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A40603 The full and vvhole proceedings of the new high-court of justice: or The non-such commission of the peace, and oyer and terminer, held at the capital city of the high and mighty prince the Eagle, near the forest of Eppingia, in the fam'd hollow oak, being the Guild-Hall of the said city, perform'd to morrow, being the 11th of the Greek kalends of the next month, 1691. and the first year before His Majesty's reign design'd for the special preservation of the peace of Aviarium, or the kingdom of birds: with the tryal and examination of the two late notorious criminals, the Magpie and Black-Bird. 1691 (1691) Wing F2338A; ESTC R214644 5,122 5

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The Full and VVhole Proceedings of the New High-Court of Justice OR THE Non-such Commission of the Peace and Oyer and Terminer held at the Capital City of the High and Mighty Prince the Eagle near the Forest of Eppingia in the fam'd hollow Oak being the Guild-Hall of the said City perform'd to Morrow being the 11th of the Greek Kalends of the next Month 1691. and the First Year before His Majesty's Reign Design'd for the special Preservation of the Peace of Aviarium or the Kingdom of Birds With the Tryal and Examination of the Two late Notorious Criminals The Magpie and Black-Bird AT a Grand Match of the Royal Sport of Cock-Fighting in Ragland Fields in Aviarium or the Kingdom of Birds there lately happened a private Quarrel between a Pragmatical Ambitious Superstitious Albanian Mag-Pye and a Phanatical Covenanting Seditious Scotian Black-Bird The Contest was for Preheminence but the Controversie being hot and encreasing and like to prove dangerous Effects the Eagle King of Birds not being in the way it was appointed that the Two Criminals should be Tryed by a Non-such Commission for the safety of the Kingdom in the hallow Oak formerly called Pretorium servile midway betwixt the Tripple-Tree in the Dukedom of High-Holbourn and the Landgraviate of the Forest of Epingia being the Eagles Capital City which was accordingly performed the 11th of the Greek Kalends The Judges were L. Chief Justice Hawk Mr. Justice Cuckow and Mr. Justice Batt Two Justices of the Peace for the next Year There was appointed a Party Jury half Birds and half Beasts very fit for the purpose and most of them having a natural Antipathy against the Two Malefactors Their Names are Beast Mr. Weesel an English Mr. Reynard Fox a Scotch Mr. Woolf a Roman Friend Yea and Nay Racoon a Pensilvanian Myn Heer Water Rat a Dutch Mr. Monkey a French Bird. Mr. Raven a Mungrel Protestant Mr. Peacock a Canary Mr. Sparrow a Hedge Mr. Porcupine a Goal Mr. Water-wag-tail a Whore's Mr. Kite a Rapa-Ree The Court being thus orderly set Silence Commanded the Prisoners were Arraign'd and their Indictments Read by Tom Tit Clerk of the Crown After which the Parrot Attorney General and chief Speaker for the King opened their Indictment thus May it please your Lordship and this Honourable Court The Two Prisoners at Bar Sir Roger Magpye Knight and no Gentleman and Robert Sterling alias Black-Bird Esq stand Indicted as false Traytors and grievous Malefactors contrary to the Peace of our Soveraign Lord the King have with their Idle Chattering set our Bills on edge and made it their Business in this dangerous Time wherein the Peace and Tranquility of the Kingdom hangeth on so slender a Bough to Sow the Seeds of Sedition shake the Root of the Royal Oak wherein the Eagle hath built his Nest and by kindling a Spark of Animosity to set on fire the whole Kingdom of Birds Therefore in Name and Authority of our Soveraign Lord the Royal Eagle I require Justice to be executed on the Prisoners according to utmost extremity of the Law On this the Lord Chief Justice Hawk began to look grim and after some sharp and noisome Words and Threats asked the Prisoners whether they were Guilty or not The Magpye being the Bird in Fashion began to clear himself first in indirect terms telling That the Black Bird gave him the first Affront and Provocation by throwing Dirt at his white Feathers in the Streets of Troynovant whilst he was taking care for nothing but the Feathering of his Nest as all Coffee-Polian Birds could testifie But the Black-Bird reply'd thus I do acknowledge and testifie That at the time I threw this late Kennel Dirt which I had wrapt up in a sheet of Paper at the Lazie Magpye he and I were good Friends from the Bill out But the intollerable provocations of some Ambitious Magpyes our Tribe have met with formerly are still fresh in our Remembrance and the Feud now is so great and become so natural that it is as easie to reconcile Light with Darkness as to make us good Friends till they throw by their white Feathers and give over a great many more of their affected