and Family I extreamly honour This particular victorâ— is the single end I proposed to myself in the composition of this piecâ— And how much reason should I haâ—â— to bless it if it was capable of producing this fruit What better reward could I desire for the pains 〈◊〉 has cost me Some persons nevertheless have been willing to persuade me that 〈◊〉 would be unjust to confine its whoâ— effect to the conquest of one singâ— Man and that it might by running through the world gain several others to the Empire of Hymeâ— Thus I was subdued to the solicitations of making it publick which have been made to me from divers places God grant that I may have no occasion to repent of it nor to apply to my Book what Ovid says with lamentation of some of his Writings Hei mihi quam paucos hac mea dicta movent Be indulgent Reader and forget not the saying of the ancient Sages That 't is easy to find fault but hard to excell Of the Parts of this BOOK PART I. Of the Excellence of Marriage pag 8 PART II. Of the Infamy of Incontinehce pag. 60 PART III. Of the Motives that might reasonanably induce men to Marry pag. 83 PART IV. Where those objections which are made against Marriage and the false reasons that are alledged to resâ— unmarried are answered pag. 163 PART V. Of the means to Marry well and to live happy in Marriage pag. 215 Of the Excellency of Marriage of its Necessity and the means to live happily in it Together with the Apology of the Women against the Calumnies of the Men. THERE never was a bolder undertaking than that of this Book It s design is to establish an opinion which all Men oppose and to disengage them from an Error which is almost as antient as the World We say every day a thousand injurious things of Marriage One â—ould have it to be the Sepulchre of Pleaures Another looks upon it as a severe Bonlage Even those who speak of it with most moderation cease not to term it a necessary Evil. Behold the error I design to conâ—ute On the otherside that Marriage is an excellent thing a happy condition and a Soâ—â—ety full of sweetness is what exceeds belief 〈◊〉 is even ridiculed and it is notwithstanding the truth which I propose my self to persuade Judge Sir what courage is necessary and what strong assurance one must have in the justice of his Cause to be able to prevent a repulse at the entrance of an attempt thâ—â— is apparently so difficult Is it not here 〈◊〉 may truly affirm Hoc opus hic labâ—â— est You know that in effect nothing is more câ—â—â—ed down in the World than Marriage Pâ—â—ple frame to themselves Ideas of it whâ—â—â— cause an abhorrence I confess likewise tâ—â—â— it has long served for a subject of detractâ—â—â— Where is he that has no merry Tale to 〈◊〉 late of it or to speak better that has no reason to alledge in order to discourage othâ—â— and to remove himself from it How acceptable is this Dilemma of the Philosopher 〈◊〉 those persons If thou Marryest I supâ—â—â— thy Wife to be either handsome or 〈◊〉 If she be ugly thou canst never love 〈◊〉 if handsome thou wilt be jealous of 〈◊〉 Whether one or t'other can one find 〈◊〉 a severer punishment for thee How agâ—â—able do they find this precept of anothâ—â— When thou art young say that it is too 〈◊〉 to Marry when old that it is too 〈◊〉 How this comparison of Theodectes plâ—â—â— them Marriage and Old-Age have 〈◊〉 Resemblance to wit that Men equally desire to reach both where they are no sooner arrived but they begin to repent In a word with how much satisfaction do they hear that horrid invective of the most unjust of all men One passes but two good days with a Wife the Wedding-day and the day of her Death She is also good but in two places Vel in Thalamo vel in Tumulo either in her Bridal Bed or in her Grave As little equity as one may have can one observe without passion such vilâ—fying of that fair half of Human-kind to whom it seems as if Nature had given all her Graces in possession The very Gods of our Metamorphosis have been affected with them They have often preferred the pleasure of being captivated under the Empire of our Mortal Goddess's before all the glory of Olympus Is it not surprizing after this that Men should affirm so much ill of them and that they should oppress their innocence with their injuries The contempt which they make of them ought to appear to us so much the more extraordinary as they cannot without them enjoy any satisfaction in life They might in some measure be able to make a shift without us buâ— we could never excuse our selves from them If one believes Herodotus there was 〈◊〉 Kingdom of Women without Men The Amasons but there never was seâ— a Kingdom of Men without Women Even those who are insolent enough 〈◊〉 blame their defects in publick are often 〈◊〉 morous enough to adore their Charms 〈◊〉 private witness he of whom one speak That ridebat in choro amabat in thâ—re This false prejudice of the Men against the Women is that which discourageâ— them so much from Marriage and whâ—â— ought likewise to make me despair of tâ—â— happy success of my undertaking if it wâ—â— not the most reasonable of the world Buâ—â— Sir my cause supports it self It is 〈◊〉 a particular one and of little consequenceâ— As much abandon'd as it is notwithstanding the