too much to them or rely too much on them The best means in the world are weak and ineffectual without Gods assistance and concurrence and they never have that his assistance or concurrence when his time is come and that it was fully come in your friends case is manifested now by the event So that if your friend had had the most excellent helps the world affords they would have avail'd nothing This consideration takes place only in your case who see what the will of God is by the issue and may not be pleaded by any whilst it remains dubious and uncertain as it generally doth in time of sickness 2. Answer Do you not unjustly charge and fault your selves for that which is not really your fault or neglect How far you are chargeable in this case will best appear by comparing the circumstances you are now in with those you were in when your Relation was only arrested by sickness and it was dubious to you what was your duty and best course to take Possibly you had observed so many to perish in Physitians hands and so many to recover without them that you judged it safer for your friend to be without those means than to be hazarded by them Or if diverse methods and courses were prescribed and perswaded to and you now see your error in preferring that which was most improper and neglecting what was more safe and probable yet as long as it did not so appear to your understanding at that time but you followed the best light you had to guide you at that time it were most unjust to charge the fault upon your selves for chusing that course that then seemed best to you whether it were so in it self or not To be angry with your selves for doing or omâ—tâ—ing what was then done or omitted according to your best discretion and judgment because you now see it by the light of the event far otherwise than you did before is to be troubled that you are but men or that you are not as God who only can foresee Issues and events and that you acted as all rational creatures are bound to do according to the best light they have at the time and season of action 3. Answer To conclude times of great affliction are ordinarily times of great temptation and it 's usual with Satan then to charge us with more sins than we are really guilty of and also to make those things seem to be sins which upon impartial examination will not be found to be so Indeed had your neglect or miscarriage been knowing and voluntary or had you really prefer'd a little money being able to give it before the life of your Relation so that you did deliberatly chuse to hazard this rather than part with that no doubt then but there had been much evil of sin mixed with your affliction and your Conscience may justly smite you for it as your sin But in the other case which is more common and I presume yours it 's a false charge and you ought not to abet the design of Satan in it Judg by the sorrow you now feel for your friend in what degree he was dear to you and what you could now be content to give to ransom his life if it could be done with money Judg I say by this how groundless the charge is that Satan now draws up against you and you are but too ready to yeild to the truth of it 8. Plea But my troubles are upon a higher score and account My child or friend is passed into Eternity and I know not how it is with its soul. Were I sure that my Relation were with Christ I should be quiet but the fears of the contrary are overwhelming O it 's terrible to think of the damnation of one so dear to me 1. Answer Admit what the objection supposes that you have real grounds to fear the eternal condition of your dear Relation yet it 's utterly unbeseeming you even in such a case as this to dispute with or repine against the Lord. I do confess it 's a sore and heavy tryal and that there is no case more sad and sinking to the spirit of a gracious person Their death is but a trifle to this but yet if you be such as fear the Lord methinks his indisputable Soveraignty over them and his distinguishing love and mercy to you should at least silence you in this matter First His indisputable Soveraignty over them Rom. 9. 20. Who art thou O man that disputest with God He speaks it in the matters of eternal election and reprobation What if the Lord will not be gracious to those that are so dear to us Is there any wrong done to them or us thereby Aarons two Sons were cut off in an act of sin by the Lords immediate hand and yet he held his peace Levit. 10. 