that should light upon her Children by the Stomachfulness that was in Rachel Jer. 31. 15. Weeping for her Children she would not be comforted Men have no Ear to hearken to what may be said for God and therefore are resolved to hold the Bitterness of their own Thoughts This stubborn Pettishness and wilful Grief may be sometimes in God's own Chosen it was in Iacob Gen. 37. 35. He refused to be comforted for he said I will go down into the Grave unto my Son mourning I will it was a stomached wilful Grief Christians by a perverse peevish justifying of their Passions they say of their Sorrows as Ionah did of his Anger Ionah 4. 9. I do well to be angry When Men take it for granted they do well in it they resolve then to shut their Ears against whatever might appease and quiet their Thoughts 3. Such as are impatient and discontented as if God had not dealt wisely or worthily with them When a full Vessel is shaken the Water will plash over And when there is such a Tumult in the Heart unseemly Expressions will drop from us as if God should not have dealt thus with us as to take away these Comforts in which were all our Solace the Staff and the Stay of the Family We that are Neighbours are apt very often in Discontent to say What a serviceable and useful Person hath God taken away and so many bad ones left as if God had not made a right choice Foolish Man would be accounted wiser than God But if a Man were well skilled in God's Attributes he would never murmur especially if he did but consider this cometh from a Wise God The Cause of all the Disorder in the Heart is the want of fearing God's Name we are not skilled in his Attributes Alphonsus blasphemously said Si in principio mundi ipse Deo adfuisset multa melius ornatiusque condenda essent things should have been ordered better if he had been of God's Council Many of you do not utter such Expressions but yet too often conceive such Thoughts in your Hearts you will not think so ay but what mean the bleating of the Sheep and the lowing of the Oxen such Expressions as these O! would to God I had died first as David 2 Sam. 18. 33. O Absalom my Son my Son would to God that I had died for thee And again would to God I had been dead a long time ago rather than to survive my Happiness all my Estate gone in an instant as Brethren in these empty trying Times it is many a Man's Case but remember foolish Man the All-wise God thought it fittest for thee Yet thus doth the Prophet Elijah when he was driven into the Wilderness by Jezebel 1 Kings 19. 4. in a Discontent requests for himself that he might die It is enough now O Lord take away my Life 4. Such as unfit for Duty Affections are no further lawful than they fit for Duty When Grief taketh off our Hearts from the Duties of our general or particular Calling it is an evil Grief See Gen. 35. 19 21. Rachel died and was buried and Israel journied and spread his Tent. Having lost so dear a Wife he doth not stand puling by the Tomb but Israel journied he went on about his Business We ought so far to be sensible of Providence as may serve to quicken us to Duty not to hinder us There is a great Question now whether we ought to fear or hope in our Misery some of one side cry down Fear some on the other side cry down Hope Why Brethren there is not much Matter in the Exercise of either of these Affections but according as they do more or less quicken you to Duty If you be the more earnest in Prayer because you hope Success is near truly that is a good Disposition of Heart if because Fear that is the most unchristian I confess Fear is good when it ends in Duty Iehosaphat feared and set himself to seek the Lord 2 Chron. 20. 3. And Noah moved with Fear prepared an Ark Heb. 11. 7. Brethren the bare Exercise of Affections is but a natural and an indifferent thing the great Trial of them is when they fit you the more for the Service that God requires of you Therefore when Persons grieve so for the Loss of an Husband Wife Children or Estate that they have no mind to pray no mind to go about their Callings with any Comfort that is an evil Grief It is true that God winketh at some Omissions of Duties for a small while in such cases till we are able to manage our Thoughts and digest our Sorrow and the Letter of the Law giveth place to such great Necessities as Aaron's Excuse is but reasonable Levit. 10. 19. Such things have befallen me this Day that if I had eaten the Sin-offering should it be accepted with the Lord The Death of his two Sons though he held his Peace he could not tell how for the present to frame his Heart to a joyful Duty As if a Minister cannot tell how to bring his Heart to preach if God hath entered upon his Family taken away a Wife or Children thence I confess this cometh from Corruption but in such Cases God winketh at it for a short time The Reasons are 1. Because otherwise our Carriage would be very dishonourable and derogatory to Jesus Christ as if he were not better to us than all the Comforts that we lose 1 Sam. 1. 8. as Elkana said to Hannah Why weepest thou am not I better to thee than ten Sons So why weepest thou Is not Christ better to thee than ten Wives ten Children ten Parents a thousand times as much as thou hast lost If we had but Faith to see it Christ is to a Believer whatever he wanteth The People of God in the Wilderness wanted Houses Psal. 90. 1. Lord thou art our Habitation A Christian hath never more Comfort than when he seeth that particular thing made up in Christ which was taken from him by the Providence of God If a Believer has lost her Husband she seeth Christ her Husband So for any other Relation if a Parent seeth Christ his Parent if a Brother Christ's a Brother We are to Christ instead of all these Relations and therefore why should not Christ be so to us See Matth. 12. 50. Whosoever doth the Will of my Father the same is my Brother and Sister and Mother Mark we are so to him and therefore why should we not account Christ to be so to us Certainly it is a great Dishonour and Disparagement to him if we do not see all our Losses abundantly made up in him 2. It would be a Dishonour to our Profession It is a Credit to Christianity that the Professors of it can be joyful in all Conditions Heb. 10. 34. Ye took joyfully the spoiling of your Goods 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 though all they had were snatch'd from them by rude Hands yet they were joyful Let guilty
or less though with some Abatement to her dying Day by which her Life was many times a very Burden to her Her Doubts as to her Eternal State were sometimes very grievous but yet through the Goodness of God she still kept up this Resolution to venture her Soul in the Hands of her Redeemer Having one time ask'd very earnestly Will not Christ receive me if I come to him receiving some encouragement in this Matter she replied with Chearfulness Then will I come to him She took great Delight in reading her Father's Sermons especially those of the Life of Faith under our Affliction and very comfortable was the insuing Passage of one of them to her under her Doubts and Fears viz. The Question being propounded by poor doubting Souls thus How shall we know whether God be our God Answ. Why do you love him as your chiefest Good Do you seek his Glory as your utmost End Do you obey him as your highest Lord and Law-giver and do you depend on him as your Paymaster and Benefactor But if all this will not help you to judg your Hearts there are but two things will give you Comfort and those are your Choice and your Resignation Do you chuse God for your Portion Though you cannot say God has chosen you and that he is yours yet you will chuse him Do you by an Holy importunate Faith thus fasten your selves upon God and say Lord if thou wilt not honour me love me bless me as thine for I am resolved to be thine and if I perish one must perish that desires to be thine And this she would often repeat The Night before she died her Husband earnestly and humbly besought the Lord that he would graciously be pleased to give her some comfortable Manifestations of his Love to her poor Soul O let it never be forgotten the gracious Condescension of God to his unworthy Creature The next Morning her faithful and loving Servant who attended her in all her Ilness brought him Word that now the Case was altered with her Mistress she was now reconciled to the Thoughts of Death and was refreshed with the Sense of God's Love and desired to have no more Cordials given her she had better Comforts to refresh her Soul This was on the Lord's Day in the Morning She spake not much after but lay in a quiet composed Frame of Spirit softly groaning under the Pains of Death that made his nearer Approach to her every Hour but even then when she heard her Husband speak to her she would answer with a very pleasing and chearful Voice A dear Friend lay on the Bed by her a very little space of time before she expired and heard her utter distinctly though softly full of Comfort Soon after she ended her Life with the Sabbath and went to Rest on the 16th of March 1689. THE Person that succeeded her in this Relation was also the Daughter of that Reverend and worthy Divine Mr. Thomas Burroughs Minister at Cotsbrook in Northampton-shire till the Year 1662 when he with some hundreds more were turn'd out for Non-conformity After a convenient and decent Space of time of her continuing a Widow she chang'd her Condition into a married State though much against her own Inclination and Temper but purely out of her Respect and Kindness to Mr. Terry whom she knew intirely lov'd her But when once the Nuptial Knot was tied her Carriage as a Wife