youth spent his foder so fast on others Cattle that hee now wants for his owne winter I am faine to supplie Fawne for which I am supplyed Her: Dost thou braunch him boy Hero: What else Fawne Her: What else nay t is enough why many men corrupt other mens wiues some their maides others their neighbours daughters but to lie with ones brothers wedlocke O my deere Herod his vile and vncommon lust Hero: Fore heauen I loue thee to the hearte well I may prayse God for my brothers weakenes for I assure thee the land shal discend to me my little Fawne Her: To thee my little Herod oh my rare Rascall I do find more and more in thee to wonder at for thou art indeed if I prosper thou shalt know what Whos 's this Enter Don. Zucc. Hero What know you not Don Zuccone the onely desparatly rayling Lord at 's Lady that euer was confidently melancholy that egregious ideot that husband of the most wittie faire and be it spoken with many mens true greefe most chast Lady Zoya but we haue entered into a confederacie of afflicting him Her: Plots ha you laid Inductions daungerous Nym A quiet bosome to my sweet Don are you going to visit your Ladie Zuc: What a clock i st is it past three Hero: Past foure I assure you sweet Don Zuc: Oh then I may be admitted her afternoons priuat nap is taken I shall take her napping I heare ther 's one iealous that I lie with my owne wife and begins to withdraw his hand I protest I vowe and you will on my knees I le take my sacrament on it I lay not with her this foure yeare this foure yeare lee her not be turn'd vpon me I beseech you Her: My deere Don Zuc: Oh Faunus do'st know our Ladie Her: Your Ladie Zuc: No our Lady for the loue of charity incorporate with her I would haue all nations and degrees all ages know our Lady for I couet only to be vndoubtedly notorious Her: For in deede sir a repressed fame mountes like Camomyll the more trod down the more it growes things knowne common and vndoubted lose rumour Nym Sir I hope yet your coniectures may erre your Lady keeps full-face vnbated roundnes cherefull aspect were she so infamously prostitute her cheeke would fall her colour fade the spirit of her eye would die Zuc: Oh young man such women are like Danaus tubbe and in deede all women are like Achillous with whom Hercules wrastling he was no sooner hurl'd to the earth but hee rose vppe with double vigor their fall strengtheneth them Exit Dondolo Don: Newes newes newes newes oh my deare Don be rays'd be Iouiald be triumphant ah my deere Don Nym To me first in priuate thy newes I pree thee Don: Will you be secret Nym A my life Don: As you are generous Nym As I am generous Don: Don Zuccones Ladie 's with child Her: Nymph Nymph what i' st what 's the newes Nym You will be secret Hero Scilence it selfe Nym Don Zuccones Ladie 's with child apparantly Her: Herod Herod what 's the matter pree the newes Hero: You must tell no bodie Her: As I am generous Hero: Don Zuccones Ladie 's with child apparantly Zuc: Faune what 's the whisper what 's the fooles secret newes Her: Truth my Lord a thing that that well I faith it is not fit you know it Zuc: Not fit I know it as thou art baptis'd tell me tell me Her: Will you plight your patience to it Zuc: Speake I am a very block I will not be mou'd I am a very blocke Her: But if you should grow disquiet as I protest it would make a Saint blaspheame I should be vnwilling to procure your impatience Zuc: Yes doe burst me burst me burst me with longing Her: Nay faith t is no great matter harke ye you le tell no body Zuc: Not Her: As you are noble Zuc: As I am honest Her: Your Ladie wife apparantly with child Zuc: With child Her: With child Zuc: Foole Her: My Don Zuc: With child by the pleasure of generation I proclaime I lay not with her this giue vs patience giue vs patience Her: Why my Lord t is nothing to weare a forker Zuc: Heauen and earth Her: All thinges vnder the Moone are subiect to their mistris grace horns lend me your ring my Don I le put it on my finger now t is on yours againe why is the gold now ere the worse in lustre or fitnes Zucc: Am I vs'd thus Her: I my Lord true nay to be looke ye marke ye to bee vs'd like a dead oxe to haue your owne hide pluckt on to bee drawne on with your owne horne to haue the Lordshippe of your father the honour of your auncestors maugre your beard to discend to the base lust of some groome