apparent to all the world how much that in it's time was celebrated Let ancient Rome report in what reuerence were your Orators held that were skill'd in the Art of Rhetorick and had the gift of speaking well and eloquently And let our Spaine speake what honour is now at this day giuen to those sacred letters of holy Writ so many yeeres since so well receiued by her And in what esteeme stand both the Lawes Ciuill and Canon The fashion of Apparell and wearing of cloathes in Spaine cannot escape amongst the rest wherein we dayly finde new changes and new alterations after which strange fashions all runne as fast as scatteringly and as much out of order as Goates doe one after another and as one Sheepe leapes after another so doe men and women leape into fashions Hee is no body that is not in the new fashion And nothing now seemeth well but what is in vse notwithstanding that it hath been already vsed and that lately and approued for good And that sottish ignorance of the common rout and baser sort of people is come now to that passe that they will all forsooth be alike the tall man as the short the Quack-belly as the Scranio the fat as the leane the sicke as the sound the deformed as the well-proportioned man will haue if not one the selfe-same measure at least one and the selfe-same fashion putting themselues into vgly and monstrous shapes and into an indecent and ill-becomming weare of cloathes and onely because they will follow the fashion and be in the same cut as others be as if one kinde of Syrrop or Purge were fit for all diseases The words likewise and phrases of our speech haue been corrupted by vse and those which once were fyled phrases and pure language are now accounted rude and barbarous Meates also haue their season and their time For that doth not please vs in the Winter which we haue a great desire vnto in the Spring nor that like vs in the Autumne which we haue a minde vnto in the Summer Your buildings and your Engines of Warre are dayly renued Your Manuall workes and those that are wrought with the hand haue their turnings too as your Seates your Chaires your Benches your Cupboords your Cabinets your Tables your low Stooles for women your Lamps your Candle-sticks and the like Your sports your games and your Dances haue also their changes And euen in Musicke and in Songs wee finde the like For some are much taken with the Zarauanda and others may come hereafter that will vtterly mislike it and make it grow out of date Who haue seene your Mules in former times how much Veluet they haue drawne along
lying coozenage and roguerie and soe like the string of an Instrument when it came to be put in tune it could not indure any the least straining and so presently brake it was not able I say to resist and withstand Truthes stretching hand but went still turning and twirling from one mischiefe to another and from one euill into a worse So one Deepe calleth vp another and one Waue comes head-longly tumbling in vpon the necke of his fellow The Pin is now turn'd and I am rais'd vp to be a Page God grant I may come downe no lower That thing which receiueth violence and is strained to a course contrary to its nature it is impossible but it must reuert and returne to it's center be it low or be it high for that is the place vvhich it doeth naturally affect and desire They tooke mee from the height of my glory and brought me downe so lowe as to serue which being so opposite as it was to my disposition you shall see how long I continued in that course Hee that walkes too fast will be quickly weary And to passe so suddenly from one extreme to another as it cannot be done with safetie so is it conserued with difficultie If a Tree take not deepe rooting it will neuer beare any fruit but quickly dries and withers away So he that is newly put into an Office cannot suddenly take any deepe rooting and say hee should be settled therin some yeeres he will hardly thriue in a strange soyle that doth not sort with his nature and so will proue in the end as vnprofitable to himselfe as vnfruitfull to others It was too great aleape to rise from a Picaro to be a Page though in a manner they are correlatiues and haue a kinde of relation one to another only their habit doth difference and distinguish them and I could not choose but grieue as oft as I thought vpon it That which was common vvith others fell out quite contrary with mee For it is said Que las honras quanto mas creçen mas hambre ponen That the more honour a man has the more he desires But I was so farre from that liking that it vvas rather to mee a loathing Such high places did not please me Those that I had profest those were for mee Cada vno en lo que se cria Let euery man betake himselfe to that wherein he hath beene traind and bred vp Is it fit thinke you to take the fish out of the â—…ater and to breed Peacocks therein To put an Oxe to fly and an Eagle to plough To feede a Horse vvith sand To sup a Falcon with straw And to â—…ake from a man his Risibilitie to speake like a Logician and facultie of laughing I was bred vp among the Flesh-pots of Egypt my Center vvas a good victualing house my Circle a good honest Tauerne and my end Vice vvhereunto I did bend amaine In that I tooke pleasure that was health and life to me and vvhat was contrarie to that I tooke no ioy in it it vvas not for me nor vvas I willing to make it mine My mouth was now daintily fed my backe delicately clad my eyes swolne with too much sleepe my hands for want of worke as soft as silke my belly vvith too much pampering as hard brac't as any Drumme my buttocks brawny and thicke-skin'd with too much sitting and my chaps like a Monkies nimbly walking on both sides vvhen I was at my meat Tell me hovv was it possible for me to content my selfe how indure to be put to a set Pension to stay waiting all day long at a doore at nights to stand with a Torch in my hand leaning against a wall and standing vpon one legge like a Crane till it be almost day-breake Sometimes if not for the most part supper-lesse but frozen I am sure with cold expecting the Visits that goe out and come in being like a Ladder for others to goe vp and down or like a Smiths paire of Bellowes ascending and descending to beare others company waiting vpon my Lords Caroche early and late not onely at some set seasons and certaine times but at all houres both of day and night being my red in the Winter vvith durt and choaked in the Summer vvith dust holding a Trencher betweene my Thumbs at meales my belly growing leane and lanke through alonging desire feeding on the best dishes with my eyes and wishing in my soule that euery daintymorsell at the boord had been meat for my mouth Besides going vpon one message and returning with another tyring out my legges and wearing out my shooes and being allowed but euery moneth a paire vve were forced to goe fifteene dayes of the thirty bare-foote These are the things that yeerely passe from the first of Ianuary to the last of December And he who at the end thereof should aske vs How haue you thriu'd this yeere What haue you got The answer is at hand Sir I rest vpon my Lords loue and fauour I referre my selfe to his discretion and goodnes I eate of his meat and drinke of his drinke in Winter feeding on that which is cold in Summer that which is hot And what I haue in that kinde is but a poore pittance and that little none of the best and commonly some-what of the latest that aman were as good goe without it I weare what cloathes he giues me such as you see as a Liuery rather of my seruitude then of deuotion to cloath mee not giuen me to keepe me warme but to doe my Lord honour And those too must be made to their minde and our cost So that our money payes for it and they choose the colours Our greater gaines did consist in cold fare for there was not one of vs that could finger a full Trencher scraps and picking of their teeth wee had in some aboundance and with these wee intertained our selues and the like poore Relicks that they left and some refuse fruits that were not worth the eating and such things as these or worse were all the fruits of our labours When the winde blew fresh and that wee had got a matter of some ten or twelue Quartes which with vs was a great summe we rais'd this money out of so many drops and flakes of Waxe which wee tooke off from our Torches which we sold to some old Cobler or other Hee amongst vs that could get vp a little stocke that were worth any thing though it were neuer so small this man had a sufficient Patrimony and did great things with it he might buy him a penny-pasty at the Cookes and other the like odde kinde of iunkets but if he were taken in the manner he was sure to be whipt for his labour This was his iudgement Onely it was permitted vnto vs to steale I say if we had stolne it was held the lesse euill of the two For if it had beene permitted and that we might haue beene
suffered so to doe I would so cunningly haue imployd my wits in that kinde that I would in a short time haue beene able to set vp a Chandlers shop But if I did make benefit of mine owne Torch or filch now and then from my fellowes some of theirs that was all that I did But they were so base and so crafty withall that I neuer saw them busie themselues about any other thing being more desirous to lose their meat then that for victuals are consumed in the belly and can not afterwards be sold to profit and yet for these things too they had a thousand shifts and rogueries For I saw one of them once take a Hony-combe from the table and presently wrapt it in his Handkerchiefe and clapt it into his Pocket But because he waited at the table and for that he could not carry it so speedily as he would haue done to the Hauen of Safety nor land it in so good a place as he desired it hapned that the heat of the weather and the warmth of his pocket melted the Honey which in great haste came trickling downe his Breeches and dropt out at his knees My Lord spide it as he sate at Table who could scarce forbeare laughing at last to make himselfe merry he call'd him vnto him and commanded him to put downe his Hose The Page did so And when his hands came to touch vpon the Honey it clung fast to his fingers ends whereat they fell a laughing and he went away ashamed But he had sowre sauce to his sweet meat for besides that he neuer tasted of the Honey hee was so soundly lasht that his breech dropt Waxe as fast as the Combe did Honey Which misfortune should neuer haue befalne me for I was perfect in all kind of roguerie and would neuer haue beene to seeke of some slight or other for cleanely conueyance And that my sword might not rust in my scabberd but that I might still keepe my hand in vre I was euermore a practising vpon some toyes and trifles petty things not worth the talking onely to set my fellowes wits aworke and to giue them a bone to gnaw vpon The Diuell I thinke brought Fooles and Block-heads to the Court who let euery good morsell slip besides their mouthes a troublesome and wearisome kinde of people to treat withall vnfit for the managing of businesse insupportable in their carriage and tedious in their conuersation A man should be like to a good Horse or a good Greyhound vpon all occasions to take his carreere and to make his course and moreouer hee must carry himselfe in a coole and quiet manner There were Pages good store but I must tell you that the most of them nay I will inlarge my speech a little more and say That they were all Chips of one and the same blocke a company of beetle-heads dull-spirited fellowes that had no wherry in them not onely when they were in their Lords presence but likewise when they were out of his sight They were as slow in executing his will as they were lazie in getting vp from their beds they were idle retchlesse carelesse all set vpon loytering exercising neither their bodies nor their braines which made mee the more willing to play the Wagge with them and for my better pastime to put one pretty tricke or other vpon them I did store my selfe with Stockins Garters Bands Hats Handkerchiefes Poynts Cuffes Shooes and whatsoeuer I could rape or wring from them which I hid betweene the Straw of one of my fellowes beds because if any search were made they should not finde them in mine I altered the propertie of these things in an instant they neuer lay long by me I would chop them for old iron rather then bee troubled with the keeping of them It behooued them to looke vvell about them and to see that they had all safe and sure vnder locke and key for if they should carelessely leaue any thing abroad those eyes that found it gone did neuer see it returne againe Many of these waggish parts I plaid which were but tricks of youth and nothing else But I fell afterwards into a fault which I would haue sworne of all others so farre was it from my thought I should neuer haue offended in It was a licorish sinne euen the sinne of Gluttony Which I doe not know whether it proceeded from my eating by measure as being stinted or whether that my longing did prouoke and stirre vp my appetite or whether it were now muing time with mee and that I was to change my old feathers and get me new for they say that men while they liue heere in this world doe at certaine times and seasons as other creatures shead their haires and recouer new coats change and alter their manners and conditions I was now growne so licorish and so sharpe-set vpon sweet meats for the pleasant taste they had while they passed downe my throat that neuer any blind man was halfe so forward to goe repeating his Letanies and other his set prayers from doore to doore to get an Almes as I was to please my palate And looke whatsoeuer came within the reach of mine eyes were it as farre as they could ken and safe inough as it might be supposed from catching yet could it not escape my Eagles-talons And as the Hart with his breathing drawes your Snakes out of the bowels of the earth So I if I could but once come to set mine eyes vpon such or such a dainty it was sure mine owne they rendred themselues at first into my hands my hands they turn'd them ouer to my mouth and my mouth committed them close prisoners to my belly where these sweets remained till they were no longer sweet My Lord Cardinall had a great Chest which kinde of Chests are much vsed in Italy of white Pine and I haue likewise seene good store of them in Spaine which they vsually bring from thence stuft with Merchandize but especially with glasses and earthen cups and dishes the better to keepe them from breaking This Chest stood in a with-drawing Chamber for to regalar and cheere himselfe withall being full of diuers sorts of Conserues there I say were your dry Suckets delicately candied your Bergamota Peare of Aranxues your Genoa Cherry your Melon of Granada your Seuillian Cytrons your Oranges and Pome-Citrons of Plasencia your Lemons of Murçia your pretty little Cucumbers of Ualençia your budds of the Ilands your Berengenas of Toledo your Orejones of Aragon your Potatas of Malaga your Pippens Parsneps Carrets Pompeons besides a thousand seuerall sorts of Comfits and an infinit number more of sundry different kinds of Sweet-meats which did disquiet my spirit within me not suffering my soule to take any rest As often as he made any Colation or did eate any of these things he gaue me the Key himselfe standing by while I tooke them out neuer trusting mee with them alone by