was with all imaginable Respect accompanied with most indearing Tenderness often expressing how much her Love was increased to her Husband much more than she thought it could have been though before as a Friend she equally preferr'd him to all others of that Rank Her Domestick Affairs she managed with great Prudence and in that Station she gain'd Love and Respect from all She had a most tender and compassionate Regard for the Souls of her dear Children She took great Care to instruct them in the Principles of Religion and incouraging them to read and learn the Holy Scriptures This her Care also did extend to her Servants whom she would on all occasions be ready either by her Advice or by reading some good Book to them her self when their Business would permit and endeavour to beget in them a true Sense of their Sin and Misery and the Worth of their precious Souls God who is the God of Nature as well as of Grace was pleased to endow her with a great Proportion both of Natural and Spiritual Excellencies She was a very beautiful and lovely Person in her younger Years few exceeding her and of most excellent Parts and of great Understanding yet of a very humble Spirit and very mean in her own Eyes though deservedly valued by those that knew her Such was the Sweetness of her Temper accompanied with true Godliness that she was an Ornament to her Profession To speak of her as a Christian would exceed the Limits of these Papers God had greatly adorn'd and beautified her Soul with the Graces of his Holy Spirit and agreable thereunto she lived in some Holy Proportion answerable to the Vows of her Consecration and to the Godly Education she received from her pious Relations She intirely devoted her self to God to be wholly his and at his Disposal She had a singular Value for the Holy Scriptures which she constantly made conscience of reading and would sometimes write them out with profitable Remarks on them for her own spiritual Use. Other good Books also had their due Esteem and Use but she would often say none of that kind yielded her more Comfort and Satisfaction than Dr. Manton's It was very usual in her own Bible and Books to give some little Mark at those Passages that were of particular Concern to her self under the Variety of the Dispensation that she passed through She had a most high Esteem for the Publick Worship and Service of God which she never or rarely omitted to frequent unless hindred by some unavoidable Occasion The Sabbath was a Day of Delight to her she made conscience as of seeing Religious Duties performed in the Family so also of redeeming Time for her private Converse with God and this was resolved and subscribed to under her own Hand many Years ago that she would spend some Time in Prayer and Meditation and herein followed the Method she received from the Directions of Worthy Mr. Daniel Burgess to help her in that Work viz. to go over the Creed the Lord's Prayer and Commandments all which she did perform with many other Portions of Scripture as appears from the many Papers left under her own Hand She was much pleased with what she heard a worthy Divine relate in pressing his Hearers to Private Prayer of a Holy Man that would never omit this Duty but when like to be hindred by any Company would make this honest Excuse I must take my leave of you for a while there 's a Friend above stays to speak with me meaning God that has commanded this
cast into the Fire God will dash the Potter's Vessel Gen. 19. 22. Haste thee scape to Zoar for I cannot do any thing till thou be come thither I cannot mark that Exod. 32. 10. Let me alone and I will make of thee a great People God offereth Moses Composition Acts 27. 24. The Lord hath given thee all them that sail with thee These are the Staff and the Stay therefore we have Reason to be sensible of their Removal from us Use 2. We have Reason also to be comforted 1st For the Glory that cometh to God by her sweet Departure Those that have envied her Life may wish for her Death even such Solace as she felt in the most bitter Agonie Numb 23. 10. Let me die the Death of the Righteous and let my latter End be like his It is a great Comfort that wicked Men have not wherewithal to blast Religion when they see how the Love of God can compose our Spirits in the greatest Extremities that befal us either in Life or Death 2dly That she hath left us for Glory It was indeed through many Throws and Pains and Sorrows but Death played the Midwife to help her into Glory It is the Apostle's Exhortation to the Thessalonians 1 Epist. chap. 4. ver 13. That they should not sorrow even as others which have no Hope concerning them which are asleep in Jesus but admonish them to comfort one another with these Words That at Christ's Coming they which survive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the Clouds to meet the Lord in the Air And so shall we be ever with the Lord. Wherefore comfort one another with these Words FINIS PAPER I. I Hope I have avouched the Lord to be my God and resolve to walk in his Ways and to keep his Statutes and his Commandments and his Judgments and to hearken unto his Voice And I humbly implore that the Lord would avouch me to be one of his peculiar People and that he would enable me to keep all his Commandments I often question whether I have any Interest in the Eternal God or whether he will own me as one of his but Lord I humbly say I have and do avouch thee to be my only God and Saviour O cast me not off and I earnestly beg Grace to walk in thy Ways Help me to keep thy Statutes continually Let me not dare to offend thee O that I might never provoke thee my good God to be angry or displeased with me but let me O Lord be a Doer of thy Commandments that so I may have Right to the Tree of Life Lord I have no Right I can plead no Right I fall infinitely short of my Duty but have not I a blessed Saviour to plead for me who died for the Chief of Sinners and he hath promised that none that come to him he will in any wise cast out I know he is able to save to the utttermost all those that come to God through him in his prevailing Name and for his sake I implore Divine Assistance to enable me to persevere and hold out to the end that at the last I may enter in through the Gates into the City into the Heavenly Ierusalem where the Saints and Angels and Cherubims and Seraphims are continually singing Hallelujahs to their King Holy Holy Holy Lord. I acknowledg my Unfitness my Unworthiness for this great inexpressible inconceivable Privilege but though I am unworthy if thou my God wilt count me worthy through the Merits of my dear Saviour I shall have Cause for ever to bless thy Name in the highest Heavens World without End Though I have no Right if thou wilt give me Right to those Treasures and Pleasures which are at thy right Hand for evermore this will be Matter of Thankfulness to Eternity Give me some Hopes that I have an Interest in these invisible things by my Care to please thee and my Fear to offend thee by my unfeigned Respect to all thy Holy Righteous and Just Commandments and by my harkning to thy Voice the Voice of thy Word and the Voice of thy Rod. Thy Dealings are variously dispensed towards me I met with many contrary Winds O let them all blow me nearer to thy blessed Self Lord I humbly say I have avouched thee to be my only God my Salvation my Portion my Rock my Fortress O be thou my reconciled Father to whom I may continually resort and when my Flesh and Heart here fail me as frequently they do be thou the Strength of my Heart and my Portion for ever O God my God do not forsake me nor cast me utterly out of thy Sight The Things of this World they do not they cannot they will not content me O give me some comfortable Hopes that I am thine that thou hast adopted me and that thou wilt sanctify me and make me meet for thy blessed Self I would be every Day sitting and preparing my self for my last Day for my accounting Day when I must be summoned before thy Tribunal Seat to give a strict severe Account for all my Thoughts Words and Actions whereby I have offended thee my gracious and good God but I find my self unfit for any spiritual Duty Lord help me to mind the Work of Time while Time lasts furnish me with Divine Assistance to enable me to do my Duty without which I am utterly uncapable of serving or pleasing thy blessed Majesty Death is hastning Eternity approaching the particular Day of Judgment near and yet for all this how inconsiderate art thou O my Soul to neglect the things that belong to thy everlasting Peace I am often thoughtful what will become of me here and how Matters will go with me here in this Life Ah but when is the time to provide for Eternity to get my Title to Heaven cleared to get an undeniable Interest in Christ Jesus which will yield me Comfort in the greatest worldly Distresses Lord give me some Hopes that thou hast avouched me to be thine and that I have sincerely without Reservation or Power of Revocation avouched thee to be my God PAPER II. DO thou by a patient Continuance in Well-doing seek for Glory and Honour and Immortality and Eternal Life Be not weary of Well-doing for in due time thou shalt reap if thou faint not Is there Glory Honour Immortality and Eternal Life set before me and yet shall I tire and wax weary Dare I be impatient and fret at any of the Lord's Dealings towards me If Heaven were oftner in my Eye and View I should be more calm and composed in the midst of all Trials Troubles and Afflictions that do or may overtake me during my Abode in this distracting and Sin-defiling World Is there Glory to be had hereafter and shall not I endeavour to be a Sharer therein Is there Honour to be conferr'd upon those that are true Worshippers of the Lamb and shall I be dull and dead and sluggish and unmindful of the Honour that
