a certaine number of falce and corrupt Iudges it is seasoned with the spice of aged detestable couetuousnes bribery extortion oppression iniustice unmercifullnes and with parvertion of all the statute lawes garnished with ship money forrest mony lone mony and a multitude of Jsoprises but this dish is by his ma'ties speciall order to be preserved for his owne peculiar pallate Pope His Majesties will be done J shall be ever ready obedient to all his Ma'ties commands nor will I presume to taste of it but onely passe my iudgment on it that it is a Princely dish fit onely for his Majesties table What is the next J pray my Lord Card'i The next may it please your holynes is a large Golden charger contayning a very great number of bace minded covetuous uniust extorting oppressing Lawyers who value every word by them vttered at a barr of iustice at a farre higher price then your holynes doth your Buls issued forth for remission of sins these caterpillers his ma'ti king Lucifer hath brought into such great esteeme with all the Jnhabitants of England as that no man of quality thinks his hous to stand vnles it bee supported by one of those vermine pillars and broud of contention this dish is seasoned with the spice of extorting fees from one twenty-shillings-peece to 5. to 10. yea to 20. espeacially by those who are stiled the iudges favourites all this is giuen some times but for the speaking of 2. or 3. words it is likewise seasoned with the taking fees on both sides deluding clyents spining out the thred of an honest cause to its full length vntill the purs-strings both of plaintife and defendant crack and then they are tied together by a commission into the country where these catterpillers are reverenced and feared like so many Gods by all the people this dish is garnished with some 10000. pestifferous petty fogging sedicious 10-groat Atturnnies one of whose parfidious bills of charges in one tearme advances it-selfe sometimes vnto the sum of 5. 10. 20. yea 30 pounds espeacialy wheÌ„ he finds his clyent naturally inclyned to the conditions of an asse And on every of these garnishes haÌ„gs 5 â—onny-catching deceaitful Solissitors properly termed Lawyers-limetwigs traps or nets to catch the poore silly creatures caled clyents this dish his Ma'ty hath also reserved for his owne table Pope It is a Princely dish indeed and fit onely for the peculiar table of so great a Monarch as is our most dambnable Sofferaigne King Lucifer the opperation vertue of which dish is able to season a whole kingdome to be fit meat for his Ma'ties pallate espeacially if there be but the opperatiue spice added to it called the action of the cace But what is this dish my lord Card'i Card ' may it please your holynes this dish containes a certaine numâ—er of bace muck-wormes stiled Docters of our sivill law Chancelors and Officials this dish is also seasoned with the uniust spice of extortion oppression fraud and deceit and granished about with a most dambnable crue of Procters Notaries Registers Deligates Advocates Sumners and petty apparaters these haue for many yeares proued noteable instruments of strife and vexsation vnto the inhabitants of England and through their deceaueabl wayes haue mightily oppressed the people being not much inferior vnto the preceadent Golden charger But to this dish may it please your holynes there hath happened this yeare a very great mischance in the kooking for when wee thought it should haue bin most Laudably boyled vp to its greatest hight of Catholik operatioÌ„ there happened a Spider to fall into it through a sudden blast of Reformation which hath made it somwhat dangerous now for your holines to taste of For the Lamb that was moste richly seasoned in it is now through this sudden and unexpected misfortune Putrified and the Duck being a watry foule is quite disolved and this dish by his Ma'tys speciall order is to be left now to your holines disposall Pope J am much bound to his Ma'ty for his gracious favour to me herein J shall be very carefull through deliberation mature consideration to study for the most fittest disposall thereof during the time of my vicegerency here then return it againe to his Ma'ties disposall But I pray you my lord Cardinal what do those coper vessels containe Car'd May it please your holines this covered messe is a gallimofre or as the Fleamine cals it a Hutchepot wherein are sundry meates stued together it containes a certaine number of beasts called corrupt masters of the chancery half a dozen corrupt clarkes of the chancery also 150. Of their puni clarkes comonly termed Aturnies in chancery it also containes 6 new Aturnies of the Court of reqvests some 60 of their puny Clarkes this Hutchepot is seasoned with the spice of bribery fallswittneses stieled Knights of the poste a spice greatly in request in those Courts especialy in the examiners offices and the late Couentry affidavit office but his Ma'tys special commaÌ„d is to haue this couered mess preserued in its present condition least contention should sease amongst the inhabitants of England vnity peace take place which cannot but tend much to his Ma'tys dettryment loss of dominion in that Kingdom and