enter Shuts the Door after him James Father you have wak'd me out of a sweet Slumber I was just dreaming of the Lady you wot of Hall 'T is from her I bring you Tidings I wish all your Enemies were as much at your command as She James Most Excellent Father sit down and talk softly Hall Sir I gave her a Visit under the usual pretence of Confession according to your command James And did you find her laden with Sin Hall I ne're asked her Sir how many Sins she had committed my business was as you well know had they been a hundred to perswade her to commit half a Score more to serve your Majesty and then to give her a Discharge in full James And how did she relish your Discourse Father Hall Why Sir I laid before her the Danger that threaten'd the Holy Church if she should suffer you to Languish and Pine away to Death for Love of her I told her how you had lost your Stomack and that nothing would go down with you but Sugar sops at night How you fasted and pray'd Mundays Tuesdays Wednesdays Thursdays Fridays and Saturdays and that I was confident she was the Saint to whom you offer'd up all your Devotions James What said she Hall She Hector'd and Flounc'd at first as if she had been the Goddess of Chastity call'd me Pimping Priest and a Reproach to my Profession and held out her Flag of Defiance at that rate that I began to despair of taking the Fort but the Devil so Faithfully supply'd me with fresh Batteries that at length as I may so say I took her by Storm And when she surrender'd But does the King dye for me she cry'd with such a Languishing Utterance that I perceived I had wounded her to the Heart in the Assault and that she only expected you to be her Surgeon James Successful Father thou hast oblig'd us for ever Hall She enjoyn'd me Sir most seriously to Privacy and I found too she had read the Earl of Rochester's Poems for she made use of the Dutchess of Clevelands Argument James That Father must be another of your Master-pieces Hall And I think Sir I have it already I will go to her again and appoint a convenient Time and Hour for Confession which being done with all the Care and Caution imaginable you shall go and meet her in my Habit Our Habit is a strange sort of Habit Sir the Devil makes use of it sometimes to cover his Clov'n Feet A Jesuits Gown is like Ixions Cloak which Juno gave him to lye with her undiscover'd James By the Mass Father thou hast Wit and Invention at Will I hug thy Design and I like it the better because you know I am one of the Order my self Hall Sir you see I am wholly at your Devotion James Nor shall you loose by 't Father Croesus shall not be richer than Thee if e're I come to my Throne again More than that I will erect a Colledge of Jesuits in England as big as the Escurial in Spain There shalt thou live like a Prince have more Lordships than the Old Abbots of St. Albans and Eat and Drink in more Plenty than the Monks of Glassenbury Hall These are Spurs would make a Malt-horse fly like a Pegasus Alas Sir my Ambition aims not at these great things The World well knows your great Zeal to advance the Glory of the Holy Order And that 's the main Spur that quickens me to your Service I have my Lesson Sir Bowes and goes off SCENE V. Lausun La Hoquette Count de Leri Lausun Reading a Letter I am certainly inform'd that the Prince of Orange will suddenly be in Ireland with a great Army Therefore if your Affairs do not succeed in that Kingdom be sure to be careful of K. James and hasten his safe return into France La Hoquette Our Master 's a Wise King but why he should be so chary of an Unfortunate Prince is past my Apprehension Diable I am sorry he is not in France at this present For never any thing prosper'd where-ever he was Lausun If you do not apprehend it I do there 's no such Mystery but may be easily unfolded Should he be too Fortunate he would be too Rampant for our Master Let him be Unfortunate but still preserve him in his Misfortunes and at one time or other he may chance to do our Masters work La Hoquette Mortbleu What a power of Mony has he cost our Master already to no purpose Lausun Th' art a Fool my Master has not spent a Doit upon him all our Master has spent has been for his own Interest Had it not been for our Masters pretended assisting him in this Kingdom and by that means cutting out other work for the P. of O. we should have had that Encroaching Enemy of ours at Versailles before this And besides if our Master get this Kingdom under this pretence 't is all clear Gains and Mony well laid out You know what he Conquers is all his own let the Pretence be what it will If our Master thought the Kingdom of Heaven worth Having he has Pen-men that would derive his Pedigre in a direct Line from the Virgin Mary rather than he should want a Pretention In short K. James must be a Goad in the sides of the English as long as he lives La Hoquette Mortbleu then let our Master find out a Goad that will peirce to the Quick and not such a Goad without a Point as K. James Let him set up his Son the Young P. of Wales Fortune 's a Whore and loves Young Flesh