to sweeten all and carry me patiently through the remaining part of my Days and Trials Be with me when I pass through the Fire and through the Water for my Eyes are unto thee O Lord my God in thee is my Trust leave not my Soul destitute PAPER III. YE will not come unto me that ye may have Life O the Stupidity of poor careless and secure Sinners What will you not come to Christ who alone can give you Life Natural Life and Spiritual Life and Life Eternal We spare no Pains nor Cost to save the Life of the Body but O what Fools what sensless and sottish Creatures are we not to provide for Eternal Life What is this momentary Life given us for but to provide for our Departure hence to labour to get an Interest in God and Christ Our Time was given us that we might have an Opportunity of working out our Salvation with Fear and Trembling and that we may make our Calling and Election sure that we may get some comfortable Hopes that we do belong to the Election of Grace O get your Title to Heaven cleared that you are born again that your Sins are pardoned that your Person is justified and that you are truly sanctified and cleansed from all wilful Filthiness of the Flesh and Spirit Don't indulge your self in any known Sin not in omitting any known Duty nor in the Commission of any known Sin The least Sin without Repentance is damnable but the greatest Sin upon true Repentance is pardonable for the Blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all Sins even those that are of a Crimson Die If our Sins be as Scarlet God can make them as white as Snow if we do but truly repent of them and forsake them Let not that Complaint of the Prophet Hos. 5. 4. be verified in you that you will not frame your Doings to turn unto the Lord. What will you not do what in you lies to frame your Doing to please the Lord What will you not avoid some petty Sins that do highly offend your good God and may cause him to hide his Face from you Thus saith the Lord Seek ye me and ye shall live But may not our Conscience condemn us and tell us that that precious Time that our good God hath given us to seek him and to be reconciled to him and to make our Peace with him even that Time hath been spent in Sin and very Vanity in adding Iniquity to Iniquity We are commanded to keep our selves in the Love of God looking for the Mercy of our Lord Iesus Christ unto Eternal Life It is to no purpose to expect Mercy from Christ or to hope for Eternal Life if we do not what we can to keep our selves in the Love of God O then let it be your Study Day and Night to approve your selves to the Lord chearfully obey his Commands patiently submit to Afflictions thankfully receive Mercies and make a holy Improvement of them look to your selves that you lose not those things which ye have wrought but that ye receive a full Reward Allow not your selves in any Sin though never so small in your own Eyes lest God should say as unto the Church of Ephesus Though thou hast made a Profession of my Name and hast made conscience of some gross Sins nevertheless I have somewhat against thee because thou hast left thy first Love Remember therefore from whence thou art fallen and repent or else I will come unto thee quickly and will remove thy Candlestick out of his Place except thou repent If our Love to God and his Ordinances be not as fervent as formerly if our Hatred of Sin or sinful Courses be lessened if our Care to please God and our Fear to offend him be less than heretofore we have just Reason to fear that God will deprive us of our forfeited Gospel or harden our Hearts that we shall not profit by it which dreadful Judgment O Lord in Mercy prevent If our outward Carriage before Men should seem never so well nay if we can approve our selves to our own Consciences in many respects yet the All-searching God may truly say not only that he hath a few things against us but many things against us therefore it is our Wisdom to search and try our selves and turn again to the Lord from whom we have too deeply revolted PAPER IV. GOD hath been pleased to deprive me of my dear Husband so that my Care ought to be doubled in the Education of my poor Children when I must discharge his part and my own Duty too I know not how soon God may call me out of this World I have frequent Warnings of my Mortality by the Death of others and my own often Indisposition My Children are now young and therefore what I say may not make due Impressions on them by reason of their tender Age and when I come to die I know not whether I shall have Time Opportunity or my Senses then to speak to them of the things that belong to their everlasting Peace for ought I know I then may be seized as often I have been with Convulsion-fits which may soon carry my Soul out of this into an endless Life so that I may not have any leisure to counsel instruct or charge them to take care of their dear precious and immortal Souls therefore I shall leave my Charge and Commands in Writing that they may often take a View of them as being the Commands of their dying Mother Dear Children I charge you as you hope to meet me with Comfort at the Day of Judgment that you avoid all Sins as Lying Swearing taking God's Holy Name in vain which I particularly mention as incident to your Age I charge you make Conscience of keeping the Sabbath-Day holy Do not think your own Thoughts nor speak your own Words nor do your own Actions remember it is God's Day and must be spent in his Service Before you go to Church bless God for the Mercies of the Night past for giving you leave to see the Light of another Day especially another Sabbath-Day wherein you may have an Opportunity of waiting upon God and getting good to your poor Souls When you are in the solemn Assemblies of God's People let your Carriage be grave serious and awful as remembring God sees you and let your Minds be attentive to what the Minister saith Hear so that your Souls may live Be not forgetful Hearers but be ye Doers of the Word and so shall ye be blessed in all that you do Do not spend any time in idle Recreation or walking in the Fields upon the Lord's Day for the Profanation of that Day is an Inlet to many other Sins My dear Children spend some time every Day in reading God's Word and in Prayer you know not what a Blessing it is to have the Bible therefore do not slight it but make a good Use of it Do not squander away your Time in reading Plays and
Romances and filthy Books which will corrupt your Fancies and make you unfit for the Service of God I say to you as David to his Son And thou Solomon my Son know thou the God of thy Fathers and serve him with a perfect Heart and with a willing Mind for the Lord searcheth all Hearts and understandeth all the Imaginations of the Thoughts If thou seek him he will be found of thee but if thou forsake him he will cast thee off for ever Children as soon as you are capable of knowing any thing I would have you labour to know God own him love him obey him and serve him and that with a willing Mind knowing that he searcheth your Hearts you cannot deceive him for he knows the Imagination of all your Thoughts better than you know them your selves If you seek him he will be found of you You may seek earthly Friends and at last be disappointed you may seek Riches and lose your Labour but if you do rightly seek God he will be found of you and then happy are you for ever You see that if you forsake him he will cast you off for ever O miserable and wretched are they that are cast off by God where shall they go for Comfort that have lost his Friendship and Favour Children if you lose all you have in the World it is nothing to the Loss of God's Favour If you lose Father and Mother yet if God will take you up you are happy If all Friends fail you if God do not fail nor forsake you nor cast you off still you may be happy your true Felicity lieth not in the things of this Life but in your Portion in the everlasting God My Children if you honour God he will honour you but if you despise him he will lightly esteem you He will be with you while you are with him but if you forsake him wonder not if he will forsake you Draw nigh to God and he will draw nigh to you Children honour God by chusing his word for your Rule and Guide by chusing him for your alone Portion prefer him before all the World so that if the Devil should come to you as once to your blessed Saviour and tell you of giving you great Matters if you will but serve him yet resolve to serve and please God Though he see fit to afflict you yet love him and cleave to him trust in him and rely upon him Honour God by keeping his Commandments by believing his Promises by walking in his Ways rather choose to die at a Stake for your Religion than to deny God or his Cause Hath God said he will be with you while you are with him O then keep close to God beg him to keep you from falling to preserve you blameless and unreproveable unto his Heavenly Kingdom Implore him to keep you by his mighty Power through Faith unto Salvation Draw nigh to God in a way of Duty and he will draw nigh to you in a way of Mercy My dear Children I charge and command you to love God and keep his Commandments his Commandments are not grievous but his Laws are all holy just and good Let it be your Aim and End living and dying to approve your selves to God Let his Word direct and guide counsel and comfort you in all Conditions and State of Life whether high or low rich or poor in Health or Sickness whatever your