too much to them or rely too much on them The best means in the world are weak and ineffectual without Gods assistance and concurrence and they never have that his assistance or concurrence when his time is come and that it was fully come in your friends case is manifested now by the event So that if your friend had had the most excellent helps the world affords they would have avail'd nothing This consideration takes place only in your case who see what the will of God is by the issue and may not be pleaded by any whilst it remains dubious and uncertain as it generally doth in time of sickness 2. Answer Do you not unjustly charge and fault your selves for that which is not really your fault or neglect How far you are chargeable in this case will best appear by comparing the circumstances you are now in with those you were in when your Relation was only arrested by sickness and it was dubious to you what was your duty and best course to take Possibly you had observed so many to perish in Physitians hands and so many to recover without them that you judged it safer for your friend to be without those means than to be hazarded by them Or if diverse methods and courses were prescribed and perswaded to and you now see your error in preferring that which was most improper and neglecting what was more safe and probable yet as long as it did not so appear to your understanding at that time but you followed the best light you had to guide you at that time it were most unjust to charge the fault upon your selves for chusing that course that then seemed best to you whether it were so in it self or not To be angry with your selves for doing or omâ—tâ—ing what was then done or omitted according to your best discretion and judgment because you now see it by the light of the event far otherwise than you did before is to be troubled that you are but men or that you are not as God who only can foresee Issues and events and that you acted as all rational creatures are bound to do according to the best light they have at the time and season of action 3. Answer To conclude times of great affliction are ordinarily times of great temptation and it 's usual with Satan then to charge us with more sins than we are really guilty of and also to make those things seem to be sins which upon impartial examination will not be found to be so Indeed had your neglect or miscarriage been knowing and voluntary or had you really prefer'd a little money being able to give it before the life of your Relation so that you did deliberatly chuse to hazard this rather than part with that no doubt then but there had been much evil of sin mixed with your affliction and your Conscience may justly smite you for it as your sin But in the other case which is more common and I presume yours it 's a false charge and you ought not to abet the design of Satan in it Judg by the sorrow you now feel for your friend in what degree he was dear to you and what you could now be content to give to ransom his life if it could be done with money Judg I say by this how groundless the charge is that Satan now draws up against you and you are but too ready to yeild to the truth of it 8. Plea But my troubles are upon a higher score and account My child or friend is passed into Eternity and I know not how it is with its soul. Were I sure that my Relation were with Christ I should be quiet but the fears of the contrary are overwhelming O it 's terrible to think of the damnation of one so dear to me 1. Answer Admit what the objection supposes that you have real grounds to fear the eternal condition of your dear Relation yet it 's utterly unbeseeming you even in such a case as this to dispute with or repine against the Lord. I do confess it 's a sore and heavy tryal and that there is no case more sad and sinking to the spirit of a gracious person Their death is but a trifle to this but yet if you be such as fear the Lord methinks his indisputable Soveraignty over them and his distinguishing love and mercy to you should at least silence you in this matter First His indisputable Soveraignty over them Rom. 9. 20. Who art thou O man that disputest with God He speaks it in the matters of eternal election and reprobation What if the Lord will not be gracious to those that are so dear to us Is there any wrong done to them or us thereby Aarons two Sons were cut off in an act of sin by the Lords immediate hand and yet he held his peace Levit. 10. 3. God told Abraham plainly that the Covenant should not be established with Ishmael for whom he so earnestly pray'd O let Ishmael live before thee and he knew that there was no salvation out of the Covenant and yet he sits down silent under the word of the Lord. Secondly But if this do not quiet you yet methinks his distinguishing love and mercy to you should do it O what do you owe to God that root and branch had not been cast together into the fire that the Lord hath given you good hope through grace that it shall be well with you for ever Let this stop your mouth and quiet your spirit though you should have grounds for this fear 2. Answer But pray examine the grounds of your fear whether it may not proceed from the strength of your affections to the eternal welfare of your friend or from the subtilty of Satan designing hereby to over-whelm and swallow you up in sorrow as well as from just grounds and causes In two cases it 's very probable your fear may proceed only from your own affection or Satans temptation First If your Relation died young before it did any thing to destroy your hopes Or Secondly If grown and in some good degree hopeful only he did not in life or at death manifest and give evidence of grace with that clearness as you desired As to the case of Infants in general it 's none of our concern to judg their condition and as for those that sprang from Covenanted parents it becomes us to exercise Charity towards them the Scripture speaks very favourably of them And as for the more adult who have escaped the polutions of the world and made Conscience of sin and duty albeit they never manifested what you could desire they had yet in them as in young Abijah may be found some good thing towards the Lord which you never took notice of Reverence of your authority bashfulness and shamefac'dness reservedness of disposition and many other things may hide those small and weak beginnings of grace that are in children from the observations of the Parents God might see
