the servants had supped and then called them in to family duties together with singing of a Psalm after the same were ended and she discoursed sometime with the Lady her Mother she would go to her chamber where she would walk for some time and so to her closet where then she spent much time so long as at the soonest it would be one of the clock before she went to bed oftentimes would she be up till one of the clock in the morning and manytimes the Belman would cry in the streets two a clock in the morning and she no more then a bed and not a sleep asking her maid if that were the Belman I verily believe there was no shop keeper more diligent in keeping his shop then she her closet O what a trade did she drive for heaven she was one that made Religion her businesse indeed Upon the Lords dayes she would be up somewhat earlier then on other dayes though later up on the Saturday nights and if in London in the summertime she would go to the morning Sermons at seven of the clock if the weather were good and then to the rest She was full of heaven in all her discourses on the Lords dayes she was one as in Isa 58.13 that did turn away her foot from the Sabbath from doing her pleasure on Gods holy day and called the sabbath a delight the holy of the Lord honourable honouring him not doing her own waies not finding her own pleasure nor speaking her own words all her discourse at table dinner and supper and every where those dayes should be heavenly and speaking of what was taught those dayes not a word would come from her unsuitable to the day I verily believe if one had been set to watch her all those days long he should not have trapp'd her in one word unsuitable to the day if any thing had displeased her she would not have been displeased on those dayes On Lords-dayes-nights when she was come from Church and undressing her self her children gave her an account of what they had heard at Church and what such had read as stay'd at home and could not go and those of her children she could not hear then she would call to account while the servants were at supper and afterward the family to duty and repeated amongst them what she had written at Church those dayes This last year she caused her eldest daughter Mrs. Frances Scot to repeat in the family being able also to write After repetition a Psalm they sung and then she her self prayed in which duty as she was heavenly so longer then other nights the Lord did not onely give her the grace and spirit of prayer but also a great gift in prayer And as she was one of great gifts and parts so very humble her parts did no way puff her up or cause her to go out of her sphere in the least one of her Chaplaines did much urge her in the Country where she commonly had one in her house to hear her pray but at no hand would she do it this by the way After duty done in the family she went againe to her chamber and so to her closet would be there somewhat longer then other nights and take her bed-time the monday mornings indeed it would be morning before she went to bed Her usuall Lecture dayes at London every week were Tuesday's at Clements Wednesdays Mr. Jenkins at Black-Friars in the forenoon and if she could have time in the afternoon Mr. Calamy's at Aldermanbury before Mr. Jenkins Lecture was at Black-Friars she was constantly at Aldermanbury Thursdayes at Dunstones in Fleetstreet to hear Mr. Manton or at Mr. Case's Lecture at Martines in the fields and Saturdayes at Gregories in the afternoons besides the morning exercises when they were neer VI. As she did lay out her self and time in the service of God so also the greatest part of her estate laying up little here her layings out were more then her layings up she was heaping up her treasures in heaven where neither moth nor rust consume nor thief break through and steal how did she scatter her benevolence every day and so as her left hand knew not what her right hand did Much money did she cast into the poors bason at Fasts and at those fasts once a moneth at the morning exercise the keeping of which she omitted not though many times not well at other private fasts she gave very much there was seldome a week in the winter time but she was called to a private fast for particular persons in some great affliction many weeks she hath bin known to have been twice a week at those extraordinary dutys to the performance of which she would be sure to make all ordinary businesses and visits of friends give place some weeks it hath bin known she hath bin at 3 fasts a week at which fasts she gave the more knowing it would be given to the godly poor and being winter time and the harder with them which scatterings would arise to no small summe in a year if they could be known how much they were Sometimes it hath bin observed and sometimes could not at the least it hath been observed to have bin 2 shillings a time at the more private fasts she would give more In her going to those fasts if she thought the farness of the way would weaken her strength which she kept for the dutys she would send for a Coach at nights if fair she would often come home on foot both for her healths sake and to give the more to the poor