of your stable or the page of your chamber Zucc: Oh Phalaris thy Bull Sir Am Good Don ha patience you are not the only Cuckold I would now be separated Zucc: 'Las that 's but the least drop of the storme of my reuenge I will vnlegittimate the issue what I will doe shall be horrible but to thinke Her: But Sir Zucc: But Sir I will doe what a man of my forme may do and- laugh on laugh on doe Sir Amorous you haue a Ladie too Hero: But my sweet Lord Zucc: Doe not anger me least I most dreadfully curse thee and wish thee married oh Zuccone spitte white spitte thy gall out the only boone I craue of heauen is but to haue my honors inherited by a bastard I will be most tirannous blooddily tirannous in my reuenge and most terrible in my curses liue to grow blind with lust sencelesse with vse loathed after flattered before hated alwaies trusted neuer abhorred euer and last may she liue to weare a foule smocke seuen weekes togeather heauen I beseech thee Exit Zoya Is he gone is he blowne of now out vpon him vnsufferably iealous foole Enter Zoya and Pouea Don: Lady Zoya Didst thou giue him the fam'd report do's he beleeue I am with child do's he giue faith Don: In most sinceritie most sincerely Her: Nay t is a pure foole I can tell yee he was bred vp in Germany Nym But the laughter rises that hee vowes hee lay not in your bed this foure yeare with such exquisite protestations Zoya. That 's most full truth he hath most vniustly seuered his sheetes euer since the old Duke Pietro heauen rest his soule Don. Fie you may not pray for the dead t is indifferent to them what you say Nym Well sayd foole Zoya. Euer since the old Duke Pietro the great Deuill of hell torture his soule Don: O Ladie yet charitie Zoya. Why t is indifferent to them what you say foole but do's my Lord rauell out do's he fret for pitie of an aflicted Ladie load him soundly let him not goe cleere from vexation hee has the most dishonourably with the most sinfull most vitious obstinacie perseuered to wronge mee that
teeth againe within foure and twentie houres I loue no Citie fallets has't any Canarie Nym How the poore snake wriggles with this suddain warmth Herod drinkes Hero: Here Fawnus a health as deepe as a female Her: Fore Ioue we must be more indeer'd Nym How doost thou feele thy selfe now Fawne Her: Verie womanly with my fingers I protest I thinke I shall loue you are you married I am truely taken with your vertues are you married Hero: Yes Her: Why I like you well for it Hero: No troth Fawne I am not married Her: Why I like you better for it fore heauen I must loue you Hero: Why Fawne why Her: Fore-heauen you are blest with three rare graces fine linnen cleane linings a sanguine complexion and I am sure an excellent wit for you are a gentleman borne Hero: Thanke thee sweet Fawne but why is cleane linnen such a grace I prethee Her: Oh my excellent and inward deerely approoued friend What 's your name sir cleane linnen is the first our life craues and the last our death enioyes Hero: But what hope rests for Nymphadora thou art now within the buttons of the Prince shall the Duke his Father marry she Ladie Her: T is to be hoped not Nym That 's some releefe as long as ther 's hope Her: But sure sir t is almost vndoubted the Ladie will carrie him Nym O pestilent ayre is there no plot so cunning no surmise so false no way of auoidance Her: Hast thou any pittie either of his passion or the Ladies yeares a Gentleman in the summer hunting season of hir youth the Ladie met in the same warmth wer 't not to bee wept that such a saplesse chafing-dish vsing old dotard as the Duke of Ferrara with his withered hand shoulde plucke such a bud such a Oh the life of sence Nym Thou art now a perfect Courtier of iust fashion good grace canst not releeue vs Her: Ha ye any money Nym Pish Fawne we are young Gallants Her: The liker to haue no mony But my young Gallants to speake like my selfe I must hugge your humor Why looke you there is fate destiny constellations and Planets which though they are vnder nature yet they are aboue women who hath read the booke of chaunce no cherish your hope sweeten your imaginations with thoughts of ah why women are the most giddie vncertaine motions vnder heauen t is neither proportion of body vertue of minde amplitude of fortune greatnesse of blood but onely meere chancefull appetie swayes them which