Conditions be in the World if you belong to God he can and will order it for your Good therefore let that be your first Care that you are his you are his by Creation you are his by Redemption and Purchase therefore give up your selves intirely to him to be ruled and guided and disposed of as your Heavenly Father thinketh meet Say Lord here we are do with us as seemeth best to thy Godly Wisdom Do but love us and delight in us and own us and approve us and take us for thine own and then take what Method thou pleasest to bring us to Glory Dear Children you were both dedicated to God in your Infancy remember to renew and keep your Baptismal Covenant wherein you did promise before God Men and Angels to Renounce the World the Flesh and the Devil and to be intirely the Lord's and his only to keep his Laws and Commandments and Statutes all the Days of your Life Dare not to live in the Breach of any of them Watch and pray that you enter not into Temptation Take heed of taking God's Name in vain of playing on the Lord's Day of Lying Swearing and Idleness I repeat these again as being very common and little taken notice of in the World My dear Children remember this Counsel of your dear deceased Mother as one that had a great Concern for your precious and immortal Souls PAPER V. WHen my Spirit is overwhelmed lead me O Lord to the Rock that is higher than my self If I had no Supports now to fly to more than this vain World affords I were a miserable Creature but God hath been pleased in some measure to bless me with the Knowledg of himself whom to know to love and to injoy is Life Eternal I cannot express the Comfort that the Word of God doth yield me even now in my Distress so that I can say with the Psalmist that thy Word is better to me than thousands of Gold and Silver What though the Fig-tree should not blossom neither should there be any Fruit in the Vine If the Labour of the Olive shall fail if the Fields shall yield no Meat if the Flock shall be cut off from the Fold if there be no Herd in the Stalls if dear Relations and Friends die if Husband and Children are taken away yet if thou canst rejoice in the Lord and joy in the God of thy Salvation if thou canst but say that the Lord God is thy Strength thy Portion thy Refuge and thy Deliverer thou mayst be happy whatever thy Condition be in this World If thy good God will but say as unto Israel of old in Isa. 43. 1. But now thus saith the Lord that created thee and he that formed thee Fear not for I have redeemed thee I have called thee by thy Name thou art mine Lord I know I am thine by Creation it was thou alone that formed me I beg that I may be thine by Redemption let me be effectually called O blessed Lord assure me that I am thine and let me know that thou lovest me though thou afflictest me that thou art not angry with me though thou chastisest me sorely There is much Bitterness let there be no Wrath in this Cup Give me some Hopes thou wilt be with me when I pass through the Water and through the Fire Lord if thou wilt be but with me I will fear no Evil Lift thou up the Light of thy Countenance upon me and then it will put more Gladness into my Heart than if I were possessed of all the good things in the World
Deal with me as thou usest to do to those that love thy Name Lord I hope I love thee Lord I desire to love thee and to be beloved by thy blessed Majesty and then all the Afflictions that I meet with will make no Breach between thy self and my poor Soul Thou art pleased to afflict me very sore but I do not I dare not I will not say unto thee What dost thou for thou givest no Account of thy Matters It is my Duty to submit admire not to quarrel at thy Providences therefore with all humble Submission I acquiesce to thy Sovereign Will saying as my Blessed Saviour Not my Will but thine O Lord be done PAPER VI. I Am willing to recount some of those many Mercies God hath been pleased to bestow upon me to excite my Self to Thankfulness and to incourage me still to trust in and wait upon that good God who hath bestowed so many Mercies upon me the least of which I am altogether unworthy of I may say with David While I live will I praise the Lord I will sing Praises to my God while I have any Being to that God who hath bestowed my Life Health my Strength my Memory my Reason my Understanding and all the Blessings of this Life upon me and hath through Grace given me Hopes of dwelling with himself in Glory when this miserable Life shall be ended O my Soul praise thou the Lord O give Thanks unto the Lord for he is good for his Mercy endureth for ever Remember the Goodness of God to thee from the very Womb to this very Day nay before thou hadst a Being in this World God was pleased to form thee and write all thy Members in a Book or else what an imperfect Creature might I have been if there had been an Eye or an Ear or any part wanting O that I could be truly thankful for these Mercies I desire with Thankfulness to remember the Dealing of God to me in my Infancy and Childhood How many Dangers and Accidents have I been liable and exposed to and yet God hath been pleased to take Care of me and preserved me from innumerable Mischiefs that have compassed me about I look upon it as no small Blessing that I was born of Christian Religious and Pious Parents such as did truly fear God and did what in them lay to instruct their Posterity in early Piety they were those that frequently addressed themselves to the Throne of Grace the Benefit of whose Prayers I hope to reap both in Life and Death I desire with Thankfulness to own the Goodness of God in taking Care of me and providing for me when I was left motherless in my tender Age when I was uncapable of minding my self yet then was God pleased to raise me up Friends that were careful kind and tender of me some of which did instruct me in the best things and were very solicitous for the Good of my poor Soul and did daily counsel instruct and admonish me to mind my Creator in the Days of my Youth and to live continually as one that must one Day give an Account of all the Good or Evil done in the Body And that you may see how the Goodness of God hath followed me all my Days I will endeavour to recollect those many comfortable Places of Scripture which have been of most excellent Use to me to comfort support and incourage me in many Difficulties and Troubles I have met with some of which I hope will ever keep my Spirits from sinking In my younger Years being seized on by a severe Fit of Illness that comfortable Place was a Support to me Heb. 13. 5. Be content with such things as you have for he hath said I will never leave thee nor forsake thee I was well satisfied with my present Condition though painful and sick enough hoping that God would not leave me nor forsake me Some time after being in great Fear and Danger of some approaching Evil that incouraging Place was brought to my Mind Isa. 41. 10. Fear thou not for I am with thee be not dismayed for I am thy God I will strengthen thee yea I will help thee yea I will uphold thee with the right Hand of my Righteousness This Place vanished all my Fears and caused me to put my Trust and Confidence in the Almighty God who never faileth those that rely on him Afterwards when I came to part with Children though this Affliction was very heavy God was pleased to mitigate it by the Consideration that there was a Name better than that of Sons and Daughters and though God saw fit to deprive me of them for wise Reasons I doubt not yet he was pleased to silence me under his Hand by the Considerations of Heb. 12. 5 6. My Son despise not thou the chastening of the Lord nor faint when thou art rebuked of him for whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth and scourgeth every Son whom he receiveth I have sometimes thought that if I were assured of the Love of my Heavenly Father I could then bear any Affliction Lord I beg I may be truly humbled that I have deserved so many severe Scourges and yet Lord I would be thankful that thou art pleased though by the Rod to bring me home to thy Blessed Self When my dear Husband hath met with many Losses and Crosses I have been apt to be desponding and cast down but God hath mercifully composed me by the Consideration of Matth. 6. 25 26 c. There I see that God clothes the Grass and feeds the Fowls and hath bidden poor Creatures not to be anxious for these outward things assuring us that our Heavenly Father knoweth we have need of these things and that he will graciously supply the Wants of those that seek to him Phil. 4. 6. He hath bidden me to be careful for nothing but in every thing by Prayer and Supplication with Thanksgiving to let my Request be made known unto him and God hath incouraged poor Souls to cast their Care on him letting them know he careth for them What should I go to for Comfort if I had not the Word of the Eternal God to fly to It would be endless to reckon up the thousand Parts of those refreshing comforting and quickning Places that are to be had in the Word of God to comfort poor disconsolate Souls in all Conditions of Life and it ought to be took notice of how God is pleased to sute them to our present Conditions of Life I was once so perplexed with groundless Fears of Troubles that I was for some time unfit for any thing but my good God was pleased to fix upon my Mind Psal 23. 1. The Lord is my Shepherd I shall not want There was then no room left for any tormenting Fears but they all vanished away at the Consideration of the Happiness of those that have so careful a Shepherd It is my earnest Request that God will own me as one of his Flock however he deal
