not know them asunder hereafter Chance-medly to Murther is no near Kin 'T is a Misery no Sin In Natures Laws they are not skilful That say all other Homicide is not Wilful Is it not a sudden Passion Excuses for Life lost in such a fashion Tho there were no Malice Prepense To aggravate so great Offence Because every mad Fool is crost A wise Man's life must not be lost Malice Passion and Pride shews By giving of such fatal Blows Omnia quae movent ad mortem Must undergo the same sortem The Law requires Life Lands and Goods For the Wilful spilling of Bloods No Life but Goods only for Manslaughter 'T is pity it should be so hereafter Tho it be Se Defendendo It shall have the same Reprehendo But that which is of all the Core Felo de se suffers no more If a Thief rob and break no door Is he no Felon therefore And if he chance in fear to fly for 't Doth he then deserve to dye for 't Fear no harm shall come near ye Idem est non esse non apparere Trust Aristotle 's Ipse dixit Qui benè latuit benè vixit The Eldest Male must sole Inherit Tho the rest have much more Merit What shall they do for better or worse But Beg or Steal or take a Purse This will extort many a Curse This makes them march against their Will Along with us up Holborn Hill With many a Jack and many a Gill Who all at Tiburn hang their fill We never wear Purple-Gowns But we command Scepters and Crowns The Men that most converse in Books Look upon us with wry Looks Because we prove them the greatest Rooks. Whether a Custom may break a Law Whether I stumble at a Straw Elopement from a Husbands Bower Forfeits clearly the Wives Dower The Man loses nothing though by wilful Mistake He from his Wife Elopement make Why should the Man only be free From Matrimonial Treachery Ask the Fair rich Lady Pomona If Lands as well as Chattels be not Bona. Magna Charta de Foresta Statute of Marlebridge are the Best-a The great Petition of Right We get no benefit by 't No Habeas Corpus can shent us Latitat or Non est Inventus Exigents or Certioraries We are in the Land of Fairies Our Distringas's at the Tree Where the Hangman gets his Fee The worst of all that can befall us Is at the Gallows to Enstall us Nil Factum quod non factum Prius Seldom such Justice you deny us How sometimes is a Service choakt Interlocutory Judgment Revok't Many Escheats and Primer Seisins Are contrary to Sense and Reasons Prodigals Madmen Fools by Right Should have their Guardians all alike And their Estates by Publick Cares Prescrib'd for their wiser Heirs If my stollen Goods be dropt or waiv'd For me they never shall be sav'd The Reason why I am defeated Is because they are Escheated I am risen on the wrong side I must not take them if brought by the Tide For help I know not who shall be my Guide And which is worse I must not Chide Buyers of Justice must sell at last The Devils do not all so fast Rhadamanthus a brave Lad Scorns to do a Deed so bad Politick and Personal Capacities Are contrary to all Veracities An Outlary you may stick if you will As you do a Bear or Bull. He that to kill is an Instigator Deserves death as much as the Perpetrator What think you of Writs of Error To Innocent Sufferers a Terror Supersedeas Procedendo's Rules of Court are no Amendo's Never Question Pope Joan-a Moritur Actio cum Personâ Writs of false Date The Via Lata False Charges of Rata pro Ratâ Or if you please Pro Re natâ Corpus cum Causa I ken well Corpus cum Causa I can't tell Mala Grammatica non vitiat Chartam Sed Mala Causa spoliat Partem 'T is true as they say at Falerno Beato il Filiolo qui Padro in Inferno I 've made my self a great Dictator A Magisterial Arbitrator I censure Lawyers and Sophies Vaunting with Triumphant Trophies Not without just Cause I 'le assure you We have no Reason to endure you We tell them their own more clearly Than they that pretend to love'um so dearly Others are Meal-mouth'd dare not speak We fear no Vengeance to wreak Tho we don't do we dare tell Truth More than the best that cry Your Servant forsooth We hold not fit to deal Cum Regibus Nemo debet esse Sapientior Legibus I may venture into Curiam Actus Legis non facit Injuriam There 's no Writ ad Procedendum A Communi observantiâ non est Recedendum How can there be a Legitimation Of a Bastard Generation Can Edicts Seals or Decrees Purge the Dross of a Spurious Disease When Blood in Nature is polluted How can it be by Law diluted The Law grants Priviledges when none due But no Law can make Falshood true Civils not Morals change I am a Dotard Once a Bastard and ever a Bastard We find in Classical Records The Lawyers then were Roman Lords As Noble Patrons they did plead For poor Clients but scorn to be Fee'd No Mercenary Tongues there When Justice was Mistress of the Chair 'T is an intolerable Abuse When hackney Tongues and