yea so great that whereas in times past they were subiect to Kings in ciuill causes now they are aboue them and take vpon them to command them For it is to be obserued that by reason of their pardons or indulgences they were worshipped as gods and gathered Peters pence apace by reason of excommunication they were feared whereof we may see infinite examples in the liues of Popes And these words thunderbolt and thundering helped them well to play their parts with those who tooke the Pope to be the man whom he affirmed himselfe to be Yet I will not say but that they haue inriched themselues by their excommunications For as they forbad the vse of sundry things to the end men might buy dispensations so they excommunicated men to the end they might buy absolutions As we reade how the foresaid Emperour Fredericke bought his absolution of Pope Gregory the ninth at the price of an hundred thousand ounces of gold But what shall we say to Boniface the eight who not content to excommunicate the French King according to the vsual manner excommunicated him and all his to the fourth generation By which we may perceiue how at their pleasure they trod Kings and Emperours as well as meaner men vnder their feete openly mocking at the Lombard-like patience and sottishnesse of the world For what colourable excuse or pretence could his Holinesse haue to excommunicate a man with all his posteritie to the fourth generation The like mockage vsed the foresaid Pope when to spite the forenamed King Philip the faire he nullified all the indulgences granted to the French by his predecessors For had these pardons had such vertue in them as they were supposed to haue they should haue deliuered many millions of soules out of Purgatory whereas being manifested to be but trumperies meere nullities it should follow that these poore soules were to returne back into Purgatory againe As a malefactor who hauing got out of prison by meanes of the Princes pardon if it so fall out that his pardon be reuersed or repealed there is no remedy he must be cast into prison againe 3 Further we may see how men excommunicate were driuen to despaire and what cruell reuenge was taken of the Laitie for offending and wronging the Cleargie by a story recorded in the life of Honorius the third where it is said that Anno 1223. Adam Bishop of Cathnes in Scotland being burned in his own kitchin by some of his diocesse for excommunicating certaine of them because they paid not their tenths this Pope was neuer at quiet till for this one he had hanged foure hundred of them and gelded their children Which history to omit other particulars shewes into what a desperate case poore soules were driuen by this meanes For it is not probable that they which did so handle their Bishop who had excommunicated them would haue broken out into so great outrage but that formerly they had bene instant suppliants and importunate suiters for an absolution which being denied caused them to fall into this mad mood 4 Consider now gentle Reader how these Antichrists made all the world to tremble vnder them for if any shal reply and say that al Church-men were neither Popes nor Prelates to keepe the people in such aw and to be so much feared I shall desire him to remēber what the prouerbe saith De grand maistre hardy valet A great lord a bold seruant which if I be not deceiued hath bene more truly verified and better practised by thē then by any men in the earth For hardly durst a man looke a paltry priest in the face for the great reuerence and respect which was had of our holy mother the Church Besides it is to be obserued that their Lord and Maister did not reserue the thunderbolt of excōmunication to himselfe alone but affoorded it them when and as often as they stood in need which they so little spared that for halfe a quart d'escu yea for a matter of three pence as Menot saith they would not stick to excōmunicate poore men who were therupon driuen to despaire as thinking themselues to be damned And because the place in Menot serueth so fitly for this purpose I will here insert it He saith therefore fol. 143. col 4. He that is excommunicated is forsaken of God and giuen vp into the power of all the diuels in hell and therefore it is a great and grieuous sinne to put such a sharpe sword into the hand of a foolish Prelat seeing it is no small matter to send a man to the diuell Sutable hereunto a Caualier said vpon a time to one of our order Softly father I would gladly be resolued of you in a difficult point I cannot sufficiently wonder at the dealing which is practised at this day in the Church in that we secular men send those whom we cut off with the stroke of iustice to heauen you Church-men send them straight to the diuell I will shew you how when we condemn any man to death which he hath iustly deserued before we send him to the gallows we procure some good man to shriue him and when he is led to the place of execution we comfort him and put him in good hope and labor by all meanes to work him to a good dispositiō that so he may dye in a good mind whereas you Clergy-men who haue the cure and should haue the care of mens soules for three single pence or an old paire of shooes send a man soule and body cloathes and all to the diuell such great zeale you haue of the saluation of our soules To which this ghostly father as he confessed to me could not answer him with al his diuinitie seeing his conscience told him that he spake nothing but the very truth he is yet to take counsell of his pillow what answer to make him If this poore Franciscan was constrained to cōfesse thus much who had affirmed a little before that all that were excommunicated by Priests were no longer vnder the protection of God nor in the bosome of the Church but were deliuered vp to Sathan in such sort that euen vpon good Friday when men pray not onely for Christians but also for Iewes Pagans and other infidels they pray not for them If I say his conscience inforced him to cōfesse this in what a pitiful plight may we thinke were they ouer whom they did so tyrannize by terrifying them with the thunderbolt of excommunication 5 And no maruell if they stood in such feare to be excommunicated by a Priest considering the opinion which they had of them which was often beaten into their heads I meane the opiniō which they had of their power authority for they would not sticke to say Potestas Mariae maior est potestate Angelorum non tamen potestate sacerdotum Which sentence is alleadged by Menot fol. 107. And God knowes what goodly lying legends they alleadged to proue the power dignitie and greatnesse of Priests
with thy selfe out of what Gospell all this geare is taken and what scripture they follow who mixe spittlâ— salt oyle and such like stuffe smelling so stinking strong of their sorcery with the holy Sacrament of Baptisme Consider further how exceedingly it ought to mouâ— and astonish him who by the mercy of God hath bene trained vp in the doctrine of the Gospel when conuersing with those that make profession of the same religion he shall heare not onely of the former riffe-raffe ceremonies yea wicked and dangerous but of an infinite number of others also as of suffrags of the Saints of Images of Reliques of Lights of the Popes pardons or Indulgences of Buls of Myters of Croziers staues of Vowes of Shauings of Confessions of Absolutions of Extreame vnctions and of that so famous renowmed missificall Purgatorie with all the appurtenances thereunto belonging Verily if he stand in a maze and mammering to heare such gibbridge and more to see all this mummery acted vpon the stage I blame him not But when he shall reade this story touching this Infernall called the Eternall Gospel and shall consider with himselfe how subtill and crafty the diuel is he shal haue no great cause to wonder at the matter For dobutlesse the diuel hath kept this damnable book in store changing onely the name to the end that as there is one Christ and one Antichrist so there might be one Gospel and one Antigospell as I may so speake Neither hath he vsed this craft and subtelty onely in changing the name but as we haue seene in some cities when the coÌ„mon stewes haue bene burnt the ashes thereof haue flowne abroad into al quarters and corners therof so that though there remained no more stewes in name yet indeed and truth greater then eueâ— before so he after that this detestable booke was burned scattered the ashes thereof among all the bookes which haue bene published since by his slaues and complices whereof the Decretals haue had their part the SuÌ„mes also theirs the Legends Martyrologies theirs the Questionall Distinctionall Quodlibeticall bookes Mandestons Tartares Breuiaries Mâ—ssalles and Houres theirs Neither herewith content hath further foisted in other wicked works and writings shrowded vnder the name of the Gospell as hath bene said This gentle Reader will suffice I hope to put thee in minde of the Infernall otherwise called the Eternall Gospell when and as often as thou shalt heare any question moued touching Popish doctrine And verily that I may say the same thing againe and againe seeing men haue endured a Counterchrist it is no wonder if they suffer a Counter-Gospell 5 But to returne to prosecute my former argument and to shew how in all ages some abuses haue bene discouered doubtlesse if they who haue obserued them would haue aduertised posteritie of them we should haue had a number of such aduertisements at this day but some God knowes were so simple that they could not commit such things to writing others though sufficiently well qualified yet had not the heart to do it NotwithstaÌ„ding there are certain books come eueÌ„ to these times much more ancieÌ„t then those I haue so often mentioned in which are sundry inuectiues against the Pope aswel in regard of his life as of his doctrine But me thinks it fareth now with Christian religion as it did somtime with Arts and sciences for as the liberall arts flourished not so in the age last past as they did certaine hundred yeares before and as they haue done since so the ignorance of Christian religion was more grosse and palpable in the last Centenarie then in the dayes of our grandfathers at least of our great grandfathers and then it was euer since 6 But here is yet a further point to be noted coÌ„cerning the Age last past to say nothing of such as proclaimed open warre and hostilitie against the abuses and wicked liues of the Pope and his creatures as Wicliffe Iohn Hus Ierome of Prage c. how that many haue encountred our good Catholickes of the Romish religion who made no great shew of hostilitie against them For who would haue thought that Petrarch would haue so inueyed against the holy citie Già Roma hor Babilonia