task_n as_o appear_v by_o his_o most_o diligent_a and_o divine_a diary_n this_o necessary_a but_o much_o neglect_a work_n of_o self-tryal_n i_o find_v he_o begin_v at_o the_o spring-time_n aequinoctial_a upon_o the_o 10._o of_o march_n 1681_o ‥_o o_o holy_a and_o happy_a soul_n that_o have_v now_o his_o hard_a freeze_a heart_n thus_o kind_o thaw_v by_o a_o look_n of_o love_n from_o the_o son_n of_o righteousness_n as_o peter_n be_v by_o a_o look_v from_o his_o lord_n luke_n 22.61_o 62_o hereby_o the_o lord_n help_v he_o to_o say_v with_o the_o bridegroom_n in_o the_o song_n the_o winter_n be_v pass_v the_o rain_n be_v over_o and_o go_v the_o flower_n appear_v on_o the_o earth_n etc._n etc._n cant._n 2.10_o 11_o 12_o 13.1_o most_o bless_a spring_n of_o grace_n better_a than_o that_o of_o grass_n be_v now_o upon_o he_o though_o i_o can_v give_v so_o distinct_a a_o account_n of_o his_o diary_n as_o i_o will_v because_o it_o be_v write_v in_o obscure_a character_n only_o with_o a_o black_a pencil_n intend_v it_o seem_v sole_o for_o hiâ—_n own_o private_a use_n yet_o with_o the_o beâ—â—_n key_n we_o can_v get_v it_o have_v be_v open_v that_o such_o precious_a treasurâ—_n shall_v not_o be_v lose_v but_o communicate_v for_o the_o common_a good_a i_o begin_v here_o from_o the_o manuscript_n both_o as_o to_o the_o matter_n and_o as_o to_o the_o time_n as_o i_o can_v judge_v upon_o what_o sabbath_n day_n i_o hear_v a_o sermon_n upon_o peter_n go_v out_o and_o weep_v bitter_o after_o christ_n have_v look_v upon_o he_o say_v he_o i_o go_v to_o prayer_n that_o night_n and_o beg_v of_o god_n to_o give_v i_o peter_n repentanoe_n and_o in_o the_o earnestness_n of_o spirit_n i_o fall_v flat_a upon_o the_o ground_n before_o the_o lord_n to_o beg_v it_o then_o i_o lay_v long_o till_o i_o have_v some_o comfort_n from_o my_o god_n yet_o remain_v i_o dull_a and_o muddy_a till_o wednesday_n night_n and_o then_o have_v i_o some_o communion_n with_o my_o god_n again_o even_o a_o new_a taste_n of_o his_o first_o goodness_n and_o comfort_n in_o prayer_n on_o thursday_n night_n do_v i_o meet_v he_o who_o my_o soul_n love_v again_o which_o i_o find_v very_o useful_a to_o i_o find_v by_o woeful_a experience_n that_o without_o christ_n strengthen_v i_o i_o can_v do_v nothing_o spiritual_o nor_o before_o the_o sabbath_n ensue_v nor_o in_o it_o have_v i_o the_o sweet_a communion_n with_o god_n i_o use_v to_o have_v before_o but_o on_o monday_n night_n i_o meet_v my_o god_n have_v a_o pretty_a deal_n of_o time_n that_o evening_n for_o tuesday_n morning_n be_v not_o so_o good_a nor_o can_v i_o raise_v my_o heart_n at_o night_n till_o it_o be_v very_o late_o and_o then_o have_v i_o my_o former_a sweetness_n but_o much_o more_o upon_o wednesday_n the_o same_o i_o find_v upon_o the_o sabbath_n follow_v and_o on_o monday_n night_n and_o on_o the_o next_o night_n also_o though_o everdul_a at_o the_o first_o yet_o enlarge_v after_o upon_o wednesday_n night_n i_o pray_v twice_o successive_o and_o find_v more_o than_o ordinary_a income_n on_o thursday_n again_o i_o have_v inlargement_n but_o at_o the_o close_a the_o devil_n make_v i_o drowsy_a to_o cut_v short_a my_o duty_n etc._n etc._n but_o on_o friday_n my_o heart_n be_v keep_v better_o raise_v on_o saturday_n i_o beg_v of_o god_n to_o direct_v i_o how_o i_o may_v meet_v the_o blessing_n of_o the_o next_o sabbath_n which_o through_o grace_n i_o meet_v with_o on_o that_o day_n yet_o be_v trouble_v with_o wander_n in_o my_o evening_n duty_n on_o monday_n the_o presence_n of_o god_n be_v with_o i_o and_o make_v my_o duty_n sweet_a at_o night_n on_o tuesday_n i_o meet_v with_o a_o precious_a opportunity_n for_o my_o soul_n good_a on_o wednesday_n i_o do_v not_o so_o well_o which_o make_v i_o chide_v my_o soul_n for_o no_o better_o requite_v the_o lord_n kindness_n on_o thursday_n morning_n i_o have_v god_n presence_n &_o the_o same_o at_o night_n though_o trouble_v with_o wander_n on_o friday_n i_o have_v many_o outward_a mercy_n yet_o can_v improve_v aright_o neither_o god_n word_n of_o grace_n nor_o his_o work_n of_o mercy_n on_o saturday_n have_v spare_a time_n from_o business_n i_o seek_v the_o lord_n thrice_o for_o a_o large_a sight_n of_o the_o light_n of_o his_o countenance_n when_o the_o sabbath_n come_v the_o lord_n give_v i_o a_o answer_n of_o peace_n etc._n etc._n thus_o may_v a_o large_a account_n of_o this_o gracious_a youngman_n self-tryal_n and_o watch_n over_o his_o own_o way_n from_o month_n to_o month_n all_o along_o but_o because_o to_o do_v so_o distinct_o from_o day_n to_o day_n will_v fill_v a_o volume_n i_o must_v therefore_o wave_v it_o and_o that_o not_o out_o of_o judgement_n only_o but_o out_o of_o necessity_n also_o see_v the_o key_n that_o open_v his_o charactars_n can_v not_o reach_v they_o all_o neither_o in_o point_n of_o time_n nor_o in_o point_n of_o matter_n the_o judicious_a reader_n may_v easy_o imagine_v that_o this_o defect_n will_v lame_a we_o in_o this_o work_n yet_o though_o it_o cost_v i_o unspeakable_a trouble_n and_o pain_n i_o shall_v follow_v my_o thread_n in_o this_o labyrinth_n i_o have_v already_o give_v a_o exact_a account_n how_o he_o examine_v himself_o upon_o every_o monthly_a sacrament_n from_o august_n 7._o 1681._o to_o jan._n 7._o 1681_o 3._o which_o be_v the_o last_o he_o do_v partake_v of_o for_o not_o long_o after_o his_o dear_a redeemer_n who_o he_o have_v so_o oft_o admire_v and_o embrace_v in_o the_o lord_n supper_n upon_o earth_n call_v he_o home_o to_o sup_v and_o feast_n with_o he_o in_o heaven_n as_o to_o his_o self-tryal_n at_o all_o other_o time_n between_o every_o one_o of_o those_o seventeen_o sacrament_n i_o shall_v proceed_v to_o relate_v so_o far_o as_o my_o key_n will_v carry_v i_o the_o best_a computation_n i_o can_v make_v out_o of_o the_o many_o manuscript_n consist_v of_o above_o thirty_o sheet_n which_o i_o have_v to_o abridge_v and_o methodize_v draw_v out_o of_o his_o diary_n pocket-book_n and_o almanac_n etc._n etc._n he_o renew_v his_o self-examining_a work_n again_o upon_o march_n 17._o 1681_o 2._o be_v friday_n how_o he_o spend_v all_o the_o time_n from_o the_o last_o march_n to_o this_o save_v only_o relate_v to_o the_o sacrament_n we_o must_v be_v content_a to_o want_v it_o for_o want_v of_o better_a help_n but_o upon_o that_o day_n he_o have_v leave_v upon_o record_n he_o have_v wander_v thought_n in_o duty_n do_v little_a for_o the_o good_a of_o other_o my_o sin_n say_v he_o lie_v but_o light_n i_o mourn_v not_o for_o the_o sin_n of_o the_o land_n i_o look_v not_o into_o my_o own_o heart_n nor_o be_v i_o concern_v in_o holy_a ejaculation_n the_o same_o he_o say_v of_o himself_o in_o spend_v the_o 18_o and_o march_v the_o 19_o be_v the_o sabbath_n he_o remark_n the_o same_o omission_n and_o not_o have_v a_o frame_n suitable_a to_o the_o day_n yea_o in_o night-duty_n pester_v with_o wander_n on_o march_n 20._o i_o arise_v from_o table_n without_o droop_v be_v full_a glad_a to_o meet_v god_n there_o march_n 21._o have_v the_o former_a omission_n and_o heaven_n little_a in_o my_o sight_n 22d_o day_n can_v not_o mourn_v for_o the_o sin_n of_o the_o land_n and_o the_o same_o frame_n be_v upon_o i_o the_o 23._o and_o 24._o nor_o can_v i_o do_v better_a or_o look_v into_o my_o heart_n the_o 25_o of_o march_n 1682._o nor_o the_o six_o follow_a day_n of_o that_o month_n can_v he_o shake_v of_o those_o omission_n april_n the_o first_o he_o brand_v himself_o with_o the_o same_o neglect_v the_o second_o day_n he_o add_v to_o those_o neglect_n that_o wander_a thought_n have_v eat_v up_o the_o life_n of_o his_o duty_n on_o the_o three_o the_o same_o complaint_n on_o the_o four_o miss_v vain_a thought_n in_o a_o good_a measure_n yet_o only_o through_o the_o strength_n oâ—_n christ_n but_o on_o five_o he_o add_v god_n our_o of_o sight_n &_o heaven_n out_o of_o mind_n on_o the_o six_o he_o make_v the_o same_o moan_n of_o seven_o my_o own_o sin_n and_o the_o sin_n of_o the_o land_n lie_v too_o light_a upon_o my_o heart_n etc._n etc._n eight_o the_o same_o and_o that_o he_o have_v do_v nothing_o extraordinary_a for_o the_o church_n in_o herday_o of_o distress_n nine_o the_o same_o yet_o have_v some_o good_a thought_n but_o trouble_v with_o wander_n ten_o the_o same_o and_o so_o the_o eleven_o add_v i_o have_v be_v this_o day_n tempt_v to_o pride_n so_o the_o twelve_o thirteen_o and_o fourteen_o be_v fill_v with_o the_o like_a complaint_n and_o fifteen_o he_o add_v i_o have_v be_v spend_v this_o noon_n much_o too_o vain_o the_o sixteenth_o be_v the_o sabbath_n he_o bless_a god_n that_o distraction_n have_v not_o dull_v he_o