makes some one like a man be it but for the paring of his nales viah as for inequalitie art not a gentleman Nym That I am and my benificence shall shew it Her: I know you are by the onely worde benificence which onely speakes of the future tence shall know it but may I breath in your bosoms I onely feare Tiberio will abuse your fathers trust and so make your hopes desperate Nym How the Prince would hee onely stood crosse to my wishes he should find me an Italian Her: How an Italian Hero: By thy ayd an Italian deere Fawnus thou art now wrigled into the Princes bosome and thy sweet hand should Minister that Nectar to him should make him immortall Nymphadoro in direct phrase thou shouldst murther the Prince so reuenge thine owne wronges and be rewarded for that reuenge Her: Afore the light of my eyes I thinke I shall admire wonder at you What ha ye plots proiects correspondences and stratagems why are not you in better place Enter sir Amoroso Who 's this Herod my eldest Brother sir Amoroso Debilidoso Her: Oh I know him God blesse thine eyes sweet sir Amoroso a rous a vin de monte to the health of thy Chyne my deere sweet Signiour Her: Oh no sir hee takes the diet this spring alwaies boy my brothers bottell Sir Amor, Faith Fawne an odde vnwholsome cold makes mee still hoarse and rhumatique Hero: Yes in troth a paltrie murre last morning hee blew nine bones out of his nose with an odde vnwholesome murre how do's my sister your Ladie what do's she breed Her: I perceiue Knight you haue children oh t is a blessed assurance of heauens fauour and long lasting name to haue many children Sir Amor: But I ha none Fawne now Her: O that 's most excellent a right speciall happinesse hee shall not bee a Drudge to his cradle a slaue to his childe hee shall be sure not to cherish anothers blood nor toyle to aduance paraduenture some Rascals lust without children a man is vnclog'd his wife almost a Maide Messalina thou cryedst out O blessed barrennesse why once with child the verie Venus of a Ladies entertainment hath lost all pleasure Sir Amor: By this ring Fawnus I doe hugge thee with most passionate affection and shall make my wife thanke thee Her: Nay my Brother grudgeth not at my probable inheritance he meanes once to giue a younger brother hope to see fortune Nym And yet I heare sir Amorosus you cherish your loynes with high art the onely ingrosser of Eringoes prepar'd Cantharides Cullesses made of dissolued Pearle and brus'd Amber the pith of Parkets and canded Lamstones are his perpetuall meats Beds made of the downe vnder pigeons winges and Goose-necks fomentations bathes electuaries frictions and all the nurses of most forcible excited concupiscence hee vseth with most nice and tender industrie Her: Pish Zuccoli no Nymphadoro if sir Amorous would ha children let him lie on a mattres plow or thresh eate onyons garlick and leeke porredge Pharoah and his councell were mistaken and their deuise to hinder the encrease of procreation in the Israelites with inforcing them to much laboure of bodie and to feed hard with beetes garlike and onions meat that make the orriginall of man most sharpe and taking was absurd No hee should haue giuen barlie bread lettice mellones cucumers huge store of veale and fresh beefe blown vppe their flesh held them from excercise rould them in feathers most suerely seene them drunke once a day then would they at their best haue begotten but wenches and in short time their generation infeebled to nothing Sir Am Oh deuine Fawnus where might a man take vp fortie pound in a commoditie of garlike and onions Nymphadoro thine eare Her: Come what are you fleering at ther 's some weakenes in your brother you wrinkle at thus come prethee imparte what we are mutually incorporated turnd one into another biued togeather come I beleeue you are familiar with your sister and it were knowne Hero: Witch Fawnus witch why how dost dreame I liue i st fower score a yeare thinkst thou maintaines my geldings my pages foote-clothes my best feeding high play and excellent company no t is from hence from hence I mynt some foure hundred pound a yeere Her: Dost thou liue like a porter by the backe boy Hero As for my weake raind brother hang him hee has sore shinnes dam him Hetoroclite his braine 's perished his