my selfe This distrust of his begot anger in me and this anger a desire of reuenge This though I were broad awake did I still dreame on I thought with my selfe God forgiue me for it how I might possibly come to haue a fling at this Chest and open this Myne which was more precious vnto me then all the gold in the Indies I told you already that the Chest was a very great one beeing to my seeming two yards and a halfe in length one in depth and another in breadth it was as white if not more then any Paper the Barres and all the rest of the Iron-worke about it as small as your finest threds of Cambricke curiously wrought smooth and neatly polished strengthened with good strong plates at the corners set with studs very handsomely the Locke stood in the midst there being but one Key to open to this sweet Paradise and that was in my Lords custodie If thou know'st what it is to steale or hast euer heard tell of it or would'st faine learne how to rob a Chest and to take what thou wilt out of it without either falsifying of a Key ripping open of a Locke taking off the Hindges or breaking vp the Boards Listen but to me and I will tell thee how it may be done When it was my turne to waite and that there were any Visits or other necessarie businesses at home whose present being in action might promise me securitie I had certaine Iron tooles in a readinesse which I had prepared of purpose with the helpe whereof I did by little and little heaue vp the lid of the Chest till I could thrust in a pretty little wedge of wood and then heauing it vp a little more I did put in a round sticke about the bignesse of the head of a reasonable good big Hammer and this I went wresting in by degrees turning and winding it faire and softly towards the locke whereunto the neerer and neerer still that it grew the more and the more did it still heaue vp my corner so that being as I was but a Youth and hauing a slender hand and a small arme I tooke out such Sweet-meats as I had most minde vnto wherewith I fill'd my pockets as full as euer I could stuffe them But when I could not reach now and then to those that were farther off that I might meet at last with this their contumaâ—…ie and rebellion I did clap vpon the end of a Cane or some little sticke two Pinn's one hauing a sharpe point and the other made crooked like a hooke and by the helpe of these two I brought them to their due obedience And thus I became Lord and Master of what-soeuer was within the Chest without the helpe of any key In which theft I carried my selfe so cunningly that though I had stolne much yet there was nothing found to be missing At last I lighted vpon a Melacotone of Castile which being as faire and as goodly a one for it 's greatnesse as euer I saw in all my life and gilded all ouer my appetite was much prouoked therewith it seeming to be one intire piece of Gold when I first tasted it the relish whereof me thinkes remaineth yet still in my mouth me thought I neuer tasted any thing better nor had I euer seene the like before Now because this was a knowne Piece when it was once discouered that this curiositie was wanting there was presently a generall suspition conceiued but not any the least thought or iealousie that it had beene taken out so as indeed it was but was rather imagined that it was done by some counterfeit key And this did much trouble my Lord the Cardinall that he should haue any in his house that should dare to falsifie his locks especially in so priuate and secret a roome as this was which he reserued for his owne vse Whereupon he forthwith called vnto him his principall seruants to the end that he might search out the truth of this businesse But as good lucke would haue it fell out so happily that all that I had stolne thence was downe my throat and thorowly digested not any the least remembrance thereof remaining any more in my possession Now my Lord had to his Steward a melancholy Chaplaine a fellow of an ill concoction who wisht my Lord that all his seruants should be call'd together and afterwards haue them shut vp in one chamber where they should be thorowly examined one by one to see what could be got out of them and that their chambers likewise be searcht for such a piece of worke as this could not proceed from any man of reason but from the lickorish mouth of some of his Pages or some other his younger boyes about the house which had a sweet tooth in their head Well we were all lockt vp close like birds in a cage but to no end and purpose in the world for they found vs to be all true blades not one false one amongst vs all but according to the right marke iust and euen to a hayre This storme was ouer-past with vs but not my Lords care For I can assure you our Master was wonderfull desirous to come to the true knowledge hereof And by reason of the great stirre that was made about it I did refraine for some few daies till this businesse might be ouer-blowne and that the mater was in a manner quite forgotten y â—…uuiesse otro asno verda And that I might haue some faire occasion to haue another fling at them Well I durst not for a prettie while after put my hand to the Chest nor once offer to cast so much as an eye towards it But that crookednesse which a tree once taketh in it's tender growth the bigger it growes the crookeder it is waxing still worse and worse And therefore those Knauish trickes which I had learned in my youth were so deepely imprinted in me that they could not be blotted out So that I was as well able to liue without them as without drawing ayre and fetching of my breath Especially in those things whereunto I had beene accustomed from a childe for I had beene long practised in them and they pleas'd me passing well and I tooke such delight and pleasure in them as in nothing more In a word I must vp into the Saddle againe though it cost me another fall I could not choose but goe visit my sweet friends to see how they did I got me againe to my old haunt to see what good game I could finde One day then amongst the rest when my Master was at play I thought with my selfe that my master could not would he neuer so faine shift them off but keepe those Cardinals companie that were come in kindenesse to see him This Chest stood in a by-roome within his bed-Chamber much after the manner of a Closet Now I had no sooner trust vp my doublet and tuckt vp the sleeue of my shirt and thrust in mine arme as farre I could
quo one for another Qui moccat moccabitur Harme watch harme catch This sir is call'd The beating of the Fencer out of his Schoole You see for all your cunning you may take a knocke as well as another man It is but blow for blow you haue giuen me one Venew and I haue giuen you another And so let vs shake hands and be friends Well to be briefe the iest ended in this that they were faine to get a paire of Sizars and goe cutting hayre after hayre which was worke enough for two of his seruants and yet were forced in the end to vnrip his Breeches that they might come the better to clip away the hayres This Iest tooke better then the former because it was a little tarter then the other and stucke closer vnto him By vertue of this I receiued the confirmation of my Knauerie and was taken euer after for the same man I was So that all did seeke to flye from my iests as they would flye from the Plague Two moneths of my banishment were now past and gone After which expiration of time I returned againe to my former Office but with the same little Modestie and feare of doing euill as before You may haply haue heard tell of that tale when Modestie the Ayre and the Water tooke leaue one of another Who at their parting asking where they should meet againe and see each other the Ayre said that they should finde her on the tops of Hills The Water that they should be sure of her in the bowels of the Earth But Modesty that she being once gone from them it was impossible to meet with her any more I haue lost her she is quite gone from me and without any hope of euer returning But it makes no matter A quien le falta la Villa es suya Where she is away the Towne is ours Who would not haue beene feared with those former proceedings and fully resolued with himselfe neuer to doe the like againe But what my amendment was I shall deliuer vnto you and what hapned vnto me therevpon I had certaine sweet guts in my belly and so made and accustomed thereunto that those dayes that I mist of my sweet-meates was a taking of water from the sicke or Wine from a Drunkard I would haue ventured the breaking of my necke from the top of Santo Angelo rather then I would not downe to steale them if they were to be had vpon the face of the earth And hence is it Que quien teme la muerte no gozala vida That he that feares Death does not inioy his life If feare would haue made me turne coward I had neuer tasted that so sweet a life I cast vp my account and made this reckning with my selfe Suppose they should take me againe with the like What can they doe vnto me or what hurt can come of it I haue alwaies obserued that Feare is painted feeble leane-visag'd staring-hayr'd pale-coloured sad-countenanced heauy melancholy naked fearefull and not daring either to say or doe that which it fayne would and most of all desireth Feare is a seruill Act only proper vnto slaues it enterpriseth nothing nor doth any thing succeed well that it vndertaketh and is like vnto a cowardly curre which knoweth better to barke then to bite Feare is the soules hang-man and it is but foolishnesse to feare that which cannot bee auoyded In a word it was impossible for me such was my condition to abstaine from being in Action I was not able to containe my selfe Happen what may happen Come what will come all was one to me I said to my selfe Audaces fortuna iuuat Fortune befriends braue spirits Let the worst come to the worst fall backe or fall edge I was sure to pay for it only in my person and not in my goods either moueable or vnmoueable for it was not Gods will that I should haue any land of mine owne whereon to settle my selfe and make my certaine abode nor any Se-mouentes such things as could moue of themselues and keep me company whither-soeuer I should goe My Lord was a great louer of your moyst Suckets and such liquid Conserues as they vse to bring from the Canaries in little Barrels or from the Ilands of the Terâ—…ras Which Barrels when they were emptie were throwne aside and no reckoning made of them lying here and there in euery corner as good for nothing I had got me one of these containing about halfe an Arroba which seru'd me in stead of a Trunke wherein I kept my Cardes my Dice Garters Points Cuffes Handkerchiefes and other things befitting a poore Page The Cardinall as he was sitting one day at dinner commanded his Steward that he should goe amongst the Merchants and buy him some three or foure Quintals of those that were the newest and the freshest and but lately brought in When I heard him say so I began presently to cast about with my selfe how I might make my selfe Master of one of these Barrels The Cloth was taken away the Cardinall risen all gone to dinner and whilest they were busie at their victuals I got me into my Chamber and in the twinkling of an eye before you could well say This I clapt me within that Barrell which I had as many old rags dust grauell or whatsoeuer other trash came first to hand till I had fill'd it brim-full and thrust it downe as hard as I could for my life to make it lie the closer This done on went the head then the hoopes making all fast and sure so that it was now as handsomely fitted vp as heart could wish and no man that should haue seene it but vvould haue sworne it vvas so artificially handled that it had beene newly brought from the Indies stuft with roots of Tragopogum or Goates beard as some call it which is good against poyson When I had trimm'd it vp and made it feat and fit I let it alone hauing still an eye and standing as Sentinell to watch what successe this proiect of mine might take Now as good lucke would haue it behold about the Euening I did desâ—…y two Azemilas which came along laden with Conserues who were no sooner entred within doores but they were eased presently of their burthen The Steward commanded the Pages to carry them into the Cardinals lodgings I had now a fight of Fortunes foretop and boldly told her You shall not goe from me till I haue taken hold of your hayre And as I was speaking I tooke vp one of the Barrels and layd it vpon my shoulders as the rest of my fellowes did but lagging a little behinde giuing them leaue to goe before me as soone as I was come right ouer against mine owne chamber doore I suddenly slipt in when I saw the coast was cleere and tooke out that other which I bare to my Lords lodging and so I made my three returnes giuing a good account of all my lading When the
last was come vp I stood very soberly in the Hall where my Lord Cardinall was who said vnto me What thinke you of this fruit Guzmanillo you cannot put in your hand here your Wedges will not serue your turne I reply'd to that point told him My good Lord Donde no valen 〈◊〉 aprouâ—…chom vnnas Where the Wedge nought preuailes woe must make vse of our nayles if one thing will not doe the deed another must And though mine arme cannot get in my hand may and that 's enough for 〈◊〉 I will desire no more Very good Sir said my Lord but as they are now neither your arme nor your hand will stand you in stead There lyes the skill quoth I to my Lord for if they were otherwise 〈◊〉 to be opened I would not care a button for them there is no pleasure in such aâ—…ase In matters of difficultie your good wits come to their tryall which onely shew themselues in things of great importance and not in driâ—…ing a nayle into the wall or in pulling on of a paire of shooes things easie to be done and which naturally offer themselues vnto vs at the first sight â—…ist thou me so quoth my Lord well I will once set your wits a worâ—…g If within these eight dayes you shall shew your selfe so nimble-witted as to 〈◊〉 one of these from me I will bestow it on thee for thy labour and thou shalt haue another besides into the bargaine But if thou shalt faile therein thou shalt then binde thy selfe to receiue such punishment as shall bee agreed vpon My Lord said I eight dayes why eight dayes is a mans life it is time inough of conscience The businesse will be too long a doing and it may be by putting it off to so large a time we may either grow cold in the bargaine or the memory of it dye and be no more thought vpon I accept the fauour offered mee by your Lordship and if to morrow by this time I shall not finish this businesse I shal willingly resigne vp my selfe into the Secretaries hands to be punished at his discretion Because I assure my selfe that he would willingly haue the tawing of me that he might reuenge himselfe vpon me for the late passage that I put vpon him to his great grieâ—…e for the sent of the Pitch is not yet gone from him nor his haires come againe My Lord laught and so did they that were about him And thus the bargaine was driuen betweene vs for the next day following But because I was already on the fore-hand and was well assured of the businesse I could if I would haue presently cleered my selfe of this debt but I was willing to let the bond runne on till the time it was due The boord was couered and my Lord was now set downe to dinner feeding on such things at first which I brought in to procure him the better appetite to his meate and looking me in the face he smilingly said vnto mee Guzmanillo it is but a little now to night That come your time is past What will you giue me now to be freed of your bargain Master Nicolao hath rods in pisse for you and is prouided for your paiment And me thinks that he is plotting how he may be reuenged of thee and thou how thou maist satisfie thy selfe vpon him If I might aduise my counsell should be that hee should not deale with thee not so much for thy sake as his owne Whereunto I answered I am sure my Lord that my punishment is in the Secretaries hands But I am not yet sure that the Conserues are in mine Yet if I had store of money to set vpon this cast and had ought to lose more then the poorenesse of my person I would venture it all for this once because I am very confident of my Chance Thus dinner past on till the last course was almost ended and ready to bee taken away at which time I went to the Court-cupboord and taking from thence a Siluer-plate I fill'd it with the Conserues of that barrell which I had stolne and therewith I came to the Table and set them downe before his Lordship When my Lord saw what I had brought him he blest himselfe and began to wonder much at the matter for he himselfe had the barrels in his owne custodie they were within his owne lodgings and there he kept them as he thought safe inough He would trust no body with them in regard of the bargaine that was driuen betweene vs He kept the key himselfe he bore it alwaies about him At last he cals the Chamberlaine vnto him and wils him to goe in and to count the Barrels and to see if any of them were opened or ill-conditioned He went in and finding them both in number and place to be iust the same as at their first putting in he came forth againe and told his Lordship the tale was whole and intire not a barrell that was missing and that they were sound and well-conditioned and not the least suspition to be had for ought that hee could perceiue amongst them all no not so much as the least hayre of his head Ah ah ah said my Lord this tricke will not serue your tuâ—… this is a very poore one Thou would'st make vs beleeue that thou hast taken that out of one of the Barrels which thou hast bought with thy money With that he turned himselfe towards the Secretarie and told him Domine Nicolao I astigne Guzmanillo ouer vnto you to doe what you list vvith him and to punish him as you thinke fit for that he hath lost his wager The Secretary made answere May it please your Lordship to take the correction of him into your owne hands and to dispose of him as you please for I for my part will haue no more to doe with him I will not come neere him nor his shadow I dare not I haue had too much of him already And if I should now tickle vpon a new score and make him pay for the old and this together I should gaine nothing by the reckoning for I hold him to bee of that vnhappy and dangerous both wit and nature that he would in reuenge conuey the next time a nest of Hornets into my breeches or some other venemous vermine that should either poison me or sting me to death And therefore if your Lordship put him ouer vnto me and leaue his punishment to my discretion I freely absolue him thereof and am willing to imbrace his friendship I haue not as yet said I offended in that degree that I had need of absolution Where there is no matter to worke vpon it is needlesse to seeke to introduce a forme I am as good as my word and haue performed what I promised the wager is mine I haue wonne it And if this bee not true that I speake and that I make it not plainly to appeare vnto you punish me at your pleasure I aske no fauour at your hands De
