ADVICE TO CHILDREN BY James Kirkwood Rector of Astwick in Bedfordshire The Second Edition Corrected and Enlarged LONDON Printed for John Tayler at the Ship in St. Paul's Church-Yard and John Everingham at the Star in Ludgate-Street near the West-End of St. Pauls 1693. ADVICE TO CHILDREN THERE is scarce any thing wherein all Nations and Men of all Religions do more agree than in the Common Duties of Children to their Parents Neither is there any thing that tends more to the comfort and happiness the beauty and strength of Society than for Children to perform all those Duties which they owe to their Parents And yet how sad is it to think that a great many Children who have not only all the advantages which Natural Religion affords but likewise the assistance of Divine Revelation do nevertheless carry themselves in that manner towards their Parents as if they either understood nothing of their Duty or were most prodigiously perverse and resolved to rebel against the Light to trample upon all the Principles both of Natural and Revealed Religion The Design of this short Treatise is to shew what the Duties of Children are towards their Parents and to suggest some Considerations to excite them to do their Duty 1. Duty of Children to honour their Parents and how they are to honour them First Chlidren are bound to honour their Parents which imports First That they should entertain respectful and reverend thoughts of them as being under God the Authors of their Life and Being they must not think slightingly and undervaluingly of their Parents whatever be their weaknesses and Imperfections They ought to hate and abhor their Vices every thing in them that is evil dishonourable to God and contrary to his Laws and Commandments but still they ought to love and honour their Persons And if at any time disrespectful and irreverend thoughts arise in their minds they ought to check them to accuse and be angry with themselves for them and to call to mind what God hath commanded them to do when he saith Honour thy Father and thy Mother that thy days may be long upon the Land which the Lord thy God giveth thee Ex. 20.12 Secondly This imports that they ought to express their inward Reverence and esteem by all the outward marks and demonstrations thereof in their Words and Deeds their looks and gestures these things are the Picture of the Mind they ordinarily represent the temper and disposition thereof so that if there be any thing of real esteem and regard towards any body in the heart it will discover it self by some of those outward expressions When Joseph came before his Father with his two Sons he did not omit the utmost respect tho' at that time Jacob was blind with Age and could not see what Joseph did The Text saith He bowed himself with his Face to the Earth Gen. 48.12 We see likewise how Solomon carried himself towards his Mother 1 Kings 2.19 Bathsheba went unto King Solomon to speak unto him for Adonijah And the King rose up to meet her and bowed himself unto her and sate down on his Throne and caused a seat to be set for the King's Mother and she sate on his right hand Children are more apt to carry themselves irreverently and slightingly towards their Mother which is the reason as some think that she is set down first Lev. 19.3 Ye shall fear every Man his Mother and his Father Thirdly This imports that they ought to cover the infirmities and weaknesses the imperfections and indiscretions of their Parents to do as Shem and Japhet did Gen. 9.23 when Noah their Father was drunken and was uncovered within his Tent They took a garment and laid it upon both their shoulders and went backwards and covered the nakedness of their Father and their faces were backward and they saw not their Father's nakedness The Blessings promised to Shem and Japhet and to their Posterity upon this occasion shew how acceptable what they did was unto God Children are not to publish the faults and follies of their Parents but ought to conceal them all that they can However there are two things very consistent with this Duty First Children may and ought to do all that they can by their private modest and humble Advice to reclaim their Parents from their sinful practices Secondly if they find it not so fit for them immediately to advise their Parents or if what they say hath not the designed effect then they may recommend this charitable Office to the care of some other body who is a wise and kind a pious and serious Friend who may have some more influence than themselves towards the reclaiming their Parents This is the greatest expression of true kindness honour and respect to them when their Chlidren sincerely endeavour in the discreetest manner to be the happy instruments of their Conversion and Reformation of turning them from Satan unto God This is to be in some sort the Fathers in Christ to those who are their Parents by Nature O how happy are the Parents of such worthy Children How may they rejoyce and bless God who hath bestowed on them so great a Blessing The Poverty of Parents does not exempt Children from this Duty As to the abovementioned Instances of Honour and Respect due from Children to their Parents 't is to be remembred that no alteration of the outward Estate and Circumstances of Parents does exempt Children from their Obligation to pay them all manner of Respect And tho' Children be raised to greater Honours and Dignities than their Parents yet they must still pay them all that regard and observance that is due to the Authors of their Being How great an Example of this Filial Respect was Joseph When he was raised to the greatest Power and Honour that the King of Egypt could confer upon him yet still he retained a due Sense of his Obligation to Honour his Aged Father his Mother then being Dead He was not ashamed to own him before Pharaoh tho' his Trade and Employment in the World was such as was an Abomination to the Egyptians See Gen. 46.31,32 c. And Ch. 47.1,2 c. In like manner we see that David after he was Anointed to be King did not forget his Duty towards his Poor Distressed Parents he was not ashamed to own them before the King of Moab he brought them before him and recommended them to him 1 Sam. 22.3,4 Against those who dishonour their Parents If Children are thus obliged to Honour their Parents what shall be said of those who dishonour despise and slight them all that ever they can who undervalue them in their thoughts who speak of them with great contempt and disdain who speak to them with great insolence who mock and scorn them who laugh at them and make mouths at them and point at them with the finger who reproach and revile them who break indecent jests upon them who make them the Objects of their sport and