Pens are in use Then Justice freely had its play Equity Rigor did allay All were punish'd that went astray The Righteous Case got the Day The Common Judge was Praetor and then Able to give Right to all kind of Men. By this in glory peace and health Florisht that famous Commonwealth The Law sleeps but never dyes Teach me a new way to make Lyes 'T is a dangerous Innovation To revive Truth by Reformation By no means let all Ill lye quiet 'T is dangerous to change Diet. Whether Ingratitude make void a Gift When lowzy whether I want a Shift Before a Monk creeps to his Cell He makes his Will then ring the Bell. For the Razor passing his Crown Into Hades sends him down And now he 's dead he can't Revoke The last Words that e're he Spoke How can this be Rectum in Curia Summum Jus Summa Injuria The Heir shall meddle with the Land But of Goods he has no Command For the Reason I am at a stand The Abating of a Writ Is the Abating of Wit Elegits Fieri Scire facias Ad satisfaciendum Capias For Twelve-pence stole out of Box a Thief must dye For less if taken from a Person Why I 'le be an Honest man live or dye I am for the Custom of Gavel-kind By which no Child is left behind The youngest 'fore the Eldest I never saw Prefer'd but by Nottingham Law He that 's best born is call'd a Mulier Is not this a Common Law Peculiar Shall a Judge condemn by a Process right sent The Man that he knows to be Innocent Justice is ever in Laws well meant For this find out an Expedient Forms must not
the Contriver of all Evil. The Hypocrites 't is sadly true Both Devils and Witches out-do Rogues are all for what they can get In heat or cold in dry or wet All is Fish that comes to Net By fair or foul means rap or rend Rake all together nothing spend A Principle of Self-love and Gain To thrive by others Loss and Pain To flatter all both Poor and Rich And for a Penny kiss their Britch These to us more Skill impart Than thousand Masters of the Black Art I loath it most in wealthy Swains Noble and Learned stoop to Gains 'T is common to both Gowns I had almost said to Crowns Ambassadors of State Dissemble at a strange Rate Swear to peaceable Conditions Intend Warlike Expeditions Consuls Senators Tribunes fail Base fawning Roman wags his Tail For an Heroick Sir to leer Under his Bonnet mow and fleer How ill it looks in a Peer How do the Common-People Jeer After Promises and Oaths most repeated You shall be sure to be most cheated These Rascals for being so base Are to our Profession a Disgrace Sordid Lucre ne're tempted us so high Our Vows and Covenants to deny Methinks these Faces of Angel-Hue When the Heart is most untrue Look worse by far than Wolves or Dogs More loathsom than Toads or Frogs A base counterfeit couzning Hag More 's hist at than Bob-tail Tag and Rag. Tatter-de-Mallions we know And shabby lowzy Sharks let go But Priests and Lords and Lawyers wise For them to go in a Disguise It mads my Soul and hurts my Eyes I would make them a Sacrifice I know not what can be worse in Hell Yet I like it abominably well Certainly there is great Reason To loath the Traytor and like the Treason Then Hypocrites we 'l use ye But we are resolv'd to abuse ye The World hates you and so do we And with both Hell does agree Your banging Hats and false Faces Your killing complemental Graces Your grave Gate and dissembling Garb Makes you odious to every Barb. An Indian or Turk adores Honesty but Treachery abhors For 't is to be more than a Devil To be at once both kind and cruel If I have any skill in Vices As much or more than I have in Spices I would cut them out in Slices Or square them into false Dices Dissembling with Gravity and Sanctity ill sutes Because Always it self confutes And much remains among the Mutes And they are worser than the Brutes It gets Wealth where there is no need And seeming Love without good speed For of all Sins it is most hated From all Company reprobated The veriest Rogues that find them out Cry foh and kick them about Though they be ne're so great yet still the Vogues Are Hang 'um old Knaves hang 'um Old Rogues I 'le burn all my Trinkets and my Books Before I 'le trust their Words or Looks Their smiling whining scowling winking Uncorrespondent to their Thinking Besides a lownging cringing Gate There is no end of all their Prate Out-chat the Devil or his Mate And still keep a stinking State Never threaten never frown But like the Devil run ye down Hell 's fear'd because 't is Hell But her 's Heaven and yet nothing Well They never Travel without Hoods Bid you stand and take your Goods Charm your Eyes enchant your Ears Save ye and bring ye into all Fears Witches are a Mongrel-Breed Betwixt Imps and Human Seed Like Fawns Satyrs Moors Jackanapes and Monky Whores But these What shall I call ' um Where are they or what will befall ' um Above Devils I will enstall 'um I wish I could at last Enthral ' um CANTO XV. There 's a Sâ—rivana in the Town No Gentleman nor yet no Clown Partiperpale up and down Betwixt the Cloak and the Gown No Lawyer but a Law-Driver A vexatious Suit-Contriver Understands deep Points of Law In any Evidence to make a Flaw A cleanly Conveyancer of Lands Or Houses into his own Hands Such an One has the unhappy Curse To be a Master of every Mans Purse To know every Mans Estate Be it early be it late Be it in or out of Date For a Mortgage or a Sale He 's ready he will ne're turn Tail Have you a Golden Mine lies by you This is the only Man to try you Intrust him with your Coyn estsoon He 'l take his Interest by the Moon He regards not Solar years No more than Orphans or Widows Tears Let him alone to tare and rack The Cloaths from the Strangers Back Let him alone to make his Best And pop you off with Bare Interest Betwixt Berwick and Dover For a Mortgage over and over Or if you think that an Abuse Pawn your Money Use upon Use There 's Principal and Procuration There 's Bummaree and Continuation There 's enough to undo a Nation Poor Spaniard with all his Plate Has not paid Interest for Eighty Eight Go to the Bankers of Lombard-street Try Genoa where Usurers meet You shall bring Grist unto the Mill And you shall be the poorer still You are empty but they fill And nothing is against your Will There 's your Hand and Seal to show it But what 's Interest you shall never know it For you they shall take care to bestow it For fear you should overflow it All this while Good men and True They give to every one his due They keep your Goods and their own too Never question an Account Let 'um lie by Bills will amount I say then Look up and Trust For at last be undone you must Take no care borrow and spend Your Bags will never have an End Till in the Gaol at last we find ye In Chains with your Hands tied behind ye There 's a prime Mortgage there he lurches And turns it into a Purchase He 's free to lend and you to borrow You shall find it to your sorrow For you shall be a Beggar to morrow He plunges you in Suits of Laws Tells you Your Causes have no Flaws 'Till you are left alone ' i th' Lurch With never a Farthing in your Purse Get him a rich Heir Fool or Mad Or a poor Helpless Novice Lad Or a young Lass 't is ne're the worse Provided she has a good Purse Make him an Overseer you must Or a sole Guardian in Trust Let all your Deeds be at his Commands You shall never get 'um out of his hands He 'l marry him or her to a Son Nephew or Niece Is not this the Golden Fleece Or if he or she have been Rangers And married themselves to Strangers Then comes Bills for House-keeping For washing scowring rubbing sweeping So much for Cursing so much for Swearing So much for using so much for forbearing So much for England so much for France So much for Singing and learning to Dance So much for practising on the Lute Organ Violin Cornet and Flute All this and more who dares confute Down with your Dust Sir and be mute So much for Fines Repairs and Leases Building
hard of finding Every way turning and winding Are their Laws always binding Was Judas hang'd upon an Eldar Here 's a Health to Hanse in Keldar At the Root do Jews-Ears spring For Quinsies Medicine for a King Could strangling such Virtue bring To cure Choaking sing Hey ding ding Sir John Mandevil tells Ctesia's Tales We are all drinking in Wales 'T will make us merry in Hills and Dales Where does the Eagle make his Nest Why Storks affect Republicks best 'T is a very prety Jest And much like all the rest Whores would leave Savin if Brakes or Fearn Would serve as well to kill a Bearn Phylla and Mercury produces Boys Which most of all are Womens Joys Dog finds his Master in the Night Sooner than an Honest man by Light If I should take Pliny the Naturalist The Two thousand Authors Rhapsodist Or Athenaeus of the same kind I could not better please my mind Why did Augustus's Pontifex Sacrifice To Vulcan Ten thousand Prophecies In contempt of Apollo's Rites Erected the Order of Twelve Knights See plainly Nisa's Golden Lock And the Ship Argos in the Dock Bootes in his Boots and Frock The great Syracuse Bulk Holds Barns and Stables in her Hulk When all Tongues were boyl'd in a Pot Was Lingo Franc the Scum or not Tell us how Hydra's Seven Heads Slept all together in their Beds How Argus's hundred Eyes were bob'd And the golden Orchard rob'd The amorous Moon stole to her Minion Whole Nights kissing sleeping Endymion Caveare Sack-Possits and Cock Treadings Were they Dishes us'd at Weddings In Naturalibus putis puris I pray resolve me Quid Juris Tell me whence Reason and Speech spring If we see or hear Nothing Why the Rich that have no need of Dinners Can find in their hearts to eat up poor Sinners To