flattery as unbecoming men to no greater a person then a Bishop he answered that it was none of his fault but the Prelat's who carried his eares in his Feet Lord Wentworth AFter my Lord Wentworth Ancestor to the Earle of Cleveland had lost Calice through want of a sufficient Garrison being forced on a sudden by the Duke of Guise to a surrender who had failed of another great enterprise on Naples the Queen never dawed day but with the complaints of Quintili redde legiones render me Calice quite spent her selfe the Lord Chamberlain delivering her one night the Key she sighed and said this is not the key of Calice which was alwayes held for the Key of France Earle of Dorset ONE Captain Beale served my Lord with hats which he prized at high and excessive rates my Lord understanding by his Steward the rate of his bills sent for his Haberdasher Sir quoth my Lord what is your meaning to set me such prizes in which there is no conscience why my Lord quoth Captain Beale we citizens must ballance accounts if you do not pay me then you cheat me but if you do then I cheat your Lordship The grand Seignour DON John of Austria was Generall at the fight of Lepanto against the Turkes where he gave them a signall overthrow this being related to the Grand Seigniour who had lately taken the whole Kingdome of Cyprus from the Venetians he contentedly said that the losse of a Fleet to him was but as the shaving of his beard which would grow again but the losse of a Kingdom was like the lopping off a member Philip the second of Spain HE was of so rare a temper that after his invincible Armado was defeated upon the English Coasts and dispersed with winds driven about the Coast of Ireland back again upon the newes thereof he only said that he sent not out that Fleet to fight against the Windes Another time having writ expresses to Flanders when they were fairly copyed he gave them to his secretary to throw sand upon them who mistaking the box throw'd Ink in stead of it and wholly defaced them he said no more but went into his Chamber and transcribed them Colonel Massey IT is commonly reported that at the seige of Gloucester before the Citizens burnt down the suburbs after the King had summoned it Prince Rupert sent word to the Governour that if he yeilded not presently he would forthwith fire him out to which Collonel Massey returned let the Prince do so and I will meet and fight with him in the Flame Lady Lambert MUch talke there was of some familiarity betwixt Oliver Cromwell and my Lady Lambert upon the device of the Instrument of Government which was cheifly assisted by Lambert upon mutuall assurances that he should succeed in the protectorship when that project took effect in December 1653 it was said by a wag that Olivers Instrument was found in my Lady Lamberts Placket Olivers Commissioners of the Treasury THere was a great complaint of money as occasion enough in the publique receits as they called them in that Parliament which was called in 1656 great stir was made for a supply among the rest an Act was propounded for the better regulation of the Exchequer which some fingerers of that money as most of them were such would have only to look forward to the future management of it saith Thurloe the Secretary Gentlemen if a man hath lost his purse whether should he look backward or forward my Lord hath lost his Purse Harry Marten THis Antimonarchical Person being condemned for the execrable murther of King Charles was after sentence he coming in upon the Kings Proclamation brought before the House of Lords to shew cause why he should not suffer due execution of his judgement to which he returned answer that true it was he could not nor did expect any favour from that House whose extirpation he had endeavorured and as to the King he acknowledged he never had observed any of his or his predecessors Proclamations save one and for that he should be hanged Lord Bruce SIR Edward Sackvile afterwards Lord Dorset was challenged by this Lord to fight with him in the low Countreys upon some fend betwixt them in the duel they were both grievously wounded yet would not give over at last it was my Lord Dorsets fortune to throw him upon a close and having him at this advantage proffered him his life no quoth the Scotch Lord I scorne to accept it at the hands of an English man and I then scorne saith Dorset to give it to a Scotch man Monsiure Bellieure WHen the King was in the hands of the Scotch at Newcastle and bargained and sold by them to the English this Monsiure being the French Kings Ambassadour came thither and seeing the sale agreed upon departed at his going away Lashley sent a Guard of horse to bring him into the English Quarters where being arrived he called for the Corporall of the squadron and having a halfe Crown in his hand demanded of him what that peice was thirty pence Sir said he even for so much the Jewes betrayed our Saviour take this among you FINIS A TABLE OF THE NAMES OF Those PERSONS in these Collections  Folio HEnry the 8. 