known to them or others Thus we see Joseph and his Brethren did to their Father Jacob when he died he charged them to Bury him with his Fathers in the Cave that is in the Field of Ephron the Hittite Gen. 49.29 And accordingly his Sons did as he commanded them Gen. 50.12,13 2. Duty to fulfil their last Will. 2dly They are likewise to shew the greatest readiness that is possible to Obey their Parents in every other thing which by their last Will they appointed and Ordered to be done for Example the Payment of Debts and Legacies the giving so much Money for some Excellent and Pious Design or for the Relief of some Persons in Distress and Want c. The Will of the Dead has in all Ages and amongst all People been reckoned a thing most Sacred and Inviolable Now if the Will of the Deceased be Obligatory unto any it must certainly be so in a special manner to Children whom both the Laws of Natural and Revealed Religion require to Obey their Parents in all things 3. Duty to call to mind their good Advices and to follow their good Examples 3dly They ought to call to mind often their Parents good Advices and to follow their Pious Examples If whilst they were alive they neglected or at least did not observe so well as they should have done their Admonitions and Instructions and did not make very great account of their good Examples they ought now they are gone from them and to return to them no more to endeavour to be so much the more careful to follow their useful Directions and Examples There is no such way as this to keep the Memory of Parents fresh and green There can no Monument be erected comparable to this when Children imitate their Parents Virtue and Piety The good Kings which came of the Stock and Lineage of David made the Memory of their Father David to be still sweet and flourishing when his Body was rotten in the Grave Thus 't is said of Solomon 1 King 3.3 He walked in the Statutes of David his Father And of Asa it is said 1 King 15.11 And Asa did that which was right in the Eyes of the Lord as did David his Father And of Josiah it is written 2 King 22.2 He did that which was right in the sight of the Lord and walked in all the ways of David his Father and turned not aside to the right hand or to the left 'T will be an Act of Justice as well as a Testimony of due Respect and Love to your Deceased Parents now and then to make Honourable mention of them to talk of their good Advices their useful Sayings and their good Customs and Examples But this is not to be done too often nor in all Companies only amongst those who will bear it and at such times when it is most likely to do good 4. Duty to do what they can Lawfully to suppress evil Reports concerning them 4thly They ought to do all that they can Lawfully in a calm and prudent manner to suppress evil Reports which are spread abroad of their Parents after their Decease The Credit and Honour of Parents ought to be very dear to Children And therefore when their good Name is wounded and when they by Death are incapable to vindicate themselves 't is the Duty of Children who are as it were their living Images to do their utmost to preserve their Name from injurious Reports If what is said of them be manifestly false Children ought to make known the naked truth so far as is fit which will be the best and surest Vindication But if what is said against their Parents be true and of that Nature as to admit of no excuse or extenuation the best thing that Children can do in such a case is to avoid such wicked things themselves as their Parents were Guilty of They who follow the Evil Example of Parents cause them to stink more and more The posterity of Jeroboam who followed his wretched Example made his Evil Name to be the more remembred and caused this blur to continue in his Character from one Age to another Jeroboam which made Israel to Sin 5. Duty to retain a firm kindness for their Friends 5thly They ought to retain a sincere and firm kindness and esteem for all those who witnessed a true and constant Christian Friendship to their Parents who were always faithful to them ready to serve them and to do them all good Offices according to their ability Such Persons it may be very reasonably presumed will not be treacherous and unfaithful to the Children who have testified a lasting and faithful Friendship to the Parents Thy own Friend saith Solomon and thy Father's Friend forsake not Prov. 27.10 Against Children who neglect these Duties Now if it be the Duty of Children to express their Love and Regard towards their deceased Parents in the abovementioned manner what shall be said of those who run a course quite contrary to all this No sooner are their Parents dead but they begin to rejoyce and triumph and to bless themselves that at last they are delivered from those restraints they were formerly under and that now they have the liberty to give themselves the swing and to gratifie every Lust and Passion as much as ever they can As to their Parents Will they take no care to fulfill it henceforth they know no other Will but their own as to that of their Parents they think they had too much to do with it when they were alive and now that they are dead they reckon themselves absolved from all Obligations to them As to their Debts and Legacies c. They make no Conscience to pay them unless a necessity of submitting to the Laws force them to do their Duty As to the Credit and good Name of their Parents so little regard have they thereto as to be ready to give ear to those who speak ill of them yea themselves are apt to blaze abroad such things as tend to their Reproach and Disparagement As to their Advices and Admonitions they laugh at them they look on them as fit only to be list'ned to by melancholly dull Souls who have no relish of Manly Pleasures They have no mind to be interrupted in their Mirth and Jollity and therefore farewell any Advice or Council that looks like serious As to their Example they slight and despise it they look on themselves as too wise to be led either by Precept or Example but according as they suit their own Humour and Inclination As to their Parents Friends they turn their Backs upon them they break off all Correspondence with them and keep them at the greatest distance as if they were afraid of them they know that they are of the same Temper and Principles with their Parents and therefore they cannot endure them for fear of being told by them some thing or other that does not agree with their vain and wicked