be took by the Teeth or be took by a Bribe Prevails more than the Learning of a Scribe You 'l ask me Will I ne're a done Tilt the Hogshead make it run Many foul Faults I have forgotten You 'l find the worst in the Bottom War wherries Rome for Fluctus Decimanus At Thule who shall entertain us Procopii opera Anecdota Were call'd Arcana Historia In which Justinian was blam'd And Bellisarius defam'd To blast those Hero's he was not asham'd With whom the same day he was not to be nam'd So Epicurus Seneca Nicholas of great Fames For Vertue for Vice got unlucky Names A Trick has been too often us'd For Gallant men to be abus'd Occult Qualities is a poor Come off The last Refuge for a Cavelling Soph. I observe in all my Travels Adam and Eve painted with Navels A Midwife will resolve you that none Are so but such as are bred and fed in the Womb. Absyrtes scatter'd Limbs who tore And re-joyn'd them but that Witch Whore Now I 'm quite spent I must give o're CANTO XVI But first I 'le handle some Law Points That are torn and rackt out of Joints 'T is the great Design of Law To keep us Witches most in Aw Laws are good but manag'd so As to manage our deadly Blow Then have at some for all their Threats For putting us into cold Sweats Have at those Pety-Foggers that fright us And for our Craft so oft Indict us At Tyburn with Halters you make us take Turns At Smithfield you furnish us with Faggots and Urns. Law sleeps you say but never dyes I wonder when she opens her Eyes You take us all for Whores and Spies 'T is for our health to make Discoveries If it be possible of all Recoveries But of Recoveries it is complain'd Some are True and some are Feign'd A True one rightly got is a just Eviction A False one wrongly got is a bad Fiction To this pass it is now grown We can settle Estates that are none of our own And destroy other mens without Attainder Which are truly theirs in Reversion or Remainder For this enter into the Scene The Stage-Players with their Bands starcht clean The Demandant or the Recoverer The Vouchee or the Discoverer These two Knavishly agree With the Knave Tenant the Recoveree If then you would cut off the Entail Of Land you give or put to Sale For ever from the Heirs Male For a feign'd Entry you must be at Cost Sur Disseisin en la Post This feigned Tenant Lug him by th' Ears Is to appear in the Court of Common Pleas. For a Wilful Default a Writ of Seisin flyes For the Tenant against the Voucher of Lyes Who is the poor Bag-bearer unlanded To warrant the Heir in Tail if you understand it And you may when you please Command it Ned Hones the Bag-bearer was He That was for Thirty years Common Vouchee To whom past the greatest part of English Ground For his own Lands which could never be found To answer the Remainder in Tail That the Recovery might never fail Thus for all you have a Warrant Which is some pitiful Knight Errand To prevent Everlasting War This is an Everlasting Bar. All this passes through the hand Of the Common Hang-Land This is the famous Alienation That runs from generation to generation The Statute of Westminster the Second they say Was made to hinder this foul play But this is suffered by Men of Parts Because of the hardness of mens Hearts I wonder before 'um All How this passes in Judgment Hall Things of this Nature long time have proceeded 'T is high time such Gardens should be weeded Inofficiosi Testamenti Querela Iniquae Praeteritionis est Medela A Ranting Son must have his Merit His Father may him Disinherit The Dutiful Son without Extortion May come in for a Childs Portion It is Justice in all Laws To Disinherit none without a Cause Minors Fools Prodigals and Mad From Praetor Guardians and Tutors had So to preserve Estates 't was fit For such as should have more Honesty and Wit A Father refuses his Daughter to marry At Five and twenty she need not tarry In the mean time she 's like to miscarry Then without his consent her self she may wed To a Chaste equal marriage Bed And being then in her own Power He 's bound to allow her a fit Dower She may make her Husband a Cuckold each hour Is the Case rightly stated By Bedding Matrimony is consummated Reason of Law gives better content Marriage is compleated by Consent In a Thing Common at first sight The Usurper seems t' have the best Right 'T were better said Hath the most Might We may bid all Justice good Night Such things as these are very Tight If an Evil deed be done And a bad Consequence thereupon run The Post Fact by Estimation Is counted no good Augmentation How can this be Rectum in Curia Scienti non fit Injuria Because I see and feel my Loss I must come home by Weeping Cross An Obligation by Words alone By other Words is overthrown This is to give and take a Thing a Rambling Will Runs round like a Horse in a Mill.
