a Non-pluss they would be glad to be quit of each other yet are ashamed to part so soon and are weary to stay with each other long when a Play entertaines them with Love and requires not their answers nor forceth their braines nor pumps their wits for a Play doth rather fill them than empty them 2. Gentleman Faith most Playes doth rather fill the spectators with wind than with substance with noise than with newes 1. Gentleman This Play that I would have you go to is a new Play 2. Gentleman But is there newes in the Play that is is there new wit fancyes or new Scenes and not taken our of old storyes or old Playes newly translated 1. Gentleman I know not that but this Play was writ by a Lady who on my Conscience hath neither Language nor Learning but what is native and naturall 2. Gentleman A woman write a Play Out upon it out upon it for it cannot be good besides you say she is a Lady which is the likelyer to make the Play worse a woman and a Lady to write a Play fye fye 3. Gentleman Why may not a Lady write a good Play 2. Gentleman No for a womans wit is too weak and too conceived to write a Play 1. Gentleman But if a woman hath wit or can write a good Play what will you say then 2. Gentleman Why I will say no body will believe it for if it be good they will think she did not write it or at least say she did not besides the very being a woman condemnes it were it never so excellent and care for men will not allow women to have wit or we men to have reason for if we allow them wit we shall lose our prehemency 1. Gentleman If you will not goe Tom farewell for I will go set this Play let it be good or bad 2. Gentleman Nay stay I will go with thee for I am contented to cast away so much time for the sake of the sex Although I have no saith of the Authoresses wit 3. Gentleman Many a reprobate hath been converted and brought to repentance by hearing a good Sermon and who knowes but that you may be converted from your erroneous opinion by seeing this Play and brought to confesse that a Lady may have wit Loves Adventures Play The Lord Fatherly The Lord Singularity His Sonne Sir Serious Dumbe Sir Timothy Complement Sir Humphry Bolde Sir Roger Exception Sir Peaceable Studious Foster Trusty The Lady Orphant The Lady Ignorant wife to Sir Peaceable Studious The Lady Bashfull The Lady Wagtaile The Lady Amorous Mrs. Acquaintance Nurse Fondly Foster Trusties wife Lady Orphans Nurse Mrs. Reformers woman to the Lady Bashfull Two Chamber-Maydes Prologue NOble Spectators you are come to see A Play if good perchance may clapped be And yet our Authoresse sayes that she hath heard Some playes though good hath not been so preferr'd As to be mounted up on high raised praise And to be Crown'd with Garlands of fresh hayes But the contrary have been hissed off Out from our Stage with many a censuring scoff But afterwards there understanding cleer'd They gave the praise what they before had jeer'd The same she sayes may to her Play befall And your erroneous censures may recall But all such Playes as take not at first sight But afterwards the viewers takes delight It seemes there is more wit in such a Play Than can be understood in one whole day If for she is well content for her wits sake From ignorance repulses for to take For she had rather want those understanding braines Than that her Play should want wits flowing veynes ACT I. Scene 1. Enter the Lord Fatherly and the Lord Singularity his Son LOrd Singularity Pray Sir do not force me to marry a childe before you know whether she will prove vertuous or discreet when for the want of that knowledge you may indanger the honour of your Line and Posterity with Cuckoldry and Bastardry Lord Fatherly Son you must leave that to fortune Lord Singularity A wise man Sir is to be the maker or spoiler of his own fortune Lord Fatherly Let me tell you Son the wisest man that is or ever was may be deceived in the choosing a wife for a woman is more obscure than nature her self therefore you must trust to chance for marriage is a Lottery if you get a prize you may live quietly and happily Lord Singularity But if I light of a blank as a hundred to one nay a thousand to one but I shall which is on a Fool or a Whore her Follies or Adulteries instead of a praise will found out my disgrace Lord Fatherly Come Come she is Rich she is Rich Lord Singularity Why Sir guilded I Horns are most visible Lord Fatherly 'T is better Son to have a rich whore than a poor whore but I hope Heaven hath made her Chast and her Father being an honourable honest and wise man will breed her vertuously and I make no question but you will be happy with her Lord Singularity But Sir pray consider the inequality of our ages she being but a Child and I at mans Estate by that time she is ready for the marriage bed I shall be ready for the grave and youths sharp appetites will never rellish Age wherefore she will seek to please her pallat else where Lord Fatherly Let me tell you Son should you marry a woman that were as many years older than she is younger than you it were a greater hazard for first old women are more intemperate than young and being older than the husband they are apt to be jealouse and being jealouse they grow malitious and malice seeks revenge and revenge disgrace therefore she would Cuckold you meerly to disgrace you Lord Singularity On the other side those Women that are marryed young Cuckholds there Husbands fames dishonouring them by their ignorant follyes and Childish indiscretions as much as with Adultery And I should assoon choose to be a Cuckhold as to be thought to be one For my honour will suffer as much by the one as the other if not more Lord Fatherly Heaven blesse the Sonne from jealousy for thou art horrible afraid of being a Cuckold Lord Singularity Can you blame me Sir since to be a Cuckhold is to be despised scorned laught and pointed at as a Monster worse than nature ever made and all the Honour that my birth gave me and my education indued me my vertue gained me my industry got me fortune bestowed on me and fame inthron'd me for may not only be lost by my wifes Adultery but as I said by her indiscretion which makes me wonder how any man that hath a Noble Soul dares marry since all his honour lyes or lives in the light heels of his wife which every little passion is apt to kick away wherefore good Sir let me live a single life Lord Fatherly How Son would you have me consent to extinguish the light of my Name and to pull out the root
is prevalent Nan but what manner of man is this man that my Father is treating with is he handsome or rich or famous or honoured with title for I would not put my father to charges and not have a Husband worth my Portion Nan He is rich and a thriving man Mistriss Odd-Humour That is to say a rich miserable man and when I am marryed to him I shall be his poor miserable wife for he will not allow me any thing to spend hardly to eat Nan Then your Chair will be big enough for you Mistriss Odd-Humour Or I shall be little enough for my Chair for a spare diet will make bare bones Nan If you be lean you will want a Cushion unless your Husband will allow you one Mistriss Odd-Humour A miserable Husband will never do that for they think ease breeds Idleness Nan If he be miserable he will be pleased you shall be idle for exercise doth cause a hungry Stomack but if he be a jealous Husband he will not be pleased you should be idle for idleness breeds wantoness Mistriss Odd-Humour A jealous Husband and a miserable is to a woman much a-like for the one bars a wife from Company the other from Meat the one will not allow her fine Cloathes the other dares not let her wear fine Clothes the one will not maintain Servants to wait on her the other dares not trust Servants to wait upon her lest they should be corrupted to be Pimps or Bawds also a miserable Husband and a Prodigal one is a-like to a wife the one keeps all his wealth and spends none the other spends all and keeps none the one will give his wife none the other will spare his wife none from himself and Vanities and Vices thus a wife is poor or unhappy either in a spender or a sparer but if my Father would not cast me and my Portion a-way is to marry me to a man whose bounty or liberality is within one part of his wealth as three parts liberality and four parts wealth and one that hath more love than jealousy more merit than title more honesty than wealth and more wealth than necessity Nan But if you never marry till your Father get you such a Husband you will dy an old Maid Mistriss Odd-Humour I had rather dy an old Maid than be an unhappy Wife Exeunt Scene 11. Enter Sir Thomas Gravity and his Lady SIr Thomas Gravity Why are you angry with me because my Brother is an enemy to the marriage I was a Friend to it and did my part consenting to what you desired and why are you angry with me because the Laws have disanulled the marriage I cannot alter the Laws Lady But your Brothers power with the Arch-Prince and the Arch-Princes power on the Judges and Lawyers Divines and Church-men hath corrupted the Laws and caused Injustice Sir Thomas Gravity That 's none of my fault I have not power to mend them but let me have so much power with you as to perswade you to be patient in matters where your impatience will do you no good also let me Counsel you to advise your Daughter to endeavour to forget my Nephew at least not to love him as a Husband but to place her affections upon some other man for she being freed by the law may marry again who she shall think best to chuse And to draw her off from her Melancholy humour you must perswade her to divert her self and thoughts with variety of Company and to take delight in such things as other Ladyes use as fine Dressing rich Cloathing sportfull Dancing merry Meeting and the like and she being very handsome since she is grown to womans years will be admired praised and sued too in which admirations and praises women take glory and are proud to be wooed for it is the pleasure of their life and the life of their pleasure Lady But how if I cannot perswade her to associate her self with young Company like her self or to wear fine Cloaths or to take pleasure in sports and plays Sir Thomas Gravity Command her to adorn her self bravely and to go to Balls Playes and Masks and those pleasures will steal on her unawares and no question but a little time will make her take such delight therein as she will be so fond of Company and Bravery as you will find it difficult if not impossible to perswade her from it Lady I will take your Counsel and follow your advice Exeunt Scene 12. Enter two Gentlemen 1 GEnt. My Lord hath sent for his Son to come home for to marry with the Arch-Prince's Neece 2 Gent. She is a Lady that hath more Wealth than Beauty and more Title than Wit 1 Gent. My Lord cares not to marry his Son to Beauty or Wit but to Riches and Honour 2 Gent. My Lord is Covetous and Ambitious 1 Gent. So are all wise men for they know that Wealth and Honour are the Pillars and Supporters to hold up their Familyes that makes Fathers desirous and industrious to marry their Sons to great Fortunes and not to great Beautyes that their successors may not be buryed in Poverty for Beauty is only for delight but not for continuance Beauty lives only with fond Youth Riches with wife Age and Dignity Crowns antient Riches for a long and rich succession is a Gentlemans Pedigree 2 Gent. I thought Merit had been the foundation of a Gentleman 1 Gent. So it is sometimes but not always for where Merit Dignified one Family Riches Dignified a hundred poor Merit is buryed in Oblivion unless Fame builds him a Monument whereas Riches build Monuments to Fames Palace and bring Fame down to his Palace but Merit without the assistance of Riches can neither feed nor cloth nor sustain nor cannot buy Houses to live in nor Lands to live on it cannot leave anything for Antiquity but the memory of it self wherefore my Lord is wise to chase Riches for his Son 1 Gent. But 't is a question whether his Son will take them and leave the Lady be once was marryed too for 't is said that she is grown an extraordinary Beauty Exeunt Scene 13. Enter Lady Gravity and Lady Perfection her Daughter in black very handsome LAdy Gravity Will not you obey my commands Lady Perfection Yes Madam so far as it is my duty Lady Gravity Then do as I command you dress fine and keep Company Lady Perfection Gay Cloths Madam and my mind will not be suitable my indisposed humour and Company will not be agreeable neither know I how to behave my self in this condition I am in nor how to associate my self for since my marriage is disanull'd I am neither Maid Virgin Widow nor Wife Lady Gravity Come come you are my Daughter that 's sufficient Exeunt Scene 14. Enter two Men 1 MAn Faith I pitty my young Lord for since he is returned from his tedious travels he is kept Prisoner at the Court for the Arch-Prince and his Father will not suffer