Practices and with their rash and foolish Designs In a word they study a perfect Opposition to their Parents in all things they pull down whatever they built they root up whatever they planted they hate what they loved and love whatever they hated So unlike do they render themselves to their Parents in all their Manners and Customs that all who see them must needs call them a degenerate Seed Cursed Children unnatural Plants ready to be hewn down and cast into the Fire From what hath been said Children may see what their Duty is which they owe to their Parents which that they may perform there are several things which serve as powerful Motives and Arguments to excite them Motives to excite Children to do these things 1 Motive from the divine Commandment First It will tend mightily to move them to Honour their Father and Mother if they consider who requires this at their hands This Law proceedeth not from Men but from God It is a Law made by him who is their Maker and therefore by right of Creation may require their Obedience It is a Law made by their faithful preserver and rich provider and therefore by Virtue of his daily care over them and kindness to them may command them what he thinks good This is the will of their Father in Heaven of their Lord and King of him who will call them to an account and render to them according to their Works of him who is their greatest and best Friend if they do his Will and keep his Commandments but will be their most dreadful and terrible Enemy if they do not obey his Voice If therefore Children have any sense of God on their Souls If they consider his infinite greatness Power Wisdom Justice Truth Faithfulness Mercy and Kindness they cannot but endeavour to perform what he requires when once they know what is his holy will and pleasure Now as to what I speak of to wit the Duty of Children to Parents it is plain and clear not only from those Laws which are contained in Holy Scripture which were revealed from Heaven to Holy Men whom God made use of to be the publishers thereof to the World but likewise from the Laws of Nature those clear impressions which God hath made on the Minds of Men in all places and in all Ages whereby they are taught that Children ought to honour and obey their Parents to love them and to relieve them and provide for them if they stand in need of their help * See Simplicius upon Epictet Cap. 37. and Arrianus l. 2. c. 10. These have always been the calm and sober thoughts of all Men and when any were so wicked as to violate this sacred Law they were hated and abhorred by all others and in all well govern'd States were punished according to the demerits of their Crime and the degree of their disobedience and perverseness either immediately by the Parents or by publick Judges upon complaint made by Parents The Sense of all this ought to move Children to honour their Father and Mother that they may approve themselves to God who requires them to do so and that upon the severest Penalties if they shall dare to dishonour them and disobey them 2. Motive from the Divine Promise Secondly To encourage Children to perform their Duty to their Parents God hath been pleased to add a gracious promise That thy days may be long †Or that they i. e. Thy Parents may prolong thy days to wit by their Prayers and Blessing upon the Land which the Lord thy God giveth thee He might only have commanded them to do this by Virtue of his absolute Power and Soveraign Authority which he has over all Men without proposing any Reward but such is his infinite Bounty and Goodness that he hath added a Promise to the Command thereby to make Childrens Duty the more easie As to the Promise it self it is not to be understood absolutely as if all good Children should live long promises of Temporal Blessings are made conditionally that is so far as God sees such things best and fittest for us So that as to this promise of long life God will bestow it if it be most for his own Glory and the good and Benefit of Children Oftentimes he does lengthen out the years of pious and dutiful Children whereas the years of wicked and undutiful Children are shortned by their prophane and wicked courses so that some of them are cut off immediately by the hand of God and others are put to death by the hand of Man As for those Children who live not to a great Age tho' they are very dutiful and obedient to their Parents God doth make up what is wanting in the number of their Years here with an everlasting Life and Glory in Heaven In which case there 's no cause to complain as if Cod did not fulfil his promise to them For as there is no reason for a Man to complain who is employed to work for so much a day if his Master see it fit to free him from his Work and pay him all his Wages before the third part of his time is out Even so if God think fit to set his Children at Liberty from the toil and labour of this life and to bestow upon them Glorious and Eternal Rewards while they are in the Morning or Noon as it were of their Age there is no ground of complaining upon his doing so but rather great matter of Praise and Thanksgiving unto him whose Mercy and Love is infinitely great But besides this Reward in the other World there are Temporal Blessings which God will bestow on those who keep this Commandment My Son saith Solomon Prov. 1.8,9 Hear the Instruction of thy Father and forsake not the Law of thy Mother For they shall be an Ornament of Grace unto thy Head and Chains about thy Neck That is if thou art obedient to the Commands of thy Parents this will make thee very amiable not only in the sight of God but even of Men who cannot but love and esteem such Children who carry themselves as they ought to do towards their Parents But further to encourage Children to honour their Parents there is a promise of Prosperity added to that of long life Deut. 5.16 That thy days may be prolonged and that it may go well with thee c. The same Promise is repeated Eph. 6.3 with this difference only that it is prefixed to the promise of long life that it may be well with thee and that thou mayest live long on the Earth When God does prolong the Years of his Children he often affords them more or less of Temporal Prosperity also as he sees it will turn to their good that so their long life may be the more sweet and comfortable to them How acceptable and pleasing to God was the Obedience of the Rechabites unto their Father tho' his Commands seemed very hard and severe to wit That they
