his way and his will he would then obey him and walk therein and said Lead me o Lord in the way everlasting which is righteouss in thy sight that I may feel of the joy of thy salvation For the way in which he was was croocked and perverse and he in it fild with lamentation and mourning and woe and would therein end he feared if he helped not and he had heard that there was a way which was right in the eyes of the Lord and that the Lord could bring alone to the knowledg of it and lead there in Thus breathed the man before the Lord and unto him and frequented solitariness and lonelynes and loved consideration and hoped for Judgment and understanding that he might know and do aright and serve the Lord with an upright heart continuing in his addresses before him Oh that he knew the Lord and his way and his will that he might order his conversation a right before him and enjoy the light of his countenance lifted up upon him For by this time he had got a notion of a light or that there was such a thing given of God to man kinde but had not an understanding of it or where it was or the way of it or its work and operation in mans heart but thought them happy that did walk in the light of the Lord and he would at times talk of such a thing and of great matters which in the Light of the Lord he beheld farr above his then state and condition and please him self therewith for a while but there being no roote of life in them nor proceeding from the effectuall working of the light in him but at most from a flash or glaunce thereof which might appeare unto him at some times to let him see but did not possess they vanished away and every pleasant picture of his by little and little was defaced and his images struck at were shattered and tumbled downe which he had had at some times some hopes in and comforted him self by reason of their pleasantness which to him seemed in them He had many inventions desires and imaginations suggested into his mind by the old flattering deceiver who had before this got a seat in his heart but notwithstanding all his insinuations and false promises thereby to hold the man in the snares and darkness of his owne kingdom he the compassionate one visit him in his tender love and would not suffer his wound to be falsly healed or dawbed over deceitfully so as he could not get rid of the smart and the wounding which made him oft times to cry out of the emptiness and unprofitablenes of all his former wayes and courses as being weary of them to this compassionate one yet not knowing him or that he was so neere unto him or ready to help him as afterwards when understanding had opened his heart and the eye of his minde he saw him to be but contrary wise loked upon him to be far off removed in the heavens he knew not where but as men said above the skies at a distance and far remote well he thought that at the last salvation must come to his house from or by him or elce he must never be saved and how to tarry for it for he was in present necessitouss want he knew not and that occasioned the earnestnes of his labour after it being in a hunger which could not be sustaind with out it So continued he in the persuit thereof by reading by meditation and loved to heare the conference thereof and satisfyed himself to be silent at such times hat he might prove and try thereby but was not yet submitted in his heart to waite upon the Lord that his arm alone might be salvation to him therefore to his old waies and courses and then thought him felf againe in a prety good way allwayes propounding to him self the knowledge of the Lord and his way which if he could attaine thereunto and finde out of by his search and inquiry that then he would obey him by walkeing according thereunto Now on a certaine day in a retirement by him self he takes a bible into his hands and it was done in a kinde of wearyness of all his former labours and persuits after the knowledge of the Lord and at his opening of it his eye fell upon a place without seeking for it which he had not acquainted him self with that he remembred before and it was this the Lord is in his holy Temple let all the earth keepe silence before him he fixed his eye upon the words as fast as he could even with great earnestness as accounting it pertinent to his purpose and that thereby there might be a door opened of hope or direction for understanding which he had sought for for ought that he then knew and seemed to be as answering to his present state and condition whereupon he entered into the consultation concerning it and that according to the best of his skill or judgment that there by he might finde out the matter and arrive at such an effect namely a resting place for his weary soule as he had long been searching after but ahlas it shortly proved to be a leaning to his owne and not to the Lords help and assistance for he tooke the way of the many foolish builders and unprofitable talkers for he would be at worke still a busie part acting in his minde as Nimrod the mightie Hunter before te Lord not comeing back to the voice behinde him or to learn be still and know that I am God But this was the way he went in to consider the text and the chapter