Gestures But since I gave them the last Affront they have accused us of Treason against the Line of our Royal King as being accessary to the twisting off the Head of the best of Eagles whilst it is known to the Right Honourable Judges Hawk Cuckow and Batt that the Actors of that dreadful Tragedy were Storks D and Moles Mr. Magpye Your Sect is never at quiet you are still affronting our Lordships you are an inferior Crew of Seditious Scismaticks you are all Publicans and cannot live in Peace under any King you convene privately in Flocks under Hedges and at a dark and shady Grove called Coffee-Polian Boriale where in several Clusters of Tub-Chanters you Plot nothing but Mischief and Sow Sedition Black-Bird These are all Forgeries the Bench knoweth the contrary at least those who know the History of the Times and present State of the Kingdom But one of your over-grown Magpyes pick'd up a stately Lapwing with a Pyebald Top-Knot near the Sea Coast and carrying to the Belzebub-Tavern near the Rooks-Cloyster by the Western-Gate got her with Egg of a young Jacobite but as soon as she began to look big-bellied of a new Plot he run away and left the Society to look after the Chick But had not the Egg been Birth-crush'd on the Triple Tree it might have been hatcht to a Cockatrice and brought the whole Kingdom to Confusion The Magpye began here to Prattle and clear his Cabal of the Accusation but the Evidence being a clear demonstration Judge Cuckow Commanded Silence telling That he might be asham'd to speak in the behalf of so pernicious a Patron and that the Canonical Cock had turn'd his back upon the Bantling and fled to a Desart and that the Kingdom would look after the young Mag. Black-Bird There are many Magpyes in this Kingdom of Birds who will not Pray for the Eagle their just and lawful King but no Black-Birds are of that Stamp yet we would gladly smother the Infirmities of the Magpyes because the greater part of them are truly Honest Just and Well-meaning Birds and were always against joyning with the Cormorant that Bird of Prey in ruining their Brethren the Black-Birds Magpye We should be beholding to your general Charity were there any thing in it but to wheedle the Court into a belief of your good Nature whereas you are nothing inferior to any Tribe in your ill-natur'd domineering and insulting Spirit for you Stigmatize our Holy Ephod with the name of The Whore of Babel ' s Smock our Temple Musick you term Scotch Bag-Pipes and Catholick Whistles c. these Expressions savour of the Roman Woolf and the Spirit of Envy And tho' I acknowledge that the Black-Birds came over to this Kingdom from Geneva and Heidleburgh before our Community were well settled yet the Magpyes
ever since their firm Establishment in England have been very Loyal for had the Italian Vulture continued King still we had been obsequious to his absolute Commands rather than unfaithful to our Allegiance Black-Bird 'T is enough whoever be King the Magpyes will still prove Loyal but in several Respects Attorney Gen. These Idle Reflections are not the end for which we came hither and I require in the Kings Name the Execution of Justice upon these Two Malefactors for striving to set the whole Kingdom of Birds by the Ears and so raise a Civil Dissention in the Bowels of the Nation Mr. Cuckow Mr. Attorney you shall L. Hawk Have you any thing more to say in your own behalf Mr. Black-Bird and whether did you give the Lord Magpye the first affront Black-Bird My Lord I have receiv'd one hundred Affronts for one L. Hawk But are you the Bird that lately Chatter'd against a Reverend Magpye Black-Bird I will not tell you my Lord you may find it out Mr. Batt Give him his Oath upon it he is an obstinate Fellow Black-Bird Beg your Pardon Mr. Batt I am not bound to Swear for Nemo tenetur jurare in suam injuriam L. Hawk What Country Bird are you Black-Bird A Scotch Bird. L. Hawk Few good of that Kind Is there no Evidence here against him Attorney Gen. Very little L. Hawk Call in the Tropick-Bird he 's an Adamite he 's Naked he hath but one Feather and that is in his Tail he 's an Innocent Bird he 'll speak Truth You Tropick-Bird Is the Black-Bird Guilty or not he is I think Trop Bird. By yea and by nay he is Mr. Batt Show how he is Guilty Trop Bird. How is that Judge Hawk Mr. Cuckow How can you say that he is Guilty or not Guilty unless you know the Crime for which he is Accused and whether he hath done such things as are laid to his Charge Mr. Batt Come come give him his Oath L. Hawk He 's very Honest he was brought up a Bird of Grace in Pensilvania at the Feet of Gamaliel Trop Bird. I am not willing to Swear but by Yea and by Nay the Black-Bird ●s Guilty Hang him hang him as you did the Partridge the other day L. Hawk I told you he was a Bird of Grace he hath not Conscience enough to Swear Mr. Batt