before they were committed to your hands leave the thought of them to the Lord whose free Love is like a mighty Deep And Oh that the Course which the Lord takes to mind us that the end of all things is at hand might powerfully dislodge our Hopes Peace and Comfort from an Earthly Rest in low transient things and fix them in him who is the Rock of Ages which we are called to do upon every hand I trust that out-stretched Hand of his will do it that at length we may know no persons according to the Flesh nor things neither Then alone in enjoying the Lord shall you and I enjoy our selves and the reality of every good thing when the shadows flee away Is not your Father better than ten Sons and his teaching Rod than their presence consider it Enquire his Will bless his Name comfort your poor Wife and do not charge God follishly Seek God's Face the more and let your Conversation mount higher and then your loss will be repayed and God will shew you his intent in this This only as a Fellow-feeler of your Cross I present unto you c. 1648. To B. J. D. N o 4. COnsidering mine own weakness and remembring you are in the same Body and withall considering that mutual Communications by Pen or Speech is required to help each other and stir up one another to the relish and practice of Christian Walking I thought fit in meer discharge of duty to represent my present thoughts to you And that I may declare more distinctly the state of my Soul to you I pass by the general Complainings and Bewailings which oftentimes arise from pretended religious Complement or carnal Sloth to a more particular Account I find the Reputation of the World doth much beguile me especially when I have to do with Men neither grosly wicked nor strictly good And I find Intimacy with these Men and in their Actions of Indifferency do plague my Soul with such coldness driness and guilt that methinks sometimes I part from them as Tamar from Amnon full of inward shame and disquiet Let me at any time go out of God's sight to act things though indifferent in their nature yet when Conscience calls for any spiritual duty or discourse methinks 't is like the voice that came to Adam in the Cool of the Day I find also a strange influence upon my heart from the ways of coveting any worldly Advantage Well was this wickedness called Idolatry for it doth importunately draw my ear and draw my eye and heart from the Lord to admire and covet after vain Enjoyments and yet I cannot say that to this day I ever wanted any good thing This I find to be both a deceiving and unprofitable Lust spoiling the comfort of my Soul and not enriching my Body nor ever adding one Cubit to my Stature Nothing doth ever make the thought of any misery miserable to me but the reflections of a betrayed heart and they stare upon me as Delilah did on Sampson when his strength was gone and the Philistins were upon him and then my Soul is as weak as Water But should I go to number up the Deceits that are within me they are innumerable only 't is some ease now and then to open the Imposthume as to God so also to good Men. I know not how far your sense of the same or other infirmities may oppress you but I know you wear about with you the same Nature as I do though I hope more enabled to strive against the Stream of Nature than I am but whatever strength you have I am sure it comes from above and indeed I must needs say and my heart rejoyceth at the mention that I am not forsaken in this Conflict my Redeemer is strong and mine infirmities are judged already and shall not afflict me for ever I am directed to a sure Remedy Psal 37. 3 4 5. and shall lay it before you if your disease be mine viz. to trust in the Lord in well doing only Delight in the Lord and commit your way to him let this Physick have its true work and the Truth of God is engaged for a Recovery Sometimes I am as it were venturing on such a Resignment as this Trusting Delighting and Committing doth signifie and methinks the very Resolution so to do as a Beam of God's Power and Love doth rejoyce my heart in hope Doubtless it is a heavenly Life to give up all our delight our trust and commit all our way unto the Lord and doubtless that is the way to fight against our Lusts with much advantage when we are got above them and in our Resignment to God have engaged him in the Quarrel I know the advantage is very great by some little sparks of it And I never knew that I got power against one Lust of heart or evil way but by being first as it were dissolved into the Lord and then appearing against it in his power When God and I am made one through Christ in opposition to my own sins and am no longer mine own but his and my faith acting through this Union then I must yea and I may say Doth the strength and snares of Temptation vanish at his appearing And happy is that Soul that appears in no other strength but his But while I am writing my heart doth accuse my Pen for hinting an Enjoyment beyond what I have I can only say this something of this I have already tasted and more I earnestly hope for as the only Remedy for a weak captivated dismayed heart I pray let me hear how it fareth with you that we may in the Lord help one another and build up one another in the most holy Faith c. 1648. To B. D. N o 5. THere is no Safety but in God no Refuge Rest or Peace but there and there it is and pity it should be elsewhere that God might still be all in all We are both in his Arms shall finish his Work and not see a day of Vexation longer than the time prefixed us And in this Confidence we are to do our work bear our burthens and not faint Our Labour will be over and our Temptations too Eternal Rest will follow the one and Incorruption the other Dear Brother farewel till next Meeting whether in this World or that to come the Will of our Father be done on us and in us c. 1649. To F. D. N o 6. I Hope there is a Power within you that will never leave purging healing convincing teaching and delivering of you till you can say the Powers the Employments the Labours of this present World are the Lords and his Christs that God is all in all to you and in you Herein lies our Interest viz. against all unworthy undervaluings of our Interest goings forth in our own Strength or Wisdom Carnal Damps of our Zeal coolings of our Intimacy with God courtings of the Creature and so being courted of the Devil in the Creature till
we could believe this and redeem our precious time to learn the Will of God and to be fashioned more to his Likeness under earthly fears or burthens As for Betties Recreation I would have her amongst other things learn to sing that she might use the glorious Ordinance of singing Psalms with the more delight I must as often as I can put you in mind and let us put one another in mind while we are in this World of Sin and Trouble that we labour constantly and earnestly to preserve the health of the inward Man Oh keep a spiritual Palate for right relishing spiritual Food and to be every day girding on us afresh the long Robe of Christ's Righteousness that we may be suitable to the state we are called to Communion with the Father himself and Jesus Christ 'T is a Garment that grows fresher and fresher to us by the wearing 'T is a Garment that will never sully but cleanseth the Soul that wears it 'T is defensive against cold fainty Fits and the best Armour that can be against the Rage of Sin and Satan 'T is a glorious Robe and yet it hath a singular Vertue to make the Soul that wears it humble The first Garment that the first Adam made did somewhat hide his Shame but could not remove his Guilt and Fear and therefore he ran with it from God But this Garment of the second Adam has the only Excellency to bring Souls to God yea to his very Throne with boldness He or she that wears this Robe carries Salvation about with them and are Objects of delight to the Father Son and Spirit and to the blessed Angels wherever they go and whatever their Condition here be and as Job's Friend said Job 5. 27. so may I that So it is hear it and know it for thy good I leave you to the Lord and rest c. 1659. To D. H. N o 42. THe Lord teach us his mind and loosen us from a present World and gather our hearts and hopes near to himself 'T is one of our invaluable Privileges that this is not our Rest God calls aloud Come up hither Christ is above holding the Covenant of Grace in his Right Hand and all his broken-hearted Mourners and Prisoners of Hope wrapped up in it as in a Mantle Dear Sister all things are safe because they are in the heart of Christ and I doubt not but Christ is yours Spare not to pray spare not to repent with grief and joy spare not to relie on the Rock of Ages 't is all but the work of a beloved Spouse towards a matchless Husband Your Work and Labour in the Lord cannot but be accepted Set your eyes towards the tops of the Mountains your Beloved hastens like a young Roe and will not be at rest till he has rescued home all his Redeemed the dearly beloved of his Soul amongst which number I am much assured your Name is entred such are the Riches of his Grace to such a wretched Sinner And seeing he is resolved to save at such a rate what Soul-Enemy shall say What dost thou 1659. To B. D. N o 43. AS for your own fears under which you wrestle it is not the having or wanting earthly Tranquility that is any proper Character of God's Love or Anger but the discovering mark of that lies chiefly in the way of our deportment under such Trials agreeable to the practice of the Saints recommended to us in the Scriptures by the Spirit of God For there is no Temptation can befall us which has not been for substance the Trial of them who have endured and overcome before us And you are required to remember their faith and patience and the issue God gave that you do not succumb or faint as if God had forsaken the Government of the World or changed the nature of the everlasting Covenant ordered in all things and sure I have been labouring to live upon the naked Promises of God in reference to my outward Concernments as if I were in the want of all things and do think if I could come at it it were a glorious Portion None but exercised Believers can tell truly why the Promises are called rich and precious and how much lies in that word RICH IN FAITH Jam. 2. 