and whole Prophesy and to open the word and fetch forth the meaning and the interpretation thereof not contenting him self to be still to waite to feel the Lords counsell and direction and his presence and teaching and the silenceing of the earth before him And indeed the man as yet although he delighted at some times to be talking thereof had learnd little if ought of that so as to abide there yet he thought with him self that there were many offering to their own nett and burning insence to their owne yarn but few that leaned upon the Lord or that looked at him alone as he began now to thinck that he did Thus haveing for some time exercised his witts about the words and marvelling at the providence that had cast them before his eyes he thought with him self now to be some body indeed for that he did not cumber him self with wearysome and teadiouss labours as formerly he had don whilst he was runnig a broad after men their notions and conceptions and with which he saw many inwrapped and lamentably in bondage But whilst he thus concluded concerning himself he was like one in a dream of eateing and drincking and of haveing good and needfull refreshment thereby but soon he awakes and instead of being fed and nourished hee feeles pinching want and wasting hunger to consume him
afraid to look upon God And the man sayd that he saw that his feet was not to be shod with his owne shoeing but with the preparation of the gosple of peace or he could not make streight steps with his feet on the holy ground And hee had read of some that turned a side like a deceitfull bow and that Josephs bow a bode in his strength and he was renowned and stood in a blessed and holy record amongst the antient worthyes of the Lord who thorow faith subdued Kingdoms of weake were made strong obtaineing throw faith a good report and the man said Well if the Lord will destroy me for ever my mouth is stopt he could not raise a defence for him self he dared not to complain for he had sind aganist him and saw that he must beare his indignation whither or not that ever he knew an end or redemption out of it His distress and miserie was great which those not acquainted with the judgments of the Lord that proceeds out of his mouth as consumering fire as David sayd can not beleeve although told unto them by those who have been acquainted with them and traveld through the way thereof But at last it pleased the Father of mercies according to the counsell of the working of the Lord in his wisdom and goodness to instruct the man and wrought in his minde to cause him to lye downe in his will and submit him self to the rod of his chasticeing hand which as he yeilded him self thereunto he felt some what working and enlargeing or opening it self unto his incouragement whereby he in some hopes began to say True and righteouss are thy Judgments and that if he perished everlastingly from beholding his face with joy and his salvation yet he must and would justify him and his righteouss judgments for ever more and after this he felt a joy to spring in him and to feel some Spirit to revive and did at some times seem as if he saw some glimpses of a great glory as a farr off and of a heavenly Arm and that there was salvation in it but could not get to it he thought if he could and therein continue that the winter would be past and the time of refreshing from the Lords presence would be come and the hearing of the voice of the turtle where in his teares would be wiped away according to the Prophet and that the sorrowing and sithing would flee away and instead thereof joy and rejoiceing would be which he longed for haveing some expectation or beleife in him that the antient Prophecies were many of them as really to be fullfilled in these latter dayes as ever they were at first spoken forth and that because of the unchangeable faithfullnes and goodness of the Lord. But now he rather ran into hast then to run the race which he saw in measure set before him and that was to waite for Gods salvation for without that manifestly he saw salvation he could never attain to seeing all his former wayes and courses proved ineffectuall to him and no wayes advantagious and he rejoyced in some measure and was glad in the beholding of it although it seemed to be and was a far of and not brought neere unto him and earnest he was to inherit it and not to ly in the fire for the utter consummation of the dross and thorow purgeing of the floor and so earnest indeed the man was and in hastines of Spirit that he had all most lost his submission to the will of the refiner and instead of wayting patiently upon him to hear what he would speak to him and to see what he would do for him who is the mighty Counseller and of whom he had read that he would speak comfortably to Jerusalem and peace to his people who feared his Name notwithstanding he was for takeing the Kingdom some thing of his old practise and endeavours not considering that he ought not to make hast nor to fly with the swift and cry as some did Nay wee will flee upon horses such whirling Notions men chose rather then to bow before the Lord that he might be exalted Lord and King over all his ever Now the race