3. God told Abraham plainly that the Covenant should not be established with Ishmael for whom he so earnestly pray'd O let Ishmael live before thee and he knew that there was no salvation out of the Covenant and yet he sits down silent under the word of the Lord. Secondly But if this do not quiet you yet methinks his distinguishing love and mercy to you should do it O what do you owe to God that root and branch had not been cast together into the fire that the Lord hath given you good hope through grace that it shall be well with you for ever Let this stop your mouth and quiet your spirit though you should have grounds for this fear 2. Answer But pray examine the grounds of your fear whether it may not proceed from the strength of your affections to the eternal welfare of your friend or from the subtilty of Satan designing hereby to over-whelm and swallow you up in sorrow as well as from just grounds and causes In two cases it 's very probable your fear may proceed only from your own affection or Satans temptation First If your Relation died young before it did any thing to destroy your hopes Or Secondly If grown and in some good degree hopeful only he did not in life or at death manifest and give evidence of grace with that clearness as you desired As to the case of Infants in general it 's none of our concern to judg their condition and as for those that sprang from Covenanted parents it becomes us to exercise Charity towards them the Scripture speaks very favourably of them And as for the more adult who have escaped the polutions of the world and made Conscience of sin and duty albeit they never manifested what you could desire they had yet in them as in young Abijah may be found some good thing towards the Lord which you never took notice of Reverence of your authority bashfulness and shamefac'dness reservedness of disposition and many other things may hide those small and weak beginnings of grace that are in children from the observations of the Parents God might see
A TOKEN FOR MOURNERS OR The Advice of Christ to a distressed Mother bewailing the Death of her Dear and only Son WHEREIN The Boundaries of Sorrow are duly fixed Excesses restrained the Common Pleas Answered and divers Rules for the support of Gods afflicted ones prescribed By J. F. Preacher of the Gospel of Christ at Dartmouth in Devon 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Transivere patres simul hinc transibimus omnes In coelo patriam qui bene transit habet LONDON Printed for Robert Boulter at the Turks-head in Cornhill over against the Royal Exchange 1674. THE Epistle Dedicatory To his dearly beloved Brother and Sister Mr J. C. and Mrs. E. C. the Author wisheth Grace Mercy and Peace Dear Friends THE double tye of Nature and Grace beside the many endearing passages that for so many years have linked and glewed our affections so intimately cannot but beget a tender sympathy in me under all your troubles and make me say of every affliction which befalls you half mine I find it is with our affections as with the strings of Musical instruments exactly set at the same height if one be touched the other trembles though it be at some distance Our affections are one and so in a great measure have been our afflictions also You cannot forget that in the years lately past the Almighty visited my Tabernacle with the Rod and in one year cut off from it the root and the branch the tender Mother and the only Son What the effects of those strokes or rather of my own unmortified passions were I have felt and you and others have heard Surely I was as a Bullock unaccustomed to the Yoak Yea I may say with them Lam. 3. 19 20. Remembring mine affliction and my misery the wormwood and the gall my soul hath them still in remembrance and is humbled in me I dare not say that ever I felt my heart discontentedly rising and swelling against God no I could still justifie him when I most sensibly smarted by his hand if he had plunged me into a Sea of sorrow yet I could say in all that Sea of Sorrow there is not a drop of injustice But it was the over-heating and over-acting of my fond and unmortified affections and passions that made so sad impressions upon my body and cast me under those distempers which soon imbittered all my remaining comforts to me It was my earnest desire so soon as I had strength and opportunity for so great a Journey to visit you that so if the Lord had pleased I might both refresh and be refreshed by you after all my sad and disconsolate daye And you cannot imagine what content and pleasure I projected in that visit but it proved to us as all other Comforts of the same kind ordinarily do more in expectation than in fruition for how soon after our joyful meeting and embraces did the Lord overcast and darken our day by sending death into your Tabernacle to take away the desire of your eyes with a stroke to crop off that sweet and only bud from which we promised our selves so much Comfort But no more of that I fear I am gone too far already It is not my design to exasperate your troubles but to heal them and for that purpose have I sent you these papers which I hope may be of use both to you and many others in your condition since they are the after-fruits of my own troubles things that I commend not to you from another hand but which I have in some measure proved and tasted in my own tryals But I will not hold you longer here I have only a few things to desire for and from you and I have done The things I desire are First That you will not be too hasty to get off the yoak which God hath put upon your neck Remember when your child was in the Womb neither of you desired it should be delivered thence till Gods appointed time was fully come and now that you travail again with sorrow for its death O desire not to be delivered from your sorrows one moment before Gods time for your deliverance be fully come also Let patience