flattery as unbecoming men to no greater a person then a Bishop he answered that it was none of his fault but the Prelat's who carried his eares in his Feet Lord Wentworth AFter my Lord Wentworth Ancestor to the Earle of Cleveland had lost Calice through want of a sufficient Garrison being forced on a sudden by the Duke of Guise to a surrender who had failed of another great enterprise on Naples the Queen never dawed day but with the complaints of Quintili redde legiones render me Calice quite spent her selfe the Lord Chamberlain delivering her one night the Key she sighed and said this is not the key of Calice which was alwayes held for the Key of France Earle of Dorset ONE Captain Beale served my Lord with hats which he prized at high and excessive rates my Lord understanding by his Steward the rate of his bills sent for his Haberdasher Sir quoth my Lord what is your meaning to set me such prizes in which there is no conscience why my Lord quoth Captain Beale we citizens must ballance accounts if you do not pay me then you cheat me but if you do then I cheat your Lordship The grand Seignour DON John of Austria was Generall at the fight of Lepanto against the Turkes where he gave them a signall overthrow this being related to the Grand Seigniour who had lately taken the whole Kingdome of Cyprus from the Venetians he contentedly said that the losse of a Fleet to him was but as the shaving of his beard which would grow again but the losse of a Kingdom was like the lopping off a member Philip the second of Spain HE was of so rare a temper that after his invincible Armado was defeated upon the English Coasts and dispersed with winds driven about the Coast of Ireland back again upon the newes thereof he only said that he sent not out that Fleet to fight against the Windes Another time having writ expresses to Flanders when they were fairly copyed he gave them to his secretary to throw sand upon them who mistaking the box throw'd Ink in stead of it and wholly defaced them he said no more but went into his Chamber and transcribed them Colonel Massey IT is commonly reported that at the seige of Gloucester before the Citizens burnt down the suburbs after the King had summoned it Prince Rupert sent word to the Governour that if he yeilded not presently he would forthwith fire him out to which Collonel Massey returned let the Prince do so and I will meet and fight with him in the Flame Lady Lambert MUch talke there was of some familiarity betwixt Oliver Cromwell and my Lady Lambert upon the device of the Instrument of Government which was cheifly assisted by Lambert upon mutuall assurances that he should succeed in the protectorship when that project took effect in December 1653 it was said by a wag that Olivers Instrument was found in my Lady Lamberts Placket Olivers Commissioners of the Treasury THere was a great complaint of money as occasion enough in the publique receits as they called them in that Parliament which was called in 1656 great stir was made for a supply among the rest an Act was propounded for the better regulation of the Exchequer which some fingerers of that money as most of them were such would have only to look forward to the future management of it saith Thurloe the Secretary Gentlemen if a man hath lost his purse whether should he look backward or forward my Lord hath lost his Purse Harry Marten THis Antimonarchical Person being condemned for the execrable murther of King Charles was after sentence he coming in upon the Kings Proclamation brought before the House of Lords to shew cause why he should not suffer due execution of his judgement to which he returned answer that true it was he could not nor did expect any favour from that House whose extirpation he had endeavorured and as to the King he acknowledged he never had observed any of his or his predecessors Proclamations save one and for that he should be hanged Lord Bruce SIR Edward Sackvile afterwards Lord Dorset was challenged by this Lord to fight with him in the low Countreys upon some fend betwixt them in the duel they were both grievously wounded yet would not give over at last it was my Lord Dorsets fortune to throw him upon a close and having him at this advantage proffered him his life no quoth the Scotch Lord I scorne to accept it at the hands of an English man and I then scorne saith Dorset to give it to a Scotch man Monsiure Bellieure WHen the King was in the hands of the Scotch at Newcastle and bargained and sold by them to the English this Monsiure being the French Kings Ambassadour came thither and seeing the sale agreed upon departed at his going away Lashley sent a Guard of horse to bring him into the English Quarters where being arrived he called for the Corporall of the squadron and having a halfe Crown in his hand demanded of him what that peice was thirty pence Sir said he even for so much the Jewes betrayed our Saviour take this among you FINIS A TABLE OF THE NAMES OF Those PERSONS in these Collections  Folio HEnry the 8. 