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the_o better_a shepherd_n he_o who_o not_o only_o feed_v the_o sound_n but_o also_o heal_v and_o bind_v up_o the_o tear_a and_o weak_a of_o the_o flock_n this_o alabaster_n box_n of_o precious_a ointment_n thus_o pour_v out_o fill_v the_o whole_a house_n with_o its_o odour_n and_o the_o sweet_a fragrancy_n of_o it_o do_v spread_v abroad_o so_o that_o now_o he_o come_v to_o be_v more_o take_v notice_n of_o by_o many_o both_o great_a and_o good_a man_n and_o so_o by_o some_o of_o eminent_a worth_n and_o honour_n he_o be_v call_v to_o the_o pastoral_n charge_n of_o tichmersh_n in_o northamptonshire_n tichmersh_n where_o he_o labour_v faithful_o in_o god_n harvest_n for_o the_o space_n of_o about_o eight_o or_o nine_o year_n and_o partly_o by_o preach_v and_o converse_v up_o and_o down_o with_o other_o but_o especial_o with_o his_o own_o parochial_a charge_n he_o prove_v a_o great_a blessing_n not_o only_o to_o that_o town_n but_o also_o to_o the_o whole_a country_n in_o every_o place_n 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affectionate_o spread_v before_o god_n in_o most_o of_o the_o congregation_n about_o london_n as_o he_o three_o day_n be_v set_v apart_o by_o minister_n and_o many_o other_o pray_v friend_n to_o seek_v god_n in_o his_o behalf_n one_o in_o private_a and_o two_o in_o public_a which_o also_o be_v observe_v much_o better_a than_o such_o day_n usual_o have_v be_v of_o late_a yea_o in_o remote_a country_n beside_o the_o ordinary_a prayer_n make_v for_o he_o there_o be_v some_o fast_n keep_v also_o with_o special_a reference_n to_o his_o affliction_n the_o multitude_n of_o people_n that_o come_v to_o his_o funeral_n with_o the_o many_o weep_a eye_n do_v clear_o show_v how_o much_o he_o be_v belove_v here_o may_v also_o be_v remember_v the_o readiness_n of_o the_o london_n minister_n to_o supply_v his_o place_n at_o home_n and_o his_o lecture_n elsewhere_o as_o also_o the_o willingness_n of_o his_o fellow-lecturers_a at_o westminster_n to_o preach_v for_o he_o there_o when_o he_o himself_o 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to_o his_o bed_n or_o chamber_n till_o he_o be_v set_v free_a by_o a_o long_o expect_v and_o much_o desire_a death_n most_o physician_n in_o the_o city_n be_v consult_v with_o and_o be_v from_o time_n to_o time_n very_o ready_a to_o serve_v he_o with_o their_o advice_n who_o do_v unanimous_o conclude_v that_o his_o sharp_a pain_n proceed_v original_o from_o a_o ulcer_n in_o the_o kidney_n but_o immediate_o from_o a_o ulcer_n in_o the_o neck_n of_o the_o bâ—â—dder_n cause_v by_o a_o continual_a flux_n of_o ulcerous_a mâ—tter_n drop_v down_o upon_o that_o part_n and_o by_o reason_n of_o the_o acuteness_n and_o quickness_n of_o the_o sense_n there_o his_o pain_n be_v almost_o continual_o in_o that_o place_n though_o the_o fountain_n of_o they_o be_v from_o the_o kidney_n about_o two_o month_n before_o his_o death_n his_o pain_n grow_v more_o extreme_a yet_o divine_a indulgence_n vouchsafe_v at_o some_o time_n some_o mitigation_n of_o they_o and_o intermission_n both_o in_o the_o night_n and_o day_n but_o notwithstanding_o the_o long_a continuance_n and_o extremity_n of_o they_o neither_o his_o faith_n nor_o patience_n do_v abate_v yea_o they_o much_o increase_v and_o grow_v high_a and_o as_o he_o grow_v near_o his_o end_n so_o his_o long_n for_o death_n be_v much_o increase_v yet_o accompany_v with_o holy_a submission_n to_o the_o good_a pleasure_n of_o his_o gracious_a father_n these_o be_v some_o