I pray you what does he hope to make me one of his gils his pūcks pole cats flirrs and feminines Exit as Puttotta goes out she flinges away the letter the page puts it vp and as he is talking Hercules steales it out of his pocket Page Alas my miserable maister what suds art thou washt into thou art borne to be scornde of euery carted community and yet hee le out cracke a Germaine when hee is drunke or a Spaniard after he hath eaten a Fumatho that he haz lyen with that and that and tother Lady that hee lay last night in such a madonnas chamber tother night he lay in such a Countesses couch to night he lies in such a Ladies closet when poore I know all this while he only lied in his throat Exit Her Madam let me sigh it in your bosome how immutable and vnfainting and indeede Gar. Fawne I will vndo that raskall he shall sterue for any further maintenance Herc. You may make him come to the couering and recouering of his old dublets Gar. He was in faire hope of prouing heire to his elder brother but he has gotten me with child Herc. So you withdrawing your fauour his present meanes faile him and by getting you with child his future meanes for euer rest despairefull to him Gar. O heauen that I could curse him beneath damnation impudent varlet by my reputation Fawne I onely lou'de him because I thought I onely did not loue him he vowed infinit beauties doted on him alas I was a simple country Ladie wore gold buttons trunck sleeues and flaggon bracelets in this state of innocency was I brought vp to the Court Her And now in stead of country innocency haue you got court honesty well Madam leaue your brother to my placing he shall haue a speciall cabin in the ship of fooles Gar. Right remember hee got his elder brothers wife with child and so depriude himselfe of th' inheritance Her That will stow him vnder hatches I warrant you Gar. And so depriude himselfe of inheritance deare Fawne be my champion Herc. The very scourge of your most basely offēding brother Gar. Ignoble villaine that I might but see thee wretched without pitty and recouerie wel Enter Herod and Nymphadoro Herc. Stand Herod you are full met sir Herod But not met ful sir I am as gaunt as a hunting gelding after 3. traind sents fore Venus fanne I haue beene shaling of peascods vpon foure great Madonnas haue I this after noone grafted the forked tree Herc. I' st possible Herod Possible fie on this satiety t is a dul blunt weary drowsie passion who would be a proper fellow to be thus greedily deuoured swallowed among Ladies faith t is my torment my very rack Herc. Right Herod true for imagine all a man possest with a perpetuall pleasure like that of generation euen in the highest lushiousnes he straight sinkes as vnable to beare so continuall so pure so vniuersall a sensuality Herod By euen truth ti 's very right for my part woulde I were eunuch't rather then thus suckt away with kisses infeebling daliance O the falling sicknes on them all why did reasonable nature giue so strange so rbellious so tirannous so insatiate parts of appetite to so weake a gouernes a womā Herc. Or why O custome didst thou oblige them to modesty such cold temperāce that they must bee wooed by men courted by men why all know they are more full of strong desires those desires most impatient of delay or hinderāce they haue more vnrulie passiōs then men and weaker reason to temper those passions then men Nym. Why then hath not the discretion of nature thought it iust that customary coines old fashions terms of honor of modesty for sooth all laide aside they court not vs beseech not vs rather for sweetes of loue then we them why by Ianus women are but men turnde the wrong side outward Herc. O sir nature is a wise workeman she knowes right well that if women should wooe vs to the art of loue wee should all be vtterly shamd how often shold they take vs vnprouided whē they are alwaies ready Herod I sir right sir to some few such vnfortunate handsome fellowes as my selfe am to my griefe I know it Herc. VVhy here are two perfect creatures the one Nymphadoro loues all and my Herod here enjoyes all Herod Faith some score or two of Ladies or so rauish mee among them deuide my presents and wold indeed ingrosse me were I indeed such an asse as to be made a Monopoly of looke sirrah what a vilde hande one of them writes who would euer take this for a. d. deerest or reade this for onely onely deerest Herc. Here 's a lye indeede Herod