Rules Usual in Courts and Schools Distinctions without difference Sentences Proverbs without Sense Juvenile Wits they make quick But mature Judgments downright sick But the old driveling doating Dunces Will never leave their old Mumpsimusses For want of sound Argumentation Even Laws fail of a good Foundation Where right Reasoning is wanting The idle Smatterers fall a Canting But we are of a clearer mind Our Intellects far more refin'd As for our Wills we 'l have the Day Tho by never so much foul Play We plead best Right from first Possession Time out of mind 't is our Profession We had it first call it not Fury Qui prior est tempore potior est Jure Upon our Bounds you make Invasions We 'l be reveng'd on all occasions Dolus malus mala Fides So the Devil gets up and Rides And so we pull down all their Prides Our Female Tempers have no more Malice Than will fill Flagon or Chalice And for profound Understanding In Obeying or Commanding For all exactest Regulation None compare with our Corporation Your Laws are always turning and winding Our Charms are Everlastingly binding No Devils endure more Blows No Carrions can kill Crows Alas Men are but a Blast All our Generations last Where are the old Sects of Plato Zeno Aristotle Gato They quickly marched o're the Stall But we out-live the Devil and all We never flatter give us but scope Nothing stops us but a Rope O this ugly Hemp withstands our Spell Sends us before our time to Hell We conjure all things but that Grass The basest Plant that ever was So true it is Contra vim Mortis Non est Medicamen in Hortis This ugly Hemp's a worser Weed Than Colchis or Thessalick Breed So may a Mouse destroy a Boar A Cock make a Lion roar A Sword Fish conquer a Whale A well stretcht Haltar will never fail We bear swimming scratching banging Endure every thing but hanging The Judge pronounceth Right they say Tho it be Wrong How or which way A Blot's no Blot till it be hit 'T is neither Honesty nor Wit A Fiction's taken for Truth they say A Ship in Cheapside's cast away Possession is twelve Points of Law 'T is like the prating of a Jack-Daw And thus Fools are kept in Aw A Promise naked without a Consideration Is Conscience of the newest fashion A Servant's dead and hath no Will Such a Lawyer hath no Skill They are Fools that Reason thus Communis Error facit Jus. He that confesseth must be hang'd He that denies shall be but bang'd Inheritances must not ascend I pray Then hang poor Parents out of the way To what Absurdities will you hale us Semel malus semper praesumitur esse malus There is a saying that we have Once a Knave and ever a Knave It is a Saying of the Devil Once Evil and ever Evil. It is a Saying of Robin-Hood Once good and ever good When will Follies have an End If that which is bad can never mend 'T is a Saying of as good Delivery Qui nescit dissimulare nescit vivere Vox Populi vox Dei How so Then they may let all Truth go If Husband live within four Seas The Wife may play Whore as she please 'T is a Saying but to half He that keeps the Cow must keep the Calf He needs no Cow says pretty Jenny That can have a penny worth of Milk for a Penny Fallere Fallentem non est Fraus Fallere Clientem non est Laus At this Rate the World 's undone The Mother must not breed the Son If a Rogue Swears to a Lye The honestest Man in the World must dye Twelve Godfathers good Men and True Give or take from every Man his due Infallible is a Parliament And which is more Omnipotent Lords and Lands must pay no Debts Alas The justest Law that ever was The Timber-Trees may walk there stanches From Title their Bodies excuse their Branches Wills Nuncupate at second hand By no means can convey Land A Souldier's Will may tho wrote in Sand For a Priviledg'd Will shall stand A Murderer may fly to an Altar But a Thief must not miss a Haltar Stop Thief he is undone Let the cruel Murderer run Steal a Horse it is a Rape Steal a Man you shall escape I never heard a Reason why A man that cannot Read should dye I may not cheat a Private man But rob the Common wealth all I can My Shipwrackt Goods I claim no more Because the Sea brought them ashore If in the Ship be Dog or Cat I may challenge them for that What if by chance there should be Mouse or Rat I must lose them for all that If Servant steals he may be bang'd If Stranger robs he must be hang'd You may not presume to Arrest A Debtor in his own Nest It is his Castle let him lye Tho Creditor for want must pine and dye Or least the Debt you should retrench He 'l put himself into the Kings-Bench Drink Sack there or to the Indies Sail Such Payments will never fail When Justice is for none a Factor Why is Reus favour'd more than Actor That Janus's Rule was made to vex Salus Populi suprema Lex Would these Sages strike us blind How can a forced Promise bind Is there no Reason