Priest and Caius the French Doctor Ford. Good mine Host o'th'Garter a word with you Host What saist thou my Bully-Rooke Shal. Will you goe with vs to behold it My merry Host hath had the measuring of their weapons and I thinke appointed them contrary places for beleeue me I heare the Parson is no Iester harke I will tell you what our sport shall be Host Hast thou no suit against my Knight my guest-Caualeire Ford. None I protest but I le giue you a pottle of burn'd sacke to giue me recourse to him and tell him my name is Broome onely for a iest Host My hand Bully thou shalt haue egresse and regresse said I well and thy name shall be Broome It is a merry Knight will you goe An-heires Shal. Haue with you mine Host Page I haue heard the French-man hath good skill in his Rapier Shal. Tut Sir I could haue told you more In these times you stand on distance your Passes Stoccado's and I know not what 't is the heart Master Page 't is heere 't is heere I haue seene the time with my long-sword I would haue made you fowre tall fellowes skippe like Rattes Host Heere boyes heere heere shall we wag Page Haue with you I had rather heare them scold then fight Ford. Though Page be a secure foole and stands so firmely on his wiues frailty yet I cannot put-off my opinion so easily she was in his company at Pages house and what they made there I know not Well I will looke further into 't and I haue a disguise to sound Falstaffe if I finde her honest I loose not my labour if shee be otherwise 't is labour well bestowed Exeunt Scoena Secunda Enter Falstaffe Pistoll Robin Quickly Bardolffe Ford. Fal. I will not lend thee a penny Pist Why then the world 's mine Oyster which I with sword will open Fal. Not a penny I haue beene content Sir you should lay my countenance to pawne I haue granted vpon my good friends for three Repreeues for and your Coach fellow Nim or else you had look'd through the grate like a Geminy of Baboones I am damn'd in hell for swearing to Gentlemen my friends you were good Souldiers and tall-fellowes And when Mistresse Briget lost the handle of her Fan I took 't vpon mine honour thou hadst it not Pist Didst not thou share hadst thou not fifteene pence Fal. Reason you roague reason thinkst thou I le endanger my soule gratis at a word hang no more about mee I am no gibbet for you goe a short knife and a throng to your Mannor of Pickt-hatch goe you 'll not beare a Letter for mee you roague you stand vpon your honour why thou vnconfinable basenesse it is as much as I can doe to keepe the termes of my honour precise I I I my selfe sometimes leauing the feare of heauen on the left hand and hiding mine honor in my necessity am faine to shuffle to hedge and to lurch and yet you Rogue will en-sconce your raggs your Cat-a-Mountaine-lookes your red-lattice phrases your boldbeatingoathes vnder the shelter of your honor you will not doe it you Pist I doe relent what would thou more of man Robin Sir here 's a woman would speake with you Fal. Let her approach Qui. Giue your worship good morrow Fal. Good-morrow good-wife Qui. Not so and 't please your worship Fal. Good maid then Qui. I le be sworne As my mother was the first houre I was borne Fal. I doe beleeue the swearer what with me Qui. Shall I vouch-safe your worship a word or two Fal. Two thousand faire woman and I le vouchsafe thee the hearing Qui. There is one Mistresse Ford Sir I pray come a little neerer this waies I my selfe dwell with Master Doctor Caius Fal. Well on Mistris Ford you say Qui. Your worship saies very true I pray your worship come a little neerer this waies Fal. I warrant thee no-bodie heares mine owne people mine owne people Qui. Are they so heauen-blesse them and make them his Seruants Fal. Well Mistresse Ford what of her Qui. Why Sir shee 's a good creature Lord Lord your Worship 's a wanton well heauen forgiue you and all of vs I pray Fal. Mistresse Ford come Mistresse Ford. Qui. Marry this is the short and the long of it you haue brought her into such a Canaries as 't is wonderfull the best Courtier of them all when the Court lay at Windsor could neuer haue brought her to such a Canarie yet there has beene Knights and Lords and Gentlemen with their Coaches I warrant you Coach after Coach letter after letter gift aftee gift smelling so sweetly all Muske and so rushling I warrant you in silke and golde and in such alligant tearmes and in such wine and suger of the best and the fairest that would haue wonne any womans heart and I warrant you they could neuer get an eye-winke of her I had my selfe twentie Angels giuen me this morning but I defie all Angels in any such sort as they say but in the way of honesty and I warrant you they could neuer get her so much as sippe on a cup with the prowdest