True but here 's another much more legible a good secretary my most affected Herod the vtmost ambition of my hopes and onely Her There is one lye better shapte by ods Herod Right but here 's a Ladies roman hand to mee is beyond all looke yee to her most elected seruant and worthy friend Herod Baldonzozo Esquier I beleeue thou knowest what Countesses hand this is I le shew thee another Herc. No good Herod I le show thee one now To his most elected Mistresse and worthy laundresse diuine mistresse Puttotta at her tent in the wood-yeard or else where giue these Herod Prethee ha silence what 's that Herc. If my teares or vowes my faithfulst protestations on my knees Herod Good hold Herc. Faire and onely loued laundresse Herod Forbeare I beseech thee Herc. Might moue thy stony heart to take pitty on my sighs Herod Do not shame me to the day of iudgement Herc. Alas I write it in passion alas thou knowest besides my loathed sister thou art Herod For the Lords sake Herc. The onely hope of my pleasure the onely pleasure of my hopes be pleasde therefore to Herod Cease I beseech thee Herc. Pish neere blush man t' is an vncourtly quality as for thy lying as long as there 's policie in t it is very passable wherfore haz heauen giuen man tong but to speake to a mans owne glory hee that cannot swell bigger then his naturall skinne nor seeme to bee in more grace then hee is has not learn'd the very rudiments or A.B.C. of courtshippe Herod Vpon my heart Fawne thou pleasest me to the soule why looke you for mine owne part I must confesse Enter Dondolo See heere 's the Dukes foole Don. A bord a bord a bord al manner of fooles of Courteysie or country of what degree sex or nature Herod foole Don. Herod Herc. What are yee ful fraughted is your shippe wel foold Don. O 't was excellently thronged full a Iustice of peace tho he had beene one of the most illiterat asses in a Country could hardly ha got a hanging cabin O we had first some lōg fortunate greate Politicians that were so sottishlie paradized as to thinke when popular hate seconded Princes displeasure to them any vnmerited violence could seeme to
scornd her teares Zuc. most right Herc. Teares that were only shed I woulde not vex you in very griefe to see you couet your owne shame Zuc. Too true too true Herc. For indeede she is the sweetest modest soule the fullest of pittie Zuc. O yes O yes Herc. The softnesse and very courrtesie of her sexe as one that neuer lou'd any Zuc. But mee Herc. So much that he might hope to dishonour her nor anie so little that he might feare she disdaind him O the graces made her a soule as soft as spotles down vpon the swans faire brest that drue bright Cythereas chariot yet thinke I woulde not vexe you yet thinke how cruell you were to her Zuc. As a Tiger as a very Tiger Herc. And neuer hope to be reconcild neuer dreame to bee reconcild neuer Zuc. Neuer alas good Fawne what woldst wish me to do now Herc. Faith go hang your selfe my Don that 's best sure Zuc. Nay that 's too good for I le do worse then that I le marie againe where canst pick out a morsell for me Fawne Herc. There is a modest matron like creature Zuc. What yeeres Fawne Herc. Some fower score wanting one Zuc. A good sober age is she wealthy Herc. Very wealthy Zuc. Excellent Herc. Shee has three haires on her scalpe and fower teeth in her head a browe wrinckled and puckred like old parchment halfe burnt she haz had eies no womans jaw-bones are more apparant her sometimes enuious lips now shrink in and giue her nose and her chin leaue to kisse each other verie moistlye as for her reuerend mouth it seldome opens but the very breath that flies out of it infects the fowls of the aire and makes them drop down dead her brests hang like cobwebs her flesh will neuer make you cuckold her bones may Zuc. But is she welthy Herc. Very wealthie Zuc. And will she ha mee art sure Herc. No sure she will not haue you why do you thinke that a waiting woman of three bastards a strumpet nine times carted or a hag whose eies shoot poison that has beene an ould witch and is now turning into a gib-cat wil ha you mary Don Zucone the contempt of women and the shame of men that has afflicted contemnd so choise a perfection as Dona Zoyas Zuc. Alas Fawne I confesse what wouldst ha me do Herc. Hang your selfe you shal not marrie you cannot I le tell yee what you shal do