left behind For all men to use in their kind Prophets and Lawyers of State Obtrude any thing at any Rate So all things come to pass by Fate Except Aristotle's Brain Universal Learning should contain I am sure we are all couzened in the main What 's Ipse dixit to me Take it for a He or She If with Reason it can't agree Aristotle for a time 's my Friend But the Truth to the World's End Those Scholars are in their Minority That prove all by Authority That do all their work by Samples Leave Laws live only by Examples Then Trunk Britches Vardingals Ruffs Pickadillo's come up with double Cuffs Why should a dead Corps be Arrested Keep him till the Cause be Attested Let him be sure put in good Bail Or send him forthwith to the Gaol And when he is gone to the Pot Let him pay the Debt or let him Rot. 'T will put Creditors to the Frets To have such Payments of Debts A Farmer as freely pay Tithes As he would pluck out his Eyes Hercules kept Heathens in Aw Made them pay Tithes by Club-Law Against Tithes there 's no Prescription But they may be cut off by Composition 'T is a rare Effatum of Ferdinandi 'T is a good Modus Decimandi In Books strong Reasons you may see Tithes are new born a Lay-Fee Or if you 'l have it more at large You may count them a Rent-Charge The Templars or Cistercian Rout Ravisht all Tithing at one Bout I look upon Momus that sate in a Corner As a pitiful Mopus Informer A Law Jyppo a Hang by Retainer Ever complaining but never a Gainer It is the Common Law Conditions To haunt Courts Christian with Prohibitions Are you a
Smock Sinner or so Commute soundly and you shall be let go Fee Ogg the great Comissary before and behind Then Sin on you know my mind To Females all Males must be kind But Poor Whores no favour find Norfolk Swains that drive the Cows Whistle Littleton at their Plows Essoins Withernams Vouches Recapia's are stuffed in Leathern-Slowches The Salick Law is a rare Tool Excludes Females from all Rule Let no-Woman Fee Inherit Because in Wars they cannot Merit As freely Father goes to the Bow As the Son handles the Plow From the Females or Heirs Male A Fine past cuts off the Entail For a Recovery you may Rail No stopping a Ship under Sail. Pantomimi Histriones Wizards Egregii Nebulones Vox Populi vox Dei 't is confest Is as True as all the rest A Populo ad Regem Modus Conventio vincunt Legem It drives Shopkeepers into Nets When Priviledg'd men must pay no Debts Anaxarchus had the heart of a Porter That could endure to be bray'd in a Mortar Customs of contrary Feature Should they be call'd a Second Nature To say this Point is Law is in dark to grope Unless it agree with the whole Scope From Truth how can Falshood come Or Lyes harbour in Truths Room If all are inevitable Fate All Good or Bad 's quite out of Date Whether it be fair or just Men more than Brutes continual Lust How does Reason rule the Rost When Lasciviousness rides Post They couple only for a Brood Men for every wanton Mood They take their times for Generation Men at all times without Moderation What Witches were at the taking of Troy Fair Helena stole by the Roaring Boy Paris was that unlucky Toy Both fit to be call'd the Witches Joy Two contrary Parties Hallow Boys Hallow Jupiter in Troiam pro Trojâ stabat Apollo 'T is good well sung in Catches or Canto's 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Which with a Pipe of Smoke to blow to Is Dimidium plus Toto 'T is time to bid your Companions be gone The Farthest about 's the nearest way home The Whole is greater than the Part That 's safe But the Contrary Thou lyest Ralph Every Effect hath a Cause There should be Reason in all Laws Clerks if you rightly apprehend 'um Hold Dignities in pure Commendam ' Cause men of Parts cannot be found While they are living above ground No harm for Wrong done shall come near ye Idem est non esse non apparere A Minor acts not without a Tutor An old Incumbent hath a Coadjutor And a Mistress hath a Suitor Status Naturae status Belli Is worse than Cock-broth in Gelly Jus unicuique ad omnia O rare Look out sharp the World 's a great Fare Nothing 's good but wha't 's Commanded Why should any man be hang'd or branded Nothing 's bad but what 's Forbidden Let Thieves and Rogues do as they 're bidden It should seem by all these Flaws Definitions are dangerous in Laws Go and be bound and pay the Debt You 're just taken in a Net I am all in a Sweat Come hang Laws they that have Brains To know or do them will take no pains For to be sure they 'l get no gains And they have many unlucky Strains For they keep us all in Chains 'T is better to be free and then We may be said to live like Men. Reason of State Reason of Law Right or Wrong keeps all in Aw Trust no Man if you would live brave Keep a good Word for a Knave Oblige all the World please every