1 Queen Elizabeth 2 Lord Hunsden 3 Lord Treasurer 4 Lord cheife Justice 5 King Wardrope 6 Shoomaker no Gentleman 7 Sir William Clarke 8 Lord Spencer 9 Doctor Preston 10 Sir Thomas Moor. 11 Sir Horatio Pollavieini 13 Lord Bacon 14 Doctor Perne 15 Queen Elizabeth 17 Wood of Kent 18 Bishop Bancroft ibid A Pike 19 Apes 20 Lord William Ceeil 21 Master Sutton the founder of that Hospital 22 Sir Robert Dymock the Kings Champion 23 Sir Thomas Gresham 24 Cambridge Disputation 25 Sir John Cutts 26 The Countesse of Shrewsebury 27 Sir Arthur Chichester 28 Thomas Stukely 29 Earle of Oxford 30 A Bite 31 Master Richard Hackluit ibid Beggars Bush 32 Name 33 Sir Walter Rawleigh ibid An Italian Humor 34 Law Suit 35 Sir Francis Cheney 36 Earle of Carnarvon 37 Shipmoney 38 Coat of Armes 39 Extraction ibid Complement 40 King James 41 Bishops 42 Welchmen 43 Another ibid Bishop Gloucester 44 The Kings Porter 45 Parson Bull. 46 Lord Goring 47 Gentleman 48 Sir Henry Marten 49 Boots ibid Sir Gilbert Talbot 50 Sir Robert Naunton 51 A Learned Maide 52 Bishopricks 53 Marston Moore 54 Wales 55 Welch Gentleman ibid Lord Bacon 57 Another 58 Henry the 8. 59 Evesham Bridge 60. Organs 61. Queen Mary 62 Disputation 63 Lord Hunsdon 64 King Philip. 65 Terme 66 Stumps the Clothier 68 Sir Thomas Wyat. 69 Henry the 8. 71 King James a hunting 72 Sir Henry Rush 73 A Voyage 74 Hispaniola ibid Cardinal Wolsey 75 Ambition 76 A moral ibid Sir Thomas Roe 77 A Polish Ambassadour 78 Another 79 Another ibid Sr. Jerome Bowes 80 Another 81 A young Maide 82 A Spanish Captain 83 Margaret Countesse of Richmond 85 An Astrologer 86 An unadvised Statesman 87 Henry the
8. 88 Cardinal Wolsey 89 A memorable thing 90 The Cardinal of Lorrain 91 Emperour Maximilian 92 King Charles the first 94 Generall Monke ibid Philip Landgrave of Hesse 95 A Fryar confessour 97 A Matron 98 A Lyar. 99 Ben. Johnson ibid Lewis the 12 of France 100 A Cavalier ibid The little or foolish Parliament 101 Peter House in Cambridge 103 Count Maurice of Nassau and Spinola ibid A Coward 104 Goldsmiths Hall 105 Count Gundomar ibid Sir Thomas Moore 106 Another 107 Again ibid Courtiers 108 Henry the 8. ibid Lord Chancellor Hatton 109 Lord Cheife Justice Richardson 110 Philip the second ibid A Courtier in Debt 111 Another 112 Hispaniola 113 Parliament Coine ibid Lord Treasurer 114 A present 115 Lord Bacon ibid Judge Popham 116 Pace the Fooll 117 Bishop Latimer ibid Mendoza 118 A Country man at Assizes ibid A Pursivant 119 Admiralty ibid Sir Francis Bacon 120 Another 121 Sir Francis Bacon ibid Lord Henry Howard 123 Sir Fulke Grevil Lord Brook ibid Assected Gravity 124 Arch Bishop of Canterbury ibid A Tilting 125 Sultan Selymus 126 Consalvo the Great Captain ibid Sir Henry Wotton 127 Businesse ibid Robert Earle of Leicester 128 Earle of Essex ibid Caesar Borgia 129 A Court Maxim 130 Sir Nicholas Bacon 131 Cornbury Parke 131 Knights ibid French Massacre 133 Treasure 134 Retinue ibid Henry the Fourth 135 Proud Prelate 136 Lord Wentworth 137 Earle of Dorset ibid Philip the second of Spain 138 Collonel Massey ibid The Grand â—ignour 139 Lady Lambert 140 Olivers Commissioners of the Treasury 141 Harry Martin 142 Lord Bacon 143 Monsieur Bellicure ibid FINIS To the Reader THE Reader is desired to excuse the Collector of these Jocoseria is in some places Names be wanting for it was neither safe nor satisfactory ADVERTISEMENT THere is lately Printed the History of the Commons War throughout these three Nations of England Scotland and Ireland The like exact account never before Printed faithfully Collected by an impartiall Hand Sold by Joshua Coniers at the black Raven in the long Walke neer Christchurch Bookes lately Published THE English â—ove◠〈…〉 worth Gold both 〈…〉 Actâ—â— with general applause now newly formed into a Romaâ—ce by the acâ—â—aâ—â— Peâ— of I. â— Gent. A Compendious Chronicle of the Kingdom of Portugall from Alphonso the first King to Alphonso the sixth now reigning Those excellent Fancies intituled Don Juan Lamberto or a Comical History of our late Times first and second Part by Montelion Knight of the Oracle ☞ A new English Grammer for Forreigners to learn English with a Grammer for the Spanish