falsa e ria which we find in one of his sonnets among other his Poems containing onely a description of the inordinate and dissolute life of the Court of Rome Nay he goeth further in diuers of his Latin Epistles saying that Christ is banished thence that Antichrist is Lord and maister there and Beelzebub the Iudge That vnder the standard of Christ they make warre against Christ That greater villany is there done to him theÌ„ euer the Pharisies did him That the hope of eternall life is holden for a very fable That the more a man is infected and euen plunged ouer head and eares in wickednesse the more he is esteemed and honoured And as for couetousnesse there saith he for gold heauen is set wide open and for gold euen Christ himselfe is sold. Item if Iudas come thither and bring with him his thirtie peeces of siluer the price of innocent bloud he shall be admitted and Christ shut out of doores And as for Truth There saith he truth is holden for folly And in another place I will not speake of truth for how can truth haue any lodging or abode there where all is taken vp with falshood and lies the aire the earth places houses towers c. 7 Sometimes also our Catholicke chickens were so vnmannerly as to censure their holy mother for false doctrine For we reade that the Vniuersitie of Paris openly condemned an article in one of the bulles of Clement the sixt touching the yeare of Iubily wherein he granted to all that had receiued the Croysado full power to deliuer three or foure such soules out of Purgatory as themselues thought good Howbeit the Vniuersity censured not the mandate and commandement which in another bull he gaue to the Angels of Paradise the words whereof I will here set downe If any man be minded to come to the holy Citie we giue him free libertie from the day of his egresse to chuse one or moe confessors as well in his iourney as elsewhere to whom by authoritie committed vnto vs we giue full power to absolue him in all matters reserued to our selfe as well as if we were there personally present And further we grant to him that hath truly confessed if he die by the way free pardon and remission of all his sinnes and do cleerly quit and absolue him of the same And we further commaund all the Angels of Paradise that they bring the soule of such a man into the glorious Imperiall heauen quite exempting him from the paines of purgatorie c. 8 Besides we haue certaine prouerbes which haue bene currant time out of mind which are pregnant proofes that the Cleargies credit was euen then crackt and their reputation much eclipsed For in our old and auncient prouerbs which censure the vices
good King Lewis had heard such blasphemies he would haue thought himselfe among the infernall fiends in the very bottome of hell And he would no doubt much more haue abhorred it if he should haue seene yong Princes haue tutors for blasphemies as for some good and commendable science to teach them to vary change and diuersifie them euery way to pronounce them with their right accents and to animate them with like audacitie without either hicke or hem 2 I might here shew how we outstrip and go beyond our auncestors as well in this as in other vices I meane not onely in blaspheming but in the forme and manner of blasphemie or rather formes and manners they being almost infinite But it shall suffice to giue a tast hereof in a word or two and to shew how besides old and new blasphemies bred and borne as I may say in our natiue soile they haue made a hotchpotch of them with those of forreine countries as though they alone were not sufficient to incense the maiestie of God and to pull vpon vs his fearfull iudgements But not to insist vpon these there are some blasphemies in the Italian tongue so fearfull horrible and hideous that they may seeme to proceed rather from diuels then from men Of which number that is one which I heard out of a Priests mouth at Rome which shall not be forgotten in his proper place And it may wel go hand in hand with this which was vttered by an Italian at Venice no Priest but a secular man as he was playing at cards in the French Ambassadors house Venga'l cancaro al lupo what hurt in this may some say Verily his notable villanie herein appeares in that he spake it as appeared afterward by a figure called Aposiopesis or Reticentia in stead of Venga'l cancaro al lupo che non mangio Christo quando era agnello calling Christ Agnello by allusion to that of S. Iohn Ecce Agnus Dei qui tollit peccata mundi Behold the Lambe of God which taketh away the sinnes of the world Likewise the blasphemie of the Italian who was wont to say A bots on the Asse that caried Christ to Ierusalem was very wild but not so wicked I omit Putana di Christo and sundry others of the like straine for though they be very horrible yet they are very frequent and vsuall 3 But for as much as the greatest blasphemies are coÌ„monly belched out at cards and dice I wil here alledge a late strange example of a good fellow who to recompence his losse with cursing and swearing as the manner is playd such a tricke as the like I perswade my selfe hath not bene heard of For being weary with cursing renouncing and reneiguing of God and swearing by all the othes he could deuise he commanded his man to helpe him and to hold on this gracious talke till he had better lucke This one example if there were no other were sufficient to condemne our Age of greater outrage then all the former Howbeit they are so plentie that they are nothing daintie for as some deuised this new knacke of knauery so others inuented others as hereafter shall be shewed 4 First then whereas our Ancestors did onely impart the honour of God to their men and women Saints as they terme them such hath bene the audacious impietie of the Gnathonicall flatterers of this Age that they haue made no conscience to stile Princes with the titles of Gods diuine Attributes as namely with that of Most sacred Maiestie And as the heathen stiled their Emperor Diuus Caesar so haue they styled Emperours and Kings in these dayes Nay some are come to this passe to call a mortall man not onely Our holy Father but Our God on earth And as one vice draweth on another they haue further applied sundry things spoken of the eternall God in holy writ to mortall men and haue honored them with like titles wherof I could alledge manifold examples if my occasions would permit but I will content my selfe for the present with these two Sub vmbrâ alarum tuarum protege me or sperabo And Non est abbreâ—iata manus Domini which I remember I haue often heard thus applied The last time I heard them was from a Lawyers mouth pleading at the barre 5 Yet they rest not here for they are come now at the last to apply sundry texts of Scripture to the praise of Iacke and Gill men and women of all sorts and conditions tag and rag And as they haue applied some Scriptures in commendation of those whom they honored so haue they applied others to the disgrace and defamation of those whom they maligned wherein M. Pasquin had a notable facultie And verily it is not vnlike but that this inuention came first from him and that those who in the raigne of King Francis the first girded at the Lords and Ladies of the Court with quips and taunts borrowed from Scripture were trained vp in his schoole 6 But the wickednesse of the damned crue hath bene farre greater of which sort this Age hath had and hath many euen at this day For not so much as poâ—companions but can apply the Scripture to their drunkennesse and bealch them out of their filthy mouthes It is too well knowne how they were wont to say for euery glasse of wine they rippled off Câ—r mundum crea in the 〈◊〉 spiritum rectum iâ—â—oâ—a in visceribâ—â— meis And when they would signifie in their drunken guibbridgâ— that some wine was better then other some and that it was the right they would say Hic est tenete eum And when there is no more liquor in the pot your meale-mouthed Monkes vse this Allegoricall speech as wel as their fellowes Datâ—â—â—bis de oleo vestro quia lampâ—des nostrae extinguuntur And now that I am speaking of Monkes the Abbot of Iosaphat by Chartres comes to my mind who was one of the greatest â—pholders of god Bâ—cchus This Prelate being asked on a time how he could drinke so much and in what schoole he had learned that liberall science to shew that he had read at leastwise had heard some thing of the Scripture alledged these words out of the Psalmist Pâ—trâ—s â—ostri 〈◊〉 â—â—erunt nobis But what speake I of drunkards Not so much as poâ—kie villaines but would as they were swearing out the pockes apply the Scripture to their disease in saying 〈…〉 But this is yet applied more absurdly â—labit spiritus â—ius 〈…〉 I remember also what one at Paris said when his mother was dead and he had gotten all her goods into his hands Quasi nubes pluuiae in tempore siccitatis which he learned I take it of some scoffing Skoggins as honest men as himselfe And do not good fellows euer anone make themselues sport with these words of S. Paul Si quis Episcopatum desiderat bonum opus desiderat in saying Si quis Episcopatum desiderat bonum opus desiderat To be short they thinke that