saying many might think she went on foot out of covetousnesse but they would be much mistaken and when she came home from those fasts what shift would she make to steal up to her chamber by the door of the room where such as came to visit were that she might not be detained from her closet duty 's But to return to her charity every day how did she scatter her bounty among the poor not to such as made a trade of begging though they used never so moving expressions knowing they were prophane and would take no other course of life from such she would receive many a hard word when they saw her give to others and not to them and her servant hath been fain to defend her sometimes from their affronting her by not giving her way enough to passe Now as she walked London streets she would carefully observe if she could see any poor old people whom she would call to her or command her servant to go and call them to her and would ask them if they were very poor and if they were carefull to serve God and did go to Church and what hopes they had to be saved to which they would answer as they were able and some would say I blesse God Mistresse I am not so poor but the Lord doth provide for me that I am not driven to beg nor extreamly want to whom she
and was rich in the knowledge of the Mysteries of Christ One that the Lord did much councell and direct in all her waies and kept her in all her straights and redeemed her with great deliverances her extremity often was Gods opportunity One that was raised up and elevated in his service fulfilling all his wils Great Saints have sometimes sore assaults from Satan as she had sometimes buffetings with Paul 2 Cor. 12.7 haply least she might have been exalted above measure through the abundance of incomes Pirats set upon the richest ships and trees are most threshed that be fullest of fruit Christians high in comforts are low in acts of mortification and self-denial How often did she fast and afflict her soul before the Lord and was sensible of her failings Luke 2.37 She departed not from the Temple but served God with fastings and prayers night and day In all she did she went out of her self to the strength of Christ attributing all to him 1 Cor. 15.10 By the grace of God I am what I am and his grace bestowed upon me was not in vain but I laboured more abundantly then they all yet not I but the grace of God which was with me Gal. 2.20 I am crucified with Christ nevertheless I live yet not I but Christ liveth in me and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me 1 Tim. 1.15 Sinners of whom I am chief Trees with high tops have deep roots Such serve God truly that conscienciously serve him secretly Many days of fasts and seeking God weâ—e in secret by her self Mat. 6.6 When thou prayest enter into thy closet and when thou hast shut the door pray to thy father which seeth in secret And vers 16 17. When thou fastest be not as the hypocrites c. But so vers 18. as that thou appear not to men to fast but unto thy father which is in secret It is a happy thing to be related to them that are truly godly How did she pray for her husband and children Nature helps grace and grace acts for nature Rom. 9.2 3. I have great heavinesse and continuall sorrow in my heart and I could wish that my self were accursed from Christ for my brethren my kinsmen according to the flesh Rom. 10.1 Brethren my hearts desire and prayer to God for Israel is that they may be saved When we cannot serve God so well as we ought we should serve him as well as we can and not omit duties She was troubled for being so unprepared yet came to Sacraments and found God very graciously 2 Chron. 30.18 c. The good Lord pardon every one that prepareth his heart to seek God the Lord God of his fathers though he be not cleansed according to the purification of the Sanctuary and the Lord hearkened to Hezekiah an healed the people Cant. 6.12 c. I went down into the garden of nuts to see the fruits of the valley and to see whether the vine flourished and the pomegranates budded or ever I was aware my soul made me like the chariots of Aminadab It is good to come to God in Ordinances for particular mercies She made this and that her speciall errands and the Lord vouchsafed them unto her Job 22.28 Thou shalt also decree a thing and it shall be established unto thee Psal 37.4 Delight thy self also in the Lord and he shall give thee the desires of thy heart Mat. 21.22 and all things whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer believing ye shall receive 1 Sam. 1.27 For this child I prayed and the Lord hath given me my petition which I asked of him God oft cometh in seasonably to them that wait upon him in Ordinances as frequently to her in hearing with suitable and seâ—sonable words Isa 30.20 21. Thine eyes shall see thy teachers and thine ears shall hear a word behind thee saying this is the way walk ye in it when ye turn to the right hand and when ye turn to the left Prov. 8.34 Blessed is the man that heareth me watching daily at my gates waiting at the posts of my doors Great enjoyments of God in Ordinances should not take us from them or make us live above them but carry us the more to God in and by them Thus it was with her the more she received the more she waited upon God in them Psal 63.2 To see thy power and thy beauty as I have seen thee in the Sanctuary 2 Chron. 