have its perfect work that Comfort which comes in Gods way and season will stick by you and do you good indeed Secondly I desire that though you and your afflictions had a sad meeting yet you and they may have a Comfortable parting If they effect that upon your hearts which God sent them for I doubt not but you will give them a fair testimony when they go off If they obtain Gods blessing upon them in their operation surely they will have your blessing too at their valediction And what you entertained with fear you will dismiss with praise How sweet is it to hear the afflicted soul say when God is looseing his bands It 's good for me that I have been afflicted Thirdly I heartily wish that these searching afflictions may make the most satisfying discoveries that you may now see more of the evil of sin the vanity of the Creature and the fullness of Christ than ever you yet saw Afflictions are searchers and put the soul upon searching and trying its ways Lam. 3. 40. When our sin finds us out by affliction happy are we if by the light of affliction we find out sin Blessed is the man whom God chasteneth and teacheth out of his Law Psal. 94. 12. There are unseen causes many times of our troubles you have an advantage now to sift out the seeds and principles from which they spring Fourthly I wish that all the love and delight you bestowed upon your little one may now be placed to your greater advantage upon Jesus Christ and that the stream of your affection to him may be so much the stronger as there are now fewer chanels for it to be devided into If God will not have any part of your happiness to lye in children then let it wholly lye in himself If the Jealousie of the Lord hath removed that which drew away too much of your heart from him and hath spoken by this rod saying Stand aside child thou art in my way and fillest more room in thy Parents hearts than belongs to thee O then deliver up all to him and say Lord take the whole heart intirely and undividedly to thy self Henceforth let there be no parting sharing or deviding of the affections betwixt God and the Creature let all the streams meet and center in thee only Fifthly That you may be strengthned with all might in the inner man to all patience that the peace of God may keep your heart and mind Labour to bring your hearts to a meek submission to the rod of your Father We had Fathers of our flesh who corrected us and we gave them reverence shall we not much more be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live Is it comely for children to contest and strive with their Father Or is it the way to be freed from the yoak
hearts imbittered by discontent and secret risings against the Lord which if ever the Lord open their eyes to see will cost them more trouble than ever that of affliction did which gave the occasion of it I deny not but the best heart may be tempted to think and speak frowardly concerning these works of the Lord that envious adversary the Devil will blow the coals and labour to blow up our spirits at such time into high discontents The temptation was strong even upon David himself to take up hard thoughts of God and to conclude Uerily I have cleansed my heart in vain q. d. How little priviledge from the worst of evils hath a man by his godliness but he soon supprest such motions If I should say thus I should offend against the generation of thy children Meaning that he should condemn the whole race of godly men through the whole world for who is there among them all but is or hath or may be afflicted as severely as my self Surely it is meet to be said unto God I have born Chastisement I will not offend any more Job 34. 31. Whatever God doth with you speak well and think well of him and his works Sixthly Our sorrows exceed due bounds when we continually excite and provoke them by willing irritations Grief like a Lyon loves to play with us before it destroy us And strange it is that we should find some kind of pleasure in rouzing our sorrows It s Seneca's observation and experimentally true that even sorrow it self hath a certain kind of delight attending it The Jews that were with Mary in the house to comfort her When they saw that she went out hastily followed her saying she goeth to the grave to weep there Joh. 11. 32. As they do saith Calvin that seek to provoke their troubles by going to the grave or often looking upon the dead body Thus we delight to look upon the relicks of our deceased friends and often to mention their actions and sayings not so much for any matter of holy and weighty instruction or imitation for that would warrant and commend the action but rather to rub the wound and fetch fresh blood from it by piercing our selves with some little trivial yet wounding circumstances I have known many that will sit and talk of the features actions and sayings of their children for hours together and weep at the rehersal of them and that for many months after they are gone So keeping the wound continually open and excruciating their own hearts without any benefit at all by them A lock of hair or some such trifle must be kept for this purpose to renew their sorrow daily by looking on it On this account Jacob would not have his Son called Benoni least it should renew his sorrow but Benjamin I am far from commending a brutish oblivion of our dear Relations and condemn it as much as I do this childish and unprofitable remembrance Oh friends we have other things to do under the rod than these Were it not better to be searching our hearts and houses when Gods rod is upon us and studying how to answer the end of it by mortifying those corruptions which provoke it Surely the rod works not kindly till it come to this Seventhly Lastly Our sorrows may then be pronounced sinful when they deafen our ears to all the wholsome and seasonable words of counsel and comfort offered us for our relief and support Jer. 31. 