to_o take_v he_o than_o be_v my_o thought_n fix_v upon_o christ_n though_o they_o have_v be_v wander_v two_o day_n before_o and_o i_o have_v lose_v my_o belove_a yet_o nothing_o can_v give_v i_o peace_n till_o i_o here_o find_v he_o and_o sweet_a communion_n with_o he_o wherein_o i_o hear_v he_o say_v to_o my_o soul_n thy_o sin_n small_a and_o great_a be_v pardon_v and_o thy_o pardon_n be_v seal_v i_o see_v as_o it_o be_v his_o precious_a blood_n spurt_v out_o of_o his_o side_n into_o my_o heart_n oh_o my_o soul_n ever_o for_o ever_o love_v this_o lovely_a lord_n admire_v and_o adore_v he_o who_o have_v seal_v thy_o pardon_n never_o sin_n more_o but_o walk_v suitable_o to_o all_o this_o etc._n etc._n the_o four_o sacrament_n be_v november_n 6._o 1681_o whereof_o he_o say_v thus_o i_o have_v long_v for_o this_o ordinance_n because_o i_o have_v more_o than_o ordinary_a sin_n such_o as_o pride_n that_o i_o have_v long_o groan_v under_o which_o make_v i_o long_o for_o the_o sprinkle_n of_o my_o dear_a redeemer_n blood_n to_o wash_v they_o away_o i_o be_v also_o pester_v with_o passion_n as_o well_o as_o pride_n with_o unbelief_n with_o wander_a thought_n and_o some_o time_n with_o blasphemy_n o_o curse_a curse_a sin_n and_o o_o wicked_a wicked_a heart_n once_o to_o think_v whether_o god_n be_v or_o no_o when_o thou_o have_v have_v such_o clear_a evidence_n of_o a_o deity_n these_o be_v my_o five_o deadly_a odious_a sin_n which_o i_o beg_v may_v be_v purge_v from_o i_o o_o that_o i_o may_v never_o see_v nor_o feel_v they_o more_o at_o this_o ordinance_n i_o find_v relief_n and_o feel_v the_o wine_n fall_v down_o low_o and_o low_o i_o desire_v it_o may_v carry_v of_o all_o my_o filth_n so_o as_o to_o leave_v none_o remain_v and_o there_o do_v i_o resolve_v through_o grace_n to_o leave_v those_o five_o sin_n and_o never_o have_v any_o thing_n to_o do_v with_o they_o etc._n etc._n the_o five_o sacrament_n be_v december_n 4._o 1681._o wherein_n say_v he_o i_o do_v again_o lay_v my_o sin_n before_o the_o lord_n fear_v their_o return_n upon_o i_o do_v desire_v a_o meek_a and_o humble_a heart_n against_o my_o pride_n and_o passion_n i_o do_v again_o resign_v myself_o to_o god_n have_v break_v covenant_n with_o he_o and_o beg_v with_o the_o syrophaenician_a woman_n to_o touch_v the_o hem_o of_o christ_n garment_n that_o i_o may_v be_v cleanse_v from_o my_o issue_n of_o sin_n but_o can_v not_o at_o that_o instant_n get_v so_o nigh_o he_o but_o afterward_o have_v i_o a_o clear_a representation_n of_o christ_n suffering_n in_o the_o garden_n where_o he_o bear_v the_o wrath_n of_o god_n sweat_a drop_n of_o blood_n through_o his_o clothes_n in_o a_o cold_a season_n so_o that_o he_o come_v as_o from_o bozra_n with_o die_v garment_n than_o i_o see_v the_o crown_n of_o thorn_n upon_o his_o head_n and_o his_o head_n beat_v with_o the_o soldier_n iron-glove_n which_o make_v the_o thorn_n wound_v his_o holy_a head_n in_o 72._o place_n so_o that_o the_o blood_n run_v down_o upon_o his_o body_n i_o see_v also_o the_o heavy_a weight_n of_o the_o cross_n lay_v upon_o he_o and_o how_o he_o be_v spit_v upon_o revile_v and_o deride_v this_o bless_a sight_n prevent_v wander_v thought_n till_o the_o last_o prayer_n though_o i_o do_v not_o deserve_v the_o least_o crumb_n of_o comfort_n for_o unpreparedness_n to_o so_o great_a a_o work_n which_o have_v god_n deal_v out_o my_o desert_n will_v have_v be_v no_o less_o than_o hell_n etc._n etc._n the_o six_o sacrament_n he_o do_v partake_v of_o be_v january_n the_o first_o 1681_o 2._o upon_o which_o he_o make_v these_o remark_n i_o have_v be_v some_o day_n before_o more_o than_o ordinary_a in_o my_o preparation_n and_o prayer_n for_o a_o profitable_a receive_n and_o when_o i_o come_v to_o it_o i_o be_v sore_o afraid_a that_o i_o shall_v lay_v stress_n upon_o preparatory_a act_n therefore_o beg_v i_o of_o god_n that_o he_o will_v not_o deal_v with_o i_o according_o i_o labour_v to_o act_v my_o requisite_a grace_n as_o 1._o repentance_n lay_v open_a before_o the_o lord_n all_o my_o old_a year_n sin_n to_o that_o new-year_n day_n and_o labour_v to_o mourn_v for_o they_o more_o than_o former_o especial_o for_o my_o deadly_a deadly_a sin_n spiritual_a pride_n passionateness_n wander_v thought_n in_o holy_a duty_n unbeleif_n worldliness_n etc._n etc._n and_o i_o hope_v god_n give_v there_o both_o pardon_n of_o they_o and_o power_n against_o they_o 2._o my_o thankfulness_n i_o actuate_v as_o well_o as_o i_o can_v for_o so_o rich_a a_o mercy_n beg_v for_o it_o both_o hard_a and_o always_o 3._o my_o love_n though_o i_o have_v much_o too_o little_a experience_v the_o sweet_a kiss_n of_o christ_n mouth_n and_o embrace_n of_o his_o love_n i_o see_v christ_n on_o the_o cross_n embrace_v i_o as_o well_o as_o i_o he_o and_o say_v to_o god_n i_o have_v pay_v a_o ransom_n for_o he_o this_o man_n be_v he_o etc._n etc._n this_o be_v so_o sweet_a that_o i_o can_v embrace_v the_o stake_n or_o even_o go_v into_o hell_n so_o i_o may_v thus_o enjoy_v he_o who_o my_o soul_n love_v and_o when_o i_o hear_v the_o minister_n say_v mourn_v for_o your_o sin_n that_o murder_v your_o lord_n i_o answer_v within_o myself_o how_o can_v the_o child_n of_o the_o bride_n mourn_v while_o the_o bridegroom_n be_v with_o they_o twice_o do_v wander_v thought_n offer_v themselves_o but_o be_v by_o grace_n suppress_v at_o the_o first_o rise_n have_v now_o oblige_v my_o understanding_n will_n memory_n affection_n conscience_n yea_o all_o to_o attend_v god_n service_n while_o thus_o fill_v with_o this_o enjoyment_n i_o long_v to_o be_v in_o heaven_n and_o desire_v that_o welcome_a welcome_o friend_n death_n that_o i_o may_v sing_v with_o the_o holy_a saint_n and_o angel_n hallelujah_n to_o to_o the_o lord_n then_o say_v i_o o_o my_o soul_n let_v nothing_o draw_v thy_o love_n from_o thy_o lord_n for_o the_o world_n friend_n relation_n pleasure_n profit_n all_o thing_n put_v together_o can_v never_o give_v such_o joy_n to_o thou_o as_o thou_o have_v find_v from_o lovely_a lovely_a jesus_n in_o this_o bless_a ordinance_n therefore_o lay_v not_o out_o thy_o love_n upon_o any_o thing_n beside_o he_o who_o have_v do_v and_o be_v do_v great_a thing_n yea_o and_o will_v do_v great_a for_o thou_o such_o be_v my_o warm_n warm_a love_n at_o this_o supper_n the_o seven_o sacrament_n be_v february_n the_o 3._o 1681_o 2._o upon_o which_o he_o remark_n thus_o when_o i_o find_v my_o heart_n not_o full_o fix_v by_o my_o new_a year_n day_n sacrament_n but_o notwithstanding_o all_o my_o strive_v i_o be_v yet_o trouble_v with_o distraction_n in_o duty_n i_o long_v for_o this_o ordinance_n very_o much_o and_o think_v it_o long_o till_o it_o come_v that_o account_n may_v be_v make_v even_o between_o god_n and_o my_o poor_a soul_n i_o be_v dull_a for_o 2._o or_o 3._o duty_n before_o and_o can_v not_o get_v my_o heart_n raise_v whereby_o i_o see_v that_o i_o deserve_v nothing_o though_o wander_v thought_n press_v upon_o i_o yet_o be_v they_o cut_v short_a 2_o or_o 3_o time_n &_o i_o find_v relief_n from_o those_o sin_n i_o have_v lay_v open_a before_o the_o lord_n in_o the_o forego_n sacrament_n i_o bewail_v my_o break_a covenant_n my_o distraction_n my_o deadness_n and_o coldness_n in_o duty_n etc._n etc._n and_o at_o this_o sacrament_n my_o dear_a redeemer_n meet_v i_o &_o say_v to_o i_o i_o have_v pardon_v those_o thy_o sin_n at_o thy_o request_n this_o much_o affect_a and_o inlve_v i_o in_o love_n to_o he_o see_v he_o then_o as_o it_o be_v come_v from_o heaven_n to_o the_o earth_n and_o from_o earth_n to_o the_o cross_n shed_v his_o precious_a blood_n for_o i_o and_o from_o the_o cross_n into_o glory_n and_o methinks_v christ_n say_v to_o i_o go_v sin_n these_o your_o sin_n no_o more_o which_o oblige_v i_o to_o a_o close_a walk_n and_o to_o be_v more_o watchful_a than_o before_o all_o this_o month_n the_o lord_n keep_v i_o from_o pride_n but_o alas_o my_o other_o sin_n return_v to_o foil_v i_o the_o eight_o sacrament_n be_v march_n 5._o 1681_o 2._o upon_o this_o he_o say_v thus_o i_o have_v more_o than_o ordinary_a communion_n with_o god_n before_o it_o and_o have_v not_o have_v a_o sweet_a season_n for_o a_o long_a time_n which_o make_v i_o long_o till_o it_o come_v in_o this_o ordinance_n i_o see_v my_o dear_a redeemer_n as_o it_o be_v dead_a with_o a_o company_n of_o holy_a angel_n hold_v of_o he_o and_o a_o great_a darkness_n over_o all_o the_o place_n this_o be_v grief_n to_o my_o soul_n but_o present_o he_o that_o be_v dead_a i_o see_v he_o alive_a again_o and_o come_v into_o the_o midst_n of_o we_o to_o see_v
what_o we_o come_v for_o i_o go_v to_o he_o and_o tell_v he_o methinks_v that_o my_o soul_n love_v he_o and_o i_o be_v come_v to_o meet_v he_o for_o strength_n against_o corruption_n and_o by_o his_o help_n i_o can_v forsake_v the_o world_n and_o sin_n which_o i_o hate_v to_o enjoy_v he_o etc._n etc._n then_o he_o tell_v i_o my_o pride_n shall_v not_o prevail_v against_o i_o this_o month_n nor_o my_o other_o sin_n but_o by_o own_o neglect_n this_o be_v sweet_a and_o refresh_n to_o my_o soul_n and_o this_o be_v the_o occasion_n of_o the_o devil_n great_a rage_n against_o i_o as_o appear_v by_o my_o diary_n march_v 14._o yet_o can_v he_o not_o prevail_v but_o christ_n keep_v his_o promise_n in_o keep_v i_o from_o pride_n etc._n etc._n oh_o what_o cause_n have_v i_o to_o love_v the_o lord_n jesus_n who_o i_o see_v here_o again_o come_v from_o heaven_n to_o earth_n to_o the_o cross_n to_o the_o grave_a and_o to_o heaven_n again_o and_o all_o this_o to_o save_v my_o soul_n here_o sin_n be_v make_v more_o odious_a christ_n more_o dear_a and_o here_o i_o renew_v my_o covenant_n with_o god_n etc._n etc._n the_o nine_o sacrament_n be_v april_n the_o second_o 1682._o upon_o which_o he_o say_v thus_o some_o time_n before_o this_o i_o be_v in_o a_o dull_a frame_n by_o the_o hurry_v of_o our_o trade_n at_o this_o time_n as_o may_v be_v see_v by_o my_o diary_n little_a life_n can_v i_o find_v till_o the_o noon_n before_o that_o day_n than_o have_v i_o the_o presence_n of_o my_o dear_a lord_n in_o a_o lively_a manner_n and_o measure_n after_o this_o wander_a thought_n dulness_n and_o coldness_n unsuitable_a to_o so_o sweet_a a_o supper_n seize_v upon_o i_o but_o by_o run_v over_o again_o the_o same_o circumstance_n of_o my_o saviour_n suffering_n especial_o his_o agony_n in_o the_o garden_n and_o all_o for_o such_o a_o wretch_n as_o i_o i_o find_v relief_n get_v hatred_n of_o my_o sin_n beg_v pardon_n of_o they_o and_o not_o only_o so_o but_o get_v power_n against_o they_o yet_o wander_a thought_n 4_o or_o 5_o time_n do_v trouble_v i_o but_o by_o christ_n strengthen_v i_o i_o overcome_v they_o and_o hope_v to_o have_v my_o pardon_n seal_v and_o to_o have_v power_n for_o the_o future_a for_o watch_v better_a against_o they_o and_o against_o my_o deadness_n and_o break_v my_o covenant_n etc._n etc._n which_o make_v i_o long_o to_o quit_v the_o world_n whereupon_o it_o be_v answer_v i_o i_o shall_v short_o be_v free_v from_o all_o sin_n yet_o in_o this_o sacrament_n i_o have_v the_o least_o communion_n with_o god_n than_o in_o any_o before_o but_o still_o much_o more_o infinite_o more_o than_o i_o deserve_v who_o sure_a i_o be_o deserve_v not_o the_o least_o mercy_n the_o ten_o sacrament_n be_v may_n 7._o 1682._o