most general and important cauâ—â— that ever was since it is at the saâ—â— time the cause of God and Man 〈◊〉 Heaven and Earth of Nature aâ—â— Grace of States and Families of tâ—â— Church Militant and Church Triumphant May not one affirm in effect thâ—â— all these different Subjects have an interest equally sensible in Marriage Is it not the ordinary Channel to give Chosen Vessels to God Faithfull ones to the Church Members to the State Children to Families and to people Heaven and Earth with inhabitants What would become of the World without Marriage What would become of all Human-kind 'T is certain that it would soon be at an end and with it all our Interests This consideration animates my Courage and makes me even hope that in spight of the infatuation of Men and their blouâ—y Criticks against Marriage God will enable me to support its sacred rights and to convince them that in the bottom his of all conditions of life is most agreeable to them As to what remains I cannot make the Apology of Marriage without making that if this lovely Sex for whom all sensible men ought to have a veneration since 〈◊〉 relation to Marriage it self it is the â—â—undest and most considerable part I â—as always pleased to justifie the Women against the Calumnies of the Men but 〈◊〉 propose to my self to do it in this peice after a particular manner I owe to
such infinite care has been taken to cause an exact observation of Marriage Is it a wonder that in the Republick of Lycurgus the haters of it should be excluded from publick sports Spectacles and entertainments Can one be surprised that in the Common-wealth of Plato Batchelors of 35 years were accounted infamous In a word it is miraculous that in all times and even amongst the barbarous Nations a particular deference has been payed to married men and that Marriage has been much more esteemed than Celibacy It is Sir the foundation of the world and the inexhaustable source of Families 'T is that which gives Citizens to Cities Inhabitants to Provinces and Subjects to Kingdoms 'T is that which affords Kings to People and People to Kings 'T is that which furnishâ— the Country with Labourers the Tribunals with Judges the Churches with Preachers and the Armies with Souldiers 'T is that which has producâ—â— Heroes on Earth and Gods in Heaven Poets have married Gods as well as Men. Saturne had his Cebelâ— and Jupiter his Juno both which have been Mothers of several of those false Divinities which Pagan antiquity formerly adored In a word 't is Marriage that gives life to Arts and Sciences That keeps up Traffick That maintains Societies and to which 〈◊〉 owing the greatest part of those wholâ— some Laws and prudent Disciplineâ— without which the world would bâ— but a Cavern of Thieves Can it bâ— too much esteemed after this And needs there any more to prove thaâ— nothing is better or more excellent if you except a real continence Yes Sir there is required more for one may make appear that it such in a manner yet more convincingly You will be satisfied of iâ— if you consider it with me First as the bond of the most perfect most sweet and most wholsome of all humane conjunctions And Secondly as the exercise of the most lawful most agreeable and most absolute authority of the world Nothing unquestionably is more perfect than this union in respect to its subject to its end and to its manner Marriage unites Man and Woman that is to say what there is of most excellent and most perfect in the corporeal nature what resembles in it self all the Beautys of this great Universe what alone is of more value than all the other Creatures together In sine what by the understanding and reason with which it is endowed to the exclusion of all other Creatures has merited the glorious name of the Image of God What do you imagine to be the first part of this subject It is a Celestial Soul It is an immortal Spirit an angelical and immaterial Substance It is a being that partakes in some sort of that of God himself Seneca goes yet further When he considers its excellency he will have it to be God himself who that as I may say is come to lodge within our bodies Quid aliudvoces animam nisi Sen. Ep. 32. Deum in humano corpore hospitem 'T is that makes St. Austin say That after God nothing is better than the Soul Anima post Deum nihil melius As to the Body which is the other part that Marriage unites in the Man and woman we may affirm that as miserable as it is in relation to its substance and to the various accidents to which it is subject it is notwithstanding the most perfect and most excellent work of Nature in respect of its composition which as the Psalmist so ellegantly asserts is all embroadery of its aim which is to serve as an organ to the Soul and to be as it were its Ornament Corpus est vestimentum animae says St. Chrysoslom The Body is the Garment of the Soul and in a word of its use which is to be imployed in the most noble most necessary and most important actions of life Behold then the first perfection of Maraiage viz. That it unites Bodies and Souls that it joynes together the two finest Creatures in the World That it is a composition that is most rare and precious in the essence of things This kind of Union is seen no