of them all and yet there has beene Earles nay which is more Pentioners but I warrant you all is one with her Fal. But what saies shee to mee bee briefe my good shee Mercurie Qui. Marry she hath receiu'd your Letter for the which she thankes you a thousand times and shee giues you to notifie that her husband will be absence from his house betweene ten and eleuen Fal. Ten and eleuen Qui. I forsooth and then you may come and see the picture she sayes that you wot of Master Ford her husband will be from home alas the sweet woman leads an ill life with him hee 's a very iealousie-man shee leades a vere framepold life with him good heart Fal. Ten and eleuen Woman commend me to her I will not faile her Qui. Why you say well But I haue another messenger to your worship Mistresse Page hath her heartie commendations to you to and let me tell you in your eare shee 's as fartuous a ciuill modest wife and one I tell you that will not misse you morning nor euening prayer as any is in Windsor who ere be the other and shee bade mee tell your worship that her husband is seldome from home but shee hopes there will come a time I neuer knew a woman so doate vpon a man surely I thinke you haue charmes la yes in truth Fal. Not I I assure thee setting the attraction of my good parts aside I haue no other charmes Qui. Blessing on your heart for 't Fal. But I pray thee tell me this has Fords wife and Pages wise acquainted each other how they loue me Qui. That were a iest indeed they haue not so little grace I hope that were a tricke indeed But Mistis Page would desire you to send her your little Page of all loues her husband has a maruellous infection to
found the yong man he would haue beene horne-mad Ca. Fe fe fe fe mai foy il fait for chando le man voi a le Court la grand affaires Qu. Is it this Sir Ca. Ouy mette le au mon pocket de-peech quickly Vere is dat knaue Rugby Qu. What Iohn Rugby Iohn Ru. Here Sir Ca. You are Iohn Rugby and you are Iacke Rugby Come take your Rapier and come after my heele to the Court. Ru. 'T is ready Sir here in the Porch Ca. By my trot I tarry too long od's-me que ay ie oublie dere is some Simples in my Closset dat I vill not for the varld I shall leaue behinde Qu. Ay-me he 'll finde the yong man there and be mad Ca. O Diable Diable vat is in my Closset Villaine La-roone Rugby my Rapier Qu Good Master be content Ca. Wherefore shall I be content-a Qu. The yong man is an honest man Ca. What shall de honest man do in my Closset here is no honest man dat shall come in my Closset Qu. I beseech you be not so flegmaticke heare the truth of it He came of an errand to mee from Parson Hugh Ca. Vell. Si. I forsooth to desire her to Qu. Peace I pray you Ca. Peace-a-your tongue speake-a-your Tale. Si. To desire this honest Gentlewoman your Maid to speake a good word to Mistris Anne Page for my Master in the way of Marriage Qu. This is all indeed-la but I le nere put my finger in the fire and neede not Ca. Sir Hugh send-a you Rugby ballow me some paper tarry you a littell-a while Qu. I am glad hee is so quiet if hee had bin throughly moued you should haue heard him so loud and so melancholly but notwithstanding man I le doe yoe your Master what good I can and the very yea and the no is that French Doctor my Master I may call him my Master looke you for I keepe his house and I wash ring brew bake scowre dresse meate and drinke make the beds and doe all my selfe Simp. 'T is a great charge to come vnder one bodies hand Qui. Are you a uis'd o' that you shall finde it a great charge and to be vp early and downe late but notwithstanding to tell you in your eare I would haue no words of it my Master himselfe is in loue with Mistris Anne Page but notwithstanding that I know Ans mind that 's neither heere nor there Caius You Iack ' Nape glue-'a this Letter to Sir Hugh by gar it is a shallenge I will cut his troat in de Parke and I will teach a scuruy Iack-a-nape Priest to meddle or make you may be gon it is not good you tarry here by gar I will cut all his two stones by gar he shall not haue a stone to throw at his dogge Qui. Alas he speakes but for his friend Caius It is no matter'a vâ—r dat do not you tell-a-me dat I shall haue Anne Page for my selfe by gar I vill kill de Iacke Priest and I haue appointed mine Host of de Iarteer to measure our weapon by gar I will my selfe haue Anne Page Qui. Sir the maid loues you and all shall bee well Wee must giue folkes leaue to prâ—te what the good ier Caius Rugby come to the Court with me by gar if I haue not Anne Page I shall turne your head out of my dore follow my heeles Rugby Qui. You shall haue An-fooles head of your owne No I know Ans mind for that neuer a woman in Windsor knowes more of Ans minde then I doe nor can doe