concludeth After this Suite as I am now resolved Shall be decree'd determin'd and dissolved I 'le take a long farwell of my Laws journey Unlesse it be by Proxie or Atturney For who from Hippocrene would Rivers draw Must not imploy his Bucket in the Law Farre from Courts clamour then I 'le build my nest 'A smooth-composed line requireth rest Privacy likewise He highly affected though by sundrie Persons of ranke and quality mainly diswaded So as on a time when at Milan a Diet was intended wherein the Peeres and Commons of the Realme were to be assembled redresse of all State-aggrievances generally expected Writs exhibited Bills preferred and he for a Burgesse in the Lower House by generall Suffrage elected yet he rejected this honour privatly retired to his Country mannour the reason whereof being demanded he briefely returned this answer One askt of me what might be my intent To leave the Towne in time of Parliament Why answered I because I held it fit When th' City hath ingross'd the Country wit And that scarce seven wise Masters now were left Which were not to the Parliament enfeoft That purposely I to the Country cam Where I am held a nimble-pated man For though a Swan's a Swan yet when th' Swan's gon A white-plum'd Chough is held a comely one Where this Author now remaines it is diversly conjectured some reporting him to be now at Florence where he is made Remembrancer of the City others report that coasting through the Province of Cecuba upon some disgrace offer'd by him to a Lyrick who contended with him for the masterprize in Poetrie he was by the inhabitants of that place surprized and in a Vinepresse squezed to death for the truth whereof I will not stand much Let this suffice that this Poem now published was writ by him in the xxxv yeare of his age which being gratefully accepted shall be by others of his works no lesse usefull if the Manuscripts may be procured hereafter seconded The Draught or Portraict of every Ape with their distinct properties chararacters and differences expressed in severall peeces 1 THE Ape of Honour Is to have a little Flag Banner or Streamer in his claw wherein are to appeare severall Coates Armes Crests c. the Emmet Hedghog Cuckow Seagull Owle c. The principâ—ll Crest a Rat-Rampant which is the only Imprezza this Ape of honour hath 2. The Ape of Pleasure Is expressed by sporting with a Marmosite with this Imprezza Dainty content 3. The Ape of Vaine-glory Is Characterized or Emblematized thus Hee is carried by four Apes in a Case resembling a Cabinet windowes of each side and all open to discover him sitting in State his Imprezza Heaven upon Earth 4. The Ape of Fancy is expressed by hastning towards a Lure made of Feathers Ribbands Garters Gloves Rings c. Which Cupid winged and hovering in the Ayre is showne throwing out his Imprezza Love is my Lure 5. The Ape of Fashion is expressed in his doublet and hose phantastically made up a plume of feathers in his head amorously eying himselfe in a glasse his Imprezza I like my humor well 6. The Ape of Observation is expressed looking through a Trunck or Prospective directly before the end of the Trunck is a Dung-hill his Imperzza I smell a Rat. 7. The Court Ape is expressed sitting mopping in a Tree full of flourishes above him this Imprezza The Cinnamon Tree 8. The City Ape is expressed as in a Rialto or Royall-Exchange Tapestrie-works Needle-works Chaines Girdles and Hangers Belts c. to life shadowed A walke as in the Exchange with Signes of eyther side On the one an Unicorn a Bull an Hart a Ram a Goate On the other directly opposite a Tigre a Panther an Elephant a Wolfe a Fox his Imprezza What doe ye lack 9. The Countrey Ape is expressed poring seriously upon an Almanack his Imprezza an Erra Pater 10. The Church Ape is expressed fat and corpulent a Mitre or corner-Cap upon his head the Basis or end of a Steeple sticking out of his mouth his Imprezza Silence 11. The Judiciall Ape is expressed of meagre or sallow complexion wasted or decayed constitution close shaven in a Councellors Cap and Gowne a Rowle or Scedule in his hand his Imprezza Ambidexter 12. The Politicall Ape is expressed with a paire of Spectacles upon his Nose a paire of Compasses in his hand a Globe before him with a Jacob's-Staffe with which hee measures the Globe his Imprezza A sound head piece 13. The Chymicall Ape is expressed holding a payre of Bellowes wherewith he stands blowing against a solid Rock There are Kettles Landirons Candlesticks c. to bee shadowed implying his Chymick Art his Imprezza Fly Brasse 14. The Criticall Ape is expressed laughing and jeering extremely holding his sides as one oppressed with an immoderate passion of Joy his Imprezza Hold sides 15. The Censuring Ape is portrayed according to his humor with a rugged ridged Countenance fiery and spleenefull eyes corded-Whipps in his hand Looking with an eye of scorne upon the rest of the Apes