is not to the swift nor the battle to the strong thus the man had read and so there was another lesson that he was to learn and that was as an honest Prophet of the Lord once sayd In returning and in rest you shall be saved in quietness and confidence is your strength which the Apostle answerd unto when he sayd The Lord direct your hearts into the Love of God and into the patient waiting for Jesus Christ That he might know feel therein that the Lords Arm alone brought salvation and that he might have nought nor none to glory in but the Lord who for his owne mercie sake dothsave deliver Thus he was to turn off his hast and not to take the Kingdom by force but to feel the meek peacable Prince thereof to lead him into it and to give him therein a portion and priviledge amongst the Princes upon the Throne of judgment and mercie for ever And thus learned the man again to return in his minde into the enlightning opening light of the Lord which in his heart was as a fire and a flame and to resign up unto it to feel the effect thereof which he hoped might be at the last blessed and greatly advantagiouss to the stay and comfort of his then greived minde as others had enjoyed before him whom the Lord had lead by his owne right arm into a habitation of joy and salvation But nothwithstanding all this he againe fell to contriving of a speedy way and to wish for the enjoyment of that which before this time by way of incouragement had visited him to teach him that not by might nor strength but by the Spirit of the Lord and its holy leading and teaching he was to hope for and enjoy his deliverance And the voice sounded in his eares be still according to what he had read in Habbakuk Let all the earth keep silence before him Here upon he againe enclined to sinck downe in his Spirit unto the messenger of the Lords glorious holy power revealed with in him and there to abide and endure in patience of minde and Spirit for its holy purpose and work to be wrought in the earth that it also might be replenished and bring forth its encrease to the Lord. Whereupon he sayd O Lord lead me on in the way which is clearing for to the day of claering thou knowest that I have earnestly desired with desire of spirit to come and now I am in some measure come throw thy draweing by thy blessed hand held forth unto me O Lord God of mercie and compassion guide thou my feet and uphold me by thy free Spirit that in that thy holy way which is the way of the blessed and of the ransomed ones I may be kept and perserved Yet still againe and
life madnes and that his end would be with out honour Well the mans greiffe remained and his sorrowes did not abate hestill as one overwhellming in them would try and prove if at last he might arrive at a place of content therefore sought he after meanes which might be effectuall to him and that of the best that was to be had at least wise according to his owne Judgment for he desired Judgment and understanding that they might be as the guirdle of his loynes and that he might not go on with fooles for then he thought he might miss of a cure and not be better by all his travels and paines for fooles perished for want of knowledg and the heart with out it could not be good Now there was some what held forth in those dayes as a comfortable way of releife for some that had been wounded or afflicted and a phisitian of good experience reported of which had choice medicines of rare vertues and operations for such distempers as his was as some sayd who had like occasion and made use thereof whereupon the Man as glad to heare thereof applies him self upon theire report and makes his essay and enters upon the applycation and at first tryall there seemed a hope and from thence a joy as if some good effect would have succeeded but continuing his applycations his hope and with it his joy they abated so that the Man grew as heartless as comfortless almost dispayreing of releife and sitting downe in his sorrow and in his greife as one at his witts end alone by him self it enterd into his minde to visit a people neere adjoyning and hoped that thereby might be administred satisfaction and such releife as his soule stood in so great want off and the man was so well pleased with the motion which inclined him there unto that he was ready to resolve with himself that he should go amongst Angels such was the persent affection of his minde unto them and therefore endeavourd to qualifie himself accordingly and to fashion himself what he could with gravity sobriety and seriousnes which he inclined after and sought to be such a one indeed that hipocrisie might not have place in him as a thing which he allwayes desired he might not be defiled with Judging that it must like wise be so or their society would not admit of him to pertake with them in theire holy felowship and that good order which he thought yea and concluded was amongst them but so it happened unto him that in a short space of time after his frendly visiting of them their Nakedness and his owne disapointment appeared and he saw them to be with out eyesalve and as men groaping in the dark and night of ignorance where the occasion of stumbling and falling is And