with me as to worldly Matters I was not a little comforted and refreshed also by the last Verse of that Psalm which saith Surely Goodness and Mercy shall follow me all the Days of my Life and I will dwell in the House of the Lord for ever I am sure Goodness and Mercy have followed me to this very Day therefore I will not distrust the merciful Kindness of God to me to my Life's End But if I should be stripp'd of earthly Blessings I beg I may have the Liberty of God's House here and the Happiness of dwelling with him for ever hereafter If I should with Lazarus be clothed with Rags and fed with Crumbs all my Days if my Body should be full of Sores yet if God will own me and approve me and at Death receive me to himself I may with tolerable Patience bear the Inconveniencies of my Pilgrimage-state knowing that they will not last long And that I may with the more Confidence cast my poor fatherless Children upon God I will call to mind those Places that did quiet me under the Loss of my dear and loving and tender Father which were these that God was pleased to promise to be a Father to the Fatherless and that when Father and Mother forsake then the Lord would take them up God hath bidden poor Creatures to cast their Burden upon him assuring them that he takes Care of them and sustains them And the forementioned Place Isa. 41. 10. is a sufficient Cordial to keep any Soul from fainting and sinking under any Distress whatsoever therefore I hope and trust and believe that the good God who hath been so bountiful so merciful and so kind to me to extend so many Favours to me will also take pity of my fatherless Babes With him the Fatherless find Mercy Lord I therefore commit them into thy Hands as unto a faithful Creator and Redeemer and beg that thou wouldst here guide them with thy Counsel and afterwards receive them to Glory Sometimes when my Children have been taken very ill so that there was no room for hope of Life to outward Appearance yet even then hath my good God supported me by some comfortable Portion of his Holy Word Once one of my Children being given over I was in great Perplexity of Mind that Place came to my Thoughts Call on me in the day of Trouble and I will deliver thee and thou shalt glorify me I was extremely revived at the Consideration of that Place for that was then a Time of Trouble to me And then being incouraged that if I called upon God he would deliver me I did then with firm Hopes and Confidence rely upon my merciful God and Father whom I have found ready to help and deliver me out of many Distresses Blessed and for ever blessed be his Name who was pleased to hear the Cries and Groans of his poor unworthy undeserving ill-deserving and Hell-deserving Creature And seeing God was pleased to deliver me from my great Fears my next Inquiry should be how I may glorify this good God Lord help me to make it the Care and Business and Study of my Life how I may please thee and honour thee and serve thy Blessed Majesty the remaining part of my Days Amen Amen PAPER VII WHat a Cordial to the Godly is the first of Peter the first Chapter the second Verse and so on Where we find that God intends Heaven for them and is graciously pleased to reserve and preserve them for it it being a reviving Consideration to me sometimes to see how God deals with his poor Children and what Steps he takes to bring them to Glory I will for the Benefit of my too often desponding Soul ruminate on this Place of Scripture where I find these Words of Peter an Apostle of Iesus Christ who writes to the Strangers scattered throughout Pontus Galatia Cappadocia Asia and Bithynia Elect according to the Fore-knowledg of God the Father through Sanctification of the Spirit unto Obedience and sprinkling of the Blood of Iesus Christ Grace unto you and Peace be multiplied In this Verse I observe how the whole Trinity are imployed in the Salvation of Sinners God the Father he elects he fore-knoweth whom he will bring to himself then the Spirit sanctifieth those whom God hath elected and makes them obedient to their Heavenly Father and they are sprinkled with the Blood of Jesus Christ their Sins for his sake are all done away therefore the Apostle may well say Grace unto you and Peace be multiplied for who can want Grace or Peace whom God the Father Son and Spirit are contriving how to bring them to Glory We may well go on with the Apostle blessing God for his unspeakable Mercies saying Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Iesus Christ which according to his abundant Mercy hath begotten us again unto a lively Hope by the Resurrection of Iesus Christ from the Dead to an Inheritance incorruptible and undefiled and that fadeth not away reserved in Heaven for you who are kept by the Power of God through Faith unto Salvation O Blessed Blessed Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Here in this Life we want Time and Hearts to bless the Lord for his abundant Mercy towards us Eternity will be little enough to sing forth the Praises of the King of Kings for giving us a lively Hope that one Day we shall be so happy to be admitted into the Heavenly Society that are continually viewing the Face of the Lamb and contemplating his Glory This inestimable Privilege is only procured and purchased by the Sufferings Death and Resurrection of our alone Saviour the Lord Jesus Christ who hath provided an Inheritance incorruptible and undefiled and that fadeth not away O the Emphasis of these Words an Inheritance What a poor Mortal to be an Heir of Heaven And this Inheritance is incorruptible not subject to Corruption Alteration or Change and it is undefiled The Things of this World are defiled with Sin they are vile contemptible and vain nay Vanity it self but this Heavenly Inheritance we see is incorruptible and undefiled And to compleat our Fruition it fadeth not away but continueth throughout all Successions of Ages There is no Probability nor Possibility of Decay or End for the Immutable and Eternal God hath assured us that they fade not away but are reserved in Heaven a secure Place beyond the reach of Men or Devils It is not in the power of Friend or Foe to dispossess the Children of God of this Heavenly Inheritance When I consider the Happiness the inconceivable Felicity of the Saints above that are now Possessors of this Inheritance that is incorruptible undefiled and that will never fade away I am apt to say with Austin's Mother when she had heard a Discourse of the Glory above What do I here then So am I reflecting What do I here in this defiling World sinning against and offending God when many are got safe beyond
in some measure bethink my self and consider my latter End Lord I have reason to conclude that few Sands remain in my Glass to run With what Astonishment Anguish and Trouble may I review my Life past not one Thought Word or Action but needs a Pardon I blush to see how vile I have been and if I cannot bear the Scrutiny of my own Conscience how shall I abide thy severe Trial who hath kept an exact Account of all my Sins and Offences A numberless Number of Sins may be charged upon me which I confess I have been guilty of To whom shall I betake my self for Relief and Mercy but to thee O my gracious God for that I have heard that the God of Israel is a merciful God that he is slow to Anger and plenteous in Mercy that he doth abundantly pardon and forgive the Sins Offences and Provocations of his poor Creatures and therefore as I would not presume so I dare not despair Lord I fly from the Throne of thy Justice to the Throne of thy Mercy and humbly implore Pity Pardon and Compassion for thy Son's sake Magnify thy Grace in pardoning me though my Sins have abounded let thy free Grace superabound Blot out all my Sins out of the Book of thy Remembrance and let my Name be written in the Book of Life Let me be meet for the Inheritance of the Saints in Light when this earthly Cottage shall crumble to Dust. Let me be admitted to that Building an House not made with Hands eternal in the Heavens Let not me though unworthy be excluded from thy Presence Look on me in and through thy well-beloved Son in whom only thou art well pleased and for his sake be reconciled to me a vile Wretch By his Stripes let me be healed I have nothing to plead for my self only the Satisfaction of my Blessed Saviour on whom alone I rely for Pardon and Life Give me some undeniable Evidence that I do belong to the Election of Grace and that within a little while I shall be released from this Body of Sin and Death and shall be made perfectly blessed in a full Injoyment of thee to all Eternity Let me have some comfortable Hopes and Foretaste of a blessed Immortality to sweeten my Passage through and out of this World I am hastning and posting apace into an endless Eternity O that I were ready for my Appearance at thy Bar. Ah Lord if my Judg be not my Advocate with what Dread and Astonishment must I needs think of thy Tribunal where I must appear before a Heart-searching and a Sin-revenging God! There is not one Sin in my whole Life but is seen to thine all-seeing Eye and is all naked and open to thee Lord I would humbly beg that my Sins though many and great may all be pardoned and forgiven Many horrid Sinners have been received to Mercy and though my Sins are of a Crimson and Scarlet Dye yet the Blood of an All-sufficient Saviour can wash them white He is able and willing to save all those that come to God through him and he ever lives to make Intercession for them Help me by Faith to lay hold on this Redeemer who came into the World on this very Errand to save poor Sinners and reconcile them to God If so I dare not I will not