truth nor loue from them They neither serue him with feare nor entertaine him with their loue He is abhorred hated scorned made a common by-word in the Market-place in the streets in the Tribunals and euery publike Assembly discredited by all men and defended by none If Masters did but know how much it did import them to haue good and honest seruants they would spare the meat out of their owne bellies to bestow it vpon them for they are true riches indeed and hee that hath a good seruant hath a great lewell And it is impossible that a seruant should be diligent with that Master that is not louing vnto him There were brought to my Lord from Genoa certaine Boxes of Conserues very great and large they were richly gilded and curiously wrought vpon the top as possibly could be desired they were fresh and faire to looke to as being but newly finished which Boxes vpon the way had taken a little wet When they were brought before him it did me good to looke vpon them and the rather for that they were made and sent him by a kins-woman of his who did ordinarily vse to send him such kinde of dainties I was not in the house when they came and while I was lacking they entred before my returne into a consultation what they should doe with them and how and vvhere they were best to drie them that they might haue a safe conduct from my person that I might not seaze vpon them And the rather for they must be forced to lay them abroad in the Sunne which would haue runne some danger if they had clapt them vp close in that Urne wherein Iulius Caesars ashes were put Euery one broached his opinion but not one good one amongst them all My Lord himselfe lighted vpon one and said It matters not much to studie for a place where to keepe them safe if we giue the keeping of them to one that will looke well vnto them they will that way be safe and no way else They did all allow of my Lords reason And as soone as I came in his Lordship call'd me vnto him and said Guzmanillo what were we best to doe vvith these Conserues vvhich are come thus vvet that vve may preserue them from being spoyl'd The best course my Lord said I in my poore opinion is to eate them presently And durst thou aduenture quoth he to eate them all I answered It were no great matter so to doe if a man had time enough But I am not so great a glutton that now at this present I dare to venture alone vpon so great and honourable a Muster as is here made before me My pleasure then is said he that thou looke vnto them and keepe a true reckning of them laying them out euery day abroad in the Sunne And here is no euasion for you for they shall be deliuered vnto you by tale and by tale I will looke you shall returne them vnto me Here you see them layd open before you and how faire and full they be and if any harme come vnto them or ought be missing I shall easily know where the fault lies and call you to account for it I told him that I was neither master of my selfe nor them I knew not what to doe in this case I was not mine owne man I had not power ouer my selfe and that I was one of Eue's sonnes and that being put into such a Paradise of Conserues the Serpent of the flesh might tempt me to eate of this forbidden fruit His Lordship reply'd then againe and told me See sirrah that you looke well to your charge for I will expect that you giue them me as I giue them you I must not haue a piece missing neither in number nor in weight qualitie for qualitie quantitie for quantitie all whole and sound or else you shall see what will come of it and therefore I would wish you to looke well what you doe and to vse your best care I then made bold to tell him The Plea my Lord that is betweene vs depends not on this point this is not the hinge whereon it hangeth For to returne them vnto you as they are without finding any missing or perceiuing any hurt they haue taken that is a very easie thing I can doe that presently But it is another point my Lord that I stand vpon What point I pray say's my Lord I told him I put my selfe into great perill for I am priuy to mine owne inclination and weaknesse no man should better know mine owne abilitie and strength then my selfe and therefore to deale plainely with your Lordship if you will haue me to comply with your Lordships command if my life lay on it I shall not be able to hold my hands I must needs taste of them if not fill my belly My Lord maruelling much at me Well quoth he seeing it will be no otherwise I will for once make tryall how discreetly you will behaue your selfe I shall see by this what manner of man you be I giue thee therefore free liberty that thou eate as much as thou hast a minde to for once and no more and that one time I allow thee to fill thy belly as full as thou wilt thy selfe but with this condition that thou deliuer them vp afterwards vnto me without any defect or fault and in case the contrary shall appeare thou shalt make me satisfaction in such payment as I shall be pleased to appoint I accepted of the condition of this Obligation and thereupon they were all deliuered vp into my hands The next day following I layd them out in the Sunne in an open walke and amongst the rest of these sweet-meates there was one of the flowers of Oranges and Limons which offred it selfe to my view it lookt very louingly vpon me as if it did desire to be better acquainted with me and I who was loth to be behinde hand in matter of courtesie made towards it tooke it in my hand with a little knife that I had about me loosening those little tacks with which it was fastened beneath and heauing it vp daintily by degrees till I had turn'd it vp-side downe and that the lid lay downward with that very knife I tooke out almost the one halfe from forth the bottome of it returning to make it fast againe as before putting in place of the Conserues so much waste Paper cut out so iust to the same measure and proportion that no man was able to perceiue it My Lord that night being minded to make a collation I brought to his boord foure of the said Boxes and asked him when I set them downe whether I had not looked well vnto them He told me if the rest be like vnto these he was well contented with them Whereupon I brought them all before him and he was very well pleased when he saw them because they were much dryer then they were before and better conditioned With that I presently stept
those that are addicted and giuen to play might be taught and instructed it were very good for the auoiding of deceit and many a Gentleman would not be so easily fool'd out of their money and meanes as now they dayly are For our Sensualitie suffers it selfe easily to be ouer come by Vice and that is turn'd to an ill habit and becomes a bad custome in the end which at first was inuented for a lawfull exercise and to passe away the time And with reason may it be called a bad custome when it shall be disorderly followed and that men are too much wedded to gaming altering the true intent and meaning thereof and putting it out of its right byas Gaming was first of all inuented for the recreation of mans minde and for the refreshing of him himselfe when he found himselfe wearied with the troubles and turmoyles which accompany this life and when it breaketh this rule and passeth beyond its due bounds it is wickednesse infamy and theft For it seldome hapneth that it is not attended with these Attributes I speake of those that are profest Gamesters who make their liuing of it as a man would doe of an Office or a Trade and make a continuall practise of it Notwithstanding I could heartily wish and it is one of my most earnest desires that those would leaue it off and giue ouer this excesse of play which are of the nobler sort considering the hurt which may insue thereupon especially seeing that ill is ballanced with good and that if hee winne and the other lose he is bound to giue the loser leaue to speake to indure many bold and intemperate actions to beare with many indiscreet both words and deeds and other strange kinde of gestures and vnciuill behauiour which he is tyde to suffer onely as he is a winner not as he is a man of honour who in things of another nature will risent the least wrong that is done vnto him Other things there are of like qualitie with these which I dare not presume to presse any farther that not onely for them and those already mentioned they ought to abhorre gaming but euen those houses and Ordinaries where Play is maintained But being that our appetite is so vnbridled and our naturall inclination there-vnto so exorbitant that it cannot in this kinde altogether containe it selfe it shall not be amisse but rather good and fitting that a yong man should know the Lawes of play learne the skill thereof and vnderstand all the tricks and cheatings that are vsed therein that he may perceiue when he meets with a Cony-catcher And if such cheating companions once begin to lose and that their metall melts away from them let him powre the rest of his owne moneys into his Bootes Breeches Hand-wrest Collar Girdle Bosome Sleeues or any other part about him whether he can cleanliest conuey it that he may not lose his money like a beast For besides the getting of it from him they will laugh at him when they haue done One thing I was euer carefull to obserue I would neuer sit downe to play with a little money nor for a little nor with that man that would not aduenture to get much playing my mony freely without either offering or taking of wrong Well I was so wholly giuen to gaming and spent so much time therein that I committed many faults Nor is it possible that a Gamester should performe those duties which belong vnto him much lesse he that serues and is ty'de to attendance Neither doe I know that Master that will giue bread to that seruant that is a Gamester For if he manage his Masters affaires and haue either moneys of his in his hands or other his goods committed to his charge and that he chance to lose his owne hee will play then vpon his Masters purse hoping to recouer himselfe and if peraduenture hee continue still on the losing hand and hath not afterwards wherewithall to pay hee runnes himselfe into greater danger then before thinking that lucke will turne and so come to relieue his losses But say he is not trusted with any thing of his Masters nor hath any thing of his to loose yet is it not possible that he should assist at those houres when he ought to doe him seruice nor will he be in the way to be found when need shall require as it hapned to my selfe My Lord was greiued thereat to the very soule nothing could preuaile with me neither admonitions nor perswasions nor words nor promises to remoue this euill custome from me And being one day in my absence with his houshold-seruants about him he told them how well he wisht mee and the great desire that he had of my good And seeing that I could not be reclaimed by faire means his purpose was by some one deuice or other to bring me to be a reformed man And the plot was that by discharging me from his seruice and putting me out of his house for some certaine dayes it might be that calling my lewd courses to minde and seeing mine owne errours in the end I might come to a truer feeling of my misery and by that meanes bee drawne to amendment of life yet would he not that my allowance should be taken from me lest for want of meanes I might through necessitie be driuen to doe some dishonest act or other O how singular a vertue was this in so great a Prince how worthy of eternall praise how fit to be imitated by all those that desire to be well and truely serued And certainly it is impossible but that seruants vnlesse they be such as I was would be willing to lay down a thousand liues if they were Masters of so many to giue but any the least content to such kinde and louing Masters Well I was driuen by this meanes to my shifts and wanted meat to put in my mouth O Lord let it euer be in my Letany that thou wilt deliuer mee from this euill Other wants haue some trouble with them But when a man hath a good stomake and wanteth meat is extreme hungry and hath not where-withall to fill his Maw to see the houre of eating come and he to remaine fasting to passe ouer the day from morning to night and not to finde whereon to feed these I say are such things as would make a man doe any thing be it neuer so dishonest Cloakes Hats and all walke then though it be but for halfe they are worth what shift so euer we make to come by other This miserie befell me and that in a very troublesome time For hauing spent a whole day and night in play and hauing lost all the money that I had and when that was gone all my cloathes hauing nothing left me to couer my nakednesse but a poore thin Doublet and a paire of white linnen Drawers when I saw my selfe in this poore taking I retyred my selfe into my Chamber not daring for shame