upon_o which_o he_o write_v thus_o i_o have_v not_o long_a desire_n after_o this_o bless_a ordinance_n have_v lose_v much_o of_o my_o life_n i_o have_v in_o duty_n before_o through_o much_o hurry_v of_o our_o worldly_a affair_n this_o morning_n i_o wrestle_v with_o god_n but_o have_v not_o the_o light_n of_o his_o countenance_n which_o make_v i_o think_v of_o not_o go_v yet_o consider_v that_o be_v not_o the_o way_n to_o be_v better_a i_o venture_v but_o find_v no_o life_n at_o first_o yet_o a_o little_a after_o i_o feel_v some_o reach_v after_o my_o dear_a redeemer_n this_o make_v i_o resolve_v to_o walk_v more_o close_o for_o the_o future_a after_o this_o it_o please_v god_n to_o come_v in_o out_o of_o his_o free_a love_n and_o to_o give_v i_o a_o clear_a sight_n of_o my_o sweet_a saviour_n go_v to_o his_o cross_n and_o i_o follow_v he_o and_o lay_v myself_o down_o at_o his_o foot_n when_o i_o can_v do_v nothing_o then_o have_v i_o plain_a vision_n of_o my_o lovely_a lord_n ascension_n and_o his_o angel_n look_v upon_o he_o whereat_o i_o find_v much_o go_n out_o of_o my_o soul_n after_o he_o yet_o wander_v thought_n do_v trouble_v i_o for_o i_o have_v not_o bring_v my_o break_a covenant_n my_o dulness_n and_o deadness_n before_o the_o lord_n so_o as_o to_o be_v deep_o humble_v for_o they_o the_o eleven_o sacrament_n be_v june_n 4_o 1682._o upon_o which_o he_o he_o remark_n thus_o i_o have_v no_o time_n be_v very_o bad_a in_o my_o preparation_n for_o this_o bless_a sacrament_n so_o doubt_v whether_o i_o shall_v go_v to_o it_o but_o fear_v it_o may_v be_v the_o last_o i_o shall_v enjoy_v in_o peace_n i_o then_o go_v yet_o it_o prove_v the_o worst_a i_o ever_o yet_o have_v i_o hardly_o feel_v any_o moving_n of_o affection_n only_o a_o little_a mourning_n for_o my_o breach_n of_o covenant_n my_o coldness_n and_o deadness_n etc._n etc._n have_v a_o little_a sight_n of_o my_o dear_a redeemer_n but_o o_o my_o misery_n for_o not_o keep_v my_o engagement_n make_v in_o the_o forego_n ordinance_n whereby_o i_o fear_v the_o holy_a spirit_n be_v grieve_v and_o sin_v away_o o_o sad_a sad_a lamentable_a deplorable_a be_v my_o state_n when_o i_o have_v sin_v my_o god_n from_o i_o my_o condition_n be_v wretched_a now_o and_o without_o more_o care_n it_o may_v yet_o be_v much_o worse_o the_o twelve_o sacrament_n be_v on_o july_n second_o 1682._o whereupon_o he_o note_v thus_o i_o be_v but_o little_a in_o preparation_n in_o order_n to_o my_o participation_n of_o this_o holy_a ordinance_n yet_o much_o more_o than_o on_o the_o last_o on_o friday_n morning_n before_o i_o have_v much_o of_o god_n presence_n but_o because_o i_o have_v not_o take_v a_o catalogue_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o have_v break_v my_o vow_n with_o god_n it_o be_v just_a with_o he_o to_o hide_v his_o face_n from_o i_o and_z o_o my_o deadly_a sin_n get_v again_o too_o much_o advantage_n against_o i_o yet_o praise_v be_v the_o free_a grace_n of_o my_o god_n i_o have_v his_o presence_n in_o this_o ordinance_n and_o see_v my_o dear_a redeemer_n go_v along_o bear_v his_o heavy_a cross_n and_o his_o suffer_v thereupon_o and_o when_o his_o side_n be_v pierce_v methinks_v i_o stand_v under_o and_o his_o precious_a blood_n do_v drop_v down_o upon_o i_o but_o still_o i_o be_v too_o little_o grieve_v for_o sin_n and_o have_v 3._o time_n wander_n which_o through_o grace_n pass_v away_o as_o the_o wine_n go_v down_o i_o desire_v my_o sin_n may_v be_v purge_v away_o and_o renew_v my_o resolve_n of_o walk_v better_o both_o before_o and_o in_o this_o sacrament_n design_v to_o shelter_v my_o soul_n in_o the_o hole_n of_o his_o bless_a side_n that_o be_v pierce_v as_o the_o dove_n do_v in_o the_o hole_n of_o the_o rock_n the_o thirteen_o sacrament_n be_v august_n 6._o 1682._o on_o which_o he_o record_v thus_o the_o hurry_v of_o the_o world_n have_v make_v menegligent_a before_o it_o yet_o do_v i_o try_v myself_o by_o my_o catalogue_n of_o sin_n draw_v up_o in_o february_n before_o such_o as_o pride_n whereof_o i_o have_v a_o great_a deal_n breach_n of_o covenant_n whereof_o i_o be_v great_o guilty_a wander_n dullness_n in_o duty_n etc._n etc._n and_o then_o another_o great_a one_o the_o neglect_n of_o self_n trial_n after_o my_o vow_n &_o renew_a covenant_n to_o do_v it_o after_o sacrament_n wherein_o i_o have_v find_v much_o sweetness_n i_o can_v not_o still_o call_v myself_o to_o a_o strict_a account_n nor_o actuate_v my_o repentance_n as_o become_v a_o worthy_a receiver_n though_o my_o sin_n be_v many_o and_o great_a at_o my_o first_o sit_v down_o i_o have_v but_o little_a sense_n of_o sin_n but_o after_o god_n show_v i_o something_o of_o himself_o than_o have_v i_o some_o sorrow_n of_o soul_n and_o something_o of_o my_o dear_a lord_n but_o once_o god_n seem_v to_o come_v out_o in_o fury_n towards_o i_o yet_o methinks_v i_o see_v my_o dear_a redeemer_n stop_v it_o here_o again_o i_o lay_v under_o the_o cross_n to_o be_v wash_v from_o my_o sin_n and_o do_v see_v as_o before_o christ_n come_v from_o heaven_n to_o earth_n to_o hiâ—_n cross_n and_o to_o his_o grave_a and_o from_o thence_o into_o glory_n this_o i_o view_v with_o a_o little_a oh_o too_o little_a life_n than_o the_o devil_n tempt_v i_o to_o make_v no_o new_a engagement_n of_o reformation_n but_o the_o lord_n help_v i_o and_o i_o hearken_v not_o to_o the_o tempter_n about_o 4._o time_n wander_n come_v but_o through_o grace_n they_o continue_v not_o yet_o have_v i_o small_a act_n of_o love_n and_o out-going_n of_o soul_n after_o my_o god_n and_o my_o dear_a redeemer_n the_o fourteen_o sacrament_n be_v september_n 3._o 1682._o on_o which_o he_o observe_v thus_o i_o have_v but_o little_a of_o god_n some_o time_n before_o this_o till_o saturday_n night_n though_o i_o have_v be_v much_o in_o preparation_n yet_o my_o god_n come_v not_o in_o till_o then_o and_o indeed_o i_o
i_o have_v learn_v no_o more_o from_o so_o eminent_a a_o pattern_n of_o piety_n through_o hope_n of_o enjoy_v he_o long_o and_o often_o this_o make_v i_o neglect_v observe_v and_o remember_v many_o sweet_a expression_n which_o now_o i_o wish_v i_o have_v not_o do_v etc._n etc._n the_o three_o and_o most_o perfect_a character_n i_o have_v from_o his_o own_o gracious_a sister_n who_o write_v thus_o of_o he_o my_o dear_a brother_n mr._n john_n draper_n be_v bear_v march_n 26.1663_o of_o godly_a parent_n though_o he_o be_v much_o bereave_v of_o the_o benefit_n of_o their_o education_n of_o he_o they_o die_v before_o he_o be_v 12._o year_n old_a yet_o have_v they_o do_v their_o duty_n for_o he_o till_o then_o put_v up_o many_o earnest_a prayer_n to_o god_n in_o his_o behalf_n which_o the_o lord_n gracious_o answer_v in_o take_v care_n of_o the_o fatherless_a after_o in_o the_o year_n 1675._o he_o be_v put_v to_o a_o schoolmaster_n who_o be_v as_o careful_a for_o his_o soul_n as_o for_o his_o body_n etc._n etc._n in_o the_o year_n 1678._o he_o become_v a_o apprentice_n where_o he_o serve_v his_o master_n faithful_o be_v effectual_o call_v in_o the_o first_o year_n of_o his_o time_n and_o then_o reflect_v upon_o himself_o for_o his_o former_a mispend_v of_o time_n and_o neglect_v season_n of_o grace_n he_o now_o begin_v to_o make_v a_o better_a improvement_n of_o the_o assembly_n catechism_n which_o he_o have_v get_v by_o heart_n before_o he_o be_v 11._o year_n old_a at_o home_n and_o the_o sermon_n he_o have_v write_v abroad_o at_o school_n now_o become_v he_o more_o sweet_a to_o we_o all_o i_o never_o see_v he_o out_o of_o a_o heavenly_a frame_n but_o if_o he_o be_v not_o hear_n something_o of_o god_n he_o will_v be_v speak_v something_o from_o god_n if_o at_o any_o time_n we_o desire_v he_o to_o stay_v with_o we_o he_o will_v answer_v my_o time_n be_v not_o my_o own_o i_o must_v not_o neglect_v my_o master_n business_n much_o less_o god_n to_o who_o i_o must_v give_v a_o account_n of_o all_o my_o thoutgh_n word_n and_o deed_n i_o have_v much_o work_n to_o do_v and_o but_o little_a time_n to_o do_v it_o in_o this_o shall_v awe_n our_o heart_n from_o sin_n and_o make_v we_o earnest_a for_o pardon_v &_o prevent_v mercy_n o_o what_o need_v we_o have_v to_o stir_v up_o one_o another_o in_o way_n of_o godliness_n for_o heart-work_n be_v hard_a work_n and_o we_o love_v the_o world_n more_o than_o god_n he_o will_v oft_o bewail_v with_o tear_n to_o behold_v how_o the_o youth_n general_o profane_v the_o name_n of_o god_n and_o be_v unwearied_a in_o do_v the_o devil_n drudgery_n whereas_o we_o call_v christian_n be_v soon_o weary_a with_o do_v our_o master_n will_n who_o yoke_n be_v easy_a and_o his_o burden_n light_n add_v it_o be_v free_a grace_n that_o make_v the_o difference_n betwixt_o we_o and_o those_o vain_a youth_n he_o express_v his_o fear_n of_o set_v up_o for_o himself_o often_o observe_v how_o many_o be_v zealous_a while_o apprentice_n yet_o decline_v when_o become_v master_n who_o be_v ask_v why_o they_o have_v lose_v their_o first_o love_n answer_v it_o be_v for_o want_v of_o time_n to_o which_o he_o reply_v it_o be_v more_o for_o want_n of_o love_n than_o of_o time_n this_o he_o fear_v may_v be_v his_o own_o case_n if_o god_n prevent_v it_o not_o be_v ask_v if_o he_o be_v willing_a to_o suffer_v for_o god_n he_o answer_v if_o god_n call_v i_o to_o it_o he_o will_v qualify_v i_o for_o it_o but_o he_o think_v god_n will_v not_o put_v that_o honour_n upon_o he_o the_o time_n that_o other_o take_v for_o recreation_n he_o spend_v in_o holy_a duty_n and_o the_o money_n other_o spend_v id_o he_o lay_v out_o either_o profitable_o or_o charitable_o his_o sickness_n begin_v jan._n 23._o 1682._o which_o he_o bear_v with_o wonderful_a patience_n all_o along_o ever_o desire_v god_n will_v complete_a his_o work_n in_o and_o upon_o he_o o_o how_o will_v he_o bless_v god_n that_o it_o fare_v well_o with_o his_o soul_n how_o ever_o it_o fare_v with_o his_o body_n and_o that_o god_n be_v never_o want_v to_o we_o when_o we_o be_v not_o want_v to_o ourselves_o