1 Queen Elizabeth 2 Lord Hunsden 3 Lord Treasurer 4 Lord cheife Justice 5 King Wardrope 6 Shoomaker no Gentleman 7 Sir William Clarke 8 Lord Spencer 9 Doctor Preston 10 Sir Thomas Moor. 11 Sir Horatio Pollavieini 13 Lord Bacon 14 Doctor Perne 15 Queen Elizabeth 17 Wood of Kent 18 Bishop Bancroft ibid A Pike 19 Apes 20 Lord William Ceeil 21 Master Sutton the founder of that Hospital 22 Sir Robert Dymock the Kings Champion 23 Sir Thomas Gresham 24 Cambridge Disputation 25 Sir John Cutts 26 The Countesse of Shrewsebury 27 Sir Arthur Chichester 28 Thomas Stukely 29 Earle of Oxford 30 A Bite 31 Master Richard Hackluit ibid Beggars Bush 32 Name 33 Sir Walter Rawleigh ibid An Italian Humor 34 Law Suit 35 Sir Francis Cheney 36 Earle of Carnarvon 37 Shipmoney 38 Coat of Armes 39 Extraction ibid Complement 40 King James 41 Bishops 42 Welchmen 43 Another ibid Bishop Gloucester 44 The Kings Porter 45 Parson Bull. 46 Lord Goring 47 Gentleman 48 Sir Henry Marten 49 Boots ibid Sir Gilbert Talbot 50 Sir Robert Naunton 51 A Learned Maide 52 Bishopricks 53 Marston Moore 54 Wales 55 Welch Gentleman ibid Lord Bacon 57 Another 58 Henry the 8. 59 Evesham Bridge 60. Organs 61. Queen Mary 62 Disputation 63 Lord Hunsdon 64 King Philip. 65 Terme 66 Stumps the Clothier 68 Sir Thomas Wyat. 69 Henry the 8. 71 King James a hunting 72 Sir Henry Rush 73 A Voyage 74 Hispaniola ibid Cardinal Wolsey 75 Ambition 76 A moral ibid Sir Thomas Roe 77 A Polish Ambassadour 78 Another 79 Another ibid Sr. Jerome Bowes 80 Another 81 A young Maide 82 A Spanish Captain 83 Margaret Countesse of Richmond 85 An Astrologer 86 An unadvised Statesman 87 Henry the
injured the other to the Defendant pittying him as compelled to Law but taking bribes of both with this condition to restore the money if the Cause went against them Their Lord ignorant hereof alwayes did impartial justice whilest his two serants making people pay for what was given them by compact shared the money between them which in conclusion cost the Master the losse of his Office Dr. Perne DOctor Perne Master of Peter house and Dean of Ely in Cambridge this Person was very facetious and excellent at blunt sharp jests and loved that kind of mirth even so as to be noted for his wit in them This Dean chanced to call a Clergy-man fool that indeed was little better who replyed that he would complain thereof to the Lord Bishop of Ely Do saith the Dean when you will and my Lord Bishop will confirm you Yet was Doctor Perne himselfe at last heart-broken with a jest being at Court in the time of Queen Elizabeth with Archbishop Whitgift his Pupil It seemes he was noted to have altred his religion with the several raignes of Hen. 8. Ed. 6. Q. Mary and Queen Elizabeth It fell out at his being there as aforesaid the Queen was disposed and resolved that afternoon for all it rained very hard to goe abroad contrary to the mind of her Ladies on Horseback Coaches not being then common who were to attend her Now one Clod the Queen's Jester was employ'd by the Courtiers to laugh the Queen out of so inconvenient a journey which he performed in this manner Heaven quoth he Madam disswades you it is cold and wet and Earth disswades you it is moist and dirty Heaven disswades you this Heavenly minded man Archbishop Whitgift and Earth disswades you your fool Clod such a lump of clay as my selfe And if neither will prevaile with You here is one that is neither Heaven nor Earth but hangs betwixt both Doctor Perne and he also disswades you hereat the Queen and the Courtiers laughed heartily whilst the Doctor withdrew himselfe to Lambeth and there dyed out of meer conceit of this publick dictery Queen Elizabeth QUeen Elizabeth was of an undaunted courage so that once a prime Officer with a white staffe whose name for his honorable Posterities sake shall be passed by coming into her presence the Queen willed him to confer such a place now void on one of her Servants whom she commended unto him Please your Highnesse Madam said the Lord the disposall hereof pertaineth to me by vertue of this white stasse conferred upon me True said the Queen yet I never gave you the office so absolutly but I still reserved my selfe of the Quorum But of