been rending and tearing me in my Estate cursing and blasting all I have put my hand to and prospered me in nothing and in much horror clapping his hands to his Heart said Here it is and I shall die Mr. C. I am informed your Trouble arises from the publishing a Book entituled The Second Argument for a more firm Union amongst Protestants What part of that Book troubles you most Mr. Child Taking up the Book in his hand began to read where he saith the greatest Number of Dissenters do hold Principles dangerously heretical and most abominably abusing the most holy and blessed God c. but before he could end that Paragraph being under extreme agony of mind and weeping bitterly put the Book from him and spake to this effect viz. I have represented those of Calvin's Principles beyond whatever they conceived strained their Opinions beyond their Intentions and drawn such Consequences as never were in their minds and striking his breast with much anguish said These Words lye close I shall never get over this I writ in prejudice against them calling them a villanous body of People which was unjust Mr. C. said Are you not heartily sorrowful for writing this Mr. Child Oh that I could repent I cannot repent Mr. C. If it were now to do would you do it again the best part of repentance is to turn from evil Mr. Child I know there is in Repentance three things Confession Contrition and Restitution Mr. C. We are not capable of making God restitution he pardons and justifies for his own Name 's sake and Christ's sake but restitution is to be made to our Neighbour and if you are sensible God hath been dishonoured and his People wronged in that Book your next work is to make restitution in like manner by a 〈…〉 Mr. Child This is the opinion of some others also and I think it ought to be done and walking about the Room with great horror of soul said I have been guilty of many Evils I have for several years lived a very ungodly Life neglected Family-duty Closet-duty Publick-duty in the Church of God I have been greatly guilty of Pride endeavouring to run every man down in dispute I have made this World my God and been guilty of that Idolatry Eph. 5. I have not been a little guilty of Hypocrisie I have endeavoured by all ways and means to shake the Cross of Christ from off my shoulders and I fear I have been guilty of Blasphemy I have wronged many a poor Soul by writing as I have done I have wished myself in their condition and would have given many Thousands of Pounds had I had it to have been in as good a condition as some of them I writ against I have discoursed you and Mr. B. and J. and have thought to run down your Opinion by a Spirit of Insolency and Pride but the Judgments of God have followed me he hath rent and torn me for these things and now I shall die I am struck with death Mr. C. Suppose you should die to Night as we know not how it may be with any of us can you contentedly sink into the Abyss of Misery without striving for Salvation would you not run to Christ strive to take hold of him and his purchased blessedness Mr. Child with a very grim countenance said I shall go to Hell I am broken in judgment when I think to Pray either I have a flushing in my face as if I were in a flame or I am dumb and cannot speak or else I fall asleep upon my knees all the signs of one whom God hath left forsaken and hardened Mr. C. If God should impute to you the righteousness of Christ would it be of any advantage to you Mr. Child If God would be so gracious as to impute Christ's righteousness to me it would make me a happy man Mr. C. Did you do what you did in writing that Book against the light of your Conscience or motions of the Spirit Mr. Child I think I did not formally sin against the light of my Conscience and Spirit of God yet what I did was mixt with malice with this cheat in my heart It may be it may do them good The Night before the Book was published I had some reluctancy and gripes of Conscience Mr. C. Why did you not call them in before they were published Mr. Child I fell ill upon it and found myself more and more entangled and ensnared one door was opened and another door was opened to my ruin as if I were a man designed for damnation After some reasonings about Baptism Conformity and the Troubles which Nonconformists were under he said I have abundance of carnal fleshly Reasonings I am under the power of unbelief and distrust for these are my Arguings in me Should I stick to the Church of England then those I have written against would account me the greatest Hypocrite in the world to make so much ado about despair for what I have done against them Should I leave the Church of England and stick to the Dissenters and with full purpose of heart cleave to the Lord then if ever I am taken in a Meeting they will have no mercy on me and triumph This is the Man who made his Recantation and then ruin me to all intents and purposes and I cannot bear the thoughts of a Cross nor a Prison Mr. C. Two things are essentially necessary to the peace of your Soul with all speed to publish your Recantation and set your self to know the truth of God and cleave to it Mr. Child What an astonishing consideration