or Castilian Tongue with special Remarkes on the Portugues Dialect for the service of her Majesty whom God preserve The Life and Death of that reverend Divine and excellent Historian Dr. Thomas Fuller lately deceased Studii Legalis Ratio or Directions for the study of the Law under these heads the Qualifications for the Nature Meanes Method Time and Place of the Study by W. Phillips of Grayes Inn c. price one shilling Bookes in the Press ready to publish this Tearme AN Exact Collection of the choicest Songs and Poems from 1639. to 1661. Relating to these Times Written by the most eminent Wits A new Discovery of the French Disease and Running of the Reines their Causes Signes with plain and easy direction of perfect curing the same by R. Bunworth the second Edition corrected with large Additionals The Poor Schollar a Comedy All sold by H. Marsh at the Princes Armes in Chancery lane near Fleet-street
the kinnel where the Count shut up called out for help No quoth a stander by let him lye there ther 's a Proclamation we must not meddle with State matters Sir Thomas Moor. HAD only Daughters at the first one of whom at the last was of a very remarkable piety towards him and his wife did ever pray for a boy At last she obtained her wish the boy coming to mans estate proved but simple Sir Thomas thereupon said to his wife thou prayest so long for a boy that he will be a boy as long as he lives Another SIR Thomas Moor on the day he was beheaded had a Barber sent to him because his Beard and hear of his head was grown very long which was thought at Court would tender him the greater object of pity to the people The Barber accordingly came and asked him whether he would be pleased to be trim'd In good faith honest fellow said Sir Thomas the King and I have a Suit for my head and till the Title be cleared I will be at no cost about it Again THE same Sir Thomas when Lord Chancellor of England had sent him by a suiter in Chancery two silver Flagons When they were presented by the Gentlemans servant he said to one of his Men have him to the Celler and let him have of my best Wine and turning to the servant said Tell thy Master if he like it let him not spare it Courtiers IT is an old Adage that Princes Privados and Favourites of Kings were like casting Counters which are used in the Exchequer as in play to count by That sometimes they stand for one sometimes for ten sometimes for a hundred K. Hen. 8. IT is reported of Henry the eight that disguising himselfe in a mean habit he associated himselfe among some good fellowes in purpose to know what the people thought and said of him One of the company spoke something freely of him giving him a character which the King knew was not much out of the way Whome the King as a wary Concellour advised not to make discourses of Princes For if he should prayse them he should lye and if he dispraysed them he brought himselfe into danger Lord Chancellor Hatton IN his time when the Councellours of two Parties set forth the Limits and Boundaries of the Land in question by the Plat And the Councell of one part said we lye on this side my Lord and the Councell of the other part said and we lye on this side The Lord Chancellor arose and said If you lye on both sides whom will you have me to beleive Lord Chief Justice Richardson A Dilatory suit had been some time depending in the Kings Bench before him which the Plaintiffe could not bring to tryall at last he obtained a peremptory day the Desendant moved again for some reasons shewed desired a longer day 'T was in Trinity Terme quoth Judge Richardson you shall have the longest the Court can grant take the 11th of June Saint Barnabies day Philip the Second WHen Philip the second conquered Portugall he gave speciall charge to his Leiutenant that the Souldiers should not spoile lest thereby the hearts of the people should be alienated it came by this meanes to passe that the Army suffered much want of victuall Whereupon the Spanish Souldiers thereafter used to say That they had won the King a kingdome on Earth as the Kingdome of Heaven useth to be won by fasting and abstaining from that which is another Mans. A Courtier in Debt THere was a Courtier that dyed greatly in debt when the report of his death came to some company where divers of his Creditors usually met that he was dead one began to say Well if he be gone then he hath carried 500 l. of mine with him into the other World and another said 200 l. of mine and a third spake of great sums of his Whereupon one that was amongst them said I perceive now that though a man cannot carry any of his own