the Quarum Madam replied he presuming on her favor hereat the Queen in some passion snatching the staffe out of his hand You shall acknowledge me said she of the Quorum Quarum Quorum before you have your staffe againe Wood of Kent NIcholas Wood I cannot but observe him as a living jest and merriment of the times though the greatest grief and sorrow to himself imaginable through his Caninus Appetitus or doggish appetite he was a Landed Man and true Labourer he would eat provision for twenty men at a meal a whole Hogg at a sitting and at another time thirty dozen of Pigeons this by the modern trenchermen is called playing at a bit and so is rancked here in that Topick Bishop Bancroft THIS excellent Prelate was very much abused by virulent tongues and pens of the Puritan party being he that managed the Conference at Hampton-Court so learnedly and acutely so that as Mithridates their venemous tongues became food to him Once a Gentleman coming to visit him presented him a libell lye because false bell because loud which he found posted on his door who nothing moved hereat Cast it said he to an hundred more which lie here upon a heap in my Chamber A Pike IT is known of what voracity Pikes are being called the Tyrants of Rivers Once a Cub-Fox drinking out of the river Arnus in Italy had his head seized on by a mighty Pike so that neither could free themselves but were ingrapled together in this contest a young man runs to the water takes them both out alive and carrieth them to the Duke of Florence whose Palace was near thereunto The Porter would not admit him without promising of sharing his full halfe in what the Duke should give him To which he hopeless otherwise of Entrance condescended The Duke highly effected with the rarity was on giving him a good reward which the other refused desiring his Highness would appoint one of his guard to give him a hundred Lashes that so the Porter might have fifty according to his Composition Apes THere is a sort of Apes in India caught by the Natives thereof in this manner they dresse a little boy in his sight and undresse him again leaving all the Childs aparell behind them and then depart a convenient distance The Ape presently atyreth himselfe in the same garments till the Childs cloathes become his chains putting of his feet by putting on his Shoos as most of our Gallants doe for French fashions leaving the old English manners Lord William Cecill HE was Secretary and Lord Treasurer to Queen Elizabeth for about 30. yeares together Ancestor of the Earle of Exeter being Moderator Auleae steering the Court at his pleasure and whilest the Earle of Leicester would endure no equal and Sussex no Superiour therein he by sideing with neither served himselfe with both Incredible was the kindnesse which Queen Elizabeth had for him or rather for her selfe in him being sensible that he was so able a Minister of State coming once to visit him being sick of the Gourt at Burley house in the Strand and being much heightned with her head attire then in fashion the Lords servant who conducted her through the door May your Highnesse said he be pleased to stoop the Queen returned For your Masters sake I will stoop but not for the King of Spain Sutton the Founder of that Hospital HE got his Estate by being Pay-master at Berwick under the Queen and by being thrifty and frugall in that employment and then turned merchant He had a merchant his Comrade with whom he had Company in common but their charges were several to themselves when his friend in travel called for two Fagots Mr Sutton called for one when his friend called for halfe a Pint of Wine Mr Sutton for a Gill underspending him a moiety at last Mr Sutton hearing of his Friends Death and that he left but fifty thousand pounds Estate I thought said he he would die no rich Man who made such needlesse Expences The Kings Champion SIr Robert Dimock being by inheritance the Kings Champion at the Coronation of Henry the 7. came on Horseback into Westminster Hall where the King according to custome dined and casting his Gauntlet on the ground challenged any who durst question the Kings right to the Crown King Henry being pleased