by struggling under it Oh that your hearts might be in a like frame with his that said Lord thou shalt beat and I will bear It was a good observation that one made Anima sedendo quiescendo fit sapiens The Soul grows wise by sitting still and quiet under the rod. And the Apostle calls those excellent fruits which the Saints gather from their sanctified afflictions The peaceable fruits of Righteousness Heb. 12. 11 Lastly My hearts desire and prayer to God for you is that you may die daily to all visible enjoyments and by these frequent converses with death in your family you may be prepared for your own change and dissolution when it shall come O Friends How many graves have you and I seen opened for our dear Relations How oft hath death come up into our windows and summoned the delight of our eyes It is but a little while and we shall go to them we and they are distinguished but by short intervals Transivere patres simul hinc transibimus omnes Our dear Parents are gone our lovely and desireable children are gone our bosom Relations that were as our own souls are gone the greatest part of us is gone And do not all these warning-knocks at our dores acquaint us that we must prepare to follow shortly after them O that by these things our own death might be both more easie and more familiar to us the oftner it visits us the better we should be acquainted with it and the more of our beloved Relations it removes before us the less of either snare and intanglement remains for us when our turn comes My dear Friends my flesh and my blood I beseech you for Religion sake for your own sake and for my sake whose Comfort is in great part bound up in your prosperity and welfare that you read frequently ponder seriously and apply believingly these Scripture-consolations and directions which in some haste I have gathered for your use and the God of all consolation be with you I am Your most endeared Brother JOHN FLAVEL Luke 7. 13. And when the Lord saw her he had Compassion on her and said to her Weep not TO be above the stroke of passions is a condition equal to Angels to be in a State of Sorrow without the sense of sorrow is a disposition beneath Beasts but duly to regulate our Sorrows and bound our Passions under the rod is the Wisdom duty and excellency of a Christian. He that is without natural affections is deservedly ranked among the worst of Heathens and he that is able rightly to manage them deserves to be numbred with the best of Christians Though when we are Sanctified we put on the Divine Nature yet till we are glorified we put not off the infirmities of our humane Nature Whilest we are within the reach of troubles we cannot be without the danger nor ought to be without the fear of sin and it is as hard for us to escape sin being in adversity as becalming in prosperity How apt we are to transgress the bounds both of Reason and Religion under a sharp affliction appears as in most mens experience so in this Womans example to whose excessive Sorrow Christ puts a stop in the Text He saw her and had Compassion on her and said to her Weep not The Lamentations and waylings of this distressed mother moved the tender compassions of the Lord in beholding it and stirred up more pitty in his heart for her than could be in her heart for her dear and only Son In the words we are to consider both the Condition of the woman and the Counsel of Christ with respect unto it First The condition of this Woman which appears to be very dolorous and distressed her groans and tears moved and melted the very heart of Christ to hear and behold them When he saw her he had Compassion on her How sad an hour it was with her when Christ met her appears by what is so distinctly remark't by the Evangelist in ver 12. where it is said Now when they came nigh to the Gate of the City behold there was a dead man carried out the only Son of his Mother and she was a Widdow and much people of the City was with her In this one Verse divers heart piercing circumstances of this affliction are noted First It was the death of a Son To bury a child any child must needs rend the heart of a tender Parent for what are children but the parent multiplied a child is a part of the parent made up in another skin But to lay a Son in the grave A Son which continues the name and supports the family this was ever accounted a very great affliction Secondly This Son was not carried from the Cradle to the Coffin nor stript out of its Swathing to be wrapt in its Winding cloaths Had he dyed in infancy before he had engaged affection or raised expectation the affliction had not been so pungent and cutting as now it was Death smote this Son in the flower and Prime of his time He was a man saith the Evangelist ver 12. a young man as Christ calls him ver 14. he was now arrived at that age which made him capable of yeilding his Mother all that comfort