5. and what extensive Satisfaction and Glory lies in that word GOOD All things shall work together for good to them that love God You know these things c. As fears or outward disappointments abound fly still a higher pitch till you rejoyce in manifold Trials that God counts you worthy to be listed among them who could not be made happy by earthly things nor miserable in the want of all things whether Estate Friends Health Credit or any thing else whilst they could fly to a higher Rock The Lord direct you and make you lanch forth upon the Power and in the Wisdom and under the Shelter of the Lord Infinite and abundant is that Shelter Oh that you and I could with Luther sing over all our sins and fears be they what they will the 46th Psalm God is a refuge for us a present help in trouble Here is our comfort this World is not our Country a few days will call us hence The good Lord manage all your Work and open such a Window from Heaven that both you and I and all that seek the Lord may be throughly transformed to a hearty joy even in divers Temptations and know the reason through his Grace why the blessed Spirit did put that Clause into the holy Scriptures for our patience and solid Comfort Jam. 1. 2. We are changeable no Rest here and 't is well it is so that we might not relish any thing in this World so sweet as to tempt away our hearts from lovely Canaan and the desirable Fellowship of Christ face to face Oh the day yet hastens I trust in which we shall sing away Heart-melancholy for ever c. 1659. To B. D. N o 44. GOd is a strong Refuge and as you have found it you will yet find it the more you roll your self Family and Estate upon him He is one that can forgive Sin and give Christ and can he not then give all things with him He can take away a treacherous heart and make it new Access for your Prayer is always open and will not he take away an evil heart of Unbelief that the Soul and he may meet together Let us fear and hope reach forth and touch the Golden Scepter and live in his sight The Vision is true which Faith in the Word discovers Oh happy is the humble Believer for there shall be a performance of all things promised Though the Mountains be cast into the midst of the Seas God is a refuge for us Selah c. 1660. To D. H. N o 45. I Know it is your care and labour to carry on your Warfare wherever you are the end of all things is hastening upon us and we are hastening to it Let
April 22. Being the Lord's Day in the Afternoon to a Friend that came to see him he expressed himself thus The Doctor hath told me the lightsomest News to day that he hath told me a great while in acquainting me that there is but little hope of my Continuance long in the World but the Afflictions of God's People lie near my heart Oh to be filled with the Spirit three or four hours in Prayer for the Concerns of Sion He farther spake in his particular Case c. thus What if they that have seen me shall see me no more if he sees me that hath seen my Yearnings and Groanings if he sees me again he will not say he knows me not he is a God that will not forget his Promise He who hath seen my Soul in Travel who hath seen those Pangs of desire that no other hath seen he will be ready to say in the Riches of his Grace Here is poor such a one come to my Gate Come to my Knee Come to my Mercy-Seat Oh for affectionate thoughts of God and getting into him they are things that will not dry up they will not wither that will not be parched up Oh blessed be that heart that is thorow in desires Oh where is that glorious Majesty Oh what is it to come to the first Spring of Spiritual Life To come to God to the God that hath carried me into my threescore and tenth Year with a high hand And now he fore-seeing the remainder of my days would be Sorrow and Labour to the Body he calls me off And what is threescore and ten Years compared with Eternity A poor Pittance of time wherein God hath had very little Service from me Thus I parle a little about it to get some deep thoughts of that unspeakable Majestick Grace Little can I say of my Religion more than this I love the Lord in all he did I love him in all his Image I may say I may lay me down and rest for the Lord sustaineth me I have no other I desire no other Lord glorifie thy Name I have had caring thoughts about my self and others but now thou seemest to determine the matter Thou didst see I could not stand in the Shock but in thy strength I could have stood But thou wilt not cause all thy Waves and thy Billows to pass over me Thou hast had thy Champions and wilt have thy Champions Lord the Clouds arise apace the Wicked are full of Wrath they would root out thy Interest they would make Jacob low they are set upon Mischief and Spight Arise arise O God let the Lamb deliver let the Lamb overcome let thy unreasonable Enemies be turned over to Judgment Beautifie the place of thy Holiness confirm the Weak fix the Staggering Let thy People be able to meet Sufferings to put on Faith and Patience and say Aha Aha We are for God and his Ways Let thy People meet Death meet Losses meet whatever the Enemy can do and say We scorn your Cruelty Oh that thy People may stick by thee when there is nothing but Violence and Contradiction of thy Will O Lord work wonders for thy People break the Arm cut asunder the Bow of the Ungodly Oh let Shame be upon those that would take away thy Worship Glorifie thy self appear and stand an invincible Champion in Israel Let the earth know that thou dost possess the Gates of thine Enemies Let my Soul come into the Bundle of Life let my Soul come to all that that is promised by Jesus Christ I am to receive the Salvation of my Soul with exceeding Joy Am I near to the great Revelation of Christ to know more than ever Solomon did with that Perfection of Nature he had and Attainment of Grace Am I near to attain more than ever Paul could reach to by the Power of Grace and to know more of the Covenant of Grace than Abraham himself did and all the Saints while they were here in the World Oh I am confounded I am confounded and astonished I wonder I wonder at Free Grace and am amazed for want of more Faith The Filthy the Filthy duggle of a respect to my own Works which would follow me and spoil me and spoil all the Mystery of Free Grace c. Oh that now at last the Glory of Free Grace might lift me into the eternal place of it To a near Relation he spake thus Brother you are come to take your leave of me The Doctor as a sweet Messenger told me to day that I am near my Change I am now going from Shadows to Substance from things imperfect to things compleat and the thoughts of it even confound me I have been trading in the things of God for almost threescore years as to the experience of it and now after this long WOOF upon the LOOM it is to be taken off and all of it VIEWED and I know a World of Evil there is but I have always had a Sufficiency of the Grace of the Gospel declared to me that as defects came in they might be removed and by his Grace I have kept on with some desire with some delight with some Faith and Chear and now the RECKONING is to be made O my God there is a great Transaction upon me I throw my self upon Christ in the Gospel I sink if Christ sinks I have had nothing else to rest the Sole of my Foot upon now let thy Mercy be for me Thou hast given me good hope through Grace now Lord answer every good word upon which thou hast caused my Soul to hope Thou hast brought me hitherto so far to the very end of the Wilderness now O God bring me to thy Canaan I have waited for it Many other Sicknesses have not removed me now thou seemest to say This shall Now let me leave all my Filth behind me take it off There is a TRANSLATION let that Translation be effected upon me O Lord let not that Temptation come upon me that I have prayed to no purpose that I have faltered in the things wherein thou hast steered my Soul in Truth and in Spirit Lord let not a dead thought abide with any ugly savour in me now when thy Providences with the Concurrence of thy Servants meaning the Doctors say that thou callest me when they say The Master calleth thee Oh Oh was there ever such a day Had I ever such a day to be standing in the Portal to be waving up my hand to be knocking Oh for an Opening Lord say to me I will open Come in and let us sup together No less O Lord. Answer the Breathings of my Soul all along all my days Thou art faithful thou hast chosen me deny me not O thou that art Truth thou knowest that I have chosen thee Thou knowest my Life in this World hath been Death and Poyson to me without thee and now I come only expecting what thou hast promised and not what I have procured for there hath been my
as the Word of the over-living God saying I would so read the Scriptures or other good Books that in reading I would drink in the matter or things therein presented and have my heart to feed thereon all the while And that we should judge of every part of holy Scripture according to the proportion of Faith and body of Truth And more particularly touching the THREATNINGS we meet with in Scripture we must note they are always to be understood with a secret implied Condition that notwithstanding if we return to God they shall not be inflicted on us But when God swears to his Threatnings there he makes it good as in the Case of the unbelieving Israelites And for Scripture-PROMISES we must not look on any Promise but in and through Christ in whom alone they are Yea and Amen And that we should labour after the believing sight of a Promise which is more worth than all the Gold and Silver in the World And therefore we should catch at the Promises having a Right to them in Christ as a Man swimming lays hold on a thing when he sees himself in danger and bear our selves nakedly on them as a Swimmer upon his Bladders And for this get a through Belief that there is but one God that this God is the same his Covenant the same and ever the same that his words are the same as ever they were in Noah Abraham and David's time putting our selves in their Case As put case I were Noah Abraham Moses c. And we must come up to this Persuasion that God ever abideth faithful and that the Kernel of the Promise both then and now is God's Will in Christ And touching the COMMANDS of the Word we must note That 't is heavy work to eye God's Command only in our Obedience without looking to him for strength for to us under the Gospel God never intended the Commandment any otherwise than as a Rule not as our Strength for Power belongeth unto God he gives Power and Strength to fulfil his own Commands He was a strict Observer of His Observation of the Sabbath the Lord's Day and could not endure either to speak himself or hear spoken by others any thing that tended to withdraw the heart from the Sanctification of that sacred Season and would allow of nothing else to be then said or done but what was of Mercy and meer necessity according to that word in Isa 58. 