her a Goat was espied by a merry fellow one of her Warders to be walking alone with her where upon taking the goat on his shoulders he in all hast hurried him to Sir Harry I pray said he examine this fellow whom I found walking with her Grace but what talke they had I know not not understanding his Language he seems to me a stranger and I believe a Welchman by his freize Coat Another THomas ap William ap Thomas ap Richard ap Howell ap Evan ap Vaughan c. Esquire being born of Worshipfull parentage at Moston in this County was empannelled of a Jury by the aforesaid Names in the reign of King Henry the Eight whereupon by the advice of the Judge his name was contracted he consenting to it into Moston the place of his Nativity and ancient Inheritance This leading case was a precedent to the practice of other Gentrey in Wales who leaving their Pedigrees at Home carry only one Sir-name abroad with them whereby much time especially in winter when the dayes are short is gained for better employment Bishop of Gloucester DOctor Goodman Bishop Gloucester in the raign of King Charles the first when he dyed declared himselfe by his will a Roman Catholick an intimation whereof he gave at the convocation in 1640. where he refused to subscribe the Canons and was therefore and for other Erroneous opinions inprisoned by his Brother Prelates was wont to say complayning of our first Reformers that Bishop Ridley was a very odd Man to whom one presently returned He was indeed an odd Man my Lord for all the Popish party in England could not match him with his equall in learning and Religion The Kings Porter WIlliam Evans Porter to King Charls the first was a Welchman of Monmouthshire and may justly be accounted a Giant for his stature being full 2. yards and a halfe in height He succeeded Walter Parsons who would take two of the biggest of the Guard under each arme as a liver and gizard and so carry them exceeded him 2. inches in Height but far beneath him in an equall proportion of body for he was not only what the Latines call Compernis knocking his knees together and going out squalling with his feet but also bandylegd a little yet he made a shift to dance at an Antimasque in Court where he drew little Jeffery out of his pocket first to the wonder then to the laughter of the Beholders Parson Bull. UPON the happy and most auspicious restauration of our Soveraign to his Kingdomes one Parson Bull a Minister who had as loyally as learnedly maintained and asserted his Majesties cause had a benefice of some value conferred on him by the Kings gift but before his Patent could be sealed the Lord Chancellour upon some presentation had disposed it or some way it happened that he was hindred so that the Parson had spent all his money in towne in attending of it One day therefore seeing his money grew short he put his hand in his pocket and finding nothing there but the Kings Grant with his hand to it he went confidently to his Majesty and told Him that he had lost all the money out of his pocket and found none but his Majesties hand therein at which the King smiled and asked him if his business was not dispatched he replied no Thereupon he was expressely recommended to the Chancellour for expedition of his Patent who at his addresse understanding him to be a wit said unto him pray what 's your name Bull said the Parson where are then your Hornes said my Lord if it please your Lordship replyed he the Hornes alwayes go with the Hide Lord Goring GEorge Earle of Norwich Lord Goring being sentenced by the High Court of justice for that same crime of Loyalty with the ever Honourable Lord Capell for their most noble defence of the Town Colchester in 1648. was at the point of death by the potent intercession of the Spanish Ambassador reprieved from Execution which Duke Hambleton Earle of Holland and Lord Capell deplorably suffered This Earle being visited after this reprieve and asked how he did answered I had thought to have pulled off my Doublet but now I have leisure to Hooke up my Breeches A Gentleman A Gentleman coming to Court as he was lighting out of his Coach asked a Page or Lacquy that retained to some Person therein very hastily what a Clock it was to whom the lad said Sir what will you give me then The Gentleman wondering at the boy asked him what he meant by it Sir saith he I would not have you mistake your selfe We Courtiers doe nothing without money Sir Henry Martin SIR Henry Martin Father to the unfortunate Harry Martin a criminal in the horrid murder of the King was a very fine Gentleman and a very learned Person By King James he was worthily advanced in the sphere of his study the civil Lawes wherein he was very eminent to be Judge of the Prerogative for Probate of Wills and also of the admiralty in Cases concerning foreign traffique so that as King James used to say pleasantly That he Sir Henry was a mighty Monarch in his jurisdiction over Land and Sea the living and the dead Boots WHen Doctor John Gostin was last Vice Chancellor of Cambridge being Master of