there is a ship of fooles setting foorth if you make good meanes intreat hard you may obtaine a passageman be maisters mate I warrant yow Zuc. Fawne thou art a scuruie bitter knaue and dost flout Dons to their faces t was thou flatteredst me to this and now thou laugh'st at me dost though indeede I had a certaine procliuity but thou madest me resolute dost grinne and gearne O yow comforters of life helpes in sicknesse ioyes in death preseruers of vs in our children after death women haue mercie on me Herc. O my Don that God made no other meanes of procreation but by these women I speake it not to vexe you Zuc. O Fawne thou hast no mercy in thee dost thou leere on me vvel I le creepe vpon my knees to my vvife dost laugh at me dost gearne at me dost smile dost leere on me dost thou O I am an Asse true I am a Coxcombe vvel I am mad good A mischeife on your cogging tongue your soothing throat your oylie iavves your supple hammes your dissembling smiles and O the graund Diuill on you all vvhen mischiefe fauours our fortunes and vve are miserably tho iustly vvretched More pittie comfort and more helpe vve haue In foes profest then in a flattering knaue Exit Herc. Thus fevv strike saile vntill they run on shelfe The eye sees all thinges but his proper selfe In all thinges curiosity hath beene Vitious at least but herein most pernitious What madnes i st to search and find a vvound For vvhich there is no cure and vvhich vnfound Neere rankles vvhose finding onely vvoundes But he that vpon vaine surmise forsakes His bed thus long onely to search his shame Giues to his vvife youth opportunity Keepes her in idlefull delitiousnesse Heates and inflames imagination Prouokes her to reuenge vvith churlish vvronges What should he hope but this vvhy should it lie in vvomen Or euen in chastity it selfe since chastiti 's a female T' auoide desires so ripened such svvetes so canded But she that hath out-borne such masse of wronges Out-dur'de all persecutions all contempts Suspects disgrace all wantes and all the mischeifs The basenes of a cankerd churle could cast vpon her With constant vertue best fainde chastitie And in the end turnes all his iealousies To his owne skorne that Lady I emplore It may be lawfull not to praise but euen adore Enter Gonzago Granuffo with full state Enter the Cornets sounding Gon. Are our sportes readie is the Prince at hand Herc. The Prince is now arriude at the Court gate Gon. What meanes our daughters breathles hast Enter Dulcimel in hast Dul. O my princely father now or neuer let your princely wisedome appeare Gon. Feare not our daughter if it rest within humaine reason I warrant thee no I warrant thee Granuffo if it rest in mans capacity speake deare daughter Dul. My Lord the Prince Gon. The Prince what of him deare daughter Dul. O Lord what wisedome our good parents neede to shield their chickens from deceipts wiles of kite like youth Gon. Her very phrase displayes whose childe she is Dul. Alas had not your grace beene prouident a very Nestor in aduise and knowledge ha where had you poore Dulcimel beene now what vaines had not I beene drawne into Gon. Fore God shee speakes very passionately Alas daughter heauē giues euery man his talent indeed vertue wisedom are not fortunes giftes therefore those that fortune cannot make vertuous shee commonly makes rich for our owne part wee acknowledge heauens goodnes and if it were possible to bee as wise againe as wee are wee would neare impute it to our selues for as wee bee flesh and bloud alas we are fooles but as wee are Princes Schollars and haue reade Cicero de Oratore I must confesse there is another matter in t what of the Prince deere daughter Dul. Father doe you see that tree that leanes iust on my chamber window Gon. What of that tree Enter Tiberio with his traine Dul. O sir but note the policie of youth marke but the stratagems of working loue The prince salutes me and thus greetes my eare Gon. Speake softly he is entred Dul. Although he knew I yet stood wauering what to elect because though I affected yet destitute of meanes to inioy each other impossibilitie of hauing might kill our hope and with our hope desires to inioy Therefore to auoid all faint excuses and vaine feares thus he deuised to Dulcimels chamber window A well growne plain tree spreads his happie armes by that in depth of night one may ascend