sight of our God whiles we have Christ put on upon us What ever therefore become of the outward man let it be my care that my soul be vested with my Lord Jesus so shall I be sure to be safe rich amiable here and hereafter glorious It was part of our Saviours charge upon the mount Take no care what to put on but it must be the main care of our lives how to put on Christ upon our souls This is the prime stole wherewith the father of the Prodigal graceth his returned son the heaven of heavens is not worth such another when I have once got this on my back I shall say though in a contrary sense with the Spouse in the Canticles I have put on my coat how shall I put it off I have washed my feet how shall I defile them XIIII With how devout passion doth the Psalmist call to all the works of the Almighty to praise him as well supposing that every creature even those that have no tongues to speak for themselves yet have a tongue to praise their Maker The heavens declare the glory of God and the firmament sheweth his handy work Day unto day uttereth speech and night unto night sheweth knowledg There is no speech nor language where their voyce is not heard neither is the very earth defective in this duty Every plant sayes look on me and acknowledg the life colour form smell fruit force that I have from the power of my Creator every worm and flie sayes look on me and give God the praise of my living sense and motion every bird sayes hear me and praise that God who hath given me these various feathers and taught me these several notes every beast whiles he bellows bleats brays barks roars sayes It is God that hath given me this shape this sound yea the very mute fishes are in their very silence vocal in magnifying the infinite wisdom and power of him that made them and placed them in those watery habitations Let every thing that hath breath saith the Psalmist praise the Lord. Yea the very winds whistle and the sea roars out the praise of the Almighty who both raises and allays them at pleasure what a shame were it for man to whom alone God hath given an understanding heart a nimble tongue and articulate language wherein he can express his rational thoughts to be wanting to this so universal devotion and to be as insensible of the great works of God as the ground that he treads upon If others shall be thus unthankfully dumb Yet praise thou the Lord O my soul and all that is within me bless his holy name whiles I live will I praise the Lord I will sing praises to my God whilest I have any being But alas Lord thou knowest I cannot so much as will to praise thee without thee do thou fill my heart with holy desires and my mouth with songs of thanksgiving XV. It may seem a strange errand upon which our Saviour tells us he came into the world I am come to send fire on the earth When the two fervent Disciples would have had fire sent down from Heaven upon but a Samaritan Village our Saviour rebuked them and told them they knew not of what spirit they were yet here he makes it his own business to send fire on the earth Alas may we think we have fire too much already how happy were it rather if the fire which is kindled in the world were well quenched and what is the main drift of the Prince of darkness but fire If not to send fire down from Heaven upon the inhabitants of the earth yet to send the inhabitants of the earth down to the fire of hell As then we finde divers kindes of material fire Celestial Elementary Domestique Artificial Natural so there is no less variety of spiritual fires It was in fiery cloven tongues wherein the Holy Ghost descended upon the Apostles in their Pentecost and even this fire did our Saviour come to send down on the earth Thy word was in mee as fire saith the Prophet and did not our harts burn within us said the two Disciples in their walk to Emaus whiles he talked with us This fire he also came to send Heavenly Love and holy Zeal are fire Many waters cannot quench love My zeal hath consumed me saith the Psalmist and these fires our Saviour came to send into the hearts of men holy thoughts are no other then the beams of celestial fire My heart was hot within me whiles I was musing the fire burned and these we know he sends He maketh his Angels spirits and his ministers a flame of fire These he sends forth to the earth to minister for them that shall be heirs of of salvation Besides these afflictions and persecutions are fire We have passed through fire and water Beloved think it not strange concerning the fiery tryal which is to try you as if some strange thing had happened to you and even these are of his sending The Lord hath kindled a fire in Zion and it hath devoured the foundations thereof There is no evil in the city but the Lord hath done it The Lord hath done that which he had devised he hath thrown down and not pitied But this expression of our Saviour goes yet deeper and alludes to the effect of Separation which follows upon the fire of our tryal When the lump of Oar is put into the furnace the fire tryes the pure mettal from the dross and makes an actual division of the one from the other so doth Christ by his Word and Spirit even he that is the Prince and God of Peace comes to set division in the world Surely there are holy quarrels worthy of his engagement for as the flesh lusteth and warreth against the spirit so the spirit fighteth against the flesh and this duel may well beseem God for the Author and the Son of God for the setter of it these second blows make an happy fray Nothing is more properly compared then discord to fire this Christ the first thing he does sets in every heart there is all quietness secure ease and self-contentment in the soul till Christ come there How should it be other when Satan sways all without resistance but when once Christ offers to enter there are straight civil wars in the soul betwixt the old man and the new and it fares with the heart as with an house divided in it self wherein the husband and the wife are at variance nothing is to be heard but unquiet janglings open brawlings secret opposition the houshold takes part and professes a mutual vexation This Spiritual self-division where ever it is though it be troublesom yet it is cordial it puts the soul into the state of Rebeccaâ—s womb which barren yielded no pain but when an Esau and Jacob were conceived and strugling within yielded for the time no ease
