question Why thou moderate Coxcomb thou Time-server would'st thou have me deal with my King as with a Scrivener or change the Royal favour of his Countenance for a bargain and sale like a Plebeian No 't is my glory I am a friend to the Nation in being so to him Who loves the King must love his Honour Grandeur and Prerogative His Regal State which Money must support 'T is the Nation 's Honour and Magnificence a noble and becoming Royalty And he that dares be so abhorr'd a thing so wretched lost in all discerning eyes to see his Monarch want in such a juncture such a time as this yet be so basely poor to hoard up Wealth His very Soul is dirt and should be swept hence with the Common Rubbish of the World Heart But 't is fit the Subject be repaid Colonel Sir Char. A Loyal Subject thinks himself repaid By purchasing his Country Peace and Honour The only just return a King shou'd make Who cannot pay each Subject as he would The zealous Ancients sacrific'd to Heav'n Rais'd Altars built rich Temples to the Deity Yet who e're knew the Sacred Pow'r return One Peny back but only in effects In show'ring gratefull blessings for their Zeal And so the King does daily pay his People Heart To you now this is plain but there are a sort of men in this Age that say they can see better Sir Char. They lye Your factious busie Coxcombs never see Their treacherous fear still makes the object double Double their meanings are their Actions double And more than ten times double their false Hearts These are the Rogues that look on Government With as false eyes as thoughts and gape for Rebellion As stranded Fishes the return o' th' Wave That wafts 'em back to their own Element Heart This plain dealing will hardly get your estate agen Sir Charles and for my part I should be very loth to see such honesty as yours ill rewarded Sir Char. Honesty Ned in this Age is a very scarce commodity because 't is woven with Loyalty and true Loyalty expects no reward for that Like Charity to the Poor Is repaid from th' Eternal Store Heart I think so for the Devil a peny it will have from Earthy Coffeâ— as times go Sir Char. Yet that I have a little Honesty I know because I ever hated Flattery I cannot bow the supple head and knee To an unthinking heap of Wealth and Honour Nor tell the gaudy Rebel he does politickly To side with th' Factious City 'gainst the King I cannot Count'nance a wrong Title to be preferr'd Nor shake my head nor rail at the ill Times When I am Conscious I am one that makes 'em so I cannot Lye for Honour Pimp for Profit Plot for Salvation nor Preath up Commonwealths And therefore in my Conscience I am honest Heart Faith I believe it and what e're I have said was only to extract this Quintessence this brave opinion from you And so dear Colonel your humble Servant I have a little business and must beg your pardon Sir Char. Your time 's your own Sir Heart Now to Aurelia I hope by this she 's marry'd Exit Sir Char. I am very glad he 's gone for he might else have hindred my assignation with Camilla who appointed me here in this Orchard to come and take my second revenge upon her Husband which is to kiss and embrace her before his face The Scene must needs be pleasant and therefore I 'll not miss it I think 't is now the time and see the punctual fair one comes just to my wish Enter Camilla Dash and Crape Cam. Well Sir I have bin plotting for you and though 't is a difficult business yet to me you shall find all things are easie Sir Char. If all things are so easie as you say Madam you may oblige me and change this for another favour that I shall name Faith 't will be all one now your hand is in Cam. No Sir you are so dang'rous in your proposals that I 'll stick to my first Injunction Therefore begon to your Post behind you bush lest he come and surprize you Sir Char. If he does hee 'l only think I came to rob the Orchard Cam. Hee 'l make a shift to guess another sort of Felony Sir Char. What 's the Sign Cam. This. Shakes her Handkercheif Sir Char. And then invade the Province Ex. behind Cam. Dash you are sure you have your lesson right Dash. As you could wish I beseech you doubt me not Cam. There 's your reward Be ready then I think I hear him coming Enter Sir Oliver Dash Dash. So please your Honour I attend Cam. Get up into this Tree and fetch me some of those Pears Dash gets up into the Tree Old Oh Soul here has bin plaguey news within damnable stratagems since you left us my damn'd Captain Ionas has bin found by the Constable and Officers in bed with a Whore and what 's more strange is accus'd and apprehended for hiring a fellow to murther me Bless us who would have thought a fellow should smile in one's face yet have such a Villainous design ' Gad I always took him to be as honest as the best of us Cam. And I too I assure you Sir But pray who has accus'd him Old