to that end he hath caused the same to be sealed vp to be convayed from Couentry to Manchester by the Gâ—ulden Finche Pope Good my Lord Cardjnal J beseech you let his Ma'tys will pleasure herein be very carefully accomplished for it concerns much his Ma'ties honour and our safety But what is in this dish my Lord Card ' this may it please your holines is likewise a Hutchpot contayning meates of sundry sorts and operations it containes a certaine number of Prothonotaries Registers Clarks of the Starrechamber chancery court of requests Kings-bench common please and the excheckquer this galimofre is seasoned with subbornation of falce-witneses falcyfiing of orders and decrees it is garnished with the subtile practises of the renter warden of the fleete and his imphes as also with Killvert killfart killbennet kill Bishop and the like instruments of Lawyers gaine the opperation of this dish chiefely consists in the confusion of mens estates to extract Gold out of all mens purses to suppress vertue and peace and to advance eniquity and contention to wrong oppress every man and to do right to no man And this mess is also to be reserved for his Ma'tys Table Pope Good my Lord Cardinall J pray you let me taste of this mess the opperation whereof by your relation appeares to be admirable J wish from my heart that J might also grow capeabel of that vertue of extracting Gould out of the English nation as som of my predisessors haue done before me J confesse the study of this Art was begun by my Phisition most Laud ably but alas and we ' is mee it was marred by a robustious storm of wind out of the North
annimation of them to the commitment of all such to prison as are or shall be brought before them on the least ocasion and that he the said Iaylor oppression shall be euer redy to yeeld his dayly atendance on the Judges in their Courts thereby to stirr them vp to be mindfull of him to that effect lastly it is agreed coucluded that he the said Iaylor oppression shall will by himselfe his servants set such snares gins for all those commited to his costody that they being once intrapped within his prison doores shall neuer find the way out dureing the continuance of their liues or of ther estates at the least To the honour of our Sofferaigne Lord King Lucifer his Crowne and dignity and to the eternall perdition of Iaylor opression Item It is agreed by betweene our Sofferaigne Lord King Lucifer and iustice Conniuence That he the said iustis conniuence shall not nor wil haue any regard or respect to the iustnes of any poore mans cause nor shall euer incline his eare to any his iust complaints but shall and willeuer conniue and beare with the oppressor defrauder deceiuer and that he the said iustice conniuence shall and will euer preferr the vallue of a Gooce a pig a Capon a brace of Partriges a good fatt sheepe a bore at Christmis or a letter from a friend written in fauour of Sir Opressor Mr defrauder and dick deceiuer farr before iustice it selfe or the iustnesse of any honest mans cause whatsoeuer nor that he the said iustice conniuence shal euer excecute iustice in any poore mans cause but on the contrary he shall opresse them and haue his miltimuses ready written by his clarke M' duble fees for the speedy commitment of them to prison neither shall he euer incline his eare to heare their iust complaints against the severall goulden persons of worship afore said To the honour of our Sofferaigne Lord king Lucifer his Crowne and dignity and the benifit of Iaylor opression Item It is agreed by betweene our Sofferaigne Lord king Lucifer and state Negligence that he the said state Negligence shall euer preferr his owne peace and present benefit before the wellfare and futuar prosperity of his king and country and also that he the said state negligence shall not at any time take notice of any the Ill legall proceedjngs in any the Courts of iustice nor shall adict himself or ever endeavour to suppresse nor prevent by any good or hollsome lawes the practise of tirrany oppression in iustice extortion bribery contentjon idolitry and the like But shall and will soly adict himself vnto the pastimes of hunting hauking gaming and whoring and the vtter reiection of the present and futuar benefit and well-fare of his natiue country to the honour of our Sofferaigne Lord king Lucifer the prosperity of his Religeous vicegerent and the peace and tranquility of all his servants the Iesuites priests Semenaries and Romane Catholikes of England In witnes of the truth of these presents and of every particular contained in the same the parties aboue named haue hereunto set their hands and Seales the day afore-said and in the 5662 yeare of the raigne of our most dambnable Sofferaigne Lord king Lucifer Etcetera Signed Sealed and dilivered in the presence of vs William Laud Bishop Jsopprise Crauly Iudge Bribeing Long Justice Corrupt Fountaine Lawyer Iumping Jumper Aturney James In Graine Jaylor Robert Kilfart Solissiter And Rudine Haphudibrass Cytin kycloparius Notarius Publicus HERE FOLLOWETH A BREEFE RELAtion of a great feast which from Lucifer Prince of hell was by the hands of Cardinall pegusious presented to the view disposall