beneficial a thing is affliction especially to some dispositions more then other I see some trees that will not thrive unless their roots be laid bare unless besides pruning their bodies be gashed and sliced others that are too luxuriant except divers of their blossoms be seasonably pulld off yield nothing I see too rank corn if it be not timely eaten down may yield something to the barn but little to the granary I see some full bodies that can enjoy no health without strong evacuations blood-lettings fontinels such is the condition of our spiritual part It is a rare soul that can be kept in any constant order without these smarting remedies I confess mine cannot How wilde had I run if the rod had not been over me Every man can say he thanks God for ease for me I bless God for my troubles XXII When I consider what an insensible Atome man is in comparison of the whole body of the Earth and what a meer Center-point the Earth is in comparison of the vast circumference of Heaven and what an almost-infinite distance there is betwixt this point of Earth and that large circle of the Firmament and therewithal think of the innumerable number and immense greatness of those heavenly Luminaries I cannot but apprehend how improbable it is that those Stars should at such a distance distinguish betwixt one man and another betwixt one limb of the same body and another betwixt one spot of Earth and another and in so great a mixture and confusion of influences should give any distinct intimation of particular events in nature and much more of meer contingencies of arbitrary affairs As for the Moon by reason of her vicinity to the Earth and sensible predominance over moysture and for the Sun the great magazin of Light and Heat I acknowledg their powerful but unpartial operations upon this whole globe of Earth and Waters and every part of it not without just wonder and astonishment the other Stars may have their several vertues and effects but their marvelous remoteness and my undiscernable nothingness may seem to forbid any certain intelligence of their distinct workings upon me But whether these glorious Lights give or take any notice of such an imperceptible mite as I sure I am there is great reason I should take notice of them of their beauteous lustre of their wonderful magnitude of their regular motion and be transported with admiration of that omnipotent power wisdom providence which created this goodly and mighty host of Heaven and guides them in their constant march without the least deviation from their first setting out to the last moment of their final conflagration O the narrowness of my wretched heart that affords not room enough for wonder at that which I cannot but see XXIII It becomes not us to be niggardly where our Saviour intends bounty How glad should we be rather to ampliate the benefit of the great Work of our Redeemer but surely I cannot see upon what warrant that favor is grounded that enlargeth the fruit of Christs redemption to the Angels the good needed it not the evil were not capable of it onely mankinde was captiv'd and redeemable by that invaluable ransom Doubtless those blessed Spirits have their part in the joy and gratulation of the infinite mercy of our deliverance for if they rejoyce at the conversion of one sinner what triumph do we think there is in Heaven at the Universal Redemption of all beleevers The propriety of this favor hath reason to ingage us so much the more Lord thy mercy is free and boundless thou wouldst pass by the lapsed Angels and leave them in their sin and their chains and onely rescue miserable man out of their Hell O for an heart that might be in some measure answerable to so infinite mercy and that might be no less captiv'd to thy love then it is freed by thy Redemption XXIIII Men do commonly wrong themselves with a groundless expectation of good fore-promising to themselves all fair terms in their proceedings and all happy success in the issue boding nothing to themselves but what they wish even the man after Gods own heart could say In my prosperity I said tush I shall never be removed wherein their misreckoning makes their disappointment so much the more grievous Had not David made such account of the strength and stability of his Mountain it could not have so much troubled him to have it levell'd with the Plain on the contrary the evils which we look for fall so much the less heavily by how much we are fore-prepared for their entertainment what ever by-accidents I may meet withal besides I have two fixed matches that I must inevitably incounter with Age and Death the one is attended with many inconveniences the other with much horror let me not flatter my self with hopes of jollity and ease My comforts for Heaven shall I trust never fail me but for the present world it shall be well for me if I can without too much difficulty scramble out of the necessary miseries of life and without too much sorrow crawl to my grave XXV