his Mott A shole of Shallops And pointing at them with a jeering visage closeth in these words Have among you State-Shufflers Parthenia's Passions To the right Honorable THOMAS Viscount WENTWORTH Afterwards Created Earle of STRAFFORD Baron of Woodhouse Oversley and Newmarch Lord President of the Councell established in the North and one of his Majesties most honourable Privie Councell O quando renascitus aller His thrice-honoured MECAENAS The western-western-Knights Pasquill MArshall an hall there Pray you Sir make roome For us poor Knights who in the fag-end come Mad is my Muse and now of late affrighted Out of her wits for feare she should be Knighted Knighted defend me Lord from such an hâ—nour I shall not git whole Cloaths to put upon her Nay since with Knights there is so great a doo I for my Summons will make ready too Come Masons come erect an Hospitall Sith wee must all be Knights whom Statutes call For England never had unto this houre More* Chevaliers for number nor more poor Whence many of our Russetings deplore it That they ' r not worth so much as they paid for it Yea Almanacks I feare will beare record In Rubrick Letters next to th' yeare o th' Lord Which by Succeeding times will be recited How long 't is since the Commonty was Knighted Yea Justice vows should she pay twenty five She cannot doe 't with honesty and thrive For some of her Bench-Whistlers States be such Their meanes vailes will scarce raise halfe so much Yea I could pick out One of these who might Be made GRAND SOPHIE full as well as Knight For Justice-sake this imposition wave Lest they be forc'd to pay more then they have But since my Pinke ' mongst others runns a shelfe And ev'ry one is nearest to himselfe I must debate my Cause before I go Judge whether I speake reason friends or no. May my State-lov'd
such Ape But it can City-fashions imitate Yea we have nimble Monkeys of all sort Can personate both City and the Court Which neere resemblance that it may appeare Give eare to my discourse and you shall heare First we have Lords and Ladies very many As proud and hautie as the Court has any There 's not a fashion knowne but it comes downe For such as these have Taylors in the Towne By whose intelligence they are informed What 's new which they observe hows'ere deformed Being thus attyr'd they 're presently addrest To shew their bravery at some Gossips feast Where many Country gentlewomen are Who by observance take especiall care What these great Persons weare for they intend To be in fashion ere the sennet end Which if their frugal Husbands but deny They hope by putting finger in the eye To get their purpose for they little stand Whether new fashions make them sell their Land Which our May-morish Wenches likewise follow Who thinke they beare awâ—y the fashion hollow Nor doe these onely imitate the Court In sumptuous habit and are beggard for 't But forasmuch as they in Court doe see No great respect of hospitalitie They hold it providence to shut up door No matter though they famish all the poor Or that they may their private waste maintaine Both Lords and Knights doe table with their men Here you shall see a Farmers doore barrd up Where th' poor may cry but is from almes shut His cryes his teares can no compassion force For th'more he beggs he ever fares the worse What boots it though his Barnes and Garnars be Stor'd with all fruits yet he pleads povertie His aymes are how to get and if he can To make his Mushram impe a gentleman Besides all this I would be very loth That Court or City either of them both Should shew more art in any Contract making Then we can doe for all their undertaking Yea I my selfe can of my selfe aver I know no griping-grinding Usurer Whose practise is oppression but I 'le vye With him or any one under the skye For Courtiers no such businesse intend They onely borrow Usurers doe lend But shew me that Man at a full Exchange Be he home borne or to our Country strange Whose long profession give the man his dew Has a seer'd Conscience worse then any Jew And I will cope with him in his profession Be it Church-simâ—me or State-opression For this my practise is the whole yeare thorow When any come to me in hope to borrow First to examine his necessitie As Wants he Bread to feed his familie Or is his Living gag't and day at hand He either must redeeme or lose his Land Or is he in suâ—h bondage as his griâ—fe Requires without delay present reliefe I 'le hold his Nose to Grindstone and so use him He shall doe what I please or let him chuse him Statutes on Statutes forthwith so pursue him As like Actaeons hounds they still doe view him So that unlesse he hye him all the faster They wiâ—l in time devoure their breathlesse master For Conscience haggard-like I doe disclaime her Since He that has her seldome proves a gainer Two bags I have the one whereof I call Just All the World and it holds nought at all The other Bag with