may do me harm creating vain and false opinions in my imaginations of self-conceit of being wiser or wittier than really I am which opinions may make me commit errors and I had rather the VVorld should laugh at me for want of wit than scorn me for my follies Discretion But if witty discourses will get you an esteem what will your wise actions and vertuous life and prayse is the reward to all noble endeavours beside prayse is no burthen but it often serves as a ballance to make the life swim steady in Sea-faring VVorld But yet Lady I would not have your wit out-run your prayse which it will do if you spur it too hard for wit must be used like a strong spirited horse it must be restraind with a bridle not prick'd with the spur least it should run away and fling the Rider which is the Speaker into a ditch of disgrace neither must it run wildly about but must be wrought to obey the hand and the heel which is time and occasion to stop and to change as when to speak and to whom to speak and on what to speak and when to make a stop of silence otherwise it will run out of the smooth paths of civility or the clean wayes of modesty Besides wit must not only be taught to amble in rhime and to trot in prose but to have a sure footing of sense and a setled head of reason least it should stumble in disputes or fall into impertinent discourses likewise wit may be taught to go in aires of fancies or low upon the ground of proof Volante But Sir you must consider that women are no good managers of wit for they spoyl all their tongue rides on hackneys it out untill it becomes a dull jade Discretion Least I should give an ill example of tyreing in our allegorical discourse I shall kiss your hands and take my leave for this time Ex. Madamosel alone She fetches a great sigh Volante Monsieur Discretion is a handsom man he hath a wise countenance and a manly garo his discourse is rational and witty sober and difercet But good Lord how foolishly I talk to him I never spake duller nor so senselesly since I was taught words and he came purposely as he told me to hear me speak and prove my wit But it was a sign he heard none for he grew soon a weary of my company he staid so short a time I am troubled often with prating fools whose visits are as tedious as their discourses But Lord why do I condemn others as fools when this Gentleman Monsieur Discretion hath proved me one Ex. ACT III Scene 18. Enter Madamosel Caprisia and Monsieur Importunate IMportunate What musing by your self alone May I question your oughts Capris. If you do you will not be resolved for there is none at home to give you an answer Importunate Why where are they wandring abroad Capris. They like a brood of Birds are flown out of their Neasts for thoughts flies with swifter speed than time can do having large wings of quick desire Importunate Faith you are a great wit Capris. You are a great trouble She offers to go forth He stayes her She is angry Capris. What you will not force me to stay against my will Importunate Yes that I will For your Father saith you shall be my Wife and then you will imbrace and kiss me as coy as you are now Capris. Which if I do I wish my arms when they do wind about your waste may sting as Serpents and that my kisses may prove poyson to your lips Importunate What are you seriously angry Nay then 't is time to leave you Ex. The Lady alone Capris. I have heard that gallant men are civil to our Sex but I have met with none but rough rude rugged natures more cruel than wild Tygars Enter Monsieur Bon Compaignon Bon Compaignon Why do you complain of our Sex Lady what is it you would have Capris. I would have a gray-headed wisdom a middle-aged humour a fresh mouthed wit a new bloom'd youth and a beauty that every one fancies Bon Compaignon Why so you have Capris. Then I have what I desire She goes out Bon Compaignon O! She hath a sharp wit it is vitral wit Ex. Scene 19. Enter Madamosel Solid and Monsieur Comorade COmorade Lady you have kill'd a Gentleman Solid Who I why I never had the courage to kill a fly Comorade You have kill'd him with your disdain Solid I am sorry he had so weak a life as so slight a cause as a womans disdain could destroy it but for my part I disdain no man although I cannot intimately love all men Comorade He is but one man Lady Solid And I have but one particular love to give or rather I may say to be gain'd for I cannot dispose of it for it will be only disposed by it self without my leave so as I must be guided by that which will not be guided by me I can lend my pity but not give him my love Comorade I suppose you have given him some encouragement and hopes if not an assurance by reason he sayes you have forsaken him Solid Not unless common civility be an encouragement and ordinary conversation gives hopes as for an assurance indeed I gave Monsieur Profession For I did assure him I could not love him as he would have me love him as Husband But O vain man to brag of that he never had Comorade 'T is no brag Lady to confess he is forsaken Solid It is a brag for in that he implyes he hath been beloved for the one must be before the other Comorade Pray Madam let me perswade you to entertain his love he is a Gentleman who hath worth person and wealth all which he offers you as to his Goddesse and a good offer is not to be refused Lady when it may lawfully be taken Solid You say true Sir and could I perswade my love as easily as you can commend the man 't is likely I should not refuse him Comorade But you will be thought cruel to let a Gentleman dye for want of your love Solid Why put the case I have other Lovers as passionate and worthy as he how would you have me divide my self amongst them Or can you tell me how to please them I cannot marry them all the Laws forbids it and to be the common Mistresse to them all honour and honesty forbids it for though there is some excuse for men who hath by custom their liberty in amours because their amours obstructs not nature so makes breach of honesty but women are not only barr'd by nature but custom of subjection and modesty of education wherefore if they should take liberty to several Lovers or loves courtships they would not only dishonour themselves and their whole Sex and their living friends but their dishonour would outreach their Posterity and run back to their Fore-fathers that were dead long long before they were born for their
unchaste lives would be as marks of disgrace and spots of infamie upon the Tombs of those dead Ancestors and their ashes would be full'd with their stains whereas a chast woman and a gallant man obliges both the living and the dead for they give honour to their dead Ancestors in their Graves and to those friends that are living in the World and to those that shall succeed them Besides their examples of their vertues for all Ages to take out patterns from Comorade Madam you have answered so well for your self and Sex as I can say no more in the behalf of my friend Ex. Scene 20. Enter Madam la Mere and Madamosel Caprisia her daughter MEre Daughter your tongue is so sharp as it is not only poynted but edged on both sides Capris. Use Mother will blunt the poynt and flat the edges Mere No Daughter the more 't is used the sharper it will be for words and passions are the whetstones to that Razor Capris. As long as that Razor shaves no reputation let it raze or shave what it will Ex. Scene 21. Enter Madamosel Solid Madamosel Doltche Madamosel Volante and a Grave Matron MAtron Madamosel Solid what say you to Monsieur Ralleries wit Solid I say of him as I would of a wild or skittish jade who hath only strength to kick and fling but not to travel or to bear any weight so Rallerie is antick postures and laughing reproaches not solid and judicious discourses or continued speeches the truth is a ralleying wit is like obstructed or corrupted lungs which causes difficult and short breathing So that wit is short and puffing spurting out words questions and replyes 't is squib wit or boys sport Matron Madamosel Doltche what say you of Monsieur Satericals wit Doltche As I would of frosty weather his wit is sharp but wholesome and though he hath a frowning brow yet he hath a clear soul Matron Madamosel Volante What say you of Monsieur Pedants wit Volante As I would of Leeches for as Leeches sucks bloud from the back parts of men and spues it forth when rubb'd with salt so Monsieur Pedant sucks wit from other mens pens and mouths and then spues it forth again being rubb'd with the itch of prayse But all the learned knows the wit was no more his own than the bloud that was suck'd was the Leeches Matron What say you of Monsieur Lyricks wit Volante As I would of a Bird that chirps more than sings Matron Madamosel Doltche What say you of Monsieur Tragedians wit Doltche As I would of Winter wherein is more rain than Sun-shines more storms than calms more night than day so his wit hath more melancholly than mirth causing or producing tears sighs and sadnesse the truth is his wit dwels in the shades of death Matron Madamosel Solid what say you to Monsieur Comicals wit Solid As I would of the Spring which revives and refreshes the life of every thing it is lightsom and gay So Monsieur Comicals wit is chearfull pleasant lively natural and profitable as being edifying Ex. Scene 22. Enter Madam la Mere and Madamosel Caprisia her Daughter MERE Daughter let me tell you you have brought your Hogs to a fair Market Capris. That is better than to keep them in a foul stye Mother Mere You cannot speak without crossing Capris. Nor readily crosse without speaking Mere I am sure your bitter discourses and crosse answers hath caused the Lady namely the Lady Hercules to send a rayling message by a Messenger to declare her anger for your abusive discourses against her Capris. I never mentioned her in my discourse in my life Mere But you speak against big and tall women Capris. I gave but my opinion of the size and Sex not of any particular and I may speak freely my opinion of the generalities Mere You may chance by your opinion of the generalities to be generally talk'd of Capris. VVhy then I shall live in discourse although discourse were dead in me and who had not rather live although an ill life than dye Mere But you might live so as to gain every bodyes good opinion if you would palliate your humour and sweeten your discourse and endeavour to please in conversation Capris. Which do you mean Mother either to please my self or the company Mere Why the company Capris. That is impossible for in all company there is diversities and contrarieties of humours passions appetites delights pleasures opinions judgements wits understandings and the like and for talking speaking and discoursing they are inter-changing inter-mixing reasoning arguing disputing which causes contradictions wherefore to agree in and to every humour passion opinion and discourse is impossible indeed one may seemly or truly agree and approve of any one opinion or discourse but not a diversity of discourses opinions also one may flatteringly applaud or sooth any particular persons humour but not diverse persons diverse humours but to flatter is base as to approve in their words and disapprove in their thoughts as to commend or applaud that or those that is not praise-worthy But howsoever for the soothing of any bodies humour I will never take the pains for why should I make my self a slave to the several humours of mankind who is never in one humour two minutes and why may not I think or desire to be flattered and humoured as well as others and when I am not flattered and humoured to be as much displeased at others as others at me VVherefore good Mother be not you displeased that I chose rather to displease my self than any body else besides your self Mere You will follow your own wayes Daughter Capris. I cannot walk safer than in my own ground Mother Ex. Scene 23. Enter Monsieur Perfection and Madamosel Solid SOlid Dear Mistress I fear my absence hath made you forget me Solid No certainly I cannot forget you by reason my brain is hung about with the memory of your worthy nature and meritorious actions which my love doth admire and takes delight for to view each several piece and part Perfection Do you love me Solid How can I chose but love when in my infancy such a number of words in your praise was thrown into my ears like seeds into the Earth which took root in my heart from which love sprouted forth and grew up with my years Perfection And will you be constant Solid As day is to the Sun Perfection Do you speak truth Solid Truly I have been bred up so much and so long in the wayes of truth as I know no tract of dissembling and therefore certainly my words will ever keep within the compass of Truth and my actions will alwaies turn and run with that byas but why do you seem to doubt in making such questions Perfection I will truly confess I have heard that since I have been in the Countrey you had entertained another Lover Solid It 's false but false reports is like breathing upon a pure and clear Glasse it dimns it for a time