speeches which he vttered in the Realte at Venice in my hearing and in the hearing of sundry others viz. that if a man would haue a perfect absolute religion indeed he must compound it of Christian religion Iudaizme and Turcizme and that there were many excellent points of doctrine in the Alcoran if they were well considered Who will not now confesse that our age surpasseth all the former as wel in blasphemies as in other villanies blasphemies I say not proceeding of ignorance as in former time but of a cankred malicious mind against the known truth How can this be may some say Though the argument in hand will not permit me to giue a reason hereof yet thus much I will say by the way that it is because the diuell seeing himselfe more hotly and furiously assaulted now then before provides himselfe of more furious souldiers to giue the repulse For whilest blindnesse and ignorance raigned far and wide in the world and that his former forces were sufficient he needed no such succour and supply as now he doth being dayly weakened by the losse of his strongest holds 12 I proceed to another worshipfull writer who thinking his pennie as good siluer and his blasphemies as worthy to be registred as the best hath set them forth in print and I shall desire him not to take offence if I presume to name him seeing himselfe thought it not amisse to set his name to his booke though full fraught with such fearfull blasphemies the title whereof is this The inuincible tower of womens chastitie written by Francis de Billon Secretary printed at Paris Anno 1555. cum priuilegio Regio And not content with this flourishing title he hath set his hand and marke to euery copie as his verses to the Reader in the beginning of his booke may testifie a thing I take it neuer done by any before Howbeit his blasphemies are not once to be compared with these last spoken of but with those rather mentioned in the beginning of this Chapter where I haue shewed how the audacious impietie of fawning flatterers and pestilent parasites was come to this to apply the diuine attributes and sundry sentences spoken of God in holy Scripture to mortall men But I will here set downe his blasphemous words leauing them to the Readers discretion to place them as they deserue He therefore intending to shew that there is an absolute conformitie in all points betweene the Prophets of God who were pen-men of holy Scripture and the French Kings Secretaries saith fol. 239. At and before the comming of the Sonne of God he appointed other Secretaries which may be called his Clearkes as being chosen by him or registred in the booke of his diuine prouidence which in speciall manner were called Prophets vnder which the name Secretary is comprehended all of them depending vpon him and his beloued Chancellor who was then to come but now is come And in that roll thus framed in the heauenly mind they were inrolled and registred vnder the highest maiestie in the same manner that other Secretaries are registred in the French Kings roll himselfe being first and his Chancellor next And a little after as Moses is placed in the diuine register in the third place as pen-man and great Audiancier of Gods word so my Lord Huraut Secretary and great Audiancier of France is the third in the Kings And somewhat after like vnto Ioshuah who succeeded Moses is the Secretary Orne who being Lord chiefe Baron of the Exchequer resembles the Prophet Ioshuah in sundry things Againe to Ioshuah succeeded the Prophet and Secretary Samuel borne of an old and barren woman long before his natiuitie consecrated vnto God an honest vpright and sincere good man most content with his owne estate who liued till he was very old like vnto whom Longuet principall Secretary to the King and ancientest of them all is registred in the Kings records in a higher ranke then any of the rest as Samuel was in Gods who as c. And beginning afterwards to discourse of seuen other Prophets he saith As Esdras was visited by the speciall grace of God so the mightie Florimond Robertet aliâs d'Alluye was visited in his bed by Francis the French King his Lord and maister And straight after he addeth among the Prophets and pen-men of Scripture the foure great Prophets are to be numbred by whom those famous notaries the foure Euangelists are figured viz. Esay or Matthew Ieremie or Mark Ezechiel or Luke Daniel or Iohn as Gods Secretaries who seeme to haue had greater employment then the rest in resemblance of the foure secretaries or notaries of the Kings house otherwise called Maisters of the Requests sirnamed if I tell them in order Bourdin Sassi c. Afterwards he descendeth to the small Prophets with whom he compareth the Lords Neuuille Courlay Bohier c. And last of all he comes to those who in cōparison may be termed Prophets or Secretary gager◠that is hired Secretaries as Semeya Virdei Elizeus Ahias Iehn c. to the number of 59. comparing them to the 59. honorable Lords viz. Babou Picard Forget Gaudart c. And winding vp his discourse he breakes forth into this patheticall exclamation O most certaine and worthy correspondence neuer knowne of any mortall man vnto this day This is the goodly inuention of our architect of the inuincible tower by which he thinketh he hath playd the man and wonne the field as we say Now let the Reader iudge whether I accused him wrongfully of blasphemy or not And verily if he would take any counsell I would aduise him to leaue this diuelish discourse out of his booke in the next impression lest he wrong and shame many honest men whom he perhaps thinketh he doth greatly grace and honour thereby I would further let his mastership vnderstand against the second impression that there is no such Prophet in the Bible as Virdei but that vir Dei is as I may say the Epithete or sirname of Semeia as when we say Francis the foole we meane not two distinct persons but one and the same man the word foole seruing onely to describe the said Francis by his proper Epithete 13 Another kind of blasphemie published in print by these goodly authors remaines yet behind farre stranger then the former so that he which wil not grant any of them to be proper and peculiar to this age cannot but confesse that this agrees vnto it quarto modo as Logicians speake I meane the manner of translating vsed by Sebastian Castalion in turning the Bible into French For wheras he should haue sought out the grauest words and phrases fitting so worthy a subiect it is plaine that he studied for absurd base and beggerly words at leastwise such as would rather stir the spleene and prouoke the Readers to laughter then giue them light to vnderstand the meaning of the holy Ghost For example where S. Iames saith chap. 2. v. 13. Gloriatur misericordia aduersus
as it is in the French prouerb with this opinion and perswasion of the common people at which notwithstanding since abuses were detected euen they who before maintained sundry like trumperies with tooth and naile haue made but a mocke and a matter of merriment For we are not ignorant what Tragedies the Iacobins of Berne and the Franciscans of Orleans played by meanes of these spirits whose helpe notwithstanding in getting new customers Monks and Priests vsed not because the good opinion which men had of their holinesse did furnish them sufficiently with sundry other deuices as hereafter shall be declared which could not for all that since their knaueries were discouered helpe them at a dead lift and serue them as a Delphian sword for all assayes as in former time And can we now wonder that true religion which hath opened mens eyes and enlightened them with the knowledge of the truth should haue any more mortall enemies then Priests and whores Where vnder the name Priests because Monks shall not complaine that they are forgotten I include the whole frie and fraternitie of fornicating Friers tag and rag whether they be blacke white or gray 25 But to returne to our modest matrons let vs heare how a dame of Siena kept both her owne credite with her husband and Frier Rainalds also to whom although he was her gossip as being godfather to one of her sonnes before he became a Frier she had prostituted her selfe not once nor twice but so often that a man would haue thought she should haue bene cloyed at least should not haue bene so greedy of such meate It fortuned that whilest the Frier was with this filthy queane and his fellow with her maide in a loft of the house her husband came knocking at the doore and calling for her Whereupon she cried out Alas I am vndone it is my husband Then musing a little with her selfe she bad the Frier make himselfe ready in all hast and he should see how finely she would gull her husband and boare his nose with a cushion And hauing told him what part he should play in this pageant she answered him who was all this while rapping and bouncing at the doore I come to you sweet heart I come Now here you are to note by the way that she had layd her child in the same place where the Frier and she had bene dallying together And straight she whips out of bed and had no sooner opened the doore but she begins in this sort O husband wot you what I had little thought I should euer haue seene this houre that we should lose our sonne for except our good gossip Frier Renald whom God sent hither in this our extremitie helpe vs I perswade my selfe we shall neuer see him aliue againe Her sottish husband had welnigh swounded at the very first but after a while taking heart againe he desired her to tell him what the matter was Whereupon she like a false queane began to relate euery circumstance in this sort At the first said she I was almost dead to see the child swound in such sort for I thought he would presently haue giuen vp the ghost so that I could not tell in the world what to do but as God would M. Renald our good gossip came at the very instant and taking him in his armes said Gossip the child is sicke of chest wormes which gnaw vpon his stomacke and will be his death except he take some remedy for them but feare not I will coniure them well enough I warrant you and that quickly for before I go hence you shall see him as well againe as euer he was And because said she we wanted you to say certaine prayers and that the maide could not find you he intreated his fellow to say them in an vpper loft M. Renald and I hauing shut our selues here in this roome because none but he and the mother of the child may be present at such a mysterie And I perswade my selfe he hath the child yet in his armes and stayes onely vpon his fellow who if he had said his prayers all were ended for the child is now well recouered The simple sot nothing mistrusting his wiues knauery sighed deeply and said he must needs see him But she fearing lest M. Renald had not bene ready and in such case that he might not be suspected said vnto him O good now go not in yet except you wil marre all stay â—ut a little and I wil see whether you may come in or not and accordingly I wil call for you The Frier who had the child in his armes and heard their whole discourse made himselfe ready at his leisure And when he thought it time to let them in he called aloud Ho gossip did I not heare your husband The simple cockscombe answered Yes marry did you Sir Whereupon M. Renald bad him come in and composing his countenance to grauitie said Here take your son whom by Gods goodnesse I haue recouered I did verily thinke he would not haue liued till night but do you heare sir you must erect a statue of waxe iust of his bignesse to the honour of God before the image of blessed Saint Ambrose through whose merits our Lord hath shewed you his fauour He then taking the child in his armes as though he had taken him out of his graue began to kisse him and to thanke his good gossip for this great cure In the meane time Frier Renalds fellow to the end he might so play his part as that it might be answerable to the pageant which he had heard from the place where he lay hid came downe from the loft and told his brother Renald that he had said the foure prayers which he had enioyned him Which done the simple fellow made them a banquet of the best wine with store of preserues and sweet meates and accompanying them out of his house with a thousand and a thousand thankes recommended them to Gods protection and causing a picture to be made in all hast set it vp among his other pictures before the image of S. Ambrose 26 Moreouer we reade of sundry women who haue played strange parts with their husbands through the counsell and aduice of Priests or Monks who had some interest in them but those I will reserue as reason requires to furnish out the legend of Ecclesiasticall vertues here next ensuing lest it should be said that for the great respect I haue of womens credit I should ascribe that vnto them which of right belongs to Church-men To prosecute therefore my former discourse after I shall haue once againe intreated the Reader to pardon me if I be ouer-tedious in the rehearsall of some of these stories the better to discouer these damnable deuises and to breed a lothing and detestation of them the memory whereof ought otherwise to be buried I will begin with a fine feate played by a woman of Florence as it is recorded by two Florentines who haue written of