though_o some_o blame_v he_o for_o be_v too_o bookish_a during_o his_o weakness_n he_o answer_v shall_v read_v impair_v my_o health_n i_o be_o sure_a it_o refresh_v my_o soul_n and_o i_o wish_v you_o all_o to_o prize_v communion_n with_o god_n and_o to_o make_v your_o peace_n with_o god_n before_o the_o night_n come_v have_v i_o now_o that_o work_n to_o do_v i_o may_v expect_v frown_n where_o through_o my_o dear_a redeemer_n i_o have_v smile_n upon_o i_o which_o i_o can_v express_v when_o in_o the_o great_a extremity_n he_o will_v say_v what_o be_v all_o this_o to_o that_o which_o christ_n suffer_v for_o i_o cry_v out_o o_o the_o gentleness_n of_o god_n to_o i_o compare_v with_o crhist_n sorrow_n call_v to_o hear_v the_o 14_o 15_o 16_o and_o 17._o chapter_n of_o john_n read_v to_o he_o when_o weak_a he_o will_v lay_v smile_v with_o his_o eye_n and_o his_o hand_n lift_v up_o to_o heaven_n and_o a_o few_o day_n before_o he_o die_v he_o say_v thus_o to_o i_o sister_n i_o know_v you_o wish_v i_o well_o i_o can_v be_v well_o here_o therefore_o be_v willing_a to_o let_v i_o go_v it_o be_v not_o long_a since_o god_n make_v you_o willing_a to_o leave_v i_o in_o a_o troublesome_a world_n and_o now_o will_v not_o you_o be_v willing_a to_o give_v i_o up_o to_o god_n if_o a_o taste_n of_o heaven_n be_v so_o sweet_a here_o what_o be_v the_o full_a enjoyment_n let_v i_o go_v first_o it_o be_v but_o a_o little_a time_n and_o we_o shall_v meet_v again_o etc._n etc._n i_o have_v forbear_v to_o mention_v my_o death_n to_o the_o loss_n of_o myself_o and_o other_o because_o your_o spirit_n can_v bear_v it_o o_o how_o be_o i_o comfort_v in_o the_o stock_n of_o prayer_n go_v for_o i_o when_o i_o can_v now_o pray_v for_o myself_o especial_o that_o christ_n be_v intercede_v for_o i_o in_o heaven_n after_o this_o his_o speech_n be_v scarce_o intelligible_a yet_o understand_v he_o say_v lord_n thou_o know_v what_o i_o have_v do_v and_o what_o i_o have_v leave_v undo_v oft_o over_o and_o all_o night_n speak_v with_o such_o earnestness_n as_o think_v he_o be_v understand_v the_o next_o morning_n friend_n persuade_v i_o to_o withdraw_v as_o be_v no_o more_o useful_a to_o he_o but_o hurtful_a to_o myself_o and_o if_o he_o become_v more_o sensible_a it_o will_v grieve_v he_o to_o see_v i_o grieve_v but_o after_o some_o hour_n absence_n return_v to_o he_o he_o take_v i_o by_o the_o hand_n to_o comfort_v i_o say_v with_o arm_n spread_v my_o god_n have_v chain_v up_o satan_n which_o be_v a_o answer_n to_o that_o very_a request_n put_v up_o for_o he_o a_o little_a before_o thus_o when_o death_n that_o king_n of_o terror_n and_o terror_n of_o king_n be_v unstung_a he_o submit_v to_o its_o stroke_n and_o change_v his_o life_n for_o a_o better_a aug._n 3._o 1682._o he_o appoint_v the_o text_n for_o his_o funeral_n sermon_n to_o be_v gen._n 47.9_o as_o be_v relate_v before_o in_o the_o time_n of_o his_o health_n yet_o find_v the_o sentence_n of_o death_n upon_o himself_o etc._n etc._n he_o be_v bear_v 1663._o begin_v his_o last_o sickness_n on_o jan._n 23._o and_o die_v when_o august_n be_v but_o 3._o day_n old_a thus_o this_o bless_a soul_n pass_v from_o three_o to_o three_o hand_v by_o three_o in_o one_o the_o trinity_n from_o womb_n to_o tomb._n three_o three_o complete_v his_o race_n turn_v all_o his_o grief_n to_o everlasting_a peace_n the_o next_o character_n be_v that_o of_o a_o minister_n who_o write_v thus_o to_o he_o in_o his_o last_o sickness_n etc._n etc._n shall_v i_o be_v sorry_a to_o hear_v of_o your_o sickness_n i_o be_o as_o it_o be_v a_o evil_a to_o nature_n but_o i_o rejoice_v in_o hope_n that_o it_o will_v increase_v your_o grace_n not_o doubt_v but_o to_o such_o a_o serious_a christian_a and_o religious_a person_n as_o you_o have_v be_v this_o affliction_n will_v be_v the_o take_v away_o of_o sin_n and_o this_o rod_n with_o aaron_n will_v blossom_v with_o the_o peaceable_a fruit_n of_o righteousness_n your_o great_a knowledge_n in_o the_o mystery_n of_o salvation_n and_o eminent_a proficiency_n in_o the_o school_n of_o christ_n may_v well_o put_v a_o supersedeas_fw-la to_o any_o instruction_n from_o i_o yet_o give_v i_o leave_v as_o a_o faithful_a monitor_n to_o mind_v you_o of_o your_o duty_n of_o patience_n that_o you_o may_v be_v as_o eminent_a in_o that_o grace_n in_o the_o time_n of_o your_o sickness_n as_o you_o be_v in_o other_o grace_n in_o the_o time_n of_o your_o health_n i_o know_v it_o
day_n job_n 7.1_o and_o 14.13.14_o a_o few_o day_n be_v the_o number_n of_o his_o life_n psal_n 39.4_o yea_o the_o day_n of_o a_o hireling_n who_o be_v hire_v only_o for_o some_o few_o day_n to_o do_v some_o job_n of_o work_n which_o require_v haste_n and_o be_v but_o for_o a_o spirt_v not_o last_v nay_o sometime_o the_o hireling_n be_v hire_v but_o for_o one_o single_a day_n as_o matth._n 20.1_o 2_o etc._n etc._n where_o the_o parable_n call_v man_n life_n but_o one_o particular_a day_n consist_v of_o twelve_o hour_n and_o what_o a_o poor_a part_n of_o time_n be_v one_o day_n especial_o when_o the_o sun_n set_v at_o the_o noon_n of_o that_o day_n amos_n 8.9_o this_o make_v it_o a_o very_a short_a pilgrimage_n indeed_o as_o be_v that_o of_o this_o youngman_n iii_o reason_n the_o third_z demonstration_n be_v draw_v from_o scripture_n metaphor_n which_o illustrate_v the_o swiftness_n of_o man_n life_n in_o its_o passage_n through_o the_o world_n all_o imply_v the_o shortness_n of_o 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soon_o fade_v the_o time_n for_o all_o these_o be_v but_o a_o short_a time_n as_o say_v the_o apostle_n the_o time_n be_v short_a 1_o cor._n 7.29_o but_o to_o insist_v only_o upon_o those_o three_o great_a metaphor_n that_o job_n serious_o play_v upon_o all_o together_o a_o post_n a_o ship_n and_o a_o eagle_n job_n 9_o 25_o 26._o to_o show_v the_o swiftness_n and_o thereby_o the_o shortness_n of_o his_o own_o life_n or_o pilgrimage_n the_o improvement_n of_o these_o three_o point_n must_v stand_v here_o for_o a_o three_o application_n the_o first_o simile_n the_o first_o metaphor_n resemble_v man_n ride_v post_n my_o day_n a_o swift_a than_o a_o post_n etc._n etc._n which_o allusion_n have_v a_o fourfold_a congruity_n first_o as_o the_o post-boy_n be_v one_o that_o ride_v upon_o swift_a horse_n spur_v they_o end-way_n and_o spare_v no_o horse-stesh_a ride_v always_o upon_o the_o speed_n with_o haste_n haste_v haste_v for_o his_o majesty_n service_n from_o city_n to_o country_n and_o from_o one_o kingdom_n to_o another_o carrying_z always_o matter_n of_o great_a concern_v along_o with_o he_o so_o every_o man_n be_v ride_v post_n in_o this_o life_n carry_v in_o the_o chariot_n of_o time_n which_o be_v draw_v by_o the_o swift_a horse_n even_o such_o as_o be_v wing_v horse_n like_o pegasus_n and_o so_o flee_v fast_o than_o any_o post_n according_a to_o job_n phrase_n my_o day_n be_v swift_a than_o a_o post_n they_o flee_v away_o etc._n etc._n they_o run_v fast_o and_o outrun_v the_o post_n oh_o that_o man_n will_v consider_v the_o great_a concern_v of_o the_o packet_n they_o carry_v and_o the_o tendency_n of_o their_o way_n etc._n etc._n bethink_v yourselves_o 2_o chron._n 6.37_o as_o the_o hebrew_n read_v be_v and_o consider_v 〈◊〉_d 〈◊〉_d 〈◊〉_d 〈◊〉_d 〈◊〉_d septuagint_n read_v psal_n 119.59_o make_v a_o dialogue_n with_o your_o own_o heart_n common_a with_o they_o upon_o your_o bed_n as_o david_n do_v psal_n 4.4_o excutite_fw-la excutite_fw-la zeph._n 2.1_o shake_v yourselves_o from_o sluggishness_n as_o samson_n do_v judg._n 16.20_o consider_v and_o better_o consider_v hagg._n 1.5_o 7._o do_v it_o not_o to_o half_a part_n second_o the_o post_n ride_v night_n and_o day_n without_o either_o stop_n or_o stay_v make_v no_o long_a meal_n any_o where_o but_o take_v a_o bit_n and_o away_o etc._n etc._n so_o man_n life_n be_v ever_o in_o motion_n it_o make_v no_o stand_n at_o any_o place_n or_o time_n but_o every_o moment_n he_o be_v yield_v some_o little_a unto_o death_n his_o life_n be_v pass_v towards_o it_o while_o he_o be_v sleep_v in_o his_o bed_n he_o be_v ever_o ride_v post_n be_v it_o winter_n or_o summer_n time_n or_o be_v his_o way_n and_o weather_n fair_a or_o foul_a in_o prosperity_n or_o adversity_n oh_o that_o there_o be_v such_o a_o heart_n in_o man_n deut._n 5.29_o to_o consider_v their_o latter_a end_n deut._n 32.29_o see_v every_o year_n month_n week_n hour_n and_o minute_n you_o be_v ride_v post_n to_o your_o grave_n they_o that_o do_v not_o remember_v their_o latter_a end_n be_v to_o be_v lament_v because_o they_o will_v come_v down_o wonderful_o lament_v 1.9_o three_o the_o post_n be_v betrust_v with_o matter_n of_o weighty_a moment_n sometime_o the_o save_n or_o sink_v of_o a_o kingdom_n depend_v upon_o the_o post_n carriage_n or_o miscarriage_n he_o therefore_o in_o such_o a_o case_n be_v command_v to_o ride_v upon_o pain_n of_o death_n and_o dare_v not_o loiter_v or_o linger_v careless_o till_o he_o come_v at_o the_o end_n of_o the_o stage_n and_o till_o his_o packet_n be_v careful_o deliver_v so_o man_n in_o his_o ride_v post_n be_v betrust_v with_o a_o concern_n of_o infinite_a and_o everlasting_a consequence_n to_o wit_n his_o precious_a soul_n which_o be_v a_o jewel_n of_o more_o worth_n than_o the_o whole_a world_n christ_n who_o be_v truth_n itself_o say_v so_o and_o he_o be_v best_o able_a to_o know_v the_o worth_n of_o soul_n because_o he_o alone_o pay_v the_o price_n of_o soul_n matth._n 16.26_o and_o 20.28_o oh_o consider_v how_o everyone_o of_o you_o be_v ride_v post_n with_o this_o pearl_n of_o great_a price_n in_o your_o hand_n take_v heed_n of_o scatter_v it_o or_o truck_v it_o away_o for_o trash_n and_o trifle_n you_o ride_v upon_o pain_n of_o death_n be_v not_o careless_a your_o life_n spiritual_a and_o eternal_a lie_n at_o stake_n how_o can_v you_o be_v too_o careful_a beware_v of_o spiritual_a slumber_n until_o your_o precious_a packet_n be_v deliver_v upon_o a_o die_a bed_n and_o you_o