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A57017 Pantagruel's prognostication certain, true, and infallible for the year everlasting / newly composed ... by Mr. Alcofribas, sewer in chief to Pantagruel ; set forth long since by that famous well-wisher to the mathematicks and doctor in physick, Francis Rabelais ; done in the way and by the tables of that astrologer of the first magnitude, in the Brittish hemisphere, Anglicus ; and now of late translated out of French by Democritus Pseudomantis.; Pantagruéline prognostication. English Rabelais, François, ca. 1490-1553?; Anglicus.; Democritus Pseudomantis. 1660 (1660) Wing R106; ESTC R4645 10,753 44

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Pantagruel's Prognostication Certain true and infallible for the Year everlasting Newly composed for the benefit and instruction of hair-brain'd and idle Fellowes by Mr. ALCOFRIBAS Sewer in chief to PANTAGRUEL Set forth long since by that famous well-wisher to the Mathematicks and Doctor in Physick FRANCIS RABELAIS Done in the way and by the Tables of that Astrologer of the First Magnitude in the Brittish Hemisphear ANGLICUS And now of late translated out of French by DEMOCRITUS PSEUDOMANTIS LONDON THE DEDICATION TO Mr William Lilly Learned Sir I Here present thee with an ancient famous Wit of France which yet is not much exalted above the Meridian of thine But in comparison of whom all those Dotards of old Zoroastres of the Bactrians and Orpheus of the Thracians and Pythagoras of the Samians and Numa of the Romans and Democritus of the Abderites and Agrippa of the Germans and Merline of the VVelch and Nostradamus of the French and Roger Bacon Bungey Lamb and I know not how many more of the English were but heavy and dull Impostors He is such a pleasant Astrologer And thou resemblest him in this that although thou art not altogether so good a Droll yet every man when he reads thee has a kind of tentation to laughter And yet thou for thy part seemest so grave and serious that thou wilt easily pardon the Translator of this having thy selfe so usefully rendred his jest into good earnest and I know not perfectly whether he were thy Originall or but an imperfect Type or faint representation of thee a greater Prophet to come Thou hast all along his Style Figures and Policy and all but the profession of Drollery Thou knowest as well how to wrap thy deceits in a cloud of generalities that they may not lye open to discovery or reprehension Do but look upon thy Ephemerides and thou canst tell us very gravely that some body or other shal dy next month and as plainly forseest the fall of some great man in August as we mortalls the dropping of a Pomwater in Autumn In fine thy Prophecies are as sure as Death for Those as This are in themselves certaine but the Time Place Manner and Persons and such petty circumstances altogether uncertain Thou canst like him Prophesie of things past or present but it will be thy wisdome to be more sparing in future Contingencies which depend on the will of Man and though Heaven look upon us with a thousand Eyes yet it is thought not to be able to peepe into mens private Clossets and lesse into the Cabinet of their Hearts or to discover the little Thefts of a silver Spoon or Tankard but such as thou imploiest thy Nimble Mercuries to steal 'T is true There may be an unhappy guesse at these events but 't is a Casting winter or summer Crosse or Pile on which side to be mistaken a meere Handy Dandy Even or Odd which is the right 'T is to venture thy discretion at Passage or Most in three throwes in hope thou mayest have the good luck to speak truth Our noble Scholler tells thee a measur'd verity when he gives the reason these bold predictions find so much Credit among us It is because we observe when they hit and not when they misse and their Faults like those of Physitians are hid under ground when their Cures live above it The Candles vowed to the shrine of the Saint that preserved the Passengers from a storm are to be seen in their Chappells but they who were wrackt in the sea had no such Monuments Nor is the same truth more unhandsomly exprest by the wisest Historian our Nation hath brought forth That Prognostications of this kind are as seed scattered in the vast Field of Time 't is extreme ill hap if none of them take Sure I am Thine are thick sown how thin soever they come up If it were not so what need our Princes allow such excessive Pensions to maintaine honorable Spyes and receive advices from abroad when thou an universall Agent who lyest lieger for the sphears and art confederate with Heaven canst more cheaply preserve