onely meanes to dispatch my businesse intreated so well that I went to the Abbot whom within three dayes I recouered again and made him as merry as Pope Iohn neither did he afterwards sticke to regreet me with the said siluer salutation This is the story almost word for word as himselfe reported it not thinking to disgrace himselfe any whit thereby though he did to his losse as he well perceiued afterwards wishing with a hundred lashes well set on he might retract his ouer lauish disclosing of it which so nearely concerned both his credite and commoditie but imagining that those which heard him did little fauour the Monkish fraternitie he thought belike their dislike of them and their bad dealings would haue moued them to fauour his folly or at least to dispence with his cheuerel conscience in abusing the Abbot and so mickle mirth would haue ensued thereon But it was the will of God that the testimony which he gaue against himselfe should not be forgotten Now then consider gentle Reader in what a dangerous case those patients are which fall into such mens hands For if when they vse all their skill and knowledge yea and all their conscience they often hurt intending to heale not knowing what they haue done till it be past remedie What a lamentable thing is it when of set purpose they hazard the liues of their patients onely to trie some paradoxicall receipt which they haue haply dreamed of and which is worse when they purposely intend the toy so taking them in the head to wreake some reuengefull humour vpon those whom they haue in their hands as when the barber holds the razor to a mans throate But leauing this argument as belonging to the tractate of murder rather thē to this of theft I wil speake only of those who the more they fat the churchyard the more they fill their purses cloking their ignorance with arrogancy and impudencie For I perswade my selfe that this age and that last past will better furnish vs with examples of the greedy couetousnesse and blockish ignorance of Phisitions then any of the former First therefore concerning couetousnes where can a man find the like to that of one called Petrus Aponus or Petrus de Apono professor of Phisicke at Bononia who would neuer go out of the citie to visit any patient vnder fiftie French crownes a day and being vpon a time sent for by the Pope before he would go he bargained for foure hundred French crownes the day Which puts me in mind of that which Philip Commineus recordeth of a Phisition called M. Iames Cottier to whom King Lewis the eleuenth gaue fiftie foure thousand French crownes in ready mony which was aboue the rate of ten thousand French crownes a moneth besides he gaue vnto his nephew the Bishoprick of Amiens and diuers offices and lands to him and his friends where he to recompence the King for these so great fauours vsed him as if he had bene his slaue giuing him such hard and outragious words as a master would hardly giue his seruant But I will here set downe the historiographers owne words who as it is wel knowne is famous aboue al that haue written the French storie◠as being accounted another Thucydides These therefore are his words in the Chapter where he sheweth how he suspected all men a little before his death He had saith he a Phisition called M. Iames Cottier to whom he gaue for fiue moneths 54. thousand French crownes in ready mony which was after the rate of ten thousand crowns a moneth and foure thousand ouerplus besides he gaue the Bishoprick of Amiens to his nephew and other offices and lands to him and his friends The said Phisition vsed the King so roughly with hard outragious words as no man would haue vsed his seruant Moreouer the King was so afraid of him that he durst not turne him away telling many how it grieued him Howbeit he durst not aduenture to cast him off as he did all his other seruants because he told him boldly I know saith he you will shortly turne me off as you do your other seruants but by a great oath he swore if you do it you shall neuer liue a weeke after These words did so exceedingly terrifie the King that he neuer left flattering of him and giuing him what he would demaund which was a great purgatory for him in this world considering the great obeisance so many great Lords and men of worth had done vnto him See here what this historian reporteth of this phisition who in two other places maketh expresse mention of ten thousand French crownes which he monethly receiued These few examples will make vs lesse to wonder at that which Froissart reporteth of a Phisition called M. William of Harsely who cured the French King Charles the sixt and restored him both to his wit health how that he died worth three thousand pounds in ready mony But it shall not be amisse to alleadge the words of the historian seeing he speaketh as wel of the couetousnesse of Phisitions in generall as of the said William in particular For hauing spoken of this his great cure he further addeth that it was thought expedient and requisite stil to retaine this William of Harsely in the Court and fully to satisfie him to his contentment for this is the period of Phisitions purposes to catch the rewards and to pocket vp the gifts of Lords and Ladies great ones especially whom they visit and haue in cure Well they intreated him to make his abode with the King but he requested them to hold him excused saying he was old weake and crazed and could hardly accommodate himselfe to the fashions of the Court in a word that he would returne to his owne home They perceiuing him inexorable would not retaine him perforce but suffered him to depart with a faire reward of a thousand crownes in gold offering him moreouer that if it would please him to make his repaire to the Court he should be furnished with foure horses at the Kings cost when he thought good But I suppose he neuer came thither after For being come to Laon where his most abode was death intercepted his returne He died very rich leauing behind him the summe of three thousand pounds in ready mony In his life he was most miserable taking pleasure in nothing but in treasuring vp store of Ark-Angels his expences in housekeeping vsually not amounting the summe of two pence halfepenie the day for he would make bold with his neighbours for his diet All Phisitians are sicke of the same disease 10 But I may not ouer-passe one who hath surpassed I suppose not onely the rest of that profession but the rest of that qualitie I meane of that couetous disposition who died nine yeares since or thereabout called Iacobus Syluius one of whose tricks shall suffice to giue a tast of the rest He was a man endued with most profound knowledge in Phisicke and an admirable dexteritie
confession serued Priests and Monks in stead of nets to catch women withall For my part I remember wel I once heard a Priest at Paris vpbraided for lying with a woman in the Church presently after he had shriuen her I haue also heard of a Curate neare to Vienne in Dauphiné who was taken about twelue yeares since playing the knaue behind the high Altar on good Friday with a woman whom he had vnder benedicite with whom he had often playd the like pranke For punishment of which offence he was sentenced by the Bishop of the Diocesse not to sing Masse for a certaine time VVhich puts me in mind of a grieuous punishment which an Italian Bishop inflicted vpon a Priest about forty yeares ago for his cruel handling of a poore tradesman in beating him most barbarously beyond all meane and measure viz. that he should not set foot in any Church for the space of three moneths VVhich sentence the magistrate of the place perceiuing to be ouerpartially giuen in the behalf of the Priest so encouraged the poore man vnderhand and heartned him so on that he was fully resolued to be reuenged Neither failed he of his purpose for meeting with his Sir Iohn in a place where he was not able to make his part good he beat him well and thriftily restoring him his blowes with aduantage For which fact being complained of to the magistrate he commaunded him that he should not set foot in any tauerne for three moneths after VVhich sentence of the magistrate when it came to the Bishops eare he was much offended Howbeit the magistrate who knew well what he had done was not mute nor vnprouided of an answer but replied in this sort Say I beseech you my Lord do you not thinke it a greater punishment for him which is wont neuer to lie out of the Tauerne to be forbidden to go thither for the space of three moneths then for a Priest to be debarred for three moneths from coming to Church which he makes so litle account of that he could be content for a smal matter neuer to come there al his life long This story I was the more willing to record because it doth so well exemplifie the light penance which the other Bishop enioyned the wicked Priest who was so impudent to play the fornicating Frier I say not in the Church but hard by the high Altar not vpon Shroue-tuesday but vpon good Fryday golden fryday holy friday when all men are weeping full sore and bitterly for the poore god which is kept in prison wherein so much as to laugh is accounted a venial sinne and which is more in the sight of all the he and she Saints in the Church who turning their faces aside for shame could notwithstanding see them as well behind as before To be short who committed such a crime for which he deserued to speake according to their cannons to die fiue hundred deaths if it were possible And notwithstanding this so light and slight a punishment the Legate of Auinion thought it so great and so grieuous that he released him thereof So that M. Curate played the knaue againe with the same woman and in the same place more freely then euer before in spight of all that spake against it neither did he surcease