himself bound to do him all the Service he could and not to suffer him to starve for want when it was in his power to support him The Father being inraged against his Son because he took pity upon his Uncle disinherited him which the young Man bore very patiently His Uncle seeing how unjustly he was dealt with adopted him and made him his Heir After some time the Uncle grew very Rich having got a good Inheritance but the Father grew poor and was not able to maintain himself without relief from others The Uncle continuing still in his bitter Enmity against his Brother forbad the young Man to help him But such was his Love and Dutifulness to his Father that notwithstanding his former Injustice and severity against him and notwithstanding the Commands of his Uncle he took care of him and did not suffer him to want for any thing that he was able to afford him The Uncle was so provoked by his Adopted Sons kindness to his Natural Parent that he likewise disinherited him But the pious Son continued to do what he thought his Duty amidst all the Discouragements he met with May not such shining Patterns amongst the Pagans make many Christians ashamed who come so far short of them in their Duty and Obedience to their Parents Shall not they rise up in Judgment and condemn Christians who tho' they have a more excellent compleat and perfect Rule tho' they have a great deal more Light to direct them in their Duty to their Parents and tho' they have much greater assistances to enable them to perform their Duty do nevertheless carry themselves so undutifully and unchristianly as if they had never heard of the Gospel of Christ yea as if they had been born without any impressions of Natural Religion on their Minds whereby all Nations are so far instructed and enlightned as to acknowledge that to honour obey love serve and assist our Parents are Duties of unquestionable and indispensible Obligation The Conclusion shewing how Children ought to improve what hath been said From what hath been said Children may see how great reason they have to perform all those Offices of Love Honour and Subjection to their Parents that God requires of them It remains that they seriously and impartially consider what their practice has been and whether they have done those things which God requires them to do towards their Father and Mother That you may do this to good purpose it 's fit that you employ some time in looking back on your Lives in considering how you have honoured loved and obeyed your Parents that you may see whether you have carried your selves towards them in words and deeds as became good Children who have a sense of Religion or whether you have not dishonoured neglected and disobeyed them If upon Examination of your selves you find that you have done your Duty that you have sincerely endeavoured to obey them in all things that you have loved them heartily and payed them that Respect which you knew was due unto them Bless God who hath given you to will and to do according to his good Pleasure But because there are defects and imperfections which cleave to our exactest performances therefore it is needful that you beg of God to forgive you wherein soever through Ignorance you have been faulty or defective in those Duties you owed them But if upon inquiry into your Hearts and Lives you find that you have wilfully neglected to do what you ought to have done if instead of honouring them you have dishonoured them you have slighted and despised them you have mocked and scorned them you have reviled and reproached them if instead of obeying them you find that you have been stubborn and disobedient to them you have refused to follow their Counsels and Admonitions you have done your own Will and followed your own vain humour and fancy in contempt of their Will if instead of submitting to their Corrections and Chastenings you have refused submission to them and perhaps have rebelled against them if instead of loving them you have hated them and wished and desired their Death if instead of relieving them in their wants and supplying them with what was necessary for them you have wasted their substance by your riotous and extravagant Living you have put off all bowels of compassion and tenderness towards them if I say you find that you have thus carried your selves towards them in a way so contrary to your Duty how ought you to lament and mourn for your wickedness and folly How ought you to accuse your selves for your great iniquity and to aggravate your Crimes by all just and fit considerations You may in this manner expostulate the case with your selves What a sad and unworthy Wretch am I who have thus dishonoured hated and disobeyed my dear Parents who are under God the Authors of my Being in the World to whom I owe that I am who have proved so undutiful to them who took care of me when I could not take care of my self who fed and cloathed me who were at so great pains and charge for me who have employed so much of their time and strength to provide for me all necessary things and yet that I should prove so wicked as to despise them to disobey them and hate them not to submit my self unto them what base and wicked ingratitude is it That I who should have been a Blessing to them should prove a Curse That I who should have been a Comfort to them should he the cause of their grief and sorrow That I who should have been a help unto them should be so great a hinderance That I who should have been the stay and support of their Old Age should prove their ruine and the cause of the spending of their days in anguish and trouble What a prodigious impiety is this What a wretched and abominable Creature am I who have been guilty of such horrid wickedness Who have had so little regard to those who are to me in God's stead here in the World What punishment do I not deserve What a wonder is it that God hath spared me and pitied me and hath not cut me off in the midst of my disobedience neglect and contempt of my dear Parents That he hath not made me an Example to all others and a standing Monument of his just displeasure That he has not bound me hand and foot and cast me into utter darkness and given me my portion with Hypocrites and Sinners but hath lengthened out my years and given me time and place to repent Having thus in your own minds expostulated the matter with your selves you may in the next place adore and bless the Divine Goodness the infinite Mercy and astonishing Kindness of God towards you in having spared and pitied you in not dealing with you after your sins nor rewarding you after your iniquities but that he hath been pleased to wait to be gracious to you Humbly confess your faults