then_o be_v able_a to_o say_v with_o the_o proto-martyr_n stephen_n lord_n jesus_n receive_v my_o spirit_n act._n 7.59_o or_o better_a with_o your_o bless_a redeemer_n say_v father_n into_o thy_o hand_n i_o commend_v my_o spirit_n luke_n 23.46_o thus_o david_n be_v careful_a to_o deliver_v his_o packet_n into_o right_a hand_n both_o live_n and_o die_v psal_n 31.5_o etc._n etc._n four_o some_o post_n ride_v long_a stage_n than_o other_o and_o some_o short_a with_o their_o mail_n and_o errand_n yea_o some_o be_v stop_v and_o rob_v of_o their_o charge_n etc._n etc._n thus_o no_o man_n know_v the_o length_n of_o his_o post-stage_n we_o know_v that_o it_o be_v but_o short_a in_o general_n but_o alas_o we_o know_v not_o how_o short_a it_o may_v be_v in_o particular_a we_o be_v bid_v not_o to_o boast_v of_o to_o morrow_n for_o we_o know_v not_o what_o a_o day_n may_v bring_v forth_o prov._n 27.1_o jam._n 4.13_o matth._n 6.34_o we_o know_v not_o what_o lie_v hide_v in_o the_o womb_n of_o time_n one_o big-bellyed_a day_n may_v dismount_v we_o as_o young_a as_o we_o as_o strong_a as_o we_o have_v be_v dismount_v yea_o some_o we_o see_v daily_o be_v unhorse_v assoon_o as_o thy_o set_n out_o die_v in_o their_o childhood_n god_n call_v from_o heaven_n to_o abraham_n say_v stay_v now_o thy_o strike_n gent_n 22.10_o 11._o and_o he_o may_v call_v upon_o any_o one_o of_o we_o this_o or_o the_o next_o moment_n say_v stay_v now_o your_o ride_v god_n indeed_o give_v to_o some_o enough_o of_o ride_v post_n they_o be_v weary_a with_o post_v weary_a of_o the_o world_n and_o the_o world_n as_o weary_v of_o they_o they_o live_v undesired_a and_o die_v unlamented_a but_o all_o must_v wait_v till_o their_o change_n come_v job_n 14.14_o the_o second_o allusion_n in_o job_n 9.26_o be_v a_o man_n sail_v in_o a_o ship_n mark_v the_o gradation_n the_o second_o simile_n first_o a_o ship_n be_v swift_a than_o a_o post_n and_o thence_o job_n rise_v high_a there_o but_o a_o eagle_n be_v swift_a of_o all_o the_o three_o a_o ship_n pass_v swift_o before_o the_o wind_n and_o stop_v stay_v not_o till_o she_o come_v to_o the_o shore_n some_o one_o port_n she_o be_v bind_v for_o and_o rest_v not_o strike_v not_o sail_n
till_o she_o reach_v her_o desire_a harbour_n or_o haven_n mark_v also_o the_o congruity_n in_o sundry_a particular_n betwixt_o man_n passage_n through_o this_o life_n and_o a_o ship_n pass_v through_o the_o sea_n the_o first_o congruity_n be_v as_o a_o ship_n bulk_n be_v build_v just_a after_o the_o manner_n of_o man_n body_n in_o a_o supine_n posture_n the_o bottom-tree_n answer_v our_o backbone_n which_o have_v many_o rib_n rise_v up_o on_o both_o side_n etc._n etc._n be_v make_v for_o motion_n not_o rest_n hence_o the_o ignorant_a indian_n call_v the_o first_o ship_n they_o behold_v move_a island_n all_o ship_n be_v make_v for_o launch_v out_o into_o the_o deep_a water_n psal_n 107.23_o 24._o and_o when_o heave_v from_o off_o the_o stock_n where_o they_o be_v build_v in_o order_n to_o their_o pass_v down_o into_o the_o deep_a have_v a_o peculiar_a name_n as_o the_o good-speed_n the_o adventure_n etc._n etc._n put_v upon_o they_o even_o so_o it_o be_v with_o the_o poor_a isle_n of_o man_n so_o call_v he_o upon_o his_o first_o launch_v forth_o from_o his_o mother_n womb_n into_o a_o sea_n of_o misery_n have_v some_o significant_a name_n put_v upon_o he_o with_o many_o hearty_a wish_n from_o parent_n and_o relation_n send_v after_o he_o both_o for_o his_o safety_n and_o success_n second_o no_o soon_o be_v the_o ship_n launch_v out_o into_o the_o main_a ocean_n but_o she_o meet_v with_o contarry_a wind_n rage_a wave_n dreadful_a storm_n etc._n etc._n as_o before_o so_o that_o she_o be_v never_o safe_a or_o quiet_a till_o she_o reach_v her_o rest_n in_o her_o desire_a haven_n psal_n 107.30_o thus_o it_o be_v with_o man_n while_o in_o this_o low_a world_n the_o place_n of_o piracy_n job_n 7.1_o ut_fw-la supra_fw-la he_o be_v assault_v with_o many_o pirate_n who_o hang_v out_o false_a colour_n to_o decoy_n he_o within_o the_o command_n of_o their_o cannon_n he_o be_v afflict_a toss_v with_o tempest_n and_o not_o comfort_v isa_n 54.11_o this_o present_a evil_a world_n be_v a_o very_a shop_n full_o furnish_v with_o all_o tempt_v tool_n and_o the_o life_n of_o man_n be_v but_o as_o one_o temptation_n continue_v from_o first_o to_o last_o it_o be_v a_o life_n make_v up_o all_o of_o temptation_n man_n be_v ever_o under_o either_o visible_a or_o invisible_a danger_n he_o pass_v through_o peril_n in_o peril_n often_o as_o paul_n 2_o cor._n 11.26_o every_o moment_n until_o he_o reach_v to_o that_o everlasting_a rest_n in_o a_o desire_a haven_n heb._n 4.9_o revel_v 14.13_o the_o third_z congruity_n be_v a_o ship_n be_v not_o only_o make_v for_o motion_n but_o for_o swift_a motion_n hence_o job_n phrase_v it_o my_o day_n pass_v away_o as_o the_o swift_a ship_n hebr._n ship_n of_o ebeck_n which_o may_v be_v read_v ship_n of_o desire_n whither_o they_o be_v ship_n of_o pleasure_n or_o yatche_n which_o be_v build_v frigat-wise_a for_o sail_v swift_o or_o they_o be_v ship_n of_o piracy_n as_o mendoza_n read_v it_o say_v nave_n piraticae_fw-la &_o mercibus_fw-la vacuae_fw-la quam_fw-la velocissime_fw-la rapiuntur_fw-la plunder_v and_o pilfer_a privateer_n be_v empty_a of_o burden_n make_v the_o most_o speedy_a way_n in_o plough_v through_o the_o water_n especial_o when_o they_o have_v both_o wind_n and_o tide_n with_o they_o to_o promote_v their_o progress_n thus_o it_o be_v with_o poor_a mortal_a man_n who_o be_v a_o roll_a tumble_a thing_n like_o a_o ship_n hop_v from_o hill_n to_o mountain_n and_o meet_v with_o no_o rest_a place_n jer._n 50.6_o he_o reel_v to_o and_o fro_o as_o if_o drink_v like_o the_o mariner_n in_o a_o toss_a ship_n psal_n 107.26_o 27._o yea_o and_o many_o man_n motion_n to_o hell_n be_v as_o swift_a ship_n make_v great_a haste_n thither_o prov._n 1.16_o isa_n 59.7_o rom._n 3.15_o man_n life_n be_v swift_a of_o itself_o but_o it_o run_v most_o swift_o when_o the_o wind_n of_o temptation_n and_o the_o tide_n of_o corruption_n concur_v to_o carry_v it_o forward_o etc._n etc._n oh_o will_v to_o god_n the_o motion_n of_o your_o mind_n make_v as_o much_o expedition_n towards_o heaven_n as_o wicked_a man_n do_v towards_o hell_n all_o man_n be_v ship_n of_o desire_n both_o good_a and_o bad_a all_z be_v home-bound_a to_o one_o of_o those_o port_n and_o never_o do_v the_o wind_n so_o much_o fill_v the_o sail_n of_o such_o and_o such_o a_o ship_n as_o desire_n do_v fill_v the_o mind_n of_o the_o mariner_n to_o be_v at_o such_o and_o such_o a_o desire_a haven_n it_o be_v true_a the_o worst_a of_o wicked_a man_n do_v not_o desire_v hell_n yet_o though_o they_o do_v not_o desire_v that_o end_n they_o have_v strong_a desire_n towards_o the_o way_n to_o that_o end_n how_o ought_v every_o gracious_a soul_n to_o pray_v for_o the_o fresh_a gale_n of_o god_n spirit_n john_n 3.8_o and_o to_o cry_v with_o the_o spouse_n in_o the_o song_n awake_v o_fw-la northwind_n and_o come_v thou_o southwind_n blow_v upon_o i_o etc._n etc._n cant._n 4.16_o a_o godly_a person_n have_v with_o paul_n his_o cupio_fw-la dissollvi_fw-la a_o desire_n to_o be_v dissolve_v and_o to_o be_v with_o christ_n phil._n 1.23_o o_o how_o shall_v we_o all_o with_o the_o penitent_a prodigal_a hasten_v home_o to_o our_o father_n house_n etc._n etc._n luke_n 15.17_o 18_o 20._o heaven_n be_v our_o home_n 2_o cor._n 5._o from_o 1._o to_o 7._o it_o be_v our_o desire_a haven_n psal_n 107.30_o even_o everlasting_a happiness_n four_o the_o four_o paraphrase_n upon_o job_n phrase_n that_o man_n life_n be_v like_o a_o ship_n follow_v that_o as_o a_o ship_n leave_v no_o visible_a tract_n behind_o she_o so_o life_n pass_v unto_o death_n and_o the_o memory_n of_o it_o be_v forget_v solomon_n say_v the_o way_n of_o a_o ship_n in_o the_o midst_n of_o the_o sea_n can_v be_v track_v prov._n 30.19_o for_o though_o she_o make_v deep_a furrow_n in_o her_o passage_n all_o along_o yeâ—_n do_v they_o immediate_o close_v up_o again_o and_o the_o same_o solomon_n say_v of_o man_n yea_o of_o great_a man_n that_o carry_v a_o great_a figure_n in_o their_o place_n and_o be_v of_o a_o ruffle_a grandeur_n in_o the_o world_n when_o once_o dead_a the_o memory_n of_o they_o wear_v out_o of_o the_o mind_n eccles._n 8.10_o and_o 9.5_o thus_o egypt_n forget_v joseph_n exod._n 1.18_o and_o israel_n gideon_n judg._n 8.34_o 35._o yea_o man_n friend_n and_o familiar_n remember_v the_o dead_a no_o more_o thus_o likewise_o some_o understand_v that_o phrase_n in_o dan._n 8.5_o the_o he_o goat_n touch_v not_o the_o ground_n in_o this_o sense_n that_o it_o import_v not_o only_o the_o speed_n and_o expedition_n of_o alexander_n prodigious_a conquest_n but_o also_o that_o in_o aÌ„_o short_a time_n no_o man_n will_v know_v what_o be_v become_v either_o of_o that_o great_a conqueror_n or_o of_o any_o of_o his_o vast_a conquest_n there_o will_v be_v no_o print_n of_o any_o their_o footstep_n leave_v behind_o they_o will_v no_o more_o be_v find_v than_o the_o way_n of_o a_o ship_n in_o the_o midst_n of_o the_o sea_n yet_o o_o how_o good_a it_o be_v to_o be_v a_o godly_a person_n for_o the_o righteous_a shall_v be_v have_v in_o everlasting_a remembrance_n psal_n 112.6_o the_o memory_n of_o the_o just_a full_o be_v bless_v prov._n 10.7_o they_o shall_v be_v mention_v with_o much_o veneration_n after_o death_n even_o by_o those_o that_o spare_v not_o to_o reproach_n they_o in_o their_o life_n their_o very_a name_n shall_v be_v honourable_a and_o acceptable_a to_o god_n and_o man_n whereas_o the_o name_n of_o the_o wicked_a rot_v and_o stink_v above_o ground_n prov._n 10.7_o five_o and_o last_o a_o ship_n never_o rest_v till_o she_o come_v into_o her_o desire_a heaven_n so_o man_n life_n stay_v no_o where_o till_o it_o come_v to_o its_o long_a rest_n and_o that_o be_v a_o bless_a rest_n to_o those_o that_o die_v in_o the_o lord_n revel_v 14.13_o that_o fall_v asleep_a in_o jesus_n 1_o thes_n 4.14_o god_n take_v a_o way_n their_o soul_n out_o of_o their_o body_n as_o it_o be_v by_o a_o kiss_n thus_o rabin_n read_v that_o phrase_n gnal_n pi_v jehovah_n deut._n 34.5_o at_o the_o mouth_n of_o the_o lord_n moses_n die_v not_o as_o we_o according_a to_o the_o word_n of_o the_o lord_n as_o if_o god_n have_v take_v away_o his_o soul_n with_o a_o kiss_n of_o his_o mouth_n such_o a_o kiss_n of_o love_n as_o the_o spouse_n pray_v for_o from_o the_o mouth_n of_o christ_n cant_v 1.2_o when_o this_o be_v do_v what_o follow_v after_o but_o rest_n from_o labour_n 1_o from_o labour_n of_o necessity_n 2_o from_o labour_n of_o infirmity_n and_o 3_o from_o labour_n of_o iniquity_n 1._o they_o rest_v from_o the_o first_o to_o wit_n the_o necessary_a yet_o toilsome_a labour_n of_o this_o life_n they_o take_v no_o more_o think_v propoter_fw-la victum_fw-la &_o amictum_fw-la what_o they_o