Man By hook or by crook Catch that catch can Study Men more than Books That will make you gentile Rooks. Get a Picklock for the Law To open every Crevise and Flaw Get Pincers and a lusty Screw To wrest from every Man his due Where Rocks are get Axes and Hammers Spades Pickaxes and Rammers Let all your Implements be ready And be sure to hold your hand steady Look big stand all in your Robes Like a Conqueror of both Globes From you every Line or Word Cuts more than a Two-handed-Sword Truth must not be spoke you say at all times The way to huddle up the basest Crimes To be an Informer is thought a Disgrace Then how shall Capital Laws take place Never of any Tale-bearer tell Tho you love me never so well But if I get a Friend in a Corner He will tell me the false Informer He that is an Inventor of Lyes By him many an Innocent dyes Deserves to be made a Sacrifice For shall not the good Law punish him sore And not suffer him to live to kill any more Is it not good for the Common-weal To reward him that shall Felons reveal Is he my Friend that will see me misus'd Or behind my back not tell me by whom I 'am abus'd Consider this Case better and try And do as you would be done by 'T is come to a fine pass you 'l say when Witches with Maces Authoritatively must Resolve Conscience-Cases For this call us no more Brazen Faces Nor load us with foul Disgraces We understand some Common Places Marcus his Scholars loosely taught That tho by all kind of Vice debaucht Yet no more tainted by these ugly Steams Than are by Dunghils the Suns Beams Sesostris was first Institutor of Fees To Souldiers he gave the best Aegyptian Lees. He fed them and taught them all in Warring And by this Tye restrain'd them from Jarring They must keep strict to Military Art From which Mechanicks might never depart And to preserve Families from falling The Son must be of his Father's Calling And so a Captain as well as a Cook His Father's Profession ne're forsook If he dye for his Inheritance he might go look 'T were good if Scholars were so kept to their Book But our Laws would never this Custom Brook To Souldiers and Priests so much good Land Preserv'd them close to the Kings Command Better than the old Praetorian Band. He also freed them from Taxes and Gabels Whose Names were listed in Warlike Tables So much Bread and Flesh he daily did award To all the Yeomen of his Guard They served their Master the rather Because he was their Foster Father Nomus Thebaeus assign'd to Regiments Panopolitus or Chemnitus all in their Tents Turk to this day prosecutes the same Intents For Love and Gratitude strong Arguments So Janizaries and Timariots Are hindred from Rebellious Plots The Roman Agrarian Law Kept Souldier and People all in Aw The Linotrophi not for Name With the Feudatories were much the same 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 divided into Nomi Pannels Betwixt Nilus and Ostia Channels A wise Lady was once in hope To get License from the Pope For Women as well as Men to hear Confessions Resolve Cases and pardon Transgressions His Holiness his Answer did delay And bid her wait till such a day And gave her a Box to bring with her own hand But not to open it by strict Command The good Lady and her
I 'le not crush a poor Hare in her Form ‘ Nor will I tread upon a Worm ‘ Let my Foes charge me if they can ‘ I 'le prove my self an Honest Man ‘ By putting on a Witches Mask ‘ I take the Witches Selves to Task ‘ The Prospect of all sorts of Sin ‘ Hath made my Honest Satyr Grin ‘ Because he hath so often Frown'd ‘ Nimrod's Hunters would run him a Ground ‘ And Post him up and down the Town ‘ Specially Men of the long Gown ‘ In all this Personated Draught ‘ I let fly at all that is Naught ‘ For a Witches Expressions to the Wise ‘ I dare Apologize ‘ Things contrary to all Law and Rule ‘ Are perstringed by Ridicule ‘ Why should not Honesty take Inspection ‘ Of all sorts of Vices for Correction ‘ To save the World from further Infection ‘ I 'm tyr'd with raking in this Slough ‘ Far more than they that hold the Plough ‘ I fear I have been too large ‘ Shall no more undertake such a Charge ‘ I 'le busie my Self in the Practise of Right ‘ An Honest Heart shall be my Delight ‘ I 'le hide me close in my Cell all alone ‘ All Sin and Misery to Bemoan ‘ The World with both is Overgrown ‘ And now All my Seeds are Sown AN APPENDIX TO The Witches FRank Rablais solid Works took not very well But the Fâ—ps hugg'd his Garagantua and Pantagruel A Bawble pleases Fools with a Bell The same is done with a Bubble and a Shell They that won't stir for a grave Tragick Dance Will cut Capers and Fly at a light Comick Romance When sound Notions no Friends can make Try if Burlesque or Droll won't take If not Boy a Quart of Canary in the Mitre Score I 'le trust Witch or