that like the Prodigall sonne I would willingly haue returned home and beene content with all my heart to be one of the meanest mercenary seruants in my Lords house But such was my misfortune that he was now dead and gone Beaten with the rod of affliction I began to be humbled and was fully resolued to turne ouer a new leafe and betake my selfe to a better course of life but it was all too late I came a day after the faire And fit it is that he that will not when he may when he would he should haue nay And it stands with very good reason Que pierda por el mal quâ—…rer el bien poder That throught the badnesse of will we should lose the goodnesse of power There went the distance of some two moneths betweene my good and bad fortune And if I had beene a stay'd and well-gouern'd Youth as I had a running head and a giddy braine the least good that could haue befalne me would haue beene though the meanest of his seruants an honest prouision during my life and might haue runne the venture of some better fortune But seeing it fell out as it did yet must we thanke God as well for the bad as the good I cannot say that my malignant Starre was the cause thereof but that mine owne euill inclination was the worker of my woe For the starres non compellunt sed inclinant they incline but not constraine They make men apt but they doe not coact Some ignorant fooles sticke not to say O Sir Destinie is not to be auoyded That which shall be shall be And it is in vaine to striue against it I tell thee my friend it is a vaine thing to say so and thou doest not vnderstand the truth thereof aright for there is no necessitie that it is or should be so it is thou thy selfe that mak'st it so to be In these Morall and outward things thou hast a kinde of free-will conferred vpon thee whereby thou maist if thou wilt gouerne both thy selfe and thy actions Thy starre cannot constraine thee nor all the heauens ioyned together with all the force and power that they haue cannot compell thee against thy will It is thou that forcest thy selfe to leaue what is good and to apply thy selfe to that which is euill following thy dishonest desires whence these thy crosses and calamities come vpon thee I was now entred into the seruice of the French Embassadour with whom my Lord who is now in glory held strict amitie who in his life-time tooke likewise great pleasure in my witty iests and merry conceits He would faine haue had me serue him before but he was loth to intertaine mee lest it might be taken vnkindly to receiue another mans seruant considering the good loue and friendship that was betweene them Well I was now with him and he vs'd me well but with a different end For my Lord directed his actions to the profit and benefit of my person but he onely for his owne priuate ends and the pleasure which he tooke in my ierkes of wit the merry tales that I would tell him and the pleasing messages that I should bring him now and then from those his Ladies and Mistresses to whom he made loue He did settle me in no set place or office about him I was his seruant at large and he as largely paid me For either hee would giue me my paiment himselfe or else I my selfe would take it in his presence with some pleasant iest or other or to speake more plainely I was his chiefe Minion and Fauorite though it pleased some to call me his Buffone Iester When we had any guests as we seldome or neuer wanted wee were very complementall with them and waited punctually vpon them our eyes still attending on theirs but if they were either impudent foolish or troublesome guests which came thither vnbidden vpon such as these we would put a thousand iests Some we would make to sit all dinner time without drinke that you would haue thought that they had been so many Melones sowne in a dry ground to others we would giue very little and that in pinching glasses some had their Wine ouer-watered other-some ouer-warme without any snow When they were ready to eate their meat we would take away their Plates from them and set some salt-meats before them ill seasoned with a little oyle that was none of the best We would dayly inuent new deuices to abuse their palates that they might take dislike and come there no more It hapned once vpon a time that an English-man claiming kindred of the Embassador and it being a common custome with him to come dayly to our house my Master grew weary of him for besides that hee was not his kinsman he was neither Noble in his bloud nor indued with good qualities and aboueall in his conuersation full of impertinencies that it was a kind of captiuitie to keepe conuersation with him There are a certaine kinde of men that a mans heart will rise against them and grow into a dislike of them though he neuer saw them before And againe there are another sort of men that will steale thereinto and thrust themselues into our affection and good liking vpon the first sight winning our good will from vs and procuring our best wishes this either hatred or loue not being in the hands of the one or the power of the other But this was a meere lumpe of Lead a man of no metall in the world a dull and heauy piece of flesh in a word a meere block-head One night when they were newly set at supper hee began to lay open his vanitie with telling a thousand lyes one vpon the necke of another wherewith the Embassador was much offended and not being able to suffer such a one to goe on in his fooleries he spake to me in Spanish which the other vnderstood not and said vnto me Would I could bee rid once of this foole for I am as weary of him as euer I can be He did not speake this to a Dolt or an Asse I had his meaning in the winde Whereupon I tooke my friend to taske I followed him with salt-meats that were smart and sharpe and left behinde them a kinde of tartnesse or tang vpon the tongue wherewith being bitten he call'd for his coolers which he tooke almost faster then I could fill them The wine that he gulped downe was the gulph that swallowed him vp The glasse vvas great his draughts answerable and those often and this powder tooke so well that at last he was powdred vvith a vvitnesse and quite blowne vp When I saw he had yeelded himselfe prisoner to his pots and that hee was aboue one and thirty being many peepes out I tooke off one of my Garters and knit a sliding knot vpon the instep of one of his feete and fastened it vnto the stoole whereon he sate And when the Table vvas taken away and
Gallies during life CHAP. VIII Guzman de Alfarache is taken out of the prison of Sevill to be carryed to the Port to be put into the Gallies He recounteth that which befell him on the way as likewise in the Gallies CHAP. IX Guzman de Alfarache prosecutes that which hapned vnto him in the Galleys And by what meanes he came to be freed from thence THE ROGVE OR THE SECOND PART OF THE LIFE OF GVZMAN DE ALFARACHE The first Booke Wherein he recounteth what befell him from the time that he serued his Master the Lord Embassadour till hee left Rome CHAP. I. Guzman de Alfarache excuseth the processe of his discourse craueth attention giues notice of his intent sheweth that Lying of all other things is the worst He treats of the ill gouernment of Great men Of Courtiers and their Vices Of the Spaniards loue to Radishes Of the order and end of this Worke. COME let vs away Thou hast now bayted and refresht thy selfe in thy Inne Come I say Arise and let vs be gone if thou beest willing to haue my Company and that I should doe thee seruice in this iourney though there is another iourney that I must goe through with for whose happy end I goe trauelling through these stony and desart places Through these craggy Rocks and vneuen wayes beset with Bushes and Bryers I doubt not but I shall make this iourney seeme easie vnto thee with that assured promise which I shal be able to make vnto thee of bringing thee safe to the end of thy desire Pardon my bold proceeding and taxe me not of inciuilitie that I treat with thee in this manner I confesse that I faile in that respect which is due vnto such a one as thou art But consider I pray' that what I say it is not spoken to thee but that thou should'st reprehend others who perhaps haue as much need of reproofe as my selfe I goe talking at randome like those that play at blind-man-buffe and thou maist very vvell tell me that my tongue runnes ryot and that I talke like a foole or a mad-man because I shoot my bolts without feare or wit and vnaduisedly throw the stone out of my hand not knowing where it may light or the harme it may doe But I shall answer this with that which a foole once said that fell a throwing of stones who as oft as he threw would cry out aloud saying Take heed take heed my Masters for it cannot fall amisse where-euer it light it must needs hit right So I likewise tell thee Que como tengo las hechas tengo sospechas That if I haue sate vpon any bodies skirts or shall chance to sit closer vnto them I haue reason to suspect that they will pay me home if they can For he that reprehends other mens faults cannot but liue in feare of being told his owne I imagine with my selfe that all men are iust such as I am weake facill and full of naturall passions nay sometimes strange and extrauagant humours But it were a thousand pities that all Sacks should be alike But being bad my selfe I thinke no man good such is my wretched condition and of as many as beare the same minde I conuert Violets into poyson throw durt vpon Snow and in my thought trample the fresh and fragrant Rose vnder my feete It might in some sort haue beene happy for mee that I had stayd when I was well and had not gone on with this my discourse I know that albeit I haue beene troublesome vnto thee thou wilt hold me excused and therefore I shall not need to craue thy pardon and to begge thy good word and attention the purchasing whereof is that which I principally pretend And albeit many and peraduenture all those that haue tasted of the Apple will deeme it to be impertinent and superfluous But mee thinkes it is not possible that it should bee so For albeit I should be as bad as thou wouldst make me to be or that I were such an arrant Asse and Coxe-combe as you forsooth in your Idea would forme me to be yet cannot I perswade my selfe that thou hadst set thy figure right or that thy iudgement were truely grounded For no man thinkes himselfe to be the same man that other men would make him to be nor iudges himselfe by anothers opinion I thinke of my selfe as thou thinkest of thy selfe Euery man holds his owne fashion the best his owne life the vprightest his owne cause the iustest his owne honour the greatest and his owne conceits those that hit rightest I tooke counsell of my pillow it seeming vnto mee which indeed is true that a prudent consideration doth euermore beget happy euents and that too much haste is the mother of various and vnfortunate issues whose Handmaid is repentance For doe you graunt but one absurditie and a thousand will follow vpon it And therefore that the ends may not erre as too too vsually it hapneth it is fit that wee make a faithfull examination of the principles which being found out and well chosen they affoord vs that helpe that wee may boldly say that the better halfe of the vvorke is already finished reaching forth such a resplendour and fulnesse of light vnto vs that afarre off by naturall signes and tokens they discouer those things vnto vs which are likely to happen hereafter And howbeit in themselues they are in substance small yet in their vertue and operation they are great and are in a disposition to matters of much importance And therefore when we will experiment them we must propose all the difficulties examining them with all diligence seeking to draw all the good out of them that we can and the soundest counsell but when we are once resolued that they are actions of Prudence and so generally taken and esteemed they ought in all mens iudgements to be brauely followed and put in execution And by so much the more by how much the more noble shall that enterprize be which we pretend to vndertake And it is an imperfection and a notable note of lightnesse to enterprize those things which we cannot effect especially if they be not crost by some sudden and vnexpected accident or some great impediment or other for in their end consisteth our glory My purpose only was as I told thee before to benefit thee and to teach thee the way how thou mightest with a great deale of content and safetie passe thorow the gulph of that dangerous sea wherein thou saylest The blowes I shall receiue thou the good counsels The hunger is mine but the industry must be thine that thou mayst not suffer hunger I indure those affronts from whence thy honour rises And since thou hast heard it said Que à que se te hizo rico que te hizo el pico That is that he that made thee rich made thee likewise to open thy beake that thou mightest be ready to receiue a blessing
field And that therefore hee would vouchsafe the fauour if not to lessen the time of his troublesome life yet at least to equall him with the Asse Iupiter condescended The Dogge in token of his thankefulnesse bowed his nose to the ground remitting into his hands the remainder of those his other twenty yeeres Whilest these things were a doing the Ape did not sleepe but lay close and listened very diligently to all that had past longing to see what would be the end and successe of these their supplications And because it is a peculiar propertie belonging to the Ape to imitate that which others doe he would likewise in this follow his fellowes being desirous also to know what should become of him Perswading himselfe that hee that had shewed so much mercy to the Asse and the Dogge would take no lesse pitie of him Here-vpon he goes me to Iupiter and humbly intreats him that hee would deigne to giue him some light of that which was like to befall him in the passage of this his life and for what end he had created him for it was not a thing to be doubted that he had made him in vaine Iupiter signified vnto him that it should for the present bee sufficient for him onely to know that he must goe trayling of a chaine vpon the ground with a great clogge at the end of it that should continually accompanie him and be bound as a Surety for him in case he were not ty'de fast to some Post or the barre of a Window where in the Summer hee should suffer heate and in the Winter cold indure hunger and thirst eating his meat leaping and skipping and fetching mâ—…ny a friscall And that for euery bit they gaue him he must first make a thousand chatterings with his teeth and as many mowes and mops with his mouth in requitall whereof he should receiue so many lashes with a whip onely to prouoke others to laughter and to make them merry He thought this was hard teaching he did not halfe like it it was too curst a Schoole for him to bee trayned vp in and would then if he could haue made show thereof by his many teares but putting a good face on the matter as your Apes can when they list and patiently brooking his hard fortune he would faine likewise know how long he must be ty'de to this hard course of life He receiued that answere from him as the rest had before to wit thirty yeeres Grieued with this answere but comforted with the hope that he had in the all mercifull Iupiter he besought him that they might not be more then those of other beasts and euen those few he thought were too many to be indured Iupiter made good his request and granted him what he desired and the Ape kissing his hand as if hee had beene borne a Courtier with a low Conge took his leaue and went away with his other Companions friends the Asse and the Dogge After these things were thus finished and set in order Iupiter at last created Man making him a more perfect creature then any of the rest giuing him an immortall and discursiue Soule He gaue him power and dominion ouer all that he had created vpon earth making him the vsu-fructuarie Lord thereof Man was very well pleased there with and tooke great delight in beholding how goodly a creature he was how faire and beautifull how curiously organized how handsomely shap't how strongly set how great and powerfull a Prince insomuch that hee beganne to thinke with himselfe that such an excellent fabricke was worthy immortalitie And therefore he intreated Iupiter to tell him not what should become of him hereafter but onely how long he was to liue Iupiter replyde That when he first determined the creation of all kinde of liuing creatures and more particularly of Man hee was then resolued to haue giuen euery one of them thirty yeeres of life apiece Man here-vpon beganne much to maruell and wonder at the matter that for so short a time he had made so admirable a piece of worke for in the opening and shutting of the eye like vnto a Flower his life should passe away and should scarce bring his feet from forth his mothers wombe but that he is entring with his head into that of the earth rendring vp his body to the graue not inioying his age nor that delightsome and pleasant seat wherein he had been created And therefore considering with himselfe what had lately passed betwixt Iupiter and those other three beasts before-mentioned hee humbled himselfe before him and vvith a lowly but pleasing countenance bespake him thus Supreme Iupiter if my demand shall not be troublesome vnto thee and against thy diuine Orders and Decrees for my intent shall neuer extend it selfe to any the least breach of the least of them nor shall I euer require any thing of thee but what shall be fitting for me to craue and shall stand with thy willingnesse to grant alwayes conforming my will to thine I humbly begge this boone at thy hands that thou wilt bee pleased since that these brute beasts vnworthy of these thy fauours haue refused that life which thou gau'st them the happinesse whereof as being depriued of reason they did not well vnderstand in that they haue euery one of them surrendred twenty yeeres of those which thou granted'st vnto them to bestow those yeeres vpon me which they haue refused that my life may thereby be inlarged and thou by me the better serued Iupiter gaue eare to this his Petition and granted vnto him that as Man he should liue but his owne thirty yeeres Marry when they were spent hee should inherit those of the other three in their order First he should enioy the Asses twenty supplying his Office in moyling and toyling in the world tumbling and tossing to and fro first to one place and then to another carrying and re-carrying home and out againe carking and caring to prouide for the necessaries of this life This thou must doe if thou meane to liue another day from thy thirty to fifty Now from fifty to seuenty thou shalt liue like a Dogge barking at â—…e snarling at another grumbling at this and growling at that vexing thy selfe and offending others And lastly from seuenty to ninety thou must play the Ape counterfetting those thy defects of Nature and vsing of tricks and toyes and I know not what foolish and fantasticall deuices And hence is it that wee often see in those that come to this Age for all they be so old would faine seeme young Tricking themselues vp so neatly and so sprucely ietting it like yong Gallants vp and downe the streets in gay cloathes visiting this Lady making loue to that Mistresse and vndertake I know not what impossibilities that they may be accounted iolly stout Gentlemen representing that which indeed they are not euen iust for all the world as the Ape doth who is neuer quiet nor thinkes himselfe well pleased