of_o his_o expression_n o_o my_o god_n break_v open_a the_o prison_n door_n speech_n and_o set_v my_o poor_a captive_a soul_n free_a but_o enable_v i_o willing_o to_o wait_v thy_o time_n i_o desire_v to_o be_v dissolve_v never_o aid_v any_o man_n more_o desire_n life_n than_o i_o do_v death_n when_o will_v that_o time_n come_v that_o i_o shall_v neither_o sin_n more_o nor_o sorrow_n more_o when_o shall_v mortality_n put_v on_o immortality_n when_o shall_v this_o earthly_a tabernacle_n be_v dissolve_v that_o i_o may_v be_v clothe_v upon_o with_o that_o house_n which_o be_v from_o heaven_n bless_a be_v the_o dead_a which_o die_v in_o the_o lord_n for_o they_o rest_v from_o their_o labour_n and_o follow_v the_o lamb_n whither_o soever_o he_o go_v so_o great_a be_v his_o love_n to_o his_o god_n and_o saviour_n that_o he_o maintain_v and_o express_v high_a estimation_n and_o honourable_a thought_n of_o his_o majesty_n when_o he_o be_v under_o the_o most_o torment_a providence_n he_o fear_v nothing_o more_o than_o lest_o he_o shall_v do_v or_o speak_v any_o thing_n that_o shall_v redound_v to_o the_o dishonour_n of_o his_o name_n these_o be_v some_o breathe_n of_o his_o large_a love_n when_o through_o pain_n he_o be_v as_o in_o the_o fire_n or_o upon_o the_o rack_n good_a lord_n keep_v i_o from_o dishonour_v of_o thy_o name_n by_o impatieency_n oh_o who_o will_v not_o even_o in_o burn_n have_v honourable_a thought_n of_o god_n who_o that_o know_v thou_o will_v not_o fear_v thou_o o_o lord_n love_v thou_o and_o honour_v thou_o lord_n thou_o give_v i_o no_o 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protestant_n also_o must_v have_v bear_v some_o share_n to_o consider_v hereof_o a_o great_a assembly_n of_o papist_n and_o protestant_n of_o the_o whole_a nation_n be_v appoint_v in_o the_o lord_n deputy_n faulkland_n time_n the_o place_n of_o their_o meeting_n be_v in_o the_o hall_n of_o the_o castle_n in_o dublin_n at_o which_o time_n the_o bishop_n by_o our_o lord_n primate_fw-la invitation_n meet_v at_o his_o house_n where_o he_o and_o they_o draw_v up_o and_o unanimous_o subscribe_v a_o protestation_n against_o the_o toleration_n of_o popery_n a_o copy_n whereof_o because_o it_o deserve_v perpetual_a remembrance_n be_v here_o insert_v the_o judgement_n of_o the_o archbishop_n and_o bishop_n of_o ireland_n concern_v the_o toleration_n of_o popery_n which_o be_v applicable_a also_o against_o the_o toleration_n of_o other_o heresy_n the_o religion_n of_o the_o papist_n be_v superstitious_a and_o idolatrous_a it_o their_o faith_n and_o doctrine_n erroneous_a and_o heretical_a their_o 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congregation_n of_o the_o saint_n both_o they_o and_o the_o godly_a and_o reverend_a minister_n of_o the_o gospel_n she_o have_v in_o high_a esteem_n and_o reverence_v they_o all_o her_o day_n and_o when_o she_o be_v not_o able_a to_o go_v to_o the_o public_a congregation_n she_o use_v to_o spend_v her_o time_n in_o read_v prayer_n and_o meditate_v at_o home_n and_o employ_v her_o friend_n to_o read_v to_o she_o and_o pray_v with_o she_o such_o as_o be_v stable_n and_o sincere_a christian_n be_v her_o delight_n those_o she_o account_v more_o excellent_a than_o their_o neighbour_n she_o will_v often_o say_v that_o she_o value_v no_o friend_n like_o to_o those_o who_o be_v friend_n to_o her_o soul._n concern_v her_o deportment_n duty_n and_o carriage_n to_o her_o relation_n for_o such_o as_o be_v real_a saint_n show_v it_o in_o their_o several_a capacity_n never_o be_v a_o wife_n