lay Ex. ACT II. Scene 5. Enter the Lady Sanspareile all in white Satin like as a Bride and her Father and her audience which are all Lovers these stand gazing upon her SAnspareile This Noble assembly may chance to think it a vanity in me never to receive any particular visit or adresse from any particular or single person but I do so by reason life is lost in particular acquaintance as small Rivers are in running through the earth But in the publick life swims as in a full Sea having a fair gale of observation and Sailes of opportune time to swim withall marking the Card of actions and the Needle of dispositions drawn or turned by the Loadstone of affection to the North-pole of Experience to guide me safe from the Rocks of slander and quick-sands of scandal till I come to the Port of death there to unload my Lifes Merchandise and I hope my Voyage may be so prosperous as I may be inriched with the praises of After-Ages Likewise the reason why I choose to speak in publick is that I would not speak idely for in publick I shall take care of what I speak and to whom I speak when in private visitations to single persons my speech may be carelesse with negligence in which I may throw away my time with my words For to speak to no purpose is to make words useless and words is the marks to distinguish things and Figures to number merits with and Notes to record the noble Acts of men But at this time I am to speak by my Fathers command upon a Subject which my contemplation hath no acquaintance with which is marriage and I hear by my Father that you have all treated with him or rather intreated him to bestow me in marriage which is to make me unhappy not but that I believe what I hear which is that you are all persons of Quality Birth Breeding and Merit far beyond my desert yet with the best if any best there be being all worthy yet were I a wife to any one I might be unhappy by reason marriage is an incumbered life although the Husband and the Wife were fitly matcht for years Births Fortunes Dispositions Humours Capacities Wits Conversations Constancies Vertues and affections and first by your leave I will discourse of mens marriage by reason Man being accounted the Supremer Creature and alwayes bearing Rule he shall be first placed As for marriage to men it is a great hinderance to a speculative life it cuts off Phancies Wings and quenches out the Poetical Fire it breaks the Engine of invention disturbs sweet contemplation corrupts honest Counsels obstructs all Heroick actions obscures fame and often times causes infamy by the wifes inconstancies and many times by her indiscretion for a man is dishonoured if his wife is but thought wanton or but inclining to be amorous and though she be as sober in her Nature and as constant as any woman can be yet the very suspition is a disgrace and if the suspition is a disgrace what is a visible truth His very Neighbours makes Horns as he passeth by their doors whilst he sadly and shamefully hangs down his head with a dejected countenance which makes him seem a Coward and a Fool although it be unjust that the faults of the wife should be a blemish to the Husbands honour yet so it is this being the greatest cause why Husbands are jealouse which jealousie is more for their Honours sake than for their Wives affections thus you see how dangerous a thing it is for man to marry who must trust his honour to the management of a Foolish Woman and women naturally like children inconstant unlesse education doth rectifie their frail natures peevish humours various appetites and inconstant affection Likewise marriage is not only apt to corrupt the mind with jealousie but with Covetousnesse for the extreme fondnesse and natural love of Parents to their Children maks them strive by all their endeavours to inrich them this makes them gripe their Tennants pinch and half starve their servants quarrel and dispute with their neighbours corrupt Judges take Bribes besides it makes men apt to rebell and turn Traitorus murmuring at their Taxes and impositions it also makes them timorous and fearful in warrs by reason their wife and children may be ruined by their death Also it makes them dull in their Conversations by reason they are alwayes plodding for their worldly affairs and for the Muses had a husband time to entertain them yet the wife would right them or drive them from him with their quarreling disputes or sencelesse prizes besides most women are as jealouse of the Muses as of their Maids but to treat or discourse of married women is to discourse of a most unhappy life for all the time of their lives is insnared with troubles what in breeding and bearing children what in taking and turning away Servants directing and ordering their Family counting their expences and disbursing their revenues besides the vexations with their servants for their quarreling and combining for their sloth and sluttery for their spoiles and carlessnesse for their treachery and couzenage and if they have Children what troubles and griefs do unsue Troubled with their frowardnesse and untowardnesse the care for their well being the fear for their ill doing their grief for their sicknesse and their unsufferable sorrow for their death Yet this is the best part and not to be avoided But if these troubles be joyned with an ill Husband it heightens their torments for if he be a Drunkard she had better be marryed to a Beast her nostrils is stencht with the Lees of wine her eyes are offended with his rude behaviour and her ears are struck with a cursed noise of cursing and Oaths and if he be a Gamester she lives in an unsetled condition she knows not how soon she may want for if she have plenty one day she may be in a condition to beg the next And if her Husband be inconstant and loves variety of women O how jealousie torments her besides the wrongs she suffers from him what affronts she receives from his Mistresse How is she dispised amongst her neighbours sleighted by her servant suspected by the world for having some defect as either to be incontinent sluttish foolish froward crosse unkind ill natured sickly or diseased when perchance the woman may be worthy to be marcht with a temperate wise valiant honest rich and honourable man and if women go fine and take pleasure in themselves and Garments their Husbands are jealouse and if they regard not themselves or Garments their Husbands dislikes them For though men will swear to their wives they like them better in their old cloaths than other women in their glorious Apparrel because they would not have them expensive yet if their wives neglect themselves regarding not their dressing but sleights all outward Adornments and change of Garments as prodigal spend-thrifts they starve their Husbands esteem in their thrifty plainness Consumes
will be very industrious if you please to set me to work Enter Maudlin Huswife her Mother she falls a beating her Maudlin You idle slut do you stand loytering here when it is more than time the Cows were milk'd Mall Mean-bred flings away her milking-pail Mall Mean-bred Go milk them your self with a murrain since you are so light-finger'd Maudlin I will milk your sides first The Mother goeth to beat her again Mall Mean-bred her daughter runs away from her mother she follows her running to catch her Master Inqui. I marry Sir this is right as a Farmers daughter should be but in my Conscience the other Maid that was here before her is a bastard begot by some Gentleman Exeunt Scene 14. Enter Sir John Argument and the Lady Conversation LAdy Conversa. Let me tell you Sir Iohn Argument Love delivers up the whole Soul to the thing beloved and the truth is none but one soul can love another Argum. But Justice Madam must be the rule of Love wherefore those souls which Love must give the bodies leave to joyn Conversat. O no pure souls may converse without gross bodies Argument Were it not for the Senses Madam souls could have no acquaintance and without an acquaintance there can be no reciprocal affection and will you make the Senses which are the souls chief confidence to be strangers or enemies Conversat. I would have them converse but not interrupt Argum. The bodies must have mutual friendship and correspondency with each other or otherwise they may dissemble or betray the souls or abuse the trust loose appetites or wandring senses or contrary humours and what can interrupt Love more than the disagreement of bodies Conversat. The Senses and Appetites of the Body are but as subject to the Soul Argument But 't is impossible for Forein Princes as I will compare two loving souls unto can live in peace and mutual amity if their subjects disagree Enter Mistris Troublesome Conversat. O Mistris Troublesome you are welcome for you shall end the dispute between Sir Iohn Argument and I Troublesome If you cannot decide the Dispute your selves I shall never do it But what is the Dispute Madam Conversat. Whether there can be a perfect friendship of Souls without a reciprocal and mutual conversation and conjunctions of Bodies Troublesome Faith Madam I think it would be a very faint friendship betwixt the Souls without the Bodies Conversat. I perceive Sir Iohn Argument and you would never make Platonick Lovers Troublesome Faith Madam I think Platonick is a word without sense Argument You say right Mistris Troublesome it is an insensible love Conversat. It is the Soul of Love Troublesome What 's that Madam a Ghost or Spirit Conversat. Indeed it hath no material body Argument No for it is an incorporal thing Troublesome What is an incorporal thing Sir Iohn Argument Why nothing Troublesome Pray leave this discourse or else you will talk nonsense Argument That 's usual in Conversation Conversat. Setting aside this discourse at Mistris Troublesomes request Pray tell me how the Lady Contemplation doth Troublesome Faith Madam by the course of her life one might think she were an incorporal thing Conversat. Why Troublesome Because she makes but little use of her Body living always within her Minde Conversat. Then her Body stands but as a Cypher amongst the Figures of her thoughts Troublesome Just so by my Troth Conversat. Pray bring me acquainted with the Lady Contemplation Troublesome If it be possible I will but the Lady Visitant can do it better than I Conversat. I am resolv'd I will visit her Exeunt Scene 15. Enter the Lord Courtship and the Lady Ward LOrd Courtship What is your passion over Lady Ward My passion will strive to maintain my honour and you may take my life but as long as I live my passion will fight in the quarrel But what man of honour will make a Bawd of her he intends to make his Wife and what man of honour will be cruel to those that are weak helplesse and shiftlesse and what man of honour will be uncivil to the meanest of our Sex It is more noble to flatter us than to quarrel with us but that I have heard