with him into the other World yet he may carry away that which is another mans Another A Gentleman who had a debt due from a Lord lately returned into England by Bond came to him and acquainted his Lordship with it who referred him to his Steward or Solliciter at his Addresse to him he looks upon the Bond and seeing it to be of an old standing ever since 40. quoth he sir I have nothing to say to this this is an old debt replyed the other in a little heat hath your Lord contracted any new ones I thought there had been no more mad Men in England to have trusted them In the Land of Hispaniola UPon the landing of the English Army upon that place Proclamation was made that no man should plunder or take any Plate Bullion or Jewels upon pain of death the thirst and heat of travell did not more afflict and diminish their strength then the Proclamation abated their courage so that one merrier then the rest after their defeat said the General had done well to have prohibited their stripping the naked Molattos of their Breeches and Doublets also when they should fall into their hands Parliament Coyne A Country honest fellow upon the first coming out of that money taking it in his hand and turning it backward and forward when he had read the circumscription of it said Here are crosses enough I trow me but how long they shall last I know not for I see here the Common-wealth of England and God with Vs are not of one side Lord Treasurer WHen my Lord came first to be Lord Treasurer he complained to the Lord Chancellor Bacon of the troublesomnesse of the place for that the Exchequer was so empty The Lord Chancellor answered my Lord be of good cheer for now you shall see the Bottom of your businesse at the first A Present WHen peace was renewed with the French in England divers of the great Counsellors were presented from the French with Jewels The Earle of Northampton being then a Privy Counsellor was omitted whereupon the King said to him my Lord how happens it that you have not a Jewell as the rest my Lord answered according to the Fable in Aesop non sum Gallus ideoque non reperi Gemmam Lord Bacon WHen Sir Francis Bacon was made the Kings Attorney Sir Edward Coke was put from being Lord Chiefe Justice of the common Pleas to that of the Kings Bench which was observed before as a place above it in dignity below it in profit My Lord Coke meeting with Sir Francis Master Atturney saith he this change is all your doing it is you that have made this stir My Lord replyed he your Lordship hath all this while grown in bredth you must needs now grow in height or else you would be a Monster Judge Popham MAster Sarjeant Popham afterwards Lord Chiefe Justice Popham who said he would make the Road so safe that a man might travell with a white Wand in his hand and performed
Curia quasi Incuria â—â—ld by Hen Marsh and Ios Coniers 〈…〉 Fragmenta Aulica OR COURT AND State Jests IN Noble Drollery TRUE and REALL Ascertained to their Times Places and Persons By T. S. Gent. London Printed for H. Marsh at the Princes Armes in Chancery-lane near Fleetstreet and Jos Coniers at the Black-Raven in the long Walk near Christ Church 1662. TO THE COURT WE invite you here to these Fragmenta Aulica peices of wit and festivity which make up the whole entertainment of the last seven Reignes of our and their cotemporary Princes Some few scraps of these have been published in miscellanies and common prostitutions of vulgar conceits and like such issues have wanted both name and place being meerly fathered on the credulous Reader Such princely incognito stories proving meer popular cheats and impostures These false citations are here rectifyed the antique Authority of them cleared being as by their presumptuous circumstances will appear truly reduced to their undoubted originals both History and other tracts of the times having been carefully and examinately considered Being thus assembled in this train and Equipage they returne to the place from whence they came as the suitablest and fittest for their reception There will be room enough amidst the throng of your businesse and employment for their entertainment and if the Genius of the place be not different from what it was as Pasquil thinks not they may perhaps justle out more serious difficulties and finde easier accesse and attainment as the aire insinuates it self where the other heavier and dull Elements cannot proceed or move of themselves Some have wondred that among all the offices at Court whose vacancies have been supplyed none have taken the reversion of Archee The publisher therefore of these Joco-seria