fold_n 1._o â—o_o let_v go_v sin_n not_o only_o in_o action_n but_o â—n_a affection_n also_o and_o 2._o to_o lay_v hold_n on_o christ_n as_o one_o undo_v without_o he_o thus_o come_v this_o bless_a soul_n to_o be_v break_v off_o from_o the_o wild_a olive_n rom._n 11.24_o in_o his_o let_n go_v and_o â—aying_v down_o of_o sin_n as_o the_o great_a evil_n and_o by_o grace_n become_v graft_v â—nto_o that_o bless_a and_o bleed_a vine_n â—he_v lord_n jesus_n john_n 15.1_o 2._o who_o ever_o after_o his_o happy_a graft_v time_n become_v a_o fruit_n bear_v branch_n have_v juice_n and_o nourishment_n administer_v abundant_o to_o he_o from_o the_o â—ree_a of_o life_n jesus_n christ_n as_o the_o sequel_n will_v manifest_v in_o almost_o unparallelled_a instance_n thus_o far_o in_o short_a for_o his_o experience_n in_o his_o first_o conversion_n now_o come_v we_o to_o treat_v more_o large_o of_o his_o whole_a conversation_n some_o part_n whereoâ—_n shall_v be_v reduce_v to_o the_o three_o follow_a head_n his_o exercise_n his_o examination_n of_o himself_o and_o his_o evidence_n for_o heaven_n which_o he_o attainâ—â—_n unto_o etc._n etc._n chap._n ii_o now_o after_o his_o thorough_a aâ—â—_n sound_a conversion_n follow_v 〈◊〉_d holy_a conversation_n which_o appearâ—â—_n to_o be_v much_o in_o heaven_n by_o his_o converse_v so_o much_o with_o god_n and_o with_o 〈◊〉_d own_o heart_n in_o his_o due_a preparation_n for_o and_o true_a participation_n of_o thâ—â—_n great_a of_o ordinance_n the_o lord_n sâ—â—per_v as_o be_v manifest_a by_o those_o experience_n write_v with_o his_o own_o hand_n upon_o that_o subject_n which_o with_o no_o small_a trouble_n yet_o with_o great_a delight_n be_v here_o transcribe_v now_o that_o he_o be_v breed_v and_o make_v a_o new_a creature_n by_o his_o effectual_a call_n he_o find_v and_o feel_v a_o necessity_n that_o he_o must_v also_o be_v feed_v so_o ask_v council_n about_o the_o concern_v of_o his_o soul_n and_o learn_v those_o divine_a lesson_n which_o he_o record_v as_o 1._o the_o lord_n supper_n be_v so_o call_v because_o our_o lord_n ordain_v it_o at_o his_o last_o supper_n instead_o of_o the_o passover_n 2._o it_o be_v the_o duty_n of_o beleiver_n to_o receive_v it_o else_o they_o do_v slight_a his_o love_n and_o disobey_v his_o command_n 3._o and_o to_o receive_v it_o often_o according_a to_o christ_n command_n and_o the_o apostle_n practice_n 4._o that_o be_v dull_a and_o doubt_v under_o my_o spiritual_a want_n say_v he_o i_o must_v give_v all_o diligence_n toprepare_v my_o heart_n for_o so_o great_a a_o work_n all_o be_v natural_o unfit_a god_n will_v come_v and_o view_v his_o guest_n i_o have_v to_o do_v with_o the_o son_n of_o god_n etc._n etc._n 5._o this_o preparation_n must_v be_v make_v by_o a_o narrow_a search_n of_o my_o own_o heart_n concern_v my_o sin_n my_o want_n and_o my_o grace_n and_o by_o fervent_a and_o solemn_a prayer_n 6._o the_o grace_n i_o must_v go_v to_o god_n and_o get_v from_o he_o be_v knowledge_n faith_n love_n repentance_n and_o new_a obedience_n 7._o i_o must_v have_v knowledge_n for_o without_o it_o the_o heart_n can_v be_v good_a nor_o can_v i_o know_v myself_o nor_o discern_v the_o lord_n body_n i_o must_v know_v how_o man_n be_v create_v and_o how_o he_o fall_v and_o i_o in_o he_o how_o we_o be_v recover_v by_o christ_n how_o renew_v after_o the_o image_n of_o god_n in_o knowledge_n etc._n etc._n till_o then_o my_o understanding_n be_v dark_a and_o ignorant_a my_o conscience_n benumb_v my_o affection_n out_o of_o order_n and_o set_v upon_o wrong_a object_n my_o memory_n brittle_a my_o eye_n full_a of_o adultery_n and_o my_o whole_a frame_n out_o of_o frame_n the_o knowledge_n of_o those_o thing_n will_v help_v to_o break_v my_o heart_n that_o such_o a_o filthy_a lump_n of_o sin_n as_o i_o be_o shall_v see_v and_o feel_v the_o arm_n of_o christ_n embrace_v i_o 8._o i_o must_v have_v faith_n whereby_o i_o may_v hearty_o receive_v he_o as_o my_o lord_n and_o redeemer_n and_o rely_v upon_o he_o alone_o both_o for_o safety_n and_o salvation_n without_o faith_n it_o be_v not_o possible_a to_o please_v god_n and_o i_o may_v not_o displease_v he_o at_o his_o own_o table_n when_o i_o go_v thither_o for_o the_o food_n of_o my_o soul_n 9_o i_o must_v have_v repentance_n because_o i_o must_v judge_v myself_o that_o i_o be_v not_o judge_v i_o must_v both_o mourn_v for_o sin_n and_o turn_v from_o sin_n when_o i_o come_v to_o the_o lord_n table_n etc._n etc._n 10._o i_o must_v have_v love_n too_o because_o the_o apostle_n say_v without_o love_v all_o be_v nothing_o it_o be_v uncomfortable_a to_o sit_v down_o at_o the_o table_n of_o a_o enemy_n who_o we_o love_v not_o and_o who_o love_v not_o we_o but_o it_o be_v dreadful_a and_o dangerous_a to_o sit_v down_o in_o our_o enmity_n 11._o i_o must_v have_v new_a obedience_n also_o else_o i_o come_v in_o my_o rebellion_n and_o for_o some_o sinister_a end_n not_o out_o of_o obedience_n i_o must_v here_o renew_v my_o covenant_n with_o god_n and_o be_v as_o serious_a as_o if_o i_o be_v to_o die_v both_o in_o beg_v to_o be_v rid_v of_o that_o sin_n which_o most_o disturb_v the_o peace_n of_o my_o soul_n and_o to_o have_v that_o mercy_n which_o will_v do_v i_o most_o good_a in_o a_o die_a hour_n etc._n etc._n 12._o i_o must_v quicken_v and_o draw_v forth_o into_o act_n all_o these_o forename_a habit_n of_o grace_n when_o i_o come_v to_o the_o lord_n table_n there_o meditate_v upon_o the_o great_a work_n of_o man_n redemption_n god_n severity_n against_o sin_n in_o the_o death_n of_o my_o surety_n &_o saviour_n the_o preciousness_n of_o my_o soul_n that_o cost_v such_o a_o price_n and_o the_o privilege_n purchase_v for_o i_o thereby_o for_o which_o i_o must_v be_v thankful_a etc._n etc._n have_v thus_o solemn_o prepare_v his_o soul_n for_o this_o great_a and_o tremendous_a ordinance_n from_o july_n 22._o 1681._o to_o august_n the_o 7h_n before_o he_o be_v yet_o twenty_o year_n old_a he_o sit_v down_o the_o first_o time_n upon_o that_o day_n at_o the_o lord_n table_n upon_o this_o first_o sacrament_n he_o receive_v august_n the_o seven_o thus_o he_o write_v before_o i_o sit_v down_o and_o at_o my_o first_o approach_n to_o the_o table_n something_o of_o fear_n and_o tremble_v seize_v upon_o i_o but_o soon_o after_o i_o have_v some_o sweet_a sight_n of_o my_o dear_a redeemer_n i_o see_v he_o by_o faith_n how_o he_o stand_v with_o his_o arm_n wide_o open_a to_o receive_v i_o and_o how_o he_o be_v pierce_v that_o the_o blood_n come_v out_o of_o his_o bless_a and_o bleed_a side_n i_o have_v then_o a_o clear_a sight_n of_o my_o god_n through_o my_o redeemer_n and_o of_o his_o bless_a angel_n this_o be_v ravish_v and_o oh_o how_o refresh_a but_o can_v not_o get_v my_o heart_n inflame_v enough_o with_o love_n to_o christ_n i_o lay_v open_v my_o sin_n and_o beg_v the_o pardon_n of_o they_o may_v be_v seal_v i_o promise_v to_o live_v up_o to_o this_o obligation_n etc._n etc._n concern_v the_o second_o sacrament_n he_o receive_v sept._n 4._o 1681._o he_o give_v this_o account_n i_o have_v not_o due_o prepare_v my_o heart_n for_o so_o great_a a_o work_n and_o ordinanance_n but_o bless_v for_o ever_o bless_a be_v the_o lord_n who_o do_v not_o deal_v with_o i_o according_a to_o my_o unpreparedness_n which_o if_o he_o have_v do_v i_o have_v not_o be_v here_o but_o be_v banish_v from_o his_o presence_n and_o so_o be_v under_o the_o death_n of_o death_n but_o he_o be_v please_v to_o give_v i_o a_o sight_n of_o himself_o which_o i_o esteem_v above_o life_n and_o likewise_o a_o sight_n of_o god_n and_o christ_n confer_v about_o man_n redemption_n i_o see_v the_o lord_n as_o it_o be_v say_v come_v you_o holy_a angel_n behold_v man_n be_v fall_v see_v if_o you_o can_v find_v a_o way_n for_o his_o recovery_n which_o they_o can_v not_o but_o christ_n take_v upon_o he_o man_n salvation_n and_o i_o see_v myself_o as_o it_o be_v in_o hell_n where_o i_o have_v for_o ever_o lay_v but_o christ_n come_v and_o draw_v i_o out_o than_o i_o embrace_v he_o as_o my_o prophet_n priest_n and_o king_n and_o become_v willing_a to_o forsake_v the_o world_n and_o all_o for_o christ_n o_o that_o i_o may_v do_v it_o more_o and_o more_o and_o never_o have_v this_o frame_n wear_v off_o but_o that_o while_o i_o be_o below_o with_o my_o body_n my_o soul_n may_v be_v above_o with_o my_o god_n etc._n etc._n the_o three_o sacrament_n be_v october_n 2d_o 1681._o on_o which_o he_o write_v thus_o as_o the_o minister_n in_o administer_a be_v say_v so_o that_o you_o be_v unfeigned_o willing_a to_o receive_v christ_n and_o who_o nothing_o will_v satisfy_v but_o he_o i_o bid_v come_v and_o welcome_a