you are valiant I should think you were a base coward and such a one that would quarrel in a Brothel-house rather than fight in a Battel But I perceive you are one that loves Pleasure more than Honour and Life more than Fame and I hate to be in that mans company or to make a Husband whose courage lies in Voluptousness and his life in Infamy I will sooner marry Death than such a man The Lady Ward goes out Lord Courtship alone Lord Courts Her words have shot through my soul and have made a sensible wound therein How wisely she did speak how beautiful appear'd Her minde is full of honour and the actions of her life are built upon noble principles so young so wise so fair so chaste and I to use her so basely as I have done O how I hate my self for doing so unworthily Exit Scene 16. Enter Sir Effeminate Lovely and Poor Virtue EFfemin. Lovely The more ground is troden on the easier the path to walk in Poor Virtue It seems so that you visit me so often Effem. Lovely Why thou art such sweet company and behav'st thy self so prettily as I cannot choose but visit thee Poor Virtue I would if I could behave my self so to the world as my indiscretion might not defame me Effem. Lovely Why do you think of a Fame Poor Virtue VVhy not since fame many times arises from poor Cottages as well as from great Palaces witness the Country labouring-man that was taken from the plough and made an Emperour as being thought sittest to rule both for Justice and VVisedome and he was more famous than those that were born of an Heroick Line and were of Royal dignity and David a shepherd became a King 'T is Merit that deserves a fame not Birth and sometimes Merit hath its desert though but seldome Effem. Lovely Thy discourse would tempt any man Poor Virtue Mistake not my discourse it hath no such devilish design for to tempt is to pervert 'T is true my Nature takes delight to delight and please others and not to crosse or displease any yet not to tempt or to delude with counterfeit demeanors or fair insinuating words smooth speech or oiled tongue to draw from Virtues side but to perswade and plead in Virtues cause Effem. Lovely Thy very looks would gain a cause before thy tongue could plead Poor Virtue Alas mans countenance is like the Sea which ebbs and flows as passion moves the minde Effem. Lovely I am sure Love moves my minde and makes it in a fiery heat Poor Virtue If it be noble Love it is like the Sun which runs about to give both light and heat to all the world that else would sit in darknesse and be both cold and steril so doth a noble minde run with industry to
I desire you will let her live with me this Poor Virtue Maudlin God bless you Honour from her it is not fit for a Lord and a great Noble-man to meddle with Virtue your Honour should not foul your fingers with her Besides she will never stay in a great mans house neither is it fit she should and your Honours servants will hate her like the Devil for she will please no body as she should do a very peevish ill-natur'd girle forsooth she is Lord Title Why how doth she agree then with you Maudlin Alas forsooth if it please your Honour Virtue may live in a Cottage when she will be whipt out of a Court or a great Lords Palace they may talk of her but they will never give her leave to live and board with them It may be they give their Chaplain leave to talk of her a Sundays or so forsooth but talk's but talk for they forget her the six days after and never mind her for indeed she is a very peevish girle and not fit for Gentlefolks company that 's the truth of it hardly for poor folks Lord Title VVhy you agree well with her Maudlin Nay by the faith of my body do I not for I can hardly goe to Market and be merry as I use to be and all long of her peevishnesse nay I cannot goe to order one of our busie Thrashers but she troubles me or to speak with the Carter but she whip in presently or discourse with the Plough-man about his plough-share how he should order it for my advantage but she troubles me or about our Husbandman how and where he should sow his Seed but she vexes me still Such a life the Gods help me as I am e'en weary of my self Speak Roger is it not true Roger True Maudlin as steel I never was merry since she vvas in my house the May-pole is dovvn since she came Maudlin I Roger that 't is the more the pity Roger And the Towns Green is a Meadow and the poor Big-pipers cheeks are fallen into a Consumption hardly wind to speak vvithall the Morris-dancers bells are silenc'd and their crosse garters held superstitious idolatrous and profane the May-Lord and his Lady depos'd and the Hobby-horse is forgotten nay the Whitson-Lord and Lady are banish'd Merry Wakes abolish'd and the poor Ale-wives beggar'd Maudlin I I and all since this melancholy girle Virtue came into our house She cries I cannot choose but cry Lord Title Thou art true Maudlin then Maudlin Yes with small beer that 's the calamity of it therefore blesse every good subject from so melancholy a thing as this girle Virtue is But we have a Daughter and it please your Honours worship that will give you good content and please most of your Houshold for she is a lusty Wench though I say 't that should not say 't Did you but see her swim like a Tench on our Town-green incircling the May-pole and at the end of a Horn-pipe when she is to be kiss'd how modestly the wryes her head away but so as to be civil nay she hath been well Educated my own natural Daughter for indeed Roger I was with Child with her before you maried me Roger Peace Maudlin all Truths are not to be spoken of for should that be many a Worshipful Person would be very angry but our Vicar made all well betwixt thee and me Maudlin But I beseech your Honour take my Daughter for you will find her another manner of woman than Virtue is for she is not like her ifaith nor any thing that belongs to her she is better blest than so Lord Title No I will have Poor Virtue or none Roger Faith if you have Virtue you are sure to have her poor for I never knew any of her Family rich the Gods do not blesse them I think in this world but if you will have her take her shall he not Maudlin Maudlin Yes Husband and the house is well rid of her and let us bless our selves for it for now we shall be like our Neighbours again we will not abate them an hair the best in the Parish shall not live merryer than we will now for all Sports Why Vanity and Sin Husband is the Liberty of the Subject and the seven Deadly Sins are the Fundamental Laws of the Kingdome from the greatest to the least if poor folks might have their right Well your Honour shall have her but you will be as weary of her as we have been the Gods bless your Honour but alas you do not know what this Girle Virtue is Lords have no guess at her Lord Title Well Maudlin let me have her I desire no more Maudlin Nor we neither if it pleases your Honour and so the Gods give you good of her Roger Let me speak to his Honour Maudlin Lord Title Do so Roger Roger I give your lordship many thanks Lord Title For what Roger For ridding our house of this troublesome Girl Lord Title And I thank you for it too Roger VVhen thanks on all sides happen we are eas'd Lord Title And I with your Poor Virtue am well pleas'd The Lord goes out As they were going forth Maudlin speaks Maudlin Mark the end of it Roger Roger Yes Maudlin the End Crowns the Work Exeunt Here ends my Lord Marquiss's Scene ACT IV. Scene 26. Enter the Lady Visitant to the Lady Contemplation who was musing to her self LAdy Visit. What always musing Shall I never find thee in a sociable humour Lady Contempl. I would you had come sooner or stayd longer away Lady Visit. Why prethee Lady Contempl. I will tell you A while since there came the Muses to visit me being all either mad or drunk for they toss'd and tumbl'd me and rumbl'd me about from one to the other as I thought they would a divided me amongst them At last came in the Sciences to visit me with sober Faces grave Countenances stayd and formal Behaviours and after they had Saluted me they began to talk very seriously to me their Discourse being Rational Probable Wise Learned and Experienc'd but all the while the Muses would not let me alone one pull'd me to Dance another to Sing another to play on Musick others to recite Verses speak Speeches and Act parts of Plays and the like Whereupon I gravely turned the incorporal head of my rational Soul nodding it to them to be quiet and let me alone but still they playd with me At last my Thoughts which are the language of the Soul spoke to them and pray'd them to forbear until such time as the Sciences were gone but they would not be quiet nor silent doe what I could but would interrupt the Sciences in the midst of their Discourse with their idle Rimes light Fancies and odd Numbers insomuch as the Sciences departed Whereupon the Muses did rejoyce and skip and run about as if they had been wilde And in this jocund humour in came the Arts even a whole Common-wealth for there were not
the Brides dance and the while the Bridal Torches are held in their hands Then a Poet speaks thus to them Speaker What Lines of Light doe from those Torches spin Which winds about those Ladies whiter skin But from their Eyes more Splend'rous Beams doe run As bright as those that issue from the Sun Wherein the lesser Lights wax dull and dim Or like as Minnes in an Ocean swim Enter Mall Mean-bred MAll Mean-bred By your good leave Gentlefolks The Lord Marquiss writ this Scene I am come here to complain of this Hog-grubber Sir Golden Riches who did tempt me with Gold till he had his desire you know all what it is and I like an honest woman as it were kept my word and performed truly as any woman could do Speak canst thou detect me either in word or deed and like a false and covetous wretch as thou art performed nothing with me as thou shouldst have done I am sure of that Is 't not a truth speak coverous wretch speak Sir Gold Rich. Why what did I promise you Mall Mean-bred Why thou didst promise me an hundred pounds in gold shew'd it me and then took it away again nay further thou saidst I should be a Lady and have a great parimanus Coach gilt with neighing Horses and a Coachman with a Postilion to ride afore Nay nay I remember well enough what you said you talkd of Gesemond Pomatum and Roman Gunpowder for my hair and fine gowns and stockings and fine lac'd silk garters and roses shining like Stars God bless us Sir Gold Rich. Did I did I Mall Mean-bred Yes that you did you know what you did and how you did and so do I and Gentlefolks as I am a true woman which he knows I am I never had more than this white fustion wastecoat and three pence to buy me three penyworth of pins for he would allow me no incle to tie it withall and this old flannel peticoat that was his great Grandmothers in Eighty eight I am no two-legg'd creature else Sir Gold Rich. But I bought you velvet to gard it withall Mall Mean-bred Yes that 's true an old black velvet Jerkin without sleeves that had belonged to one of Queen Elizabeth her learned Counsel in the Law of blessed Memory primo of Her Reign and you bought it of an old Broker at Nottingham and as I am a true Christian woman if our Neighbour Botcher could almost few it on it was so mortified Sir Gold Rich. I bought you shooes and ribbons to tie them withall She shewes her shooes Mall Mean-bred Look Gentlefolks a pair of wet-leather shooes that have given me a Cold and two leather points that he calls ribbons like a lying false man Sir Gold Rich. I am sure I bought you stockins and garters Mall Mean-bred Old Doncaster-stockins that I was fain to wash my self with a little borrow'd sope and they were footed with yellow fustion too and the garters he talks of were lists of cloth which a Taylor gave me for my New-years-gift and I cannot chuse but grieve to see his unkindnesse I gave you satisfaction often but you never satisfied me I will take it upon my death Sir Gold Rich. Go Gill Flirt pack away hence Mall Mean-bred Nay that puts me in mind of the Pedlars pack you promis'd me and I never had so much bought as that I might whissle for them but I will follow thee to Hell but I will have something more out of thee than I have had or else I will make all the Town ring of me Enter two Beadles Sir Gold Rich. Here Beadles take