THE MERRY VVIVES OF WINDSOR With the humours of Sir Iohn Falstaffe As also the swaggering vaine of Ancient Pistoll and Corporall Nym. Written by William Shake-Speare Newly corrected LONDON Printed by T. H. for R. Meighen and are to be sold at his Shop next to the Middle-Temple Gate and in S. Dunstans Church-yard in Fleet-street 1630. THE MERRY VVIVES OF VVINSOR Actus primus Scena prima Enter Iustice Shallow Slender Sir Hugh Euans Master Page Falstoffe Bardolph Nym Pistoll Anne Page Mistresse Ford Mistresse Page Simple Shallow SIr Hugh perswade mee not I will make a Star-Chamber matter of it if he were twenty Sir Iohn Falstoffe hee shall not abuse Robert Shadow Esquire Slen. In the County of Glocester Iustice of Peace and Coram Shal. I Cosen Slender and Cust alorum Slen. I and Rotulorum too and a Gentleman borne Master Parson who writes himselfe Armigero in any Bill Warrant Quittance or Obligation Armigero Shal. I that I doe and haue done any time these three hundred yeeres Slen. All his successors gone before him hath don 't and all his Ancestors that come after him may they may giue the dozen white Luces in their Coate Shal. It is an olde Coate Euans The dozen white Lowses doe become an olde Coat well it agrees well passant It is a familiar beast to man and signifies Loue. Shal. The Luse is the fresh-fish the salt-fish is an old Coate Slen. I may quarter Coz Shal. You may by marrying Euans It is marring indeed if he quarter it Shal. Not a whit Euan. Yes per-lady if hee ha's a quarter of your coate there is but three Shirts for your selfe in my simple coniectures but that is all one if Sir Iohn Falstaffe haue committed disparagements vnto you I am of the Church and will be glad to doe my beneuolence to make attonements and compremises betweene you Shal. The Councell shall heare it it is a Riot Euan. It is not meet the Councell heare a Riot there is no feare of Got in a Riot The Councell looke you shall desire to heare the feare of Got and not to heare a Riot take your viza-ments in that Shal. Ha o' my life if I were yong againe the sword should end it Euans It is petter that friends is the sword and end it and there is also another deuice in my praine which peraduenture prings goot discretions with it There is Anne Page which is daughter to Master Thomas Page which is pretty virginity Slen. Mistris Anne Page shee has browne haire and speakes small like a woman Euans It is that ferry person for all the world as iust as you will desire and seuen hundred pounds of Moneies and Gold Siluer is her Grand sire vpon his deaths-bed Got deliuer to a ioyfull resurrections giue when she is able to ouertake seuenteene yeeres old It were a goot motion if we leaue our pribbles and prabbles and desire a marriage betweene Master Abraham and Mistris Anne Page Slen. Did her Grand sire leaue her seauen hundred pound Euan. I and her father is make her a petter penny Slen. I know the young Gentlewoman she has good gifts Euan. Seuen hundred pounds possibilities is goot gifts Shal. Wel let vs see honest Master Page is Falstaffe there Euan. Shall I tell you a lye I doe despise a lyer as I doe despise one that is false or as I despise one that is not true the Knight Sir Iohn is there and I beseech you be ruled by your well-willers I will peat the doore for Master Page What hoa Got-plesse your house heere Master Page Who 's there Euen Here is go 't's plesting and your friend and Iustice Shallow heere young Master Slender that peraduentures shall tell you another tale if matters grow to your likings Master Page I am glad to see your Worships well I thanke you for my Venison Master Shallow Shal. Master Page I am glad to see you much good doe it your good heart I wish'd your Venison better it was ill killed how doth good Mistresse Page and I thanke you alwaies with my heart la with my heart M. Page Sir I thanke you Shal. Sir I thanke you by yea and no I doe M. Pa. I am glad to see you good Master Slender Slen. How do's your fallow Greyhound Sir I heard say he was out run on Cotsall M. Pa. It could not be iudg'd Sir Slen. You 'll not confesse you 'll not confesse Shal. That hee will not 't is your fault 't is your fault 't is a good dogge M. Pa. A Cur Sir Shal. Sir hee 's a good dog and a faire dog can there be more said he is good and faire Is Sir Iohn Falstaffe heerr M. Pa. Sir hee is within and I would I could doe a good office betweene you Euan. It is spoke as a Christians ought to speake Shal. He hath wrong'd me Master Page M. Pa. Sir he doth in some sort confesse it Shal. If it be confessed it is not redressed is not that so M. Page he hath wrong'd me indeed he hath at a word he hath belecue me Robert Shallow Esquire saith hee is wronged Ma. Pa. Here comes Sir Iohn Fal. Now Master Shallow you 'll complaine of me to the King Shal. Knight you haue beaten my men kill'd my deere and broke open my Lodge Fal. But not kiss'd your Keepers daughter Shal. Tut a pin this shall be answer'd Fal. I will answer it strait I haue done all this That is now answer'd Shal. The Councell shall know this Fal. 