better than Old Lausun No no There are none in England but those of our own Religion that believe that Farce King J. has been Crown'd in that Kingdom and the Protestant Jesuits of his Party have found out a quaint Distinction already of a King de Jure and de Facto to make a Broyl upon the Coast and divide the Allegiance of the People 'T is for this our Master is so chary of K. James otherwise he would not care whither the Cham of Tartary or the Great Mogul were King of England 't were all one to Him Our Master 's a Charitable Monarch and if any Forreign Prince in his Distress craves his Assistance there is no Man so ready to lay hold of the Opportunity The Fox desir'd the Lamb but only to let him put in his Head and then he knew well enough how to get in his whole Body La Hoquette Nay I know our Master knows how to make use of a proper Tool as well as any Prince in Europe But what would he do with this Island if he had it Lausun Why Transplant all the Cowardly Irish to his Plantations in America and People the Kingdom with his own Subjects Or what if he should Dispeople the Country and leave it without Inhabitants La Hoquette I confess 't is a good way to prevent Rebellion Lausun You know our Master loves to be King of
THE Royal Flight OR THE CONQUEST OF IRELAND A NEW FARCE LONDON Printed for Richard Baldwin near Oxford-Arms in Warwick-Lane 1690. The Persons K. J. D. of Berwick Tyrconnel Powis Herbert Nugent Lutterel Talbot Pretended Primate Arch Bishop of Cassels Sarsfield Hamilton Mac-Guillicuddy D'Avaux Lauzune La Hoquette Leri Ld. Mayor of Dublin Hall the Priest Priests and Jesuits Protestants and Papists Officers and Souldiers Messenger Lady Lancarty PROLOGUE AFter one Summers being in Arms in vain And Ireland look't like Hounslow-Heath Campaign When to drink Usquebagh and pick his Toes Mend his pacht Brogues and Mundifie his Cloaths Was all Teague had to do one would have thought The Irish might to Discipline been brought For tho' their Wit and Sense can never Charm ye They might have learnt the Language of an Army When their great Generals fam'd beyond the Moon Were Deputy King James and Count Lazune The first for why should we great Actions bury So famous for his Flight from Salisbury The other who from 's Master learnt the Trick Of Burning Towns because they 're Heretick But they learnt only how to fight in jest Nay when they were by greatest dangers prest And minding nothing that their Generals say But how to face about and run away Not Bullies Scouring from the Mid-Night Watch Nor needy Debtor from a Serjeants Catch Could Faster run than did the Irish Hoast When Great King William o're the Boyn was crost Their Abdicated Prince first show'd the way And why should they behind their Leader stay For he 't is said from Hubbaboos and Hoots Rode sixty Mile that day and spoil'd his Boots 'T would be a Jubile at Rome that Day If James could learn to fight as well as Pray And I 'le affirm't without his Royal Word 'T is a good Cause sets th' edge upon a Sword But his is such a sneaking little Cause And much more Vgly then he made our Laws A Cause of such a Tottering sinking Fame No Prince e're thriv'd that undertook the same And were there but a worser Place than Hell May they be all sent there that wish it Well THE ROYAL FLIGHT OR THE Conquest of Ireland ACT I. SCENE I. James Tyrconnel Herbert Hall the Priest K. James leaning his Arm upon a Table and resting his Head upon his Knuckles IT was observ'd that when I was first crown'd in this Kingdom of Ireland my Crown stood like the Steeple of the Duomo at Pisa awry upon my Head which way soever Men lookt upon me Was that a good Sign Hall or No Hall I suppose it lean'd toward England Sir and then 't was a good sign I long to be preaching again in your Chappel at White hall James By the Mass and so do I too to hear thee there But when I first turn'd Roman-Catholick I was promis'd Mountains of Gold Where are those Mountains Hall Despair not Sir I make no Question but rather than you shall want that Heaven will rain Gold for as many days together as it rain'd in the Time of the Flood James I good Sooth Father Hall I should be glad to see that day come I have no Faith in Miracles Hall I am sorry to hear you say so Sir K. James Why so Hall Oh Sir If you would but trust in the Queen of Heaven I dare be bold to say she would send you her own Life-Guard to fight without Pay which would be the same thing as if she should Coin half the Stars in the Firmament to make Money for you James In the mean time what good News my Lords How go Affairs in England Herbert To your wish Sir The clos'd Parties are all to pieces again Whigs and Tories once more at Daggers drawing and contending for Mayors and Sheriffs and Common Council-Men as much as ever SCENE II. Herbert Tyrconnel D'Avaux Berwick James James I know I have a good Party there but still my Brother of France D'Avaux Hold Sir I am my Master's Representative in this place and must not brook this Language My Brother of France James Why Sir I am a Crown'd Head D'Avaux That 's nothing Sir you are