pastime who take pleasure in publishing their weaknesses and indiscretions that others also may laugh at them and despise them who when their Parents grow old and poor 〈◊〉 when themselves come to have more Wealth and Honour in the World than their Parents have do thenceforth turn their backs upon their poor Parents are ashamed to own them and will not any longer take notice of them How dreadful and terrible are the Curses and Judgments which God hath in store against such wretched Children Deut. 27.16 Cursed be he that setteth light by his Father or his Mother Prov. 30.17 The Eye that mocketh at his Father and despiseth to obey his Mother the Ravens of the vallies shall pick it out and the young Eagles shall eat it That is he who is a mocker and scorner of his Parents who despises and slights them shall die a shameful death and remain unburied and shall be exposed to the Birds and Beasts of prey to be eaten of them It does not follow from hence that all perverse wretched Children come to such a shameful and untimely end Only it shews what oft-times happeneth and is very usual to wit that such mockers and despisers of Parents are punished remarkably by the Justice of God in this World and are made Examples to all others who will open their Eyes to consider the hand of God against such ungodly Children As for Instances of the Divine Justice against Mockers of Parents all Ages and Countries are full of them C ham was made an Example of this Gen. 9.22,24,25 And C ham the Father of Canaan saw the nakedness of his Father and told his two brethren without And Noah awoke from his wine and knew what his younger son had done unto him And he said Cursed be Canaan a servant of servants shall he be unto his brethren In which words the Canaan the Son of Cham is only mentioned yet Cham is not exempted from the Curse his punishment is hereby made so much the greater because he is not only pronounced accursed in his own person which is necessarily to be supposed he having committed the sin which caused the Curse but also in his Posterity which could not but increase mightily his grief and make his punishment lye more heavy upon him Ezekiel reckons this Sin of contemning and dishonouring Parents as one great cause of the dreadful Judgments which God inflicted upon the Jews Ch. 22.7 In ye have they set Light by Father and Mother 2. Duty to obey their Parents and to hearken to their Instructions Secondly Children are to obey their Parents to do what they bid them See this in the Example of Joseph when Jacob sent him to his Brethren Gen. 37.13,14 And Israel said unto Joseph Do not thy brethren feed the flock in Shechem Come and I will send thee unto them And he said to him Here am I. And he said to him Go I pray thee see whether it be well with thy brethren and well with the flocks and bring me word again so he sent him out of the vale of Hebron and he came to Shechem See likewise the Example of David 1 Sam. 17.17 18,20 Jesse said unto David his Son take now for thy Brethren an Ephah of this parched Corn and these Ten Loaves and run to the Camp to thy Brethren And carry these Ten Cheeses unto the Captain of their Thousand and look how thy Brethren fare and take their pledge And David arose early in the Morning and left the Sheep with a Keeper and took and went as Jesse had Commanded him c. The Commands of Parents are either about the same things which God hath commanded or they are about things indifferent or about things unlawful First if they are about the same things which God hath commanded they are so much the more to be obeyed as being the will and pleasure both of their Father in Heaven and of their earthly Parents In this case the obligation to obedience is double Eph. 6.1 Children saith the Apostle Obey your Parents in the Lord for this is right that is it is agreeable to all Law to the Law of God of Nature and of Nations 'T is that which is due to the place of Parents 'T is their right to be obeyed by their Children Secondly If their Parents Commands are about things indifferent that is which are neither commanded nor forbidden by God Children are likewise to obey them God hath made it their Duty so to do Col. 3.20 Children obey your Parents in all things for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. * Agreeable to this was the Sense of wise Heathens See A. Gell. l. 2. c. 7. This Obedience is very acceptable to him he takes great pleasure and delight in it to see those obeyed and submitted to whom he hath appointed to be as it were in his own stead whom he hath cloathed with some beams of Divine Power whom with relation to their Children he hath made in some sense sacred persons whose Will ought to be a Law unto them tho' only in the Lord. For Thirdly if the thing commanded be plainly unlawful they are to refuse compliance therewith because they are bound to obey God rather than Man rather than Father or Mother rather than all the World In this case they ought to hearken to what our Saviour saith Luk. 14.26 If any Man come to me and hate not his Father and Mother c. he cannot be my Disciple In which Words Our Saviour is far from encouraging Children to hate or to disobey their Parents for we see how zealously he vindicates the Authority of Parents upon other occasions But his Design is to teach Children when the Will of God and the Will of their Parents stand in Competition that then they ought always to give the preference to the Divine Will and to chuse rather to incur the displeasure of their Earthly Parents than to offend and provoke their Heavenly Father They ought to consider their Obligations to God are much greater than to their Parents he is the Maker both of them and of their Parents They live by his Bounty the Earth they tread on is his the Air they breathe in the Heavens that cover them the Food they eat the Water they drink the Garments that Cloath them and all other things which they enjoy for their benefit and comfort in the World are the Lord's He is their great Master who appoints them their business in the World and assures them of a reward He also will reckon with them and either reward or punish them according to their Works and therefore his Commands are to be preferred to those of all others But even in this case Children are to express in their very denial and refusal of obedience all that Honour and Respect to their Parents that 's possible that they may see it is not stubbornness but the fear of God which makes them disobey By this means Parents may perhaps be convinced and made sensible of