her to the Correction-house Bridewell and let her be punished Mall Mean-bred Is it so thou miscreant well I thought to be thy Bride and not Bridewel I never thought it in my conscience Here ends my Lords writing Lord Title Pray stay Enter Thom. Purveyor The Lord Title whispers to Thom. Purveyor then turns to Mall Mean-bred Lord Title Mall although you deceived me and broke your promise you I will not only save you from the punishment you were to suffer at the Correction-house but I will give thee a Husband here lusty Thom. Purveyor to whom for taking thee to Wife I will give him a lease of fifty pounds a year Here Tom take her and go marry her Mall Mean-bred Heaven bless your Honour Tom. Come Mall let us go Wed for fifty pounds a year is better than thy Maiden-head Exeunt FINIS This Scene was written by the Lord Marquiss of Newcastle The First Part of the Play called WITS CABAL The Actors Names Monsieur Heroick Monsieur Tranquillities Peace Monsieur Vain-glorious Monsieur Satyrical Monsieur Censure Monsieur Sensuality Monsieur Inquisitive Monsieur Busie Monsieur Frisk Liberty the Lady Pleasure's Gentleman-Usher Madamoiselle Ambition Madamoiselle Superbe Madamoiselle Pleasure Madamoiselle Bon' Esprit Madamoiselle Faction Grave Temperance Governess to Madamoiselle Pleasure Madamoiselle Portrait Mother Matron Wanton Excess Ease Idle Surfet Waiting-maids to Madamoiselle Pleasure Flattery Madamoiselle Superbe's waiting-maid Servants and others The First Part of the Play called WITS CABAL ACT I. Scene I. Enter Madam Ambition alone Ambition I would my Parents had kept me up as birds in darkness when they are taught to sing Artificial Tunes that my ears only might have been imploy'd and as those Teachers whistle to birds several times so would I have had Tutors to have read to me several Authors as the best Poets the best Historians the best Philosophers Moral and Natural the best Grammarians Arithmeticians Mathematicians Logicians and the like Thus perchance I might have spoke as eloquently upon every subject as Birds sing sweetly several tunes but since my Education hath been so negligent I wish I might do some noble Action such as might raise a monumental Fame on the dead Ashes of my Fore-fathers that my Name might live everlastingly Exit Scene 2. Enter Madamoiselle Superbe and Flattery her Woman Madam Superbe I hate to be compared to an inferiour or to have an inferiour compared to me wherefore if I were Iove I would damn that creature that should compare me to any thing lesse than my self Flattery Your Ladyship is like a Goddess above all comparison wherefore I think there is none worthy to match in Mariage with you unless there were some Masculine Divine Creature on Earth to equal you as surely there is none Superbe I shall not willingly marry unless it were to have a command over my Husband Flattery But Husbands Madam command Wives Superbe Not those that are Divine Creatures Flattery Husbands Madam are Reprobates and regard not Divinity nor worship Earthly Deities Superbe Whilst they are Suters they worship and women command their wooing servants Flattery The truth is all Suters do worship with an Idolatrous zeal but their zeals tire at length as most zeals do and men are content to be commanded whilest they are Courting servants and do obey with an industrious care and with an humble and respectful Demeanor a submissive and awful Countenance
Execution for humanities sake or releas'd rich prisoners without Ransome and poor without slavery Have you heard your self slanderd with Patience justify'd your wrongs with Temperance fought your Enemies without Anger maintained your Honour without Vain-glory then you are Valiant And for Wisedome what do you call Wisedome to speak Hebrew Greek and Latine and not understand them or to understand them and cannot speak them Or to cite dead Authors Or to repeat their Learned Opinions Or to make Sophisterian Disputes Or to speak Latine Sentences Or to tell stories out of Histories Or to write several Hands Or to spell with true Orthography Or to talk of the Sciences but study none Or to talk of Morality but practice none This you may call Learned but not Wisedome But to be Wise Have you settled a Kingdome in peace and put it in order when it was imbrovled with Civil Wars or insnared with confused and intangled Laws Or have you appeased a mutinous and half-starv'd Army Have you led an Army with Order pitchd a Field with Art fought a Battel with Prudence or have made a safe and honourable Retreat Or have you been so provident as to relieve Famine with fore-stor'd provisions Or to prevent misfortunes with fore-sight Or have you distinguished a Cause clearly or given an upright Judgment Or have you delivered judicious Counsel and given seasonable and suitable Admonitions Have you composed a Common-wealth or made profitable Laws to uphold a Common-wealth Have you defended a Common-wealth from Enemies or purged a Common-wealth from Factions Have you made Officers worthy of Imployments Magistrates able to Govern Souldiers skilful to Command Have you fitly matched men and business and offices with men Have you imploy'd the idle and given light to the ignorant Have you discharged a Common-wealth of Superfluity or superfluous Commodities and brought in those which are more useful such as they have wanted Have you Manured a barren Country or inrich'd a poor Kingdome Have you made honest Associats faithful Agreements and safe Traffiques Then you may think your self Wise and be silent for the Actions will proclame it Also what do you call Wit Imitating Extravagancies like a Jackanapes or a Buffoon to extort the Countenance with making wry faces Or with much laughter to shew the teeth which perchance are all rotten in the head Or foolishly to divulge the infirmities of particular persons in an open Assembly Or putting Innocency or Youth out of Countenance Or to disturb the Serious with idle Sports Or disorder the Wise with foolish and rude Jests Or do you all Wit affected Dresses affected Garbs affected Countenances or vain-straind Complements or uselesse Words or senslesse Speeches or crosse Answers or impertinent Questions But for your Wit Hath your Fame flown beyond Euripides Homer or Ovid your Descriptions beyond Horace or your Verse beyond Virgil Have you Oratory to equal the Orators of Athens Lacedemonians or Rome or have you devised any Ingenious Inventions or produced any profitable Arts or found out any new Sciences Then you are Witty Likewise what do you call Honesty to live luxuriously to your self not medling nor intermingling your self and home-Affairs with the publick Affairs of the World To keep open House at Christmass To give your scraps to the poor To pay Wages duly Debts justly Taxes quietly To kisse your Maids privatly And although all this is good and commendable but the kissing of your Maids yet it is not enough to make a perfect honest man But to be perfectly honest Have you temperd your unfatiable Appetite with Abstinency moderated your violated passions with Reason governed your unruly actions with Prudence Have you not exacted unjustly judged partially accused falsly betrayed treacherously kept wrongfully took forcibly but have you advanced Virtues defended the Innocent Have you witnessed for Truth pleaded for Right and stood for the defenceless Then you are perfectly Honest Also what do you call Generosity To give a present to a lewd Mistris To bribe a corrupted Judge Or fee a subtil Lawyer Or feast the vain Courtiers Or maintain Sycophants and Flatterers Or Bail a just Arrest Or to be bound for the Deboist Or to give Ladies Collations Or to lend or give idle drunken fellows money Or to give when you think to hear of it again This is Prodigality not Generosity But to be Generous Have you set your prisoner free Ransomed the Captives or bought off the chains of the Gally-slaves Have you maintained young Orphans or helped poor Widows Have you cheered the Aged nourished the Hungry succoured the Infirm relieved the Distressed comforted the Sorrowful and guided the Ignorant Or have you upholden an Antient Family from sinking Then you are Generous As for your Person the more Handsome and Beautiful you are the more Effeminate you seem But to conclude That man that hath a narrow Heart and a mean Soul that only seeks his own delights which all vain-glorious persons do I will not marry For Noble Ambition hath a heart whose veins with bounty flow and wears her life only for Honours use and Virtues need Exeunt ACT V. Scene 33. Enter Grave Temperance Superbe Bon' Esprit Faction Portrait TEmperance There is no behaviour so inconvenient or so unfitting a woman especially a young beautiful Lady as to be familiar for that gives way and liberty for men to be rude and uncivil Portrait Why how would you have a young Lady to behave her self Temperance Modestly reservedly and civilly which behaviour will keep men in order and at a distance Superbe To seem very modest is to appear simple to be much reserved is to be formal which is only fit for State-Ladies to be very civil is to be too humble and appears mean and only fit for Country wives Temperance No Lady for those that give no respect will receive none but those that are civil to others others will be civil to them for they will be ashamed to be rude to those that are civil And as for Gravity it puts Boldness out of countenance and Modesty quenches unlawful desires converting the beholders to Purity Love and Esteem Faction There is no behaviour like to the French Mode to be careless and free to discourse in Raillery Temperance To be careless is to be rude to be free is to be wanton to raillery is to reproach under the protection of wit it is a reproachful Wit and a wit of Reproach Bon' Esprit All wit is commendable Temperance No Lady a Jesters wit is not fit for a grave Judge or a great Prince he may keep a Fool or make a Fool to make him merry and to laugh at their Jests and Gestures but not to be a Buffoon or Jester himself Bon' Esprit Let me advise and counsel you Temperance which is to condemn no kind of Wit but especially a Mode-Wit lest you should be accounted a foolish Judge Temperance Let me tell you they will be the greatest Fools that judge the Judge Exeunt Scene 34. Enter Monsieur
from the bower of bliss into the grave of life the habitation of death from a young Beauty to an old doting Woman Oh I will tear this letter that hath deceived me but stay I will keep this letter to make sport amongst the young Ladies which sport may perchance insinuate me into some favour with the young Ladies for as idle and ridiculous pastime or means as this is hath got many times good success amongst Ladies wherefore I will for their sport-sake jestingly Court Mother Matron and in the mean time of the Progress write her a letter Exit ACT III Scene 11. Enter Madamoiselle Ambition and Monsieur Inquisitive INquisitive I hear Madamoiselle Ambition you are to marry Monsieur Vain-glorious Ambition No for I am too honest to marry one man and love admire and esteem another man beyond him but when I marry I will marry such a one as I prize honour love and admire above all other men or else I will never marry Inquisitive What man could you esteeem honour and love most Ambition He that I thought had the noblest Soul and had done the most worthyest Actions Inquisitive But put the case that man that were as you would have him were so ingag'd as you could not enjoy him in lawful mariage Ambition I could lawfully enjoy him although I could not lawfully marry him Inquisitive As how Ambition As in Contemplation for I could enjoy his Soul no otherwise if I were maried to him for if I were maried I could but contemplate of his Merits please my self with the thoughts of his Virtues honour his generous Nature and praise his Heroick Actions And these I can do as much although I should live at distance from him nor never be his Wife for the mariage of Bodies is no enjoyment of Souls Inquisitive This would only be an opinion of delight but no true enjoyment of pleasure for though an Opinion may affright the Soul yet the Opinion cannot pleasure the Body But say an Opinion could delight the Soul without the Senses yet the pleasures of the Senses are to be preferred before the delight of the Soul for