which I use to lend Money to those that want I call my Friend Whereof I make this use if any come Requesting me to lend them such a summe If th' offers they propound content not me As want of panne or good securitie I presently reply to these who crave In All the world I not one pennie have But if such come as I may profit by them Be 't the same instant I will not deny them For though I have no Coyne as I pretend To give them all content I 'le use my Friend After this manner am I wont to deale In all my practise with the Commonweale Now you shall heare how cunningly I lurch By Simonie the Pastor of the Church Impropriations have I one or two With some Advousons which I thus bestow Least any of my profits should be lost I hold them best deserving who give most These I induct for I doe value them Well worthie th' place who are well-monied men But least some censure should on me befall By being found thus Simoniacall Whereby the Princes priviledge might choose one To take the benefit of my Advouson That I more smoothly may delude the State I in my sale use to Equivocate As for example I doe take a course To sell the Parson whom I choose a Horse A Librarie of Bookes to furnish him Because he wants Books when he enters in And these I rate to him at such a price As serves for Horse Books and for Benefice Now who can say that I doe sell this Living Whose bounteous hand is so inclin'd to giving Tell me what Great one makes them fairer play To give both Bookes and Benefice away No No the most of all our Clerks will sweare Though th' Benefice be cheape th' Addition's deare But let them looke to this before they enter I make no conscience of it Caveat Emptor Yea I doe hold these kinds of Sale as good If they be well and duely understood As to make tender of them for ones life Provided that he take her for his Wife Whom they shall chuse which voluntary offer Makes me suspect her Master has made proffer Of some familiar curt'sie long before I count him mad will for a living bore But if he must let him be his owne Carver Who chuseth not his Wife doth ill deserve her She 's his impropriation which through hate Unto his person might ingraffe his pate Whence in his Parish would abroad be knowne He had a Common-place Booke of his owne But let these Contracts passe they 'r knowne enough Both in the Church and in the Country through I 'le now descend to shew what fierie spirit Our native Country people doe inherit Which I perswade me will seeme strange to all Because wee seeme as if we had no gall But we doe scorne that any place should bee More malapertly factious then wee For when I was a Tennant I doe know Though I 'm no Tennant but a Landlord now I would commence a suite upon my Lord Because I knew the Law for any word In which Commencement many flockt together Like Birds all of one brood and of one fether Who with joynt Combination made a purse To put their seame-rent Landlord to the worse Yea I have knowne so insolent a Nation As when they heard the Princes Proclamation Tend to th' extinguishment of Tennant right They in a braving manner set it light Affronting their weake Landlords at their gate Vowing they 'd force them to confirme their state Nor be their haughtie Lords lesse domineering Puff'd up with present hope of a next Hearing For now am I a Landlord and must sharke For Priest forgets that ever he was Clarke As others doe by raising Fine
MECAENAS but give way To what the meanest of his Knights can say Now my good Lord your humble Suppliant comes To know the cause why he should pay these Sums Object Our Princes Coronation by a Statute Inflicts these fines on those that were not at it Provided they have fourty pounds by yeare Of free hold Land the Statute makes it cleare Answ T is true but this reflecteth not on me For I was at that high solemnitie And I' th best note my rurall Muse could sing Tendred my Poemes to my gratious King Object Yea but the Proclamation did forbid it You were not well advis'd then when you did it Answ 'Slid should I neither then be here nor there But like a Ball hang hovering in the ayre Object No though the Coronation wil'd you come The Proclamation wish'd you stay at home You should not have come up Sir Answ No more did I For I as fortune fell was there allready Where my ambitious Muse did Knighthood crave But what I had I hold no more I have Discusse my Lord then each particular I shall be found in nought irregular I came not up I broke not th' Proclamation The Statute 's kept I was at Coronation At which I 'le justify with heart and hand I joy'd as much as any Knight i th' Land These duely weigh'd your Honour Umpire be Whether I pay the King or King pay me His regall rites receiv'd this Muse of mine And were this reason think you for my rime I sung my Sov'reigne heard me now wee say The Hearer not the Singer usd to pay I judge then what soe're to me is done Is by that figure Vsteron Proteron