30.23 And the whole Assembly took councell to keep other seven days and they kept other seven days with gladnesse Sacraments are not only sealing but exhibiting Ordinances of more grace and comfort to believers she received much encrease from God in and by them Mat. 3.16 And Jesus when he was â—â—pâ—ized went up straightway out of the water and lo the heavens were opened unto him and the Spirit of God descended like a dove and lightâ—â— upon him Acts 8.39 The Euâ—â—â—â— after Baptisme went away rejoycing The bread and wine which are the signes in the Lords Supper are nourishing The incomes from God in Ordinances are very various sometimes one sometimes another sometimes more and sometimes lesse sometimes sooner sometimes later sometimes she haâ— meltings at the Sacraments sometimes resolutions to serve God against sin giving up her self to the Lord sometimes meekning of her spirit sometimes desires to come again sometimes great assurance and comforts sometimeâ— at the time sometimes afterward 1 Cor. 3.5 6. Who then is Pâ—â— â—nd who is Apollo but Ministers by whom ye believed even as the Lord gave to every man I have planted Apollo watered but God gâ—ve the increase Isa 56.7 I will make them joyfull in my house of prayer Act. 10.44 While Peter yet spake these words the holy Ghost fell on all them which heard the word 2 Chron. 1.6 Solomon offered a thousand burnt offerings vers 7. In that night did God appear unto Solomon When we have performed duties to the Lord we are to expect his answers She would wait for returns when she had been a seeking of him Psal 5.3 I will direct my prayer to thee and will look up Psal 85.8 I will hear what God the Lord will speak The Lord sometimes withdraweth from Ordinances that we should not rest in them but in himself 2 Cor. 1.9 We had the sentence of death in our selves that we should not trust in our selves but 〈◊〉 God which raised the dead This use she made thereof when she had not altogether these incomes A gracious heart is as mindful of mercys received to return praises and answerable walkings to God as to pray for mercies wanted Exod. 17.14 And the Lord said to Moses write this for a memoriall in a book Psal 103.2 Blesse the Lord O my soul and forget not all his benefits Psal 116.12 c. What shall I render unto the Lord for all his benefits towards me I will take the cup of
but Jesus Christ made my faith to fight against it but it was very sad and bitter to me and after I was buffeted God made me see the vilenesse of sinne and sinful thoughts and made me in his strength resolve against all sin and to hate it and to walk colsely with my God and chuse rather to offend all the world then commit the least sinne and to lose all and suffer all miseries rather then commit the least sin For God can make ones own heart and conscience a hell to one and ones bed and all ones comforts bitter as death And I desire to prize mercy and close walkings with God to lie down and rise up with him and to pitty others This precious experience and lesson God taught me by that affliction as by many other and drave sin and vain thoughts from me in some measure making Christ sweet and fulfilling his Word in Rom. 6.14 and Rom. 8.28 My God doth give me sweet experience of the growth of grace in my soul and all from the virtue of Christs blood Before this Sacrament my preparations were not so great as they should have been but my God did drive me from resting on any thing in my self and brought me to him without money and without price and gave me sweet assurance of the truth of the work of grace on my heart I love him because he loved me first and with his loving kindnesse did he draw me This Sabbath when I went to the Sacrament I saw my preparation small and my thoughts not so sweet as they should but my heart desiring the Lord to order my thoughts aright and act my graces in singing part of the 23 Psalm before morning Sermon God sweetly melted me in some measure with some teares of love and after did as it were sweetly take me by the hand set me down at his table and comfortably intimated it was my portion and so I sat under his shadow with great delight and his fruit was sweet unto my taste and God did act my faith to take Christ and pardon sanctification mortification in his bloud and sealed deliverance from temptations by his body broken and bloud shed and all the fruits thereof some effects I had afterward and the Word was sweet and I came home rejoycing and resolving to live and die to and for and with God giving my self for ever to him to live and move all in him and by him to rest upon his word and promise and expect to live by him according to it I desire to have such a day again to receive Christ I was many wayes failing all is free grace God doth all that is good in me for I am a hell by nature but I have found most precious vertue in the blood of Jesus Christ that it hath in some measure meekened my spirit and overcome wicked thoughts in me Next Sacrament I was failing