but when in his actions he is imitating man though he can neuer come to be a man It is a terrible thing and not to bee indured that men will in despight as it were of Time which discouers all deceits and ought likewise to put them out of this their errour will apply themselues to runne a course contrarie to the truth and that with their tinctures playstrings lees and slibber-slabbers should play as it were with a Iugglers boxe to coozen others and discredit themselues As if by these Artifices they could eate the more sleepe the sounder liue the longer or be troubled with the fewer infirmities and diseases or that by this course they take the teeth which they haue shed would come againe or to keepe those from falling from them which are yet remaining Or as if by this meanes they could repaire their feeble limmes recouer their naturall heat quicken anew their old and frozen bloud or as if thereby they did thinke they had the power in their owne hands to make themselues what they list and as lusty as they list In a word as if they were ignorant what the world talkes of them when as they themselues talke of nothing else then which is the better lye and which the better dye which either this or that other man makes Nor is all this which I haue now deliuered vnto you much amisse from the purpose being that I am to make my conclusion touching this point the propositions consisting of two Gentlemen both free-men of this foolish Company for whose sake you haue had the Premises My Lord the Embassador as you haue already heard kept a free Table was rich and tooke great pleasure in keeping a good house And because all guests doe not alwayes giue content it one day hapned that hee made a feast for the Spanish Embassador and amongst diuers other Gentlemen there came two to dinner vnto him that were principall Persons the one a Captaine the other a Doctor of Law But to his Lordship both troublesome and wearisome alike for the great pleasure that they tooke to heare themselues talke Of whose impertinencies and friuolous discourses my Lord had in priuate some speech with me heretofore For albeit he tooke great delight and contentment in hearing men of wit and learning speakers of truth and such as were discreet in their carriage and behauiour so on the contrary could he by no meanes indure any kinde of falsehood or lying though it were but in iest and merriment He could not abide an Hypocrite or a flatterer plaine dealing with him was a iewell He would that mens words and workes should be simple without sophistication and truly noble without any manner of doubling and dissimulation And howbeit in these two men there were very good motiues and reasons to cause men to hate and abhorre them yet I am of the minde and hold it infallibly true that in the liking or disliking of this or that man one more then another there is some Celestiall influence conspiring there-withall and on these two had it wrought with great efficacie and strong effects for there was no man but did hate them My Master would faine haue rid his hands of them and haue shak't them off but he could not for that they met him in the street in his way homeward and would needs waite on him to his house as men that did much honour his Lordship and did owe him a great deale more seruice then this their willing attendance vpon his person whereunto they owed all respect So that my Lord being so noble a Gentleman as he was was driuen by force to inuite them to stay dinner who had as it were by force accompanied him to his house Nor is there any vexation that can vexe a man more then such petty vexations which a man would faine put off but knowes not handsomely how to doe it O this incroaching kindenesse what a crosse it is when it shall be inforced vpon a man whether he will or no vnlesse the one will be as vnciuill as the other is impudent As soone as I saw my Lord enter within the gates I perceiued presently by his countenance that something what-euer it were did trouble him I looked earnestly vpon him and he vnderstood my meaning Hee told me what it was speaking vnto me with his eyes by casting them vpon those two Gentlemen and I needed no farther instruction to direct me what I had to doe I held my peace for the present and dissembled my anger beginning to cast about with my selfe what course I were best to take to make these men who had so distasted my Master a sport and laughing-stocke to all the rest of the company and so make them pay dearely for their dinner I had no sooner entertained this thought but there came presently into my head a pretty odde pranke that made fit for my purpose Nor did I take much paines in the finding of it out for they came thither handsomely interlarded and the iest themselues had brought it along with them ready drest and very well seazond Only I expected a fit occasion to set it before them which was now neere at hand But I did deferre it till the last course should bee serued in and al-most ended that it might take the better For the mouth that will be filled with laughter must not haue it's bellie emptie A merry heart and a hungry maw seldome meet Tanto se rie quanto se come As a man likes his fare so hee laughes proportioning his mirth according to his meat The Cloth was laid meat on the boord the Guests were merry healths went round and when I saw their blouds grew warme and that they were set vpon the merry pinne talking and laughing on all hands some of one thing some of another a little before they were to wash the Towell being not yet throwne on the boord nor the Bason and Ewer set downe I came close to the Captaines side and rounding him in the eare told him a notable non sequitur He laught heartily at it and being bound to requite me with another made me bend downe my head towards his bosome that he might the better tell it me in mine eare and so in secret we made two or three passages one vpon another and when I saw my time and that it serued fit for my purpose I began to raise my voyce anote higher and with a cheerefull looke smiling merrily vpon him as if we had talked all this while of that which I shall now tell you when God he knowes we had neuer a word of any such matter I told him No my Sen̄or Capitan no you shall pardon me I will not if your Worship will vent it your selfe you may better doe it then I for you haue a good tongue to put it home and a better arme to maintaine it I will hatch none of your egges good Captaine forth with them your selfe For these are
Don Luys de Castro vvas first to beginne and thus hee proceeded It may bee my Lord Constable that other Louers in the recounting of their misfortunes goe painting and setting of them forth with feined sorrowes Hyperbolicall amplifications such delicacie of phrase and tendernesse of words to worke compassion that with the smoothnesse of their stile and the meltingnesse of their language they moue many to pitie and of these in this kinde much hath been written But that really and truely stript naked of all kinde of dressing and the neat cloathing of eloquence there should happen in these present times a businesse of the like nature as is mine that I haue now in hand is a thing impossible For it is one of the strangest and the most to be wondred at of all that euer I yet read or heard of And because your Excellencie is to bee my Iudge in this case I am very well perswaded you will acknowledge as much when you know my sufferings I loued a certaine Lady of this Kingdome that was a Virgin and ful-filled with all those laudable and noble qualities which might be found in any other who-soeuer being as faire and beautifull as she was discreet and honest whereof and much more then I will now speake I make Don Rodrigo de Montaluo heere present my Witnesse as the onely friend that bare mee company and was thorowly acquainted with all that which past betweene vs I seru'd her many and those the best part of my yeeres with that punctualitie and secresie that there was neuer any the least notice taken of it yet still obseruing her with that diligence as the like was neuer knowne and indeuouring alwayes to giue her all those contents which she could possibly desire from me For her I ranne at the Ring and euer made my selfe one at the ◅uego de toros y can̄as maintained Turneys and Tiltings ordained Royall Feasts and Maskes and what not And for to quit all suspition and to carry the businesse so handsomely that none might finde me out and discouer this my loue nay that they might not haue any the least presumption thereof at all these great solemn meetings my eyes were neuer placed vpon her but some other of the Ladies that were there though shee notwithstanding did really and truely know that those of my soule vvere neuer off on her but still waited vpon her and that shee vvas the sole Mistris of my heart and that for her sake onely and none but hers I inuented all these honourable pleasures and delightfull intertainments for her Vpon these kinde of Feasts and Sports and other the like occasions directed onely to this end I spent so much that I wasted and consumed a great deale of wealth letting my money fly the faster in hope it might make her come the sooner and selling away my possessions that I might compasse the possessing of her which was to me a treasure of more worth then all the world besides My father it is well knowne left mee wonderfull rich both in goods and in lands but in short I sent it packing and past away one thing after another till in the end I became so poore that your Lordships fauour is the onely prop that doth vphold mee without the which I must haue falne And though this I must tell you be none of the least griefes to see a Gentleman of such parts and qualities as my selfe to be outed of all that hee has to become so poore and needy that necessitie must tye him to serue who was wont heretofore to be serued howbeit I acknowledge it a happinesse vnto me that I am your Lordships seruant Though I must confesse withall they are the happier men and the more beholding to fortune who leade a quiet and secure life free from other mens commands not beating their braines nor breaking their sleepes in seeking meanes how to creepe into this mans fauour or to scrue himselfe into that or t'other Lords good grace and opinion But of all my misfortunes the greatest that euer befell me and which ◅its closest to my heart and doth fret the very soule of me and fill it with anguish was That my Mistresse hauing intertained me with false hopes and vaine promises vowing that she would neuer bestow her fauours vpon any other but that in recompence of my constant loue she would be married vnto me where-vnto she plighted me her faith and troth But whether these were the words of a woman or the workes of my short fortunes now when she saw my meanes were spent and my selfe growne poore vn-mindefull of all those in dearements vowes and protestations that had past betweene vs shee shooke off that hand of hers from mine to whom she had first giuen it and gaue it to another and forsaking me married him failing false as she was in her faith and qualitie for scorning my poore condition and not esteeming those my other good naturall parts she made choyse of those goods of fortune taking a Husband farre vnequall to her selfe for as he exceeded in wealth so he did in yeeres But such is the force of money that it can supply all defects and driue vnequall matches to draw in one yoke Thus haue I briefely discoursed vnto your Lordship touching my loue shewing you how happy the beginning was and how disastrous the end And although that I might not weary and tyre out your Lordship I haue beene so briefe that the shortnesse of my Discourse may seeme to lessen my misfortunes and the miseries that I then indured yet I presume your Lordships discretion will supply that want and fully conceiue what and how great they were As also take into your consideration how many troubles they haue suffred and how many perils they dayly runne thorow who wing their thoughts with ◅uch high-flying feathers and who vse such great diligence and secrecie in the carriage of their loue to the end that nothing on their part should be wanting which they thought belonged to their dutie in that behalfe Which my selfe had speciall care of I doe not thinke that either Don Rodrigo or any other Gentleman whatsoeuer can instance in a successe of more misfortune then this of mine for that louing her with that firmenesse and constancie as I did and seruing her with that loue and faithfulnesse as none possibly could be more I lost my time I lost my meanes and last of all to make the roll of my miseries the fuller I lost my Mistris Only there is left vnto me by fortune in exchange of these my many mischances the receiuing of this Ring by way of reward And here Don Luys made an end of his amorous discourses and Don Rodrigo de Montaluo entred vpon his in manner following The Ring Don Luys is none of yours you haue lost it and I ought of right to haue it And turning himselfe towards the Constable he thus went on in his speech Most noble Sir Though I confesse that to be