despair yet Lord I beg I may not presume Help me humbly to cast my self prostrate at thy Feet and implore thy Heavenly Benediction Bless me even me in turning me away from all my Sins let them never separate between thee and my poor Soul Let them all be remitted and then it will be as if they had never been committed In my last and sorest Agonies let me see thou art reconciled to me Be with me till I die and when I die and when this World can yield me no Help Comfort or Support let me find it all in thee I know thy Presence can sweeten all the Troubles of this Life and Death it self Then let me not be dismayed at that last and great Enemy When I pass thorow the Valley and Shadow of Death I will fear no Evil for thou wilt be with me O Lord I beg thou wouldst not then be a Terror to me Thou art my Hope in the Day of Evil Help me then to hold up my Head with Comfort hoping my Redemption draweth nigh Let not this World have such possession of my Heart and Affections as to make me unwilling to dislodg and go hence when thou callest me off the Stage of this Life Let the last Scene of my Life be the best part of my Days Let me honour thee by doing thy Will and submitting to whatever thou my God shalt think fit to lay on me Help me to bear patiently thy afflicting Hand either Sickness or worldly Crosses or Death it self Let me not dare to murmur grumble or complain when Death looks me in the Face Let me not be too much daunted startled and affrighted at its Approach Thousands and ten thousands have gone through that dark Passage and shot that Gulph and there is no escape for any of the Children of Adam they that have deserved Death Eternal have no cause to grumble at Death Temporal especially if it be unstung nay then there 's Cause of Triumph for it is an Entrance into Life and Messenger to Glory therefore I hope and firmly believe and trust that that God who hath conducted so many safe through those dark Regions will not leave my poor Soul in its last Conflicts PAPER X. I Sensibly find my outward Man perish and decay but how comfortable would it be to me if I could as easily perceive the inward Man to be renewed day by day This Earthly Tabernacle is tottering and e're long will tumble down but in what plight is the poor Soul that now inhabiteth this ruinated Cottage What Provision hath it made against that Day when it must be turned out hath it got an Interest in and a Title to an enduring Substance a House above eternal in the Heavens This Life of mine is but a Vapour it appeareth but for a little while and then vanisheth away Lord teach me to number my Days that I may know how frail I am This outward Man is daily consuming wasting perishing and decaying and shall I be careless negligent remiss and unconcerned about my future State how it will go with me hereafter in the other World Though my bodily Strength abate yet let the inward Man be renewed every Day and wax stronger and stronger When the Comforts of this Life are as Iob saith of the White of an Egg unsavory have no Relish and are no Satisfaction to me let me have Comforts and Cordials that this World knoweth not of even the Light of thy Countenance and that will put Gladness into my Heart more than all the Treasures and Pleasures of this vain World Whatever thou deniest me deny me not thy self to be my God and Portion and let me have an
Interest in thy Son my only Saviour and Redeemer and do thou graciously give thy Holy Spirit to direct guide quicken counsel and comfort me the remaining part of my sojourning here How few Days may put a Period to my Life I know not In all probability it will not be long before I leave the Stage of this World and be summoned before the Bar of God to give a strict and impartial Account of my past Life O it is an awful thing to die and come to Judgment I beg O Lord I beg that I may be made meet for the Inheritance of the Saints in Light Sanctify me wholly let my whole Spirit Soul and Body be preserved blameless unto the Coming of my Lord Jesus Christ. O be thou pleased to preserve me unto thy Heavenly Kingdom Many Fears and much Ground for Fears have I that I shall never enter into Rest But blessed Lord do not exclude me from thy comfortable Presence hereafter Do thou make me fit to be a Member of those blessed Inhabitants of the New Ierusalem Though I am altogether unworthy yet if thou O Lord please to account me worthy I may then be so happy as to stand before the Son of Man with Courage and Comfort Keep thou me by thy Almighty Power through Faith unto Salvation Let me be preserved from fainting sinking and desponding in my last Conflicts and Agonies Let me see thee who art invisible and with an Eye of Faith look within the Vail whence I look for the Saviour the Lord Jesus Christ to change this vile Body of mine that it may be fashioned like to his glorious Body Let this Saviour be my Saviour and Redeemer even the Lord Jesus Christ and let me be assured that he is mine and I am indeed his and that this vile contemptible wretched Body shall be changed and made like to his glorious and blessed Body This is such an Honour and Privilege that I have hardly a Face to ask But I find a Warrant in thy Word to look long expect pant and wait for so happy a Day and Time as to be in a sinless State and Condition where we shall see our Saviour and be like him where earthly Troubles and Sorrows shall vanish and decay where the World the Flesh and the Devil shall have no Power to tempt molest or disturb those that thou O Lord God Almighty shalt admit into thy Heavenly Kingdom and Glory O blessed Souls that are here owned by thee approved by thee and shall at last be received by thee into those Eternal Mansions above Lord I humbly put in for a Share in these inestimable Mercies and Privileges Earthly things cannot content me without some Hopes some Prospect some Glimpse of thy Love and Favour If thou afford me this I may then bear the Inconveniencies the Hardships and ill Usage I meet with here in this howling Desart Let not my Unworthiness be a Bar and Hindrance to hinder good things from me Look not on me as in my self a vile polluted wretched undone Creature but behold me in and through thy well-beloved Son and for his sake alone be gracious and merciful to me I have been guilty of black and horrid Sins and Millions of Sins have I been committing daily without Sense Sorrow or Remorse O may such a Sinner as I find Mercy Lord I sometimes doubt and despair and conclude there is no Hopes for me I fear Heaven-Gate is shut against me and though I cry and knock it may all be in vain Lord I cannot bear such a Thought as to think I am rejected forsaken and cast off by thee I e'n cry out with the Jailor What shall I do to be saved What shall I do to obtain Eternal Life I find many comfortable Promises in thy Word to repenting and returning Sinners that those that come to thee thou wilt in no wise cast out and that the Blood of Jesus Christ thy Son cleanseth from all Sins Lord I desire to come to thee and come in a right manner and humbly beg thou wilt not cast me out nor cast me off as one whom thou no more canst love Let me have the Benefit of that healing cleansing Peace-speaking Blood of the Lamb of God which taketh away the Sins of the World I find in thy Word a black Catalogue of Sins and Sinners too who have been guilty of gross Offences whose Crimes would certainly exclude them Heaven unless thy unlimited Mercy and Compassion had inclined thee to look with Pity on them When the Apostle had mentioned those foul and horrid Sins that should deprive poor Souls of the Joys of Heaven he immediately for the Benefit of After-Ages and the Comfort of desponding Souls adds But such were some of you but ye are washed but ye are sanctified but ye are justified in the Name of the Lord Iesus and by the Spirit of our God Lord thou alone knowest what numberless Numbers of Sins I am guilty of and for which e're long I shall be summoned to give a strict and severe Account Lord I have nothing to plead for my self why I should not be condemned but I humbly cast my self at the Throne of thy Grace and implore Mercy Mercy Lord Mercy I need without this I cannot live comfortably nor die safely O let me even me be washed let me be sanctified let me be justified in the Name of the Lord Jesus let me be a Partaker of the Benefits of his Death Resurrection Ascension and Intercession and let me be assured I am one of those that shall live and reign with him World without end In my sorest Distresses and last Agonies and Conflicts let me see thee a God in Covenant and reconciled to me Let not my Evidences for Heaven be then to get When I come to die let me have nothing to do but to die and surrender up my Soul into the Hands of that God who gave it me Let not the Foresight or Prospect of Death be so terrifying as to overwhelm me and cause me to fall from thee Be with me when I pass through the dark and dismal Passage of Death When Flesh Heart and all Creature-Comforts fail and forsake me O Blessed Lord be thou the Strength of my Heart and my Portion for ever-more PAPER XI WORK while it is Day the Night is coming in which none can work Now is the Day of God's Patience and Forbearance this is the only time that God hath allotted for Work and Service He that doth the Work for which he came into the World faithfully and carefully shall in the Evening of the Day receive a bountiful Reward but if he neglects his Opportunity and squanders away his Time in Idleness and Sloth the Night will surprise him and then it will be too late to begin that Work which before he would not be perswaded to set about This Counsel is serious and grave every one hath Work to do O that all would be convinced of this great Truth we have Souls to