Caius Colledge and an excellent Physician it was highly penal for any Scholar to appear in Boots it being not thought civil Now a Scholar undertook for a small wager much beneath the penalty to addresse himselfe booted to the vice Chancellor which was thought a dangerous presumption so carrying an Urinal in his hand he craved his advice for a cure of an hereditary numnesse in his Legs which he was fain to keep thus warm The Doctor pittyed him and dismist him with a remedy to boot with his wager Sir Gilbert Talbot SIR Gilbert Talbot being made Governor of Calis by King Henry the eight upon some advice or suspition that the French had some sudden design upon the place by surprisal was commanded peremptorily that presently and carefully he should look to his charge and fortifie the Town to whom sir Gilbert replyd being unprovided of necessaries as briefly as bluntly That without money he could neither fortify nor fiftify Sir Robert Naunton ONE Master Wiemark a wealthy Man a great Newes-monger and constant Pauls walker hearing the newes that day of the beheading of Sir Walter Rawleigh His head said he would do very well on the shoulders of Sir Robert Naunton then Secretary of State to King James These words were complained of and Wiemark summoned to the Privy Councel where he pleaded for himselfe that he intended no disrespect to Master Secretary whose known worth was above all detraction Only he spake in reference to an old proverb Two heads are better then one And so for the present he was dismissed Not long after when rich men were called on for a Contribution for St. Pauls Wiemark at the Councel Table subscribed a hundred
8. 88 Cardinal Wolsey 89 A memorable thing 90 The Cardinal of Lorrain 91 Emperour Maximilian 92 King Charles the first 94 Generall Monke ibid Philip Landgrave of Hesse 95 A Fryar confessour 97 A Matron 98 A Lyar. 99 Ben. Johnson ibid Lewis the 12 of France 100 A Cavalier ibid The little or foolish Parliament 101 Peter House in Cambridge 103 Count Maurice of Nassau and Spinola ibid A Coward 104 Goldsmiths Hall 105 Count Gundomar ibid Sir Thomas Moore 106 Another 107 Again ibid Courtiers 108 Henry the 8. ibid Lord Chancellor Hatton 109 Lord Cheife Justice Richardson 110 Philip the second ibid A Courtier in Debt 111 Another 112 Hispaniola 113 Parliament Coine ibid Lord Treasurer 114 A present 115 Lord Bacon ibid Judge Popham 116 Pace the Fooll 117 Bishop Latimer ibid Mendoza 118 A Country man at Assizes ibid A Pursivant 119 Admiralty ibid Sir Francis Bacon 120 Another 121 Sir Francis Bacon ibid Lord Henry Howard 123 Sir Fulke Grevil Lord Brook ibid Assected Gravity 124 Arch Bishop of Canterbury ibid A Tilting 125 Sultan Selymus 126 Consalvo the Great Captain ibid Sir Henry Wotton 127 Businesse ibid Robert Earle of Leicester 128 Earle of Essex ibid Caesar Borgia 129 A Court Maxim 130 Sir Nicholas Bacon 131 Cornbury Parke 131 Knights ibid French Massacre 133 Treasure 134 Retinue ibid Henry the Fourth 135 Proud Prelate 136 Lord Wentworth 137 Earle of Dorset ibid Philip the second of Spain 138 Collonel Massey ibid The Grand â—ignour 139 Lady Lambert 140 Olivers Commissioners of the Treasury 141 Harry Martin 142 Lord Bacon 143 Monsieur Bellicure ibid FINIS To the Reader THE Reader is desired to excuse the Collector of these Jocoseria is in some places Names be wanting for it was neither safe nor satisfactory ADVERTISEMENT THere is lately Printed the History of the Commons War throughout these three Nations of England Scotland and Ireland The like exact account never before Printed faithfully Collected by an impartiall Hand Sold by Joshua Coniers at the black Raven in the long Walke neer Christchurch Bookes lately Published THE English â—ove◠〈…〉 worth Gold both 〈…〉 Actâ—â— with general applause now newly formed into a Romaâ—ce by the acâ—â—aâ—â— Peâ— of I. â— Gent. A Compendious Chronicle of the Kingdom of Portugall from Alphonso the first King to Alphonso the sixth now reigning Those excellent Fancies intituled Don Juan Lamberto or a Comical History of our late Times first and second Part by Montelion Knight of the Oracle ☞ A new English Grammer for Forreigners to learn English with a Grammer for the Spanish or Castilian Tongue with special Remarkes on the Portugues Dialect for the service of her Majesty whom God preserve The Life and Death of that reverend Divine and excellent Historian Dr. Thomas Fuller lately deceased Studii Legalis Ratio or Directions for the study of the Law under these heads the Qualifications for the Nature Meanes Method Time and Place of the Study by W. Phillips of Grayes Inn c. price one shilling Bookes in the Press ready to publish this Tearme AN Exact Collection of the choicest Songs and Poems from 1639. to 1661. Relating to these Times Written by the most eminent Wits A new Discovery of the French Disease and Running of the Reines their Causes Signes with plain and easy direction of perfect curing the same by R. Bunworth the second Edition corrected with large Additionals The Poor Schollar a Comedy All sold by H. Marsh at the Princes Armes in Chancery lane near Fleet-street