more then I doe with her I thanke heauen Fenton Who 's with in there hoa Qui. Who 's there I troa Come neere the house I pray you Fen. How now good woman how dost thou Qui. The better that it pleases your good Worship to aske Fen. What newes how do's pretty Mistris Anne Qui. In truth Sir and shee is pretty and honest and gentle and one that is your friend I can tell you that by the way I praise heauen for it Fen. Shall I doe any good thinkst thou shall I not loose my suit Qui. Troth Sir all is in his hands aboue but notwithstanding Master Fenton I le be sworne on a booke shee loues you haue not your Worship a wart aboue your eye Fen. Yes marry haue I what of that Qui. Well thereby hangs a tale good faith it is such another Nan but I detest an honest maid as euer broke bread wee had an howres talke of that wart I shall neuer laugh but in that maids company but indeed shee is giuen too much to Allicholy and musing but for you well goe too Fen. Well I shall see her to day hold there 's money for thee Let mee haue thy voice in my behalfe if thou seest her before me commend me Qui. Williâ— I faith that wee will And I will tell your Worship more of the Wart the next time we haue confidence and of other wooers Fen. Well fare-well I am in great haste now Qui. Fare-well to your Worship truely an honest Gentleman but Anne loues him not for I know Ans minde as well as another do's out vpon 't what haue I forgot Exit Actus Secundus Scoena Prima Enter Mistris Page Mistris Ford Master Page Master Ford Pistoll Nim Quickly Host Shallow Mi. Page What haue I scap'd Loue-letters in the holly-day-time of my beauty and am I now a subiect for them let me see Aske me no reason why I loue you for though Loue vse Reason for his precisian hee admits him not for his Counsailour you are not young no more am I goe to then there 's simpathie you are merry so am I ha ha then there 's more simpathie you loue sacke and so doe I would yout desire better simpathie Let it suffice thee Mistris Page at the least if the Loue of Souldier can suffice that I loue thee I will not say pitty mee 't is not a Souldier-like phrase but I say loue me By me thine owne true Knight by day or night Or any kinde of light with all his might For thee to fight Iohn Falstaffe What a Herod of Iurie is this O wicked wicked world One that is well-nye worne to peeces with age To show himselfe a young Gallant What an vnwaied Behauiour hath this Flemish drunkard pickt with The Deuills name out of my conuersation that hee dares In this manner assay me why hee hath not beene thrice In my Company what should I say to him I was then Frugall of my mirth heauen forgiue mee why I le Exhibit a Bill in the Parliament for the putting downe of men how shall I be reueng'd on him for reueng'd I will be as sure as his guts are made of puddings Mis Ford. Mistris Page trust me I was going to your house Mis Page And trust me I was going to you you looke very ill Mis Ford. Nay I le nere beleeue that I haue to shew to the contrary Mis Page 'Faith but
call him poore They say the iealous wittolly-knaue hath masses of money for the which his wife seemes to me well-fauourd I will vse her as the key of the Cuckoldly-rogues Coffer ther 's my haruest home Ford. I would you knew Ford sir that you might auoid him if you saw him Fal. Hang him mechanicall-salt-butter rogue I will stare him out of his wits I will awe-him with my cudgell it shall hang like a Meteor ore the Cuckolds horns Master Broome thou shalt know I will predominate ouer the pezant and thou shalt lye with his wife Come to me soone at night Ford's a knaue and I will aggrauate his stile thou Master Broome shalt know him for knaue and Cuckold Come to me soone at night Ford. What a damn'd Epicurian-Rascall is this my heart is ready to cracke with impatience who saies this is improuident iealousie my wife hath sent to him the howre is fixt the match is made would any man haue thought this see the hell of hauing a faire woman my bed shall be abus'd my Coffers ransack'd my reputation gnawne at and I shall not onely receiue this villanous wrong but stand vnder the adoption of abhominable termes and by him that does me this wrong Termes names Amaimon sounds well Lucifer well Barbason wel yet they are Diuels additions the names of fiends But Cuckold Wittoll Cuckold the Diuell himselfe hath not such a name Page is an Asse a secure Asse hee will trust his wife hee will not bee iealous I will rather trust a Fleming with my butter Person Hugh the Welshman with my Cheese an Irish man with my Aqua-vitae-bottle or a Theefe to walke my ambling gelding then my wife with her selfe Then she plots then shee rumiuates then shee deuises and what they thinke in their hearts they may effect they will breake their hearts but they will effect Heauen bee prais'd for my iealousie eleuen o'clocke the howre I will preuent this detect my wife bee reueng'd on Falstaffe and laugh at Page I will about it beter three houres too soone then a mynute too late fie fie fie Cuckold Cuckold Cuckold Exit Scena Tertia Enter Caius Rugby Page Shallow Slender Host Caius Iacke Rugby Ru. Sir Caius Vat lothe clocke Iack. Rug. 