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upon_o himself_o for_o any_o thing_n but_o tend_v thereunto_o he_o will_v by_o his_o courtesy_n make_v continual_a purchase_n of_o affection_n but_o especial_o in_o his_o own_o house_n where_o he_o can_v hardly_o overact_v it_o yet_o towards_o man_n of_o insolent_a demand_n and_o carriage_n it_o be_v but_o unmannerly_a to_o employ_v it_o civility_n be_v a_o important_a piece_n of_o society_n especial_o among_o the_o better_a sort_n and_o like_o other_o quality_n it_o be_v to_o be_v exercise_v with_o great_a discretion_n and_o good_a temper_n high_a and_o brave_a spirit_n unseasoned_a therewith_o will_v like_o cock_n and_o mastiff_n impatient_a of_o the_o fierceness_n of_o one_o another_o eye_n uncollected_a and_o unrecal_v assault_v each_o other_o with_o blow_n instead_o of_o salute_v there_o have_v be_v divers_a book_n write_v of_o the_o institution_n of_o a_o prince_n of_o a_o courtier_n of_o several_a
my_o importunate_a thought_n which_o by_o my_o ignorance_n how_o the_o mind_n may_v over-presse_a and_o wrong_a the_o body_n i_o make_v most_o mischievous_a unto_o i_o these_o oppression_n cast_v i_o upon_o costly_a diversion_n and_o with_o disease_n and_o expense_n of_o spirit_n bring_v i_o so_o low_a as_o i_o can_v never_o recover_v so_o that_o all_o the_o effect_n of_o melancholy_a as_o weakness_n of_o memory_n countenance_n and_o faculty_n with_o oppression_n of_o mind_n which_o long_o and_o miserable_o afflict_v i_o proceed_v from_o nothing_o more_o than_o the_o waste_n of_o my_o spirit_n loss_n of_o blood_n and_o over-thinking_a with_o extraordinary_a obstruction_n of_o all_o my_o inward_a part_n i_o contesse_n i_o have_v be_v a_o most_o intemperate_a man_n but_o it_o have_v be_v only_o in_o the_o excess_n of_o my_o thought_n else_o i_o think_v no_o man_n can_v charge_v i_o that_o any_o vain_a inordinate_a humour_n have_v transport_v i_o and_o so_o my_o mind_n as_o i_o have_v often_o be_v charge_v and_o that_o dangerous_a master_n fancy_n and_o a_o natural_a doubtfulness_n especial_o upon_o hard_a and_o questionable_a term_n have_v afflict_v i_o thus_o may_v contrary_n breed_v the_o same_o effect_n ruin_n as_o well_o from_o undue_a care_n as_o carelessness_n i_o can_v in_o probability_n have_v preserve_v myself_o from_o much_o harm_n of_o any_o other_o disorder_n june_n the_o seven_o 1637._o oh_o god_n how_o great_a and_o just_a be_v thy_o judgement_n how_o wonderful_a thy_o mercy_n how_o extraordinary_o can_v thou_o humble_v we_o by_o the_o one_o and_o relieve_v we_o by_o spiritual_a grace_n in_o the_o other_o how_o great_a a_o work_n it_o be_v and_o how_o many_o degree_n be_v require_v to_o effect_v a_o firm_a conversion_n upon_o we_o i_o most_o humble_o thank_v thou_o for_o the_o gracious_a effect_n i_o have_v find_v thereby_o such_o as_o have_v thou_o not_o send_v i_o temporal_a affliction_n i_o must_v have_v be_v eternal_o miserable_a let_v no_o man_n rely_v upon_o his_o own_o strength_n resolution_n and_o precaution_n for_o when_o god_n have_v a_o work_n in_o hand_n and_o leave_v we_o to_o ourselves_o we_o shall_v find_v ourselves_o so_o dementate_v as_o that_o we_o shall_v be_v able_a to_o make_v no_o use_n