'T were better for you if it were known in Councell you 'll be laugh'd at Eu. Pauca verba Sir Iohn good worts Fal. Good worts good Cabidge Slender I broke your head what matter haue you against me Slen. Marry sir I haue matter in my head against you and against your cony-catching Rascals Bardolf Nym and Pistoll Bar. You Banbery Cheese Slen. I it is no matter Pist How now Mephostophilus Slen. I it is no matter Nym. Slice I say pauca pauca Slice that 's my humor Slen. Where 's Simple my man can you tell Cosen Eua. Peace I pray you now let vs vnderstand there is three Vmpires in this matter as I vnderstand that is Master Page fidelicet Master Page and there is my selfe fidelicet my selfe and the three party is lastly and finally mine Host of the Garter Ma. Pa. We three to heare it and end it between them Euan. Ferry goo't I will make a priefe of it in my note-booke and we will afterwards orke vpon the cause with as great discreetly as we can Fal. Pistoll Pist He heares with eares Euan. The Teuill and his Tam what phrase is this hee heares with eare why it is affectations Fal. Pistoll did you picke M. Slenders purse Slen. I by these gloues did he or I would I might neuer come in mine owne great chamber againe else of seauen groates in mill-sixpences and two Edward Shouelboords that cost me two shilling and two pence a peece of Yead Miller by
these gloues Fal. Is this true Pistoll Fuan No it is false if it is a picke-purse Pist Ha thou mountaine Forreyner Sir Iohn and Master mine I combat challenge of this Latine Bilboe word of deniall in thy labras here word of deniall froth and scum thou liest Slen By these gloues then 't was he Nym. Be auis'd sir and passe good humours I will say marry trap with you if you runne the nut-hooks humor on me that is the very note of it Slen. By this hat then hee in the red face had it for though I cannot remember what I did when you made me drunke yet I am not altogether an asse Fal. What say you Scarlet and Iohn Bar. Why sit for my part I say the Gentleman had drunke himselfe out of his fiue sentences Eu. It is his fiâ—e sences fie what the ignorance is Bar. And being fap sir was as they say casheerd and so conclusions past the Car-eires Slen. I you spake in Latten then to but 't is no matter I le nere be drunke whilst I liue againe but in honest ciuill godly company for this tricke if I be drunke I le bee drunke with those that haue the feare of God and not with drunken knaues Euan. So got udge me that is a vertuous minde Fal. You heare all these matters deni'd Gentlemen you heare it Ma. Page Nay daughter carry the wine in wee 'll drinke within Slen. Oh heauen This is Mistresse Anne Page Master Page How now Mistris Ford Fal. Mistris Ford by my troth you are very well met by your leaue good Mistris Master Page Wife bid these gentlemen welcome come we haue a hot Venison pasty to dinner Come gentlemen I hope we shall drinke downe all vnkindnesse Slen. I had rather then forty shillings I had my booke of Songs and Sonnets heere How now Simple where haue you beene I must wait on my selfe must I you haue not the booke of Riddles about you haue you Sim. Booke of Riddles why did you not lend it to Alice Short-cake vpon Alhallowmas last a fortnight afore Michaelmas Shal. Come Coz come Coz wee stay for you a word with you Coz marry this there is as 't were a tender a kinde of tender made a faire-off by Sir Hugh here doe you vnderstand me Slen. I Sir you shall finde me reasonable if it be so I shall doe that that it reason Shal. Nay but vnderstand me Slen. So I doe Sir Euan. Giue care to his motions Master Slender I will description the matter to you if you be capacity of it Slen. Nay I will doe as my Cozen Shallow saies I pray you pardon me he 's a Iustice of Peace in his Countrie simple though I stand here Euan. But that is not the question the question is concerning your marriage Shal. I there 's the point Sir Eu. Marry is it the very point of it to Mist Anne Page Slen. Why if it be so I will marry hervpon any reasonable demands Eu. But can you affection the'o man let vs command to know that of your mouth or of your lips for diners Philosophers hold that the lips is parcell of the mouth therefore precisely can you carry your good will to the maide Shal. Cosen Abraham Slender can you loue her Slen. I hope sir I will doe as it shall become one that would doe reason Euan Nay got's Lords and his Ladies you must speake possitable if you can