'T is past the howre Sir that Sir Hugh promis'd to meet Caius By gar he has saue his soule dat he is no-come hee has pray his Pible well dat hee is no-come by gar lack Rugby he is dead already if he be come Rug Hee is wise Sir hee knew your worship would kill him if he came Caius By gar de herring is no dead so as I vill kill him take your Rapier Iacke I vill tell you how I vill kill him Rug. Alas sir I cannot fence Cai. Villanie take your Rapier Rug. For beare heer 's company Host ' Blesse thee bully-Doctor Shal. ' Saue you Master Doctor Caius Page Now good Master Doctor Slen. ' Giue you good morrow sir Caius Vat be all you one two tree fowre come for Host To see thee fight to see thee foigne to see thee trauerse to see thee heâ—re to see thee there to see thee passe thy puncto thy stocke thy reuerse thy distance thy montant Is hee dead my Ethiopian Is he dead my Francisco ha Bully what saies my Esculapius my Gallen my heart of Elder ha is he dead bully-Stale is he dead Cai. By gar he is de Coward Iack-Priest of de vorld he is not show his face Host Thou art a Castalion-king Vrinall Hector of Greece my Boy Cai. I pray you beare witnesse that mee haue stay sixe or seuen two tree howres for him and hee is no-come Shal. He is the wiserman Master Doctor he is a curer of soules and you a curer of bodies if you should fight you goe against the haire of your professions is it not true Master Page Page Master Shallow you haue your selfe beene a great great fighter though now a man of peace Shal. Body-kins M. Page though I now be old and of the peace if I see a sword out my finger itches to make one though wee are Iustices and Doctors and Church-men Master Page wee haue some salt of our youth 〈◊〉 vs we are the sons of women Master Page Page 'T is true Mister Shallow Shal. It will be found so M. Page M. Doctor Caius I am come to fetch you home I am sworn of the peace you haue show'd your selfe a wise Physician and Sir Hugh hath showne himselfe a wise and patient Churchman you must goe with me M. Doctor Host Pardon Guest-Iustice a Mounseur Mocke-water Cai. Mock-vater vat is dat Host Mock-water in our English tongue is Valour Bully Cai. By gar then I haue as much Mock-vater as de Englishman scuruy-lade dog-Priest by gar mee vill his eares Host He will Clapper claw thee tightly Bully Cai. Clapper de claw vat is dat Host That is he will make thee amends Cai. By gar me doe looke he shall clapper-de-claw me for by-gar me vill haue it Host And I will prouoke him to 't or let him wag Cai. Me tanck you for dat Host And moreouer Bully but first Master Ghuest and M. Page and eeke Caualeâ—ro Slender goe you through the Towneto Frogmore Page Sir Hugh is there is he Host He is there see what humor hee is in and I will bring the Doctor about by the Fields will it doe well Shal. Wee will doe it All. Adieu good Master Doctor Cai. By-gar me vill kill de Priest for he speake for a Iack-an-Ape to Anne Page Host Let him die sheath thy impatience throw cold water on thy Choller goe about the fields with me through Frogmore I will bring thee where Mistris Anne Page is at a Farm-house a Feasting and thou shalt wooe her Cride-game said I well Cai. By-gar me danck you vor dat by gar I loue you and I shall procure'a you de good Guest de Earle de Knight de Lords de Gentlemen my patients Host For the which I will be thy aduersary toward Anne Page said I well Cai. By-gar 't is good vell said Host Let vs wag then Cai. Come at my heeles Iack Rugby Exeunt Actus Tertius Scoena Prima Enter Euans Simple Page Shallow Slender Host Caius Rugby Euans I pray you now good Master Slenders seruingman and friend Simple by your name which way haue you look'd for Master Caius that calls himselfe Doctor of Phisicke Simp. Marry Sir the pittie-ward the Parke-ward euery way olde Windsor way and euery way but the Towne-way Euan. I most fehemently desire you you will looke that way Simp. I will sir Euan. ' Plesse my soule how full of Chollors I am and trempling of minde I shall be glad if hee haue deceiued me how melancholies I am I will knog his Vrinalls about his knaues costard when I haue good oportunities for the orke Plesse my soule To shallow Riuers to whose falls melodious Birds sing Madrigalls There will wee make our Peds of Roses and a thousand fragrant