Heaven hath many tongues that talk of it more eyes to behold it but few hearts that rightly affect it Ask any Christian especially whom ye shall meet with he will tell you thither he shapes his course there he hath pitcht his hopes and would think himself highly wronged by that man who should make doubt of either his interest or speed But if we shall cast our eyes upon the lives of men or they reflect their eyes upon their own bosomes the hypocrisie will too palpably discover it self for surely which way so ever the faces look the hands and feet of the most men move hell-ward If malice fraud cruelty oppression injustice excess uncleanness pride contention covetousness lyes heresies blasphemies disobedience be the way thither wo is me how many walk in that wide and open road to destruction but even there where the heart pretends to innocence let a man strictly examine his own affections he shall finde them so deeply earthed that he shall be forced to confess his claim to Heaven is but fashionable Ask thy self but this one question O man whatsoever thou art ask it seriously Might I this very hour go to Heaven am I willing and desirous to make a present change of this life for a better and tell me sincerely what answer thou receivest from thine own heart Thy judgment cannot but tell thee that the place is a thousand times better that the condition would be infinitely advantageous to exchange baseness for glory misery for blessedness time for eternity a living death for a life immortal If thou do now fumble and shuffle and demur upon the resolution be convinced of thine own worldliness and infidelity and know that if thy heart had as much of Heaven as thy tongue thou couldst not but say with the chosen vessel I desire to depart hence and to be with Christ which is
yet this was that which caused her just joy That she had not so much children as nations in her womb even so the trouble of this inward conflict is abundantly requited with the joy of this assurance That now Christ is come into our soul and is working his own desired ends in and upon us Let vain and sensual hearts please themselves in their inward peace and calmness there cannot be a greater signe of gracelesness and disfavor of God When they shall say Peace Peace then shall come upon them sudden destruction The old word was No safety in War here it is contrary It is this intestine war of the heart with fire and sword to our corruptions that must bring us true rest for the present and hereafter eternal peace and happiness Now Lord since it is thy desire that this fire should be kindled kindle thou and enflame my heart with a fervent desire and endeavor that this thy desire may be accomplished in me Set me at war with my self that I may be at peace with thee XVI In all that we have to do with God he justly requires and expects from us an awful disposition of heart towards his infiniteness hereupon it was that he delivered his Law in thunder fire smoke and all dreadful magnificence And when upon the same day he would send down his Spirit for the propagation of the Gospel it was done with an astonishing Majesty with a sound from Heaven as of a rushing mighty wind and with the apparition of cloven and fiery tongues And as it was thus in the descent of the Holy Ghost in the miraculous gifts so it is in the sanctifying Graces Seldom ever doth God by them seize upon the heart but with a vehement concussion going before That of S t Pauls conversion was extraordinary and miraculous but in some degree it is thus in every soul We are struck down first and are made sensible of our spiritual blindness ere our full call be accomplished as it was with Elijah in the Mount of Horeb There came first a strong wind that tore the Rocks and Mountains and after that an earth-quake then a fire before the still small voyce so it is usually in our brests ere the comfortable voyce of Gods Spirit speak to our hearts there must be some blustrings and flashes of the Law It is our honor and his favor that we are allowed to love God it is our duty to fear him We may be too familiar in our love we cannot be too awful in our fear XVII All valuations of these outward things are arbitrary according to the opinion of their pleasure or their rarity or the necessity of their use Did not mens mindes set a price upon mettals what were they better then some other entrails of the earth or one better then other If by publike law the mint were ordained to be onely supplyed by our stanneries how currantly would they pass for more precious then silver mines To an Indian a bracelet of worthless Beads is estimated above his Gold an hungry Esau values a mess of pottage above his birth-right In the siege of Samaria an Asses head was sold for fourscore peeces of silver and a Kab of Doves dung for five peeces We have heard that those of Angola have valued a Dog at the price of many slaves In all these earthly commodities the market rises and falls according to conceit and occasion neither is there any intrinsecal and setled worth in any of them onely Spiritual things as Vertue and Grace are good in themselves and so carry their infinite value in them that they make their owner absolutely rich and happy When therefore I see a rich man hugging his bags and admiring his wealth I look upon that man with pity as knowing the poorness of that pelf wherein he placeth his felicity neither can I behold him with other eyes then those wherewith a discreet European sees a savage Indian priding himself in those trifles which our children have learned to contemn On the other side when I see a man rich in the endowments of minde well-fraught with knowledg eminent in goodness