no more twain but one Flesh They are by Marriage united in the nearest and closest manner that can be From whence it follows by a very Natural Consequence that 't is the Duty of Children to carry themselves in the most respectful and loving manner that is possible towards those who are by Marriage made one with their Natural Parents 2dly The Respect and Love that Children owe to their Natural Parents oblige them to shew the utmost Respect and all sincere Affection to those whom they have taken into so near a Relation with themselves We see what the Laws of Friendship do amongst Men who are very careful to shew all possible Respect and Kindness to those for whom their Friends have a great Value and Affection How much more ought Children to love honour and serve those whom their Parents have made one with themselves by chusing them into so near and close a Relation and Union 3dly Does not even Prudence oblige them to all this Is not this the way to ingage their Step-Parents to be respectful kind and serviceable to them and ready to do them all good Offices Tho' there are some Step-Parents of so barbarous and Savage a Temper that nothing can oblige them or work upon them yet there are but few in comparison who will not be affected and prevailed upon with Kindness Respect and good Offices especially when they are not for a short time but of long continuance 4thly Does not Self-Love likewise oblige Children to do these things This is the way for them to make their lives easie and comfortable to enjoy a great deal of Peace and contentment of Mind When they reflect upon their having done what is suitable to the Laws of Religion to the Rules which the Wisdom from above layeth down it must needs afford them a very sensible Pleasure and great Satisfaction whereas by carrying themselves undutifully they bring upon themselves a great deal of Vexation and Trouble they not only alienate more and more the Affection of their Step-Parents but they likewise provoke their Natural Parents to be less kind to them if not quite to turn their Backs upon them From what hath been said it appears how great reason Children have to carry themselves with great Respect and Love and with all possible Dutifulness towards their Step-Parents Against those who are undutiful towards their Step-Parents How greatly therefore are they to be blamed who make no Conscience of doing their Duty towards them There are many who make it their business to vex and torment their Step-Parents to affront them and to disgrace them They are very ready to aggravate all their Weaknesses and Imperfections and do thereby endeavour to cause others to hate and to despise them they invent too often a great many things which they charge them with that so they may by any means tho' never so wicked and unjust render them odious and infamous And which is worst of all they do all that ever they can by the most impious arts that malicious and Devilish Wit can contrive to alienate from them the affections of their Natural Parents and to set them together by the ears by which means very dreadful and Tragical Effects do oft-times follow when Husband and Wife are inflamed one against another Where Envying and Strife is saith St. James Chap. 3. v. 16. there is Confusion and every evil Work How often do such Discords and Divisions end in the utter Ruin and Destruction both of Parents and Children Every House divided against it self saith our Saviour Mat. 12.25 shall not stand And therefore let all those who have any regard to the Honour of God who have any thing of sincere Affection to their Natural Parents who desire to live in Peace who wish well to the Families to which they belong and are willing to prevent their utter Ruin and Desolation let all such I say as have any sense of these things be careful to behave themselves with all due Respect and Love towards those who are in the place of Parents to them By doing whereof as they will gain the Love and Respect of all who are wise and good so they may be assured of obtaining from God great and lasting Blessings which he never fails to bestow on all those who sincerely endeavour to Obey his Laws and who seek his Glory A DISCOURSE About the RIGHT WAY Of Improving our TIME By James Kirkwood Rector of Astwick in Bedfordshire The Second Edition Corrected and Enlarged LONDON Printed for John Tayler at the Ship in St. Paul's Church-Yard and John Everingham at the Star in Ludgate-Street near the West-End of St. Pauls 1693. Ephes V. 16. Redeeming the time because the days are evil The Introduction OF all the outward Blessings which God bestows upon us there is none so valuable and precious as our Time God bestows upon us his other Blessings in great variety and plenty but in this he seems to be more sparing for it is given us not in large proportions but as it were drop by drop one minute after another never two minutes together whenever he gives us one he takes away another And yet how strange is it to think that a great many spend their time in Vanity and Folly Time is to many like a dead Commodity they cannot tell what to do with it they are ready to throw it away for nothing or for that which is little better instead of improving and using it in virtuous and profitable actions and designs they waste it in trifling and vanity which is an Argument of the greatest Folly as on the other hand the right husbanding of Time is a great Instance of true Wisdom The Text explained The Apostle having exhorted the Ephesians to walk circumspectly not as fools but as wise he immediately subjoins Redeeming the time Intimating thereby that there is no better way for us to shew our selves wise than by employing our time to good purpose Redeeming and buying it or as some read the words Buying the Opportunity or a fit occasion and season for doing good It is a Metaphor taken from Merchants who when they have a great likelyhood and probability of making considerable gain and advantage in buying and selling part with their pleasures or lesser cares and concerns that they may make a good bargain and purchase that which they greatly desire So the Christian the Man that is good and wise ought to deny himself in his Pleasures and outward delights or even in his ordinary affairs and concerns when he has any great prospect of doing somewhat considerable for the glory of God the good of his Neighbour and the benefit of his own Soul The reason which the Apostle useth is Because the days are evil that is either bad and sinful full of wickedness and folly so that it is very hard and difficult then to be good when sin like a violent and impetuous Torrent carries all down before it This ought to make you redeem all
