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A42747 Nuncius infernalis, or, A new account from below in two dialogues : the first from the Elizium Fields, of friendship : the second from hell of cuckoldom : being the sessions of cuckolds / by Charles Gildon ... ; with a preface by Mr. Durfey. Gildon, Charles, 1665-1724.; D'Urfey, Thomas, 1653-1723. 1692 (1692) Wing G734; ESTC R20650 30,314 38

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piercing Fire of Jealousie that shall prey upon e'ry part of you nor shall you be without the knowledge of your Wives Transactions on Earth and see how they mourn in Sack and Claret and how they Marry and Whore before you are Cold how they spend that profusely which you scrap`d together to give them with so much Injustice to your poor Orphans whose Injuries shall never let you rest but with all the Fury of Hell for ever Torment you you worse than Onan or the Sodomites away with them whose Villanies raises a Horror even in me the Prince of Hell and great Source of all Wickedness As they are going off two Quakers Ghosts speak 1 Quakers Ghost Ah! um Josiah Verily who wou`d have thought that Rebecca wou`d have fal`n with the Ungodly so or that your Tahitha wou`d have let the Spirit move her to play with the Calves of Bethel the wicked of Sidon or the prophane Children of Moloch 2 Ghost By Yea and by Nay Abadoniah as thou say'st it was more verily than cou'd enter into the heart of Man to believe Why there was my Neighbour Sad-Face and my Cousin Goggle Nahu Sneak-phir and The Lord said unto Moses Praise God was his Fore-name had they not holy Sisters as to the Appearance of the Flesh for their Spouses yet behold with them and within the Tabernacles of their Mansions instead of raising up Seed to the Lord among the Chosen and Godly they did sacrifice to Baal with the Giants of Moab Oh Abadoniah What a falling off was there What a Backsliding 1. Oh Josiah as Thou sayst Verily and by Yea and by Nay that the Spirit shou'd move us to come to the Dev●l for our Necessaries without a Convenient But our Lord will remember our Captivity in Babylon They are carry`d off The Lawyers push forward and speak very urgently Lawyers Ghost Sure my Lord if the Decorum of any place ought to be kept that of a Court of Justice ought and not to let a paltry Citt. speak before a Man of the Robe But in these Popish Times all Law is neglected and all its honourable Professors contemn'd and post-pon`d However my most honourable Lord and Patron of all that were Black I shall humbly move this honourable Court that I may at length be heard since my Cause is of so great import and concern and in which the Wisdom of this Court will be highly interested if it shou'd be brought in Billa Vera and it wou'd too much reflect on the honour and impartiality of this Court of Judicature to be slack in indagateing into a Cause of this Weight and Moment My Lord before I Open I shall only premise that I take this to be the High Court of Equity which granted I shall begin to open I will confess that Statutes in Banco Regis may prevail and Custom in the Common Plea`s but I humbly presume with submission to your Lordships that this Being a Court of Equity it will give the Devil The Devils laugh e'ry now and then his due But my Lord where a Precedent of the like nature may happen in a Case decided by the Great Council of the Nation I hope it will not be Foreign if I alledge it here where it has nothing to do the Case is parallel as I may say my Lord considering the Circumstances that is in short Consideratis Considerandis in Primo Henrici Primi according to my Lord Cook upon Littleton and if your Lordships will let us read you shall find so many gross Errors in the Bill and the material Objections so fully answer`d and the Case so singular that I question not but you will give us Judgment and Costs if not Charges and Damages But my Lord I do humbly suppose that part of this Bill ought rather to have been put into an Inditement and so falls not under the Cognizance of this Court and that is my Lord that we are made Felo`s de se the Causes of our own Damnation by an Instrument call d a Wife value Two pence Therefore my Lord if you please to let us try it upon a Jury in any County your Lordships shall think fit Tho I think in our Case your Lordships may decide it without further trouble for thus I prove the Negative hoping your Lordships The Devils all laugh at his Negateve Proof will let me bring in a Writ of Error to deny my Lord that we are damn`d wou`d be perfect Nonsense and against all Form of Law yet that we are damn`d for our Wives I presume does not follow And I will prove that it does not so undenyably to all that have any profound insight into the Law that I question not but your Lordships will acquiesce Nemine Contradicente for tho' it be Mark Brothers how I will puzzle the Devil and all his Learned Bench with one turn one notable Quirk mind it well Aside to the other Lawyers Ghosts that follow him They look on one another rejoycing and hugging themselves Aloud For tho' I say it be true that our wives spent a great deal of Mony on our Clerks Et caetera quae nunc perscribere longum est and Cuckold us as often as they pleas'd in spight of our Teeth and tho' I will not deny that they were as profuse as Heliogabolus or Caligula and as proud as Lucifer with submission to your Lordships yet now comes the Paradox yet I say pray mind this We did not get Mony to maintain their Luxury but they maintain`d their LUXURY out of the Mony that we got which I humbly conceive falls not under the same Predicament but brings us within the Act of Habeas Corpus that we may not be carry`d away into the Den of ordinary Cuckolds For to give your Lordships yet a more lively Representation of this matter in question be pleas`d to reflect on another very pertinent Precedent in my Lord Cook where John a-Noaks is Tenant only for Life and John Astiles Tenant in Tail Luc. Heyday What is it Midsummer-moon with Mankind What have we got here A Cuckold horn-mad prating Nonsense and salving his Knavery and Folly with a Quirk in Law a turn of a Sentence Those Shams won`t take here where there needs no Fee for Counsel nor Bribe for Judgment Away with him and his Villanous Tribe Lawyers Ghost Nay but my Lord I humbly move your Honour that we may not be condemn'd Causa indicta that is not right nor equitable Wherefore I beseech your Lordships to have some regard to me as I am a Barrister of 30 years standing and a Serjeant of Ten that you wou'd be pleas'd to reflect that tho' I cheated the ignorant and squeez`d and impos`d on the Necessitous Luc. Has not Hell yet brought thee to thy Senses Away with this impertinent Fellow and all this Black Gang among the rest of the most deprav`d Cuckolds but in the deepest Cavern for whom they shall plead in forma pauperis till their Lungs crack without Fees let the