officiously substitutes himself as to the publique Others offended with the times and the nature name and quality of the place think the whole collectively taken to be a representative body of that venerable function and that there is no want or need of him these are mad-men because they are not as fine fools as formerly But the reason is ascribed to the constant sweetnesse of his Majesties temper which intermits not nor can be interrupted so that it should need to be peiced by borrowed mirth the reparties of his own serene thoughts naturally indulging his leysure such satisfaction beyond the strains of the quickest and facetest invention There are besides many very excellent in this way of Droll who are persons of the highest Honour that contribute much to this kinde of recreation and 't is all the unhappiness of these Collections that they cannot trace nor recover the quicknesse of those discourses so that very few modern Joco's are here inserted but there is a further reason to be given of it because the presentnesse of the time will not suffer them These your disports and trifles we poor mortals admire as Oracles and conceit our discourse highly improved if we can draw in one of these stories by the head and eares to embellish and set it off in earnest they are of as much profit as delight having a smatch or râ—sâ— of the Humor of 〈…〉 they pasâ—◠〈…〉 â—â—â—etent view they are submitted with a presumption they will not be even to you uselesse and unacceptable Yours T. S. COURT AND STATE JESTS OR Noble Drollery K. Hen. 8. A Company of little Boyes were by their Schoolmaster not many yeares since appointed to Act the play of King Henry the eight and one who had the presence or the absence rather as being of a whining voice puling spirit consumptive body was appointed to personate King Henry himselfe only because he had the richest cloaths and his Parents the best people of the parish but when he had spoke his speech rather like a Mouse then a Man one of his fellow Actors told him If you speak not HOH with a better spirit and voyce your Parliament will not grant you a Farthing Queen Elizabeth QUeen Elizabeth a great lover of her Clergy especially of the persons and acquaintance of those of the Prelacy or the next dignities to it took much delight in and highly valued the company of one Doctor David Whithead an accurate disputant and a very facetious person of a conscientious bluntness wherein one handsome clash or reported hapned The Queen one day who had not the same respects for married Clergy men said unto him Whithead I love thee the better because thou art unmarried In truth Madam said he I like you the worse because you are unmarried Henry Cary. HEnry Cary Lord Hunsdon something a Kin to Queen Elizabeth Ancestor to the Honourable Houses of Dover and Monmouth was a stout and great spirited Gentleman very cholerick but not malicious and a lover of men of their Hands Once one Mr. Colt to whom he owed a grudge met him coming from his House at Hunsdon to London with a Lordly retinue my Lord gave Colt a box of the eare Colt presently returned it with interest therupon my Lord servants drawing their swords swarmed about him you Rogues said the L â— may not I and my Neighbour change a blow but you must interpose so the quarrel began and ended in a moment Lord Treasurer LYonel Lord Cranfeild bred a Merchant in London who was said to be his Tutor and own university was especially conversant about the Custome-house which was the seminary of his Fortune He being made Lord Treasurer by King James 1612. having married a Kinswoman of the D. of Buckingham thought himselfe able not only to stand with out but in some cases against him which the Duke not enduring he was outed of his Treasurersship after he had held it four years and fined to the King in a very great summe How ever losing his Office he saved himselfe departing from that Office in an Age when it was hard to keep it Insomuch that one asking what was good to preserve life was answered get to be Lord Treasurer for they seldome dye in their Places proved to be true for four successions The Office of Lord Treasurer was alwayes beheld as a place of great trust and profit One well skilled in the perquifit ther of being demanded what he conceived the yearly value of the place might be worth made answer That it might be worth some thousands of pounds to him who after his death would goe instantly to heaven twice as much to him who would goe to Purgatory and No body knowes what to him who would adventure to go to Hell Cheife Justice THe Cheife Justice of the Common Pleas is in place beneath in profit above the Lord cheife Justice for this reason Sir Edward Montague in Henry the eights being demanded the reason of degrading himselfe from the Kings bench to the other cheife justiceship answered I am now an old man and love the Kitchin better then the Hall the warmest place best suiting with my Age. The Kings Wardrope IN the Kings Wardrope is a rich