in mine owne little durty Lane for besides that I should not haue there receiued so much harme the disgrace would not haue beene so publike and I should haue met with a remedie for this mischiefe neerer at hand Well I got me vp as well as I could on my legs but all bemyr'd and berayd with durt being hooted at by the people and affronted by all the women and children in Rome my face being all besmeared with durt and my cloathes from top to toe all playstered ouer with myre that I seemed to haue beene throwne out of the belly of some Whale The people from out their doores and windowes shouted out so loud and the boyes did so flocke about me that as one that was out of his wits and depriued of iudgement I sought where I might best hide my selfe At last I spyde out a house hard by where I thought I should finde some good entertainment I entred there-into and made fast the doore and so barrocadoed my selfe vp close against all that company that were desirous to see me But it did not fall out so well with me as I could haue wisht For it is not fit that any thing should succeed well with the wicked It is a punishment of his fault and so it fell out with me by that bad entertainment which I there receiued as you shall heare more at full in the chapter following CHAPTER VI. Guzman de Alfarache recounteth how in the house where-into hee had withdrawne himselfe to make himselfe cleane another disgrace befell him and many other misfortunes And that which passed afterwards betweene him and his Lord the Embassadour with whom hee discoursed of politicke and graue matters THe night was now darke but much more my heart Euery house was full of lights but my sad soule was fuller of darkenesse I did not weigh and consider with my selfe that it was now late nor that the Master of the house was not willing that I should stay there but reuiling me with odious tearmes sought to driue me out with euill language thinking euery houre a yeere till he had thrust me out of doores For he was iealous of me and began to suspect that this was but some tricke or stratagem of mine owne plotting hauing taken hold on that occasion to get into his house and to bring my purpose more easily to passe Nor was this my honest Gentleman much out of the way For the Gentle-woman his wife wore the Breeches she was Master of the house a friend to her owne will and pleasure very head-strong and not sure of foot So that it was no wonder that her husband should see Visions and dreame of strange apparitions taking euery shadow to be some fearefull ghost and conceiuing out of his iealous humour that all the world went about to coozen him So that euery the least apprehension though of neuer so farre-fetcht a supposition made him presently to take the Allarme Whereupon he no sooner saw me within his doores but he called all his people about him and leauing me all alone in the outward Porch to the great Gate would not suffer his seruants to doe me so much kindenesse as to afford me a bucket of water to wash my selfe withall So that I poore man with my cloathes all to be-myrd my hands all to be-durted and my face so fouly besmear'd that there was not one white spot to be seene I went intertaining my going forth with a great deale of feare lest some might chance to be still waiting at the gate to looke vpon this my new Liuery which might better beare the name of Leprosie And for that they who beheld this my misfortune were not a few the company increasing and standing in a round thicke together they related it afresh to them that were newly come into their companie and for that they had a generall dislike of me they detained all that past by relating vnto them the disgrace that had befalne me whereat they all laughed out aloud making great signes and tokens of ioy And it may be that most of them had reason so to do and by this their reioycing did reuenge them-selues of those wrongs which they had heretofore receiued from me There might you see that verified of me which is commonly sung vp and downe the streets Mas enemigos que amigos tienen Su cuerpo cercado Dizen vnos que lo entierren Y otros que no sea enterrado The street was full of men and boyes which did persecute mee with shrill shoutes and lowd cryes calling in a sharpe and high key Thrust him out Thrust him out Why doe yee let this foule beast abide vvith you put out this same pickled pigge amongst vs. O these base Raskals how had they almost made mee to lose my patience and my iudgement There were some honest folke amongst them that tooke part with mee and all those that were such as I was shew'd themselues on my side These sought to defend me from their fury labouring to pacifie that rude rabble with threats and menaces for they were growne so shamelesse and so impudent that they began to throw stones against the gate being very desirous to haue me come forth amongst them But I neither blame them nor excuse my selfe For I would haue done the like my selfe vpon the same occasion against mine owne father For those things of curiositie which doe not like Shroue-tide come once a yeere I doe not hold it any great excesse to bee desirous to see them And I assure thee nor doe I speake this to make the matter seeme more then it is that if for to make profit I would haue suffered my selfe to bee seene I might by this meanes haue got a good summe of money For I was nothing all ouer but a meere lumpe of durt hauing like your Negro's no more white about mee to be seene saue onely my eyes and teeth this mis-fortune befalling me in the most liquid kennell and rottennest mixen that was in all the street True it is that with the knife that belonged to my Sword I scrap't away as much of it as I could but all was but as a thing of nothing being either little or nothing the better for the myre by reason of its liquidnesse had soked it selfe quite thorow my cloathes so that they remained as wet about me as if they had beene steeped in some bath And I held it some happinesse vnto me in this my misery that I did not goe dropping through the streets like a basket of Buck-cloathes when they are taken from the washing-Bole and carried forth to be dryed in the Sunne In this pittifull manner it being now late and all the people gone I sneaked out in that lamentable pickle as I would haue wisht them to haue beene in who tooke most pleasure therein If there bee happinesse in vnhappinesse in regard of the comfort which we receiue from thence this day it should seeme that
the eye-teeth drop away there the gumm's fall on aking all which are as a mouldring away of these our clods of earth and that the timber of this our house is rotten and the roofe ready to fall about our eares and that there are no buttresses to vphold this tottering wall from the foundation to the very top it is wholly runne to decay and the ruine thereof is at hand Admonish a young man of these and the like things or some rich yong Gallant who is as daring as hee is indiscreet and so head-strong that hee will not bee ruled represent I say vnto him that hee doth not know his friends from his foes that for speaking thus looking there commending that and peraduenture for but walking by if not entring where hee should not hee will bee suddenly stab'd at one time or other not hauing so much time as to receiue the blessed Sacraments nor to call vpon God to helpe him in this his extremitie or to aduise him to consider that his bloud is corrupted ill humours abound in him that hee liues disorderly as giuen to all excesse and ryot that he vseth little exercise and that his often surfeitings will bring him to an Apoplexie or some other dangerous disease that will quickly make an end of him or that the Lambe goes as soone to the Shambles as the sheepe and that he should not flatter himselfe because hee findes himselfe strong in his armes so and in his feet lusty in his legges able in his body and free from all aches either in his head or those his other parts that therefore he is safe is priuiledg'd from sicknesse hath an established health and assurance of long life And here me thinkes I heare this young gallant say Such poore Rascals as thou art must come to die and suffer such mis-fortunes as these For I am rich strong valiant discreet and nobly descended I haue a faite house to dwell in a soft bed to lie in I eate what I list I want nothing that my heart can desire I liue at pleasure and doe what I will with-out controlement and where there are no troubles nor no care-taking there is no sickenesse there no doore open for old age to enter Ah poore silly foole that thou art Samson Dauid Salomon and Lazarus were more good more discreet more valiant more gallant and more rich then thou and yet they dy'd when their time was come There haue beene many millions of men from Adams time to thine and yet there was not any one of them that liu'd for euer in this world He then that shall tell them this Truth or any thing else that may be for their good they will take him to be a foole Who then will aduenture to tell them their faults Or who dare speake their minde freely vnto them Let Vargas speake to this point He must be either desperate or foolish that shall presume to tell Princes and great Persons of these things for if thou be a man of vnderstanding and haue any thing in thee worthy commendation they will presently call thee into the Court and frame a bill against thee executing that Statute vpon thee of Scandalum magnatum And if thou beest a Buffone and common Iester they will send thee to the Porters Lodge and there haue thee whipt Therefore thou must neither iest with those that are rich and mightie nor yet be so plaine with them as to tell them the truth For I am not bound to speake the truth where I know it will not bee accepted and whence I am sure I shall get great hatred if not harme for my good will It shall be sufficient for my vnderstanding and all such as I am to know that all things in this world passe away and that we shall passe away likewise with them I could be content to say this ouer and ouer a thousand times together and repeat no other lesson For to vnderstand this truth alone is that which most importeth vs and doth most neerely concerne vs. And why should we promise that vnto our selues which we can not accomplish Hee that holdes himselfe to be the strongest man of the soundest constitution of the best composed humours and the purest mixed elements this man I say for all his well ordered frame of nature hath no assurance of his long continuance but is more apt to fall then those other houses of Clay which are lesse substantially built There is not any mans strength be it neuer so great that can resist but a puffe of sicknesse the best of vs all are but dung-hills and heaps of dust which a little blast of winde will scatter away and lay vs leuell with the earth Let no man flatter and deceiue himselfe let him not feigne that to himselfe which is nothing so nor intertaine that which his lying sensualitie shall dictate vnto him For she will speake that vnto thee which she vtters to all the world besides Shee will tell thee Thou art great and powerfull and may'st therefore doe what thou list That thou art a Gallant and mayst therefore goe vp and downe and take thy pleasure Thou art faire and rich and mayst therefore be dis-honest and dissolute Thou art noble and mayst therefore lawfully scorne thy inferiours and thinke none to be equall vnto thee And if thou receiuest an iniury it is not for thine honour to put it vp but to reuenge it to the full Thou art a Gouernour and set in authoritie ouer others and therefore mayst gouerne according to thine owne will and order businesses for thine owne best aduantage though it be to the hurt of others let them maunder their worst or come what will come thou need'st not to care Thou art a Iudge and mayst therefore iudge in thy friends fauour mayst tread iustice vnder thy foot and peruert the Lawes at thine owne pleasure Thou art fauoured by the King and art able to shew fauour vnto others thou mayst therefore vse this thy fauour as thou shalt thinke fit and shall sute best with thine owne liking blow smoake in the noses of the poore not regarding how thou doest offend and distaste them For it stands not with thy reputation thy Office thy Dignitie nor thy honour that they should aske thee that which thou owest them nor speake to thee for that his cloake which thou hast wrongfully taken from him But in good faith my Lords I must be so bold to tell you that be yee neuer so great or be yee so great as yee imagine your selues to be though you can neuer be so great as you conceit your selues to be yet the very best of you when you are at the best are no better then a little dust Make your choyse of which dust yee will be it earth or ashes for there are no other sorts of dust If of earth let it put yee in minde that your beginning was dust though tempred with a little water giuing yee thereby to
haue done how-beit it was requisite for him so to doe for the auoiding of a greater mischiefe seeing himselfe now so farre ingaged that hee should giue some notable touch to his Reputation if hee should declare himselfe in my defence especially considering that mens seruants are the reall and true marke of what goodnesse and finenesse is their Masters cloth He will'd me to get me downe to dinner And from that time forward neither I nor any of my fellowes did for many dayes together see his countenance so cheerefull nor finde his tongue so affable as heretofore it was wont to be Now I durst not goe as before out of doores but by night So that all day long I kept my selfe close in my Chamber spending my time either in reading good bookes or playing vpon some Instrument or talking vvith my friends Insomuch that this retiring of my selfe wrought in those of the house a new respect and in those abroad silence and in my selfe another course of life differing from that which I led before Now euery mans tongue was still and now by absenting my selfe from their sight all these my businesses were forgotten as if they had neuer beene The Yong man came often to visit mee that had taken my part when I was so vilely mockt and abus'd by the Boyes He made mee many offers of his Purse and his Person hee acquainted mee with his Country his Name and the cause of his comming to Rome which was to get a Dispensation of his Holinesse and that hee had spent therein a great deale of money and time and yet was as farre from effecting his businesse as the first houre that heeset foot in that Citie I held my selfe bound to doe him all the good offices that I could to further this his pretension giuing credit to all that he told mee And because I did desire that some faire occasion might bee offered whereby I might repay part of that debt wherein I stood bound vnto him I intreated him that hee would acquaint mee with his businesse and I would petition my Lord Embassador in his behalfe and negociate it with all the speed I could Hee returned mee many thankes for this my kinde offer and told mee that hee had now hit into the right path wherein hee was to walke and that he had now very good and assured hopes to bring his purpose to passe But in case this course should faile him whereinto hee had now put himselfe hee would then intertaine that courtesie whereof I had made him so willing a tender And thus wee past the time a while in complement giuing and taking by turnes some Ceremonies of Court-ship till at last he askt mee whether I vvould take the paines to walke along with him to the Palace I excused my selfe vnto him and told him the cause why I had retyred my selfe and how vvell it sped with mee for by my not going abroad mine owne minde was now quieted and the noise and hurry of the Towne very well allayd This yong fellow was as very a Wagge as my selfe much of my age and his Beard like mine newly budding forth he presently caught hold of these words as those which he most desired to heare to come from me and when I had herein satisfied his longing he said thus vnto me Sen̄or Guzman you haue carried your selfe with that discretion as is proper vnto you and may truely bee termed your owne And I hold this for as good and sure a remedie as I find it difficult for you to put it in practise and to make continuall vse of it For sometimes such necessarie occasions represent themselues vnto vs that men are inforced whether they will or no to breake these their firme purposes and religious resolutions If I Sir were in your case rather then I would bee thus mewed vp and for so long a time I would weare out this disgrace by trauelling abroad rounding all Italy before I would returne In which your trauell you shall not onely take singular content but you shall likewise obtaine your intended end and with more aduantage then you can possibly pretend by this your priuate shutting vp of your selfe in your Lords house For Time and Absence weare out all things and are the best Physicians that can bee found for such kinde of diseases as these He went likewise leading me along with the relation of diuers and sundry curiosities presenting vnto mee the great excellencies of Florence the beauty of Genoa and the incomparable gouernment of Uenice and other things of great delight which did so dispose mee to vndergoe this course which after that hee had taken his leaue of mee wrought so vpon mee all that night that I could not take any rest nor thinke vpon any other thing Me thought that I had already pluckt on my Bootes and put on my Spurres and that I vvas now onward on my way Wherevpon I got mee vp as soone as it was day and brought my Lord his cloathes to whom while hee was making him ready I gaue an account of this my resolution Hee liked very well of it holding it a commendable and an honest course that it would make much for my good and stop all those mouthes that were now so clamorous against me He then told me what others had said of mee and that which hee sate musing on at boord when he shew'd himselfe so sad how he was then beating his braines about my good how much he did desire to see me well accommodated for the great affection that he bare vnto me and that he had set his wits aworke for me but seeing that mine owne inuention had hit so well he told me that if I had a minde to goe into France I should haue Letters of recommendation to his friends there in my fauour or if that I should make any other choyse to my better liking he would not be wanting vnto me but deale well and worthily with me as one that had done him true and faithfull seruice I had a great desire to haue gone into France for the great state and Maiestie that I had often heard of that Kingdome but much more of that their noble and renowned King But things were not then in that case that I could conueniently execute my longing I kist his hands and thank't his Excellencie for these his fauours towards me and told him that if it might stand with his good leaue and liking I was very desirous to trauell first thorow all Italy and especially see Florence whereof I had heard such large commendations and from thence goe to Siena where Pompeyo did then reside one that was my especiall good friend and well knowne to his Lordship for we did ordinarily conuerse together by our Letters though we had neuer seene one another Which correspondence had knit a strict knot of friendship betweene vs. My Master was very glad of this motion and from that day forward began to set things in order for my