Aldermen and one of the chief Spoaks-men of the Common Council I made Speeches and pen'd most of the Addresses But 't is not for being a Cuekold alone or that I was feign to cheat so many to maintain my Wifes Pride and Luxury that I am damn`d with this Right Worshipful Crew here for those are Crimes common to the rest of our Brother Cittizens as well as us but we were so mad to marry second Wives and for their sakes turn our Children out of doors after we had bred them up in all the Ease and Luxury of the Age to seek their Fortunes in the wild World and left our Estates to our Wives at our Death who will be sure to bestow them on some Silly Hectoring Spend-thrist Bully of Alsatia or other and let the Children begot of our own Bodies starve Luc. Away with that Rank Gang of Fools as well as Knaves who cou'd so much forget Nature and it 's necessary and known Laws as to cast off their own Off-spring to give away their Substance to those that will not only misuse it but contemn the Memory of them that were their Benefactors with so great an Injury to Nature 2 Citt. May it please your Noble Devilship to hear me before you give Judgment upon us and I don`t doubt seriously but I shall offer such Reasons of our Behaviour in that Matter as shall sufficiently amove that Ignominy your Devilship was pleas`d to cast upon us First then tho` it be true that upon my Marriage I agreed with my second good Spouse to turn all my Children out of door yet I did it not till she or I had found some just cause so to do for some of them were undutiful and others put Tricks upon me as my good Wife said and others were Lewd and Extravagant and some Self-will`d so that I deserted none of `em without some Fault If they were undutiful was I to blame to punish `em for it Or was it my Duty to keep and maintain them after they were of sufficient bigness to prog for themselves The Birds and Beasts take care of their Young no longer than till they are able to care for themselves And why shou'd Man be confin`d to more severe Laws in that Point than his Vassal Creatures I must profess on the word of a Citizen that I can see no reason why a Man that gets his Estate himself may not give it away to whom he pleases and none so near and deserving as the Wife of ones Bosom What tho` she may have Slips the Witcherys and Temptations of Love are great to their Soft Sex and if we have been so imploy`d in getting that we cou`d not mind that other business why shou`d we blame them for easing us by other Supplies where we wanted Power to give them Luc. Thou hast spoken as much to the purpose as when in the World thou us`d Harangue at the choice of a Sheriff And therefore I shall proceed to a singular Punishment for you Your Argument of punishing your Children for their undutifulness turns here on your own Head for there you punish them for what you breed `em up to your selves for when they are little you encourage their Impudence And that is a witty Child with you that can prate saucily and lewdly before he can read and Swear and catch the Maids by it before seven Years Old and then when you have given them their Head without controul during their Childhood and Minority you punish them for the Fruit of that Tree which your selves have planted which is in it self the height of Injustice but on the contrary here you are condemn`d for breaking the Laws of your Maker which you were bred in fear of and taught to obey and you that cou`d punish your own Flesh and Blood so for nothing without relenting have a just Judgment for being punish`d here without Mercy And as for their being Lewd and Extravagant that is no Plea for you since that is the Lesson you have taught `em both by Example and Precept from the time of their Birth till their coming to Years of Understanding for you shall have a Taylors Daughter with you go in the Garb of the Children of a Duke in the Country and even Miss Ketch be call`d away from the Mob Your Sons must keep their Horses and their Whores too before they know the use of either and then you punish them for persevering when they are better skill`d And as for the Birds and Beast Examples I think unworthy to be follow`d by a Nobler Being or quoted as a Precedent they are so far excelling you in that Point that they educate their Young in the simple course of Nature not elevating them above what 's necessary nor leaving them till they have sufficiently enur`d them to provide for themselves all that Nature requires But just contrary to the Example you quote you all the Infancy of your Children keep them from hardship and knowing how to live and to provide for themselves and then on the sudden cast `em out of their Nest unfledg`d without teaching `em to fly Nor is your proud Supposition that you may dispose of your own Gettings more pious or justifyable unless you will make your selves Gods and claim the propriety of that which you cannot carry out of the World with you no more than you brought it in ` T was Heav`n that gave Success to your Endeavours to provide for those other Blessings it bestow'd upon you of fine hopeful Children and you were in right but their Tenant for Life to improve your Substance for their good Nor can you in reason imagine any one deserves it better for Justice and Reason both will have it that you that have begot them into the World without their seeking or desires to satisfy your own Pleasure ought to provide all you can for them that you brought thus involuntarily into the Maze of Fortune and the Treachery of Mankind And of all in the World you have the least reason to leave it to a Wife that not only betrays the Rights of your Bed prostituting her self and your Honour to Rascals but shew`d at first so little Respect and Love for you as to desire so unreasonable a thing that you shou'd cast off all the Bonds of Nature and forsake your own Children which she cou`d not but Love if she Lov'd you For you know the Proverb Love me Love my Dogg Having thus therefore shew'n the Villany of your Crimes `t is fit I proceed to your just Punishment for which you are sent hither You that have thus more than monstrously prevaricated against Nature shall want all the Benefits of Nature Fire you shall have but not to give you gentle Warmth from the Cold of the Season as when you liv`d and hugg`d your self in all Epicurism whilst your Children starv'd but to scorch your wretched Consciences and continual fears of burning your Goods Houses and Writings shall attend you to which shall be added the