more_o full_a of_o sincere_a love_n and_o respect_n to_o a_o husband_n who_o she_o love_v entire_o and_o be_v as_o entire_o belove_v by_o he_o her_o affection_n to_o her_o child_n be_v very_o tender_a she_o be_v careful_a to_o catechise_v instruct_v and_o to_o train_v they_o up_o in_o the_o fear_n of_o god_n and_o upon_o her_o deathbed_n among_o many_o other_o excellent_a counsel_n and_o instruction_n she_o add_v this_o charge_n as_o from_o a_o die_a mother_n that_o they_o shall_v remember_v that_o they_o have_v a_o mother_n who_o will_v not_o allow_v they_o in_o any_o sin_n she_o be_v careful_a also_o to_o instruct_v her_o servant_n and_o to_o teach_v they_o the_o fear_n of_o the_o lord_n indeed_o she_o be_v ready_a and_o willing_a as_o opportunity_n be_v offer_v to_o do_v good_a unto_o all_o and_o as_o need_v require_v give_v unto_o they_o both_o corporal_a and_o spiritual_a food_n she_o have_v a_o large_a heart_n and_o improve_v it_o to_o do_v a_o great_a deal_n of_o good_a in_o a_o little_a time_n insomuch_o as_o the_o poor_a the_o sick_a the_o afflict_a and_o the_o unexperienced_a to_o who_o she_o be_v very_o merciful_a and_o useful_a while_o she_o live_v have_v a_o very_a great_a miss_n of_o she_o when_o she_o be_v dead_a in_o brief_a she_o be_v one_o of_o those_o worthy_n of_o who_o the_o world_n be_v not_o worthy_a and_o yet_o to_o give_v a_o further_a character_n of_o she_o i_o will_v here_o set_v down_o a_o narrative_a copy_v exact_o out_o of_o her_o own_o hand-writing_n of_o god_n gracious_a deal_n with_o her_o soul_n as_o it_o follow_v word_n for_o word_n it_o please_v the_o lord_n out_o of_o the_o riches_n of_o his_o grace_n conversion_n to_o remove_v i_o from_o a_o ignorant_a place_n where_o i_o be_v bear_v and_o to_o bring_v i_o very_o young_a into_o a_o religious_a family_n and_o when_o i_o be_v about_o twelve_o year_n of_o age_n upon_o the_o read_n in_o the_o practice_n of_o piety_n concern_v the_o happy_a estate_n of_o
the_o godly_a and_o the_o miserable_a condition_n of_o the_o wicked_a in_o their_o death_n and_o so_o for_o ever_o unto_o all_o eternity_n it_o please_v the_o lord_n so_o much_o to_o affect_v my_o heart_n with_o it_o as_o from_o that_o time_n my_o heart_n be_v wrought_v over_o to_o a_o desire_n to_o walk_v in_o the_o way_n of_o god_n but_o at_o that_o time_n i_o fear_v i_o do_v not_o go_v upon_o a_o right_a principle_n for_o i_o then_o do_v not_o eye_n the_o glory_n of_o god_n in_o it_o but_o only_o my_o own_o safety_n that_o it_o may_v be_v well_o with_o i_o for_o ever_o but_o quick_o after_o that_o i_o have_v but_o begin_v to_o set_v my_o face_n towards_o zion_n malice_n i_o be_v set_v upon_o with_o many_o temptation_n and_o perplexity_n in_o my_o thought_n which_o be_v very_o troublesome_a to_o i_o at_o all_o time_n but_o especial_o when_o i_o be_v alone_o the_o consideration_n whereof_o bring_v such_o a_o horror_n upon_o my_o conscience_n insomuch_o as_o i_o do_v not_o know_v what_o to_o do_v that_o little_a i_o have_v whether_o from_o education_n or_o from_o the_o light_n of_o nature_n cause_v a_o strive_v in_o i_o continual_o against_o those_o thought_n of_o atheism_n which_o be_v most_o terrible_a unto_o i_o i_o be_v sensible_a that_o it_o be_v a_o fearful_a sin_n to_o have_v any_o such_o thought_n to_o lodge_v within_o my_o breast_n but_o i_o desire_v from_o my_o soul_n to_o be_v free_v from_o they_o and_o have_v continual_a reason_n within_o i_o against_o they_o and_o yet_o still_o for_o a_o long_a time_n i_o be_v trouble_v but_o can_v not_o acquaint_v any_o with_o