to apprehend them But leauing them to this their businesse let mee returne now vnto my selfe and God grant that in the meane while they may haue the good lucke to meet with these Theeues and recouer my lost goods Those few dayes that I afterwards stay'd in Rome I was iocund and merry and did not so much as once dreame of any such roguerie intended against me And out of a great desire that I had to know how my sicke friend did whether he had recouered his health or were in worse case then when he left me I staid foure dayes waiting for him but seeing he came not at me nor sent vnto me I continued foure dayes longer in Towne making inquirie after him amongst some of his Country-men giuing them al the markes and signes whereby they might know or at least ghesse at the man but this was to aske for Entunes in Portugall or to looke to heare a Magnificat at Mattens or to seeke after the man in the Moone for there was no such kinde of thing to be heard of All the diligences that I could vse were to no purpose I did verily beleeue that he was very sicke if not dead I likewise thought with my selfe that since he had concealed his lodging from me that the reason thereof was because he had not a conuenient Chamber to receiue the visits of his friends I did as much as lay in me to looke him out but when I saw it was all lost labour and that I could not possibly heare any newes of him I left a large recommendation of my loue vnto him in my Lords house and so taking leaue of my Lord Embassadour I resolued the next day following to begin my iourney My Lord grieued much for my departure clapt both his hands vpon my shoulders and taking a chaine of Gold from off his necke which he did vsually weare and putting it on mine he told me while he was doing me this honour Guzman I bestow this vpon thee that thou maist as oft as thou look'st vpon it haue me in thy remembrance as one that wishes thee all good He gaue me also besides that which I had of mine owne good store of Crownes which would serue conueniently to defray my charges for some reasonable while very well and plentifully that I needed not to want any thing that was needfull and fitting for me When hee had thus furnisht me hee laid his Command vpon mee that where-soeuer I should hap to be I should from time to time giue him an account of my health and how things did succeed with me assuring me that none should reioyce more in my well-doing then himselfe hoping when I had made an end of my trauell to see me againe in his house whither I should alwayes be most welcome These his words and kinde vsage of me fauoured of so much loue and the aduice and counsell which he gaue me at this my farewell was so sweet and so sound and deliuered with that tendernesse exhorting me to good and vertuous courses that I could no longer hold from bathing my eyes with teares I kist his hand kneeling on the ground he bestowd his blessing vpon mee and with it a good high-way Nag This done downe I went got vp bid my fellowes farewell and rode my way making vse of this Nagge in all my trauell which did neuer faile me My Lord and his seruants were ready to melt for the sorrow they had conceiued of my departure He because he lou'd me and saw he must now lose me and would doubtlesse finde a want of me for such seruices as I could best doe him and himselfe tooke most content in And they because albeit my actions were ill for my selfe and turned much to mine owne hurt yet were they neuer preiudiciall to my fellowes and when occasion serued if they had beene put to the triall I dare sweare they would haue hazarded their liues in defence of my person rather then they would haue seene mee take any wrong I was alwayes their good friend neuer did them ill offices told no tales of them neuer nourisht any quarrels amongst them neuer crost their pretensions with my Lord or hindred them in those their suites wherein they were interessed but did further them all that I could so that I was generally well beloued of them all For by doing them these reall courtesies and in that free and friendly fashion I could not but gaine the greater loue thereby if not profit For they were reckned of by my Lord but as seruants but I was vnto him as if I had beene his sonne So that I receiued from them the commendation of a good brother and from my Master of a faithfull seruant Insomuch that neither my seruise dis-merited with my Lord nor their friendship failed me at my need And if that publike fame which was spred abroad of me touching that which so vnfortunately befell me in Fabia's house had not beene diuulged abroad by that Aspine-leau'd tongue of Nicoleta who to as many gossips and friends as she had in Rome babbled forth the iest which was put vpon mee by her Mistresse in the backe Court of her house I had neuer forsaken that commoditie which I found in my Lords house nor his Lordship haue lost so good a seruant who had so well and faithfully seru'd him See what mischiefe a wicked womans tongue can worke who without doing her selfe any good playing the tattling huswife discredited her Masters house and disordred ours Let no man trust a woman with a secret no if it were possible not the wife of his owne bosome For vpon euery light offence that she may be reuenged of thee to plucke out one of thy eyes she will be content to lose both her owne making of a little bracke a great hole and working thee much trouble vpon small occasion I went out of Rome like a Prince well intreated and better prouided hauing store of Crownes to spend abroad till the durt I had taken should become drie and be rubb'd out For when such vnluckie chances as these doe light vpon vs there is no such remedy for them as Time and Trauell to weare them out Mingo neuer went abroad with more contentment then I did now I was gallant rich out of the gun-shot of ill tongues with a full resolution neuer to returne the same man I went forth but like a new Phoenix receiuing fresh life from these my old ashes I was now on my way towards my friend Pompeyo who lookt for me euery houre hauing prouided for me a neat lodging with a handsome bed and Table and all other furniture fitting thereunto I came at last to Siena and inquiring after him they directed me to his house thither I came I found him within he receiued me I cannot say whether more cheerefully or more heauily sometimes shewing a ioyfull sometimes a troubled countenance not knowing either what to doe or what to say concerning the forepassed ill
if they would doe this I say for Gods sake laying aside their dissimulation and not debarring them-selues of those good blessings which God hath created for mans vse and comfort questionlesse in so doing they might leade a happy life in this world and enioy euerlasting happinesse in the world to come Let vs say something of your false witnesse whose punishment doth giue satisfaction to the people and is pleasing vnto all men taking pleasure in their chasticement in regard of the hainousnesse of their offence For for a matter of sixe Marauedis a thing of nothing you shall haue them sweare sixe thousand falshoods and take away sixe hundred thousand mens credits and estates from them which lies not afterwards in their power to make restitution thereof And as your day-labourers and other workemen repaire to certaine set-places appointed for that purpose to be hired by those that haue occasion to vse them so doe these kind of men come to your Courts your Consistories your places of publike businesse euen to the very Offices where your Notaries are a writing to learne how things goe there and to offer their seruice to those that haue need of them And if this were all the matter were not great but it is worse then you thinke it is for the very Officers of the Courts them-selues doe maintaine and countenance these lewd fellowes that in those causes that occurre as occasion shall serue they may make vse of them for their aduantage suborning them to beare false witnesse for the prouing of such or such a businesse which they will not sticke to testifie vpon oath This I assure you that I now tell you is no iest nor doe I therefore speake it vnto you to make you beleeue that which is not so nor doe I lie one iot in all that I haue said vnto you For there are false witnesses enough to be found if any man be disposed to buy them And are as frequent in your Notaries Office as Conserues in an Apothecaries shop Or like horse-leeches in a glasse ready prepared for the businesse when-soeuer you shall be pleased to put them vpon it Let those that haue a minde vnto them goe to D. N. his Office I was about to name him before I was aware but t is all one for I am sure you all know him or can giue a shrewd guesse whom I meane there shall you haue these Knights of the Poste at all kind of prices as you shall haue pies in a Cookes shop some for eight Royals some for foure some for two and some for halfe a Royall as choosing rather to play small game then wholly to sit out But if it be a weighty cause indeed there is also another sort of them of a higher rank and at a higher rate as we see there are pies for weddings and for great feasts which will cost you somewhat more then ordinary these are those that are Musket-proofe and will to strike the matter dead not sticke to sweare that vpon their owne knowledge for these foure-score yeares they remember such and such a conueyance was past thus and thus such a piece of land past ouer after this or that manner and a hundred the like Like to that Country-clowne who being a shallow braind coxe-combe a very lob-cocke being brought into the Court by his Land-lord to witnesse a thing in his behalfe and instructed by him that when hee should be askt how old hee was should answer he was eighty yeares old The silly fellow did not well vnderstand him but being desirous as it should seeme to doe his Land-lord a pleasure being demanded touching his age tooke his oath that he was eight hundred yeares old And albeit the Notary wondring at this so inconsiderate and vnaduised an oath did aduise him to take heed what hee said he clownishly made answer Doe thou take heed how thou writest and stand not a sifting of other mens liues but let euery man bee as old as hee will him-selfe Afterwards the Notary reading the report of this witnesse when he came to the point concerning his age the Iudge apprehended it to bee the Notaries error and would haue punisht him for it but hee excused himselfe saying That he did no more then what did belong to his office in setting that downe aright which he receiued from the witnesse his owne mouth and that although he had admonished him thereof and bid him be better aduised yet he stood stifly in it and ratified what he had said before saying That he was of that age and that he should so set it downe The Iudges caus'd the witnesse to make his personall appearance and demanding of him why hee had sworne that he was eight hundred yeares old Because and it like your Lordships it was for the seruice of God and the Conde my master There are store of false witnesses euery where the streets are full of them they are to be hyred for money but he that will saue his purse and haue them for nothing let him seeke out some kinsman or other that is his enemie with whom thou wagest law for he to be reuenged of him will sweare any thing against the whole generation of thy aduersarie But from these malitious minded men good Lord deliuer vs. For they doe vs the greatest hurt But let vs leaue these kinde of men and come to those of mine owne occupation and to that our Companie or Brotherhood which is the ancientest and greatest that is in the world For I would not haue thee to tit me in the teeth that I haue a pen for others and let mine owne stand idle in my standish or else cause it to runne another way I will not passe by this doore without knocking at it and that soundly too I will not lye lazing in the shade nor making my selfe merry in the Tauerne A thiefe what will he not doe to steale Which word Thiefe I apply to such poore sinfull creatures as my selfe As for your great rich theoues such as ride on their foot-clothes of veluet that hang their houses with hangings of tissâ—…e and costly arras and couer the floores of their chambers with gold and silke and curious Turky-carpets and often hang such poore snakes as wee are I haue nothing to say to them For wee are farre inferiour vnto them and are those little fishes which these great ones doe deuoure They liue brauely vpheld by their reputation graced by their power and fauoured by flatterie These are of that strength that they breake the gallowes hempe was not sowen for them nor for them were your Galleys built except it be to beare command in them Of which command it may be that we shall remember to say something in its proper time and place if we hap to come thither as I hope in God we shall But let vs now speake of those theeues that are not fit to be left out such as my selfe and my seruant Sayâ—…vedra We will not touch vpon
those that rob Iustice for there are none such I trow that will doe so nor is it knowne who they be And if peraduenture there be any such that haue done so we haue already spoken thereof at large in our first Part. Nor will we speake of your Rulers nor Gouernours nor your Counsellors of State for we haue likewise created thereof heretofore besides their managing of these matters is not of any importance at all or worth the talking of For take them out of their tracke put them from their whole-sale and turne them to retayle or remoue them from that pond wherein they haue liu'd and they are to seeke which way to winde them-selues I will not giue a button for the best of them But some perhaps will taxe me and say That thou art as they are both birds of a feather seeing thou art so willing to smother their lyes their deceits and their falshoods For if it should be demanded what meanes hath Master N The answer would be Sir He is a Regidor What is he no more then a Regidor How liues he then thus gallantly How can his Office alone maintaine this brauery hauing no set reuenues or other rents comming in besides considering what a port he carryes what a house he keepes what store of seruants and horses that continually attend him You say well Sir But I perceiue by you that you doe not truly vnderstand the mysterie of it nor rightly conceiue how this may be brought about True it is that he hath no rents but he hath his renters and none can execute that Office without his licence paying him so much rent for it whereof the greatest part comes to the Regidor the rest remaines to the renter to the end that he also may liue and haue where-withall to discharge his rent But why doest thou not speake freely what thou knowest concerning these men I may not nor I dare not for if any man should presume to speake of them oppose himselfe though neuer so little against them or but once offer to question either their lifes or their actions they will make him hold his peace with a pestilence they will neuer suffer him to liue in quiet but force him for his owne ease to flie the Country For being as they are men of great place and power they will presently fall a feeling to finde a straw in thine eare that is they will seeke a hole in thy coat and picke some one quarrell or other against thee and either by right or by wrong they will ouerthrow thee if not vtterly vndoe thee They are like vnto your Cupping-glasses which where they once fasten sit close and hard to thy skin and neuer leaue drawing and sucking till they haue haled from thee what they would haue nor is there any taking of them off till they be as full as they can hold I could also tell thee that no man dares say Blacke is their eye or goe about to haue them punisht For whosoeuer he