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ID Title Author Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication) STC Words Pages
A56890 Fortune in her wits, or, The hour of all men written in Spanish by the most ingenious Don Francisco de Quivedo Villegas ... ; translated into English by Capt. John Stevens.; Fortuna con seso. English Quevedo, Francisco de, 1580-1645.; Stevens, John, d. 1726. 1697 (1697) Wing Q188; ESTC R5377 77,088 150

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and swearing they would never put up such an Affront The damn'd old Baud bless'd her self with both Hands and roared as high as the loudest In comes a Bully to one of the Jilts and without asking Questions draws his Sword and falls upon the Creditors calling them Thieves and Robbers They drew and in the Fray overturn'd and broke all the Goods in the Room The Wenches ran to the Windows crying Help Help Murder Murder At this Summons up comes an Alguazil with all his Retinue bidding them keep the Kings Peace The Broil grew hottest upon the Stairs till out they rusht into the Street some Wounded others with their Cloaths rent The Ruffian with a broken Head but without Hat or Cloak took sanctuary in a Church The Alguazil entred the House and seeing the old Woman laid violent Hands on her saying Art thou here still old Beelzebub after having been thrice banish'd Thou art the Ringleader of all this Mischief Then seizing her with the young Fry and securing all they had he drove them away half Naked with their Hair about their Ears to Goal all the Rabble attending and shouting Away with the Whores The Lawyer A Councellor at Law whose greatest Learning lay in his grizly Beard like Sampson's Strength in his Hair sate in a Room better furnish'd with Books than he was with Conscience His whole Study was how to embroil his Clients not to consult his Authors and yet was so proud of his Library that being a meer Ignoramus it might truly be said he knew not the value of it He had gain'd a great Reputation by his Roaring Voice his moving Gestures and a wonderful fluency of Tongue wherewith he bore down all other Lawyers His Chamber could scarce contain his Clients every one pressing forward to lay his Case open and empty his Purse All his Answers were I am fully informd I have Studied the Case Your Right is undeniable It agrees with the express Letter of the Law It is as clear as the day There is no difficulty in this Suit It is a Case adjuged The Law is directly on your side It will easily be determin'd The Judges are for us Your Adversary has nothing to say for himself All that has been done is void in it self That judgment must be Reversed Be Ruled by me Some he order'd to Petition others to Appeal others to Demur others to put in their Interrogatories others to bring their Writ of Error and others to Suborn fresh Witnesses All that immense number of Volumes was turn'd over and nothing resounded but an unintelligible confusion of Law Gibberish The Councellor demanded his Fee the Sollicitor His due the Attorney his Reward the Clerk his Perquisites and the Scrivener his Pay Whilst they were in this Debate the Hour began and the Clients unanimously as if it had been one Man cried out Good Mr. Sergeant in all Suits the Adversary is the least of Evils for he Sues at his own Cost and you Plead for us at our own and you the Sollicitor the Clerk and the Attorney run away with our Money The Adversary waits for Judgment and pursues upon an Appeal but you and your Adherents give a definitive Sentence in your own behalf Our Suit may go for and against us but in the following of it we must of necessity be cast four times a day so that in the end we may obtain our Right but have lost our Money All those Authors cannot perswade us but it is a madness to spend what we have to get what another Man has and perhaps be at last disappointed We had rather have one Adversary than five for supposing the Suit should go on our side it will be when it has ruin'd us Lawyers defend their Clients as Seamen do their Ships in a Storm throwing over all they have that if it be Gods will they may be brought into their Port empty The best Advice is to agree amongst car selves for by agreeing we shall save what you take from us We are all going to Compound pound with our Adversaries Your best Revenues arise out of our Obstinacy and if we by Compounding should lose all we sued for at least we shall gain all that you lose We would advise you to put a Bill upon your Door for we think it better to spend our Money upon Whores than Lawyers and for your part since your only Business has been to set Men together by the Ears it will be your best course to turn Soldiers or Statesmen The Vintners The Vintners a perverse Generation who raise the Price of their Wine at the same rate that they Brew Water and Debase it selling the Rain disguised and discoloured with Sloes and the Dregs of their Hogsheads for the Juice of the Grape were met in a Tavern to the number of 6 or 7 with as many Bullies and Highwaymen and a Quorum of Draggle-Tail Jilts newly whipt out of Bridewell who Danced themselves Dry and Drank to Dance again The Bumpers flew about like Lightning to the Tune of Three in a Hand Delicate Wine quoth one of the Sparks perceiving the Cheat and winking upon the Knave that was to Pledge him The other who feared it would breed Frogs in his Belly rather than fend Fumes into his Brain replied This is truly a Rich Wine and we Poor Rogues for the Waters belong to the Rich and not to the Poor The Vintner hearing their Flouts call'd them Sots bidding them Drink and hold their Peace Drink and Swim you should have said replied one of the good Fellows This minute began the Hour and the whole Company growing Mutinous threw the Pots and Glasses at the Vintner crying Inhuman Water-seller we are more like Drown'd Rats than Drunkards thou makest us pay by the Quart for the River Water thou bringest in by the Hogshead and would put the Fox upon us when thou hast made meer Geese of us We should wear Jack-boots to drink in your House that we might keep the Water from our Legs The Vintner having nothing to say for himself cryed Water Water as if his House had been a-fire and rouling his Hogsheads into the Street knock'd out the Heads of them letting the Liquor run down the Channel Pretenders to an Employment A Swarm of 32 Candidates all aiming at one Employment were waiting to speak witn the Nobleman in whose Gift it was Each of them fancied himself as deserving as the rest unworthy of it Every one bless'd himself and admir'd at the Madness and Impudence of the rest for pretending to what he imagin'd to be due to him alone They beheld one another with Evil Eyes and Hearts full of Malice and Meditated how to Slander and Defame Their Looks were Sower and Starch't but their Joints in continual Motion Every time the Door creak'd they made a thousand Bows on all Hands and as many Submissive Grimaces Not so much as a Page could pass by without a Loving Salute and kind Look The Secretary happening to rush