peice of Arras presenting the Sea-sight in 88. which at severall audiences of Ambassadors hath been used for magnificence in the banqueting House as in Cromwels usurpation and wherein were wrought the living portractures of the cheifest Commanders in that service on a time a Captain who highly prized himselfe and his valour in that naval fight coming to Court and missing his picture therein complained of the injury to his friend professing of himselfe that he merited a place there as well as some therein remembred for that he was engaged in the middle of the fight Be content said his friend thou hast been an old Pyrate and art reserved for another hanging A Shoomaker no Gentleman SIr Philip Calthrop a very merry Gentleman of the County of Norfolk being newly come from Court where he had observed the fashion to be upon great dayes in those times of Henry the seaventh to wear gownes of light coloured cloath sent to his Taylor in Norwich as much cloth of fine French Tawney as would make him such a vesture It happened one John Drakes a Shoomaker of some wealth coming into the shop liked it so well that he went bought of the same as much for himself enjoyning the Tailor to make it exactly after the fashion he made the Knights who sending for his Gowne by his servant he espied another of the same in the shop and enquiring whose it was the Master told him and the order he had for the making it up This being told sir Philip he sent a new command that the Taylor should cut in his as many holes and slashes as his knife and sheares could find place for and so send it him which he did and accordingly cut the Shoomakers in the very same manner and carried it home where Prince Crispin began to be wroth but understanding it was the mode that the Knights was made his combe fell saying he would be a Gentleman no more Sir William Clark SIR William Clark a Gentleman much conversant in Court a great Masquer and acceptable to the Ladies being a man of excellent shape and goodly feature and proportion was one night at a Masque in Whitball where were present King JAMES and Queen Anne after a scene or two he having some Office or charge for that night while the stage was free passed over to the other side about some businesse and with such a stately and strutting pace befitting his present employment that a Lady knowne unto him thinking to put a jeere upon him said Sir pray have a care you hurt not your selfe by stradling so wide I wonder what ayles you to whom he he presently and openly retorted In troth Madam if you had that betwixt your legs which I have it would make you straddle a great deal wider Lord Spencer RObert Lord Spencer Baron of Wormleighton being a Man of a quick and clear spirit speaking one day in Parliament of the valour of their English Ancestors in defending the Liberties of the Nation the Earle of Arundel stood up and replyed your Ancestors were keeping of sheep that Lord and his Predecessors being known for the greatest Sheep-masters in England when those Liberties were defended If they were a keeping of sheep returned the other yours were then in plotting of Treason This animosity for the present cost both of them a confinement yet so that afterwards the upper House ordered reparations to this Lord Spencer as first and causelessely provoked Doctor Preston DOctor Preston was the greatest Pupil-monger in England in Mans memory having sixteen fellow Commoners most Heires to faire estates admitted in one year in Queens Colledge and provided convenient accomodations for them As William the popular Earle of Nassaw Prince of Aurange was said to have won a subject from the King of Spain to his own party every time he put off his Hat so it was commonly said in the Colledge that every time Mr. Preston plucked off his Hat to Dr. Davenant the Master he gained a Chamber or Study for one of his Pupils among whom one Chambers a Londoner was eminent for his learning Being afterwards chosen himselfe Master of Emanuel Colledge he removed thither with most of his Pupils and when it was much admired where all these should find lodging