and truly gracious I shall rise up to that man how homely so ever his outside be as the most precious and excellent peece which this world can afford XVIII Should I but see an Angel I should look with Manoah to dye no other death then the sight of that glory and yet even that Angel is fain to hide his face as not able to behold the infinite Majesty of God his Creator When Moses did but talk with God in the Mount for fourty days his face did so shine that the Israelites could not look upon the lustre of his countenance even the very presence of the Divine Majesty not onely hath but communicates glory Lord that I could see but some glimpse of the reflection of those glorious beams of thine upon my soul how happy should I be in this vision whose next degree is perfectly beatifical XIX As good so evil is apt to be communicative of it self and this so much more as it meets with subjects more capable of evil then good the breath of a plague-sick man taints the air round about him yea the very sight of blear eyes infects the sound and one yawning mouth stretcheth many jaws How many have we known that have been innocent in their retiredness miserably debaucht with leud conversation Next to being good is to consort with the vertuous It is the most merciful improvement of an holy power to separate the precious from the vile it is the highest praise of a constant goodness for a Lot to be righteous in the midst of Sodom XX. We are all apt to put off the blame of our miscarriages from our selves Even in paradise we did so It was the woman saith Adam it was the Serpent saith the woman How have we heard fond gamesters cast the blame of their ill luck upon the standers by which intermedled nothing but by a silent eye-sight So the idolatrous Pagans of old though flagitiously wicked yet could impute their publike judgments to none but the Christians whose onely innocence was their protection from utter ruine So foolishly partial doth our self-love render us to our own demerits that all are guilty save our selves Yea rather then we will want shifts our very stars shall be blamed which are no more accessary to our harms then our eyes are to the Eclipses of their most eminent Lights As on the contrary we are ready to arrogate unto our selves those blessings which the meer bounty of Divine Providence hath cast upon us whereto we could not contribute so much as an hand to receive them but by the mercy of the giver It cannot be well with me till I have learned to correct this palpable injustice in both challenging to my self all my errors and guilt of sufferings and yielding to God the praise his own free and gracious beneficence XXI How profitable and
any calamity that may befal them in their estates children husbands wives friends so as they can say with Solomons drunkard They have stricken me and I was not sick they have beaten me but I felt it not These are dead flesh which do no more feel the knife then if it did not at all enter for whom some corrosives are necessary to make them capable of smart This disposition though it seem to carry a face of Fortitude and Patience yet is justly offensive and not a little injurious both to God and the soul To God whom it indeavors to frustrate of those holy ends which he proposeth to himself in our sufferings for wherefore doth he afflict us if he would not have us afflicted wherefore doth the father whip the childe but that he would have him smart and by smarting bettered he looks for cryes and tears and the childe that weeps not under the rod is held graceless To the soul whom it robs of the benefit of our suffering for what use can there be of patience where there is no sence of evil and how can patience have its perfect work where it is not Betwixt both these extreams if we would have our souls prosper a mid-disposition must be attained we must be so sensible of evils that we be not stupified with them and so reâ—olute under our crosses that we may be truly sensible of them not so brawned under the rod that we should not feel it nor yet so tender that we should over-feel it not more patient under the stripe then willing to kiss the hand that inflicts it LXIV God as he is one so he loves singleness and simplicity in the inward parts as therefore he hath been pleased to give us those sences double whereby we might let in for our selves as our eyes and ears and those limbs double whereby we might act for our selves as our hands and feet so those which he would appropriate to himself as our hearts for beleef and our tongue for confession he hath given us single neither did he ever ordain or can abide two hearts in a bosome two tongues in one mouth It is then the hateful stile which the Spirit of God gives to an hypocrite that he is double-minded In the language of Gods Spirit a fool hath no heart and a dissembler hath an heart and an heart and surely as a man that hath two heads is a monster in nature so he that hath two hearts is no less a spiritual monster to God For the holy and wise God hath made one for one One minde or soul for one body And if the regenerate man have two men in one the old man and the new yet it is so as that one is flesh the other spirit the minde then is not double but the law of the mind is opposed to the law of the flesh so as here are strivings in one heart not the sidings of two for surely the God of unity can neither indure multiplication nor division of hearts in one brest If then we have one heart for God another for Mammon we may be sure God will not own this latter how should he for he made it not Yea most justly will he disclaim both since that which he made was but one this double And as the wise man hath told