should drink no Wine nor build House nor sow Seed nor plant Vineyard nor have any but should dwell in Tents Jer. 35.6,7 c. And ver 18. Jeremiah said unto the House of the Rechabites Thus saith the Lord of Hosts the God of Israel because you have obeyed the Command of Jonadab your Father and kept all his Precepts and done according to all that he hath Commanded you Therefore thus saith the Lord of Hosts the God of Israel Jonadab the Son of Rechab shall not want a Man to stand before me for ever Which words import that he would take a particular care of them that he would be mindful of them and have them in his Eye that he would preserve them and shew them his favour and love and continue unto them those Offices and Priviledges which they enjoyed which some think were of being Scribes and Doctors of the Law and having some Charge in or about the Temple 3. Motive from the Example of our Blessed Saviour Thirdly Besides the Command of God and the Reward which he hath promised to them who honour their Parents how strong an Argument ought it to be unto all Children to excite them to this when they consider the Example of their Blessed Lord and Master their King and Saviour Jesus Christ of whom it is said that he was subject unto his Parents Luke 2.51 And if he who was so much greater than his Parents who was their Lord their King their Maker their Saviour and Redeemer if he who was the Son of God and thought it no Robbery to be equal with God I say if he was subject to his Parents ought not all Children to be so to their Parents and to esteem it their Glory to imitate their Prince and Saviour as in his other Virtues so in his Obedience and Subjection to his Parents Shall any Man think himself too good to do this when Christ did it before him Can it be too mean for a Worm to do that which a Man a great Man and a mighty Prince hath done Shall vile Sinners think themselves abased and dishonoured by doing that which was done before by him who knew no sin and in whose Mouth there was found no guile who was holy harmless and undefiled separate from sinners and made higher than the Heavens Heb. 7.26 As our Blessed Lord was a great and Noble Pattern to us in other things so particularly in his love to his Parents When he was upon the Cross a little before he gave up the Ghost he expressed how great his love was to his Mother and how tender a care he had of her John 19.25,26,27 Now there stood by the Cross of Jesus his Mother and his Mother's Sister Mary the Wife of Cleophas and Mary Magdalene When Jesus therefore saw his Mother and the Disciple standing by whom he loved he saith unto his Mother Woman behold thy Son Then saith he to the Disciple behold thy Mother And from that hour that Disciple took her unto his own home He commends his Mother to John Joseph in all probability being dead that he might take care of her as of his own Mother Tho' he was at this time in the midst of great pain and anguish tho' his hands and his feet were nailed to the Cross tho' his Head was Crowned with Thorns tho' he lay under the most insupportable Burden that ever Man lay under yet as if the sight of his Mother had made him forget all his Sufferings and Torments he affectionately recommends her to the care of another who he knew would perform all the Offices of a loving Son unto her He knew how great an affliction it would be to her to be deprived of the Comfort of his presence in the World he knew to how many necessities and wants she should be exposed by his leaving of her and therefore he gives it in charge to the beloved Disciple to do the Duty of a Son unto her to be to her in his stead to honour her to love her to serve her to take care of her and provide whatever might be fit for her This shews all Children what is their Duty towards their Parents to wit that they ought to take care of them so long as they live and are able to do it they ought with all respect and kindness to perform unto them all those Offices which the Laws of Nature and Christianity require 4. Motive from the Examples of some Heathens Fourthly May not the Examples of some Heathens which have already been mentioned excite Christian Children to perform their Duty to their Parents There are a great many more Instances might be added to this purpose I shall only mention a few The first is * Valer. Max. l. 5. c. 4. Plut. in Coriolaâ—… of the brave Coriolanus that Great Roman Commander who being very ill used by his Country-men fled to the Volscians who were at that time at War with the Romans Within a little time after his coming amongst them he was made General of their Forces in which Service he had great Success against the Romans gaining several Victories over them whereby he was encouraged to approach to the very Walls of Rome His Countrey-men were terribly alarmed with this so that they were forced to make humble Addresses to him to deprecate his displeasure but to no purpose They sent their Priests in their Sacred Vestments but to as little Effect But no sooner did his Mother attended with his Wife and Children come to him but he submitted himself to her Now says he you have overcome me indeed when the intreaties of my Mother are added to yours tho' Rome deserve my hatred yet for my Mother's sake I will spare it and immediately he withdrew his Army A second Example is that of the Worthy Athenian Captain Cimon * Val. Max. ibid. who not being able to redeem the Corps of his Father which was Arrested for Debt sold himself and became a Slave that his Deceased Father's Body might be freed from that Arrest that was upon it and so might have Honourable Burial This great Man was famous for his Noble and Valiant Exploits for his great Courage and Excellent Conduct in Military Affairs but there was not any thing for which he was so much admired and loved as for this wonderful instance of Affection and Respect to his Father A Third Example is * Sen. l. 1. Controversiarum c. 1. of a Son whose Father and Uncle were at great variance It happ'ned that the Uncle during this Contention fell into great want His Brother was so madly and wickedly set against him that he not only would not relieve him himself but also forbad his Son to do it The young Man considered his Uncles Case to be such as obliged his Father and himself both to help him all they could But if his Father through his violent Passion and Prejudice neglected his Duty which the Laws of Nature and Humanity required yet he judged