one And in the lawfull name of marrying To giue our hearts vnited ceremony Host Well husband your deuice I le to the Vicar Bring you the Maid you shall not lacke a Priest Fen. So shall I euermore be bound to thee Besides I le make a present recompence Exeunt Actus Quintus Scoena Prima Enter Falstaffe Quickly and Ford. Fal. Pre'thee no more pratling goe I le hold this is the third time I hope good lucke lies in odde numbers Away go they say there is Diuinity in odde Numbers either in natiuity chance or death away Qui. I le prouide you a chaine and I le do what I can to get 〈◊〉 a paire of hornes Fal. Away I say time weares hold vp your head and mince How now Master Broome Master Broome the matter will be knowne to night or neuer Bee you in the Parke about midnight at Hernes-Oake and you shall see wonders Ford. Went you not to her yesterday Sir as you told me you had appointed Fal. I went to her Master Broome as you see like a poore-old-man but I came from her Master Broome like a poore-old-woman that same knaue Ford her husband hath the finest mad diuell of iealousie in him Master Broome that euer gouern'd Frensie I will tell you he beate me greeuously in the shape of a woman for in the shape of Man Master Broome I feare not Goliah with a Weauers beame because I know also life is a Shuttle I am in hast go along with mee I le tell you all Master Broome since I pluckt Geese plaide Trewant and whip◠Top I knew not what'twas to be beaten till lately-Follow me I le tell you strange things of this knaue Ford on whom to night I will be reuenged and I will deliuer his wife into your hand Follow strange things in hand Master Broome follow Exeunt Scena Secunda Enter Page Shallow Slender Page Come come wee 'll couch i' th Castle-ditch till wee see the light of our Fairies Remember sonne Slender my Slen. I forsoothe I haue spoke with her and wee haue a nay-word how to know one another I come to her in white and cry Mum she cries Budget and by that we know one another Shal. That 's good too But what needes either your Mum or her Budget The white will decipher her well enough It hath strooke ten a clocke Page The night is darke Light and Spirits will become it well Heauen prosper our sport No man meanes euill but the deuill and we shall know him by his hornes Le ts away follow me Exeunt Scoena Tertia Enter Mis Page Mis Ford Caius Mist Page Master Doctor my daughter is in green when you see your time take her by the hand away with her to the Deanerie and dispatch it quickly goe before into the Parke we two must goe together Cai. I know vat I haue to do adieu Mist Page Fare you well Sir my husband will not reioyce so much at the abuse of Falstaffe as he will chafe at the Doctors marrying my daughter But 't is no matter better a little chiding then a great deale of heart-breake Mis Ford. Where is Nan now and her troope of Fairies and the Welch-deuill Herne Mist Page They are couch'd in a pit hard by Hernes Oake with obscur'd Lights which at the very instant of Falstaffes and our meeting they will at once display to the night Mis Ford. That cannot choose but amaze him Mis Page If he be not amaz'd he will be mock'd If he be amaz'd he will euery way be mock'd Mis Ford. Wee 'll betray him finely Mist Page Against such Lewdsters and their lechery Those that betray them do no treachery Mi. Ford. The houre drawes-on to the Oake to the Oake Exeunt Scoena Quarta Enter Euans and Fairies Euans Trib trib Fairies Come and remember your parts be pold I pray you follow me into the pit and when I giue the watch-'ords do as I pid you Come come trib trib Exeunt Scoena Quarta Enter Falstaffe Mistris Page Mistris Ford Euans Anne Page Fairies Page Ford Quickly Slender Fenton Caius Pistoll Fal. The Windsor-bell hath stroke twelue the Minute drawes on Now the hot-bloodied Gods assist mee Remember loue thou was 't a Bull for thy Europa Loue set on thy hornes O powerfull Loue that in some respects makes a Beast a Man in some other a Man a beast You were also Iupiter a Swan for the loue of Leda O omnipotent Loue how nere the God drew to the complexion of a Goose a fault done first in the forme of a beast O Ioue a beastly fault and then another fault in the semblance of a Fowle thinke on 't Ioue a fowlefault When Gods haue hot backes what shall poore men doe For me I am heere a Windsor Stagge and the fattest I thinke i' th Forrest Send me a coole rut-time Ioue or who can blame mee to pisse my Tallow Who comes heere my Doe M. Ford. Sir Iohn Art thou there my Deere My male-Deere Fal. My Doe with the blacke Scut Let the skie raine Potatoes let it thunder to the tune of Greene-sleeues haile-kissing Comfit and snow Eringoes Let there come a tempest of prouocation I will shelter mee heere Mis Ford. Mistris Page is come with me sweet heart Fal. Diuide me like a brid'd-Bucke