is it for a man to die in this condition I am in To be under horror for writing such things and yet have no power to renounce it for should I do so I should be quickly ruined in my Estate I had a fancy the other morning that the Sheriffs and their Officers were coming to seize all that I had and about a week since I had that word Can thine heart endure or thy hands be strong in the day I will contend with thee I think I am now able to satisfie any Atheist in the world that there is a God for I find the Arrows of the Almighty sticking in me and he runneth upon me as a Lyon I thought that I could go and fall at the feet of those I have wronged and beg their forgiveness and wished often Oh that I could repent O that God would wash me in the fountain of his Son's blood O that I had faith that I could believe Mr. H. C. Taking leave of Mr. Child Can you not desire my Prayers Mr. Child This is a hard Question and after a little pause taking Mr. C. by the hand said for the sake of the Lord Jesus Christ pray for me at night if there be any mercy yet left that I may yet lye in the way of mercy Mr. C. Finding the Troubles of Mr. Child still continuing and increasing â—g 21.84 What do
THE English Spira BEING A Fearful EXAMPLE OF AN APOSTATE Who had been a Preacher many Years and then Apostatized from his Religion miserably Hanged himself October the 13th 1684. GIVING An Account of his Dispair and Divers Conferences had with him by several Ministers and others of his Friends TOGETHER With his Answer and Papers Written by his own Hand Left Attested by Mr. T. Plant Mr. H. Collings Mr. B. Dennis Mr. B. Keach Second Edition TO THE READER THAT which hath prevailed with us to publish this Treatise is that we might give those many who have desired it and all that shall vouchsafe to read it an impartial Account of what hath come to our knowledge concerning the Dreadful Horror of Conscience and Deplorable End of Mr. John Child In his Youthful days a zealous Professor of Religion in his Riper years a Backslider from God under pretence of Change of his Opinion A Neglecter of Publick Worship not only in the way he had formerly profest but in that also which of late years in his Discourses and Arguments he preferred before the other Vnder the specious shew of promoting a more full and firm Vnion amongst all good Protestants a great Calumniator of his Brethren publickly charging many of them in general as guilty of such Crimes and Blasphemies as his own Knowledge and Dictates of Conscience at the season when he did it could and did testifie they were clear of What prompted him hereunto besides the Hypocrisie Pride and Malice of his own heart we certainly know not but have some ground to suspect when he was about this evil work which caused his downfal he conversed with some persons who rather promoted than cautioned him against it Vnder his Temptation we fear he did not consider that anciently-approved useful and necessary Caution which the Apostle mentions Be not deceived evil communication corrupts good manners After he was once throughly awakened with the sence of his Sin he fell under those Horrours of Conscience which have not been parallel'd in any other that we have heard of since the Case of Francis Spira being so dreadful permanent and prevalent over him as to resist all Friendly Endeavours used to appease his grief which after several months abiding in the highest extremity at length tempted and prevailed with him by his own hands to end his miserable Life Vpon this occasion we have also given some brief Hints of the Nature and Office of Conscience and the Obligations we are under to it All which we recommend to the Readers serious consideration with our fervent Prayers to God that what we have herein done may succeed to his and our own Souls advantage and peace of Conscience both here and hereafter It may be in many respects useful to take notice that the Pamphlet which was Written and Published by Mr. John Child and which with respect to the bitter Reflections and Calumnies therein cast upon his Brethren did afterwards fill him with so great Horrour of Soul as to destroy himself bare the Title of as charitable an Argument as could be undertaken by the best of Christians For a more full and firm Union amongst all good Protestants But though in this Title his Words were as the Psalmist speaks softer than oyl 〈◊〉 55.21 yet were they drawn swords He put forth his hand against such as were at peace with him his Equals his Acquaintance who had walked with him to the House of God in company The sence whereof when he was awakened to see and feel in his own Conscience the heinousness of his Crime in slandering his Brethren did so terrifie him that it could not be discerned either by his Relations or any of those many of his Brethren whom he had offended who came to visit him and endeavoured to pour Balm into bind up and heal his deep wounds that at any time afterwards he enjoyed any peace in his Soul The principal inducement to publish a Narrative of this Man's Trouble of Spirit and Miserable End is to give an Impartial Account to many who desire to be truly informed thereof what Conferences were had with