injured the other to the Defendant pittying him as compelled to Law but taking bribes of both with this condition to restore the money if the Cause went against them Their Lord ignorant hereof alwayes did impartial justice whilest his two serants making people pay for what was given them by compact shared the money between them which in conclusion cost the Master the losse of his Office Dr. Perne DOctor Perne Master of Peter house and Dean of Ely in Cambridge this Person was very facetious and excellent at blunt sharp jests and loved that kind of mirth even so as to be noted for his wit in them This Dean chanced to call a Clergy-man fool that indeed was little better who replyed that he would complain thereof to the Lord Bishop of Ely Do saith the Dean when you will and my Lord Bishop will confirm you Yet was Doctor Perne himselfe at last heart-broken with a jest being at Court in the time of Queen Elizabeth with Archbishop Whitgift his Pupil It seemes he was noted to have altred his religion with the several raignes of Hen. 8. Ed. 6. Q. Mary and Queen Elizabeth It fell out at his being there as aforesaid the Queen was disposed and resolved that afternoon for all it rained very hard to goe abroad contrary to the mind of her Ladies on Horseback Coaches not being then common who were to attend her Now one Clod the Queen's Jester was employ'd by the Courtiers to laugh the Queen out of so inconvenient a journey which he performed in this manner Heaven quoth he Madam disswades you it is cold and wet and Earth disswades you it is moist and dirty Heaven disswades you this Heavenly minded man Archbishop Whitgift and Earth disswades you your fool Clod such a lump of clay as my selfe And if neither will prevaile with You here is one that is neither Heaven nor Earth but hangs betwixt both Doctor Perne and he also disswades you hereat the Queen and the Courtiers laughed heartily whilst the Doctor withdrew himselfe to Lambeth and there dyed out of meer conceit of this publick dictery Queen Elizabeth QUeen Elizabeth was of an undaunted courage so that once a prime Officer with a white staffe whose name for his honorable Posterities sake shall be passed by coming into her presence the Queen willed him to confer such a place now void on one of her Servants whom she commended unto him Please your Highnesse Madam said the Lord the disposall hereof pertaineth to me by vertue of this white stasse conferred upon me True said the Queen yet I never gave you the office so absolutly but I still reserved my selfe of the Quorum But of the Quarum Madam replied he presuming on her favor hereat the Queen in some passion snatching the staffe out of his hand You shall acknowledge me said she of the Quorum Quarum Quorum before you have your staffe againe Wood of Kent NIcholas Wood I cannot but observe him as a living jest and merriment of the times though the greatest grief and sorrow to himself imaginable through his Caninus Appetitus or doggish appetite he was a Landed Man and true Labourer he would eat provision for twenty men at a meal a whole Hogg at a sitting and at another time thirty dozen of Pigeons this by the modern trenchermen is called playing at a bit and so is rancked here in that Topick Bishop Bancroft THIS excellent Prelate was very much abused by virulent tongues and pens of the Puritan party being he that managed the Conference at Hampton-Court so learnedly and acutely so that as Mithridates their venemous tongues became food to him Once a Gentleman coming to visit him presented him a libell lye because false bell because loud which he found posted on his door who nothing moved hereat Cast it said he to an hundred more which lie here upon a heap in my Chamber A Pike IT is known of what voracity Pikes are being called the Tyrants of Rivers Once a Cub-Fox drinking out of the river Arnus in Italy had his head seized on by a mighty Pike so that neither could free themselves but were ingrapled together in this contest a young man runs to the water takes them both out alive and carrieth them to the Duke of Florence whose Palace was near thereunto The Porter would not admit him without promising of sharing his full halfe in what the Duke should give