intelligence above when every Beam of the Sun is a letter and each Mote in it a Character for thee to uncypher and read over all the dispatches of Fate And hence I believe arises the angry contest between thee and the Ignorant sawcy Divines who pretend to understand a Heaven above Thine They take a bare word which some hold to be but a weak security and believe upon Parole but thou wilt have Gods hand and deed sealed and delivered to thy Faith in a legible and shining Text There are that take thee to be not only a discoverer but a cause of those Effects thou fortellest As the young Nostradamus set the City of Pouslin on fire which he Prophesied should be burnt And Cardan that bespake the time of his owne death would dy a volunteer at that time to keep his word Yet some Malicious persons suspect thee to deal not so much in Galileus his Tubes as thy Magicall looking glasse thy Speculum Trinitatis upon Earth wherein to take the height of a match between two starrs when they shall meet in Cottu and enter into the signe of Scorpio Others take thee to be a right Courtier of Heaven that ever keepest in with the Lord Ascendant If Saturn be deposed quit him for a leaden melancholy Planet and turn thee to Jupiter in his stead Truly it is not unbecomming that he who studies the measure of Time should serve it As for the Country it contends for thee as the seven Cities for thy fellow Poet Homer Essex pretends to thee by reason the Sun thy Prince rises from thence And Surrey because though it be barren and dry as thy language yet it is mistresse of a clear Ayre such as that of Assyria where thy Brethren the Chaldeans first practis'd And in Middlesex though most of the Native Gentlemen have somewhat of the incivility and rudenesse of Clownes and the eminent Clownes somewhat of the riches and pride of the Gentlemen yet both are content and humble themselves and purchase thee at the dear expence of a Teston Onely they complain thou art too negligent of the serious affaires of thy lovers and would read thee oftener then they carry their Bible to Church If thou wouldst quit this busy trade of Policy which they think not so proper deal a little more in their beloved Husbandry They look upon every page of the Month to find Cloudy Dark somewhat Cold Thunder-like Inclining to rain or what like an Oracle never fails Variable wether They expect to heare from thee under what Signe it is safest to cut their Cocks or their Pigs when to plough or sow when to plant or graft Trees or inoculate their Vines with the likeliest hope of fruit They itch to be instructed when are the Quarterly or Monthly Tearms what is the wide difference betwixt St. Lucies might and St. Barnabyes and the effects of
a showry St. Swethins or a shiny Candlemas When a deare year is a comming for Sordido to hoard up his Corn And the Epicure longs to know from thee when Oysters are fullest and fattest and the very minute and second when Venson or Lobsters goe out of season If thou didst but intertaine them with these usefull discourses they sweare to do nothing without thee Not to eat or drink without thy licence Not to goe to stoole unlesse Mercury be Retrograde Nor to a Conventicle but by star light Nor to Court without enquiry if Jupiter be stirring The goodwif would not sow her Leeks or Onyons but under an Egyptian constellation Nor keep a milch Cow without thy Heavenly Bull Nor expect her butter to come unlesse by thy charming Their Petitions seem to me very reasonable to which they add It would doe well if thou leave not out the Effigies of the Man that is stabd through all the twelve Signes but place it in the room of thy Picture and such wholsome advices in rhyme as Flee Bathes and Venery Drink wine but sparingly and the like These were atcheivements fit for thy Learned adventures These things they understand and I am afraid thy self does No more But they are perswaded that to cast the Nativity-water of a Nation and prescribe the Phlebotomy of War or purging of a Parlament City or Army is but to be a Celestial Quack a fortune-teller at large and a State-Mountebanck To conclude I should forget the Nature of an Almanack did I not a little fringe it over with verses And therefore I presume herewithall to send you an ancient Prophesy made in Henry the 8 his time by a Poet Laureat John Skelton who though he were as merry a Madcap as the Doctor and his verses appeare like that play at Crambo and that he run a poor rhyme out of breath till it pant and expire or hurry it on with such a strong gale til it touch upon the Coast of Nonsense yet perhaps between his fits of talking idly he hath some lucid Intervalls