the truth is that the spirits of life take more delight in sensual pleasures than in the Souls imagination for life lives in the Senses not in the Soul for were there no Senses there would be no Life Ambition By your favour there is life in the Soul when Death hath extinguish'd the Senses Inquisitive That 's more than you know you believe it only upon report but who hath had the trial or experience of the truth of it So that the report is upon an unknown ground and your belief is built upon an unsure Foundation Ambition What belief is for my advantage I will strive and indeavour to strengthen it on what foundation soever it 's built upon Exeunt Scene 12. Enter Monsieur Frisk and Mother Matrons Maid FRisk You will pardon me pretty Maid for causing you to stay so long for an Answer of your Mistris's Letter Maid There requires no pardon Sir for I have been very well entertain'd by your man I thank him Frisk I perceive my man hath had better fortune than his Master for he hath had youth to entertain but I hope if you receive the mans entertainment so thankfully you will not refuse the Masters Maid My Mistris would be jealous of your Worship if you should entertain me Frisk Why doth your Mistris love me so much Maid So much as she cannot sleep quietly for dreaming of you nor lets me sleep for she wakes me every night to tell me her dreams Frisk What dreams she Maid One dream was she dream'd that she was Diana and you Acteon Frisk What to set horns on my head Maid No my Mistris said that she in her dream did more as a Godess ought to have done than Diana did for she was generous in her dream and not cruel for instead of horning you she invited you into her Bath Frisk I hope you were one of her Nymphs Maid Another time she dream'd you were Mercury and she Herce and another that she was Venus and you Adonis but the last night she awaked out of a fearful dream Frisk What dream was that Maid She dream'd that she was Queen Dido and you the Prince AEneas and when you were ship'd and gone away she stab'd her self Frisk If she were Dido I should prove AEneas Maid On my Conscience she fetch'd as many sighs when she awak'd and made as many pitious complaints and lamentations as if her dream had been true and she really bad been Queen Dido insomuch as I was afraid that she would have killed he self indeed and was running forth the Chamber to call in company to hinder her but that she commanded me to stay saying that it was but the passion of her dream for she hoped that you would prove a more constant and faithful Lover than to leave her to despair Frisk The next time she is in the same passion tell her I will be like AEneas meet her in Hell In the mean time carry her this Letter Maid Lord Lord she will be a joy'd woman to receive a letter from you and I shall be a welcome Messenger unto her and the letter will be worth a new gown to me Frisk I wish it may be a gown of price to thee Exeunt Scene 13. Enter Monsieur Satyrical and Madamoiselle Bon' Esprit BOn Esprit How shall I pacifie my companions or qualifie their spleens who will be in a furious rage when they perceive and know my real love to you for they made me as their hook to the line of their Angle and hope to catch you like a Gudgion Satyrical All that Angle do not catch yet you have drawn me forth of the salt Satyrical Sea Bon' Esprit But their desire is that you should lie gasping on the shore of Love Satyrical Would they be so cruel as not to throw me into a fresh River Bon' Esprit No for they joy in the thought of your torments and their general prayers are to Cupid imploring him to wound you with a golden-headed Arrow and she you love with an Arrow headed with lead As for their particular prayers they are after this manner One prays you may sigh your self into Air and the Air so infectious as it may plague all the Satyrical of your Sex Another prayeth you may weep tears of Vitriol and that the sharpness of those tears may corrode your soul Another prays that your passion of love may be so hot as it may torment you as Hell-fire doth the damned but Mother Matron besides saying Amen to all their prayers makes her prayers thus That she for whose sake you must endure all these torments may be the oldest and most ill-favour'd deform'd woman that ever Nature Accident and Time made Satyrical She would have me in Love with her self it seems by her prayer Bon' Esprit If she did hear you she would die for want of Revenge
VVherefore Lady take me and make your self happy and me No Musk nor Civet courtly words I use Nor Frenchez-pan promises to abuse Your softer Sex nor Spanish sweets to tell And bribe your quicker nostrils with the smell Or let a false tear down my cheek to fall And with dissembling kneeling therewithall Sigh my self into Air these fools disdain These quarter-wits O kick them back again Nor am I like a Justice of the Peace That woo's you just as he would buy a lease Nor like an Heir whose Tutor for his sake So many lyes of Joynter-houses make Nor like a Lawyer that would fain intail And when he 's try'd doth make a Jeofail Nay thousands more that always do dissemble For your sake make my loving heart to tremble Lest you should be deceiv'd Admired Lady fear not my Profession All my Drum-heads I 'll beat them to soft silence And every warlike Trumpet shall be dumb Our feared Colours now shall be torn off And all our Armour be condemn'd to rust Only my Sword I 'll wear the badge of man Por to defend you and your Honour-still Then Madam take me thus your loving Vassal When lying bragging Castrils will forsake you Oh take a man and joy in him for life A Sword-man knows the virtue of a Wife Here ends my Lord Marquisses writing The Lady Prudence's Answer Lady Prudence Gallant Sir should I accept of your Sute I should be either an Enemy to my self or you or my Country As for my self should I marry a Souldier I should be tormented with the cruellest passions for if I love my Husband as sure I shall I shall be perpetually frightned with his dangers grieved for his absence despair of his life Every little misfortune will be as his Passing-Bell I shall never be at rest asleep nor awake my Dreams will present him to my view with bleeding wounds mangled body and pale visage I shall be widow'd every minute of an hour in my own thoughts for as the Senses are to the Body so the thoughts are to the Mind and Imaginations in these or the like cases are as strong as a visible presence for passions live in the Soul not in the senses for a man is as much grieved when he hears his friend is dead or kill'd as if he saw him dead or slain for the dead friend lives in the mind not the mind in the dead friend But with these Dreams and Imaginations I shall grow blind with weeping weak with sighing sick with sorrowing and deaf with listning after reports And should you desist from that noble Profession for my sake I should prove as a Traitor to my Country by taking away part of the strength and support leaving the weakness to the force of the Enemy for a good Souldier is a strong Fort and Bulwark of Defence Indeed a skilful Commander is to be prefer'd before a numerous Army for a number of men without Order are like dust which the least puff of wind blows about so an Army not being well commanded is quickly dispers'd and suddenly routed upon the least errour besides should you desist you would bury your name in Oblivion when by your valiant Actions and prudent Conduct your memory will be placed in Fames high Tower and writ in large Characters of praise 'T is true should I marry I should prefer my Husbands honour before his life yet would I not willingly marry a man whose life shall be set at the stake and Fortune still throwing at it for that would make me live miserably And who would wilfully make themselves miserable when Nature forbids it and God commands it not Exit Lady The Lover goes sighing out Scene 3. Enter the Lady Parrot and the Lady Minion LAdy Parrot Shall we go and visit the Lady Gravity Minion No she lives so solitary a life as we shall meet no company there for none go to visit her Lady Parrot Then let us goe to the Lady Liberty there we shall meet company enough for all the Ladies in the Town go to visit her Minion If she hath no men-visiters I will not add to the number of her Lady visiters Parrot You may be sure she hath Masculine Visiters or else the Ladies would never go to see her for it is to meet the men the Ladies go to see her and not for her own sake Minion And the men go to see the Ladies Parrot I believe some do yet men are better company in the company of their own Sex than in the company of women Minion By your favour the contrary Sex agree best and are better pleased together than men with men or women with women But if the Lady Liberties House be the General Rendezvouz for Men and Women let us go Parrot Content Exeunt Scene 8. Enter Mistris Trifle and Mistris Vanity VAnity O my dear Heart Trifle O my dear Joy how glad am I to see thee But where have you been that you came later than you promis'd for if you had not sent me word you would come to me to day I had gone to you Vanity Why where do you think I have been Trifle I know not where to think Vanity I have been at a Silk-mans shop to buy me a new Gown but I would not choose it before I had shewn thee my patterns Trifle Let me see them She shews them Vanity What do you think of this stuff Trifle This is out of Fashion besides 't is not a Mode-colour Vanity What think you of this Tabby Trifle The colour is good but it is not of a good water Vanity What think you of this Sattin Trifle The Sattin is a good glossy Sattin but the colour is too pale Vanity But pale colours 't is said are Allamode in France Trifle Who says so Vanity A Gentleman told me so which is newly come out of France Trifle Then he perchance could have told you all the French Fashions Vanity So he did most particularly for he said he went into France for no other purpose but to see and observe Fashions Trifle I believe he only observed mens Fashions being a man and not womens Fashions Vanity Nay he swore he observ'd the womens Fashion more than the mens by reason he knew it would make him more acceptable to our Sex at his return not onely for Discourse-sake but for the kind rewards he should have for his Intelligence which rewards he hath found so full and plentiful as he hath made such a beneficial Journey as he will go once every year and stay a moneth or two and then return Trifle For Ioves sake send him to me Vanity I will but prethee choose my Gown Trifle Let the Gentleman that came out of France choose your Gown for he can put you into the French Fashion Exeunt Scene 9. Enter the Lady Prudence and the Amorous VVooer They take their places and the Assembly about them VVOoer Sweet Lady your Beauty hath wounded my heart imprisoned my senses and hath inslav'd my soul so as I