where else nor in any other subject The Conjunction of the Stars is a Union purely corporeal the Copulation of Beasts is a Union purely carnal Fornication is a Union of Body without Soul And Friendship as strong as it may be betwixt two friends is notwithstanding but a Union of Souls without Body There is nothing but Marriage that truly unites Bodies and Souls togather Its second perfection consists in its end which according to nature is to multiply men according to grace is to encrease the number of the Elect and according to Nature and Grace to retain the Sexes in the bounds of Wisdom Modesty and Honesty in removing the disorders of debauchery What can be more worthy of God and Man than this End I say in the last place that the manner of this Union likewise makes up one of its beauties Marriage doth not only joyn the Bodies it also unites the Souls 'T is much I confess but there is still something incomparably greater It not only unites Bodies and Souls but O surprising wonder of two Bodies and two Souls it makes one and the same Person Man and Wife says Jesus Christ are no more two but one flesh Aristotle affirms of a real friendship that it is a soul which inhabits in two Bodies But the union of Marriage is still much more intimate They are no more two Bodies but one single Body no more two Souls but one single Soul They are no longer two Bodies tyed to one Soul No longer two Souls confounded in one Body 'T is a something I know not what which is not absolutely one or t'other but is more than both and cannot be expressed Possibly the Comick Poet thought of nothing less than to represent to us the wonder of this Union when he made the diverting peice of his Amphytrion It is notwithstanding what he doth after the most natural way imaginable in the Scene of the two Sosias He makes them to be of so perfect a resemblance that they look upon one another as one and the same person They are not at all distinguishable They are two in number yet but one in action and movement They always speak by I and not by We. They do not say thou art there and I am here but I am there I am here Plautus expresses it in his Language with an emphasis we cannot render in ours What you would persuade me no body ever heard says Amphytrion to Sosia that one man should be at the same time in two different places Nemo unquam homo antehac Vidit Plnut Amphyt Act 2. Sc. 1. nec potest sieritempore uno Homo idem duobus locis ut simul sit By what inconceiveable art could it be that thou wast at the same moment here and in the House Quo id maliâ—m pacto potest Fieri nunc uti tu hic sis Domi id dici volo
for Marriage as the Maidens had and that both Sexes were under an equal passion for this condition of life We may inferr it from the prodigious multiplication of the family of Jacob in Egypt When it went down there it was composed but of seventy persons in all and when they departed from thence four hundred and thirty years after they were six hundred thousand Men without computing Women and Children Exod. 12.37 who in all appearance amounted to twice or thrice the number as it is easy to imagine Prodigious and scarce to be believed but in supposing what is true and that no People ever so much loved or practifed Marriage as this ancient People and that they confin'd themselves under it's pleasing chains almost as soon as they distinguish'd reason This People Sir was the People of God whom he tenderly loved a People whom he lookt upon as his most valuable Treasure A People for whom he multiplied every day the wonders of his Providence and Wisdom In a word a People who ought by consequence to serve for an Example to all other People upon the Subject of Marriage which was in the midst of them and so much recommended and blest of God What do you suppose David calls the greatest of the blessings of God upon earth It is neither Riches nor Honours nor even a Crown He passes beyond all this without haesitation The happiness which he engages to him that fears God is to have a fruitful Bed and a numerous Posterity Would you know Sir those two men of all those whom the Scripture speaks of that I esteem to have been the most happy of the world Do not imagine that it is either a David or a Solomon or an Hezekiah They are Ibzan and Abdon If you ask me the reason Judges 12.9.14 you may read it in the Book of the Judges of Israel in whose number are they There you will find concerning the first that he had thirty Sons and thirty Daughters And of the second that he had forty Sons and thirty Grand-Children whom he saw all together on horse-back What can be a greater happiness to a Father What can be more observable in the life of a man It is likewise true that the sacred Author in speaking to us of those two famous Captains contents himself to report this single circumstance of them which in my opinion goes beyond all the great deeds of Caesar and Alexander You may apprehend it as you please but to me it seems that such a geniture contains somewhat very noble in it and that one cannot be observed in the History of Men through a finer place It must be granted that these Men well understood the Art of immortalizing their Families What Sir will not so great an Example encourage you