of shrewd and poinant expressions Read him here as a Prediction of our Rablais in Type but in Truth of thee to whom all the world subscribes as I do my selfe Thine Idolater as thou art the Stars Democritus Pseudomantis Skelton upon Rabelais O VVilliam Lilly Thou Conqueror Billy So subtle and wily That art not so silly As the Fole of a Filly To take a cold Gelly On the ground that we see lie For a grave fixt Star That shines from afar And moves regular Yet asquint doth appear And to steal a look fear If William be near He knowes when they joyne In Quartile or Trine Or in the sixth Line And in every Mine On Will they do shine He 's their Chaplain in fine And houshold Divine Sans prair's Fumes or Unctions Or magique injunctions That cause our compunctions For the best of his functions Is to pimp for Conjunctions He knowes every season H' as a politick reason Why the Beans or the Peason Be cheap or be geason He knowes to diseise one Prince fatter to grease one For the Stars speak no treason The Planets all seven Houses one and eleven To him rent-free are given Plots on earth he makes even And puts 'em upon heaven For better a great deal Sage Thales might tell The Stars in the Well When musing he fell Then the pit deep as Hell By the Stars to reveal To him the Swedes faine To be bound for his pain And to bind him again They send a gold-chain Then woe be to Spain If Will say No rain So I do not intrench man To lend thee this Frenchman He once lov'd a Wenchman Well as any oth'Benchman Then come do not flinch man And bate not an inch man For though a Physitian He was no Magitian But a Mathematician That made inquisition Of Natures condition In a doubtfull position And thou art much such a one Him well you may trust He 's a Troth-teller just And ne're for his lust Found Venus combust Nor to leap at a crust Th' Ascendant untrust Nor swore he by Ods digger E're thought to grow bigger By casting a Figure Or lying in leagure Saw the Stars dance a jig here But this a fair bliss is A cunning man guesses As sage as Ulysses What the Serpent hisses Or whom Virgo kisses Or when the Moon pisses You cast the skie's water And find where they faulter Or else you but palter But Jack of Horologers Ape of Amphibologers And friend of Philologers And Bat of Tautologers Buffone of Bomolochers And cream of Chronologers Whom all Etymologers Call the Flower of Astrologers Per me Johannem Skeltonum Poetam Laureatum To the courteous READER Heal●h and Peace in JESUS CHRIST TAking into Consideration the infinite abuses that are occasion'd by a number of Louvain Prognostications made over a glasse of wine I have here now Calculated the most certaine and true One that ever was seen as Experience will demonstrate to you For without doubt considering that which the Royall Prophet sayes in the fifth Psalm Thou shalt destroy all them that speak lies 'T is no small sin to lye knowingly and abuse the poor world that is curious and inquisitive after Newes as the French nation have been in all ages as Casar writes in his Commentaries and John de Gravot in his Gallick Mythology and which we likewise see every day in France where the first discourse that is held to people newly arrived is what newes Do you know nothing that is New what is the talke what do they discourse of abroad And so earnest and attentive they are that they oftentimes are angry which those that come from other Countries and strange places without bringing their budget full of Newes calling them Fools and Idiots So that As they are ready to enquire Newes they do likewise easily believe what is told them Were it not a good deed to entertaine some persons worthy of beliefe and place them at the Entrance of the Country onely to examine the Newes that is brought whether it be true or no Yes Certainly And thus did my Good Master Pantagruel throughout the Countries of Vtopia and Dipsodia And so successefull it hath been to him and his territories have so prospered that they have more Wine then they know how to drink and they are faine to throw it away if good Drinkers and Merry boyes come not from other places to help them Being desirous then to satisfie the Curiosity of all good fellowes I have rounded all the heavens Calculated the squares of the Moon pick'd out and discovered all that the Astrophils Hypernephelists Anemophylaces Uranopetes and Obrophores ever thought of and conferred with Empedocles concerning it who remembers himselfe to you And all the Tu Autems I have here digested into a few Chapters assuring you that I speak nothing of it but what I think and think nothing of it but what is And nothing else of it is true but what