him what Papers on this Subject were left behind him and that the whole may be a seasonable Caution to all who read them to take heed how they do in any case whatsoever presume to sin against the clear Light Knowledge and Dictates of their own Conscience for which end it is intended to say something briefly concerning the Nature and Office of Conscience and that attendance which every man is to give to it But for the avoiding of all sinister Reflections on what is herein undertaken the Publishers hereof do declare First That they do not ascribe this Man's Miserable End to any Consciencious Change of Opinion in Matters of Religion or Worship or to any Endeavour of his to propagate Vnion amongst Christians in a candid way by proper Arguments but they lay the stress of his Miscarriage where he fixed it himself that is upon his Backsliding from the Ways of God forsaking that which was Good doing that which he knew to be Evil and upon his Hypocrisie Pride of Spirit Covetousness and his unjustifiable Calumniating Reproaching Reviling and Accusing many of his Brethren of such things as he knew they were not guilty All which he acknowledged in his own Papers and frequently charges himself with Secondly We are so far from Censuring any Attempts that have been made in a Christian manner for a more full and firm Vnion amongst all good Protestants that we heartily wish we could see more Hearts and such Hands as are fitly qualified for it at work on this Subject for blessed are the Peace-makers and the Fruits of Righteousness are sown in peace of them that make peace Thirdly To shew our good Will to such an Vndertaking we shall upon this occasion after we have made some brief Reflections on the Nature and Office of Conscience and finished the Narrative of this Man's Troubles assume the Argument and according to that measure of Faith and Knowledge which God hath given us speak the Truth in Love in order to the obtaining if it may be upon a right Foundation a better Vnderstanding and from thence a more full and firm Vnion among all who love the Lord Jesus in Sincerity REMARKS UPON THE Nature and Office OF CONSCIENCE HERE we have a recent and pregnant Instance of the powerful and perpetual prosecution of an offended and an awakened Conscience Jer. 2â— 2 3. Ps 119 the Horrors whereof were so dreadful and unapeasable that all Attempts either to divert the Thoughts to other Subjects or apply the Mind to the receiving or using of mitigating or healing Remedies were altogether ineffectual Herein we may also perceive how the Terrors of such a Mind are aggravated beyond the rate of Natural Impressions proportional to the help which Natural Light receives by Education Heb. â—â— 26 27 Conversation and Acquaintance with Divine Revelation The Philosopers whom we esteem
till about July last About August last I gave him another Visit and then found him tho' naturally of a strong Constitution and lively Spirit so exceedingly shaken that the horror of the sight made such deep impressions as I think will at seasons recur and set it self before me afresh as long as I live His Speech was very regular which discovered his Memory to be good and that his Distemper had not seized his Head but his Heart He freely discoursed the grief of â—is Mind expressing and setting forth his Condition to be most deplorable as having no hopes of salvation I laid before him with the greatest tenderness the freeness and riches of Gods Grace chusing to argue from his own former declared Opinion against limiting of it but could fasten no word of consolation or hope upon him With some Reluctancy he granted me liberty to pray with him but said his Spirit was shut up he could not pray and while I was praying he often groaned and after I had ended told me God would make him a terrible Example to this present Age and tho' he was full of benignity yet he was also a terrible God being provoked These Expressions and the horror that appeared in his Eyes and all parts of his body drew many tears from mine Eyes and rendred the Spectacle so dreadful that I cannot say as is reported of one that visited Francis Spira that he would go a thousand miles to see another Spira but on the contrary I desire I may never see the like Spectacle again whilst I live in this world He told me he thought either in a dream or when he was awake he could not tell which that I should say to him If he died the common death of all men the Lord had not spoken by me I answered He better knew the temper of my Spirit and Principles than to conceive such a thought of me or that I should take up the words of the Prophet of God divinely inspired and apply them to him but all I could say abated nothing of the horror of his Soul that I could perceive This Comment I make upon it that if any Atheist in the world who had formerly known this man and had conversed with him in these his Agonies he would have seen sufficient to have convinced him that there is a Power besides and so much above Nature as can with a touch shake and disorder and turn into confusion the strongest constitution of body by ministring and fastning terrible things upon the Soul That when God wounds the Spirit