be that offers that it fares with him as it vsually doth with your pipkins which when they are set full of water ouer the fire they no sooner begin to boyle but the water runneth ouer and puts out the fire that was the occasion thereof Vnderstand you me now Yes marry doe I And it may be they passe ouer these things the better by reason of their good Angels of guard which free them from those blowes that would otherwise fall vpon them and rid them out of all their troubles I could tell thee likewise somewhat which thou hast left out that if these men after they were hanged should haue their causes heard and see what they could say for them-selues euen those very men would then plead stiffely against them who heretofore were in their fauour but now for the feare that they haue of them they are well content to eat their meat in quiet and to hold their tongues I could tell thee besides if I would vnmaske these men that they fare daintily at other mens cost haue what they will either for nothing or dog-cheape making the poore to pay for it who must pay most and fare worst But it is now time to make a full point and to leaue them with their Agentes and Consentientes their instruments and their copartners to them-selues For in conclusion they are as thou art and worse then thou and doe much more hurt for thou doest but damnifie one house alone but these a whole Country O what good counsell dost thou giue mee But let mee wish thee my friend to make vse of it thy selfe Think'st thou perhaps to saue thine owne fingers from burning to take the Cat by the foote and therewith to rake the coales out of the Ouen If thou knowest this to be true or hast any thing else to say of them speake it your selfe for me for I haue told thee all that I know and I would not willingly that they should deale with mee as thou say est they deale with others for I haue no minde to come vnder their lash Suffice it thee that contrary to that decorum that is fitting for the greatnesse of their place and quality I haue inlarged my selfe in speaking more already then may well become mee Nor am I willing to oblige my selfe anew to sift their liues nor diue into their doings being there is no good to bee gotten by it if things runne along in this straine there in Italy God bee thanked that I am going for Spaine where no such robberies as these are vsed But because I am a Spaniard thou wilt say that all the world is my Countrey it is true and in saying so thou doest not lye But shall I tell thee one thing I know how all this may bee remedied and that very easily too to the great augmentation and good of the Common-wealth and by the generall consent of all good subiects to Gods good seruice and the Kings great honour but for the better effecting thereof I must be forced to follow the King presenting his Maiestie with memoriall vpon memoriall Petition vpon Petition and when I shall haue brought the businesse to a good passe and as it were to the very vpshot such a Fauourite or such a great Lord Don B. buzzes him in the eare and tels him that it is an idle and foolish Proiect and vnable to take effect For it reflecting generally vpon them all they out of their great power will trample me vnder foote and crush mee that I shall neuer bee able to lift vp my head any more leauing mee in farre poorer taking then I was before But I am affraid to wade too farre in this deepe water for feare of drowning A shallower ford is safer and fitter for me to dippe my foote in because I speake the truth they count mee a base and obscure fellow and for that I presume to giue them wholsome counsell and sound aduice they call mee Rogue brand me with the
his where we were kindly entertayn'd and with a great deale of respect not for the Asses sake but the Goddesse that was borne by the Asse This good honest Broaker when he had seene vs in our lodging told vs that we could not choose but be weary with our last nights ill rest and our hard iourney And for that we had not any that could on the sodaine make fitting prouision of such things as were needfull for vs that wee should not trouble our heads therewith not take any farther care for we should be supplyde by a seruant of his whom hee would send vnto vs. And so that day hee sent vs in good store of meat ready dreft by one that kept a Cookes shop and had alwayes good victuals in a readinesse And after that he had furnisht vs with all things fitting towards the euening hee him-selfe came to visit vs and after that a few of complements and ceremonies had past too and fro betweene vs I askt him how much hee had laid out for vs But hee seemed to make light of it and told me as one that was willing not to heare on that care that it was a trifle a thing of nothing telling mee farther how much he did desire to serue mee in things of a higher nature then these were whensoeuer occasion should offer it selfe and that this was not worthy the talking of and therefore I should speake no more of it seeming as it were to be ashamed of him-selfe that I should touch any more vpon that string yet notwithstanding I did presse him to receiue the cost he had beene at Telling him That friendship is friendship and money is money and that I should not esteeme the lesse of his loue if he would giue me leaue to discharge it it being enough that I had put him to so much trouble So at last to satisfie my importunitie he told me that the whole came to a matter of eight Royalls which I presently paid him But because I would not haue him goe out of the house I began to vse my old occupation and putting on my cloake I tooke my leaue of him tâ—…lling him that I must needs goe visit a certaine friend touching some businesses that did much concerne mee and that therefore hee would hold mee excused and pardon this my vnmannerly proceeding Hauing thus made my way I left him in good conuersation in mine Hostesses lodging and got me abroad a walking vntill it was night When I came home I found the cloath laid supper ready and all things in that good order and in that plentifull manner as if I had left store of money in my wifes hands for to make this prouision I spake not a word of it nor did so much as aske whence shee had it or who had sent it in as well because it was not fitting for mee so to doe as also for that mine Hostesse had told mee that wee were that night to be her guests as also this honest man the Broaker And from that suppers acquaintance hee and I remayned euer after very great and kinde friends Hee did often come to visit vs and would carry vs abroad to walke and merrily to passe the time inuiting vs sometimes to goe downe to sup by the riuer side to dine at such and such quintas and gardens of pleasure In the euening he would carry vs to Comedies and bestow a box vpon vs and there make vs a good Collation wherewith we past away the time the better And albeit I must truly confesse that this honest man did all that he could and that nothing was wanting vnto vs yet notwithstanding all that hee did seemed little or nothing vnto me for I must tell you there were some who to haue had a taste of these sauoury fruits would haue past the bounds of honestie and come to a higher price and giuen much more money for a standing in such a Faire For I knew very well that women that are faire and of a good presence are like vnto your meale which is made of the best wheat for from the flower the purest and finest part thereof that white and delicate bread is taken forth whereon Kings and Princes your Grandes and Gentle-men of qualitie doe feed but that which is not of the choysest flower but is browner as it comes from the mill is bread for the houshold for Seruingmen trauellers and persons of meane account and the bran or reffuse part thereof serues for dogs-meat or for the feeding of swine making lap of it for the one and washe for the other But a woman of a beautifull and cheerefull countenance shee no sooner comes into any place though shee be there vnknowne but all are ready to grace her the chiefest and principallest persons offering the first thing they doe to rise and giue her respect the gallantest and richest amongst them euen to the very Lords and greatest Peeres of the Kingdome vayling their bonnets giuing her a faire and ciuill salutation desiring to enioy such a dainty peece whom Nature hath so adapted for noble conuersation But anon after when these are glutted and will no more the common route rushes in first our neighbours sonnes then those that come to the Vintage with a tankaâ—…d of arrope in their hands a burden of wood vpon thâ—… backs to make a Christmas fire or a basket of figs according to the season of the yeare these pay a pension all the yeare long for their pleasure as duly as they doe to their Physitian or their Barber But when these will nible no more but refuse to bite at the baite the dogges will beginne to barke at her not a knaue shooemaker nor poore old Cobler that will not set vpon her and raile at her nor a fieue-maker that will not make her dance to the sound of his bels This kind hearted Broaker had already bestow'd on my wife a gowne of black saten trim'd with veluet and a scarlet mantle which was daintily set forth with a broad parchment lace of gold which made a glorious show we had a maruelous faire bed a neate little table and a handsome sute of chaires sutable therevnto but how or which way be came by them I knew not Wee had foure good pieces of leather-hangings richly gilt In a word the furniture of our house was now so well increased that with the helpe of a little more houshold-stuffe we might very well set vp for our selues and kill our flesh within our owne doores and make our market within our owne liberties which could not choose but be much more gainfull vnto vs. On the other side our hostesse did fleece vs it seeming vnto her that she had good reason to licke her fingers and to dip her sop in our honey and onely forsooth for her permission and conniuence But this was not a thing that I sought after I did not so well like of it nor did it make for my profit And I did
good account for her to indure so much subiection and to be tyed to so short prouision She first began to shew some dislike of this his imperious yet base dealing and also many times of purpose refused to see him hiding her selfe out of the way vsing the helpe of a great friend of hers who still made her excuse when she was disposed that he should not come at her For she thought she should haue made her selfe by this market but it proued otherwise But when this new Master of mine perceiued the euill correspondence which she held with him thinking with him-selfe that my presence would quickly remedie all this and bring the Bowle to it 's old bias he presently gaue order that there should be no more Prorogations granted vnto me and that I should be commanded to giue an account of that which I had done They put me to it and I did it more willingly resigning vp my Office then I tooke it vpon me for I found my state therby much impawned and my house much waited and consumed He thought that my presence should haue beene the only remedie to giue him content and that he might the better inioy all things to his owne liking but it fell out farre otherwise for by my presence his expence increased and wee had the better meanes to make it rise Hee was much troubled here-with and knew not in the world how to mend himselfe and conceiuing with himselfe that nothing would worke vs better to his will then rigour then to put vs to our shifts that we might come Cap in hand crouching vnto him and that with our armes acrosse and teares in our eyes we should come and cry him mercy and intreat his fauour he treated with his Colleagues and fellow Officers to banish vs the Court and so accordingly it was notified vnto vs. I began to cast vp my recknings and made this account with my selfe This Lord Iudge takes himselfe to bee such a great man that he thinkes he does me a great fauour in putting mee to maintaine his House and procure his pleasure selling him that for a song which I haue bought with so many affronts and scraped together with such a deale of toyle Againe it will doe me no good to stay here if I may not haue free leaue to make the best of mine owne Commodities It will be the lesser euill thought I with my selfe to obey this banishment and to be packing then to tarry here to no purpose For though it were hard measure that was offred vnto vs and did pinch vs somewhat yet I knew it would wring him much more nay gall him to the very heart For though we lost one of our owne eyes yet we had put out both his For he mist of his marke he had taken the wrong Sow by the eare and all went kim-kam cleane contrary to his expectation So this poore silly asse thinking to bang vs had made a Cudgell for his owne sides Besides at the end of that yeere those ten yeeres were to be expired wherein I was to giue my Creditors satisfaction All these things had I laid together and thorowly weigh'd them with my selfe I knew like wise that my Mother was aliue so on the sudden I hired a Coach for our owne persons and two Carts for to carry our stuffe and our people leauing the Court and the Courtiers to themselues bidding them farewell for euer Thinking with my selfe that those that came from Peru flush with their gold and siluer would proue a great deale more profitable for vs. And so we went quietly along to Seuill CHAP. VI. Guzman de Alfarache and his Wife come to Seuill Hee findes his Mother to be now somewhat ancient and well strucken in yeeres His Wife gets her away to Italy with one of the Captaines of the Gallies leauing him alone to himselfe and exceeding poore Where-vpon he fals to his old trade of theeuing FOr that they who escape out of some great danger as oft as they thinke there-vpon it seemeth still vnto them that they are yet scarce free from the perill they were in I did often call my life to remembrance but neuer to amendment and more particularly that of my late lewd courses the bad estate wherein I found my selfe the little honour that I had to mine owne credit and the small or no respect at all which I bare towards my God all the while that my feete walked in these euill steps I beganne to wonder at my selfe that I vvas become such a beast as amongst men none could be greater For none of all those that are created on earth would euer haue permitted that which I did winke at making my selfe a liuing out of my wiues lewd and filthy gaine putting her into the occasion of sinning giuing her tacit licence to trade nay expressely commanding her to turne Whore And which is as bad if not worse then all the rest that I should require from her my food my raiment and the maintaining of my house whilest I my selfe ledde an idle kinde of life holding like the sluggard my thumbs vnder my girdle It is a fearefull and terrible thing that I should thinke my selfe to be an honest man and to haue honour in mee being so farre from it and so depriued of true good That for to haue crownes to play I should crowne my selfe with infamy and that by not vsing these armes of mine to labour for my liuing I should blot those Armes of my Ancestors and the noblenesse of that house whereof I was descended Losing that which is one of the hardest things to be gotten to wit a good name and opinion in the world That I should prophane so holy a Misterie That I should vse it in that ill and vile manner that being I should haue made it to serue as a meanes of my saluation I made it the high-way to bring mee to hell and onely for food and apparell to nourish and cloath this miserable carkasse That I should oppose my selfe to such perill when as behinde my backe and euen face to face they might haue put an affront vpon mee obliging mee thereby rather to lose my life then to indure such dishonour That a man should not be able to do more then he can do that he should know it and dissemble it either out of his too much loue or his too much griefe or that he may not proclaime himselfe a Cuckold to the world I do not so much wonder at this And this may not onely not be a Vice but a Vertue and a goodnesse in case hee consent not there-vnto nor affoord any fauour or entrance into it But to doe as I did who did not onely take pleasure therein but as if it had been necessary for mee so to doe did as they say cast my Cloake ouer it I doe not well know whether I were blind or mad or bewitcht that I did not consider better there-vpon or if I did that I did not