he should hate you as first to love you for your virtue and sweet disposition next for the honour dignity and Kingdome he hath got by his marring you for he hath no right to the Dukedome but by your Highness and by your Highness he is become an absolute Prince and injoyes a rich Kingdome Unfortunate Dutchess But he hath taken the power from me and strives to disposess of me of my right Woman He cannot the Kingdome will never suffer him for your title is so just as he can make no pretence to disposess your Highness from your Princely Throne Unfortunate Dutchess But I being his Wife he takes the power of a Husband and by that power the power of my Kingdome and those that have the power can frame their titles as they please none dare oppose them Woman The truth is Madam that might overcomes right Exeunt Scene 2. Enter two Gentlemen 1 GEnt. The Factions and divisions that are in this Kingdome will be a means to deliver it into the power of the Enemy 2 Gent. This Duke is young wild deboist and inconstant wherefore there is but little hopes it should be better governed 1 Gent. But the Dutchess who is the true owner of it is discreet wise and virtuous and having more years than he she might help to rule and order state affairs 2 Gent. But neither her discretion wisdome nor virtue hath power for marriage hath inthralled her for she is become her Husbands Slave who ought to be his Soveraign but he laughs and doth despise her because she is somewhat elder than himself 1 Gent. Heaven will revenge her wrongs Exeunt Scene 3. Enter the Duke of Inconstancy and a Gentleman DUke Inconstancy Have you been with the Lady I sent you to Gentleman Yes Duke Inconstancy And doth she listen to Loves Sute Gentleman She seems well pleased to hear her Beauty praised but will not hear of Amorous imbracements as yet Duke Inconstancy But it is a good Omen when as a Lady will nimblingly bite at a bait of flattery but did you see her Husband Gentleman No Sir Duke Inconstancy Well you must go again and present her with a Letter and a present from me for Ladies must be plied though they deny yet most do yield upon a treaty they cannot long hold out loves fierce assaults Gentleman Indeed the Female Sex is tender and weak although they are delicate and sweet Duke Inconstancy They are false and oft betray themselves Exeunt Scene 4. Enter the Unfortunate Dutchess and her Woman then enters another as running in haste 1 WOman O Madam Madam news is come that the Enemy hath got into the heart of the Kingdome wherefore sweet Lady fly for they will possess themselves of this City soon Unfortunate Dutchess I will not fly for I cannot meet a worse Enemy than the Duke himself should worse than Mankind Conquer it but I wish my Sister were safe Woman The young Princess I hear is fled to the Dukes Brother Unfortunate Dutchess I am glad of it for he is discreetly temperate although his Brother is not Exeunt Scene 5. Enter the Duke of Inconstancy and a Gentleman GEntleman Sir what will your Highness do Duke Inconstancy I will go and oppose the Enemy Gentleman Alass Sir you have no forces to oppose them withall you may go to be destroyed but not to destroy wherefore you with your small forces had better fly than fight Duke Inconstancy Whither shall I go Gentleman To any Prince that will receive you into pay by which you may maintain your self and live with some respect and fame abroad though you have lost your Kingdome whereas if you stay you will lose your self and Kingdome too Duke Inconstancy Your Counsel I will take Gentleman But what will your Highness do with your Dutchess Duke Inconstancy Let her do what she will with her self I care not now for since her Kingdome is lost I have no use of her Gentleman Not as concerning the Kingdome Sir but yet she is your Highnesses Wife and as a Husband you ought to regard her Duke Inconstancy She will follow me for Wives stick so close to their Husbands as they cannot be shaken off Exeunt Scene 6. Enter the Creating Princess and her Woman VVOman Pray Madam do not marry so much below your self Creat Princess Why what matter whom I marry since I can create my Husband to Honour Woman But Madam that Honour will do him no good nor will it take off your disgrace for none will give your Husband if he be an inferiour person the Place and Respect that is due to Great Princes Titles Creat Princess No but he shall take Place and my Servants shall give him the Respect and Homage that is due to great Titles For I will make him a Prince and who dare call him any other but Prince Woman There is none will call him Prince unless your own Servants and none will give him Place that are above the degree of his Birth no nor he durst not take it of Gallant Noble Men for if he offers thereat they will beat him back and force him to give way and to be only a Prince in his own House and not abroad is no better than to be a Farmer nay a Cobler or a Tayler or any the like are Kings in their own Houses although they be but thatch'd if they have but a Servant subject or Subject Servant Creat Princess Well say what you will I will make him a Prince Exeunt Scene 7. Enter the Duke of Inconstancy and a Gentleman GEntleman Sir doth not your Highness hear that your Dutchess is gone with your Enemies into the Countrey Duke Yes and though I might curse my Enemies for dispossessing me of the Kingdom I injoyed yet I give them thanks for carrying my Wife away with them for now I have more room and liberty to Wooe and Court my Mistress Enter another Gentleman Gent. Sir the Lady Beauties Husband 's dead Duke So I perceive Fortune will be my Friend some waies although she is my Foe other waies for she will Crown me with Love although she uncrowns me with Power wherefore return presently back to my Mistriss and tell her that now her Husband is dead and my Wife gone into another Country We may marry Ex. 1. Gent. But your Highness cannot marry as long as the Dutchess is alive Duke I mean to be like the Great Turk have many VVives 1. Gent. VVhy the Great Turk hath but one chief VVife the rest are but as Concubines for only the Sons of that chief Queen shall be Successors to the Emperor unless she hath none neither can his other Children inherit unless he be Right and Lawfull Emperor So that unless your Highness had been Duke by Inheritance as an Inhereditary Duke no Children by any other Lady can be Inheritors nor indeed Princes unless they were begot on the Right Owner to that Title Duke VVell since I have no Power but only an empty Title I cannot
be empty Comical Dutchess Indeed I am obliged to them more than any other Nation for they give me all the due Respects and Homage to my Greatness for which I love that Nation very well 2. Attendant You have reason but I do observe there is nothing doth keep up a Court more than Dancing and several sorts and kinds of merry pastime for wheresoever there is Dancing and Sport Company will flock together 3. Attendant You say true Comical Dutchess I find my self full of pain I believe I shall fall in Labour 4. Attendant I hope then we shall have a young Prince or Princess soon Exeunt Scene 14. Enter three Gentlemen 1. Gent. I Saw Prince Shaddow 2. Gent. What Prince is he 1. Gent. Why he is the Creating Princess's Husband who made him a Prince 3. Gent. I thought no women could give Title to their Husbands unless they had been Soveraigns 2. Gent. O yes all women can give their Husbands Titles if they please 3. Gent. What Title 2. Gent. Why the title of Cuckolds 1. Gent. Indeed most women do magnifie their Husbands by those Titles 2. Gent. But let me tell you that those women that have Inheritary Honours although not Soveraigns may indue their Husbands with the same Honour but it is not generally so but his Children begot on her are indued and not the Husband yet some Husbands are As for Example a Lord Vicount Earl Marquiss Duke King or Emperor if the Honour as Title goeth to the Female for default of a Male in some Nations their Husbands are indued with their Titles but not commonly known to be so in England as a VVife with her Husband which is only during life and not Inhereditary but if their Titles are only during life and not Inhereditary it cannot derive to another that is not an Successor's for Inhereditary Honour goe like Intailed Lands it goeth only to the next Heir but those that are the dignified are like those that have Joynters or Annuitles for life so when a Husband receives a Dignity from a VVife or a VVife from a Husband it is but so much Honour for life 1. Gentleman But if they have Children those Children inherit the Honour 2. Gentleman Yes as having a right from that Parent that is the Dignifyer but if there be none of the line of the Dignifyer the Honour dies neither is the root of the Honour left to any more than one for though the branches of Honour spread to all the Children yet the root remains but with one For say a King have many Children they are all Princes but yet there can be but one that can inherit the Crown and Royaltie So if a Marquiss or Duke have many Children they are all Lords and Ladies if they be lawfully and in true VVedlock born otherwise they are not neither doth any more but one of the Legitimate Children inherit the Root as to be Marquess or Duke Dutchess or Marchioness neither do the Daughters inherit if there be Sons 1. Gent. But cannot a Dukes Daughter make her Husband a Prince 2. Gent. No not except she hath the Inhereditary Honour for if a Kings Daughter should marry a private Gentleman he would remain as only in the Title of a Gentleman unless the King did create a Title for him or bestow a Title on him 1. Gent. VVhy put case the Inhereditary Honour lay in the people and they elect a King hath that King no power to Create or to give Honour 2. Gent. No they may chuse Officers but not give Titles unless the people did dispossess them of their hereditary power and give it to any man and then the root of Honour lyes in him 1. Gent. Nor doth his Children receive no Titles from their Father 2. Gent. No for the Title he hath is none of his he hath it but during life unless the people will give a Lease as for two or three Lives yet they nominate those two or three Lives So neither can they dispose of their Leases or alter them but at the peoples pleasure like as those that are made Governors they cannot dispose of their Governments to whom they please as without the leave of those that placed them in the Government neither do his Children receive any Titles therefrom like as a Lord Mayor his Son is not my Lord Mayor after him unless he is made one nor his children have no place by his Office and an elective Prince is but as a Lord Mayor or rather like as a Deputy Governor who as I said may dispose of Places or Offices but not give Dignities Honours or Titles 1. Gent. I thank you for your Information for I was so ignorant as I knew nothing of Heraldry Exeunt Scene 15. Enter two Gentlemen 1. Gent. HAve you seen the Imaginary Queen yet 2. Gent. What Imaginary Queen 1. Gent. VVhy a Great Queen that every one goeth to kiss her hand 2. Gent. From what parts of the VVorld came she 1. Gent. From the North parts 2. Gent. And doe so many go to kisse her hand 1. Gent. Yes throngings of Common people 2 Gent. They would kiss the Dogs Tail if it were turned up and presented to them but do any of the Nobles and Gentry kiss her hand 1 Gent. Some few that are newly come out of the Country to see sights in the City 2 Gent. Pish in this Age there are so many of these kind of Bedlams as I am weary to hear of them as the Comical Dutchess the Creating Princess and the Created Prince Prince Shaddow and now the Imaginary Queen 1 Gent. Why Faith it is as good a sight as to see a Play 2 Gent. A puppet Play you mean but the truth is it is a disgrace to all noble persons and great dignities and true titles to be thus mocked by imitators it is a sign that all Europe is imbroiled in Wars so much as every one doth what they list 1 Gent. VVhy they are so far from being checkt or discountenanced for it as there are many true Princes great and noble persons as give the same respect and homage as if they were real Princes indeed and in truth 2 Gent. Then it if it were in my power I would divest those that had the right and true dignities and titles and put them upon those that only acted princely and royal parts since the Actors bear up so nobly and the Spectators do creep and crouch so basely but indeed both sides are Actors both the Spectators and Players only the one side Acts noble parts the other side base parts the one Acts the parts of Princes the other of Servants but I am sorrow to see True Honour wounded as it is 1 Gent. The truth of it is True Honour lies a bleeding and none doth offer to power in Balsimum Exeunt Scene 16. Enter the Imaginary Queen her Gentleman Usher bare headed leads her her Page holds up her Train her Woman follows her and that is all her Train a Company of