13. and Lev. 19. 30. Ye shall keep my Sabbaths and reverence my Sanctuary beside the express Injunction in the fourth Commandment He exceedingly loved the Habitation of God's House and the place where his Honour dwelleth He valued the Gospel-Ministry at a mighty rate He esteemed not of Men for Learning and Parts where he saw the Grace of God wanting and that they preached themselves and not Jesus Christ but where both concurred he had always the greatest Reverence and Veneration for them And to prepare himself and Family for the due Celebration of the Sabbath and for the Ordinances of that day he was heard to offer up in Prayer such Petitions as these That God would draw nigh to us in the powerful Working and Operation of his Grace and cause the Dew of Heaven to fall upon us that our Fleece might not be dry that our Witheredness might pass from us That we might have a Verdure a Greenness on our Spirits and be anointed as with fresh Oyl That as he hath presented us to another Sabbath so he would make it a good day to us giving us throughout the day that Thirsting and Hungering to which the Promise is intitled and cause his Omnipotent Arm to bring Salvation and establish it in our hearts granting us the Light of Life and making us so to hear that our Souls might live be made fat with the Fatness of his House and be made to drink of the River of his Pleasures That no Guilt might abide on us but be taken wholly away and our Souls freed from the Captivity of a Fleshly Mind and Will That he would cut those Fetters asunder and work some Renewing upon our hearts some spiritual Strength Warmth and Refreshing That we might have a free Intercourse with him throughout the day praying in Prayer and hear in Hearing and see the Face of God in his Ordinances and they made powerful and transforming That Jesus Christ might come in his Kingly Power in the Ministry of his Word and destroy all the Bonds of the Prince of Darkness That he would not suffer the evil Angels to disquiet and disturb his People in their waiting on him but that they might attend upon the Lord without distraction That in what we do we might honour him who is the Lord of the Sabbath That he in Jesus Christ might be well pleased with us and see and behold his own Working in us and upon us and say It is very good Taht he would grant us a solid Consideration of things spiritual and a higher prospect thereof so as to affect our hearts and that our Scope and Aym in all things might be to please him and profit our own Souls That he would grant us his Presence and Teaching and the Operations of his Spirit in the use of his Word which is spiritual and that our time and life be spent in his fear That our Hopes be upward our Considerations inward and our Converse with spiritual things as those that are above in the Mount with God c. And his manner was in the Evening of the Sabbath after the publick Solemnity was over to repeat himself or by some other in his Family both the Sermons preached on that day with Prayer both before and after the same accompanied with the singing of a Psalm after which he supped and then concluding the day again with solemn Prayer he retired himself to his private Devotion and so went to Rest He had a great Insight into the His Insight into Spiritual and Divine things Mystery of the Gospel and Divine things And this is evident in the several following Discourses in his Letters c. and in such Expressions as these That there is a Tang and Touch of the Gospel which only the Called of God knows And that none can know Christ savingly but those that are united unto him CONCERNING GOD'S UNCHANGEABLENESS That though Man be Changeable yet God stands to his Purpose and Promise appearing Righteous in his Works either in conquering a Sinner by his Justice or overcoming and removing of his Sin through Grace by Faith and so saving the Sinner ordering the very Sin of the Elect to exalt his Mercy Though Sin is not in its own nature but by Accident the cause of glorifying God's Grace And so most justly he punisheth the sinful World for their own Sins and the Sins of the Elect in their Mediator OF GOD'S LOVE AND TENDERNESS to his People That God never comes into any Soul but he leaves a Blessing behind him he pays well for
depart from God but far more bitter to stay away from God when we have departed from him And to this effect he expressed himself in Prayer That by Nature we are averse to the Convictions of God's Spirit in his Word and Satan is ever blowing up his Spawn and Seed within us whereby to spoil our Taste and Relish of things pure and spiritual and interrupt our Peace and Communion with God And therefore that God would cause us more clearly to discern the Corruption and Malignity of that Evil that is in our Natures and make us to know all our Abominations and whatever is repugnant to his holy Nature and Will both in our Hearts and Lives and make us freely sensible of throughly ashamed broken and humbled for the same That he would raise us up to a greater Antipathy against all that that is displeasing to him and hurtful to our Souls And that no Interest might hinder or squeeze out the working of his Grace within us as not to have Freedom to act And that all that might be conquered that would interrupt the Intercourse of his Spirit with our hearts And that he would not suffer us to spare and indulge any Corruption or leave any corner of our hearts wherein Sin may be at Peace That no Agag be permitted to live in us That his Fear might Garrison our hearts against all the Invasions and prevailing power of our own Corruptions And that Satan by his Wiles might not sweeten us into any Bonds of Guilt And seeing that we are apt to grow hard continually and it is God's Power alone that can soften help and heal that he would cause us to experience the transforming Power of his Grace in our Souls making all new and refining us every moment That we might get into Jesus Christ and make him now our Advocate who will be our Judge And because we need Converting and new Creating evermore that Regeneration-work might pass upon us continually and we made all over new and be prepared for all his Concerns That he would baptize us into the Grace of the Gospel and cause us to live answerable to so high a Calling as that is That we might be baptized evermore into the Father Son and Spirit and so receive Life and Quickening from Jesus Christ who is our Head And when our Guilt is upon us That the Lord would keep our hearts tender to feel the smart of Sin and so hasten to our Physician to be bound up and healed And not suffer our Wounds to wrankle and fester for want of coming to him for Pardon and Cleansing That he would make us go out to him and never neglect or keep aloof from his Recovering Grace else we shall provoke him more and more by undervaluing the Riches of his Grace and refusing the Remedy he hath provided for Sinners That he would make up every Breach and cause us to be all over plunged in the Fountain opened for Sin and Vncleanness What the Scripture reveals His Proficiency in Grace and promises That the Root of the Righteous yieldeth Fruit And whose Hope the Lord is shall not cease from yielding Fruit. That the Godly Man shall bring forth Fruit in his Season and in Old Age shall be fat and flourishing And he that abideth in Christ and Christ in him the same bringeth forth much Fruit was in an extraordinary measure fulfilled in him And all those Heavenly Doctrines and Practicable Truths which he understood believed and professed he lived over His Practice agreed and held pace with his Principles That what his head apprehended his heart affected his Will embraced his Life manifestly declared and published And when bodily Strength decayed yet his spiritual Vigour still remained And his Bow abode in Strength and the Arms of his Hands were made strong by the Hands of the mighty God of Jacob. And such was his Fruitfulness in well doing that those who at any time discoursed him about Soul-Concerns it was their own Fault and Omission if they parted from him without some real benefit His frequency in Meditation was very remarkable Whence His frequency in Meditation he was noted often to say that That Soul could not thrive much in Grace and Holiness that was not much in Meditation His Freedom from Envy and distracting Cares was obvious to His Freedom from Envy and distracting Cares those who knew him best in the general Course of his Conversation Whence also he was observed to say I bless God I have no Temptation at all to envy others Prosperity and 't is a great favour from the Lord that I have much freedom from Anxious Thoughts touching what God will do with me as to my outward Condition and being in this World His inward Tranquility Peace and Joy was patent to all so far as His inward Tranquility Peace and Joy it could be outwardly discerned not letting fall in the observation of any that were most conversant with him the least word of repining at any time And 't is also ratified by these Suggestions which he recommended to others from his own experience with the way how to attain it saying The Lord never made Flesh and Blood to be a Weapon to conquer Despondency The Soul must escape from all Creature-Refuges if ever it will have true quiet That if a Man will have solid Peace and Content he must first have God to be his God for true Peace and Quiet is in him alone That a Man cloathed with Rags may have as much inward Content and Satisfaction and far more than the richest and greatest man in the World for our Happiness lies in the right Composure of the Mind and not in the greatness of any outward Condition And that whatever befalls us in this World is ordinarily so far sweet or bitter to us as we fancy it to be That as outward Profit makes the trouble of any Vndertaking sweet to the Man that prospers in the World so if we could live in the faith of this that all things shall work for good we should be as much satisfied under Afflictions as in the greatest Worldly Prosperity And he would often say when he returned home from amongst the Persons and Affairs of this World That he had no quiet till he had poured out his Soul to God in Prayer And if there he did not meet with him instantly yet still he had no Peace till he had regained the Presence of God again And that walking with God was the joy and delight of his Soul His Self-denial shewed it self His Self-denial in his Humility Dependence on God Mortification Resignation and Heavenly mindedness which hath been before declared And to this purpose he advised That we should cease from our selves and so think speak and do in the name of Christ That all our Thoughts Speeches and Actions should be managed by us as the Thoughts Words and Actions of Jesus Christ for by going out of our selves we are made his and he is