him To which he hopeless otherwise of Entrance condescended The Duke highly effected with the rarity was on giving him a good reward which the other refused desiring his Highness would appoint one of his guard to give him a hundred Lashes that so the Porter might have fifty according to his Composition Apes THere is a sort of Apes in India caught by the Natives thereof in this manner they dresse a little boy in his sight and undresse him again leaving all the Childs aparell behind them and then depart a convenient distance The Ape presently atyreth himselfe in the same garments till the Childs cloathes become his chains putting of his feet by putting on his Shoos as most of our Gallants doe for French fashions leaving the old English manners Lord William Cecill HE was Secretary and Lord Treasurer to Queen Elizabeth for about 30. yeares together Ancestor of the Earle of Exeter being Moderator Auleae steering the Court at his pleasure and whilest the Earle of Leicester would endure no equal and Sussex no Superiour therein he by sideing with neither served himselfe with both Incredible was the kindnesse which Queen Elizabeth had for him or rather for her selfe in him being sensible that he was so able a Minister of State coming once to visit him being sick of the Gourt at Burley house in the Strand and being much heightned with her head attire then in fashion the Lords servant who conducted her through the door May your Highnesse said he be pleased to stoop the Queen returned For your Masters sake I will stoop but not for the King of Spain Sutton the Founder of that Hospital HE got his Estate by being Pay-master at Berwick under the Queen and by being thrifty and frugall in that employment and then turned merchant He had a merchant his Comrade with whom he had Company in common but their charges were several to themselves when his friend in travel called for two Fagots Mr Sutton called for one when his friend called for halfe a Pint of Wine Mr Sutton for a Gill underspending him a moiety at last Mr Sutton hearing of his Friends Death and that he left but fifty thousand pounds Estate I thought said he he would die no rich Man who made such needlesse Expences The Kings Champion SIr Robert Dimock being by inheritance the Kings Champion at the Coronation of Henry the 7. came on Horseback into Westminster Hall where the King according to custome dined and casting his Gauntlet on the ground challenged any who durst question the Kings right to the Crown King Henry being pleased
her a Goat was espied by a merry fellow one of her Warders to be walking alone with her where upon taking the goat on his shoulders he in all hast hurried him to Sir Harry I pray said he examine this fellow whom I found walking with her Grace but what talke they had I know not not understanding his Language he seems to me a stranger and I believe a Welchman by his freize Coat Another THomas ap William ap Thomas ap Richard ap Howell ap Evan ap Vaughan c. Esquire being born of Worshipfull parentage at Moston in this County was empannelled of a Jury by the aforesaid Names in the reign of King Henry the Eight whereupon by the advice of the Judge his name was contracted he consenting to it into Moston the place of his Nativity and ancient Inheritance This leading case was a precedent to the practice of other Gentrey in Wales who leaving their Pedigrees at Home carry only one Sir-name abroad with them whereby much time especially in winter when the dayes are short is gained for better employment Bishop of Gloucester DOctor Goodman Bishop Gloucester in the raign of King Charles the first when he dyed declared himselfe by his will a Roman Catholick an intimation whereof he gave at the convocation in 1640. where he refused to subscribe the Canons and was therefore and for other Erroneous opinions inprisoned by his Brother Prelates was wont to say complayning of our first Reformers that Bishop Ridley was a very odd Man to whom one presently returned He was indeed an odd Man my Lord for all the Popish party in England could not match him with his equall in learning and Religion The Kings Porter WIlliam Evans Porter to King Charls the first was a Welchman of Monmouthshire and may justly be accounted a Giant for his stature being full 2. yards and a halfe in height He succeeded Walter Parsons who would take two of the biggest of the Guard under each arme as a liver and gizard and so carry them exceeded him 2. inches in Height but far beneath him in an equall proportion of body for he was not only what the Latines call Compernis knocking his knees together and