in that Colledge which was so full already one replyed Mr. Preston will carry Chambers along with him Sir Thomas More SIR Thomas More being committed to the Tower for refusing the Oath of Supremacy being as in his time it was the custome and also to our memory observed that the Prisoners there were not dieted at their own but the Kings charges the Lieutenant of the Tower providing their food for them when the said Lieutenant one day said unto him by way of complement that he was sorry his Commons were no better I like said Sir Thomas the dyet very well and if I dislike it turn me out of Doores A Courtier coming to him while in restraint with proffer of mercy from the King if he would comply with his Majesties will and take the said Oath he replyed that His minde was now changed whereupon the Courtier departed and told the King that Sir Thomas would submit himself to his grace in that matter which the King willing to accept gave him order to repaire to the Tower again and receive it in a forme under his hand At his return challening Sir Thomas with his promise he wondring told him that he meant only by changing his minde that whereas he had resolved to shave himselfe before his Execution he would now let his beard suffer with his head to the abashment of the man who so confidently had informed the King of Sir Thomas his conversion The same Sir Thomas during his Chancellorship had his Lady well attended by a handsome retinue especially at going to Church living then in Chelsey where her Gentleman-usher alwayes after my Lord was out of his seat after Sermon used to wait upon his Lady telling her Madam my Lord is gone It hapned that upon this score of the supremacy sir Thomas was put from that dignity whereupon the next Sunday after as soon as Church was done having the week before dismist most of his servants intending to live privately he came to his Ladies Pew himselfe and said unto her alone in passing Madam my Lord is gone meaning the Chancellor and so walkt home before her Sir Pallavicin Horatio ONe Seignior Pallavicin a Genoese who lived in England a kin to Sir Horatio boasting of his Nobility and high extraction as descended from an illustrious House was thus answered by a blunt Citizen who from mean Parentage had risen to great wealth reputation and honor and so I saith he also am come of an illustrious House where the Sun constantly shone through the rotten walls and roofes thereof My Lord Bacon IT is storied of my Lord Bacon to his advantage that when he was Lord Chancellor he had two servants one in all causes Patron to the Plaintiffe whom charity presumed always
with a plashy place the Queen scrupled to go therein presently Rawleigh cast and spread his new Plush Cloak on the ground whereon the Queen trod gently rewarding him afterwards with many suits for so free a tender of so fair a foot cloath after he had attained her open favour he found many enemies which worth never wanteth at Court besides cowardly detractions of whom Sir Walter was wont to say If any man accuseth me to my face I will answer him with my mouth but my taile is good enough to returne an answer to such who traduce me behind my back An Italian Humour LET him that will be happy for a day go to the barber for a week marry a wife for a moneth buy him a new horse for a year build him a new house for all his life time be an honest man Law Suit A Lady would traverse a Suit of Law against the will of her husband who was contended to buy his quiet I forbear the names both of them and the judge because so lately done and it becomes not the persons by giving her her will therein though otherwise perswaded in his conscience the cause would goe against her The Lady dwelling in the shire Town invited the judge to dinner though thrifty enough of her selfe treated him with very sumptuous entertainment Dinner being done the judge returned to the bench where the cause being called the judge gave it clearly against her And when afterwardes in passion she vowed never to invite judge again Nay wife said he vow never to invite a just judge any more Sir Francis Cheyney SIr Francis Cheyney made by Queen Elizabeth Baron of Tuddington in Bedfordshire of a very ancient noble family and as great and larg demesnes Patrimony was in his youth very wild and venturous so that on a time he played at dice in his travels in the quality of an English Peer with Henry the second of France from whom he won a Diamond of great worth at a cast whereupon being demanded by the King what shift he would have made to repair himselfe in case he had lost the cast I have replyed my Lord