which had been the expectation and hope of many years and the reward and fruit of many cares and Labours Yet then when the endearments were greatest and her hopes highest even in the flower of his age he is cut off Thus Basil bewayled the death of his Son Filius mihi erat adolescens solus vitaesuccessor solatium senectae gloria generis flos aequalium fulcrum domu saetatem gratiosissimam agebat hic raptus periit qui paulo ante jucundam vocem edebat jucundissimum spectaculum parentis oculis erat I once had a Son who was a young man my only successor the solace of my age the glory of his kind the prop of my family arrived to the endearing age then was he snatcht from me by death whose lovely voice but a little before I heard who lately was a pleasant spectacle to his Parent Reader if this have been thine own condition as it hath been his that writes it I need say no more to convince thee that it was a sorrowful State indeed Christ met this tender Mother in Thirdly And which is yet more he was not only a Son but an only Son so you find in ver 12. He was the only Son of his Mother One in whom all her hopes and Comforts of that kind were bound up For Omnis in Ascanio stat chari cura Parentis All her affections were contracted into this one object If we have never so many children we know not which of them to spare If they stand like Olive plants about our Table it would grieve us to see the least twigg amongst them broken down But surely the death of one out of many is much more tolerable than of all
in one Hence it s noted in Scripture as the greatest of earthly Sorrows Jer. 6. 26. O daughter of my people gird thee with Sackcloth and wallow thy self in Ashes Make thee mourning as for an onely Son most bitter Lamentation Yea so deep and penetrating is this grief that the holy Ghost borrows it to express the deepest spritual troubles by it Zech. 12. 10 They shall mourn for him namely Christ whom they pierced as one mourneth for an only Son Fourthly And yet to heighten the afflliction it is super added ver 12. And she was a Widdow So that the staff of her age on whom she leaned was broken She had now none left to comfort or assist her in her helpless comfortless State of Widdowhood which is a condition not only void of comfort but exposed to oppression and contempt Yea and being a Widdow the whole burden lay upon her alone she had not an Husband to comfort her as Elkana did Hannah in 1 Sam. 1. 8. Why weepest thou and why is thy heart grieved â—m not I more to thee than ten Sons This would have been a great relief but her Husband was dead as well as her Son both gone and she only surviving to lament the loss of those comforts that once she had Her calamities came not single but one after another and this reviving and aggravating the former This was her case and condition when the Lord met her Secondly Let us consider the Councel which Christ gives her with respect to this hersad and sorrowful case And when the Lord saw her he had Compassion on her and said unto her Weep not Relieving and Supporting words wherein we shall consider The Occasion Motive Councel it self First The occasion of it and that was his seeing of her This meeting at the Gate of the City how accidental and occasional soever it seems yet without doubt it was providentially suited to the work intended to be wrought The eye of his Omniscience foresaw her and this meeting was by him designed as an ocâ—â—sion of that famous Miracle which he wrought upon the young man Christ hath a quick eye to discern poor mourning and disconsolate Creatures and though he be now in Heaven and stands out of our sight so that we see him not yet he sees us and his eye which is upon all our troubles still affects his heart and moves his bowels for us Secondly The Motive stirring him up to give this relieving and comfortable Councel to her was his own Compassion She neither expected nor desired it from him but so full of tender pittty was the Lord towards her that he prevents her with unexpected consolation Her heart was nothing so full of compassion for her Son as Christ was for her He bore our infirmities even natural as well as moral ones in the dayes of his flesh and though he be now exalted to the highest glory yet still he continues as merciful as ever and as apt to be touched with the sense of our miseries Heb. 4. 15. Lastly The Councel it self Weep not herein fulfilling the office of a Comforter to them that mourn whereunto he was anointed Isa. 61. 1 2 3. Yet the words are not an absolute prohibition of tears and sorrow he doth not Condemn â—ll mourning as sinful or all expressions of grief for dead Relations as uncomely no Christ would not have his people stupid and insensate he only prohibits the excesses and extravagancies of our sorrows for the dead that it should not be such a mourning for the dead as is found among the Heathens who sorrow without measure because without hope being ignorant of that grand relief by the Resurrection which the Gospel reveals The Resurrection of her Son from the dead is the ground upon which Christ builds her consolation and reliefe Well might he say Weep not when he intended quickly to remove the cause of her tears by restoring him again to life Now though there be somewhat in this case extraordinary and peculiar for few or none that carry their dear children to the grave may expect to receive them again from the dead immediately by a special resurrection as she did I say this is not to be expected by any that now loose their Relations the occasion and reasons of such miraculous special resurrections being removed by a sufficient and full evidence and confirmation of Christs divine