but his Viceroy in this Kingdom consequently none of his Brother My Master 's too Jealous of his Honour to call his Inferiour Brother Tyrconnel By St. Patrick y' are a Proud French-man D'Avaux By St. Denis y' are a Beggarly Teague Barwick Sir the King is my Father and my Father is the King of Frances Brother D'Avaux Princock you are too Sawcy Then turning to K. James Sir I demand Reparation for these Affronts James My Lord I 'm sorry for th' occasion I know indeed the Barons of my Exchequer at London may call Baron Tell-clock Brother but Baron Tell-clock must not call any of them Brothers Y' are in the Right my Lord D'Avaux I am but a King-Tell-clock in the World at present But pass it over I 'll undertake my Wife shall make all well again SCENE III. D'Avaux Lausun D'Avaux Morthleu A Prince of No-land call my Master Brother Lausun Truly my Lord I think 't was by you ill tim'd for you know our Master pretends to assist him as still King of Great Brittain and therefore I don't believe he would have disown'd the Expression as yet had it been spoken to his Face D'Avaux But I know as well how our Master intends to Fool him how he only makes a Tool of him but despises him in his Heart Lausun That 's nothing what a Party would our Master loose both in England and Scotland and perhaps in this Kingdom too should he pretend to set up for himself D'Avaux To tell you truth I think our Master does ill to spend so much Money Time and so many Men upon him For i' my Conscience 't will all come to nothing Lausun I am in a fine case then to sell so fair an Estate as I have done to follow his Fortune D'Avaux Why look ye Sir Where Prudence and Courage are wanting there can never be a Prospect of Success Lausun What must we do then D'Avaux Make haste while the Sun shines Plunder and repay your self there be good Gleanings still left Never pity the People they 're a sort of Miscreants not worth hanging I have taken that course with the King as to make him seize all his Protestant Subjects Goods by Armed Force and then having set a Price upon them at his own Pleasure which he only pays in his own Copper Money to export them to our Master his Dear Correspondent in France Lausun You are a Faithful and Politick Minister I must confess D'Avaux Tann'd Hides Raw Hides Wooll Tallow and Butter are all Commodities which my Master wants and how much of this sort of Merchandize I have got the King to Ship off into France this year 1689 d'ye think Lausun I cannot tell my Lord. D'Avaux Begar my Lord no less than Thirty three thousand four hundred fifty eight Hides Tann'd and Raw Sixty one thousand four hundred and five Stone of Wooll three hundred
by de toot as disoblige a mee Maitre Begar mee Maitre be de gran King of de varle and begar me bee de gran Prince of Irlanda begar me make a de King submeet a to mee mee varrant him mee a got de possession of de gran Citee of Dubleen and of de Castel and mee keep a dem bor begar or if dey voree a mee to run a de way mee run a de way by de light of 'em begar me set all on de veere mee burn burn kill kill and make all as plain as my nail but first mee plundra all de Hereteeks and de Papists boat mee make up mee bundla mee garant mee Foutre Diable of de Gran Prince of Irlanda That can't lick his fingra having all at commanda ACT III. Scene 1. King Tyrconnel Hamilton Primate Nugent Mac Gillicuddy Butler Talbot MY Lords I make no question but you hear the News of the P. of Orange's being Landed and my Intelligence from England confirms the number of his well provided Forces He comes with all the Preparations of a Great a Prudent and a wary Captain And now he 's come I know he will not trifle time away In the mean time all 's quiet in England not a Mouse stins in my behalf and that perplexes me I wish I were well rid of this unwelcome Guest but ugly fears possess me Tyr. However shew 'em not Great Sir that will dishearten all the rest James No My Lord not so neither I 'le have one brush for 't you may be sure what e're comes on 't But you know my Lord we must be forc'd to leave Dublin but thinly mann'd behind us and 't is a fowl Nest of Hereticks I wish they had bin all transported long ago Tyr. You know Sir that was debated in Council at the beginning But then it was found that all the Butchers Brewers Bakers Clothiers Weavers Taylors Shoo-makers Hat-makers Smiths Carpenters and other Artizans were Hereticks so that had they bin remov'd your Souldiers could have had neither Meat Bread nor Drink nor Cloaths to wear nor Carts to carry their Provision and Ammunition into the Field nor would your Majesty have had a Mint and Workmen to Coyn your Brass and Copper Nugent However Sir there is Order taken to secure the Hereticks safe enough Your own Example in England in Monmouth's time has taught us to confine 'em all with in the Churches Hospitals and Jayls of the City 'till the Business be well over and then you may make Bonfires of 'em for your Victories James Well then that care 's over But how stands the Army affected for fighting are they in the same brave humour they were in when