thereof_o to_o our_o good_a we_o shall_v find_v ourselves_o so_o imprison_v so_o waylay_v against_o what_o we_o will_v or_o shall_v do_v for_o our_o help_n that_o it_o will_v become_v impossible_a for_o we_o to_o make_v use_n of_o ourselves_o and_o ordinary_a mean_n etc._n etc._n it_o prove_v as_o i_o apprehend_v that_o once_o enter_v in_o i_o shall_v hardly_o find_v the_o way_n out_o of_o this_o deep_a thorny_a thicket_n my_o health_n and_o life_n have_v be_v late_o so_o desperate_a as_o it_o be_v little_a adventure_n to_o undergo_v any_o thing_n and_o indeed_o my_o nature_n have_v be_v too_o prone_a to_o put_v many_o thing_n to_o the_o hazard_n the_o rule_n of_o quod_fw-la dubitas_fw-la ne_fw-la feceris_fw-la have_v be_v much_o better_o observe_v but_o alas_o what_o rule_n can_v be_v strong_a enough_o not_o to_o be_v overbear_v by_o our_o blind_a precipitate_a passion_n and_o fate_n etc._n etc._n i_o neither_o must_v nor_o will_v specify_v the_o numerous_a particularity_n of_o my_o misfortune_n only_o thus_o much_o i_o will_v say_v that_o from_o my_o come_n from_o under_o the_o rod_n to_o this_o present_a i_o have_v successive_o meet_v first_o with_o dangerous_a disease_n in_o the_o university_n then_o with_o engagement_n and_o accident_n of_o consequence_n to_o my_o whole_a fortune_n and_o course_n then_o with_o such_o a_o melancholy_a as_o dash_v all_o my_o spirit_n and_o countenance_n otherwise_o strong_a and_o bold_a then_o with_o extremity_n of_o divers_a sickness_n which_o more_o deject_a i_o then_o with_o a_o ruinous_a vow_n then_o with_o loss_n of_o child_n and_o other_o heavy_a disgrace_n the_o effect_n of_o my_o disease_n then_o with_o desperate_a effect_n of_o mistake_a powder_n sufferance_n and_o course_n of_o physic_n and_o after_o all_o this_o and_o much_o more_o etc._n etc._n though_o general_o i_o so_o despair_v of_o life_n as_o not_o to_o dare_v to_o venture_v any_o thing_n upon_o it_o to_o buy_v some_o place_n to_o support_v i_o in_o my_o fortune_n and_o against_o my_o disease_n by_o diversion_n yet_o i_o once_o attempt_v that_o course_n and_o be_v most_o strange_o and_o causlesse_o put_v by_o sometime_o i_o have_v resolve_v for_o a_o course_n in_o the_o war_n as_o against_o the_o turk_n and_o then_o come_v peace_n and_o truce_n in_o truth_n employment_n in_o likelihood_n will_v have_v prevent_v the_o weight_n of_o my_o disease_n many_o thing_n which_o appear_v in_o i_o affect_v course_n of_o pleasure_n and_o vanity_n be_v in_o truth_n lay_v hold_n on_o by_o i_o for_o diversion_n and_o support_n of_o my_o oppress_a spirit_n against_o the_o violence_n of_o my_o disease_n june_n the_o nine_o 1637._o when_o i_o think_v what_o my_o fortune_n have_v be_v and_o how_o long_o and_o continual_a the_o affliction_n which_o i_o have_v endure_v as_o well_o in_o mind_n and_o body_n as_o in_o my_o estate_n i_o make_v question_n whether_o many_o year_n if_o not_o age_n do_v not_o pass_v in_o the_o whole_a world_n without_o parallel_v my_o suffering_n none_o but_o a_o extreme_a melancholy_a man_n can_v conceive_v they_o which_o yet_o have_v be_v aggravate_v in_o i_o by_o a_o contrary_a and_o most_o sensible_a complexion_n no_o body_n but_o of_o a_o extraordinary_a strong_a