my_o condition_n i_o do_v not_o think_v that_o it_o be_v so_o with_o any_o other_o as_o it_o be_v with_o i_o in_o this_o strait_a mercy_n when_o i_o know_v not_o which_o way_n to_o turn_v i_o even_o there_o do_v the_o lord_n extend_v his_o compassion_n towards_o i_o in_o my_o great_a extremity_n in_o direct_v i_o to_o read_v calvin_n institution_n and_o especial_o that_o part_n that_o treat_v of_o the_o creation_n whereupon_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o give_v in_o such_o satisfaction_n to_o my_o soul_n concern_v those_o thing_n about_o which_o i_o be_v trouble_v as_o that_o from_o that_o time_n forward_o i_o be_v not_o violent_o assault_v in_o that_o kind_n but_o no_o soon_o be_v i_o free_v from_o that_o trouble_n but_o new_a one_o spring_v up_o for_o the_o very_a remembrance_n of_o that_o horrid_a sin_n of_o atheism_n subtlety_n leave_v such_o a_o terror_n upon_o my_o spirit_n as_o make_v i_o fear_v that_o i_o have_v commit_v that_o sin_n against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n and_o so_o my_o condition_n seem_v to_o be_v not_o only_o for_o the_o present_a but_z in_o my_o apprehension_n then_o for_o ever_o most_o miserable_a all_o other_o sin_n though_o never_o so_o great_a i_o know_v upon_o true_a repentance_n be_v pardonable_a but_o this_o sin_n that_o i_o lay_v under_o the_o fear_n of_o i_o know_v out_o of_o the_o word_n of_o god_n shall_v never_o be_v pardon_v which_o cause_v many_o sad_a fear_n upon_o my_o spirit_n know_v to_o god_n alone_o for_o the_o removal_n of_o these_o fear_n mercy_n the_o lord_n in_o mercy_n direct_v i_o to_o the_o read_n of_o mr._n scudder_n work_n where_o be_v lay_v down_o the_o mark_n of_o that_o sin_n upon_o perusal_n whereof_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o satisfy_v my_o misgive_a heart_n by_o a_o clear_a manifestation_n to_o my_o soul_n that_o i_o have_v not_o commit_v that_o sin_n and_o so_o assure_v i_o that_o though_o my_o sin_n be_v great_a yet_o be_v they_o pardonable_a which_o put_v i_o more_o cheerful_o upon_o the_o use_n of_o such_o mean_n as_o the_o lord_n have_v direct_v i_o unto_o and_o have_v satisfaction_n give_v in_o concern_v this_o particular_a there_o be_v a_o great_a burden_n take_v off_o from_o my_o spirit_n although_o i_o find_v no_o grace_n in_o my_o heart_n nor_o discovery_n of_o the_o love_n of_o god_n unto_o my_o soul_n yet_o in_o that_o there_o be_v but_o a_o possibility_n there_o be_v a_o ground_n of_o comfort_n administer_v to_o my_o heart_n which_o i_o former_o fear_v that_o i_o shall_v be_v shut_v out_o from_o but_o still_o my_o fear_n remain_v that_o i_o be_v not_o one_o of_o those_o in_o particular_a for_o who_o christ_n die_v the_o more_o i_o look_v into_o my_o own_o heart_n the_o more_o i_o see_v of_o sin_n and_o satan_n discourage_v i_o from_o have_v any_o hope_n that_o the_o lord_n shall_v accept_v of_o such_o a_o vile_a sinful_a wretch_n as_o i_o be_v who_o have_v entertain_v such_o sinful_a thought_n i_o likewise_o think_v how_o small_a the_o number_n be_v of_o those_o that_o shall_v be_v save_v in_o comparison_n of_o other_o and_o my_o repentance_n i_o fear_v come_v short_a of_o that_o which_o be_v require_v in_o the_o gospel_n as_o for_o faith_n i_o can_v not_o find_v the_o least_o measure_n of_o it_o in_o my_o soul_n with_o many_o other_o sad_a discourage_a thought_n but_o when_o i_o be_v most_o perplex_v with_o fear_n and_o doubt_n even_o than_o do_v the_o lord_n gracious_o dart_v in_o some_o beam_n of_o his_o reconcile_a countenance_n as_o i_o be_v read_v something_o