Glory of God and the day of refreshing which is promised to appear Even so come Lord Jesus And now if I might out of all these Considerations but take home to my own heart a few Chips to kindle mine own Fire and be really resigned one Inch nearer to Christ I should think the Meditations of this day happily given in What else doth my Soul long for Some Crumbs of this glorious Banquet that my Soul may inwardly commend the Feast and say The Lord hath done great things for me Yea Lord let thy Kingdom come and thy Will be done I wait and cry Amen Amen How to find God a SANCTVARY in time of Trouble With the manner of the AVTHOR'S entring into Covenant with God PErceiving a dark Cloud and tempestuous Storm to be rising and being called to enter into the Chambers of Divine Protection Isa 26. 20. and finding it the practise of the Lord's people Psal 57. 1. and 143. 9. and Jesus Christ having declared himself a Shelter from the Storm Isa 32. 2. and inviting me to enter into his Rest Matth. 11. 29. I judge it my duty to follow his Voice and betake my self to the Horns of the Altar but being hindred by my own Guiltiness and Unbelief am forced either to wander into Desolation of Mind or else to endeavour to cut my way through the Incumbrances of my own darkness by the Sword of the Spirit If the Lord shall be pleased to favour me and bless this Attempt I shall be safe under his Wings And seeing nothing makes Calamities terrible but Guilt of sin I judge it my duty to set my main Battery against that Strong Hold And to that end having chosen out for my help that blessed Word Rev. 1. 5. He that hath loved us and washed us from our sins in his own blood Which Scripture yields excellent Relief to that Soul that can mix it with Faith The words He that hath loved us do import the Ground of a Sinner's Union with Christ for such is the nature of Love and we must be one also with him before ours can be made his and his made ours And the words our sins and his own blood How Christ's blood doth wash being compared together shews that from Union with him flows a transferring of our sins upon him and as it were mixing them without any personal stain with his Blood and so made his Our Infection by his own Will entred as it were by Imputation and Burthen into the Blood of the unspotted Lamb. He suffered himself who was personally without sin to be all over laden with the real Imputation of the loathsome Nature and absolute Guilt of our sins and so became sin for us and yet his Blood remained pure and himself without sin The word Washed alludeth to legal Washings for Purification He removed our sins from us making them no longer ours but his own as the filth of a Garment is washed whereby the Garment becomes clean so our sins passed away Zach. 3. 4. by Imputation and burthen of the Curse into the living Body and Life-blood of Jesus Christ And so the Sinner as the original and principal Malefactor and Christ as Surety do stand both of them before God the righteous Judge and both in some kind equally liable to Sentence for if Christ had not been able to have freed himself from those sins they would have sunk him and the Sinner too And herein the Metaphor of washing a Garment comes short of this Mystery for the filth being gone from the Garment into the Water the Garment is thereby actually cleansed though the Water be never cleansed from the filth that it borrowed of the Garment because the Water and the Garment are two seperated things but in this mystical Washing the Person washed and the Blood washing are joyned together in the Union of Christ's Mystical Person so that if Christ who is the Surety miscarry in his work all they whose hope of Redemption lies only through Mystical Union in their Interest in him must needs perish with him and if he prevail they are delivered for this Washing at his Agony and Death was in some sence Inchoative and yet accounted perfect and was so as it stood in relation to and connexion with his Resurrection which made him a compleat and perfect Author of Eternal Salvation Heb. 5. 9. But how Christ could bear our How a pure Christ was made Sin for us sins and be made Sin for us and yet be personally pure this is a great wonder and he must be without sin all the while else he could not have done away our sins One Contrary expels another but he doth it not at a distance as the Light of the Sun drives away Darkness before it but he enters sinlesly into the state of our Sin that we might enter into the state of his Righteousness He cures not as a Physician who cures by Medicines but was himself touch'd with our infirmities he was made Sin for us he espoused not only the punishment of our Sins to himself but was married also to our Guilt and to all the dreadful workings of it so far as that it made him sick and sorrowful even to the very death He had the guilt of our delight in sin without any delight in it He made himself guilty of all our sins but had none of his own nor no defilement to his Nature by ours If one Man be guilty of another's sin he is defiled himself without lessening the defilement of the other Man because the Guilt is not translated from the one to the other but extendeth and spreadeth its poysonous nature from the one to the other and so fills as it were both Vessels without any remove of the Guilt but Christ's Nature being capable of no personal Infection gives liberty and scope to the Guilt of a Sinner to vent it self wholly into the bottomless and endless Satisfaction Merit and Righteousness of Christ the Mediator till the last drop of it be gone and the Fountain dried up through Union with his spotless Nature Our sins touched him as to an experimental sence of the filth and burthen of them He bare our sins in the Body of his Flesh but that Flesh being personally united to the Godhead remained pure and uncapable of any Corruption through the purity of that personal Union But how unexpressibly far he took in the sense and burthen of all sin and made it his own in the utmost measure and how infinitely pure he still remained the knowledge of this the Angels desire to look into and must be reserved till the Saints come to know as they are known of him Sin dwells in our Nature habitually and actually but lay upon him by Imputation and so passively his Nature bare our sin but could not act it But how should a Sinner come to enjoy Redemption from his Sins by a Mediator thus wonderfully qualified and so admirably sustaining a sinner's guilt This is worth the Enquiry I
therefore I go to everlasting Strength The more I make infinite Power my Lord and Master the more is that Divine Power engaged to hold me up Rom. 14. 4. Let my own Power languish into nothing so long as I can claim on the account of Free Grace undoubted Right to the Arm of God my own strength never did me good but deceived me Dost thou not know O mis-giving heart that I am shortly to leave the whole weight of my Soul in lanching from Mortality upon the same word of Promise which doth now offer strength to wade through difficulties of my present Warfare And what do I more than step forth to behold the Lord sealing his Covenant and Promise that he will be my God and will guide me by his Grace and afterwards bring me to Glory To which Covenant in faith though with fear and trembling I desire to give my consent which I trust in some measure of sincerity I have done Neither do thou O Satan vaunt and say to me as Eliab said to David 1 Sam. 17. 28. I know the pride of thy heart I shall yet bring thee down Know O thou false Accuser I go to him who is both able to hold me up and make me humble too that I may be more and more abased and die away from the workings and lustings of Flesh and Blood into the Power Grace Wisdom and Truth of God to whose Covenant for that end by his own Appointment I declare my consent and do desire with a broken and bleeding heart to bless him that ever he allowed me to come so near him in this manner Though I fall I shall not fall utterly I shall be raised up again because my Redeemer is risen and he is strong who pleads my Cause What is the Volumne of the Scriptures but a divine Oeconomy containing the Laws of Relation betwixt a God of all Grace and his chosen Institutions and Commands of Grace Threatnings and Reproofs of Grace Promises and Betrothings of Grace and meer Grace Has not the same God who said I will betroth thee to me for ever in Righteousness and Judgment in Loving-kindness and tender Mercies and in Faithfulness Hos 2. 19 20. said also to me Thou shalt know the Lord Has he not said to me Thy Maker Father Son and Spirit is thy Husband Isa 54. 5. even while I am grieved in Spirit and tossed about with the Tempest of my own Confusions And has he not said that I shall say The Lord is my God Hos 2. 19 20. And he will say I am one of his people and will not be ashamed to be called my God Heb. 11. 16. Yea hath he not said that I shall say I am the Lords and that I shall bear his Name and Sir-name with his Jacob and his Israel and that I shall even subscribe it with my hand never to be reversed Isa 44. 