each a Haunch I will keepe my sides to my selfe my shoulders for the fellow of this walke and my hornes I bequeath your husband Am I a Woodman ha Speake I like Herne the Hunter Why now is Cupid a child of conscience he makes restitution As I am a true spirit welcome M. Page Alas what noise M. Ford. Heauen forgiue-our sinnes Fal. What should this be M. Ford. M. Page Away away Fal. I thinke the diuell will not haue me damn'd Lest the oyle that 's in me should set hell on fire He would neuer else crosse me thus Enter Eairies Qui. Fairies blacke gray greene and white You Moone-shine reuellers and shades of night You Orphan heires of fixed destiny Attend your office and your quality Crier Hob-goblyn make the Fairy Oyes Bist Elues list your names Silence you aiery toyes Cricket to Windsore-chimnies shalt thou leape Where fires thou find'st vnrak'd and hearths vnswept There pinch the Maids as blew as Bill-berry Our radiant Queene hates Sluttery Fal. They are Fairies he that speaks to them shall die I le winke and couch No man their workes must eie Euan. Wher 's Bede Go you and where you finde a maid That ere she sleepe has thrice her prayers said Raise vp the Organs of her fantasie Sleepe she as sound as carelesse infancie But those as sleepe and thinke not on their sins Pinch them armes legs backes shoulders sides and shins Qu. About about Search Windsor Castle Elues within and out Strew good lucke Ouphes on euery sacred roome That it may stand till the perpetuall doome In state as wholsome as in state 't is fit Worthy the Owner and the Owner it The seuerall Chaires of Order looke
M. Ford He 's too big to go in there what shall I doe Fal Let me see 't let me see 't O let me see 't I le â—n I le in follow your friends counsell I le in Mist Page What Sir Iohn Falstaffe Are these your Letters Knight Fal. I loue thee helpe mee away let me creepe in heere I le neuer M. Page Helpe to couer your Master Boy Call your men Mist Ford. You dissembling Knight Mis Ford. What Iohn Rugby Iohn Goe take vp these cloathes heere quickly Wher 's the Cowle-staffe Looke how you drumble Carry them to the Landresse in Datchet meade quickly come Ford. 'Pray you come neere if I suspect without cause Why then make sport at me then let me be your iest I deserue it How now Whether beare you this Ser. To the Landresse forsooth Mis Ford. Why what haue you to doe whether they beare it You were best meddle with buck-washing Ford. Bucke I would I could wash my selfe of the Buck Bucke bucke bucke I bucke I warrant you Bucke And of the season too it shall appeare Gentlemen I haue dream'd to night I le tell you my dreame heere heere heere bee my keyes ascend my Chambers search seeke finde out I le warrant wee 'le vnkennell the Fox Let mee stop this way first so now vncape Page Good master Ford be contented You wrong your selfe too much Ford. True master Page vp Gentlemen You shall see sport anon Follow me Gentlemen Euans This is fery fantasticall humors and iealousies Caius By gar 't is no-the fashion of France It is not iealous in France Page Nay follow him Gentlemen see the yssue of his search Mis Page Is there not a double excellency in this Mis Ford. I know not which pleases me better That my husband is deceiued or Sir Iohn Mis Page What a taking was he in when your husband askt who was in the basket Mis Ford. I am halfe affraid hee will haue neede of washing so throwing him into the water will doe him a benefit Mis Page Hang him dishonest rascall I would all of the same straine were in the same distresse Mist Ford. I thinke my husband hath some speciall suspition of Falstafs being heere for I neuer saw him so grosse in his iealousie till now Mist Page I will lay a plot to try that and wee will yet haue more trickes with Falstaffe his dissolute disease will scarse obey this medicne Mis Ford. Shall we send that foolishion Carion Mistris Quickly to him and excuse his throwing into the water and giue him another hope to betray him to another punishment Mis Page Wee will doe it let him be sent for to morrow eight a clocke to haue amends Ford. I cannot finde him may be the knaue bragg'd of that he could not compasse Mis Page Heard you that Mis Ford. You vse me well M Ford Doe you Ford. I I doe so M. Ford. Heauen make you better then your thoughts Ford. Amen Mis Page You doe your selfe mighty wrong M. Ford Ford. I I I must beare it Euan. If there be any pody in the house and in the chambers and in the coffers and in the presses heauen forgiue my sinnes at the day of iudgement Caius Be-gar nor I too there is no bodies Page Fy fy M Ford are you not asham'd What spirit what diuell suggests this imagination I would not ha your distemper in this kind for the welth of Windsor castle Ford. 