constitution_n can_v have_v undergo_v they_o how_o often_o have_v i_o think_v myself_o at_o my_o end_n how_o often_o wish_v it_o and_o yet_o have_v it_o please_v god_n miraculous_o to_o preserve_v i_o oh_o that_o it_o may_v please_v he_o thereby_o to_o work_v his_o glory_n and_o service_n otherwise_o how_o long_o have_v i_o be_v and_o now_o be_o from_o desire_v it_o i_o confess_v myself_o infinite_o faulty_a both_o towards_o god_n man_n and_o myself_o but_o withal_o strange_o unhappy_a in_o the_o occasional_a circumstance_n and_o concurrency_n of_o my_o mischief_n i_o have_v evident_o discern_v a_o extraordinary_a and_o high_a hand_n therein_o and_o i_o most_o humble_o thank_v god_n who_o have_v by_o degree_n bring_v i_o home_o unto_o he_o i_o have_v long_o subsist_v only_o under_o the_o shelter_n of_o his_o wing_n and_o desire_v nothing_o but_o his_o favour_n to_o my_o end_n nothing_o else_o have_v support_v i_o nor_o can_v nor_o can_v my_o mind_n and_o fancy_n be_v natural_o active_a and_o for_o want_v of_o outward_a employment_n besit_v they_o and_o i_o turn_v and_o wrought_v upon_o my_o spirit_n if_o i_o have_v notwithstanding_o all_o objection_n settle_v at_o at_o the_o first_o i_o have_v find_v that_o centre_n and_o quiet_a the_o want_n whereof_o infinite_o hurt_v i_o by_o give_v way_n to_o my_o fancy_n to_o be_v overmuch_o work_v upon_o it_o before_o i_o put_v such_o course_n in_o execution_n i_o at_o last_o give_v way_n to_o prevent_v the_o like_a inconvenience_n of_o trouble_n of_o mind_n and_o cost_n which_o may_v befall_v my_o son_n in_o a_o just_a affection_n of_o settle_v there_o i_o confess_v that_o in_o project_v what_o concern_v we_o it_o be_v not_o unnecessary_a to_o be_v possess_v of_o a_o summary_n disposition_n therein_o but_o to_o descend_v to_o a_o exact_a punctuality_n of_o particulars_n in_o a_o precautious_a speculation_n before_o time_n and_o opportunity_n of_o act_v and_o execution_n be_v common_o as_o vain_a as_o troublesome_a fancy_n may_v please_v and_o infatuate_a itself_o therein_o but_o the_o present_a view_n and_o circumstance_n of_o thing_n to_o be_v present_o act_v be_v that_o which_o give_v the_o final_a order_n and_o determination_n with_o a_o contradict_v and_o retract_v nullity_n to_o our_o prepense_a conceit_n and_o resolution_n june_n 11._o 1637._o sapiens_fw-la dominabitur_fw-la astris_fw-la be_v a_o pretty_a say_n but_o if_o not_o apply_v and_o restrain_v to_o godly_a and_o divine_a wisdom_n as_o far_o from_o truth_n as_o the_o star_n be_v short_a of_o god_n it_o be_v extraordinary_a that_o in_o all_o my_o course_n of_o a_o long_a life_n i_o shall_v ever_o meet_v with_o hindrance_n and_o cross_n even_o when_o i_o have_v most_o strive_v to_o avoid_v they_o and_o never_o with_o any_o thing_n of_o help_n and_o ease_n yet_o this_o for_o my_o comfort_n and_o to_o exempt_v i_o from_o envy_v other_o if_o i_o will_v but_o in_o a_o ordinary_a measure_n have_v digress_v from_o my_o austere_a way_n to_o my_o son_n and_o i_o there_o may_v have_v be_v a_o large_a proportion_n of_o honour_n authority_n and_o fortune_n god_n know_v what_o be_v best_a for_o we_o and_o i_o affect_v nothing_o but_o according_a to_o the_o fair_a mean_n and_o his_o good_a pleasure_n that_o noble_a friend_n of_o i_o who_o upon_o consideration_n of_o the_o natural_a strength_n of_o my_o body_n and_o mind_n