But I believe can Lie damnably L. Hawk Come you Members of the Jury the Black-Bird is a very Seditious Bird go out and consult upon the Evidence which I think is very plain therefore you can do no less than find him Guilty for tho' the Evidence has not Sworn yet I think his plain honest well-meaning Word is better than the Oaths of some hundreds that are unclean Birds Mr. Cuckow I think they are both as Guilty as other The Magpye is no less an Offender than the Black Bird. L. Hawk The Magpye is an honest good Fellow but the Black-Bird is a sneaking Seditious Son of a Common-wealth Hang him Hang him Mr. Batt I think they are both Guilty alike Mr. Attorney Mutua Pugna mutua poenae Enter Members of the Jury L. Hawk Who is Fore-man of the Jury Mr. Rh. Fox I am and I think they are both equally Guilty L. Hawk Go out again for the Magpye is a very honest Bird. Exeunt Members of the Jury Mr. Attorney I do not understand this when Feud and Favour pervert and Eclipses the Statutes of the Law Cuckow No nor I either Enter Jurors L. Hawk Who 's Fore-man now Mr. Woolf. I am and they are both equally Guilty L. Hawk So you told me before go out again the Black-Bird's a Scotch Knave and great Loon but Mr. Magpye is an honest downright jolly good Fellow Exeunt Jurors Mr. Batt There 's more Law than Justice here Mr. Cuckow Yea by half Enter Jurors L. Hawk Who 's Foreman of the Jury now Ap Goat I am and the Magpye is sound Guilty L. Hawk Go out again and I will serve you as much another time for the Magpye is a very honest English Bird. Exeunt Jurors Mr. Batt I wish I had not been upon the Bench to day Mr. Attor What need is there to Plead when the Judge is determined what to do before-hand Enter Jurors L. Hawk Who 's Foreman of the Jury Mr. Weesel I am and the Black-Bird is found Guilty L. Hawk Thou art an Honest Fellow Mr. Batt I think it strange to see a Jury bring in contrary Verdicts in one and the same Information Mr. Cuckow My Lord you have had your Will thrice let me have my Will once You Members of the Jury go out once more before Sentence be past choose an honest Foreman and let him speak what he knoweth to be true and right Exeunt Jurors L. Hawk It shall be as I please and I will pronounce what Sentence I will Mr. Batt My Lord there is no need to trouble any more when you are sufficient to be Judg Jury Evidence and the Devil and all L. Hawk So I am Enter Jurors Who 's Foreman now Mr. Monkey I am and to speak without Hypocrisie both the Magpye and the Black-Bird are guilty of Dissimulation and Dis●●tion and to tell you the Truth Mr. Black-Bird hath stoln too many of my Tricks and we will go out no more take this for our Verdict L. Hawk Well Mr. Black-Bird you are insome measure beholding to Mr. Monkey for putting you in the same Series with my special Friend Mr. Magpye But have you any thing to say before I pass Sentence Bl. Bird. I beg the benefit of my Clergy L. Hawk Let him have it Here the Ordinary bringeth the Book of Com. Pray Bl. Bird. O! it is an unclean Book I cannot read it I had rather run the hazard of the hardest Sentence L. Hawk An Legit Mr. Ord. Vult potius perdi quam legere L. Hawk 'T is well enough come come Mr. Magpye what have you to say before Sentence be past Magpye I beg for Transportation L. Hawk Whither Magpye To New Albion or Pensilvania that I may be a means to reduce those Stuborn Schismaticks and bring them into the Bosom of our Holy Mother the Church L. Hawk Silence silence Executioner without delay take this Reverend Magpye and let him be Transported with the first Flock that Soars to New Albion that old Albion may be no more plagu'd with the Chattering between him and Mr. Black-Bird And as for the Seditious Black-Bird he is to be carried to the Place from whence he was brought and there to be tyed to a tumbling Tree his Feathers pulled off from his back and whipt with a Canonical Girdle between the Triple-Tree and the Royal Oak This hard Sentence sounded harsh in the Ears of the poor Black-Bird and seem'd very unjust to all the Bench. But Sir Reynard the Fox began to grin and be in a Passion for being slighted in his first Verdict and gave L. C J. Hawk some short Language whereat his Lordship Commanded him to be secur'd in the Bail-Dock but before the Bench was aware he pull'd his Lordship by the Neck and Bit off his Honourable Head Mr. Owl the Hangman finding himself Cheated of the Magpye's Cloaths carried away the Cuckow in his Clutches and Mr. Weesel put an end to the poor Night Bat Mr. Black-Bird making his escape to a Malt-Barn Then the famous Sanhedrim ended in Confusion none regreting the Death of the Honourable Judicatory but Magpies Termacheus and Lapwings yet in obedience to the Law Mr. Magpye went to New-Albion where now you may find him if you go in time Et sic finitur fabula LONDON Printed for Ed. Golding 1691.