You for the King demand of me a fee When it is meant that He should pay it mee But lest this should by me too much be thought So I goe free my Song shall go for nought But husht no more with this approv'd Position Your constant Servant closeth his Petition More Knights my Lord your State has little need on Let me be a poore Country Squire to breed on Now if these Reasons take no place my Lord I must Obey if you but speake the word A Knights fee for your Honour I have heere Knight and no Knight the Purchase is too deere But I 'm resolv'd my Reasons are so plaine Your squire may with his Coine go back againe AMPLITUDINI TUAE DEDITISSIMUS MUSOPHILUS EBORACENSIS EQUES EQUITUM HUMILLIMUS * Area quot spicas quot profert Silva myricas Curia quot curas Semina terra tenes Quot scatebrae venas quot mittit literis arenas Tot Milites inopes Anglia semper habes Vpon his Hon. Election of Deputation for Ireland FOr Ireland Lord what will become of me For Conscience-sake looke on my Familie Would you receive more honour then you have And so relinquish those whom you may save Is any one more earthly-blest then you Firme friends faire fates brave Bards corrivals few And who is hee that is so richly blest Will hatch his Airy in a forraine nest There the best Hawkes indeed they say are bred But there High-flyers oft have perished Those that doe love my Lord doe hold it fit As th' Country honours him so should he it Admit my Lord that you entitled be Yorks President and Irelands Deputie Where you are five yeers onely to remaine Which time expir'd you'r to return againe Nay more then that when ev'ry third Month ends You may revisit here your constant friends What 's this to me while you at distance stand I 'm forc'd to write my sorrows in the sand It is a weeke agoe since I did dreame How you and I were swimming in a streame Rough were the Billows for the water swell'd While I for safety by a Willow held Which you catch'd at but 'las it would not be That failed you what had supported me For when you strove to save your selfe from Wrack Rude-chattring Reeds me thought still held you back Now such as are Expositors of Dreames Might thus interpret it These troubled Streames Betoken danger Willowes friends indeede But such as faile us most when most we need Rude chattring Reeds such as doe make a sport To blemish Honour with a base report But dreams are dreams such as rightly know them Will nere give trust nor confidence unto them But why my Lord should you transplanted be And reave me of that hope supported me ' Zlid all the world knows you to be wise And play'd i th' Parl'ament your Master prize But what 's all that God knows what some will say In heat of hate when you are gone away Excuse me Lord my zeal conceits the worst If I should silent be my gall would burst No Sycophant am I upon my word I le speak as Servants should unto their Lord. Then taxe not my discretion for the matter But praise his honesty that cannot flatter Here then a tatterd Knight comes sneaking in And jeers the Honour you bestow'd on him And swears that Diotolph Brand who look't so big Being made Knight for rosting of a Pig Was ne're to more desertlesse honour hurl'd For hee 's scarce worth a Pig in all the World Here a rack-rent Recusant cryes amaine O my deere Conscience and repeats your name And vowes since Abbies were dissolved heere A Romish Conscience never cost so deere So as you must not be till they be freed E're in their Pater-noster or their Creed Some say you 'r grown to that resistless might He is not wise dare be your opposite For you will crush him be he nere so great Having such free accesse to Caesars Seat Whose gracious rayes are such as they impart Verdure and vigour to your known desart These and such like reports they ' l spread on you Which though I 'm confident are far from true For in that equal Scale your actions stand As I le avouch you just with heart and hand Yet too maliciously will some men deem When the wide Sea hath sever'd you from them Nought 's left to answer for you but report Which good men know you by and love you for 't Alas my Lord for Ireland many one Have gone forth laughing that come weeping home Our Modern Stories have sufficient To shew wee need no other President Nor can you there doe service to your King For as I heare there breaths no venemous thing What then can Justice finde it selfe to doe Plant rather here where there be snakes enow Such as deserve a Censure Hee that 's just Must finde offenders or his Sword will rust Some from the height of their concealed hate Doe much maligne the fulness of your State And say One day a Parliament will come And then we hope Some will be payed home If these while you live here so envious be Judge what they 'l doe when you 'r beyond the Sea Your Presence then 's the way to make you strong Just men have oft through absence suffred wrong Pardon my boldness Lord the Case is such