of a man neither he himself can bear it nor can any other aid him Therefore it is a fearful thing to fall under the Wrath of the living God who is a consuming Fire and can at his pleasure awaken a stupid Conscience and revive upon it the memory and horror of such sins as seem to be past over and forgotten My Prayer is that this man being made as a Pillar of Salt may warn the present and future Ages of the danger of sinning against the present Light of their Understandings The Effect of a Conference between Mr. John Child and Mr. B. K. ABout the middle of July 1684. Mr. B. K. went to see Mr. Child not hearing the least report of any trouble he was then under and after some discourse which passed between them Mr. K. occasionably mentioned that Book called A Second Argument telling Mr. Child he was reported to be the Author thereof which he presently acknowledged and cried out against himself in a bitter manner saying What he had done therein was out of Malice and Revenge against those People and seemed to abhor himself for casting such abominable Reproaches upon them whom he said he knew deserved it not and presently desired Mr. K. to go up stairs with him which he did and then he farther signified to him his deplorable condition and what horror and anguish of Soul he lay under and that there was no mercy for him And Mr. K. being on a sudden surprized with his deep expression of horror of which he had heard nothing it did amaze him yet he endeavoured with the utmost of his ability to comfort him by shewing the greatness of Gods mercy to true penitent persons together with the infinite worth and value of Christ's Bloud telling him withal that he was glad to find he had the sence of his great Evil on his heart or words to that effect and that he hoped this breaking was in order to healing But Mr. Child said he doubted of that And all the Words and Arguments Mr. K. could use to satisfie him were in vain so that at that time it being late at night he took his leave of him Mr. K. Soon after he came to seek me at my house but then I could not stay long with him But a few days after when he sent for me I went and found him in bed rowling and tumbling up and down in a lamentable manner enough to pierce ones heart I said to him Mr. Child I thought by your deportment when you was at my house the burden was pretty well off or to that effect Mr. Child No no my burden is greater than I can bear I would fain be satisfied as touching one thing Mr. K. What is that Mr. Jo. Child Whether my sin may not be that against the Holy Ghost Mr. K. I hope and believe it is not Mr. Child But I wrote the Book out of malice Mr. K. There is a great deal of difference between doing a thing out of malice and prejudice against the Lord's People and acting out of malice against Christ himself or doing despight to the Spirit of Grace I do not doubt but that you always had holy and reverent dread and respect to the Name of God tho' you might take up a great offence against some of his People Mr. Child I have often had that Scripture brought to me Psal 50.19 20. Thou givest thy mouth to evil and with thy tongue thou forgest deceit Thou sittest and speakest against thy brother and slanderest thy mothers son And of that which follows Consider this ye that forget God lest I tear you in pieces Mr. K. But pray observe tho' you should be guilty of that great evil there mentioned yet there is ground of hope in that you are exhorted to consider I used many Arguments to perswade him to rely on the mercy of God thro' Christ mentioning that passage of the Prophet David Forgive me my sin for it is great and how wonderfully he had manifested and magnified the attribute of his mercy in pardoning great and bloudy sinners Mr. Child Breaking forth into bitter tears cried out I know that the Majesty of Heaven is a good and gracious Being yet when provoked stretching forth his hands in a frightful manner he is a terrible God Mr. K. I think it is necessary that you retract what you have written in that Book for that I think nothing short of it will be
you think would give you relief Mr. Child If I were in Heaven it could not relieve me for there I should behold the face of a holy God holy Saints and Angels as now I behold the face of good men upon Earth with shame and confusion of face Mr. C. If God would take you into his favour that would relieve you Mr. Child His wrath is come upon me to the uttermost Mr. C. To despair reflects upon the Soveraignty of God's grace Mr. Child For those whose day of grace is not gone God will multiply to pardon but it is too late for me my day is gone Mr. C. Did not you write a Book before the second Argument Aug. 3â— 1684. Mr. Child I did Mr. C. Did not a Gentleman write some Animadversions upon it by way of Answer in a Manuscript Mr. Child He did Mr. C. Was it a sufficient Answer Mr. Child It was rationally answered Mr. C. Yet you printed this Book afterward Mr. Child I did After some time of calm reasoning Mr. Child began to be again in a great horror and spake to the effect following Mr. Child I am one of the greatest Hypocrites that ever lived upon the Earth and shall be so accounted God hath done his