I last took a view of ' em Tyr. I think so Sir they show the same Symptoms of Valour as ever they Drink as hard Swear as hard toss about your Health as fast Bounce and Rant and Swagger as loud as ever and quarrel with one another as much as e're they did and why they should not fight the Enemy as Boldly and Couragiously as they Duel one another I know not This I dare say they will either fight or run away but that 's left to their Discretion James Well but to come more close to the Business you see the Newry's lost and you all agree that if we lose Ardee the Boyne is the next Pass to be defended so that it looks like stopping one Torrent by another Hamilton Goads Bread and I 'le undertake to hold the Enemy play there this whole Summer or I 'le give him leave to make a whistle o' my Tayl James Bravely said Hamilton but is the River fordable for if it be Ham. What if it be I 'le have it undermin'd and blow 'em up if they offer to set foot in the water James Greatly said again Hamilton But I have heard that Old Prince William of Nassau had such a Trick of passing Rivers that Duke d'Alva put the Question whether his Army had wings or no Now suppose our Enemies should have such a knack Ham. Bread a Goad Sir I have men under my Command that will kill a Sparrow or a Tit-Mouse flying much more a Horse or a Man if they do not fly in the Night James But what if they do Ham. What if they do Why then bread a Goad Sir I have a way to prevent that too by driving stakes into the ground all along this side of the River for many Miles together with their upper ends as sharp as Needles so that when they come to light they must of necessity spit themselves with their own weight A General without Stratagems is like a Mountebank without his Receipts James Well my Lords if we can but stop him ten days I make no question but to see an Alteration of the Weather in our Affairs for I have certain intelligence from Our Brother of France that he has so ordered it in England that the Prince's Fleet will not fight but leave the Dutch in the Lurch if they presume an Engagement so that the French being Masters of the Sea we shall have what Assistance we desire here besides a numerous Invasion of England it self to joyn with our Friends in that Kingdom My Brother of France well knows that if I fall his Universal Monarchy must sink My Lords these are my hopes and these my Fears Talbot Does your great Game dear Sir depend upon a ten days stop that 's too too mean to beg of hoary Time We 'll make it Agamemnon's Toyl to gain the Boyne I scorn to fly Ham. And so do I Gillicuddy And so do I Butler And so do I Unless the Souldiers turn their backs and Flie For 't was never my ambition to fight whole Armies alone Enter an Irish Souldier staring and Breathless Tyr. How now Fellow-Souldier what News Sould. By my Shoule Dear Joy very bad I wash one of those that was set to guard the Pash within four miles of the Newry and there we had news that the Danes and the Dutch were advanced as far as the Newry presently they sent us word that if we burnt any more Houses they would give no quarter either to French or Eerish By and by we saw a Party of them appear at a distance and by St. Pautrick they look'd all like your Sharazens with turn-pike Beards on each side their Mouths as sharp as Boars Tushes which made such a great fear upon us that we presently quitted the Pash and made haste to Ardee my Dear Joy Had your Lordship bin there my Dear Joy you would have done the shame by my Shoule Tyrcon Could you observe their Number Sould. By my shoule dear Joy I believe there might be about thirty Thousand Tyrcon How thirty Thousand Man Sould. By my shoule they made so great fear upon me that I have hardly yet recovered my self By St. Pautrick I am shure there was great many more than four hundred Tyr. Well is this all you can say Sould. Yesh
and small Beer are much at one May they be accurst and never taste strong Drink more for their small-Beer Fighting Mess On the other side the Danes and Dutch in a great Body took the stream like so many shag Spaniels and fighting up to the middle in the Water beat off our Men and gaining the Land routed all before 'em Sarsf The Devil take 'em for a Company of Sons of Water-Dogs Where was Lauzune all this while Mess Why Sir at the same time the P. of O. passing the River at the head of a great Body of Horse attacked Lauzune with a Bravery to be extold tho' in an Enemy and forc'd him to give way and at length to retire finding himself abandon'd by the Foot 'T is true he retreated in good Order after the loss of General Hamilton taken Prisoner but the rest disperst and broken some ran one way some another leaving all our Baggage and eight Pieces of Cannon as a Pray to the Victors All that prov'd lucky to us in this Battel was this that Duke Schomberg was slain with a Carbine-shot at the head of his Men advancing to observe Lauzune's motions D. of B. Where was my Royal Father all this while Mess He stood upon a rising ground i' the Rear out of harms way where with Tears in his Eyes for a while he beheld