Counsellor Quibble I hear and some others that have found out his haunts there 's a whole Nest of 'em discover'd and they are now Examining before the Committee Dash in the Tree Fy fy Madam what this Indecency in an open Orchard Sir Oliver Master Madam I say for shame expose not your selves thus in open view have but patience till I can get down and I 'll retire and leave you alone Old Leave us alone what a Devil does the fellow mean Cam. He 's bewitcht I believe Dash. What not yet why Sir Oliver Madam the Servants will come and ketch you Fy 't is a shame such things as these should be done so publickly Old What things Dunce what things the Devil 's in the fellow sure Cam. And his Dam too I think Dash. No Shame no Decorum no Modesty Well I am resolv'd I 'll be no witness of this Slander to the Brethren I 'll leave you to your selves and then doe what you will Hah bless me what 's the matter Old What art thou mad what modesty what Decorum should be us'd more than there is hah Cam. Or what have we done that is a Slander to the Brethren Dash. What delusions have infatuated me I do profess if they be true and you have continued in this posture The Pear-tree is inchanted Old What the Pear-tree inchanted Cam. I confess I have heard so but never could give credit to 't Dash. Whilst I remain'd above it seem'd to me that there was Carnal Copulation acted and that now Sir Oliver and then another shape embrac'd you by turns in such immodest manner as forc'd my Integrity to exclaim against Old This is strange my Pear-tree inchanted and I never
THE ROYALIST A COMEDY As it is Acted at The Duke's Theatre By Thomas Durfey Gent. LONDON Printed for Ios. Hindmarsh at the Sign of the Black-Bull near the Royal-Exchange in Cornhill Anno Dom. 1682. THE PREFACE IN this Corrupted Age where Loyalty and Honesty are as frozen as Charity and where timorous and unsettled Hearts are so irresolute and wavering that they had rather side with Rebellion and Faction for the sake of Interest or fear of Particular disquietude than give a generous Vote or Assistance to a Cause Noble and Honest who can expect this Play though written upon an excellent and never to be forgotten Theam should meet a favourable Reception when there are so few that feelingly remember the fatal Scene of Boscabell and so many who though they do yet resolve rather to look on it as an Exigence of Fortune than the Effect of their own Villany However to those few do I Dedicate this Comedy grac't with His Majesties Royal Approbation and Presence and second to none in Loyal Candor and Honesty tho modesty excusing its Defects when compar'd with some excellent Authors And as the Moral Ancients in the mid'st of all their Feasts and Luxurious Entertainments plac't a dead Man's Scull upon the Table to qualify their Ioy and give a Contemplative Reflection of their Mortality so would I have every Impartial Royalist look on the first Act of this Play as a Memento of past or as a Caveat of future Mischiefs and Diabolical Practices I have heard some Knights of the Geneva Order otherwise dignified with the Titles of Viceroys to the new Elected Warpt Monarch of Poland often muttering to this effect That His Majesty having past his Royal Seal to the Writ of Oblivion should not in Justice suffer his Licentious Subjects to upbraid or ' twit 'em with the Crimes or Treasons of their Friends and Ancestors to which the King according to his accustomed Goodness and Clemency answers With all my heart But says the good Subject This Act of Oblivion is out of date and cancell'd not only by the three years Expiration but by their new repeated Associations and Treasons Nor is it proper we should forget though the King can offences of that barbarous and unparallell'd nature but rather strive with our utmost vigillance and power to oppose and detect ' em But then starts up an Old Stanch Whigg that perhaps was a little before Foreman of a Iury and suppos'd to be more capable for that office because he formerly headed the Rabble down to White-hall to demand Iustice against that Glorious Monarch and Father of his Country King CHARLES the first I name no Body for fear of Ten Thousand Pound Actions but the Gentleman may be easily found out for as a true bred Spaniel can know a Thief by the villainous scent he carrys so can a true bred Royalist a stigmatiz'd Rebel But begging pardon for my digression this Whigg I say just reeking from the Amsterdam Coffee-house and fluster'd with Mundungus Tobacco and the sower dregs of Coffee to oblige the Company and show a sample of his Parts bawls out Popery Popery down with it cut it off Root and Branch Popery Powder-Plot Godfrey King Killing in jest and the Devil and all To which a knavish Daw that sat Pearcht upon a bundle of Loyal Observators in the Window answers in the same dialect Presbytery