in_o mr._n scudder_n christian_n daily_o walk_v etc._n etc._n which_o the_o lord_n set_v home_o upon_o my_o soul_n joy_n and_o bring_v into_o my_o soul_n so_o much_o joy_n and_o comfort_n at_o the_o present_a as_o neither_o my_o tongue_n nor_o pen_n can_v express_v but_o this_o joy_n remain_v not_o long_o for_o i_o quick_o lose_v the_o sense_n of_o it_o yet_o the_o remembrance_n of_o it_o be_v sweet_a unto_o i_o at_o all_o time_n but_o after_o this_o all_o my_o former_a fear_n return_v afresh_o again_o upon_o my_o heart_n only_o i_o have_v a_o door_n of_o hope_n open_v that_o when_o god_n see_v it_o best_o for_o i_o he_o will_v return_v and_o renew_v his_o reconcile_a countenance_n unto_o my_o soul_n in_o the_o clear_a light_n and_o apprehension_n thereof_o and_o this_o be_v when_o i_o be_v about_o sixteen_o year_n of_o age_n after_o which_o time_n the_o lord_n do_v exercise_v i_o with_o various_a dispensation_n for_o for_o two_o year_n space_n i_o be_v by_o providence_n cast_v upon_o a_o place_n where_o i_o hear_v very_o little_a powerful_a preach_v small_a help_n for_o the_o good_a of_o my_o soul_n but_o what_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o give_v in_o by_o the_o use_n of_o private_a mean_n but_o his_o power_n and_o abundant_a mercy_n be_v much_o see_v in_o that_o time_n that_o though_o i_o have_v not_o much_o comfort_n meanâ—_n yet_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o keep_v up_o my_o spirit_n in_o a_o way_n of_o depend_v upon_o he_o and_o my_o fear_n be_v less_o at_o that_o time_n than_o former_o when_o i_o have_v more_o help_n so_o gracious_a be_v tâ—â—_n lord_n unto_o i_o in_o keep_v i_o alive_a in_o a_o time_n of_o famine_n after_o this_o through_o god_n goodness_n i_o be_v sometime_o under_o the_o preach_n of_o a_o powerful_a minister_n mr._n bateman_n of_o ockingam_n who_o be_v crown_v with_o the_o conversion_n providence_n strengthen_v and_o build_v up_o of_o many_o soul_n unto_o who_o preach_v the_o lord_n give_v i_o such_o a_o blessing_n as_o i_o seldom_o if_o ever_o go_v away_o from_o hear_v he_o without_o comfort_n though_o i_o come_v to_o hear_v he_o with_o many_o doubt_n upon_o my_o spirit_n yet_o the_o lord_n so_o rule_v and_o direct_v he_o as_o if_o his_o sermon_n have_v be_v only_o concern_v my_o particular_a and_o he_o full_o acquaint_v with_o the_o whole_a condition_n of_o my_o soul._n sometime_o the_o lord_n direct_v i_o to_o some_o support_a promise_n upon_o which_o i_o rely_v but_o those_o promise_n which_o be_v make_v to_o believer_n though_o i_o high_o prize_v they_o yet_o i_o dare_v not_o apply_v they_o to_o myself_o fear_v that_o i_o have_v no_o interest_n in_o they_o but_o that_o promise_n prov._n 28._o 13._o he_o that_o confess_v promise_n and_o forsake_v his_o sin_n shall_v find_v mercy_n and_o that_o 1_o joh._n 1._o 9_o if_o we_o confess_v our_o sin_n he_o be_v faithful_a and_o just_a to_o forgive_v we_o our_o sin_n and_o to_o cleanse_v we_o from_o all_o unrighteousness_n and_o the_o promise_n be_v 1_o joh._n 2._o 1_o 2._o if_o any_o man_n sin_n we_o have_v a_o advocate_n with_o the_o father_n jesus_n christ_n the_o righteous_a and_o he_o be_v the_o propitiation_n for_o our_o sin_n and_o not_o for_o we_o only_o but_o for_o the_o sin_n of_o the_o whole_a world_n and_o the_o invitation_n isa._n 55._o 1._o ho_o every_o one_o that_o thirst_v come_v you_o to_o the_o water_n and_o he_o that_o have_v no_o money_n come_v you_o buy_v and_o eat_v yea_o come_v buy_v wine_n and_o milk_n without_o money_n and_o without_o price_n together_o with_o