to look after the Subsistence of yours would you suffer it to perish with your Name for want of marrying will you always entertain a repugnance for Marriage will you never divest your self of those false Ideas you have conceiv'd thereof will you always be ingenious to frame to your self in order to remove your self from it such punishments as do not exist which I shall make appear in the sequel and will you never be convinced of those real delights which I have shewn to be in that state and which ought to attract the whole world It is the only advantage that is wanting to your happiness But assure your self that without this all the rest is of no value As well provided as you are with the goods of Fortune and Morals can you fail to please your self in Hymen and to partake of pleasures a thousand times more affecting than those which can be found in the happiest Celibacy How much satisfaction shall you give to those illustrious persons to whom you owe all things with your being what glory shall you not obtain by adding to their comfort what they desire with the utmost zeal can you decently refuse them this mark of your acknowledgment must they go down to the grave without seeing a young Sprig shoot forth from you that may assure them their Name and Blood will not perish with you will you give them cause to make this sad complaint of you Tecum una tota est nostra Sepulta domus Catull. ad Mal. 69. Grisly Grave is buried our whole house Spare them this heaviness and your self this confusion Do not render your self guilty of your own annihilation Become jealous of your glory Determine your self at last to this generous action whereof one might truly say with regard to your family Tota domus laeta est paterque materque The whole family rejoyces Hearken to the Precept of a wise man Ne maneas sine nuptiis ne sine nomine pereas Phocil Live not unmarry'd lest you dy without a name An ancient Author of Paganism it is Musonius examining the Motives of Marriage finds none more pressing than those I have offered After having much enlarged upon this matter and in a wise and eloquent way he at length concludes his discourse with these words Quisquis igitur homines nuptiis privat is abolet familiam Muson apud Stobaeum Serm. 186. civitatem totum genus humanam quod absque generatione non potest permanere ut neque justa legitima generatio sine nuptijs Since then without a continual Series of Generations Families Common-wealths and all humane Kind would be absolutely annihilated and that Marriage is the sole lawful cause of these Generations according to the remark of this learned man judge of the obligation you are under to marry The heavenly voice seems to call you to it Resist no longer its Vocation But to the end that you may know all the Engagements you are under to pay obedience to it make some reflections if you please upon the quality of the faithful which you have taken into the bosom of the Church This Sir is the greatest motive which ought to determine you for Marriage It even recollects in it self all the rest What do you take the Church to be It is according to St. Paul the City of the living God Jerusalem from on high Heb. 12.22.23 the Mother of us all The Assembly of the first-born whose names are written in the Heavens 1 Tim. 5. â—5 The Pillar and Support of Truth The house of God The Common-wealth of Israel according to the Spirit The divine Family whereof God is the Father Jesus Christ the eldest Son and the Elect the younger ones if one may be allowed to speak so Tell me I beseech you if in all these regards there is any thing more precious in the world than the Church Tell me likewise if there is any thing to whose Subsistence men are more obliged to contribute What are all our Interests in comparison of that If you ask me the true reason that ought to make us desire the propagation of Mankind the duration of States and the Conservation of Families It is nothing
else but the Subsistence of the Church which is infinitely more excellent than the World and all its Societies This ought to be the chiefest end of all our Vows and all our Cares How ought a Christian do you think to endeavour the advancement of this Mystical Empire of Jesus Christ the exaltation of his Reign the Subsistence of his Church He may Sir acquit himself of this Duty in a double manner both by Passion and by Action First he must suffer he must mortify himself In the Second place it is necessary that he labour and put himself in action for her Now of all the Actions that may contribute to this end Marriage is without doubt the principal Since it is the natural and material cause of the faithful without which all moral causes would be absolutely useless When Moses built his Tabernacle the Men and Women contributed voluntarily and with great Zeal all that was necessary for its construction What scandal would it be for Christians not to do for the Truth what the Jews did for the Figure Those people dispossessed themselves with pleasure of the most precious things they had in order to enrich that ancient Tent of the Desart What should not we perform then for the glory of this Divine Tabernacle which God has planted and not Man But Sir the question here is neither of