Devil no more THE WITCH TO THE READER CANTO I. DO Laugh Democritus Heraclitus Cry 'T is a fine sight to grin and put finger in Eye No Fools like the old Fools for shame cease Mad Shavers will do what they please We read that Birds Beasts and Trees of old Spake when Men durst not be so bold Of Villany and Tyranny the highest Strain Is to suffer none of Wrongs to complain So to sin without Controll Endures neither Check nor Droll This crosses the very Justice of Hell Where none are punisht that do well But where no Pen nor Tongue nor Hand Must move there 's no Counsel nor Command There Good and Bad are at a stand That 's worse than Dis or Fairy Land Where there 's neither Satyr nor Droll Murd'rers and Judges walk Cheek by Joll For such States let the Bell Toll They that deserve an Objurgation Sue Plaintiff in Action of Defamation This Liberty undoes a Nation Stifle all History and Record From the Peasant to the Lord Censure no mans Deed or Word A fine World when to do any thing every man may be bold And no Man of his Offence must be told If this be allowed Indemnity Why should not we Witches be free Can it be counted Sense or Reason To hang them up that find fault with Felony or Treason Shall the Law let go gross Offenders And fall upon the honest Reprehenders Plague the Thrifty and encourage the Spenders Then farewel the Trade of State-Menders Do your worst Officers says Tacebo Hangman lacks work says Non Placebo It puts Wise men upon the Frets To find Laws turn'd into Nets The greatest Plague took up by the Factions Is to plunge the Modest into chargeable Actions The Janus Lawyers gather vast Fruits By strangling the Quiet in Endless Suits Put up your Injuries into your Sleeves What the Eye ne're sees the Heart ne're grieves All the World hath cause to complain Of the Delays of proud Spain Me veny la morte di Spagna at long running For then to be sure 't will be slow a coming That way is desperately suspected That deserves but refuses to be Corrected What ever 's that Law I can't understand That banishes Informers out of a Land And suffers Licentiousness to Command There 's plenty of Traytors Rogues and Whores Where they admit of no Corrigidores That Land swarms with Bandities and Tories That breeds no Alcades or Commandatories Letters of Mart or Represalia Armies of Thieves stand in Battalia To fill up the Fields of Pharsalia It was thought of old that none but Kings Were exempted from Satyrs Stings But now every one that lies under a Hedge Shall plead Immunity and Priviledge And steal if he can the Golden Wedge This sets all my Teeth on edge If I Rob no body need to be my Pledge For now the proudest Knaves that e're Pist Presume to do what they list And if nere so much mischief all is Whist And they 're already at it Hand to Fist Rock all the Laws say I asleep Or hurl their Books into the Deep And out all Frogs and Toads will creep But not an honest Man dares peep If a True-hearted Body find fault Tumble him into the Inquisition Vault Of Hell that is a perfect Draught A true Informer there let him dye The Commonwealth won't endure a Spye In Wickedness we 're ne're like to thrive So long as there 's a Satyr alive Nemo me lacessit impune is the Motto of the Thistle The Publick Good for this Priviledge may go Whistle Kings indeed are safe under the Rose But Subjects are in their own Clothes They may without a Fiction Sin free from Contradiction If my rich Neighbour come to cut my Throat As Pompey's was in the Egyptian Boat I must stand still and not find fault Or else he 'l leave me not worth a Groat Do not Parliaments to Kings complain Of Grievances and shall Subjects disdain To be complain'd of or punisht by Kings Or if need be by Inferior Things If there be allow'd no Reprehension Of Rebels there will be a general Comprehension And that must be a damnable Invention In all Commonwealths at these Rates No Censors of Manners or Estates No more need of Magistrates Let us dance at Barly-Breaks And refer all to the Fates Tho we break one anothers Pates And you may shut up Hell Gates Yet every Gossip with her Mate Shall never leave to lye and prate Of them that are of highest state Say or do the Law what it will A Womans Tongue will never lye still Canting Saints call Satyrs Libels Where find they that in all their Bibels May Sins be rebuked or may they not This Answer may suffice a Sot That passes his Verdict over a Pot. A Fools Bolt is soon shot But never understands What 's what If Good may be cry'd up evil may be cry'd down With Honesty all over the Town To teach to do Good and eschew Evil Comes not kindly from a Witch or a Devil When Vice is cry'd out against none are abus'd But only when Honest men are falsly accus'd That 's Scandal and Libelling therefore To call a Spade a Spade ne're go behind the Door