carry-her your desires towards her Shal. That you must Will you vpon good dowry marry her Slen. I will doe a greater thing then that vpon your request Cosen in any reason Shal. Nay conceiue mee conceiue mee sweet Coz what I doe is to pleasure you Coz can you loue the maid Slen. I will marry her Sir at your request but if there be no great loue in the beginning yet Heauen may decrease it vpon better acquaintance when wee are married and haue more occasion to know one another I hope vpon familiarity will grow more content but if you say mary-her I will mary-her that I am freely dissolued and dissolutely Euan. It is a fery discretion-answere saue the fall is in the'ord dissolutely the ort is according to our meaning resolutely his meaning is good Sh I I thinke my Cosen meant well Slen. I or else I would I might be hang'd la Sh. Here comes faire Mistris Anne would I were yong for your sake Mistris Anne An. The dinner is on the Table my Father desires your worships company Sh. I will wait on him faire Mistris Anee Euan. Od's plessed-will I will not be absence at the grace An. Wil 't please your worship to come in Sir Sl. No I thanke you forsooth hartely I am very well An. The dinner attends you Sir Sl. I am not a hungry I thanke you forsooth goe Sirha for all you are my man goe waite vpon my Cosen Shallow a Iustice of peace sometime may be beholding to his friend for a Man I keepe but three Men and a Boy yet till my Mother be dead but what though yet I liue like a a poore Gentleman borne An. I may not goe in without your worship they will not sit till you come Slen. I faith I le eate nothing I thanke you as much as though I did Anne I pray you Sir walke in Slen. I had rather walke here I thanke you I bruiz'd my shin th' other day with playing at Sword and Dagger with a Master of Fence three veneys for a dish of slew'd Prunes and by my troth I cannot abide the smell of hot meat since Why doe your dogs barke so be there Beares i th' Towne An. I thinke there are Sir I heard them talk'd of Slen. I loue the sport well but I shall as soone quarrell at it as any man in England you are afraid if you see the Beare loose are you not An. I indeede Sir Slen. That 's meate and drinke to me now I haue seene Sackerson loose twenty times and haue taken him by the Chaine but I warrant you the women haue so cride and shrekt at it that it past But women indeede cannot abide'em they are very ill-fauour'd rough things Ma. Pa. Come gentle M. Slender come we stay for you Slen. I le eate nothing I thanke you Sir Ma. Pa. By cocke and pie you shall not choose Sir come come Slen. Nay pray you lead the way Ma. Pa. Come on Sir Slen. Mistris Anne your selfe shall goe first An. Not I Sir pray you keepe on Slen. Truely I will not goe first truely-la I will not doe you that wrong An. I pray you Sir Slen. I le rather be vnmannerly then troublesome you do your selfe wrong indeede-la Exeunt Scena Secunda Enter Euans and Simple Euan. Go your wayes and aske of Doctor Caius house which is the way and there dwels one Mistris Quickly which is in the manner of his Nurse or his dry-Nurse or his Cooke or his Laundry his Washer and his Ringer Si. Well Sir Euan. Nay it is petter yet
you doe in my minde Mis Fords Well I doe then yet I say I could shew you to the contrary O Mistris Page giue mee some counsaile Mis Page What 's the matter woman Mis Ford. O woman if it were not for one trifling respect I could come to such honour Mis Page Hang the trifle woman take the honour what is it dispence with trifles what is it Mis Ford. If I would but goe to hell for an eternall moment or so I could be knighted Mis Page What thou liest Sir Alice Ford these Knights will hacke and so thou shouldst not alter the article of thy Gentry Mis Ford. Wee burne day-light heere read read perceiue how I might be knighted I shall thinke the worse of fat men as long as I haue an eye to make difference of mens liking and yet hee would not sweare praise womens modesty and gaue such orderly and welbehaued reproofe to all vncomelinesse that I would haue sworn his disposition would haue gone to the truth of his words but they doe no more adhere and keepe place together then the hundred Psalmes to the tune of Greene-sleeues What tempest I troa threw this Whale with so many Tuns of oyle in his belly a'shoare at Windsor How shall I be reuenged on him I thinke the best way were to entertaine him with hope till the wicked fire of lust haue melted him in his owne grease Did you euer heare the like Mis Page Letter for letter but that the name of Page and Ford differs to thy great comfort in this mystery of ill opinions heer 's the twyn-brother of thy Letter but let thine inherit first for I protest mine neuer shall I warrant hee hath a thousand of