15. A voice was heard in Ramah Lamentation and bitter weeping Rachel weeping for her children would not be comforted for her children because they were not She will admit no comfort her disease is curable by no other means but the restoration of her children give her them again and she will be quiet else you speak into the air she regards not what ever you say Thus Israel in the cruel bondage in Egypt Moses brings them the glad tydings of deliverance But they hearkned not to him because of the anguish of Spirit and their cruel bondage Exod. 6. 9. Thus obstinately fixed are many in their trouble that no words of advice or comfort find any place with them yea I have known some exceeding quick and ingenious even above the rate of their common parts and abilities in inventing shifts and framing objections to turn off comfort from themselves as if they had been hired to plead against their own interest and if they be driven from those pleas yet they are setled in their troubles too fast to be moved say what you will they mind it not or at most it abides not upon them Let proper seasonable advice or comfort be tendred they refuse it your councel is good but they have no heart to it now Thus Psal. 77. 10. My foul saith he refused to be comforted To want comfort in time of affliction is an aggravation of our affliction but to refuse it when offered us wants not sin Time may come when we would be glad to receive comfort or hear a word of support and shall be denyed it O t is a mercy to the afflicted to have a Barnabas with him an interpreter one among a thousand and it will be the great sin and folly of the afflicted to spill those excellent cordials prepared and offered to them like water upon the ground out of a froward or dead spirit under trouble Say not with them Lam. 3. 18 19. My hope is perished from the Lord remembering mine affliction and my misery the wormwood and the Gall. It s a thousand pitties the wormwood and gall of affliction should so disgust a Christian as that he should not at any time be able to relish the sweetness that is in Christ and in the promises And thus I have dispatcht the first part of my design in shewing you wherein the sin of mourners doth not lye and in what it doth Secondly Having cleared this and shown you wherein the sin and danger lyes my way is prepared to the second thing proposed namely to disswade Mourners from these sinful excesses of sorrows and keep the golden bridle of moderation upon their passions in times of affliction And O that my words may be as successful upon those pensive souls that shall read them as Abigalls were to David 1 Sam. 25. 32. who when he perceived how proper and seasonable they were said Blessed be the Lord God of Israel who sent thee this day to meet me and blessed be thy advice I am sensible how hard a task it is I here undertake to charm down and allay mutinous raging and tumultuous passions to give check to the torrent of passion is ordinarily but to provoke it and make it rage and swell the more The work is the Lords and wholly depends upon his power and blessing He that saith to the Sea when the waves thereof roar be still can also quiet and compose the stormy and tumultuous Sea that rages in the breasts of the afflicted and casts up nothing but the froth of
them for peace and settlement beyond that state you are in And here I do with much more freedom and hope of success apply my sēlf to the work of councelling and comforting the afflicted You are the fearers of the Lord and tremble at his word the least sin is more formidable to you than the greatest affliction Doubtless you would rather chuse to bury all your children than provoke and grieve your heavenly Father Your Relations are dear but Christ is dearer to you by far Well then let me perswade you to retire a while into your closets redeem a little time from your unprofitable sorrows ease and empty your hearts before the Lord and beg his blessing upon the following quieting and heart composing considerations that follow some of which are more general and common some more particular and special but all of them such as through the blessing of God may be very useful at this time to your souls 1. Consid. Consider in this day of sorrow who is the framer and author of this rod by which you now smart Is it not the Lord and if the Lord have done it it becomes you meekly to submit Psal. 46. 