Gold nor Silver precious Stones or fine Linnen Purple or Scarlet The Tabernacle of the Church is not composed of dead and insensible things Brutal and Inanimate Stones enter not into its construction There must be living ones for that end There must be faithful Men. There must be reasonable creatures There must be Christians sanctified by the aspersion of the blood of Christ 1 Pet. 1 2.16 How glorious is it for a Father or Mother to contribute a great number of these living Stones for the Edification and Conservation of the Church Marriage is the only quarry from whence they must be had God allows of no other Indeed they are not in a condition proper to build this holy structure My Mother conceived me in sin and brought me forth in iniquity says David If we refer our selves even to the Satyrick Poet he will likewise instruct us in what the Scripture every where tells us that all Men are born with Sin Nam vitijs nemo sine nascitur Horat. Serm. L. 1. Sat. 3. But here Grace is added to Nature Marriage makes Men And of these men God makes his Elect. Insomuch that it is ever true to say in a certain sense that Marriage makes the Elect which are members of the Church since it is the Organon of Nature to bring them into the world and that Grace which regenerates them acts upon them only as upon works of this very Nature In this prospect it is scarce possible to express the excellency of Marriage and what strong engagements men are under to marry Philosophers say that a Being may destroy it self two ways by Substraction and by privation of means either in doing things contrary to its Subsistence or in omitting those things which are necessary to it Pharaoh destroyed the Church of Israel in the first manner And those who live unmarried now a days destroy the Christian Church in the second That barbarous King by causing all the Male Children of the Jews to be thrown into the Nile rendred their propagation fruitless and those who remain in the state of single men as far as they can make it impossible So that the Church is not beholding to them for its subsistence This Doctrine is even conformable to the expressions of Scripture which says that he who doth not prevent a mans death by furnishing him with means to live kills him If this Theology be true as we must not question it I can hardly conceive how all those obstinate and professed Batchelors should not be amazed thereat What greater misfortune could arrive to them than not only to have performed nothing for the Glory and Advantage of this undefiled Spoufe of our Saviour which cost him his life but also to have laboured for its destruction by not doing what is capable to preserve it Where is the State where is the Family where is the Society more worthy to subsist than the Church All the rest is supported only for her sake Columna est Orbis Ecclesia The World this unhappy World which so outragiously persecutes her would be destroyed without this daughter of Heaven It is preserved only to give place to the fulness of the Elect. So soon as they are all in the Essence of things adieu to the world Heavens What afflictions should not those old Batchelors undergo for not having contributed to its conformation But Sir one of those things which ought methinks to be most prevailing with you for Marriage is that you will infallibly marry at one time or other Sooner or later you will be inclined to it It is with Marriage as with new fashions At first they appear insupportable But by little and little the eyes are accustomed to them and at length one submits to them with others How many men likewise do we observe who after having long declamed against Marriage fail not to confine themselves under its laws Are you ignorant that those who speak of it as of a folly say that it must be done once in a mans life That Poet so knowing in the Art of Love whom I have already cited so often tells us with a grace that Venus never loses her rights and that all men are tributary to her Et Venus ex tota gente tributa petit Ovid. Ep. 4. Venus claims Tribute from all the amorous Race If you are not in Love whilst you are young you must necessarily love being old If not to day you must of Course to morrow Cras amet Catul. Privil Ven. qui nunquam amavit The same Ovid observes likewise what is very true that the later Love appears the more violent it is Venit amor graviùs quo scriùs Ep. 4. Would you Sir deferr your Marriage to age to a time wherein you 'll be unfit to marry to a time wherein passion is as it were unactive to a time wherein the blood is congealed in the Veins If Marriage is a sort of folly 't is certainly a double one in that decrepit age wherein a man is good for nothing but to bewail the dismal Wast of years wherein by the weakness of Nature he cannot walk without the support of a Stick wherein a defenceless impotence confines him to the Empire of a young wife Sponso Seni mulier juvencula imperat Wherein the Body being crack'd by the severe Efforts of age is no longer able to support its members to speak with another Poet. Vbi jam validis quassatum viribus aevi Corpus Lucret. L. 3. obtusis ceciderunt viribus artus Who makes a doubt that marriage in this case is not a real punishment If it be true then