save Heaven to secure an Interest in Christ to get and yet we are stupid and negligent as if this were a Matter of no great moment O my God give me Wisdom that I may see the Necessity of looking after my Soul that it may go well with that however it fare with the Body and worldly Concerns Now is the Day now is the Time to provide for a happy Eternity to Day if you will hear his Voice to Morrow may be too late therefore now set about this Work in good earnest see how it stands with thy poor Soul Is God and thy Soul Friends or are they still at a distance Is God dearer to thee than all the World Dost thou think thy self happier in being a Child of God an Heir of Heaven than if thou wert possessed of all the things of this lower World Dost thou not prize and value God as thy Chief Friend and rather have his Favour and Friendship than to have the greatest Monarchs on thy side Dost thou humbly resolve to be the Lord's and his only and that thy Time thy Heart and Strength thy Memory Understanding shall be all exercised in thy Maker's Service Study his Mind and Will and then readily comply with his Commands fear his Threatnings believe his Promises obey his Precepts and resolve with Iob that though he slay thee yet thou wilt trust in him Resolve to follow God through all Difficulties beg of him to own thee for his to avouch thee to be one of his peculiar People Secure a Title to Heaven this World is passing away apace the Day is spending and the Night approaching in which I cannot work I am sensible of the Greatness of my Work and know not how short my Time may be it may be shorter than I or the World imagine My Work is so great and difficult that in my own Strength I can do nothing Lord Jesus I implore thy Aid and Assistance for thy Merit sake let my Sins all be done away let me be sanctified justified pardoned and be made meet to be received into those blessed Mansions that are prepared for thy Redeemed Ones Let me have those Qualifications that are requisite in all those whom thou admittest to live and reign with thee for ever that Holiness of Life that Purity of Heart that Sincerity that Heavenly-mindedness that Weanedness from this World and worldly Injoyments which is required in all those that love and fear thee Let me have those Divine Qualities that may render me amiable in the Eyes of my Judg. O blessed Jesus let thy Righteousness be imputed unto me and my Sins washed away with thy precious Blood Deny me not an Interest in thy meritorious Death and Sufferings I cannot be happy here nor hereafter without some comfortable Hopes that I do belong to the Election of Grace Lord if it be thy Will let me know assuredly that I am one of them for whom Christ died seeing he died for Sinners let me never die in my Sins And as I trust Christ died for me so let thy Holy Spirit live and reign in me Let me be guided directed counselled comforted strengthned and supported the remaining part of my Days that whether they be few or many they may be so spent that when I come to lie upon a sick and Death-bed I may lift up my Head with Joy unspeakable hoping my Redemption draws nigh In my last Agonies be not thou far from me thou art now and I am sure wilt be then my only Hope therefore be not a Terror unto me Let me then find that the Eternal God is my Refuge and that underneath are his everlasting Arms. I do expect to have my Flesh and my Heart within a little while to fail me but Lord be thou the Strength of my Heart and my Portion for ever Lord I hope I have chosen thee long ago for my Portion and am resolved by thy Grace enabling me to stick to my Choice therefore be thou pleased to be with me in my sorest Conflict at the Hour of Death and in the Day of Judgment Let me not then be left by thee or forsaken and rejected by thee the Great Judg of all the World whose irreversable dreadful Sentence will e'r long be pass'd upon all those that forget and neglect thee in which Number I beg I may not be found Seeing Time is posting away and Eternity appoaching and none knows how soon Death may arrest them it is highly necessary to be often considering what will do us most good and stand us most in stead at a dying Hour when this World and all its Injoyments will as Iob saith of the White of an Egg have no Relish nor 〈◊〉 in them When we come to the Brink of Eternity all our earthly Comforts will vanish and disappear our Friends and nearest and dearest Relations will bid as adieu they cannot help us nor hinder Death one Moment Our Riches though we had gained never so much cannot ease one Pain nor find one Remedy for our mortal Disease the Serjeant Death will not be bribed to stay till another Year or Day or Hour no they must be gone nill they will they they must into the other World Let me O Lord be in a Posture of Readiness that when thou shalt summons me to appear before thy dreadful Throne I may not be found naked but may be found in Christ and not in my Sins Let me by every Sabbath Sermon Prayer and Sacrament be brought nearer to thy self whose I am and whom I hope to serve here and injoy hereafter in thy Heavenly Kingdom where are an innumerable Company of Angels and the general Assembly and Church of the First-born which are written in Heaven where is God the Judg of all and the Spirits of just Men made perfect and Jesus the Mediator of the New Covenant and the Blood of Sprinkling that speaketh better things than that of Abel Who can think of these glorious Inhabitants and not long to be with them O happy and blessed Souls are they that are safe got home and are now with God and his Angels and this Assembly and Church of the First-born whose Names were written in Heaven Who would not desire to be with the Spirits of the just Men who are made perfect O the Goodness of God to make Men perfect and then receive them to himself because they are so O what Thanks should be ascribed to our dear Lord Jesus the Mediator of the New Covenant for purchasing at so dear a rate such inestimable Privileges and Blessings for such vile Worms as Men This Blood of Sprinkling cries louder for Mercy than the Blood of Abel did for Vengeance These holy Ones have washed their Robes and made them white in the Blood of the Lamb. The Lamb's Blood can wash the foulest Sinner white therefore are they brought before the Throne of God and serve him Day and Night in his Temple and he that sitteth on the Throne shall dwell among them they shall
hunger no more neither thirst any more neither shall the Sun light on them nor the Heat for the Lamb which is in the midst of the Throne shall feed them and shall lead them unto living Fountains of Water and God shall wipe away all Tears from their Eyes O what blessed Imployment are the Saints ingaged in in serving God Day and Night in his Temple where the everlasting JEHOVAH that sitteth on the Throne shall eternally dwell among them The Bliss of these Heavenly Inhabitants is inconceivable Well may the Apostle say Eye hath not seen nor Ear heard what God hath laid up for them that love him It is exceedingly above what we can think or imagine or conceive Who can tell what it is continually to injoy the comfortable Presence of the great God and the Lamb When God's People have had but some Glimpse of his Favour and Friendship and some Hopes of dwelling with him they have impatiently longed for a Dissolution They count this World as a Prison in which they are separated from their God their Christ and the Holy Angels which will be their everlasting Companions Those that God will admit into his everlasting Glory he hath told us they shall be exempted for all hurtful Evils never shall they hunger more nor thirst any more Lord too too many Thoughts do I spend about these outward Supplies of Meat and Drink and Raiment O when when wilt thou bring me to Heaven where these things will be of no Use nor Value to me Happy and only happy are they whom the Lamb which is in the midst of the Throne will feed and lead to the Fountain of Living Water from whose Eyes all Tears shall be wip'd they shall know no more what Death meaneth In Heaven there is no Sorrow nor Crying nor shall there be any more Pain for all old things shall be done away the former things are passed away past and gone nothing remains but Joy and Gladness and praising of our Great Creator sounding out continual Halleluja's to the King of Kings Lord is it my Duty to be fitting and preparing my self for this blessed State and for my Approach before thy awful Tribunal and dare I still neglect it Help me to remember that I must work while it is Day the Night of Sickness Sorrow and Death are approaching and then I cannot work Lord Jesus make me meet make me fit for thy blessed self that when I come to leave this base World I may be admitted to the Heavenly Society of Saints and Angels Cherubims and Seraphims where are ten thousand times ten thousand saying with a loud Voice Worthy is the Lamb that was slain to receive Power and Riches and Wisdom and Strength and Honour and Glory and Blessing Every Creature in Heaven and Earth shall then say Blessing Honour and Glory and Power be unto him that sitteth upon the Throne and unto the Lamb for ever and ever Amen and Amen PAPER XII I Am frequently assaulted with this sore Temptation that I shall never persevere and hold out to the end but shall tire and saint and grow weary so that every Trial shall master and overcome me so that I sometimes fear there is no Hopes for me of entring into Rest I fear I shall fail short of eternal Life which is a cutting Consideration to me and sometimes sinks me into the Depth of Misery But that I may not wholly despond I will here recite some Places of Scripture which consist of Precepts and Promises and which I hope may be of use to me and may make me stir up my self to do what in me lieth to lay hold on the Hope set before me and may cause me to look to thee O blessed Father for Grace and Strength to hold out to the End of my Days Let me not grow weary in Well-doing for in due time I shall reap if I faint not In Rev. 2. 