power and Godhead Yet those that now bury their Relations if they be such as dye in Christ have as good and sufficient reason to moderate their passions as this mourner had and do as truly come within the reach and compass of this Christs comfortable and supporting councel Weep not as the did For do but consider what of support or comfort can a particular and present Resurrection from the dead give us more than that it is and as it is a Specimen hansell or pledge of the general Resurrection It is not the returning of the soul to its body to live an Animal life again in this world of sin and sorrow and shortly after to undergo the agonies and pains of death again that is in it self any such priviledge as may afford much comfort to the person raised or his Relations It is no priviledge to the person raised for it returns him from rest to trouble from the harbour back again into the Ocean It is matter of trouble to many dying Saints to hear of the likelyhood of their returning again when they are got so nigh to Heaven It was once the case of a godly Minister of this Nation who was much troubled at his return and said I am like a sheep driven out of the storm almost to the fold and then driven back into the storm again or a weary Traveller that is come near his home and then must go back to fetch somewhat he had forgotten or an Apprentice whose time is almost expired and then must begin a new term But to die and then return again from the dead hath less of priviledge than to return only from the brink of the grave for the sick hath not yet felt the agonies and last struggles or pangs ofdeath but such have felt them once and must feel them again they must die twice before they can be happy once and besides during the little time they spend on earth betwixt the first and second dissolution there is a perfect 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 forgetfulness and insensibleness of all that which they saw or enjoyed in their state of separation It being necessary both for them and others that it should be so for themselves its necessary that they may be content to live and endure the time of separation from that blessed and ineffable state quietly and patiently and for others that they may live by faith and not by sense and build upon divine and not humane authority and report So that here you see their agonies and pangs are doubled and yet their life not sweetned by any sense
of their happiness which returns and remains with them and therefore it can be no such priviledge to them And for their Relations though it be some comfort to receive them again from the dead yet the consideration that they are returned to them into the stormy Sea to partake of new sorrows and troubles from which they were lately free and in a short time they must part with them again and feel the double sorrows of a parting pull which others feel but once surely such a particular Resurrection considered in it self is no such ground of comfort as at first we might imagine it to be It remains then that the ground of all solid Comfort and reliefe against the death of our Relations lyes in the General and last Resurrection and what is in a particular one is but as it is a Specimen and evidence of the general and there the Apostle places our relief 1 Thes. 4. 17. that we shall see enjoy them again at the Lords coming And surely this is more than if with this Mother in the Text we should presently receive them from the dead as she did her Son And if we judge not so it is because our hearts are carnal and measure things rather by time and sense than by faith and eternity Thus you see the Councel with its ground which for the most part is common to other Christian mourners with her the difference being but inconsiderable and of little advantage Here then you find many aggravations of sorrow meeting together A Son an only Son is carrying to the grave yet Christ commands the pensive Mother not to Mourn Hence we note Doct. That Christians ought to moderate their Sorrows for their dead Relations how many afflicting circumstances and aggravations soever do meet together in their Death It is as common with men yea with good men to exceed in their sorrows for dead Relations as it is to exceed in their loves and delights to living Relations and both of the one and other we may say as they say of waters It 's hard to confine them within their bounds It is therefore grave advice which the Apostle delivers in this case 1 Cor. 7. 29 30 But this I say Brethren the time is short It remaineth that both they that have Wives be as though they had none and they that weep as though they wept not and those that rejoyce as though they rejoyced not As if he had said the floating world is near its port God hath contracted the sailes of mans life it s but a point of time we have to live and shortly it will not be a point to choose whether we had wives or not children or not all these are time-eaten things and before the expected fruit of these comforts be ripe we our selves may be rotten It s therefore an high point of Wisdom to look upon things which shortly will not be as if already they were not and to behave our selves in the loss of these carnal enjoyments as the natural man behaves himself in the use of spiritual Ordinances He hears as if he heard not and we should weep as if we wept not Their affections are a little moved sometimes by spiritual things but they never lay them so to heart as to be broken hearted for the sin they hear of or deeply affected with the glory revealed We also ought to be sensible of the stroke God upon our dear Relations but yet still we must weep as if we wept not that is we must keep due bounds and moderation in our sorrows and not be too deeply concerned for these dying short-liv'd things To this purpose the Apostle exhorts Heb. 12. 