from singing his ordinary Masses which were found as sauory and toothsome yea as easie to be digested by those which greedily feed vpō such froth as the Masses of the maidenliest Priest of them all Now who so lift to make diligent inquiry into all the knaueries committed by these Church-men shall find them almost infinite But their punishments so exceeding rare and for the most part so slight and slender that it was in a maner nothing but meere mockery Whereof to omit other testimonies we haue a notable president in the Franciscans of Orleans after that horrible and execrable imposture of theirs which was since notoriously known to al the world 4 But leauing this discourse let vs returne to the whoredomes of these bon companions and to the end it may appeare that they thought scorne to be inferior to their Prelates in that occupation let vs heare an incest in the highest degree cōmitted by a Priest as it is authentically recorded in the late Queene of Nauarres narrations yet more briefly then it is there set downe In a village neare Coignac called Cherues a maid that is one that was a maid by her owne assertion and in common opinion sister to the Curate of the parish was found to be with child And because she led a very holy life in outward appearance she made the common people easily beleeue that she was great with child by the holy Ghost and that she was another virgin Mary This rumor blazed abroad came to the eares of Charles Earle of Angoulesme father to King Francis the first who sent certaine of his seruants thither to make diligent inquiry thereof because he doubted all went not well but that there was some false packing amongst them In whose presence the wench being about 13. yeares of age hauing bin before adiured by the Curate her brother vpon her saluation to reueale the truth and then the second time sworne answered I take the body of our Lord here present vpon my saluation before you my masters and you my brother that neuer man touched me more then you And hauing so said she receiued the consecrated host They hearing her take this solemne oath returned back againe and informed the Earle how the case stood who hearing their report thought vpon that which they neuer dreamed of viz. that it was not without cause that she vsed that forme and manner of oath that neuer man touched her more then her brother and tooke it for certaine that it would be found that her brother had gotten her with child Whereupon he sent them back again commaunding them to imprison the Curate which they had no sooner done but he confessed the fact So that both of them were burned certaine dayes after she was deliuered VVe reade also of one Thomas Abbot of Abingdon who not contented to keepe three paramours had two children by his owne sister 5 But to ease my self of further labor in collecting out of sundry authors that which might serue my purpose I will for this present content my self with a short treatise in French wherein this story is set downe taken out of an English booke containing an inuentory or catalogue of the villanies discouered in the visitatiō of Monasteries Couents Collegiate Churches and other religious houses in England by the cōmandement of king Henry the eight where to let passe their other knaueries the whoredoms adulteries incests and sodomies of Priests and Monks of those houses are set forth with their names and sirnames as it here followeth In the Monastery of Belle or Battel in the Dioces of Chichester these Sodomites were found at the first visitation Iohn Abbot Richard Salchurst Thomas Cuthbert William March Iohn Hasting
16. An imitator of the Apostles and of the perfect for he did eate of euery tree 17. A detester of all wickednesse committed against God because he did not eate of the tree of knowledge of euill 18. One that had as it were betrothed himselfe to pouerty renouncing the world because God gaue him an helper to assist him viz. pouerty to be his companion And lastly a dispenser of all sanctity and religion because of him the Church was formed as concerning the three orders for those three branches sprang out of him as from a rib taken out of his side Nay there is no testimony of Scripture from the first chapter of Genesis to the end of the Apocalyps which is not vsed or rather abused to magnifie and set out the order of S. Francis Fol. 83. Et ideo Iohannes Euangelista postquam Apoc. cap. 7. descripsit tempus missionis â— Francisci scilicet sub apertione sexti sigilli quomodo est missus quia vt Angelus habens signum Dei viui subdit de multitudine Francisci praedicatione vita exemplo suorum sociorum ad Christum conuersa conuertenda Quum dicit quod vidit numerum signatorum centum quadraginta quatuor millia ex omni tribu filiorum Israel hoc potest exponi quod in hoc ordine tot essent futuri fratres siue conuertendi per fratres deducto populo ad Dominum hoc in ordinis processu Vel tempore Antichristi quando hic ordo destructis aliis ordinibus praedicabit contra Antichristum Et tunc iuxta dictuÌ„ Apostoli Scripturae Apoc. cap. 8 reliquiae Israel ad Dominum conuertentur Vel potest dici quod per numeruÌ„ certum iuxta modum loquendi Scripturae accipit incertum vt non solùm sint signati scilicet habitu Francisci crucifixi centum quadraginta quatuor millia sed infiniti alij Et hoc videtur Iohannes innuere quum subdit quod vidit post praedicta turbam magnam quam nemo dinumerare poterat ex omnibus tribubus populis linguis c. Sic ergo multitudine locorum per angulos mundi diffusorum apparet multitudo fratrum qui sunt istius ordinis That is And therefore Saint Iohn the Euangelist Apocal. 7. hauing set downe the time when Saint Francis should be sent into the world namely at the opening of the sixt seale and in what sort viz. as an Angell hauing the signe of the liuing God He telleth vs of the multitude which should be conuerted to Christ by the holy life and doctrine of him and his fellows VVhen he saith that the number of those which were sealed was an hundred fortie and foure thousand of all the tribes of Israel which may be thus expounded that there should be so many Friers of that Order or of such as were to be conuerted by their meanes the people being brought vnto the Lord and that in the continuation of the order or rather in the time of Antichrist when this order should preach against Antichrist the rest being abolished And then according to the saying of the Apostle the Scripture and the Apocalyp chap. 8. The remnant of Israel shall be conuerted to the Lord. Or it may be said that by a certaine number in the Scripture phrase is meant an vncertaine to wit that there shall not onely be an hundred forty and foure thousand Franciscans and Crucigeri sealed but an infinite number of others also And this seemeth to be Saint Iohns meaning when he saith that he saw a great multitude which could not be numbred of all tribes people tongues c. So that the multitude of Franciscans may be gathered by the multitude of their Couents in al quarters and corners of the world And fol. 4. in the same page before the former place we haue these words Quibus alijs quae hîc omittuÌ„tur quanta est gloria beati Francisci euidenter astruitur monstratur consequenter apparet quod beatus Franciscus in coelo praemium habet magnum in sede celsa sublimatur vt de ipso dicatur Domino Iesu illud Psalmi octaui Gloriâ honore coronasti eum constituisti super opera manuum tuarum Dedit enim illi gloriam regni qualem nullus ante eum habuit 1. Paral. 29. that is by which and sundry other particulars here omitted it may appeare how great the glory of Saint Francis is and consequently how great a reward he hath in heauen and how he is exalted and set in a high throne For Psal. 8. the holy Ghost saith to Christ concerning him Thou hast crowned him with glorie and honour and hast set him ouer the workes of thy hands For he hath giuen him a greater measure of glory in his celestiall kingdome then euer he gaue to any before him 1. Paralip 29. And fol. 14. Fuit etiam beatus Franciscus ministris pluribus c. that iâ— Saint Francis was also manifested to many prouinciall ministers when he established the last rule At which words of Saint Francis Christ bowing himselfe said that that was his meaning touching the obseruation of the rule and thereupon cried with a loud voice in their hearing that himselfe and not S. Francis was author thereof It is there further said that Saint Francis kept euery iot and â—ittle of the law And fol. 17. that he was Patriarch Prophet Apostle Martyr Doctor Confessor Virgin Angell nay aboue all Saints whatsoeuer most conformable to Christ. And fol. 46. he setteth downe the names and sirnames of his twelue Apostles viz. Petrus Cathanei Iohannes de Capella Philippus Longus c. And straight after he saith As Iudas Iscariot wrs cast out of the office of Apostleship vnder Christ so Iohannes de Capella was put from his Apostleship vnder Saint Francis And what would we more when they sticke not to say fol. 220. Beatus Franciscus titulatus fuit titulo IESVS per conformitatem quam habuit ad vitam Iesu NAZARENVS quia vigo purissima REX sensuum interiorum exteriorum custodia regulatione IVDAEORVM quia iubilo gaudio plenus creaturas omnes ad Deum laudandum solicitauit that is Saint Francis was called Iesus in regard of his conformity with him in his holy life A Nazarite because he was a most pure virgin A King as hauing power and dominion ouer his inward and outward senses Of the Iewes because that being full of spirituall and heauenly ioy he stirred vp all creatures to praise God But enough of these diabolical and damnable speeches for I suppose I am come to the height of the blasphemous impieties of these Monkish miscreants if I may so call them to expresse the impietie whereof their blasphemies giue sufficient testimony 5 Touching blasphemies which haue bene vttered in the pulpit by Popish Preachers I wil here alleadge some few examples as an additament to the former yet so as if I haply omit any which shall afterward come to