10. it is said Fear none of those things which thou shalt suffer Behold the Devil shall cast some of you into Prison that ye may be tried and ye shall have Tribulation ten Days Be thou faithful unto Death and I will give thee a Crown of Life Doth God say Fear none of those things which ye shall suffer and yet shall I be overwhelmed and dejected and distracted for fear of Troubles and Calamities Here is mentioned the worst of Enemies the Devil he shall afflict some and cast them into Prison but at this we ought not to be terrified for sometimes God doth it to try his poor People and he doth permit them to be in Tribulation but God limits the time it is expressed here ten Days that is a certain for an uncertain time it implies but a short time were it at our Adversary's the Devil's Disposal we might be as many Years as here are mentioned Days yea all our Life-time in continual Sorrow but we are in the Hands of a merciful God and though he see meet sometimes to scourge and try us yet he will not let us be tempted beyond what he will enable us to bear and for our Incouragement he hath said If we be faithful to Death he will graciously reward us He that saith Be thou faithful make me faithful and then I need not doubt but he will give me this Crown of Life It is not nor cannot be merited by us it is the free Gift of God Here are several Promises he hath graciously made to those that hold out to the end as in ver 7. To him that overcometh will I give to eat of the Tree of Life which is in the midst of the Paradise of God Who would not strive to overcome that at last he may be admitted into the Paradise of God where he shall eat of the Tree of Life and then shall hunger and thirst no more but shall be happy in the Injoyment of God and the Lamb to all Eternity Ver. 11. He that overcometh shall not be hurt of the Second Death What a comfortable Promise is this The First Death is nothing in comparison of the Second What 's Death Temporal if compared to Death Eternal When we die we are deprived of earthly Friends and earthly Comforts but if the Second Death hath Dominion over us then there is an eternal Banishment from the comfortable Presence of God and an eternal Separation between God and the poor Soul which is Hell it self O Lord give me Grace that I may so fight strive run and conquer and at last overcome that I may not be hurt of the Second Death Ver. 17. To him that overcometh will I give to eat of the hidden Manna and will give him a white Stone and in the Stone a new Name written which no Man knoweth saving he that receiveth it This is an unspeakable Privilege indeed to have the Bread of Life This hidden Manna it is hidden from the World and given only to those who through Faith and Patience lay hold on eternal Life How happy are those that
shall be bestowed upon the Saints Is Immortality set before me and yet I so glued to this mortal Life that the Interests and Concernments thereof so fill up my Time and Thoughts that these Heavenly Objects are too seldom thought of and presented to my Mind An eternal Life is offered in the Gospel to all those that by Faith lay hold on it and yet I Fool that I am so solicitous for this temporal Life this animal this perishing this fading Life so that I do too too much neglect my precious immortal never-dying Soul so that should I hereafter be banished thy comfortable Presence and excluded from those Joys and Pleasures that are injoyed by those admitted to thy Kingdom and Glory I could blame none but my self who have not in a due manner sought the Welfare of my Soul I have a blessed Hope of the glorious Appearance of the Great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ which I pretend to look long and wait for but do I live as an Expectant of such tremendous Appearances Can I with Comfort and Confidence and Hope look for this glorious Appearance of the great God when he shall come in flaming Fire taking Vengeance on them that know him not nor obey his Gospel If I be found in this Number how sad and deplorable will my Case be Help me O Lord to search and see how Matters go with my Soul If thou art not in Christ If I have not got an Interest in God the Father Son and Spirit there will be no blessed Hope for me but a fearful Expectation of the fiery Indignation that shall consume his Adversaries O! to be found an Enemy to God and he an Enemy to any at Death and Judgment is an astonishing thing therefore fly for Refuge lay hold on the Hope set before you Christ is the only Refuge for a poor undone Sinner to fly to in his Name and for his Sake thou mayst be accepted and not only pardoned but restored to Favour and Friendship Not only be delivered from the Terrors of Hell but be made an Heir of Eternal Life O blessed are those that have secured an Interest in the Eternal God for to those he will be a Sun and Shield he will give Grace and Glory And though they may meet with many Troubles in this Life many Ups and Downs in the World yet if they bear it with Patience Heaven will make amends and will pay for all I am sensible O Lord that I stand in need of a great Almighty Power to keep me from falling let me be kept through Faith unto Salvation Let me not be frustrated of that blessed Hope that thy Word reveals whereof many shall be Partakers O let not me be excluded but permit me to be a Beholder of those glorious Appearances that shall be revealed to all those that love serve and obey thee If thou shouldst say unto me I know thee not depart from me thou hast wrought Iniquity and done foolishly therefore depart depart into everlasting Fire Though this Sentence would be severe it would be but just for I have deserved a perpetual Banishment and Separation from thy comfortable Presence But Lord suffer me to plead with thee Is there not a Refuge for poor distressed Sinners to fly to even the Blood of Christ which cries louder for Mercy than my Sins can cry for Vengeance In him alone I desire to be found for his sake only I desire Acceptance O let not my Name be blotted out of thy Book but give me some comfortable and sure Evidence that I am thine that so I may run the Ways of thy Commands and not tire and wax weary but may by a patient Continuance in Well-doing seek for that Glory Honour and Immortality and that Eternal Life which thou hast laid up for those that persevere in Holiness and go from one Degree of Grace to another till they come to appear before thee their God in Sion Hold out Faith hold out Patience it will not be long O my Soul e're thou be at thy Journey 's End therefore do and suffer the Will of God patiently If he see sit to deprive thee of those Comforts that thou hast and dost now injoy be content e're long it will not be a Pin to choose what part thou hast acted here upon the Stage of this World You must shortly appear before the Judgment-Seat of Christ that you may receive according to the things done in the Body whether it be good or bad O what a dreadful and fearful Account have I to give the Sins of my Youth and riper Age are so many and so great that I am confounded and amazed when I though slightly take a View of them My Omissions and my Commissions my original and my actual Sins are such that I cannot bear the Scrutiny of my own Conscience how then shall I do when the Almighty contends with me My Sins of Ignorance and Sins against Knowledg my presumptuous Sins my Abuse of Mercies my Incorrigibleness under Judgments my Unthankfulness for former Mercies and my Distrust of the Goodness of God for the future these may justly provoke God to depart from me and say he will have no more to do with such a vile Wretch as I am But blessed Father I humbly implore that thou wilt not leave nor forsake the Work of thy own Hands Thou canst make me clean O when shall it once be Let my Sins be all done away and let me me poor Sinner be made meet to partake of thy Kingdom and Glory O that my Saviour would say as Paul did of Philemon What he oweth put that on mine Account Lord my Sins are so many and so foul that I cannot answer for one of a thousand how then shall I appear before thy Tribunal where I must give a strict Account of all I have done in the Body whether it be bad or good Lord I cannot answer for my numberless Number of Sins Since thou hast dear Redeemer died for Sinners let me not die in my Sins Thou hast paid a sufficient Price for the Sins of the whole World let not mine be laid to my Charge nor rise up against me in this World to shame me nor in the other to condemn me Remit my Debt too vast for me to pay before the last accounting Day Let me have some well-grounded Hope that the State of my Soul is in good Plight that however it goes with my Body and bodily Concerns that I may be assured it will go well with me to all Eternity and then I may be inabled to bear the Inconveniences of my Pilgrimage-State Lord I humbly beg thou wouldst take Care of me and provide for me what thou in thy infinite Wisdom and Goodness seest fit for me and let me be perfectly willing to be do and suffer what my God seeth good not my Will but thine O Lord be done in all things only I beg I may not be left to unsupportable Difficulties Let me have thy Love