people flock to see her and kneel to kiss her hand she brideling in her Chin as thinking that doth advance her state they kneeling she gives them her hand to kiss they pray God bless her Royalty she nods them thanks and then passes away 1 VVOman Faith Neighbour methinks a Queen is not such a brave and glorious thing as I did imagine it 2 Woman I will tell you truly Neighbour that if I had thought a Queen had been no finer a sight than this Queen is I would have stayed in my house 3 Woman And so would I I tell you truly Neighbour 4 Woman I perceive Queens are no finer Creatures than other women are Exeunt Scene 17. Enter two Gentlemen 1 GEnt. Lord what a ridiculous sight it is to see the Imaginary Queen act the part of Majesty 2 Gent. Faith she is so far from Majesty as she cannot act the part for she appears like a good Country Huswife 1 Gent. She is but a Gentlewoman and that is all 2 Gent. We may see the difference of true Greatnesse and that which is forced there was the Queen Masculine what a natural Majestie did she appear with for all she had given up her Crown and Kingdome yet her Royal Birth was seen in her Princely Carriage 2 Gent. It was a generous Act But was it in her power to dispossesse her self of her natural Inheritance 1 Gent. It seems so and it seems by her actions that she had rather see the World abroad than rule a Kingdome at home for she hath travelled most of all Europe over 2 Gent. She appears to be a Royal Lady Exeunt Scene 18. Enter two or three of the Comical Dutchess's Women and two or three Burgers Wives 1 WOman The Comical Dutchess is brought to bed or the sweetest Princesse that ever was bore 1 Wife Indeed it is the sweetest Princesse that ever was born 2 Wife We are glad we hope her Highnesse will sleep well to night 1 Wife Pray present our most humble and obedient duty to her Highnesse 1 Woman VVill you not go in and see her and kisse the young Princesses hand 1 Wife If we may be so much honoured we shall be very proud of that Grace and Honour 2 Woman Come come we will preferr you to that Grace and Favour Exeunt Scene 19. Enter two Scriveners Wives 1. Wife VVElcome Mistriss Ink-pot whether are you going so hastily 2. Wife Truly Mistriss Paper I am going to her Highness the Comical Dutchess for I hear she is brought abed of a sweet young Princess 1. Wife Is she so I am glad her Highness pain is past with all my heart 2. Wife So am I for now we shall have Dancing again as soon as her Month is past 1. Wife Yes for she will send for us all as soon as she is able to dance 2. Wife Yes that she will and give us all Favours to wear for her sake 1. Wife But to some she gives her Picture too 2. Wife Yes but those she gives her Picture too are of a higher Degree 1. Wife By your favour we are of as high a Degree as most that visit her 2. Wife Yes of the female Sex but not of the Masculine Sex for there are great Persons that visit her 1. Wife Very few but only of the Red Oker Nation or some Strangers that are Travellers that visit her as they pass other waies else the men that visit her are of as inferior degree as we as Fidlers Dancers Players and the like 2. Wife By your favour there are sometimes Burgers and Gentlemen 1. Wife Yes sometimes when she sends for to invite them to dance or intreats them to come and visit her and then she presents them with her Colours Exeunt Scene 20. Enter the Lady True Honour and Madam Inquirer MAdam Inquirer Lord Madam I was ask'd to day why your Honour doth not visit the Comical Dutchess nor the Imaginary Queen Lady True Honour Why should I that am Intituled with True Honour and Princely Dignity which Titles were created from an Absolute and Divine Power give place to mock Honours and feigned Dignities shall Princes in Royal Courts give place to Princes in Playes Madam Inquirer But every one doth not rightly understand a Princely Dignity Lady True Honour I will instruct you in the degrees of Princes and their derivation but first let me tell you the Princely Arms or Seal is a Crown for a Crown is the General Arms or Seal of all Princely Dignities and every degree is known and distinguished by the several fashions of their Crowns for a Vicounts Crown which is the first degree of a Prince is not like the Earls Crown which is the second degree nor an Earls Crown is not like a Marquisses Crown which is the third degree that is there is some difference in the Crown nor a Marquisses Crown is not like a Dukes Crown which is the fourth degree nor a Dukes Crown is not like a close Imperial Crown which is the last and highest degree that is there is some difference in the Crown of each degree Now there are Absolute Princes Tributary and Subject Princes but none can be wholly call'd Absolute Princes but those that have the Imperial Crown which are Absolute Kings and Emperors being the only chosen of God and by that the only Creators of Titles for they only are the Fountain or Springs of Honour Madam Inquirer How comes it that Subjects are made Princes Lady True Honour By Adoption for all Subject Princes are Princes by Adoption that is they are adopted to their Princely Dignity so that by Adoption they are the Cosens to Royaltie and are called by their Soveraigns Kings Cosens and are adorn'd with Royal Robes indued with Royal Power and observed with Royal Ceremony and are allowed some Customs and Imposts out of the Revenue of the Kingdom and many privileges which belong to the Princely Dignities Thus Kings call their Subject Princes Cosens as being adopted to their Princely Royaltie like as all Absolute Monarchs call each other Brother as in relation to each others Royalty and being all of them Gods annointed and appointed Deputies on Earth for Government and Honour they are the sacred Magistrates of God the divine Fountains of Honour Thus true Honour is derived from Heaven and ought to be respected and bowed too as being divine but in this age Honour is used or abused as other divine things are this is the reason I will not visit the Apocriphal Ladies for my Honour is derived from the sacred Spring of Honour and is not a self-given Honour and Dignity which ought to be punished as a Presumption and Usurpation but I have so much Honour as not to abase the Honour and Dignity that my Husband and his Fore-fathers were adopted too And I by Marriage being one with my Husband for man and wife are but one and my Husbands Honour being Inhereditary succeeds to his Children wherefore his Wife will never give place to Mountebanks Madam
given to any before which is to make you Triumphant for no triumph is ever made in Monarchies but by the Kings thereof besides our Gracious King hath caused an act to be made and granted to all your Sex which Act I have order to declare as First That all women shall hereafter in this Kingdome be Mistriss in their own Houses and Families Secondly They shall sit at the upper end of the Table above their Husbands Thirdly That they shall keep the purse Fourthly They shall order their Servants turning from or taking into their service what number they will placing them how they will and ordering them how they will and giving them what wages they will or think fit Fiftly They shall buy in what Provisions they will Sixtly All the Jewels Plate and Houshold Furniture they shall claim as their own and order them as they think good Seventhly They shall wear what fashioned Clothes they will Eightly They shall go abroad when they will without controul or giving of any account thereof Ninthly They shall eat when they will and of what they will and as much as they will and as often as they will Tenthly They shall go to Playes Masks Balls Churchings Christenings Preachings whensoever they will and as fine and bravely attired as they will Lastly That they shall be of their Husbands Counsel When those were read all the women cryed out God save the King God save the King and Heaven reward the Lady Victoria Then an Act was read concerning the Lady Victoria AS for you most gallant Lady the King hath caused to be enacted that First All Poets shall strive to set forth your praise Secondly That all your gallant acts shall be recorded in story and put in the chief Library of the Kingdome Thirdly That your Arms you fought in shall be set in the Kings Armory Fourthly That you shall alwayes wear a Lawrel Garland Fiftly You shall have place next to the Kings Children Sixtly That all those women that have commited such faults as is a dishonour to the Female Sex shall be more severely punished than heretofore in not following your exemplary virtues and all those that have followed your example shall have respective honour done to them by the State Seventhly and lastly Your figure shall be cast in Brass and then set in the midst of the City armed as it was in the day of Battel The Lady Victoria rises up in her Chariot and then bowes her self to the Magistrates Lady Victoria Worthy Sir the honour and privileges my Gracious King and Soveraign hath bestowed upon me is beyond my merit Then was read the Acts concerning the rest of the Female Army OUr gracious King hath caused to be enacted as First All the Chief Female Commanders shall have place as every Lords Wife shall take place of an Earls Wife that hath not been a Souldier in the Army every Knights Wife before a Barons Wife that hath not been a Souldier in the Army an Esquires Wife before a Knights Wife a Doctors Wife before an Esquires Wife that hath not been Souldiers in the Army a Citizens Wife before a Doctors Wife a Yeomans Wife before a Citizens Wife that hath not been a Souldier in the Army and all Trades-mens Wives that have been Souldiers in the Army shall be free in all the Corporations in this Kingdome these Acts during their lives and all the Chief Commanders shall be presented according to their quality and merit All the Female Souldiers cryed out God save the King God save the King After this the Lady Victoria is drawn on her Chariot and the rest walk after all Exeunt Scene 21. Enter Doll Pacify and Nell Careless DOll Pacify O Nell I hear thy Lady is dead and hath left thee a thousand pound Nell weeps Nell Careless What doest thou weep for joy of thy thousand pound or for grief of thy Ladies Death Nell Careless I wish my Lady had liv'd although I had begg'd all my life Doll Pacify I am not of your mind I had rather live well my self as to live in plenty than to live poor for the life of any body and if upon that condition my Lady would leave me a thousand pound I care not if she died to morrow but my young Master hath robbed me of all but Nell for all thou art left a thousand pound it is upon such a condition as for my part had it been to me I should not thank the giver for they say it is given thee upon condition to live a single life Nell Careless Truly I have seen so much sorrow in my Lady and so much folly in your Lady concerning Husbands that had not my Lady injoyned me to live a single life I would never have married wherefore my Ladies generosity did not only provide for my bodily life and for my plentifull living but provided for the tranquillity of my mind for which I am trebly obliged to reverence her memory Exeunt Scene 22. Enter two Gentlemen 1 GEnt. The Lady Victoria hath been at Court and hath had publick Audience 2 Gent. Yes and the Lady Victoria and her she Officers and Commanders have distributed all their spoils got in these Wars amongst the Common she Souldiers 1 Gent. All the Ladies that went not with the Army look most pittifully out of Countenance 2 Gent. Yes and they are much troubled that the Heroicks shall take place 1 Gent. The Lord General seems to be very proud of his Lady methinks he looks upon her with a most pleased Eye 2 Gent. He hath reason for never man had so gallant and noble a Lady not more virtuous and loving a Wife than the Lord General hath Exeunt FINIS THE ACTORS NAMES The Unfortunate Dutchess The Lady True Honour The Comical Dutchess The Creating Princess The Imaginary Queen Waiting Women Bourgers Wives c. The Duke of Inconstancy Prince Shaddow and many Gentlemen PROLOGUE NOble Spectators this play that you 'l see Is taken out of Britains History It is not pleasant nor yields much delight But it did serve the Poetress to write She bids me tell you she was glad to take Any dull plot so she a play could make Her vacant idle time for to imploy For she loves writing more than Company But if it pleases not your Eyes or sight She doth not care since it pleas'd her to write For she indeavours tryes all that she may To please her self in every honest way Wherefore a praise or yet applause from you She expects not nor challenges as her due A COMEDY OF THE APOCRIPHAL LADIES ACT I. Scene 1. Enter the Unfortunate Dutchess and her Woman Woman DEar Madam why doth your Highness weep Unfortunate Dutchess As fear frights tears from the Eyes so grief doth send them forth Woman Why should your Highness grieve Unfortunate Dutchess Have I not cause when I am married to a person which doth not love but rather hate me Woman Certainly he hath reason to love you and he were worse than a Devil if