and abrobation of the Pope of Rome in the yeare of Iubely 1641. Pope MY Lord Cardinall pegusious and you the rest of my holy brethren I beseech you view these excelent varieties and variety of excelencies well dressed and most exquisitely set forth and Garnished But the contents of every dish I beleeue is best knowne to you my Lord Pegusious from whom I desire to be satisfied concerning the contents qualities and opperation of every severall dish Card'i May it please your Holinesse These varieties of dishes which yovr holines here sees thus set sorth Were all of them prepared for the onely Table of our high mighty Monarch king Lucifer your holynes sole Patrone and protector A certaine number of which dishes his Mat'iy hath gratiously bin pleased to cause them to be presented to your holines disposall and the resudue of them onely to your holines vew and approbation being to be preserved for his Ma'ties owne peculiar pallate Pope I beseech you my Lord Car'd let me haue them brought hither before me in order according to the appointment of my Sofferaigne most munificient Patron Car'd Your holynes will and pleasure shall be accomplished and here in the first place may it please your holynes to take notice that the first dish by his Ma'ties appointment to be presented to your holines disposall is this large Lattin charger containing twenty two Lordly English Bishops stued with the fire of contention on the chafindish of exasperation and seasoned with the severall spices of mans invention as with the spice of the masse Priesthud holy-dayes Altars Candles Rayles holy-bread holy-water holy-ashes deuout prayer for the dead invocation of Saints offerings at the Altars excâ—mmnnications and the strong and opperatiue spice of the high commision Jt is also garnished about with the severall heritickall Doctrines of all the New intituled priests of England this dish his Ma'ty hath appointed to be disposed of by your holynes Pope I will surely taste of it it lookes louely Oh Admirable it is a most LAVDable dish of meat I can find nothing wanting in this dish but onely three graines of the spice of accomplishment and then it had bin deuoutly seasoned for my pallatt but J pray what is the next dish my lo' Card ' The next dish may it please your holynes is a silver charger comprehending all the contrivers and complotters of the dissention betweene England and Scotland os the last Spainish invasion of England and the practisers with the French for the subvertion of all the heritiks in England Scotland and Jreland it is seasoned with all our Iesuitical practises Church policies and al our English Romane Catholike tretcheries and garnished with al our English Romane statistes this dish of meat is now almost could and therefore at this present vnfit for your Holynes pallatt it onely wants the breath of the Earle of Straffords fiery zeal to heat it by a Laudable blast or two Pope However I pray let me taste of it Oh the lamentation of a sinner pity pity yea a thousand pities is it that this dish had not bin kept hott and seasoned to the proofe that we might haue sung most Laudably te Lucifer Laudamus But my lo ' Card ' what is the next dish Card ' May it please your holynes this dish containes
and quite spoyled by a vehment shower of puritanical raine And what is this next mess my Lord Card. May it please your holines this is also a Hutchpot containing sundry cours meates as scriveners brokers vserres iaylors balifs sergeants informers periur'd Church-wardens iustlers of the peace bumbalifs this mess is seasoned with parcehment deceit extortion vsery opression murthering of Christiā soules in prisons through famine false information iniustice neglect and tirrany is garnished with a number of irreligious Majors Sherefs Feoderies escheaters Clarkes of the syse Clarkes of the peace Constables and headboroughs But this mess is by his Ma'ties order to be disposed of vnto his servants Pope Jndeed my lord Car'd my'thinkes this mess hath a very bitter rellish with it elce my mouth is quite out of taste I conceaue it to be a mess fit onely for his Ma'ties hell hounds But What is this last mess Card ' I conceaue this mess to be very wel known to your holines for it is seasoned with moste of those operatiue spices that all the meat dresed in you holines kitchin is seasoned with this mess containes diuers iusticiall birds of midlesex as namely the long the hearne the snape the hooker the geaye and the likes of them Seasoned with the fees and bribes of all the whores and theefes that liue in Westminster Coven-Garden Hollborne Grub-street Clarckenwell Rosemary-lane Turnbull-street Rattcliff Southwarke banke-side kent-street this dish is also garnished with the new-yeares-gifts of the whores theefes and cutpurses dwelling in the fore-named severall places but this mess is by his Ma'ty reserued for his owne peculiar pallatt Pope Oh venerable Bead Oh holy Garnet O sanctified Fauxe O reverent Beckett O beloued Raviliack Campion Watson Parsons Moorton Sands and Admired Bellermine I call you all to witness this day wether you or any of you haue euer as yet bin capeable of such a delicious feast adorned with so many varieties