thus still was the Man left with his wound and the greiffe of it with out releife and Just was it with the Lord and his great mercie unto him that it should be so and he left with out redress seenig he sought in the wrong place and endeavourd to enter into the holy rest of the Lord at the door which he had not set open to him and left him disapointed because his eye was a broad at man for help which ought to have bin turned inward that the Lord might have brought nere his owne salvation by his owne right arm and have given him an inheritance therein which alone could answer unto the necessity of his soule and the great want that he was in So that being well sencible of his not attaining unto the salvation of his soule there upon he retireing to sit downe as forsaken and comfortless his deceiving enemy pretending freindship and good will sayd retire thy self from their feliowships and societies and take thee to thy secret closet it s a more probable way for thy releife read the Scriptures apply what thou readest with diligence pray earnestly refresh thy self somtimes amongst those that can discourse and reason about religion and pine not away in solitariness through vexatious sorrow For by this time the man could have been glad of any hole or by corner of the earth to have bewayled himself although he concealed his greife what he could and there was a harkning to the advice and frequenting reading and meditation applying promises and praying morning and evening and could not well let that pass at any time least there should have been neglect of dutie growing into remissnes and a waxing worse and worse untill hardness of heart should have entered and all Religion ben shut up thereby and extinguished And here the man leaned a while being in some hopes of releife he was ready upon all his essayes to promise that to him self as well as to propound it upon his undertakings and now he was ready although it proved but as a reed of Egipt to hope he was not so bad or in such a desperate state as he before was in but that his greiffe and sorrow was abated and that he enjoyed some satisfaction in his minde which before now he was in so great distress for want of thus he was willing to hope for him self for he was got under some good duties and godly practises and so hoped that the Lord would look mercifully upon him for Christ Jesus sake and give him some of the necessarie releife which he had read some had received at the Lords hands in the time of there need and distress And thus for some litle season of time proceeded the man thinking him self some body the thought him self now not as this man and that man was and that he had escaped that bondage and servility of hanging upon other men as many did or as pinning his faith upon others sleeves as men was usd to say and would compare him self for information sake with others and say surely it is better with me now then they for he accounted that he had some what of his owne to rely upon and rest him self with all but as he was thus resolving he began a gaine to remember his former visitation and the sorrow and greife it brought with it and did occasion so that he said is this my hope also cut of and doth my joy abate againe and am I still short of such an effect as I have sought after for to enjoy For he had labourd to enjoy acure to be made inwardly of a secret wound in his heart and had sought after meanes to effect it even by all wayes and meanes that he could be acquainted with or seek out him self both rising up and lying downe and hath not been wanting of carefull thoughts and all endeavours imaginable that so he might attaine unto deliverance which he had been and still was in so great need of but all availed nothing nor nought that he was seeking by could reach the wound and make releife then said he in groaning wise O! that he knew of a phisition that were able to give remedy unto him and that
againe the old deceiver and adversary of the soules blessednes at diverse times and on diverse occations threw some thing or other into his way that thereby he might stumble and fall or be discouraged and offended so that he might grow weary and not hold out but faint and go backward and not forward and to seeke for releife amongst his old lovers and acquaintance or might dig to himself a cistern for water which could hold none or take some other way or meanes for his deliverance and here with the man was so besett by the adversarie to divert his course and to draw him back againe to perdition and from following on to the salvation of his soule as is beyond utterance And can not be declared or beleeved as experience and the same state condition worketh the understanding of it And in that day when man if so surrounded by the devoureing enemy as it is said of him he goes about like a roaring Lyon compassing the earth to and fro seeking whom he may devoure he must make God alone his trust and hope and deliverer eying him in stedfastnes of heart and minde and not the adversary whose labour it is to draw the minde away after him and his feare or elce out there he can never come to know the deliverance and salvation which Jesus Christ is to all those that