these Letters writ with blancke space for different names sure more these are of the second edition he wil print them out of doubt for he cares not what he puts into the presse when he would put vs two I had rather be a Giantesse lye vnder Mount â—elion Well I will finde you twentie lascioious Turtles ere one chaste man Mis Ford. Why this is the very same the very hand the very words what doth he thinke of vs Mis Page Nay I know not it makes me almost readie to wrangle with mine owne honesty I le entertaine my selfe like one that I am not acquainted withall for sure vnlesse hee know some straine in mee that I know not my selfe hee would neuer haue boorded me in this furie Mis Ford. Boording call you it I le be sure to keepe him aboue decke Mis Page So will I if hee come vnder my hatches I le neuer to Sea againe Let 's be reueng'd on him let 's appoint him a meeting giue him a show of comfort in his Suite and lead him on with a fine baited delay till hee hath pawn'd his horses to mine Host of the Garter Mis Ford. Nay I will consent to act any villany against him that may not sully the charinesse of our honesty oh that my husband saw this Letter it would giue eternall food to his iealousie Mis Page Why looke where he comes and my good man too hee 's as farre from iealousie as I am from giuing him cause and that I hope is an vnmeasurable distance Mis Ford. You are the happier woman Mis Page Let 's consult together against this greasie Knight Come hither Ford. Well I hope it be not so Pist Hope is a curtall-dog in some affaires Sir Iohn affects thy wife Ford. Why sir my wife is not young Pist He wooes both high and low both rich and poore both young and old one with another Ford he loues the Gally-mawfry Ford perpend Ford. Loue my wife Pistoll With liuer burning hot preuent Ot goe thou like Sir Acteon he with Ring-wood at thy heeles O odious is the name Ford. What name Sir Pist The horne I say Farewell Take heed haue open eye for theeues doe foot by night Take heed ere sommer comes or Cuckoo birds doe sing Away sir Corporall Nim. Beleeue it Page he speakes sence Ford. I will be patient I will finde out this Nim. And this is true I like not the humor of lying hee haue wronged mee in some humors I should haue borne the humour'd Letter to her but I haue a sword and it shall bite vpon my necessitie he loues your wife There 's the shâ—â—t and the long My name is Corporall Nim I speak and I auouch 't is true my name is Nim and Falstoffe loues your wife adieu I loue not the humour of bread cheese adieu Page The humour of it quoth'a heere 's a fellow frights English out of his wits Ford. I will seeke out Falstaffe Page I neuer heard such a drawling-affecting rogue Ford. If I doe finde it well Page I will not beleeue such a Cataiâ—â— though the Priest o'th'Towne commended him for a true man Ford. 'T was a good sensible fellow well Page How now Meg Mis Page Whither goe you George harke you Mis Ford. How now sweet Frank why art thou me lancholy Ford. I melancholy I am not melancholy Get you home goe Mis Ford. Faith thou hast some crochets in thy head Now will you goe Mistris Page Mis Page Haue with you you 'll come to dinner George Looke who comes yonder shee shall bee our Messenger to this paltrie Knight Mis Ford. Trust me I thought on her shee 'll fit it M. Page You are come to see my daughter Anne Qui I forsooth and I pray how do's good Mistresse Anne Mis Page Go in with vs and see wee haue an houres talke with you Page How now Master Ford Ford. You heard what this knaue told me did you not Page Yes and you heard what the other told me Ford. Doe you thinke there is truth in them Page Hang em slaues I doe not thinke the Knight would offer it But these that accuse him in his intent towards our wiues are a yoake of his discarded men very rogues now they be out of seruice Ford. Were they his men Page Marry were they Ford. I like it neuer the better for that Do's he lye at the Garter Page I marry do's he if hee should intend this voyage toward my wife I would turne her loose to him and what hee gets more of her then sharpe words let it lye on my head Ford. I doe not misdoubt my wife but I would be Ioath to turne them together a man may bee too confident I would haue nothing lye on my head I cannot be thus satisfied Page Looke where my ranting-Host of the Garter comes there is either liquor in his pate or mony in his purse when hee lookes so merrily How now mine Host Host How now Bully-Rooke thou' rt a Gentleman Caueleiro Iustice I say Shal. I follow mine Host I follow Good-euen and twenty good Master Page Master Page will you go with vs we haue sport in hand Host Tell him Caueleiro-Iustice tell him Bully-Rooke Shal. Sir there is a fray to be fought betweene Sir Huge the Welch