noted by the colour of the Orenge the kernels within it being of a punick colour that is yellow drawing to a red which in the holy Scripture signifieth charitie of loue which we owe to God in louing him with all our hearts without which all our actions should be vnprofitable and vaine Si linguis hominum loquar Angelorum charitatē autē non habeā nihil sum And by the kernels inclosed in the orenge I vnderstand almes giuen in secret And a litle after The kernels in the Orenge do shew and shadow out vnto vs the apple of loue Wherefore I say and that truly that God loueth this noble fruite exceeding well the colour thereof pleaseth him see therefore that you present him therewith he loueth the tast thereof wherefore let him feed vpon it in this thy spirituall dinner Cap. 8 You know Madames that a woman cannot haue a pleasanter thing in her hand then a goodly faire posey This moneth of March yeeldeth a iolly forwardnesse of trimme posies for in March groweth the sweet Violet of an heauenly colour azure and blew Wil you therfore carry this Lent and at all other times a faire and pleasant posey in your hands which shall alwayes giue a sweet smell Then take the Violet in March which is the vertue of humilitie for I assure you it is a vertue highly pleasing God profitable for the soule The March Violet c. Chap. 9. Prunes also are necessary to furnish out a dinner and therefore they must be had By these Prunes which are black and ful of good iuyce is vnderstood abstinence from sinne mortification of the flesh and bodily fasts Chap. 10 After this they set Figs on the table for a second seruice which are both good and wholsome getting a man a good stomacke and a sweet breath By these figs may be vnderstood the memory of the holy passion of Christ which strengtheneth the stomacke and makes it able to digest tribulations temptations griefes labours melancholike passions and yeeldeth a sweet and pleasant smell Chap. 11. Yet this is not all for if we would feed more liberally we must haue Almonds also Physitians say that the bitter Almond is wholsomer then the sweete and therefore I will speake of them I say then that we must not forbeare to eate these Almonds albeit they be bitter Some there are who take the sweete and leaue the bitter and yet they are not so wholsome For that which is distastfull and vnpleasant to the palate may do the heart good By these bitter Almonds I vnderstand the remembrance of death of the last iudgement and of the paines of hell which must accompany our Lent dinner Chap. 12. The hony which we eate in Lent is a precious thing and chiefly for the dames The Philosopher saith that hony is like gold By hony I vnderstand nothing else but a heauenly life and conuersation for the life and conuersation which we ought to leade especially in this holy time of Lent must proceed and distill from heauen as good and precious hony Chap. 13. After our fine white manchet we may not forget simnels and wine for they are the best part of the dinner By bread and wine we vnderstand the obtaining of the ioyes of heauē and by the simnels faith which we ought to haue in one God Creator of heauen and earth distinguished into three persons This appeareth plainly in the simnell which hath 3. horns or corners all which are but one and the same thing by essence of nature Further there are simnels made of another fashion viz. like the halfe Moone hauing only two hornes signifying the two natures of Christ his diuinitie and humanitie Now all this we must constantly beleeue vpon paine of damnation Besides parents are to teach it their children Preachers the people and schoolmasters their schollers especially in the holy time of Lent according as simnels are then giuen children to eate And a litle after There are two kindes of wine white and red the white signifieth the hope which is in Christ Iesus and the red the loue which he hath shewed vs in purchasing of the foresaid glory The bread whereof we speake was baked in the ouen of this loue which is his precious side wholly inflamed with the loue of mankind Concerning the wine and the nature thereof to omit his two colours it is strong and tasteth well By the strength of it we may vnderstand the loue which God hath borne vs in laying downe his life for vs and by the tast the hope which he hath giuen vs to ascend to heauen if we wil be careful to performe good works and exercise ourselues therin And a litle after This wine is of two colours white and red therefore it is said Dilectus meus candidus rubicundus electus ex millibus The white teacheth vs the way to heauen for it giueth good courage to a man legs of wine and boldnesse of ioy The red sharpeneth the wit and vnderstanding and helps the memory to remember that the precious bloud of Christ gushed out of his side for our saluation This wine is chiefe of choise among all liquors electus ex millibus Chap. 14. Of the foresaid wine is made good and odoriferous Hypocras cleare and wel spiced King Salomon doth make of it and selleth it as it is said in the Canticles Dabo tibi vinum conditum The merchant and factor for these Aromaticke drugs spices and confects is my Lord Saint Paul who like a painefull merchant brought them out of a farre countrey viz. out of heauen By these drugges spices and precious confections as Sugar Cassia Lignea Grains of Paradise Cinnamon and such like daintie delicates we vnderstand infinite diuersitie of glory in heauen which S. Paul brought with him from thence when he was rapt vp into the third heauen and that in such abundance that it could not be contained in the shop of mans heart as it is said Vidit arcana quae non licet homini loqui Nec in cor hominis ascendit quae praeparauit Deus diligentibus se. My Lord S. Paul saw the ioyes of heauen and the glory thereof in a vision and that in such variety state and magnificence as the heart of man cannot by meditation conceiue or vnderstand These celestiall ioyes the Apostle sold to King Salomon a true Apothecary that is to a man of peace of an humble heart and contemplatiue life Chap. 16 If a man wold haue good broths and meates wel and finely dressed he must look to prouide good cooks for Gentlemen Lords and great Merchants The good cookes which should dresse and season our meates in Lent are the admonitions inspirations and perswasions of our good Angels which we must beleeue rather in this holy time of penance then any other for they inspire more good motions into our minds at this time then at any other because the diuell doth then more maliciously tempt vs. We commonly feed vpon more dishes in Lent
and of their shamelesse and intollerable couetousnesse IF we consider a little more narrowly the cunning sleights wherewith the Popish Cleargie abused our auncestors and abuse many euen at this day we shall find that all of them from the least to the greatest haue serued theÌ„ to this end to bring the moulter to their mill And that that which seemeth to vs and not without cause to be foolish and absurd to say no more seemes to them very excellent and grounded vpon good reason when they consider the profit that accrews to them thereby so that whatsoeuer could possibly be alleadged or said to the contrary was but so many wast words spoken in the wind because it was spoken against their bellies which had no eares which is truly verified of others also according to the old prouerbe And we may well thinke that they kept this auncient saying alwayes in memory Lucri bonus odor ex re qualibet Gaine is good whence soeuer gotten Neither may we doubt but that those proud Prelates who would needs be termed pillars of the Church when they were finely flouted and nicknamed pillers and pollers of the Church deuourers of Crucifixes Canuasers of Requiem Abbey-lubbers loytering and lazy lozels hypocrites and rauenous wolues would say with the couetous Athenian in Horace Populus me sibilat at mihi plaudo Ipse domi simul ac nummos contemplor in arca For they were mocked and derided of old as shall be declared in the chapter next ensuing and verily they were then grown more impudent then old filthy bauds And here comes to my remembrance what a Monke at Blois told certain good fellowes who derided him and his order The seculars quoth he shal neuer mock the Church-meÌ„ so long as the Church-men haue mocked them Which he spake in regard of those fine trickes of conueyance wherwith they had deluded the silly world so long leading men by the nose like Beares or Buffes True it is indeed that in so saying he spake not so outragious wickedly as Pope Leo the tenth who answering Cardinall Bembus alleadging a certaine place out of the Gospell said ô what riches we haue gotten by this fable of Christ Doubtlesse as for riches this wicked miscreant lyed not howbeit he should haue spoken most truly if he had said ô what riches haue we gotten by abusing the name of Christ And verily it is almost incredible how great the wealth and riches of the Clergie was considering that which Baptista Fulgosius though a fauourer of the Roman religion recordeth of one Peter Riarus who being a Fryer of the order of the Minorites was created Cardinall by Pope Sixtus the fourth For he saith that he was not contented to haue his gownes of cloth of gold and the couerings of his bed of cloth of gold likewise but not so much as his fetherbed ticks but were of cloth of gold and his other furniture all of cleane silke Besides he affirmeth that at Rome he made a feast to Eleanor of Arragon as she was on her iourney going to marry the Duke of Ferrara called Hecules d' Est wherein were so many sundry sorts of meates and daintie dishes that it lasted for the space of seuen houres And lest his guests should haue bene wearied he caused sundry plaies to be acted whilst they were at table And amongst other magnificences which he vsed this was not the least that euery seruitor at euery new course tooke a new sute Yet all this is nothing to that which afterward he reporteth of the said Cardinals where or concubine called Tiresia viz. that he kept her publickly in such sumptuous manner that she wore shooes set full of pearles and precious stones He that doubteth of the truth of this report may reade Fulgosius lib. 9. cap. 1. where intreating de hominum Lâ—xu atque delicijs he speaketh of it as of a thing which at that time was notoriously knowne to all the word But to returne to Pope Leo who maruailed at the riches which this fable as he said had brought them how I beseech you did he enrich himselfe and fill his coffers by one onely Croisado when a Franciscan of Millan called Samson by the money which he had scraped together by that meanes could offer an hundred and twenty thousand duckats for the Popedome And if he offered thus much how much may we thinke had he gained besides For it is not to be thought but that he would keep a mease for Allison in store and reserue some prety round summe against a hard winter Now if the vassals were so rich what may we iudge of their Lords and Masters How euer it be they haue verified we see the foresaid Prouerbe iumping in opinion with the most villanous vsurers that the sauour of gaine is good whence soeuer it ariseth which was then more truly verified then euer before when they would needs increase their reuenues by the hire of harlots And now gentle Reader consider a litle whether that be not true which Ouid saith as we must needs confesse Turpe tori reditu census augere paternos That is Base gaine to raise ones state by lone of lâ—st Consider