Treason Solemn League and Covenant Association Remonstrance Votes of Common Council and King Killing in earnest abhor it kaw kaw down with it I say Thus my Speech-maker is husht and the business done for that time I speak this only by the way of Courant a certain extraordinary manner of writing which an Ale and Brandy Author about Town here is every week very famous for A Phanatick is a Miscellanie of Mischief and has like a Hound a Clog about his Neck or else he would be perpetually running up and down and invading every ones Right and Prerogative First he has no Justice but what is forc't upon him for the sake of the Cause as he calls it and his own sham Opinion Secondly no Temperance or Chastity unless at home with his Wife and Family Thirdly I am sure he has no Religion because in that Text of Scripture viz. Fear God and honour the King he had rather renounce the first than by complying with the last bugbear words offend his tender Conscience This some call a Whigg Anatomiz'd but I call it rather a Whigg Bottomiz'd where the Cabinet is unlockt and the Trumpery laid open and in that Point I am sure your Papist and Phanatick have an entire Union and agree to a hair I mean as to the Trumpery For as in the first we have Cowls Hoods Rags Reliques Beads Indulgences Dispensations Pardons Bulls and the like so in the last they make use of sly sneering demure Faces picked Beards little plain Bands short bobtail'd Cloaks with high and mighty Capes Petitions Libels Raree shows Hatfield Maids lying Intelligences and a number more which they call their Engins of Democrcay and very properly too for since they are out of love with Monarchy and cannot dispence with lawful Inheritance Prerogative Right Iustice or any Priviledge unless it be their own to set up a sort of Government where the Magistrate is chosen from out and by the People what better Engins could they possibly make use of than those before recited And to say truth these Common-wealth-Mongers have for some years lately past had a blessed time on 't their Arms and Hands that must do this mighty and Soul-saving work I mean the Mobile have been a long time ripe for Mischief and when Ease Luxury and Idleness prompt their Flagitious and unthinking Souls to Villany 't is not my honest friend in the long black Canonical Cassock for all his Morals of Humanity Loyalty or Religion that can divert or appease ' em Here ye shall see a Butcher a great Common-wealths Man bloated with Brewis and fatned with the grease of his own Tripes railing against the Succession and swearing bloodily by all the Oxen Calves Hogs Sheep and Lambs in his slaughter house the Duke shall never come to the Crown vows he will fight for the Establisht Religion till he is slic't into Cutlets yet bid him make Confession of his faith and 't is ten to one he mistakes the Lords Prayer for the Creed In another place you shall hear a Taylor sitting Cross-leg'd upon his Shopboard railing at the Government with great animosity and fury for not calling a Parliament and protesting by his Sheers Bodkin and Thimble that he will make one in the next Petition and that he is resolv'd not to permit Religion and Property to be trampl'd under foot yet ask him how many Commandments there are and 't is an even wager he remembers only Nine being very willing to leave out the Eighth because it tells him he shall not Steal Such as these it seems are to be the Reformers of the Nation and
say the Law can do any thing Copyh But make a Mon a Woman Slouch It can make a Mon swear he 's a Woman or hang him Copyh Yes with the help of Halberteers and a Hangman Slouch ' Sdiggers neighbour Copyhold Thou hast a plaguy Noddle a parlous pate o' thy own why thou makest the Law to signifie nothing at this rate What side should a mon take Copyh Take Law 's side whilst 't is strongest Slouch But how shall one know when that is Copyh When 't has the 40000 men of its side Slouch But if they 'r against the Law Copyh Then be thou against it too Fool Had'st not thou rather have 40000 men on thy side against the Law than the Law of thy side against 40000 men Slouch As the Song says I perceive Law lyes a bleeding Copyh Aye and the Head and Fountain of the Law too Slouch Swounes I intended to make a Lawyer of my Son but I am off on 't now Copyh Off on 't why how came that into thy Noddle what means hast thou Slouch Means Why I breed en ' at a Free-School and if I con raise 40 I. to put ' en to a Torney he may come to be Torney General and make Laws to settle the Crown Copyh Come come be rul'd by me Neighbour my Advice is that you make an Evidence of him put en to one of the Protector 's Plot-makers and he may come to witnes 'gainst some of the Cavaliers at the High-court of Injustice and then he 's made for ever and in time may be able to keep his six Servants or six men for