5 My Son despise not the chastening of the Lord neither faint when thou art rebuked of him These are two extreams despising and fainting when God is correcting to say I do not regard it let God take all if he will if my estate must go let it go if my children dy let them dye this is to despise the Lords chastening and God cannot bear it that we should bear it thus lightly There is also another extream and that is Fainting if when goods are taken away the heart be taken away and when children dye then the spirit of the Parent dyes also this is fainting under the rod. Thou lamentest saith Seneca thy deceased friend but I would not have thee grieve beyond what is meet That thou shouldst not grieve at all I dare not require thee tears may be excused if they do not exceed Let thine eyes therefore be neither wholly dry nor yet let them overflow Weep thou maist but Wayle thou must not Happy man that still keeps the golden bridle of moderation upon his passions and affections and still keeps the possession of himself whatsoever he looseth the possession of Now the the method in which I purpose to proceed shall be 1. To discover the Signes of immoderate Sorrow 2. To disswade from the sin of immoderate Sorrow 3. To remove the pleas of immoderate Sorrow 4. To propose the cure of immoderate Sorrow First I shall give you the Signs of immoderate Sorrow and shew you when it exceeds its bounds and becomes sinful even a sorrow to be sorrowed for and for clearness sake I will first allow what may be allowed to the Christian mourner and then you will the better discern wherein the excesse and sinfulness of your sorrow lyes And First How much soever we censure and condemn immoderate Sorrow yet the afflicted must be allowed an awakened and tender sense of the Lords afflicting hand upon them It s no virtue to bear what we do not feel Yea it is a most unbecoming temper not to tremble when God is smiting The Lord faith to Moses in the case of Miriam Num. 12. 24. If her Father had spit in her face should she not be ashamed seven days The face is the Table and Seat of beauty and honour but when it is spit upon it 's made the sink of shame Had her own Father spit upon her face when she had displeased him Would she not have gone aside as one ashamed by such a rebuke and not have shew'd her face to him again in seven days How much more should she take it to heart and be sensible of this rebuke of mine who have fill'd her face with Leprous spots the signs of my displeasure against her Surely God will be ashamed of those that are not ashamed when he rebukes them It is not magnanimity but stupidity to make light of Gods corrections and for this the afflicted are smartly taxed Jer. 5. 3. I have smitten them but they have not grieved When God smote Job in his person children and estate he arose and rent his mantle and put dust upon his head to shew he was not senseless and unaffected and yet blessed the afflicting God which as plainly shew'd he was not contumacious and unsubmissive Secondly We must allow the mourning afflicted soul a due and comely
can restore it yea double it in kind if he see it convenient for you And if not then 13. Consid. Consider though he should deny you any more comforts of that kind yet he hath far better to bestow upon you such as these deserve not to be named with You have an excellent Scripture to this purpose in Isa. 56. 4 5. For thus saith the Lord unto the Eunuchs that keep my Sabbaths and choose the things that please me and take hold of my Covenant even to them will I give in my house and within my walls a place and a name better than of sons and of daughters I will give them an everlasting name that shall not be cut off Mens names are said to be continued in their Issue in their male Issue especially and consequently to fail in such as wanted Issue Numb 17. 4. And a numerous Issue is deemed no small honour Psal. 127. 4 5. God therefore promiseth here to supply and make good the want of Issue and of whatsoever either honour here or memorial hereafter might from it have accrued to them by bestowing upon them matter of far greater honour and more durable a name better or before the name of Sons and Daughters It 's a greater honour to be a child of God than to have the greatest honour or comfort that ever children afforded their parents in this world Poor heart thou art now dejected by this affliction that lyes upon thee as if all joy and comfort were now cut off from thee in this world A cloud dwells upon all other comforts this affliction hath so imbittered thy soul that thou tastest no more in any other earthly comfort than in the white of an egg O that thou didst but consider the consolations that are with God for such as answer his ends in affliction and patiently wait on him for their comfort He hath comforts for you far transcending the joy of children This some have found when their children have been cut off from them and that in so eminent a degree that they have little valued their comfort in children in comparison with this comfort I will here set down a pregnant instance of the point in hand as I find it recorded by the grave and worthy Author of that excellent book entitled The fulfilling of the Scripture Another notable instance of grace with a very remarkable passage in his condition I shall here mention One Patrick Mackewrath who lived in the West parts of Scotland whose heart in a remarkable way the Lord touched and after his conversion as he shewed to many Christian friends was in