abides with him in the faith and hope of Gods elect but must be preyed upon and led into destruction for ever Now as this deceiver thus lay in waite and wrought to ensnare and beguile the man so all so the compassionate one ceased not to visit and secretly convey his help unto him and often it would be in his remembrance that he that putteth his hand to the plow and then loock back is not meet for the kingdom of heaven which he had so earnestly desired to enjoy neither was he that sowed sparingly to expect plentifully to reap but if he did so hope to do he would deceive him self and be as those that feed on ashes for in stead of haveing a harvest of well fild sheaves with hanging eares of corn he would at last reape the wind and be disapointed as those who began in the spirit and would be made perfect by the flesh or sought so to be So that now he began to learn to give up to the fire which burned and to the hammer which brake him downe in as much as might be quieting him self and submitting as that which was most proper for him in this his great suffering state and entertaind a feare in his heart least that he should offend the Lord againe by turning from his Judgments which were executing in him and from the terror and righteousnes thereof and therefore againe cryed out unto the Lord and sayd O Lord I praye thee since I have prayed to see thy day and its glory and that thou hast in thy great loveing kindnes brought me into the glorious dawnings and breakings forth thereof let not thy way be too narrow or streight for me let me not turn a side to the flocks of thy companions but as they went downe by the steps of the flock to the washing and returned by the tents of the sheepheards upon the bancks of salvation so I also into the holy habitation of thy heavenly rest may be brought by thine owne right arme in the way through it of condemnation at last to sit downe in the ministration of life to behold thy face in thy exceeding glory in joy and peace and teach me to apply my heart to wisdom which is hid from all the wise of this world for thou knowest that it is wisdom alone of thee which I crave to direct my feet a right in thy sight And that was the thing which he wanted alone desired of the Lord and thought with him self that he matterd not what he parted with or how or what he was in the account or eyes of the world so that he might finde rest And thus haveing made some progres in the blessed race of eternall life haveing in him a Judgment and understanding according to that experience of the effectuall working of the grace of God in him he adviseth all who is in any measure awakened into the sence of their want of the knowledge of God and of his great love in Jesus Christ and of their owne wofull and miserable estate thereby that they abide in submission unto the Lord therin and not seek to them selves wayes and meanes thereby to work their owne deliverance but in longings and groanings in their Spirits travell after the desire of their soules that so the Lord in his owne blessed way and time may open a door of understanding in their hearts for their acces unto him and strive not by unlawfull wayes and courses after redemption or an admission into the holy Kingdome whereinto nothing that defiles or is managed by mans skill or hand may come for many have striven and not enterd and asked and have not received because they have asked amiss and not striven lawfully Therefore feel the Lords heavenly arm and power to arise and worke deliverance and propound not to thy self an easy way of accessing to the flesh into the holy habitation of his eternall life for it must be by the sword the Judgment determined must be fullfilled and the fullfilling must be according to the counsel and righteouss will of the Lord to whom who may say what doest thou And abide his pleasure and let his Kingdom come into thy heart as he pleaseth if it be by a thundering power from heaven to cleave the rocks assunder and rending the vayle thereby of from thy hard heart with astonishments amazements and confoundings to thy vaine confidence and expectation Be still be still before the Lord and before the glorious ariseings of his holy power that he may work his work in the earth that will praise him and deliver thy soule hereby alone shalt thou know and come to witnes the Lords ransome for it is his and not thine and inherit that which thy soule languish in want off And those who are come to the redeeming power of the Lord and to the knowing of redemption in any measure and the feeling the judgment thereof for so it must be Zion is redeemed by judgment lye downe lye downe and flee not for thy life for if thou dost thou wilt loose it and in that day seek not to escape but let this be the travell of thy soule in bowednes of Spirit to submit unto him that thou mayst feel that mind and to be of it which can say true and righteous are thy judgments o Lord for thou judgest for the poor and needy of the earth Thus shalt thou know the effect of righteousnes peace and assurance for ever and the oyle of gladnes making thy face to shine with the innocent life and spirit of the Lamb and by no other meanes no other way These things are