us That God hates nothing which he hath made so may we truly say God hateth whatsoever he made not since what he made not is onely evil When I have done my best I shall have but a weak and a faulty heart but Lord let it be but a single one Search me O God and know my heart try me and know my thoughts and see if there be any wicked way in me and lead me in the way everlasting LXV There is a kinde of not-being in sin for sin is not an existence of somewhat that is but a deficiency of that rectitude which should be it is a privation but not without a real mischief as blindness is but a privation of sight but a true misery Now a privation cannot stand alone it must have some subject to lean upon there is no blindness but where there is an eye no death but where there hath been a life sin therefore supposes a soul wherein it is and an act whereto it cleaveth and those acts of sin are they which the Apostle calls the works of darkness So as there is a kinde of operosity in sin in regard whereof sinners are stiled The workers of iniquity And surely there are sins wherein there is more toyl and labor then in the holiest actions What pains and care doth the theef take in setting his match in watching for his prey How doth he spend the darkest and coldest nights in the execution of his plot What fears what flights what hazards what shifts are here to avoyd notice and punishment The adulterer says That stoln waters are sweet but that sweet is sauced to him with many careful thoughts with many deadly dangers The superstitious bygot who is himself besotted with error how doth he traverse Sea and land to make a Proselyte What adventures doth he make what perils doth he run what deaths doth he challenge to mar a soul So as some men take more pains to go to Hell then some others do to go to Heaven O the sottishness of sinners that with a temporary misery will needs purchase an eternal How should we think no pains sufficient for the attaining of Heaven when we see wretched men toyl so much for damnation LXVI With what elegance and force doth the holy Ghost express our Saviours leaving of the world which he cals his taking home again or his receiving up In the former implying That the Son of God was for the time sent out of his Fathers house to these lower regions of his exile or pilgrimage and was now re-admitted into those his glorious mansions In the latter so intimating his triumphant ascension that he passeth over his bitter passion Surely he was to take death in his way so he told his Disciples in the walk to Emaus Ought not Christ to suffer these things and to enter into his glory He must be lifted up to the Cross ere his Ascension to Heaven but as if the thought of death were swallowed up in the blessed issue of his death here is no mention of ought but his assumption Lo death truly swallowed up in victory Neither is it otherwise proportionally with us wholly so it cannot be for as for him Death did but taste of him could not devour him much less put him over It could not but yield him whole entire the third day without any impairing of his nature yea with an happy addition to it of a glorious immortality and in that glorified humanity he ascended by his own Power into his Heaven For us we must be content that one part of us lye rotting for the time in the dust whiles our spiritual part shall
Angels that we have parents children husband wife brothers sisters friends whom we dearly loved there For such is the power of love that it can endeare any place to us where the party affected is much more the best If it be a loathsome gaol our affection can make it a delightful bower yea the very grave cannot keep us off The women could say of Mary that she was gone to the grave of Lazarus to weep there and the zeal of those holy clyents of Christ carries them to seek their as they supposed still dead Saviour even in his Tomb Above all conceivable apprehensions then wherein Heaven is endeared to us there is none comparable to that which the Apostle enforceth to us that there Christ sitteth on the right hand of God If we have an husband wife childe whom we dearly love pent up in some Tower or Castle afar off whither we are not allowed to have access how many longing eyes do we cast thither how do we please our selves to think within those walls is he inclosed whom my soul loveth and who is inclosed in my heart but if it may be possible to have passage though with some difficulty and danger to the place how gladly do we put our selves upon the adventure When therefore we hear and certainly know that our most dear Saviour is above in all heavenly glory and that the Heavens must contain him till his coming again with what full contentment of heart should we look up thither How should we break thorow all these secular distractions and be carried up by our affections which are the wings of the soul towards an happy fruition of him Good old Jacob when he heard that his dearling son was yet alive in Egypt how doth he gather up his spirits and takes up a cheerful resolution Joseph my son is yet alive I will go and see him before I dye Do we think his heart was any more in Canaan after he heard where his Joseph was And shall we when we hear and know where our dearest Saviour typified by that good Patriark is that he is gone before to provide a place for us in the rich Goshen above shall we be heartless in our desires towards him and take up with earth How many poor souls take tedious costly perilous voyages to that land which onely the bodily presence of our Saviour could denominate holy their own wickedness justly stiles accursed onely to see the place where our dear Saviour trod where he stood