I say what a shame it is that the Romish Saint Peters and Saint Pauls should haue part of their reuenues from them which get their liuing by such miserable sweat of their bodies and that so profane a thing which is a shame once to name should be consecrated vnto them as a holy thing True it is indeed in the time of Pope Paulus the third the number of the foresaid lusty lasses was wel abated for there were in his register but fiue and forty thousand as historians who haue written of the liues of Popes do constantly affirme And certen it is that the name Courtisan being the most honest Synonime that can be giuen a whore had his originall from the court of Rome namely from those religious Dames which conuersed somewhat more then familiarly at bed and boord with the Romish Prelates Now this discourse of Popish riches puts me in mind of a sermon made by a Monke of Gascoine wherein he affirmed that Antichrist at his coming would vse large liberalitie sparing no cost to win the hearts of men vnto him in a word that he would sow siluer gold in the very streets Which words made a Gascoinâ— teeth who was one of his auditors so to water that he cryed out aloud E diu quaÌ„ biera ed aquet bon segno d' Antichrist that is O Lord when will that good gentleman Anchrist come If this poore Gascoine whose case was to be pitied had bene informed who this Antichrist was he would neuer haue asked the question when Antichrist should come but wold haue craued commendatory letters to carry to him Howbeit it behooued him to learne some craft if he were not experienced therein before of those by whom men are wont to come in fauour with his Holinesse 2 But I leaue these great Churchmen so addicted to the
which all of them labour to vphold with one accord imploying all their happie and glorious miracle-mungering to keepe them hot and so maintaine them that our holy mother doth not enuy the kitchins of Kings and Emperours True it is that she doth also keepe them pretie and warme with the reuenues of the Saints as hath bene said which though it be exceeding great as may appeare by the accouÌ„t that hath bene cast onely in grosse yet if we consider how much the gaine which she getteth by the soules of the saints departed doth surpasse that which she hath by their bodies it will appeare that the reuenue which ariseth from the foresaid corps compared with that which accreweth by the soules will not buy sugar to the wine 20 And now I come to the other point which I promised to handle in this Chapter viz. how intollerable the couetousnesse of the Cleargie was But what may some say May we not discouer this impudent couetous dealing by sundry places of this booke as namely by that which hath bene already spoken in this Chapter It is true I confesse But now my purpose is to detect monstrous impudencie or if I may so speake the very quintessence of impudencie yea of impudency accompanied with most abhominable impietie And the example which I will produce for this purpose is so authenticall that they cannot possibly deny it except they will deny their owne hand-writing For see here their owne words which they haue engraued in Gothian letters in a table of stone which is at least was wont to be not long since fastened to a pillar of S. Steuens Church at Bourges neare to the Altar where the high Masse was sung Hîc des deuotè coelestibus associo te Mentes aegrota per munera sunt ibi lotae Ergo venitote gentes à sorde remotae Qui datis estote certi de diuite dote Te precor accelera spergas hîc dum potes aera Et sic reuera securè caelica spera O si tu scires quantum data prosit ibi res Tu iuxta vires donares quod dare quires Te miser à poena dum tempus habes aliena Huc dare te poena veniae sit aperta crumena Consors coelestis fabricae qui porrigit est is Ex hoc sum tâ—stis hîc vos mundare potestis Fratres haurite de trunco pocula vitae Hîc aliquid sinite veri velut Israëlitae Crede mihi crede coeli dominaberis aede Nam pro mercede Christo dices mihi cede Hâ—c datur exponi Paradisus venditioni Currant ergo boni rapientes culmina thrâ—ni Vis retinere forum mihi tradas pauca bonorum Pro summa quorum reserabitur aula polorum Hîc si largè des in coelo sit tua sedes Qui serit hîc parcè parcè comprendet in arce Cur tardas tantum nummi mihi des aliquantum Pro solo nummo gaudebis in aethere summo Denos sume quater vnum semel haec sacra mater Annos condonat sanctus Pater ista coronat Tot quadragenas dat abluit hic tibi poenas Mil missis decies socius si des ibi fies The subiect or matter of these verses which I speake for their sakes who vnderstand not Latin not hauing translated them because their grace consisteth in the rime is nothing but this that he which giueth to the boxe goeth straight to heauen and the more he giueth the higher shall his place be and he that giueth nothing shall neuer come there For Hîc datur exponi Paradisus venditioni which is thus much in good English Here Paradise is set to open sale But that the Reader who vnderstandeth not Latin may iudge whether I had reason to censure these verses as I did I will expound vnto him these two Crede mihi crede coeli dominaberis â—de Nam pro mercede Christo dices mihi cede That is For meede beleeue me thou shalt gaine a crowne Yea rule in heauen and say to Christ Come downe Now if any man desire to haue the sence of them word for word see here what a fine lesson they teach vs Assure thy selfe thou shalt be Lord great maister of heauen for in lieu of the money which thou hast giuen thou shalt say to Christ Stand backe giue place CHAP. XXXIX How our Ancestors were nuzzeled in ignorance of Christian religion and how the Popish Cleargie alwaies maintained themselues notwithstanding their wicked liues were notoriously knowne to the world and that many of their iugling trickes and false miracles had bene discouered PVrposing to shew in this chapter how some euen from the dayes of our forefathers began to open their eies and to espy the packing and conueyance of Church-men I thought it requisite in the first place to consider how great the darknesse and ignorance as also the abuses of those times were I am therefore to intreate the Reader to call to mind sundry examples to this purpose dispersed here and there in diuers places of this booke besides which if neede were infinite more might be added howbeit three or foure shall suffice First then is it not a strange fopperie to thinke that those men or women which their Church Calender hath marked with red letters are men and women Saints that is gods and goddesses or at leastwise petty gods and as I may say subordinate gods For if they had not iudged them such questionlesse they wold neuer haue ascribed vnto them diuine power which God reserues as proper to himselfe alone So that here we may see not onely their simplicitie single and alone by it selfe but accompanied with horrible impietie But this is yet far more hideous and horrible in that they dare affirme that if the holy Ghost were bit by a mad dog it is necessarie he should go to Saint Hubert if he would be healed which was auerred by a pedler of the reliques of the foresaid Hubert And considering the great account and reuerent opinion which they had of the Pope as well as of the Saints was it not meere madnesse to thinke that as soone as a man became Pope he became also god That he had the keyes of heauen and of hell to let those into heauen that would giue some thing to him or his and to send them packing to hell that would giue nothing That it was a lesse sinne to kill a man then to eate flesh vpon a friday or to violate any such commandement enioyned by this earthly god But if we consider the sacrifice of the Masse and the abuses therein committed what else can be said but that many haue bene and are at this day strangely bewitched in beleeuing that there are certaine soules in Purgatorie which cannot be deliuered thence but by the meanes of many Masses That a sir Iohn hauing pronounced certaine Sacramentall words ouer all the bread in the market makes so many loaues to become â—o many gods That men eate their maker and afterward cause him to
passe through that place that cannot be named with modestie And which is a point worthy obseruation can it neuer sufficiently be wondred at that the things which shold be meanes to roote superstition out of their minds should plant and root it in them more and more For they should haue had their breaden god in iealousie and then at least haue suspected him when they saw his blood and flesh poyson men his blood poysoning William Archbishop of Yorke in the time of Pope Anastasius the fourth and his flesh poysoning the Emperour Henrie the seuenth by meanes of one Bernard of Montpolitian a Iacobin Fryer being one of the faction of the Guelphes Neither ought they onely to suspect it but altogether to reiect it with adieu in the diuels name seeing it suffereth it selfe to be deuoured of beasts For it is well knowne that the magnificent Maygret now deceased had a litle shag haired spaniell which ate fourescore of them to his breakfast and all without drinke But how shold it be reuenged of dogs when it cannot saue it selfe from mice For these pretie beasts haue not onely bene so bold as to go into his pixe to nibble at him there but haue also presumed to runne away with him lying vpon the Altar whilest the Priest was asleepe in his memento which accident happened as we know at a towne called Saint Marie and at Paris in Saint Marries Church Verily such accidents as these should haue taught them a litle more wit and to haue thought with themselues how farre they came short of their reckoning in attributing Gods diuine attributes to such a peece of past which suffers it self to be deuoured of a mouse Whereas they contrarily as often as any such thing happened added one foolerie to another For example at Lodeue in Gascoine wheras the mouse which had eaten vp this breaden god should haue made them open their eyes to see the cosening tricks wherewith they had bene abused they notwithstanding were so farre from surceasing to giue to other peeces of past his fellowes as great honour as before that they canonized the mouse calling her the holy mouse The like brutishnesse was knowne to haue bene practised during the last garboiles in France For a certaine gentleman Masse-marrer whom I could name if it were needfull hauing heard the sound of the sacring bell in the streets as he was on his way asked what it meant and hauing learned that it gaue warning that they were readie to the Eleuation as a man would say to lift or raise vp god said to his men Let vs make hast that we may come before he get vp and serue him as groomes of his chamber for my part I will bring him his cleane shirt Who being come thither