10. Be still and know that I am God Man and man stand upon even ground if your fellow creature do any thing that displeases you you may not only enquire Who did it but Why he did it You may demand his grounds and reasons for what he hath done but you may not do so here It is expected that this one thing The Lord hath done it should without any farther disputes or contests silence and quiet you what ever it be that he hath done Job 33. 13. Why dost thou strive against him for he giveth not an account of any of his matters The supream being must needs be an unaccountable and uncontroulable being It s a shame for a child to strive with his Father a shame for a servant to contend with his Master but for a creature to quarrel and strive with the God that made him O how shameful is it Surely t is highly reasonable that you be subject to that will whence you proceeded and that he who formed you and yours should dispose of both as seemeth him good It is said 2 Sam. 3. 36. That whatsoever the King did pleased all the people and shall any thing the Lord doth displease you He can do no wrong If we pluck a Rose in the bud as we walk in our Gardens Who shall blame us for it it is our own and we may crop it off when we please Is not this the case Thy sweet bud which was cropt before it was fully blown was cropt off by him that owned it yea by him that formed it If his dominion be absolute sure his disposal should be acceptable It was so to good Eli 1 Sam. 3. 18. It is the Lord let him do what seemeth him good And it was so to David Psal. 39. 9. I was dumb I opened not my mouth because thou didst it O let it be for ever remembred That he whose name alone is Jehovah is the most high over all the earth Psal. 83. 18. The glorious soveraignty of God is illustriously displayed in two things his decrees and his providences With respect to the first he saith Rom. 9. 15. I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy Here is no ground of disputing with him for so it s said ver 20. Who art thou O man that replyest against God Shall the thing formed say to him that formed it Why hast thou made me thus Hath not the potter power over the clay And as to his Providences wherein his Soveraignty is also manifested It s said Zech. 2. 13. Be silent O all flesh before the Lord for he is raised up out of his habitation It s spoken of his providential working in the changes of Kingdoms and desolations that attend them Now seeing the case stands thus that Lord hath done it it is his pleasure to have it so and if it had not been his will it could never have been as it is He that gave thee rather lent thee thy Relation hath taken him O how quiet should this consideration leave thee If your Landlord who hath many years suffered you to dwell in his house do at last warn you out of it though he tell you not why you will not contend with him or say he hath done you wrong much less if he tell you it will be more for his profit and accommodation to take it into his own hand than let it to you any longer Doubtless reason will tell you you ought quietly to pack up and quit it It s your great Landlord from whom you hold at pleasure your own and your Relations lives that hath now warned you out from one of them it being more for his glory it may be to take it in hand by death And must you dispute the case with him Come Christian this no way becomes thee but rather The Lord gave and the Lord hath taken blessed be the name of the Lord. Look off from a dead creature lift up thine eyes to the Soveraign wise and holy pleasure that ordered this affliction Consider who he is and what thou art yea pursue this consideration till thou canst say I am filled with the will of God 2. Consid. Ponder well the quality of the comfort you are deprived of and remember that when you had it it stood but in the rank and order of common and inferiour comforts Children and all other Relations are but common blessings which God indifferently bestows upon his friends and enemies and by the having or losing of them no man knows either love or hatred It is said of the wicked Psal. 77. 14. That they are full of children yea and of children that do survive them too for They leave their substance to their babes Full of sin yet full of children and these children live to inherit their parents sins and estates together It is the mistaking of the quality and nature of our enjoyments that so plunges us into trouble when we lose them We think there is so necessary a connexion betwixt these creatures and our happiness that we are utterly undone when they fail us But this is our mistake there is no such necessary connection or dependance we may be happy without these things It is not father mother wife or child in which our chief good and felicity lyes we have higher better and more enduring things than these all these may perish and yet our soul secure and safe yea and our comfort in the way as well as end may be safe enough though these be gone God hath better things to comfort his people with than these and worse rods to afflict you with than the removal of these had God let your children live and flourish and given you ease and rest in your Tabernacle but in the mean time inflicted spiritual Judgements upon your souls How much more sad had