where he sate lay set his last footing and finde a kinde of contentment in this sacred curiosity returning yet never the holier never the happier how then should I be affected with the sight of that place where he is now in person sitting gloriously at the right hand of Majesty adored by all the powers of Heaven Let it be a covenant between me and my eyes never to look up at Heaven as how can I look beside it but I shall in the same instant think of my blessed Saviour sitting there in his glorified humanity united to the incomprehensible glorious Deity attended and worshiped by thousand thousands of Saints and Angels preparing a place for me and all his elect in those eternal Mansions LXXVIII How lively doth the Spirit of God describe the heavenly affections of faithful Abraham that he looked for a city which hath foundations whose builder and maker is God What city was this but the celestial Jerusalem the glorious seat of the Great Empire of Heaven The main strength of any building is in the foundation if that be firm and sure the fabrick well knit together will stand but if that be either not laid or lye loose and unsetled the tottering frame doth but wait upon the next wind for a ruine The good Patriark had been used to dwell in Tents which were not capable of a foundation It is like he and his ancestors wanted not good houses in Chaldea where they were formerly planted God calls him forth of those fixed habitations in his own Countrey to sojourn in Tabernacles or Booths in a strange land his faith carries him cheerfully along his present fruition gives way to hope of better things In stead of those poor sheds of sticks and skins he looks for a City in stead of those stakes and cords he looks for Foundations in stead of mens work he looks for the Architecture of God Alass we men will be building Castles and Towers here upon earth or in the ayr rather such as either have no foundation at all or at the best onely a foundation in the dust neither can they be any other whiles they are of mans making for what can he make in better condition then himself The City that is of Gods building is deep and firmly grounded upon the rock of his eternal decree and hath more foundations then one and all of them both sure and costly Gods material house built by Solomon had the foundation laid with great squared stone but the foundations of the wall of this City of God are garnished with all manner of precious stones Glorious things are spoken of thee O thou city of God Why do I set up my rest in this house of clay which is every day falling on my head whiles I have the assured expectation of so glorious a dwelling above For we know that if our earthly house of this tabernacle were dissolved we have a building of God an house not made with hands eternal in the Heavens LXXIX God though he be free of his entertainments yet is curious of his guests we know what the great house-keeper said to the sordid guest Friend how camest thou in hither not having on a wedding garment To his feast of glory none can come but the pure without this disposition no man shall so much as see God much less be entertained by him To his feast of grace none may come but the clean and those who upon strict examination have found themselves worthy That we may be meet to sit at either of these Tables there must be a putting off ere there can be a putting on a putting off the old garments ere there can be a putting on the new the old are foul and ragged the new clean and holy for if they should be worn at once the foul and beastly under-garment would soyl and defile the clean the clean could not cleanse the foul As it was in the Jewish law of holiness holy flesh in the skirt of the garment could not infuse an holiness into the garment but the touch of an unclean person might diffuse uncleanness to the garment Thus our professed holiness and pretended graces are sure to be defiled by our secretly-maintained corruption not our corruption sanctified by our graces as in common experience if the sound person come to see the infected the infected may easily taint the sound the sound cannot by his presence heal the infected If ever therefore we look to
with me Dispose of me as thou wilt Only make me faithfull in all thy services resolute to trust my self with thee in all events carefull to be approved of thee in all my waies and crown my decayed age with such fruits as may be pleasing to thee and available to the good of many Lastly let me live to thee and die in thee IX How oft Lord have I wondred to see the strange carriage of thine administration of these earthly affaires and therein to see thy marvailous wisdome power goodness in fetching good out of evill Alas we wretched men are apt enough to fetch the worst of evils out of the greatest good turning the grace of thee our God into wantonnesse but how have I seen thee of liveless stones to raise up children to Abraham of sinners to make Saints out of a desperate confusion to fetch order out of a bloudy war an happy peace out of resolutions of revenge love out of the rock water out of a persecuter an Apostle How can I be discouraged with unlikelihoods when I see thee work by contraries It is not for me O my God to examine or pre-judge thy counsailes take what waies thou wilt so thou bring me to thine own end all paths shall be direct that shall leade me to blessedness X. How many good purposes O my God have I taken up let fall to the ground again without effect how teeming hath this barren womb of my heart been of false conceptions but especially when thy hand hath been smart and heavy upon me in mine affliction how have I tasked my self with duties and revived