5. O Fountain of Life and living Waters reveal thy self that I may not go about to marry Flesh and Spirit together but that I may be spirited as a chaste Virgin espoused to Christ and so enter into this glorious spiritual Flesh-mortifying and mystical Wedlock Let it not be meerly speculative but real and influenced with light life and power from thy heart to mine Oh how doth this unwilling heart of mine pull back What canst thou close with besides God in Christ but it will perish and while it is in thy hand will be a broken Reed that will make thee fall in leaning upon it Is not the Covenant of Grace somewhat which God himself hath devised for his own Glory and thy Establishment Has he required thee to bind thy self to fear and love him and hath not he engaged to circumcise thy heart that thou maist love and fear him Deut. 30. 6. Jer. 32. 38 39 40 41. Oh that I could put faith to this Word till the warmth thereof grew up into a Flame which many Waters might never quench and Oh let my faithful God who has expresly promised by Covenant to give me one heart and one way with the rest of them who are Confederates of Grace that I may fear him for ever for my Good remember it and fulfil it as he hath said with all his heart and all his soul Oh pardon my unbelief that I do stand so far aloof from putting to my Seal that God who cannot lie will accomplish his word to a tittle MY Soul longs to be at some The Soul longs for clear work more distinct and express Closure with such a God and would fain reckon before-hand what it will cost me When I consider that word 1 Cor. 6. 19 20. Know you not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you and that you are not your own for you are bought with a price And therefore glorifie God in your body and in your spirit which is God's I even faint under the Majesty of such a Covenant of unutterable Grace which calls me up to such dignity and duty at once Body and Spirit which are God's what a word is this You are not your own how far doth this reach The whole Concernments of my Soul and Body which are my own are to be given up to God by Faith and new Obedience that they may be his and at my own dispose no longer Oh a thousand Worlds for a Surrender suitable to this Estate and Calling of God in Christ Jesus Oh let the Creator of Israel my King fashion the value of this Pearl in every Affection of my Soul that I may in his own meaning sell all to purchase it Christ Jesus was in earnest when he gave his Body to the Cross and his very Soul an Offering for my sake O that I could be in a like seriousness in giving away my Body and Soul to him again Strengthen O Lord my weak hands and confirm my feeble knees Methinks I hear the voice of my The Soul is invited by Christ beloved Jesus calling out Fear not O anxious Soul behold it is I be not asraid I who am thy Redeemer am strong I am mighty to save and therefore Hearken O Daughter and consider incline thine ear forget also thy father's house and thine own people Let me be the Object of all thy Affections rest in my pleasure only and always so will I thy King and Husband greatly desire thy Beauty and be always trimming thee for my own Society for I am thy Lord and thou must worship and fully rest in and be devoted to me alone and to no other I consent dear Christ and here And doth consent and engage I offer my Body and Soul to the Agreement I give it up dear and precious Redeemer I give it up unto thee for ever in obedience to thy Commands and relying upon thy Strength I write it with my own hand that I will be thine and for thee and not for any other My Beloved is mine and I am his Though I am
many times our Warmth is gone our Locks cut our Strength and Comfort departed together and then the poor Soul looks upon his Corruption and all the Engines of his Back-sliding as Amnon did on his deflowred Sister Have her out of my sight Then the Soul lies as weak as any other in an equal Line to the Men of this World but God only who raiseth the Dead for his free Grace and eternal Covenant of Love recovers this loss again restores health to the heart and makes the Soul say I was dead but am alive That a Vein of Life and Beam of Light should run through so many Eclipses and yet live and not utterly be destroyed this is the work of the Lord and it is marvellous in our eyes As there is no Calling in the World that is useful for common Good but hath its Foundation in the Wisdom Pity and Care of God towards his poor Creatures so I believe the same of yours and my desire to God for you is that you may use your Calling only as under his eye and in the wisdom and fear of the Lord c. 1649. To C. A. D. N o 7. YOur friendly and Christian Lines I received and do with you rejoyce in the happiness of your nearest Relation The happiness is the greater in that your Principles do accord as well as your Affections which renders your Condition a more lively Type of the Conjugal Interest betwixt Christ and a Believer You say your experience tells you it is good to wait on God do not forget the same experience in other cases Abound in spiritual Affections to one another as much as you can and in ingenuous Marriage-Love and Affections also but beware of that which is inordinate remembring that they that marry are to be as if they married not 1 Cor. 7. 29 c. It may be you may find new Temptations in your new Condition and God teaching you thereby If so there is still cause of Thankfulness for God has many ways in variety of Trials to teach to purge and comfort I perceive there is that within you which takes little content in high Speculations without Power I think it is no small happiness to be preserved from the vain unsavoury Profession of the times consisting more in Phrase of Words Humane Wit and Pride than Power of Religion Doubtless the ancient Path of Sincerity Humility Patience Love and Fruits of Thankfulness is the best Path for Saints to travel in waiting on God for more enlarged hearts and enlightned eyes both to know and do his Will with the more integrity Ah! the Purity and Spiritualness of the Apostles Writings and the Sermons of Christ There is no cavelling jeering but Bowels of Tenderness and awful sweet Reverence in the things of God Let your thoughts still fix there associate with the most Tender and Sincere and you shall escape the destructive Influence of that seeming religious loosness and Atheism which has I doubt cankered many a hopeful Professor As for my own part I tumble to and fro under Temptations yet reaping this fruit thereby to thirst the more after the day of Christ's Appearance and my Deliverance c. 1651. To B. D. N o 8. I Have as well by others as by your own hand understood how the change of Affairs have layen upon you The Lord I trust will bless the present Suffering to your inward Advantage The less worldly your Affections were in your Employmen the more I hope the loss is alleviated and your heart supported It is good to be industrious so that the Interest above be as the Oyl to the Wheel of all our Actions The Lord in the Interest of his free Love and Presence is able to weigh down the Scale against never so much appearing trouble and to that blessed Portion and Security I do heartily commend you 1652. To B. D. N o 9. GOd has been pleased to put us and continue us long asunder and we have had our variety of Troubles Dangers and Temptations and in regard we can come no nearer each other let us speak at a distance By the view I have made of earthly matters and earthly conditions I can say with my whole heart The best Refreshment is vexation of Spirit and if so then comes this rebuke How have I laid out my Money for that which is not Bread God has delivered me from being a burthen to my Friends and yet my Body and Soul Ah when will it once be is not given up as a Sacrifice to him only Brother I perceive so much of the unsearchable pity of the Lord to me that I know not what to do or say Oh that my heart might break into a thousand pieces and be made up again by the Spirit of Renewing What a misery is it to desire that might live which is nailed to the Cross and crucified Oh for the Newness of the Spirit to see the new Creature that old things might pass away from one end of the Soul unto the other I tremble at the mention of these words because the Power is of God and the dark design of the Lust within me labours to destroy my Interest ruine my Peace and make me unserviceable to my God to whom I am going Oh that I could in the power of my dear Saviour raise my head so high out of the misery that easily besets me as to peep forth into the fresh Air of a whole Resignment even of what I have am or do expect unto God through Christ nakedly and unreservedly You are on my heart before the Lord that you may be saved from your self and World from your fears comforts and hopes that the Kingdom of our dear Lord exalt it self exceedingly in your heart The Lord himself be your Guide to whom alone I can adventure to surrender you I am again returning from my Wives Grave into to seek mine own c. 1652. To D. H. N o 10. DEar Sister I account it my duty to hold up an Intercourse of writing to you as opportunity and time will permit as being sensible in some measure of the state of your inward Man My words have no quickning life the bodily presence of Christ himself could not do it without the Spirit much less the Pen of a sinful Worm but I will send you where this Ware is to be sold at a cheap rate if Complements of Self-preparedness for I can call it no other do not hinder Isa 55. 1. Buy Wine and Milk without Money say it over again without Money What is this the voice of your Beloved without price Is it indeed without price How hard is this one Lesson without price My Guilt can press me down but can it press him down who bears up Heaven and Earth Can my weakness hinder me from lying down There is nothing more acceptable to him as for me to lie down upon him you can never lean too hard upon your well Beloved Nothing troubles him but when you lean from