will and will do his will upon me The wicked shall fall into mischief and the backslider in heart shall be filled with his own ways He that saith he shall have peace and walketh in the imagination of his evil heart the Lord will not spare him but then the anger of the Lord and his jealousie shall smoke against that man Oh he thunders upon me should God let out the sence of my sins on me as he will I should houl like a Dog roar like a Lyon bellow like an Ox mine inward parts would melt within me as the brass melts in the flaming furnace I shall lye lower than Judas lower than Judas I have sinned worse than Judas Mr. C. You make application of the Curses in the Book of God but not of the Promises Consider Isai 55. Psal 34.5 Mr. Child Promises are Bread for Children They lookt on him 〈◊〉 were lightned I look unto him and am darkned he knows 〈◊〉 I have committed such wickedness as never hath been done 〈◊〉 C. Do you not sometimes find an inclination to Pray 〈◊〉 Child Seldom or never onely about an hour before you 〈…〉 went about it but the end was dismal That day you were here with Mr. W. I attempted it three times but could do nothing Mr. C. Shall I pray for you Mr. Child No no 't is too late neither Men nor Angels can relieve me Mr. C. Job saith Tho' he slay me yet will I trust in him Mr. Child About two months since I thought I had comfort and relief from thence but now I cannot truâ—â—â— in him God saith he will deal in a singular manner with me here on Earth and in Hell also Afterwards quoted against himself those Expressions Heb. 10.26 For if we sin wilfully after that we have received and acknowledged that truth there remains no more sacrifice for sin 2 Pet. 2.20 21 22. For if after they have escaped from the filthiness of the world through the acknowledging of the Lord and the Saviour Jesus Christ are yet tangled again therein and overcome the latter end is worse than the beginning For it had been better for them not to have acknowledged the way of righteousness than after they have acknowledged it to turn from the holy commandment given unto them But it is come unto them according to the true proverb The dog is returned to his own vomit and the sow that was washed to the wallowing in the mire And Mr. Child said When I am faint and low I now take somewhat to refresh me but in Hell there is no refreshment not a drop of water to cool my tongue I wonder that my Head tho it do not ake doth not burst asunder it is filled with dismal Cogitations Mr. C. â—ept 13. â—684 with one Mr. R. gave Mr. Child another visit and Mr. R. put him upon saying the Lord's Prayer Mr. Child I have thought of that but I dare not say it for these Reasons 1st I cannot call God Father 2dly I cannot say Thy Will be done 3ly I cannot say Forgive me my Trespasses as I forgive them that trespass against me All that I have is curst to me I cannot give God thanks for what I eat and drink Mr. C. Have you a desire to be saved Mr. Child Yes upon my own terms and not according to God's It was then askt Mr. Child what those terms were but he would make no answer so we parted A Conference of some Friends with Mr. â—ctob 12. â—684 John Child Company THE last time I saw you you said you had a peradventure to depend upon and that was all I hope you have Mr. Child No all is gone Company Is God gone and Christ gone Mr. Child All is gone I am undone Company I hope the Lord will return again Mr. Child You cannot hope so concerning me Company Where Christ begins a good work he will perfect it Mr. Child If I had any but all is gone if ever I had any Company You would do well to use the means of Grace and frequent the Society of God's People and desire their Prayers tho' you say you have no mind to pray nor desire their Prayers yet if you go among them you know not what God may do for you Consider 2 King 7.4 Mr. Child I have been so great a sinner against God and the People of God that God will have no mercy for me Company If God bring you out of this condition it may be more to his honour and glory and to your strengthning and establishing of his People than all you have done in times past Mr. Child God will glorifie himself by me and make me an Example for the strengthning and establishing of his People but it shall end in my destruction The substance of some Conferences held between Mr. John Child and Mr. E. P. who was frequently with him in the year before he died THE first time he saw Mr. Child after he had declared his Trouble he seemed to be in a very great Agony often spreading out his Arms lamentably expressing himself several times and said Oh that I might be a good man but there is no hopes for me It is now too late I am the greatest Hypocrite in nature Mr. P. Pray you Mr. Child instance in particulars Mr. Child I have been a dreadful Hypocrite in offering Repentance when I had none Mr. E. P. I am a stranger to any Repentance you offered Mr. Child I have pretended such a thing tho' you know it not Mr. E. P. Do you intend any Repentance you have offered for the printing and publishing that Book Mr. Child Yes Mr. E. P. It seems you confess you ought to repent of the publishing of that Book Mr. Child Yes it requires that