going out squalling with his feet but also bandylegd a little yet he made a shift to dance at an Antimasque in Court where he drew little Jeffery out of his pocket first to the wonder then to the laughter of the Beholders Parson Bull. UPON the happy and most auspicious restauration of our Soveraign to his Kingdomes one Parson Bull a Minister who had as loyally as learnedly maintained and asserted his Majesties cause had a benefice of some value conferred on him by the Kings gift but before his Patent could be sealed the Lord Chancellour upon some presentation had disposed it or some way it happened that he was hindred so that the Parson had spent all his money in towne in attending of it One day therefore seeing his money grew short he put his hand in his pocket and finding nothing there but the Kings Grant with his hand to it he went confidently to his Majesty and told Him that he had lost all the money out of his pocket and found none but his Majesties hand therein at which the King smiled and asked him if his business was not dispatched he replied no Thereupon he was expressely recommended to the Chancellour for expedition of his Patent who at his addresse understanding him to be a wit said unto him pray what 's your name Bull said the Parson where are then your Hornes said my Lord if it please your Lordship replyed he the Hornes alwayes go with the Hide Lord Goring GEorge Earle of Norwich Lord Goring being sentenced by the High Court of justice for that same crime of Loyalty with the ever Honourable Lord Capell for their most noble defence of the Town Colchester in 1648. was at the point of death by the potent intercession of the Spanish Ambassador reprieved from Execution which Duke Hambleton Earle of Holland and Lord Capell deplorably suffered This Earle being visited after this reprieve and asked how he did answered I had thought to have pulled off my Doublet but now I have leisure to Hooke up my Breeches A Gentleman A Gentleman coming to Court as he was lighting out of his Coach asked a Page or Lacquy that retained to some Person therein very hastily what a Clock it was to whom the lad said Sir what will you give me then The Gentleman wondering at the boy asked him what he meant by it Sir saith he I would not have you mistake your selfe We Courtiers doe nothing without money Sir Henry Martin SIR Henry Martin Father to the unfortunate Harry Martin a criminal in the horrid murder of the King was a very fine Gentleman and a very learned Person By King James he was worthily advanced in the sphere of his study the civil Lawes wherein he was very eminent to be Judge of the Prerogative for Probate of Wills and also of the admiralty in Cases concerning foreign traffique so that as King James used to say pleasantly That he Sir Henry was a mighty Monarch in his jurisdiction over Land and Sea the living and the dead Boots WHen Doctor John Gostin was last Vice Chancellor of Cambridge being Master of Caius Colledge and an excellent Physician it was highly penal for any Scholar to appear in Boots it being not thought civil Now a Scholar undertook for a small wager much beneath the penalty to addresse himselfe booted to the vice Chancellor which was thought a dangerous presumption so carrying an Urinal in his hand he craved his advice for a cure of an hereditary numnesse in his Legs which he was fain to keep thus warm The Doctor pittyed him and dismist him with a remedy to boot with his wager Sir Gilbert Talbot SIR Gilbert Talbot being made Governor of Calis by King Henry the eight upon some advice or suspition that the French had some sudden design upon the place by surprisal was commanded peremptorily that presently and carefully he should look to his charge and fortifie the Town to whom sir Gilbert replyd being unprovided of necessaries as briefly as bluntly That without money he could neither fortify nor fiftify Sir Robert Naunton ONE Master Wiemark a wealthy Man a great Newes-monger and constant Pauls walker hearing the newes that day of the beheading of Sir Walter Rawleigh His head said he would do very well on the shoulders of Sir Robert Naunton then Secretary of State to King James These words were complained of and Wiemark summoned to the Privy Councel where he pleaded for himselfe that he intended no disrespect to Master Secretary whose known worth was above all detraction Only he spake in reference to an old proverb Two heads are better then one And so for the present he was dismissed Not long after when rich men were called on for a Contribution for St. Pauls Wiemark at the Councel Table subscribed a hundred