remembrance of you I have you in my eye when I do not bodily see you and in my prayers to him who quickeneth all things and giveth life and growth to whomsoever he will Your Convictions your Temptations inward and outward the wiles and power of the Prince of Darkness which stands against you in Battel Array your infirmity the deceitfulness of sin that will turn and wind and shift from one corner of the Soul to the other to preserve it self from being dislodged the lulling Baits the powerful Swasives the Threats Exigences and Influences of a present evil World the difficulty and yet the necessity of that spiritual Warfare to which you are called and unto which the promise of Victory is made these things I say are in my eye And then I think there is matter enough for one Brother to remember another and to cry out O Lord who shall raise my Brother into the vigorous exercise of faith with power into inward and exemplary holiness Who shall bring him into the Rivers of effectual Contrition and land him on the right Shoar for he is feeble unable and ready to halt in the way Who shall bring him into the strong City the Walls whereof are Salvation and the Habitation thereof Purity Serenity and Peace Wilt not thou O God who alone canst stay the crooked Serpent and say to all obstacles whatsoever Give way Let the ransomed of the Lord return Let the Seed of my Servants to whom my Promise is made come and enter into the strong Hold for I have found a Ransom Dear Brother how and in what frame of heart my Letter will find you I know not but God has guided my Pen to let you know a little what kind of musings I have in my Jealousie and tender Affection towards you If you be busie in these things already these Lines may be Spur and Encouragement if otherwise God can make them a successful Alarm though as mine they are weak short and impotent I live here among the Graves and do not know but that my decease may be at hand though at present in good health and therefore I think meet to let my Arrow fly as near as I can to the White of the Mark for there is no work nor invention in the Grave there is no Return no further opportunity to set the House the heart in order Though my glaunce may be at random God can direct it within the Joynts of the Armour To him I commend it and you I have sent you a Bill of Mortality The voice of God crieth to the City to the Country to you and to me the Man of Wisdom and none else shall see and fear his Name c. 1665. To E. D. N o 83. THe greatest thing I desire is that the presence and blessing of the Lord may be mine and your portion and that is the best portion which is obtained from him by prayer and resignment to his pure Will How in reference to me God has ordered the things of this World to come and go you have in some measure seen that you with me should lay hold upon the most durable substance that so we may become Heirs of that Peace and that Treasure which the World is neither able to give nor take away Upon such a Bottom as that and no other there is safe swimming by faith through all Changes and difficulties unto a Condition of Rest Purity Peace and Satisfaction that will never change I hope Christ has numbred you amongst his Lambs and if God himself be to you and me a Shephard we may in the words of his own Spirit say We shall want no good thing Therefore call much upon him to reveal himself in his Son unto your heart and that he would carry and mould your Concernments and mine in his own bosom and take the whole care and guidance of us into his own hands and also conform us perfectly to his Will and then we are beyond hazard and may be assured to be supplied sufficiently guided by his Grace here and arrive at Glory hereafter c. 1666. To C. M. D. N o 84. IT hath pleased God to exercise our Family with some considerable Trials but still that good word of God remains Light is sown for the Righteous and joy for the upright in heart We may not therefore faint under his Correction but rather attend the voice of his Rod and in flying to Christ say All things shall work together for good Which promise is made to them that love him Let us therefore diligently pry into the Gospel where Christ is to be known and his excellency is able to contract a holy reverential Love which is that qualification to which the promise is made which qualification also lies in the free Covenant I will circumcise your hearts to love me saith the Lord. So that all our welfare lies fully and wholly upon the free Promise and Covenant of God which we are invited to partake of by faith which is also his free Gift Oh that he would help us to open our mouths wide that our hearts may be satisfied in a Land of Drought I am glad to hear your heart steers heavenward and was therefore the more willing to write you c. 1667. To D. H. N o 85. I Sympathize with your conflicting Soul I could make more sad Complaints of my self than it may be would be for your profit but while you or I can look up we may be sure our dear Lord looks down Read the story of Israel's coming out of Egypt and you will find it like your case and mine sometimes they believed and by and by utterly distrusted their deliverance Oh the patience of God exercised and still wrought for his own sake remembring his Covenant You may be sure you are beyond the Notion so long as you long and pray for the power of Godliness therefore let every fear send you to Christ afresh and then you use your fears as God would have you for the Law and Conviction of Guilt is for that end as you read in Gal. 3. and the Soul that comes he will in no wise cast out but in due time make you see the nature of free Grace and what the Life of Faith is Hope still in God you shall yet see and praise him who is whatever you think the health of your Countenance and your own God The Lord be your and our Physician in all respects his Patients are well attended You are not out of my thoughts whose health and welfare my Soul desireth Let all things and Commotions here below cause us to fix upon that which can never change to that Rock I commend you God is gracious our times are in his hand and 't is safe in trusting our selves and our Relations there Your Prayers though at a distance can through Christ administer help as if you were present and therefore be not troubled that God has disposed you at a distance at this time he
Affections The Lord's Promise is to satisfie the longing Soul To whose favourable Hand and rich Grace I commend you Faithful is God who hath called you into the Fellowship of his dear Son and thereby you have boldness to enter in within the Vail and he hath promised you shall never be cast out for your Iniquities he will remember them no more And though the Cross be somewhat difficult to bear yet the Reserve at last will fully recompence all and therefore lift up your head for Redemption is coming c. 1674. To B. D. N o 116. I Bless the Lord I can remember and mention you as one who is interested in that Promise Jer. 32. 41. I will rejoyce over them to do them good and that he will never leave you till he has perfected that which concerns you in a way of Grace Mercy and Love My great and often Request on your behalf is above all that God would preserve you from the Evil of Sin and from Snares in your daily Walk that he would sprinkle you with the Blood with the Merit of Christ's Satisfaction and Righteousness that he would direct your Path and do all your Works in you and for you and cause you to lean strongly and chearfully on the Arm of his Truth and Grace in reference to all present and future Trials and that you may more than conquer through believing in every Exigence you do or may meet with till the Warfare be accomplished and the days of Trial finished in the Fruition of perfect Freedom For my own part I have reason to bless the Lord that he has favourably held me up and carried me along now these many years since we saw each other though exercised me with some difficulties and considerable Losses yet I hope and do think he has some way or other a Reserve of Kindness for me unworthy me and mine for the Earth is the Lords and the fulness of it And through this Grace I have in some measure and desire held on still to chuse him for my Portion as to things present and eternal As his time was writing of one deceased so your and my times are in the hands of God who is most wise and to be adored and submitted to The days of our anxious Pilgrimage are running out the Lord direct our eyes to that serene unchangeable State where Sins Fears Temptations Turmoils and Difficulties will cease for ever To the Care Counsel Comfort and Communion of whose gracious Spirit I commend you 1674. To T. M. N o 117. SOme time since I received from you a large and very savoury Letter which I do now and then peruse as a friendly Monitor and good help for taking the better view of mine own heart and that Letter together with the Acquaintance I had with you in London doth cause me the oftner to remember you with delight I have understood of your Health by several Friends which I desire if the Lord please may continue and prosper as I am persuaded through the Influences of the Spirit of Christ and his unchangeable Love your Soul prospers To that rich Grace of Christ and to his blessed Conduct in all your Concerns I commend you c. 1674. To H. W. N o 118. REmembring that ancient Amity and Respect that was heretofore between my Father and your self and the continuance thereof for a long time after his Decease between your self and his Family and being not at all conscious to my self that I have for my own part hitherto merited much less designed the Suspence of that good Will but being still heartily desirous of your Welfare I am though distant in place yet as occasion presents often enquiring how 't is with you and understanding that your days are yet drawn forth and that your Pilgrimage though under much infirmity of old Age doth yet continue I was willing to evidence my real Respects unto you by a Line or two and as I do not doubt but that your general aim throughout your days have been to employ your Talent in the Service of Christ while strength and time permitted so I earnestly desire that in the Approaches of a Dissolution you may find that fulfilled to you which David prayed for viz. That the Lord would not leave him in his old Age when Strength faileth Psal 71. 