in my preparation and acting of my graces and was troubled I had no more light of Gods countenance and my corrupt nature was apt to rise but God kept it down and afterward taught me these lessons by it 1. That sin was not so bitter to me nor so bitterly bewailed by me as it ought the more bitter sin is the sweeter is Christ 2. That God would have me prize Ordinances to enjoy Christ but not to rest upon them 3. That I should live by faith and not by sence yea though there be no sence 4. That Gods loving countenance is better then life and that God would have me depending and contented with whatsoever he will give O that I could learn and practise these lessons which were precious fruits of the Ordinances This Sacrament I was failing in my meditation examination and excitation and my dead heart much hindred me in the service of the living God but the Lord brought me to his table with some assurance it was my portion and I sat under his shadow and he acted my graces I desire to magnifie free grace and to expect strength from him to do it according to the Covenant sealed in his bloud This Sacrament I had some sweet actings of faith above sence and assurance that God was my father and his power and wisdom would order all things for my good This Sacrament though I did not mourn for my sins that did slay my Saviour nor act sacramentall repentance as I ought yet by faith I received Jesus Christ and came home with some comfort and had some softnesse of heart I had sweet expeâ—ience of my Gods answering my prayer in the very thing I desired This Sacrament though I did not receive so much of Christ as I desired yet I had some sweet effects of his blood in resolving in his strength not to give way to unbelief nor sin and desiring to come again to his Ordinance This day I was at a fast and God came sweetly in and melted my heart and made his promise good that they that wait on him shall renew their strength God sweetly answered my 〈…〉 mercy for one of my children This day I did receive Jesus Christ in the Sacrament and came home rejoycing and assured my sinnes were pardoned and that Christ could as well be pulled out of heaven as I pulled from Christ I renewed my Covenant I gave my self to my God for his service for ever This Sacrament I did receive Jesus Christ and sweet influence from him and I desire to honour him in all things for ever in my soul body estate will affections and all I and all I have are his and to be at his ruling in all things at all times These are fruits of Christs bloud I desire to bear about the world with me the dying of the Lord Jesus and to be crucified to the world by his crosse and to do and suffer for him and endeavour the good of others souls and I found my inward man much strengthened and sin weakned This Sacrament God gave me some resolutions but I had not much comfort This Sacrament I had sweet assurance that my sins should be destroyed I kept a fast day by my self to seek help from God in the great strait I was in for no power but his could help me out and deliver me The Lord did graciously assist me and afterward I kept a fast in private with others about it my heart was out of fraâ—e and very heâ—vy and perplexed but God came in and melted and made the duty very sweet and at night a sweet quiet and believing waiting frame came upon my spirit God answered my prayer sweetly and particularly That text in 1 Cor. 10.13 the Lord made good to me I resolved to keep a fast by my self and humble my soul before the Lord and poure out my complaint before him and seek strength from him God sweetly encouraging me with many Scriptures and melted my heart oft pouring it into his bosome and drew me out of my self into Jesus Christ Again I kept a fast by my self to seek
stand idle any time in the least measure though it were but a very little time She would not she said for a great deal spend so much time in dressing as many do knowing how to spend her time if she had more And saying I like this fashion well either in her apparrell or dressing that soonest could be put on and take up least time often charging her maid to get all things ready against she came to be dressed saying she could hardly afford her self time to be dressed yea in the winter evenings would she be long in her closet She was a diligent reader of the Scripture privately by her self every day She kept many dayes of fasts secretly by her self upon many occasions and for her children And those dayes would she set apart for the said fasts upon which there were some great shews or sights to be seen in the City as twice she did upon a Lord Mayors day the occasion of her fasts falling out on those times of the year making choice of those dayes rather then others because of the vanity of the seasons and prophannesse in the City by surfeiting and drunkennesse more then at other times And how full of heaven would she come out of her fasts How heavenly would she pray in the family those nights How fervently how broken hearted in confessions How heavenlized was she in so much that the next day she hath wished she could live without eating or sleeping to spend that time upon the immediate service of God such