my firme resolutions of more strict obedience which yet upon the continuance of my better condition I have slackened Lord it is from thee that I purposed well it is from my own sinfull weakness that I failed in my performances If any good come me the will and the deed must be both thine The very preparations of the heart are from thee and if I have devised my way it must be thou that directest my steps O God do thou ripen and perfect all the good motions that thou puttest into my soul and make my health but such as my sickness promised XI Every man Lord is unwilling that his name should dye we are all naturally ambitious of being thought on when we are gone those that have not living monuments to perpetuate them affect to have dead if Absolon have not a son he will yet erect a pillar yet when we have all done time eates us out at the last There is no remembrance of the wise more then of the foole for ever seeing that which now is in the daies to come shall all be forgotten O God let it be my care and ambition what ever become of my memory here below that my name may be recorded in Heaven XII Thy wise providence O God hath so ordered it that every mans minde seeks and findes contentment in some thing otherwise it could not be since we must meet with so frequent crosses in the world but that mans life would be burdensome to him one takes pleasure in his hauke or hound another in his horses and furnitures one in fair buildings another in pleasant walks and beautiful gardens one in travailing abroad another in the enioying of the profits and pleasures of his home one in the increase of his wealth another in the titles of his honor one in a comfortable wife another in loving and dutiful children but when all is done if there be not somwhat els to uphold the heart in the evil day it must sink O God do thou possesse my soul of thee let me place all my felicity in the fruition of thine infinite goodness so I am sure the worst of the world hath not power to render me other then happy XIII O Lord God under how opposite aspects do I stand from the world how variously am I construed by men One pities my condition another praises my patience One favors mee out of the opinion of some good that he thinks he sees in mee another dislikes me for some imagined evil What are the eyes or tongues of men to mee Let me not know what they say or think of me and what am I the better or worse for them they can have no influence upon me without my own apprehension All is in what termes I stand with thee my God if thou be pleased to look upon me with the eye of thy tender mercy and compassion What care I to be unjustly brow-beaten of the world If I may be blessed with thy favour let me be made a gazing-stock to the world to Angels and to men XIV Speak Lord for thy servant heareth What is it which thou wouldst have me do that I may finde rest to my soul I am willing to exercise my self in all the acts of piety which thou requirest I am ready to fast to pray to read to hear to meditate to communicate to give alms to exhort admonish reprove comfort where thou bid'st me and if there be any other duty appertaining to devotion or mercy let me serve thee in it But alas O my God howsoever I know these works are in themselves well-pleasing unto thee yet as they fall from my wretchedness they are stained with so many imperfections that I have more reason to crave pardon for them then to put confidence in them and if I could performe them never so exquisitely yet one sin is more then enough to dash all my obedience I see then O Lord I well see there is no act that I can be capable to do unto thee wherein I can finde any repose it must be thine act to me which only can effect it It is thy gracious word Come unto me all ye that labour and are heavy laden and I will give you rest Lo this rest must be thy gift not my earning and what can be freer then gift Thou givest it then but to those that come to thee not to those that come not To those that come to thee laden and labouring under the sense of their own wretchedness not to the proud and careless O Saviour thy sinner is sufficiently laden with the burden of his iniquities lade thou me yet more with true penitent sorrow for my sins and inable me then to come unto thee by a lively faith Take thou the praise of thine own work Give me the grace to come and give me rest in coming XV. O blessed Saviour What strange variety of conceits do I finde concerning thy thousand years raign What riddles are in that prophesie which no humane tongue can aread where to fix the begining of that marvailous millenary and where the end and what manner of raign it shall be whether temporal or spiritual on earth or in heaven undergoes as many constructions as there are pens that have undertaken it and yet when all is done I see thine Apostle speaks onely of the souls of thy martyrs raigning