'T is my fault M. Page I suffer for it Euans You suffer for a pad conscience your wife is as honest a o'mans as I will desires among fiue thousand and fiue hundred too Cai. By gar I see 't is an honest woman Ford. Well I promisd you a dinner come come walke in the Parke I pray you pardon me I will hereafter make knowne to you why I haue done this Come wife come Mist Page I pray you pardon me Pray hartly pardon me Page Let 's go in Gentlemen but trust me we 'l mocke him I doe inuite you to morrow morning to my house to breakefast after we 'll a Birding together I haue a fine Hawke for the bush Shall it be so Ford. Any thing Euan. If there is one I shall make two in the Companie Cai. If there be one or two I shall make-a-theturd Ford. Pray you goe M. Page Euans I pray you now remembrance to morrow on the lowsie knaue mine Host Cai. Dat is good by gar withall my heart Euan. A lowsie knaue to haue his gibes and his mockeries Exeunt Scoena Quarta Enter Fenton Anne Page Shallow Slender Quickly Page Mist Page Fen. I see I cannot get thy Fathers loue Therefore no more turne me to him sweet Nan. Anne Alas how then Fen. Why thou must be thy selfe He doth obiect I am too great of birth And that my state being gall'd with my expence I seeke to heale it onely by his wealth Besides these other barres he layes before me My Riots past my wilde Societies And tels me 't is a thing impossible I should loue thee but as a property Anne May be he tels you true Fen. No heauen so speed me in my time to come Albeit I will confesse thy Fathers wealth Was the first motiue that I woo'd thee Anne Yet wooing thee I found thee of more valew Then stamps in Gold or summes in sealed baggesâ— And 't is the very riches of thy selfe That now I ayme at Anne Gentle M. Fenton Yet seeke my Fathers loue still seeke it sir If opportunity and humblest suite Cannot attaine it why then harke you hither Shal. Breake their talke Mistris Quickly My Kinsman shall speake for himselfe Slen. I le make a shaft or a bolt on 't slid t is but venturing Shal. Be not dismaid Slen. No she shall not dismay me I care not for that but that I am affeard Qui. Hark ye Master Slender would speake a word with you Anne I come to him This is my Fathers choice O what a world of vilde-ill-fauour'd faults Lookes handsome in three hundred pounds a yeare Qui And how do's god Master Fenton Pray you a word with you Shal. Shee 's comming to her Coz O boy thou hadst a father Slen. I had a father Mistris Anne my vncle can tel you good iests of him pray you Vncle tel Mistris Anne the iest how my Father stole two Geese out of a Pen good Vnckle Shal. Mistris Anne my Cozen loues you Slen. I that I doe as well as I loue any woman in Glocestershire Shal He will maintaine you like a Gentlewoman Slen. I that I will come cut and long-taile vnder the degree of a Squire Shal. Hee will make you a handred and fiftie pounds ioynture Anne Good Master Shallow let him woe for himselfe Shal. Marry I thanke you for it I thanke you for that good comfort she cals you Coz I le leaue you Anne Now Master Slender Slen. Now good Mistris Anne Anne What is your will Slen. My will Odd's-hart-lings that 's a prettie iest indeed
I ne're made my Will yet I thanke Heauen I am not such a sickely creature I giue Heauen praise Anne I meane M. Sender what would you with me Slen. Truely for mine owne part I would little or nothing with you your father and vncle hath made motions if it be my lucke so if not happy man be his dole they can tell you how things goe better then I can you may your father heere he comes Page Now Master Slender Loue him daughter Anne Why how now What does Master Fenton here You wrong me Sir thus still to haunt my house I told you Sir my daughter is disposd of Fen. Nay Master Page be not impatient Mist Page Good Master Fenton come not to my child Page She is no match for you Fen. Sir will you heare me Page No good Master Fenton Come M. Shallow Come sonne Slender in Knowing my minde vou wrong me M. Fenton Qui. Speake to Mistris Page Fen. Good Mistris Page for that I loue your daughter In such a righteous fashion as I do Perforce against all checkes rebukes and manners I must aduance the colours or my loue And not retire Let me haue your good will Anne Good mother do not marry me to yond foole Mist Page I meane it not I seeke you a better husband Qu. That 's my master Master Doctor Anne Alas I had rather be set quicki'th earth And bowl'd to death with Turnips Mist Page Come trouble not your selfe good Master Fenton I will not be your friend nor enemy My daughter will I question how she loues you And as I finde her so am I affected Till then farewill Sir she must needs go in Her father will be angry Fen Farewell gentle Mistris farewell Nan. Qu. This is my doing now