9. The same I desire for you even that you may now experience the refreshing vertue of all those Gospel-Truths which Christ hath so long intrusted you with as his Messenger unto others that you may have the Merit of his Satisfaction and Righteousness applied for your perfect Absolution from all Sin and Guilt the Influence and Conduct of his Spirit to water and steer all your Meditations thoughts hopes and desires the Consolations of his Grace and Love to sweeten your Travel through the Valley of Death and give you at last a refreshing Arrival at the Throne of eternal Rest and there harbour you after all the Incumbrance and Warfare of this present state in the Fruition of his immediate Presence without spot in Jesus Christ the Glimpses whereof I heartily desire you may before-hand partake of as an Earnest of that great full and perfect Revelation and Enjoyment when Time shall be no more So with my hearty and unfeigned Respects I remain yours in Truth and true Affection c. 1674. To H. W. N o 119. I Received yours of the 25th past which was exceeding welcome to me and therefore I return you hearty thanks both for it and your candid Acceptation of that Token I sent you being an Indication such as it was of the respect and value which from my very heart and that deservedly I bear towards you Your Letter written as I see with an aged feeble hand I have read over with great Acceptation and account it to me the same as a precious Balm I understand that Mr. Oxenb after a very small time of Sickness in a few moments space departed this Life And thus we are dropping away hastning towards a Dissolution where the eye that now seeth us shall see us no more Blessed be that Redeemer who will not call home any of his peculiar number before he has finished the design of his Grace and the purpose of his Will by them and in them And blessed are those Souls that are in any saving measure helped by his Spirit to creep out of themselves into his heart and in that Union partake of all the Benefits of his Death and Purchase both for present Grace and hope of Glory In which number I am undoubtedly persuaded that you are included and that you lie under the Aspect of that Divine Goodness and Love which will feed the Oyl in your Lamp and cause your Lamp to be ready trimmed and burning that so when the Bridegroom comes and calls you off to Immortality and Life you may be able to say Loe I come for all is ready Such a readiness the Lord grant also to my poor Soul To his
give me a fit measure of suitable Grace and that he would preserve and continue it I earnestly desire you to pray that I may be preserved so as to do nothing unbecoming my dear Lord. Then he proceeded further to say Christ will lose none of his he will ransack Heaven and Earth rather than any one of his shall miscarry yea it will pain him to lose any part of his Flesh I have been like Jonah in the Whales Belly now for many days Again he said Christians are never more like themselves as Christians than when they are in Converse about spiritual things things above and there are no Relations to be compared with spiritual Relations After that he said The Lord hath postured my Body unfit for the Means applied for its Cure To one speaking to him Sir you are going to a blessed Eternity and what would you have us to do in this wicked World He replied Get into a holy God April 5. He expressed himself thus I shall have liberty I shall have liberty Good good good is the Lord These things will have an end they will have an end After that he would have Joh. 4. ch read to him which when read said The Lord help me to ponder it After which he would have Joh. 5. ch read For said he all is good News which when read he desired in like manner the 6th Chapter following to be read over after which he spake thus Here we see what a great deal of work our Lord did in a little time and take him for your Example Be nimble in your actings in getting him to be yours You see the Case of a dying Friend I have endeavoured to live Jesus Christ and to be found in him both in Life and in Death I desire that you speaking to Friends standing about him will make it your Request that I may never be ashamed of my Hope and that I may have an abundant Entrance given me into the everlasting Kingdom and the like I pray for all the new born of God April 11. He spake to a Friend near him thus There wil be huge doings shortly God will be known as he is Pray look up to God that I may have some distinct thoughts in Consideration such as may be profitable April 13. He said I have none but thy self O Lord How long how long April 14. In the Afternoon he groaned something much in his Sleep and awaking said I have had some trouble in my Spirit This dogged Enemy meaning Satan would make me very wretched and so I am Upon which one by him replied 'T is recorded in Scripture My Covenant will I not break c. And he said I know he will not but this Enemy is so dogged that when I begin to fix my thoughts on any good thing he endeavours to disturb me that I cannot maintain my Communion with God as I would To D. P. his Physician telling him that God seemed now to be taking of him away he presently replied Blessed be his holy Name he leaves me not and he will never leave me And he further said to him I thank you for all your great kindness the Lord return it you giving you in his very heart After that said I have heard and read much of Death and the Attendants of it and now I come to experience the very thing it self even what that great Change is To another dear Friend he spake thus It would be a great sight to see two mighty Angels make a bustle together having equal Assistance on the one side and on the other But what will it be to see the God of Angels setting all his glorious Retinue in Battel Array This ere long will be seen and the Gospel will not be handled only in Pulpits as now but the Glory of it will shine far and near filling the whole World with its Lustre April 15. In the Morning he uttered himself thus I lie at ease and my Soul shall dwell at ease If the Lord would have me to be the last Man that should suffer in this World I would through his divine Grace and Help willingly submit to his Will therein However if it might be I have an earnest longing to have now a Cast given me into the other World In the Afternoon of that day about two of the Clock he began as was observed to speak more distinctly and with such an even audible Voice that it was noted down verbatim as he spoke viz. Oh how good is it to get into God How good is it to have all the terms of the Covenant of Grace ratified between God and the Soul Lord let thy Righteousness be my Lodging my Delight my Joy let me have sweet and intimate Communion with thee Thou hast called me O Lord I come to thee O Lord I come to thee let all the Grace promised to thy People in this passage be given to me Temptations are many Vanities are many away with them because Christ came to remove all Vanity to remove all Sin Oh let thy Truth let the Sealing of thy Word be to my Soul as refreshing Waters of Life Oh for solid Acquaintance with thee intimate Communion with thee as between Father and Son as between thee and one that is thy Child begotten of thee now at the end of all things Oh shine forth Temptations will be working whatsoever they can Now Lord glorifie thy abounding Grace Now O Lord let the Grace of Christ shine like a burning Lamp Now let me be as one climbing up to the top of the Mount Be with me and with them I leave behind and let them be found in thee in the day of Christ And Oh let the Majesty Greatness and Solemnity of spiritual things be kept up in the World and let Christ reign and be very conspicuous and his People also and let him save his Church and redeem it Be with all thine I cannot pray as I should But wilt thou who openest the mouth and fillest the heart wilt thou who knowest thine own Mind and Will wilt thou accomplish all the designs of thy Grace to thy own Glory and fulfil the desires of all that fear thee and all in Christ My own God my own God and may I have no other God but thee My graciosu God now be with me Lord what thou dost mean reveal it to me in thy good time and let me be significant for thee some way Here I am even bound up having no strength no capacity If I be for another World reveeal thy Mind Now I am incapacitated I cannot think thoughts consistent one with another I am as one in a great part dead all the while I live But Lord let me be a living Server of thee who wilt have living Service from all thine O Lord be the Conductor the near Conductor of them I leave behind me Carry my Yoak-fellow in thine own Arms and our Off-spring with her and be with my gracious Friends thou hast made to tender me and
terrible to me nor to any of the Race thou hast redeemed from Death Let the Agonies of Death be pleasing to me in Christ Oh the Dolour the unspeakable Anger of God we have not drank of it O the intollerable Wrath of God born by that Man meaning Jesus Christ O the woful Travel of Christ we have took up but a little of it and that hath made Repentance slight and holy Care trivial And now O Lord thou reckonest with me for undervaluing of that bloody Agony Lord forgive me my Guilt in this thing I have not been a Christian in earnest as I ought Oh he that made himself the bottom of all sorrow he suffered infinitely Oh such a Redeemer Oh such a Redeemer alas how unsuitable have I been to him Lord pardon my unsuitableness I have been as a Beast before thee I have not come up to answer the Call of that unutterable Grace And now O Lord I cannot stand in the Battel I cannot now the Arrows of Death stick in my Flesh and I cannot bear it without great Concussions of Soul within me But O! O! O thou who art the God of all Grace who art got upon the Kingdom of Grace and art the Head of that Kingdom wilt thou now shew thy Glory Make Death sweet make the Tendencies to Death sweet make every step to Deliverance a pleasing step O my God Save thy Worm save thy Worm O my God according to thy Promises made to Jacob I hearken what the Lord will say he will speak Peace in the Blood of Jesus Sustain me O Lord sustain me Thou art my Friend as thou spakest to Abraham thou art my Friend Dost thou love me Dost thou at this time love me with thy whole heart and with thy whole Soul Dost thou love me more than my nearest and dearest Friends Than those intimate Relations here that continue with me in my Tribulation With a more inward intense Love with an Infiniteness beyond all these Lord let me know that thou lovest me in very Deed let me know that thou knowest me by Name let me know that thou hast an eye upon me more than Doctors and Friends let me know that every Act of thine towards me is the effect of thy Love Love me Oh now with thy whole heart Oh make me to believe it Help me to apprehend that thou dost take notice of me and art with me every Moment with me as to my present Case and Concernment 'T is dead Friendship when Friends cannot