but_o by_o a_o happy_a constitution_n and_o clearness_n of_o body_n maintain_v by_o daily_a exercise_n i_o thank_v god_n i_o fear_v not_o any_o violent_a or_o long_a continuance_n nay_o i_o rather_o reckon_v it_o as_o a_o excellent_a medicinal_a physic_n unto_o i_o cold_a ferment_n into_o a_o heat_n and_o heat_n digest_v and_o purify_v storm_n clear_v the_o air_n agitation_n refine_v and_o subtilize_v the_o water_n and_o fire_n and_o stir_v advantage_v the_o earth_n evil_n be_v say_v not_o to_o go_v alone_o and_o distemper_n purge_v away_o more_o than_o their_o cause_n but_o it_o be_v good_a as_o well_o in_o state_n as_o soul_n and_o body_n to_o maintain_v themselves_o in_o such_o a_o freedom_n from_o over-abounding_a in_o evil_a humour_n that_o misaccident_n when_o they_o come_v and_o there_o can_v be_v no_o security_n against_o they_o may_v not_o endanger_v the_o whole_a frame_n thus_o much_o of_o cold_a but_o what_o shall_v we_o say_v in_o surprise_v of_o heat_n and_o fire_n we_o 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to_o exercise_v such_o affection_n i_o ever_o mean_a without_o abuse_n but_o this_o conclude_v for_o woman_n not_o for_o man_n our_o affection_n have_v more_o fire_n in_o they_o matter_n more_o combustible_a and_o woman_n be_v common_o as_o well_o in_o effect_n as_o in_o title_n too_o much_o our_o mistress_n child_n and_o fool_n be_v not_o allow_v to_o play_v with_o fire_n it_o have_v need_n be_v a_o strong_a well-prepared_n and_o well-habituated_n soul_n that_o entertain_v it_o we_o be_v no_o salamander_n to_o thrive_v and_o be_v safe_a in_o the_o flame_n what_o now_o ought_v a_o man_n that_o will_v be_v wise_a to_o do_v affect_v to_o give_v as_o well_o his_o nature_n as_o religion_n their_o right_n platonic_a love_n be_v explode_v love_n be_v corporeal_a and_o enter_v at_o the_o eye_n lust_n can_v be_v exclude_v for_o a_o ingredient_n which_o yet_o admit_v it_o follow_v not_o that_o it_o must_v be_v predominant_a as_o i_o discourse_v unto_o you_o some_o other_o overrule_a affection_n may_v contain_v and_o repress_v it_o either_o in_o a_o religious_a civil_a or_o other_o self-interessed_n consideration_n nay_o even_o in_o a_o divers_a prevail_a respect_n towards_o the_o very_a subject_n of_o our_o love_n i_o can_v be_v affect_v with_o the_o object_n of_o my_o palate_n and_o eye_n and_o yet_o forbear_v they_o burn_v with_o a_o surprise_v desire_n of_o mortal_a revenge_n and_o yet_o refrain_v fear_v and_o awe_n will_v prevail_v even_o with_o dog_n and_o beast_n and_o why_o not_o in_o love_n but_o how_o far_o this_o be_v to_o be_v allow_v in_o discretion_n i_o submit_v with_o a_o good_a morrow_n to_o your_o ladyship_n more_o refine_v discourse_n and_o judgement_n i_o send_v you_o the_o verse_n humble_o kiss_v your_o hand_n and_o end_n with_o my_o paper_n your_o ladyship_n etc._n etc._n a_o promiscuous_a piece_n of_o three_o hour_n work_n in_o a_o morning_n to_o clear_v from_o further_a writing_n madam_n if_o i_o deceive_v not_o myself_o there_o be_v somewhat_o of_o 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