to_o the_o unconvert_v which_o through_o grace_n show_v i_o the_o necessity_n of_o my_o conversion_n yet_o all_o this_o time_n never_o consult_v with_o any_o man_n about_o my_o sin_n but_o only_o confess_v they_o to_o god_n till_o i_o meet_v with_o mr._n hooker_n soul_n preparation_n for_o christ_n which_o convince_v i_o to_o advise_v with_o some_o godly_a minister_n hereupon_o i_o do_v address_v to_o one_o though_o a_o stranger_n to_o he_o say_v sir_n i_o can_v i_o dare_v not_o any_o long_o refrain_v have_v ask_v myself_o what_o fitness_n i_o have_v to_o die_v be_v answer_v i_o be_v unfit_a till_o i_o have_v ease_v my_o heart_n to_o you_o as_o follow_v 1._o when_o i_o be_v 7._o year_n old_a i_o tear_v my_o bible_n and_o cast_v away_o my_o catechism_n 2._o i_o have_v break_v the_o sabbath_n by_o ramble_v abroad_o play_v at_o farthing_n with_o naughty_a boy_n and_o wash_v myself_o in_o the_o field_n when_o i_o shall_v have_v be_v at_o the_o church_n etc._n etc._n 3._o by_o excuse_v my_o sin_n with_o a_o lie_n so_o add_v one_o sin_n to_o another_o for_o cover_v it_o 4._o nor_o have_v i_o be_v free_a from_o youthful_a lust_n which_o young_a timothy_n be_v bid_v to_o flee_v but_o my_o corrupt_a heart_n have_v have_v working_n after_o the_o act_n several_a time_n yet_o have_v be_v wonderful_o prevent_v by_o the_o advice_n of_o my_o godly_a sister_n who_o lay_v before_o i_o christ_n word_n mat._n 5.28_o whoever_o look_v on_o a_o woman_n to_o lust_n after_o she_o etc._n etc._n however_o i_o be_o guilty_a of_o heart-adultry_n yea_o 5._o i_o have_v err_v and_o laugh_v when_o i_o have_v hear_v the_o word_n preach_v with_o power_n etc._n etc._n hereupon_o the_o good_a minister_n give_v i_o grave_a council_n and_o comfort_n suitable_a to_o my_o penitent_a case_n and_o condition_n yet_o notwithstane_v all_o this_o i_o be_v not_o effectual_o call_v nor_o thorough_o convert_v and_o make_v a_o new_a creature_n until_o afterward_o i_o hear_v that_o sermon_n upon_o mat._n 5.25_o 26._o as_o the_o account_n above_o mention_v specifi_v but_o alas_o in_o my_o apprenticeship_n through_o the_o hurry_v of_o the_o world_n in_o our_o way_n of_o trade_v especial_o in_o may_n and_o june_n etc._n etc._n i_o become_v negligent_a of_o my_o close_a walk_v with_o god_n not_o mind_v as_o i_o may_v to_o continue_v in_o his_o love_n when_o god_n my_o adversary_n be_v reconcile_v to_o i_o i_o neglect_v daily_o self-examination_n or_o do_v it_o only_o to_o half_a part_n be_v dull_a and_o sleepy_a through_o weariness_n with_o worldly_a work_n at_o night_n than_o my_o old_a corruption_n get_v head_n again_o upon_o i_o i_o break_v my_o covenant_n make_v at_o the_o agreement_n with_o my_o adversary_n and_o i_o apostatise_v from_o these_o sweet_a thought_n i_o former_o have_v upon_o my_o god_n and_o dear_a redeemer_n for_o which_o have_v he_o not_o be_v gracious_a i_o have_v be_v damn_v and_o rot_v in_o hell_n for_o ever_o this_o consideration_n make_v i_o exclaim_v against_o myself_o say_v o_o silly_a soul_n to_o heed_n a_o perish_a die_a world_n before_o heaven_n such_o sadness_n and_o darkness_n seize_v on_o i_o at_o this_o time_n when_o the_o thing_n of_o the_o world_n i_o find_v have_v be_v the_o substance_n of_o my_o thought_n and_o discourse_n that_o i_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v nor_o whither_o to_o go_v at_o last_o i_o turn_v to_o the_o lord_n and_o beg_v of_o he_o that_o he_o will_v not_o take_v the_o forfeiture_n nor_o suffer_v i_o to_o run_v this_o ready_a way_n to_o utter_v destruction_n i_o cry_v lord_n it_o be_v just_a with_o thou_o to_o hurl_v mein_fw-ge to_o hell_n and_o into_o the_o hot_a place_n thereof_o and_o never_o wait_v long_o upon_o such_o a_o cumber-ground_n as_o i_o be_o but_o to_o thou_o my_o dear_a redeemer_n do_v i_o run_v for_o refuge_n as_o one_o that_o be_o hungry_a and_o hardly_o bestead_v poor_a blind_a naked_a wretched_a and_o miserable_a a_o loathsome_a wretch_n unworthy_a to_o be_v call_v a_o servant_n much_o less_o a_o son_n have_v so_o wicked_o depart_v from_o my_o god_n yet_o through_o thou_o will_v i_o venture_v again_o to_o my_o god_n and_o by_o thy_o strength_n i_o will_v better_o mind_v my_o future_a walking_n o_o my_o dear_a redeemer_n i_o die_v without_o thou_o o_o come_v in_o once_o again_o and_o let_v i_o feel_v once_o more_o what_o it_o be_v to_o have_v christ_n dwell_v in_o my_o soul_n o_o find_v a_o time_n of_o love_n wherein_o to_o disperse_v those_o dark_a cloud_n and_o shine_v upon_o my_o dead_a and_o darken_v soul_n o_o have_v my_o night_n no_o day_n it_o be_v a_o hell_n to_o i_o to_o be_v thrust_v away_o from_o god_n i_o know_v the_o cause_n be_v all_o at_o home_n my_o sin_n my_o sin_n o_o let_v it_o be_v do_v away_o then_o shall_v i_o recover_v the_o light_n of_o thy_o countenance_n as_o former_o and_o in_o so_o do_v i_o do_v engage_v to_o amend_v my_o manner_n depend_v on_o thy_o help_n my_o hand_n be_v witness_n john_n draper_n now_o to_o bind_v his_o soul_n and_o slippery_a heart_n to_o god_n the_o better_a in_o observe_v this_o new_a engagement_n he_o write_v down_o many_o profitable_a rule_n in_o his_o pocket_n book_n as_o 1._o in_o a_o day_n of_o humiliation_n i_o must_v lay_v all_o my_o sin_n before_o the_o lord_n and_o resolve_n to_o forsake_v they_o 2._o i_o must_v look_v upon_o my_o sin_n of_o passion_n as_o a_o fever_n in_o my_o mind_n of_o lust_n as_o fire_n in_o my_o bone_n of_o pride_n as_o a_o fatal_a tympany_n in_o my_o soul_n of_o covetousness_n as_o a_o insatiable_a and_o unsufferable_a thirst_n and_o the_o sin_n of_o envy_n or_o malice_n as_o rank_a poison_n in_o the_o heart_n 3._o if_o i_o will_v run_v so_o as_o to_o obtain_v i_o must_v cast_v off_o all_o those_o weight_n or_o sin_n that_o do_v so_o easy_o beset_v i_o 4._o i_o must_v resolve_v to_o begin_v betimes_o the_o run_v of_o this_o race_n 5._o nor_o must_v i_o loiter_v in_o the_o way_n 6._o nor_o must_v i_o cumber_v myself_o with_o the_o needless_a encumbrance_n of_o the_o world_n 7._o i_o must_v look_v to_o every_o part_n of_o my_o way_n with_o equal_a care_n and_o observation_n 8._o nor_o must_v i_o ever_o think_v i_o have_v go_v far_o enough_o till_o i_o have_v obtain_v the_o prize_n 9_o and_o the_o further_o i_o have_v run_v in_o this_o race_n the_o more_o eager_a shall_v be_v to_o obtain_v the_o end_n 10._o i_o must_v always_o think_v that_o i_o be_o upon_o the_o brink_n of_o eternity_n and_o therefore_o shall_v give_v all_o diligence_n to_o make_v my_o call_n and_o election_n sure_a work_v out_o my_o salvation_n and_o make_v sure_a work_n for_o a_o better_a world_n before_o i_o go_v hence_o to_o be_v see_v no_o more_o 11._o i_o must_v ever_o come_v to_o god_n as_o to_o a_o soul-pittying_a a_o sin-pardoning_a and_o a_o prayer-hearing_a god_n 12._o i_o must_v be_v fervent_a in_o prayer_n yet_o submit_v to_o god_n soveraignâ—y_n 13._o occasion_n of_o be_v too_o â—ong_o alone_a be_v to_o be_v avoid_v so_o â—s_v strong_a drink_n and_o too_o full_a a_o diet_n 14._o i_o must_v be_v think_v oft_o death_n judgement_n hell_n and_o heaâ—en_n those_o four_o last_o thing_n 15._o i_o must_v not_o stretch_v my_o christian_a liberty_n too_o far_o for_o he_o that_o dare_v go_v so_o far_o as_o he_o think_v he_o may_v go_v sometime_o far_o than_o he_o shall_v etc._n etc._n 16._o i_o must_v bridle_v my_o tongue_n and_o not_o be_v too_o apt_a to_o speak_v of_o thing_n whereof_o i_o be_o not_o certain_a and_o much_o more_o to_o the_o same_o purpose_n both_o for_o particular_a and_o general_a instruction_n too_o long_o to_o insert_v here_o this_o holy_a youngman_n put_v down_o in_o his_o pocket_n book_n also_o how_o he_o have_v be_v exercise_v with_o temptation_n to_o sin_n as_o to_o theft_n adultery_n play_v at_o card_n and_o profane_v the_o sabbath_n etc._n etc._n as_o also_o with_o trial_n to_o prevent_v temptation_n instance_v that_o in_o a_o lash_n upon_o his_o eye_n with_o a_o coach-whip_n whereby_o the_o lord_n heal_v he_o of_o high_a lustful_a eye_n which_o have_v be_v too_o full_a of_o adultery_n 2._o pet._n 2.14_o chap._n iu._n now_o come_v we_o to_o the_o three_o head_n his_o examination_n of_o himself_o in_o the_o working_n of_o his_o heart_n relate_v to_o his_o communion_n with_o god_n it_o be_v not_o enough_o to_o this_o good_a soul_n to_o examine_v himself_o only_a when_o he_o be_v approach_v to_o the_o lord_n table_n on_o the_o lord_n day_n as_o be_v before_o specify_v but_o he_o look_v upon_o it_o as_o his_o duty_n to_o do_v it_o every_o day_n both_o every_o sabbath-day_n when_o there_o be_v no_o sacrament_n and_o every_o week_n day_n also_o make_v it_o his_o continual_a daily_a
the_o morning_n he_o give_v a_o high_a encomium_fw-la of_o godliness_n to_o strengthen_v she_o in_o love_n to_o the_o good_a way_n of_o god_n say_v it_o be_v the_o great_a work_n we_o have_v to_o mind_n in_o this_o low_a world_n therefore_o need_v we_o to_o meet_v help_n to_o forward_o one_o another_o therein_o it_o be_v not_o a_o small_a thing_n or_o a_o by-business_n to_o be_v forget_v etc._n etc._n it_o be_v the_o best_a riches_n that_o can_v be_v take_v from_o we_o as_o there_o be_v all_o good_a thing_n in_o it_o so_o there_o be_v no_o danger_n to_o loose_v it_o yet_o find_v i_o a_o proneness_n to_o be_v trifle_v and_o tamper_n with_o transitory_a vanity_n while_o the_o true_a riches_n be_v neglect_v o_o this_o heart-work_n be_v hard-work_n and_o the_o way_n to_o heaven_n be_v up_o the_o hill_n but_o our_o captain_n if_o we_o follow_v he_o close_o will_v make_v it_o easy_a help_v we_o to_o hold_v on_o and_o to_o hold_v out_o to_o the_o end_n not_o only_o as_o live_v but_o also_o as_o lively_a christian_n not_o loiter_v in_o the_o way_n of_o sin_n but_o lusty_o run_v our_o race_n seat_v ourselves_o under_o god_n eye_n all_o low_a person_n and_o thing_n be_v changeable_a relation_n may_v be_v our_o friend_n to_o day_n and_o they_o may_v be_v dead_a to_o morrow_n or_o they_o may_v live_v yet_o their_o love_n may_v die_v and_o our_o delight_n to_o day_n may_v be_v our_o sorrow_n and_o our_o horror_n to_o morrow_n etc._n etc._n but_o still_o in_o godliness_n we_o have_v a_o unchangeable_a god_n our_o thought_n of_o this_o must_v be_v bellows_o to_o blow_v up_o the_o flame_n of_o our_o desire_n and_o the_o spur_n to_o our_o dull_a affection_n in_o another_o letter_n to_o his_o young_a sister_n which_o come_v also_o to_o my_o hand_n