enjoyments of him did she find therein III. As she was much in holy duties publick and private so she was exceeding carefull to perform every duty in its season that one should not justle out another her private performances should not hinder her publick attendances and her publick service should not infringe her private and very diligent she was in not omitting the least duty God did give her that spirituall art of redeeming and improving time above thousands of Christians Her publick performances though many did not abate her one minute of her private IV. As she was carefull in performing all those duties that concerned her self so also those concerning her family resolving with Joshua that she and hers would serve the Lord. As soon as her children came to any understanding she made them learn the Catechismes first Mr. Wilsons and Mr. Bal's Catechismes and from the year 1653. the Assemblies lesser Catechisme and God did so blesse her endeavours that when her children were very young yet could they soon give her an account of their whole Catechisme without book and as soon as any of them could read she caused them diligently to read and would exercise their memories by calling them to an account of what they could remember of that they had read in the Bible or other good Books and of what they had heard when they had been at Church and it was wonderful to hear what a large account they would give of what they remembred Surely God did much blesse her prayers for them else I know not how possibly they could do so She would make all children pray privately by themselves before they went to bed and in the mornings when they did rise Also she would instruct in repetitions of what they could remember what had bin preach'd telling them oft they must give account to God of their time and what they had read and heard exhorting them to walk in the waies of God when she should not be by seting before them the good to be found in Gods service and the miseries that would fall on them if they walked not in his waies She would not keep any servant that was prophanely wicked saying she would not have such if they would give her their service she would have no servant of an erroneous opinion I have heard her severall times say she would rather have those that were prophane then such because there is little hope of convincing the erroneous but more hope to convince the prophane she was very willing her servants should go to Lectures and to the fasts at the end of the morning exercises which were once a moneth she would afford them time and encourage them to go to them and if she had a servant that could not read she would cause her children to teach such and her self also would do it as she could spare time to encourage them and buy books for them V. I shall give an account of the method of her duties and every dayes work First in the morning as she did rise before she was off her bed she made her children give her an account at her beds side of their Catechismes in course one one morning and another another when they were so large in their accounts as she could hear but one a time when she was off her bed she went to her closet for some time then afterward she had refreshed her self with something she would perform family duties with the family when she had no Chaplaine in reading something of the Word and prayer Then she would use some little exercise she could find best for her health which should not be long and so to her closet again reading the Scripture by herself and spending the rest of the forenoon unlesse some great occasions called her off till about eleven a clock when she came out and while she was making up her own bed which she did every day except the Lords days for her exercise she would cause her children to read the Scriptures one one morning and another another and as they read she would ask them what they understood by such a place instructing them as they read if a place where some judgements were denounced against sin or a sinner she would say see what cause you have not to sin and what you must look for if you do so exhorting them from every such place By that time she had done and was dressed it was well nigh dinner time in the winter time she loved not to come out of her chamber before dinner was at table because the forenoons were so short unlesse some businesse more then ordinary had called her away In summer time sometimes she would walk a little before dinner in Lincolns-Inne-fields and twenty to one if she had not found an object of charity to scatter her benevolence upon before she came in again after dinner after some little space to her closet again where she was sometimes longer and sometimes shorter as her occasions would permit if that afternoon she went to a Lecture or to visit friends she would be sure to go into her closet before she went out of doors and when she came home to her closet again for some time then when she was undressed and in her night garments that was the time of her meditation when she would walk sometimes an hour or untill it drew neer to suppertime and so to her closet againe till supper was ready after supper she would walk again till