such a frame so affected with a new world wherein he was entred the discoveries of God and of a life to come that for some months together he did seldom sleep but was still taken up in wondering His life was very remarkable for tenderness and near converse with God in his walk and which was worthy to be noticed one day after a sharp tryal having his only Son suddenly taken away by death he retired alone for several hours and when he came forth did look so chearfully that to those who asked him the reason thereof and wondered at the same in such a time he told them He had got that in his retirement with the Lord that to have it afterwards renewed he would be content to lose a Son every day Oh what a sweet exchange had he made Surely he had Gold for brass a pearl for a pebble a treasure for a trifle for so great yea and far greater is the disproportion betwixt the sweet light of Gods Countenance and the faint dim light of the best creature-enjoyment Would it please the Lord to make this sun arise and shine upon you now when the stars that shined with a dim and borrowed light are gone down you would see such gain by the exchange as would quickly make you cast in your votes with him we now mentioned and say Lord let every day be such as this funeral day let all my hours be as this so that I may see and taste what I now do How gladly would I part with the dearest and nearest creature-comfort I own in this world The gracious and tender Lord hath his divine Cordials reserved on purpose for such sad hours these are sometimes given before some sharp tryal to prepare for it and sometimes after to support under it I have often heard it from the mouth and found it in the Diary of a sweet Christian now with God That a little before the Lord removed her dear husband by death there was such an abundant out-let of the love of God into her soul for several days and nights following that when the Lord took away her husband by death though he were a gracious sweet temper'd and by her most tenderly beloved husband she was scarce sensible of the stroke but carried quite above all earthly things their comforts and their troubles so that she had almost lost the thoughts of her husband in God And had not the Lord taken this course with her she concluded that blow had not been possible to be born by her she must have sunck without such a preparative A Husband a Wife a Child are great very great things as they stand by other creatures but surely they will seem little things and next to nothing when the Lord shall set himself by them before the soul. And how know you but God hath bid these earthly comforts stand aside this day to make way for heavenly ones It may be God is coming to communicate himself more sweetly more sensibly than evâ—r to your souls and these are the providences which must cast up and prepare the way of the Lord. Possibly Gods meaning in their death is but this Child stand aside thou art in my way and fillest my place in thy parents heart 14. Consid. Be careful you exceed not in your grief for the loss of earthly things considering that Satan takes the advantage of all extreams You cannot touch any extream but you will be touched by that enemy whose greatest advantages lye in assaulting you there Satan is called the Ruler of the darkness of this world Eph. 6. 12. i. e. his Kingdom is supported by darkness Now there is a twofold darkness which gives Satan great advantage the darkness of the mind viz. ignorance and the darkness of the condition viz. trouble and affliction Of the former the Apostle speaks chiefly in that Text but the latter also is by him often improved to carry on his designs upon us When it 's a dark hour of trouble with us then is his fittest season to tempt That cowardly spirit falls upon the people of God when they are down and low in spirit as well as state Satan would never have desired that the hand of God should have been stretched out upon Jobs Person Estate and children but that he promised himself a notable advantage therein to poyson his spirit with vile thoughts of
a shameful thing for a Christian to be reproved for such an uncomely expression by an Heathen It 's enough to make us blush to read what an Heathen said in this case Never say thou hast lost any thing saith Epictetus but that it 's returned Is thy Son dead he is only restored Is thy inheritance taken from thee It is also returned And a while after he adds 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 i. e. Let every thing be as the Gods will have it 2. Answer It 's no fit expression to say you have lost all in one except that one be Christ and he being once yours can never be lost Doubtless your meaning is you have lost all your comfort of that kind And what though you have are there not multitudes of comforts yet remaining of a higher kind and more precious and durable nature If you have no more of that sort yet so long as you have better what cause have you to rejoyce 3. Answer You too much imitate the way of the world in this complaint they know not how to repair the loss of one comfort but by another of the same nature which must be put in its room to fill up the vacancy But have you no other way to supply your loss Have you not a God to fill the place of any creature that leaves you Surely this would better become a man whose portion is in this life than one that professes God is his all in all 5. Plea O but my only One is not only taken away but there remains no expectation or probability of any more I must now look upon my self as a dry tree never to take comfort in children any more which is a cutting thought 1. Answer Suppose what you say that you have no hope or expectation of another child remaining to you yet if you have a hope of better things than children you have no reason to be cast down bless God for higher and better hopes than these in Isa. 56. 