o_o what_o a_o travel_a spirit_n be_v upon_o he_o that_o christ_n may_v beform_v in_o she_o say_v to_o she_o my_o heart_n desire_n and_o prayer_n 〈◊〉_d that_o you_o may_v be_v save_v conâ—â—der_v your_o sad_a estate_n by_o nature_n you_o be_v a_o slave_n of_o satan_n a_o stranger_n to_o god_n and_o if_o you_o die_v in_o that_o estate_n you_o be_v undo_v for_o ever_o o_o that_o you_o may_v see_v in_o this_o your_o day_n the_o thing_n that_o belong_v to_o your_o everlasting_a peace_n lest_o they_o be_v for_o ever_o hide_v from_o your_o eye_n for_o judgement_n will_v certain_o find_v you_o where_o death_n do_v leave_v you_o if_o you_o die_v in_o a_o unregenerate_a slate_n you_o will_v be_v banish_v from_o the_o presence_n of_o god_n and_o a_o eternity_n of_o horror_n and_o terror_n be_v to_o be_v endure_v etc._n etc._n but_o if_o you_o make_v your_o call_n and_o election_n sure_a then_o may_v you_o expect_v nay_o you_o will_v have_v everlasting_a bliss_n o_o think_v much_o on_o these_o thing_n you_o have_v now_o time_n to_o make_v your_o peace_n put_v it_o not_o off_o if_o you_o love_v your_o soul_n no_v not_o till_o to_o morrow_n as_o too_o many_o young_a person_n do_v think_v it_o soon_o enough_o yet_o and_o yet_o but_o know_v you_o may_v be_v dead_a before_o the_o morrow_n pray_v therefore_o for_o conveâ—â—ing_a grace_n and_o for_o power_n to_o cast_v off_o sin_n especial_o that_o which_o lay_v near_a your_o heart_n for_o if_o the_o heart-sin_n be_v love_v better_a than_o christ_n it_o will_v undo_v you_o for_o ever_o let_v but_o your_o lord_n have_v your_o chief_a love_n and_o you_o will_v soon_o find_v more_o pleasure_n in_o way_n of_o holiness_n than_o in_o all_o the_o way_n of_o sin_n in_o another_o letter_n to_o his_o kinswoman_n i_o find_v he_o very_o warm_a in_o his_o exhortation_n say_v now_o be_v the_o time_n of_o stir_v up_o one_o another_o to_o prepare_v for_o approach_a evil_n see_v the_o cloud_n thicken_v and_o look_v black_a over_o our_o head_n we_o have_v need_v to_o have_v our_o rock_n ready_a to_o fly_v to_o and_o to_o have_v our_o evidence_n for_o heaven_n clear_v to_o have_v our_o loin_n gird_v and_o our_o lamp_n burn_v and_o to_o sit_v loose_a from_o those_o low_a thing_n that_o seem_v now_o to_o be_v leave_v we_o o_o that_o sweet_a word_n draw_v nigh_o to_o god_n and_o he_o will_v draw_v nigh_o to_o we_o for_o the_o end_n of_o this_o dispensation_n be_v to_o drive_v uâ—_n further_o off_o from_o sin_n and_o near_a god_n and_o o_o sweet_a word_n in_o the_o world_n you_o shall_v have_v tribulation_n but_o in_o christ_n peace_n who_o will_v not_o travel_v through_o a_o world_n of_o trouble_n to_o find_v that_o peace_n in_o christ_n this_o kinswoman_n be_v so_o touch_v with_o his_o line_n that_o she_o cast_v in_o this_o character_n of_o he_o after_o his_o death_n say_v god_n take_v he_o from_o i_o because_o i_o be_v unworthy_a of_o he_o he_o tell_v i_o it_o be_v better_o to_o want_v time_n than_o to_o want_v a_o heart_n for_o do_v good_a he_o cry_v oft_o hear_v the_o clock_n strike_v o_o time_n time_n i_o be_o so_o much_o near_a eternity_n and_o o_o the_o love_n of_o christ_n that_o purchase_v a_o eternity_n of_o weal_n for_o i_o be_v there_o any_o love_n like_o christ_n &c._n &c._n in_o another_o i_o find_v these_o short_a rule_n comprise_v in_o verse_n very_o useful_a to_o he_o when_o time_n will_v not_o permit_v he_o to_o make_v any_o use_n of_o large_a help_n let_v not_o soft_a sleep_n thy_o weary_a eye_n invade_v before_o the_o same_o confine_n with_o the_o night_n shade_n thy_o thought_n retire_v and_o make_v it_o their_o last_o task_n of_o the_o day_n deed_n three_o question_n thus_o to_o ask_v wherein_o have_v i_o transgress_v this_o day_n what_o good_a deed_n have_v i_o wrought_v and_o what_o have_v i_o forbear_v to_o do_v which_o to_o have_v do_v i_o ought_v or_o thus._n what_o have_v i_o do_v amiss_o this_o day_n what_o well_o what_o good_a have_v i_o omit_v conscience_n tell_v this_o distich_n as_o his_o who_o send_v he_o they_o intimate_v comprehend_v all_o our_o thought_n word_n and_o deed_n and_o by_o ponder_v and_o improve_n they_o due_o and_o daily_o they_o both_o reap_v great_a benefit_n etc._n etc._n in_o another_o i_o find_v that_o the_o method_n of_o correspodency_n betwixt_o his_o friend_n a_o gracious_a young_a man_n and_o himself_o be_v carry_v on_o by_o a_o communication_n of_o experience_n or_o practical_a and_o profitable_a discourse_n upon_o the_o joy_n of_o heaven_n the_o love_n of_o god_n in_o christ_n the_o second_o come_v of_o our_o lord_n the_o evil_a of_o sin_n etc._n etc._n as_o to_o the_o first_o of_o those_o point_n the_o joy_n of_o heaven_n their_o intercourse_n make_v this_o mention_n the_o glory_n which_o we_o ought_v to_o have_v our_o faith_n fix_v on_o for_o our_o comfort_n be_v call_v in_o scripture_n comparison_n a_o crown_n of_o life_n of_o righteousness_n and_o of_o glory_n a_o incorruptible_a inheritance_n a_o rest_n for_o the_o people_n of_o god_n the_o recompense_n of_o reward_n a_o house_n not_o make_v with_o hand_n a_o excellent_a place_n which_o the_o eye_n have_v not_o see_v etc._n etc._n the_o city_n of_o the_o live_a god_n the_o heavenly_a jerusalem_n the_o holy_a kingdom_n the_o bless_a hope_n and_o end_n of_o our_o holy_a race_n the_o city_n who_o builder_n and_o maker_n be_v god_n the_o house_n not_o make_v with_o hand_n the_o heavenly_a country_n the_o strait_a gate_n etc._n etc._n the_o contemplation_n of_o all_o these_o diune_n comparison_n afford_v strong_a consolation_n to_o both_o their_o soul_n etc._n etc._n no_o less_o comfortable_a be_v their_o interchange_n of_o communion_n about_o the_o other_o point_n of_o christ_n second_o come_v which_o be_v likewise_o call_v in_o scripture_n a_o day_n of_o consolation_n and_o of_o coronation_n a_o harvest_n day_n a_o marriage_n day_n and_o a_o day_n of_o admiration_n wherein_o christ_n will_v be_v admire_v of_o all_o his_o saint_n at_o his_o glorious_a appearance_n though_o now_o we_o be_v despise_v by_o the_o world_n as_o our_o dear_a redeemer_n himself_n be_v yet_o this_o be_v our_o joy_n our_o redemption_n day_n draw_v nigh_o etc._n etc._n in_o another_o letter_n he_o have_v this_o passage_n i_o suppose_v to_o some_o minister_n say_v sir_n though_o i_o be_v a_o stranger_n to_o you_o yet_o can_v nay_o dare_v not_o hoâ—â—_n any_o long_o from_o speak_v to_o you_o for_o ask_v my_o own_o heart_n whether_o i_o be_v fit_a to_o die_v it_o be_v answer_v that_o can_v not_o be_v till_o account_n be_v clear_v concern_v the_o sin_n i_o groan_v under_o between_o god_n and_o my_o soul_n about_o this_o sir_n my_o present_a address_n be_v for_o your_o profitable_a advice_n therefore_o i_o beseech_v you_o search_v i_o thorough_o to_o the_o very_a inward_o of_o my_o heart_n etc._n etc._n many_o more_o such_o savoury_a line_n all_o season_v with_o the_o salt_n of_o sincerity_n and_o sanctity_n i_o may_v add_v out_o of_o several_a other_o of_o his_o letter_n which_o must_v be_v omit_v to_o avoid_v prolixity_n to_o conclude_v upon_o the_o view_n of_o the_o whole_a i_o must_v only_o add_v this_o though_o we_o have_v not_o his_o picture_n drawnin_n paint_v by_o some_o skilful_a limner_n for_o refresh_v the_o memory_n of_o relation_n and_o to_o prefix_v before_o this_o book_n yet_o it_o be_v limn_v to_o the_o life_n in_o black_a and_o white_a both_o by_o private_a christian_n and_o public_a minister_n he_o be_v without_o flattery_n a_o mirror_n of_o piety_n especial_o in_o make_v so_o strict_a a_o scrutiny_n over_o all_o his_o own_o step_n and_o take_v so_o serious_a a_o prospect_n over_o all_o his_o own_o work_n both_o upon_o sabbath_n day_n and_o upon_o every_o weekday_n between_o they_o that_o he_o may_v keep_v his_o heart_n with_o all_o diligence_n prov._n 4.23_o o_o how_o exact_a be_v he_o in_o self-examination_n as_o well_o in_o civil_a and_o secular_a as_o in_o sacred_a affair_n i_o have_v be_v young_a and_o now_o be_o old_a yet_o never_o in_o all_o my_o acquaintance_n find_v i_o so_o much_o faithful_a self-tryal_n which_o be_v indeed_o a_o most_o necessary_a but_o alas_o a_o much_o neglect_a duty_n and_o i_o be_o confident_a most_o christian_n be_v at_o a_o great_a lose_v in_o their_o inner_a man_n by_o the_o omission_n hereof_o as_o to_o my_o own_o part_n i_o be_o utter_o ashamed_a to_o behold_v myself_o now_o a_o old_a minister_n of_o forty_o year_n stand_v in_o the_o ministry_n so_o far_o out_o strip_v by_o so_o young_a a_o man_n not_o attain_v the_o three_o part_n of_o my_o age_n and_o so_o private_a a_o christian_n as_o a_o apprentice_n will_v to_o god_n we_o can_v all_o young_a and_o old_a minister_n and_o people_n imitate_v this_o pattern_n of_o piety_n call_v our_o faithless_a heart_n to_o a_o faithful_a account_n daily_o and_o ever_o keep_v upon_o our_o watch-tower_n etc._n etc._n this_o will_v be_v a_o bless_a mean_n to_o keep_v in_o the_o fear_n of_o god_n all_o the_o day_n prov._n 23.17_o to_o live_v much_o more_o in_o a_o little_a time_n as_o he_o do_v from_o 1678._o to_o 1683._o to_o be_v neither_o ashamed_a to_o live_v nor_o afraid_a to_o die_v like_v he_o who_o live_v his_o little_a short_a life_n with_o christ_n in_o this_o low_a world_n and_o now_o reign_v with_o christ_n in_o the_o upper_a and_o better_a world_n finis_fw-la thâ—_n i_o do_v diligent_o correct_v every_o sheet_n yet_o for_o want_n of_o some_o revise_v these_o fault_n with_o some_o other_o have_v escape_v errata_fw-la in_o the_o epistle_n page_n 5._o line_n 18._o deal_n 6_o p._n 6._o l._n 24._o read_v get_v p._n 36._o l._n 18._o to_o wit_n trans_fw-la p._n 49._o l._n 9_o for_o three_o r._n threefold_a p._n 63._o l._n 20._o for_o heaven_n r._n haven_n p._n 77._o 1._o 21._o for_o soul_n r._n seal_n p._n 79._o 1._o 17._o r._n than_o p._n 108._o 1._o 6._o r._n get_v p._n 116._o 1._o 21._o r._n jeer_v and_o 1._o 24._o r._n that_o p._n 150._o 1._o 12._o for_o to_o r._n i._n for_o by_o r._n because_o p._n 170._o 1._o 9_o for_o 82._o r._n 83._o