hear nor see one another but sure there is another Friendship between thee and thine and thou standest in Relations to them Art not thou my Father Hath not the Church said so Lord thou art our Father Thou art my Husband my Brother my Friend and art not ashamed to be called my Brother Oh wonderful Thou begattest me I am born of thee Lord what shall I do with the great things of the Gospel if thou dost not give forth the Spirit of Faith O Lord wilt thou who art Truth who art Life who art certain wilt thou take the great work of my practical Religion upon thee Thou canst make it to be in Power and Truth unto me as may answer the very design thou aimest at I have been praying through the days of thy drawing me after thee O Lord I would come to that kind of praying while I am here in the World as might be a lovely Copy of that praying of that Converse that will be with thee in Heaven Will Prayer altogether cease in Heaven No surely Lord glorifie thy self glorifie thy self glorified be God Oh Oh that the very Life and Soul of that state then may now be begun Oh that I might hasten to that state Thou detainest me here in thy Wisdom I would go unto thee and into that Life which will most glorifie thee eternally I would go where Life is and no Death I would go where the fullest expressions of the power of Grace overcoming Sinners may be patent and manifest in me even in me who am a poor Mortal There be many things that I have found here that are Likenesses to pure Likeness to thee and here I have lost wofully my way Lord open it The heart is deceitful above all things and it will have its working one way or other but Lord I would go where there is Purity I would go where there is Purity without Impurity I would be with thee Lord for then I can speak to thee in thine own Language better At about Two of the Clock that day in the Afternoon he further extended his Speech as followeth The old World will be the old World still it will remain to Eternity it will be only translated from hence where it received its Curse to Hell to be in Chains of Darkness for ever but all the redeemed number shall be instated in their Palaces of Glory I am in the very Period of Wonders I am in the very Period of viewing Death and Life I am under some Sufferings and they shall be sweet And speaking to himself said Thou shalt lie down in thy Bed And then speaking to God Thou wilt not throw me into the Grave in Anger thou wilt put me into the Grave Thou wilt not say Sleep there in Death thou wilt say Sleep there a little till the Indignation be over-past till that is inflicted on thee for Sin which was pronounced and that that passed away from Christ shall pass from me Lord thou wilt not be unfaithful to thy Word God cannot lie God cannot forget to be gracious he cannot forget his own Work This is that God I desire to believe in and resolve eternally to cling upon with the Truth of my whole heart I have sinned and thou hast pardoned me and saved me with a high hand Help me in this hour take away my fears The last stroak that will be given will be by the Devil himself because it is his last Battel and thou wilt permit him but thou wilt bind him and when thou hast unclinch'd his hands he shall never clinch again He is that last Enemy from Conversion to Salvation Lord wilt thou who hast been destroying this Enmity all along now cause his Enmity to appear to be destroyed and turned into Powder and Rottenness O Have at it have at it I pray thee The strength the might the power of the Life of Sin and Darkness Lord thou didst promise to plague Antichrist for all the Plagues that he hath plagued thine O Lord do thou pour out thy Plagues upon him whilst thou dost sustain him to be fighting his last Battel Let him fight his Battel but let him O God drink of the Rivers of thy Wrath along with it Let the Weak overcome the Strong let thy People be Lyons but let the Devil be an enfeebled Enemy Serve thy self of all thy Instruments whatever they are Lord let them do thee the utmost Service of their Capacity Thy proper Instruments Oh make them glorious make them
be able to speak to the hearing of the ends of the whole Heavens O the Melody of that great day when Saints and Angels innumerable shall be the Pronouncers Oh never such Melody Melody that may be heard Millions of Years Millions of Miles O Lord keep me in my present work till thou callest me to future work and prepare me for the glorifying of thee for ever Help me in this instant help me leave me not now help me through this Thicket graciously Lord graciously deal with me at my Dissolution that nothing but Actings of Love and Grace may be shining upon Me. I leave me with thee I desire to do it perfectly April 19. He spake to one that had watched with him the foregoing Night You see how it is with me You are young the Lord affect your heart with a true sense of your eternal State that you may not be befooled of your immortal Soul by a tempting Devil and a tempting World Some space after he took occasion to say It makes my Soul ashamed within me sometimes that I have had the whole Book of all God's Promises and Covenant before me and do believe that there is mine Inheritance and yet to be in such a posture as I am Alas to be made the Children of the Most High and to live like Fools it should make the Soul long to have the utmost of the Grace promised I expect every night and every day and every piece of a day to be gone that when-ever any Qualm comes upon me I am ready to think this is the time and yet I find in my self a natural Reluctancy against Death that I would and I would not but where-ever my Damp my Black my Disquiet is it ariseth from some Tardiness in my Soul to my God I have a great desire to be freed from my Burthens and to be in that State I greatly long for but yet I would willingly that God should pitch my Stakes and determine the matter God's Wisdom and his Goodness goes together for God's Attributes do not cross one another I ought to have a Manly Walk with God it is not a crouching crimbling childish foolish unexpert Walk By Manly I mean to weigh things as they are in the grave Discovery of Scripture Surely I long to be in the Fountain to see it and be for ever in it To one asking him how he did he said It is a great Mercy that my Mind abides in any Conjuncture and that the Wheels of the Clock do not fall all out of order I cannot now converse but I think the Trade meaning the Heavenly Trade goes on and the Lord make it a smart Trade Lord teach me how frail I am all things are best known by Experience as Learning is obtained by Observation Rules and Precepts April 20. Finding himself exceeding faint and weak said I could now lie down and say This is my last if the Lord saw it fit having much ado to retain Life To a Christian Friend that came to visit him he said Blessed be the Lord for the Covenant of Grace and the Surety of that Covenant where our stay is All Goodness all Mercy all Peace c. The way and method God takes he himself hath cut out but what his scope is in this my present Case I do not know Afterward it being told him of the death of an aged Relation who lived to above fourscore Years he spake to this effect Is he dead with whom I never had the opportunity seriously to converse with in the things of a spiritual World Surely this is the time to do any thing for God and to be helpful to others The Lord bless the Providence to that poor Woman his Wife To another Friend taking leave and saying The Lord be with you I hope he will carry you to your Journeys end he replied I hope he will I believe he will never leave me nor forsake me To another poor Christian he gave this Counsel Cling upon Christ and he will never leave you I cannot say much but be sure of that follow hard after Christ and he will never leave you That is all my Experience all that I have been a learning of the Truth and Faithfulness of God these scores of Years Only love him only obey him entirely seek him pray to him much for that is the only likeliest way and I never heard of any that did it faithfully and was lost Then he prayed O my God be near me suffer nothing to miscarry through the All-sufficiency of thy infinitely great Grace To a dear Friend that came to visit him telling him that he was very much upon the hearts of the People of God who prayed for him he replied these words That one heart of Christ sets other hearts awork He farther said I am glad to see you upon account of former Intimacy but I chiefly rejoyce that you have found the same God in Prayer that I have done and that you are hankering after the same Fountain and Spring and cannot live without it as God hath given me also an unwearied Reach after and upon these Grounds I am glad to see you My dear Friend fare you well the Lord be with you To a Relation he spake thus Spring to Heaven though for your springing you spring out of the Body and leave it behind you Let us look to it lest you and I fall short of our Hope Multitudes of Professors standing aloof off have lost their way they have lost their work they have lost their end Our opportunity is as clear in our hand now as ever it was in the hand of David or Paul or any of the Saints of God that lived before us Oh how do I love to see Grace grow in Friends in Relations c. The Lord be with you and carry you and make your Affliction to be a sanctified Affliction that in a little while you may not have any burthen but may see your Salvation and have it April 21. To another Visitant he spake thus I may not stand wondering meaning in reference to his long Sickness but yet I may wonder indeed that ever God made me a Man that ever he made me a rational Creature that ever he brought me forth into the World where the Gospel was and that he hath told me that he will save me for ever Oh that I could wonder admire and adore it You duggle up and down and so I have done heretofore and here we walk over but a little Ground and if we obtain little or much it is but a little got in a little Ground and we have therein trouble But Oh what is it to flee over the whole Heavens and to be every where in God and in Christ In all other good things relating only to this Life all the pleasure we have in seeking them is to think how pleasurable they will be to us when obtained But the delight and pleasure of spiritual things lie much in the very seeking of them