so long with thee not of thy raigning on earth so long with those Martyrs How busie are the tongues of men how are their brains taken up with the indeterminable construction of this enigmaticall truth when in the mean time the care of thy spirituall raign in their hearts is neglected O my Saviour whiles others weary themselves with the disquisition of thy personall raign here upon earth for a thousand years let it be the whole bent and study of my soul to make sure of my personall raign with thee in heaven to all eternity XVI Blessed be thy name O God who hast made a good use even of hell it self How many Atheous hearts have been convinced by the very operations of Devils Those which would with the stupid Saducees perswade themselves there are no spirits yet when they have sensibly found the marvellous effects wrought even by the base instruments of Satan they have been forced to confesse Doubtless there is a God that rules the world for so great powers of evill spirits must necessarily evince the greater powers of good It is of thy wise and holy dispensation that thy good Angels do not so frequently exhibite themselves and give so visible demonstrations of their presence to thy Saints as the evill Angels do to their Vassals though they are ever as present and more powerfull What need they when thou so mightily over-rulest those malignant spirits that thou forcest from them thine own glory and advantage to thy chosen Lord how much more shall all thy other creatures serve to thy praise when thy very hellish enemies shall proclaim thy justice goodness omnipotence XVII Speculation O Lord is not more easie then practice is difficult how many have we known who as it was said of the Philosophers of old know how to speak well but live ill How many have written books of Chymistry and given very confident directions for the finding out of that precious stone of the Philosophers but how many have indeed made gold Practice is that which thou O God chiefly requirest and respectest who hast said If ye know these things blessed are ye if you do them Knowledg puffeth up but love edifieth O Lord do thou enlighten mine eyes with the knowledg of thy will but above all do thou rectifie my affections guide my feet into the wayes of thy commandements apply my heart to fulfill thy statutes alway and Prosper thou the work of my hands upon me O prosper thou my handi-work XVIII How oft have I wondred O Lord at the boldness of those men who knowing they must shortly die yet dare do those things which will draw upon them eternity of torments What shall I say but The fool hath said in his heart there is no God Surely men love themselves well enough and would be loth to do that which would procure them an inevitable misery and pain Did they therefore believe there were another world and that they must be called to a strict reckoning for all their actions and be doomed to an everlasting death for their wicked deeds they durst not they could not do those acts which should make them eternally miserable Let me say to the most desperate ruffian there is poyson in this cup drink this draught and thou diest he would have the wit to keep his lips close and cast the potion to the ground were it not for their infidelity so would men do to the most plausible but deadly offers of sin O Lord since I know thy righteous judgments teach me to tremble at them restrain thou my feet from every evill way and teach me so to walk as one that looks every hour to appear before thy just and dreadfull Tribunal XIX The longer I live O my God the more do I wonder at all the works of thine hands I see such admirable artifice in the very least and most despicable of all thy creatures as doth every day more and more astonish my observation I need not look so far as Heaven for matter of marvaile though therein thou art infinitely glorious whiles I have but a spider in my window or a bee in my garden or a worm under my feet every one of these overcomes me with a just amazement yet can I see no more then their very out-sides their inward form which gives them their being and operations I cannot pierce into the less I can know O Lord the more let me wonder and the less I can satisfie my self with marvailing at thy works the more let me adore the majesty and omnipotence of thee that wroughtest them XX. Alas my Lord God what poor weak imperfit services are those even at the best that I can present thee withal How leane lame and blemished sacrifices do I bring to thine altar I know thou art worthy of more then my soul is capable to perform and fain would I tender thee the best of thine own but what I would that I do not yea cannot do Surely had I not to do with an infinite mercy I might justly look to be punished for my very obedience But now Lord my impotence redounds to the praise of thy goodness for were I more answerable to thy justice the glory of thy mercy would be so much less eminent in my remission acceptance Here I am before thee to await thy good pleasure thou knowest whether it be better to give me more ability or to accept of that poor ability thou hast given me but since when thou hast given me most I shall still and ever stand in need of thy forgiveness Let my humble suit be to thee alwaies rather for pardon of my defects then for a supply of thy graces XXI O my God how do I see many profane and careless souls spend their time in jollity and pleasure The harp and the Viol the Tabret and the pipe and wine are in their feasts Whiles I that desire to walk close with thee in all conscionable obedience droop and languish under a dull heaviness and heartless dejection I am sure I have a thousand times more cause of joy and cheerfulness then the merriest of all those wilde and joviall spirits they have a world to play withall but I have a God to rejoyce in their sports are triviall and momentanie my joy is serious and everlasting One dram of my mirth is worth a pound of theirs But I confesse O Lord how much I am wanting to my self in not stirring up this holy fire of spirituall joy but suffering it to lie raked up under the dead ashes of a sad neglect O thou who art the God of hope quicken this heavenly affection in my soul and fill me with all joy and peace in believing make my heart so much more light then the worldlings by how much my estate is happier XXII What shall I do Lord I strive and tug what I may with my naturall corruptions and with the spirituall wickednesses in high places which set upon my soul