tooke this fine god and offered him to his horse before them all who beheld this fact with exceeding great astonishment but when they saw the horse thrust out his nose as soone as the brâ—aden god came neare him they said it was an argument that he had bin accustomed to receiue his maker And this puts me in mind of the holy penknife that is the peÌ„knife wherwith a consecrated host was pricked at Paris by a Iew which was afterwards reckoned in the number of holy reliques in one of the Churches of the said citie at S. Iohns in Greue as I remember as if by such an action it had bene hallowed See here gentle Reader how these fellowes in stead of scorning these gods which suffered themselues to be murthered and eaten vp of vermin haue not ceased to worship them as much as euer before nay to adore the deuourers and murtherers of them for I call the pen-knife wherewith this stab was giuen a murtherer 2 And we shall the lesse wonder how men could euer be so brutish as to lend their eares to such doctrine if we consider in what account they held the authors thereof For though Angels descending in some visible shape from heauen should haue come preached vnto them they could not haue entertained them with greater reuerence then they did a rabblement of wicked and abhominable lolling-lobbies which fed theÌ„ not onely with plaine lyes but with lyes ful of impietie and worse without comparison then Talmudicall or Mahometicall fables But to descend from the generall to particulars that is from sundry sorts and sects of hypocriticall shauelings to come to one will not this be a wonderment to posterity that men should attribute so much to Franciscans yea to their very attire as to cause children to weare it for a time that by this meanes they may come to mans estate That some should weare it a litle before their death feeling themselues deadly sicke That others who had no leasure to weare it before should take order by their wils to be interred in it And who I beseech you were they that vsed this kind of Metamorphosis Verily great Lords as much or rather more then the common people yea euen kings and Emperours themselues Indeed the Earle of Carpi being one of the last that turned Frier in this sort is left alone as a by-word and laughing stocke to all posteritie But the greater part not content with their habit betooke themselues to their couent bequeathing vnto them their goods and so defrauding their children or kinsfolk who in equity and conscience should haue bene their heirs And as for those that would needs become Franciscans will not posterity wonder to heare that since this fancie tooke them in the head to become of this order of religious men they were so far from taking aduise and counsel of their parents that if it had bene necessary in entring into that order to tread father mother vnder their feet they thought they were bound to do it And to the end they might the more enrich themselues by this meanes they were so impudent and shamelesse in abusing the simplicitie of the poore people that they made no bones to tell them yea to make them beleeue that there was no other meanes in the world whereby the diuell could be saued but by perswading him to take the habit of Saint Francis Indeed I do not remember that I haue read this in the booke of Conformities but sure I am that I haue read in it farre more impudent lies in praise and commendation of their order 3 Now albeit the mishaps which dayly befel Iean blanke their breaden God should haue opened the eyes of these miserable idolaters yet they shut them so much the more The like may be said of their blindnesse and brutishnesse simplicitie and sottishnesse in not espying the knauery of the false Friers For that which should haue discouered vnto them the villanie filthines of these miscreants did the more confirme them in the preiudicate opinion which they had of their holinesse I wil record for example that which happened in our own time at the death of that famous Franciscan De Cornibus It is well knowne that this knaue died of
of the same author but with accustomable lyes common and ordinary with these false Fryers For which cause I would not omit them 26 And thus thou seest gentle Reader how their false miracles haue bene discouered and laid open to the sight of the Sunne as well as their other trumperies But as blind Bartimaeus saw no more in the cleare Sunne-shine then in a gloomy day nor at noone-day then at mid-night so we are to thinke that the silly seduced world had so lost the vse of reason was become so sottish and senslesse so blind and brutish in matters of religion that none of these grosse abuses though committed before their eyes were once perceiued by them For it is well knowne how the heady multitude would breake forth into plaine murmuring and mutinie against those that durst say that that which they held to be a miracle was but a iuggling tricke of a quacksaluing mountebanke albeit it had bene discouered by the Magistrate of the place Nay they haue growne to harder termes euen to breake open the prison doores where these companions were kept in hold yea after the knauery was detected And here we are to remember that which I touched before how that that which should haue serued them as a crystall wherein they might haue seene their cunning conueyance was so handled by them that it was a meanes to keepe them still in their former darknesse And as they were as blind as beetles so were they as deafe as dore nailes for we know what a siluer trumpet Martin Luther was to say nothing of Wickleffe Iohn Hus Ierome of Prague and the like his predecessours and yet the shrill sound thereof spent it selfe and vanished away in the ayre and was neuer able to pierce their eares of a long time they were so thicke of hearing But in the end the Lord who had sent this his trumpeter charmed these deafe adders in such sort that he caused them to lend their patient eare But how may some say could churchmen maintaine theÌ„selues since the sounding of this alarme especially since the coming of Antichrist was proclaimed through the world and that little children could see their knaueries and touch them as it were with their fingers For answer whereunto let posteritie know how euer they may wonder to heare it that they haue kept their kitchins hot and fed themselues fat by other meanes For when they perceiued that the truth of God made open warre against them and that it got ground of them by little and little winning from them now one peece now another they shewed themselues no lesse cruell and currish fell and furious against those that stood in defence thereof if once they fell into their clouches then the Lion or Tygre nay then the Lionesse doth against those that rob her of her whelpes as shall be declared in the Chapter following CHAP. XL. Wherein is declared how that after posteritie shall haue wondered at the long continued folly of Popish practises and abuses it wil further wonder how the open discouering of them should haue cost so many men their liues who were persecuted by the Cleargie and will iudge this story no lesse strange then sundry recorded by Herodotus IN the time of our Ancestors whilest the folly of the former abuses was in the ruffe the Cleargie not content to be reuerenced and adored of the poore people to haue their purses at command when they thought good and to terrifie them with their excommunications came to this passe euen to set their feete in their neckes not as it is commonly said by a figuratiue speech but really and indeed Nay one of their Popes was not ashamed to set his foote in the Emperours necke For it is a knowne and famous history neither hath it bin forgotten by those that haue written the liues of Popes how that Alexander the third hauing commanded the Emperour Fredericke to prostrate himselfe and aske him pardon for his offence before a multitude of people in Saint Marks Church at Venice the Emperour at his commaund kneeled downe whereupon this gentle Pope setting his foote vpon his throte or as some say in his neck said It is written thou shalt walk vpon the Aspe and the Basiliske the yong Lion and the Dragon shalt thou tread vnder thy feete The Emperour highly offended at this so great contempt and outrage answered I do not this to thee but to Saint Peter Then he treading vpon him the second time said â—oth to me and to Saint Peter Now here it is to be noted that the chiefe cause of this Emperours coming was that he might be absolued from the Popes excommunication Further we reade how that the Venetians sent an Embassadour to Pope Clement the fift called Francis Dandalus to intreate for absolution from the Popes excommunication for he had excommunicated them againe and againe and cursed them with bell booke and candle and not content to thunder out all sorts of Ecclesiasticall censures had caused the Croysado to be published against them in Italy But he refused to absolue them till that the Embassadour in way of honorable satisfaction had put a dogges coller about his necke and therewith had crept vpon all foure the length of the great hall in the pallace of Auinion for which fact he was euer after at Venice called dog The said Pope walking vpon a time through the citie of Bogenci vpon the riuer Loyre in great pomp had amongst others for his attendants or rather seruing-men and lackeys the King of England and the King of France one vpon his right hand and another on his left one of them leading his horse by the bridle We reade also how the foresaid Emperour Fredericke attended vpon Pope Adrian the fourth this mans predecessor like a blew-coate at least that he held him the stirrop when he lighted off his horse by the same token that in lieu of this so great humility he got nothing but a frumpe for his labour and that by the Pope himselfe for holding the left stirrop in stead of the right With which flout the Emperour being somwhat moued said I was neuer brought vp in such a trade and thou art the first on whom I haue thus attended And what arrogant speeches vsed Boniface the eight to King Philip the faire when he made no bones to tell him that by reason of his disobedience and contumacy the kingdome of France was fallen into the lapse and deuolued to the Church of Rome The said Pope hauing his sword by his side was not ashamed to brag and boast of himselfe hauing refused now the third time to giue to Albert Duke of Austria the title of Emperour of Germany that himselfe forsooth was Emperour and Lord of all the world 2 And sutable to that which hath bene said of the excommunication of Fredericke the Emperour by Pope Alexander the third that is to be noted which Machiauel saith that Popes become great by three things by excommunications by pardons by weapons