his Life-guard Slouch Peace peace Neighbour here are Soldiers coming Enter six Soldiers 1. Sold. Come come the times will turn Sirs we have good news comes every day The Protector they say is sick and if the Devil takes him as I am sure he will and suddenly we shall have good dayes again How now Vermin of the Country what are you who are you for Sirrah the King or the Commonwealth hah Slouch Why an 't shall please you Gentlemen Copyh Look look He 's at his shall please ye Slouch be at silence and let him speak that bears the Brain Noble Gentlemen and Fellow Soldiers to speak affirmatively to the matter we are for the Commonwealth dee see 1. Sold. Knock 'em down swinge 'em no more words on 't drub 'em confoundedly They beat him and Exeunt Copyh O mercy good Gentlemen mercy Slouch Lookee Neighbour Copyhold I shall desire the favour of you that as you bear all the Brain you will hereafter bear all the beating too for for you to be witty and I to be bruifed for 't zooks I must tell you 't is a little unreasonable Copyh 'T is an ill time for Wit in a time of Civil War for if they had been as ready to break Jests as they are to break heads I for my Wit had scap'd a Beating and thou because a Fool hadst been beaten more But for the future advance and take thy Fortune and if thou hast any wit I hope thou wilt be Swing'd for 't 'T is grown a Custom in this Age and 't would grieve me if thou should'st miss it Slouch Here comes more of 'em now for me Thou shalt see what a Joke I 'le pass upon ' em Enter Dash with Soldiers of another Party Dash. Thomas 1. Sold. Here Sir Dash. Go and found me those empty Casks and try if they are not musty 1. Sold. Now Badger of the largest size Who are you for Common-wealth or King hah Slouch Pox o' the Commonwealth 't is the very Fundament of Governing all Tail and no Head No Sir we are resolv'd to be brave fellows and for the King we 1. Sold. 'T is very well my brace of rusty Plough shares Dash. Friends it behoveth your Discretion to beat them abundantly Let their Bones be as it were broken and their Flesh bruised for the feed of Contest is in them and must be thrashed thence by the Flayle of Reformation They beat 'em and Exeunt Slouch Hold hold Gentlemen I am for the Devil and Money as you are I 'le be for any thing A pox o' your Flayle of Reformation Shrugs Copyh A pox o' your Fundament I say and your jokes too if this be the fruit on t. You may joke long enough before any one will laugh on your side Slouch Ill times barbarous times as you said Neighbour No Wit will pass now that 's the truth on 't How now who 's this There 's no more of 'em coming I hope Enter Captain Jonas Ion. The Collonel I hear is at liberty and so is the other witness of my disgrace therefore without a Plot to invalidate their Evidence the credit of our Party is ruin'd A pox on my negligence and foolish security I shall raise a scandal on our whole Tribe by this cursed want of Policy Well there is no way but to decoy two or three easie Fools to swear some notorious Crimes against them by that means to make 'em not be believ'd Ah! and yonder methinks are two fellows very fit for such a Purpose One of 'em I met this morning leading in his hand a pretty fresh Country wench and if I mistake not he must be a very fit Tool for me to work with How now my honest Country-men what 's the news with you I warrant your heart akes to see so many Troops of Soldiers abroad and not a bone about you but is disorder'd at these War-like Preparations hah Copyh Why faith not to belye our selves our Bones are a little out of order at present as you say Slouch Our hearts do ake about the Troopers indeed But 't is because they are not hang'd an 't shall please ye Copyh So now has this Fool hedg'd himself into another drubbing by the by Aside Ion. What some of 'em have wrong'd you I warrant In troth I am sorry for 't and you seem to be such honest fellows that if you will be ruled by me I will for the future defend you against all such injuries Slouch Rul'd aye with all our hearts good faith Copyh This man now has some Conscience in him but the other were Babylonian Infidels Ion. First What are you and what 's your Business here in Town Copyh We were lately Tenants to Sir Charles Kinglove and I for my part have born all Offices in our Parish and kept as good a House I can take my corporal Oath as any Farmer in Worcester-shire Neighbour Slouch there has kept House too but I think will knock under the Table if compar'd with mine Ion. Sir Charles his Tenants This is as lucky as I could wish I see the Devil remembers the good Offices I have done him and will not leave me in distress Aside Copyh And we are going to find one Sir Oliver Oldcut to renew our Leases and know to whom we must pay our Rent Ion. Sir Oliver Oldcut why he 's my intimate bosome Friend he does nothing