4 5. the Lord comforts them that had no expectation of sons or daughters with this That he will give unto them in his house and within his walls a place and a name better than of Sons or of Daughters even an everlasting name that shall not be cut off There are better mercies and higher hopes than these though your hopes of children or from children should be cut off yet if your eternal hopes be secure and such as shall not make you ashamed you should not be so cast down 2. Answer If God will not have your comfort to lye any more in children then resolve to place them in himself and you shall never find cause to complain of loss by such an exchange You will find that in God which is not to be had in the creature one hours communion with him shall give you that which the happiest Parent never yet had from his children you will exchange brass for gold perishing vanity for solid and abiding excellency 6. Plea But the suddenness of the stroke is amazing God gave little or no warning to prepare for this tryal Death executed its commission as soon as it open'd it My dear Husband Wife or Child was snatcht unexpectedly out of my arms by a surprizing stroke and this makes my stroke heavier than my complaint 1. Answer That the death of your Relation was so sudden and surprizing was much your own fault who ought to have lived in the daily sense of its vanity and expectation of your separation from it you knew it to be a dying comfort in its best estate and it is no such wonderful thing to see that dead which we knew before to be dying Besides you heard the changes ringing round about you in other families you frequently saw other Parents Husbands and Wives carrying forth their dead And what were all these but warnings given you to prepare for the like tryals Surely then it was your own security and regardlesness that made this affliction so surprizing to you and who is to be blamed for that you know 2. Answer There is much difference betwixt the sudden death of infants and that of grown persons The latter may have much work to do many sins actually to repent of and many evidences of their interest in Christ to examine and clear in order to their more comfortable death and so sudden death may be deprecated by them But the case of Infants who exercise not their reason is far different they have no such work to do but are purely passive all that is done in order to their salvation is done by God immediately upon them and so it comes all to one whether their death be more quick or more slow 3. Answer You complain of the suddenness of the stroke but another will be ready to say had my friend died in that manner my affliction had been nothing to what it now is I have seen many deaths contrived into one I saw the gradual approaches of it upon my dear Relation who felt every tread of death as it came on towards him who often cryed with Job Chap. 3. 20. Wherefore is light given to him that is in misery and life to the bitter in soul which long for death but it cometh it not and dig for it more than for hid treasures which rejoyce exceedingly and are glad when they can find the grave That which you reckon the sting of your affliction others would have reckoned a favour and priviledge How many tender Parents and other Relations who loved their friends as dearly as your selves have been forced to their knees upon no other errand but this to beg the Lord to hasten the separation and put an end to that sorrow which to them was much greater than the sorrow for the dead 7. Plea You press me to moderation of sorrows and I know I ought to shew it but you don't know how the case stands with me there 's a sting in this affliction that none feels but my self And oh how intollerable is it now I neglected proper means in season to preserve life or miscarried in the use of means I now see such a neglect or such a mistake about the means as I cannot but judge greatly to contribute to that sad loss which I now too late lament O my negligence O my rashness and inconsiderateness How doth my Conscience now smite me for my folly and by this aggravate my burthen beyond what is usually felt by others Had I seasonably apply'd my self to the use of proper means and kept strictly to such courses and counsels as those that are able and skilful might have prescribed I might have now had a living Husband Wife or Child whereas I am now not only bereaved but am apt to think I have bereaved my self of them Surely there is no sorrow like unto my sorrow 1. Answer Though it be an evil to neglect and slight the means ordained by God for recovery of health yet it 's no less evil to ascribe