Nay saine I will you cast away your childe on a Foole and a Physitian Looke on Master Fenton this is my doing Fen. I thanke thee and I pray thee once to night Giue my sweet Nan this Ring there 's for thy paines Qu. Now heauen send thee good fortune a kinde heart he hath a woman would run through fire and water for such a kinde heart But yet I would my Master had Mistris Anne or I would Master Slender had her or in sooth I would Master Fenton had her I will doe what I can for them all three for so I haue promised and I le be as good as my word but speciously for Master Fenton Well I must of another errand to Sir Iohn Falstaffe from my two Mistresses what a beast am I to slacke it Exeunt Scoena Quarta Enter Falstaffe Bardolfe Quickly Ford. Fal. Bardolfe I say Bar. Heere Sir Fal. Go fetch me a quart of Sacke put a tost in 't Haue I liu'd to be carried in a Basket like a barrow of butchers Offall and to be throwne in the Thames Wel if I be seru'd such another tricke I le haue my braines ' tane out and butter'd and giuen them to a dogge for a New-yeares gift The rogues slighted mee into the Riuer with as little remorse as they would haue drown'de ablinde bitches Puppies fifteene i' th litter and you may know by my size that I haue a kinde of alacrity in sinking if the bottome were as deepe as hell I should downe I had beene drown'd but that the shore was sheluy and shallow a death that I abhorre for the water swelles a man and what a thing should I haue beene when I had beene swel'd I should haue beene a Mountaine of Mummie Bar. Here 's M. Quickly Sir to speake with you Fal. Come let me poure in some Sacke to the Thames water for my bellies as cold as if I had swallow'd snow-bals for pilles to coole the reines Call her in Bar. Come in woman Qui. By your leaue I cry you mercy Giue your worship good morrow Fal. Take away these Challices Go brew me a pottle of Sacke finely Bard. With Egges Sir Fal. Simple of it selfe I le no Pullet-Spersme in my brewage How now Qui. Marry Sir I come to your worship from M. Ford. Fal. Mis Ford I haue had Ford enough I was thrown into the Ford I haue my belly full of Ford. Qui. Alas the day good-heart that was not her fault she do's so take on with her men they mistooke their promise erection Fal. So did I mine to build vpon a foolish Womans Qui. Well she laments Sir for it that it would yern your heart to see it her husband goes this morning a birding she desires you once more to come to her betweene eight and nine I must carry her word quickely she 'll make you amends I warrant you Fal. Well I will visit her tell her so and bidde her thinke what a man is Let her consider his frailety and then iudge of my merit Qui. I will tell her Fal. Do so Betweene nine and ten saist thou Qui. Eight and nine Sir Fal. Well be gone I will not misse her Qu. Peace be with you Sir Fal. I meruaile I heare not of Master Broome he sent me word to stay within I like his money well Oh heere he comes Ford. Blesse you Sir Fal. Now M. Broome you come to know What hath past betweene me and Fords wife Ford. That indeed Sir Iohn is my businesse Fal M. Broome I will not lye to you I was at her house the houre she appointed me Ford. And sped you Sir Fal. Very ill fauouredly M. Broome Ford. How so sir did she change her determination Fal. No M. Broome but the peaking Curnuio her husband M. Broome dwelling in a continnall larum of ielousie comes me in the instant of our encounter after wee had embrast kist protested and as it were spoke the prologue of our Comedy and at his heeles a rabble of his companions thither prouoked and instigated by his distemper and forsooth to search his house for his wiues Loue. Ford. What While you were there Fal. While I was there Ford. And did he search for you and could not find you Fal. You shall heare As good lucke would haue it comes in one Mist Page giues intelligence of Fords approach and in her inuention and Fords wiues distraction they conuey'd me into a bucke-basket Ford. A Buck-basket Fal. Yes a Buck-basket ram'd mee in with foule Shirts and Smockes Socks foule Stockings greasie Napkins that Master Broome there was the rankest compound of villanous smell that euer offended nostrill Ford. And how long lay you there Fal. Nay you shall heare Master Broome what I haue suffered to bring this woman to euill for your good Being thus cram'd in the Basket â— couple of Fords knaues his Hindes were cald forth by their Mistris to carry mee in the name of foule Cloathes to Datchet lane they tooke mee on their shoulders met the iealous knaue their Master in the doore who asked them once or twice what they had in their Basket I quak'd for feare lest the Lunatique Knaue would haue search'd it but Fate ordaining hee should bee a Cuckold held