the bad Condition of his Affairs till at length my Lord Tyrconnel crying out with a despairing Voice Sauvez le Roy and his Majesty seeing his Army all in disorder took care to save himself and fled with all speed to Dublin D. of B. What was our loss Mess The loss of the whole Kingdom an 't like your Grace D. of B. I mean what our particular loss Mess About fifteen hundred slain and a great number of Prisoners I forgot to tell you Sir there was one whole Regiment ran away without so much as taking up their Arms from the ground where they had Regimentally laid 'em Sarsf Those were Sparks of Venus I 'le warrant ye Sir such as had rather fight in a Brothel-House than in a pitch'd Field a blessed story Now the Devil take me if all these Fellows do not deserve to be fairly hang'd out of the way that we may have no more of the breed of 'em Oh Yonder I see some of the Rascals coming hither for shelter The Scene discovers a great number of Fugitives running to Sarsfield 's Body for security Enter half a score dusty Teagues Sarsf Scoundrels where have you left your Arms 1. Souldier By my shoule dear Joy we have left 'em behind us 2. Sould. By my shoule dear Joy we made great fire upon the Enemies till they came so near us that we were afraid they would have taken us Prisoners by St. Pautrick 3. Sould. By Creesh dear Joy I club'd out the Brains of no less than seven Hereticks at one time yesh marry did I Sarsf I warrant they were dead before 3. Sould. Yesh indeed were they dear Joy but they made such fear upon me as they lay that I resolv'd to kill 'em again 4. Sould. By Creesh now 't was in my Thoughts to have fought like a Devil but the Rogues sent us word that if we did they would give us no Quarter and so when all run I run for good Company Sarsf The Deaths of drown'd Kittens in a Horse-Pond attend ye all What encouragement has a Man of Courage to entrust himself with such Vermin I 'de trust my self as soon in a Hare-Warren against a Heard of Wolves 5. Souldier By my shoule dear Joy you do us wrong we did as much as Men could do but we met with Men that were more than Men You know dear Joy it is a hard matter to row against the Stream but these Men fought against the Stream and yet beat us They stood i' th' Water like Stakes and fir'd so fast out of the Water upon us that we could not stand upon the dry Land D. of B. Come Colonel there 's no help for no Remedy 'T is my Royal Father's Misfortune to work with bad Tools and the best Artist in the World can never make a Silk Purse of a Sows Ear. Sarsfield However there 's Life in a Muscle still the Hereticks have not done all their Work yet we have something still left that will hold 'em play for some time and if we can but get fresh Succours from France we may be able to turn the Scales or else at least to make an honourable Composition for our selves ACT III. Scene 4. King J. Tyrconnel Herbert Mayor of Dublin and others K. J. TO Day a Man to Morrow a Mouse Herbert I must confess I was in hopes I might have had a Mace carryed before me as well as my Capital Enemy Jefferies Tyrcon Lose all in one day without hopes of ever having a Back Game to play What will the World think of us They 'l say surely we were either very Improvident or very Confident Gamesters to hazard all at one Throw K. J. I must confess I long mistrusted the Issue of this day and therfore it was that I sent away Trant to prepare Ships for my return into France before the Fight Herbert 'T was ill foreboded an 't please your Majesty but by this you have acquired the Honour of being the greatest Prince in the World happy in your Misfortunes to be both a King a Priest and a Prophet which is more than your Brother Lewis can pretend to A King without contradiction a Priest as being of the Order of Loyola and the Prophet of your own Afflictions Fer. I wish I might have prov'd a false Prophet tho' it had cost me the spoiling of your Compliment my Lord But there 's no staying here They are in quick pursuit I warrrant ye after us therefore send for the Mayor and Aldermen Herbert They attend without Sir Enter Mayor and Aldermen K. J. Gentlemen I had a very good Army in England but when I had the greatest Occasion for them they deserted me When I came into this Kingdom I found my Roman Catholick Subjects well equipped and prepared to defend my Cause And tho' I had been often told that when it came to the touch they would never bear the brunt of a Battel I would never believe it till now 'T is true they did not desert me as in England yet when it came to a Tryal they basely fled the Field and left the Spoil to my Enemies So that hence forward I never more desire to head an Irish Army and now am resolv'd to shift for my self and so must you too So Gentleman Farewell Mayor Now is my Heart as heavy as a six Pounder fit for nothing but a Grocer's Scales to weigh Plums withal and therefore to keep it from sinking to the bottom of my Belly I hope my Brethren and I shall endeavour to lighten it this Night with your Majesties Health before the Enemy comes amongst us 'T is the last thing that we