beautified with so many severall rareties and seasoned with such delectable spices Sancte benedicto Ora pronobis And thus rendring all hvmble and harty thankes with all Reuerence in all obedience vnto his Ma'ty our moste dambenable prince and Protector Lucifer king of sticks and Phleget'on I remaine his Ma'tys humble servant and vice-gerent at his Ma'tys sole disposall dureing life PAPA ROMANORUM 666. Advices and motiues to the honorable assembly in Parliament E. S. I. E. W. J. S. The stake 's three Crownes foure nations gamsters are Ther 's three to one yet no man that dare Take these great odds the cause is as they say The fourth know's both our stock and cards we play This turns the odds and makes moste gamsters think Wee 'r but in iest and play our cards and winck The sett goes hard when gamsters think it best Though three men vie it the fourth setts his rest My Masters you that vndertake the game Looke too t your conutryes safety and her fame Are now at stake be carefull how you cutt And deale as knowne occasions put you too t The cards are strangely shufled for your parts Ti's odds you ever get the ace of harts Yet the fiue finger and some helps beside Lie in the pack disperst be those your guide That you posess to tell you what you want Least the mistake of one poore tricke should daun◠Your spirits quite and make you fling away Your liberty not to be lost by play Detest foule iugling now ti's in your powers Let none but square play pass the game is youers For here you see hell Rome and all their trayn Plott to confound all your good lawes againe Then haue a care expell Romes imphes make sure Your lawes and Liberties may still indure To future ages posterities then may Haue cause to blesse your memories for aye Lament Lament you Bushops all each weare his blackest gowne Hang up your Rochets on the wall your pride is going downe 2 It needs must greeue each Romish hart to heare this sadd relation All Cannons are not worth a fart made in the Conuocation 3 The Bishops holy sinod and the Priests of Baal that there Concented and concluded all are now in griviovs feare 4 To be depriu'd of Priestly stile of Coat Cannonicall And quite be banished this Ile they feare they must be all 5 Ah poore Etcetera is now dead which greeues the Bishops moste What they would haue immortall made hath now giuen vp the Gostes 6 Alas that new begotten oath like snow against the sun It did begin to melt away When th' Parliament begun 7 All Ceremonies are good cheape and I will tell you how The Tippit Hood and Surpliss eke are good for nothing now 8 And which I wis more woefull is and moste their courage quayles There was a grievious murther made among their holy rayles 9 Oh when this sadd and heavy newes vnto that Synod came The Birds and beasts were in a muse asse Wren and Duck and Lambe 10 And then a dollfull ditty these did thus lament together Alaff we must all run away when shall we run and whether 11 Shall we with Windibanck to France or fly to Holland where The Finch is flone for vs a place before hand to prepare 12 No quoath the Duck wee 'l Fly to Rome and there rest without feare Of Parliament and then the Lamb may come up in the reare 13 And ther wee 'l drinke a health to all the puritans confusion That haue thus strongly wrought our fall by parliament conclusiou The Iudges and the Lawyers all Aturnies procters Clarckes Soliciters and Advocates Must now stand in their Sarks And penuance do for all their faults Their bribes they must restore Their cheates and tricks which they did vse They practise must no more The people long they haue beguild And many a' one undonn Gods curss their wealth for this doth mel As show is by the sun Their childrne and posterity The Gallous doth devoure Themselues haue made a league with hell To raigne still by his power God is the God of vnity Of loue and peace alone But these men for deceit and strife The lik's of them there 's none 〈…〉 probatum est Receaued by me fountaine of inquity this 22th of Septemb 1641. By the helpe of Iudge Bribery and the furtherance of Lawyer impiety of Romanus Tretchery The Sum of 10 pounds of dambnable simplicity 9 pounds of Supersticious ignorance 7 pound of idolatrus Folly 6 pounds of willfull Stupidity and 3 pounds of perverssnes to and for the vse of impatience And by his appointment to be delivered vnto Gentiel prodigality to and for the vce of Mistris inconstancy Daughter and sole-heyre vnto Mistris Letchery the grand-child of Mistris Baudery dwelling next dore vnto Mistris Beggery By the new Prison neare the whipping thong At no great distance from Mr Justice Long Long hath a long time bin a knaue Receauing bribes from every slave Long euer hath a shelter bin full sure For every theefe a Cutpurss and a whore Long knows full well his Christmas how to keep On Cost of whorse those are his onely sheepe His Capons wood-Cocks Herns Snites and Geayes Providers of good cheere on all assayes Long may he feast his body fill his purss By such a crue of hellish imphes Gods curss Asuredly will fall on him and his And proue his fatall recompence for this Long may he be a knave of such great fame To all whores glory his owne eternall shame FINIS