and preventing these sinful excesses of sorrow for the death of our dear Relations And although much hath been said already to disswade from this evil and I have enlarged already much beyond my first intention yet I shall cast in some farther help and assistance towards the healing of this distemper by prescribing the following Rules 1. Rule If you would not mourn excessively for the loss of creature-comforts then beware that you set not your delight and love excessively or inordinately upon them whilst you enjoy them Strong affections make strong afflictions the higher the Tyde the lower the Ebb. According to the measure of our delight in the enjoyment is our grief in the loss of these things The Apostle knits these two graces Temperance and Patience together in the Precept 2 Pet. 1. 16. And it 's very observable how Intemperance and Impatience are inseparably linked in experience yea the experience of the best men You read Gen. 37. 3. How Israel loved Joseph more than all his children because he was the son of his old age and he made him a coat of many colours This was the darling Jacobs heart was exceedingly set upon him his very life was bound up in the life of the Lad. Now when the supposed death of this child was brought to him How did he carry it See Ver. 34 35. And Jacob rent his cloaths and put sackcloth upon his loins and mourned for his Son many days And all his sons and all his daughters rose up to comfort him but he refused to be comforted and he said for I will go down into the grave to my Son mourning Thus his Father wept for him Here as in a glass the effects of excessive love to a child are represented Here you may see what work immoderate love will make even in a sanctified heart O therefore let your moderation be known to all men in your delights and sorrows about earthly things for ordinarily the proportion of the one is answerable to the other 2. Rule If you would not be overwhelmed with grief for the loss of your Relations be exact and careful in discharging your duties to them while you have them The testimony of your Conscience that you have laboured in all things to discharge the duties you owed to your Relations whilst they were with you will prove an excellent allay to your sorrows for them when they are no longer yours 'T is not so much the single affliction as the guilt charged upon us in times of affliction that makes our load so heavy O what a terrible thing is it to look upon our dead whilst Conscience is accusing and upbraiding us for our duties neglected and such or such sins committed O you little think how dreadful a spectacle this will make the dead body of thy friend to thee Conscience if not quite stupid or dead will speak at such a time O therefore as ever you would provide for a comfortable parting at death or meet again at Judgment be exact punctual and circumspect in all your relative duties 3. Rule If you would not be overwhelmed by trouble for the loss of your Relations then turn to God under your trouble and pour out your sorrows by prayer into his bosom This will ease and allay your troubles Blessed be God for the ordinance of prayer How much are all the Saints beholding to it at all times but especially in heart sinking and distressful times It 's some relief when in distress we can pour out our trouble into the bosom of a Wife or faithful Friend How much more when we leave our complaint before the gracious wise and faithful God I told you before of that holy man who having lost his dear and only Son got to his Closet there poured out his soul freely to the Lord and when he came down to his friends that were waiting below to comfort him and fearing how he would bear that stroke he came from his duty with a chearful countenance telling them he would be content to bury a Son if it were possible every day provided he might but enjoy such comfort as his soul had found in that private hour Go thy way Christian to thy God get thee to thy knees in the cloudy and dark day retire from all Creatures that thou mayst have thy full liberty with thy God and there pour out thy heart before him in free full and broken-hearted confessions of sin Judge thy self worthy of Hell as well as of this trouble Justifie God in all his smartest strokes beg him in this distress to put under thee the evering arms intreat one smile one gracious look to inlighten thy darkness and chear thy drooping spirit Say with the Prophet Jer. 17. 17 Be not then a terrour to me thou art my hope in the day of evil And try what relief such a course will afford thee Surely if thy heart be sincere in this course thou shalt be able to say with that holy man Psal. 94. 19. In the multitude of my thoughts which I had within me thy comforts have delighted my soul. 4. Rule If you would bear the loss of your dear Relations with moderation eye God in the whole process of the affliction more and secondary causes and circumstances of the matter less I was dumb I opened not my mouth because thou didst it Psal. 39. 9. Consider the hand of the Lord in the whole matter And that First As a Soveraign hand which hath right to dispose of thee and all thy comforts without thy leave or consent Job 33. 13. Secondly As a Fathers hand correcting thee in love and faithfulness Prov. 3. 11. Whom the Lord loveth he correcteth as a Father the Son in whom he delighteth O if once you could but see affliction as a rod in a Fathers hand as proceeding from his love and intended for your eternal good How quiet would you then be And surely if it draw your heart nearer to God and mortifie it more to this vain world it is a rod in the hand of special love If it end in your love to God doubt not but it comes from Gods love to you Thirdly As a just and righteous hand Hast thou not procured this to thy self by thy own folly Yea the Lord is just in all that is come upon thee Whatever he hath done yet he hath done thee no wrong Fourthly Lastly As a moderate and merciful hand that hath punished thee less than thine iniquities deserve he hath cast thee into affliction he might justly have cast thee into Hell It 's of the Lords mercy that thou art not consumed Why doth the living man complain 5. Rule If you would bear your affliction with moderation compare it with the affliction of other men and that will greatly quiet your spirits You have no cause to say God hath dealt bitterly with you and that there is no sorrow like your sorrow Look round about you and impartially consider the conditions that others are in and they nothing