in an hyperbolicall bravery Sheeps Tails enough in Kent with their wool to buy a better Diamond then this Earle of Carnarvon THe Earle of Carnarvon who so valiantly and resolutly witnessed his Loyalty in several fights for King Cbarles the first of blessed memory who gave him his Honour was mortally wounded at the first Battel of Newbery in his agony of death he was desired by a Lord to acquaint him what suit he would have to his Majesty in his behalfe the said Lord promising to discharge his trust in presenting his request and assuring him that his Majesty would be willing to gratify his desire to the utmost of his power To whom the Earle replyed I will not dye with any suit in my mouth to any King save to the King of Heaven Ship Money THe begining of our late unnaturall broyles was among other causes inputed cheifly to the imposition of Ship-money for which Mr Hambden was condemned in the Exchequer in a penall Sume by the consent of ten of the judges who gave their opinion that that Taxe was legal only Judge Hutton and Judge Crook declared against it so that a stop was put to the levying of it whereupon a Countryman no friend to the prerogative said wittily The King may get Ship-money by Hooke but not by Crook but since that time other Taxes ten times heavyer have been taken from us by Hook and Crooke together Coat of Arms. IT is the rule general in Armes that the playner the ancienter and so consequently the more Honourable to this purpose a memorable Gentleman the beginning of whose Gentry might easily be remembred for its late rise was mocking at the plain coat of an ancient Esquire to whom the Esquire returned I must be fain to wear the Coat which my Great great great great grandfather left me But had I had the happyness to have bought one as you did it should have been guarded after the newest Fashion Extraction IT happened in the raign of King James when Henry Earle of Huntington was Lord Lieutenant of Leicestershire that a Labourers son in that County was pressed into the Wars being to go over with Count Mansfeild into Germany The old man at Leicester requested his Son might be discharged as being the only staffe of his age who by his industry maintained him and his mother The Earle demanded his name which the man for a long time was loth to tell as suspecting it a fault for a poor man to confesse so proud a truth at last he told his name was Hastings Cosen Hastings said the Earle we cannot all be top branches of the same Tree though we all spring from the same Root your Son my Kinsman shall not be pressed Complement A Gentleman a Courtier and who had potent recommendations from King James to a Lady of Quality and Honour to set off his Suit with the greatest splendor came alwayes attended with a large retinue one whereof was to be near his Person now they were only hired for that day and so dismist at night when he came from his wooing This was observed by the Lady One night therefore taing leave of her at the stayre foot where his man attended him he proffered to salute her as the good-night civility to which Spare your Complement said shee for probably I shall shortly see you again but let me I pray you salute your servant whom I shall never see again King James KING James first coined his 22. shillings peice of Gold called Jacobusses where on his head he wore a Crown after that he coined his 20. shillings and wore the Lawrel in stead of the Crown upon which mutation Ben. Johnson said pleasantly That Poets being alwayes poor Bayes were rather the Embleme of Wit then wealth since King James no sooner began to wear them but he fell two shillings in the pound in publique valuation Bishops SOon after those tumults and clamours at Westminster when thereby Bishops were outed illegally from their places in the House of Lords the assembly then sitting at the Deanes House of Westminster a reverend Bishop dyed and was buried as otherwise it could not be obtained by Mr Herle the President of that Assembly who the next day meeting with a friend of his of the Episcopall perswasion said unto him somewhat insultingly last night I buried a Bishop dashing more at his profession then person to whom the other returned with a like latitude to both sure you buried him in hop of Resurrection And this as to the sacred Function and order wee see performed Goats IT is known that Goats are the principall brood of Wales and of great bignesse and are the best food where sheep cannot be had during the restraint of Queen Elizabeth by her Sister Queen Mary in the Custody of Sir Henry Benefeild so that none were admitted accesse unto