and offences unto him with great shame and confusion of face and with true grief and sorrow of heart ackowledge your iniquities make particular confession so far as you remember of your stubbornness and disobedience to your Parents of your contempt and neglect of them of your hating them and wishing Evil to them of your speaking irreverently and wickedly to them or of them of your not submitting to their Corrections of your not heeding their Admonitions and Counsels nor regarding their just Reproofs c. Beg of God for Christ's sake to have mercy on you and to blot out your Sins and to make you what you ought to be After this it is fit to form sincere and hearty Resolutions of doing your Duty in all respects to your Parents for the time to come of loving honouring obeying and serving them as you ought to do Resolve to amend whatever has been amiss and defective either in your thoughts words or deeds with relation to them Beg of God to strengthen you in your Resolutions to fortifie you against all Temptations to inspire you with his Fear and Love to guide you by his good Spirit and that he would never leave you nor forsake you If the Example and Society of other wicked Children has been an occasion of making you so bad and of hardening you in your Contempt Stubbornness and Disobedience resolve to break off your Familiarities with them let them and all others know and see that you are sorry for your Disobedience to your Parents for your having dishonoured slighted and neglected them and that you are resolved to do so no more but will by the help of God approve your selves Dutiful Kind and Obedient Children Not only must you in this manner make your Humble and Penitent Confession to Almighty God your Heavenly Father whom you have provoked as by your other Sins so particularly by your disobedience to your Parents and by your dishonouring of them but you must likewise confess unto your Parents the Crimes whereof you have been guilty against them you must say as the Prodigal did I will arise and go to my Father and will say unto him Father I have sinned against Heaven and before thee and am no more worthy to be called thy Son Luke 15.18,19 Let your Parents see that you are heartily sorry for your Offences against them by Word or Deed beg of them to forgive you and desire them to pray to God that he would forgive you You are to be careful after this to fulfil your Purposes and Resolutions and to perform all those Duties of Love Honour and Obedience to your Parents wherein you were formerly so defective For this end it is fit daily and earnestly to beg of God that he would direct and assist you by his Holy Spirit to do what is well-pleasing in his sight It is necessary for you to be very jealous of your deceitful and desperately wicked Hearts to watch over them carefully lest they turn aside towards your former crooked Ways lest you return with the Dog to the Vomit Watch against all those Temptations whereby you are most in danger of being seduced and intangled again in your former perverse Practices and Customs As you have been formerly very negligent and defective in Honouring and Obeying your Parents endeavour for the future so much the more to perform all those Duties which you owe unto them with great care and exactness As you have been great Examples of Disobedience strive to be so much the greater Patterns of Obedience Endeavour to do all that you can that they who have been by your Counsels or Examples corrupted and made stubborn and disobedient may be reformed and rescued from their Sins and Wickedness that as you have been Instruments to promote Satan's Kingdom so you may be zealous for the glory of God for promoting Piety and true Virtue in the World whereof this is no inconsiderable part that Children Honour their Father and Mother and do all those Duties with chearfulness unto them which God requires This is the way to obtain the divine pardon to turn away his Wrath and to keep off those heavy Judgments which are threatned against stubborn Children and such who mock and scorn their Parents Or if God see it fit to punish you here he will make your Corrections and Punishments and all other things work together for your good and after he hath tryed you he will bestow upon you rewards of everlasting Life and Glory As for those who are so perverse as to despise all Counsel and Advice who refuse to hearken to any Instructions who are resolved to go on in their stubbornness and disobedience to their Parents in slighting and vilifying them let them remember what the Wise Man saith Eccles 11.9 Rejoice O young Man in thy Youth and let thine heart chear thee in the days of thy youth and walk in the ways of thine heart and in the sight of thine Eyes But know thou that for all these things God will bring thee into Judgment An Appendix concerning the Duties of Children to their Step-Parents The Duties of Children to their Step-Parents HAving spoken of the Duties of Children to their Natural Parents I shall add a few things concerning their Duties to their Step-Parents Children ought to honour their Step-Parents to carry themselves Respectfully towards them and to avoid every thing either in words or deeds which has an appearance of Neglect and Contempt They ought to Obey them and to shew great readiness to serve them in any thing that is in their power to do for them and to avoid whatever looks like stubbornness especially in such things wherein their Natural Parent requires them to be Obedient to their Step-Parent They ought to carry themselves kindly and lovingly towards them and to avoid whatever looks like Hatred or Malice They ought to submit to their Reproofs and to their Chastenings especially when their Natural Parent desires the Step-Parent to reprove or correct them for their faults They ought to hearken to their Admonitions to follow their good Counsels and Examples and to be thankful for whatever they either do or say for their benefit and advantage They ought to bear patiently with my thing in their humour and temper that is not so sweet and pleasant and to beware lest they be thereby provoked to do or say what becometh not Children towards those who are in the place of Parents to them As to these particular Duties I thought it needless to say much having treated of them more fully in the preceeding Discourse about Childrens Duties to their Natural Parents I shall therefore in the next place propose Some Motives to stir up Children to be Dutiful to their Step-Parents Some Motives to stir up Children to be Dutiful to them The first thing which should prevail with Children to carry themselves Dutifully towards their Step-Parents is the regard that is due to the Laws of God whereby it is declared that Man and Wife are